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Draco Malfoy was around five when he first did something truly wrong that upset his mother, and for years afterwards he thought his constant illness was a punishment kids would receive for disobeying their mothers, only when he was more grown and anxious for his time at Hogwarts did he accept that he was just a child prone to illness even though he hadn't been one on his first few years. Considering his mistake was running away from his mother and crossing the street division between the wizard part and the muggle one to look at the metal things moving on wheels and that he ended up with a bruised knee after bumping on a boy and his fat brother, he thought for sure that he must have got some stupid muggle disease.

He would sometimes few weird pains in his body, one of the worst ones was when he was seven and his wrist was bothering him so much and the healer could not find anything wrong with it and said, once more, that he was just acting up, making him few really embarrassed, but also really upset, which ended up making his magic act up and break his great aunt indian vase. He was lucky his mother never really liked that vase.

He would sometimes feel really cold even when it wasn't.

"He is trembling" his mother would say.

"He doesn't have a fever" his father would answer.

And yet no warming charm or blanket could make the cold go away.

Some of the symptoms however started to become difficult to ignore, he would from time to time have red rashes show up on his skin, which they initially suspected could be Draco's cat, but separating them only made the boy upset, because the issue persisted. His parents were soon to buy all kinds of potions to make it better, but it never seemed to do much. Eventually Lucius asked Severus Snape if he could make anything that would be effective, but in the end the potion master was also defeated and Draco decided to just settle with an arnica cream that was quite cooling on his irritated skin. His friend Daphne was very kind to say he smelled nice and fresh with it.

His parents were quite worried about sending their son to Hogwarts, some of Draco’s symptoms seem to grow as he grew and they did not know if it could get worse. Also, at Hogwarts, some of Draco's more severe symptoms could show up unexpectedly and expose him to his fellow students as someone weak, the Malfoys had tried very hard to hide their son’s condition, worried it could be used against them. Even those that knew Draco had something were only told he had allergies, only the family knew the details and intensity of the issue. Not that Draco’s little friends didn’t suspect there was something else, but they knew better than to ask directly.

It was with much insistence and promises of good behaviour that Draco got his way and was allowed to go to Hogwarts, but he was repeatedly told that he should go to Snape or the infirmary if his symptoms became worse than usual. Unfortunately Draco was not willing to tell his parents about his constant headaches during first year, especially because the worst of it had been during his detention in the forest, which despite his protest, was something that his parents didn't know about because he would have to tell them why he got it in the first place. It had been like a cymbal had been played inside his head and a chill ran down his spine, the last one he suspected, was because he was terribly afraid of whatever was that thing with the unicorn.

But at the end of the year, he was forced by Theo to admit defeat and seek Madame Pomfrey to get something for his three-day migraine. He saw Granger sitting by Potter's bed, he was apparently unconscious for some time, Draco wasn't sure why since the gossip around said all kinds of crazy, but he made sure to sneer at her anyway if just so she would look away and not take notice of what Madame Pomfrey was giving him.

He was initially quite glad that his second year was not as intense as the one before, apart from some discomfort on his arm after the stupid Quidditch match Potter had been able to ruin. He had to do some very complicated things to get rid of the bludger and Potter flying right towards him to distract him and probably throw him off of his broom didn’t help, but it was probably the cause of his discomfort. Still, he had not suffered much and even his headaches weren't that strong or even much present at all, so he felt confident that his grades would also do better this year, he knew he was going to have to self-study for defence considering their new teacher was clearly an idiot and Draco was not getting behind Granger again. 

He had very little time or spirit to worry about the increasing cases of petrification after he was hit with the terrible news that his grandfather had died. Funeral arrangements were made and Draco was only allowed a day’s leave, which didn’t feel like enough, Cygnus had been great as a grandfather and much closer to Draco than Abraxas had been, so he felt much more for his death. His mother was inconsolable and although she had not talked to her sister in years, she took comfort from her and the two women held each other for dear life. Lucretia discreetly asked Lucius if Bellatrix had been informed and he said it had been taken care of. Draco could only really grieve later while cuddling with Pansy and letting her mess his hair while she ran a hand through it. None of the boys at his dormitory mentioned the fact she was still in his bed in the morning, even if Draco tried to pretend otherwise, it was on his face that he had cried himself to sleep.

It was close to the end of the year that he woke up in the middle of the night with a start, he felt like he had just woken up from a nightmare, but he couldn't remember what he had been dreaming about, still he was awake and his head was hurting and his shoulder was burning with what he knew was a new rash forming. He was so tired however that he just put the cream on and closed his eyes again, wishing sleep would just take him. He felt like shit on the next day, but at least his shoulder was no longer red, so he felt he could survive the day, once again he ended up regretting his initial when all the school could talk about that day was Potter's stupid rescue of the Weasley girl.

He went through his first month of summer without much trouble, in fact, his only annoyance was over Theo’s anxiety over the fact Daphne’s little sister, Astoria, had told her parents how her sister was dating Theo and kissing him on the lips, which Theo affirmed had only been a peck.

“Think about the good side, now you can finally ask her parents for her hand in marriage, so Pansy and I won’t have to suffer for another few years. You can take the wedding plans Pansy made to make it more serious” Said Draco mockingly, but he did mean it, a betrothed contract was not a bad idea, even though Theo was so young. 

“But that also means I have to tell my father about it” said Theo pacing around Draco’s room.

“Please, our parents have known for years” said Draco not so mockingly anymore, but trying to keep it light, they never officially talked about the Nott family issues and the fact Theo had been hiding with the Malfoys since he was eight.

“Yeah, but my father and grandfather need to be dead for the adoption to be official and neither of the bastards look like they're gonna drop” Said Theo not making a big deal of it and Draco let it rest, but felt quite warm inside.

Overall, Draco’s summer was going really well, not even the news of Sirius Black escape had changed anything, his parents didn’t consider the man dangerous or worthy of their time and the aurors’ visit had just been a small annoyance, neither of his parents had seen Sirius, nor did they know anything about his escape or where he was headed.

“Whatever he is after is not what the ministry thinks it is” said his father once the men had left.

“But why escape now?” asked Draco 

“That is what we all want to know… Don’t get involved with this Draco, if people ask, just say you know nothing of him”

It wasn’t too long after the aurors had visit that Draco just had a sudden feeling of rage inside him, something he never felt before and had he been on his right mind, he would have seen how uncharacteristic it was, but his mind was suddenly clouded and his actions didn’t really seem like his own.

"You're not eating" commented his mother with clear concern.

"I'm not hungry" he said, quite annoyed, he had no reason to talk like that with his mother, but something inside him was just boiling in the past few days and it was really worse that evening.

"There is no need to talk to your mother like that" said his father in a warning tone, but Draco was in no condition to stop himself.

"I'm going to my room" he said suddenly.

"You are not excused yet" said his father, he had stopped eating and both his parents were looking at him, his mother quite puzzled, it was unusual for him to act up that way.

"Well too bad, I'm leaving' he said and stood up.

It was then that father had enough and took his wand out casting a sticking charm. He got so angry however that he just yelled and broke not only the spell, but also all of the refined water glasses around the table. The wave of magic ended up being sufficient to shock his parents enough so he could leave the room and run to his own.

"What was that?” said Lucius astonished.

"I don't know, I would say hormones, but considering how wild his magic just behaved, I think whatever is bothering Draco must be quite grave" said Narcisa with a thoughtful expression.

And initially his parents tried to find out what was wrong, but he didn't have an explanation for it and although it did not happen again, his father still decided to punish him for the rest of the summer, so he would learn to not act up like that. The punishment only made Draco more mad and worried over his own behaviour, he had never before defied his parents, sure he had a few tantrums as a child, but he never felt any real rage that would make him also be disrespectful, he had never lost control of himself or felt something else was controlling him, but this time, he actually got a bit scared.

But if he thought going to Hogwarts would make things better, he was totally wrong. He got injured almost as soon as he stepped foot on the school because of the damn hippogriff and then his head felt like it was about to explode every other day, he almost didn't want to admit the dementors might be the reason just because stupid Potter was also suffering with them. But eventually he had to confess at least to Pomfrey, who he ended up trusting way more than Professor Snape, that things were going bad. He got very close to a fainting spell during the Hufflepuff vs Gryffindor match. Potter was attracting the dam dementors and as he fell from the sky followed by them, Draco had one of his worst headaches ever and he was sure that had he not been seated, he would have fallen down.

"You look sick, is it your head again?" asked Pansy, she knew a bit more about his health issues and was quite aware that Draco had been plagued by headaches since the train to Hogwarts.

"I feel dizzy" he said.

She very discreetly helped him to leave, pretending she was just hanging on him, when really he was the one using her as support. He refused to go to the infirmary right away because the Gryffindors would be there, but he promised Pansy that he would go there as soon as they were gone. Pomfrey was really concerned about his dizziness and gave him an entire bar of chocolate, some of Honeydukes best, and told him to come by to check in with her at least twice a month.

He wasn't going to go, but his head was hurting all the time and there was just so much potion he could take on his own before he started with an addiction, so Pomfrey would give him chocolate every time she could not give him a potion and he was not going to pass up the opportunity to get free chocolate. 

Between his many visits he ended up helping out with some of the patients, grabbing something for Pomfrey or making sure the students stayed in place and calm until they could be treated.

"You would be a good Healer, Mr. Malfoy, you never panic and even though I would use kinder words, especially with the first years, you are good with dealing with anxious patients"

The idea was not something he would ever think about on his own, but it stuck with him even though he knew it shouldn't. His father expected of him a good career at the Ministry and the administration of the family's business, but with his sick condition and the constant presence of healers in his life, he let himself think that maybe becoming a healer would help him figure out what was wrong with him after all.

He was going back to his dorm after a late night studying when he felt the dizziness take over again and when he was aware of himself again, he was on the floor. For a moment he just remained on the floor feeling the most scared the had ever been, he had never actually fainted before and his symptoms had been growing strong, not in a distinct progression, but clearly a bit every year and fainting made Draco think for the first time that maybe this was not just headaches and allergies, but that it was something that could really kill him one day.

"That was quite the fainting spell there, Draco"

And as he moved up he saw Zabini on the dorm's doorway looking at him.

"I've been studying too much, maybe I need to eat better" was Draco’s terrible excuse.

Zabini didn't seem to actually believe him, but Draco was not going to show weakness in front of him, his mother after all had a lot of power, one that would one day be Blaise's. So with his head still hurting he slowly prepared to bed, just to prove he was fine, but as soon as his head hit the pillow he was out again.

He would have loved to worry about Sirius Black's escape from Hogwarts like everyone else on the next day, but his new revelation was the only thing his mind could think about, he had never before felt his illness was something to fear, but perhaps it was time for him to actually dedicate himself to it.

He tried to organise his mind and think of all the symptoms he had over the years, trying to find anything that they could have missed, he even tried looking for books on the library, but their ‘health’ section was a bit old and mostly general information over various topics, so at the end of the day he was exhausted and had not found a single thing that would be useful. He was kicked out by the annoyed librarian and went back to the common room quite late, so he was surprised to find Daphne there and alone.

“Where is your other half?” he asked

“We’re… kind of fighting at the moment” she said, looking a bit down.

Draco was very surprised by it, it was rare for Daphne and Theo to get mad at one another.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked her kindly, sitting with her.

“We disagree over summer plans… I worry when he goes home”

Draco took a deep breath, he too had those same talks with Theo every now and then.

“He worries that if he leaves, his father might do something to you” said Draco

“Well I worry that man is gonna kill him one day! you saw how he was when he ‘fell out of the window’ last year… I don’t even know why he cares if his son is around or not, all he does is use him as a sandbag”

Draco didn’t have a good answer to give her, from what he knew, Nott resented his son because his wife died in childbirth and it was only because of Theo’s grandmother the boy reached the age of seven unscarred, but once she died, Theo was on his own, his last nice relative, his aunt Dahlia, lived in the United States and in an unusual situation, that didn’t allow her to claim Theo.

“How are you doing anyway?” asked Daphne changing the topic and Draco let her because she really looked upset and in need of a distraction “You’ve been distant lately, Vincent said he barely talks to you anymore and Pansy is super worried about you” 

“I’m fine” he immediately said, but Daphne only looked at him with a not amused face “It’s getting harder every year, but no leads”

“You’re drinking a lot of potions, are you sure it is safe?”

“Pomfrey is controlling it, she wrote me a few things to look out for, like what not to mix and proper intervals for each dose”

“Since you are also good at potions, you should consider brewing your own, the stock you have in your room must cost quite a bit”

“Actually I got a lot of those from the school, but yeah, I suppose I could brew a few of them…” he said thoughtfully. “I wonder if learning more about healing in general would help…” he said and his mind went back to what Pomfrey had said.

“It definitely wouldn’t hurt, but I don’t know when you will have the time since you picked three extra classes instead of two” she said teasing him.

“I don’t know what I was thinking when I picked care of magical creatures… “ he said regretfully, but he was too proud to admit it and quit the class, the last thing he wanted was for Potter and Weasley to mock him for it.

“Well… we thought defence was going to suck again and we would have a lot of free time, I know you are way ahead on charms already… but I must admit, werewolf or not, Lupin is the best teacher we had so far”

Draco wanted to protest on principle, because Lupin was Potter’s favourite teacher, but he knew, deep down, that it was indeed true he had been the best defence teacher so far.

“It’ll suck again next year I’m sure…” he said and then hesitated for a moment, not sure if he wanted to share it or not, but then, he did want an opinion on it “I was thinking about actually asking Pomfrey to teach me some healing”

“Do it, the worst it can happen is that it could be too much and you will have to drop something” she said “and it’s not like we would refuse to help you out with assignments if you’re in trouble”

Draco took those words to heart and after just a few more thoughts that night, he decided to go over to the infirmary and ask for help.

"Would you teach me?" He asked Pomfrey

"I would, it used to be part of the curriculum for sixth and seventh years, but the ministry has decided that Hogwarts should only focus on the basics of education and that if the students want to pursue specific subjects they should do it on their own"

"I am pursuing it on my own though"

And she looked at him with a smile and he knew she would do it, she would even tell him, two years later, that she didn't give any shit about the Ministry's regulation, politicians should never be the ones making decisions about education.

"Pedagogy exists for a reason, people should study it more, even Dumbledore" she said

So Draco got home after his third year with a bit of hope for the next one and, surprisingly, a bit of a smug proudness of both being accepted by Pomfrey and doing something that was completely his and had not gone through any previous approval from his father, he wasn’t sure if it was some kind of rebellion against his parents, but Draco liked the feeling of making his own decision over something in his life. In fact, those thoughts were the only thing that helped his summer be not so miserable. He wasn't sleeping well, he would wake up constantly from nightmares he couldn't remember followed by headaches he could no longer treat with potions.

He was so used to the pain that by the time the World Cup disaster came by, he didn't even feel much difference, until he suddenly saw some black spots for a few seconds. He felt really close to a panic attack, the last thing he needed was to faint when Death Eaters were attacking everyone, even if he was a pureblood, a body on the floor was easy to dismiss as unimportant. So it was the first time he didn't feel safe even though he knew his father was around, a strange feeling of fearing people he knew, fearing the Death Eaters who were supposed to be on his side.

But despite his disturbed sleep and his mother's constant worried looks, Draco was allowed to return to Hogwarts which made him very happy, even more so when the tournament was announced, because even though he didn't give a damn about it, he would have great networking opportunities and this meant Quidditch was cancelled for the year, which gave him a lot of extra time to work with Pomfrey.

Potter being chosen as the second Hogwarts champion was intriguing and Draco did not think he had indeed put his name on the Goblet of Fire, he had no idea why Weasley of all people would believe it, but it was still a good opportunity for a laugh and Draco was quite inspired to practice a bit of advanced charms, since it was a field he actually really liked and that he would have to be really good at for his healer training.

"This is quite good charm work Mr. Malfoy" Said Professor Flitwick holding one of Draco's buttons, they would switch when pressed from saying ’Support Cedric Diggory - The REAL Hogwarts champion!’ to ’Potter stinks’, Draco had spent most of the night making them until Daphne decided to help him so he could get some sleep ”I would advise you however that If you can do such advanced charms, you should maybe use it for less offensive things"

Draco didn't have an answer for Flitwick, at least not one that wouldn’t get him in trouble, but Madame Pomfrey made sure that if he was going crafty and messing with charms, that he used it to learn how to make a healing sigil, something that would require his ancient runes class as well as his charm work and craft abilities.

"But you can't draw the rune with magic, you have to cut the wood with you hands, the wood is already magical, you don't want to mix too much stuff on a sigil, they will only work well if they are focused, so do it all by hand and then apply the enchantments, if you do it right it should hold it”

They also talked about his illness because more than the headaches Pomfrey was interested in Draco's allergy rashes since there was nothing they could track that would trigger it, he would sometimes just have them, like the one on his shoulder that showed up around the time the first task happened without Draco doing anything different than he did everyday.

"Do they hurt?" asked Madame Pomfrey

"Not really, it is very itchy usually and causes a lot of discomfort around the area, but usually no pain"

"How long do they last?"

"When I was younger it could last several days, but nowadays it goes away in a day or even a few hours. I got used to carrying a bit of the arnica cream, it doesn't actually do anything, but the cooling sensation really helps me not scratch it"

It was around Christmas however that Draco had his first discovery that was not related to his illness. Everyone was talking about relationships since the ball had been announced and although finding a date was not something he was worried about, it was the first time some of the older boys started to invite him and his year's students to talk about girls.

"There's a spell you can cast around your bed so the others will not know what you're doing alone or otherwise, you just have to remember if a girl leaves your bed in the morning, not just your year mates will see her"

The silencing spell was indeed a good thing, in fact, it was a bit annoying that something like that was not shared on previous years, Draco had not been much of an enthusiast in exploring himself in a public place, so he was certainly glad to know he would be able to do it in private now, but there were a lot of other reasons to want privacy and it felt unfair the upper years had kept silent for so long and their only motivation was dating, as a Slytherin he would have expected people to use silent spells for a lot of other things. But then, he was not complaining that now he wouldn’t be hearing Vincent or Zabini on their beds at night.

Draco considered only for a moment going to the ball with one of the Beauxbatons’ girls, some of them had asked him after they noticed he spoke french and they would be able to actually talk through the night, but he hadn’t felt much interested in entertaining a strange girl all night, so he kept himself on his safe choice of going to the ball with Pansy. There had been a time when their parents expected a nice match to come out of their little group of friends, Theo had found love at first sight with Daphne, but at their age, two years seemed like a lot and Astoria was considered too young, so Pansy was the one expected to attract either Draco or Vincent, and her strong friendship with Draco seemed to have solved the matter. Unfortunately, as years passed, they both had the feeling that maybe they weren’t a good match, not romantically anyway, but Draco still thought they should try to engage in a bit of dating, he didn’t have any particular interest in any girl and his growing sickness meant he also couldn’t just trust anyone, so it felt right to date someone close, he found however that he had no interest in doing it with Pansy after all.

"We've known each other for years, Draco, I don't want to do it with you either, but we might as well experiment with each other for when we do find who we want" said Pansy kissing him again and tapping her fingers on his face three times. This one was for show.

Draco thought that made sense, if it ever got uncomfortable they could just stop, it just never really did, but it didn’t feel good either. Still, Draco did try his best to be a good boyfriend, unfortunately spending so much time with Pansy also meant spending more time with her friends, so Draco found himself for the first time listening to a great debate over who was more good looking: Krum or Diggory.

"Also Krum is a seeker and I like Quidditch players" said Pansy, hanging on Draco's arm to indicate exactly what she meant by that and Draco just rolled his eyes at her.

"Diggory is also a seeker" he ended up saying without even thinking much about it and suddenly all the eyes were on him, including Theo’s who he thought was sleeping with his head on Daphne's lap.

"So you prefer Diggory then?" asked Millicent Bulstrode with a small smirk, she loved a nasty gossip.

Draco however wasn't going to fall for that bait and just shacked his shoulders with a face of indifference. In his thoughts though he realised he did have a preference and that Diggory's boyish looks in a well toned body were somehow more appealing than Krum. It was only when he saw him impeccably dressed with Chang on his arms did he realise that maybe he liked his looks better than any of the beautiful Beauxbatons girls on the ball.

"One thing no one can deny is that Potter does clean up nicely" said Tracey Davis on the table some of the Slytherins were occupying.

"Having money to buy a decent robe doesn't mean anything" said Theo, who clearly was done with the girl talk and stood taking Daphne with him to either dance or snog, they were quite impossible this year, now that the wedding was finally official.

Draco let himself actually look at Potter for the first time that night and, even to himself, he didn't want to admit that Potter DID look good, he had finally started to grow more into a teen and despite his awkward disposition still very present, he didn't look anymore like someone who was uncomfortable on his own skin, he hadn’t grown much taller, it seemed he was going to stay on the shorter side, but his hair had grown longer, which actually allowed a few curls to form and it looked less of a mess, his baby fat was also gone and his face had finally gotten more sharp, even a bit more aristocratic really, you could almost remember the Potters had been a pureblood family. Draco dismissed those thoughts from his mind when he realised where they were going, that boy could look as good as he wanted, but he was still Saint Potter, who was friends with all kinds, but who had refused Draco without a second thought. So he turned back to admiring Diggory, who was a much safer choice.

He didn't have much time however to explore his new found preferences without the constant worry that was his illness. February brought the second task, but also the first time Draco felt without breath. He and his friends were already celebrating Diggory's victory, even though the task was not over until Potter showed up, when he felt himself choke on air, like he suddenly couldn’t breathe, in the back of his mind he wondered if he was going to pass out again, but the sensation only lasted a minute, so he was able to recompose himself. He immediately noticed Zabini’s eyes on him, but Draco played it off to Zabini so he wouldn't know how severe his little episode was, the boy had been looking at him a lot more since Draco fainted.

"It was just difficult to breathe or did you stop breathing altogether?" asked Pomfrey later on the day when he was finally able to reach her after she attended the Champions and the hostages.

"I don't know, maybe both"

"Have you been agitated recently? Like you are now? This could be the beginning of an anxiety attack"

"I was doing great before and I control my anxiety just fine, I'm not acting up" he said defensively

"That is not what I'm saying, I know you are perfectly capable of keeping your head clean, or I wouldn't have suggested healing for you, but anxiety is an illness that can affect even the most organised minds and the increasing severity of your symptoms is something that you have been anxious all your life, maybe your body is responding to it"

"Great, so I'm even more ill now" said Draco, sulking.

"Perhaps. I want you to monitor this more closely" And as she said this she moved her wand to bring to her a little green notebook "I want you to write down symptoms and dates and anything of importance that happened that day so we can try to find a pattern for this, either to your ongoing illness or to your new found anxiety. If this proves to be a thing you're going to need a special treatment and I might need to involve your parents, your healer and Professor Snape in this."

"Why? You don't tell my parents every time I step in here"

"You take more potions than the average wizard, Merlin knows between you and Potter I wouldn't know who has emptied more of my potion cabinets, but a lot of the things you take are addictive, adding a calming potion to the mix would just increase that. If we find out we are going to be treating anxiety we will need a potion specialist to debate dosages so you don't get poisoned by the cocktail of potions you use. Also some of the ingredients on calming potions are restricted, the school has special permission to buy a certain amount every year to make sure we have the potion on hand in case of an emergency, but if you need to take it all the time, we will need to purchase more and for the school to justify that we will need to present to the school governments the official diagnosis. We don't have to tell them the identity of the student, but obviously, since I’m not your official healer, I will need your parents' permission to administer such a treatment and make those requests.

Draco wasn't sure how to react to all of that, things were getting more complicated than he ever expected, so he just nodded and promised to register everything as he prayed it all to go away.

"If it gets any worse I want you here immediately" were Pomfrey parting words for him.

But for a good while it didn't, he almost felt like he could focus on his studies again and even engage in a bit of self exploration. He loved Pansy very much, but their dating was actually quite terrible, despite her words of not wanting to do it with him, she seemed to enjoy the little messing around they did a lot more than Draco and the worst part was that he wasn’t completely sure why. He never felt shy about what they did, not just because he was comfortable with Pansy, but because he didn’t think it was shameful to get what he wanted, people had sex, so why should he pretend otherwise. His biggest problem was that for a while he didn’t know what exactly he wanted, Theo only had eyes for Daphne, so any comment he could make would be related to something he did with her, which ended up making him ask Vincent. They hadn’t been hanging out together for a while, but Vincent still invited him to stay with him, apparently he and Goyle would sit outside and look at some of the Beauxbatons’ girls.

“They wear short skirts” said Vincent with a smirk “But Durmstrang uniform sucks”

But just like at the ball, Draco still didn’t really like looking at the pretty girls, in fact, he would still look at Diggory from time to time, so his suspicion that his preference laid with boys only grew more. And then he knew for sure when he caught quite the revealing conversation on one of the usually empty corridors.

"Wood doesn't have to worry though, he's got an older brother, he should be enjoying it instead of wasting away pinning after your brother, that tight ass doesn't seem to care, he is more desperate to lick Crouch's boots than someone's dick" Said Pucey, one of the Slytherin’s Quidditch players, he wasn’t being very quiet for someone that was using the armour to hide.

Initially Draco thought it was some kind of political talk and since Pucey’s family was not not really influential, he didn’t thought he was going to hear anything interesting, but then what really caught Draco's attention on that scene was that Pucey was hidden away in a desert corridor with one of the Weasley twins.

"Last time he sent me a letter I told him to just confess and get this over with, but you know him, he is stubborn as fuck. But really Adrian, I don't see why you want to accept that marriage, your family is not even that traditional, I don't see why an only child can't marry a man, this is pureblood bullshit, not the law" he heard Weasley, who was sounding quite annoyed.

"It's my family Fred, I don't expect you to understand" said the Slytherin frustrated, it seemed they had been at this for a while now and they were so distracted, Draco felt more confident in moving forward to seem them better.

"Fine then, just don't expect to find my arse slick and open for you from now on then, because I'm not going to be your little affair" Said Weasley snapping and starting to move away.

"We got the rest of the year still!”

"You can enjoy it with your hand!"

And Draco was sure Weasley was just going to walk away as he intended, but Pucey just grabbed him and they were suddenly snogging with Weasley tightly pressed against the wall, the ginger’s early protest completely forgotten since he was grabbing Pucey just as passionately.

It was the most exciting thing Draco had ever witnessed, most of the people he knew were very discreet with their activities and despite the increased number of snogging in corridors now that three schools were at one place, he had never actually seen anything too intimate, but it really looked like Pucey and Weasley had forgot, or just didn’t care, they were in an open corridor while they had a nice go at each other, in fact Draco felt himself getting hard just by looking, something that usually took Pansy's heavy petting to happen. His mouth was salivating and his own breath was starting to get heavy when he was suddenly taken away from the scene by a pair of hands that grabbed him around his mouth and his stomach and that only released him when they reached the empty classroom nearby.

"What are you doing Malfoy?" Came the accusing question of the other Weasley twin.

Draco was in shock by both his reaction at the corridor and the sudden confrontation in front of him and ended up stuttering without actually saying anything. Weasley, however, did take a look over him and notice the bulge on his trousers, because obviously Draco had not been wearing robes that day since he was making sigils on the infirmary and they would get in the way.

"That was why you were spying on my brother? You like to watch?" Weasley said in a teasing tone that still felt quite flat to Draco.

"I wasn't spying on him, it was an accident, I didn't know Pucey talked to you Gryffindors" he was able to say, not really looking at the other boy, and starting to dread that he was about to be very humiliated for his little slip, but Weasley took another look at him and he seemed to take pity on his clear embarrassed state because he relaxed a bit.

"No one knows about it and no one is supposed to know about it ok, so don't ruin it, if it gets out I will know it was you"

And trying to avoid any more comments about his hard-on, Draco just nodded and ran from the room before Weasley decided to say anything else. He knew however that he couldn’t go straight to the Slytherin dorms, not with the memory of Pucey and Weasley still so fresh. He entered the first bathroom he could find and was quick to cast the same silencing spells he did on his bed in the cubicle he ran into. He never had a wank that was as good as that one and he knew then, for sure, that Pucey's problem would one day be his own, because he was also an only child and he was most certainly gay.

In the days that followed he felt Weasley’s eyes on him constantly, but he pretended to not notice, at least so the other Slytherins wouldn't notice too. He had however gone over the entire event on his head, which led him not only to good times late at night on his bed, but also a curiosity with a little something that Weasley had said that he couldn't take out of his head. He knew how sex was supposed to go with girls and could deduce how it would be with a boy, but there were a lot of details he didn’t actually know and that suddenly was all that he wanted to know. So focused he became on this that at some point Weasley must have noticed his eyes on him and ended up cornering Draco in the library.

"So my brother told me he caught you all hot and bothered watching me and Adrian" He said, the smirk on his lips making Draco feel all the humiliation he wasn't able to when he was first caught.

"I already told him I wasn't spying and I won't tell anyone if that is what you are worried about" he said annoyed and he knew that if he hadn't been caught in a compromising position as well, he would be asking for a favour in exchange for his silence.

Weasley was determined to humiliate him further because he did not drop the matter.

"So you liked what you saw? Have you been wanking thinking of me?" the boy said teasing, a smirk on his face.

But even with the denial on his tongue, his body was probably as flushed as it was possible to get and Weasley seemed to get exactly the answer he was after.

"If you tell on me I will tell on you" was all Draco could say.

"I'm not going to tell on you Malfoy" and his tone seemed a lot more serious than "You are a git, but I would never go around outing people, even you"

They were both silent for a moment and Draco felt that maybe this was his chance to just go and escape this terrible conversation.

"Have you talked to anyone about it?" Weasley ended up asking before he could run away.

"Is this you offering?"

And Weasley made a face at him and later Draco would realise that his words could also have sounded like a bad proposition for other things.

"Way in the back there are some books about healing stuff and some of it is supposed to be sex education, it's crap, but it tells the basics of how it works if you don't know yet. Also, you can find a few lubricant spells there. I wouldn't recommend trying any of the ‘prep’ stuff on yourself, it is more likely to go wrong and you will end up on the toilet instead of getting a mild loose arse. Not to mention doing by hand is way more fun"

Fred Weasley took being cool talking about sex to another level and Draco ended up suffering his worst sex talk ever with a Weasley of all people, but he could say at least it had been way more useful than anything he had been told on the matter. So even if in the end he wasn't quite ready to take his experiments quite that further, he was happy that he at least knew how.

Unfortunately the expression 'the calm before the storm' was true for Draco as it were for many others. June came with terrible headaches and Pomfrey told him something could be coming and he should watch out for more severe symptoms on the next feel days. She was absolutely right.

He had been excited for the last task of the tournament and to see if Potter would actually win or not. He had a lot of fun making things up about him all year, some of the histories on the Prophet were so good he saved a copy, and all of that had got Draco a bit invested in the final results. He even invested in the Weasley twins’ bets, putting his money for Diggory obviously, but he felt light enough to even tease Weasley. The day before the task he saw them surrounded by people signing up for the bet, he put his galleons on the back trouser pocket of one of the twins with the excuse they had his hands full and obviously he used the moment to give a squeeze on an arse not his own. He wasn't sure he got the right twin, as far as he knew only one was gay, but if he got it wrong, the one who got his arse squeezed didn't get offended because he looked at him and laughed, leaving Draco with a giddy feeling he was not aware he longed for.

It didn't take long into the task however for Draco to feel the familiar itch on his skin and he knew he would soon be able to see the red rash on his pale skin, something that wouldn't have bothered him if he was not with his arms exposed, it was almost summer after all and he had no excuse to walk around with long sleeves.

"Your… allergy?" Asked Pansy with a concerned look.

"Yeah, I don't feel too good either, I think I'm going to leave"

He left before Pansy could give him any other answer and by the time he was down from the stands his head was hurting so bad he was starting to feel dizzy. He tried to go as quickly as possible to the castle, he knew whatever was coming was absolutely worthy of an infirmary visit and Pomfrey's overwhelming care. Draco was half way there when his entire body started to hurt and he fell on the floor screaming from all the pain.

He never made it to the castle.

Chapter Text

When Draco woke up once more his entire body still hurt, but not as much as before, he was also nicely settled on one of the infirmary beds, and it seemed the place had turned into quite the hot spot since he could hear quite a lot of voices screaming at each other.

"You will find Mr. Potter that my husband couldn't possibly be wherever you think he was because he is jumping from fireplace to fireplace to locate Healer Parsiton, who's been the family healer for years, and he takes our son’s well-being as a priority. Always,” Draco realised the voice was his mother's and that was enough to wake him further.

He was able to hear Weasley's voice asking, "What is even wrong with him?" before Potter's voice raised again.

"I know what I saw!”

And he had no idea what Potter was even talking about, but his mother was just there, and his body was hurting, and he was feeling lightheaded.

"Mother", he called, and he noticed he could barely talk, his throat felt scratchy, and he vaguely remembered screaming before passing out.

"Oh Dragon" she said as she rushed to her side and sat on the chair next to his bed, where she could check him all over.

He would have felt embarrassed by his mother's display of affection in front of Potter and what he now could see was a lot of Weasleys, Granger, Professor Snape and Dumbledore all surrounding Potter's own infirmary bed. But he felt miserable, and his mother's hand on his face felt like the best thing in the world, and suddenly even breathing was way easier just because she was there.

"Thanks goodness you are awake, Mr. Malfoy!" said Pomfrey, moving towards him, casting a few diagnosis charms and giving him some potions to drink.

"What happened?" he asked  and Dumbledore slowly approached his bed.

"We were actually hoping you would be able to tell us that. You were found unconscious outside the castle. All we were able to discover was that you were not feeling good during the third task, but Miss Parkinson didn't know much more than that," Said Dumbledore in a calm but cautious voice. It gave Draco the impression that he was expecting him to say he was attacked or something. He wasn't Potter.

"I was trying to come here as we agreed" he said looking at Pomfrey "Clearly I didn't make it" 

But no other answer could be given because the doors of the infirmary opened abruptly and in came Professor McGonagall, Draco's father and Healer Parsinton. Everyone in the room felt the need to look at Malfoy Sr. either with anger or caution, but the man spared no second on them and moved straight to Draco’s side.

"Draco?" It was just his name on his father's lips, but he knew just by that how terribly worried he was at that moment.

"He just woke up" Said his mother.

"Healer Parsinton, it is a pleasure to finally meet you" Said Madame Pomfrey, exchanging handshakes with her fellow healer.

"Likewise, Madame, I got your last note about Mr. Malfoy's ongoings, but can’t say I could investigate any further on what you suggested"

"You've been talking about his condition without my knowledge?" Asked his father, finally looking at the pair with a murderous expression on his face.

"Absolutely, although I'm not sure you can say it is without your knowledge. I could hardly treat him in the summer without knowing exactly what he has been taking during the year, it is part of protocol that private healers send and require the medical records from the Hogwarts’ Healer in any case of long-standing conditions. As you know I'm not authorised to treat Draco while he is at school, you can’t have imagined I would leave him with no assistance the entire year, I take my job very serious" Healer Parsinton’s words were tense, but his father clearly took a step back and he was forced to agree that not only the healer had Draco's best interest at heart, but also the fact that, as a school governor, he was supposed to know all of the laws and regulations about Hogwarts.

While Parsinton spoke however, Draco turned and notice that Potter was looking at him with quite the puzzled expression, in fact so was his two followers and the twins, but the Weasley mother, despite any restrictions she might have with his father, looked over concerned and she stood ready to rush to their side if she realised she was needed. As if.

"Doing your end of the year visit to the infirmary, Potter?" he mocked.

Whatever answer the boy was going to give was cut off by Pomfrey.

"I'm afraid this year the competition is all yours, Draco, had you not woken up this morning, we would have transferred you to St. Mungus today"

"How long was he out?" Asked Parsinton

"Two nights, all day yesterday" Said Pomfrey and turned to those around Potter's bed "If you'll all excuse me, but this is a private matter" and as soon as she said this she cast a silence ward around Draco's bed allowing the healers and his parents as well as the professors in, but keeping all the curious Gryffindors out.

"I would usually prefer my office, but we can't all fit there", said Pomfrey as she turned her attention back to them.

"I think I speak both for me and Albus when I say I had no idea Mr. Malfoy was ever ill, much less gravely so" Said McGonagall.

"I believe this is not the first time you heard about this, Severus?" Asked Dumbledore and Draco noticed for the first time how horrible Snape looked, all of the professors really, whatever landed Potter in the infirmary this year must have been a lot more than just the tournament.

"I was aware of the existence of a mild condition, mostly allergic, not a life-threatening one"

"His condition has deteriorated more each year, only this year we have started to suspect that this was going to a dangerous place, this is the first time such an episode occurred" Said Parsinton.

"What is wrong with him?" Asked McGonagall and this seemed to be the last straw for Lucius.

"We don't know! No treatment works. In fact, most of the time, spells will say he is perfectly fine, so there is no treatment for something that simply doesn't exist. And yet he is still getting more ill every year," Said Lucius in an outburst that was completely unusual for him. He was clearly nervous and more jumpy than Draco had ever seen him, but at least his unusual behaviour made it clear to the professors this was quite serious.

At Draco’s side, his mother took his hand in hers and held on for dear life. She would not cry in front of these people, but her eyes were red with the effort.

"But we might just have had a breakthrough", said Pomfrey, and the entire group was hanging on her every word "I have been suspecting for a while that this could be an autoimmune condition, but I had been unable to closely monitor an episode until now. Healer Parsinton wrote to me saying this had been discarded in his childhood, he was not born with any pre-existing issues from his parents and magic would usually prevent any kind of autoimmune condition, which is also why it is not a very well explored field, the rare times it has happened is with muggleborns that had cases in the family... which is not something Mr. Malfoy would have in his family.” Everyone moved uncomfortable for a moment, but no one comment “However being able to monitor this episode has actually confirmed my suspicion that this is an autoimmune condition, except it is not a biological one, it seems that instead of protecting him, it is his own magic that is hurting him"

"His magic?" Said Malfoy Sr. with shock in his voice.

"For some reason, your son's magical core is not expanding and compressing in a fluid movement, which is what it normally does. When magic is used, it compresses when you're done, it expands again, is like your chest when you're breathing. Size, when it is expanded, will grow as the child grows and will have reached its final size at sixteen or seventeen. Draco's core is having spasms. Whenever that happens, the magic generated is discharging on his own body, the more severe the spasm, the more it messes with his magic, the more he suffers"

"What can be done about it?" Asked Narcisa with a trembling voice.

"At the moment? Adjust potion dosages so we don't add a potion addiction to the mix. This is new territory even for me and a lot of research will have to be done before we can treat it properly, the only thing more delicate than the mind is the magical core and damaging it is usually fatal, this is not something we can experiment with, specially without knowing exactly what is causing this spams to begin with.

"And what makes you assume we will let a school nurse treat my son for a life-threatening illness?" said Lucius, confrontational once more.

"I have spent years treating consciousness shut down and other mind conditions related to spell damage before I ever stepped foot on this school as staff. One of the most complicated things about these conditions is the mixing of inducing potions and it was my more pressing concern about your son's health since the beginning, the way we've been treating him until now was very close to a path to shut down, which is something we must avoid at all cost. But many healers have given up on treatment of shut down believing the damage is permanent, so unless you want to hospitalise your son for the next few years, you will find yourself with a very shortage of options on healers that will be able to treat your son's condition but will know enough about shut down to prevent it. I guarantee you I have seen many more patients end up in comas because of potion abuse than because of the cruciatus curse"

Silence was in the air for a few seconds before Narcisa decided to break it.

"What is your opinion, Healer Parsinton?"

"I know Madame Pomfrey has a good career behind her, and I would feel more comfortable leaving Draco with someone who would know well the limits around inducing potions, but I don't think we need to keep him at the hospital. Although his current condition is grave and this last episode was quite violent, none of this is leaving everlasting damage, whatever is hurting him, is also healing him. He is physically healthy, even some of his more persistent rashes have healed and left his skin unmarked, and I don't believe this has been affecting his spell casting, has it?" And he turned to Pomfrey for a moment for confirmation.

"Absolutely not, in fact he has an amazing control for charms, even the more advanced ones" And she turned to McGonagall and Dumbledore "In fact I would recommend him to Filius for advanced charms, it is a waste to keep Mr. Malfoy exclusively on the charms' school curriculum when he clearly is capable of much more advanced studies"

And despite the situation, it was impossible for every Malfoy in the room to keep the proud smile from their faces.

"That being said" continued Parsinton "We have been investigating this for years, it is more likely we will never be able to threat the actual condition, only its effects, so I think we should be more concerned about something that could leave lasting damage which at the moment is the effects of the potions Draco has been taking to ease some of his everyday symptoms, I’ve been prescribing him the maximum dosage I’m allowed without a potion master’s advice, clearly we can’t keep that up.“

The Malfoy couple looked at one another, having a silent conversation that only time and a good connection could have made them capable of. But in the end, they both agreed with it.

"What will be done then?" Asked Lucius.

"I want to sit down with Professor Snape to discuss dosage. I think it would be better to have a batch of potions designed for Draco instead of giving him the standard one. When this is done, I would appreciate the governors' help with the more administrative part of permissions for ingredient purchase," said Pomfrey

"We can pay it privately"

"If you wish so, but any treatment done on school is paid by the school, so it is a right you can claim, also arrangements can be made, but it might be more difficult to get permission to obtain this ingredients as a private party instead of as an institution"

"Will we need to provide any school arrangements?" Asked Dumbledore

"Not really, Draco manages this very well, but I would like all relevant staff to know about it in case something happens" He turned to Draco then "Unfortunately one change will have to be made, because although Quidditch will resume next year, you will not be allowed to play"

"What?" Said Draco, shocked, "I never had trouble in Quidditch!”

"But you never had fainting spells either, I cannot allow you on a broom with the risk you might blackout out of nowhere and fall from it. No flying will be permitted for you, not even for a bit of fun"

Draco might have omitted his first faint last year, but now that everyone had seen it, he knew it was pointless to fight, she was absolutely right after all, but it didn't mean he had to like it.

Slowly, everyone began to move, the two healers and Professor Snape going to Madam Pomfrey's office and his father, after a small touch on his head and a hand on his mother's shoulder, all the affection he would ever show in public, left with Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall. So Draco was left with his mother, who was still holding his hand and looking at him with the most concerned eyes he had ever seen on her face.

“This is all my fault…” said his mother quietly

“How could it be?” said Draco, but his mother only looked more pained, not saying anything. 

They were soon interrupted, however, by the approach of Mrs. Weasley, which Draco had completely forgotten about and had no idea why she was even there.

"The elves just brought some tea, I thought you could do with a cuppa" Said the woman to his mother.

It said a lot about his mother state and need of the sympathy the other woman was offering that she politely thanked Weasley and took the tea, not even complaining if it was not to her liking.

He finally turned to the other occupied bed and noticed all eyes were on him. He tried to scorn at them, he didn't need their pity, but he was too tired and decided to just leave them.

"You're not dying, are you, Malfoy?" Asked one of the twins and that was a way better way to show sympathy than pity looks, so he smiled.

"Not today, but I will be in bed for a while, so you better go enjoy that empty corridor"

And although both twins laughed, one of them blushed, and Draco knew at least for a while who was who.

"What is he talking about?" Asked the annoying Weasley, but the twins just smirked and their mother got a little glint in her eyes.

"Anyone I would know?" she asked her boys.

"I have no idea what you're talking about, woman" Said George, but Draco knew it was Fred, who was still with a bit of blush, who knew exactly what both Draco and Mrs. Weasley were talking about. Draco’s own mother gave him a curious look, but did not ask.

They didn't talk more with each other, but he could hear Weasley, Granger and Potter whispering to one another. He was, however, too tired to pay any attention to them, so he let sleep take him once more.

—

In the end, Potter was allowed to leave the infirmary first, but when Draco left was not to go back to his dormitory, but straight home. He would only learn about what happened in the tournament a few days later when Theo was finally able to escape his own house for a while. In a strange way he felt sad for Diggory, part of Draco had that small first crush feeling, but he never really knew Diggory, so apart from a passing sadness over it, he was not too upset about it, it was the part that Crouch Jr had been their teacher that got to him. It made a lot more sense now that the fake moody had such a bad attitude, he had only heard horrible things about Crouch, but the man was supposed to be dead, it had been Mr. Lestrange only satisfaction, so in a way it was good the man wasn’t alive to know Crouch had lived, but it was horrible that Crouch Sr’s double standards only now had come to light, when, in another time, Mr. Lestrange, and even his great aunt Walburga, could have used this for their advantage in freeing their sons. But then, Crouch was nothing compared to the news that Potter had claimed the Dark Lord had returned, which left Draco with a lot of mixed feelings.

The Dark Lord's return was something that had been whispered as a possibility in his childhood, so he had always courted the thought that, given the opportunity, he would join the Death Eaters. Now however, Draco was confronted with the fact that he was sick and would be sick for a long time and even if he didn't feel sick most days, he would never be worthy for the Dark Lord to be one of his chosen.

That turned out to be a bad thinking path, because he ended up spending most of his summer thinking about all the ways his sickness made him unworthy. No woman would marry him because of the fear his sickness would pass on to their child, not that any man would take him either, who would date such a sick man after all. But it also meant he might never fulfil his father's wishes for him, and he would never be the heir his parents wanted. That little thought haunted him, because not getting better meant no future, and he wondered that if no cure was possible, then perhaps it would be better for this to kill him after all.

A bright spot for his summer ended up coming with his Hogwarts letter: he had been chosen as a prefect. He didn't feel it was undeserved, he was one of the best students in his year, and he held the respect of quite a few people in his house, yet he felt a bit bitter whenever he thought he was only chosen out of pity for his condition. Either way, being a prefect would give him more freedom around the school and it would certainly help with going to the infirmary without drawing attention to himself. Having Pansy with him was a bonus, she would help not only with his duties but with keeping his activities hidden.

The downside of being a prefect was that he had completely forgotten that Weasley and Granger had seen him at the infirmary at the end of the last school year, and he was not prepared for the confrontation they started in the open and in front of the other prefects. It was just a simple "how are you, Malfoy? Are you feeling better?" from Granger, but it was enough damage and not even his cold response and Weasley's subsequent disinterest in him with a muttered "He is feeling better alright" would take away the suspicion of his fellow prefects. After all, something really big must have happened for Gryffindor, muggle-born Hermione Granger to go to him and ask how he was.

Luckily, he already knew people would have noticed him suddenly leaving Hogwarts last year, so he had prepared a good excuse of having got something nasty, but that he was perfectly fine now. He still got a few concerned looks sometimes, and he knew Zabini did not believe a word he said, but life at Hogwarts went back to the normality it was.

Obviously, Defence Against the Dark Arts was, as usual, the worst part of the year. Dolores Umbridge had no intention of teaching them anything useful, Draco thought that if she was so sure the Ministry was providing them a ‘controlled space’ to learn, then why would they not use magic on this ‘controlled class’, she could not be really expecting them all to cast for the first time on an exam, this was not how magic even worked. But Draco had been advised by his father to play nicely with the woman, so he kept it all to himself and simply added to his list of many extra things to do that he would have to find time to actually learn this year's defence curriculum.

He should have dropped Care of Magical Creatures after all.

He had been looking for an empty classroom to practice when he saw one of the Weasley twins getting out from one of said classrooms.

"Are you doing it in classrooms now?" he asked teasingly “I suppose it’s safer”

Whoever that twin was, it seemed surprised Draco had talked to them and so casually even. But still Weasley gave him a smirk and walked up to him.

"Pucey is engaged now, you know?"

"Is your brother avoiding this place then to avoid the memories?" said Draco amused.

"Why would George have bad memories? He is not into men, but certainly wouldn't be traumatised by it"

"Except that I meant you brother because you are George, Fred called him Adrian" said Draco feeling really smug.

George didn't even try to keep the pretence, he was clearly surprised by Draco's catch of such a small detail.

"Fred is not overly upset, really. They weren't any forbidden love or whatever, he just thinks it is stupid for Pucey to put tradition before his own feelings. I think that upsets him more then having to spend the year without a shag"

They went quiet after that statement, they weren't really friends, and they didn't have anything to actually talk about. But as a true Gryffindor, George tried anyway.

"How are you by the way, it looked pretty serious last year"

Draco thought about just telling him the standard lie he's been telling everyone, but knowing George already held a piece of his secrets, it felt easier to just say the truth.

"Well, I'm not dead yet"

If the boy was surprised by his honest answer, he didn't show, but he left him with intriguing parting words.

"Then maybe you should start to live a little", said the boy with an amused expression.

Draco partially regretted his strange truce with the twins, part of him was mad at Weasley, who did he think he was? But part of him was thinking that maybe the bastard had a point, because if he died today, could he really say he had lived the best life possible? Draco had no answer to what he was supposed to do, how did one know they were truly happy was too complex a question to answer, and even if he knew it could be better, he had no idea what would make it so. 

All Draco could do was go through his days as he always had and study hard. Professor Flitwick had agreed to meet him twice a month to assign him extra reading and practice some more advanced charms than the curriculum would offer. the little man was determined to push Draco and would even assign some extra work on his class material. He was also the first to talk about his illness and remind Draco that now part of the Hogwarts staff also knew about it.

"Those rashes, do they make casting any different for you?" He asked, pointing to Draco's hand, a persistent rash had started there since the beginning of the school year, and Draco was starting to think he might actually be getting his first scar from that one, since his hand was now constantly itchy and even the other Slytherins had noticed.

"Not that I have noticed" he said.

The little man had a bit of a thinking face and then seemed to decide something, because he cast both a locking charm and a ward on the door.

"Chams will not usually consume much magic power, they are more about the arrangement of the magic and making it turn on your will, obviously, the more complex the charm, the more magic you use, but the result is completely about how you use it. Defence, however, can exhaust someone quite easily if they are not properly trained to expand their magic to create power without using magical power and draining themselves. You said that charms don't seem to affect your illness, even though I hear from Poppy it is a magical illness. I'm curious if casting defence spells would make any difference"

Draco had never thought about testing his magic that way and was certainly intrigued.

"I have been trying some spells, but just to cover the minimum practice, we are not actually supposed to be casting defence spells" He said, and there was no need to point out the reason why.

"Yes… thankfully, we got a good space here, so I was wondering if you would like to try getting close to exhausting your magical core and see what happens"

"I don't think Pomfrey would approve" 

"On the contrary, she was the one who suggested"

That actually surprised Draco, but it gave him more confidence in accepting the offer. He didn't want to pass up the opportunity to have an actual capable professor helping him with defence, but he also didn't want to do something that could put himself at risk.

The session was a good one, and Draco was able to even learn some of the more simple spells they were supposed to have learned with Lockheart. It didn't however tell them anything of importance because all of that casting didn't trigger anything.

"No test is useless, if anything you learned you can defend yourself for a good amount of time without having to worry about your illness, also means I don’t have to worry about teaching you more magic consuming charms” Said the Professor at the end of it "and it might be just an impression, but your hand does look more red"

Draco looked at it and indeed it was.

"It's been like this since the term started really. It seems to get worse at night, so it might be all the magic I've been using during the day. This one is really getting inflamed though"

"Ask Poppy for some murtlap essence, if nothing helps the irritation, at least you shouldn't let it get inflamed"

Draco left the charms classroom thinking that maybe he should make that detour to the infirmary, it was almost curfew, but he was a prefect, also, it seems Umbridge was only after Potter and his supporters, she would probably excuse him if she saw him. He stopped just a second to look at his hand when he had the impression that part of the redness was actually forming words.

"I'm clearly too tired" 

With that thought, he decided to just go to bed and rest, he could go to the infirmary on the next day. By the time he woke up on the next morning, his hand was back to being just red, no words, so he was certain he had just imagined it.

It was late that night, when he was alone in the common room catching up on the assignments he was unable to do the day before, that he once again had the impression words were forming on his skin. That was probably the most terrifying thing his illness had ever caused because it had never messed with his head before, and that was considering he had passed out from pain at the end of the last school year.

"I must not tell lies"

The handwriting was not his own, it was quite a bad one, really, but they were words. Words that made no sense for him.

In a panic, Draco closed his books and packed all his things and decided to just go to bed. Sleep was hard to come, he felt so conscious of the itchiness on his hand that even a headache was beginning to form, but eventually he fell into a not so restful sleep, wishing really hard that it would all go away in the morning.

Unfortunately for Draco, the words would come back every night, and he could not deny anymore that this was happening. He wondered if it was a message for him, to stop telling little lies. It was useless however to think like that, his hand had been red for way over a week and the words couldn't possibly be about the little tips he gave Umbridge.

Without being able to form any logical conclusion for that, Draco could only assume his mind was making it up. He did not tell Pomfrey about this new development, the words were never there during the day, so with no proof, he would sound like a lunatic, never mind the fact she would not get bothered by him showing up there at night. He was terribly scared to find out what that was about, because there was a huge chance he was just losing his mind.

Two days later, the words were gone, and by the time the weekend was over, so was the redness, and it was like it never happened. Except that it did, and he knew it did and that knowledge made his entire world different. Something that didn't go unnoticed by his Slytherin peers and Zabini, who had created the habit of watching him like a hawk, so Draco ended up studying more in the library or empty rooms where no one would be asking him questions to try and fish out what was on his mind.

His new mood apparently was not only noticed by the Slytherin, because one of the twins came to him in an empty corridor to ask if he was alright.

"Why are you asking?" and the words were short, but it didn't carry any disdain for the Weasley, just a bit of formality.

"George was afraid he might have said something that upset you, he was feeling quite guilty"

Draco wasn't sure if that was indeed Fred or just George pretending to be him again, but decided to keep their conversation going.

"It wasn't that, so he can rest his delicate Gryffindor heart and even if it was, why would you care? We are not friends"

"Ah come on, you mean I haven't grown a little on you?" Said Weasley with a smirk, looking him over and making sure to stop on his trousers just to mark what he was implying.

"It's Fred then, he is the crude one" and it was a simple thought, but showed Draco he was indeed closer to the boys, enough to start separating them and identifying their individuality. It was, however a friendship that his father would most certainly murder him if he found out about it. And yet that was exactly what made this exciting and worth doing it. Live a little, wasn’t it? He was already losing his mind as it was.

"Only late at night" Draco said with a teasing smirk and the other boy blushed, but laughed too.

"You're way nicer when Harry is not around"

He rolled his eyes but didn't answer, he didn't want to fight with the boy just after accepting a ‘hand of friendship’.

"I heard Flitwick is giving you extra stuff, do you need help with charms?"

"He is giving me advanced classes actually"

That seems to actually impress Weasley, and he got a small, thoughtful face for a while.

"George and I have been working on some stuff, and we could certainly do with a bit of help with charms", said Weasley, a bit uncertain if he should be making that proposition or not, but Draco apparently had already accepted the twins in his life.

"Show me what you got"

Working with the twins was interesting, they were really inventive and way smarter than people gave them credit for. It was also full of awkward silences and uncertainty because of all the delicate topics that could destroy it all, but eventually George did take a step forward.

"If you don't like Umbridge, why are you helping her?"

"Umbridge is not here as a teacher, she is here as a political statement. Even if she wanted, she wouldn't be able to teach us anything. I have no reason to make myself a target by opposing her. Also, there is some good stuff in the mix, despite any of my… personal opinions on Hagrid, he is a terrible teacher and getting rid of him… At least for that position, is certainly something that I can agree on," He answered calmly, maybe a bit nervous.

"So is Snape, though! Don't see you trying to sack him"

"Indeed" And his agreement was obviously a surprise for the two of them “But Snape is at least very aware that he deals with a dangerous subject and even when faced with students he dislikes, he has always focused on the safety of everyone. For all that he is the worst potion teacher of the past few years, he is the one who had less serious accidents in the century, it’s what keeps him on the job, apart from Dumbledore obviously.“

And that was something the twins could not disagree on and any further discussion on the topic was laid to rest for the time being. By the time they parted ways Draco was in a good mood and even his late night migraine, that darkened his vision for a few seconds, did not end his glee for imagining the twins flying on brooms with the boils on their arses. He slept thinking of what could possibly fix their Fever Fudge.

It was a shame his new friendship fell apart all too soon. The quidditch game between Gryffindor and Slytherin hit Draco really hard, he was angry that Perfect Potter could still play when he couldn't, something the Gryffindors had actually only learned when the Slytherin team appeared with the wrong seeker. It was too easy to discharge his anger on Potter, especially with his aggravated anger of being in pain by the end of the game. 

The problem with messing with Potter is that it was too easy to also mention the Weasleys, it had become second nature and only when it was George charging at him did he realise the stupid thing he had done, and the punch hurt even more. So learning Potter was banned from Quidditch caused him no glee because of the guilt of also ruining it for the twins. The both of them wouldn't even look at his direction, and Draco was sure that whatever they had built before was over and done.

His life went back to what it was before and yet, just like the words on his skin, his passing friendship with the twins had also changed his world a bit. He had… liked them, but It was the first time his words had consequences and he didn't know what to do with them, so his only reaction was to retract even more on himself.

"Vincent is growing his head with you gone, you know?" Said Pansy when she cornered him on the dorms "You're gonna lose your place if you keep that up"

"Is this your way of telling me you want to break up if I'm not on top?" he said teasingly, but also curious, he had never doubted Pansy before, but things had changed.

"Draco darling, do you even remember when was the last time we were together?" 

Losing Pansy's support was just one more sign that what he was really losing was himself, he had no desire to play politics with his fellow Slytherins, he barely knew what he wanted to do with himself, so he avoided his friends' concerned eyes and decided to focus on the things he still had like his school work, his charms assignments and his healer studies.

By the time Hagrid's class with Umbridge happened, Draco felt no desire to help the woman and would have played as indifferent for the whole class had something unexpected not happened: He could see the blood thestrals.

He had seen them with the carriages, but it had seemed completely unimportant then, he didn’t even realise what they actually were and what it meant that he was suddenly seeing them. It had been Patil’s words about their meaning that hit him that he shouldn’t have dismissed the things, because he was sure he had never seen anyone die, so the morbid creatures could only be an omen of his future.

"It's quite alright, they are terrifying even for those who can not see them, isn't it, Mr. Malfoy?" Came Umbridge's voice, and Draco noticed for the first time that people were looking at him and that his shock must have been clear on his face for Umbridge to decide to put him in the spotlight like that.

"Yeah, sure" He said a bit vague, not really sure what she was talking about, but his answer seemed to please her, because she smiled and went ahead with whatever she was doing, he heard Pansy's fake laugh and some comment, but he didn't pay attention, his head was still spinning and he stood frozen in place for a while.

"Ye alright there Malfoy?" asked Hagrid, and Draco finally noticed the class was over and only the golden trio and Longbottom were still there, all looking at him with a mix of confusion and anger.

"I never saw anyone die", He said, still confused, he didn’t mean to, but he was actually scared.

"Good for you!" Said Weasley with an angry face, not noticing the scared look on Draco's face like the others did.

"Then why do I see them?"

The others had no answer for him, but one of the younger thestrals decided that was a good moment to come to Draco and ask for a nice caress on his head. He was in so much of a trance that his natural dislike for creatures seemed nonexistent, and he went ahead and petted the thing. It took him a moment to notice he was also crying.

"I don't wanna die" he thought

"It is not true that thestrals are bad omens, whatever you think is gonna happen, probably won't" Came Granger's voice in a very careful tone, but a sympathetic one. Only then did Draco notice the four Gryffindors were still there watching his weakest moment, so he put himself as together as he could and turned back to the girl.

"Read that in some book, did you?"

It was a very weak remark, and he wasn't even sure he had managed to offend her the way he wanted to, but it was something, and he was quick to move away from there as fast as he could. He entered the castle and found a bathroom where he cast his spells, and he hid and he cried like he hadn't since he was a child. By the time he was done, he knew he could not return to the Slytherin rooms, so he cast a notice-me-not charm and went to the infirmary, where he was quick to occupy one of the beds, falling asleep quite easily, even though the bed was nothing compared with the one in the dorms. But he was exhausted and his eyes were puffy, so if he was lucky Pomfrey would take pity on him and make his excuses for all the classes he lost that day.

Chapter Text

The days that followed Draco’s breakdown, sedimented him as a pariah in his house, no one knew what was wrong with him, but his excuses of needing to study only could hold so far. He actually expected some sort of retaliation from those that would want to enjoy his fall from grace, but for reasons he couldn't figure out Zabini threw his favour at Draco, so the others kept their distance. He thought about asking Zabini, who he rarely talked to really, why he was defending him, but in the end, he decided not to, just in case the boy changed his mind.

The head of houses had clearly been told by Hagrid about what happened and they probably had a good idea what it was about, so they all treated Draco very carefully, something that the other students were soon to notice, but since there was no facts to sustain the subject on the gossip lines, they soon let it go. But Granger and Longbottom showed their Gryffindor hearts by trying to approach Draco to talk about what happened, however, as soon as they realised he would only have insults for them, they too left him on his own.

