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Chapter Text

Wei Ying doesn't consider himself a prideful person. Sure, sometimes he might jokingly boast about his intellectual prowess or his charming personality or his disarming good looks, but what successful Ph.D. candidate with a face like his wouldn't?

Wei Ying knows his limits, though, and he knows how to toe the line between “offensively arrogant” and “shamelessly hilarious,” because there’s no one more shameless and hilarious than him. Shamelessness is charming. Arrogance isn’t. Wei Ying has perfected this art.

Wei Ying isn’t a prideful person, but he is a petty one. Petty enough that he snuck a lab rat into Wen Chao’s dorm room sophomore year after Wen Chao insulted his lab skills (Wei Ying never knew Wen Chao’s screaming voice was so shrill!) and he did pour a steaming hot cup of coffee onto Jin Zixuan’s very expensive, very new designer shirt the day after the peacock rejected his sister (What can Wei Ying say? Being around someone of Jin Zixuan’s caliber just happened to make him clumsier than usual that day when he tripped over three steps and splashed his americano all over the poor man…).

Wei Ying’s pettiness is only reserved for those who deserve it, like assholes who hurt his sister before realizing that they do, in fact, have an enormous crush on the one and only Jiang Yanli and must then spend a little over five years atoning for their sins by treating her with the utmost respect and honor, which is exactly what she deserves (Not that Wei Ying is thinking about anyone in particular…). But there is only one person who, without fail, can bring out Wei Ying’s pettiest tendencies in a heartbeat…

Wei Ying nearly drops an entire flask of warm bacterial culture medium when the call comes through, the vibrations from his phone startling him as he transfers the flask into a shaker. He secures the flask with several rubber bands before rolling one of his gloves off to grab his phone. He rolls his eyes at the caller ID before answering.

"Jiang Cheng, I'm busy right now," Wei Ying says in an annoyed voice. "I'm working in the lab this summer, remember? Nine to five every day. Very important Ph.D. stuff. You wouldn't understand."

He hears Jiang Cheng scoff. “Why am I supposed to remember your schedule? You picked up the call, didn't you? 'Important Ph.D. stuff,' my ass."

Wei Ying sighs. “What do you want then? Or did you just call to harass me while I’m working?”

“I have better things to do with my time than call you,” Jiang Cheng says. Wei Ying knows this is Jiang Cheng’s way of saying that he’s missed Wei Ying. “Jie-jie asked me to remind you about her wedding in four weeks. She said you seemed a little absent-minded last week when she called you and asked you about it…”

Wei Ying does vaguely remember calling Jiang Yanli last week, but it had been in the evening, after Wei Ying had left the lab feeling more exhausted than ever and after he’d braved the harsh disappointment of the campus cafeteria food. He feels a bit guilty. He was probably just humming along to everything Jiang Yanli was saying while fantasizing about her lotus root and pork rib soup.

“Ah,” Wei Ying finally says. “The wedding is in four weeks? That soon? I could’ve sworn…” He checks the calendar on his phone. Sadly, Jiang Cheng isn’t lying to him.

“So you did actually forget your own sister’s wedding,” Jiang Cheng says accusingly. “Why am I not surprised?”

“Hey, it’s been a hectic couple of weeks for me!” Wei Ying protests. “I had that big conference two weeks ago and now I’m working on a new research paper…”

“Whatever,” Jiang Cheng says dismissively. “A-Jie’s wedding is in four weeks and because you didn’t answer her last week, I’m supposed to ask you if you’re planning on bringing a plus one.”

“Uh…” Wei Ying racks his brain for excuses. I’m too busy to date seems like a viable one, if a little bit cliché. I haven’t found anyone interesting lately seems like another good choice, although Jiang Cheng would probably just accuse Wei Ying of being a hermit (which isn’t entirely wrong…but there’s no way Wei Ying will ever admit that his little brother is ever right about anything…). Another excuse, one that’s a little too close to the actual truth for comfort, lingers on the tip of Wei Ying’s tongue. I’m not dating anyone because I’m scared.

Jiang Cheng barrels on before Wei Ying can answer. “You know, if you didn’t have a plus one, that would be incredibly sad. Like, extremely sad and pathetic. More pathetic than that one time you and Nie Huaisang got caught watching—”

Wei Ying lets out a strangled noise to cut Jiang Cheng off. “I thought we agreed to never talk about that ever again. You promised me you would forget about it.”

“Professor Wang, for one, will never be able to forget about it,” Jiang Cheng replies. Wei Ying wonders if you can strangle someone through the phone. “For your own sake, I really hope you have a date. You know everyone is still worried about you being all hung up over—”

“Ahahahaha that’s so fucking funny oh my god!” Wei Ying interrupts in a high-pitched voice. “Well, it’s a good thing that I definitely have a date then! So you can go tell everyone that I’m definitely over the Thing that Happened Nine Months Ago and that they need to mind their own business.”

“Oh.” Wei Ying resents how surprised Jiang Cheng sounds. He is very dateable, thank you very much. Just because he’s been out of the game for about nine months doesn’t mean he doesn’t still got it. “Are you being serious?”

“Yes, very serious,” Wei Ying lies through his teeth. His grip on his phone is so tight that it kind of hurts. “Jiang Cheng, would I ever lie to you?”

“Yes,” Jiang Cheng answers without hesitation, “because you have lied to me thousands of times.”

“Blasphemy!” Wei Ying shouts. “Why would I ever lie to my poor, innocent little brother?”

“You told me babies come from watermelons. I believed you until I was eleven.”

“That was just good-natured fun! Other than that, I have never—”

“You also repeatedly told me that you didn’t have feelings for—”

“Okay, we get it! I’m a massive liar!” Wei Ying practically screeches. “But I’m not lying this time, I swear. Tell A-Jie that I’m bringing a special guest.”

“Just text her yourself,” Jiang Cheng says. “Why do I have to be the messenger?”

“Because you’re the one that called and asked!” Wei Ying says. He coughs and forces himself to loosen his grip on his phone. “So, um, about what you said earlier. About everyone worrying that I still—”

“Nope, not interested in having this conversation.” If Wei Ying could see Jiang Cheng’s face, he’s almost certain that his younger brother would be rolling his eyes. “If you want to know what people think, you should just talk to them yourself. Think about the last nine months. Besides me and A-Jie, who exactly have you talked to recently?”

Wei Ying takes a couple seconds to think about it. And then he realizes that he's definitely been a bad friend lately. It's been almost a year and a half since they all graduated, and he can count the number of phone conversations he's had with his friends since then on one hand.

“Oh,” Wei Ying says. “I see.”

“You have a lot of forgiveness to ask for in your future,” Jiang Cheng replies. “And I have my own ‘important stuff’ to do. You’re not the only one working this summer.”

Wei Ying smiles, fully ready to annoy the shit out of Jiang Cheng. “I’m a Ph.D. candidate, Jiang Cheng. It’s different—”

“Blah blah blah, I’m hanging up,” Jiang Cheng says briskly. “Try not to get dumped again. Bye.”

The call ends and Wei Ying sighs as he stuffs his phone back into his lab coat pocket. He rolls the latex glove off of his other hand, hating how sweaty and sticky his hands already are. It's only eleven in the morning. Wei Ying has so much to get done today.

The good part of working in a lab is that most of the day is spent waiting for things to get done. Wei Ying grabs a stool and sits down next to the shaker. He watches the yellowish liquid inside the flasks slosh around, foaming up as the liquid swirls around and around and around.

Honestly, Wei Ying feels like he’s been swirling around and around and around for the last nine months, throwing himself into school and keeping himself so busy that he doesn’t have time to think about how quickly his life went to shit. It’s easier this way, although it certainly isn’t great that he’s been ignoring his friends for months on end. He’ll need to start making amends soon.

Wei Ying pulls out his phone and starts scrolling through his contact list. He has four weeks to find a significant other to bring to his sister’s wedding. The more he thinks about it, the more he feels sick to his stomach. He doesn’t want to bring a stranger to his sister’s fucking wedding.

He wonders if he can just convince a friend to come with him, then realizes that all of his friends are in long-term relationships (A fact that most certainly contributed to Wei Ying deciding to drop off the face of the earth nine months ago…). Then Wei Ying feels a bit pathetic. He nearly calls Jiang Cheng to tell him that he lied again and that Wei Ying is, in fact, just as sad and pathetic and lonely as everyone else had assumed.

But what Wei Ying lacks in dignity, he makes up for in pettiness. And now that he’s boasted to Jiang Cheng about having a date, Wei Ying knows that there’s no way in hell that he won’t show up with one. He just needs to figure out a good solution, one where Wei Ying doesn’t have to get into another ill-fated relationship but still gets everyone to stop worrying about him.

Wei Ying sighs. This is a problem for future Wei Ying to solve.

***

Future Wei Ying hates past Wei Ying for doing this to him. Wei Ying doesn’t have one fucking clue about what to do, so he tries a foolproof method to get his creative juices flowing: he gets himself so thoroughly drunk that everything seems like a great idea.

A true STEM boy at heart, Wei Ying is systematic about his drinking, making sure to eat plenty of subpar campus cafeteria food before heading to Family Mart to pick up some cheap wine that tastes disgusting but has a decent amount of alcohol in it. He also makes sure to pick up some water and painkillers. There's no one left to take care of him anymore, so Wei Ying has learned how to shoulder that responsibility himself.

It’s barely 8PM on Friday, but Wei Ying has already chugged half a bottle of wine. His electric fan is on full blast, but his dorm room still feels stifling. There’s nothing that Wei Ying doesn’t resent more than the fact that all buildings except the dormitories have air conditioning. Would it really kill college administrators to make student living conditions just a bit more humane?

His face feels hot, and Wei Ying rubs his temples, trying his best to loosen up so he can find some creative and innovative solutions to his ever-growing list of problems.

“What if,” he says aloud, “I harnessed the power of time and made the bacteria cultures grow faster? Then I wouldn’t have to sit around and wait all the time…”

He smiles. That seems like a swell idea.

“What if,” he starts again, “I just moved my entire mattress and all of my bedding into the lab? Then I wouldn’t sweat to death while sleeping…”

He laughs and takes another healthy swig of wine. He’s on a roll.

Now for the scary problem. “What if,” Wei Ying says, “I asked…Oh god I’m not drunk enough for this.” Inside his head, he already has the entire plan laid out, but saying it out loud…Wei Ying is too sober for that.

He finishes the wine and tries again. “I mean…there’s no one else I can ask. So it makes sense,” Wei Ying justifies to himself. “And we’re still friends. He even told me that we’re still friends!” Wei Ying thinks about how they’ve barely talked in the past nine months and winces. “We’re still friends,” he repeats. “It’s fine. It’s totally, 100% fine.”

Wei Ying reaches for his phone, wholly prepared to make an incredibly ill-advised and regrettable decision. It’s only 8:30 now. Great. Then he’ll definitely get an answer back.

He scrolls through his WeChat contact list until he finds a contact titled “DO NOT CONTACT EVER” with a little knife and clown emoji attached. He shuts his eyes tightly before pressing down on the call button. He opts for a voice call because he knows he looks like a mess and because he doesn’t want to get slapped in the face with Lan Zhan’s beauty.

The call rings twice before it connects. Wei Ying inhales sharply. Part of him was kind of banking on Lan Zhan not picking up. Another part of him is weirdly excited. He’s probably just really drunk. Yeah.

“Wei Ying,” he hears Lan Zhan say. “It is late.”

“It’s not even 9PM,” Wei Ying answers automatically, before reminding himself to be more polite. “But yeah, I know it’s late for you. Sorry. Um.”

“Are you alright? You’re slurring your words,” Lan Zhan says. “Where are you? Do you need a ride home?”

“I’m in my dorm. I’m fine,” Wei Ying says hastily, silently cursing at how Lan Zhan saw through him so quickly. “I just…I have a favor to ask of you.”

“What is it?” Lan Zhan asks. Wei Ying kind of regrets not video-calling. At least then he’d be able to see Lan Zhan’s reactions. It’s hard to gauge his tone over the phone like this.

But then Wei Ying remembers that he hasn’t brushed his hair since, like, Tuesday and that he’s covered a thin layer of sweat from the alcohol and the sweltering night heat. It really shouldn’t matter, because Lan Zhan’s seen him in far-worse states, but a still aching and desperate part of Wei Ying is all too conscious of the fact Lan Zhan hasn’t seen him in nine months. That part of him really, really wants to look good whenever they see each other next. So that maybe Lan Zhan will think about what he’s missing out on. Not that Lan Zhan would actually care that much, but Wei Ying likes to dream sometimes.

“I…uh.” Wei Ying tries his hardest to get his scrambled brain to focus. Has Lan Zhan’s voice always been this low and soothing? Or are his phone speakers fucked up? Wei Ying might actually throw his phone out of his dorm window after this conversation. “So I did something stupid a few days ago.”

“Mn.” Wei Ying resents how unsurprised Lan Zhan sounds. Despite what all of his friends and family say, Wei Ying does not commit stupid acts 24/7. He takes calculated risks every Wednesday and Friday (college helped Wei Ying find his limits by narrowing his list of “risk” days from 4 to 2), with exceptions made for special occasions like when Jiang Cheng called him on Tuesday.

“Jiang Cheng called me,” Wei Ying continues, “and you know how I get around him.”

“Mn.”

“And he called to remind me that my sister’s wedding is coming up soon.” Wei Ying hears another hum from Lan Zhan’s end. “Which I certainly did not forget about!” he quickly adds. “You know me, I would never do such a thing! I have…an excellent…memory…” The lie feels thin. Wei Ying finds that he doesn’t care. “Anyways, Jiang Cheng asked me if I was bringing a guest…” Wei Ying struggles to find a good way to embellish the story to show just how dire his situation is. “And he basically promised that I would be publicly humiliated in front of all our friends and family if I came alone! Like, publicly shamed and forced to wear a hat that says ‘I’m sad and lonely and single and I’m going to die alone without anyone to care for me and ahaha, that’s totally not my biggest fear or anything, I’m actually more scared of dogs and having my eyebrows shaved off but dying alone and loveless is a close second? third? fear on my list, not that I have a list or anything, hahaha’…”

“That,” Lan Zhan says, “must be a very large hat to wear.”

“Well, I’m sure Jiang Cheng will have mercy on me and have it printed in a small-enough font that you’ll only be able to read from, uh, maybe a meter or so away…”

“That is still a sizable font,” Lan Zhan says. “And a very embarrassing ordeal indeed.”

"Yes, so embarrassing! I'm so glad you understand my plight!" Wei Ying feels elated. He was prepared to add even more sordid details to his fake story, but apparently, Lan Zhan is already fully invested. This is great. This is wonderful. "So you understand why I need you to pretend to be my boyfriend at my sister's wedding now, right?"

Silence.

“Could you…Could you repeat that?” Lan Zhan finally says in a strained voice. “I’m not sure I’m following your logic here.”

Wei Ying isn't sure of his logic either, but he's drunk and frankly, he's more scared of humiliating himself in front of Jiang Cheng than Lan Zhan, because he's already humiliated himself in front of Lan Zhan enough to last three to five lifetimes…what's one more humiliation? His little brother, though…Wei Ying's pride will not allow him that.

“So Jiang Cheng threatened me with a very scary scenario in which I reveal all of my deepest fears to my friends, family, and even worse, Jin Zixuan’s fucking family, oh god, just kill me now, if I show up alone to my sister’s wedding. The only solution is for me to…not show up alone to my sister’s wedding?” Wei Ying pauses to think, and then realizes he has no thoughts in his head at this time. “Yeah. That’s all. So are you in?”

“Why…” Lan Zhan sighs. “Wei Ying, you are intoxicated. I doubt that you are thinking straight—”

“I’m never straight,” Wei Ying says pleasantly. He lets out a small giggle. The wine is making his brain feel all nice and warm and fuzzy. Wei Ying doesn’t think he’s felt this happy in a long time.

Lan Zhan just sighs again. “Yes, I am well-aware. What I am trying to say is, I doubt that you would have even contacted me if you were not…currently indisposed.”

“What the fuck is an ‘indisposed’?” Wei Ying asks. He giggles again. His brain-to-mouth filter is gone. “That’s a fun word. Lan Zhan, how come you always know so many fun words?”

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan says, his voice thin like he’s losing his patience. Great. Wei Ying would honestly love it if Lan Zhan got angry at him. Wei Ying remembers how much he wished Lan Zhan had gotten angry with him all those months ago. Anything would have been better than Lan Zhan’s cold indifference. Anything for Wei Ying to not feel like an unwelcomed stranger in Lan Zhan’s life.

“What?” Wei Ying says. He tries to come up with something to provoke Lan Zhan. It’s been a while, but he’s pretty sure he still knows how to get under Lan Zhan’s skin. “What is it? Is it past your bedtime? Or are you tired of talking to me? Tell me, Lan Zhan, why is it so easy for you to dismiss me all the time?”

“Wei Ying, I am not dismissing you,” Lan Zhan says, but instead of annoyed, he just sounds tired. Wei Ying feels disappointed. He was hoping for a good screaming match. They’d never had one when they’d broken up. “I am simply asking that you think this through carefully.”

“What makes you think that I haven’t already thought this through?” Wei Ying counters.

“You are drunk,” Lan Zhan states, “and you seem fairly angry with me.”

“I’m not angry at you,” Wei Ying says, feeling the fight drain out of his body. “I just—” I don’t like the way you make me feel about myself sometimes. Like I’m small. Insignificant. I wish I mattered to you as much as you matter to me. Wei Ying sighs. “You’re right. I’ve had a little too much tonight. Sorry for bothering you.”

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan says, because apparently Wei Ying is doing an excellent job of hiding that fact that he’s on the verge of releasing some pretty insane, drunk waterworks, “I am not saying no. I just think this is a conversation better suited for when both of us are sober and clear-headed. I do not want you to make a hasty decision that you will regret in the morning.”

“Oh.” Wei Ying feels the waterworks recede slightly. “Okay. Yeah. That makes sense.”

“Mn. I will call you tomorrow morning. Please take care and drink plenty of fluids.”

If it were nine months ago, Wei Ying might’ve whined and asked Lan Zhan to make hangover soup for him, but Wei Ying knows better now. He knows that he needs to be more careful now, so that people don’t tire of him so quickly. He wishes he’d had that foresight back when he and Lan Zhan were still together. Maybe things could have turned out differently then.

“Don’t worry. I’m being careful,” Wei Ying says. “Talk to you tomorrow.”

“Mn. Good night, Wei Ying.” There’s a small noise from his phone as the line disconnects.

Wei Ying sets his phone on his desk and tries his best to clean up. He chugs a bottle of water and then splashes the contents of another over his face. It's a temporary relief from the heat emanating from his face and around the room. Then he feels grossed out by the fact he's lying on his bed in his sweat-soaked clothes that he's worn all day. Madam Yu would have a heart attack if she saw him now. She'd always criticized him for his lack of cleanliness (and lack of motivation, and lack of personal responsibility, and lack of consideration, the list goes on and on and on…).

So Wei Ying forces himself to change into a set of clean pajamas, which he promptly tears off again because it’s too damn hot for pajamas. So he’s just. In his underwear. Still a little drunk. Lying in bed. Reeling from his first actual conversation with his ex in months.

“Wonderful,” Wei Ying says to himself. He rolls onto his side just to feel the cold press of the pillow against his overheated cheek. He closes his eyes and tries very hard not to think about how he ruined the best thing to ever happen to him, and how his lack of self-control just keeps making him ruin it more and more and more.

But hey, at least in the morning, he’ll get to hear Lan Zhan’s voice again, right? That’s an improvement. His chat log is with Lan Zhan is just him sporadically sending memes and out of context pictures of the lab he works in, and Lan Zhan sporadically sending pictures of his bunnies in return. No words, just pictures.

It used to upset Wei Ying a lot—it made him feel like Lan Zhan didn't even think he was worth the 2 seconds it would take to type an "mn” in reply anymore—but then Wei Ying realized that it’s better this way. He sends a picture. A few weeks pass by. Lan Zhan sends a picture. A longer stretch of time goes by. It doesn’t give him false hope, and it at least lets Wei Ying know that Lan Zhan is doing well. And that’s all Wei Ying wants, for Lan Zhan to be well.

Wei Ying sighs and tries to think of something funny to get him to stop being Super Sad about Lan Zhan (something he does every other week, although he’s getting better at shortening how long it lasts). He thinks about how one of the undergrads broke three flasks in one week, although he supposes that’s not funny as much as it is a bit sad. He thinks about that weird meme Nie Huaisang sent him of a person screaming with the message “haha, reminded me of you.” Wei Ying had felt vaguely offended, so he didn’t respond, but it was quite the quality meme. Wei Ying saved it for future use. He thinks about how he feels like he’ll be nothing but a human puddle by the end of this record-shattering summer, and then laughs to himself because the phrase “human puddle” just gave him the worst mental image and wow, this is such a great distraction from thinking about Lan Zhan.

Human puddle. Human puddle. Human puddle. Wei Ying chants it inside his head until no other thoughts remain. Then he falls asleep and has a strange dream in which his body has become a soupy mess with eyes and a nose. He flings goo at innocent people and then melts into the ground, where children begin happily stomping and splashing around on his new, soupy body. It’s not a nightmare, but it’s pretty fucking close to one.

***

Wei Ying’s phone buzzes at 9AM on the dot the next day. He groans and rolls over in bed to answer.

“No, I am not interested in buying takeout from your restaurant. I am a student with no money who survives purely on subsidized cafeteria food and I am absolutely fine with it! Stop tempting me! It’s unethical! I don’t care how good the discount is, I absolutely cannot afford to—”

“Wei Ying.”

Shit. “Oh.” Fuck. “Oh my god. Lan Zhan. I’m so sorry.” Wei Ying feels wide awake now. “I’ve been getting a lot of calls from new restaurants lately.”

“I see.” Lan Zhan coughs awkwardly. Wei Ying curses himself for not checking the caller ID. “Do you…Do you remember our conversation yesterday?”

“Um.” Unfortunately. “Yeah, I do.”

“Do you still feel that it is a good idea?” Lan Zhan questions.

Sober Wei Ying takes all of three seconds to answer. “Yes, I still think it’s a great idea. I’m a genius, through and through. No need to hold back on your praise.”

Lan Zhan clears his throat. “Alright. Shall we discuss the details over lunch then?”

“Uh.” Wei Ying was not expecting this outcome. “So…So you’re in? You’re okay with it?”

“Mn. Is it alright if I pick a restaurant? It will not be too far from campus. I would not want to inconvenience you.”

“Oh…sure.” Wei Ying scrubs a hand down his face. His phone pings with a WeChat message from Lan Zhan. Wei Ying glances at the restaurant’s address and sees that Lan Zhan has picked a Sichuanese place. Lan Zhan doesn’t even like spicy food. Why has he picked this restaurant? Wei Ying doesn’t understand.

“I will see you in two hours?” Lan Zhan suddenly asks.

“Huh?” Wei Ying sits up straight in bed. He only has two hours to make himself look like a human instead of an abomination. “Okay. Okay. Two hours, haha.” Wei Ying can feel the panic rising in his throat. “Yeah. See you. Okay, bye!”

Wei Ying hangs up before Lan Zhan can say anything more. He rushes out of bed and starts frantically trying to clean himself up. His head pounds a little, so he chugs a bottle of water and takes some painkillers. He winces as he runs a hand through his hair and then has to spend two minutes freeing this hand. After another five minutes of wrestling with it, Wei Ying manages to get it into an acceptable state. He tries his best to gather it into a cute, effortlessly messy ponytail that isn’t actually effortless at all.

Wei Ying doesn’t remember the last time he did laundry, which is probably concerning, but he tells himself that it’s fine even as he starts searching through his pile of “nicer” clothes that he never wears anymore. He finds an acceptable outfit that he hasn’t worn in months and considers it a small success because it looks much better than his default outfit choice of “oversized shirt and jogging pants” (He works in a lab, okay? There’s no one to impress and atrocious fashion choices are hidden under a white lab coat for most of the day. It’s fine).

He splashes water over his face and examines his reflection carefully. Does he look hot? Not particularly. Between the awful dark circles and the faint stress acne, Wei Ying admits that he’s had better days. But it’s fine. Wei Ying refuses to slap on makeup when he knows he’ll just end up sweating it off in a few hours. Everything is fine. Lan Zhan won’t care. (And maybe that’s what’s actually bothering Wei Ying, but it’s too early to engage in any semblance of emotional transparency, so Wei Ying just pretends that everything is fine.)

I look fine, Wei Ying thinks to himself. Just peachy. Like a healthy mix between “desperately needs sleep” and “natural smoky eyes.”

He reminds himself that he doesn’t need to impress anyone (a lie) and that he doesn’t care about what Lan Zhan thinks about him (another lie). Then he checks his phone and realizes he only has five minutes to run across campus to get to the restaurant on time.

So Wei Ying shows up to the restaurant hungover, sweaty, and emotionally distressed. Admittedly, “hungover, sweaty, and emotionally distressed” is very close to becoming his default state, but that doesn’t mean Lan Zhan needs to see it.

He glances around and catches Lan Zhan sitting at a table by a window. He inhales deeply and tries very hard not to start obsessing over how much of a mess he looks and feels like. It’s fine. Everything is fine. Maybe if he chants it inside his mind enough, it’ll feel more like the truth and less like a feeble lie.

Then he marches himself over to Lan Zhan’s table. Lan Zhan looks up at him and Wei Ying feels his mind go completely still.

“H-Hot,” Wei Ying stutters. Why can’t he make himself look away from Lan Zhan’s face? Who gave Lan Zhan the right to have such a perfect face? Wei Ying feels like his soul is about to leave his body. “Oh my…Fuck.”

“Yes, temperatures have been quite high lately,” Lan Zhan says, his brow furrowed in confusion. “Are you perhaps suffering from heat exhaustion?”

“N-No, I’m…fine…” Wei Ying forces himself to settle into the seat across from Lan Zhan. “It was just…really hot outside. That’s what I meant. Haha.” Yeah I totally wasn’t checking out my ex hahahaha who would be that pathetic? Not me. Hahahaha…

Lan Zhan’s mouth settles into a frown. “With current trends, we will have record-setting summers for several decades to come. Until our friends in power commit themselves to building a more sustainable economy that doesn’t rely on pumping greenhouse gases into the atmosphere, then I fear that we will only see cases of heat exhaustion rise in the coming years.”

Ah. This feels familiar. Wei Ying has missed Lan Zhan’s rants about the environment. He knows Lan Zhan’s official job title is environmental consultant. He has no idea what that means, and at this point, he’s too afraid to ask. All he knows is that he can always count on Lan Zhan to remind him that the Earth is dying and that humans are just trying to kill it faster.

“Right. Global warming and all that.” Wei Ying waves his hands around vaguely. “Lovely.”

“Not actually lovely,” Lan Zhan says, but Wei Ying can see his lips quirking into a small smile. “It is good to see you again, Wei Ying.”

Then why haven’t you tried to see me at all for the past nine months? Wei Ying wants to ask, but instead he says, “It’s good to see you too. You look…good.”

Lan Zhan is as blindingly handsome and put-together as always. Wei Ying scrutinizes his face because 1) it’s a really good face and 2) he wants to look for any signs of distress or discomfort. Lan Zhan looks perfectly at ease, so Wei Ying supposes that the mere sight of him doesn’t bother Lan Zhan that much. That’s a good sign, right?

“I have already ordered some dishes,” Lan Zhan says. “I hope that is alright.”

“That’s fine,” Wei Ying replies, his skin starting to itch from how awkward this conversation is becoming. “Um…about my idea…”

“I have a few questions,” Lan Zhan says. “I have already agreed, so your answers will not affect my participation, but I’m a bit curious about a few things.”

“What things?” Wei Ying questions.

“If you were in need of a fake significant other, then would it not have been easier to ask a close friend or acquaintance?” Lan Zhan asks. “Rather than…um…”

“Rather than my ex-boyfriend?” Wei Ying finishes for him.

Lan Zhan nods and looks at Wei Ying expectantly.

“That’s easy,” Wei Ying says with a small smile. “All of my close friends are already in serious relationships, and I’m certainly not going to bring a complete stranger to my sister’s wedding. So naturally, the only candidate left was…”

"Me," Lan Zhan says. He hums as if he seems satisfied with this answer. "Will there be vegetarian options at the wedding?"

“I’ll make sure my sister is aware,” Wei Ying replies.

“Have you given any thought to a plausible background story and relationship timeline?”

“Um.” Wei Ying has put just a bit too much thought into this. (Read: he’s had too many self-insert daydreams to not have a good getting-back-together story prepared). “I’m just going to tell people that I got very drunk a few weeks ago and ended up on your doorstep, begging you to take me back. Miraculously and out of the goodness of your heart, you take pity on me and agree. We talk through our communication issues and it turns out that maybe you can tolerate me sometimes. So we’ll be about five weeks into re-trying our relationship at the wedding and then maybe a week or two after the wedding, you’ll dump me again. And I’ll pretend to be very sad and I’ll call my sister and cry about it between three to five times, just for extra believability. Then I’ll pretend to get over it after a few months. And that’s it.”

Lan Zhan looks like he’s deep in thought. “Hm…Not plausible,” he says after a few minutes.

“What’s not plausible?” Wei Ying says defensively. Frankly, he’s spent too much time thinking about what getting back together with Lan Zhan would be like, and every iteration of this daydream has always had the same basic course: Wei Ying begs, Lan Zhan says yes, Wei Ying tries harder, Lan Zhan gets tired of him again, Wei Ying gets dumped, then everything goes back to the way it was before. The daydreams have helped him make peace with the fact he and Lan Zhan will never work out. So what exactly is so implausible about it? It makes perfect sense to Wei Ying.

“I think…It will be more believable if we say that I approached you and asked to rekindle our relationship,” Lan Zhan says. “And it will both be more believable and more convenient if you are the one to end it. You will not have to fake any extra sadness afterward.”

“No, that’s not believable at all,” Wei Ying fires back. “It has to be you that ends it. There’s no way that it can be me.”

“Wei Ying.” Lan Zhan pinches his nose bridge. Wei Ying shrinks back. This is their first face-to-face conversation in months and Wei Ying is already annoying Lan Zhan.

“Just trust me,” Wei Ying says quietly. “My story is airtight. It will be very believable. They’re my friends and family, right? I know how to make them believe it.”

Lan Zhan still seems bothered by it. "Fine," he agrees reluctantly. "We will use your story. What are the boundaries of this fake relationship?"

“Um…What do you think is best?” Wei Ying asks. He’d really much rather have Lan Zhan decide on things like this, since evidently, Wei Ying didn’t do the best job of gauging what Lan Zhan wants in the past.

“How do you feel about physical affection?” Lan Zhan questions.

Wei Ying tries very hard to seem unmoved, but he can feel his face turning a bit red. “You already know the answer to that.”

“I mean with someone you are not actually dating,” Lan Zhan says. “How would you feel about being affectionate with me?”

I would love it. “Whatever you think is best,” Wei Ying answers. “I don’t have any problems with it.”

“Hand-holding is fine?”

Wei Ying nods.

“Hugging?”

Wei Ying nods again.

“Kissing?”

Wei Ying swallows hard. Then nods.

“Alright.” Lan Zhan seems hesitant. “Perhaps those are enough to demonstrate a believable relationship.”

“Yeah, I think so,” Wei Ying agrees.

The food finally comes and Wei Ying is delighted to see that it’s an assortment of spicy dishes, with only a single mild vegetable dish for Lan Zhan.

“Lan Zhan, why did you order so much spicy food?” Wei Ying exclaims. “You really didn’t have to! I can’t eat this much.”

“Wei Ying likes spicy food,” Lan Zhan says, as if that’s a reasonable explanation for ordering enough spicy food to feed a family of five. “And I know you do not find the campus cafeteria food to be enjoyable, so I ordered a bit more.”

Wei Ying feels like he might just tear up, not from the spice but from how nice Lan Zhan is sometimes. Whoever ends up stealing Lan Zhan’s heart will be a very lucky person. (The thought makes Wei Ying feel a bit sad, which is stupid, because what is there to be sad over? Wei Ying shoves some spiced beef into his mouth and promptly forces himself to let it go.)

