Work Text:
There was a lanky boy with dark hair hanging in his eyes and wide, dazzling smile on his face at Victor's door. He didn't speak, almost daring the other to do it first. Victor could feel the bright eyes on him, but he refused to meet them, instead raking his eyes over the boy's skinny frame. He was tall and his skin was tanned, like he went outside and maybe even exercised. Victor did not. He liked to walk, and maybe sit outside and read and destroy library property. The boy was wearing a faded red shirt that clung to a slim stomach (Victor guessed he was hiding washboard abs underneath it) and black jeans. Interesting. But not particularly.
"Who are you?"
"Your new roommate. Eli Cardale, nice to meet you." The boy, Eli, had a strange voice, smooth but with a slight rasp to it, like insulation that looked like cotton candy but would cut up your insides without a thought if you gave it the chance. Victor was intrigued. He ignored the hand.
"Victor Vale."
Eli's grin reappeared. "I like that. Sounds like a protagonist. Or an antagonist. Sounds important."
Victor grunted and stepped aside. He watched as Eli walked inside and wandered around the room with his eyes, hungrily, strangely animalistic. Victor was officially interested.
There was something about Eli that intoxicated Victor. It was in the way he moved, the way he talked, the way he smiled at the wrong time sometimes. There was something hiding beneath his skin: a sharp, shining something that peeked out occasionally. Victor longed for his roommate to show it to him. He didn't want that stupid mask he used to impress girls and persuade teachers. He wanted Eli, all to himself and unadulterated.
Eli sat in the common area, on a couch he'd thrifted that smelled a bit like cats. Victor didn't mind it too much. Eli didn't even seem to notice it, as he sat on it often to do homework, study, or just sit and relax. His bare feet were stretched out and crossed at the ankle. He was wearing a band T-shirt that Victor realized was his. He took a deep breath and ducked his head back into his room (he'd been staring from the doorway). Victor grabbed one of the thick tomes from his shelf, the name Vale standing out on the spine. The library's plastic cover crinkled under his fingers and reflected the sunlight from the open window.
Eli didn't look up when Victor shuffled out of his room. He had a Sharpie in his hand and a book under his arm, and Eli could guess what he was going to do with that. Then, Victor stopped in front of his feet at the end of the couch, stared at them, and then looked blankly at Eli. Eli looked up finally, and fixed his caramel brown eyes on Victor's ice blue ones. Victor raised an eyebrow. The other boy bent his knees, sliding his feet towards himself. Victor settled himself on the couch silently, stifling a grin. Eli's feet swung up and settled on his thighs. Victor held his arms awkwardly at his sides, unable to put his book or pen down with there being no space on his lap. Jesus, Eli's feet were cold.
"I can't work like this." Victor said finally, fixing an annoyed gaze on Eli. He hoped Eli couldn't sense the silent panic behind his eyes. Eli looked up and raised an eyebrow. He let a grin slip slowly onto his face.
"Actually, I'm working. You're just vandalizing private property." He teased. Victor frowned.
"Well, could I at least do it in peace? Without your damn feet on me?"
"No need to swear, Vic." Victor hated that nickname, and Eli knew this and exploited it often. They knew so much about each other after only a month and a half. It was weird, sure, but Victor didn't mind it. Eli finally moved, picking his feet up and turning to the front. Then he kept turning, spinning 180 degrees so his back was to Victor, and sliding back until his back hit Victor's leg. His shirt had lifted up, and the warm skin of his back rested against Victor's thigh, his basketball shorts having slid up a bit. It was an odd feeling. Victor felt like the warmth was burning him. He realized his face was heating up. He pushed all of his reactions down and let the numb, calm feeling wash over him. He was cool. He was collected. Nothing affected him. Then Eli decided to lay down, letting his head rest on Victor's lap and holding his book high in the air. There was a sharp, dangerous grin plastered on his face. Victor felt... affected.
"You do see how this isn't better, right?" Victor's book was still awkwardly in his arms, which were held up at his sides, refusing to touch Eli more than his friend was already touching him.
"Relax." Victor reluctantly let his arms down and set his book on the other boy's stomach in an act of defiance. His long brown hair was tickling Victor's thighs. Eli seemed to have an idea, because he shifted his gaze to Victor. "If you want to read so badly, you can just let me read to you. Then it doesn't have to be that psychological bullshit your parents write."
Victor hesitated. "Alright." He added a mumbled whatever. He couldn't focus as much on being calm right now. Eli's warm, heavy presence on his lap was distracting.