Draco felt like time was just passing him by, he had no heart to answer his mother's concerned letters, he avoided his friends and watched with great sorrow as Pansy started to go from one guy to another, something that would soon give her a reputation. His studies didn’t go any better, his healer work became full theory "until he had his head right again" and his charms were suffering way more to progress then they did before. He tried to think what the words he had seen on his skin could possibly mean and tried to make it fit with his illness, but nothing came to mind, so he just let it go completely defeated. By the time December approached, Draco was just glad he would finally go home.

It was a night like any other, there was nothing particular about that day that told Draco something was coming, but he woke up screaming, trembling and covered in sweat. As usual he could not remember his dreams, but this one must have been worse than usual, because everything hurt, his head was about to explode and he was just glad for the silencing charms, or he was sure all the Slytherin house would have woken up with his screams. As he tried to rise he only had time to turn before he vomited and panic flooded him when he realised his mouth tasted as both vomit and blood.

It was on trembling legs that he stood and tried to leave his dorm, but he was dizzy so all he did was fall on the floor after just a few steps and feel more of the cold sweat on his feverish body. He did not know how long he was on the floor before someone appeared on his side.

"Come on, I will take you to the infirmary"

And in the dark with his blurry vision he could only feel Zabini more than see him, but he accepted the help anyway and soon they both were leaving the dungeons, they were probably halfway to the infirmary when they crossed paths with Potter, Weasley and Professor McGonagall.

"Mr. Malfoy? Mr. Zabini?” Asked the woman concerned, but it was Zabini who answered.

"I'm taking him to the infirmary"

For one moment she seemed confused about what to do, looking between them and Potter and reaching the obvious conclusion she would not be able to help both of the sick students.

"Do that and tell Madame Pomfrey to wake Professor Snape. Seems like we're having quite the night"

And with that both groups parted ways and Draco could only spare a few minutes wondering what had Potter done this time before he reached the infirmary and was immediately overwhelmed by Pomfrey as she gave him a cocktail of potions.

When Draco woke up on the next day it felt like all that happened during the night had been just a nightmare, he felt a mild headache but the rest of him was completely fine which at this point was a relief.

"How are you feeling this morning?" came Dumbledore's gentle voice and Draco wondered why the headmaster was there, he even looked around to see if Potter was there as well, for that must be the reason.

"I feel fine" he said automatically.

"Fine is not an answer Mr. Malfoy" Said Madame Pomfrey emerging from her cabinet with a potion on her hand.

"I really do feel fine though, only the usual headache"

Dumbledore was still silent, but his eyes were all over Draco, something that made the boy a bit nervous.

"I'm glad that you are better then" He said "your mother has been notified and since it’s almost the end of term, she is arranging for you to go home as soon as you are discharged" He looked at Draco a bit more before apparently deciding to ask whatever was truly on his mind "You have been sick all your life I believe"

"Since I was around five" said Draco defensively, not knowing what the headmaster really wanted.

His answer had clearly not been the one he was expecting because his face still looked like he was looking for a missing puzzle piece.

"It is the second time you have fallen gravely ill on a tumultuous night, seems quite curious"

Draco didn't know what was curious or what had happened the night before, so he had no answer to give and neither did the Headmaster add anything before he left.

Later on the same day his mother came and they both left the school without much fuss. His holiday was just as usual except for his mother's constant worry that seemed to have grown on his time away, even his father would throw him concerned glances over the dinner table. All the resting his mind that Draco wanted however didn't happen, going home did not alleviate his thoughts of the constant worry that was his possible future death. Hearing from his father about Mr. Weasley's almost death also did nothing to help both his imaginary death omen and his guilt over the lost friendship with the twins.

It was almost the day to return to school when Draco's anxiety became too much and he left his bed in the middle of the night to take a walk. He didn't have a particular though in mind, so he wasn't heading for any place specifically when he noticed a house elf, one that was definitely not Tila.

"What are you doing here?" he asked the very old elf.

"Kreacher was allowed to stay by mistress Cissy"

Draco thought that quite strange, no one called his mother that, much less a house elf.

"Who is it that you serve?"

"Kreacher serve the most noble house of Black"

If anything, that confused Draco even more, the Blacks had no heirs, even if his mother had been a Black, she held no claim on their inheritance.

“No, that is not right… Sirius Black is still alive, Azkaban or not, without Regulus, he’s still the head of the house"

"Did Sirius Black send you here?"

"Oh no, the filthy blood traitor Kreacher is now forced to serve wouldn't send Kreacher here"

That made absolutely no sense to Draco. His mother never really talked about her cousin Sirius, even when he escaped prison, only mentioning him a few times and never good things, in fact his parents and grandparents had always disliked Sirius. His mother had always only spoken about Regulus and he knew she missed him more than she ever missed any of her sisters. Walburga was a name forbidden on the house and even his now deceased grandfather, her own brother, hated her. But Sirius was a blank slot for him, he was the man who abandoned his family, the man who didn’t care about anyone, Draco knew he had run away from Azkaban, but nobody knew how, not even his parents, yet neither of them were concerned with his scape, they never believed Sirius did all the crimes he was accused of, so Draco just assumed that even if his mother and her cousin had never been close, he would have no reason to come after the rest of the family. It was intriguing for his own house elf to consider him a blood traitor if the man had been incarcerated for helping the Dark Lord and killing some muggles. Unless none of that was true as his parents had said. 

"Where do you live?"

"Kreacher can not say"

"It must be wherever Black is hiding"

"Is your master alone? Is someone helping him?" 

"Master is never alone, surrounding himself with other blood traitors and halfbreeds, dirtying the… with mudbloods”

Draco frowned at that, but he did noticed the elf was forbidden from talking much

"Can you give me any names?"

"Kreacher can not, but Kreacher has seen… the blood that ruined master Regulus"

"Ruined Regulus?" Draco thought and went through all that he knew about Regulus, but he had no idea what the elf could be talking about. Except that the biggest mystery about Regulus was that no one knew how he died, so there was a chance this was what the creature was talking about.

"Do you know how Regulus died?"

And that question made the elf start an ugly crying that made Draco afraid someone was going to hear them.

"Quiet!" he ordered even though he knew the thing had no obligation to obey.

The elf did get quiet, but it was clearly still upset.

"Master Regulus has forbidden Kreacher from telling his family what happened"

"He does know then"

"Can you tell me who or what you said ruined Regulus?"

For that question the elf didn't even give a verbal answer so whatever secret he was keeping for Regulus, was certainly a big deal.

"What about the others? Would I know them?"

"Some of them"

Draco knew the less the elf talked, the more close he was to a really big secret, but he knew there were pieces he was missing and clearly he wasn't making the right questions. Sirius Black was hiding with people the elf clearly despised, but that he claimed Draco might know.

"He called them blood traitors, so not Death Eaters"

"Did Sirius Black commit the crimes he was accused of?" he decided to finally ask

"Oh no, he would never, he too wanted what Master Regulus wanted" said the elf with clear disgust in his voice, the little thing really despised his new master.

"What did Regulus want?"

But once again the elf was silent and Draco knew Regulus had made sure to cover all kinds of loopholes in his orders to keep the elf quiet about his secrets.

"What not committing those crimes could have to do with something Regulus would want?"

Still if Sirius was innocent he was probably surrounded by old friends he might have reached out to, friends that were not Death Eaters.

"Who did Sirius hang with when he was in school?"

The elf was about to speak, but something in the answer clearly interfered with the orders he received, because he had to stop and think.

"With the marauders"

"With the what now?"

"Are they alive?" asked Draco completely clueless on how to proceed.

"Only the halfbreed, the other they consider dead even though it breaths"

"Halfbreed? I don't know any... Except… it can’t be… "

"Lupin?” he said dubious, but it was the only one he could think of.

The elf did not answer, but it did smile.

" Lupin is helping Black! It must be how he got in the castle in third year, probably helped him escape the school too"

Except that wasn't quite right, Lupin had transformed on the night Black escaped, it was why he was found out and sacked.

" They said Black attacked Potter that night, but that can't be right, if he is not a Death Eater he would have no reason to and even if he did, Potter wouldn't still be supporting Lupin if the man had really helped attack him"

Suddenly all the pieces fell into place, all the people Kreacher would hate so much fit completely with Potter and his friends, with the Dark Lord back Potter wouldn't be out and about on Christmas, but Black was obviously in a secure location, one that was probably secure enough to hide both him AND Potter.

"This could certainly be very useful… Thank you Kreacher" said Draco with a smile.

And the elf bowed to him, clearly proud of what he had done, which was essentially betray his master. It almost felt like payback for Dobby.

He made the elf promise to not tell his mother he had seen and talked to him and left to his room before his luck ran out and he was caught by his parents. He wasn't sure what he was going to do with all that information, but suddenly he had something exciting in his hands and his heart was beating fast, he felt more alive than he had been in quite some time.

His good mood was obviously noticed by his peers even when they were just on the train.

"I'm glad you feel better, darling" Said Pansy before leaving, despite her loving words only gave him a peck on his cheek with three little taps of her finger in his face, making sure to state they were fine, but it was not enough for them to “get back together”.

“As long as you and Pansy sort it out so you can be together at my wedding, I don’t care who you’re doing” was all Daphne had to say in the matter, she truly believed Draco and Pansy would sort it out eventually.

“I would worry who Pansy is doing, considering the list is growing fast” said Theo, looking at Draco as if it was his fault.

“Pansy is not a child, she can make her own decisions without Draco, she will stop when she gets it out of her system” said Daphne looking at her boyfriend with an annoyed face and Theo didn’t insist, which Draco was glad, he wasn’t as confident as Daphne that Pansy knew what she was doing, but he too thought it was something she had to sort out herself.

No one asked him about his disappearance at the end of the term, they knew better than to talk about his illness in the open, but Draco knew by Zabini's constant looks that at least the two of them were overdue a conversation. The return to school however meant Draco had prefect duties to attend to, so he was able to avoid Zabini until the end of classes the next day.

"Come with me" was all Zabini said as they left the class, but Draco knew that if he didn't follow the boy would come and get him, so under a few of his peers' curious glances they left together until they reached an empty classroom to hide in.

They both actually stared at each other for a while, Draco didn't really want to talk with Zabini and the other boy didn't seem to know how to start whatever he wanted to say.

"How are you feeling?" was the first thing Zabini said.

"I'm fine"

"But you're not, are you? That was not the first time, probably won't be the last" 

And with a deep breath, Draco could only admit to it.

"No it won't"

“You’re sick aren’t you? Do you know what it is?"

"No one knows” said Draco not wanting to give the boy any specific details.

The other boy frowned in confusion.

"Is that some kind of family inheritance?”

"Definitely not or my parents would already have figured this out"

"But couldn't this be inherited karma?"

And then Draco looked at the boy completely surprised

"You're karmic?"

"Yeah, my mother is almost the living proof that karma is a bitch"

At that Draco actually snorted, he didn't believe for a second that karma was what killed her seven husbands.

"Well my family isn't and there is nothing they could have possibly done that would have single us out for a Karmic circle"

And Draco knew Zabini would catch his meaning, at least half of Slytherin had Death Eater parents, there was no reason for Draco to be any different then any of them, his father, as far as he knew, didn't have any remarkable crime to cause a rebound effect.

"If you say so" said Zabini and that was pretty much the end of their talk, but they did shake hands and the boy promised to not say anything, so Draco thought that overall it had been a good talk.

They never really managed to get to the common room though, they were halfway through the dungeons when a sudden pain hit Draco's head and he was forced to stop, his hands on the wall to make sure he did not fall.

"Want to go to the infirmary?" asked Zabini

But Draco had just returned and the last thing he wanted was to start the term being treated like a piece of glass by all the professors.

"Snape's closer, he brews my potions, he will have something"

Zabini took his book bag, but Draco did not accept a hand to walk, the boy had already carried him to the infirmary once. They knocked on Snape's office and waited, when they thought the professor was not there and were about to leave, the door opened.

"Why are you not in the infirmary?" He asked after taking just a look at Draco.

"Your office was closer, sir" Said Zabini.

Snape seemed really conflicted at the moment, but in the end nodded.

"You can go back to your common room Mr. Zabini, I will make sure Mr. Malfoy makes it there In a few minutes”

With a last look at Draco to make sure he was fine with the arrangement, Zabini nodded at the Professor and left. Draco was then allowed to enter the room and it took him only a minute to realise what Snape didn't want to see: Potter was there looking confused and mad, as he apparently did everyday nowadays.

"I'm sure this can be kept quiet by both parties with little persuasion" said Snape and Draco knew he meant both of them were there for a secret reason, so it was in both their interests to be quiet about it. "What is it this time?" he asked Draco.

"Headache, really bad one"

"When was the last time you took anything?"

"The end of term, I was fine on the holidays"

Snape nodded and moved around collecting both a measure cup and a vial of potion. He took the amount he determined was acceptable and gave it to Draco, who swallowed with no hesitation. The effect was, as usual, not perfect, it alleviated the pain, but a little leftover was always there.

"What is wrong with you Malfoy?" Asked Potter and that was the moment Snape seemed to remember the boy was in the room as well.

"This is none of your business Potter" Said Snape and the boy made an angry face, but did not say anything else "Go to bed Draco, if you're not better in the morning go to Pomfrey"

Draco understood the dismissal and with a last curious look at Potter, he left the room. He did not get any better, in fact he woke up only a few hours later screaming of pain again and only fell asleep out of pure exhaustion.

His next days weren't any better, any good mood he had after christmas was gone and eventually he reached a point where he could not take any more potions. He was so miserable he had no heart to be happy about Hagrid's probation or pay attention to all the gossip the Azkaban escape generated. He knew, in the back of his head, that his mother's more crazy sister was out, but he didn't believe she would go anywhere close to their manor, it would be the first place the aurors would look and now, knowing the truth about Sirius Black, Draco knew the man was definitely not helping them, so all the Prophet said was just more ministry lies and useless to him.

Draco was just exhausted, hurting and angry at the world at large, which immediately brought back all of his fears that he was really going to die. His feelings were a mess and he only needed one reason to snap, something that didn’t take long to happen, Umbridge's new decree, obviously made to catch Potter's secret meeting with Snape, meant Draco couldn't keep his extra classes with Flitwick either. So it was completely out of frustration and rage that he went up to the golden trio, alone, in one of the corridors and punched Potter straight in the face.

"Congratulations Potter, you managed to ruin even the things that have nothing to do with you" he screamed as Granger went to Potter's side and Weasley took out his wand.

"Don't do it, Ron!” pleaded Granger and Draco was sure Weasley was not going to hear her at all until something clearly spooked him, because he took a double take and a step backwards.

"I didn't cast that!" Said Weasley surprised and pointing to Draco’s face.

And it took a moment for Draco to feel the familiar itchiness of a rash forming, this time on his face apparently.

"I don't know what you think I've done Malfoy, it is really not my fault if you are sick" said Potter

The rage that had gone down after the first punch came back in full when he heard Potter, of all people, throw his illness at his face. Before Weasley or Granger could even react he went again over Potter, this time taking both of them to the floor, where they both just started to roll and punch and it seemed that Potter was as frustrated as Draco was because he did not hold back one bit.

All of that obviously called the attention of a few students that heard Draco's initial scream and then Granger's subsequent pleas. Eventually two people were able to take Draco away from Potter and Weasley hushed to Potter's side to hold him back, when Draco calmed down enough to recognise the Weasley twins holding him, he noticed Professor Flitwick, Professor McGonagall and Umbridge were all present with their wands ready.

"We swear professor, he came out of nowhere and charged at Harry like a mad man" Said Weasley.

"Mr. Malfoy!" Said McGonnagall looking at him expecting some answer he had not heard the question for, his ears were ringing and he could feel pain and rashes forming all over his body. He must have looked quite a sight because McGonnagal looked at him with concern even though she was obviously angry at the situation.

"I must say your version of facts doesn't seem right at all" Said Umbridge's delighted voice "Mr. Malfoy is an exemplary student, while Mr. Potter has already been punished for doing this exact thing. Clearly the punishment was not enough"

And Weasley protested and McGonagall protested, but in the end Umbridge gave Potter a week of detention anyway. Flitwick however just looked at Draco with a disappointed stare and once Umbridge was gone took fifty points from Slytherin and left without another word. Draco felt that was the worst part of the entire thing.

McGonagall felt the need to escort both him and Potter to the infirmary, while the twins, Weasley and Granger made a barrier between the two. The moment Pomfrey took a look at them, Draco knew this time he had really screwed up. She made them both take a bed and looked up concern at Draco, he was glad he could not see how horrible his face must look with the rashes if everyone was looking so concerned. She checked Potter first and was soon casting some spells to fix some of the damage, she moved to her cabinet to get a bottle of pain relief that she gave Potter before she turned to Draco.

"And what I'm I supposed to do with you? You realise that you just gave yourself a lot of extra pain when you are forbidden to taking any more potions this week"

Draco had no answer to give so he just looked down at his hands.

"What was this about anyway?" Asked Pomfrey and noticing he wasn't going to answer she turned to the rest of them.

"He came at Harry out of nowhere" Repeated Weasley "accused him of ruining something and then just got mad again"

Pomfrey and McGonagall exchanged looks and eventually the Professor herself addressed Draco.

"You must realise Mr. Malfoy that Dolores Umbridge's decrees are not Mr. Potter's fault"

He just snorted but gave no verbal answer, everything that woman did was to get Potter.

"Umbridge's decree?" Asked Potter frowning.

"Malfoy is taking advanced charms with Flitwick, they meet every other week" Said one of the twins who clearly had made the connection since Draco had told them in the past about the extra classes.

"Extra classes? Really? That is what this was about?" Asked Weasley completely gobsmacked.

"It wasn't the classes, Ron!” said Granger frustrated ”You're really sick aren't you Malfoy?"

Draco didn't answer, didn't even look at her, the last thing he needed was their stupid pity.

"He could be dying for all I care, that is no excuse!" Said Weasley

"And here I thought you would miss me enough to write me an epitaph for my funeral" Said Draco full of bitterness.

"You're not dying, Draco" Said Pomfrey kindly.

"Except you don't know that do you? As far as we know I could just drop dead any time now isn't it?"

The admission, although expected, still caused surprise on the other teens who had no idea how bad this really was.

"You know Malfoy" started one of the twins "dying might allow you to have excuses to do a lot of bullshit like call us names or punch Harry on the face, but I hardly think constantly hurting others and yourself is going to help”

Draco still didn't look at them, he kept his back turned, but silent tears fell from his face, because even if he didn't want to cry with them around, he was frustrated and angry and just tired of everything, including holding back.

Pomfrey was quick on finishing up with Potter and send all the teens away allowing only Draco to remain and when he made no move to return to his room for the night she didn't say anything. But by the time Draco showed his face again, the entire school knew he and Potter had an ugly fight.

"Fighting like a muggle now Draco?" asked some of the Slytherins.

He ignored everyone as best as he could and went through his day as normally as possible. He felt lethargic, like he was not in control of his own body, he was just existing. At the end of his classes he decided the best thing to do was hide in an empty classroom to try and catch up on some of his studies, even if it was poorly done, at least he would have his assignments done. He didn't know how much time had passed when he noticed the hash on his hand forming again, for a moment he expected words to form again, but nothing more than a red mark happened. He wondered if he had imagined it because he wanted so badly to find answers or at least for all of this to have a purpose. 

He cried again at night like he hand’t since his grandfather died, he just didn’t know what to do with himself, he hatted having all his feelings in such a mess, he was constantly angry, but he knew picking up another fight would be as stupid as it was the first time, he just wanted his life back.

It was on the fourth day after his fight that the words showed up again, the same as before. He was really losing his mind, was he just going to slowly degenerate until he died? Maybe he would reach a point where he was just going to join Lockheart in St. Mungus and die there, forgotten by everyone.

"You alright Malfoy?" Came Granger's voice and Draco realised he had stopped in the corridor to look at his hand.

"Didn't know you were patrolling today" was all he said, still a bit numb.

"It was a last minute change" she said and took his unresponsiveness as permission to approach "That is a symptom? The red hashes?"

"This one is new, apparently this thing is… I don’t even know… trying to find different ways to punish me or kill me slowly so you all can watch and enjoy" he said tired, he was always tired recently, he didn’t even care anymore if the mudblood was there to pity him or laugh.

"I don't..." but whatever defence she was going to make died on her lips when she took a better look at his hand "Wait!" she picked his hand up close before he could protest and her lips repeated the words that were on his hand "But that's..."

He took his hand from her as his face flushed with both anger and embarrassment.

"If you…" he started, not really knowing what he was going to say, he should never have dropped his guard around her, just because she was Potter’s friend didn’t mean she wouldn’t retaliate against him because of the things he did in the past.

"Malfoy, those words, do you know what they are?" Granger interrupted before he could finish whatever threat he was about to make.

"Some spiritual massage trying to tell me this is a punishment after all" he said frustrated, he had actually hoped he had imagined the words on his hand, but maybe he wasn’t just sick, but cursed as well if there were indeed words on his skin.

"But it can't be because I've seen that before!" said the girl agitated.

"What?" he asked confused, maybe she was talking about something else now.

She cast a tempus charm and muttered something before she turned to him again.

"Come with me, we will have to wait a while, but… it will only make sense if you see it too"

Draco would completely blame his unstable state of mind for his decision of following Hermione Granger, out of all people, to a random corridor near the Gryffindor tower where they sat, on the floor, in awkward silence, for at least half an hour before Potter showed up, his hand covered by a dirty cloth and a tired expression.

"Hermione, What…?” Said Potter clearly confused and Draco couldn’t really blame him.

She stood and told Draco to stand as well and for a second he thought all she wanted was to humiliate him in front of Potter so they both could have a laugh, but what she did was pick his hand and the one potter was hiding and put them one next to the other.

"Look" she said

And they did. On Potter's bloody hand was the same words that were on Draco's red hash.

"What?" Said Potter looking at Granger looking for an explanation while Draco just kept staring.

“I’ve been thinking since I saw it and I realised it is just like the other day, as soon as he punched you he got that red mark on his face, I think it's connected!"

Draco had a hundred questions running to his head and plenty of existential questions to reevaluate, but shock was something that messes with your head.

"Potter, what are you doing to your hand?" he asked dumbfounded.

That seemed to break the moment and Potter took his hand back where he could hide it and Draco did as well on reflex.

"That is none of your business Malfoy" said the boy aggressively

"Stop!" Said Granger before anything else could be said "I don't know what is going on, but Harry, that is your handwriting, he couldn't possibly have done this to himself!”

"Let me get this straight Granger, you think that Potter’s… whatever that is… is showing up on my skin?" he asked skeptically. 

"Yes! You didn't see your face the other day Malfoy, but it started turning red as soon as you hit Harry, I would even dare to say even on the same place"

"I've been sick my entire life Granger"

"But you don't know what you are sick with! This, whatever it is, might just be a lead"

Draco felt better at the fact that Potter was also looking at Granger as if she had lost her mind, but really, if he was going to play her game there was only one thing to do. No matter how absurd it was.

"Give me your hand, Potter" he said 

Potter looked at him with suspicion but Granger gave him an encouraging nod, so he extended his hand. Draco took his wand out and Potter was ready to retreat when Draco grabbed him firmly and cast a small cutting spell on it.

"The hell, Malfoy!!" said the boy, retreating his hand again and looking at the bleeding cut crossing his palm.

But Draco did not look up to Potter, he looked at his own hand where a red hash was indeed starting to form.

Draco's entire world had shifted once again.

"Ok Granger, I believe you, throw your crazy at me” Said Draco completely astonished, not sure if he wanted to laugh or cry or throw himself out of a window.

"You didn't have to cut my hand for that!" Said Potter, his face full of anger.

"Don't be a baby, Potter, here I can fix it" But the moment he raised his wand, so did Potter.

"I'm not letting your wand anywhere near me"

And Draco was really tempted to point out the possible double meaning of those words, but in the end decided it would be better to not aggravate the situation if he was going to be needing Potter's help.

"I know healing spells, Potter, it is why I cut your hand, there is no need for you to keep bleeding all over the place"

He thought Potter was going to refuse him just to keep disagreeing with him, but eventually he showed his hand and Draco was able to fix it, even casting some spells on the bleeding words. He did notice that as soon as he fixed the cut, his own hand got better too.

"Was this done with a cursed knife? It doesn't properly heal" asked Draco pointing to the words and Potter was silent for a while, but Draco just kept staring at him, until he answered.

“It’s a blood quill"

That made Draco frown and think until it finally sunk in that Umbridge's detention was to make Potter scar his own hand with a blood quill.

"Why did you not tell on her yet? This is highly illegal, she can even be arrested for this"

"I don't need any help!”

"Clearly you do if you would rater torture yourself than tell a teacher!" said Draco mockinly 

"Which is exactly what I said" Said Granger and it was clearly by their exchange of glares that it was an old argument.

"You know what, fine! Do it you way Potter. It's late and I'm too tired to deal with any of this right now" Said Draco and he turned to leave, he really needed to think, or maybe if he slept he would find out it had all just been a dream.

"Wait! Meet us in the library tomorrow after class, we can talk about this and maybe start some research" said Granger

Draco bit his tongue so he wouldn't make fun of Granger and her obsession of finding every answer on a book, but decided that since he already was in too deep, he might as well sink with this ship.

"Everyone can see us in the library, there is an empty classroom on the second floor, I go there to study all the time, it is way more discreet and we can ward it"

She agreed on the classroom and they parted ways, but more than overthinking about his now truce with Potter and his followers, Draco was still stuck on a strange mix of hope and anger of Potter's connection to his illness. To find out what it was has been his desire for years, but faced with a possible answer he felt scared and frustrated wondering that maybe the answer would be even worse than what he thought.

He took forever to sleep, his mind constantly repeating that none of it made sense, but the image of Potter’s bloody hand and the cut slowly showing up on Draco’s own palm kept playing behind his eyelids.

Chapter Text

On the next day, Draco stayed away from his peers keeping the indifference mask that was now his standard one, but he did notice the stares of the golden trio, they stood out like a sore thumb and, had the fight not been so recently and still on everyone's mind, they would have made the entire school suspicious.

Still, without thinking much about the insanity he was doing, Draco went to the second floor to meet with them as they had agreed and he was not at all surprised when Weasley came as well. He cast the usual silence spells and felt even a bit smug when he noticed Granger clearly didn't know them and was holding herself from asking about it.

"Well then Granger, what have you got?" He asked and sat down on the floor on a pillow he transfigured from one of the chairs discarded on the corner.

"Well… I was hoping you would tell us more about your illness so we know where to begin the research"

She made the same transfiguration as Draco and the three Gryffindors sat on the dusty floor looking at one another, each one with a different expression.

"You think very highly of yourself don't you Granger…” He started, but was soon interrupted by Weasley who's face showed he disagreed with everything since the moment they met outside the classroom.

"See! I told you guys that was going to happen, I don't even know why we're helping him. Come on Hermione, you know all the stuff he did to us, his father too!"

"I don't need you to do me any favours Weasley, if you’re so against it you can leave"

Obviously he didn't.

"We have to do this because it is the right thing to do, we don't prove them wrong by standing on their level. Also this involves Harry and could be really important, I went through it yesterday remembering every time we saw Malfoy on the infirmary and lots of those times Harry was there too, like last year"

Draco wanted to snap at her and just say she had just invalidated herself the moment she said they should do it because it involved Potter, they weren't doing it out of their good hearts. But he stopped because her words also reminded him of something else.

"Dumbledore said that" he said thoughtful.

"What do you mean?" Asked Potter and it was the first time the boy had spoken, apparently the headmaster was the only thing that would have made him.

"On Christmas, he said he thought it was curious that I was really ill on nights something was happening"

"You were ill on Christmas too?" Asked Granger, but Potter was the one who answered.

"We saw him when we were going to Dumbledore's office"

"Why were you going there? What happened that night?" asked Draco

"It's private" Said Potter defensive

"What happened to you that night Malfoy?" asked Granger

"The usual, woke up from a nightmare, threw up, felt dizzy, headache… it wasn't anything special, except for throwing up I think"

"You had a nightmare? Do you know what you dreamed off?" she asked interested.

Draco looked at her once more thinking perhaps she was a bit barmy after all if she thought dreams were the most relevant thing about his life long illness.

"I don't know, I don't usually remember my dreams, I just know I had them"

The golden trio looked at one another with knowing looks and Draco thought that maybe Potter had a nightmare that day too, except it made no sense, even if he was the-boy-who-lived, he wouldn’t be taken to the headmaster's office over a nightmare.

"We're doing this backwards, you need to tell us more about your illness" said Granger

"Which was exactly what I was going to do before Weasley decided it wasn't worth it"

"You were offending her!" said Weasley like a petulant child.

"Yes, if she really is pretentious enough to think she will find the answers for my illness in a library book. This is something that has been thoroughly look over by my family and my healers, if the answer for this was in any book, they would have found it already"

"But we just added a new element now, it might spark something that you overlooked before" insisted Granger

"I doubt it, but whatever makes you sleep at night"

"Since when do you have this?" Asked Potter after a bit of awkward silence.

"Since I was like five. Initially my parents thought I was making it up because any diagnosis spell would say I was perfectly fine, eventually though it became impossible to deny something was wrong"

"So you don't have any leads?" 

Draco thought for a moment if he should give details to the golden trio, it was a private matter, but at the same time, if this really was related to Potter, not only all information was precious, but hw would be tied to the three idiots until he could get rid of this.

"Pomfrey got a breakthrough last year, she said, in simple words, that what is causing this are spasms on my magical core" he declared

"It is a family illness then" Said Weasley, who despite his family alliances was still a pureblood.

"We looked for it everywhere, when my grandfather was still alive he went to the Malfoy archives in Paris to see if this was documented anywhere even before we became British, there is nothing"

"Maybe no one wrote about it because they didn't want anyone to know it, like you don't" insisted Weasley

"An illness this grave would have been documented at least as a family secret, my family keeps its history, too bad if yours would rather turn your back on it"

Weasley was going to say something nasty because his face was full of anger at Draco's words, but Granger once again interfered and Draco wondered if this was what she was for in that group, to keep the boys in line.

"Why are you so certain it is a family illness, Ron?"

"Cause he said it was something from his magic core" said the boy as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

The answer made no sense for Granger and it was interesting and a bit satisfying to know that Weasley would sometimes forget himself and shove the ignorance of a mudblood right at her face.

"Being a pureblood is not just about blood and it's value doesn't came out of nowhere like some...muggleborns… believe" Started Draco it felt quite good to be able to finally show Granger exactly why she represented so little "Your magic core carries your family history, the abilities you have, the things that you did, it carries on, it is why some interesting magical gifs became family traits, like the Parseltongue or the gifts of a seer"

"Like Tonks metamorphmagi?" She asked curiously

"Who?" frowned Draco

"She is your cousin" Said Potter and Draco could see he was challenging him to say something bad about her. Well the joke was on him.

“Andromeda's daughter. We know she had one, I met her when I was little, but I can barely remember her, my grandparents were proud of her gift, but mother hasn't talked to her sister in years apart from my grandfather’s funeral and a few Christmas cards. And yes, metamorphmagi is a trait of the house of Black. Everything that involves magic, involves your magical core and it can be inherited, which is why families had tried to keep track of what they add to the family line, some, like the Gaunts, became so obsessed with preserving their gifts, they saturated their core and turned into something close to a squibs, full of magic and potential, but no place to breath"

"But if that can happen then what is the point of keeping it pure?" asked Granger

"Because muggle borns have no history, you are a blank slot and no matter how great your time on this earth will be, it is very unlikely you will make something that would mark magic enough to be passed on. It is not a rule, but it is true for the majority of you. A half-blood" and he looked at Potter "will be ‘half empty’, this can obviously allow space for the good half to flourish were they were too saturated, like my cousin, this means Black blood has gained strength on her and she will be able to pass it on, but if, for example, you and Potter were to marry, the Potter’s family magic would water it down even more and your child would have very little left, it most likely would be completely gone on the next generation even if you add some magical blood, because the new blood could be much stronger and all the Potters ever were would be gone forever. This is what we are trying to preserve"

Silence was heavy, it was clear by Granger's thoughtful face that it was the first time she heard any of it and actually understood the conflict she was part of, that she would have to accept she never even had a chance.

"The part most pureblood forget is the part, as you said, that we do need the muggleborns to keep existing, not to mention, we don't actually know if history does get completely lost" Said a fifth voice and the group turned to find one of the twins at the door “There are a lot of different theories over family magic, some people think muggle-borns could even be descendants of squibs, which would completely destroy the idea that they are empty or that family magic doesn’t carry own regardless of who you’re with. In fact, the concept of ‘pureblood’ has changed over the years, some papers seems to imply those that we call muggle-borns where the ones called purebloods, because their blood was “pure of magic history”, only when the concept of “pure” as noble and better was introduced by christians that pureblood turned into a designation for those with extensive magical history and “pure magical blood”. Which means a lot of families today have very controversial histories and why the sacred twenty eight still causes trouble, many families were excluded for no reason, while most of the names of the list are aristocrats, in fact our family became blood traitors around the time we lost our money. Bill has always a lot to say about the topic if you want to have a full discussion”

“That is fascinating” said Granger excited and Draco just rolled his eyes, he has heard plenty of arguments like those against the sacred twenty eight, the soreness of those who didn't make it into the list.

"What are you doing here?" Asked the younger Weasley brother.

"I heard you guys saying something about meeting Malfoy, didn't know what it was about but... " and he looked at Draco "I knew where to find you"

The three looked between Draco and the twin trying to understand what was going on between then, but without the knowledge of the past, nothing would come to them and Draco was quite sure the twins had never mentioned their little truce, especially considering how it ended.

"What's with the history lesson though? This is not the group I would expect to be here discussing that" said Fred

"We weren't actually" Said Granger "we were trying to learn more about Malfoy's illness, but that just came up"

"It's a family illness?" Asked Fred and Draco couldn't help but roll his eyes.

"No it isn't which is why I was explaining to Granger how magic works. It is a sickness affecting my magical core, but this is new which is why no one knows what to do about it. It is very rare for the magical core to cary sickness because it is the core of magic itself, it can heal, one would have to do something truly terrible to their magic core to pass on sickness as inheritance, which is not the case, I'm the start of this but I haven't done anything to myself that would cause this, so there is no leads to tell us what is its origin"

"Maybe it's karma" Said Fred and Draco felt exasperated all over again.

"Now that is just silly" Said Granger

"Yes thank you! Zabini said the same thing, it's ridiculous we're not even Karmic" said Draco frustrated

"You don't have to be karmic to be affected by karma, according to them it is magic's decision, I'm pretty sure it can choose whoever it likes” said Fred

"Wait, you mean karma as more than, you know, you do something bad, the universe pays you back, kind of thing?" asked Potter

"I think the muggles have the same base, but with a few different things" Said the twin thoughtful "those that are Karmic believes that magic is actually sentient and therefore can influence our life"

"So it is a religion?" Asked Granger

"Well yeah"

"Didn't know wizards had religion..." Said Potter with confusion on his face "no one ever mentioned it"

"That's because you don't find many karmics over here, it is more common on the continent, specially more east, here you only find it on immigrants or some traditional families that have Celtic roots like Professor McGonagall" said Fred

"That is fascinating" said Granger "think I can find something in the library about it?"

"Thinking about converting, Granger?" Asked Draco with a smirk

"No... but it is interesting anyway"

"If you think so..."

"But a karmic circle might not be too far off" Said the younger Weasley "If this is really connected to Harry in any way, than it makes more sense to be karma than an illness"

"What this have to do with Harry?" asked Fred frowning

"Malfoy had the words from Umbridge's detention show up on his hand with Harry's handwriting" Said the brother

"Can I see it?" Fred asked Draco

"It's gone now, it doesn't stay forever” said Draco getting a bit uncomfortable “it will probably show up again tonight when Potter goes to his detention" 

"How long do they last?" asked Granger

"It varies" Said Draco, his theory was that it disappears when Potter is healed like the cut from the day before.

The group turned thoughtful again, many things had been said, but little solutions had been found, just like Draco expected.

"Have you ever heard of anything like that?" Asked Granger to Fred "The cuts from one person showing up on another?"

"I've heard it can happen with familiars, but never with two people, not even bonded twins and that is already rare, George and I are not, neither are the Patils. Bonds are not really popular unless it's to promise something, like the unbreakable vow, I think the closest to this would be some old marriage rituals that could bound people for life, but no one have used those in centuries"

"Also Harry and Malfoy are not married" said the young Weasley

"I would hope not" Said Fred and Draco and Potter looked at each other as if considering for a second that it might have happened before they turned with disgust from one another "But that is the thing, apart from bonding with a familiar, people that aren't related by blood don't bond like that on their own, something must have happened"

"But Malfoy had it since he was little, I never met a wizard until I was eleven" Said Harry

"Maybe his entire sickness is not you, maybe this is new" said Granger thoughtful

"Unless someone bonded us together in our sleep I don't see how it would have happened" said Draco no longer amused, they were getting nowhere.

"With karmic magic" Said Fred 

"Even if it was Karma, my family have no connection to the Potters and I wouldn't be suffering from my own karma over our fights before we even met"

"When you say your family, you mean the Malfoys right?" Said Granger and he nodded "But as you said earlier, you cary magic from the Blacks as well"

Draco was about to say the Black were even more unlikely to have anything to do with the Potters when Potter's gasp made him wait.

"Hermione you don't mean…?” Said Potter

"Sirius Black was your dad's best friend, which means a connection between a Black and a Potter"

"But as you said, they were friends, why would Malfoy be in pain? I don't know much about karma but I don't think that is how it works" said Potter confused

"The Black are full of dark arts though" Said the younger Weasley and Draco once again found himself annoyed with the boy and his simple mind.

"Never mind that, Hermione might be into something" Said Fred "Sirius doesn't have an heir of blood and neither did his brother before he died. Tonks was cut out of the family and she is both a girl and a halfblood, which means Malfoy is the only Black heir"

"Except that I'm not" Said Draco and the entire group looked at him with expecting faces "Sirius is cut off as well as Andromeda and her daughter, but he became the heir anyway, which means the family magic is already broken allowing him to make however he want as his heir which I highly doubt would be me, not only mother never talks about him, my family hates his mother with a passion, which is why she would rather live the family fortune for her son, who she cast off and was in Azkaban, than to me"

"It was a choice to leave stuff for Sirius?" Asked Potter and his invested face made Draco soon remember the little things he had learned on Christmas.

"Yes, he was cast off, so the magic wouldn't just go to him, the next in line is Bellatrix, but she has no heir of her own and never will have, so it would all be mine one day"

"Why would his mother do that? She adores everything pureblood, I would imagine having you as a heir would be way more her style" insisted Potter

"Except, as I just mentioned, my family hates her with a passion, including my grandfather who was her own brother"

"Why?"

"I don't actually know, apparently she must have done something that both my grandfathers felt was unforgivable, because she was forbidden for setting foot on any Malfoy property and no one on our side of the family talked to her, no one mentions her, the only time my father talked about her was to say I was never to meet her and everyone was happy the day we found out she died"

"Sounds very serious" Said Granger, more to helself than to Draco

"Sounds very Karmic too" Said Fred teasing, Draco was beginning to wonder if the boy was just insisting on Karma to be annoying. 

"Either way, my parents won't tell me anything about it, so unless Sirius Black knows what happened and showed up to tell us, we will never know" Said Draco

The Gryffindors all looked at one another with knowing looks and Draco had to contain himself and his exasperation.

"How do they manage? They are SO obvious"

"This was… something, but it led us nowhere and I have assignments to finish" He decided to say and stood up ready to leave.

"I don't think it was useless, I will do some research" insisted Granger

"Yeah sure, go ahead" Said Draco already too done with the girl.

He got his bag and left the room without saying anything, all of that was new, but they weren't friends, so didn't have anything special to say. But he was only a few steps out in the corridor when Fred came out to walk with him.

"George is still mad at you" said the boy a lot more serious than he had been in the room.

"And you're not?"

"I am, but George sees things a bit too black and white, I think it comes with his temper, I see different sides of you, some of them things I have seen in myself”

“Really?” Draco said a bit mockingly, but with no real heat.

“Yeah… It took us some time, but eventually George and I realised we're not the same person, we're really alike and we do like most of the same stuff, but he is still too shy to ask out Angie while I knew I was gay since I was twelve"

"How precocious"

"I have three older brothers and Charlie likes dragons more than he likes people, so Bill thought it was his responsibility before he left the house to teach Percy all about the “important stuff” and in our house you never really have privacy” and Draco snorted “But the thing is... separating myself from George took me to a lot of other places too, I know people look down at us for various reasons and I wanted to understand all of them, I wanted to know WHY we were blood traitors, it felt like I needed to know everything again when I realised I was my own person. George never asked those questions, he just accepted things as they were and moved on, I think that is you and a lot of the Slytherins, accepting things because your family said so”

“We’re not brainless” said Draco a bit annoyed.

“I know you’re not, everyone does it at some point, but not everyone gets out of it and you got questions now, something bigger than you turned you around and that is a unique opportunity to learn new answers. I’m not saying learning about the other side will make everything better, it certainly didn't help Percy, he is so desperate to prove himself, he turned against his own family and has turned into a big prat that says horrible things and keeps a girl he knows he doesn't like"

"Like Pucey"

"Yeah, but he is the one who didn't want to change, so he will marry a girl for tradition and have a kid out of his blood as he should, but he will cheat on his wife his entire life and might hate the kid for “trapping“ him, which is the kind of lie adults tell when they don't grow up enough to admit they made a bad choice. But the thing is, both this people could have been me, in fact what made me more mad at Percy is knowing he is exactly what I could have been, except I had George, so eventually it hit me that I can't expect you to change on your own either"

"So what? you wanna be my George?" he said ironically, but soft enough to show he wasn't being offensive, he was actually a bit hopeful.

"I suppose… Except I'm Fred"

And Draco laughed, it wasn't that funny, but his days had been strange so he wasn't really good on the head and he understood what Fred was trying to do, what he was offering and it was up to Draco to decide if he wanted to take that unknown road. In many ways he had already taken it, this illness had changed him, had made the path he was supposed to follow unreachable, he was never going to be that person who married a girl that was prope, the person who fulfilled his family duties without question or the person that would chose to be a Death Eater to uphold his beliefs. 

He didn't want a life of serving others, be it his parents or the Dark Lord, he wanted to be able to make his own choices, facing death so close made him want to live and be a healer and find love like his parents had found each other. He would never change so much that he would be unrecognisable, he carried his family history with pride and some of his values would never change because they made him who he was, but he could be a different version of himself, one that might make his parents angry or disappointed, but also one who chose better his words and that could be friends with Fred Weasley.

"Sounds pretty good" He said and he stopped and he looked at Fred, they just stood there in the corridor, but it didn’t feel awkward, for Draco it felt as if for a second he had all the possibilities in the world right in front of him and he felt powerful, so he just stared at Fred for a moment, feeling that for just a second he could do anything

So Draco kissed him.

He had kissed Pansy before and yet it felt like a first kiss all over again, it felt better even, because kissing Pansy always felt like a job, they had to do it to keep appearances, but this time he was doing because he wanted to, because he could and that made that kiss the best one in the world.

Fred kissed him back, but just briefly and as they separated Draco only needed to look at his face to know he was going to be turned down.

"That is not what I had in mind actually… You should try Goldstein, he is in some of your classes" said the boy a bit apologetical, but not really embarrassed.

"Do you know every gay guy in this school?" said Draco shocking him head.

"I definitely try, if boys are going to help each other bend the rules to get girls, why should we not do the same?"

They looked at each other without really talking, Draco hadn't thought much further than the kiss, he had just acted on impulse, so he wasn't terribly heartbroken that Fred didn't want him that way, he also wasn't sure he liked the boy that way either.

"You ok?" said Fred finally a bit shy

"Yeah I'm good, sorry for that"

"Nhaw don't be, it will be a story to tell when we're old and grey" said Fred dismissing the tension and Draco decided to just do the same.

"Yeah, I can tell your kids about the boils on your arse"

And they laughed

"We're still having trouble with that one you know"

“Well… I fixed the charms weeks ago, I will write it down for you"

Draco parted ways with Fred as friends and he felt good about it, so he decided to ignore all the little voices that came later telling him why he shouldn’t be friends with a Weasley. His new friendship however didn’t change his opinions on the golden trio, Draco didn't try to talk to them again and it seemed they didn't try to talk to him either, there was nothing they alone would be able to do, so perhaps it was better that way. But things didn't go entirely back to normal because a few days later Draco was surprised by Bulstrode in the Great Hall of all places.

"Is it true you kissed one of the Weasley twins?"

The question called the attention of all the people around and he could see with the corner of his eyes that even Blaise had raised his head to look at him in shock.

"Don't be disgusting, it's obviously not true" He said and it might have been a bad thing to say, but he was quite good at lying on the spot and being nice in any way to Weasley would be very damaging.

"Padma Patil swears by it" she insisted

"I don't know what she saw, but it wasn't me"

"We haven't been seeing you around much though"

"I do extra credit for at least two classes, we are here to study after all and Pansy distracts me"

"Thought you two broke up" she insisted and Draco was close to losing his patience, he just wanted the dam girl to stop.

"Doesn't mean my body forgot the perks"

And that was too crude and Pansy didn't deserve to be mentioned like that, it certainly wouldn’t be helping her growing reputation, but he knew she would always cover his lies, in fact he owed her quite a bit by now. 

The Slytherins all let go of the matter, it was after all hard to believe Draco Malfoy of all people would be kissing any Weasleys, except for Pansy, who later whispered in his ear "Please don't throw it all away for a Weasley" and he then just gave her a quick peck on the lips tapping her face with his finger three times, it was they code for 'all is fine’, so she didn’t ask him any more questions despite keeping an eye on him.

He made an effort to not hide so much for a bit so his house would be less curious about him, but eventually he could not escape a trip to the infirmary for his mentoring, which he wasn’t exactly looking forward this time because he had no idea what he was going to tell Pomfrey.

“Have you ever… considered… that what might be causing my illness is external…” he eventually tried to introduce the subject.

“Yes, it is a possibility, your core doesn’t seem to react to your casting, not even when pushed, so there is a chance that you are reacting to something external, what that might be is the tricky thing” said Pomfrey

“Could it be… someone else?”

“Not at all, at least not someone specifically, you could be reacting to things someone is doing, but it would not be related to someone, but to whatever they are releasing next to you”

“So I can’t react to someone’s magic?” he said curious and confused.

“Not unless you’re bonded to their magic, but bonds don’t form out of nowhere, they have to be intended, usually involving rituals, so unless you have a secret twin brother, you can’t be picking this up from someone. And really if you were I would be really concerned with what this other person is doing”

Draco got really uncomfortable with that, but also really confused with what to think and how to proceed.

“Did you find any pattern to when you are ill that made you think you are reacting to something?” asked Pomfrey “the notebook was exactly for that”

“I’m… not sure yet” said Draco and he meant it.

“We can try to monitor you, but he school has so many magical things happening all the time it would be difficult to get a good reading”

“Maybe I… will try something else first… then I will get back to you” said Draco still thoughtful.

“We can try to monitor you for a day here in the infirmary and then a day at your house, se iff there is anything in common, if it is something external it should show up then, because it would need to be something that affects both your house and the school”

“Yeah… we could do that…” said Draco, at this point he was more confused than anything.

Their conversation was interrupted by the infirmary doors opening and Draco was surprised to see both Weasley twins there, one looking like he had just been attacked by something.

"What happened to you?" Asked Draco getting close to the bed one of the boys was dropping the other. 

Pomfrey came too and started casting some spells as asking Draco to grab one thing or another.

"Apparently I have a jealous ex" the boy in the bed finally said

It took Draco a moment to process it, but when he did, the answer was not really an answer at all.

"Pucey did this?"

"Yeah, don't know if he believed that it was you, but he certainly believed I was kissing someone and got jealous. Beat me up though when I told him no"

Draco took a more careful look at the boy, his lip was being fixed and his right eye was bruised and his shirt was missing a button and his pants were ripped around the fly and it was clear what Pucey had really tried to do.

"I'm sorry" Draco said, because in a way it felt like it was his fault.

"It's not your fault, I can sew another button on my shirt and luckily George and I wear the same size of pants" said Fred trying to sound cool, but failing quite a bit.

Draco just nodded because there wasn't much he could do.

"As a healer I have to keep students matters private" Said Pomfrey "But something like this is certainly something I would recommend reporting"

"I don't want to do that" Fred said quickly.

"I can talk to Professor Snape in your place" the woman insisted

"He is not going to do anything, it is fine"

Pomfrey was not happy with the decision, but it was not something she could force on the boy, so she chose to just leave them alone, asking Draco to grab Fred a bottle of pain relief and a cream for the eye. Draco was pretty sure Pomfrey would give Snape a little warning about Pucey even if she didn’t disclose details, Fred and Pucey might be technically adults, but they were still in school and surrounded by other minors.

"You and your Slytherins, Fred... don't know what is wrong with you" Said George for the first time sounding a bit defeated.

"Don't worry, I promise next time I will find myself a nice Hufflepuff"

And they both laughed, George more out of habit than because he thought it was funny, but Fred took his hand and gave a nice squeeze and that did way more for George than the laugh.

"If you do that, ask them what is the secret to get into the kitchen, seems unfair they get to grab snacks and we don't" Said Draco teasing.

The twins looked at one another and eventually George nodded and they both smirked with mischief on their faces.

"Actually we already know that"

Draco ended up following the twins all the way to the kitchens where he learned the secret of the pear on the painting.

"This is the most ridiculous thing" he said, but he was laughing in delight anyway.

Inside the kitchen all the house elfs noticed them and started asking what they wanted and set a table for them. It was all fun until Draco's tea was delivered, exactly as he took it with milk but no sugar and he looked around and saw the elf who delivered it covered in socks and hats and looking absurdly silly.

"It is just like Master Draco likes it" said the elf and Draco finally recognised him.

"Dobby?"

The elf was apprehensive, but did not bow down as it did on the past. Draco had never really thought about what happened to the elf after his father lost him and was surprised to see him in the Hogwarts’ kitchen.

"Oh yeah, he was your elf wasn't he?" Said Fred

"Yeah, didn't know he was here though, but it makes sense" and he turned to the elf "you get enough magic here?"

"Yes, Dobby feels better at Hogwarts”

Draco nodded and turned back to his tea, he didn't really have anything to tell the elf and the little thing didn't feel like staying close either because it left quite quickly.

"You asked about getting magic, you mean is it true they need the bonds?" Asked George and it was the first time he talked to Draco since the day he punched him in the quidditch match.

"Kind of, they won't die if they are not bonded to a wizard, technically all they need is to be connected to something that will provide them ambient magic, it is a bit rare to find it in the wild now a days and there aren't many places like Hogwarts that can keep so many of them, so serving wizards and staying on their magical houses is a good deal"

"That is interesting, Hermione has been trying to create a movement to free them, but a lot of people still believe they actually need the bond" said Fred

"Trust Granger to have those kinds of ideas…” said Draco shocking his head “house elves don't want to be free, they are too used to wizard magic, to free them for good would be like cutting a limb off, not to mention, where would they live?”

"That is not true though, Dobby wanted to be free and he seems really happy now" insisted George

"Dobby is not really a good example, he was a personal elf, not a house elf, so when Potter freed him, his magic probably got too messed up to allow another bond anyway and he was always… weird"

"What do you mean weird?” Asked Fred

"Dobby is a breeded elf"

"That is illegal!" Said George

"Yeah, but the Blacks bred elves long before there were laws about it, Mother said Aunt Walburga was so obsessed she kept the heads of the family elves on display"

The twins looked at one another with knowing looks and Draco wondered if they too had met Sirius and knew what he was talking about.

"Dobby was supposed to be the next house elf for the Blacks, because their elf was already old, so until then, he was Regulus, but Dobby was too young to bond, he was kind of just there when Regulus died  and since all that was his, of personal value, was left for my mother, so did Dobby. Mother said she felt uncomfortable when she tried to take him so father did, but he always kind of refused us and had fits like a discontent child. We thought it was losing his very first attempt of a bond so soon, but it might have been that Regulus intended to give him to someone else and that is why Dobby didn't want us, he was too young to know what he was supposed to do, so maybe he was looking for a calling he didn't know where it was and ended up just frustrated. Really, only reason we kept him was because father didn't want my mother to be upset, since he was Regulus"

"He said your father was awful to him though" said George

"Probably..." and he thought of trying to justify, but really there was nothing he could say to make this better so he just said the truth "At some point my father just started hating him really, even Tila, our family elf was glad to seem Dobby gone"

"It doesn't justify" the boy insisted

"No it doesn’t… but that is all I've got" said Draco sincerely and that was something the boys could at least accept.

Chapter Text

And life once more found its normal, eventually Professor Flitwick forgave him for the fight and started writing him extra assignments on the corners of his corrected ones. The twins were a bit hot and cold, but he gave them help with charms sometimes and they kept the conversation light on simple topics like quidditch.

Draco also used his down time to get things straight with his friends. He joined Theo and Daphne behind the curtains that were now “their” bed to actually talk with them instead of just making sure they woke up and that Daphne was dressed. 

“Sorry you ended up staying away” said Draco to Theo, he knew how important his time at Malfoy Manor was.

“I’ve been staying with Daphne whenever I can. I’m more worried about summer now that things… changed” said Theo and Draco knew he was talking about the Dark Lord.

“Well… if we are lucky, he will keep your father busy, but I will write mother anyway, maybe we can go over to France”

He didn’t talk about his illness, he wasn’t even sure what to say about it, but his friends knew him well and didn’t ask either, but they did make sure to let him know they were there if he needed anything .

Draco also solved things with Pansy and he immediately realised how much he missed her.

"You are the one who went away, now tell me what the hell was that story with Weasley"

And he omitted a few parts, like the golden trio, but told her most of it, including the fact he was definitely gay.

"You didn't need a Weasley to know that, I could have told you"

They talked way into the night, because Pansy was a little lost with what she was going to do with herself, different than Daphne, who would inherit her family’s business, Pansy was raised to be a housewife and she was fine with that as long as she has someone who was her igual.

“Like your parents or Daphne’s, I don’t want to be like my mum, who doesn’t like anything because she has no life”

They both needed to think, so the best thing to do was to “get back together” and present a united front to others and get their social standing back a bit.

“I just wanted to know why Zabini is protecting you, people think you got dirt on him, but I don’t think you do, do you? Because his mother would eat you alive” asked Pansy, they all knew that, despite how Draco had been top of the Slytherin hierarchy because the Malfoys were an influential family, Zabini was way more powerful than most people at the school.

“Actually he is the one who got dirt on me, I have no idea what he is doing, but you are welcome to ask” was Draco’s answer and really, he would love to know what exactly the other boy wanted with him, he seemed different than his mother, but Draco could never be sure he wasn’t just hiding it.

Still, with all that going on, Draco almost forgot about Potter and their strange connection, but it was still there and made itself known when Potter got another week of detention for his interview on the Quibbler. He debated with himself if he should or not approach the other boy to discuss the fact they were both going to end up with those damned words scared on their hands if Umbridge kept going, but he reached no conclusion and in the end Potter was the one who approached him first as he left the infirmary.

"I need to talk to you" said Potter

"Good, I need to talk to you too" and that seemed to throw him off "let's get back to the infirmary, no one is in, Pomfrey already left for dinner, I was just bringing back some books"

They got in and Draco warded the door, he knew whatever Potter was going to say was probably something that shouldn't be eavesdropped on.

"Ok, so you need to stop antagonising Umbridge so much, if you keep this going both of..." He started, but was unable to finish his thought because Potter interrupted him.

"Do you know what your father is helping Voldemort get?"

Draco didn't even know what part of the question made him more shocked, but for a moment he wondered if this was a test or if Potter had completely lost it.

"What are you even talking about?" he said carefully

"I know your father is a Death Eater, I saw him last year in the graveyard and Rookwood said it was your father that cast the imperius..."

"Do you even hear yourself Potter?"

"You can't deny it!"

"Even if this was true, do you really think my father would tell me that? Do you think he would write me on letters what is the Dark Lord's latest plan?" he scoffed

That finally made Potter stop and think, he was still suspicious, but after a while he must have realised how stupid he sounded because he lost the animosity.

"Forget it" said Potter and he moved to leave, something Draco wouldn't allow, so he grabbed his arms.

"You don't get to throw that on my face and leave as if nothing happened! how do you know any of that stuff? And… Rockwood just got out of Azkaban, how did you hear anything he said? And don't think we are not talking about Umbridge, If you want to get a new scar to go with you head, I don't!"

"You're still getting that?" asked Potter surprised

"Yes, now… Rockwood" insisted Draco

"So you can run to your father and tell?"

"I would not discuss such matters with him unless we were home, which is not going to happen for quite some time and by then this will probably be old news. Talk Potter"

Potter was obviously conflicted, he had reached the conclusion that telling Draco anything was a mistake and now clearly didn't know how to get out of it, which he wouldn't because Draco wouldn't let him.

"I had a dream last night" the Gryffindor finally admitted.

"A dream? Come off it you can't be making accusations off of..." But Draco stopped because something else came to mind, something way more terrifying than Potter thinking he had prophetic dreams "Last night?"

"Yeah?" was Potter's insecure response, not understanding what had changed in Draco's thoughts.

"I had a really bad headache last night, felt like my head was going to open in two, I thought it was going to be just like Christmas again"

And that brought something to Potter's face, like he had just figured out something.

"Your head hurts when my scar hurts..." and at least Draco was glad to see the other boy looked as scared as he was.

"I had this long before I met you, it makes no sense to be about you! It shouldn’t be possible to be about you!”

Potter had nothing to say so Draco reached his own pocket to retrieve the green notebook he used to track his sick days, he would never leave such a thing anywhere others could find. He looked some of his recent entries and felt stupid for not noticing a small patter.

"Have you been doing anything special mondays and wednesdays night?" he asked and Potter clearly recognised the days as something because his face had a new alarmed look "This can't be happening" 

They were silent for a minute before Potter tentatively talked.

"Hermione has been researching, but she really didn't find anything solid, most of the people that claimed to have had some kind of bond they couldn't explain said it was Karmic, but no one was able to prove they had what they claimed. She's been reading about that too, Karma, but all it did was that she fought with Parvati, apparently she and her sister are Karmic"

"Yeah, it's really popular in India" was Draco's automatic answer and the two were silent again “I asked Pomfrey… not specifically about you, but still… she said it couldn’t be related to another person, not unless it was a bond which we couldn’t possibly have!”

“Why not?” asked Potter confused

“Because, like Fred already said, natural bonds only happen with things that have the same magic as you, like familiars or, in a few cases, twin siblings. For us to have a bond, it had to be cast, but random people can’t do that, you need blood and consent! It’s not something we could have missed!”

“But can it be inherited?” asked Potter, a surprisingly smart question that Draco actually had to think about.

“It could… but my parents have no relations with yours and it can’t be from before them because then they would be the ones with it”

“But you are related to Sirius” said Potter and Draco finally understood where he was going with this.

“Yes, but I know nothing about him and my parents didn’t talk to him even before, so if this is his doing only he would know” said Draco carefully looking at the other boy.

"Do you think… that talking with Sirius would help?"

Draco looked at him curious, he had not expected Potter to confess he knew the man.

"I don't know…” he said carefully “as I said, I don't know much about Sirius Black, but he is the heir of the House of Black and therefore he should know quite a few family secrets, knowledge that we don't know and wouldn't be able to find otherwise" He stopped and looked at Potter, to see what he would do, but he didn't look Draco in the eye and his face was full of a mix of guilt and concern that just made it obvious he was hiding something and Draco felt smug that he knew exactly what and how to push him "Obviously there is the issue that no one actually know where Sirius Black even is"

"Did your parents ever say anything about him? About what people say he did?" asked Potter after some time.

"Not really, my parents don't like him, they said they don't believe for a second he would have betrayed your parents or killed the muggles, mother said no one who knew Sirius would actually believe he was a Death Eater. But they wondered if he did kill Pettigrew or not. I believe Walburga tried to push for a trial after things calmed down and Crouch fell out of grace, but then those that took power after weren't much better and they knew it was way more convenient to just keep her waiting and hope she died, they did the same when Radolphus Lestrange tried to get a trial for Rabastan"

"The Ministry didn't want them to have trials?" asked Potter confused

"Obviously not, Fudge and his party didn't have the majority on the Wizengamot, they were only able to get things done because they had Dumbledore as the Chief Warlock"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Are you stupid?" Asked Draco shocked and the other boy immediately got angry.

"It's not like I was there to know!"

And it hit Draco that Potter had grown up with muggles and clearly no one had educated him on wizarding culture.