Wei Ying feels utterly stuffed at the end of the meal, even though he made a conscious effort not to overeat. College had taught him that overeating has consequences, and Wei Ying is not as invulnerable as he once thought he was. Lan Zhan pulls out reusable containers (he came prepared?) and packs the leftover food into them (all while muttering darkly about the wastefulness of single-use takeout containers, of course).

Wei Ying and Lan Zhan fight over the bill, but Lan Zhan ends up winning by arguing that since he invited Wei Ying, he should pay. Lan Zhan pays at the front counter using his Alipay account. Afterward, they stand outside of the restaurant together. Wei Ying isn't sure what to say, and Lan Zhan looks hesitant too.

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan finally says, “do you have any pressing afternoon plans?”

“No.” It’s a Saturday. Wei Ying’s only plans are sleeping and avoiding his problems.

“Would you…Would you like to come by and see the bunnies?” Lan Zhan asks. “I think they have missed you.”

Bunnies. Along with not seeing Lan Zhan for months, Wei Ying has also been unable to check on Marshmallow and Mooncake, the bunnies he gifted to Lan Zhan during their sophomore year of college. 

“I would love to see them,” Wei Ying says. “I just need to swing by my dorm to put away all of these containers first.”

Wei Ying refuses to let Lan Zhan see the state of his dorm (it’s actually not that messy but it’s probably awful by Lan Zhan’s standards), so he requests for Lan Zhan to wait for him outside of his dorm building while he shoves everything into his fridge (which is easy, because his fridge is woefully empty…save for some alcoholic beverages he’s stuffed in the door). Then they walk to Lan Zhan’s apartment.

To Wei Ying's surprise, Lan Zhan only lives about a five-minute walk from campus. He'd expected Lan Zhan to live somewhere more expensive. He knows Lan Zhan can afford it. Unsurprisingly, Lan Zhan's apartment is impeccably clean (the floors are shiny, how is that possible?) and modern. Wei Ying spends all of three seconds admiring it before he spots the bunny hutch and immediately runs over to see Marshmallow and Mooncake.

They seem happy to see him too. Mooncake nuzzles into his knee. Marshmallow is a little shyer, probably wondering why Wei Ying has come back to see them after all these months. When Wei Ying glances over at Lan Zhan, he notices that Lan Zhan has a strange look on his face. He offers Lan Zhan his best comforting smile before returning to play with the bunnies.

A couple hours pass before Wei Ying decides that he’s probably overstayed his welcome. Lan Zhan still has that strange look on his face when Wei Ying says goodbye and heads back to his dorm room.

***

The bunnies had started off as a gag gift idea. Wei Ying had noticed how Lan Zhan had seemed to have bunny-themed everything, from notebooks to pencils to the pins on his backpack (One pin, to be precise. It was one pin showing a white bunny nestled underneath another pin that said “There is no Planet B.” Because even then, Lan Zhan had been full of climate change-induced rage).

So Wei Ying went out to buy a pair of bunnies, half because he thought it would be funny to see a college student try to raise bunnies in their dorm room and half because he really wanted to see Lan Zhan smile (At the time, he’d told himself that “wanting to see your homie smile” wasn’t inherently homo, but it definitely was extremely homo). He knew that the university had a rule against keeping pets in dorm rooms, but Wei Ying had also learned that Lan Zhan could sometimes be persuaded to be flexible with rules (Wei Ying had enlisted Lan Zhan’s help in planting the rat in Wen Chao’s room).

And so Wei Ying showed up to Lan Zhan’s dorm room at 3PM on a Saturday to dump a pair of bunnies into his arms, one with white fur and one with black fur. Lan Zhan’s eyes lit up with something akin to wonder, and Wei Ying tried his best memorize Lan Zhan’s expression for…totally not-gay reasons.

“Lan Zhan, what do you think?” Wei Ying asked. “Bunnies!”

“Bunnies,” Lan Zhan repeated in a dazed voice. “How…How did you…”

“I went to a pet store earlier,” Wei Ying explained. He gestured at the sizable bag in his arms. “I also purchased a small habitat for them and some food.”

“Very thoughtful,” Lan Zhan complimented, and Wei Ying tried his best to not glow under the praise. Wei Ying watched Lan Zhan gently cradle both of the bunnies in his arms, his face pursed into an expression of careful concentration. “What are their names?”

“Uh.” Wei Ying had to force himself to stop having vivid daydreams about watching Lan Zhan take care of bunnies with that same careful and concentrated look on his face. “I don’t think they have any?”

“Then we shall name them,” Lan Zhan said firmly. “Do you have a favorite poet?”

“I’m a science major, Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying replied.

“As am I,” Lan Zhan countered. “My favorite poet is Feng Tang.”

“Who even is that?” Wei Ying had said before shaking his head and sighing to himself. “Well, I may not have a favorite poet, but I certainly have a few favorite people in mind. What do you think about naming one of the bunnies ‘Young Leonardo DiCaprio’?”

“I am not sure the word ‘young’ is necessary.”

“It definitely is. I need to make it clear that my childhood celebrity crush was young Leo, not the dude that pops up when you Baidu him these days.” Wei Ying sighs. “Young Leonardo DiCaprio was a dream.”

Lan Zhan pressed his lips into a thin line before he spoke again. “You wish to name the bunnies after your childhood celebrity crushes?”

“It’s nostalgic,” Wei Ying argued. “Do you see anything wrong with the name ‘Young Leonardo DiCaprio’? Don’t you want your bunnies to be as beautiful as young Leo?”

“I do not subscribe to Western beauty standards,” Lan Zhan replied. “Although I respect your…taste in men.”

“Hm…maybe you’re onto something. Fuck Western beauty standards. Why don’t you name them Huang Xiaoming and Jay Chou?” Wei Ying suggested.

Lan Zhan seemed unamused. “I take back what I said. I do not respect your taste in men.”

“Lan Zhan, that hurts,” Wei Ying whined. “My taste in men is perfectly fine! Who were your childhood celebrity crushes?”

“I did not have time for such trivial things,” Lan Zhan replied. 

“Come on, you must’ve had at least one!” Wei Ying protested.

“I did not,” Lan Zhan insisted, his ears turning red. His eyes flickered around the room awkwardly.

"No, you definitely did," Wei Ying said. He gestured at himself. "This is a judgment-free zone. You can tell me."

Lan Zhan mumbled something. Wei Ying didn’t catch it.

“Could you repeat that?” Wei Ying asked.

Even Lan Zhan’s cheeks were pink as he choked out, “Xi…yang…yang…”

Wei Ying couldn’t help himself; he burst into a laughing fit.

“Oh my god, really? The sheep? How old were you?”

“I was five,” Lan Zhan said quietly.

“I totally respect it and everything, but…why?”

“He is clever and has a good attitude. He treats his companions well.” Lan Zhan tried to hide his face in his hands. “Please never bring this up again.”

Wei Ying felt a little breathless with just how adorable Lan Zhan is sometimes. First the bunny obsession, and now this. He can’t believe he ever thought Lan Zhan was scary.

“So...you were a young furry?” Wei Ying joked. “Had a crush on a cartoon sheep?”

“I didn’t know any better. I was five years old,” Lan Zhan answered, his ears still bright red. “Please just leave it.”

“Okay, okay, I’ll drop it…” Wei Ying said to save Lan Zhan some face. “Let’s just forget about naming them after people. Most pets have food-related names, right?”

Lan Zhan seemed skeptical. “Perhaps.”

“So just name them after your favorite dessert,” Wei Ying suggested. “Mine’s marshmallow.”

“Mn. I enjoy mooncake.”

Wei Ying held back a laugh. “You’re just a good Chinese boy through and through, aren’t you?”

Lan Zhan nods, his cheeks still flushed from their earlier conversation. There’s a small smile curling at the edges of his lips. Wei Ying doesn’t think Lan Zhan’s ever looked so lovely.

“‘Ten miles of spring wind cannot compare to you,’” Wei Ying recited dazedly, as if he’d finally understood the meaning of the line for the first time.

Lan Zhan looked smug. “So you are familiar with Feng Tang’s work?”

“Everyone knows that poem,” Wei Ying answered.

“I think Marshmallow and Mooncake are suitable names,” Lan Zhan said. He set the bunnies on his perfectly made bed and watched them hop around in circles. “I will do my best to make sure they are happy here.” He turned to stare meaningfully at Wei Ying. “Thank you for bringing them to me.”

Wei Ying had felt a strange warmth unfurling inside his chest as he smiled at Lan Zhan in return.

***

In exchange for Lan Zhan treating him to a meal last week, Wei Ying invites Lan Zhan to a local Shanghainese restaurant for lunch the following Saturday. He tries very hard not to think of it as a date, but it really feels like one with how much he’s obsessing over what to wear and what to say.

First of all, I really need to figure out what the fuck “environmental consulting” means, Wei Ying tells himself. Because I can’t just tell people that my fake boyfriend is a massive tree hugger who wants to save the world.

Wei Ying spends about an hour trying to figure out how to clean the reusable containers Lan Zhan used for the leftovers last time. As a graduate student who has survived on cafeteria food since the ripe age of 18, he hasn’t done dishes in years. And frankly, standing there in front of the bathroom sink with a sponge and some dish soap he literally just bought from Family Mart in hand, it feels fucking terrifying.

He tries his best to just picture glass beakers and flasks in place of the dishes, because he does have lots of experience with washing and scrubbing down lab equipment (although he’s reached a point in life where he deeply resents swirling and shaking soapy water inside a flask). It ends up being relatively painless, minus the fact that Wei Ying half-clogs the bathroom sink by washing grease and oil down the drain (if any of his floormates ask, Wei Ying will pretend to be clueless).

He feels rather pleased with himself afterward, staring at the sparkling containers. He did that. Maybe this will be good motivation for him to clean up the random piles of clothes littered across his dorm room floor…someday. For now, Wei Ying once again goes on a hunt for a nice outfit, digging through the piles until he finds something relatively acceptable. He really needs to fold and put away all these clothes. There are a lot of things he should be doing to take better care of himself and his room, but being disappointed by his lack of good life choices is something Wei Ying is intimately familiar with by now.

Wei Ying spends an ungodly amount of time trying to recreate an “effortless messy ponytail” tutorial he found on Douyin, and by the end of it, his arms are weirdly sore. But his hair looks relatively nice, so Wei Ying feels good about that. As long as he is Lan Zhan’s fake boyfriend, Wei Ying will put forth a conscious effort to not look like hot garbage (and he doesn’t mean that kind of “hot”…he means “hot” as in “sweating his fucking ass off because holy fuck, the sun exists and it’s so fucking hot someone make it stop”).

Anyway.

Wei Ying actually leaves on time so that he isn’t panting and wheezing by the time he gets to the restaurant (Progress!). But of course, Lan Zhan is early and is already sitting at a table by the time Wei Ying gets there.

“Lan Zhan!” Wei Ying calls. Lan Zhan looks up and Wei Ying tries very hard not to get distracted by his fake boyfriend’s perfect face. (It doesn’t work.) He sets the newly washed containers down on the table. “I washed them. Thank you for letting me use them this past week.”

“Mn. It was no problem.” Lan Zhan returns to scrolling through his phone and Wei Ying finally realizes that he’s ordering. He taps on a few things before passing the phone to Wei Ying.

Wei Ying tries to signal that he doesn’t want to order anything by waving his hands, but Lan Zhan seems to think that Wei Ying must really want to order something because he proceeds to practically shove his phone into Wei Ying’s hands. Wei Ying lets out a very embarrassing noise when Lan Zhan’s hands touch his. A couple people turn to stare. Lan Zhan has the decency to appear embarrassed, his ears turning pink. Wei Ying clamps his mouth shut to prevent any more weird, whale-like noises from escaping and orders a pitcher of suanmeitang, because it’s summer and it’s really fucking hot and it’s not socially acceptable to drink in public at 11 fucking AM.

Because they ordered on Lan Zhan’s phone, Lan Zhan ends up paying, which really ruined Wei Ying’s plan of showing how fiscally responsible he is because he totally didn’t transfer a bunch of funds from his bank onto his WeChat account two days ago. Wei Ying offers to send Lan Zhan a WeChat red envelope to pay for the meal, but Lan Zhan refuses. And Wei Ying knows it’s a lost cause because if he sends one anyway, Lan Zhan will just ignore it and let it expire (Because that’s exactly what Lan Zhan did all the time while they were friends and while they were dating…wait, are they still friends or not? Wei Ying feels like he should get this one clarified too).

Wei Ying won’t complain about another free meal. He isn’t broke and penniless, but it’s probably nothing compared to what Lan Zhan makes doing…whatever it is that he does. Wei Ying really hopes he walks out of this lunch with a basic understanding of Lan Zhan’s job.

“So…Lan Zhan…how are things going with…” Fuck, Wei Ying can’t even remember Lan Zhan’s fucking job title anymore, “…your job?”

“It is going well,” Lan Zhan says. “In our current era of rampant corporate virtue signaling, our firm always has great business.”

Wow. Those were…words…

Wei Ying wonders if he can sneak his phone under the table so he can look up half of the things Lan Zhan is saying. But Lan Zhan's golden eyes are fixed on his face and Wei Ying feels like every move he makes will be scrutinized. And so Wei Ying resolves to fall back on his default conversational tactic: bullshitting.

"Oh yeah…virtue-signaling…whew…gotta love that…” Wei Ying feels his forehead breaking into a cold sweat.

“It is truly awful,” Lan Zhan replies, and Wei Ying mentally notes “virtue signaling – bad” in his head. "But at this point, I'm willing to do anything to get companies and corporations to engage in more eco-friendly practices. Even if it means feeding the egos of people who have accumulated unethical amounts of money through exploiting workers by making them feel like they're a climate change activist for a day."

What the fuck is happening? Wei Ying asks himself. “Yeah, I hate unethical money…but eco-friendly…that’s good…haha…”

Lan Zhan’s eyes narrow, as if he can tell Wei Ying is confused as all hell right now.

Wei Ying panics. “Egos! So bad! I used to have one of those, then I realized that the Earth and the universe are both very large, and I am very small and insignificant in comparison, and so I should really shut the fuck up.” Wei Ying’s brain to mouth filter is completely gone, so he just keeps going in hopes that some of the words he’s vomiting out will save him. “Because in reality, we’re all just tiny specs of dust floating around with no real purpose except the ones society tells us we’re supposed to have. We’re all going to die. Isn’t that lovely? Very fun. Yeah.”

The suanmeitang finally arrives and Wei Ying makes a big show out of pouring a glass for himself and Lan Zhan, even though he knows Lan Zhan isn’t fond of sugary drinks. It’s just courtesy. It’s fine. It would be great if Lan Zhan could stop staring at him like that. Wei Ying takes a large swig of suanmeitang and tries to will the ground to swallow him whole.

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan says once Wei Ying is done fussing over the suanmeitang pitcher. “You are not insignificant.”

Wei Ying nearly spews his suanmeitang all over Lan Zhan’s very nice dress shirt. (It’s so hot outside, why is Lan Zhan dressed like that? Wei Ying’s wearing an old faded t-shirt with his university’s logo on it, because that’s what half of his wardrobe is now. But Lan Zhan? Lan Zhan could be a model. Wei Ying wants to smash his head through the nearest surface.) “W-What?” he says, very intelligently and not at all like he’s having a major existential crisis over how hot his ex is.

“You are not insignificant,” Lan Zhan repeats. “You are doing great things. You have already done a number of great things. You have impacted many people’s lives.”

Wei Ying kind of wants to cry but he doesn’t because ew, feelings, what are those? So instead, he lets his existential fear speak for him. “I don’t know, Lan Zhan,” he says. “The Earth has been around for so long, and it’ll continue to be around long after I’m gone for millions and billions of years. I’m just thinking about the big picture. Nothing I do within my lifetime will really compare.”

“Well, actually, even if the Earth persists for billions of years, it may not be habitable anymore. Which is why it’s important that we take action now to ensure that there is future life on Earth and that…”

Wei Ying almost pats himself on the back because that Earth comment really gets Lan Zhan going, and he listens to Lan Zhan give him a crash course on climate science and environmental stuff until the food arrives. And then he eats a ton to make sure his mouth is always full, because if his mouth is full, then he can’t say stupid shit! It’s a win-win situation.

Wei Ying manages to get the name of Lan Zhan’s employer out of him, and then while Lan Zhan finishes up the xiao long bao, he sneakily pulls his phone out and types the name of the firm into Baidu. It’s an environmental consulting firm. Wei Ying really, really needs to figure out what “environmental consulting” means. But that’s a problem for future Wei Ying. Present Wei Ying is trying not to drool over his ex/current fake boyfriend (god, that really is confusing…Wei Ying resolves to just call Lan Zhan his fake boyfriend from now on).

Lan Zhan asks if Wei Ying is free next week (Of course he's free. He literally doesn't do anything except bust his ass in the lab and mope around his dorm room. But Lan Zhan doesn't need to know that), and they make plans to grab lunch next week again. Wei Ying wonders if this is going to become a regular thing now. Well, he supposes that it's important for supposed boyfriends to seem like actual friends. This will probably be a good way for them to figure out how to act around each other (i.e. Wei Ying needs to figure out how to act naturally around Lan Zhan; Lan Zhan can just continue as is).

Lan Zhan invites Wei Ying over to his apartment again and Wei Ying accepts in a heartbeat because 1) Lan Zhan’s apartment actually has air conditioning and 2) Lan Zhan’s apartment has bunnies.

As they walk over to his apartment, Lan Zhan slips his hand into Wei Ying’s. Wei Ying’s initial reaction is to curl up into a small ball and ask a higher power what exactly he did to deserve this torture. His second reaction is to (very calmly, very slowly) yank his hand away and make some feeble excuse about how it’s “too hot outside to hold hands.”

But then Lan Zhan asks, “Is this okay?” in a gentle voice and his eyes all wide and searching and Wei Ying finds that even after all these months, he still can’t deny Lan Zhan anything. So he just nods and prays that his hand isn’t too sweaty.

Wei Ying presses his lips together because he can feel himself screaming inside his heart. He hates (loves) how nicely their hands fit together and how it's forcing him to remember you used to have this, every day, all the time. But it’s fine. Wei Ying can hold hands with his fake boyfriend. It doesn’t mean anything.

Lan Zhan removes his hand when they get to the apartment, and Wei Ying internally breathes a sigh of relief. He plays with the bunnies for hours and even gets to feed them lettuce this time.

When Lan Zhan goes to answer a phone call in another room, Wei Ying stares at the bunnies and says, “Guess it’s just me and you guys now.”

Wei Ying is vaguely aware that talking to animals that don’t even belong to him is probably a sign of profound desperation or loneliness, but he doesn’t really care anymore. So he asks the bunnies, “How are you guys? Good, right?”

The bunnies ignore him and keep munching on lettuce. Wei Ying interprets that as an affirmative answer.

“Yeah, I bet Lan Zhan takes really good care of you guys. I’m jea—” Wei Ying cuts himself off and coughs. “I mean, that’s really nice. Um. How is Lan Zhan these days? Is he happy? I hope he is.”

The bunnies are way more interested in the lettuce than listening to Wei Ying talk, but Wei Ying finds that he doesn’t mind.

Lan Zhan comes back from his call and Wei Ying realizes that it is really late and he should probably head back and grab some terrible, subsidized cafeteria food for dinner (It’s not actually that terrible; Wei Ying’s just too lazy to carry his own chili sauces with him so everything tastes flavorless to him). But then Lan Zhan asks him to stay for dinner, and Wei Ying is so, so bad at saying no to Lan Zhan.

Lan Zhan cooks several extremely spicy dishes (Why does he have so many spices and chili sauces in his cabinet if he doesn’t even like spice?) and two mild dishes. Wei Ying remembers when Lan Zhan used to cook for him, how he’d always managed to get the spice levels just right.

Just before they dig in, Lan Zhan surprises Wei Ying by handing him a glass of his favorite wine. Wei Ying is confused, because Lan Zhan doesn’t drink, but he won’t turn down free alcohol, especially not free good alcohol.

Unsurprisingly, the food is great. Wei Ying is really getting spoiled by all these meals with Lan Zhan. He reminds himself not to get used to it. He finds himself studying Lan Zhan’s face just a little too closely, trying to see if Lan Zhan seems comfortable or not. Lan Zhan seems at ease, but Wei Ying still doesn’t know if he and Lan Zhan are still friends or not. Will they even talk to each other after this whole thing is over? Wei Ying tells himself not to get his hopes up.

When he heads back to his dorm room, feeling very full and a little tipsy, Wei Ying tries very hard not to think about how nice it is to have Lan Zhan around again, even as he falls asleep thinking about soft gold eyes and gentle smiles.

***

For the first few months of freshman year, Lan Zhan didn’t like Wei Ying at all. Wei Ying wasn’t sure if it was his flippant attitude towards studying or his tendency to show up hungover to lectures or his blatant disregard for rules (sue him for eating some peanuts in class), but it was obvious that Lan Zhan disliked him.

Lan Zhan always had this silent, disdainful look on his face whenever he saw Wei Ying (which Wei Ying vaguely registered as “very cute, no homo though”). Wei Ying didn’t particularly care that Lan Zhan disliked him (even though his ego said that it was scientifically impossible for someone his age to actually dislike him because he was very cool, thank you very much), but he did think it was pretty funny. Lan Zhan, all cold and indifferent and not unlike a human iceberg, seething in silent rage about Wei Ying crunching down some peanuts. Sometimes Lan Zhan’s ears would even turn red from anger. It was fucking hilarious.

So Wei Ying started going out of his way to annoy Lan Zhan. He started bringing two packs of peanuts to class instead of just one. He started making sure to sit right behind Lan Zhan so that Lan Zhan could hear the music of Wei Ying going to town on peanuts loud and clear. He even started finding ways to eat more loudly, chewing with more force than necessary and making weird slurping noises. Yes, his jaw did get tired from how fiercely he was chewing the peanuts. No, he did not stop chewing the peanuts with way more force than necessary.

After a month or so, the amusement started to wear off. Lan Zhan was too used to it, and he'd stopped reacting to Wei Ying's antics altogether. He went back to ignoring Wei Ying's existence, and somehow Wei Ying couldn't stand the thought of Lan Zhan ignoring him. So Wei Ying had to devise more innovative ways to annoy Lan Zhan.

For the next five months or so, Wei Ying was rather inseparable from Lan Zhan. He’d sit next to Lan Zhan during lectures and try to make small talk, which Lan Zhan would pointedly ignore (but that never stopped Wei Ying). Lan Zhan used to eat lunch alone in the cafeteria, his icy expression scary enough to stop anyone from daring to sit at his four-person table. But Wei Ying had no such qualms, plopping down in the seat across from Lan Zhan and complaining about the state of the cafeteria food for the entire meal. After classes, Wei Ying would go looking for Lan Zhan in the study lounges and sit beside him to work on schoolwork.

Lan Zhan would never say more than a handful of words to him each day, and his expression remained as steely and icy as ever (although, whenever Wei Ying said something particularly shameless, his ears would still turn red). Lan Zhan’s lack of reaction never discouraged Wei Ying. In fact, it just made Wei Ying anticipate the time that he would really piss Lan Zhan off. Somehow, the thought of prim and proper Lan Zhan getting very, very angry at him was appealing to Wei Ying.

One day, they were studying together in the evening again, and Wei Ying was feeling pretty bored. Lan Zhan was taking notes over something, his handwriting so neat it could put a computer to shame. Wei Ying sighed and started digging through his backpack to find something amusing.

He found a pack of peanuts (honestly, at least 30% of Wei Ying’s monthly budget was going towards peanuts these days) and started eating it. He kept digging until he came across something interesting. Wei Ying held in a giggle and stuffed it under his shirt.

“Eating is forbidden in the study lounges,” Lan Zhan admonished immediately.

Wei Ying just grinned at him. Lan Zhan did something akin to an eye roll but not quite because Lan Zhan was too proper to actually roll his eyes at anyone. Wei Ying was getting rather good at this "reading Lan Zhan's micro-expressions" thing.

When Lan Zhan’s gaze returned to his textbook, his eyes widened in alarm. Wei Ying maintained a serene smile on his face as Lan Zhan took hold of the paper Wei Ying had stuffed inside his textbook and yanked it out.

“Wei Ying!” Lan Zhan says angrily, holding out the paper. It was one of Nie Huaisang’s many erotic drawings he had created in his free time. Wei Ying was particularly fond of how this one captured intimacy between two men, and he thought Lan Zhan would maybe appreciate it too. “What is the meaning of this?”

“What do you think?” Wei Ying replied with a teasing smile. “It’s good, isn’t it? Huaisang is talented.”

Lan Zhan’s entire face was red. Wei Ying wished he could take a picture of it. “What is wrong with you?” he finally spat out.

“So, so many things,” Wei Ying responded. “Do you want a bullet point list or just the short version?”

Lan Zhan didn’t seem to appreciate Wei Ying’s joke. “What exactly do you gain from harassing me?” he asked.

That comment caught Wei Ying off-guard. Jiang Cheng had asked him that exact same question several weeks ago, questioning why Wei Ying would go out of his way to hang around someone that clearly only barely tolerated his existence. Wei Ying wasn’t really sure either. All he knew was that he was in a strange new city, surrounded by strange new people, trying to get used to a strange new routine, and for some reason, Lan Zhan made him feel better about it. Because every time Wei Ying felt homesick or insecure about his major or just not happy with being at college, he could tease Lan Zhan a little and it would take his mind off of it.

Although he supposed it wasn’t incorrect to call his behavior “harassment,” he hadn’t really thought of it that way. Up until now, Lan Zhan didn’t really seem to openly mind that much. But Wei Ying was starting to realize that Lan Zhan’s entire personality was built on “not minding” things. And so how was he supposed to tell just how much he actually annoyed Lan Zhan?

When Wei Ying didn’t answer, Lan Zhan seemed to hesitate, his brows furrowing in thought. Eventually, his expression hardened and he said, “If all you intend to do is annoy me while I’m trying to study, then it would be best if you just…got lost.”

This was probably the closest Lan Zhan had ever come to cursing. Wei Ying certainly never heard Lan Zhan say anything near as vulgar as the phrase “get lost.” So Wei Ying packed all of his stuff up and left, because he wasn’t an idiot and he could tell that he had definitely crossed a line and that Lan Zhan really wanted to be alone.

The next day, Wei Ying approached Lan Zhan before the lecture to offer a sincere apology and asked if they could start over. In truth, Wei Ying had stayed up all night replaying every interaction he’d ever had with Lan Zhan in his mind before he came to the realization that the reason he was so desperate for Lan Zhan's attention all the time was because he really, really wanted to be Lan Zhan's friend, even if he was going about it in a really strange way.

Lan Zhan accepted, but not without a look of trepidation plastered on his face. Wei Ying wasn’t surprised; if someone actively tried to find a million ways to annoy the shit out of him before suddenly announcing that they would change, he would be suspicious too.

But Wei Ying put his best foot forward, trying his best to actually be a somewhat good friend to Lan Zhan. Lan Zhan, understandably, still seemed as though he was constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop whenever Wei Ying did or said anything remotely nice. Wei Ying just resolved to try even harder.

Several weeks passed with Wei Ying being a diligent student (he stopped eating in class finally, to Lan Zhan's and everyone else in the lecture hall's relief) and a less annoying person all around (he made sure to actually be quiet while Lan Zhan was studying, although he couldn't help but make the occasional comment about how nice Lan Zhan's handwriting was). It felt like Wei Ying was holding his breath, waiting for Lan Zhan to make a final judgment on whether he was friend-worthy or not.

They were at an odd point in their relationship with each other, hovering somewhere between acquaintances and friends. Wei Ying had spent the better part of freshman year finding innovative ways to annoy the shit out of Lan Zhan, which Lan Zhan didn't really seem to appreciate. But then, Wei Ying learned that antagonizing someone probably wasn't the best way to get their attention, so he'd changed tactics and here they were. Almost friends.

Then a whole two months passed and Wei Ying just couldn’t stand it anymore, blurting out, “Lan Zhan, are we friends?” as they sat down to eat lunch.

Lan Zhan seemed bewildered by the question. “Of course we are,” he answered.

“Oh.” Wei Ying released a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. “Good.” He smiled. “In that case, I’m so happy to be your friend, Lan Zhan!”

“Mn. Wei Ying is also a good friend,” Lan Zhan replied.

Wei Ying smiled so hard his cheeks started to hurt, but it was fine. Because now he was officially friends with Lan Zhan. And for some reason, that meant everything to him.

***

Wei Ying actually looks up what "environmental consulting" means and learns that Lan Zhan's job is to meet with rich people and instruct them on how to get even richer by adopting eco-friendly practices (Well, that's a bit of an oversimplification. Lan Zhan advises companies and corporations on how they can both save money and feel better about themselves by making changes to their office buildings, like using LED lights and more energy-efficient HVAC systems. It's a very Lan Zhan-esque job).

Wei Ying is mixing some more tryptone broth in the lab when his phone buzzes. He lets the mixer go and yanks off a glove so he can check his phone. It’s a WeChat message from Jiang Cheng. He glances around. It’s barely 9AM right now, so the lab is mercifully empty. Wei Ying lets out a loud groan. He’s not ready for this text conversation.

Jiang Cheng’s contact name is an orange emoji in Wei Ying’s phone. Wei Ying thought it was funny at the time, but upon further reflection, it was a mistake because now he can’t eat oranges or orange-flavored things without triggering his fight or flight response.

“Hi. Hope you’re still alive and blah blah blah. Everyone is excited to meet your +1. I resent the fact that I am once again being used as a messenger.”

At least Jiang Cheng started off with “hi” this time. Wei Ying sighs and types out “ahahaha that’s great!” and then “…who exactly asked you to tell me this.”

“A-Jie. Who else? She’s going to message you herself but she asked me to text you because she thinks we need to work on communicating better.”

Wei Ying snorts and replies with “there’s nothing to work on. you and i excel at the art of not-communicating.”

“Damn right. Ok bye don’t accidentally eat your bacteria buddies again.”

“it was ONE TIME!! let it go!!”

Jiang Cheng doesn’t reply. Wei Ying goes back to making his broth.

A half-hour later, his phone buzzes again, this time with a text from Jiang Yanli.

“A-Ying I can’t wait to meet this special person!!!!! I hope they’ve been taking very good care of you :))”

Wei Ying knows that the last sentence is both a pleasantry and a threat. Jiang Yanli only uses “:))” when she's feeling slightly murderous. He replies with a string of emojis and stickers in hopes that it'll get her to calm down a bit. It doesn't work, because she keeps responding with more questions that Wei Ying is not at all prepared to answer. So he starts panic-spamming her with memes. Eventually, their chat log is just a bunch of borderline-nightmarish Peppa Pig memes (Wei Ying honestly doesn't know how he managed to acquire so many…he doesn't even like Peppa Pig that much) and Jiang Yanli stops responding with different laughing stickers.

Evidently, Jiang Cheng or (the more likely candidate) Jiang Yanli has told everyone and their mother about Wei Ying’s “new relationship,” because Wei Ying’s phone starts buzzing like crazy twenty minutes later. He sets it to do not disturb and tries to become one with the bacteria. It doesn’t work. He pouts as he stares at a couple of his new plates of bacteria. He supposes it’s fair; a sizable portion of his job includes killing off large quantities of bacteria. He’d hate himself too if he was a bacterium.

He checks his messages during lunch. There’s a nice congratulatory message from Wen Ning, because Wen Ning is the only person in their friend group with actual decency and a sense of civility. He hasn’t seen Wen Ning in at least six months, even though Wen Ning only lives a short train ride away in Tianjin. He mentally notes that he should make more of an effort to visit.

There’s also a slew of messages from Wen Qing and Luo Qingyang. Wei Ying knows he hasn’t seen either of them in two months, when Wen Qing finished her five-year Bachelor’s degree in medicine, even though they’re the only ones in their friend group who still live in Beijing. It’s not for a lack of trying; they’ve talked about meeting up again many times, but between Wen Qing’s hectic work schedule and Wei Ying’s commitments in the lab, it just never quite worked out.