Eli started to read, the sound of his smooth voice filling the small apartment they shared. Victor tried to focus on the words, but he found his attention drifting into daydreams with Eli's voice as an indecipherable background. Eli prattled on about biochemistry, the rasp in his voice showing occasionally. Victor thought about running his hands through the other boy's hair. He thought about laying next to him as he read to Victor. He thought about that sharp, hidden thing in the other boy and how he felt safe showing it to Victor. There was a small smile creeping across Victor's face. He thought of Eli's hair glinting in the sunlight, Eli's bright smile, Eli's raspy voice raised to challenge their teacher during class, and Eli's twitching fingers when he was excited or nervous.
Eli stopped. Victor looked down and his smile morphed into a frown. Eli's fingers were tapping anxiously at the edges of the book.
"What are you thinking about? You're obviously not paying attention..."
"I am," Victor assured him, slightly offended at the entirely true accusation.
"Mm-hmm. So what do cis fats do as opposed to trans fats?"
"Ah..." Victor was stumped. He probably should know this for class, but whatever. "I'm sorry your voice is boring, I guess."
Eli pursed his lips, furrowed his eyebrows, and sat up. He turned and shuffled as far away from Victor on the couch as possible, and said, voice deadpan, "There's a booger in your left nostril."
Victor's face flushed red. "What? Seriously? Shit-" He ran off to the bathroom and Eli heard him blowing his nose. He smirked softly, but he didn't look up from the book. It's a good thing Victor wasn't one for eye contact, because Eli had been bullshitting biochem facts and staring up at Victor the whole time.
Angie was a problem. She was magnetic, hypnotic, and she'd been pulling Victor in for months, though he never seemed to get close enough. He was firmly stuck in the miserable friend zone. Then he had met a different magnet, the strong pull of Eli Cardale pulling him away from her. He had no idea why he wanted them to meet, but he did. And meet they did, becoming quickly entranced with each other. Victor started to feel like a third wheel very quickly. The two would make eye contact and be unable to break it for half and hour. They'd lock lips for minutes at a time and Eli would drape himself all over her. Victor despised it. It was disgusting. He was right there, invisible to the two. It wasn't that Angie didn't like him anymore. It was more that Eli wasn't himself anymore. Around Angie, Eli turned into a complete facsimile, a well-constructed person suit around a deadly machine. Victor hated him for changing who he was for a girl. He became normal, uninteresting, and so very dull. Victor avoided the two at all costs, at least together. He spent almost every moment otherwise with Eli.
"Why do you like Angie?" Victor asked, jogging to keep up with his friend. He felt the dewdrops of the early morning grass catching on his pant legs and dampening them.
Eli chuckled and furrowed his eyebrows. "What do you mean?"
Victor had strayed into dangerous territory, he could tell, but he didn't care anymore. He needed to know. "What do you like about her?"
"You're her friend, right? You've seen how pretty she is? Also, a certified genius. What's not to like, Victor?"
Shit. Victor didn't think he'd actually be able to answer the question. That was dumb. Eli was an excellent actor, even better than Victor. "Yeah, of course. Angie's awesome."
"Why, you jealous?" Eli shot him a cocky grin over his shoulder. Victor scowled and shook his head, a flush spreading across his cheeks. Jealous. Yeah, right.
They were walking to meet up with Angie, and of course as soon as she was within sight, Eli closed down and he and Angie became interlocked and inseparable. Victor found it terribly annoying. Also distracting. Also gross and unnecessary. And more than anything, boring as hell.
"I like this version of you better." It was sudden, unexpected. Victor hadn't meant to say it aloud, but he'd thought it for so long. They were talking in the library. Eli had been explaining what he was learning at the moment, his eyes bright and sparkling, that sharp thing in him visible. He was like a perfect machine, but with some inexplicable ambition and fervor driving him. Now he stood, eyes closed off and confused, seemingly frozen in time.
Finally, Eli responded, a small, hesitant smile on his face. "What do you mean, Vic?"
"You know what I mean. You're... real." Victor tried and failed to explain. He wouldn't meet his friend's gaze, focusing instead on the books directly in front of him. He ran his finger along the shiny plastic covering their spines. Eli's hand appeared on his shoulder and he flinched. Eli moved it.
He smirked softly. "I guess I am more myself around you. I... didn't even notice." Eli paused and smiled, a very genuine thing that Victor saw out of the corner of his eye. It made his knees melt and a flush creep up his neck and into his cheeks. It was hot in the library. Jesus, it was hot.
"Thanks, Vicky." Eli said with a laugh, and Victor scoffed.
