Work Text:
Jester often finds herself wandering the halls of the mansion. It’s beautiful, and has touches of all of the Nein sprinkled throughout, meticulously ingrained into the curtains and floors and walls and rooms by their resident wizard. She has yet to find all of the hidden dicks.
It’s more than enough room for their little family, with it’s long high arched hallways, and tall intricate doors. There are rooms upon rooms upon rooms that they haven’t even found a use for yet.
Her favorite room though, (aside from the pastry cellar), is the ballroom. The vaulted ceilings stretch impossibly high, with shimmering chandeliers dangling at different points. A tall stained glass window makes the floor turn multicolored in the evening sun. The massive dance floor has a sheen to it, making the whole room look fancy and magical. Jester adores the way her shoes click clack across it, the sound echoing through the space.
Tonight though, the room is empty, and quiet, with only candles and lanterns lighting the space. Sometimes, Jester comes here to dance, others to run across the floor in her super loud high heeled shoes, and others still, she just sits, humming her mother’s lullabies and daydreaming of grand balls in palaces far away.
The rest of the party have long since gone to sleep, Jester knows, and she makes the mental note to suggest they host another party here, with lots of guests to fill the expansive house. She doesn’t like the quiet.
Suddenly feeling very lonely, she triggers one of the spells Caleb had set, and soft violin music fills the room. It sounds strange and dissonant, the music bouncing off different surfaces, but beautiful all the same. Looking around to make sure no one is watching, Jester casts a quick Disguise Self, making it appear as if she is wearing an intricate pale pink ball gown. She longs to feel the weight of real chiffon, and pearls, and lace, but this will do for now.
She takes off her delightfully noisy shoes, instead opting to pad out to the center of the room barefoot.
Feeling only slightly silly, Jester summons her duplicate in front of her.
“A waltz you say?” She asks the identical Jester. “Oh well if you insist.”
The duplicate bows and she giggles at her own cunning and silliness, returning the bow with an extravagant curtsey. She grabs a hold of the duplicate and they go sweeping across the floor.
1..2..3..1..2..3 the violins swell and diminish then swell again, and Jester leans her head back, grinning…
Only to see Caleb leaning against a pillar at the entrance, arms folded, a small smile on his face.
She yelps in surprise as the duplicate disappears, and falls back on her bottom.
“Caleb! I didn’t know you were there!” She says, feeling warmth rush to her cheeks.
“Oh ah, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt or spy on you. I was just passing by and heard the music, and wondered who was still awake at this hour.”
Jester giggles nervously, holding out her hands in a “ta da!” motion.
“Well yup! It was me!” She says, and Caleb chuckles.
He straightens up, and turns back to the open doorway. “Well I should be off to bed. I’ll leave you to your dancing.”
She feels her heart sink.
“Wait no Caleb! Don’t go,” she calls after him, and he pauses.
“I shouldn’t intrude any longer Jester.” He says, looking back over his shoulder.
“Come dance with me.”
Caleb flinches. “Ah no, that is not a good idea.”
Her stomach rolls with hurt and anticipation and indignation.
“Why not?” She questions, louder than she should this late at night.
Caleb still won’t look at her directly. “It just isn’t, trust me. I should go.”
Jester feels anger bubble up inside her. “I do trust you Caleb, but why don’t you trust me? Why are you always running away?”
He runs a hand through his loose red hair, and turns back around. “Of course I trust you Jester, I just-”
“Just what? If you trust me, come dance.”
Caleb opens his mouth to reply, but shuts it. He seems to be weighing out the options in his mind, brow furrowed.
She stands expectantly until he finally nods.
“Ja. Okay. I trust you.”
Jester lets out the breath she didn’t realize she was holding. An excited smile makes its way to her face.
“Good. I’m glad,” she says, and runs over barefoot to grab Caleb’s hand.
He seems surprised, but lets her lead him to the center of the room.
This time he is not drunk, and positions himself easily in her arms. But there is something there holding him back. Like a rubber band pulled taut through his whole being. Jester can feel it in the way his hands ghost over her waist, how his eyes don’t quite meet hers.
