Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

-New Chat: Hinobi Logs-

Ermagherd. Phil is here.

Zahra just joined. Can I get a heal?

Five just arrived. Seems OP - please nerf.

Bergy joined your party.

Welcome Mitch. Leave your weapons by the door.

A wild Miko appeared.

It's a bird! It's a plane! Nevermind, it's just Nix.

Phil: Alright team, this is the lowdown. I want this chat to be a professional space that we use, for emergencies, in situations where voice calls aren't viable. This is the one and only notification you're allowed to keep on in-store. Got that?

Miko: anyone in this thread smoke weed

Phil: Miko
Phil: Just
Phil: Is five minutes too much to ask for

Miko: srry srry

Zahra: Question- what if we have to keep the notification off? Like we're in a formal setting or a hard test?

Phil: Just give some warning alright

Zahra: Can do

Mitch: I'm keeping this off

Bergy: For how long?

Mitch: Until I die

Phil: No.

Mitch: yes

Phil: No

Mitch: Plz

Phil: You can keep it on vibrate

Mitch: Fine

Miko: so can we change the names here

Phil: No

Miko: why not
Miko: five gets to keep his name
Miko: why does five get a nickname but we cant

Phil: That's bc that's what it says on his company ID

Miko: plastic is killing the turtles and youre in on it with IDs

Phil: Fine. Just. Keep it so we can easily identify each other.

Miko: yesssssss

-Miko changed their name to Me_K.O.!-

Zahra: All that fuss to put dots and a slash in

Me_K.O.!: its literally my brand

Zahra: That implies you have a brand
Zahra: Do you have a TubeTube channel somewhere we should know about
Zahra: Merch or some crap?

Me_K.O.!: dude i would sell. the best merch

Zahra: Dodging the question

-Mitch changed their name to MitchFTW-

MitchFTW: If I have to be stuck here I might as well

Bergy: OH MY TURN

-Bergy changed their name to Berger-

Berger: yessssssss

-Five changed their name to Hi_5-

Me_K.O.!: that username gets more familiar by the day
Me_K.O.!: are you sure we never met before the competition

Hi_5: Nope No We Did Not

Me_K.O.!: aw

Zahra: Why do you trust that many capitalizations

Me_K.O.!: i dont i just heart emoji him too much

MitchFTW: Would it kill you to use proper punctuation

Me_K.O.!: do you know how much time that takes
Me_K.O.!: just feel lucky i can spell alright
Me_K.O.!: english is a jerk and i stole its lunch money

Zahra: My grandpa is still learning some of the weird words and the other day he asked me what a zipper was
Zahra: He called it "that weird tooth thing that eats you to warmth"

Me_K.O.!: i still cant say colums
Me_K.O.!: collumns
Me_K.O.!: nerds
Me_K.O.!: STICK FOR BUILDING

Berger: Columns
Berger: I just tell myself "Cole ate um nums"

Me_K.O.!: BERGY YOU ARE MY GOD NOW

-Nix changed their name to TheScorekeeper-

MitchFTW: No one is going to call you that

-TheScorekeeper changed their name to Nix-

Nix: :(

Me_K.O!: does anyone in this thread smoke weed

Phil: MIKO

Me_K.O.!: IT'S BEEN FIVE MINUTES PHIL

Hi_5: lol

Chapter Text

Zahra: guys we forgot Haneesh

Hi_5: NERDS

Phil: I didn't forget anything, it was his day off and I wasn't gonna pester him over a discord char

Ha! Haneesh has joined! You activated my trap card!

Haneesh: WOW it rlly took yall that long?
Haneesh: I see how it is

-Haneesh changed their name to HanYeesh-

Me_K.O!: i no longer feel bad

HanYeesh: U know what that's fair

Zahra: You're both totally valid and an absolute gremlin all at once

HanYeesh: Me or Miko?

Zahra: Yes.

Zahra: Anyway back on topic
Zahra: Do any of you have spray paint

Berger: That was a topic?

Zahra: Sssh i'm being smooth

Me_K.O.!: im technically banned from spray paint but i could prolly dig slme up
Me_K.O.!: perks of having a ton of soblings

Zahra: Ah, yes, soblings

Me_K.O.!: letters are lame

MitchFTW: Stay in school kids

Me_K.O.!: go back to preening ur stupid backwards mullet you overflooped chicken
Me_K.O.!: whats the occassion grl

Zahra: New homophobic legislation at my school
Zahra: I'mma paint a old hijab of mine rainbow in protest
Zahra: What're they gonna do? Call my mom?

Me_K.O.!: ur doing amazin sweetie
Me_K.O!: wait dont u go to nicas school

Zahra: Do you have any idea how many kids  there are in the average high school

Me_K.O!: nica thinks shes seen you at gsa so unless you have a twin were solid

Berger: Is no one gonna ask why Miko doesnt go to the same school as her sister? There's, like, maybe three schools here?

Me_K.O.!: thats bc nica begged mom not to let me ruin her street cred and mom saved money sending me to the cheaper schppl so she said ye

Berger: Oh.

HanYeesh: That sux man

Me_K.O.!: brb

Zahra: Guys they called my mom i'm SCREAMING

HanYeesh: oh RIP

MitchFTW: f

Hi_5: Your mom's cool right?

Zahra: Oh yeah totally
Zahra: I told her I was doing this last night and she got this "what have I raised" look on her face before telling me to have fun
Zahra: my history teacher brought me down and was like "maybe we should just take off her-" and like TEN school administrators yelled at him it was great

HanYeesh: Man why is it always history teachers

Hi_5: I mean they do get paid to wax poetic abt ppl like Columbus

Zahra: HOLY SHIT MIKO IS HERE

Hi_5: WHAT

Zahra: SHE PUT THE BI FLAG IN HER HAIR AND WORE A TRANS PRIDE SHIRT
Zahra: THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE
Zahra: SHE'S TALKING TO THE ASSISTANT AND THE POOR WOMAN IS HAVING AN ANEURYSM

Phil: Don't swear in the company chat
Phil: Also shouldn't you all be in school
Phil: Trying not to die or whatever

HanYeesh: We can multi task

Berger: Yeah ur not our dad

Phil: Bergy when you get home you gk directly to your room.

Berger: Yessir sorry sir

Me_K.O.!: check it ooouuutttt
Me_K.O.!: (thinkshelikesgirls)

Zahra: Did you seriously title that selfie after the Metro Station song?

Me_K.O.!: why not girls are cute
Me_K.O.!: u are grl
Me_K.O.!: i am grl
Me_K.O.!: we are cute

HanYeesh: U can't argue logic like that

Berger: The bi stripes look really cool, Miko! Were they hard to do?

