Chapter Text
The bedroom door closed behind Amity and she leant back against it, exhaling slowly. Each foot reached back and kicked the shoe off the other; first the right and then the left. Her hand lifted up to unbutton her cowl from over her uniform and it dropped to the floor. She padded across the carpet in her socks, leaving the discarded items of clothing by the door, and went over to the writing desk by the window. She tapped at the white orb that rested upon it and it started sounding out the first in her comfortingly familiar playlist of songs. Next she went over to the closet; she kept the largest, firmest pair of pillows in its top shelf, and retrieved them both. The pillows were placed on top of the covers on one side of the bed, and Amity lay down next to them, putting the lower one between her knees and clutching the other to her in her arms, sinking her face into it with a mighty sigh.
Today had been rough.
It had started happily, walking to school holding Luz’s hand. She’d rushed out of Blight Manor in such a hurry that she’d forgotten her lunch, but at that moment she had only been focused on her girlfriend. Every few days Amity would have a sudden spike of excitement in her chest out of nowhere as she remembered that yes, this was real. She was dating the girl she liked, and the girl she liked liked her back. She had practised taking deep, quiet breaths to keep these emotional spasms hidden, the only symptom that snuck through being an involuntary squeezing of Luz’s hand as the human girl carried on with whichever conversational tangent she’d plunged down. Amity had been so distracted by her own dreamy thoughts about her girlfriend that she genuinely hadn’t noticed that they’d entered the school until Luz had stopped outside one of the classrooms.
"Oh," Amity said as she was tugged back. "I forgot you have Potions ‘Till You Die this morning."
"Yeah," Luz smiled. "I’ll see you in Abominations this afternoon."
"Okay."
Amity swung Luz’s hand from side to side as she took one step back at a time, gradually letting her fingers release their grip before their hands eventually came apart.
"Okay, bye," she grinned, and turned to make her way down the corridor, hugging her books to herself and humming.
She reached her locker and tickled it in the right spot, and the teeth in the door lifted open to reveal a neatly organised mouth cavity. Amity deposited two of her books and held onto the one she needed for her next lesson.
Someone slumped roughly against the locker next to her, which gave a grunt of discomfort; Amity looked over into the smirking face of her former minion Boscha.
"It’s cute." Boscha glanced down at her nails casually. "The way you’re trying to impress the human."
"Yeah, Luz is great." Amity stroked her finger down the locker and its mouth closed again. "Maybe you should try getting to know her instead of bullying her."
Boscha scoffed and shook her head. "Whatever. Just promise me that when you’re over your little crush, you’ll go back to being interesting."
Amity frowned at the other girl. She thought she’d made herself clear before.
"Boscha, I’m not just pretending to be someone I’m not so that Luz will like me, I’m ashamed of how I used to behave, and if you’re going to carry on acting that way then we can’t be friends."
Boscha’s smirk disappeared, and there was a flash of real anger in her eyes.
"You always thought you were better than me!" she snapped. "But you’re not. Whenever you can’t handle something you drop it and move on because you can’t deal with failure. Just like with Willow, just like being Grudgby Captain and Grom Queen. As soon as it gets difficult you’ll do exactly the same with Luz and you’ll come crawling back to us."
Amity could feel an anger building inside her to meet Boscha’s. She was about to blurt out a series of equally harsh words when she saw something lying behind the anger in one of the other girl’s three eyes, and she realised what was really fuelling the the outburst.
"I’m sorry we’ve drifted apart," Amity said. "But if you miss me, then try acting like someone I’d want to be around."
She walked away before Boscha could retort and smiled to herself as she heard her locker loyally blowing a raspberry at the bully, who gave an offended gasp.
Amity didn’t really relax again for the rest of the morning; Boscha’s words kept coming back to interrupt her focus on her classes. She hadn’t always quit when things got difficult, had she? She was ashamed of how she’d pushed Willow away, but that had been to make sure she hadn’t been excluded from Hexside, hadn’t it? And she’d ended up injuring her teammates in her final Grudgby game, she couldn’t possibly have remained Captain after that. Or should she have stuck with it and made things up to her friends? Found other solutions? Her distracted train of thought was only broken by the grumbling of her stomach, and she muttered a curse to herself for having left her lunch at home.
After her morning lessons were done she spent the lunch break with one of the student committees, trying to busy her mind with the job of allotting rooms for the different clubs; the Human Appreciation Society seemed to be at war with the Human Fantasy Club over unauthorised use of artefacts, and were occupying the other’s regular classroom in protest. Mediating the tense negotiations between two sets of equally stubborn nerds plus having to rush back to her locker afterwards to get her anatomy textbook had left Amity even more on edge. But the sight of Luz waiting outside the Abomination lab as she approached made her muscles untighten a little. As they hugged, Amity leaned a little more of her weight onto Luz than usual.
