Chapter Text
oh my god they were roommates
sasha: Who In This Bastard Polycule Is Getting The Fucking Milk
tim: babe look
tim: its not my FAULT that i blanked on the milk
tim: ok so maybe when i went shopping the list did say ‘milk’ about eight times but i got jons weirdass energy drinks and that wasnt even on the list cut me some slack
sasha: I had cereal with orange juice today timothy.
tim: haha whoops
tim: but uh
tim: no othy
sasha: tim I had oj cereal don’t you fucking test me if you were in this home I would end your fucking life
tim: …ok
sasha: GET MY FUCKING MILK
tim: im tryyyying babe look its hard ok!!! you know how bad traffic is??? really bad!! the bus hasnt moved for ten minutes!!! and i have to get the fucking balloons for dannys clown party
jon: Hi, clown party?
tim: idk i think nik is gonna be there
jon: Oh.
jon: Makes sense.
sasha: if you don’t come back with the fuckign milk I swear to god
tim: not even gonna defend me are you jonny boy
tim: i see how it is.
tim: martin? my favorite boyfriend?
martin: IM NOT A FUCKING MOTHFUCKER ANNABELLE
martin: JUST BECAUSE I SAID THEY’RE CUTE DOESN’T MEAN I WANT TO FUCK IT OH MY GOD
martin: THINGS CAN BE JUST CUTE AND THAT’S IT
tim: ,,,,,,,,,martin what
martin: oops wrong chat
tim: YOU HAVE TO STOP DOING THIS YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH THE RIGHT CHAT SCARES ME
martin: 💛
tim: my girlfriend wants to kill me my boyfriend wont defend me my other boyfriend fucks moths cant get anything in this polycule
sasha: yeah I can’t get my FUCKING MILK
tim: DO YOU WANT ME TO RUN TO THE SHOP??? HUH?? DO YOU WANT ME TO??
sasha: YES
tim: I WILL!!! I FUCKING WILL!!!
sasha: RUN BITCHBOY
tim: IF I GET HIT BY A CAR THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT
tim: IM LEAVING EVERYTHING TO JON
tim: HE DOESNT HATE ME OR FUCK MOTHS
martin: i said they were CUTE!!! this is slander!!!
jon: …hey Sasha, you’re home, right?
sasha: yeah why
sasha: if you got locked in the bathroom again just yell
tim: wait jon got locked in the bathroom why did nobody ever tell me this
jon: I just found the milk.
sasha: you what
tim: nobody? were just passing by ‘locked in the bathroom’ like nothing happened?
jon: The milk.
jon: I had to use it for something yesterday. I thought it was weird we were out, so I checked and turns out I left in in the pantry.
tim: apparently we are
sasha: ……
jon: Whoops?
sasha: jonathan sims I'm going to fucking end you
tim: i KNEW you were wrong to yell at me!!
sasha: no 💖 pantry milk is just as bad as oj 💖 this is my flat now show up with no milk and I’m taking your keys
tim: what if i help you kill jon?
sasha: …maybe
tim: love u too babe
sasha: 💖
🤡🕸️🤡🕸️ CLOWN GANG IS A STUPID NAME TIM bc web town is any better martin WE ALL VOTED YES IT FUCKING IS we should name it c̶̼̐̐͛̐̏́͂̾̾͌̑͗̉͘l̸̛̬͍̳͚̥͉̻̲̫̣̥͐̒͛̆̋͗̌̓͊̓̔̒̑̿̉͠ͅo̴͖̩͕̯̳̻̤̭͈̗̤̎̑̇b̶͈̜͖̎̈́̾ ̴̢̛̮̼͙̲̻̥̮̦͇̦̗̟͇͔͓̃͋̈́̏̈́̓̑̿̈͋̿̽͗̚̚g̴̡̮͙̟̲̘̫̘̞̙̀̆̓̿̿͝͠͠͝ą̴̢̞̠̮̠͙̲̥̼̤̠̰̣̳̰̒̓̆̌̇̋w̵̨̡͔̘͎̟̦͂͋͊̐̏͘n̴̢͓͈͈͙̘͓̜̣̼̬̫̖̪̒͂̓͝ :^] (the next person to change the chat name is getting banned we voted and that’s it – basira) 🤡🕸️🤡🕸️
Jonny: Nik you simply have to stop breaking into my flat. It was fine when I lived alone but it’s less fun when I have THREE OTHER PEOPLE LIVING WITH ME.
