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I don't want to be here if I can't be with you

Summary:

Jungkook and Namjoon take an important decision

Notes:

This is my entry for September Starlight Day 5 'Slice of Life'. A huge thanks to Alicia for arranging this!

This is a sequel to one of my twt fics called You're just perfect Reading it isn’t mandatory since I’ve covered the important parts in this.
Hyungline are of the same age, so are maknae line.

I hope you like it!

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

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"So, I was thinking that maybe there will be two who would cover the rest of the wedding, and then, we could have 3 photographers for you and Mr. Song," Jungkook turns to Taehyung for confirmation. It is all an act, really. They already had a discussion over this.

Taehyung slides his spectacles lower on his nose and nods. Jimin once told him that he looks sexy when he does that and there was no turning back.

"I think that's the best way to go. The wedding is about the bride and groom," He smirks towards the smiling woman, "But mostly about the bride." He adds with a wink.

She blushes at the compliment and smacks him lightly on the arm. "You shouldn't flirt with the bride, Taehyung-ssi." Then, she eyes his hand. "I'm sure your wife wouldn't be happy about it."

All lies.

Taehyung did flirt but not to gain their attention, it was all a marketing ruse.  Jungkook coughs to cover his laugh.

"Oh, I'm just stating the truth, Ms. Young." And then, just because he is Taehyung, he wiggles his fingers in front of her face to let her appreciate the ring. "My husband doesn't mind."

With an added emphasis on the husband .

 

Jungkook stiffens, his heart picks up its beat for a second when he watches her carefully. Next to him, Taehyung seems at ease. Her expressions don't change. She smiles and clears her throat.

"My apologies. I shouldn’t have assumed.”

Taehyung grins at her, forgiving easily. “Not a problem. I’m married to his best friend.” He nudges Jungkook in the ribs.

Jungkook snorts.

The to-be bride grins back at Taehyung, then turns to Jungkook. “How about you, Jungkook-ssi?”

“My boyfriend is his best friend.” Jungkook chuckles.

He also blushes a little, still not used to being Namjoon’s boyfriend, even if it has been 7 years.

She claps, all joyful. “That’s so sweet! How did you guys meet your significant others?”

Taehyung and Jungkook stare at each other. This is going to be a long meeting. But making the client happy is their primary responsibility, even if said client is interested in knowing their love stories than discussing her wedding album plans.

It doesn’t matter much. Most clients let them decide. As long as they have good pictures (from Taehyung) and a decent video (from Jungkook), they don’t care much.

It’s mostly Taehyung who indulges in her questions. Jungkook is merely a spectator listening to the story, that he has lived, for the nth time.

Back in high school when he joined during freshman year, he thought it would be tough to settle in. The kids from Seoul were mean, his friends in Busan had warned him. But he was slapped in the face with Namjoon’s beautiful eyes that let go of so many tears as he cried alone in the bathroom over a (pretty public) breakup. After that, ensued 2 years of constant pining and heart eyes, every time Jungkook saw Namjoon in school.

His worries about the mean kids of Seoul didn't matter when he didn't even care about them. He would spend his time studying, trying to ace his classes so that he could manage to score advance placement class, where Namjoon was because of course, he was the topper.

Being the golden boy that Jungkook is, he did manage it. But his choices were always so different. He did really well at dancing. Which wasn’t really a surprise since he did dance back in Busan. 

There, he met Jung Hoseok, and turned out that Hoseok’s boyfriend, Yoongi, was on the basketball team. He flourished under Yoongi’s watchful but gentle eyes. Adding Park Jimin, another boy from the dance team, whose parents were from Busan (Jungkook became their favorite), they made a pretty perfect little group.

Jungkook didn’t tell anybody about Namjoon. He kept longing after him, even tried asking him out but really got ignored because Namjoon was too busy reading.

And then one day, scared of being benched for being constantly late, Jungkook sprinted towards the court and quite literally rammed into Namjoon outside the library. His one chance of being noticed by the man who was constantly in his thoughts was spoiled under the slow-motion of his ass hitting the ground and Namjoon’s spectacles flying off his face.

