Work Text:
Six weeks ago
Dahyun sat fidgeting with the frayed end of the blanket she had draped over her lap. Her head turned to look at the clock again. Only a minute had passed, so why did it feel like she had waited an eternity since she had last looked?
Chaeyoung was supposed to come home an hour and a half ago, and she hadn’t responded to a single message or call that Dahyun had sent her. Chaeyoung always texted her if she was going to be back later than expected, it was something they had agreed back when they had to sneak from their foster homes to see each other. Even now they lived together, it was something that had remained theirs’.
Dahyun grabbed her phone from the armrest, making sure that she hadn’t missed any notifications from Chaeyoung in her worry. Still nothing. Dahyun could feel that something was off, she could sense it, could feel in her gut. Chaeyoung wouldn’t be late today , especially with no warning.
Dahyun scrolled through her recent contacts and pressed Chaeyoung’s name. Dahyun sighed deeply as the call went straight to Chaeyoung’s voicemail.
“I’m busy, but the first person I’ll be calling back when I check my phone is Dahyun-unnie. Bye!”
What was normally an extremely endearing voicemail was now beginning to grate on Dahyun’s nerves. If she was the first person Chaeyoung would call back, then why isn’t she receiving a phone call?
Dahyun flinched at the sound of heavy banging on the front door. Dahyun felt her heart leap. Finally . Chaeyoung must have lost her key and was worried that Dahyun would whine at her. It didn’t matter right now, Dahyun could complain at Chaeyoung for being absentminded once she had given her a tight hug and they had dinner and –
Dahyun’s heart stopped at the sight before her as she swung the door open. Chaeyoung stood slumped against a blonde woman that Dahyun recognised as Chaeyoung’s friend from work, Sana. Chaeyoung had her hand clutching her stomach, cuts and bruises adorning her face and arms. Her grey t-shirt was torn and practically falling from her shoulder. The hand pressed against Chaeyoung’s stomach was painted red, and Dahyun realised with a jolt that it must be blood.
“Please, I need to put her somewhere.” The sound of Sana’s voice yanked Dahyun out of her trance, her eyes flashing from the blood on Chaeyoung’s body to the woman’s face. “Dahyun, now .”
“Y-Yes, okay. The sofa. Put her on the sofa.” Dahyun felt as if she were walking through quicksand as she tried to follow Sana to the sofa. Her heart thumped in her chest as she brought a hand to her hair and nervously ran her fingers through the strands.
This didn’t make any sense. Why was Chaeyoung bleeding onto their sofa? Why didn’t Sana take Chaeyoung straight to a hospital?
Oh, god. Chaeyoung.
Chaeyoung let out a groan of pain as she was placed onto the sofa. The sound forcefully pulled at Dahyun’s heart, effectively distracting her from her questions, her chest aching in worry as her legs finally started moving towards the sofa. Dahyun’s eyes were glued to the hand that Chaeyoung had over her abdomen, watching as the blood oozed around her fingers. Dahyun couldn’t stop the gasp of horror at the sight, the noise causing Chaeyoung to languidly turn her head to face Dahyun.
“Unnie, I’m fine.” Chaeyoung promised.
Chaeyoung sounded anything but fine. Her voice was hoarse, as if she had been screaming. Dahyun couldn’t bring herself to entertain the thought that maybe that was the reality. Her eyes were pained, tears welling in the corners. She blinked slowly at Dahyun, almost like she was trying to focus herself. Dahyun recognised the look, she’d watched it many times when Chaeyoung was ill and delirious because she didn’t have the clothes or shelter to starve off the bitter chill. Chaeyoung’s lips turned up into what Dahyun assumed was meant to be a reassuring smile, but ended up as a pained grimace that made Dahyun’s heart stop.
“Chaeyoung, don’t be an idiot. How are you fine ?” Dahyun couldn’t help but snap at her, the panic in her chest lashing.
“Enough. Now isn’t the time. Dahyun, do you have a medical kit somewhere?” Sana’s voice interjected firmly, moving to stand in Dahyun’s line of vision. Dahyun looked up to meet the woman’s eyes.
“Um, yeah. It’s in the bathroom in the cabinet.” Dahyun stuttered, praying that everything Chaeyoung needed would be in there.
“Great. Here.” Sana passed her a towel that Dahyun hadn’t noticed she had been holding. “Press hard against her stomach. It doesn’t matter if it hurts her, you need to push hard .”
“I-I.” Dahyun stared down at the towel in her hands as if it were a foreign object. “Yeah. O-Okay.”
Dahyun stepped closer to the sofa and tentatively wrapped her hand around Chaeyoung’s wrist, trying to pry her hand from the wound. Dahyun felt her hand shaking as she pulled Chaeyoung’s hand back and replaced it with the towel. She pressed slightly, wincing at the sharp intake of breath Chaeyoung let out.
“I-I’m sorry, Chaeng.” Dahyun went to retract her hand, but Chaeyoung covered Dahyun’s hand with her own blood-soaked one.
“You need to push harder.” Chaeyoung told her, weakly pressing her hand downwards. Dahyun shook her head at the slight wheeze that Chaeyoung let out at the pressure.
“B-But I don’t want to hurt you.” Dahyun asked, eyes looking into Chaeyoung’s desperately.
“Dahyunie, if you don’t press harder, then…” Chaeyoung trailed off, the heavy implication of the statement causing tears to prick at Dahyun’s eyes.
Dahyun took a shuddered breath. Images of Chaeyoung’s younger self sitting on the floor with tears in her eyes with a grazed knee flashed through her mind. Somehow, the moments felt identical. Dahyun had never been fond of blood, but watching Chaeyoung’s quivering lip and arms clutch at her knee had triggered a primal need to protect the younger girl at whatever cost.
But the fear of not being good enough seized her just as aggressively. What if she wasn’t enough to save Chaeyoung? Dahyun refused to live without Chaeyoung, that much Dahyun knew. Dahyun had built her entire world around Chaeyoung, and Chaeyoung had done the same for her. Dahyun couldn’t - didn’t want to - live in a world where she didn’t wake up to Chaeyoung sprawled on her back with her mouth hanging half-open. A world where Chaeyoung didn’t leave her dirty paintbrushes in the sink after she had haphazardly thrown them there at 3am, too exhausted to clean them. Dahyun didn’t want a world where she couldn’t hear Chaeyoung’s laugh reverberate to each of the corners in their small apartment.
She had to at least try.
For Chaeyoung.
Dahyun took a deeper breath than before, steeling herself to press harder against Chaeyoung’s stomach in a desperate attempt to staunch the bleeding. The tears were openly slipping down Chaeyoung’s cheeks now as Dahyun lifted her head from where she had been gaping at the wound and looked at her oldest friend’s face.
Chaeyoung tried to smile at Dahyun, the dimple forming in her cheek as she pulled her lips up. Dahyun wanted to throttle the girl for pretending that she was okay when the situation was nothing but dire.
And yet, that was Chaeyoung. Her Chaeyoung. There was something so inherently loving about her, and even though sometimes she had her heads in clouds most of the time, Dahyun had never once doubted that Chaeyoung had left a space in her world there for her, and her alone. The thought of Chaeyoung drifting further away, slipping through Dahyun’s fingertips to a higher plane made Dahyun press down more firmly.
“Dahyun, I need to clean the wound and try to stitch her up.” Sana had returned from the bathroom, the medical kit in one hand and the other moving to place a hand on Dahyun’s shoulder. There were no traces of the bright smile normally painted on Sana’s lips, instead Dahyun was met with a resolute stare and a frown etched between Sana’s brows when she looked up at her. The sight sent tendrils of dread up Dahyun’s spine.