"Vicky? Oh my God, that's the worst fucki-"
"Language, Vicky." Eli silenced him and winked, shutting him up for the next few minutes. He stood there, stunned and embarrassed. "C'mon, let's go home." It sounded peculiar coing out of his mouth, but right in some way. Victor followed him wordlessly.
They ended up on the couch again, Eli's head in Victor's lap and reading to him. The boy made sure to quiz Victor every once in a while to make sure he was listening. He always was. It made Eli smile. Victor was trying his best to focus on the words coming out of his friend's mouth rather than the feeling of his head on his lap or the coy look in his warm brown eyes. He found himself playing with a strand of Eli's soft, wavy brown hair. He would have let it go, but then he locked eyes with Eli, who smiled up at him. It was a warming look. Victor could feel himself being pulled into Eli and he never wanted to stop, though he could feel it getting dangerous. He could sense the sharp thing under Eli's skin was going to cut him one of these days when he got too close.
That night, they got drunk. There was no reason except they were dumb and in college and they wanted to have fun. Victor had little to no inhibitions, swaying and tilting dangerously to the music Eli had put on. It was some sort of new soft rock, and Victor really liked it. Eli did too, laughing and singing along, his speech slurred. Victor laughed at him and he laughed back at Victor and they ended up too close, swaying into one another's faces. Victor could smell Eli's warm, beer-scented breath and his expensive pine-scented cologne. His cheeks flushed, he ducked away from Eli, but the tall, lanky boy staggered after him. He felt cornered, almost intimidated. The wall approached behind him and suddenly he was up against it, his entire vision taken up by Eli and his dumb intoxicating smile and his dumb pretty eyes. He took a shaky breath and looked into Eli's eyes to find that the boy was staring instead at his lips. Victor licked them instinctively and Eli looked up at him through his long, brown eyelashes. There was an odd hungry look in his eyes. Victor could feel himself leaning in, and he couldn't tell if it was the alcohol or Eli's magnetic pull on him.
"Hi, Vicky," Eli finally breathed, and Victor's brain couldn't even register the nickname, just how close Eli was to him. Eli put a hand on Victor's chest. His breath hitched. Eli's fingers curled around his collar and pulled him into a kiss. Their lips met and Victor could feel everything shattering. The perfect friendship they'd had, the facade he'd been keeping up for weeks, his own barriers, all came crashing down when he felt Eli's hungry lips pulling at his, and he gave in immediately, pressing himself against the other boy, drawn by his warmth and his kiss. Eli's lips were chapped and his mouth tasted like beer but Victor couldn't have cared less. He melted under Eli's fingers digging into his waist, and his own fingers betrayed him by playing instinctively with the curls at the base of Eli's neck. Eli pulled back and chuckled drunkenly into Victor's ear. The blond stroked a thumb over Eli's cheek. He'd dreamed of this for months and hated himself for it. This was really fucking happening. Jesus Christ. Eli was dragging him away from the wall, stealing small kisses from him, which Victor gave willingly. He then realized what Eli was doing, leading them steadily back and into his room. Victor felt the bed on his calves and one push from Eli on his chest sent his knees buckling. Eli leaned down to kiss him more, but Victor was distracted by the hands at his waist. More specifically, undoing the button of his pants. He gave muffled protests as Eli finally unbuttoned them and tried to do the same to his shirt.
"E-Eli... No. N- No, Eli-" Victor was flustered and frustrated and uncomfortable. There was too much of Eli all over him, and his hands were starting to shake. He pushed at Eli's chest and the other boy finally got the hint. He stepped back, brows furrowed, face flushed and lips red.
He really was beautiful. Victor swallowed. He buttoned his pants with shaky hands. "I don't want to- I can't... No, Eli. I don't want to do that."
"I, uh- Okay." Eli tilted his head but seemed to be perfectly understanding, pecking Victor on the lips. His aim was a bit shit because he was drunk as hell, but Victor thought it was cute. He bit his lip and looked down. He was tired, and he felt awful. He could feel a guilty, nervous stomachache growing in his stomach. He leaned forward and kissed Eli again, soft and slow and short. He rested his forehead against Eli's and stopped, and the boy didn't press him for more.
"I think I should go to sleep." Victor muttered, and Eli nodded. The tall boy, swaying on his feet, led the blond to his room and his perfectly made bed. He was so exhausted, so confused, and so very drunk. He flung the covers back and collapsed promptly. He was half-asleep already when he felt the long arms wrap around him and the warmth of Eli laying next to him. Victor pressed into his side and found himself sliding into black.