And oh she just wants to come at it with some shiny scissors, watching the satisfying snap of release. Wants to grab Caleb’s face and force him to look at her with those bright blue eyes of his. Why won’t he just let go?
But she doesn’t.
She places one hand on his shoulder, and the other in his open palm.
Caleb seems hesitant to start, so she takes the first step, urging him onward.
1..2..3..1..2..3..
He is indeed a good dancer, far more so than the last time they waltzed in Hupperdook. He leads her gracefully, not stepping on her bare feet once. But still. The restraint tugs through every movement.
“Is it because of Astrid?” She eventually blurts out, and he stumbles, eyes wide. Jester feels a strange sense of satisfaction at the reaction.
He corrects his footing, and finally looks into her eyes. The warm glow around them makes them look deeper, brighter than ever, and she takes in a sharp breath.
“Jester what do you mean?” He asks.
She suddenly feels far too exposed. It’s too late to back down now though. She fumbles for the right words. “Is Astrid the reason you don’t want to dance with me? Because you still love her and stuff?”
Caleb seems confused, and she continues, quieter now.
“You just... used to do this with her right?”
“...Ja.”
“So it reminds you of her to dance with me. It hurts too much because you miss her.”
Caleb is quiet for a long moment, and Jester worries she offended him somehow, that he’ll withdraw again. But instead he lets out a heavy sigh.
“Oh Jester,” he says, and her heart aches at the way he says her name. “It is complicated, this question.”
She knows. She knows it’s complicated. But she wants him to let go. To tell her how he loves Astrid, and how she will never be Astrid, and how she should stop hurting him with things like dancing barefoot in the middle of the night.
“Just tell me,” She says, gripping him tighter subconsciously. “It’s okay Caleb. You can tell me.”
“Astrid.” He says the woman’s name like you might something dangerous and mysterious.
Jester nods.
“I was in love with her, yes.”
I know.
“And we danced often.”
I know.
“And the memories of that time can be painful, yes.”
I know I know I know Caleb.
She is looking at their feet like they are the most interesting thing in the world.
1..2..3..1..2..3..
His feet stop.
A hand brushes against her face, with a care and gentleness that makes her shiver. He tilts her chin back up, so she is looking into his eyes.
“But Jester.”
She is frozen, unable to breath.
“I haven’t been in love with Astrid for a long time.”
“No?” She squeaks out.
Caleb shakes his head. His hand is still on her face, his touch like fire against her skin.
“Then why?” Jester manages.
He kisses her before she can elaborate.
She decides very suddenly that this is in fact her first kiss, underwater life-saving storybook moment be damned. She had read about moments like this, imagined all sorts of scenarios where she would be kissed within an inch of her life, yet they had never described this.
Jester can feel the desperation in his touch, and she meets it with equal force, pressing herself against him. His hand is on her waist, and hers are in his hair, and this is what release feels like.
Caleb pulls away and a breathy laugh escapes her as she debates pulling him back in for more.
“I cannot stay away from you Jester,” he says, breath ragged, running a thumb along her jaw. “That is why. I am so in love with you it hurts to breathe the same air sometimes.”
“Then don’t stay away. I want you close,” she wants to say, but instead she listens and tries to catch her breath.
He presses his lips to her knuckles and meets her eyes. “It hurts every second I am not near you, but I can’t do this to you. I am a terrible man. And you deserve someone who can hold you with clean hands. You deserve the world. And I cannot give you that.”
“But what if you are my world?” She counters, defiantly.
He shakes his head, and she places a hand on his cheek.
“What if I just want you?”
“Jester I am not enough for you.” His breath comes quick and shallow. “You don’t want me. Trust me.”
Jester kisses him, and his whole body caves into her. She wraps her arms around him, laying her head against his shoulder.
“I have always trusted you Caleb, but you need to trust yourself,” she whispers in his ear. “I want you. Just as you are. Stay with me. Please.”
She feels him shudder once, and he ducks his head into her neck.
“I don’t know if I can,” he whispers back, voice strained.
“Will you try? For me?”
He hesitates, for a long moment then nods.
She closes her eyes, resting her cheek against his hair.
“Thank you Caleb. Thank you.”
And for now, that is enough.