Me_K.O.!: sooooooo hard mboi but so worth it
Me_K.O.!: nica better start forgetting her lunch more often that was hilarious

Hi_5: Nica doesn't carry a lunch

Me_K.O.!: and phooey on her for it
Me_K.O.!: i slaved over that leftovers box for a solid five min five
Me_K.O.!: i even put a good luck fruit rollup in there

MitchFTW: They really let you in?
MitchFTW: You're a living example of what NOT to let on school grounds

Me_K.O.!: let in elbowed the security guard and ducked in
Me_K.O.!: potato assault charges

MitchFTW: Oh, right, right. Pipsqueak.

Me_K.O.!: u die in five days

MitchFTW: Your memory doesn't last that long

Chapter Text

Phil: Anyone wanna tell me why almost all my trucks are at a location that isn't showing any glitchs?

Me_K.O.!: hrrrnnnnggg
Me_K.O.!: viddy games

Phil: I already figured THAT.

Zahra: Five found an old Game Stop that's running a contest for a genesis

Phil: I thought Game Stop died before you lot were born
Phil: And the genesis isn't even that good it's got like four decent games on it

Zahra: Oh we know, we're just bored and competitive
Zahra: Bergy, Haneesh, and Nix are still patrolling, so it's all good

Nix: do you know how many kids at the arcade try to tell me mario was the best game ever created
Nix: not to sound elitist but there's a reason Nintendo sticks to shoddy motion controls these days

Berger: I wanted to stay but first person to lose has to buy Spaghetti in a Bucket and I don't have that coin right now

HanYeesh: I just hate Game Stop on principle tbh, they shoulda hired me when they had the chance

Phil: Yeah yeah screw capitalism we know
Phil:...So who's winning

Zahra: Who do you think?

Hi_5: I died already, but only bc Zahra is doing some dark magic level cheats or smth
Hi_5: Just means I get first pick of the fast food!

Zahra: It's called being good at viddy games Five

Hi_5: WOW
Hi_5: Rude =(
Hi_5: Mitch is doing his usual "I dont know these weirdos" routine but he also really wants The Spaget so he keeps walkkng by like "I hate ur face" -snatches a pan of lasagna- "you newbs dont know nothing" -grabs 15 garlic bread sticks-

Zahra: I don't think Miko? Has blinked? Once? Since she got to the controls?

Hi_5: lol yeah she gets like that when she's in focus mode

Phil: I can't believe I'm paying you to do this.

Hi_5: Update- Mitch is on our side now
Hi_5: I guess he got sick of pretending to be not a douche in public

MitchFTW: Do you know how rare it is for people to recognize me in public for my old tweak persona
MitchFTW: Especially at some run-down Game Stop?

Hi_5: We are literally. Five feet away from each other.

MitchFTW: I refuse to give them the satisfaction

Phil: Lemme guess, they slighted your pride?

Zahra: Some kids walked by and said "hey, isn't that that old tweak streamer?" and when Mitch almost exploded with excitement the other one laughed and said "with that 'stache? The only thing he's streaming is Nice Guy Rants"

HanYeesh: THEY WENT FOR HIS LIFE

MitchFTW: Friendship is meaningless and only gets in the way

Nix: ow the edge
Nix: Aren't you and Zahra friends?

MitchFTW: Friendship is meaningless OUTSIDE OF work relationships that are beneficial to my career
MitchFTW: Ergo Zahra is the closest thing to a "bestie" I will ever require

Zahra: I must've been a horrible person in a past life

Hi_5: Miko is doing her Excitement Wiggles and can't come to the phone rn but I'm pretty sure she and Mitch are basically the only real competition left

MitchFTW: She's playing as that electric rat she's basically asking to get gud

Zahra: Pichu, Mitch
Zahra: It's a pichu

MitchFTW: It's a knockoff Flunky Quest.

Berger: I always liked playing those games for the apricorn and berry collecting
Berger: I love having little berry plants all over the region

MitchFTW: It's an animal fighting simulator Bergy
MitchFTW: Not Stardew Valley

Berger: It can be both

Phil: So who won?

MitchFTW: N O  O N E

Me_K.O.!: Mike motherflipping Simms

Phil: Lemme guess
Phil: You and Mitch got so busy fighting each other this Mike came in and got you both at once

MitchFTW: IT WAS A CHILD
MitchFTW: MITCH WILLIAMS DOES NOT LOSE TO A CHILD

Zahra: Aw, suck it up. It's not like anyone's gonna remember that time you got your butt whooped at a Game Stop
Zahra: Except for us.
Zahra: We will always remember it.

MitchFTW: I hate all of you and I'm not reinbursing the lasagna

Chapter Text

Me_K.O.!: phil can u adopt me
Me_K.O.!: ill get u an extra large vanilla shake from The Spaget

Phil: Add an extra order of garlic on my pasta and I'll give anyone who asks a long sob story about how you look extra like your deceased mother which has led to awkward ties between us
Phil: Hence why I never pick you up from school

Me_K.O.!: yessssssssssss
Me_K.O.!: phil ilu

Zahra: I have to Mom Friend a little here bc I contain the actual braincell in this group but feel free to like. Say nothing if you aren't comfortable.
Zahra: Everything a-okay at home?

Me_K.O.!: ye its fine
Me_K.O.!: my parents just dont really get how i work????
Me_K.O.!: they want me to focus so theyre like 'lets remove her viddy games'
Me_K.O.!: so they undownloaded a bunch of my favorite hinobi games and i lost my saves

Zahra: Oh dude that SUCKS
Zahra: Did they realize what they were doing???

Me_K.O.!: nah prolly not
Me_K.O.!: my dad is considered the tech whizz of my rents bc he can log into wifi
Me_K.O.!: so now im resorting my viddy games into their proper titles and redownloading and uuuugggghhhh
Me_K.O.!: i can focus even LESS now

Nix: Mission failed we'll get them next time
Nix: You wanna drop by the arcade? I know fixing up the machines helps sometimes

Me_K.O.!: i mean i DO but i'd stick my head under one of them and immediately forget How To Do

Nix: Understandable have a nice day
Nix: i've got a few that're wigging out so i'll put them in back for you

Me_K.O.!: ur good ppl nix

Nix: honestly ur saving my bosses money
Nix: so they're like. More than down to let you come in and fix them whenever

Zahra: I know this is basically common sense but
Zahra: Have you tried explaining it to your parents?
Zahra: Like 'hey I know what you think you're doing is good but viddy games are helpful stims for me and you're making it worse?'