"You okay there?" Luz asked as the witchling’s face sank into her shoulder.
"It’s just been a tiring morning."
"Scoop?" Luz offered.
Amity pulled herself back and gave Luz a small smack on the arm, giggling. "Not here!" she whispered, and they went in.
They took their seats on one of the laboratory benches. Amity usually had to fill in some of the gaps in Luz’s Abomination knowledge as the class went, but she didn’t mind that. Each track had been designed with lessons that supported each other and the new idea of some students flitting from track to track with each class hadn’t been fully figured out yet. But Luz was eager to pick up any new bit of magical knowledge she could, and Amity got more than a little happiness from being able to teach the human what she’d learned.
The diminutive Professor Viscous was carried into the room by his seemingly-permanent Abomination. In all her classes with him, Amity had never seen him without it and wondered if he could even support himself on his tiny legs.
"Today we will be getting our hands dirty," the Professor announced, drawing a circle in the air with his finger. Trays flew up from his desk and out to each of the long tables in front of the students’ benches. Amity peeked into the tray that had landed in front of them and wrinkled her nose; it was full of small, purple organs.
"Ooh, slimy!" Luz grabbed one and started happily running it between her fingers.
"These are Obedience Glands," Viscous continued as he was carried down the aisle between the benches. "An integral part of the makeup of any Abomination. Take the scalpels and try to cut out the individual valves to get familiar with them."
Amity placed her textbook on the table between herself and Luz and flicked it open to a diagram that matched the glands. They both took a small knife each from inside the tray and started to carve.
The flesh of the gland was tough, and Amity kept cutting directly through the valve of each one she tried to dissect. She knew she could slice it perfectly if she used magic, but the Professor had specifically said to use the knives. A frustrated little snarl came out of her mouth as she cut too far again, and she flung the mutilated tissue onto the small heap of discarded purple strands that had piled up next to her on the table. A tutting sound came from beside her ear.
"Sloppy work, Miss Blight," Viscous said as he peered over. "Perhaps you should spend a little less time memorising textbooks and more time honing your scalpel technique."
"Yes Professor." Amity felt her stomach knotting. For most of the semester she had managed to avoid his criticism, along with the tense, panicky feeling it induced in her. She kept her eyes down, trying not to picture the faces of the other students looking over at the so-called top student and whispering to each other.
"Whereas you, Miss Noceda, appear to be a natural surgeon!"
Amity looked over at Luz, who had a perfectly dissected gland sitting in the palm of her hand. She turned to Amity and held it out with a proud smile.
But the human’s smile suddenly faltered when their eyes met, and she drew her hand back. Amity realised that she’d been clenching her jaw and that her brow had been drawn into a glare directed at Luz. She looked away and threw her knife back into the tray a little more forcefully than she’d intended, and it landed inside it with a loud clatter. She inhaled and ran her goopy hands over her face, trying to control her frustration and direct it away from Luz. Out of the corner of her eye she saw her girlfriend turn meekly back to start cutting another gland, and realised she’d just come across as even more upset. Perfect, she thought. Just the thing to cap off a miserable day.
The two girls didn’t speak another word to each other for the rest of the lesson, and when it was over they walked out of the lab together in silence. Amity could still feel the knot in her stomach, now both from Viscous’s words and the tension between her and Luz. She felt like she should say something but knew that right now her voice would make anything she said come across as bitter, so when Luz asked if she was okay she just nodded.
"Professor Viscous was pretty harsh," Luz continued sympathetically. "He doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who’s into positive reinforcement."
"I should have been able to do it, though," Amity said, the frustration in her voice directed at herself which felt much more acceptable. "I’ve read that chapter so many times."
"Had you ever actually done it before?"
"No."
"Then you just need practice. You’re Amity Blight! I’m sure you’ll master it before long."
"Yeah, but you-" Amity stopped herself just in time. Don’t take it out on her, she told herself. Don’t make your issues her problem.
"It’s okay for it to take time to learn something new," Luz said. "You don’t always have to be the one who’s best at the thing."
Yes I do, Amity thought immediately, and the words from her own mind surprised her. It was like the idea had always been there beneath the surface, both driving and torturing her, and had only now been consciously acknowledged. She tensed further as she realised how ridiculous an idea it was, how there was no way she could always be on top, that she’d never be happy if there was anything at all she wasn’t perfect at, that Boscha had been right and she had always run away from things where she hadn't been the best.
"Just forget about it for now," Luz said, apparently sensing something going on behind Amity’s silence. She put an arm around the witchling's shoulders and started to twiddle with the point of her ear, but Amity leaned away from her a little, her mind still churning.
"Luz, stop."
"Come on, where’s my smile?" Luz started to dig her fingers into Amity’s stomach in an attempt to tickle her.