Dahyun felt herself start to hyperventilate, her breathing coming in short bursts that she couldn’t hold onto long enough to feel the air fill her lungs. There was no way that this could be real. Her and Chaeyoung were meant to be cuddled up on the sofa eating takeout right now. Instead, Chaeyoung was bleeding out under her fingertips and Dahyun had no idea how to solve it. Dahyun watched as the world blurred through the tears forcing themselves from her eyes, Sana’s face distorted until all Dahyun could see was a head of yellow.
“Dahyun-ah.” Dahyun barely registered the feeling of Sana’s hand on her face, unable to shake the afterimage that had painted itself onto her retinas of Chaeyoung’s blood running through her fingertips. “Dahyun, I need you to be strong.”
Dahyun shook her head at the words. What strength could she find when the source of her strength was sitting in front of her on the cusp of death?
“Dahyun.” She felt her face being turned towards Sana, fingers soothing softly against the softness of her cheek. “Do it for Chaeyoung.”
For Chaeyoung.
Dahyun forced herself to focus on the bridge of Sana’s nose, knowing that if she met the terror in Sana’s eyes she would quickly begin to spiral again. Dahyun counted under her breath to the rhythm of Sana’s fingers as they rubbed back and forth on her skin. Dahyun forced herself to keep track of the numbers at the correct pace.
For Chaeyoung.
Dahyun’s eyes began to focus in time for her to watch Sana nod and push herself up from where she had been squatting. Dahyun watched, still slightly dazed as Sana began setting up the medical kit on the coffee table and looked to the clock.
“Jeongyeon should be here any minute, but I need to start trying to clean this up so that she can patch her up.” Sana explained.
“W-What do I do?” Dahyun asked, feeling helpless.
“I need you to keep her calm. This is gonna hurt, a lot. Try to distract her and keep her from moving.” Sana instructed her, shifting her gaze from the clock to Chaeyoung and narrowing her eyes. “She’s a massive baby, so it’s a pretty important job.”
Dahyun would have laughed at the sheer absurdity of the situation, watching as Chaeyoung rolled her eyes weakly at Sana’s words, if it wasn’t for the fear gripping tightly to her heart.
-
Dahyun exhaled a shaky breath as she got the nod from Jeongyeon to indicate that she would begin trying to patch Chaeyoung up. Thankfully, Jeongyeon had assured her that the cut was neither too wide to stitch nor too deep to stunt the bleeding. But that had done little to calm Dahyun’s frantic heart.
“Did you forget what today is?” Dahyun asked quietly, hurt panging through her chest at the thought, regardless of how insignificant that was now. Dahyun figured this conversation could serve as a distraction for Chaeyoung, at the very least.
Chaeyoung eyed her cautiously, seemingly thinking. “Remind me?”
“It’s the fourth of April.”
“Fuck.” Chaeyoung let her head fall back against the sofa. “We were supposed to properly spend the evening together after I finished work.”
Dahyun nodded sadly, staring at their intertwined hands. This really should not be her priority right now, but Dahyun couldn’t stop the hurt ebbing in waves through her chest as Chaeyoung confirmed that she had forgotten. Dahyun knew that Chaeyoung could be in her own head sometimes, but Dahyun had thought that the day they met would be something that Chaeyoung would never forget.
“Dahyunie.” Dahyun knew that she was supposed to be distracting Chaeyoung, but she couldn’t quite make herself meet Chaeyoung’s eyes as the embarrassment of her sitting and pining for Chaeyoung all evening hit her at once. “Dahyun-ah.”
The unfamiliarity of such informality made her wrinkle her nose and look up at Chaeyoung. “It’s okay.”
“No, it isn’t, unnie. I’m sorry. I didn’t forget the day, I just didn’t realise that today was the fourth.” Chaeyoung winced slightly, whether it was at the words or a particular painful part of the stitching procedure, Dahyun didn’t know. “I know that doesn’t make it any better. I just –” Chaeyoung sighed loudly.
Dahyun stared at Chaeyoung as she watched the girl try to choose her words, her lips pouting to the side as she contemplated.
“Everything with this,” Chaeyoung dipped her chin to indicate the wound on her stomach, “started to get a bit heavier. I’m so sorry.”
Chaeyoung’s bottom lip was wobbling, her eyes sad. Dahyun was loath to see that expression on Chaeyoung’s face, but Dahyun wanted to understand. She needed to understand.
“And what is this, exactly?” Dahyun didn’t bother to appease Chaeyoung by telling her it was okay, because it still hurt, and Dahyun would never lie to Chaeyoung - her soulmate - if she could avoid it. They had always had a bond built on foundations of honesty and transparency.
Had Dahyun not seemed like she had cared recently? Had she perhaps retracted too far into herself, like she sometimes realised herself doing too late as Chaeyoung tried to coax her out of it? But that didn’t make sense, Chaeyoung had always called her out on that.
Or did Chaeyoung not trust her with this? Dahyun wasn’t sure if she could handle hearing the answer to that if Chaeyoung didn’t trust her enough to tell her that she was involved in… whatever this was.
“P-Please don’t be mad, unnie. I wanted to tell you, but I didn’t want you to get involved. It’s… Dangerous.”
That explained it. That answer was so her that Dahyun wanted to laugh. Of course Chaeyoung had been trying to protect her.
“Then why are you getting involved in it? God, what is ‘it’ ? Say it how it is, Chaeyoung-ah.” Dahyun couldn’t help the exasperation seeping into her tone. She was emotionally drained, and she just wanted to understand. Chaeyoung had come to be something, perhaps the only thing, she understood with perfect clarity. Now that Chaeyoung had forgotten their anniversary, kept something seemingly huge from Dahyun and was talking in circles, Dahyun was beginning to panic.
“Maybe now isn’t the time, Dahyun.” Sana interjected, Dahyun having forgotten she was standing by the sofa and had been watching the entire interaction.
“No, it’s okay, Sana. I – She deserves to know.” Dahyun glanced between Chaeyoung and Sana. There was silence as the two regarded each other.
Whatever Sana was searching for, she must have located it as she sighed and walked closer to Chaeyoung to place her hand on the top of the smaller girl’s head. “Whatever you say, Chaengie.”
Dahyun felt something prick at the back of her neck at the interaction. How strange. Dahyun didn’t dwell on it.
“I might, kinda sorta be, like, a vigilante.” Chaeyoung mumbled, her words sheepish as she averted her gaze to anywhere but Dahyun’s eyes. It was what Chaeyoung did when she was shy about something, the gesture almost amusing considering the absurdity that had just left her mouth.
“You…” Dahyun paused, cocking her head and staring blankly at Chaeyoung. “Sorry, what?”
“The neighbourhoods we grew up in have always been dangerous and unfair. No matter where we go, I only ever felt safe because I had you.” Dahyun felt how her heart swelled in her chest. “But not everyone has you. No-one cares about the people that live here, they expect it from us. And that’s wrong. I just wanted to help people. I want to make a difference to the world.”
“You already do, Chaeyoung. You don’t need to be this reckless to make a difference.” Dahyun told her, the lump in her throat painful to speak past. “You can’t make a difference if you’re dead though.”
Chaeyoung whined quietly, her body jerking as Jeongyeon mumbled a quiet ‘sorry’ and pushed her weight more solidly downwards on Chaeyoung’s thighs to keep her still. Dahyun shook her head slightly, rubbing her thumb over the tendon on Chaeyoung’s wrist, her eyes tracing the movement. As Dahyun studied the tattoos adorning her fingers, she appreciated how wonderfully Chaeyoung had grown up. How reckless yet beautiful she was, how good she was, and how much the world could never hope to deserve Son Chaeyoung.
