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Xiao Zhan wasn’t lonely. It was impossible to be, when you had 200+ other neighbors. In his tank alone, there were dozens of other fish whom Xiao Zhan had grown up with since they were tiny gray babies with barely formed gills and dull scales. They weren't bad company. But as he grew older, Xiao Zhan longed to experience world on the other side of the glass. What would it be like to have feet? To walk and dance in the warm sunshine? To breathe in the fresh air?
"Probably terrible." Zhuocheng, one of the few fish willing to entertain Xiao Zhan's fantasies about the world above, shuddered. "It's so polluted out there, I bet our scales would fall right off."
"Ah, Zhuocheng." Yixing poked his head out from his shell. "Do you fear being stripped down to your essence, unable to hide from the world's judgmental eyes? Quite understandable. It's not easy to embrace one's true self."
"Um, n-no...? I just don't want to die, that's all."
Aside from Zhocheng and Yixing, there were some others that were supportive of Xiao Zhan's interests. The twin puppies that inhabited the kennels across the aisle liked to bring Xiao Zhan souvenirs from the outside world after the store closed, when they were allowed to roam around. Today, the puppies were more hyper than usual. They barked and pawed against the aquarium walls, their tongues leaving wet streaks on the glass.
"Zhan-ge!"
"Gege!"
“Look what we got you!”
Seconds later, an object was flung over the edge of the tank. The other fish scattered away in alarm, while Xiao Zhan swam eagerly up to retrieve the sinking gift.
“Did we do good? What is it?” Fanxing barked.
It was a circular, metal disk about the size of Xiao Zhan's body. On it was engraved a "1元".
"It looks dirty." Zhuocheng wrinkled his nose and backed away.
“Ah, I see you've acquired yourself a plinkaplonk," Yixing declared, poking his head out once again. Aside from being the only turtle, Yixing was also the tank's official humanologist.
“A...what?”
“A token of affection and admiration between lovers," Yixing explained sagely. "The circular shape represents roundness and symmetry, things humans greatly value in their partners' faces."
“Ooooooh,” the puppies chorused. Wow, humans were so strange!
Zhuocheng looked skeptical.
"That's so neat. This will be a lovely addition to my collection," Xiao Zhan exclaimed. He swam over to his corner of the tank, where a cluster of rocks had been tastefully arranged into a little art gallery. Over the years, Xiao Zhan had curated a small but respectable collection of human artifacts. The larger objects usually got confiscated by the storekeepers when they did their weekly tank checks, but Xiao Zhan was thankfully able to hide the smaller objects.
After a moment's consideration, he placed the plinkaplonk between the dinglechoppers (two long wooden sticks, used by humans to brush their hair) and the clizzer (a twisted piece of metal wire, used by humans to communicate with aliens).
"There, perfect!"
"WELCOME!" Ji Li (parrot and doorman) squawked. Instantly, the 235 occupants of Untamed Pets perked up in attention. Xiao Zhan swam over to the edge of the glass and squinted, trying to get a better look at the newest customers. His eyesight wasn't the best.
“Something low-key,” one of the humans, a male, was saying. “And small?" His gaze darted toward the eager, whining puppies. "Um, that doesn't drool. And doesn't make noise."
The puppies hurriedly closed their mouths and blinked innocently.
“Oh come on, Yibo. You might as well be describing a rock.” The second voice belonged to another human male.
“Do you sell those?” Yibo asked the sales clerk hopefully.
"Don't listen to him. He's kind of antisocial." Yibo's friend steered him away from the counter. "C’mon, time to find your new friend!"
"I'm never drinking with you guys again," Yibo said grumpily, as he strode by the aisles. The kittens, the reptiles, the bunnies went ignored. His friend followed along. "Couldn't you have picked another dare? Do you think I have the time for a pet?"
"We're just worried about you. You're always at the studio, and when you're not you're such a hermit."
"Just because I prefer to..." Yibo’s eyes alighted on the far wall. "Got it. I know what I want."
"Great! Oh wow, the snake? Nice."