Nikki: Well Fuck, Jonathan! Your Boyfriends Will Simply Have To Learn To Appreciate Me!
SJ: hey
Nikki: You Already Appreciate Me, Sasha! You Share Your Soup With Me! Your Boyfriends Do Not!
TS: look i had ONE SERVING im SORRY
Nikki: You Had An Entire Bowl! A Large Bowl, Even. And It Was A Supplement To Your Meal! There Was Enough For Me.
TS: first the milk now this
TS: is this bully tim stoker day?
MK: it is now
TS: im buying CLOWN BALLOONS and SASHAS MILK have some sympathy
MK: wow i hate both of those
Georgie: what if
Georgie: melanie look away
MK: what are you going to do
Georgie: clown milk
MK: GODDAMNIT GEORGIE
Jonny: Would you get clown milk from milking a clown?
Georgie: yeah
Nikki: Oh! I Hate That!
Nikki: This Is Slander On The Good Name Of Clowns!
MK: do clowns have a
Nikki: Yes, Melanie King? What Do You Wish To Say About Clowns?
MK: nevermind
Nikki: That’s What I Thought!
Jonny: Hmm.
Jonny: Part of me wants to ask where the milk comes from. Part of me knows the answer and doesn’t want to think about it.
SJ: this is so fucking awful
SJ:
SJ:
MB: sasha are you okay?
MK: yeah you’re just staring at your phone
MK: i mean i get it clown milk will haunt me forever but
SJ: no I was going to call on one of my other boyfriends like “haha jon’s saying some cursed shit I need a non-cursed boyfriend” but then I remembered martin fucks moths and tim made me eat oj cereal and I
SJ: huh
MB: I DO NOT FUCK MOTHS
AC: yes you do
MB: Yes, I do.
MB: FUCK OFF ANNABELLE
MB: THERE ARE!! SHADES!!! BETWEEN!!! FINDING SOMETHING CUTE AND WANTING TO FUCK IT AHHHHHHHH
AC: keep saying that ::::)
AC: doesn’t make it true ;;;;)
MB: i hate you so much
TS: im so glad im not in the archives holy shit
MK: shut up milkboy
hot boy summer
tim: if i get monster milk how mad do you think sasha will be
martin: tim…why
martin: i thought we let this die…that was three days ago…
tim: but
tim: its RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME
tim: my hands are shaking theyre like magnetically attracted to this fucking jar im using all my willpower not to grab eight of them
martin: tim dear. i love you so much but if you bring monster milk into our home i think i'm breaking up with you on the spot
tim: fair fair fair but consider the siren song of monster milk
tim: theyre on sale…if i buy five of these its less expensive than buying three gallons of normal milk…
martin: we have elias’s credit card tim
tim: monster milk…
Jon sent a video!
[Half the screen is dark like those action movies where you never know what is happening. But Sasha is the center figure of this video, and she’s pacing around the archives while balling up statements and throwing them into the trash
Jon: Hey, love, Tim’s going to buy monster milk.
Sasha turns around and her eyes are glinting like an animal at night. Full on eyeshine. There’s definitely some extra floating eyes there.
Sasha: Jon I forgive you for putting the milk in the pantry because TIM WAS THE TRUE ENEMY ALL ALONG. If one jar ends up in our flat I am BREAKING UP WITH HIM I have had it up to HERE I can’t deal with this oh my god Jon why did you let me date him. Why didn’t you warn me. Why did I do this to myself. Fucking monster milk….