“I just want to help people.” Chaeyoung’s voice was quiet, imploring Dahyun to look up at her, and Dahyun had never been able to deny her anything. “I’m sorry for lying for the past few months. I’m sorry for worrying you, but you can’t make me stop.”
Dahyun and Chaeyoung were locked in a silent stare-off, interrupted only by the sound of Chaeyoung's occasional sharp intake of breath. Dahyun knew it would be fruitless to try to dissuade Chaeyoung, not when she was so set on this, not when all she had ever wanted to do was be unwavering and help those who couldn’t stick up for themselves. Dahyun trusted Chaeyoung implicitly, she trusted Chaeyoung’s intelligence and her instincts, even if her choice of this type of life was unsettling, it made perfect sense to Dahyun.
Because of course Chaeyoung would be this sacrificial.
That meant there was only one choice for Dahyun, too.
The moment Chaeyoung had been dragged through the door, there was only one thing for Dahyun to do.
“Okay.”
Chaeyoung eyed her suspiciously. “Okay?”
“Yeah. I trust you. But I’m in, too.”
Chaeyoung jerked into a sitting position, hissing in pain as Jeongyeon swore. Dahyun immediately shuffled closer to Chaeyoung, pushing her back down using her shoulder as gently, but firmly, as she could manage. “No.”
“You don’t get a choice.” Dahyun told her stubbornly.
“It’s too dangerous.”
“Oh, so it’s okay for you to put yourself in dangerous positions, but not me?”
“Yes.”
Dahyun narrowed her eyes at Chaeyoung. “Too bad.”
Chaeyoung groaned childishly. “The whole reason I didn’t tell you was to keep you safe.”
Dahyun sighed, softening slightly. “And you should have told me regardless. We’ve always been safer together, Chaeyoung. You can’t blame me for wanting to protect you when you’ve been trying to do the same for me. This way, we can protect each other. Just like always.”
Chaeyoung’s gaze was searching as she looked at Dahyun, before she gave her a lopsided grin that made her dimple appear. “You’re too stubborn to drop it either way, huh?”
Dahyun smiled genuinely for the first time since Chaeyoung had been dragged through the door. “Yep.”
The mutual understanding they had of their desire to protect each other meant that Chaeyoung dropped it.
Present
“Chaeng, could you stop pacing, pretty please? You’re giving me a headache,” Dahyun whined from her place on the sofa, watching Chaeyoung spin again on her heels to tread the same path she had been for the last fourteen minutes.
“Dahyun, you do not understand how bad this is. I fucked up.” Chaeyoung said pointedly, not ceasing her movements. Dahyun stood up to grab Chaeyoung by the wrist and physically stop her movement, causing the shorter girl to glare at her.
“You don’t scare me, Chaeng. Now, can you actually tell me what you fucked up so that you can stop burning a path into our floor? It’s the only one we have.”
Chaeyoung sighed, using Dahyun’s firm grip on her to drag them to the sofa so that they could both sit down. “I think I might have accidentally left evidence at the last job.”
Dahyun’s eyebrows shot to her hairline, unable to conceal the surprise. Chaeyoung groaned at the sight, pushing her head into her hands. “Do you see what I mean? I fucked up, Dahyun-unnie.”
“Wait, wait. Just let me think,” Dahyun said, trying to gather her thoughts. “What do you mean that you ‘think’ you left evidence?”
“God, I just – I don’t know . I just have a feeling that I left strands of hair, that we didn’t disable a camera or something .” Dahyun could see Chaeyoung getting more worked up, her hands aggressively running through her hair. Dahyun reached to guide Chaeyoung’s left hand from her hair and slid her fingers down her forearm so she could link their fingers. Dahyun could feel the sweat across her palm, but also felt how Chaeyoung physically relaxed slightly as their fingers entwined.
“Chaeyoung-ah, you’ve been doing this for long enough now to know when you’ve actually messed up. I think you’re just being paranoid.” Dahyun assured her, her thumb stroking across Chaeyoung’s hand delicately to soothe her.
“Dahyun, I can’t fuck this up. Now more than ever.” Chaeyoung looked as if she regretted the words as soon as they left her mouth. Dahyun frowned, trying to figure out her best friend’s words. She sighed as a thought came to her.
“This has to do with me being a part of the group now, right?” Dahyun tried to keep her voice neutral, but the apology in Chaeyoung’s eyes told her that she had failed. She should’ve known; Chaeyoung knew her too well for that.
“Unnie, I refuse to let you suffer because of this. You’ve suffered enough as it is.”
“Chaeyoung, no. It was my choice to be involved with this.” Dahyun told her firmly, knowing that this was quickly going to lead to an argument. “I’m not your responsibility.”
“ Yes you are. This is my world, not yours. You wouldn’t even have found out if I had just been more careful.” Dahyun felt her heart pang at the memory of Chaeyoung dragging herself through the doorway, cuts and bruises adorning her small frame. “You know that I’m here to look out for you.”
Dahyun pulled her hand from Chaeyoung’s, trying not to immediately replace it when a small frown etched itself between Chaeyoung’s eyebrows at the motion. “No, we’re here to look out for each other. It’s always been like that, but you seem to be forgetting that. It doesn’t matter whether I should have found out or not. I did find out, and now we’re in this together, too.”
“Dahyun, this isn’t something you can protect me from. This is who I am. You shouldn’t ruin yourself just to try to shelter me. I’m not the kid in your memory.”
Chaeyoung’s harsh tone made Dahyun wince, the words stinging. “I know that. I kn – ”
“ Do you?” Chaeyoung snapped, her face hardening. “Because I don’t think you know anything about this life, and you’re gonna risk getting yourself killed. And for what? Your shitty hero complex?” Chaeyoung scoffed and rested her chin on her knuckles, looking away from Dahyun and missing the hurt on the older girl’s face.
“Good to know what you really think of me, Chaeyoung. Thanks.” Dahyun said bitterly, unable to stop the tears from falling down her cheeks as she grabbed her jacket and shut the door shut behind her. Dahyun paused outside the door, hand still on the doorknob as she waited for Chaeyoung to come to the door to make amends.
Nothing.
Dahyun sighed in resignation and slipped her jacket on before stepping into the darkness of the night.
-
Chaeyoung pulled her knees up to her chest and rested her forehead against them. She had told Dahyun that she wasn’t the child in her memory, so why did she feel so small and helpless, like the day her parents left her on the doorstep of the orphanage? Chaeyoung couldn’t stop the gears whirring inside her brain, the words she should never have spoken looping through her mind to a torturous rhythm.
Chaeyoung knew that the words would hurt Dahyun even before she had spoken them, but her tongue had lashed and Chaeyoung had been helpless to watch it unfold. She knew her anger was directed towards herself, she knew that her worry for Dahyun and the rest of the group had driven her words, but that knowledge didn’t fill the hollowness in her chest.
Dahyun had been nothing but a rock for Chaeyoung since she was six, and she didn’t even have the decency to stop Dahyun from leaving so that she could apologise. Part of Chaeyoung thought that this was for the best, that she had always known that once Dahyun found out about this part of her life, everything would fall apart. Chaeyoung didn’t know how else to protect Dahyun other than to push her away. Chaeyoung was all too aware that her best friend’s fierce loyalty and tender affection for her would get her killed.
Chaeyoung couldn’t let that happen.
But she also couldn’t let the mental image of the pain etched on Dahyun’s face pass through her mind one more time.
Chaeyoung sighed. She had to protect Dahyun at whatever cost. She knew that Jeongyeon and Sana would ensure that too. They knew what Dahyun meant to Chaeyoung and had grown rather fond of her.