He hopes Wen Qing’s internship at the hospital across the city is going well, and he tells her so, pointedly ignoring the “Did you finally get over him?” and “You better not be bringing a rebound to your sister’s wedding, that would be sad” and “I will take care of you if you drink too much at the wedding but I will not be happy about it.” Wei Ying is a little touched by the last message.

Qingyang (Wei Ying tried to call her Mianmian precisely one time and she gave him a death glare so terrifying that he has never attempted it again. As far as he knows, Wen Qing is the only one permitted to call her Mianmian because of "girlfriend privileges" or whatever) is even blunter about it, sending him a meme of a person crying while hugging a bottle of wine with the caption "I really hope this isn’t you at the wedding. It would be funny, but I probably wouldn’t be allowed to laugh. That’s terrible, you know. I want to be able to laugh freely at your suffering so save your sadness for after the wedding.”

Wei Ying replies with “i will cry all over your nice clothes so that my makeup ruins them.” Qingyang messages back “One day, I will actually have you disappeared.”

He knows that’s her way of saying “You annoy me but for some reason I care about you so please don’t be sad anymore,” and so he responds with a slew of happy, loving stickers and heart emojis.

Wei Ying gulps down the last of his bland, cafeteria cold noodles (Would it kill them to add a little spice every now and then?) before opening up the last message. The one he’s been dreading the most.

“so…did you /actually/ get a new s/o?” it reads. There’s a meme of a person staring creepily out of the corner of their eyes attached. Wei Ying is kind of terrified, but he musters up the courage to type out a quick “yeah” in response to Nie Huaisang.

Huaisang replies immediately with “sounds fake but ok.” Wei Ying is kind of offended.

“what exactly is so unbelievable about me dating someone?” he texts.

“idk but if the loml aka your brother dumped me, i probably wouldn’t be so quick to get into another relationship.”

“ugh pls don’t remind me about you and jiang cheng. it still makes me throw up a little in my mouth every time i think about it.”

“you THINK about us? that’s a little weird…”

“NOT LIKE THAT. i actually hate you. i’m going to block you. bye.”

Huaisang replies with a lot of outraged and furious stickers and then, “wei xiong isn’t it a bit too soon?”

Wei Ying hates this. He hates how Huaisang knows him so well and isn’t afraid to call him out like this. Wei Ying is never going to respond to Huaisang ever again. He’s going to ghost Huaisang so hard that Huaisang will have to orchestrate an elaborate revenge plan that involves his soul getting summoned and implanted in the body of a random dude who has a lot of family issues and very conveniently, also wants revenge.

Wei Ying knows this because one time Huaisang got drunk and started rambling about a weird dream he had in which his brother was viciously murdered and the only one who could avenge him was Wei Ying. Except in this dream, Wei Ying was already dead, so Huaisang spent years trying to resurrect him. At first, Wei Ying was touched that his friend would work so diligently to bring him back to life, and then he realized that he was only brought back to life to be a pawn in Huaisang’s revenge plan. He was less touched by that. Huaisang is fucking terrifying sometimes.

“come on. it’s been nine months. it’s not too soon.”

“whatever you say…” Huaisang attaches one of Wei Ying's selfies, but deep-fried beyond recognition. Wei Ying saves it immediately because even though it is horrifying, there's something very tasteful about a good deep-fried image. 

Wei Ying doesn’t reply and shoves his phone back into his pocket. He sets his bowl and chopsticks by the cleaning station and begins the long trek back to the lab. The sun is high in the sky without a cloud in sight and the heat is sweltering. In a few minutes, his entire body is covered in a faint sheen of sweat. Wei Ying deeply regrets forgetting his sun umbrella in his dorm room this morning.

By the time he makes it back to the lab building, his cheeks are flushed red and there’s a couple beads of sweat running down his temples. The hallways don’t have air-conditioning either, so Wei Ying has to suffer through two more flights of stairs in the stifling heat before he makes it to the office. He sinks into his desk chair and presses his cheek against the cold wooden surface of the desk.

His phone buzzes again. Wei Ying groans out loud, fully ready to give his friends a piece of his mind, before he sees the message is from DO NOT CONTACT [knife emoji] [clown emoji]. Wei Ying really should change Lan Zhan’s contact to something less…foreboding.

Lan Zhan sent him a picture of bunnies. Wei Ying scrolls up in their chat log and realizes it’s been over a month since they last did this whole silent picture exchange thing. He doesn’t feel like digging through his meme collection for something acceptable to send back, so instead he raises his phone up and snaps a quick selfie of himself, still covered in sweat and pouting with half of his face pressed against his desk.

Lan Zhan takes a long time to respond. Wei Ying’s eyes flutter closed. A quick nap wouldn’t hurt, would it? Between the heat and the monotony of lab work and Wei Ying’s inability to sleep before 3AM, he’s fucking exhausted. Sleeping in his dorm room is miserable; he keeps waking up every couple of hours because of how hot it is.

Just as he's about to fall asleep, his phone buzzes with another message from Lan Zhan. It's a link to an article about preventing heat exhaustion. Lan Zhan follows up with another link to an article about the UN's report about global warming. Wei Ying knows that, like every other article link he receives on WeChat, there's no way in hell he will actually open or read either of them. He appreciates the gesture though.

Wei Ying’s about to shut his phone off so he can get back to napping when he sees that Lan Zhan is typing. That’s weird. They haven’t communicated with actual words in their chat log since…well, since the breakup. Wei Ying stares anxiously at the “Typing” status  at the top of his screen for several seconds.

And then, “Are you free this evening?”

Wei Ying sends back a thumbs-up emoji.

Then, “I will make dinner at 6PM. There will be spicy dishes.”

Some days (read: on most days), Wei Ying really regrets not marrying Lan Zhan when he had the chance. Between his financial stability, his bunnies, and his cooking abilities, Lan Zhan is…perfect. Or maybe the heat is really getting to Wei Ying’s head and making him think very inappropriate thoughts about his ex-boyfriend.

He sends back a string of happy and excited stickers and emojis and when Lan Zhan doesn’t reply, he sighs and shuts his phone off. Then he takes a nap, because he’s earned one after all the torment he’s experienced on WeChat in the past four hours.

***

Wei Ying has only ever seen Lan Zhan get drunk once. It was after they had finished their winter finals in their sophomore year and were about to start their one-month winter holiday. Everyone was planning on going home to spend Lunar New Year with their families, so this was the last time all of them could be together before the start of the spring semester.

Huaisang suggested they all go out for dinner and drinks. Wei Ying had persuaded Lan Zhan into tagging along, even though Lan Zhan wasn’t particularly close with all of Wei Ying’s other friends. He knew Lan Zhan didn’t drink, but he thought Lan Zhan would still be able to have fun.

The restaurant Huaisang picked was pretty packed with celebrating students, but they managed to snag a corner table away from the crowd. Wei Ying doesn't really remember what they ate, only that it wasn't very spicy and that he was a lot more interested in the alcohol than the food. He spent most of the meal sipping at his beer, chatting up Luo Qingyang who had the misfortune of sitting next to him, and waiting for everyone else to finish up so they could start ordering some of the more heavy-duty drinks (while also pointedly not looking across the table where his sister and Jin Zixuan were flirting with each other like no tomorrow…Wei Ying was happy for his sister, he really was, but Jin Zixuan was still on thin fucking ice).

Towards the end of the meal, everyone seemed to notice how Wei Ying wasn’t really talking to anyone except Luo Qingyang, which really confused Wei Ying because sure, Qingyang was pretty, but it really wasn’t like that. They were in the same major and Qingyang was nice (and had a tendency to know what she was doing), and more often than not, their conversations revolved around how Wei Ying could improve his lab technique. It wasn’t the brazen flirting everyone else was making it out to be (unless “Please teach me how to plate bacteria, I keep accidentally killing all the little fuckers” could be considered a viable pick-up line).

But of course, Wei Ying didn’t get a chance to explain all of this to his friends before they started teasing him.

“He’s so annoying, isn’t he?” Jiang Cheng asked Qingyang while gesturing at Wei Ying. “You can just tell him to fuck off, you know. Then he’ll stop harassing you.”

Qingyang seemed to be at a loss of words. Wei Ying felt indescribably awkward about this whole situation, since he was like 96.15% sure that Qingyang had a crush on Wen Qing. And out of their entire friend group, Wei Ying was pretty sure Wen Qing and Qingyang would rank as most likely and second most likely to actually murder him, respectively.

“Wei-xiong, are you that desperate?” Huaisang teased.

“Our A-Ying is really all grown up,” Yanli said with a wide smile on her face.

“All grown up, my ass,” Jiang Cheng cut in. “He still doesn’t even know how to fry an egg.”

“But he seems to know how to do other things,” Huaisang said while wiggling his eyebrows.

Wei Ying desperately wished for the ground to just swallow him whole as it continued. Mercifully, Jin Zixuan remained silent, seemingly understanding that he and Wei Ying were not on close enough terms to tease each other (and that if he said anything, Wei Ying might actually punch him). Qingyang seemed like she was getting a little uncomfortable too. Wei Ying glanced around the table and noticed that both Wen Qing and Lan Zhan looked rather sullen. Wen Qing’s eyes had a murderous tint to them, and Lan Zhan just looked…Wei Ying wasn’t sure how to describe it.

Wei Ying tried to distract everyone by ordering a round of baijiu shots, but they still wouldn’t stop even after the shots arrived. He kept spinning the lazy Susan at the center of the table, trying to get everyone to grab a shot so he could organize a toast or something, but everyone was still more concerned about how, evidently, Wei Ying was a massive flirt (Wei Ying was so confused and had no idea how they reached that conclusion).

When Wei Ying finally got everyone to calm down enough to make a toast to the end of their exams, Lan Zhan snatched the glass of baijiu out of his hands and downed the entire thing in one gulp.

“L-Lan Zhan?” Wei Ying questioned. “Are you okay? I thought you…didn’t drink…”

Wei Ying was keenly aware of how everyone else was staring at them now and felt the back of his neck flush hot. And then Lan Zhan toppled forward and Wei Ying let out a (very tiny, not at all embarrassing) shriek as he reached forward to stop Lan Zhan from face-planting onto the table.

Wei Ying felt very alarmed by this turn of events, gasping out a “Jiang Cheng, help me carry Lan Zhan back to the dorms now” before wrapping both Lan Zhan in his coat and dragging him away from the table. Thankfully, Jiang Cheng, who was still mostly sober, immediately got up to help. Once they were outside the restaurant, Wei Ying felt extremely panicked, checking Lan Zhan’s temperature (still mostly normal, maybe a tad warmer than usual) and his pulse (also normal).

Then Wei Ying made a poor life choice and pressed his fingers against Lan Zhan’s lips to verify that he was, in fact, breathing, only to get distracted by how soft and pink and nice Lan Zhan’s lips were and fuck, fuck, fuck. Wei Ying ripped his fingers away and tried very hard to stop his heart from racing because yeah, that was not normal best friend behavior, was it? Goddamn it. God fucking dammit.

Wei Ying made a strange, distressed flailing motion that Jiang Cheng seemed to interpret to mean “let’s get the fuck out of here right now,” which was great because the two of them got Lan Zhan back to the dorms in record time. Jiang Cheng promptly peaced out to head back to the restaurant while Wei Ying did his best to tuck Lan Zhan into bed. Lan Zhan remained passed out for approximately five more minutes before he sat up straight in bed and scared the living shit out of Wei Ying (he did not scream…he just let out a small, but admittedly very shrill, startled noise).

Then Lan Zhan shoved Wei Ying off of his bed. “Shoved” was perhaps too strong of a word for it. It was more like Lan Zhan thwacked Wei Ying with one arm and Wei Ying took that to mean “get the fuck off my bed.”

“Wow, rude,” Wei Ying muttered. “I was just trying to tuck you in.”

But Lan Zhan wasn’t listening. Lan Zhan was digging through his pockets, frowning until he found what he was looking for. Then he thrust it towards Wei Ying.

“Take this,” he instructed, his face very serious but his words slightly slurred.

Wei Ying held in a laugh as he inspected the item Lan Zhan just gave him. It was a wallet. Wei Ying was flattered. Nothing could be more flattering than a man handing over his financial stability to you.

“Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying said, “this is your wallet.”

“It is enough?” Lan Zhan asked.

When Wei Ying gave him a confused look, Lan Zhan reached over and opened up the wallet, showing off several pockets full of cash and credit cards (which is weird because no one fucking uses cash or credit cards in China anymore…not when you can just use Alipay or WeChat Pay instead). Wei Ying, having spent approximately 18 months as a struggling college student, had to hold himself back from swooning over the amount of cash in Lan Zhan’s wallet. In the back of his mind, Wei Ying knew that Lan Zhan was probably loaded (no one could wear so much designer clothing and have such nice school supplies without being somewhat wealthy), but he hadn’t really given it much thought…until now.

“Is it enough?” Lan Zhan repeated.

“Hm.” Wei Ying nodded, still trying very hard not to laugh. “It is sufficient.”

Lan Zhan seemed pleased, his eyes lighting up and the corners of his mouth curling upwards, before suddenly sulking again. “But they don’t like me…” he murmured to himself.

“Who doesn’t like you?” Wei Ying asked.

Lan Zhan didn’t answer.

“Lan Zhan, do you…like someone?”

Lan Zhan nodded. Wei Ying let out a tiny giggle because honestly, he couldn’t imagine serious, diligent Lan Zhan liking someone…but then again, if Lan Zhan was as devoted to his significant others as he was to his studies, then the person he liked would be very, very lucky. The thought made Wei Ying feel just a tiny bit sad, but he wasn’t really sure why. They’d still be friends if Lan Zhan got into a relationship, right? It wouldn’t be a problem.

Then Wei Ying started to think about the dinner and the way Lan Zhan’s face had darkened when everyone started teasing him and Qingyang. A new thought started to take shape in his head.

“Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying started, “the person you like…is it Luo Qingyang?”

Lan Zhan seemed caught off-guard. “Why…Why would you think that?”

“You seemed angry at dinner,” Wei Ying replied. “If you really like her, I promise to lay off from talking too much to her! The truth is…” Wei Ying felt himself blush. “The truth is that I’m not very good at biology at all, but she really is…and so a lot of the time I’m just asking her for help…It’s not flirting…” Wei Ying wasn’t sure why he was trying so hard to clarify things for Lan Zhan, but he figured if Lan Zhan really did like Qingyang, then he would need to make it clear that he didn’t have any interest in her at all.

It was quiet for several seconds. And then, Lan Zhan said a quiet “I do not like her that way.”

Wei Ying remembers feeling relieved, and then feeling stupid for feeling relieved, because whoever Lan Zhan liked really wasn’t any of his business, was it?

Lan Zhan went back to sleep soon after that, and Wei Ying went back to his dorm room feeling confused and a little sad. He felt like there was something he was supposed to know, but he couldn’t quite figure out what it was.

(Looking back on it, Wei Ying feels extremely stupid that he didn’t realize it sooner. If he had, then maybe they would’ve gotten together sooner and maybe, just maybe, he would have had a shot at convincing Lan Zhan to stay.)

Chapter Text

Wei Ying and Lan Zhan reach an unspoken agreement over the course of the next week where every day, Lan Zhan texts Wei Ying to ask if he’s free. Wei Ying always responds that yes, he has no plans. Then Lan Zhan invites him over for dinner. When Wei Ying comes over at some time between 5:58 and 6:03PM, he spends ten minutes fawning over the bunnies and half an hour fawning over Lan Zhan’s cooking. Sometimes Lan Zhan is busy and orders takeout instead, but Wei Ying always finds a way to shower Lan Zhan in praise anyway. It’s nice. Wei Ying’s missed this.

But Wei Ying makes another poor life choice approximately eight days into this new routine. It was hot as hell the previous night, and normally, Wei Ying is able to catch a couple fitful hours of sleep (the last time he slept soundly through the night was when he got drunk and called up Lan Zhan). But yesterday, Wei Ying just couldn’t. It was hot and he felt sticky and gross and so, so fucking tired and so he just…turned on his electric fan. And slept directly underneath its air currents.

He remembers being told as a child to never, ever, under any circumstance, sleep directly under a gust of air. Later, Jiang Yanli explained what “air conditioner disease” was and Wei Ying considered himself warned. Even so, yesterday Wei Ying convinced himself that just one night wouldn’t hurt…

He wakes up shivering and sneezing. It’s awful. His throat is completely dry and he scrambles to shut off the damn fan. And then he checks his fridge for something to drink and realizes everything he has is alcoholic. Now, Wei Ying has been sinking further and further towards rock bottom lately, but something about drinking a beer before 9AM on a weekday sounds so atrocious that he immediately dismisses the thought.

He considers taking cold meds and going into the lab anyways, but then he realizes he hasn’t taken an actual day off in…he can’t even remember anymore. And if he looks as miserable and he feels right now, no one will want him in the lab anyway, coughing and sneezing over everything. So he decides to spend the day in bed.

He bundles up (Who the fuck bundles up in the summer? Who the fuck manages to catch a cold during the summer? Only him, apparently) and drags himself to a nearby restaurant to order some congee to go. He sniffles as he waits and thinks about what he’s going to do with his free day. Probably just sleep and play on his phone.

“I’m valid,” he mutters to himself. “I’m so fucking valid right now.”

He pays for his congee and ends up eating it at his desk in his dorm room. He scavenges through his fridge and around his room and figures he has enough snack foods to tide him over until tomorrow. He doesn’t feel like leaving the room today.

Wei Ying ends up sleeping most of the morning and afternoon away, until his stomach grumbles and he gets up and forces himself to eat a pack of spicy sticks (the only snack he always manages to keep in good supply). He cleans himself up afterwards and then ends up lying in bed and playing a random mobile game he just downloaded.

At 4PM, Lan Zhan texts him the usual “Are you free this evening?” and reflexively, Wei Ying types out “yes, of course” before hastily backspacing and writing instead, “sorry, not feeling well today. tomorrow?”

Lan Zhan calls him. Wei Ying drops his phone in surprise. His heart starts pounding, but he tells himself to not be stupid and picks up the phone to answer the call.

“H-Hello?” he says nervously. His voice sounds hoarse. This is the first time he’s spoken all day.

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan replies, “are you alright? What happened?”

“Ah, you know…” Wei Ying sneezes and wraps his blankets tighter around himself. “It was hot yesterday, so I turned my fan on and left it on all night…Then I woke up with a cold. Haha, I’m so stupid…”

“Wei Ying, it is not stupid,” Lan Zhan says. “Global temperatures have been rising at an alarming rate for the past two decades. It is not something to take lightly.”

Wei Ying sniffles. “Well, you know how it is. The dormitories don’t have air conditioning, so the summers are painful. But it’s fine. I’m just resting right now. You don’t want me coming over, anyways. I’ll just cough and sneeze all over you and the bunnies.”

“It is inhumane for the university to refuse to renovate the dormitories to add basic amenities,” Lan Zhan says. He sounds kind of angry. “It is unacceptable to force students to live in such conditions when every summer will be hotter than the last.”

“Yeah.” Wei Ying hums in agreement. “You make some very good points. Maybe you could talk to the administration about it,” he suggests jokingly.

“I am no longer a student of the university,” Lan Zhan says. “It would not be appropriate.”

“Hm, that’s true,” Wei Ying mumbles. He swallows and winces at how it hurts because of how dry his throat is. “Well, I’ll leave you to it. I should probably drink some more water and get some more rest.”

It’s quiet, and Wei Ying checks to make sure Lan Zhan hasn’t hung up. But he can still hear Lan Zhan’s steady breathing. Maybe he forgot?

Just as Wei Ying’s about to press the button to hang up, Lan Zhan says, “I have a spare bedroom.”

Wei Ying isn’t sure why they’re talking about this. Yes, Lan Zhan’s apartment is very comfortable and very nice (even nicer because it has actual fucking air conditioning) and very modern and sleek and blah blah blah. It even has bunnies. It’s basically paradise. Wei Ying knows this. He can’t help but wonder why Lan Zhan would live alone in a two-bedroom apartment. He remembers how Lan Zhan would criticize mansion-owners for having an “unethical amount of property and living space for such a small group of people.” It seems a bit odd for Lan Zhan to live in an apartment too large for one person.

“That’s nice,” Wei Ying says blandly. “I’m sure it’s much nicer than the dorm rooms.”

“Mn. I know my apartment is not on-campus, but it is rather close.” Lan Zhan seems to hesitate for a moment. “The bedroom is yours, should you want it.”

Wei Ying sneezes again and tries his best to process. “W-What? You want me to just…just move in with you? That’s a bit too much, isn’t it?” And it’s weird, considering the whole exes-turned-fake-boyfriends thing…but then again, everything about their relationship is weird right now.

“It is not too much. I do not mind.”

“Lan Zhan, you don’t need to pity me so much. The dorm rooms are really fine,” Wei Ying insists.

“We have not even reached the hottest time of the summer yet,” Lan Zhan says.

“It’s fine,” Wei Ying replies. “Don’t worry about me.”

“You are sick because you were forced to sleep underneath a fan last night,” Lan Zhan says, but there’s something snappish about it. Wei Ying is silent. He’s pretty sure Lan Zhan is actually angry now.

He hears Lan Zhan let out a small sigh. “It would make me feel much better if you moved in,” Lan Zhan says in a quiet voice. “I think it would be more comfortable and safer for you. Heat exhaustion is not something to take lightly.”

Wei Ying doesn’t miss the pleading note in Lan Zhan’s voice. God, he’s so awful at turning Lan Zhan down.

“Okay,” Wei Ying finally says. “I’ll move in. Just until the temperatures go back to normal.”

“Mn,” Lan Zhan replies. “I will see you shortly then.”

“What?”

“I will come help you pack your things.”

“You mean…right now? Like, you want me to start packing right this instant?” Wei Ying gives a panicked glance around his room. It’s a disaster. He can’t let Lan Zhan see this.

“Mn. The sooner you are out of that awful dorm room, the better.”

“Uh.” Wei Ying isn’t sure how to respond to that. “Alright then.”

Lan Zhan hands up and Wei Ying has approximately ten minutes to clean as much of this mess up as possible. He goes with his normal go-to method: shoving everything he can into his closet so that the rest of the room looks relatively clean.

Lan Zhan texts him when he’s outside the dorm building, and Wei Ying goes down to get him. Lan Zhan’s expression doesn’t change when he sees the inside of Wei Ying’s room; Wei Ying takes that as an encouraging sign. They spend about thirty minutes shoving Wei Ying’s clothes into a duffel bag and gathering Wei Ying’s school things into a backpack. Wei Ying cleans out the fridge and his snack drawer and throws everything into another bag. Lan Zhan’s eyebrows raise slightly when he sees that Wei Ying’s fridge contains nothing but a couple cans of beer, but he doesn’t say anything. Wei Ying is grateful.

When they’re all set, they make the trek to Lan Zhan’s apartment. Wei Ying still hasn’t fully wrapped his head around the fact that he’s literally going to be living with his ex-slash-fake-boyfriend for the foreseeable future. What even is his life anymore?

It turns out that Lan Zhan’s spare bedroom is very, very nice. It’s larger than Wei Ying’s dorm room and even has its own bathroom. It looks like a hotel. Wei Ying touches the sheets on the bed and tries not to scream at how high the thread-count must be when his fingers glide smoothly across the surface. Lan Zhan shows him how to use the temperature controls for the room. Wei Ying feels like he must be stuck in a very nice, very strange dream (Even though he’s definitely daydreamed about living with Lan Zhan before, he never quite imagined it would be quite like this).

Lan Zhan makes a bowl of spicy congee for Wei Ying. Wei Ying, having only eaten a bowl of takeout congee and a couple handfuls of spicy sticks all day, gulps it all down alarmingly fast. Lan Zhan seems pleased. Wei Ying isn’t sure what to make of that.

Around 8PM, Lan Zhan starts preparing for bed, because his childhood routine of sleeping at 9 and waking up at 5 has stayed deeply ingrained into his circadian rhythm well into adulthood. Wei Ying plays with the bunnies some more before heading to bed himself, his brain still fuzzy from the cold and from processing the fact that this is actually happening.

He flops onto the bed and its ridiculously nice sheets and tries very hard not to think anymore. He shouldn’t overthink this. Lan Zhan is just super nice, and he doesn’t want his fake-boyfriend-slash-former-best-friend to get heat exhaustion. It makes sense. Lan Zhan is a softie at heart. It’s one of the many reasons Wei Ying liked him so fucking much.

Wei Ying slips under the sheets and curls into a ball. He feels tired, even though he slept so much during the day, and now he’s making himself Super Sad about Lan Zhan again. It’s really fine. Things are good. He’s finally talking to Lan Zhan again, and it’s like their undergrad days all over again, when they were inseparable best friends. They eat dinner together every day, and now they’ll be seeing even more of each other. Wei Ying will have a boyfriend to introduce to his friends and family at the end of the month, and then everyone will stop worrying about him and focus on how nice it is that his sister is getting married and how happy she looks (and Wei Ying will be happy too, because seeing his family members happy and glowing is probably the only thing he’s ever wished for…except maybe one other thing).

Things are good, so why does Wei Ying still feel so sad and lonely while thinking about it?

***

Wei Ying has yet to get used to living with Lan Zhan. Even when they had been dating, they didn’t see this much of each other every day (Not that Wei Ying spends a lot of his free time comparing this fake relationship to when they had actually been in a relationship…). Honestly, Wei Ying is having a lot of trouble adjusting, because, to put it frankly, Lan Zhan is a very distracting person.

He doesn’t explicitly do anything that’s particularly distracting in and of itself, but it’s just…his entire presence. His whole existence, really. Wei Ying is very, very distracted, and it’s all Lan Zhan’s fault.

How can he be expected to proofread research papers when he knows Lan Zhan is feeding his bunnies in the next room over? Impossible. Scientifically impossible (Wei Ying knows this because he did, in fact, earn a bachelor’s degree in science). It is completely unrealistic to expect Wei Ying to do anything remotely productive inside of Lan Zhan’s apartment. Why would he reply to emails when instead he could, for example, stare at Lan Zhan’s chiseled features as he cooks dinner? Or watch Lan Zhan type up furious Dazhong Dianping reviews of restaurants when their takeout order contains disposable silverware and napkins (something that happens ~50% of the time…even though Lan Zhan always requests for no silverware or napkins…)? Lan Zhan’s angry reviewer face is a goddamn gem, and Wei Ying is a weak, weak man when it comes to Lan Zhan…

The point is, Wei Ying is really fucking distracted by Lan Zhan and it’s kind of ruining everything…mainly, Wei Ying’s ability to focus and his brain to mouth filter. So it’s almost inevitable, when Wei Ying makes an ill-advised decision to reply to emails while sitting in Lan Zhan’s living room, that he instead spends his time staring at Lan Zhan, who also conveniently decided to work from the couch.

Lan Zhan’s face is really nice. Extremely distracting, but nice. Wei Ying deeply regrets deciding to live here, because even though the air-conditioning and the food are nice, sometimes it’s just…difficult to be around Lan Zhan like this. It is day three of living here, and Wei Ying has replied to approximately one email even though his inbox tells him he has 9999+ unread emails, some of which are probably very urgent…

Wei Ying’s been staring at a blinking cursor for over half an hour now. He really should reply to his advisor. He really, really should. But Lan Zhan is right there, and his brows are furrowed in concentration and his lips are slightly pursed and—

“Hey, we should kiss,” Wei Ying blurts out before his brain can tell him to have some self-control.

Lan Zhan looks up but doesn’t say anything.

Wei Ying continues, “I mean, like…we need to make this—” he gestures at the both of them, “—believable. So we should, uh…practice.”

“Practice,” Lan Zhan repeats. Wei Ying thinks he sees a trace of amusement in Lan Zhan’s eyes.

“Yeah, just some…practice…” Wei Ying trails off awkwardly. “But only if that’s okay with you…” Why did he say that? Why is he doing this? Why hasn’t Lan Zhan flat-out refused yet?

“Mn.” Lan Zhan closes his laptop and sets it on the coffee table. “Alright.”

Wei Ying hurries to close his (unused) laptop and sets it on the coffee table next to Lan Zhan’s. When he settles back onto the couch, Lan Zhan is staring at him expectantly.

Lan Zhan has nice eyes, Wei Ying thinks. So pretty…

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan says, “you may begin.”

Wei Ying snaps out of it and pouts, “Wow, you’re making it sound like an exam or something. Not fun.”

A small, insecure part of Wei Ying is yelling at him to grab his laptop and run to the guest bedroom, because did he really just beg his ex to kiss him? Wei Ying thinks that’s probably very close to being somewhere in between profoundly pathetic and extremely awkward. Lan Zhan is probably annoyed…he seems unenthusiastic…who the hell says “you may begin” before a kiss?

And then Wei Ying just feels a bit sad, so he forces a smile and says, “Never mind, then. Just forget I said anything. It was a joke…” He lets out a small, fake laugh. What the fuck is wrong with him?

Lan Zhan seems confused. “Wei Ying…was it really a joke?”

Wei Ying avoids Lan Zhan’s eyes. “Let’s not talk about this anymore.” He reaches for his laptop. “I don’t know why I said that…please just forget about it. It was an inappropriate suggestion.”

“Not inappropriate,” Lan Zhan replies. “Practicing is an important component of a performance.”

“A performance?” Wei Ying questions. “What performance?”

“Is a fake relationship not considered a type of performance?” Lan Zhan asks.

Wei Ying supposes Lan Zhan is right. “Huh. Never thought of it that way, but yeah. It kind of is a performance.”

“Practice,” Lan Zhan repeats. “We should practice, if you are okay with it.”

And wow, this is taking a weird turn, but not an unwelcome one, so Wei Ying just nods and then Lan Zhan is leaning in and Wei Ying’s mind goes completely blank.

Nine months. It’s been over nine months since they last did this. But it still feels so nice and familiar and Wei Ying…didn’t really realize just how much he missed this. Lan Zhan’s lips are soft, but firm, and Wei Ying feels like he’s floating and drowning all at once. It’s almost too seamless, the way they fall back into old patterns. Lan Zhan’s hands cupping his jaw, Wei Ying’s fingers clutching at the fabric of Lan Zhan’s shirt…

Lan Zhan pulls away, his breathing slightly labored as he says, “Was that sufficient?”

Wei Ying doesn’t think he’s capable of speaking anymore, so he just nods. He sees Lan Zhan start reaching for his laptop again and panics, jumping forward to push Lan Zhan’s arm down but fuck, he’s losing his balance and…

Wei Ying faceplants into the couch, half of his torso in Lan Zhan’s lap. He groans and pushes himself up with his hands, an embarrassed flush covering his cheeks. He extracts himself from Lan Zhan’s lap, sternly reminds himself not to be greedy with things that aren’t his anymore, and is about to go sit on the farthest end of the couch away from Lan Zhan when he hears Lan Zhan laugh, a soft, breathy chuckle.

It’s a rare sound, but definitely one of Wei Ying’s favorites. Wei Ying stares at Lan Zhan’s smile for several seconds before reminding himself that he literally just faceplanted into a couch in the most unsexy way possible.

“I’m glad you find my suffering amusing,” Wei Ying mutters.

But Lan Zhan isn’t listening, and his eyes are filled with…fondness? Wei Ying squints to see if he’s gotten very, very bad at reading Lan Zhan but then Lan Zhan in tugging Wei Ying into his lap again and they’re kissing and somehow it’s even better this time. Wei Ying wonders if he should faceplant into couches more often.

They keep kissing until the takeout arrives. Lan Zhan ordered Sichuanese food again. The restaurant gave them disposable silverware again. Lan Zhan writes another scathing review of the “blatant and reckless lack of consideration given to the state of our planet” the restaurant exhibits. They clean all the plastic takeout containers and place them in the blue recycling bins and leftover chilis and herbs into the green wet garbage bin (Lan Zhan takes his garbage classification very, very seriously). Lan Zhan kisses Wei Ying goodnight. Wei Ying goes to sleep in a daze, asking himself when exactly he’ll wake up from this strange but wonderful dream.

***

They keep on practicing in the two weeks leading up to the wedding. They’re so committed to practicing that they make sure to do it every day. They’re getting really, really good at practicing.

Some part of Wei Ying is aware that they really don’t need to be making out with each other every other day, but he’d rather swallow his own foot than point this out to Lan Zhan. These days, he gets a goodnight kiss every day from Lan Zhan, and Wei Ying is pretty sure he hasn’t felt this happy since nine months ago (He’s going to be so sad when this ends…).