"No." Yibo pointed at the fish tank. Xiao Zhan gasped, hope sparking in his chest.
Yibo's friend groaned. "That's...literally the most boring thing in the entire shop."
Xiao Zhan frowned, slightly hurt.
"Well, no one asked you." Yibo came closer and peered into the water. "I’ll take...the shiny rainbow one, over there in the corner."
The rainbow...wait. Xiao Zhan's heart rate sped up. There were several multicolored fish in the tank, but Xiao Zhan was pretty sure his scales were the only ones that could be termed rainbow. It was a point of pride for him; he had been voted the #1 Most Handsome Fish for the past two years.
"You're seriously getting a fish?! What happened to Mr. Wang Yibo Cool Guy?"
As the two humans exchanged insults, the salesclerk scooped a shocked Xiao Zhan out of the tank and into a plastic bag. Xiao Zhan panicked; he hadn't even had time to prepare a farewell speech. It was all happening too fast!
"Gege, Gege!" the puppies cried sadly.
"Xiao Zhan! Be safe!" Zhuocheng called in worry.
Xiao Zhan waved a trembling fin at them. It was finally happening.
He had a human!
Wang Yibo was a very clean and quiet owner. He kept Xiao Zhan in an immaculate tank, with a few pretty rocks and plastic corals for company. He fed Xiao Zhan twice a day, at exactly the same times. 6am, before he left for work and school, and 8pm, when he finally got home. Xiao Zhan could tell Yibo worked hard; he always looked on the verge of collapse whenever he fed Xiao Zhan in the evenings. After a week, Xiao Zhan learned that Yibo was a university student and a dancer. He was currently in the ensemble cast of a hip-hop adaptation of the Little Mermaid at the local theater. Sometimes, Yibo practiced his routines at home, blasting the soundtrack through his speakers. By the end of the week, Xiao Zhan could sing along to the entire soundtrack.
~ Under the sea! Under the sea! ~
And of course, Xiao Zhan's favorite song:
~ I want to be where the people are... ~
Seungyoun, Yibo's friend, eventually got over his disappointment over Yibo’s pet choice. Now, he was on a mission to make Xiao Zhan the most interesting fish in the apartment complex. He gifted Xiao Zhan with a castle of his own. It was rainbow colored, lit up in the dark, and even had a little windmill on the side. Xiao Zhan loved swimming in and out of the entryway and windows. The next week, Seungyoun added rainbow flags to the castle's spires.
“Please don't force your horrible style on my fish,” Yibo complained each time Seungyoun came over to update the fishtank. Yet, he never undid any of Seungyoun's home décor.
Xiao Zhan felt his little heart give a skip. Yibo had called him his fish!
Xiao Zhan fell head over tail in love with Yibo, and his adoration grew with every passing day. In front of others, Yibo acted like a tough guy. But when it was just him and Xiao Zhan in the apartment, the mask would fall, revealing a cute boy that reminded Xiao Zhan of the puppies back at Untamed Pets. Yibo would cheer as he watched videos of his favorite motorcyclist on his laptop. When he ate, his cheeks were cuter than any pufferfish's. And his dancing! Xiao Zhan never tired of watching Yibo wiggle around to his music as he prepared dinner. Some days late at night, when Yibo had one too many cans of beer with his instant meals, he would lay his head down on the table next to the fishtank and unload his worries to his little friend. Like how he was scared of the dark, how he wondered whether his castmates took him seriously, how he missed his parents who lived halfway across the country. Xiao Zhan was touched to know that the stoic Wang Yibo trusted him enough to show him his deepest, most vulnerable side.
Or, it could just be because Xiao Zhan was just, you know, a fish.
"Jiayou! You're the best!" Xiao Zhan would always reassure him, but of course Yibo couldn't understand him. Xiao Zhan wished he could hop out of his tank and comfort him with a hug, but then Xiao Zhan would probably die. But at least he’d get to touch Yibo…!
Xiao Zhan would have continued pining tragically after his human, had fate not intervened in the form of a witch.