She trails off, still muttering about how much she both loves and hates Tim, and how much she just wanted milk in her cereal and is that too much to ask for? Is The Eye enjoying this? Is this what her life has led to? Is this it? Is this the end?]
jon: Don’t make any rash decisions.
martin: tim…
tim: i
tim: its STARING AT ME guys i cant tear my gaze away i think. i think
martin: TIM……
tim: I CANT DO IT im sorry guys see you in hell tell danny I tried to get his clown balloons and if i don’t make it to his party he’s still my favorite brother. jon im leaving you everything except my wii u give that to danny
jon: Since when do you have a Wii U?
tim: martin im leaving you my moth patterned tshirt it was going to be a birthday present but fuck it
tim: tell sasha i love her
jon: No, seriously, when did you get a Wii U? Tim, how did I not know about this Wii U? I’m a fucking avatar of the Eye and it didn’t give me this? Has there been a Wii goddamn U in our house? Have I been living with a Wii U for three months?
martin: TIM
tim: oh god im vibrating
tim: i can feel the fucking molecules in the air theyre all hyper charged
jon: YOU’VE LOGGED 847.3 HOURS INTO SPLATOON????
tim: ok monster milk is in the cart
tim: i have five jars of it
martin: tim.
martin: tim why have you done this
Jon sent a video!
[It’s a top-down view of Sasha, mostly consisting of her hair. The phone is shaking slightly: it’s obvious that Sasha is cuddling with Jon on the archives couch, and he’s trying to record her when he only has access to about half an arm. She’s crying and talking into his shoulder.
Sasha: I can’t have monster milk cereal Jon. I can’t do that I think it would break me. Jon tell Tim he’s killing me. He’s killing his girlfriend. How could he do this to me. I trusted him and he won’t even buy me milk.]
tim: OK I CANT HANDLE THIS
tim: TELL SASHA I LOVE HER AND ILL GET HER MILK
tim: ILL LEAVE THE MONSTER MILK WITH DANNY HELL APPRECIATE IT
jon: Tell her yourself.
oh my god they were roommates
tim: sasha
tim: my lovely darling girlfriend sasha
sasha: tim no othy stoker if you buy the fucking monster milk I am going to snap
tim: i will buy you your milk
tim: i will leave the monster milk with danny
tim: but let the record show i tried to fight it. the monster milk tempted me sash. it tempted me
sasha: !!!!
tim: 😘😘😘 no more oj cereal for u
sasha: !!!!!!!!!!!!
tim: now to get some clown balloons
tim: love u babe
sasha: 💖
🤡🕸️🤡🕸️ CLOWN GANG IS A STUPID NAME TIM bc web town is any better martin WE ALL VOTED YES IT FUCKING IS we should name it c̶̼̐̐͛̐̏́͂̾̾͌̑͗̉͘l̸̛̬͍̳͚̥͉̻̲̫̣̥͐̒͛̆̋͗̌̓͊̓̔̒̑̿̉͠ͅo̴͖̩͕̯̳̻̤̭͈̗̤̎̑̇b̶͈̜͖̎̈́̾ ̴̢̛̮̼͙̲̻̥̮̦͇̦̗̟͇͔͓̃͋̈́̏̈́̓̑̿̈͋̿̽͗̚̚g̴̡̮͙̟̲̘̫̘̞̙̀̆̓̿̿͝͠͠͝ą̴̢̞̠̮̠͙̲̥̼̤̠̰̣̳̰̒̓̆̌̇̋w̵̨̡͔̘͎̟̦͂͋͊̐̏͘n̴̢͓͈͈͙̘͓̜̣̼̬̫̖̪̒͂̓͝ :^] (the next person to change the chat name is getting banned we voted and that’s it – basira) 🤡🕸️🤡🕸️
MK: so there i was. hungry in the archives. and i decide okay, you know what? let’s go get a snack!
MK: i walk to the break room. on my way there i pass sasha. she's crying about tim into jon. okay. i don’t really care about the latest polychives drama so i keep waking.
MK: i pass martin. he's setting statements on fire. i don’t ask but he tells me its for stress relief. okay. whatever.
MK: i get to the break room and basira is drinking coffee straight from the pot. i wasn’t aware we had a coffee pot or coffee but whatever, she probably brought her own.
MK: i go to the snacks cupboard. this is the only thing i have been looking forwards too all day. i open it.
MK sent a photo!
[A huge jar on the counter of the archive’s breakroom. It’s easily the size of a toddler. It’s also empty, though it’s obvious that it once contained Flaming Hot Cheeto Puffs™ due to the red dust that still sticks to the sides.]
MK: WHO ATE ALL THE CHEETO SNACKS
MB: did you check the ones by
MK: of COURSE i checked the ones at the starbucks jon shine there were GONE someone came and ate all our cheetos and i am so done with all of you. who fucking did it.