"Luz!" Amity snapped, pushing the other girl off her. The human's eyes were wide, startled. After a couple of seconds of silence Amity walked quickly away down the corridor. She was burning with anger at herself for letting her emotions take control once again, but wanted to get away before she made things any worse.
Running away again, she thought to herself. The knot in her stomach tightened even further.
Amity groaned into her pillow as she remembered the events of the day. She didn't know what she was going to say to Luz when she saw her again; every apology she had to make was confirmation of the mistakes she kept repeating, and she could feel it chipping away at her.
She heard her bedroom door open and her mattress sank a little as someone sat down on the edge of her bed.
"You realise we can all recognise the songs you play when you’re sad, don’t you?" Emira’s voice came from behind her.
Amity gave a noncommittal grunt and heard her sister sigh.
"I suppose I should ask you what’s wrong."
The younger girl lifted her head so that her face was no longer covered. "I got stressed today and took it out on Luz and I feel really bad."
"Oh. Well, that was nice while it lasted. At least now she’ll see she can do so much better than you."
Amity took the pillow from between her knees and thwacked Emira with it. The other witchling grabbed it off her and lay down on the bed, putting the pillow under her head.
"What was stressing you out so much?"
"I couldn’t do something right in class… and also Boscha said some stuff that got to me. She said I run away from all my problems, and then I ran away from Luz after I snapped at her so she’s right. Now I’m going to feel stressed until I see her tomorrow and apologise." Amity hugged her remaining pillow tighter to her chest. "I thought I was meant to be happy now. Why do I still keep getting so angry?"
There was no reply, but Amity felt a hand land on her head and give her hair a comforting stroke. Then her stomach gave a loud growl, and she felt Emira sit up.
"I knew that was your lunch in the kitchen!" the older witchling scolded. "Have you eaten anything today?"
"No."
Emira huffed and the mattress shifted again as she stood. Amity heard her sister's footsteps walking away and the bedroom door close. She was gone for a long time, and Amity could hear her talking on the raven downstairs. So much for familial concern, she thought. Eventually she heard the bedroom door open again.
"Mittens," Emira sing-songed. "I’ve brought you something."
Amity turned over on the bed to face her, but froze mid-roll.
Luz was stood in her doorway. The brown-haired girl had changed from her Hexside uniform back into her cropped blue and white hoodie, denim shorts and leggings, and she was holding a sandwich on a plate. Emira was stood behind her and gestured redundantly to the human, before stepping back and closing the door on them.
Amity sat up on the edge of her bed. "I’m sorr-"
"Shh." Luz put a finger to her lips and held out the plate to her.
Amity took it and spend the next couple of minutes silently chewing on the soft bread. When she was finished she put the plate on her bedside table, stood and went up to Luz. She put her arms around the other girl’s waist, holding her tight, and felt Luz’s arms hug her back.
They stood there for a while, Amity slowly feeling the tension that had built up inside her seep away into the warmth of the body she was holding close. Eventually she was basically leaning against Luz.
"Scoop, please," she mumbled into Luz’s hoodie. Her girlfriend bent down and reached one arm under Amity’s knees, and with a small grunt of effort lifted the witchling up in her arms. Amity put her own arms around Luz’s neck and let the rest of her body hang limp as she was carried back to the bed.
She felt herself be laid back down on her side on top of the covers, and the arms supporting her moved to wrap around her torso as the human lay down behind. Amity scooted backwards into the crook of the arc that Luz’s body had made, their legs intertwined and Amity felt a kiss on the back of her head through her hair. She lifted one of Luz’s hands to her mouth and kissed it, before clutching it to herself. She inhaled deeply, savouring her girlfriend's scent, and then exhaled as her last taut muscles finally relaxed. She tugged the arm she was gripping closer over her like a blanket, pulling the comforting weight of the other body in her bed against her back.
She only realised she had dozed off when she saw how dark it had suddenly become, and she registered the vibration of Luz’s light snores against the back of her neck. After another minute of enjoying the feeling of being held, she nudged Luz’s hand. The other girl gave an undignified snort as she awoke, and sat up looking blearily around.
"Oh. Hi," Luz smiled sheepishly.
"Hi," Amity smiled back. She sat up too and pulled Luz into another hug. "Thank you. I’m going to do my best to stop getting so stressed over things."
"And I'll try to be less pokey when you're going through it," Luz promised. "I wish there was more I could do to make it easier for you."
"You do make it easier. I’ve never felt as peaceful as I do right now, with you." Amity turned her head and kissed Luz on the cheek.
For now, her mind was at rest. She knew there’d be times when the whirling, panicking thoughts would return, but she filed a little piece of this memory away for those moments. She felt a new kind of strength in herself as she did so - a strength to stand her ground.