It was a full moon night. Xiao Zhan was roused from his nap by a rustling noise.
"Yibo?" Xiao Zhan called out sleepily. "Are you back from practice?"
It wasn't Yibo, but a woman dressed in a black skirt suit and a giant purse.
"W-who are you?" Xiao Zhan puffed up into his most intimidating stance, which was to say, not intimidating at all. "You're trespassing!"
To his surprise, the woman appeared to understand him. "I'm Yuehua. I'm here to offer you a deal of a lifetime."
"No thank you," Xiao Zhan replied automatically, having heard the same phrase come out of the ads on Yibo's laptop.
Yuehua continued, ignoring his reply. "Pure hearts like yours are hard to come by. You would be an excellent addition to my team."
"Well, I'm not going anywhere," Xiao Zhan insisted. "I belong here with Yibo."
"How wonderful." Yuehua's eyes gleamed at the show of loyalty. "Are you sure there's nothing I can offer for your reconsideration? There must be something even a little fish like you desires..."
Xiao Zhan thought to his daydreams of the human world... "Nope," he declared.
"Hm." Yuehua followed Xiao Zhan's gaze to the Little Mermaid poster on Yibo’s bedroom wall. "Not even the chance to be with your lovely human?”
“…”
“I can give you legs."
"You can?!" Xiao Zhan squeaked before he could control himself.
"Well, conditionally, of course. You won't be able to speak. I’m sure you’re familiar with the standard contract." Yuehua gestured at the poster. "If you can collect a kiss, freely given, from your beloved human before the sun sets in three days, you can keep your legs and have your voice back. But if not, you'll be my slave for eternity. Sounds fair?"
"I-that-that sounds illegal!" Xiao Zhan spluttered. But he already knew he was hooked. Yuehua smiled knowingly down at him, producing a thick document from her purse.
"I just need your finprint, right here."
~~~ )͜͡˒ ⋊ ~~~
It had been months since Yibo last brought someone home for the night, and definitely not when he was in the middle of a busy production season. Thus, he was completely unprepared to wake up to the sight of a naked man sitting by his bed.
"W-Wha!" Yibo yanked off his covers and reached blindly for the nearest available weapon—a hairbrush? He threw it aside. "Who are you?! What are you doing in my apartment?!"
The stranger pointed to the fish tank, now conspicuously empty. Yibo gasped.
“Where’s my fish?!”
The man opened then closed his mouth. He looked imploringly at Yibo with big, shiny eyes. Yibo found himself momentarily lost in them, before he shook himself, annoyed.
His phone buzzed. hey where r u? rehearsal starting in 15
“Crap – I can’t deal with this right now." He was late. Yibo raced to his closet, throwing on an all-black outfit and slinging his bag over one shoulder. After a moment's hesitation, he grabbed a bundle of sweats and tossed them at the stranger.
"Do you have clothes?" The man shook his head. "Then put these on. ...Please."
Breakfast would have to be skipped today. Yibo hurried to his front door and opened it with one hand, pulling on his sneakers with the other. "Get dressed and get your stuff," he called over his shoulder. "I don't know how you got in here, but..."
"Yibo, dear!"
"Crap," Yibo muttered again. Mrs. Cheng, for all that she was a sweet old lady, was a huge gossip. Why did she have to visit him today, of all mornings? Yibo was convinced she had some sort of a drama-antenna. She also seemed to have selective hearing, based on the number of times Yibo had to politely inform her that he wasn't interested in girls, including her illustrious and darling and multitalented and very single granddaughter. Yibo did not want to know her reaction at finding out there was a naked man in his apartment.
"Yibo, how have you been? I baked treats."
They did smell amazing... Out of the corner of his eye, Yibo saw his morning stranger perk up and inch closer to the door.
"No! Stay inside!" Yibo hissed. He pushed the visibly protesting, still naked man back behind him.
"Oh my, Yibo, do you have company—"
"No, of course not Mrs. Cheng!" Yibo slipped out of the door, locked it, and dashed by her. "I'm late for work, really wish I could stay and talk, maybe later. Have a nice day!"