Me_K.O.!: helpful what

Zahra: Stims
Zahra: You know, focusers?
Zahra: They help a lot with things like your ADHD

Me_K.O.!:...
Me_K.O.!: my WHAT

Zahra: Oh fudgesicles
Zahra: Sorry Miko
Zahra: I thought you were, like, diagnosed????
Zahra: Since ur family is so worried about your focus I just figured it was them trying to be supportive

Me_K.O.!: they worry abt my focus bc im bad at focusing
Me_K.O.!: not bc i have a brain thing
Me_K.O.!: wait DO i have a brain thing?

Zahra: I am by no means a professional here
Zahra: I'm just a kid who specced healing and hacking then decided 'screw this' and got a big ol' sniper
Zahra: But if you came up to me and said "so a doctor told me I have ADD/ADHD" I would be like. Yeah alright. I support you but this is not news. Love you.

Me_K.O.!: FIVE DO I HAVE A BRAIN THING

Hi_5: How dead would I be if I said probably

Me_K.O.!: FIVE

Hi_5: It's okay, I promise!
Hi_5: I'm on the spectrum myself
Hi_5: Pretty sure Zahra is too?

Zahra: Yup.

Me_K.O.!: PHIL!?!?!?!?!

Phil: Miko, I'm your boss.
Phil: It's incredibly unprofessional for me to "diagnose" you in any aspect of the term

Me_K.O.!: ok but like
Me_K.O.!: but as my adopted dad

Phil: Sweetie you take after ur imaginary mother
Phil: She had ADHD out the ears

Me_K.O.!: NERDS
Me_K.O.!: hang on im looking this up

Zahra: Miko I promise you I did not intend to make you feel like this
Zahra: I might have the braincells in this chat but that's like. Not a LOT of braincells
Zahra: Your own personal comfort is what matters here

Me_K.O.!: WAIT DOES NOT EVERYONE HEAR EVERYTHING AT ONCE
Me_K.O.!: LIKE YOU ALL CAN JUST. DECIDE NOT TO HEAR A THING????????

MitchFTW: That's a person to person thing.
MitchFTW: I can tune you lot out pretty well
MitchFTW: A lot of kids with focusing issues deal with sensory overload. They tend to hear/feel/see All The Things, but to the point it's distracting and you can't focus.
MitchFTW: Ever be watching a TV show and you can't focus bc the static noise keeps catching your ear? Things like that.

Me_K.O.!: I thought everyone heard that static whine?????????

MitchFTW: Depends on the person
MitchFTW: Stimming can be all sorts of things, from video games to those stupid little dances you do. It's just a natural way of dealing with overstimulation.

Me_K.O.!: huh

Hi_5: I'm sorry am I dying???
Hi_5: Is Mitch... being useful?

MitchFTW: Hey now
MitchFTW: Look I may be a douchenozzle
MitchFTW: I take great pride in that
MitchFTW: But ableism is bullcrap and imo really lazy
MitchFTW: I could craft better burns out of my pinkie toe

Zahra: Guys is this growth
Zahra: Are we witnessing growth

MitchFTW: It's called CLASS and unlike you punks I EXUDE it

Zahra: Ah nevermind
Zahra: I am sorry Miko

Me_K.O.!: nonononono its okay
Me_K.O.!: im just surprised I guess?
Me_K.O.!: i didnt think my weird brain stuff had a title
Me_K.O.!: like I knew those terms but i didnt realize they applied to me?

MitchFTW: It's the era of internet blueberry
MitchFTW: They've got terms for every-fudging-thing these days

Me_K.O.!: thats so weirdly comforting
Me_K.O.!: id say thank you but ur smug face would ruin it

MitchFTW: Touche

Chapter Text

Nix: Why are ppl Like That abt eye contact
Nix: Actually no
Nix: Why are baby boomers Like That abt eye contact

Me_K.O.!: i literally have no idea
Me_K.O.!: do i need to beat someone up for you bro

Nix: No, it wasn't like... KarenTM
Nix: Just had an older guy come in with his grandson and ask a lot of questions
Nix: Which is cool but he kept doing that hting where they're like "Look Into My Soul Child"

Zahra: Ew
Zahra: I get the odd betty who tries to use eye contact to be intimidating while demanding to speak to the manager, not knowing Phil is even worse about that

Phil: I haven't made eye contact with a customer in twenty years

Zahra: God I wish that were me

HanYeesh: As one of the few neurotypicals in this chat, I actually have an answer to that!
HanYeesh: Older folks see it as showing you they care what you're saying and they're Focusing
HanYeesh: Meanwhile a lot of younger gen are used to not having nearly as much eye contact due to social media and internet
HanYeesh: Also theres a lot more awareness towards that sort of thing so ppl dont feel like they HAVE to anymore

Hi_5: Ok but like... why
Hi_5: You can get so much done while talking to someone?
Hi_5: I've had ppl get made at work bc i wasn't looking while they talked and like
Hi_5: maam
Hi_5: do you want your taco to taste good or not

MitchFTW: This is why I refuse to do customer service
MitchFTW: That and I'm clearly worth better

Zahra: naughty noobs who disrespect customer service workers get hair dye in their gel when they sleep again

MitchFTW: See you give me warning and then five weeks later will wonder why I no longer sleep

Zahra: The red bull will run out eventually Williams

HanYeesh: Or his heart

MitchFTW: I think we all know it'll be my heart

Me_K.O.!: fun fact in japan prologuned eye contact can be seen as rude so you're supposed to glance and then look at whereever eye level is
Me_K.O.!: could not tell you my moms eye color dudes

HanYeesh: But your dad is american right
HanYeesh: Did he just. Not tell you.

Me_K.O.!: i mean he DID but i was busy doing the wiggle as a kid to listen
Me_K.O.!: and its not like nica was ever into eye contact either so mom just let it slide

Zahra: Local Teen Stimmed Out of Existence, More at Six
Zahra: Wait but why does Nica keep popping up as like
Zahra: The ExampleTM
Zahra: I saw her run into a wall two days ago

Me_K.O.!: cause shes oldest and adapted easiest when we moved here
Me_K.O.!: we both knew english bc dad but she blended in easier than i did
Me_K.O.!: so mama used her as like the poster child of Being Murican
Me_K.O.!: which is funny bc we all know lexi is the real breadwinner in this fam

Zahra: Ahhhh yeah gotcha
Zahra: I'm like that for my grandpa rn, which is. Really weird.
Zahra: I appreciate his faith in me but I was born here.
Zahra: Idk what the longest river is good sir

Hi_5: The one with the ss

Zahra: Missippi?
Zahra: Mississipppi
Zahra: Nerds.