They spend the week leading up to the wedding matching up their stories. Lan Zhan is concerned that it won’t be realistic; Wei Ying assures him that it’s very, very realistic. He pointedly does not tell Lan Zhan that all of his friends and family have had a front-row seat to Wei Ying’s heartbreak and devastation…But it’s fine. He’s fine with everyone thinking that he got drunk and in a fit of desperation begged for Lan Zhan to take him back, because that exact event nearly happened at approximately 5 different points in time during the past nine months (Wei Ying is a little proud of how well he kept his vow to never bother Lan Zhan ever again…although he supposes begging Lan Zhan to be his fake boyfriend broke that vow…but it’ll be over soon and he’ll calmly exit Lan Zhan’s life again).

Lan Zhan tries to bargain with him, asking if they can change the story to something more like “We mutually agreed that we missed each other and decided to give it another try.” Wei Ying laughs in his face. Everyone knows that Wei Ying liked Lan Zhan more than Lan Zhan liked him. It was so obvious. Lan Zhan dumped him. Wei Ying gently points the last statement out to Lan Zhan while still laughing.

But Lan Zhan isn’t smiling. He doesn’t look amused at all. “That is irrelevant,” he says.

“It’s very relevant,” Wei Ying fires back, “because it won’t make sense if the person who ends the relationship is the one who also reinitiates it.”

“People regret things,” Lan Zhan says in a quiet voice.

Wei Ying stares quizzically at Lan Zhan. “What are you trying to say?”

It’s silent for a moment. Then, Lan Zhan huffs out, “Forget it. We will go with your story.”

Wei Ying swallows the question he desperately wants to ask (What exactly do you regret, our entire relationship or the breakup?) because 1) he doesn’t think he’s ready to hear the answer and 2) they need to work out a few more details. They start planning their arrival (they agree to hold hands upon arrival for extra believability). They plan their conversations with Wei Ying’s family and other guests (Wei Ying will try to bring up Lan Zhan’s job at every given opportunity so he can impress people and get them to stop asking him questions about how grad school is going).

By the end of it, Wei Ying feels assured that they will put on a good performance, one that will definitely get his friends and siblings off his back. He’s surprised by how committed Lan Zhan is to this. Although, Wei Ying shouldn’t be shocked by the depth of Lan Zhan’s dedication given how Lan Zhan takes his job so seriously and how Lan Zhan takes such thorough care of his bunnies…Wei Ying supposes that he just didn’t think he’d ever be on the receiving end of that dedication.

The day before the wedding, they pack clothes and toiletries to last for a couple of days and head to the train station. Wei Ying texts his sister to let her know they’re on the way. He’s surprised when she replies almost immediately (Shouldn’t Jiang Yanli be swamped with final wedding preparations or something?) to let him know how excited she is to meet Wei Ying’s new significant other. Wei Ying feels himself start to get nervous, thinking about his sister and his brother and his friends and how they’ll react when they realize his “new significant other” isn’t really “new” at all.

Lan Zhan must notice that Wei Ying is getting nervous because he places one of his hands on top of Wei Ying’s. “Our train is departing soon,” he says, but there’s a question in his eyes.

Wei Ying forces a smile. “Not looking forward to sitting in a tiny seat for five hours,” he says. “Haven’t visited home since Lunar New Year.”

Vaguely, Wei Ying realizes that Lan Zhan has never been to Wuhan. So he starts rambling about it, telling Lan Zhan about good places to visit, things to see, stories about his childhood.

“Wuhan was supposed to be the New York City of China,” Wei Ying finds himself saying, “but in my opinion, it’s even better. American cities are overrated.” Wei Ying has never actually traveled outside of China, but Lan Zhan has and Lan Zhan nods in agreement, so Wei Ying assumes that he’s right.

“American cities have terrible public transportation,” Lan Zhan replies, “and no garbage classification. Not environmentally conscious at all.”

Wei Ying laughs and feels suddenly overcome by gratitude for Lan Zhan’s company. He didn’t realize how much he missed just being able to talk to Lan Zhan. He misses being best friends almost as much as he misses being able to call Lan Zhan his.

By the time they board the train, Wei Ying’s nerves are considerably calmed. Lan Zhan reaches for his hand after they settle into their seats. Wei Ying squeezes Lan Zhan’s hand. Lan Zhan gives him a small smile.

***

Wei Ying falls asleep about half an hour into the ride, then wakes up again an hour before they’re supposed to arrive. As they get closer and closer and the landscape changes from rural farmlands to industrial neighborhoods, Wei Ying feels his nervousness come back in full force. He tears his eyes away from the window and looks at Lan Zhan.

Lan Zhan is reading something on his phone. Wei Ying squints and realizes it’s another report about the state of global pollution levels. He reaches for his own phone and tries to find something to distract himself. He plays a mobile game for ten minutes before sighing and locking his phone again.

He tries staring out the window again. It doesn’t help. So he turns back to Lan Zhan.

“Lan Zhan,” he calls.

Lan Zhan’s eyes immediately lift from his phone.

“It’s so boring,” Wei Ying whines. “Can you tell me a story?”

Lan Zhan hesitates. “What kind of story?”

“Anything.” Wei Ying waves one of his hands around. “Just something interesting.”

“Um.” Lan Zhan considers for a moment. “A long time ago, there was a river. The river had a long life and lots of fish and plants called the river home. Then one day, humans arrived and began to dispose of their waste and trash in the river. They chopped down all the trees on the river banks and the soil began to erode. One night, it rained, and all the pesticides the humans used for agricultural purposes washed into the river. The river became sickly, all the fish died, and the entire ecosystem was ruined. The end.”

Wei Ying is rendered speechless for several moments. “Lan Zhan,” he says once he’s able to gather his thoughts again, “what kind of story was that?”

“A common one,” Lan Zhan answers.

Wei Ying isn’t quite sure how to respond, so instead he changes the topic. “Well, I really can’t believe my sister is about to be married. Married, Lan Zhan. Isn’t that crazy?”

“Mn.” Lan Zhan puts his phone away and folds his hands neatly on top of his lap. “It is a happy occasion.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for jie-jie,” Wei Ying babbles, “but I still don’t understand what she sees in Jin Zixuan, that weird peacock of a man.”

“Love is strange,” Lan Zhan says.

“It is,” Wei Ying agrees. Then he laughs. “You know, it’s really funny. The whole reason I asked you to come with me is because everyone was all worried about me. But being single doesn’t mean I’m unhappy, you know?” A half-truth.

“Mn,” Lan Zhan agrees.

“Love is overrated,” Wei Ying says while staring at Lan Zhan to gauge his reaction.

Lan Zhan hesitates, then nods. Wei Ying feels strangely disappointed.

“I just hope everything blows over after this,” Wei Ying mutters, mostly talking to himself. He’s not even sure if Lan Zhan is listening anymore. “I can’t believe everyone thinks I’m all sad and lonely just because I’m not in a relationship right now.”

“Mn, I understand how you feel,” Lan Zhan replies.

Wei Ying blinks at him, waiting for Lan Zhan to elaborate. But Lan Zhan remains silent. Wei Ying sighs and goes back to looking out the window. They’re getting close to the city now.

Ten more minutes pass before the train arrives in Wuhan. Wei Ying and Lan Zhan stand close together in line at the taxi stand. Another ten minutes pass while they wait. Wei Ying spends the time staring at Lan Zhan’s face. He feels tired and achy from the long journey. Once they get inside a taxi, Wei Ying rattles off the address of their hotel and then rests his head on Lan Zhan’s shoulder. Lan Zhan doesn’t pull away, so Wei Ying lets his eyes fall closed and dozes off.

***

The day Wei Ying asked out Lan Zhan was a Friday. They’d finally graduated a few months ago, and Wei Ying was settling into the routine of graduate school while Lan Zhan was settling into his new fancy job. Jiang Cheng and Nie Huaisang had just moved to Shanghai together, where Jiang Yanli and Jin Zixuan had already been living together for a couple years.

But Lan Zhan and Wei Ying had stayed in Beijing, which was nice, because Wei Ying probably would have been very lonely without him, even though Wen Qing and Mianmian were still around. And Lan Zhan seemed glad to have Wei Ying around, too.

Lan Zhan had moved into an apartment on the other side of the city, into Beijing’s Chaoyang district, to be closer to his firm’s office. This meant that every time they wanted to see each other, one of them would have to brave the hour-long subway commute from Chaoyang to Haidian. Lan Zhan seemed annoyed by this and mentioned wanting to move back to Haidian to Wei Ying more than once, which Wei Ying laughed at, because why would Lan Zhan chose to leave the sleek and comfortable Chaoyang environment to go back to the bustling and restless Haidian environment?

Besides, Lan Zhan’s apartment was very, very nice, and Wei Ying was imagining sinking into the plush cushions of Lan Zhan’s very new and very nice couch as he stood on the subway to Chaoyang. Lan Zhan offered to cook dinner for them again, and who was Wei Ying to refuse such a nice offer? Thinking about Lan Zhan and sharing a meal with him made braving the crowded subways and the pain of having to transfer lines a grand total of three times worth it.

Thinking about Lan Zhan…Wei Ying was doing a lot of that lately. Not that he didn’t already do it a lot before, but nowadays, when they weren’t living so physically close to each other anymore, when they had to make the extra effort to see each other on a weekly basis, Wei Ying found his thoughts drifting to Lan Zhan a lot. Sometimes it made him feel this weird warm, achy sensation in his chest. He didn’t understand why. Thinking about your best friend shouldn’t leave you feeling breathless and aching, right?

Wei Ying wondered if Lan Zhan ever felt the same strange feelings about him. If Wei Ying explained to Lan Zhan that sometimes he’d stop in the middle of eating to think about what Lan Zhan would say (probably something about not speaking while eating) or that sometimes the memory of Lan Zhan’s small, fond smile was enough to get Wei Ying through a particularly tough day, would Lan Zhan understand? Or would he just think that Wei Ying was being crazy and weird again?

Wei Ying nearly missed his stop, so consumed in his thoughts. He tried his best to shake it off and to stop thinking so much. As he ascended the steps out of the station and to the road leading to Lan Zhan’s apartment, Wei Ying started planning in his head what stories about the past week he would share with Lan Zhan, started imagining how Lan Zhan would respond, and started thinking about what kinds of things Lan Zhan would tell him in return. Lan Zhan was more of a listener than a talker, but Wei Ying had found that with some prodding, he could get Lan Zhan to speak at length about topics he cared about (like the state of the environment and unethical business practices).

Wei Ying liked listening to Lan Zhan speak, not just because everything Lan Zhan said made sense and made Wei Ying think more critically, but because there was something soothing about Lan Zhan’s voice. Everything about Lan Zhan was nice, but his voice…Wei Ying didn’t think he’d ever get tired of listening to it.

Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan. Even just the sound of his name was nice. Wei Ying mouthed the syllables to himself a few times as he walked the final steps to Lan Zhan’s apartment complex’s main gate. Why did the weight of Lan Zhan’s name on his lips feel so good?

Lan Zhan opened the gate about five minutes after Wei Ying texted him. He seemed to be in a good mood, his gold eyes glittering a little. Wei Ying wondered what exactly had happened to make Lan Zhan look so happy. Did the bunnies do something funny before he arrived? Did Lan Zhan get assigned to that project he was so keen on two weeks ago? Wei Ying wanted to know, because there wasn’t anything more lovely than a happy Lan Zhan, and Wei Ying was trying his best to figure out how to get Lan Zhan to look like that all the time (like the good friend he was…).

Lan Zhan made two spicy dishes and two mild dishes. Wei Ying’s face broke into an uncontrollable grin when he saw that Lan Zhan had pulled out a jar of chili oil for Wei Ying to pour over his white rice. He supposed that he shouldn’t be surprised anymore—Lan Zhan had an excellent memory when it came to these sorts of things—but still, something warm and wonderful settled inside of Wei Ying’s chest whenever Lan Zhan remembered.

The food was excellent. Wei Ying told his pre-planned stories. Lan Zhan responded in a fashion very similar to what Wei Ying had imagined. And then Lan Zhan started talking about his new project at work (Wei Ying knew he must’ve gotten it, why else would Lan Zhan have seemed so happy when he answered the door earlier?).

Wei Ying tried his best to listen closely and to say hm and oh and wow, so cool at the appropriate intervals, but at some point, Wei Ying’s brain checked out and all he could see was Lan Zhan, his eyes lit with passion and his lips moving. Wei Ying wasn’t absorbing a single word he was saying. All he could see were gold eyes and pink lips.

Wei Ying always knew Lan Zhan was pretty, in a passive and pragmatic manner, the way one would treat all things of common knowledge. Grass is green. The sun rises in the east. Lan Zhan is pretty. Just another fact of life.

But something felt different that evening. Lan Zhan being pretty had never made Wei Ying feel like he was on the verge of either crying or begging or both until now. Wei Ying could feel that sensation again, that weird but pleasant ache in his bones, asking him to do something, anything really, to make Lan Zhan look at him.

“Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying finally said.

Lan Zhan, who appeared to be in the middle of saying something, immediately snapped his mouth shut to look at Wei Ying. He’d been looking at Wei Ying the whole time while speaking, but not like this. No, Lan Zhan’s eyes were wide and open and vulnerable, as if he was seeing Wei Ying for the first time again. Lan Zhan was looking. And Wei Ying couldn’t help but wish that Lan Zhan would never look away again.

“Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying said again, a sense of urgency starting to crawl its way into his voice. “Lan Zhan.” He stared back at Lan Zhan, wordlessly begging Lan Zhan to understand, and when that didn’t seem to work, Wei Ying reached for Lan Zhan’s hand and placed it over his heart.

“Lan Zhan, do you understand?” Wei Ying said, his heart racing underneath Lan Zhan’s fingertips. He was vaguely aware of how Lan Zhan’s hand was trembling. And suddenly, everything started to make sense to Wei Ying.

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan said, “I…I am not sure—”

“Lan Zhan, can we pretend that we’re on a date?” Wei Ying asked. “Can we call these weekly dinners dates from now on? Are you…Are you okay with that? Would you want that?”

“Want…” Even Lan Zhan’s lips were trembling now. “Wei Ying, what are you asking?”

“Lan Zhan, let’s date,” Wei Ying said. “It doesn’t have to be all that different from how we are now, except…” Can I call you mine? “…you know, the stuff that people who date do.”

Lan Zhan’s eyes narrowed, as if he was trying to gauge whether Wei Ying was being serious or not. Wei Ying didn’t think he’d ever felt so serious about something in his life. He hoped that it showed.

“Alright,” Lan Zhan finally said, his expression a little guarded but pleased. “Let’s date.”

And then Wei Ying had smiled, a searing sort of happiness rushing through his body, because finally, it seemed like everything was starting to make sense.

***

Wei Ying wakes up when the taxi parks in front of the hotel entrance. He blinks several times, feeling disoriented, until he glances up and sees Lan Zhan’s face staring back down at him.

“Wei Ying, we are here,” Lan Zhan says. He’s so close that Wei Ying can feel the warmth of Lan Zhan’s breaths on his face.

Wei Ying stretches a little and tries his best to wipe the sleep out of his eyes. He hopes he doesn’t look as messy and sloppy and tired as he feels. He pulls himself up and out of the car, helps pull their luggage out of the trunk, and haggles with Lan Zhan over the taxi bill (he loses because Lan Zhan already has his phone out and is transferring the money over before Wei Ying can stop him). Then he takes a deep breath before entering the hotel.

They’ve been waiting. Of course they’ve been waiting. Wei Ying has been so cryptic about it that their curiosity was probably killing them.

“A-Ying!” He hears his sister’s voice call, followed by quick footsteps. He gets about two seconds to brace himself before Jiang Yanli throws herself into his arms. “How was the train ride? Have you been sleeping and eating well?”

“It was fine,” Wei Ying says, wrapping his sister in his arms. He’s missed her so much. “How are you feeling? Nervous about tomorrow?”

She giggles. “A little, but mostly excited.”

Wei Ying hums. “Good, because it’s going to be perfect. Nothing less for my jie-jie.”

Jiang Yanli pulls away and smiles. Her eyes look a little watery for a moment, then she blinks and her gaze turns a little mischievous. “So, where’s the lucky person?”

As if on cue, Lan Zhan clears his throat from behind Wei Ying. “Hello,” he says pleasantly, “I would like to offer my sincere congratulations to you and Jin Zixuan.”

Jiang Yanli’s eyes widen. “Oh,” she says. She looks at Lan Zhan, and then at Wei Ying, and then at Lan Zhan again. “Oh,” she repeats, this time with feeling. Her eyes are filled with confusion and something akin to amusement.

Wei Ying’s about to ask what’s wrong when Jiang Yanli lets out another giggle before saying, “Thank you. I’m so glad you could join us.”

Lan Zhan nods. “It is an honor.”

“So…you’ve been taking good care of our A-Ying lately, haven’t you?” Her voice is both kind and threatening.

Lan Zhan looks to Wei Ying for help. Wei Ying laughs nervously. “Of course, jie. Lan Zhan is so good to me. You remember, don’t you?”

She smiles. “Of course I remember.” Her smile turns sharp. “Actually, I also remember—”

“The past is the past,” Wei Ying cuts in quickly. “Everything is good now. We, uh…” God, Wei Ying hates lying to his sister like this. “We’re good now. Better than good.” He laughs again. It sounds strained. “We’re doing great.”

“A-Jie!” a voice shouts, and Wei Ying has approximately three seconds to prepare himself for this painful conversation. “Oh,” Jiang Cheng says when he sees Wei Ying. “It’s you.”

“It’s me,” Wei Ying confirms.

“Mom is looking for you,” Jiang Cheng tells Yanli. “Something about adding more ‘double joy’ characters to the decorations tomorrow.”

“Oh, we really can’t keep plastering more stuff to the walls. The hotel employees will hate us,” Jiang Yanli says in a worried voice. “I better go stop her before she starts worrying about the fortune of our wedding date again.” She scurries off before either Jiang Cheng or Wei Ying can get another word in.

Jiang Cheng looks Wei Ying up and down. “You look like a mess. Rough train ride?”

“Wow, thanks,” Wei Ying mutters. “My trip was fine, thanks for asking.”

And then Jiang Cheng realizes that Lan Zhan is there. Lan Zhan is silent as Jiang Cheng’s face starts to turn a purplish shade.

Jiang Cheng’s fists are clenched at his sides. “What exactly is he doing here?” he grits out. Wei Ying starts fumbling a response but Jiang Cheng ignores him, staring right at Lan Zhan. “What is wrong with you? Why are you here? What the actual fuck is this?”

“Jiang Cheng,” Wei Ying says in what he hopes is a placating voice. He lets out another nervous laugh (he seems to be doing a lot of that tonight). “Lan Zhan is my plus one.”

“I see that,” Jiang Cheng replies, “but I don’t understand why.”

“Oh, you know…” Wei Ying waves his hands around vaguely. “Things change.”

There’s a bulging vein on Jiang Cheng’s forehead that looks dangerously close to bursting. “Things change,” Jiang Cheng repeats in a disbelieving voice. “You’re…What the actual fuck?” Wei Ying briefly wonders if he can preserve some semblance of his dignity if he hides behind Lan Zhan. “When I told you to find a plus one, I didn’t mean for you to go back to the guy you’ve been moping over for the past fucking nine months? What the fuck?” Jiang Cheng points at Lan Zhan while still staring at Wei Ying. “Is this some kind of joke?”

And while there’s definitely something very ironic about Wei Ying asking his ex to be his fake boyfriend, it doesn’t feel particularly funny at this moment. Wei Ying is too scared to even look at Lan Zhan right now. He hopes Lan Zhan isn’t taking Jiang Cheng’s words too seriously, even if everything Jiang Cheng has said is the brutal truth.

Wei Ying takes a deep breath and tries to go for a cute, whiny voice. “Jiang Cheng, why can’t you just be happy for me?” And then he adds, quietly, “And please don’t exaggerate. The past nine months have been perfectly fine.” He gives Jiang Cheng a meaningful look, wordlessly begging Jiang Cheng to just drop it.

Jiang Cheng forcibly relaxes, inhaling so deeply that his nostrils flare with it. “Fine. But I’m watching you,” he says to Lan Zhan. “You’re on thin fucking ice.” It looks like he wants to say more, but then Wei Ying spots Nie Huaisang emerging out of an elevator.

“Huaisang!” he yells, waving energetically. “Please come collect your boyfriend!”

Jiang Cheng scoffs. “He’s not my keeper,” he mutters darkly, but nonetheless instantly brightens up when Huaisang links their arms together.

“Whatever you say,” Wei Ying says in a knowing voice.

“Wei-xiong,” Huaisang says, “it’s good to see you.” He nods towards Lan Zhan. “And you as well. It’s been a while.”

And god, Wei Ying is so thankful that Huaisang isn’t immediately trying to strangle Lan Zhan. He doesn’t really understand what’s gotten into his siblings. Shouldn’t they be happy for him? Wei Ying is starting to feel a little weird about this. Did he make a mistake? The goal was for everyone to realize that he’s not the sad, lonely piece of shit they think he is…but maybe it would be better if he stayed sad and lonely instead of clinging to his ex that clearly doesn’t want him like this.

Then, Huaisang’s smile turns a little mischievous. “So, back together, huh?” He wiggles his eyebrows. “I guess I should have seen this one coming.”

Jiang Cheng lets out an outraged gasp while Wei Ying kind of shrinks in place. Lan Zhan is still being quiet, so Wei Ying tells himself to stop wallowing and say something.

“Oh yeah, you know me…always so shameless…” He nudges Lan Zhan slightly. “I showed up drunk a few weeks ago and begged him to take me back. Miraculously, he said yes!”

“Of course,” Jiang Cheng mutters. “You always make the worst decisions while drunk.”

Wei Ying just smiles. “But it worked, so…”

Huaisang’s brows are furrowed. Wei Ying nearly asks him if something is wrong, until he realizes that oh, maybe Lan Zhan should speak to confirm Wei Ying’s story. Wei Ying nudges Lan Zhan again.

Lan Zhan clears his throat. “I feel very fortunate that Wei Ying decided to reach out. We are very happy.”

Jiang Cheng looks like he might hurl. Huaisang looks even more confused. Wei Ying’s about to grab his luggage and Lan Zhan’s hand to make a run for the elevators, but then Lan Zhan is suddenly leaning in and pressing a tender kiss against his temple and oh, that’s kind of nice. Wei Ying’s eyes flutter closed for half a second.

Jiang Cheng looks even more nauseated, but Huaisang seems more or less convinced now. Wei Ying mumbles something about being tired and needing some beauty rest before tomorrow’s events and practically drags Lan Zhan away so they can check in and settle down in their hotel room. The hotel room has only one bed, both for financial reasons and for believability purposes. Wei Ying didn’t particularly think too much about it until this very moment, when he realizes that he will, in fact, be sharing a bed with Lan Zhan for a length of time. Somehow that’s extremely terrifying.

He thinks about how Lan Zhan kissed him on the temple earlier and briefly wonders if he can sucker a goodnight kiss out of Lan Zhan, but Wei Ying finds that he doesn’t have to, because it’s nearing ten and Lan Zhan is so sleepy that once he’s changed into his pajamas, he drowsily murmurs “See you tomorrow, Wei Ying” before pressing a light kiss to Wei Ying’s nose and then promptly passing out. Wei Ying stares at Lan Zhan’s sleeping form in shock for several moments.

Wei Ying forces himself to lie down and tries very hard to ignore how much his heart kind of hurts every time he replays Lan Zhan’s “See you tomorrow, Wei Ying” in his head. He wonders when it’ll start to hurt less when Lan Zhan does these sorts of things, when his emotions will fade until he can barely remember them, when he’ll finally get over it. But this vague warm ache in his chest is kind of nice, even if it makes it hard to breathe sometimes.

Wei Ying eventually feels himself grow tired, the hours of traveling finally catching up to him.

“See you tomorrow, Lan Zhan,” he says quietly, and then closes his eyes to dream of a world where he could have this every day.

***

The morning of the wedding, Wei Ying spends approximately twenty minutes freaking out and ten minutes actually getting ready. Lan Zhan actually uses the whole thirty minutes to get ready and answer several emails, because he’s an actually functional human being who isn’t about to lie to all his friends about his relationship status. Wei Ying thinks about how last night went and hopes the rest of his friends react more like Huaisang and less like Jiang Cheng.

When they arrive back in the hotel lobby, Wei Ying tries not to feel overwhelmed by just how many people there are. He sees Jin Guangshan talking to Yu Ziyuan in a corner and Jin Guangyao talking to Nie Huaisang in another. But there are a lot of other people, probably Jin Zixuan’s relatives and friends, that Wei Ying doesn’t know.

“Wei Ying!” a voice shouts.

Wei Ying startles and glances over to see Wen Qing and Luo Qingyang approaching, Wen Ning trailing a few steps behind them.

“Who’d you bring with you?” Wen Qing asks sharply before Wei Ying can even greet her properly.

“Oh, um…” Wei Ying just gives a small, nervous smile. He hears Lan Zhan clear his throat. Then he sees Wen Qing’s eyes squint in confusion before her expression clears in understanding.

“Well,” Wen Qing says coolly, “this is certainly a surprise.”

Wei Ying just keeps smiling.

“Wow!” Wen Ning suddenly exclaims, his face filled with innocent joy. “This is so wonderful! Many congratulations to the both of you!”

“Thank you,” Lan Zhan says. Wei Ying lets out a nervous laugh.

“Is this a joke?” Qingyang asks, her eyes narrowed in suspicion. “This can’t be real.”

“Ah, it’s very real actually,” Wei Ying lies. “I managed to wear Lan Zhan down, I think.”

“I was not unwilling,” Lan Zhan says, and Wei Ying has to resist the urge to visibly cringe at that.

Qingyang just glares at Lan Zhan and says nothing. Wei Ying can see that her jaw is clenched. This is not a good sign.

“So…” Wen Qing cuts in casually, “I suppose you didn’t get over him after all.”

Wei Ying forces a laugh, but it’s a little too loud and pained-sounding. Whatever. This is fine. Perfectly fine. “I guess I didn’t,” he says, still keeping a nervous smile plastered to his face.

It’s silent for a few seconds, then Qingyang suddenly points at the two of them and mutters darkly, “Don’t fuck this up again.” Then she storms off. Wen Qing quirks her eyebrows at them before following her girlfriend. Wen Ning has a perplexed look on his face, but he quickly says goodbye to Lan Zhan and Wei Ying before jogging to catch up with his sister.

“That was…a little weird,” Wei Ying finally says after the three of them are gone. “Sorry about that.”

“It is fine,” Lan Zhan answers, although there’s a small crease between his brows that says otherwise.

“I have no idea why they were acting like that,” Wei Ying lies. “Please just…ignore them.” Frankly, Wei Ying is still a little in shock, because he really didn’t expect Qingyang to act so…protective? He doesn’t even know anymore. At least Wen Ning is happy for them, and the sparkle in Wen Qing’s eyes tells Wei Ying that this might actually be the funniest thing she’s seen all year, so he’s glad that his suffering is amusing to at least one person.

“Mn,” Lan Zhan hums.

Wei Ying opens his mouth to say something, but then the doors to the ballroom are opening and everyone is being ushered inside and led to their seats. He and Lan Zhan end up somewhere in the middle, surrounded by what seem to be a whole bunch of Jin Zixuan’s distant relatives, who are backhandedly complimenting the “quaint” appearance of the hotel. Wei Ying resists the urge to tell them that this is the nicest hotel in all of Wuhan, because then they’ll probably go on separate classist rant about the difference in living standards between smaller and bigger Chinese cities. He breathes in deeply through his nose and reminds himself that he’s here to see his sister get married. Married. (This is a big deal, even if she is getting married to Jin Zixuan…)

Then finally the ceremony starts and Jin Zixuan’s relatives shut up. Wei Ying glances at Lan Zhan. For some reason, Lan Zhan is already looking at him, his piercing gold eyes filled with an emotion Wei Ying can’t place. Was Lan Zhan’s gaze always so soft? Wei Ying feels himself blush furiously and faces forward again.

***

All things considered, the ceremony is rather short. There’s a lot of crying (Wei Ying is frankly shocked that even Yu Ziyuan’s eyes looked rather glassy during the ceremony, although he’s not surprised that Jin Zixuan was basically sobbing for most of it; anyone who has the honor of marrying Jiang Yanli should be sobbing in gratitude) and then his sister is married and now they’re all celebrating with a giant banquet.

They end up sitting at a table with all of Wei Ying’s friends. Qingyang looks much less angry, although she keeps making passive-aggressive comments towards Lan Zhan. Sometime between the first course and the third course, Wei Ying remembers to hand over his and Lan Zhan’s wedding gift (a red envelope full of money, of course; Wei Ying has been an adult for long enough to know that there’s no greater gift than money).

Jin Zixuan and Jiang Yanli go around offering shots of baijiu to everyone (Wei Ying is pretty sure Jin Zixuan is just drinking water at this point, even Wei Ying can’t take that many shots of baijiu and still remain standing). When they get to where Wei Ying and Lan Zhan are seated, Wei Ying takes two shots, one for him and one on Lan Zhan’s behalf. The baijiu burns, but not in an unwelcome way. Lan Zhan shoots him a grateful look once he sits down.

“I did not think you would remember,” Lan Zhan says quietly.

“Of course I remembered,” Wei Ying answers, perhaps not as casually as he’d intended. “I remember everything about you.” He hears Wen Qing laugh for a second, but she quickly covers it by coughing. Wei Ying can feel his face growing hot.

But all Lan Zhan says is “Oh” before he returns to eating whatever vegetarian dishes the hotel prepared.

Wei Ying feels kind of bad, because there’s just so much food. And a lot of food contains vegetables, but there are only a handful of dishes that are completely meat-free. Wei Ying’s still in the middle of eating a whole steamed fish, not because he particularly likes fish, but because Jiang Cheng said that he wouldn’t be able to finish it on his own, and Wei Ying will never turn down an opportunity to prove his little brother wrong, even at their sister’s wedding.

He finishes the fish, appropriately rubs it in Jiang Cheng’s face, ignores Jiang Cheng when he tries to bait Wei Ying into eating another whole fish, and settles down with a glass of red wine. The baijiu is nowhere in sight, which is probably a good thing, all things considered. Baijiu is never meant to be consumed in large quantities. Wei Ying vaguely notes that he should probably do his best not to get shitfaced at his sister’s wedding, but then he looks around and sees that most of the Jin family is so far gone that one more drunk person won’t make a huge difference.

Lan Zhan grabs his wrist after he chugs the first half of his glass. “Wei Ying,” he says, his voice equal parts scolding and concerned.

Wei Ying puts his glass down and doesn’t touch it for the next half hour, because nothing is more effective than a light scolding from Lan Zhan. He checks his phone and realizes that they’re going to be here for at least another four hours. He looks up and realizes his sister is still only on her second dress of the night, the one she changed into for the baijiu toasting earlier. It’ll probably be another hour or so before she changes into her last dress, something lighter and easier to dance in, and Wei Ying sincerely hopes that the wedding playlist doesn’t suck, because otherwise tonight might be unbearable.

“So,” Wen Qing says, “how exactly did—” she gestures vaguely at Lan Zhan and Wei Ying, “—this happen?”

Jiang Cheng makes a scoffing noise. Wei Ying ignores him.

“It’s a funny story,” Wei Ying answers.

“Minus the funny part,” Jiang Cheng grumbles.

Wei Ying just forces a smile and continues. “As with most of my greatest life experiences, it happened when I was drunk.”

Wen Qing groans. “God, you really need to stop drinking.”

“So I got a little intoxicated a couple weeks ago and next thing I know, I’m outside Lan Zhan’s apartment complex gate,” Wei Ying says. “And I’ve sent him a million WeChat messages telling him to let me in.”

“Alcohol severely impairs your judgement,” Wen Qing says sternly. “I don’t know how many times I’ve told you this.”

“It’s fine, it’s fine,” Wei Ying says easily. “Anyway, eventually Lan Zhan must get sick of hearing his phone buzz every couple of seconds, so he comes to the gate and lets me in and basically carries me to his apartment.”