It wasn’t until Yibo had cleared his mind with a triple shot espresso at the studio that he realized what an idiot he’d been.
He’d left a stranger in his apartment, unattended. Yibo had basically just handed over his entire life on a silver platter. He thought of his laptop, his TV, his helmets, his collection of limited-edition Legos sets on his living room shelf...
“I'm so stupid,” he moaned.
“You okay there, buddy?” Yu Bin called out. Yibo lifted his head.
"Fine," he gritted out. "great."
When Yibo finally rushed back to his apartment later that evening, visions of a ransacked home flashing before his eyes, the man from the morning was nowhere to be found. His apartment looked...the same, actually. Yibo quickly counted the 12 Legos models and 10 helmets displayed on his shelves and heaved a sigh of relief. Maybe he had just hallucinated the entire morning.
Then he heard the sound of a crash coming from inside his bathroom.
"Shit." It was dark out. Yibo gulped, reminded of the film his friends had forced him to watch last month. The one with the serial murderer hiding in the shower.
Heart racing, he grabbed his skateboard off the wall and advanced toward the half-open bathroom door. He took a deep breath, then charged forward and held up the board in battle stance.
"...what...?"
The bathtub was filled, covered by a thick cloud of foam. And sitting in the tub, splashing around and blowing bubbles, was the naked man from the morning. Who was still very much naked. He was a bit too tall to fit comfortably in the tub, and his knobby knees stuck out above the water.
"What are you doing? Get out of there," Yibo demanded. The guy looked ridiculous, with bubbles all over his face and hair and chest. He sat up in excitement when he saw Yibo, revealing his belly button...whoa he had a treasure trail...
Ahem. Anyway. Yibo flung a pair of pajamas at the guy’s face and ran out the bathroom.
"So, um. Can you speak?"
The man, now finally clothed, shook his head.
"Do you have a name?" A nod. Yibo found a pen and piece of paper, pushing it over across the table. "Here, you can write it down."
The man gripped the pen and pressed it against the paper. He stared silently down, eyebrows furrowed.
"You can't write?" Yibo asked, a little more gently. "Uh, ok, It's fine. You can understand me though, right? You're Chinese?"
The man nodded, staring at Yibo with those ridiculously large guppy eyes.
Yibo rubbed his forehead, feeling out of his depth. What was he supposed to do? He could barely take care of himself most days, let alone deal with another human's issues…even if said human looked like an anime character come to life. And, oh shit, Yibo almost forgot, his fish was still missing! He'd have to make another trip to the pet store before Seungyoun noticed.
It was all too much for one boy to handle.
An hour later, after reading out various entries in the dictionary, Yibo finally pieced together the stranger's name, Xiao Zhan. But when he tried asking for a home address or emergency contact number, all he got was a blank stare. Yibo didn't have the heart nor the energy to kick Xiao Zhan out this late at night, resolving to deal with it tomorrow. It would be the weekend, so he wouldn't have to worry about classes, at least.
"You want some dinner?"
Xiao Zhan watched in fascination as Yibo filled the plastic instant meal containers with hot water.
"Hey, no!" Xiao Zhan had just grabbed the kettle by its handle and had been about to dump its contents directly into his mouth. "Look, why don't you just...just go sit down. I’ll get you some water."
A few minutes later, Yibo joined him at the table with two trays and the promised water. "Sorry it's not much. I don't really cook." Yibo handed Xiao Zhan a pair of chopsticks. "Enjoy—what are you doing?!"
Xiao Zhan was running the sticks through his fluffy hair like it was a comb.
"You're so weird." Yibo snorted, pulling the chopsticks out of Xiao Zhan's hands. Xiao Zhan pouted. Yibo twirled the noodles around the chopsticks. He blew lightly on the food, before holding it up toward the other man's mouth.
“Say aah,” Yibo said, before realizing how ridiculous he sounded. Xiao Zhan was a grown man, not a child. Yibo cleared his throat and lowered the chopsticks, but Xiao Zhan grabbed his arm. He chomped down on the offered noodles with so much strength that the chopsticks nearly flew out of Yibo's hand.