“I didn’t see it but Jin Hyung did. He tells us that it was the funniest, albeit also the scariest thing he has ever seen.” Taehyung laughs while Jungkook rolls his eyes.

The girl throws him a sympathetic look.

 

Jungkook had almost given up. Not that he actually ever really tried. So, it was more of giving up without trying. Yet, that same evening, Namjoon messaged him a few lines of apology and Jungkook took the leap. 

Jimin confessed his feelings for Taehyung. Turned out that Jungkook wasn’t the only one with a secret in the group. Jimin and Taehyung had been secretly flirting. Jimin wasn’t exactly the serious type of guy. His promiscuity wasn’t a secret as his flirtationship with Taehyung was. Taehyung, being the smart guy that he was, didn’t want to be something quick and rejected Jimin.

 

“So, JK here approached me, trying to settle things between Jimin and I and in return, asked me to help with Namjoon, since, you know-”

“You guys are best friends!” The woman shrieks. Jungkook thinks she’s paying a lot more attention to the story than any other person who’s heard it. Not that there are many.

“Exactly,” Taehyung continues, “But Namjoon is Namjoon, the studious, academic boy. So I started tutoring Kookie to become more like us.”

 

The sessions in the library were tiresome. Jungkook felt like he was cramming in 3 or 4 years worth of material in one day. He never planned on attending college. The CSATs were not for him, or rather he wasn’t for them. Nevertheless, he tried. He was naturally smart, so he did well. Most of it didn’t matter because Namjoon was busy cooking things up of his own. He was paired up with Yoongi for a literature class project. Nobody, not even Taehyung, had expected Namjoon approaching Yoongi to get his help in being set up with-

 

“Jungkook! Really?”

Taehyung grins, “Really. Turns out, the crash got Namjoon to pay attention to him. Imagine, being so obvious to the world that he didn’t know our school’s golden boy.” Taehyung shakes his head pitifully.

She tilts her neck a little and scrunches her nose, “It’s okay. He had his own world. But he did approach Yoongissi.”

 

He did. Knowing Jungkook, who was the coolest guy Yoongi had ever known, he suggested Namjoon be like that. With the help of Hoseok’s stylist, they gave rise to what Seokjin calls him as ‘Hot Nerdjoon’, and Jungkook spent many days covering his ears out of shyness of looking at Namjoon’s new phase.

 

“So, you became a studious guy for him and he tried to change his appearance for you?”

“I didn’t want it. I love him for what he is. Never wanted him to change himself but I love him anyway.” Jungkook clarifies.

Taehyung pats him on the back. “That’s true. He freaked out the first day that he saw Namjoon with the new glasses, but so did I.” He shrugs. “He also ran away when Namjoon got contacts.”

Taehyung grins because he’s kind of an asshole like that. 

 

The story is fairly simple after that. Namjoon and Jungkook got paired up for music class, Jungkook confessed his feelings and they got together. Ms. Young smiles gleefully.

And then the meeting ends. They barely discussed anything but being nice is something Taehyung is naturally good at and Jungkook has had the tendency to not talk much anyway so he bows when the woman leaves.

"It's almost 6 pm. Drop me to the airport?" Taehyung tugs at the sleeve of Jungkook's T-shirt. 

He nods while they walk towards the parking lot. "Jiminie would be coming back today?

"Yup, after 6 whole months.” Jungkook looks at his friend in awe. 

After high school, Jimin and Taehyung, both, got into Yonsei. Jimin took a break for his enlistment. Taehyung continued college and decided to go after he has some form of base to return to. 

If the way Jimin talked about his time at the air force base just on the outskirts of Busan was to go by, Taehyung had already figured out how it would happen.

And it happened the same way.

After Jimin was released, he confessed to Taehyung that he wanted to become a pilot for the Air Force. Taehyung, the perfect boyfriend that he is, was more than proud and let Jimin run towards his dreams. His only condition, Marry me before you go.

They eloped a month later. Jimin joined as a trainee and finished the final year of college remotely.