The one thing that Chaeyoung could ascertain right now was that Dahyun was protected from Chaeyoung’s traitorous words. Pushing her away wouldn’t achieve anything, she knew Dahyun would never let that happen, and all it served to do was hurt Dahyun further.
Chaeyoung’s ears perked up at the sound of keys jostling and the creak of the door as it opened. Chaeyoung shot to her feet, ready to meet Dahyun at the door and surrender her pride to beg for the forgiveness she scarcely deserved.
The sight before her made her heart stop. Dahyun looked fit to collapse, leaning heavily against the door frame with her eyes drooping and her head dipping. It was a sight that Chaeyoung had only seen a couple of times, each time cracking her heart further apart.
Chaeyoung rushed forward in time to catch Dahyun as her knees buckled and her weight sagged against Chaeyoung. The guilt surging through Chaeyoung’s veins was laced with dread. Dahyun was dead weight against Chaeyoung’s chest, Chaeyoung grunting as she hooked Dahyun under her armpits and dragged her towards the old sofa. Dahyun’s lack of cooperation combined with their near-equal height meant that Chaeyoung had no choice but to heave Dahyun onto the sofa as gently as she could manage.
Dahyun opened her mouth to speak, but the words mingled and combined in a slur that Chaeyoung had no hope of understanding. Feeling helpless, she sat next to Dahyun and pulled her head into her lap so that she could stroke her head, as if she could use pure will to extinguish whatever substance had put Dahyun in this state. Deep down, Chaeyoung knew that it wasn’t the drugs that had put Dahyun in this position, she was just as much to blame because of her idiocy.
Chaeyoung didn’t bother wiping the tears that dripped from her face onto Dahyun’s cheek. Her heart ached as Dahyun’s unfocused eyes stared at her, reaching up to clumsily wipe the tears from Chaeyoung’s cheek, accidentally poking her in the eye during the process.
“Chaeyoungie, don’t be sad.” Dahyun slurred, the words hardly comprehensible even with Chaeyoung leaning closer to try to decipher them.
“I deserve to be sad, unnie. This is all my fault.” Chaeyoung admitted, more tears falling down her cheeks. “I’m so sorry, Dahyun.” The tears were unstoppable by this point, streaming down her face faster than Chaeyoung could wipe them away.
“No no, Chaengie, you – ” Dahyun paused to stare off into space for a moment, chewing on her bottom lip before continuing shakily, “You were right. You – You’re – I trust you.”
The words hardly made sense, Dahyun seemingly unable to piece together coherent thoughts. Chaeyoung shook her head vehemently. “No, unnie. I wasn’t right. We protect each other, and I shouldn’t have punished you for that. You don’t deserve that. You deserve the world.”
“I want you. Only you. You’re my whole entire world, Chaengie.” Dahyun said the words with such conviction that Chaeyoung couldn’t help but lean down, adjusting their position so that she was on top of Dahyun and could press her forehead against her chest. She wrapped her arms around Dahyun and silently cried into her warmth, promising herself that she would never hurt her like this again.
They stayed like that for a while. It could have been a few moments, thirty minutes or an hour. Chaeyoung didn’t know, nor did she care. Dahyun had been surprisingly quiet. Chaeyoung had been expecting the steady stream of half-words that would often come from Dahyun in these moments, a stark contrast to her often demure nature. The thought was enough to make Chaeyoung pick her head from Dahyun’s chest and take a glimpse at the girl’s face.
Dahyun’s eyes were half-open, her mouth ajar slightly and taking ragged breaths. Chaeyoung knew she should start trying to sober her up so that she wouldn’t suffer in the morning. Chaeyoung planted her hands on either side of Dahyun’s head and attempted to push herself up. Dahyun jostled at the movement and let out a long whine. Her arms came to wrap around Chaeyoung’s neck and forcefully pulled her back down.
“Chaeyoungie, please don’t leave. Please stay,” Her voice sounded so vulnerable and pleading that it made Chaeyoung hesitate in her second attempt to get up from Dahyun’s body.
“I promise I’ll be right back, I just need to get you some juice and biscuits so you don’t feel as bad in the morning,” Chaeyoung kept her voice soft, using one of her hands to push back a strand of hair that covered Dahyun’s eyes.
If anything, Dahyun’s grip tightened as she shook her head slightly. “Nope.”
Chaeyoung sighed, racking her brains. “Unnie.”
Dahyun hummed to signal her attention, so Chaeyoung continued, “I promise I’ll be right back. Pinky.” She extended her little finger out so Dahyun could see it.
Dahyun eyed the finger skeptically before moving her face closer to Chaeyoung’s. “Pinky?”
Chaeyoung nodded in confirmation, waving her hand slightly to draw Dahyun’s attention back to her finger. “Pinky.”
Dahyun looped her finger around Chaeyoung’s after two failed attempts and allowed her other arm to fall from Chaeyoung’s neck. If possible, her body sank even further into the sofa as she pouted and looked up with Chaeyoung with sad eyes.
Chaeyoung rolled her eyes to compensate for how her chest grew warmer at the sight, burying the feelings she had long been ignoring and hurrying off the sofa to retrieve Dahyun’s favourite chocolate biscuits from the cupboard. She placed them on the counter and poured Dahyun a generous amount of squash into a glass, knowing that she wouldn’t drink it if it wasn’t disgustingly concentrated. Chaeyoung smiled fondly at the thought, before returning back to the sofa.
Chaeyoung noticed how Dahyun’s eyes were fully closed now, her head lolling against the armrest of the sofa. “Nope, come on, Dahyun. You have to have some of these before you can sleep.”
Chaeyoung placed the juice and biscuits on the coffee table before sliding her hands into Dahyun’s and gently pulling her upright. Dahyun groaned pitifully at the movement and fought against Chaeyoung’s insistent tugs.
Chaeyoung tried a different approach. “If you sit up for me, then I’ll cook for the whole week.”
Dahyun looked at her as if she had sprouted a second head. “You? Cooking? But – ” She spluttered. “You never offer to cook.”
“I know I don’t. But I know you like my cooking.”
Dahyun pondered the offer for a moment. “A week?”
Chaeyoung sighed at the expectant look. “Fine, a month.”
Dahyun nodded to herself happily. “Okay. Up we get!”
Chaeyoung grunted in pain as Dahyun suddenly pushed herself forward and caused their foreheads to bump. Chaeyoung cursed the universe for giving Dahyun this burst of energy now of all times. Where was this excitement when Chaeyoung had to drag her to the sofa?
“Fuck. Ow, Dahyun, give me some warning next time!” Chaeyoung said, no malice in the statement, wincing as she rubbed the spot where Dahyun had made contact.
“Sorry, Chaengie.” Dahyun’s lips morphed into a pout and she moved forward again, slower this time, to press her lips against Chaeyoung’s forehead. Chaeyoung grinned at the gesture, knowing Dahyun was sometimes too shy for such a confident show of affection when she was sober.
“Unnie, you know that I love you, right?” Chaeyoung needed Dahyun to hear that now, even if it was inexplicably obvious that they loved each other, even if she had to swallow the fact that they loved each other in different ways.
Dahyun’s face lit up at the statement, the pout immediately replaced with a smile so bright that Chaeyoung couldn’t help but giggle. This was how Dahyun always deserved to look, so happy that her eyes were hardly visible because of her toothy grin.
Dahyun pressed her nose against Chaeyoung’s cheek and nuzzled the skin there. “Of course.”
Chaeyoung didn’t need to hear it back, reaching to the side to grab the pack of biscuits and the glass of juice. She pressed the glass in Dahyun’s hand. “Don’t spill it.” Chaeyoung warned.