“Very romantic,” Qingyang notes dryly.

“And I’m rambling the whole time, not exactly crying but maybe something close to it.” Wei Ying sees Lan Zhan stiffen up out of the corner of his eye and reminds himself to not embellish too much. “So I beg him to take me back and blah blah blah, you know the rest. I’m just as surprised as the rest of you!”

“I am so happy for you two!” Wen Ning says, so earnestly that Wei Ying feels a sharp stab of guilt in his chest for lying.

“I’m happy too,” Wei Ying says with a small smile, and this sentence doesn’t feel like that much of a lie.

“I can’t believe you,” Jiang Cheng says darkly.

“I can!” Huaisang chimes in. “That sounds exactly like you, Wei-xiong. You can be a very messy drunk sometimes.”

Wei Ying isn’t sure whether to feel touched or offended at how easily Huaisang accepts his story. Qingyang has a strange look on her face, but before she can say anything, Huaisang launches into a story about his coworkers in Shanghai, and Wei Ying is glad for the distraction.

Most people are done eating, or close to it, and everyone at the table except Wei Ying and Lan Zhan get up to go mingle. Lan Zhan is still finishing a cup of tea so Wei Ying just sits there and nervously eyes the crowds of people milling around and making small talk.

Wei Ying desperately hopes he will be ignored, but of course, he isn’t quite that lucky, and soon enough, Yu Ziyuan and Jiang Fengmian are approaching them and eyeing Lan Zhan in a way that makes Wei Ying feel…oddly nervous.

“Wei Ying,” Jiang Fengmian greets pleasantly.

“Jiang-shushu,” Wei Ying replies, keenly aware that he hasn’t had a proper conversation with either Jiang Fengmian or Yu Ziyuan since Lunar New Year and that their last conversation was about whether or not it was too late for Wei Ying to specialize in a different field (Yu Ziyuan inquiring, Jiang Fengmian mediating, as always). It hadn’t ended well. Nonetheless, he bows his head politely at Yu Ziyuan. “Yu-furen.”

“Have you been well?” Jiang Fengmian asks.

Wei Ying gives a small nod before Yu Ziyuan asks, “And who is this?”

Lan Zhan, who had stood up with Wei Ying when Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan approached them, clears his throat lightly. “Hello,” he says.

“This is Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying cuts in quickly, “my…boyfriend.” Despite his best efforts, Wei Ying’s voice cracks slightly on the last word.

“Oh,” Yu Ziyuan says, her eyes narrowed with suspicion. “I see.”

This is the test, Wei Ying can feel it. “Lan Zhan is an environmental consultant,” he says. “He works at a firm in Beijing. It’s really cool.”

“Environmental consultant?” Jiang Fengmian questions. “I can’t say I’ve heard of that job title before.”

“I assist businesses with finding ways to adopt more environmentally friendly practices while cutting down on operation costs,” Lan Zhan answers, his voice perfectly crisp. Wei Ying resists the urge to gloat when he sees Yu Ziyuan’s eyes sparkle with something that looks like approval.

“Very noble of you,” Jiang Fengmian says.

“Yes,” Yu Ziyuan cuts in. “That’s quite impressive. Where are you from originally?”

“Suzhou,” Lan Zhan answers. “I moved to Beijing for college, like Wei Ying.”

“Lan Zhan and I met during undergrad,” Wei Ying adds.

“I see,” Yu Ziyuan says. “How are you two enjoying the banquet?”

“It is lovely,” Lan Zhan replies. “I imagine preparations took an enormous toll on both families, but I can assure you that the effort has paid off.”

Wei Ying presses his lips together to avoid smiling too widely. Lan Zhan is so good at this. Yu Ziyuan isn’t the type to fawn over people she’s just met but this is probably the closest Wei Ying’s ever seen her to being something akin to charmed.

“Thank you,” Yu Ziyuan says after a moment. “That is very kind of you to say.”

“It is not an exaggeration,” Lan Zhan responds.

“We’ll leave you two to it,” Jiang Fengmian says cordially. “Enjoy the banquet.”

And then they’re gone, and Wei Ying is laughing with glee while leaning against Lan Zhan’s side. “Did you see their faces?” he says. “I think Yu-furen likes you more than me already!”

“Do not exaggerate,” Lan Zhan says, but there’s a ghost of a smile on his face.

Another half hour passes before all the food is taken away. Wei Ying is content with just standing by a wall, nursing a fresh glass of wine and chatting with Lan Zhan, while most guests dance and some line up for drunken karaoke. They’re several hours into the banquet now, and Wei Ying thinks that it’ll be acceptable for him and Lan Zhan to make their escape about an hour from now.

He catches his sister just before she gets dragged into doing some karaoke duet with her new husband and offers her his congratulations. She smiles and pats him on the head. Lan Zhan tries to do the same but gets ignored. Wei Ying guesses his sister is still a bit angry from last night.

“Don’t worry, she’ll get over it soon,” Wei Ying says.

Lan Zhan’s brows are furrowed. “Get over what soon?”

“She’s just being protective,” Wei Ying explains while pointedly ignoring what Lan Zhan is actually asking about. “You know how older siblings are.”

Lan Zhan still seems troubled, but he doesn’t prod for more information. Wei Ying goes back to pointing out and laughing at people drunkenly tripping over their own feet on the dance floor (“Could not be me, Lan Zhan. I learned from undergrad to never enter a dance floor while intoxicated.”)

“Wei Ying!” someone calls a few minutes later.

Wei Ying blinks at the newcomer, who looks vaguely familiar but he just can’t put a name to the face at this moment. “Ah, hello…”

The newcomer doesn’t seem bothered. “Jin Zixun,” he says, holding his hand out to Lan Zhan. “Don’t think I’ve seen you before.”

“Lan Zhan.” They shake hands. Wei Ying desperately tries to remember if he’s ever encountered a Jin Zixun before.

“Still in grad school?” Jin Zixun asks, turning his wolfish gaze to Wei Ying. “Having fun with all your bacteria buddies?”

“Yep,” Wei Ying says brightly, suddenly remembering that right, Jin Zixun is Jin Zixuan’s annoying as fuck cousin who thinks his business degree is worth more than Wei Ying’s entire life (which granted, is probably true at this point, but that doesn’t give him a right to be such an asshole about it). If Wei Ying was feeling snarky enough, he could point out that the university Jin Zixun attended overseas probably only accepted him because the Jin family plastered its name over a brand new library on campus, but this is his sister’s wedding and Wei Ying will do his best to be civil, even to people who don’t deserve it.

“When do you think you’ll be done with school and ready to get a real job?” Jin Zixun asks and wow, it takes ever cell in Wei Ying’s body not to tell Jin Zixun to fuck off.

“I don’t know,” he replies in his best fake-cheerful voice. “But I’ll make sure that you’ll be the first to know when I finish my Ph.D.”

“Doctorates.” Jin Zixun lets out a very fake, cold laugh. “Don’t those make you less hire-able these days? Best to just get a Master’s and settle for a lower pay grade, am I right?”

“Well, I am part of a doctoral program,” Wei Ying says. He cannot believe that he’s having this conversation right now. “If I wanted a Master’s, then I would’ve pursued a Master’s.”

“I see, I see.” Jin Zixun holds his hands up in a placating gesture. Wei Ying narrows his eyes and notices the pink flush of Jin Zixun’s cheeks, the way he doesn’t seem quite so steady on his feet as he sways from side to side. Trust Jin Zixun to be a sloppy, elitist drunk. “Are you just going to be a professor then? It’s not like it’ll be easy for you to get a job in industry with a Ph.D. No one wants to pay that much when they can just hire someone with a lower degree, pay them less, and train them to do a Ph.D-level job.”

Wei Ying wants to tell Jin Zixun just how wrong he is but he doesn’t know how to do it without using the phrases “fuck you,” “corporate scum,” or “capitalist pig.” So he just keeps his mouth shut and smiles.

Jin Zixun doesn’t seem bothered by Wei Ying’s silence, choosing to instead hound Lan Zhan. “What do you do then, Lan Zhan? You’re not a doctoral student too, are you? Someone has to make some money between the two of you.”

“I am an environmental consultant,” Lan Zhan says, his voice low and clipped, the way it always gets when he’s irritated.

“Environmental consultant?” Jin Zixun questions. “Forgive me, I’ve never heard of that before.”

“I advise corporations and companies on how to adopt eco-friendly practices to save money,” Lan Zhan replies.

“Oh, so you’re one of those tree-huggers!” Jin Zixun exclaims. “You know, lately we’ve been receiving a lot of petitions and inquiries about oh, you guys contract factories that pump tons of greenhouse gases into the atmosphere and oh, you guys source your labor unethically and oh, you guys are evil because you make profits.” He laughs. “Bullshit, what do they know about running a business?”

Lan Zhan looks like he’s fuming. “They probably have a point, if you’re receiving so many inquiries about it.”

“Come on,” Jin Zixun sighs, “they can’t expect us to spend millions to overhaul our business model to meet their standards! We have to make money.”

“You can make money through ethical means,” Lan Zhan says. Wei Ying purposefully keeps his anti-capitalist mouth shut, because he has nothing nice to say to Jin Zixun at this point.

“It’s just not realistic,” Jin Zixun insists. “Life isn’t fair. Some people are rich and some people are poor. Boo hoo.”

“One of the practices I specialize in helping companies implement is garbage classification,” Lan Zhan says. “And so I can tell you that I can recognize a piece of garbage when I see it.” He pointedly glances up and down at Jin Zixun. “This conversation is not worth my time.”

And then Lan Zhan just…storms off? Wei Ying scrambles to follow, but not before sneaking a glance back at Jin Zixun, whose mouth is parted in shock because he’s probably never been remotely told off ever in his entire pathetic, entitled life. Wei Ying stifles a laugh at Jin Zixun’s expression and instead focuses his attention on Lan Zhan, whose eyes are still lit with anger but whose mouth is twisted apologetically.

“Wei Ying, I’m sorry,” Lan Zhan starts, and Wei Ying’s eyes track the way he runs his tongue over his bottom lip nervously. “I did not mean to be so rude—”

Wei Ying grabs the front of Lan Zhan’s dress shirt and kisses him. “Lan Zhan,” he says breathlessly after he manages to pull himself away from Lan Zhan’s very tempting mouth, “that was like…the hottest thing you’ve ever done. God. I wish I had gotten a recording. That little fucker had it coming. Lan Zhan, you don’t understand, he’s been such an ass to me since—”

Lan Zhan presses another kiss to Wei Ying’s lips. “Spare me the details,” he murmurs, his breath fanning over Wei Ying’s mouth. Wei Ying laughs and leans back in but then there’s a throat clearing behind them and Wei Ying whirls around to face a very unhappy Jiang Cheng.

“Really? Right now? In front of everyone?” he questions. “Could you guys just get a fucking room? I’m about to projectile vomit my entire dinner.”

“That would be bad,” Wei Ying says. “Jie-jie would probably never forgive you for ruining her wedding night.”

“But it would be your fault, you dumbass,” Jiang Cheng replies. “You don’t see me making out with my boyfriend in front of everyone, do you?”

“I’m not entirely opposed,” Huaisang mutters, but Jiang Cheng ignores him.

“We get it, you guys are so happy and so good together and blah blah blah.” Jiang Cheng narrows his eyes at Wei Ying. “It pains me to say this, but I’m glad you’re not a sulky piece of shit anymore.”

“That might be the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me,” Wei Ying says in awe.

“Just…” Jiang Cheng looks both angry and supportive. “Go be gross somewhere else.”

“Will do,” Wei Ying promises and then Huaisang is dragging a reluctant Jiang Cheng onto the dance floor, and Wei Ying is at once filled with fondness and longing. Huaisang is good for Jiang Cheng, Wei Ying thinks. He just wishes he could be good for someone too.

When Wei Ying glances at Lan Zhan again, Lan Zhan looks like he’s deep in thought, his eyes focused on where Huaisang is valiantly trying to convince Jiang Cheng to twirl (Jiang Cheng protests for several minutes before reluctantly giving in, of course). Wei Ying contemplates trying to kiss Lan Zhan again, but the moment has long passed by now, and after Jiang Cheng’s tirade, Wei Ying decides that he will try to contain himself. Wei Ying chugs the rest of his wine before flagging down a waiter to get it refilled. He finishes that glass pretty quickly too, and it gets refilled just as fast.

Lan Zhan is silent. That isn’t quite so unusual, but sometimes Wei Ying wishes he could know what goes on inside of Lan Zhan’s brain. Does Lan Zhan mind that Wei Ying kissed him in front of everyone? Lan Zhan kissed him back, with enthusiasm, in fact, so Wei Ying supposes the answer is no. Does Lan Zhan feel as lonely as Wei Ying does, surrounded by so many happy couples? Wei Ying tries not to think too hard about that one and gets another wine refill. The best way to get himself to stop thinking is to get hammered. There’s enough drunk people stumbling around that Wei Ying won’t stick out at all.

At some point in the night, Jin Zixuan starts sobbing again while doing karaoke, drunkenly singing some cheesy as hell love ballad to Jiang Yanli. He’s not really singing as much as he’s just crying and slurring “I love you so much, this is the best day of my life” into the microphone. Wei Ying’s inhibitions are lowered, so he laughs until his ribs hurt, and when he looks over, he sees a small smile curling at the edges of Lan Zhan’s mouth. He takes a video of Jin Zixuan’s performance, just for posterity.

Several more minutes pass, Wei Ying consumes a few more glasses of wine, and everything just starts to blur together. And then Wen Qing is there, snatching the wine glass out of his hand and scolding him. Wei Ying blinks at her for several seconds, trying his best to listen to what she’s saying, but the music is loud and Wei Ying’s brain feels fuzzy.

Wen Qing flags down a waiter and gets a glass of water. Wei Ying chugs it before she can force him to. The world starts to come back into focus for a moment.

“Wei Ying,” he can hear Wen Qing saying, “are you listening to me?”

“I am, I am,” Wei Ying replies. “I’m listening now.”

Wen Qing grabs his arm and drags him towards the doors, where the music is quieter and the crowd is thinner. “Did you hear what I was saying earlier?”

“No,” Wei Ying answers honestly. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Wen Qing says. “I was just saying that I was surprised.”

“Surprised about what?” Wei Ying asks.

“You and Lan Zhan.”

“Oh.” Wei Ying automatically looks around to see if he can spot Lan Zhan anywhere. It takes a second, but then he sees Lan Zhan, absorbed in conversation with another person whose face Wei Ying can’t make out. “I’m surprised, too.” I’m surprised that Lan Zhan has been able to tolerate me for so long.

“I’m not talking about you guys getting back together,” Wen Qing says exasperatedly. “I mean I was surprised by the fact you guys even broke up at all.”

Wei Ying ignores how thinking about the breakup kind of hurts and says, “And why is that?” Wei Ying was surprised at first too, but then…Then he was surprised that they managed to stay together for so long.

“You guys are good for each other,” Wen Qing answers. “You know, I was even more surprised when you told me that Lan Zhan was the one that ended it.”

Wei Ying laughs. “Really? That’s so funny…” He sways a little on his feet. Wen Qing grabs his elbow to steady him. “Did you think I would dump him or something?”

“No, I didn’t think that either,” Wen Qing says. “It’s just…” She hums contemplatively. “I could tell how much Lan Zhan liked you. Likes you, I guess I should say.”

And that. That might be the funniest thing Wei Ying’s heard all night.

“Really?” Wei Ying repeats. “That’s…so funny…” And then he can’t hold it back anymore and he’s wheezing from laughing so hard. “God. You think Lan Zhan likes me. That’s funny.”

“Wei Ying?” Wen Qing questions. Then she turns annoyed. “God, I should’ve cut you off earlier. You’re still so fucking drunk right now, aren’t you?”

And then Wei Ying pulls himself together and reminds himself that of course, it’s logical that Wen Qing would think that. Because Wei Ying asked Lan Zhan to pretend to be his boyfriend. And Wei Ying knows Lan Zhan would never half-ass anything, so he’s probably been doing a fantastic job of pretending to be okay with dating Wei Ying. Maybe Lan Zhan should add “acting” to his list of skills, right under “writing strongly worded Dazhong Dianping reviews” and “stealing hearts” (and sometimes, breaking them too).

Wei Ying looks over at Lan Zhan again, blinking several times until he notices that the person Lan Zhan is talking to is none other than Luo Qingyang. He squints and realizes that Qingyang looks…angry. This can’t be good. He starts moving before his brain remembers that he’s not the most coordinated right now, and he has to lean against the wall for support after a few staggering steps.

Wen Qing is saying something, but Wei Ying isn’t listening anymore. He keeps moving, doing his best to stumble his way to Lan Zhan. Once he gets within earshot of Lan Zhan and Qingyang, though, he feels Wen Qing’s arms wrap around him from behind.

Wei Ying glances down and tries to break out of Wen Qing’s ironclad grip. “What—”

“Mianmian doesn’t want you to interrupt,” Wen Qing says.

They’re close enough that Wei Ying can tell that Qingyang is like…actually shouting at Lan Zhan. Wei Ying struggles a little more against Wen Qing’s hold, because no one yells at his Lan Zhan! Then he remembers that Lan Zhan isn’t his at all and lets himself go limp in Wen Qing’s arms.

The music covers up most of what Qingyang is yelling, but Wei Ying can make out bits and pieces of it. He hears the phrases “you’re so stupid” and “you better not fuck up again” and “I will kill you.” Lan Zhan doesn’t appear to be saying anything in response, which seems to only make Qingyang angrier.

“Jie-jie!” a voice calls out and next thing Wei Ying knows, Wen Ning is there. There’s a smile on his face, just a little too wide to be completely sober, and his words are slurred as he talks to Wen Qing. A few more seconds pass, and Wen Qing’s hold loosens the more she talks to her brother, until Wei Ying is finally pushing out of the circle of her arms and running towards Lan Zhan, using the wall to steady himself whenever he feels like falling over.

But then Lan Zhan is there, and Lan Zhan’s body is warm as Wei Ying leans against it for support while staggering through the doors and towards the elevator. Wen Qing and Qingyang are too wrapped up in trying to take care of an intoxicated Wen Ning to stop them. Getting back to the hotel room is relatively painless, because Lan Zhan keeps an arm wrapped around Wei Ying’s waist as they stumble through the hallway. Wei Ying mumbles as they walk, small apologies for Qingyang and for Jin Zixun and honestly, for everything.

And then they’re back in the room, lying side by side on the bed. At some point, Wei Ying’s clothes were changed. He can’t remember when or how, but his limbs feel tired and his head feels heavy.

“Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying murmurs.

“Mn, I am here,” Lan Zhan answers from Wei Ying’s side.

Wei Ying blindly reaches out and laughs when he manages to grab Lan Zhan’s hand. He fits his fingers in between Lan Zhan’s.

“Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying calls again, “it’s so nice that jie-jie is married now.”

“Mn.”

“You know…” Wei Ying yawns. The ceiling is spinning. He doesn’t know why. “Sometimes I really miss being in a relationship. It’s so lonely sometimes, not having anyone to care for you.”

Lan Zhan’s fingers go slack in between Wei Ying’s. “Have you…Have you tried dating anyone recently?”

Wei Ying laughs. “No, of course not. Why would you ask me that?”

“If you miss being in a relationship, then…” A pause. “I assume it would not be hard for you to initiate one.”

“What do you mean?” Wei Ying mutters. “I don’t understand.”

“Many people were always interested in you,” Lan Zhan says. “If you wanted a relationship, you would have many candidates to choose from.”

“Why would I do that?” Wei Ying lets out a laugh. “Why would I get into another relationship?”

“You just said you missed being in one.” Lan Zhan’s voice seems strained. Wei Ying takes their entwined hands and presses them to his chest, right above his heart.

“Why would I do that, Lan Zhan?” Wei Ying repeats. His head is so, so heavy. He can’t even keep his eyes fully open anymore. “Do you really think I would date someone who isn’t you?”

He hears Lan Zhan start to say something, but then Wei Ying is drifting off, his eyes sliding shut and his body going slack. Alcohol always ensures a dreamless sleep for Wei Ying, and he finds himself feeling vaguely grateful for it as he sinks deeper, deeper, until Lan Zhan’s voice is nothing but a faraway echo in his mind.

***

In the weeks leading up to Lan Zhan dumping him, Wei Ying had been nervous. They were nearing the three month mark and Wei Ying…well, he was starting to worry. When they were just friends, he never worried this much about whether he was calling too often, coming over too many times, acting too clingy, or in general, being too much. But now, the thought of Lan Zhan eventually telling Wei Ying that he was just too much to handle filled Wei Ying’s stomach with dread.

Part of him knew he was probably overthinking it, but another, louder part of him remembered how much he’d annoyed Lan Zhan at first, and he was desperate to not annoy Lan Zhan ever again. So Wei Ying tried to tone it all down. Instead of texting Lan Zhan any time anything remotely interesting happened in the lab, he disciplined himself to only texting Lan Zhan twice a day: once to wish him a good morning and once more to wish him a good night. He reduced how much time he spent at Lan Zhan’s apartment from 3-5 nights to 1-2 nights a week. And when they spent time together, Wei Ying was intentional about trying to talk less and listen more. Of course, Lan Zhan wasn’t really a big talker, so this resulted in a lot of awkward silences, ones that took all of Wei Ying’s self-control not to fill with useless chatter, but he figured the silence was good. Lan Zhan liked silence, right?

Sometimes Wei Ying couldn’t really understand why Lan Zhan was dating him at all. He was everything Lan Zhan was not: unruly, undisciplined, at times pretty unmotivated, loud, a little callous at times…sometimes Wei Ying wondered if he was someone that Lan Zhan could ever like in the same way he liked Lan Zhan. He knew they’d been friends for a while, but that was different. You could like the good parts of your friend while tolerating the bad; with a significant other, you had to find a way to like both the good and the bad.

Wei Ying found himself thinking a lot about how he’d asked Lan Zhan out so casually. Part of him wishes he could go back, make some sort of grand gesture. He doesn’t know if Lan Zhan would be the type to be into grand romantic gestures, but it would at least show Lan Zhan how much he wanted this. How much he wanted this to work. Back then, Lan Zhan had just agreed with a simple “Alright,” as if agreeing to date Wei Ying was about the same as allowing Wei Ying to indulge in some wine during dinner.

Wei Ying was pretty sure (very sure) that he liked Lan Zhan more than Lan Zhan liked him. But that didn’t really bother him that much, because as long as Lan Zhan reciprocated even the tiniest amount, then Wei Ying would be happy. And Wei Ying was happy. He was happier than he’d been in a long, long time; just the thought of “Oh my god, Lan Zhan is my boyfriend” was enough to keep him smiling through the long, grueling days at the lab. Wei Ying was the luckiest person in the world because he was the only one who could call Lan Zhan his.

He let that buoyant happiness course unfiltered through his veins as he was on his way to Lan Zhan’s apartment on a Saturday night, their usual date night. Wei Ying was happy. So, so fucking happy. But being that happy also terrified him because he couldn’t help but wonder when he would fuck up and ruin everything. Wei Ying was pretty sure he was doing an okay job of not-fucking-things-up though, now that he was putting in the extra effort to be a better version of himself around Lan Zhan.

Wei Ying stopped outside the apartment complex gate and texted Lan Zhan to let him know he was outside. Five minutes later, the gate swung open and there Lan Zhan was, looking as beautiful as ever. Wei Ying felt a giddy sort of happiness bubble up inside of him because wow. Sometimes he just couldn’t get over how perfect Lan Zhan was.

They were quiet while walking to Lan Zhan’s apartment building. Wei Ying pressed his lips together to prevent himself from rambling about his day or something. They passed by some children playing in a large courtyard in front of the apartment buildings, giggling and shrieking as they ran in circles around each other. He expected Lan Zhan to say something, to sternly remind the kids to slow down and not run on the brick surface of the courtyard like he did sometimes before, but tonight Lan Zhan was silent, his entire expression clouded as if he was thinking very hard about something.

Sometimes Wei Ying felt like he was one of the children, running circles around Lan Zhan and desperately begging for his attention. He was pretty aware that in this relationship, he was the one pursuing Lan Zhan, and not exactly the other way around. He was the one who made the effort to text Lan Zhan first, to come over to visit Lan Zhan, to plan dates and make time around Lan Zhan’s work schedule. Wei Ying didn’t really mind, but sometimes he wondered when all this chasing would end. Maybe it never would. Would it be so bad, to spend the rest of his life chasing after Lan Zhan, trying to prove that he was worthy of Lan Zhan’s affection? Wei Ying didn’t think so. As long as he was with Lan Zhan, anything would be fine. It had to be.

The elevator ride to Lan Zhan’s floor was silent too, and when they entered Lan Zhan’s apartment, Wei Ying tried to busy himself with playing with Marshmallow and Mooncake, just to have something to do. Lan Zhan started cooking. Wei Ying was starting to feel a little concerned about the fact Lan Zhan had not yet said a single word to him all night.

“How are you guys?” Wei Ying asked the bunnies. “I bet you guys are good. You get to sleep and eat and play all day, while the rest of us have to work and work and work. Do you know how many times I messed up while heat shocking the bacteria today? Five. I messed up five times. Crazy, right? Can’t believe they actually gave me a biology degree six months ago…”

Wei Ying rambled some more to the bunnies, who seemed more interested in napping on his lap than listening to what he had to say. Wei Ying didn’t mind, he just needed to get some of his nervous energy out of his system so he didn’t end up rambling during dinner. Lan Zhan always told him to not speak during meals, and Wei Ying was doing a much better job of actually doing just that.

Lan Zhan called to tell Wei Ying he was finished cooking. Wei Ying vaguely felt bad about not offering to help at all, but he’d never made a meal in his life before and the one time he’d tried to cut vegetables for Lan Zhan had resulted in Lan Zhan pulling the knife from his hands and telling him to just go play with the bunnies some more (he’d nearly lost a finger that day, so he understands why Lan Zhan seemed so horrified). Wei Ying wondered if he should devote some time to watching cooking tutorials, or at least tutorials on how to cut and wash vegetables and fruits. Maybe he could impress Lan Zhan later on by beautifully washing and peeling a carrot or something. The thought made Wei Ying feel equal parts pleased and determined.

Dinner was silent, again, and Wei Ying just tried his best to focus on how good Lan Zhan’s cooking was and how nice it was that Lan Zhan had acquired a new bottle of Lao Gan Ma recently. If Lan Zhan was offended by Wei Ying drowning his rice in Lao Gan Ma, he didn’t say anything. Wei Ying mentally noted that he should probably buy his own bottle of Lao Gan Ma to make the university cafeteria food more bearable.

After dinner, Wei Ying offered to wash the dishes. Lan Zhan protested, and then they ended up just washing them together, standing side by side at the sink. Wei Ying could feel his face start to heat from how close they were to each other. He wondered if he could get a kiss out of Lan Zhan, if he played his cards right and did a good job of washing the dishes. Wei Ying really liked it when Lan Zhan kissed him, even though it didn’t happen as often as he wished it would. Usually, Wei Ying either asked or initiated it first, but just like everything else, he was trying to do less of that now, trying to let Lan Zhan be the one to take the lead more often.

Wei Ying felt very close to asking now, watching Lan Zhan scrub at the plates with piercing efficiency. God, he didn’t think he’d ever get tired of looking at Lan Zhan. But Wei Ying forced himself to lower his gaze and scrub faster at the plates. The sooner they finished washing the dishes, the sooner Wei Ying could try to get that kiss.

When all the plates and chopsticks were clean and put away, Lan Zhan asked Wei Ying if they could talk. He seemed very serious about it, and Wei Ying found all thoughts of asking Lan Zhan for a kiss disappearing from his head when he saw Lan Zhan’s expression. It looked…odd, like Lan Zhan was feeling conflicted or confused. Or maybe Wei Ying was just thinking too much again.

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan said, “I…” He took a deep breath. “Thank you for coming over tonight.”

“Ah, Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying replied, starting to feel his nervousness coming back in full force, “I should be the one thanking you. The food was wonderful, like always.”

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan said again. He was staring past Wei Ying’s head, as if he couldn’t bear to look Wei Ying in the eyes anymore. Wei Ying felt a familiar dread start to fill his stomach. “I…I do not think we are romantically compatible.”

And there it was.

“What do you mean?” Wei Ying asked helplessly after a beat of silence, even though he knew perfectly well what Lan Zhan was trying to say. Of course Lan Zhan would try to let him down easy like this. Of course he would. Wei Ying dug his nails into his palms.

“I think we both are probably better suited for other people,” Lan Zhan answered. Wei Ying had never been through a breakup before, but he was pretty sure this was a gentle one. It was a lot nicer than the explosive, tear-filled fights and confrontations he saw in dramas and movies. Only Lan Zhan would find a way to end a relationship so nicely.

“Okay,” Wei Ying eventually said, because what else could he say? Was he supposed to break down into tears and beg Lan Zhan to change his mind? Was he supposed to blow up and demand answers for why he was being dumped? Wei Ying didn’t know. And Wei Ying was pretty sure he already knew why this was happening: Lan Zhan had realized that Wei Ying was, in fact, too much and had grown tired of him after these couple of months. It made sense. Wei Ying found that he couldn’t be mad at Lan Zhan when all he wanted was for Lan Zhan to be happy.

“Can we still be friends?” Wei Ying asked. Lan Zhan stared at him, probably confused as to why Wei Ying hadn’t left his apartment yet. But Wei Ying just…He just wanted to know if he could maybe still keep a small part of Lan Zhan in his life after this. Perhaps that was pure selfishness. Wei Ying couldn’t tell anymore. He hadn’t really ever thought of himself as a selfish person until Lan Zhan. Something about Lan Zhan just made Wei Ying want everything, even things he didn’t necessarily deserve.

“The bunnies will miss me,” Wei Ying added when Lan Zhan didn’t say anything. “Mooncake and Marshmallow love me. I love them too.”

Another beat of silence, and then…

“Mn,” Lan Zhan agreed. “They love you. And I would like to remain friends as well.”

Wei Ying nodded. There wasn’t really anything to say anymore. Is this how breakups were supposed to go? All awkward silences and weird post-relationship friendship negotiations?

Lan Zhan had a faraway look in his eyes, and then Wei Ying found that he couldn’t stand to be in this apartment any longer. So he got up and left without another word. Lan Zhan didn’t try to stop him. Wei Ying hated that part of him wished Lan Zhan would.

Wei Ying returned to his dorm and flopped onto his bed. He stared at the ceiling for hours. He would break eventually, he knew it, and it would probably be very messy, but for now, he was fine like this, just lying on his bed in silence, unmoving, unseeing. The next morning, Wei Ying dragged himself to the lab and scolded himself when he reflexively sent a good morning message to Lan Zhan, unsending it less than ten seconds after it was sent. Lan Zhan would still get a notification though. Wei Ying hoped Lan Zhan would just ignore it (He did).

They didn’t message each other for a week. Then one week turned into two, two weeks turned into a month, and one month turned into three. Wei Ying changed Lan Zhan’s contact name so he would remember to not message him anymore.

Eventually Wei Ying caved and sent a random photo of one of his bacteria plates. He resisted the urge to recall the message until the two minute window passed. Three hours later, Lan Zhan sent a photo of Mooncake and Marshmallow back.

It was fine, even though it wasn’t the same. Anything was better than nothing, wasn’t it?

***

The day after the wedding, Wei Ying wakes up with a bit of a hangover. Unsurprisingly, Lan Zhan is already awake and scrolling through his phone, probably replying to emails or something. When Wei Ying sits up, Lan Zhan puts his phone away and gets up to hand a bottle of water and some painkillers to Wei Ying.

“Lan Zhan, you prepared!” Wei Ying teases after swallowing the painkillers and some water.

“Mn.” Lan Zhan sits back down on the bed. “How are you feeling?”

“Hungover,” Wei Ying answers, “but not too bad.”

Bits and pieces of the night before come back to him in waves, but for the life of him, Wei Ying cannot remember what he and Lan Zhan talked about before he passed out last night. He hopes it wasn’t anything too embarrassing (or too important). Lan Zhan’s face looks as impassive as ever, so Wei Ying assumes nothing of note happened last night.