"A lot of old families were involved on the war, lots of them like the Blacks and the Lestranges have permanent seats on the Wizengamot, each sit represents a vote and they need to be inherited, family seats can’t be given to general members, there is no rotation, if there is no heir, the sit will remain empty forever, which means whenever that happens, the number of voters are reduced. The ministry took great advantage of having less voters after the war, because even though a lot of people on Dumbledore's side died, there were more sit holders accused of being Death Eaters. They couldn't possibly get rid of all of them and some were given trials, especially those that would not make a difference because they had other family… like my father, because my mother could vote or even my grandfather could be my proxy until I was of age. But the Blacks only had Sirius because Walburga refused to give her seats to my grandfather and, although he had a right to it, Sirius as the heir of blood of the main line gets it first, so as long as he is alive, the seats are his and our side of the family can't claim it. When the previous owner of a sit dies, any proxy can only assume again if the new owner says so and they can only do that if their legal status is established, which means Sirius can’t name a proxy until there is a trial, the state of emergency that Crouch used, wasn’t a trial, so that way, they completely blocked the Blacks’ seats. Same thing with the Lestranges, Bellatrix and Rodolphus were both incarcerated and left no child behind and they couldn’t name a proxy, Mr. Lestrange last attempt of saving their family was naming Rabastian his heir, but they refused him a trial even though he never had any serious crime“

"He was arrested with them for what they did to Nevile’s parents!”

"Yes, because he was an idiot not because he was guilty”

“What do you mean?” asked Potter surprised, but then Draco should have expected this was not a topic Longbottom would have discussed.

“When he found out Crouch Jr. had gone too he tried to get there before the aurors to get him out, which he did at the cost of himself, but apparently, because he was the one who cast the wards on the nursery, protecting baby Longbottom, he was offered a deal to talk and explain himself, which would have lead to him receiving a trial, but for that he would have to give out Crouch's name and he was so foolish in love with the bastard, he kept silent. The good it did him because Karkaroff didn't care and ratted out Crouch right after. Mr. Lestrange thought that after that he could try again, but obviously it didn't work"

"Why does nobody know that?"

"Because no one believed it, history is told by the winners, when Lestrange used those arguments to free his younger son, he was rejected. It was easier for people to believe Rabastan was as bad as his brother and that Longbottom had been saved by a miracle, just like you. Madam Longbottom was very vocal against them, didn't want to hear a thing and it didn't help that Rabastian did have the dark mark and he refused the use of veritaserum when it was offered”

"That is not… That is not right"

"It is not about right or wrong Potter, it's about power and Sirius and Rabastan represented together five empty sits for the Ministry in just a few years time and truths the public didn't want to hear at that time, not even people like Dumbledore, who likes to pretend he is so good for everyone"

Potter was silent for a while and Draco let him take it all at his own pace, he had thrown at the boy something pretty heavy, something that he himself took years to learn.

"Sirius didn't do it, any of it, he didn't do it"

"That may be, but he will never be able to prove it"

"He would if we could find Pettigrew" said the boy with a mix of sadness and anger

"He is not dead?" Draco asked curious

"No, he was hiding, here at Hogwarts even, it is why Sirius escaped and came here, we had him captured for some time, but… it all went wrong"

That explained a few things but also raised a lot of other questions for Draco, especially because some of the theories he made with all the things he learned from the house elf didn't seem to fit anymore.

"I'm assuming… that you know were Sirius is" he said carefully

"I can't tell you" the boy immediately said.

"Can't tell and don't know are different things" and they looked at each other's eyes for a moment. Had Potter's always been so green?

"I can't tell" he said again and Draco nodded.

"Do you have something to contact him?"

"No, Umbridge is looking through my mail and monitoring the floo"

"You can reach him with the floo?” asked Draco incredulous “My father is right, the ministry gets more stupid every day" And Potter actually laughed at that "Lucky for you, Umbridge doesn't look into my mail and has no idea we even talk with each other, so although I don't suggest we do this anytime you feel like having a chat, because we will certainly get caught that way, I can send him your letter"

Potter looked like Christmas had come early, because for a second Draco even thought the boy was going to hug him or cry, maybe even both. But none of that happened except Potter's excited agreement of the plan and promise that he would ask Sirius about Draco's problem. The Slytherin obvious didn't want to play with his luck and made sure to tell the other to explain to Sirius that the replay need to be addressed for Draco, also Potter couldn't tell anyone about the plan because Umbridge had ears everywhere and the last thing they needed was to get caught together sending Sirius Black a letter.

The plan was put in practice and it went well on their end, but Sirius didn't send any reply right away and Draco thought that maybe he wouldn't. But his owl had been instructed to stay until there was a replay or she was dismissed, so he took as good news that it didn't return either. Potter was already moping, thinking his godfather (as Draco came to learn was their connection) would not reply, but surprising both of them, he did.

Draco didn't read Potter's letters as an act of good faith, but he did demand the boy read the answer in his presence so he would tell him what Sirius had to say about him.

"He is concerned, he said he will meet us on the next Hogsmead weekend on the cave" said Potter to his friends and Draco

"He is going to come all the way here?" asked Draco surprised

“He can’t!” said Granger alarmed

“The ministry is not really expecting him to show up again, should be fine” said Draco not understanding why they were so worried, Sirius was a fugitive and he had done a nice job of hiding himself so far.

"He is not supposed to leave… the place he is in” said Potter, but then he turned to his friends “he said Moony is coming, so they must think this is very serious or they wouldn't be risking it, Sirius really wants to get out, but Moony wouldn't have agreed if it wasn't important"

So Lupin was coming too, Draco was beginning to think that maybe he wasn't as prepared for the knowledge they could offer.

"The only problem is that you have been forbidden from going to Hogsmeade" said Draco 

"That one is easy to solve, don't worry" said Potter with a smirk that didn't really fit him.

Draco expected a better explanation, but he didn't get any, Potter only told him to meet Granger and Weasley at Hogsmeade and they would take him to the cave. That however took almost three weeks and by the time Draco finally was face to face with Sirius, he had already prepared himself for the worst outcome possible, something that was in between "it will be a trap and he his going to murder me" and "we will learn nothing"

Potter joined them as soon as they were close to the cave and Draco finally discovered that Potter's secret was an invisibility cloak, so completely unfair. At the entrance he soon recognised Lupin, very little had changed about the man since he was a professor, and, next to him, was another man that Potter was soon to run to and hug.

"How are you?" Asked Sirius to Potter.

"The same, Umbridge is still making everything horrible"

Sirius then turned and looked at Draco, his piercing grey eyes feeling both distant and familiar at the same time.

"And you're Draco… just look at you… last time I saw you, you were just a new born baby"

"I didn't know you ever even saw me" said Draco carefully, maybe Sirius was the one to blame for this after all.

The man snorted, but didn't say anything, instead he turned to Lupin.

“Cast the spell for me”

“What spell?” asked Draco suspicious.

“I want to check something, it is why we came, it’s the first thing that came to mind”

"Harry told us in his letter you two seemed to have some sort of connection" started Lupin

"Apparently, his cuts show up on my skin as a red irritation, a rash, and apparently my headaches are his headaches" Said Draco, keeping it simple.

"And he feels the dreams too, he was sent to the infirmary on Christmas" Said Potter

"What happened on Christmas? You never said" Reminded Draco

"Nevermind that" Said Sirius cutting in "How long has this been going on and who did you tell about this?"

"The connection? I got no idea, I've been sick since I was five, it's been getting worse on the past few years, we always dealt with this as an illness, only in January did I get an indication it might not be just that” said Draco looking at Sirius, he wanted to see any reactions that man could be trying to hide.

"Five is before they met, most bonds, even pre-existing ones, need at least a touch to spark it, and that assuming they were actually bonded before age five“ Said Lupin looking at Sirius.

"Who did you tell?" Insisted Sirius ignoring Lupin and Draco knew what he was really after.

"About my sickness? Quite a few people know I would say" He pretended to not catch his meaning and notice Sirius knew exactly what he was doing.

"And about Harry?"

Draco pretended to think about it, he wanted to see more of Sirius, but Weasley was never one for getting the little things.

"You told someone?" Asked Weasley horrified.

"Obviously not" Draco said rolling his eyes "Only we know. And Fred and George”

Sirius was surprised for a moment, Draco assumed it was because he called the Weasley twins by their first names, but at least that seemed to also calm him down a little.

“Just cast the spell, Remus” insisted Sirius and the werewolf nodded in agreement.

Draco was anxious for whatever it was, but then he was surprised and confused when he realised it was a simple spell to check family relations, usually used as a paternity test before an actual blood test was performed, since blood magic was regulated and restricted by the ministry. 

“There is nothing” said Remus

“What was that?” Asked Potter confused

“Sure it doesn’t” interrupted Draco “what the hell were you expecting to find with that? You’re obviously not my father”

“What do you mean? What was that spell?” insisted Potter

“It’s a spell that shows close family relations” said Lupin “Sirius wanted to check if… for whatever reason… Draco could have some magical connection to him since they are related”

“Obviously I will have some family magic” said Draco annoyed

“Yes, but I wanted to know if it was just that or if you had any magical inheritance from me, which you don’t” said Sirius very agitated, Draco had no idea what the man was thinking or if he was relieved or upset with the test result.

Draco was really confused with Sirius line of thought, he was his mother cousin, not her brother, there was nothing from him Draco could have inherited, unless he was looking if Draco was his heir just because of blood, which he should know was not the case since he was cut off.

"Does it work both ways?" Asked Lupin "Do Harry feel what you feel?"

"I never felt anything" Said Potter and then lower "At least not from him anyway" and Draco wondered what that was about, if it had to do with the dreams he had and that were apparently important.

"This makes no sense" Said Lupin “Can you think of anything else, Sirius?" And the way he asked felt like he was pointing out something that only the two knew.

"That would cause this? I have never heard of something like it, this was my only shot“ said the man frustrated and he turned to Draco "What did you thought it was before Harry?"

"We didn't have any leads until last year, Pomfrey said my magical core is having spasms whenever I have an episode, she said I could be reacting to something , but not to someone“

"On your core?" Asked Lupin and again he looked at Sirius.

"It is not a family illness, not from the Blacks anyway" Said Sirius defensively.

"It is not a family illness at all" Said Draco for what felt like the tenth time.

"Sounds like Karma then" Said Sirius and Draco felt like hitting his head against the wall.

"Sirius!" Said Lupin in frustration and Draco was happy to have one ally on his exasperation.

"What?" Asked Sirius with a laugh "James was karmic, that sound exactly like something he would say”

"My father was karmic?" Asked Potter with surprise

"Sure he was" Thought Draco in frustration

"Well.. Yeah" and Sirius seemed a bit nervous "Your grandfather was karmic and then so was James, he got more serious about it as we grew old, I think it helped him think before doing stuff"

Lupin just snorted "that was thinking?" but it was full of fondness.

"And although this is extremely interesting" Said Draco ironically "as I said the last time someone pointed to Karma, Potter and I have no relation, my family and his never interacted and I can't be paying for any karma any of our previous fights might have generated because I have this since I was five"

"But what we also thought" interrupted Granger "was that maybe it has something to do with you, you're Harry's godfather and you knew his parents"

"I don't own the Potters any karma though. I made a bad call, I will always blame myself for, but not only that is paid off with Azkaban, but James would never…” said Sirius a bit quietly "and James and I never had any kind of magical bond"

"To share pain it can have a lot of meanings really, it can be a way to give strength to Harry instead of punishing Draco for something he never did" Said Lupin thoughtful

"Could this be related to You-Know-Who?" Said Weasley a bit uncertain "Cause he is kind of connected to Harry too and well we all know Malfoy's father… you know"

"My father" Said Draco angrily "is no different than at least half of Slytherin house, he never did anything particular to the Potters, barely even knew them"

"Hey, hey" Said Lupin "there is no point fighting about this, we wanted to understand the situation, it is why we came and we need to go soon. I think this ‘spasms’ might be you reacting to Harry’s magic or something of the sort, which sound more like a bond, but since Sirius didn’t cause it, I don't think we can help you Draco, you two need to talk to Dumbledore about this, we don't know how this works and it could be exploited by... others "

"We won't tell him anything, I don't intend to be Dumbledore's little puppet" Said Draco, he was getting angrier by the second and clearly this was going nowhere.

"This can put Harry in danger" Said Sirius also getting angry.

"Turns out the world doesn't revolve around the golden boy, in fact he doesn't feel anything, he is perfectly fine!” and Draco was very close to screaming at the man's face.

"That is not true!" Said Granger frustrated, trying to be heard "The pain you feel is Harry’s…”

"Look here Malfoy" interrupted Sirius "you will go to Dumbledore or will I, this is bigger than you and I'm not letting you and your family hurt Harry"

"I'M THE ONE WHO IS HURTING" screamed Draco and like breaking a spell something changed in Sirius.

"Yes, and maybe you deserve this, so your father can pay for all the pain he brought, clearly you're just like him, too much of a coward to make the right decision when it truly matters!"

"Sirius..." Lupin said shocked  but Draco was just done.

"FUCK YOU! I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WAS EXPECTING FROM THE MAN WHO ABANDONED HIS OWN FAMILY, YOU ARE AS HORRIBLE AS THEY ALWAYS SAID YOU WERE!"

Madness took over Sirius' eyes and for a second Draco thought he was going to attack him.

"HORRIBLE WAS I? YOUR MOTHER DIDN'T THINK I WAS HORRIBLE WHEN I HELPED HER SO SHE WOULDN'T DIE GIVING BIRTH TO YOU!"

And that made Draco freeze, he didn't know what the man was talking about and he certainly never heard of his mother almost dyeing.

"Yeah! There is a lot of dirty laundry in this family, bet your mother doesn't tell you that!"

And without looking at anyone else Draco turned and left, ignoring any calls from the group to return, he didn't want to ever hear another word out of Sirius Black's mouth.

And he never did.

Chapter Text

Draco avoided all the Gryffindors who tried to approach him, including Fred and George, he was angry still, but also part of him had taken Sirius' words to heart, part of him had debated if maybe this was a punishment after all.

“You are not focused” said Pomfrey while they were practicing a spell that Draco should already know how to do, but he just couldn’t make it work.

“Sorry”

“You have been distracted for a while now” said the woman carefully “did something else happen?”

Draco really debated on what to do, he knew talking about Potter was essential to finding out what was wrong with him, but he was also afraid of it, of what it meant.

“I… I had a… suspicion… but it can’t be right…” he said very unsure.

“What did you think about?”

“That this… somehow… is related to Potter” he said very nervous, but he was surprised to see a contemplative face on the woman.

“I would say this is a valid theory if this illness only affected you at school. The only difference between Mr. Potter and the other students is that he has been hit with the killing curse and we don’t know if that did leave on him something that you could be reacting to”

“What if I’m reacting to his magic? I… notice… I’m sick when he…”

“Again, for you to be reacting to someone, you would need to be bonded”

“And what if… I am bonded to Potter?” he asked without looking her in the eyes.

The woman stopped to actually look at Draco and think, she looked, for the first time, really worried.

“Bonds are the connection of two magic cores, not only would he feel you, but your magic would be in sync with his all the time, which is not what happens to you”

“But I get hurt when he is hurt, I’ve seen it” said Draco quietly and then he ended up telling her about his little experiment with cutting Potter’s hand and the subsequent events of headaches.

“You should have told me sooner” said Pomfrey shocking her head and looking very old.

“I was trying to find out if it was really a bond” Draco tried to defend himself.

“It sounds like it might be, but it is clearly broken and that makes me worry way more”

“Broken?”

“As I said, your magic would be in sync, but your spasms means your magic is not connected to Potter’s, you are only feeling the spikes and that severely disturbs your magic, it is why the ripple effect is so severe on you. Do you know who cast this? What was it supposed to do?”

“No, I couldn’t find anything about it”

“And that complicates things. I would have to test Potter and see how you react to certain things, at least to understand what is happening, but with Umbridge out and about I don’t think it is a good idea, the last thing we need is the ministry’s nose in this”

Draco could think about someone else who should never learn about this connection as well and that, more than Umbridge, made Draco agree.

“You need to find out what this bond is supposed to do, I’m assuming it was not your parents doing and I doubt the intention of this was to hurt you, so something must have gone wrong and until knew know what, we keep up what we're doing”

Draco didn’t feel much better with Pomfrey’s words, but at least he was not as lost as before and it helped the woman had believed him and considered the possibility of a bond, so now Draco would have help figuring this out. A help that was much better than Sirius’ had been. It did, however, send Draco back to the beginning, because he still needed to figure out how he ended up bonded to Harry Bloody Potter. 

He knew he had to talk with the other boy, he would not be able to escape forever, but he was still mad over the conversation with Sirius, so he intended to avoid Potter until he felt better. The golden boy eventually decided to take matters into his own hands and found Draco hiding in the dungeons, making him wonder if Potter had more than just an invisibility cloak up his sleeves.

"Hey" said the boy a bit shyly 

"Go away Potter" he said, not violently, just tired, but the boy still came closer and sat next to Draco.

"Look, I'm sorry about Sirius, he has a lot of problems with his family"

"Yeah… I know " said Draco rolling his eyes

"Look… we started all this the wrong way, we don't know what this is and we might never know, but it is here and we have to deal with it and we can only do that together, us, not Sirius or your father. I know you have been trying to… I don't know… be better? And… we can start again, I'm willing to try if you are"

Draco looked at Potter and he looked sincere enough, also by now there was no way he would be able to avoid at least an alliance with him, he was right after all, they would have to do this together. Not to mention there was that little eleven years old inside Draco that had wanted Potter to be his friend.

"Yeah, we can do that..." Draco said a bit quiet

They were silent, not sure what they should say to one another, they never had a conversation that didn't end up as a fight and agreeing to try to be friends didn't mean the past changed and they suddenly knew what to say to one another.

"You were..." Started Potter slowly, clearly unsure of their boundaries "you were humming something when I got here, was that like a song?"

Draco thought about not saying anything, it was a bit private, but then the other boy was trying, so he supposed he should too.

"Something my mother used to sing to me when I was little, but it's a made up song, she never found anyone that knew it"

"Did she make it up?"

"Regulus… she said he sang it on her wedding, it is why I like it"

"He sang?" asked Potter surprised

"Yeah, mother always said he had a beautiful voice"

"They were close, you mother and him?" the boy asked curiously, apparently Sirius didn’t talk much about his own brother.

"She loved him more than any of her sisters"

"Sirius said Voldemort killed him" and Draco felt a chill run him down as Potter said the Dark Lord's name, but he didn't sound accusing, just curious.

"Well he didn't, in fact he searched for him" and that surprised Potter a lot "but his death showed up on the tapestry and all family magic broke and they knew he was gone for good. No one knows how he died, my grandparents thought it might have been an auror that got rid of the body so no one would know who did it"

"What do your mother think happened?"

"I don't know, she doesn't talk about it"

They were silent again, talking about Regulus wasn't really much better to their relationship.

"Can I hear it?" Said Potter and Draco's confusion must have been clear on his face when he turned to Potter because he was quick to clarify "The song"

Draco didn't look at him, he wasn't sure he wanted to share that with Potter. His parents' wedding had always felt like a piece out of time, there was a spark on their faces in the old photos that he had never seen on them after he was born, he knew his parents were happy and they loved each other, but something, maybe the war, had changed something on them. Whenever Regulus' sweet song came out of his mother's lips, it felt that at least for those short seconds she was close to being the girl that she was when she got married.

"It's ok if you don't want to" Said Potter

Draco finally looked at the other boy, he knew Potter was just trying to know him and connect over something and Draco knew they would need that since they were going to be together in this for a while.

" Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high

There's a land that I heard of once in a lullaby

Somewhere over the rainbow, Skies are blue,

And the dreams that you dare to dream, really do come true...

Somewhere, over the rainbow, bluebirds fly.

Birds fly over the rainbow,

Why then -- oh, why can't I?"

His voice wasn't really good, he was no singer, but he hoped at least the melody was right.

"I think I heard that before" Said Potter, frowning in concentration, thinking.

"What?" 

"I think that is a muggle song"

"Don't be stupid, how would Regulus Black know a muggle song?" said Draco annoyed.

"I don't know… maybe he didn't know it was muggle"

"Or maybe he just made it up and you are mistaking it with something else"

"Maybe..."

But Potter clearly didn't believe that, in fact his face was still stuck in concentration and Draco knew it had been a mistake to ever share something like that with Potter, obviously he was just trying to ruin it.

"Forget it Potter"

And Draco got his things and left the room before he got mad at Potter and their friendship ended before it could even begin. 

They didn't talk again for a few days and Draco thought maybe it was for the best. He was however surprised by Umbridge inviting him to join her in her office and for the few minutes it took to reach there, Draco was close to a panic attack, wondering if the woman had found out about what he had been doing with the Gryffindors, he went over in his head all the things she could have heard or seen and all the excuses he could make and by the time he sat down on her office his face was set in a polite mask, but his hand and his neck were sweating.

It turned out he had been afraid for nothing, but Potter had a lot to be afraid of because she had found out he was apparently the head of some kind of secret meeting and Umbridge wanted help in catching all of the members. It seemed really serious because she had mentioned more than once aurors would arrive and Draco knew that whatever was going to happen tonight would change everything. He also knew he had no good reason to refuse Umbridge's offer without causing suspicion, he hadn't completely ruled out the idea it was all a test, so he agreed and showed all the enthusiasm and glee he didn't actually feel in destroying the Gryffindors.

The meeting was at night and talking with his fellow Slytherins he was able to learn Umbridge had already recruited a few of them as well to help with the capture. With such a big thing happening, any strange disappearance would be suspicious and Draco knew he could not go to Fred and George, much less any of the golden trio. It was the first time he realised they had no way of communicating with one another in case of an emergency where discretion was needed.

Draco was out of ideas and the best he could do was to trip Longbottom on the hall and say "your time is coming" and hope the idiot would at least complain to one of his friends, there were a lot of people on the hall and in a school that spread gossip faster than dragon pox he hopped that would reach Fred and George and they would find it suspicious enough to realise Draco was trying to send a message. Obviously, tripping Longbottom wasn't as interesting as the possibility he might have kissed a Weasley, so people just ignored and Longbottom didn't cry to his friends and everything went wrong.

The secret room was empty, but Umbridge went in to inspect and he and his peers were instructed to look around, obviously he found Potter really quickly and could not let him escape with everyone so close by. Not that Potter seemed to understand that, because he looked at him with a really angry face and all Draco could do was whisper in his ears a few words before Umbridge came.

"She doesn't actually know much, so pretend you don't either"

Potter made such an obvious surprised face Draco had to kick him right before Umbridge appeared so she wouldn't see it. She took Potter with her and instructed the Slytherins to keep searching, Draco obviously knew exactly where he would find Fred and George and made sure he was the one checking that area, but he did send Grabbe and Goyle to the direction of the Gryffindor dorms, hoping they would have the good sense to not go there.

He entered the other secret room and found four wands pointed at him, Longbottom and the twins sister were there as well. Fred and George put their wands down, but not the other two and Draco decided to break the tension.

"A secret club? Really?"

"Harry is a way better teacher than Umbridge" Said Fred.

"How did she find out anyway?" asked George and by this time the other two in the room were looking between them with astonishment.

"Someone told on you, she organised this today, with aurors and everything, she just took Potter to Dumbledore's office"

"She can't expel him!" Said Longbottom.

"She can actually, but Dumbledore will do something" said George, but he didn't seem too sure.

"I just realised today we didn't have a way of talking in case of an emergency" Said Draco "And I couldn't rise suspicious, I hoped Longbottom would have said something"

"He just told us, you should have picked Ron, he would have said something immediately" Said Fred

"That was supposed to be a message?" Said Longbottom confused and he and the girl had stopped any attempt to understand what was going on.

"I can't believe you Fred!" Said the girl turning angry to her brother "That was true? You're dating Malfoy?"

"We're not dating" Said Draco rolling his eyes.

"Yeah, Gin, it was just a kiss and a bit of masturbation, don't worry" Said Fred laughing, but he was the only one who thought it funny, Draco was so embarrassed he wanted to murder the boy, he was just too petrified to do it.

"I could have lived without ever hearing that" Said Longbottom

"Welcome to my world" Said George

"You're so crude, Fred" Said the girl and she rolled her eyes at her brother, she must have been used to it "What now then?"

"Now you wait here another ten minutes so I can clean the area and then return to your dorms and pretend you know nothing" Said Draco "and tell Potter to not even try talking to me, if he doesn't get expelled, Umbridge will certainly keep her eyes on him. In fact, tell him to not do anything that is not his school work so we… he don't end up in the infirmary!"

"What is he talking about?" Asked the girl looking at her brothers, but they did not answer her, they just nodded to Draco in understanding and with that he left the room without another word.

As expected, Potter was saved, but Dumbledore left, leaving Umbridge as the headmistress. She soon nominated the Slytherins that helped on the other day as part of the Inquisitorial Squad, something that Draco thought it was ridiculous, specially because he was already a prefect, but it showed he had nothing to worry about Umbridge and provided a good cover for any suspicious the Slytherins may have of him and his distance during the year. Obviously the first thing he did was take points off of Potter, because it was what others expected and because he wanted to point out he was angry.

"It will be ten points for keeping secrets, Potter and another ten because I feel like it, maybe it will teach you the benefits of keeping your head down and you mouth shut"

And Weasley was clearly angry, but Potter and Granger must have got the message and it was all that mattered. At least that was what he thought until he got a red rash on his arm and he was forced to use one of the twins chaotic displays to corner Potter in a broom cupboard.

"What did you do last night? Thought you were supposed to lay low!" He said, Potter was just centimetres away so he noticed the annoyed look turned into surprise and guilt in just a few seconds.

"It.. it was an accident, nothing to do with Umbridge… and I don't know why you're concerned, you joined her!"

"It is not like I can say no! I'm not happy with this either, I had to give up both my time for extra charms and healing to do all of this stupid patroling, she is the only one that think she can catch Fred and George when even the teachers are helping them" said Draco just as annoyed.

"Yeah..." The gryffindor agreed with a bit of a smile

Draco looked at Potter, he was distracted and not really there in spirit, he knew it wasn't the loss of the club because he was fine before, so something had happened.

“What are you worried about? the vocational meeting?"

"What? I haven't even thought about that yet" said Potter confused.

"You mean you don't know what you're going to do? We are supposed to spend the year preparing for the OWLs, how are you going to do that if you don't know what to focus on?" said Draco completely not believing the boy in front of him.

"I'm sorry if all of us don't know what we want to do since birth" said the boy annoyed and Draco rolled his eyes "And I'm not completely clueless, I was thinking about being an Auror... Like.. like my dad…”

And that more than anything gave Draco a small glimpse on what was upsetting the boy.

"Look, you can't know what your parents wanted for you and even if you did, you're not the person you would have been had they been here, you can't fulfil their dreams, only your own, so don't chose it because of your father, chose it because it's what you want to do"

That did some good because Potter got a new light on his eyes and nodded and even gave him a shy smile.

"You should take your own advice" he said softly.

"Oh I will, I decided some time ago I was going to be a healer, my mother is not happy, but agreed to keep it quiet until I receive my OWLs results, father will not be very happy when he finds out, but I might still convince him since I want to do more academic work, nothing like pharmacy, cause that is just crazy, but there is some of research in slow healing that is very interesting, people tend to ignore sigils so much, it's stupid“ Potter snorted and shocked his head.

"I have no idea what you're talking about, but clearly you like it" 

They both smiled and looked at one another, Potter's mind slowly drifted again, but Draco took the time to study the boy, he had matured on the past year, and looked even better than last year if Draco was sincere to himself, but his face still carried a sad youthness to it, the eyes of a lost boy waiting for his parents to come and pick him up.

Draco thought many things to say, but none seemed appropriate and they both just parted ways.

A few days later, the twins ran away from Hogwarts, something that would never be forgotten as part of the school's history. Draco felt a big loss from them leaving, he even wondered if they had planned it and just didn't tell him, but everyone, including his friends and siblings seemed were surprised, so it was probably a decision made on the spot. In fact he felt way better when an owl came and he received Fred's small note of "don't be a stranger" and the address on Diagon Alley that they had shouted as they parted. Still Potter and his bleeding heart felt the need to make sure he was ok, because he came to him in the empty classroom Draco had taken for himself.

"How are you doing?" Asked Potter as he came in and sat on the floor close to Draco, not even bothering with transfiguring a pillow.

"I'm fine, is not like they died or anything"

"Yeah but… I heard you and Fred had something" Potter said slowly and Draco had to breathe deep and roll his eyes because really, how many times would he have to repeat it.

"We became friends and I kissed him once, but that was it, I’m not with anyone”

"What about Parkinson? Everyone thinks you two are together"

"Pansy and I have known each other since we were little, Although I'm sure my mother would love our union, it never felt right and we dated just to please our parents and explore. Eventually I found out why we never would have worked out anyway. She knows and she covers for me sometimes, but we are going to "break up" again because she did go talk with Zabini to ask why he was helping me out and turns out he also fancies her, no idea if I should trust him yet, but as long as she is happy..." Said Draco and he meant it, he was both happy and worried for Pansy, but Zabini has been nice so far, so maybe he was just helping him out of his good heart.

"Humm… why Fred?" asked Potter curious

"Why not? I knew he was gay and we had a few good talks" he said simply.

"But he is a Weasley" said Potter confused

"I know, but all I wanted was to kiss another guy and so I did and it was great and that was it" and if Potter wanted to pry into his dating history he might as well "What about Chang? Are you still together after her friend told on you? Didn't know Granger had on her to cast something like that by the way, the girl looks hideous"

“I… everyone was surprised with Hermione… but no, Cho and I… it was a disaster really" said the boy uncomfortable but also a bit frustrated.

"Why? Because of Diggory?" asked Draco curiously, he had heard plenty of people whispering about Chang moving on so fast.

"Yeah..." Said the boy, but he did not look like he wanted to talk more about it, so Draco didn’t insist, he didn't want this to turn into a sob story about Diggory's death.

"Well, I'm sure you will have plenty of girls in line when you announce your ‘single and available’ status"

And Potter got into a thoughtful mood that made Draco know that he was still upset about something and he didn't think it was his career or Cho Chang.

"How do you tell that someone is right for you?" Potter finally said

"What do you mean?" asked Draco confused.

"It's just… I found out something about my parents the other day..."

"Ah… That is the issue then" he finally realised

"And I can't understand how they ever got together, Sirius said… that dad stopped being an idiot… but still..."

"I don't know what happened with your parents, but you know it is right when it feels right"

"They were different than what I imagined" Potter said defeated and Draco really wanted to know what he had seen or heard.

"Sure they were, the stories you hear are about two war heroes who died for you, but they were just people before that too"

"I would never have acted like that! Dad was just… showing off"

"Well despite all that Snape always says you're not your father. You lived a different life than your father and it's a different time, people now are way more somber than they were before. Many families are smaller than they used to be, many students here lost family members. People then haven't gone through a war since Grindelwald and that was a long time ago, they were way more carefree than we are, my parents look and act nothing like the teenagers I head of or that I see in their old pictures, they all were different then.

That made Potter relax a bit more, whatever was plaguing him, had really been grave, considering how much Snape had to say about his father, maybe he was a terrible teenager after all.

"The way you say it makes way more sense than Sirius" and Draco couldn’t help but feel his anger at Sirius again

“He obviously doesn't have much tact for words" he said a bit bitter

"They used to fight, my parents, my mother thought my dad was an idiot and still they got together" and Draco snorted.

"Well we're here aren't we"

"That is different!" and Potter furiously blushed, which was quite something considering his olive skin and actually quite curious "we're not kissing and stuff"

"Is that a proposition?" Said Draco teasing and Potter realised what he said and just got even more embarrassed, which was kind of adorable really.

"That was not… I didn't mean it…” Potter stuttered.

"Relax Potter, I know you didn't, I'm just teasing. The point is, we, by forces bigger than us, were forced to solve our problem, I'm sure something also did the trick for your parents"

"Yeah… I think you're right..."

And they were silent for a few seconds taking it all in.

"How did your parents get together?" Asked Potter

"My mother is just a year younger than my father, so they were in school together, it think something funny happened, because mother always laugh, but father refuses to talk about it, but then they fell in love, nothing really dramatic. My grandmother, on my mother's side was really pleased with the match, Walburga had made a contract for my mother and Regulus, but no one wanted that, they were too close by blood and in sibling affection, so Regulus gave my father permission to marry my mother here at Hogwarts, away from his mother, so by the time she found out, the contract had already been transferred to the next generation. Since Regulus left no children, I have no marriage contract to fulfil"

"I think that is pretty dramatic actually… you almost got engaged before you were even born!"

"Not necessarily, contracts imply the couple would need an heir, so if Regulus only had boys, even though I'm gay, the contract would be passed on to the next generation until there is a boy and a girl to fulfil it. Marriage contracts like that are a bit archaic really, most people now a day prefere the betrothal contracts because it allows you to say no at the end without passing it on to your children”

"Humm.. will it be an issue? Being gay?”

"Yeah… it usually isn't, I know muggles have a problem with it, but wizards don't really care, especially before, families used to be bigger, so who cares if your third brother is doing someone's cousin. The issue is that usually first born males need heirs, so every now and then there is an issue, some people just get married and then keep a lover on the side, but there have been times where the first born had to give up their inheritance to their brothers. I don't have any siblings to pass on, so… but there are other solutions, somo gay couples have a child with a woman just to have an heir, but it doesn't work for every family because some of the inheritance rules from old families might forbid a child made out of wedlock to be the heir"

"What are you going to do then?"

"I don't know, I don’t have to worry about it for a few years, so in the meantime I keep it discreet to keep all my possibilities open"

"Is that why you didn't date Fred?” Potter asked frowning and Draco rolled his eyes

"No, I never even thought about dating him really, I wanted a kiss and he turned me down right after so I never gave it another thought"

"Oh… then why did you kiss him?"

"You don't have to want to date to want to kiss you know" And Potter blushed again, no wonder he and Chang didn't work out "did you and Chang ever even kiss?"

"Yes we did!" he said defensive and then embarrassed "it was ok…”

"Ok? If it was an ok, then it wasn't any good" Draco scoffed

"That is not true!” said the boy defensive and Draco rolled his eyes at him again

"Would you do it again? If you got back in time, you know how it ends, would you do it again? Would it be worth it?"

Potter seemed ready to say yes just on principal, but he eventually just released a defeated breath.

"Would you? With Fred?"

"Yeah, as I said I wanted to kiss a boy and he was kind enough to kiss me back and give me that"

"You kiss Parkinson all the time, what is the big difference?"

"It's just… different, she doesn't attract me, what would you feel if you kissed Granger?"

"I wouldn't do that!" and he sounded like that was the worst thing he could do in the world and if Draco didn't know they were such good friends, it would even sound offensive.

"But what if you did? You think it would be good?"

"I don't know, it would be weird… what is a good kiss anyway..."

"One that makes you feel good, Potter, come on, you must have some preference, what do you think of when you get off?"

"What?" asked the boy confused

And Draco stopped and actually looked at Potter, because he just couldn't believe he was that… argh

"Masturbation Potter, please tell me you do it"

“I…I… the hell Malfoy!" said the boy embarrassed

"You never did it?" Draco said in complete shock, even sitting more straight, it was not possible!

"Sure I did it! I'm not… that is private..." Said Potter, his stutter even worse than his blush.

"Well then you must think about something when you do it!" insisted Draco

"I don't know! I don't think of anything in particular, I just do it"

"I can't believe you Potter!" Draco was totally exasperated.

"It's not like I have time for that with… everything that is always happening"

"I have ended up sick in bed more times than I could count, that is no excuse"

“I… I.. don't know… I feel… silly doing it"

"Silly?" Draco frowned

"Feels like I should… get more out of it, but also like something I shouldn't do… I don't know… everyone says it's good but I don't feel it… just like I didn't feel it when I was kissing Cho"

"Look… maybe you just don't like that stuff in general, which is fine, some people don't" Draco said carefully "but really I think you just not letting it get to you and clearly Chang didn't make your body boil"

"How would I know! It's not like I can compare, I haven't kissed that many people" said the boy pouting

"I only kissed two!”

"Well I didn't!"

"You can just go out and get another girl to kiss you, you have to like at least one of them"

"I don't know..." said Harry shy "and I wouldn't go and just kiss somebody"

"Why not?" asked Draco amused

"You don't just... do that..."

"Actually you do… how did you kiss Chang?"

"It… just kind of happened" and Draco snorted

"Did you even want to kiss her?"

"I thought I did..." Potter said quietly

"What did you even like about her? Cause she is not that pretty"

"Yes she is!"  said Potter defensive

"She is not ugly , but she is far from pretty"

"And who do you think is pretty?" asked Potter annoyed

"Daphne" Draco said immediately and without thinking, Theo might be the one in love, but Draco too had at some point thought that she was the most beautiful girl he had ever met  "but Abbot is a close second and she is single"

"Huumm..."

"Come on, didn't you ever look around the hall and just stared at someone? Apart from Chang"

Potter was silent for a moment and then he looked a bit embarrassed, so Draco knew there was someone on his mind.

"Not really" the boy lied 

"What about… I don't know… Weasley?"

"Ron?" asked the boy confused

"His sister" said Draco rolling his eyes "she likes you"

The boy was immediately uncomfortable and Draco thought that perhaps he had hit the right spot.

"I don't see her like that" was Potter's quiet answer

"Ok… but out of your entire house, there must be someone you looked at and thought they looked good or something"

"I don't know..." said Potter frustrated and Draco just kept looking at him, the boy wasn't even trying.

"Brown got big boobs" he said 

"What about it?" asked Potter confused.

"There are plenty of guys that want to touch it"

"No thanks" said Potter and he didn't look embarrassed, just like he really could not think why people would like boobs.

"Do you think girls are attractive Potter? I don't mean pretty, I mean, do you want to kiss them or I don't know... bent them over?"

And the boy was immediately nervous and not looking at Draco.

"Maybe you were right, maybe I just don't like it at all, it's not like it's the first time something is wrong with me"

"There is nothing wrong with not liking sex and stuff" 

"But I want to like it!" said the boy frustrated and even a bit upset and now Draco could actually see what he was struggling with and maybe not for the first time if he was so bothered by it.

They were silent, both flushed with embarrassment, exasperation and frustration of not getting anywhere with their talk. Draco wanted to hit his head on the wall, then hit Potter's because he was an idiot. He also wanted to kiss him. Just to show him really, either he would like it or hate it, it wouldn't be an ok like Chang. But there was a list of long reasons why doing that was a bad idea, including the possibility it would ruim what they had going. Not that Potter could ignore him for long, they were connected after all. 

But it was an awful idea.

Then he looked at Potter sitting there all shy and nervous and cute and he just gave up and kissed him.

It was just a quick kiss and much less intense then the one he shared with Fred, but he wasn't sure how the other boy would react, so he kept it simple in case Potter didn't want to do that at all. But when they separated and looked at each other, Potter was surprised, maybe a bit conflicted, but he was not reacting badly and after a beat where he could have pushed Draco back if he wanted, Draco did it again, this time giving the boy a proper snog.

Potter really didn't know what he was doing, he kissed back, but it was awkward in the beginning and he didn't know where to put his hands, so Draco just took over until they got into a rhythm and Potter finally settled. That allowed them to get closer and in a more comfortable position and Draco couldn't even be too conscious about his hard on, because he was having the best snog of his life. At some point though, they had been at it for a while, his lips were tingling, a few marks were probably going to stay at Potter's neck and the short boy was flat on the floor with Draco on top of him and he was able to feel they were both hard, but when he tried to explore that, pressing their hips, it clearly broke the spell because Potter pushed him back a bit.

They looked at each other completely out of breath, but since it didn't seem like Potter wanted to go further, Draco was preparing himself for the moment it would get awkward. Instead Potter just started laughing. He thought if he should be offended, but there was relief on that laugh and Potter was smiling and really, Draco had never seen him so happy.

"That is not really how people react, you know?" Said Draco a bit teasing and a bit soft.

"Sorry… just… glad something is not wrong with me… at least this time is not me…”and his relief was all there making Draco wonder how long this had been bothering the boy “I was just… kissing the wrong people apparently" and Potter actually giggled. 

"Look at that, Harry Potter will finally be able to masturbate with gusto, I think it deserves a first page"

It said a lot about Potter's state of mind that he didn't get mad at the joke and actually laughed a bit more.

Chapter Text

Draco felt happy and he certainly felt good getting off that night, but he made sure that no one around would be able to see the difference, Potter on the other hand was just exhaling happiness all over the place. In just a day the entire school had picked up on the fact that something good had happened to the golden boy, because he was just stupidly happy.

"He totally got laid" Some people said.

And obviously everyone wanted to know who it was, especially the Ravenclaws that felt bad for Chang, who just looked more miserable than before. At some point, Potter must have told his friends because Weasley looked at Draco as if he wanted to murder him, for which he just ignored. Obviously Potter’s sudden happiness was also noticed by the staff and although Professors like McGonagall looked very pleased to see Potter so happy, Snape was more vicious than ever and Umbridge used the most stupid excuse to give the boy detention just to try to wipe away the smile on his face.

All that attention meant Draco and Potter could not meet each other again for a while and then it just was too close to the exams for Draco to let himself get distracted, so he avoided Potter on propose to focus on his studies, something Granger felt the need to remark a bit more loud than necessary in the library.

"At least one of you have good senses"

He went through his exams with certain ease and was even able to show off on his charms practical exam, so with a perfect blend between transfiguration and charms, he was able to give one of the examiners a beautiful crystal flower that would change colors according to the weather. Even Flitwick was impressed when he heard about it. It was a good start for his exam season and he felt completely confident throughout the days.

As usual, whenever Draco let himself relax and forget his illness, or he supposed, his bond, that was exactly when it would rise up. He was almost done with his history exam, he was rereading some answers and making little adjustments when sudden pain hit him and he bit his tongue to stop his screams, but someone else was screaming because Draco could hear it. He was already tasting blood when his vision got dark and he passed out.

He wasn't out for long, the class was still full and the examiner was disoriented, but trying to be nice. In the background he could hear Zabini making his excuses saying he hadn't been eating. He was able to stand and slowly walk, he said he was done with his exam anyway, he had all the answers, even if he could do with a revision, and said that he was going to the infirmary, the blood from his bleeding tongue appearing on his lips really helped convince the man that was the best course of action.

He ignored all the eyes on him, some of them quite suspicious considering Potter also had to be removed, but some of them, like his friends, looked concerned and Zabini would totally have left with him if he could.

By the time he got to the infirmary Potter and Pomfrey were already discussing something.

"Draco! What was it this time?" Asked Pomfrey as soon as she saw him.

"Good question" he said and turned to Potter "What happened?"

"Look, Malfoy… I… I'll explain later" And he ran out of the room, leaving Draco alone and again, in pain. Pomfrey was still looking at him.

“I fainted briefly, I also bit my tongue” he said and woman took a deep breath before moving to heal him “I felt a lot of pain, but he seemed alright”

"That is what I meant with the spasms causing a ripple effect, it might be starting with Potter, but the effect is in your body, his knows what it is reacting against, yours doesn’t because you two are not in sync“ said the woman.

Draco took something for his head and left the infirmary to try and find Potter to know what happened, but instead he found Umbridge giving orders for other members of the Inquisitorial Squad to capture the girl Weasley and Longbottom. He was quick to play his part and make sure he was close to Potter, something was happening and he needed to know what. His idea didn't work very well when Umbridge took the boy and Granger to Merlin-knew-where following what has so obviously a big lie from Granger.

Being alone gave the remaining group the opportunity to rise against the Inquisitorial Squad and Draco had to make up his mind quickly, he could not attack his friends, so he pretended to run from the room to escape, but waited outside and was fast to lock the room and ward it as soon as the last of Potter's friends was out of the door.

"What is going on?” Draco asked and all of them looked conflicted, he knew none of them trusted him but eventually Weasley decided to just keep going.

"We saw Harry through the windows, so let's go!"

And they all moved and Draco followed.

"That is not an answer!”

"Harry thinks You-Know-Who has Sirius, he used Umbridge's fireplace to try to find him, but we don't know if he answered or not” said Weasley

Draco felt annoyed that all of that was about his dam cousin, but also the situation didn't make much sense.

"I thought he was in some secret location with Lupin?"

"Kind of" said the ginger and Draco frowned, things still didn’t seem to add up.

"So… what is the deal with Malfoy anyway? Cause I'm really lost here" Asked Longbottom

"Apparently he is making out with Harry" said Weasley very annoyed.

"I thought he was making out with Fred?" Said Longbottom confused

"Oh for gods sake!" Exclaimed Draco in exasperation, he hated dealing with Gryffindors.

They were able to find Potter though and were able to learn that Black was indeed missing, but something about it didn’t sit well with Draco and he was still trying to think things over in a rational way when the stupidity started and Potter made clear his intentions of going after his godfather in what looked a lot like a well planned trap while all his friends seemed determined to convince him they were all going with him.

"You can't be seriously thinking about going straight to the Dark Lord to attempt a rescue" said Draco

"That is exactly what I'm doing" Said Potter and Draco wanted to punch him immediately.

"This is a suicide mission and all you're gonna do is get us both killed!"

"Well, you don’t have to go if you don’t want to!”

"Except that I don't even have to, remember? If you die there, you might just kill me too!"

"Well I'm not planning on dying"

And Draco REALLY wanted to punch him.

"You don't know that! Stop being arrogant for just a second..."

"You are only thinking about yourself and I'm arrogant?" said the boy completely angry and clearly not thinking straight and fucking listening to Draco.

"The Dark Lord is one of the most powerful wizards out there, what do you think you can do against him?"

"I fought him before!"

"Yes and it almost killed me, in fact, it did kill Diggory!”

"DON'T TALK ABOUT CEDRIC" Potter finally shouted.

"I will if it can get you back to reality!"

"The reality is that Sirius is in danger, he is being tortured right now and I won't let him die!"

"BUT IT'S OK IF I DO?"

And after he shouted there was a mortifying silence, even breathing seemed wrong at that moment.

"He is the only family I have" said Potter trying to be calm, but really talking through his teeth.

"He turned his back on us, he has no family!" said Draco spitefully.

"He has me!"

And that felt like a slap to the face and a bucket of cold water at the same time.

"How silly of me… to think my life ever had any value to you" he said bitter.

"That is not what I'm..."

But whatever excused Potter was going to make, Draco wasn't going to listen, he turned his back and left, it was clear to him that Potter thought Black's life was more valuable than Draco's, that it was worth risking both of their lives for his even though Sirius was the one who went looking for trouble, in fact, for all he knew, the man was already dead. 

He felt like a fool for ever giving Potter his trust. 

Knowing things wouldn't end well, Draco went straight to the infirmary and took a bed for himself.

"What are you doing back here?" Asked Pomfrey worried

"Maybe die in a few hours, who knows!!" he said as he took off his robe and his shoes and laid don't on the bed waiting.

“Where is Potter?” asked the woman

“Getting himself killed like the idiot he is”

“What is that supposed to mean? What is Umbridge doing?” asked Pomfrey not even pointing out Draco's lack of respect.

“No idea, they got rid of her, Potter is going to attempt a stupid rescue that has the word trap written all over it”

“Oh my god!” said the woman and she ran to her office talking to someone through the floo before coming back out to talk to Draco “do you know where he went?”

“The ministry of magic”

The woman just nodded and went back inside to talk a bit more and then, she came out passing around, something that only made Draco even more nervous. It took a while, but the inevitable eventually came, a few rashes here and there, some pain and his head felt like it was going to explode, it lasted for a while and he was very exhausted as it were, but then his vision went black and the worst pain he ever felt ripped through him, way worse than last year and he screamed and screamed and Pomfrey tied him to the bed at some point and he could taste blood and if he could still move his lips he would have been begging for death. 

“Kill the boy, Dumbledore ” said the horrible voice inside his head and Draco fully agreed with it.

At some point obviously, he passed out.

— 

The first thing Draco felt when he woke up was surprise, he had really thought he was dead. His body was tingling all over, his head was heavy and his throat hurt.

"I think he is awake" said a voice.

And there was movement around, but Draco had no strength to rise, he tried to say something, but couldn't.

"Your throat is still healing" said a woman's voice and eventually he was able to see Pomfrey who carefully raised his head to allow him to drink a potion.

His mind was… blank, it was difficult to hold any thought. Potter approached his bed, his face was full of guilt and worry and he called his name when he reached out, but Draco passed out before he could hear anything else.

When he woke up again he felt way better, his head still hurt, but his body felt more awake and he was able to actually sit down on the bed.

"You're awake!" Said a voice

Draco turned and saw the two occupied beds on the other side of the infirmary where Weasley and Granger were.

"I'm not dead" he said, his voice still hoarse and Granger gave him a sad smile

"No, you're not"

And yet, the pain he felt was now in every part of him, even if it was no longer hurting.

Pomfrey came to fuss around him and he was soon swallowing a cocktail of potions again. He eventually found out he had been out for almost two days which raised the question of where his parents were.

"Your father was arrested" Said Pomfrey carefully ”I believe your mother is dealing with that now. Your friends were here yesterday, but I had to ask them to leave when they started to pick fights"

And that took out all the straight Draco thought he still had, he had no idea what had happened and he was very worried about his parents. He ignored Weasley and Granger's attempt to talk, but eventually Potter showed up, the Weasley girl, Longbottom and Lovegood with him. They moved to talk with their friends when they noticed Draco.

"You're awake again!" Said Potter and he ran to his side "How are you feeling?"

"Fuck you" Draco said, Potter had no right to be worried now.

Potter took a step back and all the others looked at them.

"I didn't mean for this to happen" said the boy in a small voiced

"But you knew it could and you went anyway" said Draco accusingly, but not raising his voice, his throat was still hurting, damaged from the screaming.

And Potter's face turned guilty

"Yeah… I did" he said defeated "it was a trap… Sirius wasn't there… but he was killed anyway…”

"Good"

And that made Potter get away and look at him, anger rising.

"You wanted that to happen didn't you? To get revenge on Sirius!"

"He got what he had coming for him, I had nothing to do with it!"

"But you mother did!" the boy accused and Draco started to get mad as well.

"Don't talk about my mother!"

"Your parents were plotting against Sirius for months! Convinced Kreacher to help set it all up" Potter accused and that confused Draco.

"The house elf? My parents can't ordem him to do anything even if he was desperate to betray his own master"

"YOU KNEW ABOUT IT?" Potter screamed completely furious, but in truth, it was the first time Draco stopped to think what the house elf was even doing at his house.

"Knew what?" he said carefully.

"That Kreacher wanted to betray Sirius" said Potter and Draco rolled his eyes.

"It's a house elf, it can't betray its master!"

"Dobby betrayed you father!"

"Dobby wasn't supposed to be my father's, so he didn't want to serve him"

"Well Kreacher didn't want to serve Sirius either! Told a lot of things to your mother"

"Stop talking about my mother!" 

"She was helping your father's plan so I would go to the Ministry, which is why you are here now!”

And that was the last straw for Draco.

"I'm here because you are a fool that played on their hands exactly as they wanted!" he said viciously.

It hit home, Potter's face contorted on guilt and anger in just a few seconds, but he was unable to reply whatever angry remark he had because on that very second the doors to the infirmary opened and Dumbledore came in.

"Ah, Draco, I was hoping you would be awake”

And Draco felt a chill go around his body, because he knew what that meant: Potter told Dumbledore about their connection.

"How are you feeling?" Asked Dumbledore when he got closer.

"Fine" he said, as if the headmaster really cared.

"Good, good… Harry told me more details about your discovery toward your… illness" and he waited, as if expecting Draco to say something "I'm sure you understand that connection poses quite the treat for both of you"

"Both of us?” Draco said furious "the only one getting screwed over is me!"

"For what I understand none of you know how this connection works” said the man as if Draco hadn’t said anything “there could be other affects we are not aware yet, I have searched since Sirius told me about it, but I haven’t found anything so far. I have many theories, but very little reliable information, perhaps your parents would know best, but unfortunately asking them at the moment is not really an option. Still, we must prevent Voldemort from ever finding out about this, keeping you protect from him is obvious the first step"

"Keeping me… protected?" Said Draco almost hysterical, not believing what he was hearing, also because as it turned out, Sirius had talked to Dumbledore behind their back and the bastard had known for months, not saying anything until it was the right moment.

"I believe by now you have learned of your father's arrest, whether you knew or not of his involvement with Voldemort, it is now undeniable where you family's alliance lies which means allowing you to return to them will put you right in Voldemort's hands”

Draco really could not believe what he was hearing, the arrogance Dumbledore had in believing he could make those kinds of decisions and that everyone would just bow down and follow as if Draco didn't know the man didn't give a damn about him, this was just to protect the golden boy. His head was still hurting and his muscles had not yet recovered and leaving the infirmary was not something he should do, but he just needed to get away, so he stood from his bed in shaky legs and stepped on his shoes.

"Where do you think you're going?" Asked Potter.

"Away from you people!”

"I know this is difficult" Said Dumbledore, his voice still as calm as ever, which truly just pissed Draco off even more "But you must understand, Draco..."

"Oh I understand very well! My life is expendable except obviously when it is convenient"

"Are you thick?" Said Potter exasperated "this is exactly to save your life! If you go home Voldemort might be there!"

"If that happens then that is exactly why I should go home, I can't abandon my mother!”

"She is helping him! She is on his side!"

"You don't know anything Potter!"

"If Voldemort finds out he is going to use you!” insisted the boy, but Draco was beyond rational thinking.

"I HAVE NO VALUE FOR HIM, JUST LIKE I HAVE NO VALUE TO YOU, BECAUSE YOU DON'T FEEL ANYTHING! " he screamed, his lung hurting with the effort, he was not completely healed from all the screaming he had done while he was tortured.

"WELL IF I DIDN'T YOU WOULDN'T BE HERE TO BEGIN WITH SINCE IT’S MY PAINS YOU’RE FEELING!”

"I'M HERE BECAUSE YOU JUST CAN'T HELP YOURSELF AND YOU HAVE TO ALWAYS DIVE HEAD FIRST INTO DANGER!”

"DON'T YOU GET IT? VOLDEMORT IS NOT GONNA STOP UNTIL I'M DEAD!"

Draco didn’t want to hear it, he was tired and hurting and he was just done with Potter and Dumbledore, with all of it.

"I'VE BEEN IN PAIN ALL MY LIFE BECAUSE OF YOU !" and against his will tears came out of his eyes "IF ANYTHING THE DARK LORD MIGHT BE DOING ME A FAVOR, BECAUSE EITHER KILLING YOU WILL END MY SUFFERING OR WE BOTH DIE AND IT WILL BE OVER ANYWAY!"

That statement and Draco's tear covered face seemed to make everything still, the heaviness of years of suffering was suspended in the air, the eco of the pain from just two days ago still present in every part of Draco's being, mixing with the fear that death would be inevitable and the exhaustion to fight against it.

With the last of his straight, Draco ran away from the room, followed only by Dumbledore's sad eyes.

Chapter Text

Draco avoided everyone on the last few days of school, none of the Gryffindors tried to reach out and Dumbledore only made one weak attempt at contact that Draco promptly ignored. Luckily his father's imprisonment provided a good excuse to the Slytherins both for Dumbledore’s attitude as well as his behaviour. Not that he wasn't upset about it, but he had bigger problems on his head, he had no idea how things would be at home and supporting his mother was his priority, even if he wasn't seventeen yet, with his father out, he was the head of the house. 

Also, his body was still healing, screaming and running out of the infirmary had done him no good and his friends were an amazing support in letting him stay in bed and bring him food, not to mention the box of potions he got from Zabini.

“Madame Pomfrey said that since you’re not going back, you might need this, there are a few instructions inside” said the boy giving Draco a little box.

“Thanks, Zabini”

“Blaise is fine” said the boy with a smile and Draco nodded.

All the rest and medicine could heal the physical damage, but the ghost of his last episode was still present, something different had happened to Potter in the Ministry of Magic and that just made Draco more afraid of what was coming, of going through all of it again, while he was powerless to do anything about it, because in the end the one person that could was Potter, he was the one in control of this and knowing that just made him more mad that Potter chose to go and to ignore his life in favor of always playing the hero. 

That was really what made things worse, because he felt betrayed, even though he was supposed to feel nothing towards Potter, but the truth was, he had gotten a bit smitten, they had started something and Draco had been at least curious to know what it could become, he never admitted to anyone he had wanted Potter to be his friend when they were younger and now he had been the one Potter had liked . Now he felt angry at himself that every time someone kissed or talked about it, he would immediately remember how good it had been to snog Potter, but he didn't know how to deal with his feelings for a boy who brought him so much pain, but also great joy.

Eventually, Draco just decided to not think about it, he had an entire new situation that he would need to take care at home and he could not waist time mopping because of Potter and maybe if he forgot all of it, he could put his life back together how it was before the golden boy was part of it. It was in that frame of mind that he left Hogwarts, he didn't have any unwanted encounter on the train ride and as soon as he arrived at the platform, he and Theo made their way to his mother, she looked a little pale and her eyes looked tired, but she looked well overall.

"How are you? They said you were out for two day" asked his mother checking him over with her eyes and a small desperation in her voice.

"I'm fine now" Draco said looking at his mother’s eyes, he couldn’t say much in public, he wanted her to know he was physically fine

She nodded and turned to Theo.

“You’re not coming home” she said and Theo and Draco looked surprised, they had assumed that now that both their parents were in prison, Theo would be staying at the manor this summer “Your grandfather is expecting you, he should be here somewhere, stay with him for a few days, the Greengrasses are going to take a summer long vacation and you will soon be invited”

Theo nodded slowly in understanding and said goodbye to Draco, the two Malfoys looked at the boy with pained expressions as he walked away from them but after they could no longer see him, they both left the area to somewhere they could apparate.

"We have guests in the house, you will not talk to them more than necessary" Said his mother and Draco had a bad feeling.

He was absolutely right when he found the Lestranges in their house. He immediately recognised his aunt, she was more thin then in her old pictures, but she had clearly been taking care of herself since she left prison, so she had regained a lot of her beauty. The difference between her and his mother was even more pronounced than Draco had ever noticed, Bellatrix had a strong jaw and sharp eyes and she was very tall, while his mother was smaller and more soft looking, despite the thin and pointy nose that Draco had inherited. 

"Oh look at him, looks so much like dear Lucius" Said Bellatrix coming over to great Draco as if she was an old friend.

The woman was overwhelming, she switched quite easily between pretending she was talking to a small child and making crude and violent remarks. Draco hated her in just a few minutes. Her husband was as tall as she was and his face showed just as much madness, but he was always silent and it seemed he wasn't fully there all the time, Draco wasn’t sure if he had always been like that or if Azkaban was to blame, either ways, he appreciated not having to also deal much with the man. It was Rabastan that proved to be a delight to meet and a lot like people had described him, goofy and easy going.

"Were you good?" Rabastan asked him when he mentioned being a seeker in the quidditch team.

"Better than the one we have now"

"At my time it was Regulus and he was the best one, only reason I watched the games… our team sucked, but Regulus always got the snitch, one of his best catches was so risky we even lost house points, but mate… it was good... even Potter almost fell from his broom just to look and people thought he was the best chaser of the decade"

"Should have fallen, hopefully to his death" Said his brother.

Rabastan just rolled his eyes and Draco confirmed that he indeed liked the man. 

“As you can see, Rod doesn’t like quidditch, which is why he is such a sad person” said the man making fun of his brother that only released an impatient breath and left the two alone “it might also be because he married Bella” the man kind of whispered.

“You don’t like her?” asked Draco curious.

“I hate her, my brother got a lot worse after he married her, it used to be terrible living with them, not even dad couldn’t stand them”

When Draco finally hit his head in his pillow, he thought things would not be so bad after all, he pretty much expected a summer of awkward family dinners where Bella said bad things about his father and Rabastan made light conversation just because he finally could. He was surprised however to see Snape there for lunch on the next day.

“Professor” said Draco in greeting, but looked questioning to his mother.

“Severus came to talk to me, he has been a great help since your father’s arrest”

“Yes, great help indeed” said Bellatrix mockingly looking at Snape with repulse “if I didn’t know you, Snape, I would think you’re trying to sleep with my sister”

Draco looked at his aunt horrified and his mother shared the sentiment completely.

“Bella!” said Narcisa looking completely scandalised.

Rodolphus only snorted, but Rabastan was openly laughing.

“Differently from you, Bella, I respect your sister” was Snape’s only reply.

“She is also too blond” said Rabastan receiving a nasty look from Snape

Lunch was strange and tense, they were mostly talking about the ministry and summer plans, it didn’t even seem like there were a group of deadly death eaters on the table and Draco kept waiting for the moment things would explode or something of the sort. He even wondered if Snape was there for his mother or because Dumbledore had asked him too, he was not oblivious to the fact many people believed Snape had turned spy for the headmaster.

“I still have things to unpack. It was good to see you, professor” said Draco politely, dismissing himself, whatever the man was there for, it didn’t seem like he wanted to tell Draco.

He went back to his room and picked up the pile of books he had to send back to the library, he could just go take it now and choose new ones to read during the summer, he was tired of studying, but he knew he would want to get his summer assignments done early on. 

He was surprised however to see the library door slightly open and hear both Snape and Rabastan inside.