MitchFTW: No
MitchFTW: Missouri

Me_K.O.!: bless you

Hi_5: Honestly for me it's kind of the opposite problem?
Hi_5: I use Spanish more than English at home and when I forget a word you can TellTM

Me_K.O.!: can confirm
Me_K.O.!: called him early the other day for a ride and he did not know what the brake was

Hi_5: I am not. Good in mornings.
Hi_5: I think I worried some ppl at the traffic light when I started making noodle breaking motions and was like "It's this! But for feet!"

Zahra: Rip

Hi_5: No, crunch

Zahra: How dare you dad joke me

Berger: Things I've learned today- eye contact is stupid and so is the english language

Me_K.O.!: Correct.

Chapter Text

LordDad42069: So
LordDad42069: Anybody wanna explain this to me

Berger: I'm not professional sir, but I suspect it's a meme

LordDad42069: Thanks, Bergy

Berger: Anytime, sir

Nix: I just want to say I peeked at this during work and had absolutely no idea what was going on

Me_K.O.!: looks like skmeone profesed tgat phil is their lord and dad savior
Me_K.O.!: and also that they like weed

MitchFTW: The icon really ties it all together doesnt it?
MitchFTW: No one tell him

LordDad42069: hey i might be older but i'm still a millennial
LordDad42069: I know who Pepe is
LordDad42069: Zahra

Zahra: Phil

LordDad42069: Zahra

Zahra: Phil, sir?

Hi_5: You ARE our hacker

LordDad42069: Zahra.

Zahra: And you are completely justified in suspecting me bc of that
Zahra: HOWEVER
Zahra: I would've thought of smth funnier.

LordDad42069: Miko

Me_K.O.!: bold of u to assume i know how to computer that well

Nix: you fix arcade games as a hobby

Me_K.O.!: completely different kind of tech
Me_K.O.!: if it isnt viddy game i have no clue

LordDad42069: Mitchell

MitchFTW: are u seriously just gonna go down the list until someone confesses

LordDad42069: I know u like old memes mitchell

MitchFTW: by that logic i'd have to see u as a father figure and like weed
MitchFTW: i do neither of these things

LordDad42069: I dont say anything bc i know u arent smoking on company grounds but
LordDad42069: I know what a dugout looks like Mitchell

MitchFTW: oh.

HanYeesh: RIP

MitchFTW: That aside, it wasn't me
MitchFTW: I have more class than that

Zahra: He would've used Spongebob

MitchFTW: I would've used Spongebob

LordDad42069: Zahra

Zahra: Just because I know my coworkers memeing habits DOESN'T mean I did this to you

Hi_5: Idk Zahra that's kinda sus

Zahra: Ur just mad I vent-killed you yesterday.

Hi_5: You left! My son! Alone!

Zahra: He'll grow up into a big stronk batbean it's fine

Hi_5: IT IS N O T FINE

LordDad42069: ZAHRA

Zahra: W H A T

LordDad42069: I do not like knowing that someone can hack into my personal accounts
LordDad42069: Can you please... Find Them

Zahra: Sir
Zahra: Are you
Zahra: Are you asking me to use my hacking skills
Zahra: Specifically fine tuned to hunt glitches
Zahra: To decipher who pranked you?

LordDad42069: I just wanna know who to ground before resetting my passwords alright

Zahra: Is that even legal?

LordDad42069: Idk?

MitchFTW: Don't use slang u grandpa its cringy

Zahra: Sorry sir but ur outta luck regardless
Zahra: All I could tell you is where the computer was
Zahra: Which is like. All of us in this building have wi-fi.

LordDad42069: FUUUUUUUUUU

MitchFTW: Somehow you using older memes is even cringier

-Chat: AbsoluteModMan-

Me_K.O.!: He's losing his mind
Me_K.O.!: You're the best thing to ever happen to me

Geoform_187: ye I know

Chapter Text

Berger: hnnnngggg
Berger: why are boys
Berger: like that

Me_K.O.!: yeah why ARE boys like that
Me_K.O.!: but like
Me_K.O.!: in what way

Berger: aksmdoclsodkcosldocskock

Zahra: Ah, yes
Zahra: The keysmash way

Berger: THEY'RE! ALL! SO! CUTE!
Berger: AAAAA?!

MitchFTW: Back in my day we were grown-ups abt it
MitchFTW: Court the boys
MitchFTW: idk do a fracking peacock dance

Zahra: Mitch "back in the day" you thought axe body spray was the answer to all your problems

MitchFTW: And I was right
MitchFTW: I attracted many of The Boys

Zahra: I know ur type is toxic masculinity but they'd eat bergy alive
Zahra: At least give him a chance

Berger: Rude but fair
Berger: A dude in my algebra class did the nae nae and I died

Zahra: Died, like, cringing?
Zahra: Or...

Berger: HE'S SO COOL

Zahra: Ah.

HanYeesh: I support you bro
HanYeesh: Love who u wanna love
HanYeesh: But um...maybe at least get somebody who does fortnite dances

MitchFTW: Reach for the stars

Nix: Listen man a peacock is nice and all
Nix: But what you really need is a bowerbird

MitchFTW: Ah, yes, nothing says true love like a pile of sticks
MitchFTW: It's just like the meme hieroglyphs said
MitchFTW: boys love sticks

ME_K.O.!: ur both wrong
ME_K.O.!: u need an ally and you need to cuddle and love him

MitchFTW: That DISGRACE almost let me fall off a cliff the other day, I'll remind you

Me_K.O.!: YOU DIDN'T GIVE HER GOOD JOB PATS
Me_K.O.!: WHAT DID YOU EXPECT

MitchFTW: A GLITCH PET TO WORK PROPERLY
MitchFTW: Phil, Miko's pet is clearly malfunctioning and needs repair
MitchFTW: AGAIN

LordDad42069: Miko, your report on this matter

Me_K.O.!: yessir lorddad sir

LordDad42069: I WILL figure out how to change this and I WILL ground whoever did this
LordDad42069: Anyways continue

Me_K.O.!: ally is a simple borb
Me_K.O.!: she doesnt require all those fancy powerups and such to keep going
Me_K.O.!: she only wants fruit and pats
Me_K.O.!: i supply the fruit on a daily basis, meeting one of her needs
Me_K.O.!: leaving my coworkers to help with her other one, attention

Me_K.O.!: in conclusion; pat the borb

MitchFTW: Phil you can't be taking this seriously

LordDad42069: I mean she makes a good argument Mitch
LordDad42069: Like it or not pets are a lot cheaper than glitching out cherries every day

MitchFTW: PHIL

LordDad42069: Pet the dang borb, Williams.

MitchFTW: FINE
MitchFTW: But I won't like it.