They spend the morning packing and saying goodbye to Wei Ying’s friends and family members, starting with Wen Qing, Qingyang, and Wen Ning. The three of them look really tired, and their train rides home are scheduled a couple hours earlier than Wei Ying and Lan Zhan’s. They say a rushed goodbye. Wei Ying promises to call more. Qingyang is noticeably nicer to Lan Zhan. It’s kind of sad how all of them live in the same city but rarely have time to see each other. But that’s what the reality of being an adult with responsibilities is like, Wei Ying supposes.

Afterwards, Wei Ying and Lan Zhan go to see the newlyweds. Jiang Yanli is glowing, and Wei Ying can’t help but think that marriage is a really good look on her (Well, she always looks good...just...somehow better, now? Is that what true love does to a person? Wei Ying wonders if he’ll ever be able to look that visibly happy). Jin Zixuan, on the other hand, looks like a bit of a mess, clearly hungover and eyes still a bit swollen from either just waking up or from all the crying he did yesterday. But he looks really happy, too (And who wouldn’t be smiling like an idiot after marrying the Jiang Yanli?).

“A-Ying,” Yanli says, “have a safe trip home. And take good care of yourself, okay?”

“I will,” Wei Ying answers, knowing that this “taking care of himself” thing will probably last for approximately 2 weeks before Wei Ying reverts to his default lifestyle. 

Jiang Yanli gives him a look.

“I promise I will try my best,” Wei Ying amends, hoping it’ll be enough to appease her. 

She still seems a bit disbelieving, which is very fair. “Well,” she says, “at least now you’ll have Lan Zhan to look after you.” She gives Lan Zhan a look that is equal parts curious and threatening.

“Mn, I will,” Lan Zhan says easily, which wow, Wei Ying’s heart is now beating very fast. But then he reminds himself that they’ll be fake-broken-up very soon so it doesn’t matter.

“Good.” Yanli seems pleased. She pauses before saying, “Actually, I was wondering if I could speak privately to Lan Zhan for a moment. Would that be okay, Wei Ying?”

“Um.” Wei Ying looks at Lan Zhan. Lan Zhan’s face doesn’t betray any hint of emotion. Wei Ying doesn’t know what to do. “S-Sure?”

“Wonderful.” Jiang Yanli turns on her heels and starts walking towards the other side of the lobby. After a second of hesitation, Lan Zhan follows, ignoring the distressed looks Wei Ying is giving him.

“Don’t worry,” Jin Zixuan says. Oh god. This is the first time in literal years that Wei Ying has been alone with Jin Zixuan. Wei Ying feels incredibly emotionally distressed at the thought. “She won’t kill him or anything.”

“Do you know what she wants to talk to him about?” Wei Ying asks. He squints and sees his sister and Lan Zhan deep in conversation across the lobby, serious expressions on their faces. “Should I go eavesdrop?”

“You’re as subtle as a baby giraffe,” Jin Zixuan answers. “Don’t even try.”

“You’re literally a human peacock,” Wei Ying bites back. 

Jin Zixuan’s face scrunches up, like he’s ready to start a full-blown argument with Wei Ying. That would be cool, Wei Ying thinks. Anything to distract him from the fact Lan Zhan and his sister are talking about god-knows-what right now. Then Jin Zixuan’s face smooths out again, like he’s remembering that he and Wei Ying are related by marriage now and probably shouldn’t fight in public in front of all their friends and family.

Jin Zixuan lets out a long-suffering sigh. Then, he grits out, “You don’t need to worry. A-Li told me that all she’s going to do is gently remind Lan Zhan to treat you well.”

“Lan Zhan always treats me great,” Wei Ying says immediately. “There’s no need.”

Jin Zixuan glares at him. “He dumped you? And you were a mess for months?”

“Shit happens.” Wei Ying shrugs as casually as he can and tries very hard to ignore how his body immediately tenses whenever someone mentions the breakup.

Jin Zixuan scoffs. “Right.” He rubs his eyes. “God, I’m too hungover for this conversation right now.”

“That makes two of us,” Wei Ying replies.

Jin Zixuan closes his eyes and starts mumbling “I love Jiang Yanli more than anything I’ve ever loved” over and over and over again. Feeling merciful, Wei Ying just stands there and lets Jin Zixuan do whatever weird calming meditation thing he’s doing right now. Wei Ying glances over at Lan Zhan and his sister again and starts tapping his foot against the ground anxiously. 

Five more minutes pass. Jin Zixuan finally stops his whisper-chanting. Wei Ying is still tapping his foot up and down. 

Then finally, Lan Zhan and Jiang Yanli start heading back towards them. Wei Ying forces himself to stop tapping his foot against the ground. Yanli gives him a radiant smile; Wei Ying nervously returns it.

“A-Ying, A-Xuan, I’m glad to see you two finally getting along!” Yanli says, as if Wei Ying and Jin Zixuan standing next to each other while pointedly ignoring the other is the same as “getting along.” 

Jin Zixuan immediately brightens at the praise. Wei Ying tries not to gag. Then he reminds himself that he loves his sister and that even if he doesn’t understand, he will support her life choices and her (questionable) taste in men.

They talk some more. Wei Ying promises to call more often. Then Wei Ying and Jiang Yanli hug. By the end of it, Wei Ying is in such a good mood he even shakes Jin Zixuan’s hand. Then Jiang Yanli and Jin Zixuan are leaving the lobby and heading back to their room, leaving Wei Ying and Lan Zhan alone again.

“So,” Wei Ying starts in what he hopes is a casual voice, “what did you two talk about earlier? Nothing too bad, I hope.”

“Nothing bad,” Lan Zhan confirms. “Your sister simply wished to remind me to not repeat my previous mistakes.”

Wei Ying squints at Lan Zhan. “What do you mean ‘previous mistakes’?” Lan Zhan and Jiang Yanli are honestly not close enough for her to know whatever mistakes Lan Zhan has made recently. Unless there’s something both of them aren’t telling Wei Ying.

“Just...some ill-advised decisions I made,” Lan Zhan answers vaguely, his eyes downcast the way they always are when he’s trying to avoid talking about something. 

Wei Ying decides to drop it. He’ll just ask his sister about it the next time he calls her.

Saying goodbye to Jiang Cheng ends up being a much simpler affair. Jiang Cheng just glares at Lan Zhan for several seconds before muttering, “For your own sake, I hope you don’t fuck this up again” to Wei Ying.

“Hey!” Wei Ying protests. “What are you trying to imply?”

Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes. “You were a mess for literal months,” he says. “So I hope now that you have your shit together again, you can keep it that way.”

Wei Ying sighs. “You’re exaggerating again. It wasn’t that bad. We all go through rough patches sometimes.”

Jiang Cheng squints at Wei Ying. “Sure,” he replies in a voice that sounds both bland and completely sarcastic. Wei Ying’s about to protest again when mercifully, Jiang Cheng walks away without saying another word.

Lan Zhan looks troubled again, but Wei Ying doesn’t have time to ask him about it because Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan are approaching.

“A-Ying,” Jiang Fengmian says, “it would be nice if you could visit us more often.”

Wei Ying gives him a guilty smile. “I’ll try my best, Jiang-shushu,” he says, even though he has no intention of visiting again until Lunar New Year.

But Jiang Fengmian seems satisfied by Wei Ying’s answer, giving a small smile before saying, “Many congratulations to the two of you. I hope you two have a safe journey home.”

Lan Zhan nods while Wei Ying gives an awkward thank you. Then Yu Ziyuan suddenly says, “Wei Ying, can I speak to you for a moment?”

Wei Ying stutters out a yes before Yu Ziyuan drags him away. He wonders if she’s going to yell at him for arguing with Jin Zixun or for something else he did last night. Her face looks stern, but then again, it always looks stern.

“Wei Ying,” she says once they’re out of hearing distance from Jiang Fengmian and Lan Zhan, “your boyfriend…You need to keep this one, do you understand?”

“What?” Wei Ying feels like he’s been doused with cold water. “What do you—”

“I approve of him,” she says sternly. “While I am unsure of why he has chosen you specifically, I am letting you know that you are to keep him.”

“Keep him…” Wei Ying rubs the back of his neck nervously, thinking about how their fake-breakup still looms on the horizon. “Well, I don’t exactly have control over that.”

Yu Ziyuan’s face hardens even further, her mouth twisting angrily. “Then you must do your utmost to be a suitable and satisfactory partner.”

“O-Okay,” Wei Ying agrees, hoping that his agreement will help make this conversation end faster. “I’ll do my best.”

That seems to placate Yu Ziyuan. “Good, I am glad we have reached a mutual understanding,” she says. Then she marches off to rejoin her husband, Wei Ying scrambling to follow.

Wei Ying and Lan Zhan take a taxi to the train station. During the ride, Wei Ying lets Lan Zhan know that their act has been a bona fide success.

“Even Yu-furen likes you!” Wei Ying exclaims. “Do you know how hard that is? Honestly, I’m like 90% sure she likes you more than me.”

“Unlikely,” Lan Zhan replies. “We spoke for a few minutes only. That isn’t enough for a sufficient first impression.”

“Regardless, we did great,” Wei Ying says. “Now everyone will stop pestering me and fussing over me being single and lonely and whatever.”

Lan Zhan is silent for a moment. “Wei Ying,” he finally says, “I don’t understand why…”

Wei Ying waits, but Lan Zhan doesn’t continue. So Wei Ying prompts, “What do you not understand?”

Lan Zhan hesitates. “It is nothing.”

“Oh,” Wei Ying says. There’s an awkward silence as Wei Ying fumbles to find something else to say. “Well, thanks for coming along with me this weekend, Lan Zhan. It wouldn’t have been nearly as fun without you.”

“Mn,” Lan Zhan hums. “No need to thank me.”

“But I’m really grateful,” Wei Ying says. “Thank you for taking the time out of your schedule and putting up with me and my family and all the other weird guests. You putting Jin Zixun in his place is immortalized in my memory now. I know this whole thing has been pretty inconvenient and annoying and there’s not really much that I can do to repay you, but if there’s anything I can do, then—”

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan says softly, “it was not an inconvenience for me. You do not owe me anything.”

Wei Ying doesn’t quite know how to respond to that, so he doesn’t. Lan Zhan turns to stare out of the window. Wei Ying distracts himself by scrolling through his WeChat.

The train ride back to Beijing is quiet, and Wei Ying falls asleep about an hour into it. He wakes up to Lan Zhan nudging him and saying that they’ve arrived. They take the subway to Lan Zhan’s place, and then Wei Ying is collapsing back onto Lan Zhan’s ridiculously nice sheets and wondering what exactly he’s supposed to do now.

Chapter Text

Wei Ying’s living space has been a lot neater since he’d moved into Lan Zhan’s place. Perhaps Lan Zhan’s own strict cleanliness had started to rub off on Wei Ying over the past few weeks. Wei Ying likes it, though. It’s kind of nice to enter the bedroom and not see a pile of clothes in one corner and a barrage of papers spread across the desk.

And it makes packing up a very easy and painless affair.

Wei Ying manages to fit everything he brought over into his suitcase and backpack within an hour or so. He didn’t even have to stop to fold a bunch of clothes like when he’d moved out because, lo and behold, he’d already folded them several days ago when he did laundry. He takes a few minutes to carefully organize all his papers and then puts them into his backpack by his laptop.

All done. The only thing left is…well, Wei Ying should be a good guest and wash and change the sheets probably. That’ll take a couple hours…it’ll give him some time to savor the past few weeks with Lan Zhan…and then he’ll be back in his stuffy dorm room again with no company except the relentless summer heat.

Wei Ying tenderly runs his hands over Lan Zhan’s very nice, extremely high thread count sheets one last time before pulling them off to wash them. He sets his suitcase and backpack next to the door and tells himself that he’ll be ready to leave as soon as he finishes hanging up the sheets to dry. He sits on the couch and listens to the soft hum of the washing machine while scrolling through his phone.

It’s a Monday afternoon, and Wei Ying knows Lan Zhan will probably be home any minute now. He left the lab a little early today to make sure he’d have enough time to pack and move back into his dorm. He sighs as he starts planning what he’s going to say to Lan Zhan later. Thanks for letting me stay here for a bit and for being my fake boyfriend for a couple days! Or maybe: I’m going to peace out now! Don’t worry I promise I won’t bother you again. Or a less dramatic one: Thanks for everything! See you around!

But then Wei Ying’s out of time, because he can hear the whirring sound of the door unlocking and then there’s Lan Zhan, staring at the suitcase for a long moment before whirling around to look at Wei Ying.

“Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying calls, all of his rehearsed words slipping from his mind immediately.

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan answers. He looks at Wei Ying’s suitcase again. “You are leaving.” It’s a statement, not a question. Wei Ying tries not to read too much into it.

“I figured I’d stayed here long enough,” Wei Ying says. “Been freeloading off of you for a couple of weeks now, and now that the wedding is over and everything, I thought it would be best for me to vacate the premises.”

“Is that what you want?” Lan Zhan asks.

Wei Ying does not have the energy—or the desire—to lie to Lan Zhan right now, so he doesn’t answer. But the silence probably speaks for itself.

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan finally says. “It is 33 degrees outside.”

“Yes,” Wei Ying replies tentatively, unsure where Lan Zhan is going with this.

“It is still extremely hot outside,” Lan Zhan says. “Living in a room without air conditioning right now would be challenging.”

“Yes,” Wei Ying repeats. He has no idea what Lan Zhan is getting at. Is Lan Zhan about to go on another rant about global warming?

“This apartment has air conditioning and plenty of space,” Lan Zhan says. “It would not be unreasonable if you stayed for a bit longer.”

Wei Ying blinks. “Oh. Um.”

“Unless staying here with me makes you feel uncomfortable, of course,” Lan Zhan adds hastily. “I do not mean to pressure you into anything.”

But how can Lan Zhan say that he’s pressuring Wei Ying when getting asked to stay is the only thing Wei Ying’s ever wanted from Lan Zhan? Maybe not in this exact context, but…

“Okay then,” Wei Ying replies. He gets up from the couch and grabs his suitcase and backpack. “I’ll go, uh…unpack all my things again.”

He stumbles back into the guest bedroom and spends half an hour putting everything back where it was three hours ago, desperately trying not to think about how pleased Lan Zhan looked when Wei Ying agreed to stay. Vaguely, Wei Ying thinks that this situation is a bit dangerous. He doesn’t quite know why yet.

***

It should probably be weird to be living with your former best friend turned ex-boyfriend turned fake boyfriend turned maybe friend again but Wei Ying feels great. Peachy. Wonderful. Lan Zhan is so great. Wei Ying’s missed him so much.

He doesn’t know how he’ll be able to deal with his inevitable exit from Lan Zhan’s life after the summer ends and there’s no real reason for him to be squatting at Lan Zhan’s apartment anymore. Would Lan Zhan want to keep in touch? Maybe he’ll just send Wei Ying pictures of his bunnies again. Or maybe he won’t. It’s probably weird to text your ex so much, right? Wei Ying doesn’t know how this is supposed to work; he’s only ever been in one relationship and has a grand total of one ex…that he’s been living with for the past month.

But for now, things are pretty great. Lan Zhan still cooks for Wei Ying a lot (Wei Ying has noticed that Lan Zhan has three whole different types of Lao Gan Ma in his pantry now), still lets Wei Ying ramble all the way through dinner (Wei Ying has even caught Lan Zhan responding to him sometimes…whatever happened to “Do not speak while eating”?), and still kisses Wei Ying goodnight every day (And sometimes…Lan Zhan kisses him for no reason at all. Like the other day, when Wei Ying was telling Lan Zhan a funny story…and Lan Zhan had this sort of fogged over look in his eyes…and then the next thing Wei Ying knew, there was a pair of lips covering his own).

Wei Ying likes the way things are. He likes it a lot, actually. Even though he’s still waiting for the other shoe to drop. He tells himself to just enjoy it while it lasts. Still…he can’t help but feel a little bit unsettled sometimes. He still isn’t quite sure why he feels like that though.

It’s another long day at the lab. The undergrads seem to be struggling with the concept of patience, even though having patience is basically 90% of what it means to work in a biology lab. Wei Ying wishes his advisor would stop automatically assigning all the undergrads to him just because he’s friendly and too nice to say no.

He rolls his gloves off and sits at one of the lab desks after he helps another undergrad with heat shocking some bacteria. He’s in the middle of waiting for his own bacteria to finish growing a whole bunch of fun proteins. He should probably head back to the office to answer emails or edit parts of his new research paper, but this chair is so comfortable and this is the first moment all day that someone hasn’t been demanding his attention and Wei Ying just wants to close his eyes and rest for a few minutes.

A few blissful minutes pass. It’s so quiet, with only the light whispers of the undergrads talking to each other and the humming of lab equipment and the white noise of the air conditioning keeping him company. And then his phone buzzes.

Wei Ying lets out a groan, briefly contemplating if throwing his phone out of the nearest window is a viable life choice right now. If it’s another undergrad begging for help, Wei Ying might explode. But still, against his better judgement, Wei Ying pulls his phone out and checks it.

He’s relieved to see it’s not an undergrad at all. It’s a WeChat message from Lan Zhan, asking him what time he’ll be home today. And Wei Ying can’t help himself; he smiles so wide at his phone that his cheeks start to hurt.

Someone nudges his shoulder. It’s one of the less helpless undergrads. “You seem happy,” she points out. She nods at his phone. “Texting someone special?” There’s a teasing glint in her eyes.

“Ah…well…” Wei Ying feels so flustered as he hastily tucks his phone away. “I was texting my boyfriend.”

Her eyes widen. “Oh wow. That’s cool. Congratulations, shixiong!”

“Ah, thank you,” Wei Ying replies and watches the undergrad go back to work. And then he realizes he did something a little stupid. Lan Zhan was his fake boyfriend just for the wedding. There’s no need for him to tell people he has a boyfriend anymore. Or that Lan Zhan is his boyfriend. Honestly, Wei Ying isn’t quite sure why he said that. Saying it just felt…natural.

Lan Zhan isn’t his and hasn’t been his for a while now, but sometimes Wei Ying can’t help but think about how nice it would be if he was. If he could just have another chance with Lan Zhan…

The realization hits Wei Ying in a manner not unlike a speeding truck.

What the fuck…I’m still in love with Lan Zhan???

And no. This is terrible. This is awful. This will ruin, like, everything.

Wei Ying tries his hardest not to have an emotional meltdown in the middle of the lab. It’ll be fine, he tells himself. I will find a way to deal with these…feelings.

Feelings are awful. Wei Ying hates them.

And then Wei Ying realizes that the solution to all of this is quite simple: if he just represses as hard as he can, no one will get hurt. Not him, not Lan Zhan, not Mooncake or Marshmallow. No one except maybe his stupid heart, but if he represses enough, he’ll be fine. It’s a great idea. A wonderful one. Wei Ying has never felt smarter in his whole life.

(But in all honesty, Wei Ying is absolutely terrified.)

***

Wei Ying is having a great time right now (read: he’s having an awful time). It’s not good to be constantly reminded of how he’s still very much in love with someone who not only doesn’t like him back, but also literally dumped his ass nine months ago?

Honestly, it would be easier if Lan Zhan was less of a stellar human being. But he’s not; he’s absolutely wonderful and always treats Wei Ying with the utmost kindness. And sometimes Wei Ying’s brain can’t help but read too much into it.

Wei Ying finds himself thinking about Lan Zhan every spare moment he has, because Lan Zhan is just that distracting of a person. Even so, it’s a little concerning that Wei Ying has been sitting motionlessly in front of his computer for over ten minutes. His bacteria are enjoying their tryptone bath and his paper desperately needs some attention, but here Wei Ying is. Thinking about Lan Zhan again. This probably isn’t healthy.

Wei Ying’s phone buzzes, and it’s a needed distraction from Wei Ying’s spiraling thoughts of “oh shit I’m entirely too obsessed with my ex this is very bad what the fuck am I supposed to do now oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck.”

It’s from Wen Qing. They haven’t seen each other since the wedding, but the wedding was only two and a half weeks ago so Wei Ying figures that it’s probably fine and that Wen Qing isn’t texting him to scold him for not visiting or something.

“Hey loser, how are you holding up? The dorms must feel like a sauna these days. Try not to die.”

Wei Ying feels so…touched? This is probably one of the nicest messages Wen Qing has ever sent to him and he’s tempted to send back several crying stickers, but he doesn’t want to alarm her or anything so instead he messages back “hahaha im actually doing ok! im living in lan zhan’s apartment rn so i have access to real air conditioning at night! it’s marvelous”

Wen Qing’s reply is swift. “Wow. Congrats.”

And then Wei Ying spends five minutes freaking out because oh no, now Wen Qing thinks he and Lan Zhan are serious and Wei Ying still hasn’t figured out how he’s going to handle the fake breakup and god, Wen Qing might get really, really worried because he didn’t think before sending that message and now it’s too late to take it back and Wei Ying is actually going to have to bury himself in more lies and that doesn’t make him feel great, because lying is generally a not good thing to be doing, and fuck, Wei Ying needs to do something. Anything. This is bad.

Wei Ying glances around. Mercifully, the office is empty. He takes a deep breath. It doesn’t make him feel any calmer. Then he presses the “voice call” button next to Wen Qing’s contact and waits.

The WeChat jingle plays a grand total of three times before the line connects. With every xylophone note that rings out, Wei Ying feels his stress levels increase. God. What is he going to say? Why is he doing this? Why is his life like this?

“Why are you calling me?” Wen Qing asks flatly. “I could’ve been busy.”

But Wei Ying knows Wen Qing only texts when she’s on break or not at work at all. She’s probably concerned because this is probably the first time he’s initiated a phone call since…well, since he called Lan Zhan all those weeks ago. Wei Ying is admittedly very bad at remembering to call people.

“I…” Wei Ying flounders for a moment, a carefully rehearsed speech exiting his memory as soon as he hears Wen Qing’s voice. “I need to tell you something.”

“Are you calling me to gush about how happy you and your boyfriend are?” Wen Qing asks. “God, please make it quick. I have things to do.”

“No, it’s not that,” Wei Ying says. “Um, actually, I…uh…” He trails off, not quite knowing where to start.

“Wei Ying? Are you still there?”

“Yeah,” Wei Ying answers. “Sorry. I just need a second.”

“Wei Ying, you’re scaring me,” Wen Qing says, managing to sound both stern and worried at the same time.

“Wei Ying, you’re scaring her,” he hears Qingyang say faintly in the background. Is he on speaker? He probably is. God. Now both Wen Qing and Qingyang get to hear about how much of a mess Wei Ying’s life has become.

“So Lan Zhan and I aren’t actually dating,” Wei Ying forces out. “The whole thing was, um, orchestrated?”

“What,” Wen Qing says.

“Are you kidding me?” Qingyang screeches, but she must be kind of far away from the phone because her voice is muffled.

“I asked him to pretend to be my boyfriend,” Wei Ying explains, because there’s no reason to try to preserve his dignity anymore. “Jiang Cheng made fun of me for being single and told me to bring a date to jie-jie’s wedding, so I just—”

“You asked your ex to do it,” Wen Qing finishes for him. A small pause, then, “Unbelievable. Of course. Now I see why you were being so weird at the wedding.”

“I was weird?” Wei Ying asks. He thought he had done a pretty damn good job at acting. “What do you mean?”

“Everything seemed fine until you got drunk,” Wen Qing replies. “You literally laughed hysterically when I said I could tell how much Lan Zhan likes you. That was weird. People don’t usually react like that when they’re told their significant other must like them a lot.”

“Oh.” Wei Ying probably shouldn’t have consumed so much wine.

“Yeah. And just so you know, normally people blush and act shy in situations like that,” Wen Qing says. “Keep that in mind for whenever you decide to make an incredibly stupid decision again.”

“I give it two weeks,” Qingyang says, her voice coming through much clearer this time. She must be sitting or standing next to Wen Qing now. “Although I have to say, this one really exceeded my wildest predictions. I did not realize that you hated your own happiness this much. It’s almost impressive.”

“Um, thanks? I think?” Wei Ying swallows hard. “Sorry for lying and stuff. I was just trying to prove a point to Jiang Cheng. And also maybe impress Yu-furen. And also maybe get everyone to stop worrying about me being lonely.”

“You have a lot of self-sabotage and self-denial issues to work through,” Wen Qing says pensively. “So tell me. Why exactly are you living with your ex right now? Aren’t people supposed to go their separate ways after faking a relationship for a couple days?”

“See. That’s. Um.” Wei Ying sighs. This is going to sound so stupid. “Lan Zhan was worried about me getting heat exhaustion.”

“Uh huh,” Qingyang mutters sarcastically. “That’s a perfectly reasonable explanation.”

“His apartment has air conditioning,” Wei Ying says. “And his bed sheets have, like, thread counts that are over 1000.”

“We love a good bed sheet,” Wen Qing says sardonically before sighing. “You’re still in love with him, aren’t you?”

“Uh.” Wei Ying doesn’t really know what to say anymore. “Maybe?”

“When are you going to move out?” Wen Qing asks. “Have you even thought that far ahead?”

“Probably when the weather starts to be habitable again…like maybe late September or early October?” Wei Ying suggests.

“Have you planned out how you’re going to tell people that you’re not actually dating Lan Zhan? Because you should. Tell them, I mean,” Wen Qing says.

“How do you know I haven’t told everyone a sob story about our fake breakup yet?” Wei Ying questions.

“Because if you did, then I would probably be planning Lan Zhan’s murder with Jiang Cheng right now,” Wen Qing answers. “How long are you planning on keeping this up?”

“Haven’t really figured that one out yet,” Wei Ying admits. “I guess…” I guess I’m waiting for Lan Zhan to get tired of me and cut me out of his life again. “I guess I’ll have to ask Lan Zhan about it.”

“Does Lan Zhan know?” Wen Qing asks.

“Know what?”

“Know that you’re still in love with him?” Wen Qing clarifies.

Wei Ying lets out a choking noise. Why does she have to just say it out loud like that? Wei Ying tries his hardest not to think about the phrases “in love” and “Lan Zhan” together at all, for the sake of his own sanity and inner peace (Not that he started with a high level of either of those things before this whole mess started…).

“I’ll take that as a no,” Wen Qing says. “Well, you should also tell him that.”

Wei Ying sputters “I-I can’t just…I can’t just say that! Who do you think I am? Have I ever been emotionally forthcoming ever?”

“You know, emotional honesty is good for you,” Qingyang says.

“Emotional honesty makes me want to throw up,” Wei Ying answers.

“Just to reiterate,” Wen Qing cuts in. “You decided to pretend to date your ex again. You are now living with said ex. You lied to all of your closest friends and family members. You are also still very in love with your ex, who everyone thinks you’re dating again.”

“Your life is like…a sad sitcom,” Qingyang concludes. “It’s kind of funny sometimes, but mostly sad. And the story arcs get dragged out for way too long. And it’s hard to tell if it’s a tragedy or a comedy most times.”

“Huh,” Wei Ying says in a small voice. “That’s a creative way to put it.”

“Mianmian is right,” Wen Qing says. “This whole thing has been dragged out for too long. Get your shit together. Be honest with people. Maybe stop lying about how you’re living with your ex to mooch off of his air conditioning and high thread count sheets when you’re really just super disgustingly in love.”

Wei Ying tries to protest. “I wouldn’t say ‘super disgustingly in love’—"

“Shut up, you know I’m right,” Wen Qing interrupts. Another sigh. “God, I can’t believe you sometimes.”

“I can,” Qingyang says. “Don’t worry, Wei Ying, I have very little faith in your judgement.”

“Uh, am I supposed to thank you for that?” Wei Ying questions.

“You are ridiculous,” Wen Qing continues. “And you have made a series of poor life choices. But god, I really hope this all works out for you.”

“Oh wow,” Wei Ying says, feeling a little choked up. “That’s so nice? I love you too?”

“Ugh. Gross,” he hears Wen Qing says, but he knows that she means it in an affectionate way.

“Try to make good life choices from now on,” Wen Qing instructs. “Be honest with people. You were honest with me and Mianmian just now, and how did that turn out?”

She’s right. It did turn out rather nice in the end. Wei Ying needs to take Wen Qing and Qingyang out for lunch soon to thank them.

“Do your best. We’re wishing you good luck,” Wen Qing says. He hears shuffling in the background. “Now if you’ll excuse us, Mianmian really needs her daily boba fix right now. Bye!”

Wei Ying barely manages to squeeze in a rushed “talk to you soon” before the line disconnects. He decides that he could probably use some boba right now too. Then he checks the time, and it’s close enough to five that he won’t feel bad about taking off early. Screw his research paper. Polishing his research paper won’t make him feel fulfilled the way a good mouthful of boba will.

***

Be honest with people, Wen Qing had said. Try to make good life choices, she had suggested. Wei Ying is solidly doing neither of those things right now.

There are a series of unread WeChat messages sitting in his notifications, ranging from Jiang Cheng’s “he better not dump you again, I’ll break both his legs” to Jiang Yanli’s innocent “Is he still treating you well?”

Wei Ying doesn’t know how to respond. Continuing the lie feels…not good. But admitting to the lie also feels terrifying.

And so the only natural course of action is to—

“So when are you going to break-up with me?” Wei Ying blurts out.

Lan Zhan drops his chopsticks. The clattering sound makes Wei Ying wince. Lan Zhan neatly places his chopsticks back on top of his bowl.

“Sorry,” Lan Zhan says. “Could you repeat that?”

Wei Ying wishes the ground would just swallow him whole because, holy shit, it is kind of pathetic to ask your ex to fake-dump you again so you can stop lying to your family. But then again, Wei Ying supposes it would be even more pathetic to admit that he asked his ex-boyfriend to be his fake boyfriend for a wedding (He knows Jiang Yanli would be nice about it. Probably extremely disturbed and a little concerned for the state of his sanity, but nice. Jiang Cheng, on the other hand…Wei Ying might have a crippling inferiority complex 98% of the time but he will never tell Jiang Cheng he was stupid enough to think fake-dating his ex was a good idea. Because Wei Ying has standards. Low standards, but standards nonetheless).

Wei Ying tries to mask the fact he’s having his third or fourth emotional crisis of the week by forcing a smile. “Now that the wedding is over,” he starts, “we should probably coordinate a believable breakup story.” When Lan Zhan seems confused, Wei Ying hastily adds, “Jiang Cheng and Wen Qing and everyone won’t stop asking me about us so I think it’s probably a good time to just end the whole thing now so I don’t have to, like, keep on giving them false hope and stuff.”

“False hope?” Lan Zhan repeats.

“Yeah, false hope that I’ll finally shut up about being a lonely piece of shit,” Wei Ying jokes. Then he realizes that Lan Zhan looks concerned. “That was a joke, by the way. I’m not that annoying and desperate. Most of the time. Well.” Wei Ying considers for a moment. “That was mostly a joke,” he amends.

Wei Ying laughs. Lan Zhan looks uncomfortable. Wei Ying can tell that Lan Zhan looks uncomfortable because his mouth is pursed at the corners the way it always does when he’s unsure of how to process a situation. Wei Ying hates that he knows this. Wei Ying hates how he finds it kind of adorable. Ugh. Could Lan Zhan at least try to make this whole “I’m so fucking in love with you sometimes I feel like I might die just kidding I meant I feel like I might die all the time” thing easier on Wei Ying?

“We can figure it out later,” Wei Ying says, because Lan Zhan isn’t saying anything and maybe this was a bad idea and Wei Ying should just shut his mouth and try to enjoy the moment. Except how can he enjoy the moment when he knows he’ll be kicked out of Lan Zhan’s apartment and Lan Zhan’s life again at any given moment? God. No wonder his shoulders are so fucking tense all the time. How can he relax under these circumstances? He can’t. Fucking hell. Wei Ying wishes feelings weren’t real.

“I think,” Lan Zhan says, “you can just say something simple. For example, you could say ‘I lost interest’ or something to that effect.”

“So I should tell them you lost interest in me?” Wei Ying mentally reminds himself that it’s not real, it’s not real, none of this is real, and then his mind helpfully tells him that it is, in fact, slightly real because that’s exactly what happened last time and Wei Ying is fully prepared to bury himself under at least ten layers of Lan Zhan’s very nice, very expensive sheets so he can never see the light of day again. “That’s…a good idea. Very…believable. Haha.”

