Archive of Our Own

Sougo glanced down at his phone, looking as much for the time as for a message from Ryuu. He wasn’t running late, but Sougo’s nerves were wearing him down as the time went by, and with Tamaki having gone on an emergency pudding run, he had nothing but his own thoughts to fill the time until the three of them could spend the night together. His eyes landed on the media player despite themselves, and a flash of shame ignited in him – he knew more than anyone how ridiculous this was, but –

The trill of a notification pulled Sougo from his ruminations. It was Tamaki.

[Tamaki]:
do u need any hotsauce or anything while im here? tell me what brand

[Tamaki]:
okay, i’ll get some

i'll be home soon

love you

Sougo closed their chat, trying and failing to suppress a smile in the solitude of his room. He supposed Ryuu would be arriving any moment now, so he once again pushed down the urge to open his music player, instead pocketing his phone and moving out to the common area to wait for him. Settling into the couch, he shut his eyes and let his mind drift to his evening with Ryuu and Tamaki. It had been just over a week since he’d gotten to spend time with the both of them together, and the pit of nervousness in his stomach fought with the fluttering anticipation in his chest.

It didn’t take long for the sound of a key in the door to jolt Sougo out of his head, and he quickly stood to greet whoever had arrived, finding his answer in Ryuu’s large frame in the doorway, holding up a handful of bags from Gaku’s soba restaurant by way of greeting. “I’m home!” Ryuu trilled half-teasingly.

“Ryuu!” Sougo hurried over to him to take some of the bags off of his hands before tiptoeing to greet him with a kiss. “I missed you.” He laced his fingers into Ryuu’s as they moved to the kitchen.

“You too, Sougo.” Ryuu squeezed Sougo’s hand as they approached the counter and set the bags down, looking around for a moment. “It really is quiet when everybody’s out. Is Tamaki here? I brought him some King Puddings.”

Sougo chuckled. “He actually went to get himself some too, but he should be home soon. He’ll be happy though! I can put those in the fridge for now.” He quickly put the case next to the two that remained in the fridge, hoping that there would be enough room to fit whatever Tamaki was now bringing home. When he turned back to Ryuu, he saw him at the precipice of the living room, and upon seeing Sougo take his cue, he moved to the couch, letting Sougo follow.

They had long since learned how they best fit together, and once Ryuu had sat down Sougo was quick to nestle into his side, feeling a strong arm wrap around his shoulders. Part of Sougo wanted to lay down with him, but he had also learned all too well how reluctant he would be to get back up once it was time to eat. He would have to be patient.

The short wait for Tamaki was pleasant in its own right, as they filled the time with a mix of talk about work and the goings-on of their bandmates and managers. Ryuu knew exactly how to tell the tales of Gaku and Tenn’s ongoing bickering to pull as many laughs from Sougo as possible without letting him realize he was laughing at the same TRIGGER he had once held on so high a pedestal. It was as much for Ryuu as for him; Ryuu always cherished the way Sougo’s shoulders would shake with each fit of laughter under his arm before he relaxed further into his sidelong embrace.

It seemed like no time at all had passed before they heard Tamaki opening the door, yelling his arrival to whoever might hear. “I’m home, Sou! Is Ryuu here ye– Oh! This stuff smells good. Are you guys hungry? We should eat it soon.” Ryuu and Sougo made their way to meet him, hand in hand, Sougo leaning into him as if on instinct.

“Hey Tamaki, how have you been?” Ryuu asked with a smile. Tamaki’s excitement at the takeout was contagious, and Ryuu subconsciously set himself to taking all the food out of the bags in response.

“Good! I picked up a snack for you too. Is this from Gakkun’s place? I’ve been doing dance practice with someone new lately so I’m super hungry all the time.”

“Aw, thank you, Tamaki!” Ryuu pulled him into a quick hug, letting him go before continuing. “You were really good in your last music video, so the practice must be paying off! If you’re ever having trouble with anything like that, you can always ask me too.” Ryuu set out the meals on the table, stifling a laugh at the sight of two containers marked with a skull and crossbones to signify their ownership. He loved Sougo, but sharing a meal with him required a degree of caution – he had learned that the hard way. Still, as they all sat down together and Sougo smiled at the first infernal bite, he knew he wouldn’t have it any other way.

Conversation always passed easily between the three, and they filled the time with idle talk of Tamaki’s adjusting to his new schedule now that he’d graduated, TRIGGER’s increasingly hectic lives as an indie group, and anything else that crossed their minds. As their dessert of king pudding came to a close and they moved over to the living room, the topic turned to Sougo’s songwriting efforts, and silence threatened to encroach upon them.