Jonny: Two questions. One, why is the Starbucks Jon shrine still there, I haven’t worked at Starbucks for months. Two, why did it have Flaming Hot Cheetos?
MK: bc literally your entire polycule works here jonathan they wont let me take it down
MK: and two bc whom doesn’t like flaming hot cheeto puffs
Jonny: I’m not that fond of them.
MK: oh you bastard
Jonny: They’re okay! I don’t like normal Cheetos either! The flaming hot ones are…look is the artificial cheese on normal Cheetos bad? Yes. Does that make the flaming hot dust any better? NO.
SJ: oh my god jon doesn’t like flaming hot cheetos
SJ: tim. martin. i think we need to have a serious meeting
Jonny: Sasha James I was there when you threw out our half empty bag of Flaming Hot Cheetos.
SJ: JON I TOLD YOU TO TAKE THAT TO THE GRAVE
TS: SASHA
TS: WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT
SJ: they had gone bad!!!!
MB: you mean when i woke up at three am two nights ago it was your fault i couldn’t find the cheetos?? its your fault i had to eat fucking ruffles????
SJ: why would you
MK: POLYCHIVES STOP
MK: ive said it before I do not care about your drama. i want to know WHO ATE ALL THE FLAMING HOT CHEETOS. WHICH OF YOU MONSTERS ATE THEM.
MK: since they aren’t in the trash I can rule out jon and sasha but the rest of you are on thin fucking ice
Ollie: rule me out i don’t even work there
Ollie: nik too. not that she wouldn’t take them but she mooches off mine and graham’s stash.
MK: tim. martin. basira. daisy. give your excuses. and don’t flip me off basira you aren’t getting out of this without a fucking air tight alibi.
Daisy: this is too stupid for me to care about
TS: im literally shopping
MK: like that would stop you
MK: you’re both off the hook but im side eyeing you
MB: i had some yesterday, but the jar was half full when I left
MB: you were around. you went into the breakroom after me and I left the jar out and it was half full.
MK: maybe so.
MK: doesn’t mean you didn’t break in
MB: i
MB: you know what fuck this. i have three people who can vouch for me how’s that for an air tight alibi
TS: can confirm martin was winning competitive cuddling last night no breaking in happened
Georgie: mel i have flaming hot cheetos at my flat
MK: and i will be taking advantage of that but right now it’s about the PRINCIPLE.
MK: someone STOLE THEM
MK: and i am going to spend every last scrap of my energy hunting them down <3
AC: oh haha that was me actually
MK: what.
AC: yeah i had my spiders go grab them all? i was hungry. i also had to crush some on elias’s paperwork. u know web stuff
AC: ;;;;)
MK: annabelle.
MK: i am going to
AC: im helping in your crusade against elias! you should be more thankful
MK: Thank you, Annabelle.
MK: FUCK OFF IM GONNA STAB YOU WITH THE FUCKING SHARDS OF JONS MUG
Jonny: Hey!
MK: you deserve it
MK: fucking flaming hot cheeto hater
MK: coward
TS sent four photos!
[Image one is of two balloons, each shaped like a simple cartoon clown face. They both have white faces, red hair, colorful cheeks, friendly smiles, and red clown noses. One of them has a bow to denote it as the “girl clown.”
Image two is a more detailed balloon, more of an oval in shape compared to the first set, made of a much shiner balloon material. The skin is a light peach color, and it has multicolored hair, though it’s completely bald at the top of the head and is instead wearing a red and blue hat that looks vaguely like a top hat, if someone went and squished it down. It has a red clown nose like the first set, but its mouth is much wider and more detailed, showing both lips and teeth in its smile.
Image three is a display, a bunch of balloons all tied together in the shape of a standing clown. This clown has a white face with the feature drawn on in sharpie, and its body is very rectangular, with a red chest, green legs, a blue left arm, and a purple right arm. It’s standing in an aisle, and is the size of an average human man.
Image four is of one of those huge dancing noodle guys, but this one looks like a clown. It has a yellow body, a white face, red hair, and it’s smiling.]
TS: whats more clownlike
Georgie: well to start off i think the third one is actually cursed, so it’s probably a good one to grab first.
TS: haha yeah i think it talked to me
SJ: talked?