“Oh, whoa—um, okay. Tastes okay?”
Xiao Zhan nodded eagerly, scooting closer and motioning for Yibo to feed him some more. Xiao Zhan devoured the noodles like it was the best thing he'd ever eaten. He seemed to especially like the shrimp pieces, so Yibo picked out the pieces from his own tray to place them in Xiao Zhan's. Xiao Zhan licked his lips in appreciation, his pink tongue darting out. There was a mole under his lip.
Cute.
And really distracting.
"Okay, well, I think you get how chopsticks work now,” Yibo declared, shoving them into Xiao Zhan's hands.
The next morning, Yibo woke up to the sounds of splashing. He had to drag Xiao Zhan out of the bathtub again.
Yibo didn't have rehearsals until the afternoon, so they spent the morning lounging on the couch and watching TV. Xiao Zhan chose a nature channel documentary about the Pacific Ocean. As Xiao Zhan watched in rapt concentration, Yibo consulted the internet for advice on how to handle a strange man in your home. Most of the answers shared the same general theme— call the police, you're going to get murdered, etc. Yibo glanced over at Xiao Zhan, who was sniffling and wiping his eyes; a school of fish had just gotten eaten onscreen.
"Xiao Zhan," Yibo called, getting the other man's attention. "Are you in trouble with the law?"
Xiao Zhan shook his head.
"In possession of illegal drugs or firearms?"
Xiao Zhan shook his head again.
"Planning to kill me?"
Xiao Zhan gave him a horrified look.
"Okay, cool." Yibo closed the browser on his phone, the matter settled. "Any idea how much longer you plan to hang around?”
To Yibo's surprise, Xiao Zhan nodded. He picked the desk calendar off the coffee table and pointed at a date. Tomorrow. The 5th.
"Oh." Yibo hadn't actually expected a concrete answer; he’d been gearing up to having to politely kick the man out. "Sure...I guess that's okay." It was only another day, after all. “Is someone picking you up, or…?”
In response, Xiao Zhan pointed at Yibo’s empty fishtank.
“Oh, that. Yeah, I used to have a fish. Not sure where he went, though…”
Xiao Zhan heaved a frustrated sigh, before turning his attention back to the Pacific Ocean.
In all the excitement, Yibo had forgotten that Seungyoun was supposed to drop by today.
"What do you want?"
"Yibo, Yibo, that’s no way to talk to your favorite hyung. Where's Mr. Fish? I got him some new furniture."
"Oh. Actually, about that..." Yibo chewed on his lip. Seungyoun's eyes narrowed.
"Seriously? You couldn't even keep a fish alive for two weeks? Should I even be surprised?” Seungyoun tsk-ed as he strode through the front door.
"He's not dead! Just missing!"
"Yeah, right. How do you even lose a fish? whoa." Seungyoun stopped dead as his gaze fell on the stranger sitting on Yibo's couch, bedhead ridden and clad in Yibo’s pajamas. "You know what, forget the fish. Nice job, Yibo. Veeerrry nice."
Yibo sighed. "Xiao Zhan, this is my friend Seungyoun. Seungyoun, this is Xiao Zhan; he’s staying with me for a little bit," he introduced. "And it's not like that, so shut up," he hissed in his friend's ear.
"But you want it to be like that," Seungyoun whispered back. Yibo did not dignify him with a response.
Xiao Zhan insisted on helping Seungyoun set up Mr. Fish's latest gift, a pineapple shaped figurine. "It's supposed to be Spongebob's house," Seungyoun explained to Xiao Zhan. "You know, the cartoon about sea creatures...wait, you've never watched it? Oh man, let me show you..."
They were still marathoning Spongebob episodes when Yibo left for practice. Seungyoun shooed him off, promising to look after Xiao Zhan, with a gleam in his eyes that Yibo did not like.