“You know exactly what I’m talking about” said Rabastan 

“My motives are purely in honor of my friendship with Lucius, we all know the Dark Lord is angry, removing Draco would mean he won’t direct that anger at him. I know logical thinking is not really your expertise, but I’m sure you can understand that”

“The Dark Lord will expect him to be here, if he is out you will just put a target on his back and endanger Anna and her daughters”

Draco frowned at that, unless the man knew of his connection to Potter, there was no reason for him to want Draco around, but his suspicious that Snape had been sent by Dumbledore were pretty much confirmed”

“The Dark Lord has no use for him”

“You don’t know shit, Snape!”

“And you do?” the professor asked mockingly

“With Lucius out, I look out for Cissa”

“Yes, because I’m sure all that she needs at the moment is another child to look after. The Dark Lord will just forget the boy and Narcisa can let Bella run the show”

“Except that Bella already fucked it all up when she killed Sirius”

“I think you haven’t read the papers, Sirius Black was never a Death Eater” said the man both mocking Lestrange and irritated.

“Yes and that is exactly the problem!”

“What do you mean?” asked Snape sharply and Draco felt exactly the same.

“Come on Snape, you must have noticed, he always treated them differently”

“Whatever soft spot the Dark Lord might have had for Regulus…”

“Will keep him very aware of Draco” Rabastan interrupted “Bella has been practically selling the boy as a Black to apologize because she is as clueless as you are. The best way the Dark Lord will forget them, is if they are exactly where he expect them to be, so stop pretending you care and messing with Cissa’s head or I will make sure everyone knows your dirty little secret, I’m sure Potter is gonna love it”

Draco frowned and he totally wanted to know what Rabastan was talking about, but Snape attacked the other man in a second and Draco thought perhaps he should make himself known and avoid a spell fight inside his family’s library. The two men looked completely startled when Draco opened the door and pretended to be completely surprised with seeing them there, which wasn’t much hard considering he was indeed surprised to see them attempting to punch each other.

“What… is going on here?” Draco asked

“Nothing, I’m sure Snape is just leaving” said Rabastan and the man gave him a hateful look before he left the room “hopefully we won’t see him for a while”

“Why?”

“Cause I don’t trust him and this time around I don’t actually know what game he is playing”

“Is that why you were fighting?” Draco tried to get something out of the man.

“Something like that… it’s just… your mother is scared, I don’t want her to do something she knows she shouldn’t and Snape is not really the guy who does things out of the goodness of his heart”

Draco didn’t say it, but he was quite certain that Rabastan was right, there was no reason for Snape to want Draco to go away unless he was following Dumbledore’s orders. That made Draco mad again, that the man would send someone to manipulate his mother and he felt very thankful that Rabastan would stick out for her even if he was curious about his reasons.

“Maybe he is trying to take my father’s place with the Dark Lord”

“Yes… cause he is an idiot” said Rabastan shaking his head and Draco frowned

“You don’t think he is capable?”

“Oh he is, he is probably the most talented of us all. What he doesn’t understand it that the ones the Dark Lord keep closest to him are not the most talent, but the ones he doesn’t want out of his sight”

Rabastan’s words made Draco confused and concerned, he hadn’t dismissed the fact the Dark Lord was angry and might want to punish Draco for his father’s mistake, he seem to thing it was a possibility, not to mention Draco had no idea what he meant by ‘the ones the Dark Lord didn’t want out of sight’, nothing good he supposed, and yet, the man had insisted Draco and his mother needed to stay right where they were. However, he had very little time to think over Rabastan’s concern because only two days later the Dark Lord showed up at the manor.

Draco’s mother had tried to keep him in his room, away from the man, but he soon demanded Draco's presence and they could do nothing but comply. He then faced the man, who looked more like a creature, and had to use all of the subtlety his mother taught him to make his little skill in occlumency enough to hide his superficial thoughts, as well as not raise to the Dark Lord any suspicion that he was hiding something, he knew he couldn’t hold back an actual attempt of legilimency. Despite his anger, Draco knew Dumbledore did have a point, the Dark Lord should never learn his magic had some sort of connection to Potter, because even if the boy didn't feel him in return, there was always a chance he might decide to try anyway and he would like do die without being tortured too. 

In the end, things were worse than Draco thought and not something he was prepared for. The Dark Lord wanted him to pay for his father's unsuccessful mission, he wanted Draco to take his father's place at his side and complete an impossible assignment.

"Will you fail me too Draco?" He asked pretending as if asking for a small favour.

"He won't my Lord" Said Bellatrix wrapping her arms around Draco ”he is better than Lucius, because he is also a Black"

For a split second it looked like his mother wanted to kill her sister with her bare hands and that terrified Draco, because something clearly had a double meaning in the conversation and he didn't know what it was. He knew the Dark Lord had been furious with Bella for Sirius’ death and the woman had been trying to return to his good graces since, somehow that now included Draco and he knew she had been successful when a new shine took on the Dark Lord's face and he smiled.

"Indeed… I'm sure that now that the house of Black is no more, Regulus would be proud to see the son of his favorite cousin taking his place"

“He will be better than Sirius ever could” said Bella eager to see the Dark Lord’s reaction, preferably a favourable one.

The Dark Lord looked at Narcisa, daring her to say something, but she didn't and he smiled.

"Age has done you well" Said the Dark Lord to his mother and she paled a bit, but did not give an answer. She also didn't look down.

At that moment, Draco knew he wasn't going to get out of this, so he thought that after that he could give up, there was no way he would make it as a Death Eater without the Dark Lord finding out his secret, so he could just die now and end this because he was so tired of hurting. There was an entire path of suffering for him if he followed the Dark Lord, he no longer had any of his childhood illusions about this man, he would kill him, he would hurt him and his blood would mean nothing.

“If death is nothing, Dumbledore, kill the boy…” Draco could still hear it, he knew now whose voice was begging for his death.

It was terrifying and Draco was looking at him, waiting for the moment all the fight would leave his body and he would just give up. But it didn’t happen, he thought that by now he would have accepted his own death because there was no easy way out, there were many more chances of him dying and he was so tired of fighting against the inevitable, but still, when confronted with certain death, Draco wanted to live. No matter how much it hurt or how miserable he had been feeling since Potter went to the ministry, he wanted to live, he wanted that so badly not even the man in front of him could make him back down.

He never thought someone could hate themselves because they wanted to live, but he hated himself so much.

So he would have to swallow the pride his father always told him to have and bow down to that man, the idea had seen much better when it was an abstract concept, when the Dark Lord was just a distant tale. For a second he felt foolish to not have accepted Dumbledore's offer, but as soon as he saw the new way the Dark Lord was now looking at him after his aunt’s words, he knew Rabastan had been right, that had he not returned, his mother would be dead, because the Dark Lord wasn't only after a punishment for his father, he was desperate for something that he apparently had just found in Draco. And that, along with his fight for survival, was what made him give his arm to be branded like an animal.  

And it hurt, Draco was used to pain, so for that to hurt, it meant a great deal, but he was silent all the time the Dark Lord was there and the man was very pleased at his reaction, that he had not cried. 

His mother however did, as soon as the man was gone and they were alone in her room.

"I never wanted that for you…”

"It's not your fault" he said and sat on his parent's bed to hold her.

"This… all that your father has done… it was supposed to protect us, so this wouldn't all happen again"

"Again?" asked Draco confused

"You don't want this anymore than Regulus did” she said with sorrow “it was always supposed to be Sirius, so this would have ended before it even began… it was always Sirius the Dark Lord wanted, but he left us and all that mess for your father and Regulus to fix… a Gryffindor he called himself, but ran away as a coward when it truly mattered"

And the irony was not lost on Draco that those were the same words the man himself had said about his father and his family's past seemed even more tangled up than he ever imagined. He knew his mother hated Sirius and yet she had been quite upset to know the man was dead, much more so after seeing the Dark Lord’s violent reaction against Bella. Apparently the Dark Lord had plans for Sirius and now they would never come to fruition, or they would, if Draco assumed his place, he just wished he knew what exactly that entailed.

"I will talk to Severus, he will be at school, he will be able to help you" said his mother agitated.

"You're not supposed to talk about it!" Draco said alarmed, he didn’t want his mother to get in trouble when he was already doing this for her.

"He is close to the Dark Lord, he must know of his intentions, of this… plan, I’m sure that is what he was trying to prevent before… He cares about you…“

His mother was really desperate and that broke his heart a little.

"He is close to Dumbledore too and Bella doesn't trust him, it might be good to have our own back up plan" Said Draco with a calmness he didn't actually feel.

“He has no more reason to be at Dumbledore’s side” she said

“Why? Did he have one before?” Draco asked curiously, he knew very little about Snape despite his somewhat friendship with his parents, but Rabastan too had implied the man had specific reasons to be at each side.

“He did… but it’s… gone and he is not someone who forgives or who do things because it is the right thing to do” 

Draco wasn’t sure what his mother was talking about, she obviously didn’t want to tell him details, but he did agree with her that Snape was not a good man and would not be on Dumbledore’s side because he cared for the greater good, although he was quite positive the man was with Dumbledore since he had been trying to send Draco away.

But with or without Snape, Draco still needed a plan and in the end it was good that he made friends with Rabastan, because he ended up being the one who saved him.

"Regulus was the one who told me about this place, the room can do anything, so you can hide on it, I bet no one will notice if you move the vanishing cabinet there and if you said the pair was in Borgin and Burkes, it's probably still there, it's not something people buy everyday and it's useless without a pair, so if you're as good in charms as your parents say you are, I'm sure you will be able to fix the link between them"

Draco remembered Montague's little adventure the year before when he disappeared on a cabinet and claimed he was in a limbo between Hogwarts and some other place, so he mentioned it to Rabastan,  initially he was just thinking about smuggling dark objects into the school but the man suggested he could sneak in people instead. His plan of getting the Death Eaters in the school was risky and Draco wasn't sure they wouldn't bring someone like Greyback with them, someone who should always be kept away from children. But it was a solid plan and the only thing he really had, so he decided to go with it and use his visit to Diagon Alley to see if Borgin still had the thing and if maybe the man had any idea how to fix the other one.

“I think this room is the same one Potter used to held his secret meeting”

“Potter was using that room?” asked Rabastan curious, maybe even a bit amused “what kind of secret meeting?”

“He was teaching a few people Defence”

“Hummm… I suppose you can use the room for that too”

“Why? What did you use it for?”

“For a while I thought it was a music room, because that is how I saw it initially, sometimes it was similar to one of the common rooms, but Regulus used as a bedroom”

“Why a bedroom?” Draco asked, but Rabastan just look at him with a smirk and then it hit him and he snorted “right… who was it?”

“One of our study partners he dated for a while” said Rabastan dismissively

“People seemed to think the world of him”

“That is because Regulus was amazing, the best person I have ever known… I don’t have half of the strength he did”

“They say he was different from his brother…”

“He was very different from Sirius… for a start Regulus was always the gayest thing in the room, in all senses of the word… he was determined… or bossy depending on how you looked” the man said fondly  “we were so young and foolish… well I was always an idiot…”

Draco really didn’t know what to say, he could hardly encourage the man to think differently when he knew so little about him, but he was curious however if the man regretted his decision to lie for Barty Crouch.

“You mean… because of Azkaban?” Draco asked cautiously, but the man just shocked his head.

“Barty might have been the reason I ended up in Azkaban, but not the reason I stayed” said the man and Draco frowned, he had always deducted that Rabastan didn’t want to take the veritaserum because he didn’t want to reveal any of the Dark Lord’s secrets, but seeing him lately in meetings, it didn’t seem like the Dark Lord would entrust Rabastan with any secrets, but then, the Potter’s location had been given to Peter Pettigrew.

Draco’s talks with Rabastan were good, but the man wasn’t always there and he did miss his friends, he didn’t dare contact any of them knowing there was the possibility the Dark Lord could show up unexpectedly and that just made his summer more miserable because he felt very alone while the world fell apart around him.

The Dark Lord lead things with absolutely control, so he would punish his own ‘friends’ if they did something wrong. It was not unusual to see one of their own being tortured and Draco had learned the hard way that he didn’t stomach watching torture very well. He was very well treated, it was clear the Dark Lord wanted to show all of his followers his brand new toy, but he felt constantly afraid just in the presence of the man, so he wonder many times why people had decided to follow a man that would hurt and threat them, but then, soon enough, he was able to see a lot of them were just as sick as the man they followed.

The fact the Dark Lord didn’t have to hide meant there were plenty of attacks and Draco finally saw the worst in people at those occasions, they burned houses and tortured muggles and wizards alike for either fun or information.

“Look what I found! A little mudblood” said Yaxley with a little girl he was dragging inside the manor, he had been out in a raid attacking muggles.

“What do you mean?” asked Rowle, one of the few who had arrived early, they had divided themselves in two groups to hit two locations and make the auror’s job more difficult.

As it turned out, as the group with Yaxley killed a muggle family, the little girl reacted with magic, she wasn’t much more than seven, so she had yet to learn about magic, but the Death Eater had recognised it in a second.

The little girl wasn’t the only one they brought, but the rest were just adult muggles, they liked to bring them in sometimes to pass them around and torture them, Draco knew there were at least three graves in this garden, sometimes the bodies were eaten by the snake, Nagini. Draco didn’t dare ask his mother if they had graves from the past war.

Not everyone indulged and next to him, his mother and Rabastan just looked at the group, he could see Snape and Gibbon just sitting as well, the second one looking quite sick, much like Draco was feeling. They tortured the muggles for a while and Draco wanted them to just kill them already and end this, the screams were driving him mad and his mother fidgeting was getting worse and, in that moment, it also irritated Draco tremendously. 

Rabastan started humming a tune a bit quietly and Draco looked at him confused but he was looking at his mother, they kept looking at one another for a moment and Rabastan kept on humming, whatever that song was, it seemed to calm his mother a bit until most of the muggles were dead and only the little girl was still there crying.

“Can I take her home?” asked Yaxley with a smirk.

“If you don’t mind dirtying your bedsheets” said Rodolphus with a sneer.

“Then I think I will” said the man.

Draco heard an exasperated sound from Rabastan as he stood up.

“Where is Alecto when you need her” he muttered before moving to the group and suddenly casting the killing curse at the little girl.

“Why the fuck did you do that for?” screamed Yaxley as he pointed his wand to Rabastan, sending a nasty curse his way, but it was deflected by a shield from Rodolphus.

“You hurt my little brother, you will be joining her in a second” said Rodolphus calmly, but viciously.

“HE KILLED MY SHAG” screamed the man

“Find another” said Rodolphus not even raising his voice.

“Don’t even know why we keep Crouch’s little bitch, he is fucking useless and dumb as a doorknob” complained the man

“I’m sure our Lord can tell you” said Rabastan motioning his head to their Lord, his face impassive, not showing whatever he was feeling over the man’s accusations.

It seemed Yaxley had completely forgotten their Lord was still in the room and he looked very much like a child caught doing something nasty.

“I promised his father I would look after him since he is such a pitiful child” said the Dark Lord with fake pleasantness and Draco could see Rodolphus frowning, but Rabastan just looked uncomfortable, so at least the younger brother knew what the Dark Lord was referring to.

The Dark Lord stood up and turned to Draco and his mother.

“Thank you for your hospitality, Narcisa” said the man, Draco could hear the mocking done behind his gentle words.

“Always, my Lord” said Narcisa politely and the Dark Lord left without a second word.

“This time neither of your boyfriends are here to tell you what to do, so I would be careful if I were you” said Yaxley to Rabastan before he left.

“Ok, fun is over gentlemen” said Bellatrix moving around the room and dismissing everyone as if she was the owner of the house and then she approached Rabastan when only the family was left “Do yourself a favor and don’t pick fights”

“I wasn’t” said Rabastan.

“The fuck you weren’t” Said his brother irritated “fifteen years and you are as soft as Regulus left you!”

“It’s your own fault, you let Barty play with him” said Bellatrix categorically. 

“Well I’m not his nanny!” said Rodolphus exasperated.

It was quite strange to see the Lestrange interact like this, it felt for Draco as if Bella and Rodolphus were talking about their child and not the man’s brother, who, although considerably younger, was still an adult.

“What was he talking about? Dad didn’t even like our Lord” Rodolphus asked.

“It’s from when they were in school” answered Rabastan

“Then what does that have to do with you?”

“He owns dad something” he said dismissively 

“So that is why he keeps you” said Bellatrix rolling her eyes “that and the money I suppose… how long until Gringots fix what your father did?”

“There is no fixing it” said Rabastan “but you two will have access to the vaults again”

“Well once that is done, you can sit nicely out of the way and focus on checking out the books and stuff” said Rodolphus “that is the one thing you can do, so just do that ok?”

Rabastan didn’t say anything, he just nodded and his brother and sister-in-law left.

“Thank you” said Narcisa looking at Rabastan who nodded again “Tila”

The house elf appeared and squeaked as soon as it saw the corpses at the room.

“Again Mistress?” said the creature in a small voice.

“Yes” 

The creature nodded and moved to sort the bodies as Narcisa stood and took Draco with her.

“Should I worry about this supposed debit?” she asked Rabastan as they left the room.

“No, I was actually surprised he said something, last time he wanted no one to know, might have been because dad was still alive… I don’t know if the debit is even valid now that he is dead… maybe he just wanted to remind me…”

“The Dark Lord talks more this time”

“I noticed, but then he blew up and now he doesn’t even look human, so we can assume things changed” said the man before parting from the Malfoys.

“So they don’t just say he is an idiot behind his back” said Draco to his mother

“No, they make sure to say it at his face, but Rabastan is no idiot, a fool, yes, but never an idiot”

Draco nodded, he had no idea what to think about Rabastan, the man had seemed nice, a bit like a goofy version of Vincent, even if he was more lanky than burly because of the years in Azkaban, but he had also been the man who just a few minutes ago had stood up and killed a little girl in cold blood. No matter how good the intentions, Draco didn’t think he could have done it and that was actually a terrible realisation to have when his mission involved killing someone.

Would time change him? It must have changed Rabastan and if he was honest, his own parents as well. In fact, Draco wondered if his father had killed others, how many, what did he feel… the other side was not innocent, he knew plenty of people that were killed by aurors on the last war. Draco always knew the world was not black and white, his family had always walked in shades of grey, but it just hadn’t sunk in until now that he could not escape this, that people were going to kill or be killed and absolutely no one was save, not him, not the supposedly good guys.

Draco thought he had been ready to die and end the pain, just to find out he still wanted to live, but for what? he wasn’t really certain how far he could go, how far he wanted to go, if he could ever become the person that would join those men today with no issue.

The green light and the screams were still playing at Draco’s head when it hit the pillow. His night was not very restful and he felt more miserable and alone than he thought it was possible and his fight for survival felt more impossible each day.

Then… Why was he still fighting?

Chapter Text

Draco was existing, there were days he didn’t want to leave his bed, eating felt like a chore and the days were blending in one another and he felt numb. Death and torture were routine, the Dark Lord’s constant switch from adoration to threatening Draco’s life were no longer alarming. There were no dementors around, but it seemed like all the joy in the world was gone, he wanted to be fearful, but he was just tiredly resigned, he wanted to be angry, but he wasn’t exactly sure what he was angry about, so Draco felt like a puppet only moving as his master commanded.

The Dark Lord would come and go as he pleased and with him a lot of his closest allies, it was clear for everyone that Malfoy Manor was no longer commanded by the family, but no one had publicly acknowledged that, if not in respect to Narcisa, then in fear of retaliation from the Lestranges or Snape, the last one had become quite present which raised many whispers around. If Draco wasn’t so offended, he would have laughed that anyone could think his mother would ever want another man than Lucius Malfoy.

But then, they didn’t see her outside of meetings, her vague look, full of despair and worry for her husband as she walked the manor. She tried not to show it to Draco either, but sometimes it was inevitable and he would see her around looking through a window. 

He was surprised however to see her talking with his grandfather’s portrait.

“What is wrong?” asked Draco

“Just exchanging a few ideas with your grandfather” she said dismissively and turned to the portrait “Thanks, Abraxas”

“I will stay around the manor if you need me” said the man and she nodded, walking away and Draco promptly followed.

“Talk to me, mother”

“I don’t want to worry you”

“I’m already worried” he said, trying not to sound annoyed at his mother, he wanted to help her, not to fight her.

“I just… your father never spent this much time in Azkaban and it doesn’t look like the Dark Lord will release him anytime soon, I worry… in what condition he will be in when he return to us”

Draco wasn’t exactly surprised, the thought had crossed his mind many times, but he had still hoped this would end soon, but each day that passed, showed them it wasn’t going to and his mother’s worries were very valid.

“I will try to research something” he said, he had vaguely thought about it when he was making sigils, wondering what kind of properties could be added to a healing area.

“I understand your new interest for healing is staying, but you are not one yet” said his mother

“I can try, Pomfrey might know something” he insisted

“I don’t think she would willingly help us, she does it because she works for the school”

“She also has a vow to help those that need it. So I will try” he insisted and his mother looked at him with much sorrow, but attempted a smile

“You are such a good boy, Draco” she said and a few tears came to her face, which she immediately tried to pretend it wasn’t happening and turned to open the door to her room.

Over the years Draco had seen his mother cry only a few times, but recently he knew she had been crying constantly and he didn’t want to leave her alone again, so he followed her inside and hugged her, letting her cry over him. When had he grown so tall that she felt small in his arms? She slowly got herself together and let go of him, but took his hand and they both sat together on her bed.

“I’m sorry” she said “I don’t want you to see me like this”

“I don’t want you to be alone when you’re feeling like this” was his replay “I worry how things will be when I’m back at school”

“A lot better because I won’t be worrying about you as well, you will be safer at school” 

Draco wanted to snort, but he didn’t want to have that conversation with his mother, he was not leaving her alone with him keeping such a secret.

“I wish I didn’t have to” was what he said instead.

“No you don’t, Hogwarts are some of the best years you can have and sixth year is a good interval between big exams, so you can have a bit of fun”

Draco doubted that he could have any fun moments this year, but he didn’t want to take this hope away from his mother.

“Did you have fun in your sixth year?”

“Yes” and she smiled “you wouldn’t want to hear about most of it though”

“Why not?”

“It was when your father and I got officially engaged”

Draco frowned for a moment, but then he looked at his mother again, she couldn’t be implying what he thought she was implying.

“You’re right, I don’t want to hear about it, I mean… breaking tradition, mother, how scandalous” he said joking and his mother actually gave a small laugh.

“Regulus said the exact same thing… before he asked all about it” she said shaking her head.

“You talked to him about father?” he asked curious

“All the time, he wasn’t the first to know everything only because he wasn’t at Hogwarts most of the time I was there, so Andy was the one who usually suffered through it”

Draco wasn’t exactly surprised, he knew his mother and her sister had been close at some point, but it was still strange to hear it, she was never part of their lives, but it felt like a relative that lived far aways, not a sister that had been cast off.

“Will you ever tell me the thing father never wants to talk about? About how you got together” 

His mother looked at him and she looked sad for a second, nostalgic, but then she smiled nodding her head.

“You can’t never tell him” she said mischievous and Draco had never seen that particular expression on his mother face apart from some of her school pictures “I always liked your father, but he was quite popular in school those days and I was a year behind, so I never had any reason to go talk to him. But then one day, Bella was… being herself and Andy was furious with her, so she decided to curse her, it was just to annoy her, not to hurt her, she wanted to make all her hair fall since she was so vain. Some Hufflepuffs were playing around with a quaffle and they accidentally send the ball at Andy, the spell hit your father instead… he was equally, if not more vain than Bella and there were lot of people around… so he was quite distressed”

Draco looked at his mother in disbelief, but ended up just laughing with her, he could never imagine his parents in such a situation.

“Did she get in trouble?”

“It wasn’t harmful, so no, we were terribly embarrassed though. But we did insist I should accompany him to the infirmary and I absolutely needed to make amends, so I just had to wait with him in the infirmary until the potion took effect and his hair was restored” and this time Draco snorted.

“I’m surprised father didn’t notice”

“He did realise later, but by then he didn’t mind. Regulus used to joke Andy had done it on propose, and I must admit, if I wasn’t right next to her when the ball hit I would have thought so too”

“Did Sirius say anything?” Draco asked and his mother's smile diminished.

“He thought it was funny too, he didn’t like what he called “girl talk”, so he didn’t talk much about it, but he didn’t have a problem with your father back then, he wasn’t always… rebellious”

“When did he change?” Draco asked carefully, but now very invested on the topic

“When he was around ten… and then two years later he met Potter and he became impossible”

“Did you know Potter?” Draco asked curiously, he vaguely remembered the younger Potter talking about his parents and how he disapproved of something his father had done.

“I saw him around school… he was very childish” said his mother dismissively.

“His son is not much better” said Draco annoyed

“Oh trust me, his son is an angel in comparison… the things I heard from Regulus…”

“They talked?”

“Very little” said his mother a bit uncomfortable and then very bitter “Sirius cut him off very early on… then he ran away and ruined everything…”

Draco wanted to confront his mother about what the man had said, about being with her when he was born, but he had no way to explain to her how and why he would have met Sirius to learn about it.

“Why did he run away?”

“He wanted to prove he was different , but he just proved he was exactly what they wanted him to be, a selfish boy who loved no one, not even the people he claimed to”

“And Potter was still trying to save him at the ministry…” said Draco trying to conceal the bitterness he felt.

“Unfortunately, Sirius was probably the only gate he had to his parents” said his mother and Draco frowned.

“But he lives with family doesn’t he?”

“His muggle aunt, who I heard wasn’t close to her sister since she went to Hogwarts, things probably didn’t change much since Potter knows nothing of his parents' relationship with Severus. Most of the Potter’s closest friends are dead and Lupin had been hiding in shame since their murder, Sirius must have been the first person that told the boy something substantial about his parents, even if it was a very biased version of them”

Draco had never thought about this side of Potter’s life, despite knowing the boy for years and briefly sharing a few nice conversations, he actually knew very little about him, but he had seen the boy confused over his parents' past, so he knew it was something the boy had many questions about. 

“Snape mentions them a lot in class, but he always says James Potter was terrible”

“For Severus he certainly was, but for Sirius he was everything, shame he didn’t put the boy on the same standards, left him to his own luck just like everyone else… I pity that child”

And that he supposed could be applied for Sirius himself, Draco’s mother and most of their family hated Sirius, but apparently for Potter, he was everything, even if he didn’t deserve it.

“He didn’t need to discard… us” said Draco swallowing the bitterness again.

“No… but I’m sure he thought only his pains mattered” said his mother and she didn’t know how right she was.

—

The conversation with his mother left a lot for Draco to think about, he had a lot of research to do so he could find a way to help heal his father from Azkaban. He also wondered about his family in general, they had a distant relationship with Andromeda, but it wasn’t a bad one, Bella and her husband were a lot more trouble and his mother clearly disliked them more than she let anyone know, but the way his mother talked about Sirius was always full of resentiment, so something more must have happened when he left.

Draco wondered if Potter knew, he had no idea how close the boy had been to his Godfather, but his mother’s words had got him thinking about it. No one in his family mourned Sirius, but Potter must have, he had been determined to save the man after all, if only he had listened to Draco, he would not have fallen for the stupid trap. 

And then Dumbledore thought he could make decisions on my life as well.

He never had something more than himself to blame for his illness, so whenever an episode happened it just felt terrible but inevitable, because he didn’t know how to get better. Knowing there was a bond, meant there was a way to control it, but it wasn’t him the one in charge, someone else was. He wasn’t exactly mad the boy had wanted to fight the Dark Lord, it was ridiculous, but the man himself was just as ridiculous in his obsession with Potter, so it was inevitable that at some point Potter wouldn’t have a choice in this, but that day, Draco wouldn’t have chosen Sirius and Potter did it knowing he was choosing in Draco’s place as well.

He could admit however that part of his anger was because he had gotten a bit too invested in his relationship with Potter, part of him had always been interested in the other boy and after his friendship with Fred and George had worked out, he kind of thought things with Potter would fall into place just as easily, which was very silly of him, but feelings are not always logical and didn’t help he had been physically exhausted and hurt for such a long time.

Draco had to conceal his thought whenever they drifted back to his feelings for Potter, even if the Dark Lord was not around, so he had learned to keep his face impassive, in fact, most of the time he wasn’t even listening to his surrounds, so he was surprised at dinner when he noticed conversation moved to none other than the boy occupying his thoughts. 

The papers, who had hated on him so much last year, now talked about him with pure adoration, calling him “The Chosen One”, it was so ridiculous Draco would have laughed if he wasn’t so miserable all the time. It seemed however to irritate quite a few Death Eaters who didn’t believe Potter could ever be compared to the Dark Lord. And yet, there was always a matter of pride in going after him and killing him.

“Since the boy is supposed to kill Dumbledore, he could as well finish the brat” said Amycus Carrow, he and his sister had stayed for dinner after a meeting, they had been away for a while doing something for their Lord

“The Dark Lord wants to deal with Potter personally” said Snape impassive

“With Dumbledore out of the way he will fall quickly” said Bella 

“ If Dumbledore gets taken out of the way, you mean” said Carrow “I’m not completely sure Draco here can do it”

“I’m sure he will” said Bella with a smile “but no matter what, Dumbledore will die” and then she looked at Snape, she looked quite pleased with herself. Draco had noticed Bella was way more nice to Snape than she had been at the beginning and he wondered what that was about.

“What is so important about Potter anyway” said Draco rolling his eyes but with no real heat.

“People think he is stronger than our Lord, we will prove them wrong” said Carrow

“But he is weak, wouldn’t it be the same to just leave him alone and focus on more important things?” said Draco

Each person looked at Draco with a different expression, Snape looked like he wanted to curse Draco, but then so did his mother.

“I don’t think you have been paying attention, Draco, don’t you know why your father was arrested?” said Alecto with a smirk and Draco frowned.

“The Dark Lord wanted something from the department of mysteries” he said, not understanding what she was saying.

“And this is the boy we’re counting on?” said Amycus with disdain “he was looking for a prophecy! People think Potter can defeat the Dark Lord because some lunatic made a fucking prophecy!”

Draco didn’t know what to say, he had heard things here and there about a prophecy, but he thought it was about the destruction caused at the Ministry and not because there was a specific one. Suddenly his brain was thinking again, breaking through the apathy, because that explained all of the “Chosen One” mania over the papers and explained to Draco why the Dark Lord wanted Potter at the department of mysteries.

“ Or even why he attacked the Potters to begin with”

Draco felt like a bloody idiot, he had been so worried about his possible death, so sure he was going to be directly murdered instead, he didn’t even stop to find out why Potter was so important, why the trap from last year was made in the ministry.

"DON'T YOU GET IT? VOLDEMORT IS NOT GONNA STOP UNTIL I'M DEAD!"

That was what Potter had said, he probably already knew by then there was a prophecy.

“I don’t believe in divination” said Draco simply, pretending it was no big deal, and eventually the tense atmosphere dissipated, even if Draco was still furiously thinking about it, he needed to know more, he needed to know what he was dealing with.

“Any idea when we’re getting people out of Azkaban?” asked Amycus

“Not for a while, the Dark Lord is still angry” said Rodolphus

“And is he still mad at you, Bella?”

“Not anymore” said the woman uncomfortable

“What is the deal with Black anyway? I thought He didn’t want him dead because of information, but this time around the guy was running away, he couldn’t still have any informations that was relevant” 

“Our Lord was close to my aunt, I think he expected Sirius to join us… but he was left with Regulus, who was far too soft… with his head on the clouds all the time” said Bella dismissively, from what Draco had noticed, her opinions of her younger cousin were very similar to her views on her brother-in-law

“It’s been over twenty years since Black became a blood traitor, he wasn’t going to join us now” said Carrow

“But the Dark Lord wanted to punish him personally” said Rabastan sharply.

“We’re better without him” said Snape, but then he looked at Rabastan with calculating eyes “But it is indeed curious the Dark Lord’s interest in the Black family”

“We are the purest of bloods” said Bella looking at Snape with irritation “a half-blood like you doesn’t deserve the same attention”

Snape ignored Bella completely, still looking at Rabastan, but the man kept his mask of indifference as if the other man hadn’t said anything of significance. Draco wouldn’t have noticed anything was amis if he hadn’t overheard their conversation and taken notice of their dynamic since them. Snape wanted to know what Rabastan knew, but he wouldn’t push the man because he also knew the other man had dirt on him. Rabastan however, kept himself away from Snape, he was never alone in his presence and he never looked him in the eye, almost looked like he was scared of the other man, something Rodolphus had even made fun of, but in reality, the man was avoiding legilimency.

Apparently, Rabastan was excellent in lying without opening his mouth.

“Now the last one of the idiots is the werewolf isn’t it?” Said Carrow looking at Snape and ignoring any of the tension, either because he didn't notice or because he agreed with Bella.

“Yes” said Snape sharply.

“The Order only has the leftovers, they will not last” said Alecto

Draco was as curious about Sirius as the rest of them, but all they knew was that it wasn’t much more than hurt pride because the man had switched sides, or at least, that was all he Dark Lord wanted them to know.  Draco hadn’t thought much about the meaning of the man’s death before, he was not sorry nor did he miss him, in fact, he had only vaguely thought about the part he was still connected to Harry Potter until his mother mentioned it, but it seems like the man had known something more.

Maybe whatever the Dark Lord wanted with Sirius had something to do with the man’s reaction to the bond, maybe whatever he knew, made him suspect something. Unfortunately it didn't seem he had told Dumbledore about it either, so if there really was something, Sirius had taken to the grave with him.

Draco hadn’t been stressed out in some time, so on the next day, he went outside to fly around until the sun was too much. He knew he needed to avoid his mother, so he entered the manor through the back door, passing by the kitchen and he found Rabastan sitting on the small table there.

“Why are you here?” he asked

The man stood up and turned around so fast the chair fell, he looked very startled, hiding whatever he was drinking behind him until he had a good look at the new person and noticed it was just Draco.

“Are you drinking in secret? I’m pretty sure they will notice if you’re drunk” he joked and got closer to the man, but the thing on the table was no drink he had ever seen “What is a coke?”

“Something I got yesterday, best thing I ever drank” the man summoned a cup from the cupboard and put some of the drink for Draco.

“It doesn’t smell alcoholic”

“It isn’t”

Draco drank a sip of the black drink and it was… very strange and sweet. He loved sweets, but that thing was just… weird.

“It’s like a very sweet non-alcoholic sparkling… thing… you like this?” said Draco a bit disgusted

“I love it”

“Where did you even find it?”

“It’s easy to find when you know where to look, just… don’t mention it”

“Why?”

“Just don’t” he said nervous and Draco eyed the bottle 

“What did you just give me?”

“Sugar with caffeine I swear. I just don’t want my brother to be a pain”

Draco gave a second look to the drink in his hand and then put down the cup, whatever really was in that drink, he didn’t want it. The man was fast in drinking the rest of it before vanishing the bottle.

“So… you were flying? Thought your mother said something about you not being allowed?” said the man with a smirk

“I don’t mention your drink, you don’t mention my flying?” asked Draco, looking amused at the man.

“Perfect” said Rabastan with a nervous smile and then they looked at each other and laughed a bit, he had completely forgotten the feeling.

His laughter died down and he sobered up a bit, enough to realise he could use this opportunity for something else as well, so he stopped Rabastan before he could leave.

“So… what is this prophecy thing?” Draco asked and the man looked at him amused.

“I thought you didn’t believe in divination?”

“I don’t, but the Dark Lord clearly does, doesn’t he?”

“Indeed…  which is why he has only told people of its existence, but not its content. Carrow obviously doesn’t know it” said the man with a smirk

“Do you?” asked Draco

“The only people that know are the three people that were with the Dark Lord when he learned about it, Pettigrew, who learned from the Potters, and the man who overheard it. I was here with your parents, your mother had just given birth to you”

Draco was surprised with the information, but he kept looking at the man, it was easier to see what he wasn’t saying when you knew what to look for and he clearly knew exactly who the three people were.

“But you know anyway, don’t you?” the man looked far too smug not to know.

Rabastan was silent for a bit and Draco thought the man wouldn’t tell him, but then he took a deep breath and said it anyway.

“The prophecy was about a child born at the end of July that would be able to defeat the Dark Lord, a child born of those who had defied the Dark Lord three times”

“And that is it?” asked Draco confused

“That we know, yes, there was more, but only this part reached the Dark Lord, at the time he thought it was enough, but recently he was trying to get the rest of it, which he was unsuccessful”

“I see…” Said Draco, but his mind was distant, wondering if Potter knew the full extend of the prophecy “Potter is not the only child born in July though”

“No he is not. At the time the Dark Lord suspected Longbottom as well” and Draco looked at him surprised, that explained a lot why they were target as well “but for various reasons, he thought the Potters were more likely”

“It doesn’t sound like you do” said Draco noticing the clinical way the man was talking about the subject.

“I did divination at school, my father thought it was a waste of time, but everyone said it was easy and I was struggling with the subjects I already had. The thing is… I did learn things on that class and you see… prophecies are atemporal”

“What does that mean?”

“It means that they are not necessarily talking about the present, they can be about things that will happen in a distant future as well as talk about something that happened in the past but its consequences are yet to be seen.

“You don’t think the prophecy was about Potter” said Draco and Rabastan looked very uncomfortable

“No, I don’t. I think the prophecy is self-fulfilling, it is about Potter now, but only because the Dark Lord made it so”

“But then that doesn’t mean he can defeat the Dark Lord as the prophecy suggests”

“That I suspect is what the Dark Lord wants to believe in”

“You think Potter can win?” asked Draco looking carefully at the man and there was a small silence between them before he answered.

“I think… that is a dangerous line of thought you have there, Draco” said Rabastan with an uncomfortable smile “And I think you are better off away from it, your mother has suffered enough”

He left quickly, not really answering Draco’s question, perhaps he was as afraid of the answer as he was afraid Draco was going to do something stupid like defy the Dark Lord.

Like fight for more than just survival, but to live as well.

The past few weeks had been nothing but survival and if his fears were correct, it might be all for nothing if Potter was killed and Draco with him, and the boy was not going to back down much like the Dark Lord wouldn’t, because prophecy or not, the two of them wanted to kill one another on principal.

“Either this bond or this war is gonna get me killed”

It was the first time he put things on simple terms and he had no idea what to do, serving the Dark Lord might kill him, Potter’s death might kill him, leaving the Dark Lord would definitely kill him and his family, so his only way out apparently was if by some miracle, Potter did win and killed the Dark Lord for good, which wasn’t very likely. 

But although Harry Potter might not be especial, he was aided by a lot of smart people, so the chances were not zero. Which meant Draco was about to enter a very dangerous game and he had no idea how he was going to do it. Draco knew he could not count with Potter, the other boy probably saw him as a burden and, since he felt nothing from Draco’s side of the bond, he was not likely to care for him. He didn’t know what exactly was going on with Snape or Rabastan, so he couldn't really trust them, which meant he wouldn't be getting any real help from this side either. He could not put his mother or his friends in danger, if he got caught, they could claim ignorance. So pretty much, Draco was going to walk the grey area, with no guide and no help and hope it goes well. He just wished he wasn’t alone in this.

Chapter Text

The manor was quiet for a few days and not even the Lestranges were around, leaving Draco and his mother alone and finally in peace, but everything was not how it used to be, there was a permanent sensation of alertness, so even when no one was there to see them, they never relaxed as they used to. However, Draco made a purpose to keep his mother company, so they would sit together as he studied, sometimes she would even ask him about his interest in healing and charms to understand more what exactly her son wanted to do with it.

Neither of his parents had done anything with their school studies. Lucius, despite the good grades, had taken over the administrations of their land in France and the political activities that came with their social connections and their Wizengamot sits. Narcisa had assumed the house and the family’s social standing, either by organising parties or making sure they were invited to any event of importance. It wasn’t forbidden to look for formal work or go after developing a talent, but the past few generations of Malfoys had not done so, staying only politically involved. Not that Draco wanted to have a healer’s job at a hospital for the rest of his life, he had plenty of ideas of what he wanted to do, he knew he liked creating enchanted objects, his time helping Fred and George and his sigil work had only confirmed this, so Draco believed he could find a nice path by mixing his two interests.

He hated not having his father’s opinion on the matter, but at least he could share this with his mother and pretend, just for a while, he could make simple plans for his future and his career as if there were no war around them.

Almost at the end of the month, Rabastan came back alone to take his mother to visit Regulus grave, something his mother did every other year when she was around at his birthday.

“Aren’t you still a wanted criminal?” Draco asked

“The Black lot is a private property” said the man “you should come too, you’ve been holed up in this house since you came back from school”

Draco didn’t really want to go to a cemetery and he knew in a few days his Hogwarts’ letter should come and he would have a nice excuse to go to Diagon Alley, but he also didn’t want to be alone in the house in case anyone showed up, it was not unusual for the Dark Lord to appear unannounced, so he decided it was best to go with them.

They were surprised when they arrived to find Andromeda and her husband there. The man immediately took out his wand to point it at Rabastan, but his wife forced his arm down and shocked her head, silently telling him to not do anything.

“What brings you here? You don’t usually visit” asked Narcisa calmly, but not addressing her sister’s husband.

“I wanted to think… Much like Regulus, Sirius left no body to bury, but Dumbledore asked me if I wished to make a symbolic burial”

“I see…”

“Making a grave here would not mean they are actually side by side, so I wanted to know what it would feel like to be here with an empty grave, would it mean anything?”

“For the dead I doubt it does, graves are for the living” said Narcisa

“Would you mind terribly if I put up something for Sirius?”

“Didn’t Potter want him on his own lot?” Narcisa asked curiously

“I don’t think the boy has any condition to organize a funeral and I doubt he knows anything about it, if I’m not mistaken his parents were buried in Dumbledore’s lot in Godric Hollow”

“It’s in Godric Hollow, but it’s their own lot” said Rabastan, talking for the first time “the cottage was inherited”

“You’ve been there?” asked Narcisa looking at Rabastan with a surprised face

“I’ve been reading old copies of the prophet to know what happened after I got arrested” he said 

“Either way” said Andromeda not particularly interested in the topic, but not changing her calm demeanour “I don’t think anyone would risk Potter in such a way for this, so it’s up to us. Would you mind?”

“No, but not next to Regulus”

“I was thinking near uncle Alphard” said Andromeda pointing to a location a bit further down and Narcisa nodded “It’s just you and me now… unless you’re counting Bella this days” the woman finished mockingly and Narcisa snorted in a way Draco had never thought he would see from his mother.

Andromeda came closer ignoring her husband’s not very discreet attempts to keep her away.

“My house is open if you even need it” she said quietly, but looking at her sister’s eyes

“I’m good where I am” said Narcisa

“If you’re ever not good , you know where to find me”

“I got it Andy” said Rabastan

“I’m afraid to tell you Lestrange, that prison might have given you time to think, but it didn’t allow you to grow and I doubt the solutions from fifteen years ago will work as well as it once did”

“You should have said that to Sirius” said Narcisa ironically

“Oh he heard it plenty, but many times unfortunately, for the wrong reasons” she said with a sad smile “any warnings this time?”

“He is more unpredictable, but also more focused on the big players”

“At least until he takes those out of the way” said Andromeda and her sister nodded “Do you want me to send you something when I finish with Sirius grave”

“There is no need, Bella is around a lot”

“Good luck with that” said Andromeda mockingly and the two sisters looked at each other and mutually moved to a short and tight hug before Andromeda walked away back to her husband and out of the cemetery.

“Andy doesn’t change, does she?” asked Rabastan

“She is more patient and she is way more alert this time, but then I think her daughter is an auror”

“I never understand you two, are we friends with her?” asked Draco confused, looking at his mother, they had acted just like that when his grandfather died and he knew Andromeda would send Christmas cards, but apart from those occasions, they never really met with the woman and his mother.

“Absolutely not, we haven’t talked to Andromeda since she ran away” said his mother trying to look serious and hold a smile, but Rabastan snorted.

“And you got mad at Reg when he did that” he said

Narcisa didn’t give the man an answer and simply conjured some flowers to decorate Regulus grave. Draco just shocked his head amused, his family took Slytherin’s cunning to another level.

“I’m glad we came” she said with a small smile. In times like this, comfort was rare, but apparently it would find you when you need it.

—

As Draco had predicted, his letter arrived a few days later and the absence of any absurd book gave him hope that perhaps they would finally have a year with decent staff. He also had received an owl a few days before from Pomfrey with a list of books he could buy, so he was excited to go to Diagon Alley.

They decided to wait a day or two to see if the Dark Lord would try to reach Potter while he was after his school things, but there was only silence, whatever he was doing, he had been busy for a while, so Draco’s mother decided to just go while things were quiet. Draco wanted to wait, he wanted to check the plan with Rabastan so he could also go to Borgin and Burke, but the man hadn’t shown up since they went to the cemetery and considering they didn’t know what he was doing, it was pointless to wait for his return.

Going to Diagon Alley used to be a cheerful and fun event, but this time it was a depressing experience, the place was very different, darker and many shops were closed. Draco wanted to separate from his mother so they could each take care of something and leave as soon as possible, but his mother was very against the idea, worried about his safety. He doubted that he had anything to fear at the streets, he was more worried someone would see his arm, his mother was not weak at magic, but a glamour was not her expertise. 

So he was stressed and distracted when Potter and his friends walked in on him. 

Draco had so many worries during his summer that he had not actually stopped to give much thought about what he was going to do about Potter when they actually saw each other, so he just froze, both of them looking at one another and waiting for the other to react.

"Malfoy… hey" started Potter a bit unsure “How… how are you? How was your summer?”

Draco was so shocked by the tentative conversation that he didn't know what to say, looking at Weasley and Granger they also seemed to think Potter was an idiot, so maybe he really had lost it a bit.

"Are you going to make it worse by screaming at me?" said Draco muttered, no real hit behind his words, but he was very defensive, their last conversation hadn’t ended very well and he wasn’t sure what to expect from the boy.

The anger that he had expected since the beginning appeared on the boy's face, and Draco thought his initial greeting had just been an automatic reaction, but it was soon replaced with a guilty face and Draco was lost once again. Potter barely opened his mouth to say something else when he was interrupted.

"Mr. Potter, how… interesting… to see you here. It had been quite some time" said his mother when she appeared and that was like a switch for Potter, because he was back to his angry face.

"Indeed, your husband was even arrested on the meantime, seems like he really did learn to be in two place at the same time after all"

And Draco wasn't sure what that last bit was about, but apparently his mother did because she too turned less pleasant.

"Yes, shame Sirius never learned that" said his mother with a fake pleasantness that was quite vicious.

Potter took his wand out to point at her.

"Harry, no!" said Granger

"No fights in my store!" said Madam Malkin just as quickly.

But if Potter was trying hard to control himself, his mother had not even moved a muscle, she was looking at Potter with a curious eye that Draco didn't know what it was looking for, maybe she wanted to see his reaction.

"Will it take too much longer?" asked Draco to Malkin, really wanting to leave before things went downhill.

"I'm almost done"

"Then hurry up please"

It was a tense silence until the woman was done in record time and they were able to leave without exchanging another word with the golden trio. The entire thing had been very confusing, but Draco couldn’t get himself distracted, so he shoved all his thoughts to the back of his mind and kept going.

He finished getting most of his things and was able to leave his mother at Flourish and Blotts before going to Borgin. Passing through the twins store was both nice and sad, he missed them but knew it was best to not to go in, It didn't mean he couldn't laugh at the joke on their sign.

Things with Borgin were easy, the man still had great respect for his father, but he couldn't really help with the cabinet at Hogwarts. Still, he had half of a plan and that was better than what he had before. He was so distracted with that, he didn't notice he was once again just looking at the Weasley's Wizard Wheezes.

"Are you really just going to pass through without even a look inside?” came the voice of one of the twins and as Draco turned, he was able to see George at the door looking at him.

"I really shouldn't" he said, but his face must not have been too convincing because George still came to him and grabbed his arms to go inside the store.

"Tell people I forced you and you put up a big fight not to" said George with a smile and Draco couldn't help but smile too.

It was like stepping on another world entirely, the store was full and more alive than anything Draco had seen in a long time and he felt better than he had the entire summer.

"Look at this, my favorite git!" said Fred as he came closer and put his arms on Draco's shoulders "how are you?" he asked softly in his ear.

Draco had no answer that he could give him there, he felt awful because the Dark Lord was keeping him on a leash, his mother was going to be alone in the house with him and Draco had to finish an impossible mission if he didn't want to die. All of that without even adding Potter to the equation. So without anything to say, he took a leaf from his mother’s book and just threw himself at Fred in a desperate desire to be hugged and sheltered for just a few seconds and Fred, as usual, gave him exactly what he needed.

"Don't be a brat Ginny" said George and Draco released Fred to turn and see the girl looking at him as if she wanted to strangle him, her mother, at her side, looking at him curious.

But just as soon as he detached himself from Fred the door opened and Draco’s mother entered with a furious glare.

"Don't do that to me Draco" was all she said and he knew exactly what she meant, he should never have been so weak as to get inside the store in the first place.

Fred looked like he wanted to say something, but Draco just shook his head no and went to his mother.

"Stay away from my son" She said looking at the Weasleys present, but none of them said a thing.

The door opened again and the golden trio came in and were clearly startled by the situation they walked in, which gave his mother the perfect opportunity to grab Draco and leave the store as fast as possible.

"You're my only son, Draco, please don't throw your life away for a Weasley"

And once again Draco was given repeated words from his past and it was the first time he wondered if maybe he had been caught by a karmic circle after all.

"I'm not… it's not like that"

"I'm your mother, I know you, but there are better boys if you must"

And Draco was touched as much as he was shocked that his mother knew and cared about it.

"There is really nothing there, he was just the one who helped me realise"

"Then I wish he hadn't, I’ve watched Regulus wasting away for love, I can see you do that too”

“What do you mean? What happened to Regulus?” Draco asked surprised, it was so rare for information about the boy to be so freely given.

But his mother looked at him very sad and gave him no other word until they were home. She pretended all was well and Draco thought maybe she would just ignore everything, that she had just been too emotional on that moment, but later she took him to a secluded room in the manor and gave him a wooden box, very simple, but clearly full of meaning if she had kept it so well hidden.

“Every since you took the mark I’ve been thinking if I should say something, but I didn’t want to put you at more risk and sometimes, Draco, knowledge is more dangerous than everything” she said

“I’ve been practicing occlumency, I can’t let him know my real feelings either, but he doesn’t seem to interested, he is just playing with us”

“Yes… There are plenty of people he thinks are unimportant, those he believes are too weak to be of any value. That is a very good place to be, Draco, you don’t want to get his attention. Being with a Weasley is calling for attention”

“Is that what Regulus did?” said Draco, changing the subject, not letting his mother run away from the topic. She took a deep breath, but then looked straight at him.

“Regulus was deeply in love once, but Sirius' departure and our family position at the time meant he had to make a difficult choice. He swore loyalty to the Dark Lord but to the love he lost he swore he would destroy our Lord. Regulus thought being so close would lead him to a weakness and a way to kill our Lord… he was willing to die trying if needed and it seems that is what he did"

Draco was speechless, everyone only had good things to say about Regulus, how loyal he was to his family and to the cause, to think he had been plotting against the Dark Lord for years was a shift on everything he believed so far.

"Who was it?" he asked, because he had no illusion that if his mother knew so much, she would not know who it was that Regulus had loved so ardently, and considering her reaction, it was likely someone he shouldn’t have loved.

"Someone who is dead, so it doesn't matter, I just want you to understand that Regulus made choices that he paid for with his life, please, choose yours carefully"

"Do you think he ever regretted it?" and his mother looked immediately sad.

"Not even for a second" was her softly reply “and that is what I hate the most…” she looked down at the box and passed her hand over it as if cleaning some dust that wasn’t really there “Perhaps this will be more interesting to you than it ever was for me” she said giving him the box “Regulus never wanted anyone to know, but he was sentimental enough to keep a few things… just know that letting your heart guide the way, can cost you more than you can pay”

Draco returned to his room with the box that contained all of the things Regulus thought were too important to destroy but that he didn't want anyone to see. Curiosity was obviously burning within Draco, Regulus had been the mystery no one talked about and now it made a lot more sense why . His mother and, most likely, Rabastan had kept this secret the first time, so even if Regulus was now dead, if anyone ever suspected he had been a traitor, those associated with him would also pay the price, so they kept the lie by keeping their silence.

It was the biggest prove of how arrogant the Dark Lord and his followers had always been, they all looked at this little trio and named them weak or stupid, so they never looked at them twice.

Not only them I suppose, Pettigrew did the same thing to Dumbledore and the Order of the Phoenix.

It was the oldest trick in the book and yet it was always effective for as long as there were those too blinded by power to look at another, those who were too full of themselves to realise there was fighting in silently enduring adversity.

No wonder they had been so worried about Draco, they thought, and turned out they were correct, that he was going to follow that path, except that Regulus had pushed too far, apparently because he was too in love to care, and that was indeed a good warning for Draco to keep in mind.

He carefully sat on his bed and opened the box. Inside there wasn't much: a few letters and memos, a group of pictures with a very weird looking camera, a little coin bag, a memory box and a black thing Draco had never seen in his life.

Obviously he started with the strangest thing, as one always does. It was made of a strange material and it was a bit bigger than his hand, but it was light. A tape was clued to the front part, which was also a bit transparent, and on the tape in a delicate handwriting was a message "so you never forget" and obviously Draco had no idea what that thing could possibly do to be memorable, but he notice some of the buttons on the thing and started pressing, none of them seemed to work until one of them opened the thing. Inside was another strange thing and he had to be very careful taking it off, it was made of similar material but white and a bit transparent and the middle had two holes where it was previously attached to the black thing, it seemed like inside there some kind of tape and indeed the button part was open and the tape was there, but it was nothing Draco had ever seen before. This too had something written on it with the same handwriting “Brink of Love” and that too made no sense either. Not wanting to break the thing before he could figure it out what it was, he put the white thing inside the black one and closed it, putting it aside.

The bag didn't have coins, but it had been expanded and inside there were a few clothes, muggle clothes, which puzzled Draco. He put it aside to inspect the memory box, they were rare and extremely expensive, but he supposed the Blacks had more than enough to buy it. Unfortunately what made them so good was that they could be blood locked, so only certain people would be able to access it, it had been traditionally used to preserve old family secrets, so Draco, not being a direct descendant of Regulus, could not unlock it and whatever memory his cousin had chosen to keep preserved would never be known by anyone.

He got to the letters and the memos, some of the letters were from his mother some were from her time at Hogwarts and others told Regulus all the changes she was facing with a married life, he put those down as soon as one of them implied a bit too much than he ever wanted to know about his parents intimacy. Other letters were from Sirius, clearly in his first year and excited to tell his little brother all about Hogwarts and his brand new friends. It was strange to think of a time when Sirius and Regulus were close, it clearly had meant something to Regulus for him to keep his brother's letters. The last letter was not signed but it was written with the same handwriting of the message on the black thing and contained only a strange poem apparently called "Yesterday". Draco didn't know what part of Regulus life that poem was about, but it matched quite well with his own life at the moment and the longing for a "yesterday" that was better and easier than the present.

The memos were a completely different thing, they were love notes, some of them only said things like "tonight - the music room", one of them even asked "cupboard after classes?” and some were explicit like "my arse is already hurting from flying, so you might as well, at least I will have an excuse". There were entire conversations there, only they didn't have Regulus' side of it. None of them were signed and from what some of the notes said Draco had understood that they were hiding even then. It was probably a risk for Regulus to have kept this, but every note, even the obscene one, had always a heart on the corner and Draco thought that was actually really sweet and most likely one of the reasons they were never thrown away.

The pictures were something Draco was excited about, the first one was Regulus catching a snitch and considering the move he made, it seemed like it might have been the famous one Rabastan had mentioned, he could see a few of the other players stopping to look. The other pictures threw him off because they were static muggle pictures and Draco had no idea why or how. One of them was Regulus, dressed as a muggle, but with a really nice jacket, singing with a pretty ginger girl. On the back there was a date and an explanation "karaoke night - we won“, the next picture also had the same girl and a ginger man that he supposed was related to her and they were both dancing while a blond woman laughed on the back because the man was obvious in the middle of a very ridiculous dance "a real family“. There was a picture that was from a street, with a nice looking house "1976 - muggle street - Cokeworth" and the name more than the pictures rang a bell, but Draco couldn't quite remember what it was. Another picture had four boys on it, one Draco was surprised to recognise as Potter's father and the head on his lap was Sirius, the other two boys could only be Lupin and Pettigrew. The boys looked happy and carefree, in fact Sirius looked on the verge of sleep, because Potter was talking to Lupin but his hands were on Sirius' hair. The back had what Draco had assumed was Regulus handwriting saying "the idiots" but Regulus' words we crossed and under it was written "The Marauders", which had been exactly what the Elf had called them last year. The other picture was of a young Rabastan, an innocent shine on his eyes as he looked away at something with a silly smile on his face "Bas admiring his Ravenclaw”. Another had a Slytherin girl smiling and showing off a beautiful ring "The soon to be Mrs Greengrass" and Draco took another look at the picture, noticing the woman he knew as Daphne's mother in the face of the young girl in the picture.

The last two pictures were a bit of a shock to Draco and he knew he was blushing: one picture had a naked boy spread on a bed, lying on his stomach with his face turned to the other side so Draco couldn't see it from the angle the picture was taken, but his hair and the bed were a mess and didn't take a genius to know what had happened just before the picture. "Each time I touch your skin I feel like mine is the one that it's burning, I want your body to be part of mine so I can take away all your pain and make it mine, but lose myself in pleasure and give it all to you" that was bigger than a simple "I love you" it was intimate, a piece of love that hurt if not expressed and that told him more about Regulus than anything on the box.

The last picture was just as intimate, it was Regulus, a picture that had clearly been taken by his lover, his hair spread on the bed or glued to his face because of sweat, a bit of his naked chest was visible, covered in love bites, and on his face a beautiful smile, almost a laugh, and all the love the felt for the man behind the camera "Happiness" was all it said and indeed, if a feeling could be turned into a picture, happiness could only ever be that one.

Chapter Text

Regulus memories had given Draco new straight to endure the Dark Lord for the remaining time he still had at home, because even if things hadn’t ended well for his cousin, it was prove that someone else had been in Draco’s position and he wasn’t as alone as he thought he had been, the only difference was that he wasn’t self-sacrificing like Regulus had been and he didn’t intended to fight the Dark Lord.

 The Lestranges returned a few days later and they quickly noticed his new disposition, but he said it was the good news he got from Borgin and the step forward he had taken for his mission. The Dark Lord was pleased, so no one insisted, in fact, Bella had stepped forward to help Draco with organising things if he did get his plan to work, making a show of how proud of him she was.

Returning to King Cross felt strange, his summer had been dark and full of ups and downs of emotions, but looking at all the children around with their parents, it all felt like a bad dream. His mother's goodbye was full of sorrow and would have been tearful if they weren't in public.

Draco went through his duty as a prefect a bit more silent than usual and made a point to ignore Weasley and Granger and then hid himself in a compartment, in fact he counted himself lucky when Blaise was invited to see Slughorn, the old potion professor, and left him Pansy, so he could be miserable with his head on her lap.

"We didn't even see each other this summer, I missed you" he told her.

"You are the one who hid the entire summer"

"It was a busy summer, we had guests"

"Interesting ones?" she asked her pretence of casualness almost leaving her.

"Sometimes" He knew she wanted to ask more, but he would not dare tell her much more "but nothing fun really happened, I was mostly helping mother"

And they looked at each other and Pansy nodded and dropped the subject. Theo and Daphne only found them later and the boy’s only question was if Draco and his mother were alright, but the meaningful look he threw at Draco meant he knew what happened.

“Mum said that Rabastan can be trusted to look after your mother, that even when Crouch had him around his finger, Regulus always came first” said Daphne.

“Sounds like she thinks Lestrange was in love with Black, not with Crouch” said Pansy frowning

“I had that impression too, but mum said things with Rabastan were complicated, that Regulus was the only person that ever loved Rabastan, but she also said he was in love with someone else, so I don’t think she meant it romantically”

Draco knew very well Regulus had never loved Rabastan as a lover, but he wouldn’t exactly discard the possibility that Rabastan might have felt that way, he never really understood what went on with his relationship with Crouch. But then, there were a lot of weird things between everyone’s relationship with the Lestrange.

Later the group had a lot more to talk about when Blaise returned bringing back news of Slughorn's chosen for the year, something that apparently didn't include Draco, Theo or Daphne, something that got the girl really offended since her family business was cosmetic products, which involved a lot of complex potion work despite what some people thought. Draco, however, was hoping he could change the man's opinion at some point, it would be useful for his healer career to have the man show him some favor, he had heard plenty about him and the people he had helped with his good influence and his constant network of contacts.