TS: yeah
TS: said i had nice hair
SJ: how sweet of it
MK: get the second one I hate it the most which means its perfect for a clown party
MK: hey jon are you gonna be there?
Jonny: No <3
MK: ok clown <3
MD: geet. t the. N o od.d leee o n e :)
Nikki: Oh I Know That Third Bastard! He Owes Me His Fucking Lungs! Bring Him Over So I Can Get My Revenge!
Jonny: How does a balloon have lungs?
Nikki: They Are Not Inside Him, Silly! They Are In His Pockets.
Jonny: Where are his
Jonny: Actually nevermind
Jonny: I think I can figure this one out.
Nikki: I Think You Can Too, Jonathan!
TS sent two photos!
[Image one is a set of 12 classic yellow smiley face balloons, except the one in the middle actually has an entirely realistic human face instead of the two dots and a line face the rest of them have.
Image two is a set of balloons in assorted colors, with two larger ‘happy birthday!’ balloons, that are an off-white with various dots on them. However, happy birthday has been misspelled: on one balloon, Ii reads “bappy hirthday” and on the other, “habby birthdab.”]
TS: y/n?
MK: yes
Georgie: habby birthbad djfkgdfg actually get that one just for me i have to start planning jon’s birthday and it’s perfect
SJ: why do you only find awful things
TS: the clown showed them to me babe!
TS: he seems helpful enough
SJ: truly love that my life is so wild that when my bf says “yeah balloons shaped liked a clown are talking to me” i don’t even blink
SJ: anyways how many balloons do you need?
TS: dunno danny asked for a fuck ton
TS: ive got some less fun ones too but they’re in the cart.
TS: also got these like
TS sent a photo!
[A picture of a red shopping cart, that’s full of various bags of balloons to blow up, but on top of that are three unique things: a neon green balloon in the shape of a hot dog, a very intricately made balloon animal of a crane sitting on the moon, and a life sized blow up skeleton spider balloon.
There’s also a baby sitting in the front part of the cart. You know, where babies sit.]
TS: weird oneoff ones
SJ: why is there a baby in your cart.
MK: huh didn’t think yalld be parents first
MK: to be fair i didn’t think any of us would be parents anytime soon
MK: but ive been to your flat and it really isn’t built for kids
Jonny: Oh, believe me, we’re not.
Jonny: Tim? Care to explain?
Nikki: Is That Your Young Spawn? What The Fuck? You Never Told Me? Why Would You Never Tell Me About Your Child? I Thought We Were All Friends?
SJ: we don’t have a kid
SJ: unless
Jonny: This isn’t some Eye bullshit is it?
MB: ok sorry i didn’t respond I was getting SINCE WHEN DID TIM HAVE A BABY??? AM I A FATHER NOW????
Basi: congrats
TS: oh that baby
MB: don’t you “oh that baby” me tim you nearly gave me a HEART ATTACK
TS: dont worry im babysitting.
Georgie: whose baby is it then?
TS: dunno
SJ: how do you NOT KNOW
TS: idk his mom just. had to go get something and now im watching him until she’s back. his name is
TS: huh she never told me
TS: ive been calling him tim jr
TS: hes the one who found the talking clown balloon
SJ: i
SJ: I’m going to go lie down for a moment I think
MB: can I join you?
SJ: I’ll be on the archives couch for the next hour jon meet us there
TS: tim jr says hi
MK sent a video!
[Melanie is filming the archives couch from her desk. Sasha is already lying face-down on it, and Martin and Jon quickly join her. The couch is absolutely not made for three people but none of them seem to care.
From off camera, Melanie repeats Tim’s message. Martin just groans, Jon mutters something that’s mostly absorbed by Martin’s shoulder but might be tell Tim Jr to punch Tim in the nose, and Sasha throws a pillow at the camera and yells pretend that’s hitting you Tim!! As Melanie ducks it, the video ends.]
TS: tim jr appreciates it
Ollie: drop your dreams in the chat im gonna analyze them
Georgie: I don’t dream :)
SJ: tim but if he was a cat and instead of working at the archives we worked in a haunted house and elias was the ghost in the mirror room
Nikki: I Also Do Not Dream! But Aspirationally, I Dream Of Starring In Graham’s Twitch Stream!