 

“I’m wearing a buttplug so that we can have a round in my car at the parking lot.” Taehyung grins.

Jungkook scrunches his nose in disgust, “That’s unsanitary and illegal.”

“Well, I cleaned myself and Jimin is always clean anyway,” He shrugs, “And it’s fun to break the law when you’re doing it with someone who serves the country.” He adds a wink.

Jungkook shakes his head.

Jimin’s flight is a half hour late. Despite the protests, Taehyung asks him to go. Jimin would be around for a few weeks. He is a trainee so he gets his breaks shorter but more frequently.

Jungkook’s phone lights up before he can start the car. 

 

Hoe-bi Gone 🥴

 

Hoe-bi Gone 🥴 [18:45]:

Koo, Namjoon and I got back from the salon.

He’s asking for fried chicken for dinner.

Can you get it?

Me [18:45]:

Sure. Will you be joining us?

 

Hoe-bi Gone 🥴 [18:46]:

Nah, Yoonie would get back from practice. 

I’ll eat him and then eat with him 🤪

 

Me [18:45]:

🤮

 

Not wanting to go to college, Jungkook never attempted for CSATs. Instead, he took a course in web designing and started his own little company. He helped Hoseok when he was in college, with HopeWorld, where he would upload dance covers, original choreographies, and some personal blogs. Once Yoongi started training as a professional basketball player, he let Jungkook film him so that they could upload those on Hoseok’s site as well. 

Taehyung, catching up quicker than the others, and in his final year, set up their little venture of wedding photographers. Jungkook already made a name for himself with his web designing. That, along with his vlogs gave them the necessary boost. Soon, he decided that he had enough to return to.

 

Jungkook and Hoseok enlisted together. They didn’t get stationed at the same post but they managed to overlap their breaks. For those 2 years, Namjoon and Yoongi took care of each other. Not that they’d ever admit that they needed it. They considered themselves self sufficient.

During highschool, they were both jealous of Namjoon and Yoongi’s friendship. It developed too quickly and quite often, they were inseparable to a degree more than friendship. To Yoongi’s credit, Namjoon was the first friend that was entirely because of Yoongi. Every other friend before Namjoon was because of Hoseok. On the other hand, Yoongi was someone Namjoon looked up to. 

Being his friend is easy , Namjoon once told him. Jungkook knew that. They were friends before Namjoon even knew who Yoongi was.

Their jealousies went away in time. Jungkook’s would still creep up from time to time. But he knew Namjoon’s heart belonged to him. 

He doubted Hoseok’s ever did. 

There were times when he didn’t believe that 7 years in, and Namjoon was still the shy, blushing mess that he met in high school. But then, so was Jungkook. 

 

“I’m home!” Jungkook announces. He sees Hoseok first, sprawled on their sofa with the TV remote and The Masked Singer on.

Namjoon is nowhere around.

“Kookie!” Hoseok chimes. 

It’s probably been two weeks since he’s seen him. He jumps up to hug him and gifts him a smacking kiss on his cheeks.

“Uh, you sure are in a good mood.” Jungkook rubs his cheeks. 

He hears Namjoon shuffling in the kitchen with some utensils.

“You should see Namjoonie. I did a good job choosing his hair colour.” Hoseok leers.

 

As a part of some post college rebellion, Namjoon got his ears pierced and dyed his hair blue. He looked like Posiedon, Jin had said.

Jungkook had barely stuttered out a compliment, Yoongi said he looked hot.

Namjoon blushed more at Jungkook’s useless strings of You-you-wow-you , which made him smirk at Yoongi, not that Yoongi actually cared.

Jungkook’s phone wallpaper was a selfie of the two of them, Namjoon in his blue hair holding his laugh till his cheeks puffed up, and Jungkook creepily resting his head on Namjoon's shoulder.

With his PhD year taking off and a job as the teacher’s assistant at his Alma-mater, Namjoon had no choice but to choose a more professionally well adjusted hair colour.

 

“I’m sure you did.” Jungkook grins.