Victor awoke alone and cold, with a splitting headache. What had woken him were the sounds of arguing coming from the living room. It all came back to him in flashes, a bunch of drunken choices all leading to something amazing and impossible and... It must've been a dream. It had to be a dream. Shit. He sat up and his vision swam. Jesus, he felt sick. Who the fuck was arguing this early? His eyes snapped open. The voices belonged to Angie and Eli. Fuck, he'd kissed, no, made out with a boy with a girlfriend. A girlfriend who was his friend and a boy who was his best friend. He had the genius idea to listen through the door.
"So you dropped me for Victor?!" Oh no, that was bad.
"No, babe, I just needed some time to relax-"
"So you got drunk with Victor instead of taking your girlfriend to a party? Amanda asked about you. She saw you at school yesterday and you didn't even wish her happy birthday!"
"Okay, God, could you stop screaming-"
"ELI-"
"I'm sorry, I'm hungover! I just needed a little time to destress and hang out with Victor! You know him, he's cool!" There was silence for a while. "Listen, I'm really sorry I didn't take you. I just needed some time to myself. You've got to understand that."
"Fine, just don't ditch me like that again. I'm gonna need a little bit of a heads-up." Eli laughed.
"Okay, I promise." Victor heard the sound of kissing. He collapsed on his bed, heart pounding in his ears. What the fuck. What. The. Fuck. What the actual fuck. Eli didn't tell her? They were still kissing? What did that even mean? Was their relationship open? Was Victor the other woman? Fuck. His head ached and his stomach was queasy and he was- oh shit, he was totally about to vomit. He raced out of his room just in time to make it to the toilet.
Spit dripped from his lip and he felt like shit with his head hanging in the toilet bowl. Angie peeked in the door, her hair a perfect cloud of red curls.
"So I guess Prince Charming is finally up, eh?" She grinned and he groaned in response. "I see. See you later, Victor. Hope you feel better, stupid." She said some goodbyes to Eli, plus a kiss, and was gone. Eli came to the bathroom, where Victor had finished throwing up and was now washing his face and feeling significantly better, but still confused as hell. He was further confused when Eli wrapped his arms around him from the back and hugged him gently. Victor froze against the touch. Eli let go, and Victor spun around to face him.
"What, um, what's happening?" He managed, throat closing on him. He was scared and upset and he felt so, so stupid. He tried to push it down and retain his usual calm.
"What do you mean?" This did not help Victor's composure.
"What the hell are you doing with me if you're still with Angie?" Eli was silent and he didn't meet Victor's eyes. Victor's gaze was burning, his blue gaze wanting nothing more than for Eli to disintegrate. He ran a hand down his face. "Fuck. Okay, Eli, you can't fucking do that. You can't-" His voice broke and he pushed past Eli to get to his room, where he sat on his bed and felt numb and cold and empty. He felt used. He felt dirty. He fucking hated it.
"Victor, I'm sorry." Eli said at the door. Victor sat up and barely even felt the anger anymore. He was just exhausted. He didn't have the energy to be angry. He got up and listened to whatever Eli had to say. Probably dumb excuses to get himself out of this sticky situation. How hadn't Victor seen that? He was a manipulative asshole to everyone, why not to Victor too!
"Listen, I... like you, okay? I'm myself around you. You said it yourself. I don't fake it. I don't have to. I like being around you. I like your, I don't know, your face. Your lips. Your jokes." Victor opened the door. Eli looked up at him sheepishly and managed another of his famous grins. "Hi, Vicky." He leaned in to plant a kiss on Victor's lips, but Victor held him back lightly.
"You're just not going to tell Angie? I don't understand, Eli. I just don't get it." Victor said, brow furrowed. His pale face was flushed.
"It's okay," Eli soothed, pressing his lips to Victor's again, running his fingers through Victor's light blond hair. Victor melted again, succumbing to the warmth and comfort of Eli and the feel of their lips together. His blue eyes snapped open and he shoved Eli back. He wiped his mouth with his hand and sputtered incoherently. He felt broken. He'd finally gotten close enough to see Eli, to hold him, to know him, and he'd gotten too close. of course he got hurt. He'd expected to run his hand along a blade and not have anything happen. He felt odd inside, a painful warm feeling spreading, like he was bleeding internally. He'd held the broken glass that lay under Eli Cardale's skin and now he'd cut himself up.
"it's not okay, Eli. I've got to go to class. I've got to go." Victor retreated to his room, something inside him broken. He longed so deeply that he had an actual wound to attribute the pain to, so he could see the red blood spread and know that Eli Cardale was the cause. But no, he just felt wrong, a guilty sickness spreading in his stomach. He'd finally held Eli just to have to let him go forever. Having a moral code and having friends was honestly really fucking him over right now.