When Yibo returned home, he was greeted by the sight of Xiao Zhan waiting for him on the couch. The coffee table was covered by a pink tablecloth. On it were two plates of pasta, a basket of breadsticks, wine, and two lit candles. Soft romantic string music played in the background through the speakers. There was even a namecard placed on the tablecloth that read "YiZhan forever".
Yibo narrowed his eyes, already plotting how he was going to kill Seungyoun the next time they met.
"Well this is nice,” Yibo said finally, in a strangled voice.
Xiao Zhan patted the couch space beside him.
As they ate, Yibo thought back to the last time he shared a fancy meal with someone—a blind date his uncle set up for him. He and the girl had spent 30 minutes together in awkward silence, until Yibo had called his uncle to ask for permission to leave. With Xiao Zhan, though… Yibo found himself thinking that he wouldn’t mind munching on breadsticks in silence with Xiao Zhan for hours.
Was that what it felt like to like someone?
Yibo felt a tug on his sleeve. Xiao Zhan pointed at their plates and raised an eyebrow. Good?
Yibo gave a thumbs up. “Amazing. Much better than instant meals.”
Xiao Zhan smirked at him.
Dinner was followed by a shared piece of chocolate cake. As their forks bumped into each other’s, Yibo peeked over at Xiao Zhan, only to find the other already looking at him. Xiao Zhan’s dark eyes seemed to bore straight into his soul, and Yibo suddenly had the strange sensation that Xiao Zhan knew him.
But that was impossible. They’d only just met…
Vaguely, Yibo registered that the violin music had finished. A familiar show tune was now playing in the background.
~ Don’t try to hide it, how you wanna kiss the girl… ~
Yibo wasn’t sure who leaned in first, but the next thing he knew, their faces were only inches apart. This close, Yibo could count Xiao Zhan’s long eyelashes. Yibo’s eyes fell closed, and he tilted his head...
~ Go on and kiss the girl… ~
Suddenly, the loud blast of a cheerful female voice cut into the music, advertising Yuehua's upcoming idol group. Yibo jerked back.
"Aww man," Seungyoun’s muffled voice called out from…inside the bathroom? Yibo jumped once again in shock. "Yibo, you don't have ads blocked on your music player?"
"..."
"...oh, oops. Um, keep doing whatever you were doing, pretend I'm not here!"
"...get out of my apartment!"
With last night’s events fresh in mind, Yibo was determined to prove that he did not need Seungyoun’s help in the romance department. Sunday was his off day from both school and rehearsals. It was also his last day with Xiao Zhan, and Yibo did not intend to waste it.
From the moment Yibo and Xiao Zhan stepped out the door, it was clear the day would be full of excitement. Yibo nearly had a heart attack when Xiao Zhan skipped happily into oncoming traffic.
"Oh my god! Xiao Zhan!" Yibo reached out to yank the other man back by the hand, away from the honking cars and motorcycles. Xiao Zhan just smiled sweetly at him, looking supremely unconcerned about his near death. But he didn’t let go of Yibo’s hand even after they’d made it safely to the other side of the street.
As Yibo suspected, Xiao Zhan loved the aquarium. Yibo wasn’t much of an indoors person, but he felt like he could spend forever watching the way Xiao Zhan bounced from exhibit to exhibit in excitement. The animals also weirdly took to Xiao Zhan, ignoring all the other patrons to crowd around the tall young man. One of the docents even asked Xiao Zhan if he wanted to interview for a full-time position at the aquarium.
They stayed until the aquarium closed, after which they wandered around the walkways at the aquarium entrance, still holding hands. Yibo spotted a stand selling ice cream and tugged Xiao Zhan forward.
“Strawberry, please.” Yibo held out his phone to scan for payment. “Hey Xiao Zhan, which one do you want...Xiao Zhan?!" Yibo whirled around. The man was nowhere to be seen.
Yibo eventually found him knee-deep in one of the fountains, splashing around like it was his personal pool.
"Xiao Zhan, what are you doing?!" Around him, children began pointing and giggling.
"Mommy, I want to play in there too!"