If only Namjoon would get out of the kitchen soon.

It has been a whole of 10ish hours that he’s seen him and yeah, he went months without seeing him when he was in the military, but now that he has the privilege of doing it everyday, he uses it like a thirsty man uses water.

 

Lucky for both of them, Namjoon completed his service as an interpreter officer. He is fluent in English, a result of his and his parents’ push towards academics. It helped Jungkook, because he had already gotten a little too attached, bordering on dependent. 7 years of togetherness after being apart for 5 of them due to college and Jungkook’s service, he deserved soaking up every moment that he got with Namjoon.

 

“Baby,” Jungkook hears behind him. His ears heat up.

Still not used to the nickname Namjoon gave him first.

He turns around, his reply gets caught in his throat.

Namjoon has his glasses on, the ones with the thick frame, square ones. His hair is jet black with dirty blonde, almost light brown streaks, framed with perfection.

Hoseok did do a good job. 

A great one, in fact.

“Did you have a good day?”

Namjoon smiles, his dimples pop out.

Jungkook wants to go on his knees and pray to the man. 

He can’t really do that with Hoseok around, even if he knows that Hoseok would probably understand.

So, he nods.

Hoseok understands, either way.

“I’ll get going. Yoonie will be back soon.” He giggles.

Namjoon’s eyes shift to Hoseok and Jungkook can finally breathe again. His boyfriend is the devil without knowing it.

Not that Jungkook can blame him. He’s as innocent as an angel at times, and he does know what effect he has on Jungkook. But he’s Namjoon, a little dense. He shouldn’t have thrown off Jungkook like that.

Jungkook mutters a goodbye and they both see Hoseok off by the front door. It’s just them now. Jungkook’s heart beats a little faster. He’s not that bad, he can handle things.

“The colour suits you.” He finally says. 

Namjoon runs his fingers through the strands. If this is how TAs look, Jungkook wonders how Namjoon’s TAs looked like.

“Thanks,” He bites his lower lip. “I still think I should have gone all black but Hobi says this looks better.”

Jungkook cups his jaw in both hands. “You look handsome no matter what you do.”

That one has Namjoon blushing a little.

His caramel skin doesn’t give off as much as Jungkook’s alabaster one. His cheeks do adorn a faint dusting of pink.

“My pretty Hyung.” Jungkook coos.

Namjoon hides his face behind his palms.

A completely unfair act since Jungkook can’t see those dimples anymore. But he forgives him quickly and turns to check the mail.

His eye catches a pamphlet from Namjoon’s ophthalmologist.

“You visited Dr. Yang?” 

Namjoon hums absentmindedly. He is already unpacking the containers of food. Jungkook might have gotten an extra plate of fried rice and dumplings. He gets hungrier after sex and the way Namjoon is looking tonight, he knows the chances are higher.

“Why?”

“Had to get the prescription for my contacts.”

That's odd.

“Didn’t you get it for 6 months already? I remember you got it done last month.”

Namjoon pulls the last container out of the bag and sighs.

“My power increased again. It’s 7 now.”

Jungkook’s eyes widen. It was 6.45 a month ago.

Namjoon looks past the worry.

“Hyung.”

“It’s okay. It’ll be fine.”

What is he talking about? It is far away from fine.

“It isn’t. We have to do something.”

Finally, Namjoon looks at him. “He says I should get LASIK.”

The contacts in Jungkook’s eyes itch. 

“Will it solve the problem?”

He walks closer. He needs to touch Namjoon.

“It will. But I won’t wear glasses or contacts. I will be able to see without them.”

Jungkook furrows his brows. It sounds fairly simple.

“So, what are you waiting for?”

This time Namjoon cups his cheeks. His jaw locks easily in the crevices of Namjoon’s palms as if it was meant to be that way.

Jungkook thinks it is.

“I still remember when I got contacts and you shouted at Hobi because you loved the glasses and I had changed a lot." You never wanted me to change.” He brushes the apples of Jungkook’s cheeks with his thumbs. “I’ve already changed so much and I love it, but if I change too much, I won’t be the man you love and you’ll leave me.” 