MB: jon was dead??? but he kept following me around as a ghost except he never actually looked like himself, but I knew who he was. i think sasha showed up but for some reason she was trying to sell the archives to me and jon kept saying it was a bad deal. and then tim was ALSO a ghost but he just kept showing up in different hats and then he was sad when he couldn’t kiss me or sasha because he was a ghost.
Basi: Classic teeth falling out dream.
Basi: Do you all…not get normal dreams?
SJ: no💖
GF: streaming but nik broke my computer and i had to buy a new one. no store sold computers and i had to bring nik with me and when i finally found the computer she ate it.
GF: also nik of course you can be in one of my streams.
Nikki: Yes! Yes! Graham Folger I Am Going To Make Your Streams So Lively! I Will Share All My Clown Opinions And Your Viewers Will Appreciate It Unlike You Fuckers!
GF: poggers
Nikki: You Have To Stop Saying That Or I’ll Eat Your Computer For Real!
GF: ...poggers
Nikki: I Hate You Bastard!
TS: ok so i dont remember much but there was a boy and he was eating a hamburger and when he took a bite he got only bread because the burger part was just a tiny circle in the center of the hamburger. also the bread was very dry.
MK: a shitty cross country road trip with jon
Jonny: An awful cross-country roadtrip with M
Jonny: wait
MK: NO
Jonny: Did. Did we end up at a gas station that only sold statements?
MK: fuck
MK: did I take over driving and steer us into jurgen motherfucking leitners shitty tourist trap and we got out to burn it down
Jonny: Melanie
MK: jon
Jonny: ……
MK: ……i hate this
Ollie: OKAY! ignoring that
Ollie: georgie and nik you’re both good. graham nikola will star in your twitch stream and she’s going to lose you followers at first but don’t worry bring her back on a thursday the 12th at EXACTLY 7:32 pm while wearing a green shirt and youll be fine
Ollie: sasha don’t look in any mirrors for the next three hours. you wont like what you see.
Ollie: basira you need to get some better dreams. that was just boring i cant get anything from that.
Basi: I feel like I should be offended but I’m just glad.
Ollie: tim. tim this is going to be hard to hear, but you know that book you lost behind your bed when you were six? the one you never found again? yeah so that’s about to come back into your life keep an eye open when you sleep
TS: what the FUCK
Ollie: martin, remember to always pack an umbrella
Ollie: jon, melanie…all i can say is to watch your backs.
MK: you know what? fuck this.
Jonny: Yeah.
MK: i hate that i agree with you. stay out of my fucking head eye boy i see you in another dream and im going for your kneecaps
Jonny: Believe me, the feeling is mutual.
oh my god they were roommates
jon: …but what if i do start a band with Nikola.
martin: jon we are in the same bed right now
martin: you do not need to text this i am so obviously up
tim: oh yeah? what if he wanted my input huh?
martin: you are literally outside the door he could yell and you could spend two seconds walking in
tim: sashas sleeping! do you want to wake her up?
martin: it doesn’t have to be a loud yell!
tim: our lovely girlfriend is napping on the couch and youd risk waking her up?
tim: for shame martin
martin: a quiet yell!
tim: SHES ASLEEP
sasha: no she isn’t </3
sasha: guess who forgot to put her phone on do not disturb
martin: …told you the yelling would work
tim: …
tim: ok fine
tim: next time we yell?
martin: next time we yell
jon: Both of you, be quiet.
tim: o yeah forgot you wanted to tell us something
tim: go on floor’s all yours
martin: whoops sorry jon!
jon: It’s fine.
jon: I’m just. Nik has this band all planned out. She knows exactly who’d she ask and she just wants me to agree first.
jon: And it might. Maybe it would be fun?
tim: if you get famous do i get free vip tickets
tim: OOH SASHA MARTIN we cause a scandal when im caught kissing jon in his dressing room but the press thinks hes dating martin and then they see him on a date with sasha and dont know who hes cheating on martin with and when jon is like ‘im poly im dating them all’ the press ignores him to milk clicks on their articles and then theres twitter discourse about us and people buy team martin tim or sasha shirts and someone else profits off it and
sasha: im
sasha: tim are you. good??
tim: then it ends with someone making a fake jon account on twitter but they get verified and stir the drama until nik steps in and idk does some stranger shit and stops it.
tim: yeah im good sash why?