Chapter Text

-Me_K.O.! changed Berger's name to Traitor-

Me_K.O!: BERGY I'M CALLING YOU OUT

Nix: wait we can change each other's names?????

LordDad42069: oh dear god

-Nix changed Zahra's name to 6.02×10-

Nix: hehehe
Nix: chemistry

6.02X10: permission to cuss on the company chat sir

LordDad42069: You may cuss
LordDad42069: ONCE.

6.02X10: you little BITCH
6.02X10: did you seriously just nickname me for my mole?????
6.02X10: USING MATH?

Nix: I love you Zahra

-6.02X10 changed Nix's name to LittleBitch-

LittleBitch: This is homophobia =(

-HanYeesh changed LittleBitch's name to Fucker-

HanYeesh: no THIS is homophobia

Fucker: SIR I AM BEING BULLIED

LordDad42069: One swear. One.

HanYeesh: yessir

-HanYeesh changed Fucker's name to nerd-

nerd: this is much worse
nerd: at least capitalize it

HanYeesh: (BugsBunnyNo)

Traitor: wait what did I do
Traitor: I was watching livestreams of that bug food game that looks so cute
Traitor: god I want a hinobi 5

MitchFTW: I still think it's ridiculous we can't have a Hinobi 5 at a discount
MitchFTW: We are literally the lifeblood of this company

6.02X10: This isn't a tweak unboxing video mate

MitchFTW: I got paid better doing tweak streams
MitchFTW: Nice name btw

-6.02X10 changed MitchFTW's name to Cockadoodledick-

LordDad42069: I feel obligated to state that is a second Extra Swear

6.02X10: Sorry sir

-6.02X10 changed Cockadoodledick's name to Cockadoodledofus-

LordDad42069: Better

Me_K.O.!: SIX MONTHS
Me_K.O.!: I'VE WORKED HERE FOR SIX MONTHS

Cockadoodledofus: did someone finally tell her those plants are fake

Me_K.O.!: I HAD FAITH IN YOU
Me_K.O.!: I TRUSTED YOU
Me_K.O.!: CECIL

6.02X10: oh rip
6.02X10: Did we forget to tell you guys?

Traitor: In my defense
Traitor: Cecil is a terrible name

Me_K.O.!: I'VE THOUGHT YOUR PARENTS NAMED YOU BERGY FOR SIX MONTHS
Me_K.O.!: I'VE SPENT SIX MONTHS PITYING YOU

Traitor: LIKE CECIL IS BETTER
Traitor: CECIL IS THE NAME OF A TROUBLED VICTORIAN BOY WITH A DELICATE CONSTITUTION

Cockadoodledofus: So... you.

Hi_5: I just went to the bathroom in class bc I felt my phone vibrating off the hook and thought it was an emergency what the heckle is going on

Cockadoodledofus: just text in class it's not that hard

Hi_5: Wait I just caught up THIS IS AN EMERGENCY
Hi_5: BERGY HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME

Traitor: YOU GO BY FIVE

Hi_5: YEAH BUT EVERYONE KNOWS MY NAME IS HECTOR
Hi_5: MIKO KNEW

Me_K.O.!: I, in fact, did not know prior to getting fnafed
Me_K.O.!: music is right all men are liars

Hi_5: WHAT
Hi_5: I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU

Me_K.O.!: I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW YOUR ABUELA'S NAME UNTIL LIKE A WEEK AGO

nerd: Disasters, the lot of you
nerd: You know what no, I can't handle this defamation of character

-nerd changed their name to Scorekeeper-

Cockadoodledofus: no one is going to call you that

Scorekeeper: I've made my peace with it

-Cockadoodledofus changed their name to MitchFTW-

MitchFTW: Can't rise above perfection

Scorekeeper: -gagging noises-
Scorekeeper: Zahra can I pick your new name

6.02X10: After you brought this into my home??

Scorekeeper: It won't be a mole joke I promise
Scorekeeper: Or a reference to the number of mol being used as a mole joke

6.02X10: Fine.
6.02X10: But if this is bad I'm hacking your socials and posting photos of last years halloween party

Scorekeeper: love you

-Scorekeeper changed 6.02X10's name to AnaFromOverwatch-

AnaFromOverwatch: You know what
AnaFromOverwatch: better than I thougth it was gonna be

Me_K.O.!: thats it im going on nickname strike
Me_K.O.!: legal and preferred names only
Me_K.O.: hector and cecil are on thin flipping ice

Hi_5: You realize how easy it is to turn that on its head tho right

Me_K.O.!: explain

Hi_5: Meeks

Me_K.O.!: touche nieves

MitchFTW: Do I spy ammo

Me_K.O.!: i will steal your shins

-Traitor changed their name to Bergalicious-

Bergalicious: Give it your best shot I won't answer

AnaFromOverwatch: So now you know the darkest secret of hinobi
AnaFroMOverWatch: The name Cecil Bergoch

Me_K.O.!: HIS LAST NAME IS WHAT

AnaFromOverwatch: oh rip
AnaFromOverwatch: I'd start running Bergy

Chapter Text

LordDad42069: So, pride month is coming up

AnaFromOverwatch: oh lord here we go

LordDad42069: It's company procedure, just go with it
LordDad42069: Anyway I gotta give ya'll a reminder that Hinobi Entertainment is supportive of all makes, colors, and genders

Hi_5: Management does realize that nobody in this store is straight right
Hi_5: And there's only like one token white? Not counting phil anyway

Bergalicious: it's always nice to be included

LordDad42069: Look just let me get through this so we can get back to memes alright
LordDad42069: Hinobi Entertainment does not condone racism, homophobia, or other forms of bigotry
LordDad42069: But we do support capitalism by jacking up the prices of our gear for a rainbow color scheme

HanYeesh: EAT! THE! RICH!

AnaFromOverwatch: hey like highkey but also lowkey if ya'll want a cheap spray paint job I just need the paints
AnaFromOverwatch: it doesn't cost anything and I actually know individual flags

LordDad42069: I'm supposed to strongly urge you to try and sell the pride abominations
LordDad42069: But as a salty bisexual man I will personally come unglued if anyone tries to convince the local karens that they're being good allies bc they once bought boots with rainbows on them when we're not even donating any of the money
LordDad42069: what I CAN do is hand out a list of good LGBT+ charities for you guys to spread to the customers while they buy said fashionable boots

AnaFromOverwatch: cross-referenced by my usual list of current and upcoming protests

Me_K.O.!: wait bailey has protests?