Against all odds, and how unbelievable it sounds to Jungkook, Namjoon’s eyes fill with tears.

“Hyung, you’ll only change your outward appearance. In here, you’ll always be my Namjoon Hyungie. I will never leave you. I love you so much. Don’t you see it?” Jungkook pokes him lightly in the chest. He pushes himself on his toes and kisses Namjoon on the lips.

Namjoon reciprocates by moving his lips, but he’s holding back. Jungkook can tell.

“Talk to me.” He whispers into his lips. With a small peck, he pulls back.

Namjoon’s eyes are still glossy.

“I see it, Kook-ah. I do. I know you think that I don’t love you as much-”

That’s true to a degree but Jungkook would never accept it out loud.

“That’s not true.” He grumbles.

Namjoon places a finger on his lips to quiet him. “It is. And that’s fine. You’ve loved me longer and yes, I didn’t see you back then, but I see you now and you’re mine and I’m yours. But-but I’m afraid that I won’t be the guy you fell for.”

Now, that is definitely not true.

“I wanna interrupt.” Jungkook mumbles over Namjoon’s forefinger. 

Namjoon sighs and slides it off. “Fine.”

“When I fell for you, I fell for you. You. Not the way you look or anything. I have loved you even when you didn’t know. I have loved you when you were at SNU, amongst the bright minds and I was back in school. I have loved you when I was lying on dusty sheets on a lonely bed during my service. I have loved you since I can remember. It’s been a decade, Hyung. I don’t think I have the capability to stop loving you. I need you to stop doubting it.”

“I don’t.” Namjoon is quick to say.

It makes Jungkook smile. “I know. I’m just saying that you should trust that glasses and hair colours won’t matter to me. You do. What you’re doing by clinging on to some sense of insecurity is harming you. This way, it won’t be long before you may actually be unable to see anything.”

He knows he spoke the truth when Namjoon’s arms tighten around his waist.

He hides his face in the crook of Jungkook’s neck, his warm breath flows naturally over the naked skin.

Jungkook cards his fingers through the cropped up hair at Namjoon’s nape. “I love you.” He repeats.

He feels Namjoon’s nod, the slight brush of his lips as he murmurs a love you too over his skin.

“You remember that time when I used to wear glasses all the time because you liked them on me?"

Namjoon snorts. "I do. You used to fall on your ass and Yoongi had to ask the coach to bench you."

Jungkook giggles. They hug and talk and at times, Namjoon tightens the hug when he feels they are going away.

But then so does Jungkook.

"And you told me to go back to wearing contacts. Because you cared about my health."

Namjoon pulls back. He brushes Jungkook's bangs away from his face. "I know what you're trying to say. I agree."

Namjoon kisses him on the forehead once. He doesn't pull back, just lets his lips stay there.

It's what reminds Jungkook of a time so far away, when he confessed to Namjoon in the cafe back in their hometown. Namjoon had kissed him like this, on his forehead, not pulling back while Jungkook kept falling and falling and falling.

He taps Namjoon on the cheek twice and

"We'll be okay. I think it's a simple procedure, right?"

Namjoon takes Jungkook's hand in both of his.

"I either have to get LASIK or a lens insertion procedure."

Jungkook's brows furrow in confusion. Namjoon takes him to the tiny table and sits with him.

"So, in LASIK, they will change the shape of my cornea back to how it is supposed to be for a normal eye with a laser."

Jungkook's heart palpitates a little faster. He's good at hiding it.

However, Namjoon is much better at reading him. "It's not as scary as it sounds."

Jungkook manages a small smile and a pat on the back of Namjoon's palm.

"What is the other option?"

"They insert a lens in my eye. That one is done in case I'm not fit for LASIK."

Jungkook nods.

"We'll do more research, see our options. I'm with you through everything, okay?"

Namjoon leans closer. His head rests on the jut of Jungkook's collarbone.

"Thank you. You've always been my anchor."