sasha: that was really detailed babe
tim: i have a creative mind
martin: why do you get to cause the scandal?
martin: i could cause a scandal
tim: bc
tim: the press sees how cute you and jon are and assumes that youre dating while me n sash are just good friends
tim: but little do they know…
sasha: wait wait wait
sasha: wait.
sasha: why are you kissing jon in the dressing room? why the secrecy? it's not like we’d need to be secret?
martin: yeah wouldn’t jon have mentioned we’re his partners way before any scandals happen
tim: no no thing is he CANT his agent wanted him to seem single to get more of an audience
sasha: who is the agent? isn't this nik’s band? why would she get an agent?
tim: idk
tim: no wait
tim: its elias
jon: On second thought, maybe I’ll just keep telling her no.
🤡🕸️🤡🕸️ CLOWN GANG IS A STUPID NAME TIM bc web town is any better martin WE ALL VOTED YES IT FUCKING IS we should name it c̶̼̐̐͛̐̏́͂̾̾͌̑͗̉͘l̸̛̬͍̳͚̥͉̻̲̫̣̥͐̒͛̆̋͗̌̓͊̓̔̒̑̿̉͠ͅo̴͖̩͕̯̳̻̤̭͈̗̤̎̑̇b̶͈̜͖̎̈́̾ ̴̢̛̮̼͙̲̻̥̮̦͇̦̗̟͇͔͓̃͋̈́̏̈́̓̑̿̈͋̿̽͗̚̚g̴̡̮͙̟̲̘̫̘̞̙̀̆̓̿̿͝͠͠͝ą̴̢̞̠̮̠͙̲̥̼̤̠̰̣̳̰̒̓̆̌̇̋w̵̨̡͔̘͎̟̦͂͋͊̐̏͘n̴̢͓͈͈͙̘͓̜̣̼̬̫̖̪̒͂̓͝ :^] (the next person to change the chat name is getting banned we voted and that’s it – basira) 🤡🕸️🤡🕸️
SJ: google search how to get serotonin quick
SJ: or wait is it dopamine?
SJ: which is the happy one
SJ: melatonin?
SJ: no that’s a medicine
MB: sasha go to sleep
SJ: are there two happy ones?
SJ: but then what’s the sad one???
MB: sasha
MB: your phone is so bright you’re going to wake everyone up
SJ: shh shhh shhhhh
SJ: kiss you so softly quiet
SJ: which is the happy one
MB: sasha its three am
SJ: shhhhhhhh
SJ: serotonin or dopamine…
SJ: i want the happy one martin
SJ: is it dopamine? is serotonin the sad one?
SJ: do we have melatonin.
MB: the
MB: the sleep hormone?
SJ: no the medicine keep up
MB: i think we might have melatonin pills….?
MB: do you want some?
SJ: crunchy
SJ: WAIT MARTIN
SJ: melatonin sandwich :)
MB: okay im just going to
MB: there
Ollie: sometimes i wish i was a smooth rock at the bottom of a river being gently brushed against by fish
Ollie: oh what are you doing up
MB: oliver???
Ollie: haha im fine
Ollie: you?
MB: well
MB: sasha is still muttering about various hormones but she is letting me try to cuddle her back to sleep
MB: so i guess i've had worse three ams.
Ollie: ahha don’t i know it
Ollie: ok im going to go stare into the fridge until the sun rises
MB: …you do that
MB: sasha?
SJ: …
SJ: but which one is the happy hormone
MB: you’re an avatar of the Eye hun
MB: im sure you can figure it out
MB: sleep now?
SJ: THEY’RE BOTH THE HAPPY HORMONE?????
MB: sasha. sleep. it’s good for you.
SJ: they’re both the happy hormone…
oh my god they were roommates
sasha: tim if ur up can u get me cereal thanks love u 💖💖💖
tim: yeah sure
tim: one sec
sasha: thank youuuu
tim:
tim: sasha my sweet lovely wonderful girlfriend whom i adore and whom adores me
sasha: t
sasha: tim
tim: it appears i
tim: maybe accidentally
tim: left your milk with danny
sasha: TIM,,,,
tim: on the bright side we have monster milk?
sasha: ,,,,,
sasha: oh why the fuck not
sasha: monster milk cereal it is 💖