MitchFTW: lmao no
MitchFTW: but I'm always down for violence so we carpool

Me_K.O.!: Zahra I love you so much

MitchFTW: wow just gonna brush right past me huh

Me_K.O.!: eat a dongle mitch

MitchFTW: that is the usual plan, yes

LordDad42069: I'm also legally obligated to show you a video on how not to discriminate so if ya'll could stay like an extra hour after we close sunday that'd be great

AnaFromOverwatch: not to de-legitimize the effort of trying to create a more equal environment or anything
AnaFromOverwatch: but do we have too?

LordDad42069: I do not control the corporate, kids. I'm just their singing monkey
LordDad42069: Look on the bright side, we're paying you to be bored and not commit hate crimes
LordDad42069: Also i'll bring snacks

MitchFTW: they better be dang good snacks

LordDad42069: Only the finest of doritos and mountain dew for you kids

Chapter Text

Me_K.O.!: dumbest scar stories lets gooooo

AnaFromOverwatch: this feels suspiciously like an attempt tp get blackmail material from your senior techs

MitchFTW: see, she says that
MitchFTW: but its actually bc she has the worst one

Hi_5: really???? Are you okay?????????

AnaFromOverwatch: i'm fine but mitchells days are numbered

MitchFTW: Jokes on u i'm an underappreciated gaymer in a small town who'll likely never hit big time bc corporate is made of cowards
MitchFTW: You think i'm afraid to die?

AnaFromOverwatch: who said anything anout murder mitch
AnaFromOverwatch: i know where to get a good razor

MitchFTW: ah
MitchFTW: hmm
MitchFTW: terrifying

Me-K.O.!: naaaah girl this is just some friendly comp between friends
Me_K.O.!: ill go first bc i always win
Me_K.O.!: one time geoffrey threatened to push lee down the stairs so i intervened and they both pushed me down the stairs and i busted open my elbow

Scorekeeper: Ah, yes, i'm told this is called "the cain instinct"
Scorekeeper: Alas, i've won by the virtue of being an idiot
Scorekeeper: you remember that twitblr post about not putting lightbulbs in your mouth bc they go in but they dont go out

AnaFromOverwatch: Nix you DIDNT

Scorekeeper: i did not!!!!
Scorekeeper: a kid at the arcade did
Scorekeeper: i pushed my fingers in his mouth bc he was panicking and i didnt want him to shatter the glass and hurt himself so instead he bit my fingers until the glass exploded into one big harmless piece in his mouth and approximately five billion shards into my index finger
Scorekeeper: he waa fine, i was not

HanYeesh: i think you're legally allowed to let survival of the fittest take its course at that point man
HanYeesh: so as some of ya'll know i collect failed game consoles
HanYeesh: and like four years ago my hinobi virtual girl took a tumble off my shelf, clocked me in the head, and busted my head open

Me_K.O.!: wha HOW
Me_K.O.!: they arent SHARP

HanYeesh: doc said it was prolly a hairline fracture sitch but tbh she was prolly just saying it out of pity

Hi_5: That old burn on my hand is cuz i had some kids come through the taco truck one day and they tried to stick their hands in the fryer
Hi_5: i tried to smack my hand on the table to sound commanding and it went right on the stove rip

Bergalicious: fell off my bike into a river, got covered in leeches
Bergalicious: i read somewhere that fire can get them off so i set a leaf on fire and slapped in on my arm

MitchFTW: Bergy, how have you lived this long?

Bergalicious: i ask myself that every day
Bergalicious: anyway fun fact burning leeches can actually cause them to put stuff back into the wound
Bergalicious: so yeah that got infected

MitchFTW: zahra

AnaFromOverwatch: mitchell

MitchFTW: if you dont tell them i will

AnaFromOverwatch: i dedicate my life to our lord and savior sans undertale and THIS is the thanks i get????

Bergalicious: aww, come on, it's not so bad, Zahra!
Bergalicious: your story taught me a valuable lesson on sniper safety!!!! =)

Hi_5: did you fall out of your nest or smth?

MitchFTW: close but no cigar
MitchFTW: it was a car

Hi_5: A CAR!?!?!?!?!?!

MitchFTW: on the bloody HIGHWAY

AnaFromOverwatch: you make it sound worse than it actually was
AnaFromOverwatch: we were chasing after a fast moving glitch via the van and i was taking point on the passenger side window

MitchFTW: literally PROPPED HER BUTT on the window thingie
MitchFTW: idk the proper name i'm not a car guy bc i have actual taste

AnaFromOverwatch: got hit and fell out the car
AnaFromOverwatch: i got some SLIGHT roadrash on my hip and arm from rolling bc it took me a sec to put my buffs to work
AnaFromOverwatch: it was hardly a big deal but mitch Has Not Let It Go

MitchFTW: you went sniper over tea kettle on 47 of course i'll never let it go

Me_K.O.!: you know im kinda surprised how few of these are glitch related
Me_K.O.!: seeing how our job is literally life endangering

AnaFromOverwatch: thats bc we all learned from mitch getting wreckt by marx

MitchFTW: what CHILD is supposed to survive a crazy metroid level boss likw that? Milky way wishes was destining children to failure
MitchFTW: anyway I now have actual literal glitter-shaped scars on my back so that's a thing

LordDad42069: i once picked a fist fight with another kid on the playground over a collectible flunky quest toy and i bust my knuckles open hitting a bench instead

AnaFromOverwatch: honestly the correct reaction

Me_K.O.!: i said dumbest stories not most epic akksmfkgkdiskkffidjd

Chapter Text

LordDad42069: Up
LordDad42069: Up
LordDad42069: Get Up
LordDad42069: I'm serious everyone up call if you have to

Bergalicious: phil i thought you loved us

AnaFromOverwatch: jesus christ it's three a.m.
AnaFromOverwatch: whats up man

LordDad42069: Just call a call-in from Dabney
LordDad42069: We're gonna need all backup on the road immediately

AnaFromOverwatch: phil most of us barely have a permit
AnaFromOverwatch: how are we supposed to move out without a company van

LordDad42069: BITT sent them your way

-LordDad42069 changed their name to Phil-

Phil: It's go time kids

Bergalicious: how long have you known how to do that?

Phil: I might be old but I can use google, Bergy.

MitchFTW: thanks phil I just got zahra calling me with a goddamn airhorn
MitchFTW: and I refuse to not cuss at this ungodly hour so bug off
MitchFTW: what is so important that the city kids can't get it

Phil: -VideoFileDotWTF?!-
Phil: See for yourself

TRANSCRIPT:

A SHAKY CAMERA IS LEVELED ITSELF TOWARDS A DISTANT BATCH OF LIGHTNING. HEAVY WINDS ARE BLOWING, SCATTERING TRASH AND DEBRIS. RAY IS HOLDING THE PHONE.