“No, that’s not what I meant.” Lan Zhan picks his chopsticks back up and picks up two (literally just two) grains of rice. “It will be easier on you if you say that you lost interest in me and decided to end things. They will ask less questions.”

And that. That…

What the fuck did Lan Zhan just say?

“Are you joking?” Wei Ying asks, feeling, frankly, more bewildered and confused than he’s ever felt in his life. More confused and bewildered than the time Jiang Cheng got drunk and told Wei Ying “you know I love you, right?” and that’s pretty impressive, because Jiang Cheng expressing unfiltered, genuine affection is something that happens, like, once every ten thousand years or something. Wei Ying still hasn’t recovered from the realization that Jiang Cheng actually feels emotions besides irritation and rage.

“I…did not intend for it to seem like a joke,” Lan Zhan answers. “I don’t understand.”

“Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying says in as calm of a voice as he can manage, “please. Look at me, look at you. Do you really think it’s believable to say I would ‘lose interest’ in you?”

“Do not look down on yourself,” Lan Zhan replies immediately.

“I’m not,” Wei Ying says, and it’s only a half-lie. But his self-esteem (or lack thereof) has nothing to do with the fact that Lan Zhan is, objectively and extremely quantifiably, the most perfect person to ever grace the face of the earth. It’s just, like, an accepted fact. “You’re just…you.”

“I am me?” Lan Zhan questions. “I don’t see what that has to do with—”

“You’re really good,” Wei Ying interrupts. “That’s what I mean. You’re just…really good.”

Lan Zhan is silent for a moment, and then—

“I see,” he says quietly, his eyes focused on his hands. From this angle, Wei Ying can see how the tips of Lan Zhan’s ears are pink. Wei Ying is amazed at how a small, barely coherent compliment is enough to fluster Lan Zhan. Lan Zhan’s too perfect sometimes. Lan Zhan cooks well. Lan Zhan recycles. Lan Zhan's ears turn pink when he’s flustered. Wei Ying wishes he could reach out and touch. And then he scolds himself because feeling up someone’s ears is a weird desire to have. But then again, Wei Ying always wants too much when it comes to Lan Zhan.

Wei Ying wishes he could take the small, quiet moments like these and immortalize them somehow. Put them in his pocket so he can take them out again and again to remember that it happened, that it was all real. God knows how much time Wei Ying has spent daydreaming about Lan Zhan, even when Wei Ying thought all he wanted was to be Lan Zhan’s friend. It feels like no matter what Wei Ying does, everything just circles back to Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan. Wei Ying wonders if he’ll ever get tired of missing Lan Zhan. Maybe this is just something he’ll need to get used to, this incessant longing, pressing down on his chest and aching in a way that feels oddly lovely sometimes.

It’s too much and too little at the same time, and still Wei Ying wishes he could have more. And that’s a dangerous thought. Too dangerous. Wei Ying’s heart feels like it’s about to burst. This is bad. So Wei Ying let’s his mouth take over for him.

“I’ll just tell everyone you dumped me again,” Wei Ying blurts out. “It’ll be fine.”

Lan Zhan’s face visibly falls before it shutters again into a carefully constructed expression of nonchalance. His ears aren’t pink anymore. Wei Ying hates himself. “Are you sure?” he questions. “I don’t think that will be very believable.”

“What’s not believable about it?” Wei Ying replies ruefully. “How can it not be believable when it’s already happened before?”

Wei Ying means it as a joke, but as he says it, he realizes that it doesn’t really seem that way. And maybe it wasn’t a very good joke to begin with. Wei Ying’s never been very good at hiding his emotions when it comes to Lan Zhan. Perhaps now is a good time to start learning.

Lan Zhan’s expression slips for a second, his eyes drooping in a way that seems almost sad. But Wei Ying’s just seeing what he wants to see.

Lan Zhan picks up three grains of rice with his chopsticks and places them in his mouth. Wei Ying follows Lan Zhan’s lead and focuses his attention back on his food. Lan Zhan keeps steadily placing rice in his mouth, a few grains at a time, until his bowl is empty. And then Lan Zhan is pushing away from the table, washing his bowl and chopsticks, and saying a quiet “good night, Wei Ying” before heading to his room.

Wei Ying doesn’t miss the way Lan Zhan didn’t say his usual “See you tomorrow, Wei Ying” this time.

***

If things were awkward before, now they’re ten times even more awkward. Wei Ying wouldn’t say that Lan Zhan is actively avoiding him, since that’s basically impossible given that they live together, but Lan Zhan is suspiciously more…absent from Wei Ying’s daily life. They still eat dinner together, but there’s very little interaction beyond the silence that stretches between them as their chopsticks clink, clink, clink again their bowls until the meal is over. Wei Ying washes the dishes alone now. Lan Zhan lets him.

Five days of silent dinners pass, and then on the sixth day, Lan Zhan sets his chopsticks down and inhales deeply. Wei Ying glances at Lan Zhan’s bowl. It’s empty. Wei Ying’s about to ask Lan Zhan if something’s wrong when Lan Zhan says, “My brother is visiting this weekend.”

And oh, this is something Wei Ying isn’t sure how to react to.

Theoretically, Wei Ying knows Lan Zhan has an older brother. Theoretically, this brother is named Lan Huan, lives in Suzhou, and does some job that pleases their uncle enough that their uncle is somewhat okay with Lan Zhan’s career choices. Theoretically, Lan Huan is kind, gentle, and very friendly, at least from what Lan Zhan has said. Theoretically, Lan Huan is very protective of his younger brother. And theoretically, Wei Ying is absolutely not ready to meet Lan Zhan’s brother.

“Should I, uh, plan on staying at the dorms this weekend then? I can clear out everything from the guest room in, like, two hours tops,” Wei Ying offers.

Lan Zhan frowns. Oh no. “He wants to meet you,” Lan Zhan says, and Wei Ying has to act like that statement isn’t the single most terrifying thing he’s ever heard, next to the one time Jiang Cheng asked him to imagine a world where spicy food didn’t exist anymore (and Wei Ying did try, for a whole three seconds, before the thought became so horrifying that he had to spend three days of eating nothing but spicy foods in order to recover).

“Oh,” Wei Ying says, trying to stay calm in the face of this terrifying new reality. “Really?”

Lan Zhan is looking at something past Wei Ying’s shoulder. “We have been friends for so many years,” he says, although the word “friends” sounds a bit strange to Wei Ying’s ears. “My brother is a bit curious about you.”

“Right,” Wei Ying replies. “That’s understandable.” Internally, Wei Ying wants to scream, but he exercises his self-control and keeps his expression as pleasant as possible. “What time is he planning on arriving?”

“Tomorrow evening,” Lan Zhan answers. “Would you be okay with having dinner with us tomorrow evening?”

“Sounds good,” Wei Ying says even as his mind starts to freak out. Tomorrow? He has one day to prepare himself for possibly the most nerve-wracking night of his life? Fucking hell, what is he even going to wear? There’s not enough time to plan!

And then that’s it. Lan Zhan nods and gets up to put his bowl and chopsticks in the sink. Wei Ying follows close behind. Lan Zhan says goodnight. Wei Ying says goodnight back.

Wei Ying takes twice as long to wash the dishes, too lost in thought to focus anymore, and his fingers are all pruney and weird by the end of it. He wonders what Lan Huan knows about him. He wonders what Lan Zhan has told Lan Huan about him. He wonders if he’s the sort of person Lan Zhan’s family can accept.

Wei Ying has never met any of Lan Zhan’s family members, but he knows enough to feel…worried about tomorrow. Lan Zhan’s parents passed away when both Lan Zhan and Lan Huan were young, and the two of them were raised by their uncle instead. And Lan Zhan’s uncle…Wei Ying is pretty sure that Lan Zhan’s uncle would hate him.

He only knows bits and pieces of the story from what Lan Zhan has said and from the way Lan Zhan conducts himself, but Wei Ying knows this much: Lan Zhan was raised to be as self-disciplined as possible. And Wei Ying is…well, he has over 9999 unread emails in his inbox and zero inclination to reduce that number. God. Lan Zhan’s family is going to hate him.

But then the next day rolls around and Wei Ying isn’t met by a man hellbent on destroying him and keeping him away from Lan Zhan. Instead, Lan Huan greets him with a smile. An actually genuine smile, not a menacing, creepy one. So Wei Ying allows himself to relax marginally.

They’re at the same Shanghainese restaurant where Wei Ying and Lan Zhan had lunch together several weeks ago. Wei Ying stuffed himself with some spicy sticks before arriving to satisfy his daily spice intake (some people measure food in calories, but Wei Ying, an intellectual, measures food in spice levels). The food is as bland and mild as Wei Ying predicted, which is good because he can focus on how much he hates the food instead of how much he feels like he shouldn’t be here.

Lan Zhan and Lan Huan are talking about something, and Wei Ying only catches bits and pieces of it as he picks at his food. Something about Lan Huan’s job, something else about one of their cousins moving back after living overseas for a few years, another thing about Lan Zhan’s bunnies are doing…It feels like so much, to be so viscerally reminded that there’s so much about Lan Zhan’s life that Wei Ying doesn’t know about. Lan Zhan’s met his entire family, but Wei Ying doesn’t even know the name of Lan Zhan’s uncle that literally raised him.

He tells himself that it’s okay, that it’s not on purpose. Lan Zhan is just naturally quiet; he’s not purposefully keeping parts of his life hidden from Wei Ying. But there’s a sourness that lingers in his mouth, the aftertaste of knowing that while Lan Zhan probably knows everything there is to know about him, Wei Ying has only seen certain sides of Lan Zhan.

The realization is jarring, but also somehow expected. Lan Zhan has always been such an intensely private person, to the point where Wei Ying could never quite tell where he stood with Lan Zhan. Even now, Wei Ying isn’t sure where he stands with Lan Zhan.

Wei Ying pushes his rice around his plate and then pushes it around some more. Then he starts separating the grains one by one. Yu-furen always told him not to play with his food. Wei Ying starts separating the grains faster. His vision starts to blur at the edges and then there’s a hand on his arm and Wei Ying tears his eyes away from all the grains of rice.

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan says, “are you alright?”

“Huh?” Wei Ying looks down at his plate and realizes it looks like a mangled mess. “I’m fine.”

“My brother was trying to ask you a question earlier, but you weren’t responding,” Lan Zhan says. From anyone else, the words would sound scolding. From Lan Zhan, they sound gentle and questioning.

Shit, Wei Ying thinks. I’m making a terrible first impression on Lan Zhan’s brother, aren’t I?

“Ah, I’m really sorry,” Wei Ying says to Lan Huan. “I got a little distracted…”

“No worries,” Lan Huan says easily, a kind smile still plastered to his lips. “I was just going to ask you about your current work. Lan Zhan has told me a few things, but I’d be interested to hear from you.”

Lan Zhan has told me a few things. Wei Ying might pass out.

“Ah, well…” Wei Ying hopes his smile doesn’t look too shaky. “It’s not all that interesting, but…” Wei Ying tries his best to give a very brief, very vague overview of what he’s done over the past year. Lan Huan keeps on smiling, nodding along and interjecting with well-worded questions when appropriate. Why is Lan Huan so nice? No one ever spends this much time listening to Wei Ying ramble about his research.

At some point Wei Ying runs out of things to ramble about. Lan Huan still has a serene smile on his face. Wei Ying resists the urge to flee the restaurant. Lan Zhan hasn’t said a single word since the start of Wei Ying’s rambling.

And then, Lan Huan says, “So A-Zhan told me that you two are living together now? How has that been? A-Zhan always said it was rather lonely to be living by himself in such a large apartment.”

There’s a glint in Lan Huan’s eyes that tells Wei Ying that he might not be as nice as Wei Ying thought he was.

“Ge,” Lan Zhan says quickly, an alarmed expression on his face. “When did I give you the impression that I am lonely?”

Lan Huan just keeps smiling. Wei Ying feels…strange. He feels as if he both absolutely shouldn’t be here and that he absolutely should. Lan Zhan glares at Lan Huan, whose smile doesn’t even waver under Lan Zhan’s gaze. There appears to be a silent argument between the two of them. Wei Ying glances between the two of them, trying to figure out what exactly is happening. Eventually Lan Zhan breaks eye contact. Lan Huan seems pleased by that.

Wei Ying isn’t sure if he should say anything, so he doesn’t. The silence stretches for a few seconds before Lan Zhan excuses himself to go pay for the meal. As soon as Lan Zhan leaves, Lan Huan’s smile turns a bit sharp.

“So,” Lan Huan starts. His tone is casual but the look in his eyes is not. Wei Ying feels his entire body go rigid. “Why exactly are you living with my brother now?”

Honestly, Wei Ying doesn’t even know anymore. “Lan Zhan is worried about me getting heat stroke,” Wei Ying replies.

“Heat stroke?” Lan Huan questions.

Wei Ying shrugs, a small helpless smile on his face. “Global warming is very scary! Keeling over and dying from heat exhaustion sounds like a terrible way to go, if you ask me.”

Lan Huan kind of looks like he wants to punch Wei Ying (which Wei Ying completely understands). “Why are you living with him?” Lan Huan repeats.

“I—Well.” Wei Ying feels like he might die from awkwardness. “He kind of asked me to?”

Lan Huan still doesn’t seem convinced, but he replies with, “I see.”

Wei Ying desperately hopes that this is the end of the conversation, and mercifully, Lan Huan is silent for a few seconds.

But then Lan Huan says, “Do not hurt my brother again.”

And Wei Ying feels like the ground is dropping out from underneath himself.

“What…What do you mean?” Wei Ying asks. How can I hurt someone who literally broke my heart?

“There was a period of time where A-Zhan was very happy. Then there was a period of time afterwards where he was not. It didn’t take me long to connect the dots.” Lan Huan’s tone is cold and furious, but his smile…Wei Ying’s starting to wonder just how long Lan Huan is capable of holding such a friendly smile.

“I don’t know what Lan Zhan has told you,” Wei Ying says, “but I suggest you ask him about it. Believe me, I’m the last person capable of hurting him.”

“Please, I see the way you look at each other,” Lan Huan says exasperatedly. “Do not treat me like a fool.”

And this…well, Wei Ying feels way too sober to dissect what Lan Huan is trying to imply. “I really think you’re mistaken,” Wei Ying replies. “Lan Zhan does not…” Does not what? Does not care for me the way I care for him? Does not know how much I would give just to see him every day, to see him looking back at me the way I look at him?

Lan Huan scoffs. “How can you say that? A-Zhan doubled his commuting time for you.”

“What do you mean?” Wei Ying doesn’t understand.

“Why do you think he’s renting an apartment that’s twice as far from his office than his previous one?” Lan Huan exclaims. “It was to be closer to you!”

Wei Ying is starting to realize that maybe he doesn’t understand anything at all anymore. When did Lan Zhan move? Why didn’t he tell Wei Ying? Why does Lan Huan seem so angry about it?

And then there’s a throat clearing and Lan Zhan is there, and it’s kind of impressive how quickly Lan Huan smooths his expression back out into something more friendly and less…Wei Ying can’t quite describe how Lan Huan looked earlier. Perhaps a cross between “murderous” and “bewildered”?

Lan Zhan and Wei Ying say goodbye to Lan Huan and walk back to the apartment together. It’s a Friday evening, and the sidewalks are crowded with students and delivery scooters and bicycles. Wei Ying keeps accidentally bumping into Lan Zhan’s side while trying to avoid the chaos of it all. He apologizes profusely every time, but then there’s another scooter speeding down the sidewalk and he’s bumping back into Lan Zhan’s side again and again and again.

Eventually, Lan Zhan seems to get a bit fed up with Wei Ying constantly jamming himself into Lan Zhan’s side and just. Wraps his arm around Wei Ying. And there Wei Ying is. Walking down a sidewalk while tucked safely into Lan Zhan’s side. It’s still hot as fuck outside, but the night heat is somehow more bearable than the daytime heat, and Wei Ying kind of likes being able to press his cheek against Lan Zhan’s shoulder as Lan Zhan guides them down the sidewalk, weaving around the bikes and the pedestrians with ease.

It’s so fucking hot, but Wei Ying doesn’t mind the warmth of Lan Zhan’s body next to his. He wonders what Lan Zhan is thinking. Does Lan Zhan feel anything at all? Can he feel how fast Wei Ying’s heart is racing right now? Can he feel how much Wei Ying wishes for things to be different? For Lan Zhan to hold him like this always, and not just because he’s tired of Wei Ying’s lack of coordination? Wei Ying wishes he could let himself be selfish, just this once.

And then it’s over, and Lan Zhan’s pulling away to scan his keycard to open the gate into the apartment complex. And even though Wei Ying is still sweating from the Beijing summer heat, he can’t help but feel just a little bit cold.

***

“Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying says once they’re back inside the apartment, “it’s September.”

Lan Zhan pauses for a moment, his hand hovering over Mooncake’s head. Then he exhales and resumes petting Mooncake. “Yes,” he finally answers. “Time has been passing quickly.”

“The summer’s almost over and, uh…” Wei Ying doesn’t quite know how to put this. “The heat is kind of bearable now?” It’s kind of not, but Wei Ying doesn’t need to say that. The point is that Lan Huan is right, this living arrangement is very bizarre, and Wei Ying needs to give Lan Zhan an out as soon as possible. That’s the reasonable thing to do, right?

“It is still unseasonably warm,” Lan Zhan points out. He stops petting the bunnies and turns to face Wei Ying. “But I am sensing that you are not trying to talk about the weather with me.”

Wei Ying sighs. It is still so easy for Lan Zhan to see right through him. And now there’s no more reason to talk around it, so Wei Ying asks, “When do you want me to move out?”

“It is up to you,” Lan Zhan answers immediately, because of course he’s still going to be the pinnacle of courtesy even when his ex-boyfriend is squatting at his apartment.

“You don’t need to be so polite,” Wei Ying says. “When you agreed to this, you probably didn’t mean for it to last forever, right?”

Lan Zhan is quiet for a few seconds, enough to make Wei Ying wonder if he’s said something wrong.

“I understand that you probably desire your own space again,” Lan Zhan says quietly. “I will not be offended if you choose to move out in the near future.”

“Lan Zhan, I…” Wei Ying feels like he’s at a loss for words, because it really sounds like Lan Zhan doesn’t really want him to leave. And that doesn’t make sense. Nothing makes sense anymore.

“The bunnies,” Lan Zhan says suddenly. “The bunnies would miss your presence dearly.”

“The bunnies would miss me,” Wei Ying repeats incredulously. “Okay.”

“I think they’ve grown quite attached to having you around again.” Lan Zhan isn’t making eye contact anymore, so Wei Ying knows this must be a half-truth.

“Lan Zhan…do you…” Wei Ying doesn’t understand anything anymore. “Do you actually want me to stay here even longer?”

“The bunnies would miss you,” Lan Zhan says again, and this time Wei Ying is certain that he’s not just talking about the bunnies.

And so Wei Ying finds himself saying “Okay then, I’ll do it for the bunnies.” He tries not to think too hard about the fact that this is the second time in two weeks that Lan Zhan has talked him out of moving out. He tries even harder not to think about how Lan Zhan just indirectly told him that he wants Wei Ying to stay. Nine months ago, Wei Ying probably would have given anything to hear that Lan Zhan wanted him to stay, but now that he has…Wei Ying just feels confused.

Lan Zhan has a strange look on his face, like there are more things he wants to say, but he seems to think better of it. Instead, Lan Zhan says, “See you tomorrow, Wei Ying” and Wei Ying repeats it back robotically, a little too lost in thought to do much else.

He watches Lan Zhan leave and hates how he notices the way Lan Zhan’s lips are just barely pressed together, like he’s stopping himself from saying something. Wei Ying desperately wishes he could know what Lan Zhan is thinking.

Wei Ying just barely stops himself from asking “Do you expect me to stay here forever?”

***

Lan Zhan leaves early the next morning to spend the day with his brother, presumably at whatever hotel Lan Huan is staying at for the weekend. Wei Ying sleeps in, tries and fails to reply to emails, finds that he is physically incapable of getting any work done today, and then spends the afternoon sitting on the couch while watching a very riveting university drama. One of the characters is crying while eating. It’s clearly meant to be a humorous scene, but Wei Ying just feels personally attacked. There’s nothing wrong with snacking while crying; it’s just another form of multitasking.

Wei Ying starts to lose interest in the drama quickly, but he feels too lethargic to reach for the remote to change the channel. So he just keeps on watching until his eyes are unseeing and his brain hasn’t absorbed a single detail from the past ten minutes.

Instead, he finds himself thinking. And usually thinking too much is rather dangerous for Wei Ying, but this time it feels a bit necessary. There’s just too many things to process, too many questions lingering in Wei Ying’s mind.

Do not hurt my brother again.

What did Lan Huan mean by “again”? When did Wei Ying ever hurt Lan Zhan? Why would he ever do that?

Part of Wei Ying is chanting “he dumped you he dumped you he dumped you” again in his head, but another part of him is wondering why. Wei Ying had made several assumptions before about Lan Zhan’s reasons, but Wei Ying’s starting to realize that maybe he hadn’t understood Lan Zhan as well as he thought he did.

Wei Ying’s raging inferiority complex wants to tell him that “you got dumped because you weren’t good enough,” but Wei Ying ignores it and tries to think about it logically. Well, “logically” is relative. It’s hard to be completely logical when he’s so emotionally invested.

One thing that Wei Ying knows is that Lan Zhan moved apartments to be closer to Wei Ying. It doesn’t seem like the kind of thing Lan Huan would just make up. It feels too in-character for Lan Zhan to be fake. Doubling your commute to be closer to someone…if that isn’t love, Wei Ying doesn’t know what is.

So at some point, Wei Ying’s feelings were reciprocated. He can’t keep lying to himself and telling himself Lan Zhan doesn’t care about him. That’s simply not true. All Lan Zhan has done in the past two months is make it clear that he definitely cares about Wei Ying. Why else would he let Wei Ying stay at his apartment for so long? Why else would he cook spicy food for Wei Ying literally every day? Why else would he put up with Wei Ying’s friends’ antics and Jiang Yanli’s fury?

There had been a time where Wei Ying had gotten too wrapped up in the idea of Lan Zhan being perfect. Too wrapped up in the idea of needing to make himself “good enough” for Lan Zhan and way too wrapped up in the idea that his job was to “win Lan Zhan over.” But Lan Zhan isn’t perfect. And maybe Wei Ying can convince himself that he is enough, or at least let himself realize that it’s not his place to decide what is and isn’t “enough” for Lan Zhan. 

God. Wei Ying feels like his third eye is finally open and he’s seeing the world clearly for the first time. This is scary. Wei Ying’s starting to realize that maybe he’s been getting it wrong all along. And maybe Lan Zhan’s been getting it wrong too.

Lan Zhan isn’t perfect. And that’s something Wei Ying can stand by, because in an ideal world, Wei Ying would have found out about Lan Zhan’s reasons for moving from Lan Zhan himself, and not from Lan Zhan’s furious older brother. In an ideal world, Lan Zhan would have said something more than “I do not think we’re romantically compatible” while breaking up with Wei Ying. In an ideal world, Lan Zhan would have told Wei Ying about his feelings and Wei Ying would have told Lan Zhan about his insecurities. Instead, Wei Ying is sitting on his ex-boyfriend’s couch and having a quarter-life existential crisis about his entire approach to romance.

This is too much. Wei Ying feels like he’s on the verge of psychoanalyzing every single one of his interactions with Lan Zhan in the last three months.

Wei Ying counts to ten in his head. Then he opens up his WeChat to call Jiang Yanli.

The xylophone ringtone makes it through two cycles before she picks up.

“A-Ying, is everything alright?” he hears her ask.

“Yeah, everything’s fine,” he finds himself answering automatically. “Um. How about you?”

“A-Ying, what’s bothering you?”

“Nothing!” Wei Ying says too quickly. “I, uh, just wanted to see how you and peacock boy have been holding up. Wait, not peacock boy. I mean you and b-broth…brother…in law.” Wei Ying gags involuntarily. Oh god, saying it out loud makes it feel so viscerally real. Wei Ying is related by marriage to a fucking peacock of a human. “Haha, sorry. Are you busy right now? Um. I can go now. Yeah, I think I’ll do that. Hope everything is well. Bye—”

“A-Xuan and I are fine,” Yanli says, a little more sharply than Wei Ying was expecting. “A-Ying, what in the world is going on with you? You don’t answer any of my messages for weeks and now you’re calling me to ask about my marriage?”

Wei Ying instantly feels awful, even though he knows she doesn’t mean it that way. “I’m sorry. I’m an awful brother, I know.” There’s probably a special place in hell for brothers that ghost their newlywed older sisters. Going to hell doesn’t particularly bother Wei Ying, but going to hell for wronging Jiang Yanli? Oh boy.

“That’s not what I meant,” Yanli replies. She sighs, and Wei Ying feels even worse for making her feel exasperated.

“I know, I’m just…” Wei Ying’s hand is shaking. “I want to unalive.”

“What?”

“Nothing. Uh.” There’s nothing good to say anymore; Wei Ying finds himself grasping at straws. “I’m sorry for not replying. I…haven’t really felt like myself lately.” More like, I’ve been so caught up in my own personal shitshow that I forgot how to be a decent human.

“A-Ying,” Yanli says quietly, and Wei Ying feels so, so bad, because she says it in a way that sounds so fucking sad. He didn’t call Yanli to make her sad, he called her to—

Well, he called her to make himself feel better, which honestly doesn’t make him feel like any more of a stellar human being.

So he pulls the phone a couple centimeters away from his ear and lets his thumb hover over the “End Call” button. This was a dumb idea. It’s not Yanli’s job to distract him from his problems, and really, Wei Ying should know better by now—

“What does ‘unalive’ mean?” Yanli suddenly says. “Is that a new slang term that I should know?”

“No, it’s just, uh, something I say sometimes.” Wei Ying’s blinking back tears now. He doesn’t know why. “Jie-jie, I lied to you. I lied to everyone. I’m really sorry.”

“Lied?” Yanli sounds alarmed. “What do you mean?”

“Lan Zhan and I never got back together. I asked him to pretend with me. Just for the wedding. It wasn’t…It wasn’t…” Wei Ying takes a deep breath as quietly as he can. “I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?”

“Because I lied.” Wei Ying scrubs at his eyes to make the wetness go away. “It was stupid.”

“Is this why you called me? Just to tell me about this?”

“No. I wasn’t going to tell you. I called because…” Wei Ying tucks himself into the corner of the couch and tries to make himself as small as possible. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. I’m not the best at it. I, um…” When I was little I used to go to you whenever I got upset, and you always knew how to make me feel better. “I don’t know. I just wanted to talk to you, I guess. I’m really sorry I didn’t reach out sooner.”

“It sounds like there’s been a lot going on, A-Ying. Is there something else you want to tell me?”

“I think I’m okay,” Wei Ying says in a small voice. “I don’t want to take up too much of your time just to talk about my problems or anything.”

“A-Ying, I’m your jie-jie,” Yanli replies, her voice gentle yet firm. “Of course I want to hear about your problems.”

Wei Ying lets out a watery laugh. “Yeah?” He supposes that he’s forgotten that he doesn’t need to treat himself as a burden with the people that care about him.

“Yeah,” Yanli affirms, and he can practically hear the smile in her voice. “Tell me everything.”

“Well,” Wei Ying isn’t really sure where to begin. “Lan Zhan and I are living together right now.”

“Really? But I thought…”

“Yeah, it’s, um…Yeah, it’s really fucking weird, I know.” Wei Ying sniffles as subtly as he can. “You know how the dorms don’t have air-conditioning? He was worried about me getting overheated and stuff so he offered me his spare bedroom and yeah. I’ve tried to talk to him about moving out a couple of times, but he keeps convincing me to stay.” He pauses and reminds himself that emotional honesty is a good thing, even if it makes him want to puke most of the time. “I, um, kind of like that he keeps asking me to stay.”

“Why do you think you feel that way?”

“I think…” Wei Ying sighs. “Living together feels so…intimate? Even though it’s not actually like that. I think I just missed him a lot. Well. I think I still love him.”

“Oh, A-Ying…”

“But I think he might love me too?” Wei Ying’s voice is barely above a whisper. “I think I just need to hear him say it. I really want him to. I just don’t know how to…I don’t know. I feel scared.”

“It’s okay to feel scared. This is a complicated situation.” Yanli makes a small humming noise. “If you’re okay to talk about it, what do you think went wrong the first time around?”

“I think we didn’t understand each other. And we didn’t talk enough either. I…I went into it believing that I was more attached and more emotionally invested. I was really insecure. Well, I still am really insecure, and that’s something I should, uh, try to work on.” Wei Ying huffs out a small laugh. “There’s a lot of things I should work on. Wen Qing told me to work on being more emotionally transparent.”

Yanli laughs. “Well, she’s absolutely right.”

“She usually is,” Wei Ying says fondly.

“So you were insecure and not very honest about your feelings. What about Lan Zhan then? What was he like?”

“Uh…” Wei Ying struggles to put it into words. “Emotionally unavailable? Wait, maybe that’s not the best way to put it.” Wei Ying thinks a little harder. “I think there were a lot of things he didn’t tell me, and maybe they were the sorts of things that I really needed him to say out loud. And I think we both made assumptions about what the other person wanted.”

“Communication is really important,” Yanli says. “A-Xuan and I struggled with it for years. But there has to come a point where you stop guessing and assuming.”

“Yeah, I think that’s something I’m slowly starting to figure out…” Wei Ying inhales deeply. “It’s just so strange. I’m realizing that I’ve been wrong about so many things, and I want…” I want to see Lan Zhan. I hope he comes home soon. I want to tell him everything. “I want to be better.”

“A-Ying?”

“Jie-jie?”

“I’m really proud of you.”

“Oh. Thank you. That means a lot.” Wei Ying sniffles again and finds himself laugh-crying some more.

“A-Ying, I think you know what you need to do now.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“I hope you know you can call me no matter what happens.”

“Yeah,” Wei Ying chokes back some more tears. “I know.”

“Okay, as long as you know,” Yanli says. “I have to go now. A-Xuan’s parents are coming over for dinner soon and I haven’t even finished cutting up all the vegetables.” She lets out a small giggle, and then—

“I believe in you, A-Ying.”

Wei Ying doesn’t get a chance to respond before the call ends. Yanli’s words feel like a physical weight in his chest, letting him know that he’s okay and that everything is going to be okay.

***

Wei Ying feels absolutely unhinged for the rest of the afternoon, now that he’s gone through a disturbingly large amount of personal growth over the course of three hours or so. This is probably the worst (or maybe the best) existential crisis he’s ever had, and Lan Zhan wasn’t even around to see it! Which is such a shame, really, because Wei Ying knows Lan Zhan gets a real kick out of it whenever Wei Ying enters his Dramatic Realizations Mode.

Wei Ying orders takeout, eats it thoughtfully (i.e. as slowly as possible with his eyes glued to the door in case Lan Zhan comes back), watches some more TV, scrolls mindlessly through Weibo, and then artfully screams into a pillow because it’s 8 fucking PM why isn’t Lan Zhan back already holy fucking shit.

So Wei Ying decides to make some tea. He doesn’t even like tea. He’s so unhinged that he stands beside the stove to wait for the water to boil, tries to distract himself by watching the flames lick the bottom of the kettle, claps his hands as the kettle starts to whistle. God. What has his life become?

He digs through Lan Zhan’s tea cabinet, because of course Lan Zhan has one. Wei Ying stares at the labels and tries to guess which ones are expensive. He spends twenty minutes looking up different tea types and tea brands on Baidu before he finds one that seems somewhere closer to reasonably priced instead of close to Wei Ying’s entire net worth.

By the time he settles on the tea, the water isn’t really hot anymore, so Wei Ying decides to re-boil it. He does a little victory dance when the kettle whistles this time. He digs through the cabinets to find a teapot, but oh god, these all look extremely fancy and antique-like and under no circumstances will Wei Ying allow himself to touch any of them when he’s feeling unhinged enough to dance along to the sound of boiling water.