Chaeyoung opened the pack of biscuits and pulled one out to give to Dahyun. She merely stared resolutely at Chaeyoung in response. Chaeyoung let out a puff of air, not willing to entertain the silent battle of wills, and brought the biscuit up to rest against Dahyun’s lips so that she could take it. She watched as Dahyun chewed the biscuit, swallowed, before bringing the juice to her lips so she could sip it.
There was something therapeutic about the moment. Perhaps it was just nice to have the chance to take care of Dahyun for once, regardless of the circumstances. Dahyun had spent so much of her life pandering to Chaeyoung’s every need that it felt rewarding to be able to help her like this, even if it was a small gesture.
Once Dahyun had finished a few of the biscuits and the juice, she stared somewhat blankly at Chaeyoung. The energy had left her and she looked as if she were struggling to remain upright, her eyes drifting shut before blinking herself back awake. Chaeyoung reached to rub her thumb across Dahyun’s lips, ridding her face of the crumbs there.
“Do you wanna sleep now?” Chaeyoung asked softly, poking Dahyun in the cheek to gain her attention fully. Dahyun’s only response was a tired nod and the sight of her flopping back against the sofa. “No, no, unnie. I meant in bed – ”
Chaeyoung cut herself off as she watched Dahyun tuck her chin downwards to her chest and flung her arm carelessly upwards, signalling that she wanted Chaeyoung to join her. Chaeyoung sighed for the umpteenth time since Dahyun had come back home.
It seemed that they were sleeping on the sofa.
Dahyun whined as Chaeyoung got up from the sofa, only silencing when Chaeyoung returned from switching off the light to the living room and crawled into Dahyun’s arms. Chaeyoung inhaled deeply, Dahyun’s familiar scent and warmth quickly dragging her into a half-conscious state.
Dahyun was the most comforting thing that Chaeyoung had ever known.
With her head against Dahyun’s chest, Chaeyoung exhaled. Dahyun would be fine in the morning, she assured herself. As long as they had each other, they would be fine.
Chaeyoung would make sure of it.
-
Sana jerked violently out of her sleep, sucking in deep breaths to try to calm her heart at the feeling of it trying to erupt from her chest. She brought a hand to where her heart was, clutching tightly, wanting nothing more than to rip the useless thing out and bury it in the dirt where it couldn’t make her feel like this.
Sana soon gave up, throwing the covers off her overheating body and flinging a teddy to the side in frustration. She swung her legs out of bed and forced herself to push up into the bitter chill of the night. She stumbled blindly towards the kitchen, letting her legs trace the familiar path to the fridge so that she could fish out the milk carton from the bottom shelf.
She tapped her fingers lightly against her arm as she watched the mug of milk twirl inside the microwave. Sana tried to focus on the monotonous and rhythmic turn of the microwave plate, but it did little to quell the sadness in her chest or the violent thumping of her heart.
Sana was startled from her thoughts as the microwave beeped loudly to signal the completion of its job, her heart speeding up further as she leapt forward to fumble with the button to shut it up and open the door. After pressing the button, Sana paused to listen to the silence for any sound of its residents stirring. She sighed slightly, mentally berating herself for her carelessness even as her ears were met with continued silence.
Sana pulled the mug from the microwave and cradled it, grateful for its warmth. As she sipped, she remembered that Dahyun and Chaeyoung weren’t home when she had gone to sleep. Gripping the mug tightly in her fingers, she walked towards the younger girls’ room and gently shouldered the door open. She squinted into the darkness and traced her eyes over the bundle in the middle of the bed. Whilst Sana knew that neither of them would come back home without the other, she still wandered closer to the bed to check that they were both present under the mass of blankets that Dahyun insisted they slept under.
Sana couldn’t help but smile fondly at the sight of the two girls pressed closely together. Dahyun was wrapped tightly around Chaeyoung’s form, her face pressed against Chaeyoung’s neck. Sana tried to stifle a giggle, knowing that Dahyun would insist on being the big spoon because ‘she was the unnie’ and that Chaeyoung would let her do whatever she wanted.
Despite herself, Sana stood and watched the pair sleep for a while whilst taking slow sips of her milk. But as Sana watched Chaeyoung shift in her sleep and Dahyun pull her even closer at the movement, Sana was reminded of what they had left to lose. The thought was both comforting and terrifying. Dahyun had been a welcome addition to their cause over the past few months, but her addition meant another person for Sana to worry for.
Sana sighed wistfully, tilting her head back to drain the last of the milk. She walked towards the door, glancing over her shoulder one more time to check that the two were still firmly asleep before slipping out of the door and closing it quietly behind her.
-
Dahyun stretched as she opened her eyes, briefly debating merely pulling the covers back over her head and resuming her nap when she heard the front door open and close. Her ears perked up at the sound of Chaeyoung and Sana’s loud voices. Dahyun groaned at the idea of leaving the bed, swinging her legs over the side and shuffling sheepishly to the door and opening it slightly. As she was met with the chill in the air, she paused and reached for the dressing gown on the hook on the back of the door.
As she slipped on the gown, Sana’s voice was more distinguishable from the slightly opened door.
“You should tell her, Chaeyoungie.” The firmness in Sana’s tone made Dahyun pause. Despite the lives they led, Sana still wasn’t often that solemn unless she absolutely needed to be. Curiosity won out against her morality as she peered out the gap in the door, listening carefully. “You’re so obvious.”
“If I’m so obvious, then why does she not notice anything?” Chaeyoung whined childishly, and Dahyun could just about see her lean dramatically against the wall, her head thudding against it as she threw it back carelessly. Dahyun stifled a giggle behind her hand as she watched Chaeyoung pout, rubbing the sore spot. Dahyun immediately sobered up at Chaeyoung’s next words. “Dahyun is probably just ignoring the signs because she doesn’t agree.”
Agree? Agree with what? Dahyun felt like she was imposing on something important, but the knowledge wasn’t enough to make her shut the door and slip in her earphones, or even to announce her presence.
“Agree? Chaeyoung-ah, there’s nothing to agree with. You love her, and she loves you too.” Sana told Chaeyoung. Dahyun frowned. Of course she loved Chaeyoung, she didn’t understand why they were discussing something so painfully obvious.
Dahyun watched as Chaeyoung’s head dipped slightly, almost defeated, and fought the urge to reveal herself to go and comfort her and shelter her from whatever was bothering her. “She loves me, but I’m in love with her. If she doesn’t see that by now, then she never will. Or she does, but she doesn’t feel the same.”
Dahyun felt her breath catch in her throat, almost stumbling forward through the door in her shock.
Chaeyoung was in love with her.
And Chaeyoung thinks that she doesn’t feel the same.
Dahyun bit her nails, deep in thought with her heart pounding. Did she feel the same? The thought had never crossed her mind. Chaeyoung was her soulmate, Dahyun knew that, but she had never thought further than that. She had never had any reason to, not when she envisioned her future, all she saw was Chaeyoung. Dahyun felt like slapping a hand to her forehead, and she would have if it didn’t risk alerting Sana and Chaeyoung that she was eavesdropping.
Was she in love with Chaeyoung?
Would that not change everything?
Dahyun had to pause her thoughts when she heard Sana burst into giggles. She peered back out through the crack in the door where she could just barely see Chaeyoung frowning as she crossed her arms over her chest, still slumped against the wall.
“You two are as dense as each other! Well, at least you are aware of how hopelessly in love you are.” Sana said through her giggles.
The affirmation that Chaeyoung was in love with her buried itself deep in Dahyun’s chest.