Ray: I dunno what's comin outta that console, but it's gonna be big

Simi: whattaya reckon, Wes?

Wes: (confused scoff) that size usually means a big boy or a really tough glitch. Since it's got, like, color-coordinated lightning and shit, I'm gonna guess the latter.

THE LIGHTNING SLOWLY FIZZLES OUT. RAY SHUFFLES THE PHONE TO THE SIDE SO SHE CAN CHECK HER GAUNTLET.

Simi: only one signature, looks medium-size but SUPER strong

Nameless: (impatient) We need to see what this thing is.

Ray: why do I hear boss music?

A LOUD, BOOMING SOUND CAME FROM OVER THE HORIZON. RAY SWEARS UNDER HER BREATH AT THE FAMILIAR OVERDRIVEN GUITAR. THE OTHER TECHS STARE, TERRIFIED, BEFORE PELTING OFF TOWARDS THEIR CAR.

Nameless: (scared) the VAN. NOW.

Me_K.O.!: Tell me that wasn't what I thought it was
Me_K.O.!: Lie to me if you have to, just tell me that wasn't megalovania

MitchFTW: why is it always those godforsaken indie darling games
MitchFTW: just once i'd like to be woken up at three in the morning because pagan min came out of the portal and was putting propaganda on buildings or smth

AnaFromOverwatch: Like Pagan Min would be putting up his own posters instead of enslaving some local village to do it
AnaFromOverwatch: Which then allows the white lead to happily shoot them without consequences

Phil: Debate racist implications of far cry games later
Phil: Kill Sans Undertale now

MitchFTW: relax, phil, we're on the way
MitchFTW: ten minutes, tops

MitchFTW: WHERE DID ALL THIS BLOODY TRAFFIC COME FROM

Me_K.O.!: car crash up the route
Me_K.O.!: some idiot decided to try and cut through the trees

Bergalicious: I'm fine, thanks for asking
Bergalicious: Might wanna adjust BITTs reactions to being stopped in traffic tho

Scorekeeper: I'd also like to add that I am NEVER riding with Bergy again
Scorekeeper: No offense Bergy, I think BITT just wants you dead

Bergalicious: No, no, that's fair
Bergalicious: And this is great documented evidence should I accidentally wind up dead soon

Phil: Jesus Christ is ANYONE actually en route?

AnaFromOverwatch: omw
AnaFromOverwatch: Dabney's border is like a five min run from my house

HanYeesh: Zahra for the love of god don't fight sans undertale without a truck

AnaFromOverwatch: relax, I have a plan

AnaFromOverwatch: Fun fact, apperantly undertale bosses can materialize ANY color heart they want outside of the game
AnaFromOverwatch: currently texting this while running through neighborhood yards like a robber bc SOMEONE gave me orange
AnaFromOverwatch: im a sniper
AnaFromOverwatch: THIS WAS NOT IN MY JOB DESCRIPTION

MitchFTW: oh shit, you know it's real with capitalization goes caput
MitchFTW: id be happy to help but BITT shut down after Bergy's crash so I can't port
MitchFTW: and ive moved like. an inch.

Me_K.O.!: ill come on ally!
Me_K.O.!: update five says running into an undertale fight in ally is probably a bad idea
Me_K.O.!: and bitt has childproof locks

AnaFromOverwatch: phil
AnaFromOverwatch: phillip
AnaFromOverwatch: philliam
AnaFromOverwatch: not to be feral but I'm going to go feral
AnaFromOverwatch: im not a distance runner phil

Scorekeeper: uuuuuhhhh okay be crafty!
Scorekeeper: does stimming count as movement

AnaFromOverwatch: YOU THINK I DIDN'T TRY THAT NIX

Scorekeeper: I'M JUST TRYING TO BE HELPFUL

AnaFromOverwatch: BE HELPFUL OVER HERE

Scorekeeper: I CAN'T THE POLICE AND PARAMEDICS ARE CHECKING US OUT

AnaFromOverwatch: FINE
AnaFromOverwatch: Just
AnaFromOverwatch: gimme like ten min

MitchFTW: Zahra?
MitchFTW: Zahra

MitchFTW: oh my fucking god she fucking dead

Bergalicious: it's been like half an hour do you think we should start the funeral

HanYeesh: ZAHRA
HanYeesh: Give us an emoji if ur alive girl

Me_K.O.!: WAIT

Phil: Status update miko, do you see anything

Me_K.O.!: I see a tech van hauling ass the OTHER way down the street
Me_K.O.!: oh my god
Me_K.O.!: its bonetrousle
Me_K.O.!: SHE'S BLARING BONETROUSLE

HanYeesh: Zahra have I ever told you you're my hero

MitchFTW: so stimming doesn't count but a moving car does?

AnaFromOverwatch: I DON'T CLAIM TO UNDERSTAND THE JANKY PROGRAMMING
AnaFromOverwatch: I JUST WORK WITH IT
AnaFromOverwatch: Also I'd duck I think sans undertale is maybe a mile behind me and pissed I stole his brother's bop

Hi_5: oooh so THAT'S the trombone
Hi_5: Miko can't come to the phone rn she's currently a green heart stuck in a van
Hi_5: she is, as you can imagine, pissed
Hi_5: I'm normal red rip

MitchFTW: HELL YES YELLOW HEART
MitchFTW: GONNA KILL THIS INDIE DARLING WITH MY BARE HANDS

Scorekeeper: help im purple and there's webs everywhere

AnaFromOverwatch: I'm just gonna u-turn in a big oval until someone shoots this skeletal twink bc I can't drive and aim at the same time

MitchFTW: he's a bear

AnaFromOverwatch: he WISHES he was a bear

HanYeesh: split the dif and say otter

AnaFromOverwatch: he's a skeleton where's the beef coming from

MitchFTW: doesnt he bleed when hit or smth

AnaFromOverwatch: thats ketchup you dunce
AnaFromOverwatch: wait i thought you played undertale

MitchFTW: i refused on the grounds of being contrarian

AnaFromOverwatch: but you knew about the hearts

MitchFTW: i dont have to like a game to read reviews you dunce
MitchFTW: i swear its like u dont even know me

AnaFromOverwatch: I don't get payed enough to keep up with your drama mitch

Phil: FOCUS ON SHOOTING THE SKELETON BEFORE I HAVE TO WIPE ALL OF THE CITY'S MEMORY BY OPENING TIME

Phil: so who's opening with me today

AnaFromOverwatch: Technically me, but I don't think you'll want me there
AnaFromOverwatch: Dabney's kinda pissed at me and I expect them to storm the store

Phil: Is this about the truck
Phil: I'd wondered where you got the truck

AnaFromOverwatch: Maybe

Phil: How did you acquire the truck

AnaFromOverwatch: It's not my fault punching people in the face also registers as movement

Chapter Text

Phil: @everyone
Phil: why are you like this

AnaFromOverwatch: Gonna have to be more specific chief

Phil: I just had to walk a higher-up through our break area
Phil: They looked through your lockers for illegal contraband

AnaFromOverwatch: Ooooohhhhh, okay
AnaFromOverwatch: The distraction-ridden teenage squirrels way

Me_K.O.!: oh nerds
Me_K.O.!: phil ilu

Phil: Clean up your stuff

Me_K.O.!: i dont love you that much

Phil: Not to lockershame but also ENTIRELY to lockershame but like
Phil: Who hurt you kids????