Jungkook caresses his cheek with the base of his palm. "So have you. That's why these years with you have been easy."

Namjoon turns his head and his lips brush on Jungkook's neck.

It is romantic, intimate. Jungkook shivers but tilts his head to give him more access. Namjoon cups the other end of his neck and kisses a row on his neck.

Jungkook turns his head to kiss Namjoon's palm, the one that is holding his neck.

Namjoon's other hand rests at Jungkook's waist, his fingers press down on the barely-there flesh.

"Hyung," Jungkook whines.

Namjoon's tongue swipes a lick on Jungkook's neck. Jungkook pulls Namjoon by the scruff and crashes their lips together.

All of their things seemingly untangled, they can clear them one by one.

For now, Jungkook's hands run in the soft locks of Namjoon's freshly dyed hair and he tugs it when Namjoon nibbles on his lower lip.

"Baby, wanna have you." He whispers.

It makes Jungkook blush.

Two can play the game. Jungkook uses Namjoon's weak point against him.

"Wanna suck your cock, Hyung."

Namjoon lets his lips go with a shudder and pulls Jungkook in his lap.

Yeah, he's hard. So is Jungkook.

"Hyung, the food will get cold."

Namjoon growls, something deep in his chest.

7 years ago, Jungkook would never have imagined Namjoon would be like this.

"You can't say that word and then expect me to let you go."

Jungkook leaves small kisses on the edge of Namjoon's jaw.

"We should eat first." Namjoon's hold on Jungkook's waist loosens. Jungkook bites the lobe of Namjoon's ear. "But I also want to choke on your cock." He whispers because he is a brat, after all.

 

They do eat, but only after they take a shower and Jungkook does choke. Not too harshly, Namjoon would never give him more than he can take.

Namjoon reheats the food while Jungkook sets up the plates. They talk about their day while they eat.

Namjoon tells him about meeting Jin for lunch. He has been seeing someone, but it's still a little hush-hush. Even Namjoon doesn't know who it is.

He also tells him about being worried about starting school again in a few weeks. He would have to rest his eyes after the operation for a week. They decide to get it done as soon as they can.

Jungkook tells him about the Song-Young wedding. Taehyung told him before the meeting that he plans to enlist after the wedding. Jin is on his last break. Taehyung would be the last one to come back.

Yoongi, playing for the national team, would have to go for 4 months next year. They've grown up, grown up together.

They smile at the selfie that Taehyung sends in their group chat with Jimin in his uniform.

Jungkook doesn't know which one of their friends is smiling more.

 

Namjoon does the dishes and Jungkook clears out the stray clothes from the bed that they threw when they were both getting ready for work, throws them in the hamper, and straightens out the sheets.

Once they are done, Jungkook chucks his slippers and gets under the cold sheets.

Namjoon hugs him close, his arms have gotten considerably bigger, thanks to all the weight training he's been getting from Jungkook.

“You know, I can wear fake glasses in case you miss them sometime.” Namjoon muses.

Jungkook turns around. His hand settles on the pillow and Namjoon lays his cheek on it. “I don’t care that much about it. They just give you this hot professor look and with you on the path of being one, I’m sure roleplaying won’t matter anymore.” He chuckles.

Namjoon’s eyes soften. “I just want you. I can make some small changes if that means you’ll find me sexy.”

Jungkook is quick to capture his lips. His hands reach up to grab fistfuls of Namjoon’s hair, he grinds his hips on Namjoon’s.

With enough lust roaming his head from earlier, he bites his lip, delves his tongue deeper into Namjoon's mouth, licks into his mouth.

When he pulls away, Namjoon is breathless, disheveled. Just the way Jungkook wanted him to be.

“You’re handsome, sexy, hot. You’re everything. You’re just perfect.” Jungkook breathes harshly. He’s breathless too.

Namjoon doesn’t argue anymore. He just holds Jungkook, scraping his fingertips in Jungkook’s scalp. With love in his arms, Jungkook drifts off to sleep. 

They have tomorrow to do more research.

They have a lot of tomorrows.

Notes:

my twt