Chapter Text
“Why is that witch obsessing over you?” Allura demanded. “She knows you’ve turned traitor by now. Why is she trying to recapture you instead of killing you?”
Kuro gulped. “It’s difficult to talk about - I’m trying alright?!” he exclaimed at the looks Allura and Coran were giving him. He buried his face in his hands. “She is…she was…. She was my wife, okay?”
The silence around the table was deafening.
“In case you’ve forgotten, Alteans and Galra were allies. She was strong and smart and…kind. So very kind. We…we even had a son.” He hated that he could feel his human eyes tearing up. He wished he was strong enough to hide his feelings, but he couldn’t help but think about when Lotor was born and how different he’d have grown up to be if everything hadn’t gone so horribly wrong.
“And now, I don’t know how real any of our relationship was. Looking back with clear eyes, she was being manipulated by the Ooze long before the planet exploded. She was one of the Altean alchemists working on it and well, the ones that survived are the druids if that tells you anything.”
Allura let out a little gasp.
“I made many bad decisions before things went wrong, and I thought I was doing them for her sake. But I was a tool long before I was being controlled. And now I don’t know is that’s some small part that’s still my wife trying to get her husband back, or if the witch doesn’t want to loose her favorite tool. But either way, if she gets her hands on me, she’ll use the tainted quintessence at her disposal to turn me back into a monster. One worse than any of her robeasts.”
~
“Anyone sitting here?” Coran inquired
Kuro shook his head. “You know there isn’t.” Kuro was well aware he was the single least liked person in the castle. He was a spy and an infiltrator after all. One who had gotten there by impersonating someone they loved dearly. And they didn’t know the half of it. “I miss it though. The closeness”
“From before you were outed?”
“Then too, but I also have all of Shiro’s memories of before that. And with the Holt’s before even the Paladins. And on the other side of things, my team before the corruption happened. Three bands I was proud to call my brothers. Now one’s dead, one’s missing, and one hates me. All of which is my fault.”
“They don’t hate you. Well, Lance and Hunk don’t hate you, and I think Pidge is coming around. Keith’s a bit, well, Keith.”
“And Allura hates anything connected to the Galra, and rightfully so.”
“Not rightfully so.” Coran shook his head. “The Galra did many terrible things, yes. But she was just as venomous at the ones who’s who risked everything to save us. And how she treated Keith was beyond the pale.” he sighed. “I wanted to say something, but didn’t know how, not with what she’s been through.”
“What you’ve been through too.” Kuro gently reminded him. “The Galra cost you so much. I cost you so much”
“You were controlled and manipulated,” Corna reminded him.
“That shouldn’t have mattered!” Kuro clenched his fists. “I should have been strong enough to resist it.”
“I can’t tell you how often Lance and Hunk think that about the Bakku. They’ve gotten past it, mostly. Still a few nightmares.” More than a few honestly, especially on Hunk’s part.
“In the end they still saved the day though. I destroyed everything.”
“Someone helped them. No one helped you.”
“Someone tried. And I killed him for it.” Kuro said bitterly.
“Perhaps. But I think Alfor always knew it wasn’t really you. He knew his best friend wouldn’t start a war like that.”
Kuro’s head whipped up. “You know who I am?” he asked, fear in his voice.
“I know who you used to be.” Coran corrected. “You told us yourself, didn’t you. There was no way for Zarkon to still be alive.”
Kuro…Zarkon flinched. “Are you going to tell Allura?”
“No, at least not until she can handle the reality that we were just as much to blame as the Galra.”
“But-”
“It was an Altean Alchemist who convinced everyone to keep the rift open. It was the same Altean who manipulated the Emperor who loved her into ripping it wider. And it was the King of the Alteans who destroyed the Galran home world.”
“Only because there was no other choice.” Zarkon growled.
“Perhaps, but an interesting thing I realized. We never told the Earthlings, when we explained things in the beginning. If it was so forgivable why not mention it? Allura’s put Altea up on a pedestal. And until she can accept our hands aren’t completely clean,” he sighed. “She still has some growing up to do.”
“So what now?”
“Nothing changes, though would you mind indulging me in a curiosity.”
“Certainly, I told you before, any knowledge I have is yours.”
“Well this is a bit personal. ‘Emperor Zarkon’ would never have agreed to be permanently turned into another species. But if Haggar, or should I say Honnerva-”
“Haggar, please.” Zarkon pleaded. Foolish is might be, he wanted to keep the memory of his wife separate from what she became.
“Right, if Haggar could change you back, she would have long ago.”
Zarkon grinned. It wasn’t friendly. “We decided that I should have sole control of turning back, once I regained my memories. That way we wouldn’t have to worry about her changing me at the wrong time. The control was a glyph of tainted quintessence.” He rolled up the sleeve of his right arm, past the prosthetic to reveal faded purple markings.“
"Huh, Thought a glyph would be more glowy.”
“Oh it would be,” Zarkon’s grin was downright ferocious. “Remember how different the Galra crystal was from the standard Balmeran one? It takes significant time to corrupt them to the point they won’t actually purify our systems. Last time we visted the Balmora, before I was outted, I asked for a small bit of Crystal. Just a sliver broken off from the battle, not enough to power more than a toy, but enough to disrupt a glyph.”
Coran could see a small scar through the center of the glyph, now that it was brought up. “But that would mean-”
“I can never revert to my old form. I will be in this human body till the day I die.”
“Does that make you human then?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know what I am. I don’t now who I am.” He leaned back. "Shiro’s mind isn’t gone from my own. And I know his thoughts and experiences influence me, but I have no clue to what degree. Am I truly a clone of Shiro with some Galra memories? Am I a traitorous Galra, trying to escape my own guilt by pretending I’m human? If I’m not Zarkon and I’m not Shiro, who am I?”