At some point Draco noticed something strange in his compartment and it didn’t take long for him to realise it was Potter hiding and listening in with his invisibility cloak. He got a bit mad the boy was spying on him, but then he didn’t really want to fight with him and the best thing he could do was to confront him now and get on with his life. So when they arrived at Hogsmeade station, he sent his friends ahead of him.

"I know you're there, Potter" he said to the ‘empty’ compartment

"We need to talk" said the boy as soon as he revealed himself.

"I know”

Potter seemed surprised by his reaction and they both stayed silent for a moment, waiting for the other to say something.

"Look Malfoy, you got it all wrong that day and..."

“I get it that Sirius was important to you, I…” said Draco at the same time and they both looked at one another again, not knowing what to do, neither of them had expected the other to apologise.

"I don't know what Sirius means to you and your family, but for me he was everything. I never wanted it to be a choice about who deserves more to live, I wanted everyone to live, I'm sick of people dying I just want it all to stop, but I can't, not until Voldemort is gone" said Potter, more calm and quiet then before.

“I was just… I thought that finding out what was causing this, would make it stop… But I get it that it is not an option until this is over” said Draco not really looking at the other boy

“I’m sorry I didn’t think about you that day… I didn’t really understand how bad it really was, I thought you just didn’t want me to help Sirius”

“Well I didn’t, I don’t care about Sirius… but I understand that you do, so… I’m sorry for your loss”

“Yeah… I thought… That I wanted to die after Sirius… But I… I will keep on fighting, Malfoy, I don’t want you to feel you have to give up, I don't know why you're bonded to me, but I’m not trying to hurt you,.

Draco looked at Potter, he had a lot of questions, but the train suddenly moved and that was when both boys finally realised they had spent too much time in there.

"We need to go!" he said to Potter and they both ran to the door.

"Harry!" called a woman's voice and they both turned.

"Tonks!" said Potter

For a second Draco was expecting a tearful reunion that would take too long and put them in even more trouble, but the woman was apparently smart enough to tell them both to just jump and another minute later she was able to get out too. She did however look at draco with suspicion and then turned to Potter.

"What happened?"

"We… lost track of time?" said Potter a bit embarrassed.

She blinked in surprise, but seemed to accept the answer quite easily.

"So… who is this?" Draco finally asked, pointing to the woman with them, something about her looked familiar, but he couldn't exactly point it out.

"She is your cousin" Said Potter with a little smirk Draco wanted to punch.

He looked at the strange girl and it was clear that this was as awkward for her as it was for him. He had a vague memory of a little girl with colorful hair, but it had been too long for Draco to even say he knew her at all.

"I would say it’s nice to see you, but considering the last lost family member I met through Potter was..." and he stopped and looked at Potter for a moment, but truly this experience with Sirius had been a terrible one "an arsehole, I will wait until I make any judgement"

She was surprised and a bit confused, but she didn't seem to take offence.

"Sounds fair I suppose, please don't mind if I do the same"

And that kind of counted as a good thing for Draco, his cousin was cautious, but open enough, in fact, now he realized she was a bit like her mother. They didn't however have much to talk and apparently neither did Potter, so after a few questions they made their way back in silence. Snape showing up to pick them up just made everything worse.

"It doesn't look like a good start for the year, Draco, I thought we were supposed to expect better things from you?" said the man mockingly. 

Snape didn't take points from him as he did Potter, but he was just as mad and his remark was very clear, it enraged Draco to not know what side the man was really on. At least he seemed to believe they had been fighting on the train. The issue was that so did the rest of school and plenty of people felt they needed to send hexes his way to defend the now proclaimed chosen one, so Draco’s night wasn't really good, but at least his friends didn’t ask him many questions.

—

"You're still standing by your choice from last year?" asked Snape on the next day when giving his schedule.

"Yes I am"

"And you think that is wise?"

"Well is not like we have many healers, I'm sure it will help to have one when half of them can't just walk into a hospital” said Draco not looking at the man's eyes, but making sure to stand his ground with him.

That shut him up and he was able to receive his schedule, it turned out however that Slughorn was actually more difficult to deal with than Snape, he was determined to keep him away because of his father and that was frustrating. Also he would have loved to get at least a drop of some liquid luck, it wasn't like Granger had much use for it.

Then Potter won and Draco knew he had cheated somehow. He would have loved to ask, at least to get him to tell him how to do it too, but he was avoiding the boy again. The conversation on the train might have cleaned up a few of their issues, but he still had a wand pointed to his head on the other side and with that one he wouldn't be taking any chances.

He found the room of hidden things very easily, he knew Potter and his friends had used a room on the seventh floor and as soon as Rabastan told him what it did, he knew why they chose it.The vanishing cabinet was there already and it was indeed broken, some of its primordial magic was also messed up, so it was almost just a shell of what had been a vanishing cabinet, Draco would have to pretty much make a new one out of the one he had. It was going to be even more difficult than he thought.

He decided to use the weekend to do some research, as soon as he left breakfast he went to the library, he wasn't sure he was going to find anything useful, but he wanted to check everything before he begged Flitwick for a pass to the restricted section. Obviously Potter thought it was a smart idea to corner him there

"We're not done talking"

"Get out of here"

"Malfoy look..."

"No! The entire school has their eyes on you, anyone can see us here and I can't be seen with you" he said angry, but inside he was very close to a panic attack.

"Then let's get out!" said Potter a bit loud and Draco almost sent a curse his way.

"Put your voice down! We can't just leave together! I need to get a few book, go to the second floor and I will meet you there"

At least, Potter knew how to follow instructions, because he did as he was told, so after getting the books he thought would be more useful for his new project, Draco left to the second floor, carefully getting inside the room and warding it.

"So what do you want?" he finally asked Potter.

"I want to know what you were doing on Borgin and Burkes that day we met in Diagon Alley" Potter said very firmly, which was not something Draco saw everyday and he was completely surprised by it all.

"How do you… you were following me?" he asked exasperated, the nerve that boy had.

"Well.. yes, you were acting weird and your parents are Death Eaters"

"And it hasn't crossed your mind that I might be one too?"

"It has actually, it's exactly what I thought when I saw you there, but… with Fred..." and just for a second Draco thought the boy sounded strange when he said his friend's name.

"I shouldn't have done that, should never even gotten inside"

"Well… but you did"

Potter's face was hopeful, Draco realised then that the boy really wanted him to not be a Death Eater, to be something he wasn't sure he could ever be.

“Potter, my life is complicated and you are… you. I can accept you didn’t mean it, I didn’t mean it either… turns out I don’t want to die, but the best thing for us is to pretend the bond is not here and just go our separate ways, so do your thing and I will do mine and if we make it to the end, we will see what this bond is about”

Draco knew things weren’t that simple and there was a good chance the Dark Lord was going to win. If Potter died and he didn’t, he would just be changing his bond from Potter to the Dark Lord and he couldn't even say it was going to end the pain, considering how found he was of the cruciatus even on his own followers. But he could just keep his head down and as a healer he would be able to stay out of battles, so he wasn't going to get killed by an auror and since the Dark Lord was so interested in him, maybe he could lay low at his side, keep his favor as his mother and Rabastan had done.

"And live a life as miserable as my summer was"

But he had to keep all the possibilities in mind if he was fighting for survival, just because he wanted to believe Potter could end this, didn’t mean he was going to blow up his life.

“But whatever I do, it will be ‘your thing’ too” said Potter taking Draco from his thoughts “No matter what choices you make, the bond will still respond to the things I do”

“Yes, Potter, I’m aware of how unfair the world can be” said Draco dryly, not really understanding what Potter wanted to prove.

"I know it's not fair… for me to take part of your choices from you, but my life hasn't been fair either, in fact most of it sucked and people made decisions for me too… You are the only person that knows what that is like… I wanted out too, after Sirius died, but I want to live and I want my friends to live and that is worth fighting for. I don’t want to ignore you, I don’t want us to keep hurting each other”

“We tried that, Potter, it didn’t work”

“But we are on the same side now!” the boy said frustrated

“That doesn’t mean we changed”

“I did! I had to, The things they are saying, about me being the chosen one, they are not wrong, there was…”

“A prophecy, I know” Draco interrupted

“You do?” Potter asked surprised

“No one knows the full contend, but I know what it is about”

“Oh… and what do you think about it?” asked the boy a bit nervous

“I think everyone lost a bit of their minds believing a bloody prophecy out of all things, but what is done it’s done, he believes it, so he won’t give up”

“Yeah… but neither will I”

“I don’t see what changed then, I know you want to fight him”

“Don’t you? What if killing me really kills you?”

“I know that! But he was in my house for part of the summer! I know how horrible he is...“ he confessed and regretted a second later.

"What happened?" Potter asked surprised

“He took over my house, he was waiting for me, this bond might kill us, but walking away from him will make both me and my family targets, I will not do that”

"Maybe Dumbledore would help your mother"

"And she will never accept his help" and Potter looked angry and considering the many arguments they had about her, it was better to just end this now "Look, whatever opinions you have of her, she is my mother and I love her, but she is in a difficult position where she is trying to please the Dark Lord enough to keep me and my father alive, but that only works if the three of us work together, because even if we both leaved, he would then just kill my father, who I also love even if you hate him"

"It would be his own fault, he signed up for this, you shouldn't be responsible for that"

"That is not how family works" and he knew he shouldn't have said it as soon as it was out, but Potter only closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“Then let Dumbledore help!”

“He can’t help us! the Dark Lord has some kind of… interest in my family, I need to be there”

Potter opened his mouth to say something, but then he stopped and frowned.

“Do you think it has something to do with the bond?”

“I… haven’t thought about it” said Draco shocked with himself for not thinking it, but then, he had gone through a lot “If it does, he doesn’t know about it”

They were both silent for a while. Draco was glad to clean up things with Potter, but they were in a different position now then they were last year and if this bond somehow had anything to do with the Dark Lord, things would get even more complicated.

“This bond has to be here for a reason” said Potter quietly “we messed it up last year, but we have to work together… I… I want us to work together”

Potter's words tried to be encouraging, like he was trying to recruit him, but his green eyes (so beautiful it was a shame they weren't more visible) they were begging Draco to choose him. He would have jumped at the opportunity on the past, but he knew he couldn’t. For a second his traitor brain even wondered if Regulus' lover had once begged too, had looked his cousin in the eye and begged him to stay, to turn his back on his family. 

“I don't know what you did this summer, if you're trying to help Voldemort because you were mad at me or if Fred is right and you're in trouble, but we can find another way“ insisted Potter

“No we can’t, I was mad at you and I am in trouble, but I can’t walk away and the things I have to do are not things you would approve of”

“Why don’t you let me be the judge of that?”

Draco felt exasperation all over, the boy just wouldn’t let go or understand what he wasn’t saying. He took a deep breath to think what to do next and the only thing he could think of was that he was most likely bonded to Potter for life and he might as well make things clear between them. So he showed him his left arm.

"I couldn't really say no at his face" he took his arm back before the boy could touch it, he wasn't really ready for that. Potter was silent and Draco tried to explain things the most simple way possible "he was mad at my father, for getting caught and apparently because the plan for the Ministry was his. Also, the Dark Lord already dislikes my mother for some reason, so he decided I had to pay for my father's mistake, making me take on a mission he knows I can't complete, but he will kill me anyway if I don't"

Potter kept silent and Draco knew what that meant, he had never expected the boy to understand anyway.

“I don’t pick fights I know I can’t win, Potter”

The boy didn’t say anything and so Draco just left the room, not letting himself get disappointed, he had the entire summer to accept the fact he and Potter were not meant to be.

—  

After lunch, he had agreed to go to Pomfrey to both set up their meetings and discuss what they were going to do now that his illness was apparently caused because of a bond.

“Maybe we won't need to worry so much about shut down, obviously it will depend on how crazy his life is, but we can always hope for a calmer year"

Draco looked at her, his face showing every doubt he had that Harry Potter would be able to have a nice and calm year. She didn't look that much sure either, but denial is always the first step on the journey to acceptance.

"I want you two to come here together soon, I want to monitor your core and Potter's when something happens to him, we might not know why you're connected, but we can certainly try to understand how it is manifesting, last year I said it could be a ripple effect and you did spend more time passed out than Potter..." she stopped and looked at him with conflict in her eyes and Draco knew what she was going to say, what he had been fearing since last term "I'm afraid of what something like Potter's death, which we all wish will never happen, but still… I'm afraid what something like that would do to you"

"You think I will die with him" he said resigned

"I'm afraid so, yes"

Hearing from someone else made it all feel more certain, he had thought it was a possibility, but now he had something close to a confirmation.

"I know you’re tired, Draco, we all… we all heard what you said, how much this has hurt you and I understand your desperation, but please know that Potter is just as tired as you"

And Draco knew, deep down he did know, in fact Potter had kind of confessed that only hours ago and he had been the only one to actually acknowledge the real issue.

"Everyone thinks I need to understand that Potter is in pain too, but that is not the issue, because really I get it. I just hate that I could never make a choice about this and even now that I'm close to an answer I still can't!"

"Not to mention all the choices the Dark Lord took from me"

"But you did" she said with a kind smile "you could have ended this yourself, but you choose to live and to hope that things will get better, sometimes that is the hardest choice of all"

Draco didn't know what to say, but he knew the woman was right, in fact he had made that exact choice all summer and the years before, he always chose to live.

"I will try to tell him to come here with me" he eventually said.

"Did you two talk?" she asked surprised

"Yeah… at least enough to get to an agreement of not-fighting between us… I think…” he said and she nodded

"That is really good… in fact it my help with the other thing I wanted to talk to you"

And he looked carefully at her, it didn't look like bad news, but she was clearly nervous.

"It is rare to have students that want to be healers, we get one or two every year, most of them just apply for St. Mungus, some do a masters before that to get more skills to be accepted. You are one of the few that directly came to me to ask for an apprenticeship"

"I did that?"

"What do you think I'm doing with you all this time?" she laughed "thing is, Terry Boot, he is in your year, Ravenclaw, he wants to be a healer and he got all the OWLs he will need, but he wanted to be more subject focused for his NEWTs, so he came to me for help, but I was hoping to connect you two as well, so he can ask you for help too"

Draco actually stopped to take that into consideration, he wasn't going to teach the boy, just help, so it shouldn't take much of his time. What would do however was expose him more than he should.

"I can't" he said resigned

"It's going to take too much of your time"

"No... that is not... I’m in a complicated position and… I’m not advertising my relation with Potter, I don’t want others to question my... loyalties” Draco said nervous and the woman took a deep breath an looked at him a bit sad.

“Well… just know you might see Boot here, so if you’re playing a part, make sure you have your story straight" she said before he left and he was glad she understood him so well.

Draco knew she was right, he needed to plan his lies more carefully, especially if he was going to fool Snape and his classmates, work on a secret project and do whatever he was doing with Potter. The Gryffindor obviously was his more wild problem, he was bad at keeping secrets and he shared everything with Weasley and Granger, so every secret with him would have at least two more people on the know.

It made Draco jealous that he couldn’t rely on his friends as Potter could, telling them anything would just put them at risk and there were already too many people on the known, many people that could let something escape or simply betray them and the best protection his friends would have would be their ignorance.

It just shows that when you're wicked you're left only on your own.

Chapter Text

A good solution for Draco’s cabinet problems came by convincing Flitwick to teach him how to do advance charms on objects, fixing an enchanted object was usually more difficult than making it from scratch, but if he knew how to make it, it would be a lot more likely he would understand how to fix it. So, he thought his week was going to end really well, that was until his hands got a lot of red rashes and he knew it was Potter, what could the boy possibly be doing already. 

He went out searching for him, in the end of the day, he was still bonded to the other boy and if Potter intended to punish Draco for the mark and their last conversation, he was not going to let him. He heard from Blaise that Slughorn was going to do a little dinner and Potter was most likely invited, so he tried to be around, but all he found was Granger and the girl Weasley.

"I know you are following us" said Weasley at some point, he had been trying to get them to an empty corridor.

"Where is Potter? He can't be in trouble already!"� he said to them and Granger was startled to see his hands.

"He is in detention with Professor Snape, he was going to be sorting Flobberworms"

"Why the hell is he not using protective gloves?"

"It's part of the detention"

And Draco cursed Snape and his stupid vendetta against Potter, he really wanted to know If the man knew he was hurting the both of them and was doing it on propose to punish Draco as well since he was ignoring the professor and his attempts to find out about his plans.

"Is that part of the bond?" said Weasley pointing at his hands.

"Does he tell everyone about this?" Draco said annoyed.

"We were with him last year when you decided to throw a tantrum" the girl said spiteful.

Draco had completely forgotten that other people were in the infirmary on that day and he cursed again, he had a vague memory of Longbottom being there, but there was someone else he had no idea who it was.

"You know nothing Weasley"

"You only care about yourself!" she accused and Granger tried to tell her to stop, but Draco was not going to take it from her in silence.

"You're just sore that he chose me instead of you!" he said impulsively, not even knowing where that had come from, because Potter hadn’t chosen him either, in fact they had been ignoring each other for the past week.

But apparently it made no difference for Weasley and she took out her wand, prompting Granger to get in between them.

"No! we need to work together!”

And Weasley's face was full of anger, but she just turned and left.

"You shouldn't provoke her" said Granger

"She was the one throwing accusations at my face"

And Granger's face was conflicted, almost sad.

"She is angry and confused, Harry officially came out this summer, everyone took it very well, we all kind of knew after… but feelings don’t just… go away” the girl said and then she looked at Draco as if expecting him to say something, he didn’t have any opinion on Potter’s coming out, he knew Fred was out and no one seemed bothered by it, they had no reason to have an issue with Potter, so noticing he wasn’t going to react, she just shocked her head “she also doesn't want to forgive you, she still remembers all that happened because your father gave her that cursed diary"

And that took Draco completely by surprise, not that he couldn't see his father doing it, he just didn't know anything about it.

"What are you talking about?"

"You don't know?" she said shocked

"If I did I wouldn't be asking" he said with irony and Granger took a deep breath to control herself.

In the end Granger ended up telling him all about the real thing that caused all the trouble in second year. He was impressed to learn Potter killed a basilisk and tried to remember if he felt anything in particular about that day, but so much had happened since then, that he wasn't sure. He also could admit that the girl had gone through a lot, she was just eleven at the time, but none of it had been his fault, sure, he had said Potter and his friends should all die, but if Granger could look him in the face and have a civilised talk, then Weasley should be able to do the same. He still suspected that her feelings for Potter were the real issue here, but he decided to not insist with Granger.

“A lot of people will have issues with you and Harry being together, after all the stuff the Prophet said last year, Harry is pretty used to it, but you should prepare yourself for it”

“Well, there is no me and Potter, so nothing to worry about. And don’t you have an issue?”

“I do, but we like who we like and I think everyone should be allowed to change, if we don’t believe people can change then what is the point of anything?”

Draco was a bit confused with the girl, but he just agreed with her and went back to his room, hoping it would be all gone in the morning, but he did wonder if Potter had kept secret his mark, Granger had acted just as she usually did, which was actually quite friendly (also the girl had toned down her bossy attitude over the years). Maybe the war would make her actually learn wizard culture, last thing they needed was another uneducated muggleborn trying to move up in politics and he had no doubt that was where she was going.

On the next few days, Draco found himself fully dedicated to his studies and his mission, it was almost easy to believe the bond didn’t exist. And yet, he had expected some kind of reaction from Potter, even if it was a confrontation.

“You’re doing it again” said Theo next to him as they ate in the great hall.

“Doing what?”

“Staring at Potter”

And then Draco turned to look at his friends.

“I’m not”

“Yes you are, he’s been doing it too. Did something happen?”

“I suppose” said Draco vaguely, not really knowing what to say, but he noticed Theo was still staring at him “what?”

“There was a time I always knew what you were thinking, but now, not so much, you barely even talk to us” the boy said, a pained expression on his face.

“Things are different now”

“No, Draco, you are” said the boy before standing up and leaving. Theo didn’t sound mad, but he wasn’t really good at expressing his caring side and it was clear the boy was worried about Draco, all their friends were.

It hadn’t sunk in until now how much he had changed in the past two years, but Theo was right, he was the one that was different, being constantly sick, questioning everything and then finding out he was bonded to Harry Potter had turned his life upside down and all his plans were gone, he was basically improvising as he went along.

He eventually left the great hall to go back to the room of requirements, but his head was still far away, which was why he was surprised to be grabbed by invisible hands and shoved into a cupboard.

“What the hell, Potter?” asked Draco, there was only one boy he knew that had an invisibility cloak.

“Dumbledore showed me something… he has a guess about why Voldemort is so interested in the Black family” Potter said immediately and Draco was taken by surprise, he had expected the boy to be confrontational, not agitated and sharing information.

“Do tell”

“Voldemort is a collector, kind of like Slughorn, but he used Sirius’ mother as a way to get into society and make contacts, so he kind of dated her for appearances when he was in school, it is why the first person he recruited was Bellatrix, but he wanted to keep the Blacks as his and Sirius was the oldest male, the heir! In fact, he went after all the heirs of influential families, not the people he went to school with. Dumbledore thinks Walburga might have actually promised Sirius to him or something, he showed me Bellatrix wedding, it’s where Sirius met Voldemort, his mother wanted him to be a Death Eater before he even started Hogwarts!”

Draco’s mind was spinning, in his head there was never a time where the Dark Lord had ‘dated’ anyone, even if it was fake, but all of that actually made a lot of sense and fit quite well with his character. In fact, it matched with the conversation he overheard between Rabastan and Snape, the Dark Lord would be aware of him because he is the Malfoy heir.

“…the Dark Lord keep closest to him are not the most talent, but the ones he doesn’t want out of his sight”

And Bellatrix had said the same about Rabastan, about how the Dark Lord kept him around because, although he was the second son, his father had made him the heir, so not only he had the money, but apparently there was some kind of debit between them. Everything fit very well and Draco felt silly for not noticing that before, it was also a bit insane to think the Dark Lord wanted to recruit children, but it explained why Regulus got dragged into it even though he didn’t want to, Draco would not be surprised at all if their mother had indeed promised Sirius, he knew Mr. Crabbe and Nott wanted their sons to be with the Dark Lord.

“That makes sense” said Draco

" But it sounds more personal with Sirius, there is something missing, everyone made it sound like he still wanted Sirius even when he had Regulus" he thought but then something else came to mind, about how Dumbledore would have even known the Dark Lord had a special interest in him “Snape is reporting to him then?”

“I don’t think he knows about the bond, but Dumbledore… well he knows ” said Potter looking at Draco’s left arm “we talked… he has been looking for something that could explain the bond but… he hasn’t been very successful”

Draco was not surprised the Headmaster had been so unsuccessful, to see Bella's wedding, he must have asked Andromeda, but she is the least likely person to know anything and if Lupin had any knowledge, he would have said something already. He knew Snape had been trying to get information out of Rabastan, but the man had been really good at avoiding such a thing.

"Dumbledore must be frustrated with the lack of progress, he is probably sharing things with Potter to see if he can spot something he didn't"

Draco was lost in thoughts, but eventually he just stood there looking at Potter and the situation was immediately uncomfortable, he wasn’t sure what to do, this was not the confrontation he had expected from Potter, he thought the boy would scream at him, not act all awkward.

“He hasn’t talked to me about it and if he is waiting to hear things from Snape, he will wait a long time, I don’t trust Snape, I won’t tell him anything”

“Would you tell me?” said Potter looking Draco in the eyes.

“No”

Potter recoiled as if he had been hit and then looked away, Draco took a deep breath, thinking about what he should say, but there was nothing in his mind, they could have this conversation millions of times, it would always end the same an he would just get himself in another circle of hope and disappointment with Potter, so he moved to leave. 

“Why did you kiss me that day?” said Potter in a small voice and Draco froze on the spot.

“You seem in desperate need of some help and I felt like it” Draco said, but he didn’t look at the boy, he waited a moment for an answer and then, just decided to move on “I’m sorry if you’re offended to have kissed a Death Eater” he said bitter.

“No! That is not… you said that with Fred…” Potter tried to say

“It’s different” said Draco automatically, but he cursed himself in his head, he didn’t know why he said that, kissing Potter had been just as impulsive as kissing Fred, he had just been more invested in the golden boy because… well…

“Was it though? Did you… did it meant something to you?”

Draco was confused, so far the boy had not acted at all like he expected and he didn’t know what to do, or what to think.

“What do you want Potter?” he asked directly, because he was done playing this strange game.

The other boy released a heavy breath and ran his hand on his hair, a habit Draco had noticed when Potter was nervous. He reached out his hands to Draco’s face, his own full of angst, and looked him in the eyes.

“I want to help you! You said you don’t want this and I believe you, so I don’t want to ignore you, the bond… or…or the way I feel”

Draco was absolutely lost, but Potter, it seemed, was horrible at expressing himself and decided to just go ahead and kiss Draco like his life depended on it. There were millions of questions that could be asked, but at that moment Draco just didn’t care, he just kissed back and let himself enjoy whatever this was. The kiss was passionate and it felt for Draco as if he was washing away the troubles and worries of the past few months, for a moment he could breath an air that was not heavy and deadly.

“I want to trust you, trust the mark is not you” Potter whispered, still breathless.

Draco wanted to call him a fool, wanted to protest with all the reasons this wouldn’t work, he was trying to survive and kissing the Dark Lord’s biggest enemy was not a good way to lay low. But Potter was kissing him again and he just wanted to be selfish, to keep the one thing he desired, forget the war, his mission, and the Dark Lord and family secrets… he just wanted to have something all his and for some reason the universe had given him Harry Potter in a silver plate. He had no idea how Regulus just walked away from this, he had happiness and love in his hands and was able to let it all go to fight, Draco was never going to follow on his footsteps, because he only had a mere promise being offered to him and he already wanted to take it, to keep it, even if he knew Potter was going to break his heart in the end.

They didn’t talk for a while, looking at one another every now and then, but no words would come out and they would just go back to kissing, delaying for as long as they could the inevitable moment they would need to talk.

“If this is because of the bond…” Draco started to say, but Potter gave him a quick peck.

“It isn’t, the bond… we don’t even know what it is… but now that it brought us together, it’s the only thing I can think about…”

“We’re a disaster waiting to happen, Potter” Draco said, but the boy’s heavy breath was still hitting his face and he just had to kiss him again before this ended.

“It already happened” Potter whispered and actually took a step back so they would talk to one another instead of kissing “unless you don’t want more…?”

Draco just snorted, obviously he wanted, but none of this was about what he wanted.

“I still need to complete the mission, that is not changing, I’m already in trouble as it is” Draco said firmly

“Let me help you, then!” said Potter frustrated and Draco started to suspect the boy was actually serious.

“Don’t be ridiculous”

“I mean it! You don’t want to do things my way, so we will do things your way! We can… do it and then sabotage it or something, you don’t have to face him on your own”

Draco took a deep breath and closed his eyes trying to think things through, but his thoughts were all over the place. 

" We are not doing anything except making out" and Potter snorted "I will do it and… fine… when it's set up… we figure out something” said Draco, partially sabotaging his own plan was not a terrible idea, he didn’t actually want any student getting hurt when the Death Eaters were in the castle “And we will keep this all a secret”

He had no idea what he was doing, he didn’t even know if his plans were going to work and now he apparently was accepting a secret relationship with Harry Potter like he wasn’t in enough trouble.

“Hermione knows”

“Not Weasley?” Draco asked curious

“Kind of… we… disagreed about it… but they won’t tell, they know about the bond too”

“Yes and right now there are an awful lot of people that know about it, we can’t let it spread”

“I wasn’t going to tell anyone”

“This” said Draco pointing to the two of them “also needs to be a secret”

“I know”

And they were silent for a moment, thinking.

“I will do things to complete my mission you won’t like”

“I know”

"No you don't" Draco wanted to scream. 

Draco wasn’t sure why he was trying to push Potter away, this was exactly what he wanted just a few months ago, but no matter how much the boy promised he wasn’t going to hurt Draco, until he proved it, they were just empty words and Draco had to admit there was a part of him that was afraid this would blow up on his face somehow. He knew Potter would do something stupid again or simply give up when he really realised Draco is a Death Eater, so he just knew this would end badly.

“ When did I become this idiot that wants Harry Potter so badly?”

“Ok” said Draco, giving in and grabbing the other boy again, hopefully his lips wouldn’t be too swollen by the time they left the cupboard.

—

Draco couldn’t point it out exactly how he ended up trying to find a way to sneak in Death Eaters in the school so he could get an opportunity to kill Dumbledore or have them do it and at the same time he had started to make out in cupboards with none other than the Dark Lord’s biggest enemy. But somehow those two things were happening together and the world had not ended yet, in fact, it was all working quite well. 

And that was actually way more scary.

But Draco had decided to put a blind fold on and pretend for as long as it lasted that he could have nice things again, that he could study and date a boy he liked and not worry about his life every other second. He knew it wasn’t going to last, either because of the Dark Lord or because Potter would have to face the truth he was ignoring at the moment, Draco didn’t believe for a second the boy had really accepted what he would have to do, somehow he was sure Potter was still trying to save him or whatever. So this time, he would not trust blindly, he would enjoy things, but he was not letting Potter get him away from his focus, because he knew that at the end, he still needed to go back to the Dark Lord (and without getting caught).

It’s not like he didn’t know Potter was going to hate him when he killed Albus Dumbledore.

Draco received a note to meet with the boy on the second floor, they had been secretly meeting there for a few days now, but he was surprised when he was presented with a galleon coin.

"Hermione enchanted them last year to send messages for the DA, this ones' work both ways, so we can use it to set up meetings, it doesn't work for long messages, but you can send a date, time and place" said Potter and Draco loved the idea even if those were not the words he used to tell the boy that.

He told the boy he had an idea to mix the room of requirements as their meeting place, going to the second floor all the time would get them caught and because of his project, he was supposed to be at the room anyway and no one would find it suspicious.

"I still think you should let us help with your… project"

"And the answer is still no. I will try to think of another thing to do, a distraction… I will think of something before Christmas, so he can't say I'm lazing around, my main plan will take a while yet, I need to do a lot of work and see if Flitwick will unknowingly help me with some of the charms, because he was teaching me control before we started manipulation of material, which is the part I like the most, but I will need to jump straight to advance object enchantment, which I'm sure he will make me to the arithmancy calculations for each one he teaches me even though the spell already exist"

It was not a situation to laugh, but Potter did anyway.

"I don't know half of what you're talking about, but I'm sure Hermione does"

"I hope you don't mean I should ask her for help"

"She is the best witch in our year!”

"Only if you take her overall results, I'm the best in charms and everyone knows Longbottom has more knowledge in Herbology than half of the school and you're best in defence. I will give her credit for Arithmancy because she must be the only one who has patience to look at each book to double check, I just made myself a cheat sheet with the most common cases and I always try to apply those and I ask Pansy to check my math”

"I think you two would like each other" said Potter with a fond smile, so used he was to those kinds of rants.

"Absolutely not. Also it is not like I can go to her and say “Hey Granger, I know you are called a mudblood and all, but do you want to help me do something for the Dark Lord?"

"Don't call her that" said Potter serious.

“I won’t do it to her face, but if I say nice things about her, someone will realize things are not right”

“Or you can start to change your vocabulary” said Potter still crossed.

"Sure… still... You got the point"

"Actually I kind of lost it halfway through your charms’ explanation"

“I have a lot of complicated work to do which will take me time, so I need to find something else to do before Christmas, so when I go back he won’t be mad at me”

"You're going back there on Christmas?" the boy asked horrified.

"He will want me to return and I don’t want to leave mother alone“

Potter clearly wanted to protest, but there wasn't anything they could do, so there was nothing he could say. The boy ran a hand through his hair as he always did when he was nervous and Draco eventually decided that if nothing could be said, they should at least kiss.

Draco wondered if after the adrenaline ended and this turned into a routine if he would get tired of Potter, if maybe the only reason they were together was because this was new and exciting and he had wanted it for so long. But he found he actually liked kissing Potter, even when it was not full of passion, he always felt wanted even on the little pecks on his lips, because even though Potter was shy over his inexperience, he kissed like a thirsty man drinks water, like every drop is a miracle.

"I just remembered, Pomfrey wanted us both to go to the infirmary at some point, she wants to do a test" Draco said after a while.

"Wanna go now?" asked Potter

Draco thought it would be better to get that done so they agreed to meet there in a few minutes, he would go first and Potter would follow. As usual when you need the infirmary to be free, it never is. Pomfrey had a boy on a bed drinking potions and two girls in another, one of them with a bleeding knee.

"Thanks goodness you're here, can you check Miss Lewis for me"

Draco approached the girl and politely asked her friend to step aside for a moment.

"You're not a nurse!" said the friend, but she did what she was told and Draco was able to clean and close the bleeding wound.

"Is it still hurting?" he asked and the girl seemed surprised it wasn't, but he went ahead and pressed the area and sure enough it was a bit swollen.

He went to the cabinet to get a cream when Potter came in.

"What now Mr. Potter?" asked Pomfrey coming forward, she was done with the boy, who was completely passed out on the bed.

"I was told you wanted to see me?" he answered, looking not too discreet at Draco and soon the woman made the connection.

"Sit there, I will talk to you in a minute" she said pointing to an empty bed

She checked the girl, but there was nothing there anymore and Draco got the cream and spread on the girl's knee.

"Should be good in an hour or two" he said.

The girl thanked him and then the two looked at Potter and that was the cue for Pomfrey to tell them to leave, which they did easily, giggling all the way out.

"I'm assuming you're both here to run some tests?" she asked and they both agreed “took you long enough”

She cast an alarm on the door and made them be together and separate, asked them to cast spells and then did a little cut on Potter's hand, all of it casting a lot of spells and half of it were things Draco had no idea what it meant. Eventually she seemed to get to some sort of conclusion.

"Everything that is unexpected, makes magic react, even a little cut, because magic will immediately try to heal it, what you're feeling are the spikes on Mr. Potter's magic, but when it turns stable, you suddenly lose the connection, so your magic is left trying to deal with things you did suffer, but suddenly it’s not there anymore, which is why you suffer for longer on more dramatic events, but adapts more easily if it just a cut.

"But he doesn't feel when I'm casting" said Potter unsure.

"No, because you want to do it, it is your body willing it, so your magic doesn't spike or react, no matter how big a spell you cast. I suppose however that if you two are connected when you're casting, Draco's magic will sync with yours enough to feel it, he has been slowly getting more tuned to you because you two spent so much time together around the castle“

"What do you mean?" Draco asked.

“Proximity, you two attend classes together, eat on the same room, so your magic had time to connect more, it’s why your episodes got stronger over the years, you got used to being somewhat in sync and then suddenly there is a spike” said the woman and then took a moment to think “Hold hands" she said and neither of the two reacted more than looking at one another, Potter even blushed "just do it!"

They did and then Pomfrey told Potter to cast a Lumus.

"I don't feel anything" said Draco

"Now cast a Patronus, Potter"

And then Draco did feel it, a warmth that spread through him, like the feeling one gets from a warm hug or drink of cocoa when it's cold.

"Are you ok?" asked Potter concerned.

“Yeah... I actually felt that"

"Sorry" said Potter, releasing his hand in a hurry.

"No… it wasn't bad… just… different"

"It's because it wasn't a spike" said Pomfrey smiling at them "More advanced spells tend to manifest more on the body of the caster, which is why touch can help you tune in just like magic wants. Bonds are a flow, it’s why one is aware of the other, but don’t feel every single thing they do, with you two, however, there is no flow, but it doesn't mean that your magic is not seeking Potter’s constantly and it will get a hold of any magic leaking from his body.”

"So me not feeling anything is bad?" asked Potter confused.

"Yes and no, as I said before, bonds don't manifest out of nothing, the only cases of spontaneous bonding are with twins, because their magic is formed together when they are still in the womb and they usually grow together as well. It doesn't happen all the time, but it's relatively common. So technically speaking this bond should not exist at all and nothing bad will happen to you, because your body is not ‘programed’ to expect a bond, but Draco's magic is constantly seeking yours, so you not being bonded to him, makes things harder for him“

"Can we fix it?" asked Potter

"I have no idea" she said defeated "I don't know why or how you're bonded. Understanding it means we will know what to do when things go wrong or find better ways around it, but that is pretty much it. There is a chance this will fix itself at some point, your magic has a lot of other interferences and they might be acting as a block. But also you were hit by a killing curse, whatever caused this bond might have happened before that, there is no way to know if that is what destroyed your side of the connection"

"So there is a lot of theories and without knowing which one is it, there is no way to fix it" said Draco

"Pretty much" said Pomfrey “But if we can find out what this bond was supposed to do, we might be able to fix it even if we don’t know how it was made and how it got broken”

“I don’t think that will happen anytime soon” said Draco

“Have you asked your parents?”

“They don’t know about the bond”

“But they are the most likely people to know how it could have happened. From the notes I got from Healer Parsinton your mother had a difficult pregnancy, it might just be a coincidence, but the only person who will know is your mother, I don’t have access to her files since I don’t threat her, so I don’t know what caused the issue, but it was certainly something she was worried would affect you, Parsinton did a complete check up on you when you were born”

Since Sirius, Draco had been curious why no one had ever mentioned to him that his mother had any kind of health problems, but he had noticed recently how his mother blamed herself for Draco’s illness and that apparently his parents thought whatever this was, it was a consequence of that, even if his healer said otherwise.

“I don’t want to worry my mother and I don’t want her to keep that knowledge when she is alone at home”

“Well… at the moment you are our only source of information since Mr. Potter has no relative or medical documents to help us”

“I don’t?” asked Potter

“You were born at home, if your parents made any records, it stayed on your house” the woman said kindly

“Oh… I didn’t know that”

“I asked Mungus for your files in your first year, they didn’t have it and then Dumbledore confirmed it. But you are not likely to have any health problems except for your myopia, which might take a while to stabilise so you can fix it, if I’m not mistaken, your father was still having issues with it and he was 21” 

“You know my parents medical history?” Potter asked looking very interested, it was quite sad that something like this would be so significant because he knew so little about his family.

“…Sirius must have been the first person that told the boy something substantial about his parents, even if it was a very biased version of them”

Draco had thought he understood how much Sirius meant for Potter, but this actually showed him how little he understood, he knew his grandparents history, he knew Malfoys from generations before, but Potter barely knew about his own parents.

“Not fully” said Pomfrey “your mother  was rarely here, her biggest issue was really bad cramps, but I recommended her to go to St. Mungus instead of a muggle doctor and I believe it solved her problem. I saw your father much more, a lot of spell damage, usually messing around with transfiguration, and quidditch accidents. But I saw him for a while after Hogwarts, he needed his medical exams for the aurors and he was never sent to Mungus after Mr. Lupin accidentally hurt him, usually you are supposed to report werewolf attacks and since we never did, explaining that to any healer would get a lot of people in trouble”

“My dad got hurt? When did that happen?” Potter asked and Draco too was curious about it.

“I don’t want to break anyone’s privacy, but I had assumed you had heard there was a little something between Mr. Lupin, Mr. Black, you father and Professor Snape” The woman said carefully

“Yeah, I know, Professor Dumbledore said my dad saved Snape, he never said he got hurt doing it”

“Well… he did, the claws sunk on his left shoulder, he lost a lot of blood and because it was a werewolf, the wound got heavily infected really fast, it’s what usually give then time to reach their prey and bite”

“How come people didn’t find out?” Draco asked.

“They did, no one knew what kind of magical creature had attacked him, but the story that James Potter had saved Severus Snape from a deadly creature ran in the school like fire”

“Snape must have been furious they were bragging about it” Said Draco amused

“Oh he was furious, but they didn’t brag, they were very quiet about it actually, Mr. Lestrange was the one that caused the story to go around”

“Lestrange?” asked Potter

“You’re talking about Rabastan?” said Draco almost together

“Yes, Rabastan Lestrange, was the one who told the teachers what was happening, he brought Potter here from the headmaster’s office and then, for the shock effect I’m sure, he went back to the common room still covered in blood and made sure everyone knew what had happened. Lestrange was not a very popular boy, he was magically strong, but one of the worst students Hogwarts has had on the past few years,so the story obviously made him very interesting for a few days, but you two know how gossip on this castle go, at some point people were even saying Potter had proposed to Lestrange and slowly the story got lost in a sea of nonsense, it was around then that people started to consider the Shrieking Shack was haunted"

Draco was very surprised and curious about what had really happened, Lestrange was apparently always full of surprises.

“How did Lestrange even know what was happening?” asked Potter and it was indeed a good question.

“Your father met him when he was running to get to the tree, I think Potter thought he wasn’t going to make it in time and told Lestrange to get a teacher. I believe they were friends for a while, but eventually your father and Black got back together and Lestrange had always been tight with Regulus Black and the two brothers did not get along. Unfortunately I don’t have much details to tell you, I don’t follow the students doings as much as the teachers and although Potter was a very smart and popular boy, at the time, he was just another student”

“Do you think my parents would know anything about the bond?” Potter asked in a small voice.

“I think, and that will be very unfortunate for you, that they might be the only people that ever knew about it”

Draco thought many times about how the bond had come to be, but had never occurred to him to think who might have cast it, he usually thought it was some inheritance, at some point he even thought it had something to do with Sirius, but both him and Potter had been babies at the time this was likely cast and at least one of his parents had to know about it. Considering how messy all of this had been so far, it would be the icing in the cake if the only people with answers were already dead.

Chapter Text

Everyday life felt good as it hadn’t in a long time, Draco had a lot of work from school, but he was allowed to do a lot of his extra charms in class as long as he always handed in his assignments. He had to change his healing practice for once a week to have time to work on his side project, but he also had little moments with Potter in classrooms and cupboards, so he was still winning, specially because the days were also good for Potter and their connection wasn't making Draco miserable. Also, the boy had been very agreeable in helping him with his assignments when Draco got too caught up with his project, which meant, he would let Draco copy his stuff so he wouldn’t get in trouble and no questions were asked, something that Pansy would never do.

His relationship being a secret however meant they couldn't share some of the couple's stuff other people did, like go together to Hogsmead and Draco’s options this year weren’t very good. Theo and Daphne were married in every way but in paper, so hanging out with them alone was a big no. He usually had Pansy, but she was going with Blaise to Madam Puddifoot and not even her delicious cakes would make Draco hang out there without a pair. The two however agreed to hang out with him for a bit and go to the shops to get more ink and chocolate before they parted.

Draco was walking aimlessly when he heard Potter scream and he moved faster, he saw the boy was mad at something, maybe to do with the ugly man running away, and his cousin and Granger were trying to calm him. He couldn't go to them, but once they were inside the pub and people were no longer paying attention he went to his cousin.

"So you're now a security guard in Hogsmeade?"

She was surprised to see him, but didn't refuse the attempt at a talk.

"I'm an auror and security around school has been reinforced"

That seemed to be pretty much all they had to talk about because they were silent for a bit and Draco was already thinking about just going away, he wasn’t sure why he talked to her, he could just ask Harry what had happened.

"So what is your deal? You and Harry seemed friendly last I saw you" she asked

"We make out in empty classrooms every now and then" he simply said, looking at her reaction, he had been vaguely curious about Andromeda’s side of the family since they met on the summer and he had noticed the girl had not denied the story they told Snape about fighting in the train. Also he was curious to know how far Potter had spread information around. The girl did a funny face before laughing.

"That is good… Harry deserves to have fun too, I know he almost never gets time for that" she said fondly, apparently Potter and her were more friends than acquaintances, but she didn’t know anything.

"Comes with the job I suppose, being a hero is not for the faint of heart"

"A lot of people would say dating heroes is just as tough" her voice was teasing, but she was looking at him, looking for a reaction just like he had done, apparently the girl was nice, but sharp, much like her own mother.

"Well yeah" he smirked "cupboards are not very comfy you know"

She snorted, but she smiled too and he supposed she approved of him.

"I have to go" she said "I'm not supposed to get distracted, but it was nice seeing you"

"Yeah..." he said softly "you too" and he was surprised that he meant it.

Without anyone else to hang with, he decided to get at least a drink of butterbeer before he went back to the castle. The place was not too full and it was easy to find Potter and his friends, all three in desperate need of lessons in discretion, because anyone that looked at them whispering with their heads together, knew they were talking about something serious. Draco cast a disillusionment charm, something he was getting quite good at, and tried to find the nearest place to their table so he could listen in, their voices were low, but he did find a place he could somewhat hear what they were saying.

“What do you want me to say?” Said Weasley annoyed.

“The truth would be nice” Said Potter sounding mad, apparently he and Weasley were fighting. Again.

“Ok, I think you’re a bloody idiot Harry!”

“Thank you!” said Potter ironically

“Come on, Ron, you said you would let it go if you were wrong” said Granger

“I didn’t thought Harry would do it!” he said loudly

“Quiet!” said Granger “you… say… Umbridge, remember?” the girl whispered and Draco cursed he could not hear it.

“Sorry” said Weasley

“I told you I was going to” Said Potter

“That was before he fucking admitted to being a Death Eater!”

“Ron!” said Granger mad and Draco immediately knew that somehow that conversation had to do with him, making him even more curious “Dumbledore said… to take… also he said he didn’t want… “

“Exactly!” Said Potter

“But he did it anyway and you said he’s still gonna do it!”

“It’s only been two weeks!” Said Potter

“Yeah two weeks you’re deluding yourself just because you want to get into his pants!”

Draco was surprised, Potter had been very interested, but also very shy when things got a bit more heated, still, he couldn’t say he wasn’t pleased to hear it, in fact he wouldn’t mind at all if Potter actually attempted to get into his pants.

“Ron!” said Granger

“Why are you mad at me? You agreed with me!” Weasley said to Granger.

“I don’t agree with you, I just disagree with Harry”

“What is the difference?”

“I don’t think Mal… I think Harry will hurt himself, because … change and do what he wants”

“We don’t know that!” said Potter frustrated

“We do actually… last time. He told you exactly what he is going to do… as he is, or he will walk away from you like he did last year.” 

"That is what I'm saying, he is using him!” insisted Weasley.

"And that is not what I'm saying, but it's easier to talk to a rock than with you two"

"Fine, so I won't say anything, let Malfoy screw up with Harry then"

“Be quiet!” said Potter.

“Doesn’t look like he will mind” Granger said teasing, a humor Draco didn’t expect her to have.

“Shut up… Come on lets just go back” said Potter sounding embarrassed and Draco was finally able to move and look at the boy, who was also blushing.

Draco was curious over the conversation he was able to overhear, but not particularly surprised, he knew Potter was ignoring things just like him, but apparently the boy was also expecting him to have some kind of change of heart. The one thing he wasn’t seeing however was that Draco already had a change of heart.

He was a pureblood, he was raised to act a certain way, to interact with proper members of society… in another life he would probably have willingly gone to the Dark Lord (even if he might have regretted later). But he changed, he made friends with blood traitors and was lusting over a half-blood, he actually wants the Dark Lord demise and that alone was enough to make him a traitor among Death Eaters. If that wasn’t a change of heart, he didn’t know what it was.

It seemed a lot more like Granger was right and Potter expected him to give up on his project and be something he wasn’t. Potter was a fighter, Draco always knew that, but the more he learned about what his mother and Rabastan had done, had kept secret, the more he saw then as fighters too, because resisting through the terror was their fight. It had led him to understand that not everyone has the option or the courage to leave everything and fight heads on, there were those that just couldn't, some wizards were very talented in different branches of magic, but would not last a second on the battlefield. 

Draco was not the fighter Potter was, but he would argue that he was a fighter alright. Not that his close minded fling could see it, but he had expected that already, so nothing had changed except that he now knew the boy at least wanted to explore with him, even if he never acted on it.

Potter had been driving him mad because he was the one that came asking for this arrangement, but whenever Draco did something more than kissing, Potter would get all awkward and step back, so he had been tempted to actually talk to the boy and ask what exactly were they doing. Initially he thought Potter wanted a casual (hopefully sexual) relationship, but recently Draco had the terrible suspicion that their thing was turning into dating . They were kissing, but they were talking and just spending time together and none of that had not been what Draco intended when he first accepted all of this.

But in the weeks that followed nothing really changed, Potter didn’t push the issue between them and they kept things somewhat casual, although they would sometimes talk about silly things like the girls trying to get ’the chosen one’ to like them. Draco thought about making things short, just keep it physical and then leave, but his time with Potter was his only real rest, his attempt to get the cabinet working were going nowhere and he almost wanted to give up on the entire thing, the issue was that if he gave up on this plan, he would need another.

He had spent a frustrating day in the room of hidden thing when he almost ran into Weasley and Potter as he got out of it.

"What are you two doing?" Draco asked

"Mrs. Noris" was all Potter said.

"What are you doing here?" asked Weasley accusingly.

“This is a public corridor, you know?“

"Whatever, let's go, Harry" said Weasley annoyed.

"I'm actually going to stay for a bit" said Potter a bit nervous and Draco got the impression the boy wanted to ask him about his project.

"So you can have a good snog too?" asked Weasley with a sneer.

"It's not that, Ron!" said Potter exasperated.

"No it's fine, enjoy your time!” and with that Weasley turned away and left.

"What was that about?" asked Draco very confused with Weasley’s sudden attitude.

"We just saw Ginny and Dean snogging and she and Ron got into a fight… she kind of thrown on his face the fact he hasn't kissed anyone yet"

"He could just go and kiss Granger then, I'm sure she will like it"

"Why do you say that?"

"She fancies him obviously, I think she was doing better with Krum really, but I suppose she can’t always do the smart thing"

Potter was thoughtful and it occurred to Draco that maybe the boy also didn't know about his friend's little crush even though it was so obvious even he had picked up on it.

"Ron likes her too, he just always says the wrong thing when he is with her" Potter eventually said.

"Typical Weasley then, she should be used to it by now," said Draco and Potter looked a bit annoyed, but didn't say anything about it.

"How is your thing going?" Potter asked quietly

"Bad, but I will figure it out"

“You’re using the room of requirements?” Said Potter pointing to the wall the door had been.

“Sometimes” Draco lied, he didn’t want the boy following him to this room and he knew Potter would do just that.

"Are you sure you want to do it alone?"

"Yes"

Potter took a deep defeated breath and accepted his answer, gave him a peck on the lips and left. It was the first time Draco noticed they were sharing little goodbye kisses, they were really turning domestic, so he needed to be careful now or he would start getting emotionally involved and do something stupid.

— 

On the weekend the Gryffindors had a Quidditch game and Draco was really tempted to not go at all, there was a chance Potter was going to get knockout and then Draco would pass out too. Unfortunately the game was against Slytherin, so it would seem odd if he didn't go.

"You seem like you don’t want to be here“ asked Blaise during the game "I thought you liked Quidditch"

"I do, I just got a lot on my mind"

"I thought you weren’t even coming, we barely see you, I heard Crabbe and Goyle were supposed to be helping you, but Crabbe was complaining that you ditched him” said Theo and Draco felt his insides go cold, he hadn't told anyone about his side project.

"They would attract more attention than anything, I'm used to getting around alone and what I'm working on requires delicate spell work" he said, but his voice was tight and he was trying really hard to not show how much of a panic he was but he did look Theo in the eyes to make sure the boy knew he had to shut up.

"What are you two talking about?" asked Blaise.

"Draco is working on a charms project that is supposed to be a big deal" said Theo as if he was indeed talking about charms.

The conversation didn't resume, Blaise didn’t seem much convinced, but he was sensible enough to realise when people didn’t want to talk about it. Once the game was finished Draco went to intercept Theo and Daphne before they returned to the common room, he was surprised when the girl left them alone to talk.

"I was under the impression discretion was of essence" he said looking at Theo seriously.

"I know, my mistake, Blaise is always hanging up with us, we have grown close recently since I spent more time with him then I do with you nowadays, so I didn't think"

"How do you even know about it? Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Why didn’t you?” the boy challenged him and that was when Draco knew his friend was very annoyed with him “Grandfather was complaining this summer when I came back“ and he looked at Draco eye to eye “he seems to think you got a great privilege, that it was unfair it was you, that I should be proving my worth too, so father's arrest would not look so bad"

"And what do you think?" he asked carefully, but curious, he hadn’t discussed with Theo what exactly had happened to him in the summer, but it had been implied many times.

"Better you than me" said the boy and it wasn't a nice answer, but it was an honest one "but do ask for help if you need it"

"Thanks" he said, but it wasn't really a relief, Theo didn't want this either, but just like Draco himself, he would bow down if that would save his life and Daphne's.

“It doesn’t need to be just for that… the help” said Theo “I’m worried about you… Pansy and Daph are worried about you”

“I can deal”

“I know you can, you just don’t have to do it all alone! You’ve pretty much saved my life that day when you fucking hid me under your bed, do you really think I’m leaving you to die just so I can get married?”

Draco was surprised by his friend’s outburst, Nott’s bad temper had always taught Theo to control his no matter what, so it was rare to see the boy like this. Also, this was not something he had expected, although he could recognise that it has been some time since he and Theo actually had a talk, he had never said anything close to this and he had no idea where that came from, but he felt awful that his friend had taken his distance as a lack of trust.

“I never thought that, Theo, I just don’t want to get any of you in trouble” Draco said calmly.

“Please tell me you’re not planning to go against him” said Theo alarmed and as usual, going straight to the right conclusion.

“You know I can’t… “

“But you want to” and it wasn’t a question.

“I won’t do it, but there are a lot of other complications going on and one of them might blow on me and if that happens I don’t want it to blow on you. Just let me do it my way for now” he said and Theo took a deep breath.

“Fine. But you should know that Potter doesn’t take his eyes off of you, I think he suspects something, so be careful” Said Theo, he was still annoyed and probably not really saying all that he wanted to say.

Draco wanted to laugh, but instead he hid a smile on a smirk and nodded.

“I know, don’t worry about that” 

“Ever since the Dark Lord’s return the only thing I do is worry” said Theo “I’m going back to the dungeons, you coming?”

“Later”

Draco didn’t really want to go back to his common room and possibly have another confrontation with someone, So he decided to go to the infirmary and work on sigils to calm his mind, he was trying to make enough to create a healing area, it was a simple thing, but he wanted to see if he could do add more complicated enchantments to it, ultimately he wanted to create something that would heal some of the effects of long term exposure to dementors, so he could set it up on the manor when his father returned.

He found a corner to sit and got lost on his work, most of it was manual carving and a few spells put in every now and then. He was there for a while when Boot walked in with a few books on his hands, he seemed surprised to see him there, surrounded by wood and different carving tools.

“Are you making sigils? What are they for?” Boot asked, impressed.

"That is none of your business" he said trying to not sound too aggressive, but the boy got immediately defensive anyway.

"Is Madam Pomfrey here?" the boy asked politely.

"In her office, just knock on the door"

The boy did just that and Draco was able to hear as he gave back the books he had and got new ones and instructions of what to do next. Pomfrey came out with the boy and looked at Draco.

"You skipped lunch" she said.

"I'm busy"

"Doing all this magic with no food will make you sick, I thought you were avoiding that?" and Draco just rolled his eyes at her, she wasn't his mother "Come on, no more sigils for you, go get yourself something in the kitchen" the woman insisted.

"Students are not supposed to know where the kitchens are or how to access it" he said, teasing.

"Go! This is not a suggestion"

Draco was annoyed, but he knew the woman had a point, so he cleaned his working area and took the wood and the tools back to her office and waved her goodbye. Boot stood there, confused, but didn't say anything and Draco supposed that as long as they didn't acknowledge each other, it would be fine.

However he didn't go to the kitchens, he knew Dobby was now a Hogwarts elf, so if he called, the creature would come, even for him, and Draco was hoping the elf would bring him something on the room of requirements. He was surprised when the door that manifested was not one he had entered before, for a moment he thought that maybe someone else was there, but that was not possible, he always requested that only he and Potter would be able to enter when he was not working, so he got in. The room was a cosy place and the red and gold gave Draco the impression it was trying to imitate the Gryffindor's common room and indeed, his own Gryffindor was there on the couch.

"You know you can just go to the real common room right?" he asked teasing, but also confused, he expected the Gryffindors to be having a party after the quidditch match.

"Yeah, but… I kind of want to be away from it right now"

"What happened?" he asked concerned, Potter seemed just a bit down, so nothing bad , but not good either.

"Hermione is mad because Ron decided to snog Lavender and then Ginny got mad because he was doing it on the common room" the boy said annoyed and Draco frowned

"Sounds like a lot of drama"

"It was"

"But Lavender Brown? Really?"

"Why? What is wrong with her?" Potter asked confused

"I don't know, but Pansy doesn't like her and I usually take her opinion on it. But it might just be the boobs, Pansy doesn't have much and Brown's is quite big… I know Pansy and Bulstrode had a fight about that once, so..."

"Right..." said Potter as if Draco had lost his mind or something, clearly he was not interested in gossip.

"Anyway, enough of girls. You are close to Dobby right? He would show up if you called him?"

"Yeah… I think so why?” Potter asked sounding a bit suspicious.

"Brilliant, Pomfrey was pestering me to eat so I was going to call him, but if you do it and ask for food he will probably like it better"

Potter was surprised, but wasn't opposed, so he called the elf, the little creature was surprised to see Draco there with Potter, but was happy to get the boys some food. Soon they had sanduiches, a pumpkin pie and two bottles of butterbeer.

“Pili made the pie for Harry Potter, she didn’t want Dobby to tell, but Dobby doesn’t think Harry Potter will be mad”

Draco was confused, he didn’t go to the kitchens although he knew how, so he didn’t know the elves by name, he had vaguely heard Crouch’s elf had ended up at Hogwarts, but he never got any interest in it. It was strange however for an elf to be so specifically worried about Potter’s reaction over some pie.

“Why would I?” asked Potter, apparently just as confused as Draco.

“Pili knows Pili is not supposed to be at Hogwarts, but Pili worries about Harry Potter, Pili always make pie for Gryffindor table even though the other elves get mad at her”

“Oh… ok…” said Potter and he looked at Draco silently asking for help

“Apparently you got a fan” was all Draco could say.

“You can say thanks for me Dobby” said Potter still frowning in confusion, but the elf only nodded enthusiastically as if he had heard the best news in the world and left.

“Now even the house elves are acting weird” said Potter.

“He said the elf is not supposed to be at Hogwarts, so it probably belongs to someone, possibly a fan, but it doesn’t seem like it will do you harm or Dobby wouldn’t be happy”

“Yeah…”

“It’s hard being so famous” said Draco teasing “also, I should ask you to give me food more often" he said impressed "he even got us butterbeer"

"Yeah… he likes me" the boy said embarrassed.

The elf obviously was a sensitive topic to go to and Potter had been uncomfortable with the news of being adored by elves, so Draco just dropped the conversation and decided to eat and Potter joined him. 

Eventually they were both full and comfortable and Potter just moved and got closer so he could lay his head on Draco's shoulder. Only then it occurred to Draco that this was the first time they were together on some cosy place with a couch, they had always met in classrooms and cupboards and even when they came to this room, it was usually just a copy of the classroom on the second floor. He was too full to want to do something fun, but they were there and they had nothing to do and no one would miss them for a while, also he couldn’t work on the cabinet after spending so much magic on the sigils, so he was absolutely free and he might as well enjoy it. 

Draco moved to lay on the couch and make Potter lay with him, it wasn't a big couch to allow them to be side by side, so Potter had to lay on him, but since it was exactly what he wanted, he just found the best way to be comfortable in that position. Potter was shy and initially he was uncomfortable.

"I'm too full for that" Potter eventually admitted

"Me too, doesn't mean we can't take advantage of a nice couch"

Potter looked at him, his green eyes looking deep inside him and Draco would have given anything to be able to read the boy's thoughts on that moment. Eventually the boy smiled softly at him and made himself comfortable too. And they laid there in silence, but it wasn't bad, it was actually really nice and peaceful, he could smell Potter's shampoo, feel the heat from their bodies being together and feel their breaths together. At some point they both fell asleep.

Waking up was just as good, he felt great and was in no rush to get fully awake. Potter's head was on his shoulder, his nose on Draco's neck, the boy probably moved closer, he had noticed Potter liked his cologne, it wasn't very strong, he hated strong smells, but it was distinct. Draco reached for the glasses that were crooked on Potter's face, he wasn't going to put it too far, but at least away so it wouldn't get squashed. Potter was sleeping too peacefully for Draco to wake him, so he just stayed there, many thoughts running through his head, but nothing really stayed. He didn't want to think about anything related to the Dark Lord with his biggest enemy laying down on him, neither he wanted to think about his school work and how much his grades were suffering this year, so the only thing to think about was the boy he was with.

He had tried before to find exactly when he had become so interested in the golden boy, but there was never one specific thing, there was his childhood expectations to be friends with the famous boy, there was his growing attraction as he figured his sexuality and then, there was the opportunity he jumped on when it arrived. He wasn’t madly in love with Potter, but sometimes he felt like he was acting as if he was. He had been so mad at the boy last year, but he still wanted him, he still gave him another chance, one that he suspected Potter would blow, and the conversation he overheard was almost proof, it was like a warning bell telling him not to get attached again.