“I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” Chaeyoung pushed off from the wall, but before she could turn and potentially catch Dahyun peeking, Sana rushed forward and gripped her by her biceps. “Unnie.”
“You never want to talk about it, but we need to. Chaeyoung-ah, honestly. Dahyun joined us in trying to get justice for people who might need it. Just because you’re involved. You didn’t even have to ask her to, and you think she isn’t in love with you?” Sana asked, her tone softer, almost pleading.
“She loves me, but that doesn’t mean she wants to kiss me or go on dates with me.”
Dahyun watched as Sana moved a hand to ruffle Chaeyoung’s hair, then squished her cheek fondly. “Chaeyoungie, I promise you that once Dahyun stops being so unbelievably dense, she’ll realise it’s okay to want those things with you. For someone who is so intelligent, Dahyunie really is hopeless sometimes.”
Dahyun pouted, puffing out her cheeks despite the fact that no-one could see her. Dahyun wasn’t dense or hopeless. Except, maybe she was. If Chaeyoung was in love with her, for who knows how long, then maybe Dahyun was a tiny bit dense to have not seen it. Guilt swam in her chest, wondering how many times she had unintentionally hurt Chaeyoung.
She didn’t have much time to dwell on it, not when Chaeyoung sighed and pulled away from Sana, spinning on her heel to walk up the hallway. Dahyun yelped, jerking away from where she was snooping and throwing the dressing gown to the floor as she slipped back into bed and faced the wall. She tried to calm her breathing, caused both from the sudden exertion and the unexpected revelation, and appear like she was somewhat asleep.
Dahyun closed her eyes, her face burying further into the covers as she heard the door creak open fully. Chaeyoung let out a tiny mewl from the back of her throat that was so sad and defeated that Dahyun had to resist revealing herself again. Dahyun heard rustling behind her, giving her enough time to regain control of her breathing as Chaeyoung pottered around the room. She almost thought she would get away completely unscathed, until she felt the bed dip and felt the outline of Chaeyoung’s body press insistently against her back. The breath that Chaeyoung exhaled against the nape of her neck threatened to make shudders wrack her body, and the arm Chaeyoung draped over the dip of her hip stole the breath from her lungs.
Dahyun had been in this position for years, had had Chaeyoung pressed against her so intimately thousands of times since they had bumbled into each other at that orphanage, so there was no adequate reason for her body to be betraying her like this now. Except, now Chaeyoung was in love with Dahyun. Or, she had been for an unidentified amount of time and Dahyun was only learning about it now.
Dahyun had so many questions.
“I’m such an idiot, Dahyunie.” Chaeyoung’s lips brushed against Dahyun’s skin as she whispered, the baby hairs on her neck standing straight at the faint contact. “I’m going to risk ruining everything we have, all because of my stupid feelings.”
Dahyun wanted to turn in Chaeyoung’s grip and tell her that her that her feelings could never be stupid, that anyone who didn’t return her feelings never deserved someone like Chaeyoung in the first place, that anyone would trip over themselves to be with her.
Dahyun was so screwed.
-
Dahyun would say that, under normal circumstances, she was firmly in control of her emotions. Sure, she often kept them close to her chest, but words were useless when Chaeyoung could read her frustratingly well anyway. But, usually, she had a tight hold on them, and she could turn thoughts over in her head until she understood what she was feeling.
But everything she had learnt over the past few months of this life with Chaeyoung, Sana and Jeongyeon was swiftly banished from her consciousness in the wake of her discovery of Chaeyoung’s feelings a few days ago.
No matter how hard she tried to piece together her feelings, how desperately she attempted to psychoanalyse herself and give Chaeyoung an answer she hadn’t even asked for, she just could not achieve it.
At this stage, Dahyun had accepted she felt things for Chaeyoung. She couldn’t imagine anyone else being her number one, she had no interest in ever living with anyone who wasn’t the younger woman, there was no-one else that she wanted to wake up to. When Dahyun really thought about it, not much would change between them if they became a couple. Dahyun had never questioned whether Chaeyoung was her platonic or romantic soulmate before, it had never mattered, because Chaeyoung was the only one for her and nothing would change that.
But what were the things that she felt? What did they all mean? Whenever Dahyun thought about kissing Chaeyoung, she felt her cheeks heat up. Dahyun had never really thought much about kissing anyone, only really kissed people before out of feelings of obligation, because it was what she was ‘supposed’ to want to do with attractive people.
If there was one person she didn’t mind the thought of kissing, it was Chaeyoung.
But she was deathly afraid of ruining everything.
A tiny voice inside her told her that it could never happen, that she and Chaeyoung can - and will - come through anything together, but the terror of losing Chaeyoung was enough to paralyse her into inaction and pathetic hesitation.
Dahyun startled as her phone vibrated in her pocket, and she realised that she had not been paying attention when she definitely should be, considering that Chaeyoung was in the warehouse she was supposed to be offering surveillance for. Despite Dahyun being involved for a few months, the others (mainly led by Chaeyoung) refused to let her do anything of actual use, instead banishing her to being on lookout. Dahyun didn’t mind too much, considering that here she was still able to help Chaeyoung and keep her safe if she needed to. She had become fond of Sana and Jeongyeon too, especially since they had officially moved into hers and Chaeyoung’s spare room that they never used, considering they were far too accustomed to sharing a bed with each other.
Dahyun pulled out her phone and let her eyes fly over the message from Jeongyeon, informing her that the guy they were tailing had made his way out of the back entrance to the warehouse. Dahyun pocketed her phone and stealthily weaved her way past boxes and abandoned scrap parts to watch the man as he slid into his car and paused in the driver’s seat.
Dahyun felt herself bristle at the sight of him. Sana had heard from a woman on the street about him, tearfully telling her friends that he had hired her at a brothel and he had always returned, but always skimped out on paying them for their services. The poor woman had been saying that she hadn’t been able to pay rent because of this guy constantly underpaying her. After some digging around and following him for a while, it became evident he was also cheating on his wife, both with the woman at the brothel and with one of his coworkers, who seemed hopelessly in love with him. The image of him sitting lounging in his expensive car, waiting to pick up a woman for an affair at some abandoned warehouse made Dahyun want to slash his tyres herself.
But she knew that wasn’t her role.
The guy arranging to meet this unknowing mistress at this tattered old warehouse made the situation worse. This woman undoubtedly deserved better, but this man clearly felt he could treat women however he wanted to. Honestly, the location was beneficial for them. There would be no cameras, and if he wanted to try to report them for bashing up his car, then he would need to admit where he was and why he was there.
The man re-emerged from his car holding his briefcase, locking the car and lighting the cigarette between his teeth using his free hand. Dahyun picked up a rock, tossing it into the distance so that it rattled off the bins and skittered across the ground. The man’s head perked up at the noise, his back straightening as he cautiously wandered away from his vehicle and followed the direction that rattling was coming from.
Dahyun watched as Sana, Chaeyoung and Jeongyeon emerged from the darkness wearing their masks and baggy clothes. Frankly, they all looked a bit ridiculous, and perhaps it was overkill, but Sana insisted. Whatever Sana asked for, Jeongyeon would oblige and Chaeyoung would go along with most things.
Dahyun scooted around the outskirts of the warehouse until she was much further ahead of the man and where he was headed. Dahyun kept knocking bins and pipes as she went, trying to create enough noise that would distract from any damage that may or not be inflicted on his car as a form of mortal justice. The man kept calling out, demanding who was there in a tone so entitled that Dahyun half-considered just pushing him into the trash littered around where he belonged.