Saying goodbye to his dignity, Yibo looped his bag around his neck and stepped into the fountain. More children started shrieking. Yibo waded stealthily over to Xiao Zhan, who was bent over in concentration.
Yibo won the splash-fight, obviously. As the soaked pair climbed their way out of the fountain, parents glared at them; kids waved at them. Yibo waved back.
"So, I had fun today."
From beside him on the bench, Xiao Zhan nodded in agreement. They were sharing Yibo’s ice cream cone, which had miraculously survived the earlier episode at the fountain. Before them, the sun was beginning to set, sending soft golden pink rays across the sky. Their shoes and socks sat beside them on the ground, drying out. Yibo could feel his wet underwear clinging uncomfortably to his balls.
It wasn’t going to get any more romantic than this.
"You know, you don't have to leave," Yibo blurted. "I know my apartment's small and I can’t cook, but if you still need a place to stay after today..."
Xiao Zhan sighed and shook his head, looking...sad? Regretful? Awkward? Was that a hint for Yibo to back off? But Wang Yibo, being Wang Yibo, couldn't let things go that easily.
"Maybe we can hang out again? Where are you going after this? I'll give you my WeChat. Oh—wait, you don't have a phone. Uh, email? Wait, you can't write either..." Yibo trailed off. This was horrible; he suddenly felt a newfound empathy for all the girls who tried to chat him up in the past.
He took a deep breath. "I want to see you again, Xiao Zhan. What about you?"
Xiao Zhan’s eyes widened. He stared at Yibo for several long seconds. Then, he reached into his pocket, and pulled out...
...a huge pile of coins?
Xiao Zhan reached into his other pocket, producing even more coins. Yibo’s mouth dropped open.
"Did…did you get all that from the fountain earlier?"
Xiao Zhan nodded and held out the shiny offerings toward Yibo. Yibo felt his heart melt. Here was a guy so poor he had to resort to robbing public fountains, and he still made sure to repay Yibo? Wow, could Xiao Zhan be any more perfect?
Yibo closed his hand over Xiao Zhan’s, gently pushing the money away.
“No, thanks.”
Xiao Zhan’s smile fell.
“I mean, I appreciate the gesture, but that’s the last thing I care about, okay?” Yibo gave Xiao Zhan’s hand a reassuring pat. Besides, it wasn’t like instant meals were particularly expensive.
Xiao Zhan’s brows furrowed.
“I’m serious. Even if you gave me a million of these—” Yibo made sure to stare deeply into Xiao Zhan’s eyes so that he could convey his sincerity— “I still wouldn’t accept them from you. Ever.”
To Yibo’s alarm, Xiao Zhan's eyes grew watery, and not with the happy kind of tears.
“Um…did I say something wrong?”
As the sun’s final rays faded, the last thing Yibo saw was Xiao Zhan’s incredulous expression.
Yibo woke up the next morning to a throbbing headache and a silent apartment. Too silent—there was no sound of splashing water. Yibo jumped to his feet and ran to the bathroom.
“Xiao Zhan!”
No Xiao Zhan in the bathtub. He checked the living room. The sofa was unoccupied. Kitchen, bedroom, balcony--also empty.
Yibo dropped into his sofa cushions, numb with confusion and disappointment. Sure, Xiao Zhan had seemed upset at him for some odd reason, but Yibo hadn't expected him to just disappear without a proper goodbye. Furthermore, Yibo couldn’t recall how he’d made it back to his apartment...the last thing he remembered was Xiao Zhan's face, then darkness. Had he passed out?
Then he noticed it—a thick packet of paper sitting on the coffee table. On it was stuck a bright sticky note:
If you want a chance to win Xiao Zhan back, I am willing to offer you the same deal that I offered him. -Best regards, Yuehua
Yibo picked up the contract and read through the pages with mounting disbelief.
"...what the fuck. I'm never getting a pet again after this."
With a sigh, he signed his name. The papers disappeared in a puff of magical smoke, and Yibo felt a familiar darkness overtake him.
PLOP!
