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“Terrible. Your footing is completely off and I can tell you aren’t counting the steps! Do it again.”
“If I had a partner--”
“You don’t need a partner, Number Seven.” Reginald lied. “We are working on fluidity for this lesson. Besides, we can’t have you trampling their feet like an uncoordinated elephant.”
Vanya shrunk back. “But, Ben--”
Her father dismissed her words. “Six is busy with his training, as are the others. You don’t need to bother yourself with their activities.”
Her gaze dropped. “Yes, sir.”
“And, until you can master this lesson, you will not be participating in lessons with the others. Now...again!”
________
The conversation played itself over and over in her head. As she lay in the dark of her room, all she could think about was losing the privilege of dance lessons with her siblings. She tried to follow the proper instructions, tried to create the ‘fluidity’ Reginald so desired, but without a proper partner, she could not find the groove he actively sought from her.
In the end, completely dissatisfied with her efforts, he dismissed her for the remainder of the day and requested she focus instead on her violin. They were to reconvene in a few days after she conducted self-practice, and perhaps then she could earn favor and reunite with the others in one of the few activities they had together. Although Ben and Five paid her the most attention, being in a group was refreshing compared to the incessant loneliness she felt otherwise.
To make her feel worse, Ben had come to her after dinner and asked why she was not with them for ballroom lessons. She simply shook her head and walked away without a word.
While they had training and received attention from Father, she had to fight for acknowledgment and recognition for her accomplishments. And when she failed? He made quick work to isolate her further.
Her chest felt tight. Her heart ached. Vanya sniffed and reached up to wipe her cheek, leaving her hand wet with tears.
It was unfair.
She allowed herself a time to cry; the dark was her companion and protector in times of weakness. By the time she stopped, her pillowcase was stuck to her hair and her cheeks had become raw and itchy. At least she felt better. She let out one last sigh to settle her breathing.
With fresh determination, Vanya grabbed the comforter and dried her face thoroughly before pushing the covers back and away from her body. The cold made her shiver. She quietly slid out of the bed and made her way to the door. The house was eerily quiet at night; there were no fans, no white noises, nothing to disguise the floors creaking or doors groaning as they opened into the hallway. Maybe Reginald planned it that way. Vanya, being small of frame and light on her feet, merely navigated her room expertly and placed her thin fingers on the doorknob.
Perhaps, if she could take some time to herself in the attic to practice, she could impress him in the morning and by the afternoon she could be a part of the group again.
Her bare feet slid across the floor in precise movements, being sure to dodge the floorboards that gave under her weight at any given point during the day. She passed by the other bedrooms, being sure to glance longingly at each one before continuing down the long corridor. It wasn’t until she saw Five’s room that she stopped and stared at his door.
Hesitantly she reached up and placed her knuckles on the cool wood, only to pull back and retract her arm against her chest. She wanted to talk to him. Her heart ached for the feeling of safety he created. But he would surely be sleeping after a long day and Vanya was not comfortable disturbing him. If there was one thing her Father was adept at teaching her, it was how to feel guilty for existing.
As she turned to leave, she forgot her footing and the floor creaked beneath the slight change in weight. Vanya froze for a moment, listening intently, and only moved when she was sure there were no stirrings in the house.
Moving stealthily along, she found herself safely in the attic and away from anyone who could possibly hear her movements. She let out a slow sigh of relief. It was peaceful. She silently walked to the window. Looking she could see the clear sky and smiled; at least it wasn’t raining.
At that moment, in that space, she felt safe.
She uncoiled her fingers. “Okay, so…” Vanya’s words were barely above a whisper. The window was abandoned as she turned to look at the floor in front of her. It was dusty, cobwebs hung low from the ceiling, and the walls were lined with cardboard boxes, but it was a little slice of heaven in her tiny world. There was ample space to do a few twirls and movements without bumping into anything.
A hum, low and unsure, sounded in her throat to start a rhythm. Follow the beat. Arms out, as though her hands were placed on the shoulders of another, she gave pause before swaying around the room. At first, she felt as though she was making some progress, but then her foot would land in the wrong place, or she would stumble and she had to stop and start over again. If it was not perfect he would not be satisfied.
If it was not perfect, he may extend her punishment or make it worse.
With that thought lingering in her head, the moves she made were full of hesitance and uncertainty; every time she went to make a grand sweep, or a spin, Father’s words resounded in the forefront of her mind and caused her to lose step with the beat her humming generated. It felt like a constant stop and go as she readjusted her form and started from the beginning. Her open hands, delicate and loose, began to tighten into fists of frustration.
Without a partner, she was surely going to fumble the rest of the night. Timing her steps and planning her foot pattern was difficult without another set of feet to follow. Leading herself was proving difficult. Vanya began to wonder if her Father did this on purpose. Would he set a difficult task before her simply to keep her separated from her siblings?
Of course, he would. Tears stung at the corners of her eyes as she tried to make a wide rotation towards the window, causing her to slide to a stop. A quiet sob escaped her. “I’m never going to get this,” she muttered to herself, wiping her eyes.
“You need to sweep your foot out wider so you can keep balance.”
A familiar voice caused her to jump and let out a squeak of surprise. She whirled around hastily to see Five standing in the unfinished doorway with his arm leaning firmly against the wooden frame. Words failed her and he looked entirely amused. As his gaze lingered, her heart skipped a beat. He gave her a brief half-smile before fully entering the room.
“How long were you standing there?” A warm flush crept up her neck and into her cheeks.
“Long enough,” Five explained. He came to stand directly in front of her.
“Sorry if I woke you.” Instantly Vanya was launching apologies. Her fingers were winding tightly around one another.