Soon, Dahyun’s phone buzzed again with a text from Chaeyoung, telling her to come back to where his car was located. Dahyun threw a small rock in his direction, holding back a laugh as he cursed when it bounced off his head. Then, she quickly made her way back to her starting position, admiring the cracked windows and deflated tyres, along with the scratched paintwork across the vehicle.
Chaeyoung tugged off the balaclava, fanning herself dramatically. Dahyun opted to keep it on until they had left the warehouse, stretching her arms above her head instead.
“We’ll go check if she’s arrived yet, I’d rather explain it to her before she gets here and sees this. You two go sit in the car.” Jeongyeon told them, pulling Chaeyoung into a headlock and ruffling her hair slightly. “No funny business.”
Dahyun was glad the balaclava was still covering her face, stopping them from seeing how she had turned red to the tips of her ears at the implication. Jeongyeon and Sana had taken to relentlessly teasing and hinting at Chaeyoung’s feelings since Sana and Chaeyoung’s conversation, often coming dangerously close to making Dahyun want to move out.
Not that she ever would, not whilst Chaeyoung was there.
Chaeyoung was less fortunate, her cheeks painted pink as she shoved Jeongyeon away from her and pouted on her way to Dahyun, grabbing her hand and guiding them towards their car. However, after a few paces Dahyun felt her blood turn cold at the sound of shouting.
“Hey! You bitches!” The man rounded the corner, staring at his car that he had left in a perfectly sheened state. Dahyun glanced over her shoulder, seeing Sana and Jeongyeon running back in their direction.
Chaeyoung sneered, releasing Dahyun’s hand and struggling her shoulders so animatedly and patronisingly that it could have been from a scene from a children’s show. “You deserved it for being an asshole.”
“You mouthy bitch.” He growled, lashing out and gripping Chaeyoung by her hair and yanking her closer, placing an arm across her throat. Chaeyoung struggled against his grip and Dahyun’s heart leapt into her throat, her legs moving faster than she could process as she rushed closer to him and swung a fist hard against the back of his head.
Dahyun had only done some training in combat that the others had taught her, but it was enough of an adequate punch to make him grunt in pain and release Chaeyoung enough for her to spin around and firmly kick him in the stomach. As he reeled back, Chaeyoung scrambled forward.
“Come on!” Chaeyoung shouted. “Let’s go now.”
Dahyun reached out to take the hand that Chaeyoung had offered her, her legs starting to run after her until the man kicked at her foot in a last ditch effort to stop her and sent Dahyun tumbling to the floor. Dahyun yelped pitifully as she landed hard on her wrist, her elbows and knees scraping against the ground as her head thumped slightly on the hard gravel. Dahyun wanted to crawl into a ball and cradle her wrist, but Chaeyoung was already pulling her to her feet. Chaeyoung’s hands roamed up and down Dahyun’s body in a gesture that usually would have flustered her, but as soon as Chaeyoung had assessed there was no serious damage, she was tugging Dahyun over to their car.
Dahyun vaguely heard Sana say something to the man, but knew she didn’t have to worry considering Sana and Jeongyeon were more than equipped to deal with whatever pathetic violence he may attempt. Instead, Dahyun let her weight sag against their car, adrenaline pumping through her veins as the pain began to flare through her entire body. Her eyes fluttered shut as she tried to dispel the nervous energy that was thrumming, but they flew back open as Chaeyoung gripped her shoulders and shook her slightly.
“God! What the hell were you thinking?!” Chaeyoung asked, her tone sharp.
Despite the pain pounding in her head, Dahyun tried to keep her voice steady in an attempt to placate Chaeyoung.
“You were in trouble.” She offered weakly.
“I don’t care! Sana and Jeongyeon were there, it’s their job to help with things like that, not yours.” Chaeyoung threw her arms in the air in frustration. “Your job is to keep watch.”
“It doesn’t matter, Chaeng. I’m fine.” Dahyun protested, only to be met with a disbelieving scoff.
“Fine? Are you crazy? What were you thinking?” Chaeyoung’s voice was thick with worry, making her words a thumping drum through Dahyun’s skull.
Dahyun sighed, tilting her head back against the car and staring up at the darkness of the sky. She tried to gather her thoughts, tried to work out how to explain that she saw Chaeyoung in trouble and her legs had moved before she could do anything about it. She didn’t know how to explain what came over her, not in a way that didn’t lead her to fully accepting the revelation that she had had floating around her mess of a brain for the past few days.
Chaeyoung didn’t give her the chance to work it out.
“Huh? Why did you do it, Dahyun? Why? ” Chaeyoung’s voice was pleading now.
It was too much.
“God, because I’m in love with you!” Dahyun shouted back, immediately clapping a hand over her mouth. She had not meant to blurt that out, she had wanted to carefully consider it and tell Chaeyoung when she was ready and not terrified of losing her.
But Dahyun realised that she had already come close to losing Chaeyoung, perhaps not today, but not all of these jobs could go smoothly. Chaeyoung had already been dragged through her door looking like death itself. The reality was that Dahyun could lose Chaeyoung at any moment, and she couldn’t keep holding herself back, not when all she wanted in life was for her and Chaeyoung to be happy and free.
Chaeyoung’s mouth fell open in shock, her body rigid, her hands hovering awkwardly by her sides. Her gaze was disbelieving. “You… You’re in love? With me?”
The tremor in her voice was enough to snap Dahyun into action, reaching out to hold Chaeyoung’s wrists in her hands, ignoring the throbbing in her wrist and the blood that was probably dashed across her palms. Words spilled from her mouth before she could overthink them.
“Yes. I really am. I’m sorry it took me so long to realise, but when I overheard you and Sana talking – ” Chaeyoung’s eyebrows shot to her hairline at that, and panic flickered across her face, making Dahyun’s words fly out even more frantically, “And – and at first I freaked out because I didn’t know what I wanted. Which is why I’ve been so weird around you for the past few days. S-Sorry about that, by the way. But I worked it out, I am in love with you too, I don’t want anyone else, I just want you. God, I am so, so sorry if I hurt you, ever. I didn’t mean to, I just – ”
Dahyun fell into immediate silence as Chaeyoung darted forward and pressed her lips to Dahyun’s. Dahyun hadn’t known what to expect if she kissed Chaeyoung, perhaps for everything to change, for everything to feel like it had spun on its axis faster than usual, maybe the world would even begin to oscillate differently around them. But it felt identical to when Chaeyoung kissed her on the cheek, or the forehead, or when she placed herself in Dahyun’s lap with a pout after a long day and guided her hands to card through her hair.
It was warm and safe, gentle and reassuring, grounding and promising. It felt exactly like Chaeyoung always had.
It felt like coming home.
Chaeyoung would always be Dahyun’s home, and this had only confirmed that fact again.
They pulled back at the same time, staring intensely into each other’s eyes. Dahyun felt any other words die on the tip of her tongue at the sheer amount of affection in Chaeyoung’s face. She knew that the look would be mirrored in her own eyes. Somehow she knew the peace that Chaeyoung was feeling right now, her adrenaline all but non-existent now as she gently cradled Chaeyoung’s wrists in her grasp and looked into her eyes.
Dahyun physically jumped as her phone started vibrating in her pocket. She gently pulled her good hand away from where it was holding Chaeyoung and fished the phone out of her pocket, swiping blindly to answer without breaking eye contact with Chaeyoung.
“Hello?”
“Dahyunie, the woman that the asshole was having an affair with just arrived. Jeongyeon and I are gonna tell her what’s going on and make sure she gets home okay, will you two be alright to drive home?” Sana’s voice sounded loudly through the speaker, loud enough for Chaeyoung to hear too.
Dahyun nodded, still in a trance from everything that had unfolded.