~~~ )͜͡˒ ⋊ ~~~
When Yibo woke again, it was to the sounds of gurgling, chirping, meowing, and barking. He was submerged in a giant tank of water. Dozens of fish swam by him. Outside, he could see the familiar scene of the pet shop he'd visited weeks ago.
"Xiao Zhan?" he called, before realizing that he was mute. Right. Yibo looked down at himself, taking in the sleek black scales. Nice—at least he hadn't lost his swag. He flexed his fins and steered himself forward.
After two laps around the tank, he heard soft singing. The melody was unmistakable—Yibo had spent the past week of rehearsals dancing along to it while dressed as a piece of seaweed, after all.
"Wandering free, wish I could be, part of that world..."
Xiao Zhan! Yibo’s heart skipped a beat at hearing the sweet voice for the first time.
The familiar rainbow-colored fish was pressed up against the glass near the bottom of the tank, staring forlornly out into the distance. Yibo made a beeline for him.
Xiao Zhan! Xiao Zhan!
"Oh, hello," Xiao Zhan waved politely when he saw Yibo. "Are you here to visit my art gallery?"
What did that contract say...I have to get him to kiss me?
Yibo recalled some of the moves he used to pick up guys at clubs. He swam forward and rubbed himself against the surprised fish. He then blinked up at Xiao Zhan from under his (nonexistant) lashes, trying to look as flirtatious as possible.
Xiao Zhan quickly got the hint.
“Oh! Uh-um...I’m sorry,” Xiao Zhan squeaked, backing away. “I’m flattered by your interest, really, but my heart already belongs to another...” He sighed and cast another longing look out the tank.
“It’s me, you idiot!” Yibo yelled. Or at least, he tried to yell, but he just ended up expelling a bunch of useless bubbles. He tried to point at himself, but his fins were too short.
“I’m sorry!” Xiao Zhan cried as Yibo huffed and puffed uselessly. “You’re very adorable, I just—”
That just got Yibo angrier. Adorable??!! How dare he! Yibo swam off as un-adorably as he could, burying himself in a faraway clump of seaweed to sulk. His stomach growled. What he wouldn't do for a nice piece of steak...
"Perhaps this will help."
Yibo lifted his head. A turtle smiled kindly down at him. In his flippers was a 1-yuan coin, which he placed carefully next to Yibo as though it were a priceless treasure. Yibo stared blankly at the coin, then up at the turtle.
Yixing sighed, exasperated. "Young man, haven't you heard of a plinkaplonk?"
Yibo held the coin up against the aquarium glass.
Fanxing cocked his head. "You want more of those?"
Yibo nodded, pointing in the direction of the cash register. He spread his fins as wide apart as he could.
"You want...two? 10? 20? Oh, more? Wow! Okay!" The two puppies bounded off. Yibo spared a brief second to mentally apologize for encouraging delinquency in innocent children.
After all this is over, I'm paying a visit to the temple, I promise.
Guo Cheng returned with a plastic jar of loose change in his jaws. Seconds later, a shower of coins fell into the tank. As the other fish swam away in fear, Yibo hurried to collect the coins into two giant piles. After a moment's consideration, he plucked a few pieces of colorful seaweed and tied them into a messy bundle.
Xiao Zhan, curious fish that he was, soon came over to investigate the commotion. Yibo straightened, trying to make himself look as handsome as possible.
"Wow, that's quite a lot of plinkaplonks," Xiao Zhan marveled. "Reminds me of the time I tried to confess to..." He trailed off. He stared at the piles of coins, then slowly up at Yibo.
"...Yibo?"
Yibo nodded and held out his seaweed bouquet.
Xiao Zhan gasped. In the next second, he yanked on Yibo's fin and reeled him in, in what was probably the most rushed, but most perfect, fish-kiss in all of fish history.
Guo Cheng and Fanxing cheered. Yixing beamed benevolently down at them.
The tank shattered.
"WHAT THE FUCK!" the shopkeeper yelped as a very human, very naked Xiao Zhan and Yibo tumbled onto the floor he had just been sweeping.
Several kilometers away, Yuehua sighed. "...damn it."