Potter lived in a perfect world, surrounded by people who fought for justice and had good morals to uphold, something that Draco could never offer him, with the Dark Lord around or not. He had no idea why Potter couldn’t see this and just give up on him, but then, Draco too had been ignoring things, in fact, part of his decisions to reach this point, this intimacy, had been impulsive, but he didn’t regret them and hoped he never would. This wasn't just curiosity, nor was it just desire, it was growing and Draco supposed he was setting himself up, but with death following him at every corner, he might as well enjoy things for as long as he could.

Potter stirred and was slowly waking up, he seemed confused for a moment before things caught up with him.

"What time is it?" asked Potter still sleepy.

"No idea" he said and moved a bit to get his wand and cast a tempus, it was almost six.

"That was a big nap" said Potter and Draco snorted, four hours was not a nap, it was almost his entire sleep cycle, he was totally going to stay up late "I feel great, you're an amazing pillow, wish I could sleep like this all the time"

Draco looked at him, not believing Potter was being that bold, but then obviously he wasn't and his words eventually caught up with him and he immediately tried to fix it, but since Draco couldn't be bothered, he just moved and kissed the boy. It was slow and lazy in the beginning, but eventually it grew more feverish and passionate, but this time Potter didn't stop when it became more sexual, he looked at him for a moment and pressed their hips together, making the warm spread through Draco's body and Potter's moan was the most scandalous sound he ever heard, but he liked it anyway.

And they kissed and they thrusted and all thoughts went away, there was only sensations and hands trying to find skin under their shirts. Draco felt himself coming and let it all go, the nice feeling of an orgasm spreading through him, but he was surprised a moment later when something else hit him, something he had never felt. It took his breath away and made tears come to his eyes, a sensation both warm and cold that took over his entire body, like a current that passed through him and touched him from inside out. It was the best thing he ever felt.

Potter was smiling and laughing a bit, much like the first time they kissed, but his face fell as he noticed Draco didn't seem to share his excitement.

"Draco?"

But a somewhat surprised noise was all he could do, his mind still completely out and blank and his breathing still missing.

"Did I do something wrong?" Asked Potter and he was slowly rising from their tangled position.

"I think... I just felt you" he finally said when he was able to breathe and his brain was slowly making the connection between what he just felt and what they were doing "like... inside me”

Potter was confused and Draco would give it to him that his reaction was probably not what it should be for two boys that finally took a step forward on their relationship.

"Did I hurt you?" asked Potter worried, all the good feeling gone from his face and Draco felt a bit guilty about it, he was feeling great and at the same time he had just ruined their moment.

"No… it was great… just… never felt it before, took me by surprise" he was able to say, his voice finally back to normal.

"I'm assuming you're not talking about… what we just did" and Potter was lost and insecure and Draco felt frustrated that he couldn’t articulate what he wanted to say.

"I am! When you came… Do you usually have trouble with accidental magic?" and that was absolutely not what he wanted to say, but his brain was full of thoughts and connections were forming.

"What?" asked the boy confused, his face clearly thinking Draco had completely lost it, which in a way, it was true “I… it happened before... when I was angry usually"

"Obviously you still don't have control of your magic… Not that I'm complaining"

"It kind of feels like you are"

"You let your magic spread when you came, so I felt it"

"Oh… sorry?"

"It was great actually… it was like… If magic can orgasm, than I think that's what I felt"

And this time Draco was the one who laughed, because he was still feeling as if he was high on potions.

"So it was good? You're not upset?" asked Potter, still unsure, but clearly feeling more reassured.

And Draco grabbed him and kissed him, because talking was too hard and he wanted to enjoy the feeling a little longer, maybe fix the mood a bit so Potter's experience wasn't completely ruined and their relationship took a step back.

"We should have done this ages ago" he eventually muttered.

He was able to convince Potter that all was good and the boy seemed to believe him, although he was still unsure if he should be proud of literally giving Draco a mindblowing orgasm or if he should be worried about his magic running wild from him.

"That is actually normal, but most people learn control by the time they are sixteen" he said and Potter recognised the implicit criticism for his inexperience "Also any other person wouldn't have felt anything, it would just affect the environment, it's how people usually get caught when they're doing it in public places, if the magic runs it breaks wards and silence charms"

Draco knew he hadn't been really good at reassuring the boy it was fine, but some things Potter was going to have to deal himself, like getting comfortable in his own body. So he felt no shame in returning to his common room feeling as happy as he was bound to and clearly his friends could see the difference, but he made up something and he didn't care if they believed it or thought he had taken potions, because his good sense hadn't yet returned.

He was surprised however when the feeling didn't end if a few hours or even in the next day, he didn't feel high, but he felt different and indeed when monday came, he was able to cast spells way better than before, it was noticeable enough that his friends started to give him strange looks and Snape even looked suspicious in one of his classes. It didn't take Potter much time to realize what happened and he just started to think it was hilarious enough to openly laugh during Mcgonagall's class after Draco was able to get the spell right on his first try, something that even Granger needed at least three. That attitude had left the professor quite speechless.

"Why don't you go out a bit and get some air and water on your face Potter?" Said Mcgonagall and Potter nodded and left, his two friends looking as lost as the professor, although she looked a bit pleased, she obviously had a soft spot for the golden boy.

His sudden magic prowess eventually faded, but Potter's confidence didn't and he felt way less embarrassed to seek Draco for a snog break, although it did take a few weeks for him to accept another go of their little experiment and maybe it was Potter's nervousness, but Draco didn't feel anything more than he should.

"It's quite unfair for you to set the bar so high in the first time" he joked, but really, it would be complicated if something so big happened all the time because others would notice.

Draco, very embarrassed, asked Pomfrey if he should be worried about it, but after actually laughing at his face, she said that even if it happened again, it would not be as intense.

“Your magic is starved for his and it suddenly got a nice dose in a moment it was resetting, if we fix you connection that won't happen again, so I suppose you should enjoy the high while you have it”

“Resetting?” he asked ignoring the rest of what she said to keep a bit of his dignity, Pomfrey only smiled and summoned two books.

“Sexual activities of any kind mildly change your magic because it is always expecting conception, obviously it is stronger in women because they will have to adapt more, in fact this will happen when giving birth as well” she said and gave him the books “these books will have more information, they are mostly about pregnancy, but it gives a good overview”

“Thanks”

“You don’t have to worry about this, just tell Potter to be careful, he is the one getting his magic drained and he might feel really tired depending on what you’re doing and how much magic he lets run”

“Right…” said Draco feeling his face heated again “also why are you not telling me not to …”

“Half of the people in this castle are going through puberty while locked up here without their parents, I can tell them not to do it and then they will do it anyway and hide possible complications or I can be rational and admite they are having sex and help them when they need it so I won’t have to treat someone because they took ilegal potions from questionable sources instead”

It made a lot of sense, but Draco was surprised anyway, a lot of purebloods frowned at couples that slept with someone before marriage.

“I don’t think the teachers would agree with you”

“A few don’t, Pomona will be scandalised, but Minerva and Filius will sent people my way if needed”

Draco wasn’t surprised with Flitwick, but he was with Mcgonnagal, even if he didn’t know much about the woman, she always seemed to be one to ‘follow the rules’.

“But not Snape” he eventually said

“Severus prefers not to get involved and blame the teens for it as if all of you have enough maturity to make good choices all the time” she said and it was the first time Draco actually saw the woman annoyed while mentioning Snape.

“You don’t like him”

“I have appointed at least four potioners for the position since he got here, Albus never accepted anyone else in the position which means we had fourteen years of subpar potion education only because the headmaster wanted. So whatever is making Albus keep him is not with the students in mind and I hope it is worth it”

“I simply ‘yes I don’t like him’ would have sufficed” said Draco teasing.

“Severus is the most talented potioner I have ever known, he could have a brilliant career and I would be glad to see that, but he is no teacher and I’m tired of watching kids drop such an important subject because of the man teaching it”

“He is in defence this year, considering how cursed the position is, I think he will be gone soon” said Draco.

“So it seems” said the woman “under what conditions is what we should worry”

— 

Chapter Text

The problem with making his secret relationship work was that it took Draco away from his side project and the closer to Christmas it got, the more panic he felt, he would most likely have to tell the Dark Lord something and not having anything done was just not a viable option, he needed something, even if it was just for show so Snape would report that he was doing it. The man had been pestering him with questions and trying to find out what he was up to, Draco didn't think for a second he was really trying to help him.

He was also curious about what side the man was on and how much Dumbledore had shared with him in the belief that Snape was his man. He tried to see if the man would treat him differently, if he would somehow reveal whether or not he knew about the bond. But Snape was a very hard man to read and Draco knew very little about him, in fact the only thing he knew was his parents tragic past, which probably didn’t make Snape someone who would defend a muggle. Draco even tried to talk to Slughorn, the man had been Snape’s teacher and might know something, but the new professor had a very good talent in avoiding the people he didn’t want to talk to, most of them, the sons of Death Eaters.

Draco was frustrated with pretty much everything in his life at the moment and he was sure that without Potter, he would have done something stupid by now. 

Their sexual activities were great even if it wasn’t evolving in the pace Draco wanted to, Potter might be a strong and determined boy to the world, but he was shy and insecure when they were together and their dynamic as not-boyfriends was expanding, they still challenged each-other and had arguments over their different opinions, but everything was very different then it had been on the past.

The biggest thing was that they were talking. Initially, Draco didn’t want to talk, he wanted to keep things casual and avoid getting to know the boy, avoid liking him, mostly, he was trying to avoid the emotional pain the boy could give him (since he knew, there was no avoiding the physical ones). But laying together, tangled up on the couch and talking about everything and anything, was actually quite good.

“What did you do as a kid?”� Draco asked

“What do you mean?” Said Potter confused and slightly sleepy.

“I had a lot of marks and pains as a kid, if it all came from you, makes me wonder what got you so messed up as a kid”�

“Oh…”� said the boy, turning his eyes away from Draco “the Dursleys were never easy and school was just as bad”

“They're muggles, right? What are they like?”

“The Dursleys are… very normal” the boy said quietly.

“Doesn’t sound like that is good”�

“Well, for them I’m not normal”

“Huummm”

Draco didn’t push the subject further, whatever relationship Potter had with his family, didn’t seem like a good one and he didn’t want to start a fight when they were both so comfortable.

“What did you do as a kid” Potter asked

“Fly, meet my friends, sometimes I went to the Black’s country house, sometimes I travelled. France is really nice, but food in Portugal was more interesting”

“The Black’s country house?” asked Potter and Draco had to roll his eyes, obviously the Black house was more interesting than France.

“My grandfather’s house, the Blacks had two main branches, so they have two main houses in England, but the house in London and the country house could be used by any Black”

“What happened to it?”

“It belongs to Bellatrix now, but mother takes care of it”

“Oh… I own the London house” said Potter a bit thoughtful.

“I know, Sirius left everything for you, Bella was bitching about it”

“I didn’t really want it, but I don’t want Bellatrix to have it either” the boy said a bit annoyed.

“You can sell it later, mother or Andromeda might buy it from you if you want to sell it. Juliet might want it too, I don’t think Rigel care”

“Who?” Potter asked confused.

“Lucretia’s children, you probably see them more than me” Draco said dismissively. 

“I don’t even know who they are” Potter said with humor and Draco was actually surprised.

“They are Molly Weasley’s cousins, I thought you would have seen them with the Weasleys”

“I never met them, I might have heard about them, but I wouldn’t know really… why would they want Grimmald Place?”

“Lucretia grew up there and she was close to Orion, she probably took her children there”

“Did you know her?”

“Just a little bit, my grandfather was closer to her than my mother. Rigel is a lost case, he will finish dragging the Prewett’s name to the ground, but we talk to Juliet every now and then, she is married to Billy Flint, Marcus’s uncle”

“Hummm…” 

Potter was quiet for a while and Draco thought he was trying to sleep, so he was just about to get comfortable as well when they boy talked again.

“Was my father related to anyone I know?”

“I don’t know your family line that well… but I know Doria Black was married to Charles Potter and they had a kid, but they all died in the sea years ago”

“What happened?”

“I don’t know, everyone just said they liked to travel a lot, but apparently the boat one day went down and they with it”

It was always interesting to Draco how little Potter knew about his own family and how much that affected his life, the boy was constantly seeking little details that would lead to his parents and to the family he never knew. Your name is your history, but no one had bothered to tell Harry Potter his own, even though many people knew it and would expect him to know it too. But Potter was surrounded by people that didn't know or didn't care about tradition, Draco wondered, however, if Potter did let others know how much he wanted the information, there was always a fragile and scared look on the boy when he asked those questions and perhaps he had not shared that side of himself with others.

It didn’t seem like Potter had many reliable adults in his life and his relationship with his friends was complicated because they had loving families to depend on.

“I would trade all the fame and fortune in the world for my family” Potter said on one occasion when mentioning Weasley’s jealousy.

“I know that prejudice against gays is bigger in the muggle world, but I was more scared about Ron’s reaction than Hermione’s and then he treated it as if I had told him I liked apples”

“You don’t like apples?” Draco asked frowning

“I do! But I mean… people won’t react when you say that”

“Weasley might be a disgrace, but he’s still a pureblood” said Draco shaking his head “also it didn’t seem like Fred was hiding he was gay, just who he was with”

Draco always expected that as soon as he and Potter started to talk more instead of just making out, that they would fight and get mad at each other, but what happened instead was that they were comfortable together. If they didn’t overthink it or talk about the war, it was almost like having a normal year with a normal relationship, sometimes it didn’t even feel like they had been at each-other’s throats for so long. They both loved Quidditch and now they could just talk about it and share their thoughts on teams and seekers, they both were good in different subjects and could help each-other study or trade their works to get help from their friends, in fact, Draco wished he could throw Pansy at Granger so they could do all the crazy arithmancy he just didn’t have the patience to do. 

In a strange and easy way, they worked. It was Draco’s other problem that was not working at all.

He was getting nowhere with the stupid cabinet, he had no idea what he was going to tell the Dark Lord when he returned home and he wanted to punch Snape’s big nose so the man would leave him alone, at some point, he stopped caring what side the man was on. He thought about writing home many times, he was desperate for some advice, but he could not risk getting his owl intercepted, his mother’s letters the entire semester had been very standard, it barely felt like he was communicating with her. 

He was so stressed that the only reason Draco was even eating anything these days was because Potter and Daphne had been giving him food.

“You also need to sleep, Draco” Said Daphne after she gave him the dinner’s leftovers.

“I still need to do my potion’s assignment, I can’t let Snape give me detention”

“I will do your work, you sleep” said the girl looking at him with a fierce expression that left no space for debate “I’m not leaving your bed until you are sleeping”

If Draco wasn’t so tired, he might have made a joke, but instead he just sat down and watched the girl setting up his school supplies where she sat, at the end of his bed.

“Your boyfriend will be looking for you” he said and she didn’t even look at him.

“I don’t see you changing into your pijamas”

“You want to watch me change?” he joked and she finally looked at him with a very marked “I’m not amused” face.

Shaking his head, Draco did change and laid down.

“Are you happy, mother?” he said, smirking at her.

“You are still awake, so no” she said.

As expected, in just a few minutes, Draco’s bed curtains opened again to reveal a confused and sleepy Theo.

“I thought you were done with your work?” he asked Daphne in a quiet voice, the boy was practically sleeping on his feet.

“I did, I’m doing Draco’s so he can sleep” The boy snorted and sat on Draco’s bed, but he was almost laying down on Daphne after just five minutes “go to sleep, love, I got it” she whispered, but Theo didn’t even move.

“We can leave Theo here and you can pretend it’s me sleeping” said Draco amused.

“No deal” she said and went back to the assignment.

At some point Draco did sleep and woke up tangled in bed with his two friends. More than sleeping a full night, feeling loved really did him wonders.

“Don’t tell Pansy, she will get jealous” He joked.

But despite all the emotional support, he eventually started to panic when December came. Deep down, Draco knew that at this point the best option was to ask his not-boyfriend for help, Granger and Weasley were still fighting and Granger would have no trouble disappearing with him to work on the cabinet or even make a better plan for him, because really, he completely sucked at having good plans. But in a way he didn't want to bring the Dark Lord into his relationship more than was necessary, not-dating Harry Potter was already hard enough some days, when he wanted to cross the hall and kiss him or when he wanted to tell all the girls that they had no chance, when they could not go together to Hogsmead or to a stupid Christmas party. All the little things he thought weren't going to bother him, but it did, initially because Potter really wanted those things and then eventually because he wanted to see the boy stupidly happy. There was something about Potter’s smile that just made him feel great, like he had done something incredible. 

It was a mix of desperation and the blindness that being slightly infatuated usually causes that he did something really stupid: he cast an imperius on Madam Rosmerta. It wasn’t really a plan, but it all came together after he heard Granger on the library talking about Filch not recognising potions, like the love potions the girls were trying to give his not-boyfriend. He bought a few ingredients, asked Theo to buy others and stole some from the greenhouse and, taking out another “lesson” from Granger, he used the haunted bathroom to brew a nice poison. They had one last Hogsmead visit to buy their christmas presents and before he knew it, he had taken control of the woman and made her poison a bottle of mead.

His guilt however didn’t let him leave Hogmead without realising her from the spell, apparently not-dating Harry Potter gave you extra moral standards. Draco obliviated Madame Rosmerta so she would not remember his attack or that she had poisoned the mead, but, in the false memories, he added a strong suggestion to give the mead to Professor Slughorn, who was looking for a nice christmas present for Dumbledore.

Draco didn't know if the headmaster would really drink it or just realise it was poisoned and tell Snape about it, but those two options would lead to information reaching Snape, and therefore the Dark Lord, and Draco showing he was working. One of this scenarios might make him a killer, but he was trying to not think about that one and in less than a day, he was already considering tipping Harry off so he would tell Dumbledore to test any mead he drinks, making sure his not-boyfriend never learned exactly the reason why the mead was poisoned.

Draco became so worked up about his murder attempt that he could not even pay enough attention to Potter’s drama over Slughorn’s christmas party, although he did tell the boy to try and tell something nice about him to Slughorn, he still wanted to be in the man's special list.

“Have you heard? Potter is taking Loony Lovegood to the party tonight!” Said Bulstrode as she came running to the Slytherin table in the Great Hall.

“What a horrible taste” Said Davis “To think half of Hogwarts wanted to go out with him”

“Do you think she is his mysterious girlfriend?” said Bulstrode and Draco finally took notice of the conversation around him.

“Mysterious girlfriend?” He said before he could think.

“That is what they say… I mean… he dumped Chang for someone and then he looks pretty… happy this year” Said Bulstrode, delighted to be the center of attention.

“I still think it's Granger” said Davis “Don’t you see how Weasley is always mad? He is obviously jealous”

“So is Granger” said Pansy “I think it’s the girl Weasley”

“She is dating” Draco said, it was not like he didn’t like a good gossip before Potter, so no one could accuse him of having a strange behavior over the topic..

“Yeah, half of Hogwarts” said Pansy.

“Then you can be best friends” said Bulstrode smirking “didn’t you sleep with the other half before you found a new influential boy to substitute our dear Draco?”

Pansy’s face flushed in a mix of anger and embarrassment and Draco wanted to say something to defend his friend, but he was not sure of the rules of interrupting girl's arguments and he didn’t want Pansy to get mad at him as well.

“It’s not her fault you’re so ugly that nobody wants you” said Astoria, Daphne’s little sister, and several people laughed at it, leaving Bulstrode quite angry.

“And who will want a cursed girl like…”

“Shut up, Bulstrode” came Theo’s cold voice, he had finally raised his head from his plate and his face showed a deadly anger “your dirty blood is showing”

Bulstrode still looked like she wanted to retaliate, but she wouldn’t, not against Theo, and Draco made sure to look straight at her as well, if she opened her mouth, she would pick a fight with both of them. She stood up to leave taking her plate with her, but Astoria dropped a cup of pumpkin juice on the girl’s food. With an angry noise, Bulstrode left the hall, Davis didn’t follow her friend and just pretended she was not even there.

The table was silent for a while until people started to go back to their small talks.

“This was… fun… but I need to get ready for the party” Said Pansy, who kissed Blaise more than was appropriate, and then left the hall with her head high.

“At least we now know everyone is losing it because of this party” Said Blaise trying to bring a bit of humor to the situation.

“Well, I’m not” said Draco also standing up, he had finished his food anyway “I got more important things to worry about”

Draco spent the rest of his day in the room of requirements trying out a few more things and looking around to see if by some miracle something in that room would actually help him. He was exhausted by the time he left, which was probably why he completely overlooked Filch, with the party going on, he didn’t think the bastard would be around at all.

If things could get any better, his not-boyfriend obviously knew nothing of being subtle and decided that the best moment to say something nice about Draco was when he had just been caught in the corridor with a bad lie and he had done an awful job of praising Slughorn with some bollocks about his grandfather.

"No need to sell yourself short" Potter said with a little smile "Draco is the best in charms, Flitwick gives him extra advanced lessons"

And obvious, because it was Potter doing it, it worked and Slughorn got immediately excited to talk with his fellow Slytherin. But Draco’s insides didn't get any warmer when he realised Potter had called him by his first name, something he's never done before and Snape was right at their side. 

He knew that it was his fault for telling Potter to say something, the boy was probably trying to make a better endorsement of him, but they weren't supposed to be friendly, it was supposed to be a random comment that would seem unimportant but that Slughorn would pick up. Now Draco was going to get murdered because he was bothered that some stupid teacher didn’t like him.

Snape was fast in dragging him from the party and starting his own interrogation, but as it turned out, in the middle of all the "tell me what you're doing" Snape actually told Draco good news and important information.

"They all refused to tell me what you're doing, but they said it was a good plan and that you needed to work here at Hogwarts for it. So that is exactly what you will do"

"What do you mean?" Draco asked confused.

"That you're not going home this year, you are going to stay and work if you're so determined to do it alone"

"My mother and our Lord…”

"Your mother thinks the idea is very prudent" sure she would, it meant he was nowhere near the Dark Lord and his crazy aunt "And I have convinced the Dark Lord that this is the best plan of action. You better not make me regret it, he expects to hear of results soon and since you are such a clever boy , I'm sure I will have only good things to tell him about you"

So Snape was really reporting his moves and had made his mother, who was very careful with words, some kind of promise with an unbreakable vow. He had to wonder again what Dumbledore had told the man, Draco had no doubt Snape was protecting him, keeping him away from the Dark Lord, but at the same time he was still proclaiming his allegiance to the Death Eaters. The way things were going, if Snape was just playing both sides to please himself and keep his options open, then his act would have to end at the end of the year. The man would have to betray someone and Draco was not looking forward to finding out who .

But at the moment Draco was staying at Hogwarts for christmas, maybe easter too if he understood correctly, so overall he had just received a good christmas present and he was not going to get in any more trouble that would ruin it.

He didn't walk very far before his not-boyfriend showed up, obviously having spied on him and heard all of his conversation with Snape.

"You were right about him" Said Potter

"Yes, but we can't talk here" and Draco looking around, anyone could walk on them in the middle of a corridor "go back to the party and say I was embarrassed which is why I left… but... say something nice too! And don't call me by my first name! Since when is that a thing anyway? Snape was right there!"

Draco’s mind was all over the place, part of him still not really believing he was going to be fine for a while longer.

"Sorry… it's just… it's silly to keep being formal with one another when I have my hand inside your pants" Potter said embarrassed and Draco was surprised, but he was sure he was blushing too.

"Yeah… well don't do it in front of them..." and Potter had his shy smile and Draco would have kissed him if they weren't so exposed "you should go back… before Lovegood ruins your reputation and then no one will hear you when you say good things about me"

And Potter laughed, that delighted laugh Draco was starting to think as his, so he went all stupid and gave the boy a peck before walking away as fast as he could, so he wasn't tempted to shove his hands down his boyfriend's pants.

Chapter Text

On the next day everyone went home, Draco’s friends didn't question why he was staying, in fact Theo looked quite jealous, but unfortunately, with everyone preparing to leave, Draco wasn't able to talk to Harry before he left, he had wanted to discuss a bit more about Snape’s behaviour, but they would have to talk about it when they were both back at school.

He went to the Room of Requirements to keep up appearances, but the room he entered was the “Gryffindor's common room”, that by now had a lot of green and sophisticated decoration in the mix, making the room quite hideous, but perfect in all that mattered. Since Draco was not going to be fearing for his life for a few days, he decided to work on Harry's Christmas present.

He didn't feel like buying anything, any present would be shallow for a first Christmas, so he thought about all the things he wanted to do or say but couldn't and decided the best present after all was a sentimental one, something that Harry would be able to carry with him, but also something that even if others didn't knew, marked him as Draco’s. A ring would be too forward and would send completely wrong messages, a necklace was good to strangle someone, so a big no and he didn't want to mess with the boy’s glasses because they were essential to him (although, if Draco knew his prescription, he would buy him a better pair). What he did decide on was an earpiece, something discreet that wouldn't get in the way, but that people would notice. Obviously Draco had to make such a thing, not buy it, so he used all his years of charms and transfiguration into learning how to make a golden cuff with protection runes engraved in red. It was his most delicate work so far and he was very proud of it.

Being on his own for a few days while he worked on his present made him put his guard down, so he was completely unprepared when a Hufflepuff came to him and gave him a note. Dumbledore wanted to talk to him and Draco was reminded of his stupid decision with the mead, obviously the man must have received it and had found out it was him and now he was in big trouble. He was vaguely aware Dumbledore knew something about what had happened to Draco during the summer, but he didn’t know how much the man knew, what Snape or Harry had told him, so his entire way to Headmaster’s office was a slow torture, he was so worked up by the time he reached the headmaster's office that he was afraid he was going to pass out at some point.

When he saw his cousin there, his cousin who was an auror, he knew he was positively screwed.

"Hey Draco!" she said cheerful something that he would have noticed as a good sign if he hadn't been in panic for the last few minutes.

"Am I gonna get arrested?"  was out of Draco’s mouth before he could even think to evaluate the situation better. His cousin surprised face finally made Draco realise that maybe this wasn't about the mead.

"Did you do something that could get you arrested?" she asked and Dumbledore looked interested, so maybe he didn't even know about the mead.

"Maybe, but this is something else?" he tried to get out of the subject very poorly while he cursed himself inside, but Dumbledore stopped his cousin from asking questions anyway.

"Actually I was hoping you would help me with a christmas present" Said Dumbledore and Draco was totally not expecting that, so maybe he was trying to build up a conversation about the mead after all.

"Ok..."

"Tonight is christmas eve and I find myself with no adequate present for Harry" and Dumbledore had a knowing look that was also full of mischief and Draco felt silly that only now he realised the old man knew about him and Harry "so I was wondering if you would like to go and join him for christmas"

Draco blinked and he kind of wanted to be offended and embarrassed at the same time because Dumbledore was basically telling him he intended to pretty much send him as a christmas present.

"And I'm allowed to do that?" he asked still not knowing how to react.

"Technically, no, but it certainly is not illegal, which I think is an improvement for your criminal record" and the bastard was making fun of him.

"Even if we could overlook the rules and so I can leave without permission, I'm sure you know that is not the problem" Draco said slowly, not understanding Dumbledore at all, but not really saying no to the proposition, he didn’t really want to be alone at christmas.

"Which is why no one will know you are gone and you will be back here tomorrow, ready to join us for dinner"

"It's already better than Cinderella" Said his cousin and he had no idea what she was talking about, but the headmaster apparently got the reference because he chuckled.

"Snape..."

" Professor Snape will not be informed of this" Dumbledore said, still calm and apparently knowing exactly what Draco’s fears were.

"Are you going to change your mind if I tell you I was trying to send you a bottle of poisoned mead?" and the man smiled as if Draco had said something adorable.

"Not if you tell me where the bottle is" he said calmly

"If you don't get it by tomorrow then it might still be with Madam Rosmerta, she was supposed to give it to Slughorn… but there is a chance I messed up the memory charm, I was in a hurry and you should never cast a delicate charm with a time limit"

"Thank you, I would appreciate if you didn't involve others in your murder plans next time” Dumbledore said looking straight at him with a mix of seriousness in his gentle demeanour.  

It was the first time they were kind of talking about Draco’s summer and it was not what Draco had expected. He actually felt embarrassed about this thing with the mead, it had been stupid to do it on the first place, so now he was getting scolded like a child and he kind of deserved it. But it didn't pass unnoticed the startle expression on his cousin's face or the fact that not only Dumbledore knew what Draco was supposed to be doing, but he was also acting as if it was no big deal and completely expected, like murder was just a little bit of mischieve. 

Whatever game Snape was playing with the man, was a very intricate one.

"I asked Harry for his invisibility cloak, I believe you are familiar with it?" Dumbledore said as he put said cloak on the table and Draco nodded a bit automatically, the Headmaster looking like a big (and colourful) puzzle "go get some of your things and them you can meet your cousin at the entrance gates"

He nodded once again and was fast to leave before any of them could ask him any more questions.

Part of him felt better to get the mead out of his back, it had been in his mind ever since he had done it and it was a constant worry since then. He had been so childish in the past, the adults had made this all seem glorious, he had thought so too, had laughed in the world cup while he was sheltered in the woods and now the reality of it was slowly eating him inside, it was ridiculous how much Draco was not cut out for any of this, how much grief he went through only because he cast an imperious. The mark on his arm almost seemed to mock him.

Despite his fears, knowing that Dumbledore was in the know, made him more confident in his own plan with the cabinet and the secrecy he was keeping about it. He was thankful the man had somehow managed to get Draco to stay in school until the end of the school year, but the Headmaster was also watching him and Draco couldn’t afford to have his only real plan fail, he might not be able to give the Dark Lord the death he desired, but he could give him an attack inside Hogwarts that no one had ever done before. It had to be enough.

Draco reached his dorm still a bit out of it and he wasn't sure what he was going to need since he was not told where he was going, but he didn't want to waste time and ,since none of his roommates were there, they would not notice his things being gone. With a spell all of his things packed themselves on his truck and a simple charm made it small enough so he could put it in his pocket. 

He waited a few seconds longer than necessary on the common room just so others would have a chance to see him there on that day, but as soon as he was far enough, he put on the cloak and went to his cousin. He gave her a little fright, but she was able to not look at the direction he had talked and actually leave without looking suspicious. But once they were out of Hogwarts, she could not keep herself quiet.

"Dumbledore said not to ask..."

"Then maybe you shouldn't"

"But what was the poisoned mead about? this is a long way from making out on cupboards" she continued as if he hadn’t said anything.

"It was stupid"

"That is not what I'm asking" 

"I panicked over something, so I did something stupid that I didn't even wanted to do in the first place. Dumbledore clearly knows what is going on… so does Harry in some level, so just let it be"

She wanted to protest, it was clear on her face, but eventually she just accepted his answer, Draco supposed that she was one of the people that trusted Dumbledore enough to let him be the judge of things.

"Where are we going anyway?" he asked, partially to cause a bit of a distraction.

"The Weasleys" and he rolled his eyes, why did he even ask "They are being nice to you, don't offend them on their own home"

"I wasn't planning to"

"I don't think your plans and your actions are quite in sync these days" and she was part serious and part teasing, so Draco thought she was trying to break the tense mood between them.

”Luckly, I have you to stop me"

"I'm only delivering you"

"Right… you're going to spend it with your family" He said remembering Andromeda and her husband.

"Yeah"

But her answer didn't have much conviction at all and Draco knew she was lying, maybe she didn't want to tell him or just didn’t want to impose herself on the Weasleys when they were already taking him.

"Hold my arm, we can apparate from here, I suppose you have done it before?"

He nodded and took her arm and soon they were not very far from a house that looked more like a strange piece of art, than a place people should be living in. His judgment was probably on his face because his cousin gave him a warning look and he made sure to clean his face and just accept he was about to live some kind of crazy adventure.

"Come on" said his cousin urging him to move fast but under her breath he was able to hear her muttered "So I can leave before he sees me"

"So there is a he" he thought amused.

So his cousin was running from a man and Draco suspected she had been chosen for this particular mission for this very reason. Apparently Dumbledore was in a matchmaking mood this christmas, which considering the war building around then, made Draco understand why the Dark Lord considered the man such a fool, for only him would put love as a high priority in a war.

His cousin had a whispered conversation with whoever opened the door and soon they were both being hushed inside the house. It wasn't so bad on the inside as it was on the outside, it was a bit messy and kind of full, but it was very alive and very… Weasley. As soon as everyone noticed them, all conversation stopped and every eye on the room was looking at them, making Draco wonder for just a moment if they were going to tell him to leave.

"Draco!" His boyfriend, obviously, was the first to react and stand, surprise and a bit of worry all over his face.

"So Dumbledore's fairy godmother powers don't end at midnight, but he needs to be back in the castle for dinner tomorrow" said his cousin smiling and acting as if nothing was wrong. At the corner of his eyes Draco noticed Mrs Weasley smiling, she didn't look surprised, so Dumbledore had had the good sense to tell the woman first at least.

"But… why?" asked Harry, not being mean, just confused.

"Cause it's christmas" said his cousin and that softened a lot of the atmosphere in the house.

It was also more than enough for Harry, because he just moved quickly to Draco and not bothering with anyone else, kissed him and that alone made this entire thing worth it, not even the twin's wolf whistles could ruin this, because the smile on Harry's face when they broke apart was enough to evaporate any embarrassment.

"Just so you know" said one of the twins "this is a family home, so you're not allowed to sleep together, only Ronnikins is allowed to sleep with Harry"

Weasley protested for a second but Draco just laughed at them.

"He is not allowed to share with you either, Fred" said Mr. Weasley, his voice severe, but with mischief in his eyes.

"We will put him with Remus in Bill's room" said Mrs Weasley, so apparently bedroom arrangements were a serious matter in the house.

"And I should be going" his cousin said suddenly and Draco took a moment to look at her nervous demeanour.

"Please, you should stay" begged Mrs. Weasley.

That was when Draco noticed where both women were pretending not to look while Mrs. Weasley begged the girl to stay: his old professor Remus Lupin was in the room and looking as nervous as his cousin.

"Lupin? Doesn't she know he is a werewolf?"

She was almost getting free from Mrs Weasley, but Draco was surrounded by Gryffindors, Celestina Warbeck was playing in the background and his boyfriend was still holding him, so all that certainly must have messed up with his head.

"You can't leave" he said and the girl immediately froze as did Mrs. Weasley "I never spent christmas without family before"

His cousin a hundred percent knew he was playing her, he could barely say it with a straight face, but it did take her by surprise which gave Mrs. Weasley plenty of time to argue.

"Your house is full" said his cousin in a desperate attempt.

"You're an auror, I'm sure you must have slept on all sorts of places with all sorts of people, professionally" Draco's smirk kind of ruined his initial lie, but he was enjoying himself too much "You can have my bed and I will get the couch, I will be back at Hogwarts tomorrow, one night without a bed won't kill me" It might actually, at least for his back, but good deeds apparently requires great sacrifice too.

It showed a lot about Mrs. Weasley's desperation that she agreed with Draco immediately and his cousin was completely out of arguments, so with a hateful look at Draco's direction, she agreed to stay. Most of the people in the room seemed confused, but three Weasleys had satisfied smiles, so all was well.

"You are terrible" said his cousin, approaching him.

"You are welcome to add that to my criminal records" he said and she snorted, but her hair turned pinkish for a minute, so she would forgive him eventually.

Harry looked at him questioning, but amused, he knew something was going on even if he didn't know what, so Draco whispered to him he would tell him later and let himself be guided to the middle of the room, he knew how much Harry wanted to show him off in the only place he could actually admit to their relationship.

"So I finally get to meet you properly" Said one of the Weasleys in the corner, who was apparently accompanied by Fleur Delacour of all people "not that I haven't heard plenty, but since opinions seems to vary between you being terrible and you hanging the moon and the stars, I have yet to make up my mind"

"He is kind of both" Said George

But Bill Weasley was smiling and at no point looked at him suspicious, so Draco probably had his approval already and was just receiving some kind of ‘big brother’ speech.

"How are you anyway?" asked Fred "You scared us that day at the shop"

"My summer was terrible, but I won't have to go home for now, so I'm doing great" said Draco. He didn’t want to get into details at the moment.

"But why are you here? ” asked the girl Weasley, she had been looking mad since he stepped foot inside the house.

"Dumbledore thought I looked like a nice good-looking christmas present" he said with a smirk, but his face soon turned a bit more serious "No one knows I'm here, in fact as far as anyone knows I'm still at Hogwarts and it need to remain like that"

The group understood his meaning and even the girl Weasley seemed to accept it, they might not like him, but they all liked Harry.

"So Dumbledore was feeling like giving love this year" said Lupin getting closer.

"He is a very scheming person" said Draco looking at Lupin with a meaningful look, the man knew as well why his cousin was sent with him.

"You're not very far behind are you?" said the professor with a feral smile that Draco had never thought would suit him so well.

"I take my mother's teaching very seriously, as a guest, it is good form to please my host" said Draco and the man snorted.

"Yes, how silly of me. Your mother taught you well, I think you might be Molly's favourite person tonight" And the man looked a bit conflicted, apparently whatever was going on between him and Draco’s cousin was complicated.

"Well it's no secret I like blonds" said Bill and he looked from Lupin to Delacour and then kissed her with a silly smile on his face.

"When did that happen?" Asked Draco confused, he didn’t remember Delacour interacting much with the Weasleys.

"It's what we all have been asking" said the idiot Weasley.

"I was actually curious to hear how did this happened," said Lupin, pointing at Draco and Harry.

"Me too!" said his cousin coming closer and trying really hard not to look at Lupin, they were ridiculous "I thought it was just a cupboard thing"

"Cupboard thing?" asked Lupin.

"We found a couch" Draco smirked, the twins giggled and Weasley snorted behind him, he never asked Harry about what he was telling his friends, apparently a bit too much.

"Did you two find out anything else since… that talk?" asked Lupin, uncomfortable to mention the talk that had ended quite badly.

"Madam Pomfrey ran some tests" said Harry

"Yeah, but it's just the assessment of what is already here" said Draco "the why is still a mystery, so we decided to just accept it and hope it doesn't kill us" 

"Is that likely?" Asked Lupin alarmed.

"For me yes" and the man was confused for a second until he must have remembered that Harry didn't have his side of the connection "but since there are a lot of other things that might kill me this year, this is the least of my problems"

"That is quite impressive considering what you said last term" said the girl Weasley looking at him intensively.

"And that is how bad my summer was"

The girl wanted to say something else, but her idiot brother told her to leave it. It was then that Draco realised the boy had not protested about his presence or said something bad. Also Granger was not there.

"Where is Granger?" he asked "are you two still fighting?"

"How do you know that?" the idiot asked, but Harry was the one who jumped to answer.

"We don't just make out like you and Lavander, we talk too"

Weasley blushed and got annoyed and Draco was pleased enough to turn and give his boyfriend a quick kiss, in front of people, just because he could.

"What was that for?" Harry asked smiling

"We have been talking a lot since the last one" he smirked and everyone around were laughing or making some amused noise, but Harry had that smile on his face, so Draco just kissed him again ignoring everyone.

"Who wants egg-nog?" came Mr. Weasley's interruption and they stopped to sit down and snuggle on the couch as conversation and the dinner preparations started to flow again.

Draco was willing to let conversation pass him by, but ended up joining when Lupin mentioned Greyback.

"I saw him once in the summer, but it was quick, mother got really mad, she didn't want to let him inside the house, but since she is no longer allowed to make decisions on our house, she told me to lock myself at my father's study until he left"

"He was in your house?" Lupin said both surprised and terrified.

"We sent aurors to check your place" said his cousin.

"The people you're looking for aren't always there" said Draco giving his cousin a meaningful look, he knew they had been keeping tabs on his mother ever since Bella had escaped Azkaban.

"Back on my day, a terrible summer was getting sunburned and not being allowed to see my friends" said Lupin, but he didn't insist on the topic, the couple was only now understanding a little bit more how messed things were for Draco.

Mr. Weasley came over with the egg-nog, it almost didn't have any alcohol, but it tasted pretty good, the warmth of it taking away the terrible topic from before, but still Draco decided to leave Harry talking with Lupin and moved to talk with Fred and George, the two had became very successful businessmen since he last had time to properly talk to them.

"You shouldn't be selling love potions" said Draco "all the girls in school are trying to give Harry some"

"They only last a day, but we can give you an antidote if you want" said George

"I'm glad you two worked out" Said Fred "Harry was really down on the summer, part of it was trying to find a way for you to talk to him again"

"I was mad at him for half the summer, so I thought he was too" Draco said looking at the boy from across the room.

"He was initially, but it was more because he was grieving Sirius than because of you. The Ministry thing was a trap and he fell for it, he was already feeling guilty about it before you threw it at his face, so being mad was a first reaction. In a way, you were right to say Harry wasn't thinking about you, but it wasn't because he didn't care, I think until your fight, he didn't exactly understand how much this affected and hurt you. One single decision caused a lot of harm, there was nothing he could do about Sirius, but he still could try to make things right with you" said Fred

“He said that, that he didn’t realise”

“None of us did, we saw you in the infirmary a few times, but we never really paid attention” said George “We eventually understood you were frustrated with being sick, but it took us a while to realise you had spent years thinking you were going to die”

“Harry knows the origin of his pain is You-Know-Who, so he expected you to react against him , but you got mad at Harry instead and, specially on that day, you had a very valid reason to” said Fred.

“I thought I wanted to die after that, but then I looked at the Dark Lord and I knew it wasn’t true. I admit I never thought I had to worry about being killed by the Dark Lord”

“A lot of times we didn’t understand the real threat that he was either, I’m sure that was even more distant for you since you are supposed to be part of the group he likes” said Fred.

“He likes no one. The ones that truly like him do it only because they are as sick as he is”

“Must have been a hard lesson to learn” said George.

“You can say that… I can’t leave him though”

“You can, you always can, but then you would be sacrificing other things, just like you will lose others if you stay” said Fred.

“You mean I’m gonna lose Harry if I stay”

“No, I don’t think Harry is one of those things” said Fred and Draco looked at him confused “Harry crushed on you hard last year…he was willing to try even when he started to suspect you were a Death Eater, and he is just so happy with you… I think he will stick with you if you let him”

“It makes no sense for him to like me” Draco said in a small voice.

“I don’t think liking anyone ever has any logic… but I think you two are not the most strange couple ever, even if you two didn’t start off as friends, you have known each other for years, Harry has probably talked more to you over the years than Ron ever talked to Lavender Brown and Ginny told us she is acting as if Ron will ask her to marry him at any moment” Said George 

“Sometimes I have the impression he wants me to turn my back on my entire life for him” Draco finally admitted, it had been something he had been thinking since he overheard the golden trio at the three broomsticks.

“He never said it to us, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he really wanted you to stand up and fight with him” said Fred “but just because he wants it, doesn’t mean he expects you to do it”

“I think maybe he does” 

“Give him some credit, Harry knows you are doing something for You-Know-Who and he still wants to date you, so he might not understand your actions, but he will accept them if he knows where your heart is”

Draco looked across the room where Harry was still talking to Lupin, he looked happier just because Draco had showed up. 

“I don't think my heart and my actions are quite in sync these days” he said without taking his eyes from Harry.

Chapter Text

Dinner was an entire new experience for Draco, the food was really good, but the Weasley's were loud and messy and Mrs. Weasley was determined to feed him more food than his stomach would ever allow. Still, Harry was happy, the twins were fun and he was able to tease his cousin, something that made the girl Weasley realise what he was trying to do so she even helped him a bit.

The sleep arrangements were indeed a serious business and the matriarch took pride in finding beds for everyone, which meant Draco ended up sharing with Harry anyway, because "Ron would be there and she trusted him more than George".

"Mum, you do realise it feels like you're implying we have an affair on the side" said Fred and the woman got immediately embarrassed with the remark.

"I like to have them one at a time, so you might have to sign up for the waiting list" Draco joked, making the twins laugh.

But Harry had jealousy all over his face, which just made Draco laugh harder. He didn't mind at all that Harry came over to kiss him in front of Fred, which everyone noticed and Fred just laughed even more before each of them went to their own rooms. 

Mrs. Weasley made a little cot, resized Draco's truck at his assigned room and, with a very meaningful warning for them to behave, she left the boys.

"Mum really wants to get rid of Fleur doesn't she?" said Weasley, turning to Harry, who nodded as he was checking some book.

"Fleur?" asked Draco confused with the statement.

"Yeah, mum hates her, she is hoping that if she keeps throwing Tonks at Bill, he will leave Fleur for her"

Draco had no doubt that Mrs. Weasley preferred Tonks, the dinner had given him the hit, but he also knew the woman was trying to get his cousin to be with Lupin in the other room, so he wasn't going to be the one to tell them Mrs. Weasley had a bit of a double standard on sleep arrangements if it pleased her. Bill certainly knew it was about Lupin, so his relationship was in no danger.

Draco opened his truck and sighed when he saw it was a mess, packing with a spell was never the best option for tidiness, but at least he was able to find his pajamas. He ignored the cot on the floor and sat on Harry's bed, to see his boyfriend lost in thought.

"What's wrong?"

"Do you… have you ever heard of a 'half blood prince'?" 

"Well yeah… if you're talking about the family and not some actual prince"

"The family?" Harry asked confused.

"Prince is an old pureblood family, but you won't find them in England anymore, Richard moved to Spain with the family after they got all the money. Snape is quite sore about it"

"Snape?" Harry asked both confused and alarmed.

"He is a Prince, last of the main branch, but his grandfather refused to leave him anything, from what I know he refused to ever acknowledge Snape was part of the family, so all the inheritance went to his nephew, Richard Prince"

"Harry… you don't think…?” said Weasley a bit worried making Draco frown.

"The book is older, I just checked" said Harry cutting him off.

"What are you two talking about?" Draco asked

"A book I found, but never mind, it wasn't what I thought it could be"

Draco wanted to push, but Harry looked a bit down, so he decided to leave it for another time and just laid on the bed with him. He didn’t know what a book had to do with the Princes, but knowing how much Harry was constantly seeking answers about his family, it could just be some kind of book about old pureblood families, Draco had no idea if the Potters were related to the Princes. It would be a bit hilarious if they were considering his boyfriend’s relationship with Snape.

"If you get caught I will tell mum you did after I was sleeping" said Weasley looking at the bed Draco and Harry were now sharing ”And if I hear or see anything I will kill you both"

"Don't worry Weasley, voyeurism is not my thing" it was kind of a lie, all things considered, but Draco knew the twins never told anyone how things began between them, so the other boy just accepted his answer and was soon sleeping.

Not that Draco and Harry did anything, it was just one lazy kiss before they both snuggle together to sleep as well. Draco only woke up in the morning with Weasley's protest over some embarrassing present Brown had sent him.

"Come on, would I?" said Harry after Weasley’s demand the twins never learned of it.

"I would" said Draco lazily as he opened his eyes.

"But you won't" said Harry giving him a meaningful look.

"You owe me a favour, Weasley" Draco said looking at the other boy with a smirk.

"No he doesn't" said Harry and Draco was manipulative enough to just kiss his boyfriend so he would forget all about it. He totally wanted to have some dirt on Weasley, even if it was a small thing.

Draco moved to look at his own presents, his mother had opted to be simple and send him sweets and a subscription to the Charms Journal , but he knew the letter with it was the real present and he would read it later when he was alone. Fred and George sent him a bag full of their products and he found he had received a greeting's card from Granger which really surprised him, just like the blue sweater with a D on.

"It's mum's, she makes them every year" said Weasley.

The thing was horrible, it was at least a size bigger and the wool wasn't of much quality even though the knitting was very well done.

"Just wear it for today, it’s tradition" said Harry, his eyes pleading, and Draco couldn’t say no, it was just a sweater.

The last present was from Harry and it was a vinyl with some strange illustration and the words "the wizard of oz".

“I… I asked Hermione, about the song, it's from a muggle movie, I know wizards have record players, so.." said Harry

Draco wasn't sure what to say, it was a very thoughtful present, but also something that changed everything, the ultimate proof his song was a muggle song. He took a deep breath, he supposed he should have expected it after seeing Regulus box. He shaked his head and stood to go to his truck and get Harry his own present, the only one that Draco didn’t send ahead, because he was going to give it in person. Harry opened the box with care, but got confused with its content

"It's an ear cuff" Draco said and slowly moved to put it on Harry to show him how to wear it "I made it, it won't get in your way and the runes are for protection… I didn't think writing my sweetheart was very appropriate for a secret relationship" the last part he was just teasing, but Harry smiled anyway and took it off to get another look before putting it back and kissing him. 

"It's beautiful" but the way he said it made Draco feel like he was calling him beautiful instead and that made a good shiver run inside him so they kissed again.

"Come on you two" said Weasley annoyed and they only separated to not aggravate him.

They went down and Lupin and his cousin were there already and nothing seemed much different than the day before, except for the girl's colorful hair. So Draco used the excuse that everyone was hugging to give her a hug and whisper in her ear.

"Did you shag?"

She let go of him and hit him.

"You're terrible, you're supposed to be nice on christmas" she said embarrassed.

"Was he nice on christmas?" Draco said quietly, but with a smirk.

She rolled her eyes in exasperation and walked away from him so she wouldn’t have to look as he laughed at her. Lupin gave him a knowing look, but he did seem more amused than mad, so Draco considered it all a win.

Breakfast was almost over when Percy and the Minister showed up.

"I can't be seen here" he said and stood up to flee, but then he came back and got his plate out of the table, throwing it in the sink so no one would notice the empty place, and then he finally run up the stairs to hide.

He stayed there for a while, trying to hear anything that would alert him of trouble, but it was Mrs. Weasley sobbing that made him stand and move down as close as he dared. He was there for only a minute when his cousin showed up to tell him he could get down. He had understood the situation as soon as he saw everyone and he stopped to think about it, Percy had allowed himself to be bait so the Minister could talk to Harry, who was looking annoyed by the door. The plan was actually a good one for the Minister, but it got Draco mad, not because they were trying to get a talk with his boyfriend, but because Percy Weasley had done the lowest thing, something his own father, no matter his flaws, would ever do, which was to deliberately hurt his family.

"He doesn't deserve it" Draco suddenly said and everyone looked at him confused "your tears, he doesn't deserve it, he knew he was going to hurt you, but he did it anyway for political gain"

That made the woman cry harder but she ran to him to give him a big hug, which he wasn't expecting and didn't quite know how to react.

"You're such a nice boy" she said smiling at him.

He felt embarrassed, he wasn't used to such displays, but after the hug the woman did try to put herself together, so Draco supposed she had accepted his words.

"Thank you" said Harry as soon as he got close and gave him a quick kiss.

"I sold my body to keep me and my mother alive and that idiot has all of this and is giving it away for a bit of political gain that will probably mean nothing when this war is over" Draco said bitter and still mad.

Harry looked at him with a thoughtful expression, but he didn’t say a thing and Draco didn't know what he was thinking.

"Did the Minister actually have something useful to say?" Draco asked

"No" was all the answer he got, clearly whatever happened between Harry and the Minister was not something the boy wanted to talk about.

Things slowly went back to a more cheerful mood, Mr. Weasley made the best hot chocolate in the world and people were discussing their presents pretending Percy Weasley had never been there.

"Thanks for the kit, Draco" said George, Draco had given them a small potion station, he had notice the products they sold clearly involved a lot of potion work. "It will help a lot, we were improvising a potion workshop, which actually is not safe at all"

"Yeah, now we can explode things safely" said Fred and Draco shaked his head at them, but he wasn’t surprised at all.

"Did you get your ear pierced?" Asked Bill to Harry

"You better not have!" said Mrs. Weasley

"I didn't! It comes off, Draco made it" Harry said defensive as if he was getting yelled by his own mother.

"You enchanted gold?" Lupin asked impressed

"Making the runes red was actually harder" Draco said

"That is a really impressive gift" Lupin said looking between Harry’s ear and Draco

"I am very impressive" he smirked.

"What did you give him, Harry?" asked Lupin

"A vinyl, it has a song in it that is… important" the boy said a bit insecure, not knowing how much to say.

"Can we hear it?" asked Tonks

Part of Draco didn't want to share it just like before, this was an important piece of him, but then it was a piece that apparently had lots of mysterious meanings and he really wanted to hear the song, the original one, hoping it would somehow tell him all he needed to know.

He got the disk from Weasley’s room and Mrs. Weasley set up the record player on the table and soon "somewhere over the rainbow" was playing. It was a bit different then what he imagined, but it was just as beautiful and he liked the girl’s version.

“I know this song, it’s a muggle song" Said Lupin and he moved to see the disk cover.

"It's a very famous one" Said Tonks and she turned to Draco "I'm surprised it was something you were after"

"I didn't know it was a muggle song when I first heard it"

"The wizard of Oz" said Lupin amazed and a bit amused, something about it had meaning for him.

"You've seen it?" Asked Tonks curious.

"No… but James did, he was mad about it" the man said foundly.

"My dad?" asked Harry surprised, hanging on every word.

"I don't know the full story, he wanted to impress Lily by getting some "muggle knowledge" and I don't really know how but he saw the movie and thought it was the most amazing thing ever. Sirius got so sick of hearing this song he painted your dad's hair like a rainbow and told him he would only reverse it if James promised to never sing it again near him"

The ciclic things in Draco's life where there once again laughing at him, his important song lead straight to Harry, because it held meaning for both their parents.

“Where did you hear this song?” Lupin asked Draco

“My mother said Regulus sang it once” Draco said not giving many details, it was his mother’s privacy too.

“He must have heard it from James, at some point I think everyone at Hogwarts was sick of hearing him sing it” the man said still amused, shaking his head with a found smile.

"Did he like other songs?" asked Harry, his voice small as it usually was when asking anything about his parents.

"Not really, your mother was the one who really loved music, she had a big collection of disks, she loved the Beatles and some other guy… something John"

"Elton John?" said Tonks

"Yes! That one and there was a new band that she got crazy about… I can't remember… but she always had music around the house, she learned the piano from a neighbour, so she sometimes created her own songs, she recorded them on these tapes... like a tape that plays music"

"Cassette tapes!” said Harry in amazement "what happened to it?"

"Should still be in the house, despite that most of the upper floor collapsed, the house is still standing, the living room should be fine, I know Dumbledore locked it, only you can get in, so I haven’t been there since…“

"Oh… he didn't tell me that" Harry said quietly

"I'm sure he was planning to" Lupin said with a fake smile, he didn’t want to create any issues between Harry and Dumbledore.

The conversation was interesting and clearly important for Harry, but Draco got completely distracted on the "tape that plays music", because it might be a long shot, but Regulus, who apparently learned a muggle song and decided to sing it for his mother on her wedding, had kept a thing that looked muggle and that had a strange tape on it.

"This tape thing" he said "what does it look like?"

Lupin was lost for a bit, but Harry knew the thing as well even if explaining wasn't really easy.

"It's a plastic thing with a tape inside and it plays when the tape goes from one side to another"

"Does it have two holes in the middle?" Draco asked trying to remember the thing

"Well yeah.. It's the mechanism for the tape. Why?" Harry asked confused

"I think… I think I have one of those"

"What?"

"My mother gave me a box with Regulus’ things, there were some muggle clothes in it and stuff he didn't want anyone to see so it was sent to my mother after he died… it's in my truck, I will go get it!"

And he ran up the stairs to get the box, his heart beating fast just like it did when he first opened the thing, a chance to get another piece of the puzzle was just there and he really wanted it to tell him something, to ease the acheness and longing he had inside him whenever something about Regulus came up.

Draco came back with the box and took the black thing out, he pressed the buttons until he found the one that opened the thing and took out what was inside.

"It is a cassette tape!" Said Harry surprised

"And that is a player" said Tonks pointing to the black thing.

"A player?" asked Draco looking at the black thing "How do I make it work then?"

"You press the buttons on top, but it must be out of batteries 'cause it's been in the this box for many years" she said

"Batteries? What is that?"

"Here just let me see it" and reluctantly Draco gave her the player.

She opened another compartment Draco hadn't noticed before and then she made a face and put the thing down, there was something gross inside it.

"Oh this batteries went bad a long time ago" she said

"So it's broken?" asked Draco frustrated, he had been so close.

"No, we need to clean inside, it's a bit rusty… but it should work with new batteries" Tonks said with a thoughtful expression, not completely sure of her own words.

"Is it hard to find?" Draco asked even though he had no idea how he would get something muggle like that.

"It's really easy to find them actually"

"Maybe Arthur has some" said Lupin and he turned to the man.

Mr. Weasley came closer to inspect the thing.

"I think I have a box of those, lot's of sizes even" he finally said

"It needs to be this exactly size" said Tonks

It was with the excitement of a new mystery that everyone moved to search for the batteries while Tonks tried to manually clean the inside of the thing. Mr. Weasley got his box of little things and put them all over the table so everyone could help to find the batteries with the right size and after trying many combinations with the ones they found, the player actually worked. Draco put the tape back inside it and pressed the arrow button that would "set the tape on the beginning", every second feeling like an eternity.

"It stopped" Said George

"But it's not playing anything" Said Weasley

"Press the triangle" said Tonks

The player started to move the tape and in a few seconds a girls voice came out of it

It's all set, are you ready?

And a boy answered with a simple yeah.

A piano started playing and the boy started to sing.

Raise my spirits up.

Hate will never conquer love.

And I will hold your hand.

Even when life breaks apart all of our plans.

I believe now ‘cause I’ve seen how when I’m down and out hope is still around.

So I’ll listen to your wisdom.

You’re my heart light in this dark night.

On the brink of love.

On the brink of love.

On the brink of love I’ll wait.

Keep my heart soft.

Make me strong when all is lost. 

As time fades,

give me peace over my grave.

I believe now ‘cause I’ve seen how when I’m down and out hope is still around.

So I’ll listen to your wisdom.

You’re my heart light in this dark night.

On the brink of love.

On the brink of love.

On the brink of love I’ll wait.

No one knew what to say, it was quite beautiful really but most of its meaning was lost for the Weasleys.

"Can you play the beginning again?" Said Lupin and he had a frown on his face.

"Why?" Asked Draco looking intensively at the man.

"The voice in the beginning..."

Lupin looked both confused and hopeful and as full of longing to figure it out as Draco had been, so he nodded and reached for the player, but the tape had not been stopped so after some silence, something else started, the girl was talking.

I suppose I should say sorry, but God…

I always knew you both were idiots, but you just broke all the records of biggest idiot in the world! He was going to leave everything for you and you knew that!

...

I understand your reasons, I really do… which is why that is not why I'm mad, I'm mad because you didn't even give him a choice, no matter how much of a stupid one it was going to be, you had no right… 

It hurts because you did everything yourself and then pretended it never happened… But it did happen! and I remember and I will always remember! Every second of it! But it feels like a burden because he looks at me and there is nothing there… and I don’t know what to say…

I really hope you don’t live to regret it, Regulus… But I’m only human and I’m done holding back… It’s why I’m giving you the original copy… you’re the one who needs a reminder… either you come back or I’m moving forward and I’m not going to apologise for it.

…

And although it all made little sense, that had been exactly what Draco had been looking for, even if it was an angry and hurt message, it was a little piece of Regulus’ story.

"That's Lily" said Lupin completely in shock

"My mum?" asked Harry surprised

"Are you sure?" Said Mrs. Weasley

"Bloody Hell" whispered Weasley as he looked at Harry

Draco had never seen Lily Potter, nor could he recognise her voice, but he was pretty sure the girl in the recording was the girl in the pictures, so he took the two of them out and put it on the table.

"Is that her?"

One look was all it took for Lupin, his eyes were as big as possible and he stuttered not being able to form words. Harry wasn't much better and his hands reached for the picture of Lily dancing with the man.

"Is this...?"

"Lily's parents, your grandparent” said Lupin and Harry couldn't keep his eyes away from the picture.

"Why don't they move?" asked Weasley looking over Harry's shoulder

"It's a muggle picture" Said Draco when he noticed Harry just couldn't.

"I never knew… Lily and Regulus never even talked with each other… Not that we knew of..." said Lupin still trying to understand.

"Maybe it was a secret affair?" asked Tonks but without much conviction.

"That is not what it sounded on the tape" said the girl Weasley

"They weren't" Said Draco "Regulus was in love with a man"

"Sounded more like she was helping them" said Bill "Maybe it was a friend of hers? She sounded mad they broke up"

"Oh my..." said Lupin, his face showing something that had suddenly made sense inside him "Lily's only detention… she cursed Regulus in the corridor, James said she even slapped him across the face in front of the teachers… we thought he had said something really hurtful, but then she never did that with anyone else..."

"But they were friends… before" Said Harry looking at the other picture where Regulus and Lily looked so happy together.

"I suppose… not that we ever noticed and I probably spent more time studying with Regulus than I ever did with Sirius“ Said Lupin

“You?” Draco asked surprised, his mind going to all sorts of places.

