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Muku loves fairy tales and stories of romance. His dream is to be a prince like in the tales he loves so much. If he could be the kind of gentleman that comes to the rescue of a beautiful girl and they dance through the night, he would be as happy as can be.
But every time he loses himself in that fantasy, there’s no girl. Not really. Sometimes there’s a figure in a dress, but not anyone really specific.
It’s not a big deal. He’s not even in high school; he doesn’t HAVE to fall in love. It sounds so nice, though. Love has to be wonderful if he was able to fill a whole bookshelf with manga about it. The pounding heart, sweaty hands.....well, maybe not that part. Muku knows what anxiety feels like all too well. But to feel that way around someone special, and have them feel the same about him, that’s a dream that could come true.
What if there’s no princess for him?
The problem isn’t that he’s worried no one will fall for him, though that’s certainly crossed his mind.
No, that’s not it. The problem is that Muku likes boys.
Probably. It’s all really confusing and he’s only ever been sure about like, four things in his life, but he has a hard time picturing himself taking a girl out on a date despite reading hundreds of scenarios, and there’s this guy in his class who has some really interesting things to say about the book they’re reading. And maybe Muku laughed a little too hard at some joke he had made during algebra and maybe he turned redder than a tomato when he bumped into the other boy playing basketball in gym class.
So, he’s realized he might be gay, and he can’t stop thinking about how he’s supposed to have his happy ending now. There’s no fairy tales where the prince rides off with a kind kitchen boy on the back of his horse. No shoujo manga where the strong, silent guy offers to share his umbrella with the shy, pretty boy from class.
What kind of fantasy lies in Muku’s future then?
He laid there in his dorm bed, tears pricking his eyes. Ugh. He sniffled. How pathetic am I, crying over my non-existent love life because now I don’t know if I’ll ever get the happily ever after that I’ve read about? Muku wiped his watering eyes with his pajama sleeve and sniffled again.
“Mukkun?” Kazunari sat up in his bed, trying to see the boy with pink hair across the dark room. “Are you okay, Mukkun?”
“Oh! Kazunari! I’m okay, I swear! I’m sorry to bother you. Go back to sleep.”
“Nope.” Kazunari turned on his phone flashlight, climbed out of bed, and turned on a floor lamp. “I was just scrolling through Instablam, anyway. You can talk to me,” he said, plodding over to Muku’s bed to look the younger boy in the eyes.
That was what broke the dam, sending tears streaming down Muku’s face. Kazunari hesitated before climbing up next to him and placing his arm around his sobbing roommate.
“Hey, hey. Mukkun, shhhh....... I got you,” he murmured.
In a minute, Muku’s tears stopped flowing so freely. After the whole room was silent for a little while, Kazunari asked “Do you want me to go get Juza?”
Muku shook his head, and, voice quivering, he replied, “I think — I think I just needed to cry, Kazu-kun. Really.” He punctuated this statement with another sniffle, causing Kazunari’s brow to furrow. Still doubtful, the blond boy took his arm back, giving Muku some space if he wanted it. Muku didn’t seem to notice the absence of Kazunari’s arm, but he did turn his head towards him.
“Hey, uh, Kazu-kun? Do you have any gay friends?” Muku’s voice trailed off at the end of his question, a little uncomfortable with what he was saying and afraid Kazunari would know what he was getting at before he said anything explicitly.
Kazunari smiled. “Totes! I’ve got loads of LGBT pals! Wait.” He laughed a little. Muku’s heart sank. Did he know what Muku was thinking? Was he going to laugh at him? Oh no, no, please, not that…..
“Dude, did you think I was straight?! LMAO, it’s not like I try to hide it.”
Muku’s jaw dropped. “You—? But you’re always going on about all the cute girls outside when we do street acts.”
The young man shrugged. “Yeah. I do like girls, but I like boys too. I like a lot of people.”
“Oh.” Muku sighed, feeling weirdly light after what Kazunari admitted. “Sorry I assumed anything, I just thought, hey, Kazunari has a lot of friends, maybe he knows some people who fell in love like in a shoujo manga and it didn’t matter that they didn’t like girls—“
“Hey.” Kazunari ruffled the middle school boy’s pink mop of hair. “Would that have anything to do with what had you so upset, Mukkun?”
He breathed in, and in what seemed to be one long exhale, Muku managed to speak practically a whole chapter. “UhhhhhhsureIthinkI’mgayandit’snotabigdealIthink. Isitabigdeal? Idon’tknowandIguessItrynottodwellonitbutifIwanttobeaprincehowcanIdothatifIdon’twanttomarryaprincessand-“
“Whoa there! Slow down, bro!” Kazunari took Muku’s hand. “I got most of that, but you need to breathe, Mukkun! Okay, go on.”
Taking a few deep breaths at his roommate’s suggestion, Muku continued. “I think, maybe, I’m gay? Because I can’t really picture my future princess, and you know about my imagination, hahaha. And there’s a boy in my class that makes my heart pound like crazy and it’s just like a shoujo manga says it should be, but that’s about boys and girls and I know it’s not…..wrong, but it doesn’t feel….right, exactly. Princes get the girl, that’s how it always is. And I don’t want to give up on that dream,” he finished as his voice started to break.
Kazunari sucked in his lips, trying to think of a response that would calm him down and cheer him up, but he didn’t want to confuse the young boy any farther. He knew himself what it was like to be in school and fall for other boys, and Muku, notorious for having his head in the clouds, made a lot of very good points. There aren’t any gay fairy tales or gay princes. And while Muku didn’t need any help getting lost in a fantasy, it can’t be easy when every romance he sees is showing him that straight is the default.
Well, he could do something about that.
Kazunari put his hand on Muku’s head again, and said, “I’m really glad you told me about this. I wish I had something more helpful to tell you right now, but I’m beat, and you probably are too. We should try to get some sleep. But you don’t have to forget about your dream, okay? You’re gonna be the best prince there ever was.”
“Okay. Good night, Kazu,” he said with a yawn. Guess Kazunari couldn’t have timed that better.
“Good night, Mukkun,” Kazunari pushed himself off of Muku’s bed, walked over to turn out the light, and then crawled back into his own bed.
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The next afternoon, Muku went to his room to drop off his school bag when he noticed a folded piece of paper on his desk that read “Prince Mukkun.” Dropping his bag and picking up the mystery paper, he opened it to find a gorgeous pencil drawing of himself in a fine military uniform, wearing a crown and sitting atop a white horse. Even more surprising, there was a black-haired boy with a regal looking tunic and a sword standing next to the horse. There was a caption at the bottom of the page that read “The Prince and the Knight.”
Muku’s face broke out into a smile. He hadn’t signed it, but it was undeniably the work of Kazunari. Grabbing a push pin, he put the picture up on his bulletin board next to the calendar. Then, he left the dorm room to sit in the courtyard and mentally continue the story Kazunari had started for him.