MitchFTW: What, you want a list?

Phil: I will not take snark from the boy with fifteen(!) cans of unfinished hairspray in his locker

MitchFTW: Hey that's being tactical
MitchFTW: They make for great one-off flamethrowers in case of emergencies

Phil: What
Phil: What kind of emergencies
Phil: What kind of emergencies Mitch

MitchFTW: Burglars, duh

Phil: WE HAVE ALARMS MITCH

Phil: And Bergy
Phil: Bergy

Scorekeeper: oooh lemme guess
Scorekeeper: Amiibos?

Bergalicious: Gross, no

Phil: Skylanders

Bergalicious: ...Yeah.
Bergalicious: And maybe a few beyblades

Phil: I spotted some zipped up books I can only assume had cards but I wasn't gonna open it in front of a superior
Phil: Yu-Gi-Oh?

Bergalicious:...Dinosaur King

Hi_5: Bergy I just wanna say the more I learn about you the more powerful you become

Phil: Nix, why did you...
Phil: Just.
Phil: Just why, man
Phil: There's like a horde of d20s in there

Scorekeeper: Oh, the cursed collection
Scorekeeper: Yeah I take bad d20s off the hands of unhappy players
Scorekeeper: Sell them special to the extra bratty kids at the arcade

Me_K.O.!:  WHAT THE NERDS

Hi_5: Is that????? Legal???????????

Scorekeeper: Everywhere except in the eyes of god

MitchFTW: You're a scary bloke nix

Scorekeeper: I try

Phil: At least Five has practicality
Phil: His is just a bunch of aprons for his other job
Phil: You could take a lesson from Five

Me_K.O.!: coughHidesHisSmashozaursUnderThemcough

Hi_5: OH BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE ALL THOSE MINECRAFT STUFFIES SHOVED IN YOURS

Me_K.O.!: I'LL HIDE CREEPERS IN YOUR HOUSE YOU LITTLE GREMLIN
Me_K.O.!: THEY'LL EXPLODE LEGOS YOU PUNK

Phil: Also, on a final note
Phil: Zahra, why is there?? nothing in your locker???
Phil: You don't have to have anything in it if you don't want
Phil: I'm just curious

AnaFromOverwatch: Oh I stash stuff in vehicles and patrol perches
AnaFromOverwatch: Hinobi can pry my contraband from my cold, dead hands
AnaFromOverwatch: And trust me, I have ALL the contraband

Phil: Terrifying responses everyone, have a good day

Chapter Text

Me_K.O.!: we've got a karen in aisle three I repeat a karen in aisle three this is not a drill

Phil: Miko get off your phone
Phil: Also can someone please take the karen

Me_K.O.!: Bergy you gotta do it

Bergalicious: why me??????

Me_K.O.!: she got the racism in her and ur our token white

Bergalicious: oh okay.

Phil: Oh, gross.
Phil: Bergy retreat I'll walk her out of the store

Bergalicious: oh thank flunk

MitchFTW: Can someone explain to this fossil that their plug-n-play from the 90s is NOT comprebable to a Hinobi 5 bc I am. THIS close to losing my job for bad customer service.

Me_K.O.!: did someone ask for my very specific set of skills
Me_K.O.!: retro consoles and scaring the elderly are my two redeeming qualities

MitchFTW: Godspeed blueberry

AnaFromOverwatch: Five your break's been over for like an hour I can't man this alone anymore
AnaFromOverwatch: Five
AnaFromOverwatch: HECTOR

Hi_5: Hrng too many people, introvert no like
Hi_5: Sanctuary

AnaFromOverwatch: We're teens who risk our lives daily do you think any of us have healthy social lives
AnaFromOverwatch: Now get out here and suffer

HanYeesh: question can I be fired for hate crimes if I called someone the n word
HanYeesh: also it feels weird for me to skirt around it but also not gonna flag me today system

Phil: you what

HanYeesh: I dunno man I just saw some rude teens trashing merch and my mama YEETED out my mouth
HanYeesh: Shoe was half-off before I got control of my bod

Phil: did it end with er or a

HanYeesh: you have to ask?

Phil: Look just say you'll sue for hate crimes bc it's a word you can use and they'll back off

HanYeesh: Sweeeet

Me_K.O.!: well lads I'm at my limit
Me_K.O.!: if you need me I'll be in the corner flapping and crying

Scorekeeper: ah good we'll be twinsies
Scorekeeper: also why does everyone here seem to forget I'm also white, bergy doesn't have to suffer alone with the racists

MitchFTW: because unlike YOU Bergy isn't taking a double-shift at Joystick's

Scorekeeper: I'd rather be there
Scorekeeper: The sheer amount of sticky textures I've touched today alone has taken two decades off my life

MitchFTW: only two? coward

Phil: ZAHRA YOU UNHACK THOSE SPEAKERS RIGHT THIS SECOND

AnaFromOverwatch: NO CAN DO PHILLIAM, UNTIL FIVE SHOWS HIS FACE WE'RE GETTING ENCANTO SOUNDTRACK AND THAT'S IT

HanYeesh: The fact that people seem to think Zahra is the chill one in our team still baffles me

AnaFromOverwatch: voice flat face empty emotions FERAL

Hi_5: (do I have to come out)

AnaFromOverwatch: (i'm blasting bops you can panic as long as you need)

Phil: Ironically this wasn't the worst black friday I've ever seen

AnaFromOverwatch: yeah sure great
AnaFromOverwatch: anyway now that Five is done crying in the bathroom it's my turn to cry in the bathroom
AnaFromOverwatch: ill let you know when it's safe to lock up

Phil: oh trust me I am also crying in my office take ur time

AnaFromOverwatch: Miko's stress-stimming and I can hear Bergy from here, none of us are leaving anytime soon
AnaFromOverwatch: looks like ur team therapist now phil

Phil: I have done nothing to obtain this degree and shall now squander it in pity donuts