“For a while, yeah… it was James’ idea, he tried to make Sirius and Regulus talk, he was an only child, always wanted siblings… he couldn't understand why Sirius would turn away from his own brother, so he tried to talk to Regulus, helped him in the library a few times hoping Sirius would do it too, but eventually he gave up… Sirius would always say the only brother he needed was James…”

"I thought Sirius stopped talking to him right after he was sorted to Slytherin" Said Draco

“It wasn’t instantaneous… but their relationship took a big hit after Regulus was sorted to Slytherin… things deteriorated really fast after that…”

"But since he was in Slytherin..." Said Weasley "how did she become friends with him?” he asked pointing to the pictures.

"Lily had a friend in Slytherin when she first came to school" Said Lupin a bit hesitant.

"She did?" asked Harry completely surprised and Draco was actually just as surprised, she was a muggle-born and would not have connections with most of the families that were usually in the house of snakes.

"Yeah… they… knew each other as kids… it didn't end well, I think she tried more than she should have… but then… she liked him more than he ever liked her" and Lupin seemed a bit angry, whoever it was, he didn't want to say, but he did not like him "maybe that is how she connected with Regulus, I don't really know who he hanged out with, I only ever saw him with Lestrange and a girl… don’t remember who she was… or Narcisa when she was still there… we stopped talking over the years… I don’t think I was still talking to Regulus when this pictures were taken”

“Do you have any idea who he was dating?” Draco asked looking at any reaction the man would give, but the man looked as lost as Draco felt.

“I actually thought he and Lestrange would be a thing… but then I thought James and Alice would get together too”

“Alice?” Harry asked surprised and confused.

“Alice Longbottom, Neville’s mother, she was really good friends with Lily, but it was James she was closer to, Frank was always jealous, he didn’t really get on with James for years”

“Neville never mentioned that” Harry said sounding a bit hurt.

“I don’t think he knows, Alice’s parents died before… the only family he knows is Frank’s… and much like no one wanted to drop on you that a man in Azkaban was your godfather, I think they must have thought that telling Neville that a dead man was his would only be a burden”

“My dad was Neville’s godfather?” Harry asked surprised.

“Yes, he was”

Draco was surprisingly invested in the conversation, curious about the past much like Harry. He was even more surprised however when he realised he too had not idea who his godfather was. It was very traditional to have one, so he supposed he must have, but whoever it was, his parents never talked about it. It was scary to realise how many people died in the first war.

“Do you think that influenced on them being targeted?” Bill Weasley asked.

“I don’t think so, but I do think it’s what saved Neville’s life”

“What do you mean?” Harry asked and Draco was confused too until he remembered who had saved Neville Longbottom that night.

“They say Rabastan Lestrange locked the nursery that night… and he was… somewhat friends with your father when we were in school” Lupin said a bit nervous.

“Madame Pomfrey said he helped my dad after… the ‘prank’ with Snape”  Harry said, uncomfortable with calling ‘almost killing someone’ a prank “but she didn’t know if they were actual friends”

“Oh… yeah… there was that too yes… they were friends before too… they lasted more than I expected as friends, but then James pretty much saved his school grades… also Sirius used to think Lestrange fancied James”

“And did he?” Draco asked, interested to see someone else’s perspective.

“I have no idea, as I said, I thought he liked Regulus, I never understood where his relationship with Crouch Jr. came from… I know James hated Crouch…”

“Why?” Draco asked, he knew his own parents hated the man, but he knew very little about him.

“He knew Crouch Jr. was a Death Eater before anyone even suspected him and however he found that out, he also found out something else he really got mad about. James didn’t know if his father was in with him or not, he was trying to figure out so he could out them, but since Crouch Sr. was head of Law Enforcement those days, he didn’t get much support on his suspicious, it only made James more unpopular within the auror department”

“The aurors didn’t like my dad?” Harry asked confused

“A lot of them were jealous of James, of how smart he was, and some of them resented him because of the pranks we did at school” Lupin said, but to Draco it sounded more like an excuse.

“What did Sirius think of all this?” George asked.

“I did hear from Lily that Sirius got into a fight with James about it, but it probably wasn’t that bad, she was laughing when she told me about it. Sirius and Lestrange might not be blood related, but Sirius got as mad talking about Lestrange as he did talking about his brother, Lene used to say it was like he was a child with his hands on his ears when someone mentioned Regulus around him”

And Draco couldn't help but to snort in disgust, no wonder his mother held so little respect for him.

”I know you disapprove of Sirius and he wasn't kind to you when you met him, but if all of this proves something, it's that we don't know everything. Sirius had his ghosts, things that I think he only ever told James… and to get away from it he sacrificed other… things…” Lupin said looking completely heart broken, but just a second later he remembered there were others around and immediately completed his line of through “like his relationship with Regulus" 

“Sacrificed? you people think he was a hero for fighting against it all, but what he did was run away, we were the ones who stayed and endured all the mess he left behind" Draco said getting mad, he was still paying in fact, fulfilling Sirius' spot with the Dark Lord.

"And yet" and Lupin's voice was calm and a bit sad "he felt so guilty over Regulus death that he went and talked to your mother and agreed to do something for her, something I never knew what it was until he threw it at you on that cave… so I thought there was only one possible thing he could be doing in secret with the Malfoys. And for that he spent twelve years in Azkaban, because then Dumbledore came to ask me, I said that I thought he did it"

Draco saw Harry's surprised face with the corner of his eyes, but he kept staring at Lupin, the two of them not wanting to be the first to look away.

"Everyone is the hero of their own story" said Tonks in a sad voice and everyone was silent for a while, the scene that had started with a beautiful love song had turned as heavy as Regulus' life ended.

"I think… we can spent a lifetime trying to find out where it went wrong" Said Mr. Weasley getting closer and putting his hand on Draco's shoulder "or we can follow the very good advice Lily just gave us and move on, but remembering, the good and the bad, so maybe this time we can do it better"

It was frustrating and not the answer Draco really wanted, but Mr. Weasley was right, in the end Sirius and Regulus had made their choices and there was nothing Draco could do about it except not follow after them, in fact, it was what his mother had wanted when she gave him the box.

"Thanks for the help with the player" he said looking at everyone, he would have never heard the tape without their help and everyone put effort in doing that for him and he was really thankful for it "mind if I keep the batteries?"

"Not at all" said Mr. Weasley with a smile.

Draco nodded and put the player back on the box, but when he moved to collect the picture he saw Harry's longing and his silent plea to keep them.

"You can keep that one" he said pointing to the one with Lily and her parents "But I… wanted to keep this one" because the other one had Regulus in it, smiling and free.

Harry smiled grateful looking again at the picture that was now his, a piece of his own history had also been discovered here.

"I wonder who was it" Said Harry "the person my mum was defending, the one Regulus loved"

"I think my mother knows, but she never admitted to it, so I don't think she will tell, neither will Rabastan and he must know. The box doesn't have much really, it was a secret relationship, so they left nothing that would lead others to them"

There wasn't much anyone could say about the subject, so slowly everyone turned things around to return to a more cheerful Christmas spirit. Mrs. Weasley started to give kitchen chores for everyone so they would help set up lunch, Draco, Lupin and Tonks were guests and were allowed not to help, but Harry had already been adopted and was doing chores like the rest of the family.

With nothing to do and not wanting to talk with Lupin at the moment, Draco went to Weasley's room to put the disk and the box back on his truck and take a moment to breathe on his own. Not long after he got there however the door opened and he turned expecting to see Harry, but instead his cousin was there.

"Are you alright?" she asked cautiously.

"I'm fine"

"Look… I don't know anything about Regulus, but I did notice he is important for you, so I'm sorry if we ruined your discovery moment"

Draco looked at her with new eyes, he knew she wasn't dumb, she was an auror after all, but he didn't thought she was that kind of perceptive.

"It's ok, I would never know the girl in the pictures and in the recording was Lily Potter, so I'm glad too" and she nodded.

"When my mother went away to marry my father, she never looked back, but she never said anything bad about her family nor did she had any resentment, she grew up with them and knew exactly what they valued and why they were mad, she said she agreed with everything they said, but she still did it anyway because she wanted to. After the war, I don’t know if you remember, we actually went to see our grandparents a few times before they died, they never allowed my father into their house, but they were very proud of my ability. So… there is a lot of grey area in our family that most people just don't understand and in a time like this, were everyone tells you to pick a side, they tend to forget that people are not exactly black and white”

Draco nodded, he had known his grandparents used to talk with Andromeda, he did have a vague memory of it and his mother never said much about her sister in general, only Bellatrix said a thing or two about her anger, but people would lash out on Sirius way more than Andromeda, because she didn't run from responsibilities that caused harm to the family.

"I just don't want them trying to convince me to like Sirius, because where I'm standing he did more shit then good" he said a bit tired, he had no energy to feel irritated.

"You know… the problem with the dead is that we tend to overlook the bad part of them, especially if we feel guilty or feel we owed them something. Harry doesn’t know, but Remus and Sirius weren’t in good terms even before the Potters died, so when Sirius was still here, he and Remus had horrible fights whenever they talked about the non-nostalgic stuff, Dung and I actually had to separate them once because Remus broke his nose with a punch and then he cried half of the night on my shoulder. But now Sirius is just a frozen memory, so… just respect the fact they love him more and they too will respect that you love Regulus more"

Draco was surprised by that little bit of information, but then he had no idea what kind of relationship Lupin had with Sirius in the past, most of the time it seemed like the only person with whom Sirius had actually connected had been James Potter. He was still lost in thoughts when his cousin suddenly gave him a hug, she didn't say anything, just hugged him and since he had not seen his family this christmas he hugged her back as he would have hugged his mother, glad that someone else fully understood him in that moment.

They went back down together and no one commented on it, conversation went on to more simple topics like school assignments and Weasley's new girl and his sister's many boyfriends. Lunch was as good as dinner had been and everyone was being silly, it was a completely different thing than what Draco had ever lived through, but he enjoyed it a bit.

He still had a few hours before he had to leave or as his cousin said "his carriage became a pumpkin" whatever that meant, so he and Harry went outside for a bit, no one commented and no one followed, they knew the boys wanted to have a private moment. They walked far enough so no one would see them but without leaving the protections around the property.

They kissed and enjoyed being close, but Draco could feel Harry wanted to talk about earlier.

"Come on, what is on your mind?" he asked

"It's just… I'm happy to know more about my parent, but I don't know… feels a bit frustrating not to know everything"

"Yeah… but maybe when this war is over for good, my mother might tell us something"

"It would be great" said Harry, but with little enthusiasm "do you think this has to do with the bond? Regulus is way more important for you and my mum's protection runs on my blood, maybe it's about them"

Draco had not even thought about the bond, he had a lot of personal interest in Regulus' story and that was what he was focussed, but now that he heard it, he thought it made a lot of sense actually.

"It could be! This actually feels more likely than anything before"

"Maybe when it is all over we can look into it"

"Yeah..."

Draco looked at Harry, his face was still deep into thought, which was a bit frustrating, worrying about the bond now would not take them anywhere, they knew what it was doing, the plan was to wait to find out later, so they should stick to it.

"The song..." started Harry "it was really nice"

"Yeah, it was" said Draco confused with what the boy was trying to say

"Regulus really loved someone, but he walked away anyway" said Harry without looking at him.

"Ah… so that is what this is about“

"Yes, Regulus made his choices, some of them hard ones, but it wasn't like he was planning to do it since the beginning, I suppose lots of hard choices are things you have to make on the spot" said Draco, every since he found out about the bond, he had been improvising.

"I wouldn't leave you" Harry said and looked Draco in the eye, a challenge and a plea all in one.

"Yes you would, if it was important you would” Draco said “Regulus left his love to keep his family alive and to fight, which is not much different than what you do at least once a year"

Harry tried to reply, but in the end he could only admit that Draco did have a point. Never mind that he was going to leave Draco when he found out about Dumbledore, Draco knew that even if they were a normal couple, Harry’s self-sacrificing nature would make him leave him to “keep him safe” or some other stupid thing like that.

"We don't know what happened then, the only thing we can do now is make decisions we both can live with and at the end of this war, if we're still alive, we can see if we still feel the same way. Since dying before that happens is an option, I intend to live now as much as I can" Draco said with as much honest as he could.

They looked each other in the eye and this time Harry understood, his expression turned as determined as Draco's and he nodded. They were alive and together right now, so they should enjoy it.

Chapter Text

When it was starting to get dark, Tonks had to tell everyone it was time for Draco to go, so with a few goodbyes he left with his cousin and Lupin.

"I will send professor Dumbledore a message so he knows we're here and you can get in, but you will have to get to the castle alone, it's not dark yet, so it should be ok" said his cousin as soon as they apparated near Hogsmeade.

She cast a patronus and Draco was able to see what looked like a dog or, more likely, a wolf fly away from them. He also noticed the immediate awkwardness between the little couple.

"You two are ridiculous, just so you know" he said.

They said nothing, so Draco only rolled his eyes and let it go, they would sort it out eventually, so with a last hug to his cousin, he went back into the castle, early enough to shower and present himself at dinner as if nothing had happened.

Dumbledore gave him a little smile, but did not attempt to talk to him, much like Snape. Draco didn’t completely trust the Headmaster’s words that he would not inform the other man of the Christmas arrangements, so he waited and observed. However, whether or not Snape knew, he didn’t act on it and continued to act as if nothing had happened during the entire holiday.

In his dorm, Draco found his friends’ presents, most likely left here with the elfs, which was why none of it arrived at the Weasleys. He checked everything, organising them along with the mess on his truck. Daphne had as usual sent him a new bottle of his shower gel and cologne from the Leo collection of her family line, but Draco found himself staring at the label, he had been using it for years, but he had never noticed there was an extra star on the Leo constellation, shining bright right next to Regulus.

It was the exact kind of little touch one should expect from Anna Greengrass.

It was times like this that Draco wished he could just go to someone and ask about what happened. It had been silly to think Sirius and Lupin would have something to say, but not realise the people next to him could know just as much, if not more. He almost wished he had gone back home and talked to Rabastan.

Draco picked up the box from his truck once again, but this time he decided to give the memos and letter more attention, see if with his new knowledge he would find out something more. It didn’t take him long to find the name Lily in a few of them.

She said Lily cried all night

—

What is there to like? Unless arsehole is Lily’s type I don’t see what could possibly be likeable about him

Draco looked at a few of them, but did not find out what had made Lily cry all night or who was responsible, there were few notes that together seem to form a conversation he could understand, but he did however see something interesting.

I have no idea, I didn’t even know Sirius had written to you, but I haven’t even talked to Lestrange recently, why don’t you ask him?

— 

Still? You are as stubborn as your brother, just so you know. But anyway, Lily’s mum sent the test thing, so I will ask Lestrange when I give it to him.  

—

Draco was very confused, he wondered what Lily Potter’s muggle mother could have possibly sent to Rabastan, but unfortunately, only the man himself would be able to say. He did find what he supposed was the letter Sirius had sent, he had thought the package with them only had things from Sirius first year, but there were two more, one dated 1976 and another that had no date and apparently was not for Regulus at all, but for Draco’s mother.

Frowning, Draco ignored the other letter for a moment to read what Sirius had sent to his mother.

I will do it, but this is not for you, it’s for Regulus.

Sent me a date and from there we can make a schedule, I don’t want anyone to know when I’m around, this is a deal between you and me in Regulus memory,if your Death Eater husband do anything, I will leave.

Time for dear Lucius to show his colors and tell what is more important to him, his son or Voldemort.

S.

Draco was confused for a moment, but he soon realised this was most likely about the thing Sirius had told him about helping his mother when she was pregnant with him, he was vaguely aware that Regulus had died not long before his birth. 

He put the letter down and grabbed the other.

Regulus,

Gringots just made it officially and I got everything Uncle Alphard left for me, I’m staying with the Potters for Christmas, but I’m moving to his place on the summer, so you can tell father to fucking stop because I will never go back to that damn house. And since when am I responsible for Narcisa? She got hurt because her husband is a fucking Death Eater, she chose him, not me.

Also I don’t know what game Lestrange think he is playing, but you better tell him that if he hurt James I’m gonna kill him.

S.

Draco wanted to feel annoyed, but his confusion was greater, he didn’t know what Sirius meant by his mother getting hurt, but it was not the first time he heard something of the sort and it was most likely part of the reason she ended up needing Sirius help. This letter was obviously from after Sirius had run and apparently something else had happened on the occasion. At least one thing was clear: Sirius definitely believed Rabastan had been interested in James Potter.

“Maybe even thought something was actually going on between them?”

Draco had no idea when James and Lily or Rabastan and Crouch had gotten together to make any theories, maybe Sirius had just been jealous not to get his so called best friend’s full attention. 

With a deep sigh he started to put everything back in the box, there was no point to overthink everything now when he had much more important things to do. So, the remaining of the holidays was completely focused on the cabinet and writing down notes on the things he needed help from Flitwick. 

—

Although no one had noticed anything, things did change after Christmas, both remaining Weasleys were way less aggressive towards Draco when they happened to see each other and Harry was more affectionate, he wanted to be together more and seemed generally more happy. Draco's little present was obviously noticed by everyone, so it became a fashion trend within two weeks, as well as a topic of speculation, because Harry would try to lie and say he just wanted to wear it, but anyone perceptive enough would notice his silly smile and a little blush whenever he was reminded about the cuff.

The bad thing about people noticing that Harry Potter might be secretly dating was all the people either trying to find out who it was or the girls that desperately wanted to steal him for themselves. By the time Valentine's Day was close, Harry had received all kinds of presents and propositions, someone had even sent him an underwear.

"At least it is a nice one" said Draco laughing at him in their room.

"You can have it!" said Harry annoyed and throwing the thing at him

"What am I going to do with it? Unless you have a fetich" he teased

"What?" said Harry confused and Draco just rolled his eyes at him and threw the thing away.

"Nevermind! But still, I was thinking about what we could do for Valentine..." he tried to sound casual, he had put a lot of thought on this for a while now "and since we already hang in here so much, we could… go to the prefects bathroom"

He looked at Harry expecting some embarrassed reaction, but the boy was just confused.

"The prefects bathroom? What for?"

Draco took a deep breath, his boy was cute, but sometimes he was just too dense.

"So we can get naked in a nice bathtub"

And that got him the right reaction and the little insecure look Harry always gave him when he tried to take a step further in their sexual activities, which so far consisted of handjobs and a lot of coming on their pants.

"What if we get caught?" Harry finally said in a small voice.

"We can put wards and you have an invisibility cloak, if only one of us is there is not going to be weird"

"But I'm not a prefect!"

"But you are a Quidditch captain, surely you know you can use it now"

And obviously, he forgot. But Draco knew what he was actually doing and took a defeated breath.

"We don't have to if you don't want to, it was just a suggestion" he said and Harry looked down.

"It's not that I don't want to..."

"It's ok"

It wasn't, he wanted to explore more and try different things, he had two years to fully understand himself and what he liked and what he wanted. He wasn't comfortable going around and finding some random person to do it, he wanted to be with someone he actually liked and recently that person was Harry, he wanted him to be the one, but Harry was just too insecure and uncomfortable on his own skill to move forward while Draco had been craving more for a while now.

"I just..." started Harry "no one told me about sex or even puberty while I was growing up, I picked it up on the way, so I don't know much stuff. Fred told me a lot of things during the summer, but what if I'm horrible at it and I mess it up?"

“No embarrassing sex talk? Really?” Draco immediately said only registering the beginning.

“Thankfully no”

“Not really..." said Draco frowning "it is awful to go through it, but it’s probably more confusing if no one tells you it’s coming”

“Try that when you’re hearing voices and everyone in school thinks you’re petrifying people. It took months before Seamus made a joke at Neville about having a wet dream and I found out everyone had that”

“Is that why you didn’t like to get off?” said Draco, things made a lot more sense with a bit of context.

“That too… muggles don’t like gays, at least none of the ones I know, so for a while I didn’t even thought that could be it… even when I found out it was ok, I thought that maybe I was wrong”

“And then I kissed you” said Draco with a smirk, but the boy didn’t smile back, he only got more shy, redness showing even over his dark skin.

“And then I felt your hard on and I realised I wanted to touch your dick” the boy admitted and Draco felt the heat on his face too.

“You should have…"

“As I said, I don’t want to mess up…”

"You are going to mess it up, everyone does it, there is a reason they all say it's better on the second try and I hear it can be worse with girls. Theo said Daphne bled so much they actually had to go tell her mother what they were doing because they thought they had done something really wrong, he said he almost didn't want to do it again. Not to mention the embarrassment, her parents were kind enough to look away and only because Theo has been in love with Daphne since we were like five, they are as engaged as you can be before seventeen, but Astoria makes fun of them all the time"

"That sounds horrifying"

"It was, but they are fine now. My point is, we can learn a lot about it, but we'll only actually know what to do when we do it"

"But what if I'm like... sucking you off and you hate it?” Harry said frustrated.

And that actually made Draco stop and look at Harry

"You want to suck me off?" he said a bit carefully and a bit surprised

"I.. well" and Harry really blushed "yeah" he said quietly

Just the idea sent a rush of adrenaline all over Draco's body, he had been wanting that for a long time, he had tried twice now to get his mouth on his boyfriend, he had been thinking if he would have to just come out and say his intentions out loud.

"You are just impossible sometimes" he said exasperated "at this point, even if you turn out to be the worst cock sucker in the world I'm not going to hate it. In fact I offer my body for practice so you can get really good at it"

Harry snorted, but he looked more nervous now that he had admitted to his secret desire and there was a small awkward silence where Harry tried not to look at him and he tried not to get his hopes up. His dick was a whole other matter and Harry did notice while he was pretending not to, which didn't help and Draco thought how worse he would make things if he just tried to get off there with the boy just watching.

"It did do wonders for me..."

But for all Harry was shy and frustrating he was also a Gryffindor and Draco would forever sing praises for their bravery, because Harry actually left the couch to kneel in front of him. At some point Draco did wonder how someone who was so enthusiastic and passionate could have thought they were going to do it wrong.

They also did agree to go to the prefect's bathroom for Valentine.

—

"Keep the cloak close" said Draco when they got in the bathroom "the wards are for proximity, there is no way we would be able to leave before someone comes in, so if the alarms does sound one of us can hide with the cloak"

"What about our clothes?"

"We hide it obviously, but I doubt someone will be paying much attention to that when there is a more interesting thing to look at" he said as he looked over Harry and the boy, as usual, got embarrassed.

Draco thought a bit about what to do, taking each other's clothes would be nicer, but the way Harry was nervous, maybe the more pragmatic approach would help more, they would have plenty of time in the pool to kiss and touch each other. So while Harry stood in the changing room just looking around nervously, Draco very straight forward took his clothes off and with a deep breath and his heart racing more than he thought it would, he looked up at Harry with his full body on display.

Harry didn't move to touch him, but he did look and Draco could feel his body flush in a mixed rush of embarrassment, self consciousness and excitement. They had done a lot of touching under clothes and Harry got a nice close up view of his crotch, but this was the first time he was fully naked and in plain view and Draco felt more insecure and nervous than he had initially thought he would, he was fully confident on his decision and he didn't have any significant body issue, he thought he looked quite good actually, but in a way he wanted Harry's approval and desire. The way his boyfriend's beautiful eyes were glued on him with a hungry look was a good sign, in fact Draco was really enjoying it.

"Do you want me to do a turn around?" he eventually said, but not quite as ironically as he wanted.

"You might as well" was Harry's cheeky replay.

"I will show you mine if you show me yours"

And it felt a bit silly to say it when he was already naked, but he wanted to give his boyfriend a push, he didn't have to do it just because Draco had, but in a way this was also about trust and he wanted Harry to do it too.

Harry nodded and a bit clumsy started to take his clothes off. He was nervous and flushed and even half hard from looking at Draco, so he didn't look up as Draco had done it, but he did stand there naked for Draco to look. 

And he did look.

He had felt a lot thought the clothes and when he was able to slip his hands under, but it wasn't the same thing and none of Harry's clothes were a close fit, he always wore at least a size bigger, so even when Draco had checked him out around the school, he never had a really good view. Now he was getting it in full, his olive skin was market in certain parts by a tan he got with clothes on and he had more body hair than Draco could ever naturally have, but Harry was a good mix of skinny and fit in all the right parts and Draco wanted to taste every centimetre of it.

He got closer to Harry and put his hands on his face so the boy would look at him and see the desire in Draco's eyes, see that all was well. For one second Harry's eyes looked at the Dark Mark on his arms and Draco felt like retreating and hiding it, but Harry grabbed him and kissed the most hideous part of him, like a kiss would break the spell and make the mark disappear. They looked at each other, a mutual agreement to ignore that little thing and they kissed and hands finally explored the exposed skin and they only stopped when Draco squeezed Harry's arse a bit too rough.

"What's your thing with my arse? Not that I don't like when you do that, but I did notice you do it a lot" said Harry

"I just really like it, mine is all skinny, but I can get my hands full on yours, it's my favourite type of arse"

And Harry both giggled and looked at him as if he had said something scandalous.

"You have a favourite type?"

"Don't you?"

"I haven't seen many"

"Come on! You share a dorm with boys, you play quidditch! You really never checked out anyones arse just because?"

And he got embarrassed and Draco was already rolling his eyes before Harry even opened his mouth.

"What?! No! I wouldn’t… they are my mates!" said the boy

"I don't know why you still surprise me… but then the way you are so obvious people would have noticed by now if you were checking other guys arse in the corridors"

"The corridors?"

"Well yeah… I check you out all the time and you don't live with me... you don't have to look at Weasley specifically just because you share a room with him, I do because Theo usually forgets to set an alarm when Daphne sleeps in our dorm and… someone has to wake them up " he was smirking when he said it, but Harry didn't think it was too funny.

"Why don't you go and grab his arse then!" Harry said with a bit of angry face.

And Draco could give him an answer that would just ruin it all, but he surprised even himself with his self control.

"I've spent almost two years knowing I was bent before you and I were a thing, so I went exploring. But it's you I'm with right now" and he squeezed Harry again "and it's your arse I want on my hands. Also Theo is my brother"

That calmed things down a little, but Harry still had a bit of an annoyed face, one that Draco thought was actually kind of cute.

"Come on, let's get into the water so we can wash away your jealousy"

And he took Harry by the hand to get inside and the boy did follow and silently they started to turn on the taps of water and bubbles.

"I don't think your arse is too skinny" said Harry still a bit sulky

Draco went to him and kissed him to try and make peace, it was just supposed to be a sweet kiss, but a jealous Harry was also a possessive one and they got a bit carried away.

"I never thought much about being gay as a whole" said Harry when they finally moved to the water "I just think of you"

"And that is very sweet, but you can explore yourself, sure I want you to do it with me, I've only been doing it with you, but I don't want us to not be able to say we like something because at some point it involved someone else" Draco said and it wasn’t even because of Theo, they were practically brothers and he never actually fantasised anything with him, but he did date Pansy for a while and it had started to get sexual before they stopped.

Harry took his glass off and went down in the water, coming back a few seconds later and swimming towards Draco. They looked at each other a bit, Harry's hair was completely different when wet, the usual mess would settle in a wave pattern, maybe if they boy ever let it grow enough, his hair would actually settle in curly pattern instead of the mess it usually was. However, Draco's thoughts went away when Harry lowered down to suck and give a little bite on Draco's nipple sending shivers down.

"I did get the idea of sucking you from Seamus, he and Dean were talking and he kept saying it was really good and that Dean should ask Ginny to do it. Ron wasn't there luckily, I'm pretty sure he would murder both of them. But I couldn't stop thinking about it and at some point I just really wanted to get my mouth down, but you were the only thing on my mind... always" Said the boy before he once again moved to suck the other nipple, Draco hadn’t realised how sensitive they were.

"I don't think of other people, I have only thought about you since we got together, I just have eyes and I notice things… like the fact Finnigans checks you out, so you shouldn't let him know about your new found desire"

Harry looked up amused, but also a bit doubtful. 

"He does?"

"Yeah, not too much, there is some Ravenclaw, no ideas who, he is not in our year, and he looks waaay more, but then Finnegans shares a dorm with you"

"How do you even know that?"

"Because I don't want to get caught looking at you, so I just look all over like a good observer. The first time I caught Finnegans he was actually checking a Hufflepuff… That guy everyone thought you petrified on second year"

"Justin?"

"I think so… I got curious because Pansy mentioned at the start of the year how ridiculous Romilda Vance was because she was still trying to get into your pants even though she was caught last year with Finnegans balls deep into her in one of the empty classes on the third floor. They were caught by Sprout, which is the only reason they didn't get in deep trouble"

"I never even heard about that!" Harry said scandalised and finally getting his mouth aways from Draco’s chest.

"You share a room with him!" said Draco surprised

"He wasn't talking to me most of last year"

"Clearly you don't hear the castle's gossip either, Pansy tells me all the good stuff, also heads up, people think you and Granger are together to get back at Weasley, you might want to tell her that"

"I thought people were done with thinking me and Hermione would ever be together" Harry said rolling his eyes.

"I know... I particularly think people should have thought it was Lovegood, she might be mad, but she is quite beautiful. But, since Granger is the only girl you hang with and the cuff just pretty much told everyone you're dating and you're never subtle after we are together, people made their own theories. It's just that not everyone has considered it doesn't have to be a girl" said Draco with a little smirk.

"I don't mind if people know I'm gay" Harry said a bit thoughtful

"Well I do because we can't afford to get caught, but once this war is over you're free to shout to everyone how queer you are"

Harry snorted, but also looked at Draco a bit sad, he understood exactly why they were hiding, didn't mean it wasn't hard some days. Still they were there to enjoy what they could share and so they did, a mix of playing in the water like kids, but randomly touching each other in different ways just to try it out. Eventually they even got out of the water to play with the bath oil and Harry's hand had brushed in between Draco's arse cheeks, but he never got to find out if he could have made Harry slide his finger in because, of all the people to catch them, Myrtle was certainly the worst.

"You're dead" said Draco "it's not like you can get off looking at us, you're just here to cock block us"

"You are the one that stopped, you can keep going if you want" she said with a damn smirk on her face.

Draco was not happy they not only had to leave but beg the ghost to not tell anyone about it, which was a huge security risk for them.

"The ghost is worst" he told Harry "because I can't obviate it, so we're actually going to have to be nice to her to keep her mouth shut"

Harry it turned out was just as annoyed which made Draco just a little less miserable.

"I would suggest we finish in a cupboard, but I don't trust her not to follow us" said Harry

"It's fine… this was too good to end in a cupboard anyway"

"Yeah… it really was" 

Harry had that smile Draco loved, so despite the ghost, it had been a really good date.

Chapter Text

Draco took some time for himself after Valentine, no matter how much he just wanted to spend time with Harry, he needed to work on his project. He had started a long line of books about portkeys, but so far nothing had seemed to help, also, he wanted to finish his sigils so Pomfrey would help him set up the healing area, see if it worked and hopefully guide him on how to add the things he needed to help his father, he even had a mental note to, at some point, ask Harry about the Patronus. All that work didn’t even include his failing grades and the detentions he knew were coming if Pansy didn’t write some of his essays again.

His mind was so full of thoughts, it took him a few moments to even understand that Fred and George were at Hogwarts. They were walking fast with their sister, all three with worried faces, which meant something wasn't right. Draco knew it was Weasley’s birthday and that Harry was going to Hogsmead with him, so a sinking feeling took over and only the knowledge that nothing was hurting on him made him calm down. He didn't dare approach the group in the corridors, people would see him, but he did follow them and was even more worried when they entered the infirmary of all places, but at least that was a place he could enter and be himself.

Inside he soon found Ron Weasley looking close to death in a bed and Harry and Granger around him with worried faces.

"What happened?" asked Draco, approaching the group.

"Ron was poisoned" said Harry and he moved close to Draco seeking a comforting hug.

"How? And why?" he asked confused, he didn’t know anyone who would want to target Weasley… unless it was Harry they were targeting.

"He ate one of my chocolates, I was throwing it away actually, but anyway... it had a love potion in it so I took him to Slughorn to reverse it. When I said it was Ron's birthday he decided to make a toast, but the mead was poisoned" said Harry, still nervous from all that had happened.

As soon as Draco heard what his boyfriend said about the mead, he stopped paying attention to his explanation of how he saved his friend. He completely froze, because there was only one reason Slughorn would have a bottle of poisoned mead.

"Please tell me he is gonna be ok" Draco said in a panic, he really didn't want to be responsible for anyone's death, but preferably not his boyfriend's best friend.

Harry looked at him frowning

"Yeah, didn’t… know you cared?" he said confused and everyone was looking at Draco with confused looks while Draco tried to calm down his panic and only managed to get himself more worked up.

"You know something about it" said Granger, her face turning serious.

"Yes… because I did something stupid, but I told Dumbledore about it way back on Christmas, Slughorn should not have that bottle" Draco knew he probably sounded quite hysterical, but he was shaking all over.

"You did this?" said the girl Weasley, jumping to stand and looking mad furious.

"Not this exactly!" Draco said getting mad too "I didn't know I was going to stay here for Christmas and I needed something flashy that Snape would be able to report, but the bottle was for Dumbledore and I told him about the whole thing anyway!” 

"Why didn't you tell me that?" said Harry looking at him with an expression Draco’s clouded mind couldn’t decipher. 

"That was an awful plan" said Granger frowning.

But Draco could not say anything else because the doors of the infirmary opened and Mr and Mrs Weasley came in with Dumbledore. He only half heard the couple thank Harry for once again saving their family, his eyes zooming in on Dumbledore.

"Why did this even happen?" Draco said looking at Dumbledore and feeling really mad, the man was supposed to deal with this so Draco wouldn't be here right now suffering with guilty and anger over his stupid actions that could also have been avoided if the man had told him in advance that he had plans to keep him on the school over the holidays  "I told you about the mead on Christmas!"

"Yes you did" said Dumbledore with a bit of a sad face "unfortunately I have once again underestimated you Draco and didn't pay much attention to your warning about the memory charm. As it turns out you did mess it up, you wanted so much for this plan to fail, you gave Rosmerta a memory where she accidentally broke the poisoned mead and actually sent Horace another bottle. The memory however was completely flawless, I checked well enough and I was convinced by it, I believed we had gotten lucky and didn’t think about checking the actual bottle Horace received. If the consequences weren’t so grave, I would even say I’m impressed with your charm work"

Indeed, in another situation Draco would have been rather proud of fooling Dumbledore so well, but unfortunately all he felt at the moment was anger and fear because he almost killed someone and because he had been stupid enough to put any faith in Dumbledore, that he believed the man could solve even a small problem.

"For this I deeply apologise" Said Dumbledore and Draco just snapped.

"What good would have been your apologies if he was dead? I don't know how I could be so stupid to think you can solve even a small thing, you're useless, you just like to pretend you can save everybody! I will make sure to keep an eye out for your body count next time!” he said very close to screaming.

And Draco didn't look back at anyone, he didn't want to look at the family, that opened their home for him, cry over a son he almost got killed, nor did he want to hear Harry defend Dumbledore. He just left the room and went to the room of hidden things, he had a cabinet to fix because he could only count with himself to survive this year and the Dark Lord's rage.

—

Harry didn't try to talk to him on the next few days and Draco was perfectly fine just working on the cabinet and cursing Dumbledore’s name whenever someone mentioned Weasley. But he hated no other as he hated himself, he had known the man was aware of his mission and he still put his guard down around him. He had done the exact thing that had made him call Gryffindors fools, he put his trust on Dumbledore just because the man gave him a little gift. He fell at his feet like a dog receiving a treat. 

All the Gryffindors thought that just because he chose to try again with Harry that he was going to turn his back on everything, but he swore to himself he wouldn’t and he made sure to make it clear to Harry from the start. However, he should have known that wouldn’t be enough, he had overheard the golden trio conversation and he should have expected Dumbledore to use some opportunity to try and claim him again, use his relationship with Harry to take over control like he tried the year before.

Well this time he was going to focus only on his mission before he let his heart carry him away again. He was going to stay in the room with the cabinet until he could make any kind of progress.

Unfortunately for Draco, his plan backfired soon after when he forgot about Harry's talent for falling off his broom on quidditch matches, so obviously he was taken by surprise when pain hit him and he passed out while still in the room of hidden things.

He eventually woke up, his head pounding and he was really disoriented, but also really cold and sore and someone was talking.

"I think he is too out of it, we'll have to carry him"

He felt someone pull him up a bit and he was able to recognise Granger at his side looking very worried. He tried to talk and ask what happened, but he only made some noise, talking wasn't on the table apparently. Someone else put him on their back, but the blond hair gave away the fact it wasn't Harry, still he made himself comfortable on the stranger and fell asleep before they even arrived at the infirmary.

When he woke up again he felt better and he was able to recognise the place.

"Draco!" said a voice and he turned to look, Harry was in a bed next to him, but he was standing to move to Draco's bed.

"Mr. Potter! Let me look at him first" said Pomfrey and she soon was casting spells and asking questions and making Draco swallow potions.

"What happened?" he was finally able to ask.

"Mr. Potter got a bludger to the head, you were hidden away so it took us too long to find you, all the teacher spent the night looking for you. Luckily Potter had an idea were you could be and sent Ms. Granger to check this morning, she and Mr. Longbottom were able to bring you here"

Draco nodded, he didn't have much to say, but something did cross his mind.

"Snape!"

"You said the teachers were searching, but what was the excuse, cause they don't know about the bond"

"You didn't show up here and no one saw you passed out around the castle, so we thought you were in your common room, but Mr. Zabine went to Professor Snape and told him you were missing. The head of houses do know you have a condition, so it was implied something had happened, but Mr. Potter was hit in the morning, no one noticed you were missing until late at night, so there is no reason anyone would make the connection between the two events"

Draco felt relieved by the new information and was able to relax a bit more in the bed.

"I'm assuming I have to stay here?"

"Until the morning, yes. I will leave this for you" and she put a sleeping potion next to his bed "I know you're probably not very sleepy now, but it would be better if you slept at some point tonight so you can go through your classes tomorrow"

He nodded once again and the woman left to give them some privacy and Harry moved to his bed as soon as she was gone.

"Are you ok?" he asked.

"My head is still a bit fuzzy, but nothing hurts"

Harry looked conflicted, like he didn't know what to say first, but eventually he made up his mind.

"Where were you? I told Hermione you would be on our room, but she said she found you in a room full of stuff"

"It's a room full of old junk, I was looking for something"

"What was it?"

"It doesn't matter"

"It does matter!" said Harry angry "you were passed out in a place no one could find you!"

"Your friends did find me"

"They almost didn't because you were in a whole other room you never told me about!"

"Well I don't have to tell you everything"

"Yeah and the last time that happened it almost killed Ron!"

And that was the real reason they were fighting, the thing that would always be between them.

"I told you since the start I had to do something and considering it was a request from the Dark Lord himself you had to at least know it was not going to be something very nice"

"Then why don't you talk to me!" said the boy infuriated and Draco felt tears of frustration escape his eyes.

"Because I don't want you to hate me yet!" he almost screamed and he was immediately embarrassed by admitting this, he had hoped to avoid this talk for a while longer. Harry was silent for a moment, with the corner of his eyes he finally saw Weasley looking at them. At least the boy was better.

"Dumbledore..." started Harry quietly

"Has just proven to us he is just a man" said Draco "You are welcome to put your faith in him, but I will not put my family's life in his hands"

"But you would trust Voldemort?"

Draco knew the type of person Harry was, he would always fight for what was right no matter the consequences, but that was not Draco.

"No... I will only trust myself… and I will bear all the blood the Dark Lord throws on my hands"

Harry didn't say anything, he just left Draco's bed and went to his own and turned his back on Draco. Weasley looked between them, but didn't say anything, so Draco did.

"I'm glad you're not dead Weasley"

And he was, because that meant that if he was lucky, he would end this with only one man's blood on his hands.

He then turned his back on them too.

--

On the days that followed, Draco and Harry didn't talk again and barely even looked at each other in the corridors, it felt almost like a distant dream to remember how happy they had been together. Many people showed concern for the golden boy's sudden mood change, but not many noticed how miserable Draco felt, except for the people that mattered.

"Pansy, I think you're getting in the wrong bed" Said Theo and Draco looked up to see the girl hopping on his bed.

"Draco needs me more tonight" she said and pushed Draco to rest his head on her chest like he used to do so much in the past.

"You're fine with that Zabini?” asked Vincent looking at the other boy with a bit of a mockingly expression.

"Yeah" was the only answer the boy gave and slowly everyone arranged themselves to sleep and Pansy cast a little silence charm around the bed.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked as she run her hand through Draco's hair

"No"

"Do I have to kill someone?" and he snorted

"Potter is already on the job"

"Maybe for that part of your problems, but I'm talking about this mysterious boy that messed you up"

And Draco actually looked at her.

"Who said anything about a boy?"

"Well according to Daphne you're not turning any straighter"

"Why is she the authority on that?”

"Because she sleeps more here and you never look at her even when she is naked" 

"Maybe I'm just a gentleman"

"Maybe Theo's arse is more interesting" she said smirking “He knows you mean nothing by it, so he feels quite flattened, which is why he hadn't called out on you yet"

Draco actually laughed a bit, it felt good after so long.

"I found a better one" 

"We noticed, two times now you showed up glowing and doing impressive magic in class"

And Draco smiled like he hadn't in many days.

"That good hum?" said Pansy

"Better"

"Oh love… did he take your heart?" she asked sadly

Draco hadn't thought too much about how deep his feelings run, he took a leap to grab the opportunity when it was presented, but he never stopped to think how far he had gone with it. But now that he had spent some time away and had the chance to look back, he could see things a lot more clearly.

"Yeah… I think he did"

Chapter Text

Despite his friends' increased support, Draco was even more miserable now that he realised how much Harry had been in his life this year and how much he had meant to him. The Gryffindor was always looking at him, but did not reach out and Draco wasn't going to, not just because of pride, but because the other boy had been the first to turn his back even though he had been the first one to say he wouldn't back on Christmas.

“He feels miserable without you and you don't look much better" Granger said when she cornered him on the library “you should just talk"

Draco ignored the girl, he was not going to fight with Harry's friends and make things worse. He was not the one who needed to seek out Harry, he had made things clear since the start and it was the other boy who needed to decide once and for all what he wanted. Not that Draco held much hope, he knew his relationship wasn’t going to last and that Harry was going to leave him, he had just hoped he would be more prepared when it happened.

He thought he wasn’t going to feel anything or that maybe they were just going to have another fight like the one they had last year, so Draco would just get mad at the boy again. But the way things went, Draco felt too many things at the same time, he wasn’t really mad at the boy, he was annoyed by how predictable Harry was, at the same time, he was sad, but he wasn’t heartbroken, because he had been waiting for this.

Sometimes he wondered if he should have stuck with his first decision of not dating the boy because whoever said that it was ‘better to have loved than never loved at all’ clearly had not gone through the breakup part. It’s not that Draco didn’t cherish the time they were together, but he hated the fact that he was missing Harry so much, he missed the making out, but he was surprised to notice he missed the talking and how comfortable he felt when he was with Harry lazing around.

But the worst part about missing the other boy, was how much that distracted him. His head was supposed to be 100% on the cabinet, but he just couldn’t concentrate, the books he was reading weren’t helping, his spells were not working and he constantly felt like he couldn’t think, like his head had been filled with cotton and now his thoughts were not connecting. He had been so agitated he even asked Pomfrey for a calming draught. In fact, his potions intake had increased again and he was constantly exhausted.

It was Daphne who first picked up on the fact he wasn’t sleeping well, she would constantly see him awake late at night when she was leaving the boy’s dorm.

“You could try to do some exercise” she said while she forced him to lay down and close his eyes even if just to meditate.

“I’m not allowed to fly anymore” he said quietly

“Then just walk around outside, when was the last time you saw the light of day? The temperatures are starting to turn nicer, so you should enjoy it”

Draco wasn’t going to follow Daphne’s advice, but after exhausting himself casting on the cabinet, he also started to feel a bit out of breath and thought that perhaps he did need to breathe some fresh air. He walked a bit aimlessly for a while until he saw a tiny horse jumping around.

Not a horse, a thestral.

 The morbid creature didn’t look so terrible when it was a little foal, in fact it looked quite funny.

“He is the new one” said a voice and Draco turned to see Lovegood with a bucked of what he supposed was food for the creatures “he’s just a few months old, so it’s the first time he sees spring, I think he is enjoying it”

“Indeed” 

“You don’t look too good though. Want to help feeding them?” she asked, but she didn’t really wait for an answer before she got closer to the edge of the woods where the other thestrals were.

Draco frowned at the girl, he knew she was rater peculiar, but she was definitely not stupid. He moved forward to watch her, but did not join her in picking up the disgusting food to feed the creatures, he was not too found of magical creatures, he took the class wanting an easy score without wasting time with divination, but it served to confirm to him he was no good with most animals, his old cat being the exception, but that cat hated anyone who wasn’t him and Astoria, so maybe it was just a fluke. 

“Why are you feeding them? Why not… Hagrid” he asked, not being offensive, just curious.

“I like them, so I offered”

“You like Care of Magical Creatures then”

“Yes, I intend to study magizoology. Brazil has a good program, but I’m aiming for an apprenticeship with the Scamanders”

Draco was surprised, he knew very little about the girl, but they always talked about her being a bit off, he was not expecting her to be so grounded about her goals.

“Seems like you have everything planned out” he said

“Don’t you?” she asked surprised and he snorted

“I don’t know if I will live another year, much less what I will do in the future” he said. It was not that he didn’t know what he wanted to do, he just didn’t think how any of that was going to be possible.

“Neither do I, but it gives you strength to have something to look forward, to have something worth living for”

Draco thought a bit about it, he didn’t disagree with her, but his position allowed him to gain and lose things on both outcomes of the war. The only problem was that he was bonded to the biggest hit target on this war and he had no idea how that was going to end.

“The bond waits me at the end of it” Draco said a bit thoughtful

“You mean Harry waits you at the end of it” she said and Draco frowned.

“We broke up in case you didn’t hear it”

“Did you? I don’t think you told Harry that then” said the girl with a frown of her own, which only made Draco more confused.

“He is the one who broke up with me”

But his words didn’t seem t do much to the weird girl who just got thoughtful for a moment before shaking her head as if finally understanding something

“I see… It's interesting that two people so deeply connected have such difficult understanding each other" she said

"Yeah, well... Harry made his choice" Draco said both confused and defensive.

“What about you?”

“What?”

“Did you choose him too?”

“Sure I did, he is the one ignoring me!” said Draco frustrated with the girl.

“You are not talking to him either” she said and for a moment she didn’t sound so much like the dreamy girl she usually was “People always think they have to walk the same path, but you are different people, you can go to different places, you just have to make sure you meet at the end”

Draco got frustrated with the girl, he too had hoped they could do this, that he could play his part as a Death Eater and keep Harry at the end, but the boy would never accept it and Draco could never be what Harry wanted him to be.

“He made it clear he doesn’t accept the choices I have to make” Draco said a bit bitterly.

Lovegood looked at him intensively for quite some time before she took a deep breath and picked up the now empty bucket.

"Yes, dad says that is the hardest part of marriage, accepting each other's choices. He was mad at mom for years because he thought she should have chosen us instead of her experiments, but the truth is, he was just hurt, because if she hadn't chosen us, I would have blown up with her" said the girl before leaving.

Draco was taken aback by her honesty, most people wouldn’t even mention something like that, much less share it in such an easy way, but it did explain the girl’s weird views on the world. Unfortunately, much like Granger, Lovegood seems to think Draco was the one who should fix things, which just made him annoyed, if they were expecting him to give up everything for Harry, they would be just as disappointed as his… ex… boyfriend.

Draco took a deep breath, in the end his little trip didn’t help much, he was still magically exhausted and now he was annoyed as well, but since he still had assignments to do, he decided to beg Pomfrey to give him a pepper up. Unfortunately, as he got to the infirmary there was a large group of Hufflepuffs waiting around as Boot shyly tried to make them back off so Pomfrey could fix an exposed fracture on a boy Draco was sure was one of the Hufflepuff beaters.

“Who do you think you are, Boot?” said a girl that looked completely hysterical “that’s my boyfriend!”

“And he will only get better if you let Madame Pomfrey do her job, you can hold his hand later”

“But…”the girl tried to insist and Draco just rolled his eyes.

“Just let her Boot, clearly she prefers to hold his hand while he bleeds to death instead of waiting for a few minutes” Draco said sarcastically.

His presence automatically scared the group of Hufflepuffs and got them quiet.

“He’s got a concussion too, I need to get some potions, can you all just wait on that side please?” Boot said and the group just nodded, sending suspicious glances to Draco.

The boy wasn’t even back when the infirmary door opened again and Professor Sprout came with the team captain, both walking very fast. 

What followed a big drama over the boy and Smith showing off instead of focusing on his injured team member. It was a lot of drama, but it was so mundane, Draco had forgotten those things still happened for some people.

“Are you alright?” said Boot and Draco finally noticed the boy was next to him.

“Yeah, I just came to get a pepper up”

“Again? Aren’t you drinking too many potions Malfoy?”

Draco was unsure if he should just dismiss him or say something rude, but since there was a teacher on the room, he chose to not to do the later and just pass through the boy, get his potion and leave the place before Pomfrey asked him to do something and he would have to tell her he was magically exhausted again.

—

Draco let himself recover for a few days, focusing on his studies also had the bonus of not receiving any detentions. Unfortunately his real problem was nowhere near resolved and it had turned increasingly difficult to think about solutions when his deadline was getting closer and closer everyday and there was just so much he could ask Flitwick without making him suspicious. His issue was that the cabinet could now hold inorganic things, but would not work when trying to transport something alive and he couldn't figure out what piece was missing or where to even look for it.

The clock was ticking and Snape was breathing down his neck even more than before, sometimes Draco even had the impression he was a bit too insistent.

“It surprise me you would trust Lestrange more to follow one of his plans, I’m sure you know by now the man is as smart as a fish” the professor said in jest and Draco kept on repeating it, he didn’t remember telling the man anything about Lestrange and wondered if he got the information from his family or from Dumbledore, after all, he had told Harry about it. He hated not knowing the man’s true alliance because it made him feel like one man was giving him pressure from both sides.

 And then, if things could get any worse, his mother's letters were getting increasingly desperate.

"I'm edged to see you and to hear all that you have successfully done this year, it feels deeply sad that your father is unable to be here when you return, I'm sure he would love to see you turning seventeen"

He knew the Dark Lord's intention from the beginning, so it was no surprise that he would make sure his father was present to see him die if he failed, but having confirmation only increased his anxiety. It did remind him however to finish working on his sigils, so he sat down on the infirmary floor and carved until his hands hurt.

“Can we try to set it up?” he asked Pomfrey.

“Yes, I think you have enough. Do you mind if I invite Terry to join us? I want to show him this”

Draco did mind, but he knew Pomfrey was investing a lot on the Ravenclaw and he supposed he could do this for her. So together the three of them set up a base healing area.

“So what did you make as additions?” she asked him.

“A calming effect, a bit of heat and a slow repair for nerve damage”

Pomfrey nodded looking at the pieces, but Boot frowned at them.

“Why nerve damage?”

Pomfrey looked at Draco with the corner of her eye, but didn’t move to answer, letting him decide what to do.

“Some studies says the dementors’ influence on the body and specially the brain is similar to that of a cruciatus”

“You want a healing area for dementor exposure?” the ravenclaw asked confused.

“Yes” 

“You think you-know-who is really in control of them? You think they gonna attack?” the boy asked a bit agitated.

“Obviously, but this is for my father” Draco said rolling his eyes.

And that got the boy confused again.

“He got a big sentence didn’t he? He is not getting out anytime soon” 

Draco bit his tongue not to curse the boy, but he did look at him with a murderous face.

“If the Dark Lord has control over dementor, do you really think he will leave any of his followers locked up in prison forever?” 

The boy looked like he wanted to say something else, maybe even say something nasty about Draco’s father, but he too bit his tongue and remained silent.

“You have a space for a fourth sigil” said Pomfrey looking at the two boys and searching for any animosity that could turn into a fight.

“I wanted to explore with the Patronus, but I don’t know how to cast it and I didn’t have time to practice”

“Humm… Then you will need to add another stabiliser on its place and exchange them when you do have it, if you leave an open space on the chart it will collapse when the effect starts to fade and it might cause a backlash”

“How frequent do you need to reapply the spells?” asked Boot

“It depends on the strength of the caster and how potent you want the area to be, most intensive care will last a week or two, but this is a low level area, so it will last a few months. Usually the crown of the chart will burn when the spells start to fate, so you know you have to reapply the spells and change the crown, but you have to keep an eye out, if the crown burns completely, it will break the other sigils and you will have to make everything from scratch” said Pomfrey

“The book said not all charts have crowns” Boot questioned again

“Sigils for areas that have too many powerful additives should only be used once, so you use charts without crowns to make all sigils fade together. You also have to set those in larger rooms or open areas”

“And you need a licensed healer and ward master checking them over” said Draco “if you collapse those kinds of healing areas you can kill someone”

“Precisely” said Pomfrey “there is also a few regulations on sigil usage made by the ministry, so you have to be aware of that when following charts made in other countries”

“This is so ridiculous” said Draco shaking his head, he had read all of the ministry regulations and they were so strict they made sigil usage almost useless.

“Yes and no” said Pomfrey “people shouldn’t be allowed to make their on sigils at home without consultation from an expert, they are not wrong there”

“But that is the same as potions isn't it? You shouldn’t auto-medicate, but people still can brew at home” said Boot with a frown.

“Indeed, but they teach potions at schools, the international confederation decided basic healing is no longer an obligatory subject, so sigil magic is only covered in Ancient Runes, which is an elective”

“Why did they decided that?” the boy asked

“For the reasons why Draco here called the ministry regulations ‘ridiculous’, if anyone can heal themselves, healers would be out of a job”

“That is… it takes years for someone to become a healer!” said Boot

“Yes, but politicians do not care or understand that, they focus on their interests”

“Why wouldn’t they want everyone to be able to heal?”

“Because then St. Mungus will no longer be exclusive” said Draco “anyone with money can make a clinic”

“Politics… always on the way” said Pomfrey closing the topic “This is good work, Draco, I’m sure your father will appreciate it”

“Thanks”

Draco was glad Boot didn’t say anything as he started to collect his sigils, the last thing Draco wanted was to enter a debate with the boy about his family’s alliances, especially if this somehow turned into an interrogation about Draco’s position in this war. 

It had became a hot topic at Hogwarts, trying to find out who would support who, trying to find out who they could trust, even inside Slytherin house, accusations were all over the place, despite what most of the school thought, there were more neutral parties than Death Eaters supporters on the house of snakes. So far no one had attacked anyone, but Draco knew that as soon as Dumbledore was out, things in Hogwarts would change. Pansy had mentioned a person or two with plans to flee the country after graduation, he was pretty sure that was the Greengrass’ plan as well.

Draco left the infirmary intending on finding a nice place for his sigils in his truck, if he were going home for Easter he would have left them out so he could take it home and set it up, but since Snape had arranged for him to stay, he would have to wait.

He was distracted when he saw someone familiar and he frowned when he realised it was his cousin and she was crying.

“What are you doing here? What happened to you?” he asked surprised.

“I’m fine, how are you Draco?” she said trying to sound cheerful, but failing miserably since her face was covered in tears.

“You are a terrible liar for an auror, did something happen with your family… or Lupin?”

The moment the wolf’s name came out, the girl broke down sobbing and Draco was unsure if the man had been hurt or if he was the one who hurt his cousin.

“Did you hear anything?” the girl asked desperately and Draco knew that Lupin must have gone missing

“Bad news tend to come quickly, he might be just keeping a low profile for a while”

“He is throwing himself on all the dangerous missions… he blames himself…” the girl said quietly.

Draco took a deep breath, he wasn’t really in the mood for that kind of drama, but he liked his cousin and, if he died at the end of the year, this could be the last time he would talk to her.

“Come on, let’s get some tea in the kitchen so you can come down a bit and you can tell me all about how much of an idiot Lupin is”

The girl giggled a bit, a shadow of a smile passing through her face.

“You sound like my mother, she thinks tea solves everything”

“I would be surprised if I didn’t know she is my mother’s sister” he said with an amused smile and the girl seemed to cheer up a bit despite her tears.

They walked together and as soon as they sat down, the elves brought in some tea.

“Let me guess, considering what you said on Christmas, Lupin blames himself for Sirius death”

“Yes… for his imprisonment too, for leaving Harry without anyone… we all know Sirius was the father he never had…”

“Why did Lupin leave Harry alone for years?” he asked, the question had passed through his head a few times, but he never did ask Harry about it, he was afraid he would upset the boy who already had many issues related to abandonment.

“Remus can’t take Harry’s guardianship anyway, so he let grief take him… he was afraid Harry would blame him for what happened to his parents”

“Why?”

“Because Remus was supposed to be the secret keeper… James and Lily wrote to him just a few days before it happened asking him to come back from his mission, because they wanted to switch secret keepers… Remus thought James had finally gotten suspicious of Sirius… but he never made it back on time”

Draco frowned.

“Why did they want to switch?”

“According to Sirius, he convinced them to do it because Peter really wanted and he could catch a few Death Eaters with the distraction, but James didn’t like the idea because Peter wasn’t doing very well… they thought he was sick and James and Lily didn’t want to put him at risk, Remus wasn’t around when that happened, the last time he was around, Sirius was still the secret keeper” 

“Humm… so Lupin didn’t want to tell Harry he had been friends with the man that betrayed his parents and had left them alone when they needed him the most”  said Draco finally understanding the man’s mindset.

What a pathetic man he is.

“He is so afraid of the past… he forgets he is still alive” said the girl looking at her teacup “I’m not her …”

Draco almost didn’t hear the words and he was about to say something when a group of house elves started to fight.

“But we have guest!” said an older elf that had set up the tea.

“Then make your own, this is for Gryffindor table and Master Harry” said the little female elf holding what Draco thought was a pie.

“Even the elves like Harry” Draco heard his cousin say, but he frowned at the scene.

“Why are pies on the Gryffindor table special?” he asked, it would be quite something if the school found out there was special treatment for each house because of the Golden boy.

“That is Pili, sir, she makes all the pies for Gryffindor table, she is not Hogwarts staff, so we can’t tell on her to the headmaster” said another female elf looking very put up.

“Does she belong to a Gryffindor? Someone is using their personal elf at Hogwarts?”

“That is not allowed” said Tonks with a frown.

“Obviously not, imagine the chaos” said Draco.

“Pili is a disobedient elf, she will break her bond if she keeps doing that” said the female elf next to Draco.

“Master Harry Potter is kind, he will have Pili” said Dobby, coming over covered in clothes.

“Dobby is terrible influence” said the female elf as she walked away.

“I is sorry, sir, none of our food is ready for your tea” said the old elf that was fighting with Pili.

“It’s alright, we are good with just tea” Draco said before he turned to Dobby “you didn’t bond with Harry, why do you think he will want that elf?” 

“Dobby is a free elf, but Pili is mother, if she has no bond, her baby has no bond either”

“That sounds like a good reason not to break her bond to begin with” said the old elf “empty house is still a house”

As the old elf walked away Draco turned back to his cousin.

“Even house elves have drama now”

“Well… they are alive too, we forget not all of them are like Kreacher”

“What do you mean?”

“Well… many of the old families perished on the last war, so a lot of magical properties are empty, only the elves got left behind. Kreacher took that very well, but they don’t always do” said Tonks

“Those who get left behind…” said Draco thoughtful

“Yeah…”

They were silent for a moment not really looking at one another.

“I… I should go…” said Tonks while she stood up “thanks for the talk Draco… let me know… if you hear anything…” 

“I will” he promised, he doubted that he would get such news before her, but, at least, it would comfort his cousin.

—

The days that followed were focused entirely in the cabinet and Draco barely left the Room of Requirements during the Easter break. However things didn’t get any better and he found himself constantly sick or crying for no reason, he even made an unusual kind of friendship with the annoying girl ghost who would talk to him a few times when he showed up to throw up in her bathroom. She had been surprisingly supportive even though she sometimes was too much of a romantic and would try to convince him to talk to Harry or tell him how miserable the boy was. But as fear and desperation increased, so increased the girl's worry and when he complained about chest pains, she was sure he was going to die. He dismissed her words as wishful thinking, but eventually he could no longer ignore the pain.

“Are you alright, Draco?” Blaise asked during lunch

“I’m fine”

His friends were so used to his not-answer that his words did little to take suspicion out of him, which ended up being a good thing because before he could even reach the common room, Draco’s pain got worse and it finally occurred to him that he might be having a heart attack. That thought sent him in another loop of thought that got him quite scared.

“Come on, Draco, I will take you to the infirmary” said Blaise, getting his arms around Draco’s waist and exchanging words with Theo.

Draco’s thoughts were a mess and he only vaguely realised he made his way to the infirmary.

“What happened to him?” asked Boot

“I can’t breathe” Draco finally said, he tried to take a deep breath but he seemed incapable.

“He said he had chest pain too” said Blaise “where is Pomfrey?”