“Well… Maybe this is silly.” Sougo seemed smaller than ever now between Tamaki and Ryuu, and each felt themselves shifting closer to him out of concern. “But I haven’t actually written that much lately. It’s silly, but, ever since things have been getting better with my family, I’ve had some regrets.” He nudged Tamaki with an elbow. “Like putting you in danger by bringing you to see them,” Sougo turned to Ryuu. “Or leaving you out by not bringing you too. But… Now that they want to meet you two properly, the only thing I can do now is make sure I do it right.”

“Sou.” Tamaki interjected, earning a sigh from Sougo in response.

“Sorry, Tamaki. You’re right.” Sougo paused for a moment. “It’s just… I want you to meet them, and I want it to be perfect. But I realized… I don’t want them to be the first ones you meet. So… I’ve been recording some of my uncle’s songs. I can’t use the studio, so I’ve just been recording with my computer and my guitar and it might not sound good, but I wanted to do something with him and let you know –”

“I wanna hear them.” Tamaki interrupted again.

Ryuu laced his fingers into Sougo’s and squeezed his hand reassuringly. “Me too, Sougo.”

“Ah… Are you sure? I mean, you don’t even have to like them, it’s just...”

“Sougo.” Ryuu wrapped an arm around his shoulder, and Tamaki followed suit, taking Sougo’s hand in his and resting them on his leg. “We’re going to love them, okay? We love you.” Tamaki nodded emphatically.

“He’s right. I already told you, I want to hear every song you ever write. But I guess you didn’t write these ones… But you sang them, and if they’re important to you then I wanna hear them too. Okay?”

Sougo sighed. “Thank you. I love you. Both of you.” Sougo felt tears burning behind his eyes, and shook his head in refusal. “This is what he deserved while he was alive, but I’m the only one getting it, huh?” Ryuu and Tamaki held him closer in the silence, and Sougo pulled his phone from his pocket using his free hand, opening his music player and pulling up the song. “I wish we could listen with headphones, but…” Sougo shrugged with a shy smile before offering the phone to Tamaki. “You can press play if you want.”

Tamaki grabbed the phone, taking a moment to see how many songs there were and read the titles before hitting play. The sound of Sougo’s acoustic guitar soon filled the room – labyrinthine melodies neither of them had realized Sougo was capable of replicating, punctuated by the zipping sound of his fingers sliding against the strings as he pulled the song from them. His voice rang out soon after, raw and insistent in each word his uncle had left behind, with a quality untapped by the songs he had sung for IDOLISH7 and MEZZO” – at moments seeming like his voice would topple over a ledge of emotion before reeling itself in. It was not long before Tamaki and Ryuu were lost in it all, and time passed quickly in the world Sougo had built for them.

As his voice carried them out of the third song, Sougo grabbed the phone, pausing before the next could begin. “Maybe that’s enough.” He explained with a smile. “I’m sorry if it’s not really the kind of music you guys are into, but –”

“It was super good, Sou!” Tamaki objected a bit too loudly, earning a wince from Sougo and Ryuu. “I had no idea you could play the guitar like that! And your singing was super different!”

“Thank you, Tamaki,” Sougo chuckled lightly, scratching the back of his neck reflexively. “I would have liked to actually play it in front of you, but… I don’t think I would have made it through.”

“They’re incredible, Sougo. Thank you for showing us.” Ryuu said gently, thumb rubbing small lines back and forth along Sougo’s shoulder.

“Ah… You’re welcome. Thank you for bearing with me. I don’t want to waste your time, but I just…” Sougo searched his thoughts. “I want you to understand who he was. Even if only a little bit. That was who they hated so much. It’s who…” He sighed. “In any case… I didn’t want you to meet them without meeting him first. He was the best one. And… I still don’t know how to convince them that this path is right for me. They might treat me the same way, or they might treat you the same way. But… I want a family that loves him as much as I do. That’s – the family I want to share with you, someday.”

“Sougo…” Ryuu and Tamaki alike seemed at a loss for words.

“God, that’s silly, I’m sorry.” Sougo shook his head as if to expel the sentiments he’d been sharing with them. “Thank you for listening with me. It means a lot, even though it’s just a few songs. I didn’t mean to throw the whole night off course.”

“Hey, Sou.” Sougo turned to Tamaki, humming by way of response. “Can we kiss you?”

As it happened, they could.