“Dahyun-ah?” Sana prompted.
It was then that she realised that Sana couldn’t see her. Chaeyoung’s face broke into a cheeky grin as she giggled, the sight alone enough to turn Dahyun’s insides to mush, and elicit a bright smile on her own face.
“Oh, yeah, of course. We got it. Stay safe, unnie.” Dahyun told her. Sana hummed in agreement and hung up the phone, leaving Dahyun to place it back in her jacket.
Chaeyoung smiled almost shyly, her free hand reaching out, hesitating for only a moment, to brush some hair from Dahyun’s face and tuck it behind her ear. “Do you want me to drive?”
Dahyun snorted. “No way. I still don’t believe you didn’t charm your way through passing that exam. I’ll drive.”
And she had full intentions of doing just that, until she released Chaeyoung and spun to pull the door open with her bad hand, the pain reintroducing itself as it flared up her entire arm. Dahyun whimpered, unconsciously stepping back and knocking into Chaeyoung. Within a second, Chaeyoung was in front of her and cupping her face in her hands, eyes searching Dahyun’s face in a silent question.
Lying would be pointless, Dahyun knew. Instead, she sighed and sheepishly ducked her head, mumbling her next words. “When I fell... I think I sprained my wrist.”
“Unnie!” Chaeyoung whined, her hands moving to cradle Dahyun’s bad wrist delicately, gently prodding her fingers against the inflamed area. Thankfully, she missed Dahyun’s wince at the touches from how she had angled her head. “You said you were okay.”
“I am okay, it’s just a sprain.” Dahyun assured her. “I can still drive us.”
Now, it was Chaeyoung’s turn to scoff. “Not a chance.”
Dahyun rolled her eyes, poking Chaeyoung in the stomach to wipe the frown from her face, smiling fondly as she lifted her head to watch her giggle. “If we end up in the hospital because you get distracted whilst driving, then I will never forgive you.”
Chaeyoung stepped ahead of Dahyun, opening the car door for her, shooting back a glare as Dahyun began to protest that she still had one decent hand. “I’m not that bad!”
“Sure, Chaeyoungie.”
-
As soon as they stepped through their front door, Chaeyoung was fussing over Dahyun, guiding her to their bedroom and ushering her inside whilst telling her to get changed into pyjama shorts and a top. Dahyun tried to protest, but Chaeyoung pouted at her in a way that was anything but fair, Dahyun conceding embarrassing quickly at the plea in her eyes.
When Dahyun exited their room, she went to drop herself heavily on the sofa, heaving a sigh as her eyes drifted closed. If she said that she was exhausted, it would be a gross understatement. Dahyun forced her eyes open when she felt the sofa dip as Chaeyoung deposited herself next to Dahyun, internally signing at the sight of the medical kit in one of Chaeyoung’s hands and the ice pack in the other.
In recent months, the medical kit had become a ridiculously familiar sight. Normally, however, it was in Dahyun’s hand. Dahyun supposed that was better than when Chaeyoung must have come home injured and hidden it from Dahyun in the past. But now, it was Chaeyoung who was pulling out a clean cloth and wetting it with cleaning alcohol, brushing it gently against the scrapes on Dahyun’s knees, elbows and across her palm.
The moment was quiet, Dahyun taking the moment to admire Chaeyoung. It wasn’t like Dahyun didn’t already know that Chaeyoung was beautiful, that she wasn’t stupidly attractive and adorable all at once, but Dahyun had been locking those thoughts away whenever they surfaced, convincing herself that they were normal and nothing to worry about. Dahyun didn’t need to convince herself now, because they are normal and nothing to worry about, especially when Chaeyoung feels the same.
Dahyun smiled to herself.
Chaeyoung is in love with her, and Dahyun is just as in love with her.
Chaeyoung looked up from her task, happy with the gauze she had positioned against Dahyun’s skin, and cocked an eyebrow at Dahyun in a silent question. Dahyun felt her smile grow even wider, shrugging her shoulder playfully. Chaeyoung stuck her tongue out before she leant forward, hesitating as she kissed Dahyun on the tip of her nose. When she pulled back, she looked embarrassed, placing a makeshift splint into her lap and fiddling with it distractedly.
Dahyun’s brow furrowed. Chaeyoung had hesitated twice now since they had kissed, and it unsettled Dahyun to see the doubt so plainly in Chaeyoung’s demeanour when the woman was normally so self-assured. “Hey.”
Chaeyoung looked back up at Dahyun’s voice, a faint red tinging her cheeks as she bit her lip. “Hm?”
“You don’t need to hesitate. I feel the same way you do. If you ever do anything I’m uncomfortable with, then I promise I’ll tell you.” Dahyun told her earnestly, her heart easing a bit at the shy smile that formed on Chaeyoung’s lips. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.” Chaeyoung nodded, pulling Dahyun’s sprained wrist into her lap and examining it. “The swelling is really coming up now.”
Dahyun winced, despite how gentle Chaeyoung’s movements were, because she certainly hadn’t needed Chaeyoung to inform her that the swelling had come up. “It’ll be fine though.”
Chaeyoung hummed, aligning the splint and wrapping gauze around it as professionally as she could. Everything about Chaeyoung screamed tenderness, her eyes shooting up from her task every time Dahyun accidentally let out a tiny noise of discomfort. Dahyun wanted to drag her into another kiss every time their eyes met, but she knew that they had time, and it was enough for Dahyun to stave off the desire to kiss her until she was breathless.
“Done!” Dahyun had been close to drifting off, the rhythmic and meticulous motions of Chaeyoung’s wrapping soothing her into a comfort that only she could provide, until her loud voice halted Dahyun’s sleepiness. “Oops, sorry.”
Dahyun couldn’t help but giggle at the guilt on Chaeyoung’s face when she shook her head slightly to wake herself up and shifted into a more engaged position. “Thank you for doing it.”
“Does it still hurt? Have the painkillers from the car ride kicked in yet?” Chaeyoung asked concernedly.
Dahyun pouted. “It still hurts, I don’t think they’re gonna do much.”
Chaeyoung pursed her lips, looking to the ceiling as she tapped a finger against her chin, snapping her fingers after a moment. She met Dahyun’s confused look. “There’s one more thing that might help.”
“I’m all ears.”
Dahyun had been expecting some sort of home remedy that Chaeyoung had read about online and wanted to trial run. Instead, she was helpless to contain her gasp as Chaeyoung gently pulled her wrist to her lips, laying a gentle kiss against the material of the gauze without breaking eye contact. She tilted Dahyun’s wrist, kissing the skin of her bare palm that was exposed just above the material of the bandage and holding it against her cheek.
“I kissed it better.” Everything about the moment may have been tender, but the love in Chaeyoung’s eyes was also so fierce that Dahyun felt her heart lodge itself in her throat, tears welling in her eyes before she could stop them.
“I don’t know how to tell you how much you mean to me.” Dahyun confessed, pushing the words out through the lump in her throat.
Chaeyoung’s tears fell before Dahyun’s had the chance to, and Dahyun used the hand that Chaeyoung wasn’t holding to thumb them away. “You don’t need to tell me, I already know.”
“You’re my soulmate.” Dahyun finally spoke the words that she had been sure of since the moment she had read the word and understood its meaning. And yet, it was only recently that she finally grasped the true meaning, and she felt it all the way down to her core.
The word could never hope to encapsulate everything that Dahyun felt for Chaeyoung. There was no word in any language that could hold enough weight for what they were to each other, Dahyun was sure of it.
“You’re my soulmate, too.”
And that was enough.
They didn’t need a word that could capture their relationship.
Not when they had each other.