“It’s a fucking heart attack, because I don’t have enough things trying to kill me, now I will die of a stupid heart attack” Said Draco frustrated and trying to hold back tears that were starting to form on his eyes.

“She didn’t come back from lunch yet” said Boot and he got closer to Draco, who was now sitting on one of the beds, and took his wrist on his hands before frowning “Draco, I think you’re having a panic attack”

“Sure I’m having a panic attack, I’m dying, you idiot” 

“No you’re not” said the boy and he moved to the potion cabinet, coming back with a calming draught “my mum said the first time you have one of those it feels like you’re dying, you should take this until Pomfrey is back, she knows your potions better than me” 

Whether or not the boy was right, Draco could use a calming draught, so he took the thing and laid down until Pomfrey was next to him casting a few spells.

“Well… you are not dying” said Pomfrey “unless you count malnutrition and lack of decent sleep dying”

“I don’t have much appetite” Draco confessed.

“Stress can do that, my question is, why did it suddenly get so intense?” she asked “you are taking too many potions and it’s not because of you illness” 

“I got other things going on”

“Well your other things will have to wait, your body can’t take the stress and the amount of times you are exhausting your magic core”

“I will take it easy” said Draco, feeling a bit slow with the effects of the potion.

“Oh you will indeed, you are staying here, in bed, for the next two days”

“I’m not sick, you just said so” said Draco

“I said you’re not dying, but you are definitely sick, you are staying here so your body can heal” she said and then she took a notepad, wrote something and gave it to Blaise “give this to Professor Snape, please”

“Yes ma’am” said the Slytherin before leaving.

Pomfrey came back to Draco’s side with another potion, this time something that would put him to sleep for quite some time. He looked at the woman and then decided to just take it, at least, if he was on medical leave, he had an excuse not to hand in his assignments.

He let himself drift off and sleep, he didn’t know how long his nap was, but he was surprised when he woke up to find the infirmary dark and his head of house sitting next to his bed.

“Professor…?”

“How pathetic” the man said slowly and Draco felt a shiver run through his body “you have less than three months to complete your task and here you are crying to the school nurse for a bit of sympathy”

“You know nothing!” said Draco trying to be spiteful, but failing, his body not fully awake yet.

“I don’t see you anywhere near completing your task, I promised your mother I would help you, but you are too arrogant to listen. Perhaps you think the Dark Lord can be moved by his fondness for the Black family, but you would do well to remember you are too much your father’s son”

“Why professor , if I didn’t know you better I would think you are jealous of my good breeding” Draco mocked, he was not in the mood to take the man’s behaviour in silence.

“You always had a competitive behaviour with Potter, clearly you match in arrogance. But just like the boy will die very soon, you should start to get your priorities straight or you will be joining him” Snape said viciously before standing up “he wants it to be public, so it has to be done before the end of the term, you know where to find me when you get over yourself”

Draco watched the man leave, the potions still in his system preventing him from getting into another panic attack, Snape’s threat very clear on his mind, if he was unsure of how long the Dark Lord would wait, now he definitely had a deadline. 

He didn’t manage to sleep again that night and just made all kinds of empty promises to Pomfrey so she would let him go to his dorm, unfortunately, as soon as he left the infirmary’s door he went straight for the Room of Requirement. He didn’t care about making public appearances in the Great Hall, or playing nice with teachers and handing in his assignments, he barely even went back to his dorms, he knew Snape would not make a fuss, he had not said a word about Draco not doing his prefect’s duties or assigned him detention for not doing his assignments.

It didn’t take long for his new regime to show his side effects, Draco was exhausted in every way possible, covered in all the fear and anxiety as death was once again in his shadow. At some point he reached such a low point he started to consider that if he killed himself, maybe the Dark Lord would be satisfied enough to not kill his mother.

"But you did, you could have ended this yourself, but you choose to live and to hope that things will get better, sometimes that is the hardest choice of all"

And how right she had been, because it was hard, it had turned increasingly harder everyday and it was only his own stubborn desire to live that kept him going, still some days he just couldn't even stand himself and his own thoughts.

The day Harry caught him crying was one of those low days. He didn't know why he started a fight, he had been frustrated and in the middle of crying over all the misery he felt, but seeing Harry there on such a low moment brought back a bit of the anger he felt towards Harry, because the boy, who said he would not turn his back on him, did exactly that instead of staying with him when he needed him the most.

Draco wanted to hurt him as he was hurting and Harry gave as good as he got, but at some point he threw a spell Draco had never heard and was unprepared to fight against. Pain hit him fast and at some point he was aware he was losing a lot of blood and Myrtle and Harry were screaming, he could feel he was dying... it felt so good, but he passed out before he could even ask Harry why .

Chapter Text

When Draco woke up again, it was rather dark and he was, as usual, in the infirmary. He wasn't in pain, but definitely sore and his mouth tasted disgusting, probably because potions were given to him while he was out. He tried to sit and noticed his chest was covered in gauze that had been dipped in some potions with a foul smell, there was another gauze on his left arm, but it was dry and probably there to hide his Dark Mark since his entire upper body was naked.

"Do not dare move" said Pomfrey tying a night robe while running in his direction.

"What happened?" he asked confused, he had a vague memory of crying and fighting Harry. He had tried to hurt the other boy didn’t he? His mind was so foggy now that his memories of such strong emotions seemed too distant. 

"Apparently you and Potter had a duel in a bathroom that almost killed the both of you"

Draco frowned, but noticed the woman also looked to another bed and that was when he noticed Harry lying there covered in sweat, but fully asleep despite the expression of pain in his face.

"It seems he is not as disconnected to you as we first thought, his reaction wasn't immediate or similar to yours, but he got the rashes on his chest, he said he felt pain there too and he started to run a very high fever, so his friends almost had to carry him here half an hour after Professor Snape brought you"

That, more than anything, surprised Draco and it was strangely pleasing to know that in some way Harry too was connected to him through their bound, even if the situation was terrible.

"He cursed me" was all Draco could say with the effects of potions still slowing him down.

"So I've heard, apparently he didn't know what the spell did, read it on a book and didn't consider it could be pretty much anything"

That sounded exactly like the type of stupidity his boy would do.

"The cuts will scar, Professor Snape said he would make a paste to eliminate the keloid, but they are curse scars so they will stay in some form” the woman said kindly.

"Trust Harry Potter to find dark magic in a book and use it because he doesn't know what it was" he said with a dark humour that Pomfrey clearly disapproved of.

"Your friends have come by, but Mrs. Parkinson was pretty determined to finish him off and started a fight with Mr. Potter's friends, no one noticed anything, but all visitors have been prohibited for the both of you until Potter is out of here“ Draco smiled, touched that Pansy would want to avenge him "it's really late and you're still healing, so it would be better if you go back to sleep. Potter won't wake up until morning"

Draco nodded and accepted the potion the woman was offering. In a few minutes he was sleeping again.

When he woke up again he didn't feel much different than when he woke up at night, but Harry was now awake, holding his hand and silently crying.

"If I wasn't doing worse than you again I would call this payback" he said and Harry was fast to look at him.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know… I was stupid, I'm sorry" cried Harry holding his hand even harder.

"I'm more mad this is what it took for you to talk to me" he simply said and the boy just cried harder but didn't say anything.

Draco let Harry cry his heart out, if he wasn't feeling so numb he would probably cry too considering all the emotional journey he had been through so far this year. He did mean though the part about being mad, he wasn't as angry as before because he wasn't much of anything at the moment, but he still remembered he started the fight in the bathroom because Harry had just left him and he wanted to hurt him in return.

“I didn’t want this to be the reason we talked either” Harry eventually said.

“You could have talked to me at any time”

“Well so could you”

“You’re the one who decided you couldn’t be with a Death Eater” Draco said bitterly and Harry looked taken aback.

“I knew you were a Death Eater since the start but I still chose you, you are the one who kept pushing me away” the other boy accused and Draco just looked at him incredulously.

“I was pushing you away? Have you lost your mind? Since the start being with you was a risk and I still did it knowing that getting caught would cost my life and my family's. You were the one who wanted me to be what I'm not, to throw my life into fighting for the good like a nice Gryffindor”

“When did I ever say that?” the boy asked looking confused

“Well you never said it to my face”

“Because I never said it at all! I’ve known you for years, Draco, I know how nasty you can be and all the reasons why we shouldn’t be together, but I still wanted to try and I really like the person I found, but things changed when you became a Death Eater and you never shared with me the rest of you! You keep saying I don’t want to be with a Death Eater, but you never let me see this part of you”

Draco didn’t know if it was the potions or if Harry had just stopped making sense, because he was positively confused.

“That was the very first thing I did!” Draco said both frustrated and confused.

“And then you never talked about it again! You didn’t tell me about the mead, about your plans, we never talk about what will happen when you have to get back home…”

“Because I don’t want you to know about that and get all upset!”

“Exactly!”

“So what, you want to know what I’m doing so you can convince me not to do it? because that is not gonna happen”

“I know! And that is not what I’m doing, I just want you to share things with me because I want to know who you are, I know you didn’t mean to hurt Ron, but you are doing something for him so I want to know how far you’re willing to go and if… in the end, if things get messy… if you have to chose will you stay with me?”

Draco was not expecting that, he had always seen Harry as the golden boy with very straight morals, never someone who would accept Draco’s questionable ones.

“I heard you once… with your friends, it seemed like you did want me to change sides” Draco admitted, no longer with all the heat from before.

“Yeah I did… I thought you were just being difficult because you were proud or something… but then we started talking and we learned all that stuff about Sirius’ mum and Regulus… I realised that just like the bond, there are things older than us in this war… we got dragged into this and I can accept that, but it is our choice to set a limit, to… to choose to go through this with our own feet… “

“There is no choice, Harry”

“I thought so too… but… it’s like… will you do what Voldemort wants you to do and insist you were forced to do it or will you do it and take responsibility for it because you know it’s wrong, but it’s the only way? And then when it reaches a limit, when he asks you to do something truly horrible, will you keep on doing it or will you finally say no?”

And it took Draco a while, but he did understand what Harry was trying to tell him, that there were different ways you could face the same challenge, much like the difference between being together because of the bond or because they really wanted to. Draco knew, in the back of his head, that he had hidden behind the excuse of not having a choice to keep his options opened, to play grey and be able to swing to either side of this war. 

He had made a lot of resolutions, but had never stuck with one and Harry had noticed that, in fact Lovegood had asked him if he had chosen the other boy and the truth was, that he hadn’t, not really. He chose to be with Harry, but he did keep open the possibility that there was a life for him if Harry died and he survived. Maybe that was what the boy meant on Christmas, that he would leave him if the situation was grave but ultimately, he wouldn’t leave him , not like Regulus.

And Draco felt like a fool, he did exactly what he said he wouldn’t do, what his cousin did, he tasted the best life and then walked away from it. If Harry had accepted it, like Regulus’ lover did, then they would have been separated until the war was over and maybe never reunite again.

And yet, Regulus had fought a lot more than Draco for the person he liked, because for him there was only one outcome for the war, so much so he was willing to die for it. This is what Draco’s mother had truly been afraid of, that Draco would have a limit, that like Regulus there would be something (or someone) that would cause him to make a stand.

Clearly Harry wanted to know if he would be that for Draco.

“No… forget Harry the real question is… if I intend to be a Death Eater all my life”

Living every year like this one and sitting silently as people were tortured, never knowing if you could be the next one. Except if you were one of them, if you let yourself run with it and just do what they do.

“ I couldn’t even watch, much less do it myself”

But then that begged the question…

“Did you thought I was going to be a true Death Eater without you?” he asked and Harry looked serious at him despite his tear covered face.

“A few years ago, yeah… but not now, I wouldn’t date you if I didn’t believe in you a little”

“Then why did you ask?”

“Because I like you… a lot… and I wanted to know how far you’ll go, if it’s something I can accept… and if you wanted to be together when this is over, because for me it’s not just a ‘we’re gonna die, so let’s shag’ kind of thing” Harry said with embarrassment, the tears and the confession giving his dark skin a funny blush.

Draco couldn’t help but snort at the last comment though.

“Who said that?” he asked, because he was sure it didn't come from Harry.

“Ginny, she thought that was what we were doing” 

Draco was silent for a moment, but he didn’t need to think it over much to admit.

“She wasn’t wrong… that was what I intended on doing…” and then Draco turned away from those green eyes and let all those feelings from their time apart take over, he knew the past few weeks was not the life that he wanted “But I guess I like you… a bit”

Draco didn’t need a mirror to know his face was very red, but Harry looked an even worse mess, his face still swollen from all the crying. They just looked at each other for a moment and although Draco could barely move, they both went to each other to meet in a kiss. It was a messy kiss, they were both crying and desperate and Draco's chest was still hurt, he was holding Harry's hair too hard and their position was awful, but it was exactly what they needed.

A noise startled them and they immediately separated.

"I'm glad you two are feeling better" said Pomfrey looking at them with an amused smile as she came closer "But I would appreciate if you didn't reopen those wounds"

Harry was immediately shy, but did not realise Draco's hand or look away.

"I don't feel anything" said Draco

"That is because of the potion on your gauze, it should wear off in a few hours, I told you those were curse scars" she said pragmatically and moved closer to cast a spell and inspect the bandages.

“What was that spell anyway?” Draco asked Harry, it wasn’t really something he had seen before despite how many dark curses he had seen recently and some of the Death eater should have stumbled upon it at some point if it was in a Hogwarts book.

"I'm sorry" said Harry again “I didn’t know what the spell did… I wasn’t even going to use it… the book said it was for enemies, I mean.. I thought it was a duelling spell… but then I suddenly just felt so angry… like I really wanted to hurt you… it was strange but it was so fast… and… and you did try to throw an unforgivable at me!”

Draco looked away from the boy for a moment remembering the final moments of their duel.

“Well… I was mad at you and my chest was hurting again… so I really wanted to hurt you ” Draco admitted

“It felt like last year… When I had sudden moments of anger… but that wasn’t really me…” the boy said quietly and Draco knew immediately what he was referring to.

“I don’t think this was you either, Potter” said Pomfrey “nor was it you-know-who, I think it was Draco’s feelings you were picking up, after all, if this incident has taught us anything is that, whatever blocks your side of the connection, has a limit and you can’t use your magic to hurt Draco”

“We’ve thrown curses at each other before” said Draco frowning.

“But never something that would really hurt you and definitely never a dark curse” said Pomfrey looking stern at Draco “ignoring the legality of it, you intended to use a very dark curse against Mr. Potter, also you two were throwing curses at each other for a while in that duel, which might have made some effect on the bond” 

“So we made each other angrier than we were” said Harry slowly.

“Most likely, although I’m surprised the first thing that would come to your mind Potter, was such a dark curse, even if you were compelled to hurt your opponent. We were luck Professor Snape knew a counter curse and was able to stop the bleeding, Draco would never have made it here otherwise”

Potter looked all guilty and ashamed again, repeating the same words.

“I didn’t know what it was…”

"Yeah… well… we're revoking you're status of best Defense student, because you don't know your latin and can't recognise a dark spell when it's staring at you" Draco said trying to put an end to the argument which would not lead them anywhere.

"We don't learn latin" said Harry confused.

"We do! First year and second is basically an introduction to it, we learn all the spells main etymologies, I know Lockhart completely ruined our chances of learning more about it, but it was all in the book Quirrell used for the second years"

"How was I supposed to know that?"

"You live with Granger!" said Draco exasperated.

“I… I suppose I don't always pay attention" muttered Harry a bit embarrassed.

"You are a disgrace… it's what I get for choosing a nice arse over brain"

Harry smiled and bent down to kiss Draco, but as soon as the kiss was a bit more deep, Madame Pomfrey interrupted them again.

"That is enough for you two, you can mend your relationship after Draco is fully healed. You should go back to your common room, Potter, lunch will start soon and I already excused you for your morning classes, you made your apologies, so you can go watch the rest of your classes"

"I still have the rashes" he said and lifted his shirt to show his torso.

Draco tentatively touched the marks, it looked uglier than the ones he used to get, but he was still a bit pleased to see it, to get his proof that his life mattered, that this bond wasn't completely unfair. He had to wonder what this meant for them, for the future, this new development changed everything they thought they knew. This bond was something big and it was frustrating to not know what it was about, how it started and what it was for.

"Yes and you're going to be itchy, nothing that you should lose classes over, Draco has being doing it for years and that one is your own doing"

Harry was obviously not happy, but Pomfrey was firm and slowly kicked him out and turned to Draco.

"You are a lot of trouble" she said smiling

"So is my boyfriend, I think we match"

The woman snorted, but turned serious a moment later.

“I feel there is another matter that we should talk about” she said pointing to his left arm “although I understand your reasons to keep it quiet, this is another magical interference you added to your body”

“I know, but there was nothing that could be done about it and I don’t feel any different than before”

“I see… and I’m assuming this have something to do with Mr. Weasley’s accident” she said stern

“Yes… Harry knows… Dumbledore too if that is what you’re worried”

“No Draco, I’m worried about you. In the past few weeks you have been driving yourself insane and now I know why, and I’m worried”

Draco looked at the woman, she had never looked so old and tired before, nor as kind.

“Thank you” Draco said sincerely “There is nothing that can be done now except finish up what I started… just… don’t think this…”

“I know this mark is not you, Draco, and that is not just because I know you’re bonded to the one person He wants dead” she said with a bit of mirth “I’ve known you longer than that”

She hesitated for a moment, but then she bent down to place a kiss on Draco’s forehead.

“You need to rest, try not to move so much, as the potion effect fades you will feel more pain, just let me know and we will see if it’s better for you to drink a potion or change the gauze, the main priority is that you don’t reopen these wounds”

“I won’t” said Draco looking at the woman’s eyes, he was relieved she had not rejected him and he didn’t want to upset her in any way.

Pomfrey nodded and left, leaving Draco alone with his own thoughts. He couldn’t help but to think about the red marks on Harry’s body, seeing that had almost made this entire incident worth it, because now they knew there was a connection.

"If the Dark Lord kills me, does it kill Harry or this only backfired on him because it was his own magic?"

The need to succeed had always been grand, it would keep him and his family alive, but now there was an added bonus that it might also be necessary to keep the saviour, the chosen one, alive.

No pressure at all.

Draco closed his eyes and tried to think of anything he could do, but nothing came to mind. What did people do when they were desperate? Blaise would say pray and Draco wasn't religious. But James Potter was. And his son's life was kind of in danger too.

"Here it goes nothing… Lady magic hear my prayer, find me a way out of this situation"

As expected, nothing happened and Draco was forced to endure another hour of his own dark thoughts before someone entered the infirmary during lunch. Initially Draco thought it was going to be one of his friends or Harry coming back to check on him before class, but it was Terry Boot. He was expecting him to go straight to Pomfrey's office, but he came to him instead.

"How are you doing?" asked the boy and Draco frowned.

"Fine"

"The entire school kind of heard about what happened and I was hoping to catch you here some time to give you something" and out of his pocket, Boot took a sigil "I noticed how hard you've been working on sigils and you mentioned you were trying to add something that would help with lasting damage made by dementors, something related to the Patronus. I've been studying about it since Harry taught us last year and there are a lot of theories over what it actually does, but most people seem to feel better when they are close to a Patronus, so I tried to use it to enchant the sigil. I don't know how your final area will look like, if you still want to add something, so I made it pretty general and left some space if you want to carve a specific rune for it to fit"

Draco reached out for the sigil to look at it and he could immediately feel the warm emanating from it, he had wondered if a Patronus could be used in a sigil, he had intended to ask Harry to cast it for him at some point, but things got out of control.

"Why are you doing this?" he asked looking suspiciously at the other boy.

"Your father might be a bastard, but he can't be a bad father if you're working so hard all year to create something to help him"

Draco was surprised by the boy’s acceptance and that just got him more confused.

"But why are you doing this for me ?"

"Cause you're a healer and Pomfrey likes you a lot, so you can’t be too bad. We're pretty much in a war already and unity is the only weapon we have against them , everyone is ready to just throw all the Slytherins out, but isn't that exactly what got us in trouble in the first place? We should reach out to everyone"

"Are you sure you're not supposed to be in Hufflepuff?" Draco said sarcastically.

"I think the houses help us get started as kids, but it shouldn't define us for life"

Draco shocked his head in disbelief. The boy said not even a bit offended.

"Yeah sure… thank you I suppose"

"You're welcome" the boy looked like he was just going to leave, but then he changed his mind "you've been doing really bad lately, your grades are really down, do you need any help?"

Draco rolled his eyes, that boy was too nice.

"Not unless you know anything about magical transportation"

The boy frowned and looked confused.

"You mean like vehicles or stuff like portkeys and the floo?"

Draco stopped to think about the question and it hit him.

"The floo! The cabinet is not a portkey, it works like the floo!"

"Nevermind, I think you just gave me an idea" Draco said, trying to conceal his shock and excitement.

The Ravenclaw looked confused and it looked like he was going to say something, but the infirmary door opened again and Harry came in. As soon as he noticed Boot he hesitated.

“I… I wanted to check on you" said Harry a bit nervous looking between the two boys.

"I'm fine, Potter, you can leave" said Draco pretending to be mad at the boy so Boot wouldn't think too strange that Harry was there.

Harry understood the message and nodded and awkwardly left.

"You know" started Boot "he is feeling really guilty for this"

"Don't care"

"Well… after this is all over, maybe instead of being at each other's throat all the time, you should just ask him out, considering how much he's been staring at you this year I think he might actually say yes"

Considering the irony of the statement, Draco couldn't help but laugh.

"I will keep it in mind" was all he could say.

Chapter Text

Draco was alone in the infirmary for some time before his friends were able to visit him after class and Pansy and Theo were both still furious as Pomfrey had said they were.

"I don't buy it that it was an accident" said Theo "he always hated you and no one does dark magic by accident, he should have been expelled for this!”

"He is Dumbledore's boy" said Draco trying to pretend he didn’t care, but hoping his potion induced fussy brain could be an excuse if he was off "they won't expel him"

"Well then we should do something" insisted the boy.

"No, doing anything will only aggravate the Gryffindors and I need them to leave me alone for a while. In fact I need that help you offered, I need you to do some research for me while I'm stuck here"

“Research?”

“Anything you can find on the floo network, floo powder and fireplace enchantments”

Theo found his request strange, but agreed to do it while Daphne and Pansy promised to get his assignments. Theo and Daphne left promising to come back soon, but Pansy stayed for a while longer.

"You're looking too cheerful for someone who almost die" she said and looked at him with a calculating look.

"I am" he said and smirked at her, but she did not smile back.

"So it takes you hitting death's door for him to come and beg you to accept him? You shouldn't take him back!"

"I know" he said defeated and a bit annoyed "But I really like him… and I suppose he did have a point...”

Pansy looked mad at him at that moment, she was always on his side and would stick by him, but that didn't mean she always agreed with him when doing it.

"Well he better be worth all the trouble" was her annoyed reply and Draco just looked at her and a bit of the conversation he had early came back to him.

“Pansy… if I… if I do something stupid, will you stay with me?” he asked, he knew the girl had his back, but he would never ask her to risk herself just so he could be with Harry.

“Draco darling, you have been acting stupid for years” she said reaching for his face and tapping three time, just like their childhood code, their talk without words “just know you will break your mother’s heart if you die” Pansy gave him a peck on his lips and left, but Draco knew what she meant, they always talked like that when they didn’t want to say out loud what they were really feeling.

Draco didn’t expect anyone else to visit, so he left himself rest most of the day as Pomfrey wanted him to. However Harry showed up after curfew with his invisibility cloak.

"I didn't know you were coming, I already took my potions, so I'm afraid I will sleep on you" said Draco.

“It’s ok" said Harry and climbed Draco's bed, arranging them in a way Draco could be comfortable and still fit the two of them.

Draco got his wand and put a little alarm on the door.

"If it rings you need to get out, potions make my sleep too deep, so I won't wake up, it's fine if you just toss me aside"

It didn't take long for Draco to sleep with Harry's hand on his hair and the warm of his body around him. It had been a long time since Draco had slept so well and he was even blessed with having no interruption until morning when Pomfrey woke up and gently kicked his boyfriend out.

"You're very clever at breaking rules, Potter, but I will tell Minerva if you're here after curfew again, I know you two have a difficult situation, but you are still a student and you need to follow the school regulations" she said kindly, but firm.

Considering how much trouble Harry was already in and that meeting during the day could blow their cover, the boys agreed it was better to wait until Draco was discharged. Being alone wasn’t something that really bothered Draco, he wanted the time to think without Harry around, he knew he should be more upset about the incident than he was, but somehow the entire event felt like a breath of fresh air. Not because the near death experience had changed his view on life, but because it broke him out of the suffocating panic state he had been for the past few weeks. He knew Harry was an idiot and he still needed to ask the boy exactly where he got that spell, but he wasn’t upset with him, he too had wanted to hurt the other boy in that bathroom and, in a way, the both of them ended up getting hurt over the entire thing, so they were as even as the bond would let them.

It was their talk that had been all over his thoughts, was it that easy to have what he wanted? He and Harry had a complicated relationship since the beginning and after so many fights he thought the boy would resent him or that he wouldn’t accept him, he had never thought all that he needed to do was to choose Harry and stick by it. Although he supposed that in a war like this, the staying part was the hard one.

Draco replayed the conversation inside his head many times until he was just too tired and fell asleep, he woke up late again, and he knew he needed to adjust his sleeping cycle before he was released.

“Are you hungry? Madame Pomfrey just left you some diner” said a voice Draco recognised as Blaise’s. He turned to the chair next to him and saw the boy sitting there with a book. 

“Yeah… I could eat something” he said after giving some thought and actually waking up “Why were you waiting here?”

“I brought your assignments and a copy of Daphne’s class’ notes and Madame Pomfrey said you had been sleeping for a while, so I was hoping you would wake up soon”

“What happened?” he said worried.

“Pansy has been freaking out about something you said to her, so I’m worried”

“Oh…” Draco didn’t see any worry on Pansy’s face that day, so he didn’t think what his words could have done to her.

“She is hiding it well, but I know her”

“I didn’t mean to scare her” 

They were silent for a moment and Draco was confused, he had a friendly relationship with Blaise, but they haven’t really talked just the two of them in a long time, so he wasn’t sure what the boy wanted.

“Look, Draco, I’m gonna be honest with you, I know you joined and that you’re doing something for them”

“You know nothing” Draco said immediately trying to hide how scared he now was with the confrontation.

“I know you’ve been hurting yourself for a while now and that whatever happened between you and Potter is a symptom of that”

“What do you want Blaise?”

“To help you. Me and my family don’t really like this war, but we are purebloods, we have the privilege of choice. I went to Pansy’s home this Easter and they have reached a point where they are openly admitting what side they are on and displaying the Dark Mark as a show of status and I had to just sit there and pretend it was all normal, even my mother was disgusted, I can’t even imagine how things are for you”

“I’m proud to serve the Dark Lord” was Draco’s automatic answer, the same thing he had told his aunt and uncle the entire summer.

“That’s bullshit, so don’t waste your breath” said Blaise, but he didn’t sound mean or angry “do you want help to get out?”

Draco looked at Blaise surprised, he was not expecting any help from him.

“I can’t get out”

“You can. I’m asking if you want to”

Ah…

And there it was again… 

“It’s not that easy, it’s not just my life that is in line here”

“It’s funny that most people after reaching death’s door and coming back get more determined to follow their hearts, but you, who are so full of yourself all the time, got scared of what you want”

“Where did you get that idea?”

“You always said things with confidence, no matter how wrong it was, you never had trouble with it, but since you started to get more ill you started to hold back on things and act as if you’re already doomed. Come on Draco, when was the last time you talked about quidditch? you don’t even complain you miss it, you love studying, but you are failing most of your classes, Theo writes to your mother more than you do and you’re dating in secret, but you didn’t talk to your friends until you broke it off or something”

“I talked to Pansy”

“She forced you to talk to her, you’ve been pushing everyone away from you with your silence!” the boy said frustrated

It was ironic in an awful way that he would have the same talk twice in a row and this time he did get a bit angry.

“I don’t ‘act as if I’m 'already doomed’ because I’m trying to be dramatic, my life…” 

“That is not what I mean!” Blaise interrupted “I know things are hard, we can all see you’re tearing yourself apart, but you do act as if everything is decided! And obviously all the paths leads you to your death”

“It’s what happens to those who desert him and even if I do manage to run away, he would just kill my parents!”

“So you want to stay?” the boy insisted.

For a moment Draco felt compelled to just answer as he usually did, that he had no choice but to stay, except he did, and Blaise was right there offering one.

“I want to stay” Draco said out loud for the first time.

“Fuck…” Blaise growled putting his hands on his face “so Pansy was right to think you were joining the resistance? Are you going to Dumbledore to be a spy like Snape?”

Draco was surprised, he had not thought that was the impression he had left on Pansy, but if he was honest, he wasn’t that far from it, except he intended to murder Dumbledore and help out Harry Potter.

“I… hadn’t thought that far actually” he said instead

“Depending on what you do, you will become a target to either side, so I reckon this is the time to decide”

Most of the prominent figures on the other side knew about him and Harry or would at least respect if the ‘savior’ told them not to target him, it was the Dark Lord he needed to appease so he could hide in plain sight like his mother.

“I need to do something that will make the Dark Lord happy, then I can just wait out until Potter does his thing”

“So you’re hoping Potter will win?” Blaise asked amused.

“Yeah”

Blaise looked surprised by his answer, but it was past the time he said it.

“With that attitude, Draco, you will do something stupid a lot sooner than you think” the boy said amused before standing up “I better go before it’s too late, you should eat” 

Draco had completely forgotten about the food, but he was glad by the distraction, dealing with Blaise was always weird and unexpected, but at least this time, the conversation cleared up his thoughts a bit more. Pansy never mentioned the conversation when she visited again, so either she was ignoring it for now, or Blaise hadn’t talked to her and both things we good for Draco at the moment

He only left a few days later on Sunday and by then he had another thing to take care first, he had a lot of catching up to do in both his studies and his project, Theo had selected quite a collection of books. Harry however was not known for his patience and cornered Draco on Monday as soon as he could.

"Where were you yesterday? I know you were discharged in the morning"

"I had a lot of stuff to get in ordem, I did spend almost a week in bed"

"Could have sent me a message" the boy muttered looking down and Draco rolled his eyes.

“We didn’t talk for weeks, a few days is nothing”

“Don’t you think we already wasted too much time?” Harry said as his eyes met Draco’s.

Draco felt uncomfortable, but he knew the two of them needed to talk again without the overflowing emotions they had after the incident.

“Meet me in our room today after class" he said and the boy nodded.

“But are you ok?” 

“Just a bit sore, it’s fine” said Draco with a deep breath, he was annoyed at the boy for this, but his guilt and constant apologies were even more irritating.

Their agreement did make Harry happier and Draco was able to focus his day in saving a little bit of his grades and getting Flitwick to answer a few of his questions about the enchantments used on fireplaces. When classes were over none of his friends thought it was strange he was going out alone, thinking he was working on his project and it was easy to get to the seventh floor. He was surprised however to find Harry's two friends there as well.

"Is this an intervention or just a 'be nice' to my friends thing? Cause I will let you know now my friends are feeling quite murderous toward you at the moment" said Draco

"I know, Parkinson makes sure to tell me everyday"

"She loves me too much, I don't deserve her" Said Draco with a found smile "so… why are they here?”

"We didn't have the last period, so we were studying, here it's better than the common room… everyone keeps asking me about what happened…”

“This place kind of looks like it actually" Said Granger and looked at Draco "How are you anyway?"

"I'm fine, now I have scars to match Harry" he said ironically

"I'm sorry" Said Harry once more

"I know… please stop apologising… just… ask Granger next time you decide to experiment with a spell"

"I told him he shouldn't be using any of the spells in that book" She said sounding very angry.

"What book was that anyway?" he asked curious and Harry looked down.

"Remember that I asked you about a 'Half Blood Prince'? He was the previous owner of the potion's book that I got from Slughorn in the beginning of the year" the boy said shyly and Draco’s eyes grew bigger in surprise.

"So that is how you were cheating on potions all year! You've been using Snape's book, no wonder you made every potion perfect" oh he was furious with his boyfriend, and jealous too, he would have loved to see Snape's little modifications, he had noticed Harry doing a few different things and he was sure it would be way more helpful than Slughorn's classes.

"Snape?" asked Harry and Weasley at the same time while Granger frowned as she furiously tried to find the connection.

"As far as I know he is the only half blood in the Prince family, I told you that when you asked" and Harry frowned.

"No you didn’t… you said..."

"That Snape didn't get to be the Prince’s heir, considering his last name is not Prince and Snape is not a traditional wizard name, I thought it was implied"

"I..." and he looked at Weasley, both of them remembered the conversation but none of them made the connection "But the book is fifty years old, that is way earlier than Snape would have been here"

"It might have been his mother's, the potion's book hadn't changed in years and Snape was quite poor when he was young, not that he has much money now..." Draco had seen the man's house once, it was pitiful and it hasn't changed from what he heard from Bella.

"That makes sense I suppose..." Said Granger and turned to Harry "you should have told me Prince was a family name, I would have probably found out who was it by now and it would have avoided this whole thing"

"But it tells us a lot about Snape if he was writing dark spells on his book when he was sixteen" Said Weasley

"He is a death eater" Said Draco rolling his eyes "he probably joined before he even left Hogwarts, he had nothing to lose, he had no family and saying he was half a Prince would not take him very far when his own grandfather refused him, his mother had been disinherited the moment she ran with that stupid muggle… worst mistake of her life"

"If she did that she must have been in love" said Granger trying to defend the woman she never even met.

"Yes and then he made her so miserable she killed herself" And the Gryffindors were quite shocked “and that is what they officially said, everyone suspected he killed her"

"That is horrible… no wonder Professor Snape is not… very warming" and both Draco and Weasley snorted at her.

"That is what happened when wizards try to marry muggles, it's more common than you think, it is why Macusa was always openly against it"

"Not every muggle is bad, my parents love magic!" Said Granger

Draco stopped for a second, thinking if he really wanted to get into the topic, but then he looked at Harry, their conversation from when he woke up after the incident still fresh in his head and he decided to take a leap.

"And you are very luck, the year we started Hogwarts four other muggleborns didn't make it" said Draco looking at her straight in the eye

"What?" asked Harry, Granger was apparently just too surprised to even speak.

"Four muggleborns died before they reached the age of eleven, because the muggles around them got scared"

"How do you even know that? I never read that anywhere" said Granger frowning.

"My father told me, he was part of the board, they check it every year, there is always at least one"

"But how do they know?" she asked frustrated.

"The Hogwarts book, it writes down the name of the person as soon as they do magic, so it also writes their birthday so the deputy head, in this case Mcgonagal, knows when to expect them. The book also cross out the kids that die, I'm not saying it can't happen because of sickness and such, but so far most cases involving muggleborns ended up quite badly, it's been like that for centuries"

"Why is no one doing anything about it?" said Granger mad and upset at the same time

"Because of muggle lovers like Dumbledore that want to coexist with them, protect them"

He knew that perhaps making such a comment about the headmaster would make the Gryffindors angry, but it was important for them to understand the man wasn't just about ending prejudice, he was a political figure and there was a political agenda that would change after he was dead and, if they won the war, the trio needed to understand exactly what they were defending.

"But that has nothing to do with finding a way to protect children, if anything protecting the muggles from seeing magic is even more necessary!" said Granger

"Which is why removing the children from them is necessary"

"That would be barbaric!" the girl said with wide eyes.

"I will tell you what is barbaric, eight years ago I think… it was before we got into Hogwarts, there was a case of parents that murdered their child, aurors were able to extract the memories, the body was thrown in the ocean. The problem was that they had another child, too small to be showing any signs of magic at the time, so there was a debate of what to do, because if they called the muggle authorities there was a chance the couple would say they killed their little girl because she had magic, also it was going to take a lot of effort to alert the authorities without revealing how we knew about the girl, there was no body to be found, so it was better to just leave it, we shouldn't be messing with muggle affairs.

They modified their memories so they forgot everything about the first child, we turned them back to the loving couple they were before magic and we could just monitor the other child… Except we don't have any way to monitor accidental magic done by little kids unless it’s something huge, it's why muggleborns only find out about magic when they are eleven, we were never allowed to create a way to do such a thing, so we had nothing in place. 

The couple killed their second child three years ago. This time a neighbour notice and the muggle authorities were involved and then with a bit of investigation they found out about the first child, after two murders and their claim of not remembering their first child, the muggles just thought they were crazy when they started talking about magic"

By the time he had finished, Granger was in tears and Harry looked very sick. Being so removed from their world might have protected them from the Dark Lord, but it also meant they were ignorant about the little things that happened all the time.

"Dad got really upset about this case" Said Weasley with a serious face ”he wanted the ministry to train some aurors to work on the muggle law enforcement, so we could integrate when stuff happened, his department has a lot of trouble with it because magical objects are hard to detect and they constantly have issues with the muggles’ authorities. He said if the ministry had just done that, the boy could be alive"

"Why have we never heard about it?" asked Harry

"It wasn't on the prophet, the ministry wouldn't want people to know, but the story circulated around" Said Draco

"But people should know!" Said Grange really upset "we should be doing something about it!"

"Like what? Our laws protect the muggles, we can't put them on trial for murdering wizards, we're not allowed to track and monitor muggleborn wizards, we're not allowed to interfere in their system… It's why Grindelwald was so popular, a lot of people hate the statute of secrecy, it was made so we wouldn't have to deal with the muggles, but it also doesn't allow us to deal with them when we need to"

"Then we should change the laws!"

"No shit, Granger! but in case you didn't notice most political arguments have ended in war and not in a solution" Draco said annoyed.

"You-know-who is not a political argument, it's prejudice, he is trying to solve things by killing people" said Weasley angrily.

"That is because he isn't trying to solve the problems, he is trying to deal with them. Kill the muggleborns so they don't out us, kill any muggle that find out and make a wizard society for wizards, best argument he got to defend his idea is pushing where old prejudices lies, which is why he recruited people from old families, but he also recruited them young, the heirs remember? Most of the people fighting in the last war had just left Hogwarts, where prejudice is so strong because of the house rivalry, also they wouldn't know much magic and he could present himself as a mentor, pointing out how muggleborns are also bad for our education and reinforce the blood prejudice. He was clever enough to mix both issues, prejudice and politics"

"How are muggleborns bad for education? Hermione is the best in our year" said Harry defensively.

"But she doesn't know a lot of things that wizards know, things that you pick up by leaving with magic, because we only introduce muggleborns to magic when they are eleven, they don't have time to catch up, they have to do it in Hogwarts, but the school was founded at a time everyone knew about magic, so it wasn't designed to teach kids what they should have learned from their parents, it is a school for the study of magic not the introduction of it, the school was forced to adapt so it could teach all students equally, but we are not all in the same level, some subjects are not even taught at Hogwarts anymore because we don't learn enough in the early years to fit more advanced magic on the curriculum. The stuff Flitwick gives me for exemple is way over seventh year, I was able to study ahead, I didn't have to read as many books as Granger did, because a lot of the background info I already knew"

"Which is really unfair" said Harry

"Yes, for the both of us and that has nothing to do with blood, this is politics"

And Harry stopped to think for a while, a deep frown on his face.

"Like Sirius not having a trial"

"Yes, which is why only fighting prejudice doesn't help in the long run, because the problem is not just prejudice, so people need to stop thinking that if purebloods got over themselves the issue would be solved, in fact after the last war ended things just went back to how they were and now we're fighting it again"

Draco wanted the group to understand the end of the war was not the end game. A lot of people were talking about fighting, but there were a lot more of them afraid of the Dark Lord, people that would lower their head in silence, let him take over and wait until the final result came. His own family had always played on the more neutral side to avoid the consequences of being on the losing side of a conflict, like his mother pretending for years that she doesn’t talk to her sister.

So just making a stand was not going to solve things.

"But someone must have tried something!" said Granger and her tears were clearly out of frustration.

"And they were not heard"

"There was an idea for a school, wasn't there?" asked Weasley, a thoughtful look on his face "they wanted to make an introduction for muggleborns"

"Yeah, but that was like fifty years ago, It was Lord Black's project, he was going to finance it and he had a good political stance at the time because Orion was engaged to Enid Longbottom, and then he broke the engagement and married Walburga, everything fell apart, she was heartbroken and the Longbottoms never forgave the Blacks for it and then Bellatrix happened”

"Sirius father? He was going to marry Neville's... ?" Harry tried to ask.

"His great aunt, Orion loved her too for what I heard, there was a lot of rumor in the family that Walburga used illegal means to marry him"

And Harry looked gobsmacked, Sirius must not have told him much about the family history, but then Draco shouldn't be surprised, the man had refused all of it after all.

"Why didn't the Longbottons go on with the project?" Asked Granger a bit confused.

"They are not as rich as the Blacks and the land for the school was from the Selwyn family, who were Lord Black's friends and were doing him a favour. Also when the two families broke apart so did their political allies, the Longbottons were the injured party, but they were the ones who took the political hit, so they didn't have majority anymore, they only got back in the game after the last war because a lot of the old families couldn't vote and the ministry and Dumbledore were on their side… you get the picture"

"But they still had majority for years..." said Granger

"But not money or a solid plan, at that time the idea was to maintain all as it was, but we would find muggleborns at age nine to give them two years of wizarding education, it wasn't going to solve the issues with muggles, it was an idea just to solve the Hogwarts issue, all the other stuff, no one agrees with anything because there is a lot of little things we would need to do and to decide. Do we take the kids? Do we remove the entire family? But what are we going to do with the muggle parents? Are we going to monitor kids from afar? Who is going to be responsible for that? We will need a new department, more money, do we make the muggle parents pay taxes? What about the parents that don't want their kids? What do we do with those kids? Do we make an orphanage? a school? How much is that going to cost, who is going to pay? We will need to make accords with other countries, with the muggle minister and the Queen..." 

Draco stopped for a second, letting the girl process it all, but he knew she did not have a solution either, especially since she knew so little about the subject.

"It should be a collective effort, if there are those that can pay alone for their own project, why can't they pay to help solve the problem? And why does it need to be a fight against the muggles? Why can't we unite?" Granger insisted

"Because we tried in the past and it didn't work!" he said frustrated, but took a deep breath "not all muggles are bad, but a lot of them are and they would not accept us, they would try to kill us… again I must add, it is why we separated from them, it wasn't an easy choice, I'm not saying the muggles didn't give us advantages. My family didn't want to separate, we're nobles, we used to dine with the Queen, we're viscounts to the British crown and we were dukes in France, Septimus Malfoy's portrait in the manor swears he slept with Maria Antoinette... it wasn't something we wanted, it was something that was needed to keep our people save, but those that are too afraid to make the tough choices will say we're being cruel when our propositions sacrifices a few muggles on the way or hurt someone's feelings to keep others alive"

"What would you propose?" asked Harry.

"I would remove the families, we don't have ways to monitor so many people all the time and across the entire country, integrating a group of muggles in our society shouldn't be too hard, they can work for one another or do some manual labor, this would also make it easier for squibs to stay in the magical word. They could also be our bridge with the muggles, instead of creating an entire fake life for an auror to join the muggle authorities, we can put a muggle at it, they will know more what to do and making them citizens means they pay taxes and we can judge them by our laws.  Those that don't want, can release their children's custody to us and have their memories changed, this same integrated muggle parents could work as foster parents which would remove the need to administer an orphanage and reduce costs, also there is always the odd wizard family that might want to adopt. That obviously would include regulations against hate crimes that would most likely arise, but in general lines that would be my solution"

"Seem like you put a lot of thought on it" said Weasley a bit put out

"Well obviously, my family has always been well connected in the ministry and wizard-muggle relations is something we had to deal extensively after the statute of secrecy"

"Why?" asked Harry

"Our lands in France produce crops, most of the workers at the time were muggles and we paid taxes to the king as well as being part of the court. My family spent a lot of time in international relations, but when the statute came we were forced to redo everything. The British monarchy knows about us, but the french couldn't trust theirs which was a good thing considering a century later we had the revolution, which was another caos in relations with muggles that my family also had to deal with to keep our lands. But the thing is we used to deal with royal relations in Britain, but as the monarchy lost power, so did the need to keep close relations, nowadays the ministry deals only with the prime minister, they even took away the people we had on Downing St.“

"Why didn't your family propose something then?" asked Weasley

"We did, back when the statute was made there was still a lot of children going through exorcism, so we proposed to use our influence with the monarchy to make a decree as head of church so all the exorcism rituals would happen at a few specific churches, we would be able to test and find magical children and remove them before their most likely death in one of those horrible rituals. We were going to finance the entire thing so the church would always have money to send the kids to the locations and would be less likely to conduct illegal rituals in their own little towns"

"But what about the other children being put through it?" asked Granger

"And that very question is the reason the propositions did not go through and instead of saving some of them, we chose to let both muggle and wizard children die"

That was not the answer Granger wanted, but it was a reality she would have to deal with if she really intended to be a politician once this war was over.

"I see what you mean about tough choices" said Harry and Draco had the impression something else had also connected in his thoughts, which considering the amount of hard choices they were making, it was very likely.

"Now… not that I don't enjoying giving you all lessons on politics, this was not what I came here for" said Draco and then released a defeated breath "but since the mood is ruined, we might as well study our actual lessons"

“It’s ok, we were just leaving” said Granger quickly, but looking a bit lost and thoughtful.

She took Weasley with her, finally leaving Draco alone with Harry. They cuddled together on the couch, but kept the silence for a while, just being together, but not really knowing what to say.

“Are we ok?” Harry asked quietly.

“Were we ever ok?” Draco asked trying to be funny, but not really feeling it.

“Fair point…” said Harry and he grabbed one of Draco’s hands, his thumb moving in a soothing motion as they both kept silent and thinking for a while “where do we go from here?”

Draco thought a bit more and took a deep breath.

“My time is running out, I had one last idea to make things work, but this is my last shot, if it doesn’t work… I suppose I will try to get some help from Snape… but either way, I still got a part to play until this is over” Draco said defeatedly.

“Dumbledore’s lessons… he is giving me a mission” said Harry

“And you gonna do it?”

“Yeah”

Draco closed his eyes and thought about his own mission, but the words he knew he needed to get out, just wouldn’t.

“I just need to keep my head down this summer and I will be back here” he said instead.

“It’s a good plan”

Draco looked deep into Harry’s green eyes trying to see any lies in it, but there was nothing there.

“Many people would call me a coward”

“Only because they don’t know the truth… Dumbledore said bravery comes in different shapes”

Draco snorted, but he couldn’t help but turn sad too. Dumbledore was Harry’s mentor, there would be no forgiving when he killed the old man.

“Why don’t you decide that after you’ve seen what I have to do” he said quietly

“If it is so terrible that you can’t tell me, then I don’t think you will do it” said Harry firmly looking at him and Draco was absolutely surprised with the certainty in his voice.

The words ‘you’re such a fool’ got stuck in his tongue, he could see in those green eyes the trust and willingness to believe Draco would not push the limit, that he would stick by his choice.

“That is what I’m afraid of” said Draco

Harry didn’t say anything else, he just moved and kissed Draco. They kissed for a bit without moving much, but as they separated and looked at one another, Draco didn’t feel like talking about all those things tearing them apart, so he just kissed the boy again.

They slowly settled on the couch with Draco laying down, Harry took off his shirt, the red rashes were gone and were now dark brown lines running over his dark skin like the red ones were on Draco’s.

“Is it terrible that I like seeing them on you?” Draco said as he traced his fingers over the marks.

“I hate them… it means you haven’t healed yet” the boy said quietly.

“They don’t hurt anymore, but the skin still needs to repair naturally” 

Draco took off his top to show his own marks, it was still red and the keloid was strange, but it would take a while for it to go away. Harry bent down from his position between Draco’s legs and started to trace the scars with his lips.

“I’m sorry” Harry said again.

“If you say it one more time I swear I will punch you” 

Draco grabbed Harry’s hair to force his face up where their mouths could meet. They kissed until their hardness became too much and Draco pushed Harry off of him so he could reach inside his pants and free himself, a move that was mirrored by his boyfriend so they could thrust skin on skin.

Draco forgot how good it felt, he had wanked a few times after their fight, but the past few weeks he had been too stressed to even think about it. He hadn’t even noticed he closed his eyes until Harry moaned loudly in his ear, he knew the other boy hadn’t come yet, so he opened his eyes to see him with a finger behind himself, a sign that immediately sent shivers through Draco.

“Let me” he said and took Harry’s hand away to put his own, wishing he had some lube to do a bit more “this is new”

“I like it” he said shyly

“So do I, I was just surprised, guess you’ve finally experimented” 

“Yeah” 

The new rhythm felt good and neither lasted very long, but they didn’t move or untangled themselves, they laid there enjoying each other’s heat and Draco finally felt his body relax as it hadn’t in a very long time.

—

Neither of them made it to dinner, but they did return to their dorm before curfew and Draco tried not to be embarrassed by Theo’s not so subtle hit that he should shower. He was close to sleep when his curtains were opened and Theo sat on his bed.

“Were you just shagging the whole evening or did you get some other things done?” 

“Why?” Draco frowned, there was no reason for Theo to be judgmental of his sexual activities, so there must be a reason he was asking.

“I overhead Crabbe and Goyle during dinner, apparently they got news from home and there will be a break in on Azkaban soon…”

“How soon?”

“I think a month” Theo said and Draco nodded.

“Right on time for the end of the school year”

“Yeah… it didn’t seem… like anyone is expecting you to succeed”

“It’s a possibility” Draco said looking serious at Theo.

“Is there any way I can help you?”

“I still need to go to class, but if you do my assignments I can dedicate my time to the project and keep the teachers’ attention away from me”

“Ok” the boy said with no complaints.

Draco didn’t sleep very well as he had expected, the news took away a lot of the good feeling he got from spending time with Harry, but after waking up on the next morning, he knew where his head needed to be, so he dedicated his all on finishing the project while his friends give him all the support he needed to hide and not get noticed by teachers. Draco knew he was wasting precious time with Harry by dedicating himself fully to his project, but he was already running thin and he wanted to have the thing done before anything else happened.

And this time around Harry too gave him support, so his anxiety didn’t break him. He could argue that getting his boyfriend to calm him with sex wasn’t really a good coping mechanism, but at least it was better than taking more potions that would make him an addict.

Before the end of the ‘one month’ deadline he was done and with a deep breath, hopping something so stupid like a miscalculation wouldn’t kill him, Draco tried the thing and was pleased when without trouble he opened the door to the cabinet at Borgin's.

"Mr. Malfoy… what a surprise" said the man when he spotted him.

He wanted to both scream and cry over his success, but he would not show weakness in front of this man, so he threw on a mask and made up his mind on the spot.

"Give me paper and ink, I need to send a message. You will receive a date when to expect company and your silence will be well paid for" he said to the man who just gave him an unpleasant smile and gave him the supplies he asked for.

It is working, tell her to make it small, it needs to be a quick in and out, a week from today.

Draco wrote his note for his mother and instructed Borgin to send it, it was less likely to be intercepted coming from here than from Hogwarts and as soon as he was done he got back on the cabinet and returned to the school.

Chapter Text

It was almost curfew when Draco got back to his dorm, he had spent quite some time crying in the room of requirements and planning what he was going to do next. As he made up his mind, he knew there was no more hiding from his boyfriend, so he sent Harry a message to meet him in their room first thing in the morning.

He was surprised however when he was awoken in the middle of the night by none other than his Gryffindor.

"What are you doing here? And how did you get in?" he whispered before he casted his silence spells again, just in case.

"Well your message sounded urgent, I thought something bad happened" said Harry looking a bit confused.

"For goodness sake! It could wait until morning” he moaned “and how did you get in?"

"The snake at the door opens it if you ask it in parseltongue"

"Right, sure it does" Draco said exasperated as he ran his hand through his face in an attempt to fully wake up for the talk he knew was coming.

"What happened though?" Harry asked concerned.

"I finish my project, we will need to build a strategy for next week"

"So you're going to tell me what you're doing?"

Draco looked at Harry for a moment, but realised he couldn’t look him in the eye as he admitted to his sin.

"I'm going to sneak a group of death eaters inside Hogwarts to do a little mess and send a message"

"WHAT? You can't!" The boy screamed and Draco was never so glad to have learned a silence spell.

"But I must, which is why we're going to prepare a secret counter attack” he said trying to sound calm instead of starting another argument “We can't tell Dumbledore, because he will tell Snape and there is a huge risk to the entire thing, but my cousin is an auror and we know she and some others have been in Hogsmeade, we will tip her off on the date and tell the head of houses a few hours in advance, except Snape, we can get all the students to be in their common rooms, this is supposed to happen at night because help is more difficult to arrive in time, so no one will think strange if they don't see kids around"

Harry looked like he wanted to just argue, but he did hold his tongue and thought about the plan Draco had come up with. It was a tense moment, Draco was confident in his resolution, but he wasn’t sure where Harry’s limits were.

"The D.A. can help too" Harry finally said.

"Only sixth and seventh years" Draco insisted, he was not putting kids in danger, he had seen the things those people were capable of.

"Ok, I will tell Ron and Hermione tomorrow, so we can go over this plan” Harry said carefully looking at Draco to see if there would be opposition in involving others on the plan.

“It’s a good idea, I don’t want to tell you every detail because no one can suspect it’s not a surprise attack, but I want to run scenarios with Granger, it’s supposed to be a small group and they will focus on… on reaching Dumbledore”

Harry just nodded, oblivious of Draco’s real meaning.

“Secret conter plan to your evil plan it is” the boy said with a bit of humor.

Draco snorted, but he liked it and he was immensely glad to see Harry was willing to try.

“Well… I don’t want people to get hurt because of me” he said quietly and Harry nodded again, but this time with a proud smile on his face.

“I was hoping you would say that” Said Harry “I still want to just tell you to do something else or to not do it at all, but I can’t… so for now knowing that you care is enough”

After their agreement, they just stared at one another, not really wanting to part, but knowing Harry couldn't say. Still it would be a shame if Draco didn't get to do anything with the boy who was going to fight the last of Slytherin's blood while they were in the Slytherin dormitory. Harry apparently had the same idea because he kissed Draco passionately, almost desperately. He did that a lot, always trying to consume Draco like he needed him to breath.

They had so little time, they were always running out of time but neither of them wanted to rush, their clothes came off slowly, Harry's mouth just trying to get to every part of Draco's body, eventually they were both painfully hard and Harry was sitting in Draco's lap just the right way and he knew he would have to ask.

"What do you want to do? I could suck you off since I didn't get a chance yet"

Harry looked at him conflicted.

"I don't really know, I wasn't really planning" And yet his body was talking for him, because his hips were slightly moving, his arse pressing on Draco.

They could do it, they had started to slowly move forward to that for a while now, but it felt like it was supposed to be more special than to do it on a day Draco would have to send him running right after, then they would have classes in the morning and make plans against the Dark Lord later.

“ Keep it as an incentive, don’t die so you can fuck Harry Potter”

Draco changed positions to lay Harry down and then move down to suck him as he had intended, but he did pick up some lube, he wanted to tease Harry's arse as well. His boyfriend was always loud, but when he went down and slipped his finger in he froze for a second to feel if the wards were still in place or they were going to wake the entire dorm. He should have known better, because Harry's magic ran as soon as he came and the backfire on Draco made him come undone and he couldn't be completely silent with the impact as it made him almost choke on the cum going down his throat.

Draco was still recuperating from the magic blast when his curtains opened and Daphne came in wand in hand. The three of them froze on the next second, but the girl moved forward to get closer to the bed and cast a silence charm before turning back to Draco.

"Are you trying to get yourself killed?" she said hysterical.

Harry had tried to cover them as if she hadn't seen everything, but Draco just couldn't be bothered and tried to sit and get his brain working again, however he did cast a cleaning charm so he wouldn't be questioned while covered in his own cum.

"At least now we know Potter is good since you can't even speak" she said looking at Draco's poor state.

"I just got an orgasm and a blast of magic, give me a break" Draco said and took a deep breath.

"Yeah, I was leaving when I felt a bit of magic slipping from you bed, so I got worried"

"Is Theo awake?"

"No, we were studying late, I didn't want to wake him just to tell him I was leaving for the night"

The two looked at each other, waiting to see who would start to talk about the boy in his bed.

"Was it him since the start of the year?" she asked eventually.

"Yeah" and she shook her head in disbelief, she knew it could not be a plot against Harry if he was the boy Draco had been suffering over for weeks.

"What are you doing Draco?"

"It's complicated"

"Shaggin Harry Potter is beyond complicated”

"Can you please just trust me?"

And she looked at him for a moment and turned to Harry, who was still looking completely lost and embarrassed.

"It might be a bit dark, but he is naked enough for you to see the Dark Mark" She said accusatoryly.

Harry looked at Draco for guidance, not knowing what to do. Draco thought about rescuing him, but he knew she was testing his boyfriend and he decided to let her.

"Are you trying to prove something? Harry Potter, so great he can even fuck a Death Eater and send him back leaking to the Dark Lord"

"What? No!" Said Harry offended and Draco felt his cheeks burn a bit more, Daphne was brutal when she wanted to be, so maybe he shouldn’t have let her do this after all.

"You two fought for years, maybe you wanted some revenge, see if you could get him in bed with you"

"I love him ok! I know we started things badly and I screwed up more than once, but I'm not playing him" Harry said looking at the girl with anger and challenge in his eyes even when he was naked and without a wand.

The easy love admission actually scared Daphne who turned to Draco who was equally surprised.

Love?

Draco closed his eyes, Harry was a Griffindor, he was probably just throwing the word around.

"He is a Death Eater, he is working for the man who is trying to kill you" Daphne insisted, but her voice still trembled over the chock and not fully knowing how to proceed.

"I know!"

Daphne looked at Harry for a bit, taking in all of his fire in declaring himself in love with Draco no matter what. She took a deep breath.

"You know" she said looking at Draco "I would be less worried if the Weasley thing was true"

"It was, he turned me down" said Draco teasingly trying to distract his mind from Harry’s admission and the girl ran her hands on her face in exasperation.

"You're giving me a bit secret to carry, you know I can't tell Theo about this, I'm not going to risk him when the Dark Lord is so close"

"Do you want me to obliviate you?" Draco asked carefully.

She actually thought for a bit to consider it and then she nodded and turned to Harry.

"It's your obligation to look after him, promise me you will!" she said, finally showing how upset she was.

"I promise" said Harry gently, understanding the girl was just looking out for her friend. Draco couldn’t help it and he immediately stood to hug the girl.

"You're naked" she said but still let him hug her.

"As if I hadn't helped you out for the past two years, I've seen more than you did" and she laughed a bit, she was after all wearing a slightly transparent nightdress.

"Yeah… and after everything you must live long enough to be at my wedding…”

"We've been planning this wedding for so long, that my stubbornness alone will keep me alive to see it"

And she let some tears fall from her face and Draco felt very close to a breakdown himself, but he took a deep breath and smiled at her until she smiled back.

"I will wash my face and get my robe while you send your boy away, so we don't run the risk of messing the memory charm"

"I will let you know I've been able to impress even Dumbledore with my memory charms"

"Well, don't get too full of yourself, remember what happened to Lockhart"

She gave him a kiss on the cheek and left.

"She really likes you" said Harry looking at Draco.

"We've known each other since we were babies. My parents had plenty of relations, with other pureblood families, but most of the time it was me, Daphne, Theo, Pansy and Vincent"

"Are her parents death eaters too?"

"No, they stay neutral, they don't like the Dark Lord, but they can't fight him, so they look away and give political or financial support when needed, usually through others. The only reason they haven't left the country after his return is Theo, his father and grandfather are fanatics, they want him to join, could have been him in my place really"

Harry nodded, his understanding of difficult Slytherin situations had got a lot better after he accepted Draco's.

"I hate to say this, but I do need to kick you out, it will be better if I cast the memory charm and you're already gone"

"No I get it, will you be ok?"

"Yeah, my magic is really high now, but I had a bit of practice with it, so I know how to control it, but I will probably need to make an excuse for Pansy, she noticed my magical glow is connected to a mysterious boy I'm seeing"

"It only happened twice! Well three times now" Harry said defensive.

"Yeah, but Pansy really knows me, I'm surprised she haven't figured it out it is you, she immediately knew me kissing Fred was true, but then two years ago I wouldn't have believed me and you was a possibility"

Draco helped Harry find his clothes, they got dressed and with a quick kiss, Harry left under his invisibility cloak. Soon after Daphne came back and after casting another cleaning charm on the bed, she sat down next to Draco.

"You know, if the situation wasn't so terrible, I would be like… finally "

"Why?"

"You were crazy about him when we were kids, then you spend all of first year mad he didn't want to be your friend"

"No I didn't" he said outraged

"You know you did! you two are always fighting, but you are also always together too, it's like you're connected, or karmic as Blaise says"

Draco rolled his eyes and took a deep breath.

"I'm starting to hate karma" he said exasperated.