“Jesus, Vanya.” He rolled his eyes and shook his head in disbelief at how repentant she was, even when she had done nothing wrong. “You didn’t wake me up. I couldn’t sleep.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah, so stop apologizing. Especially to me.”
“It’s a habit.”
His eyes were uncharacteristically soft. “I know.”
The space between them was almost painful; Vanya’s body ached to lean into him, to cherish his warmth and find the strength of his chest beneath her cheek, but she stood still and kept her gaze steady on his own.
If she hadn’t known better, she could have sworn she saw his eyes dart down to her lips and back up again. Her heart gave one loud thump.
“I-I was, um,” Vanya fumbled, trying to be rid of the silence.
Five raised a brow. “Practicing?” At her look of surprise, he continued. “You weren’t there this afternoon, and Ben said you were upset. Easy puzzle to put together, really.” There was a look of anguish on Vanya’s face that Five had not anticipated. His haughty expression softened again as he tilted his head to better look at her. “What happened?”
She wiped at her nose. “Dad told me that...that if I didn’t get this right, I won’t be able to have lessons with you until I do. So I thought...maybe if I could work on it tonight I could impress him tomorrow.”
“All by yourself?”
“That’s what he wants.”
Five’s eyes turned steely. “ Bastard. ” He nearly spat the word as he cursed the old man in a lengthy sigh. He was quick to express his opinions of others but he held Reginald with the highest disrespect.
“It’s fine, Five,” Vanya soothed weakly. It was almost uncomfortable to have anyone defend her, even in private.
“It’s not fine and you know it.”
“Even if it’s not, there’s nothing I can do about it.”
“I can—“
“Don’t,” She pleaded. “Don’t say anything. It will just make things worse for me. I’ll...I’ll figure it out. I’ll keep practicing until I get it right.” Her posture spoke of timidity, and her eyes glistened with tears, but her voice held firm.
Five frowned. She gave him a half-hearted smile.
As she tried to turn away and toward the window, he reached out and grabbed her wrist.
“What—“
“Vanya Hargreeves,” he started, voice low, “Will you dance with me?” He released his hold and turned his hand over, fingertips barely grazing her forearm as he coaxed her to accept his request.
Her skin was tingling. Her heart was thrumming heavily in her chest. Could he hear it? See it? Was his heartbeat equally loud, but she couldn’t hear it over her own? During lessons, she had only ever danced with Ben, and while he was an excellent partner, she had always wished it were Five guiding her along the dancefloor. This...this felt surreal.
She looked down at his hand, then back up to meet his gentle gaze. He smiled. Her lungs felt deprived of air even as she set her small hand in his open palm.
She barely breathed the words, “I’d love to.”
His eyes never strayed from hers as his other hand found her waist and pulled her in close, their bodies pressed together enough to feel heartbeats. Her flushed cheeks grew hot and as much as she wanted to avert her eyes, she couldn’t stop looking at him, and in the dim yellow light, she could see a pink tint spreading across his face. His lips were barely parted, a slight rise in his chest as he steadied his breathing; it looked less about dance and more about closeness. Touching one another. Her fingers held his hand firmly against her own while the other rested comfortably on his upper arm.
A few quiet moments passed before he lifted their arms and began moving them through the room. She followed him without hesitance. Their moves were perfectly synced, a fluidity that could only be found by two souls who were undoubtedly intertwined. Vanya didn’t even realize that, for a short time, she had stopped breathing. She watched him through her lashes and saw that he had yet to stop looking at her, even as they whirled around in the small, quiet space.
The world melted away. The troubles of home, the tears that had been shed, the feeling of being lost and lonely dissipated into the chill of the room and left them with nothing but one another. Even without music, there was an unspoken rhythm as Five led her into a proper twirl and stopped her just before her body touched his. Even with clothing and distance, she could feel a spark of electricity.
She took in an unsteady breath and swallowed.
Five slowly blinked as a small smile graced his features. “See? You didn’t need practice,” he stated, a gravelly timbre lingering in his tone. “Just a partner.”
Her pulse was trying to steady itself but it was difficult. “I hope I’ll get it right tomorrow.”
“Even if you don’t, I can dance with you here until you do.”
“Okay.”
Like a moon to its planet, Vanya could not help but lean into his form and seal the lingering space between them. She could see his expression shift slightly, but it retained its warmth and affection. It stirred something in her. He hesitantly raised their hands to his face, gently pressing his lips to the back of her hand. In the wake of his touch, she could feel the heat lingering on her skin. Her brown eyes grew wide at his unexpected affection, looking from one feature to another as though etching the moment in her mind. She could barely collect her thoughts.
“Five--”
She was cut short as the soft skin of his lips brushed against her own, taking with it all manner of speaking and rationality. After a moment of fumbling composure she returned his affection, grabbing his shirt sleeve as she put pressure into their kiss. Her lips trembled slightly beneath his touch but she made no move to break from him, instead sliding her hand up his arm and to the back of his neck. He took in a breath through his nose but never parted from her. The hand around Vanya's waist tucked her in close, gripping her with every ounce of strength he could muster.
In the quiet of the attic, in the arms of her confidant and protector, Vanya found peace. Across all expanses of time she felt in her bones that she would always find herself there with him, the moon and stars being their only witness.
They finally parted, panting with both want and satisfaction. They were red-faced and smiling, their eyes saying everything they could not properly put into words. Five tucked his lower lip behind his teeth before hastily capturing her lips in a brief peck and pulling away with reluctance.
“You kiss as good as you dance,” Vanya pointed out dreamily, still unable to stop smiling.
He chuckled. “I can always use more practice.”
“Me too.”