So Wei Ying grabs a large bowl, probably meant for serving soup or stew, and fills it with boiling water. He sprinkles what seems like a respectable amount of tea leaves (three handfuls, no more, no less) over it and watches the little leaves unfurl and float on the surface. Something about this feels very wrong, but the water is turning green and Wei Ying takes that as a good sign.

It takes three minutes for all the leaves to unfurl in the water, and the water is a very deep greenish brown. Wei Ying isn’t sure if his attempt at making tea has been successful or not, but he definitely made some type of leaf water, which is basically what tea is, right?

He touches the side of the bowl with a knuckle and hisses because holy fuck, that’s hot. He sucks on his knuckle and then runs it under some cold water in the kitchen sink, just for good measure. The skin is all red and Wei Ying sighs and pouts at it.

He sets his leaf water creation on the dining table and sits down before gingerly lowering his head to blow on it. An alarming amount of steam wafts off the surface. Wei Ying sniffs a couple times and determines that the steam has a light, somewhat pleasant smell. Hopefully that means it won’t taste like complete and utter shit.

He steels himself mentally and then places his hands on the side of the bowl. It’s still too hot. Wei Ying gets up to grab a soup spoon. He dunks the spoon into the bowl and steels himself again. There’s still so much steam rising from his concoction, but it seems relatively safe to consume.

The door clicks open as Wei Ying is debating whether or not to consume a spoonful. Wei Ying startles and drops the spoon. Hot leaf water splashes all over the table and his shirt. Wei Ying hisses and glares at the leaf water, personally offended at its betrayal.

“I created you!” he says sternly. “How could you do this to me?”

“Wei Ying?” Lan Zhan questions. “Are you alright? I did not mean to alarm you.”

It takes Wei Ying a moment to process that the love of his life just watched him yell at an inanimate object and as soon as it does, Wei Ying feels his neck heat with embarrassment.

“Haha…” he laughs weakly. “Hello…Lan Zhan…” He stares at the mess of water on the table and on his shirt. Lan Zhan probably wants some semblance of an explanation for this. “I made tea?”

Lan Zhan sits in the chair across from Wei Ying. “Is that a soup bowl?”

“Maybe.” Wei Ying picks up the spoon and stirs it a little.

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan says, his voice both exasperated and amused, “I own several teapots for this exact purpose.”

“Yeah, I know,” Wei Ying replies, “but they seemed a little…vintage to me.”

“Vintage?” Lan Zhan questions.

“Yeah, like fancy and old. But old in a charming way, you know?” Wei Ying waves free hand. “Anyway, I didn’t want to break anything expensive, so I opted for the bowl method.”

“The bowl method,” Lan Zhan repeats. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard of ‘bowl method’ before.”

“That’s because I invented it! Just now!” Wei Ying gives his best charming smile and feels gratified when Lan Zhan’s eyes do that softening thing where he’s basically smiling without moving a single muscle in the lower half of his face.

And then Lan Zhan glances down at the contents of the bowl. A furrow appears between his eyebrows. “Wei Ying,” he says, “how many tea leaves did you use?”

Wei Ying resists the urge to wince. “Uh…like, a couple handfuls or so?”

“I see.” Lan Zhan straightens up and places his hands neatly on the table. “You must like your tea very, very strong then.”

It hits Wei Ying almost all at once. Lan Zhan’s questioning of the use of the bowl, the alarmed look on his face when he saw the contents of the bowl…Wei Ying has made tea in the most sacrilegious manner possible…and Lan Zhan has seen the whole thing.

“Oh shit, oh fuck,” Wei Ying mumbles to himself in horror. Lan Zhan loves tea. Wei Ying has committed a heinous crime by making this…this…this weird oversaturated leaf soup. He pokes at the lifeless leaves floating on the surface of the tea. He reminds himself that he doesn’t even like tea. Why did he do this to himself?

Lan Zhan looks even more concerned. “Wei Yi—” he starts.

But Wei Ying is already dunking the spoon into the leaf soup and shoving a spoonful into his mouth. And then immediately regrets it because all he can feel for three agonizing seconds is hot, hot, hot, oh my god everything is burning and then he swallows and fuck, now my throat is burning too and then the bitterness of the tea’s aftertaste hits him and it’s disgusting and now Wei Ying has to sit with the knowledge that he just burned the entire inside of his mouth and the lining of his throat and swallowed no less than three tea leaves in front of the only man he has ever loved. His eyes are watering from both pain and humiliation. He doesn’t even like tea.

Wei Ying has heavy regrets.

“Wei Ying? Are you alright?” Lan Zhan asks.

Wei Ying sighs and hangs his head. “Mistakes have been made,” he says. “Many mistakes.”

“I take it that your tea did not please your senses?”

“Something like that.” Wei Ying lets the spoon drop back into the bowl. “Remind me to never, ever attempt to make tea ever again for as long as I live.”

“Mn.” Lan Zhan rises and picks up the bowl with an unfair amount of grace. “If you want tea in the future, just ask and I will make it for you.”

Wei Ying stares at Lan Zhan for a moment, feeling a bit speechless. “You really are like this, aren’t you?”

“Like what?”

Romantic without even trying. “Nothing,” Wei Ying mutters, hating how his heart is already starting to flutter weirdly inside his chest.

Lan Zhan drains the liquid out of the bowl and throws away the tea leaves while Wei Ying wipes off the table. Wei Ying checks his phone. It’s nearing 8:30 now so if he wants to have this conversation with Lan Zhan, he needs to do it soon before Lan Zhan passes out cold at 9PM.

Wei Ying sits on the couch and takes a deep breath. He can do this. It’s going to be fine. More than fine, even. He reminds himself that communicating and being vulnerable is good...sometimes.

“Hey, Lan Zhan?” Wei Ying calls. “Um. I have some things I want to tell you.”

Wei Ying waits for Lan Zhan to have a seat next to him on the couch.

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan says, “what is it?”

“I…” God, for all that Wei Ying has been looking forward to this, he really has no idea where to even start. Maybe this will go better if he gets Lan Zhan to talk a little first. “So…if you’re okay with talking about it, could you tell me why you broke up with me?”

Lan Zhan stiffens, and then says, “At that time, I did not think we were romantically compatible.”

“I know. I remember what you said.” Wei Ying swallows. “But what did you mean by ‘not romantically compatible’? What sorts of things made you reach that conclusion?”

Lan Zhan hesitates for several seconds before meeting Wei Ying’s eyes. “I could tell you were unhappy,” he finally says. “I knew that we were drawing towards an inevitable conclusion, and I thought it would be best to not prolong the process.”

“I seemed unhappy?” Wei Ying stares at Lan Zhan in surprise.

“Yes,” Lan Zhan answers. “You appeared…distant, to me.”

“That’s interesting,” Wei Ying mutters. “I could say the same for you.”

Another pause. And then—

“You were changing,” Lan Zhan says, his voice barely above a soft whisper, “into a person I could barely recognize.”

“What do you mean?” Wei Ying prompts, even though he has a feeling that he knows what Lan Zhan is referring to.

“You grew quieter. More hesitant. Less bright. You tried to make yourself appear smaller.” Lan Zhan looks down at his hands. “You stopped smiling at me the way you did before.”

“Ah,” Wei Ying says simply.

“You were unhappy,” Lan Zhan says, “because of me. Because of our relationship. That’s why I said I didn’t think we were romantically compatible.”

“I wasn’t…Lan Zhan, I was never unhappy,” Wei Ying says. He inhales, and remembers Yanli and Wen Qing’s advice. Honesty. “I don’t think I’ve ever felt happier than when we were together.”

A light crease forms between Lan Zhan’s brows. “Then why…”

“I was scared,” Wei Ying says quickly, and then cringes because oh my god, that’s such a vague and cliché and somewhat vulnerable thing to say, who am I? “Uh. Okay. This is going to sound stupid. Try not to judge me too hard, alright?”

Lan Zhan gives a solemn nod. Wei Ying feels his face pinch together because oh god, here it goes.

“I started acting weird because I was worried that, um…” Wei Ying sighs and tries very hard not to lose his nerve. He wonders if he’ll ever be able to make it through a conversation about feelings without wanting to hurl himself into the sun. The answer is probably no. The best solution is to just stare at his hands and pretend that he’s talking to himself. “I was worried that you didn’t like me so I tried to change and stuff ahahaha it was really unsmart of me,” he says in a rush, almost wheezing for breath at the end.

Miraculously, Lan Zhan understands. “You thought I didn’t…like you?”

Wei Ying gives a small nod. “I don’t know. It just seemed like you were trying your best to tolerate me and I just felt really bad. Because I know I can be annoying and stuff and so I just thought, hey, what if I tried to not be like that for a little bit? Would Lan Zhan like that better? And yeah…yeah…”

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan says, the crease between his brows deepening, “why would I date someone that I don’t like?”

“I wondered the same thing!” Wei Ying says, nervously laughing in hopes that it’ll cover up the fact that he’s literally baring all of his worst insecurities to the person who matters most to him. “And then I thought, oh he’s just humoring me because he knows how much I like him and he doesn’t want to hurt my feelings so he’s giving me a chance and now I just have to try really hard not to fuck it up! So…I just…”

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan says, his face looking as close to aghast as Wei Ying’s ever seen it, “I thought…I felt like I was draining the life out of you.”

“You weren’t.” Wei Ying gives a rueful smile. “It was all me, don’t worry.”

“No, I…” Lan Zhan stares at Wei Ying for a moment and then looks away. His ears are faintly pink. “Wei Ying, I have loved you since freshman year.”

“You…What?” Of all things, Wei Ying hadn’t been expecting that. I like you, sure. I care about you and want to be with you again, also plausible. But…but…

“Lan Zhan, are you…are you being serious? That long?”

Lan Zhan nods minutely. “I thought you knew.”

“How was I supposed to know?”

“I never tried to hide it.” Lan Zhan is staring down at his hands now. “I thought you knew. I thought that was why…”

“Why what?”

“I thought you knew, and that because of it, you wanted to…date me. I thought you just wanted to allow me the opportunity.”

“Allow you the opportunity?” Wei Ying repeats, disbelieving. “Lan Zhan, I didn’t know. I really didn’t, and I wanted to date you because—” Wei Ying cuts himself off, feeling his face turn hot. “You know.”

Lan Zhan’s expression is settled back into its usual careful indifference. “Some things deserve to be said aloud.”

“Do you really need me to—” Wei Ying lets out a huff and buries his face in his hands. “I love you, okay? There. Oh my god.”

Lan Zhan’s face doesn’t exactly look smug, because Lan Zhan is above looking smug, but he definitely looks…pleased. There’s a tiny smile tugging at the corners of his lips, and Wei Ying gets it, he really does, because he’s also reeling from finding out that Lan Zhan has loved him for, like, five whole years, apparently. What the fuck.

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan says eventually, “I have never thought of you as annoying.”

“Well, I know that now, but back then, I was just so caught up in overthinking everything that I just—”

“Wei Ying, I have always liked you. Loved you.”

“Lan Zhan, you don’t need to say all this stuff. I get it now, I swear. I—”

“Wei Ying, please.” Lan Zhan carefully takes one of Wei Ying’s hands and places it between his own. “I should have told you these things sooner. Let me say them to you now.”

And oh, is this how it feels to be bashful? “O-Okay,” Wei Ying says shyly. “Go ahead, Lan Zhan.”

“Wei Ying, I want to spend every day and every night with you.”

Wei Ying chokes. That’s a lot to take in.

“C-Cool,” Wei Ying stutters out. “Same.”

“Wei Ying, I wish to never be parted from you. I will stay by your side for as long as you allow it.”

This is a lot for Wei Ying to process, given that he has spent the last ten or so months in a state of “I’m allergic to romance” and now he’s having one of those “oh my god have you ever loved someone so much your entire worldview shifted because of them” moments. How does Wei Ying respond to Lan Zhan’s confession of undying love? He’s not as good with words; he prefers speaking first and thinking later, but now he’s thinking way too much and no, he definitely needs to say something—

“Lan Zhan, I wanna recycle with you and write angry Dazhong Dianping reviews with you and take care of the bunnies with you and literally anything else, as long as it’s you. And I wanna listen to your climate change rants while I ignore my five digits of unread emails and—”

Lan Zhan yawns behind one of his hands. Wei Ying snaps his mouth closed and realizes that it’s close to ten. It’s a miracle that Lan Zhan is still awake, really.

“Uh, never mind. We can talk more tomorrow.” Wei Ying squeezes Lan Zhan’s hand.

Lan Zhan blinks sleepily and gives a small nod.

“You must be pretty tired,” Wei Ying says. “You spent the whole day with your brother, right?” Another nod from Lan Zhan. And then, “Oh. Lan Zhan, I don’t think your brother likes me. Like, at all.” Wei Ying remembers the threatening glint in Lan Huan’s eyes from yesterday. “I’m a little scared of him, to be honest.”

“Mn. I will talk to him tomorrow.” And then Lan Zhan rises and gives Wei Ying another small, rare smile. Wei Ying’s heart sings. “See you tomorrow, Wei Ying.”

“See you tomorrow, Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying replies back easily.

Wei Ying waits until he hears Lan Zhan’s bedroom door click shut before grabbing the nearest throw pillow and screaming into it.

***

Wei Ying spends thirty minutes lying like a starfish in bed, filled with so much elation that it kind of terrifies him. Is it okay to feel this happy? Is it safe to feel this happy?

He contemplates wandering into the kitchen and chugging a bottle of Lao Gan Ma, but then decides against it because he doesn’t want to be too noisy while Lan Zhan is sleeping. He contemplates screaming into a pillow again, but screaming into a pillow loses its gloss and attractiveness after the first couple of times. He contemplates calling Yanli again, but she’s probably exhausted after cooking and entertaining her in-laws (who are certifiably among the worst of humanity, according to everyone who has had the misfortune of interacting with them…well, Jin Zixuan’s mother is alright sometimes but his father is…honestly, for all that Wei Ying hates on Jin Zixuan he has to say he’s amazed at how decent Zixuan turned out given that his father is Jin Guangshan).

It’s a Saturday, which means Wen Qing is definitely working right now, so Wei Ying can’t pester her either. That leaves—

“Hi, are you calling to update me on your sad sitcom of a life?” Qingyang asks sarcastically. “Wait, let me guess. You’re still living with your ex and you still haven’t properly talked and now you’re having your fifth or sixth existential crisis of the week and you need help and advice.”

“Wow, it’s like you’re spying on me or something,” Wei Ying says. “Kind of scary. But also kind of in-character for you?”

“No, I don’t have the time nor the interest to spy on you. Why would I do that when I can just listen to you whine to me when you fuck up every couple of weeks?”

“Harsh.” Wei Ying feels his face scrunch up in a wide grin. “Well, you’re kind of right, kind of wrong. I am still living with Lan Zhan, but we’re not exes anymore, I think? Because I did in fact muster up the courage to feel a feeling and be emotionally transparent for once. And it went good! But, like, I am definitely having an existential crisis right now. I’m so happy it’s scaring me?”

“Congrats,” Qingyang replies. “I honestly thought it would be another month or so of ‘oh, it’s still not freezing outside so Lan Zhan wants me to stay!’ or ‘oh, you haven’t felt the bliss of a thousand thread count sheet, I could never give this up!’ or ‘oh, I’m just emotionally attached to the bunnies, haha’ before you’d finally get your shit together. You’re really talented at lying to yourself.”

“I’m talented? Wow, that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

“Maybe your new toxic trait is only hearing what you want to hear.” He hears her sigh. “Although I guess that’s still a step-up from being extremely emotionally stunted and being terrified of any semblance of vulnerability.”

“Is this your way of saying you’re proud of me?” Wei Ying teases.

“Maybe.” There’s some rustling on the line. “Fuck, where’s the wine?” He hears Qingyang mutter to herself. “I can’t be stone cold sober for this conversation.”

“Oh, come on. It won’t be that bad,” Wei Ying says. “I’m just asking my good friend who has been in a long-term relationship for advice on how to, like, not fuck it all up in one day.”

“Good friend,” Qingyang repeats. “Fucking hell, I know you’re only calling because Wen Qing is working right now.”

“You’re my friend too!” Wei Ying protests. “And maybe I am not just a massive inconvenience, but also a friend to you as well, hopefully?”

“Sure,” Qingyang says blandly. It’s as close as she’s ever gotten to admitting it. He hears the sound of a wine bottle opening. “Okay, I have my wine. Please continue. Try to make it entertaining, please.”

Wei Ying gives a small, nervous laugh. “So I stopped being a coward and I told Lan Zhan that I love him, right? Well, I did it in a kind of roundabout way. First, I asked him why he broke up with me.”

“Uh huh, and how did that go for you?”

“Well, at first he was like ‘we just weren’t romantically compatible’ then I pushed him a little and he was like ‘I could tell you were unhappy’ and I was like ‘no, I wasn’t unhappy what are you talking about.’” Wei Ying sighs. “So that was a fun conversation.”

“Hm, yeah. You two are so fucking weird together.”

“Then Lan Zhan was like ‘I’ve been in love with you for five years’ and I was just like ‘whoa, really’ and then I was like ‘bro, I love you too.’ And then it got super sappy and Lan Zhan was saying all this super romantic stuff to me and I blanked and tried to say romantic things back but then he got sleepy because it was like an hour past his normal bedtime. And yeah. That’s all.”

“Wow,” Qingyang says. “That sounds so much like you guys.”

“Uh…thanks?”

“Yeah, sounds like you guys had a really nice, honest conversation about feelings finally which is objectively lovely and good and healthy. Ugh.”

“Thank you.” Wei Ying twists his free hand into the sheets. “It was so weird? Like it felt good after, but it was also the worst? Yeah. But at least I know Lan Zhan…” Wei Ying feels his face heat. “At least I know Lan Zhan like likes me.”

“Like likes you,” Qingyang repeats. “God. Disgusting.”

“Disgusting?” Wei Ying questions. “Me being happy is disgusting? That’s pretty harsh. If I were a lesser human, I might even feel offended.”

“Ugh, not like that,” Qingyang says. “I mean like…you two are so sickening together. You two look at each other like…I don’t even know how to describe it. You look at him like he’s offered you a lifetime supply of spicy sticks. He looks at you like you personally hung all the stars. I hate it.”

“What?” Wei Ying tries very hard to remember the wedding and if he did, in fact, appear to be disgustingly in love with Lan Zhan. And then he remembers that he’s never been good at controlling his facial expressions around Lan Zhan. “Oh. Whoops.”

“Yeah. I was holding hands with my girlfriend, and you two weren’t even together, but I still felt like a fucking third wheel. That’s how bad it was.”

“Well…I’m sorry?” Wei Ying offers.

“Oh my god.” He hears Qingyang groan. “It pains me to say this, but you two definitely belong together so I’m just thankful that you’ve gotten over your shit and things are finally the way they should be.”

“Are you…Are you giving us your seal of approval? Your everlasting blessing? Your wish for our eternal happiness?”

Another sigh. “Yeah, I suppose I am.”

“Oh my god, I’m gonna fucking cry,” Wei Ying announces.

“Please don’t. I’m not tipsy enough to handle you crying to me over the phone.”

“Okay, just for you, I won’t.”

“You guys still have a lot of shit to work through, you know,” Qingyang says.

“Yeah, I know,” Wei Ying replies. “Not really sure where to even begin, to be honest.”

“Well, both of you think the other one is less emotionally invested and didn’t communicate your insecurities and made a shitton of incorrect assumptions. So maybe start there.”

“How did you and Wen Qing do it?” Wei Ying asks.

“Do what?”

“Figure out how to communicate and not be super insecure and just, I don’t know, be a functional, healthy couple?”

“Lots and lots of practice,” Qingyang answers. “It was pretty hard at first, but you just have to trust each other to be honest and speak up about the things that are bothering you. You have to have, like, an expectation of honesty and mutual respect.”

“So you just…go out there and say ‘hey my biggest insecurity is being abandoned by everyone I love because I’m not enough and I need you to give me reassurance and validation, haha thanks’?”

“Kind of. You could probably do it in a more eloquent way. Work it into a conversation instead of just blurting it out, maybe. But yeah, most of the time you just gotta suck it up and be honest.”

“That sounds kind of terrible.”

“It is, but only the first couple of times.” Qingyang clears her throat. “I feel like I should mention that for most people being honest isn’t inherently an awful experience but obviously both you and I are exceptions to that. So we have to put more effort into making ourselves uncomfortable so that our partners know how we’re doing.”

“Yeah, that makes sense.” Wei Ying sighs. “I’m gonna have to have one of those uncomfortable conversations soon, aren’t I?”

“The sooner, the better,” Qingyang agrees. “But hopefully it’s less scary now that you know for sure that the other person has an emotional stake in this, too.”

“Yeah, definitely less scary than before…but still scary.” Wei Ying laughs. “You’re so wise when you’re wine-drunk.”

“Shut up,” Qingyang says immediately. “I can’t believe I subjected myself to this conversation. I’m hanging up now. Wen Qing is coming home in a half hour and I don’t want her to find me chugging wine straight out of the bottle while consoling our struggling mutual friend over the phone. Doesn’t exactly set the mood, if you get what I’m saying.”

“Pfft, have fun cuddling your girlfriend and dealing with your hangover tomorrow,” Wei Ying says. “I hope to one day achieve a quarter of the emotional stability you and Wen Qing have combined.”

“That’s a difficult goal to reach. Good luck. Bye. Have fun being disgustingly in love and happy with your boyfriend.” A slight pause and a sigh. “You deserve it.”

And this time, Wei Ying does actually cry from how touched he is.

***

Wei Ying wakes up to the sound of shuffling in the kitchen. He blinks the sleep out of his eyes and makes his way to the kitchen. There’s a bowl of red-orange congee on the table along with a dish of zhacai.

“Holy fuck,” Wei Ying says, looking over to where Lan Zhan is still hovering in the kitchen. It looks like he’s making tea (the proper way, not the Wei Ying way, thankfully). “I’m, like, so fucking in love with you.”

Lan Zhan’s lips curl into a small smile. Wei Ying grins so hard his face feels like it’s splitting in two. He pinches himself under the table, just in case. He hides his wince. Now his face and his thigh hurt. Wonderful.

“Good morning,” Lan Zhan says. He hesitates for a moment. “I…fancy you. As well.”

“Fancy?” Wei Ying questions in a teasing tone. “I thought we were past that. What about all those nice things you said last night?” Wei Ying lowers his voice into a pale imitation of Lan Zhan’s. “I wish to never be parted from you. Wei Ying, I have loved you since freshman year. Wei Ying, you are the best thing in the entire universe and it would be really great if everyone else, especially your advisor, would recognize that and maybe give you a fucking raise for mentoring all those tiny, clueless undergrads!”

Lan Zhan’s ears are pink. Wei Ying wonders if seeing Lan Zhan’s pink ears will ever feel any less devastating.

“Perhaps my memory is failing me,” Lan Zhan finally says, “but I do not seem to recall saying that last sentence out loud.”

“But you were definitely thinking it, right?” Wei Ying teases. “It was definitely part of your internal monologue at some point in time?”

Lan Zhan huffs softly, and Wei Ying has to try not to keel over from how cute Lan Zhan looks when he laughs. “It is plausible,” he says.

Wei Ying lets out a delighted laugh and tucks into the spicy congee. Lan Zhan pours himself a cup of tea and joins Wei Ying at the table. Wei Ying’s halfway through his congee when he remembers Qingyang’s advice.

He sets his spoon down and tries to give his best, friendly smile. “So,” he says.

Lan Zhan instantly sets his own spoon down. “Yes?”

Oh god, Wei Ying thinks to himself, is there any good way to start this conversation?

“We…should probably talk,” he says, clenching his teeth together because holy fuck, he made that sound so ominous for no reason.

Lan Zhan doesn’t seem to mind. “Mn,” he hums. Wei Ying takes that as his cue to start rambling for a little bit.

“So…once upon a time, I heard from someone that, uh, relationships thrive on healthy communication? I’m, like, not super sure about how true that claim is, but my source was fairly reliable and trustworthy, given that she’s a good ten thousand times more functional and emotionally stable than me.” Wei Ying twists his hands together underneath the table. “So yeah…healthy communication is, um, definitely worth a shot?”

“Yes,” Lan Zhan agrees.

Wei Ying barrels on. “I know I have a tendency to just pretend that I don’t have emotions or that I don’t feel anything except crippling existential dread, but deep, deep, deep, like super fucking deep down I actually do feel things and, um…I will try to be more open about how I’m feeling in the future?”

“Mn.” Lan Zhan gives a small nod. “This is a good plan.”

“And…and Lan Zhan, you…” Wei Ying hesitates and tries to telepathically tell Lan Zhan what he’s trying to say by making his eyes super wide and giving Lan Zhan a really unnecessarily intense stare.

Lan Zhan gets the message. “I will also try.”

Wei Ying exhales in relief. That wasn’t so awful after all. Wei Ying feels…like not throwing up after talking about feelings? That’s new. “Okay. Great. That sounds wonderful.”

They go back to eating their congee. Something is still needling at the back of Wei Ying’s mind. Wei Ying finishes before Lan Zhan, and he ends up staring at the red-orange residue of the chili oil on the sides of the bowl, trying to figure out what exactly is bothering him so much. And then it hits him.

“Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying says suddenly, “what’s your uncle’s name?”

Lan Zhan looks vaguely startled. “Why are we talking about my uncle?”

“Well…I was just thinking…Your uncle is the man who raised you, right?” Wei Ying waits for Lan Zhan to nod before continuing. “Yeah, so…Not to be overdramatic or anything like that, but you’ve literally met my entire family and I don’t even know your uncle’s full name. Uh. I don’t know. Do you get what I’m trying to say?”

Lan Zhan’s eyes light with understanding. “Yes. I have been…unintentionally secretive.”

Wei Ying gives Lan Zhan a questioning look. “Is it…really unintentional though? I know you value your privacy and I respect that. Just…” Wei Ying trails off helplessly.

“I have nothing to hide from you,” Lan Zhan says. A pause, and then, “My uncle’s name is Lan Qiren. I apologize for not telling you sooner. It was not my intention to hide anything.”

Wei Ying exhales in relief again. “Cool. Very cool.” Wei Ying briefly debates with himself on whether or not to ask his next question, but Lan Zhan’s face looks so open and earnest and well, Wei Ying really needs to know the answer to this question. “Um. So your brother may or may not have mentioned to me that you moved into this apartment because of me. Is that…Is that true?”

Lan Zhan’s ears are turning pink again. There’s a beat of silence, then Lan Zhan says softly, “Yes, it is true.”

Wei Ying flounders for a moment, before deciding that words are hard and that Lan Zhan will understand him anyway. “Forgive me for my, uh, not super coherent language here, but what’s up with that?”

“I thought it would be nice,” Lan Zhan says, “to not have to commute so far to see each other.” He stares down at the table. “This was obviously before I had come to the conclusion that you…might not necessarily share that desire…”

“Lan Zhan, of course I want that!”

“Yes, I know that now.” Lan Zhan’s eyes meet Wei Ying’s and Wei Ying swears he can see the smile hidden in Lan Zhan’s golden eyes. Devastating. Everything about Lan Zhan is so devastating. How is Wei Ying supposed to cope?

Wei Ying inhales and tries very hard to control how giddy he feels. “Isn’t it kind of crazy that we moved in with each other before getting back together?”

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan says seriously, “there is something else I have been dishonest about that I would like to discuss.”

“Oh.” Wei Ying gives Lan Zhan a nervous smile. This sounds bad. Is it going to be bad? Is Wei Ying emotionally prepared for this? Is Wei Ying ever emotionally prepared for anything? “What is it?”

“All the times I mentioned my concerns about heat exhaustion and the bunnies missing you…Those were genuine concerns, but I was being a bit deceitful.” Lan Zhan pauses. “I…tried very hard to convince you to continue staying here out of my own selfish desire. Because I wanted you to stay here. Not because of anything else.”

“Oh,” Wei Ying says again, a completely different emotion filling his chest.

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan says, “please stay.”

Wei Ying narrowly avoids passing out from Feelings. Wei Ying doesn’t think he will ever recover from this one (But that’s fine, he doesn’t want to). Why is Wei Ying’s heart beating so fast? Is this normal?

“Okay. Oh my god. Yeah, of course,” Wei Ying eventually says. Lan Zhan looks pleased, and oh god, Wei Ying really can’t do this anymore. “Lan Zhan. Oh my fucking god. Why are you still sitting down? Can you just hurry up and kiss me now?”

Lan Zhan obliges, and Wei Ying can’t help but hope that every morning turns out as lovely as this one.

***

After breakfast, Wei Ying manages to convince Lan Zhan to take a selfie with him, which he immediately sends to Jiang Yanli. Two minutes pass before Yanli messages him with “Oh my god!!!!!!!! Does this mean what I think it does???”

Wei Ying sends a couple lovesick stickers as confirmation and gets several congratulatory stickers and a “I’m so happy for you two!!” from Yanli in return.

“Jie-jie says she’s happy for us,” Wei Ying informs Lan Zhan.

Lan Zhan hums in response, and then Wei Ying receives an ominous “Please let your boyfriend know that I stand by everything I have said to him previously” from Yanli. Which is. Well. A little concerning.

Wei Ying shows the message to Lan Zhan before asking, “So what exactly did jie-jie say to you after the wedding?”

“It was nothing,” Lan Zhan replies. Wei Ying gives him a questioning look. Lan Zhan pauses, before saying, “Your sister has extensive knowledge of how to bury bodies, apparently.”

Wei Ying lets out a squeak and immediately sends “jie-jie did you really threaten to KILL him” to which Yanli responds with “I did no such thing. I simply made him aware of my many talents.”

“Oh my god,” Wei Ying says aloud.

Lan Zhan reads the texts over Wei Ying’s shoulder and makes a sound of approval. “I like her,” Lan Zhan says, which makes Wei Ying laugh and feel ridiculously fond.

In the afternoon, Lan Zhan calls his brother and Wei Ying has a brief but terrifying exchange with Lan Xichen that goes something like “if my brother ever appears mildly sad ever again, I will personally hunt you down.”

“Your brother really scares me,” Wei Ying tells Lan Zhan. “But in a good way, I think?”

“Mn.”

“Lan Zhan, will you protect me if he actually tries to murder me?”

“Mn. Will always protect Wei Ying.”

“Lan Zhan!” Wei Ying yells. “How can you just say that? How will my heart cope with this information?”

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan says gravely, “I love you.”

Wei Ying shrieks and tries to become one with the couch.

***

In the evening, Wen Qing messages Wei Ying with a “My girlfriend was so hungover this morning and it’s all your fault. Also, congrats or whatever.”

“i didn’t make her drink all that wine!!!” Wei Ying protests.

“Just talking to you over text makes ME want to drink.”

“wow. love u too”

Wen Qing sends him a vomiting emoji and then, “I guess I’m happy for you. Still confused about why it took so fucking long though.”

“hey!! it was hard for me to come to terms with the fact i have emotions sometimes, okay”

“Whatever you say, loser.”

Wei Ying sends her a pouting emoji.

“Ew.”

Wei Ying sends her a sticker of himself pouting this time.

“That doesn’t work on me. Try it on your boyfriend instead.”

So Wei Ying turns to Lan Zhan with an exaggerated pout on his face. It takes all of five seconds for Lan Zhan to toss his laptop aside before planting a kiss on Wei Ying’s waiting lips. Which then turns into several kisses. Wei Ying isn’t complaining, though.

Twenty minutes later and Wei Ying’s lips are swollen as he messages Wen Qing with “10/10 it worked like a charm”

“The less I know about your sex life, the better.”

“EXCUSE ME ALL WE DID WAS KISS WHY R U SO DIRTY MINDED OMFG”

“Wow, you guys are lame.”

“Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying calls, “Wen Qing is being mean to again.”

Lan Zhan looks up from his laptop. “This is not a problem I can help you with.”

Wei Ying makes a considering noise. “No, I think you can definitely help.”

“How so?”

Wei Ying pretends to take a few more seconds to consider before laughing and tucking himself into Lan Zhan’s side. “Kiss me, duh!”

“I am not following your logic.”

Wei Ying pouts. “Wow, so my boyfriend doesn’t want to kiss me. I am feeling shocked and betrayed and—”

“Do not misinterpret,” Lan Zhan interrupts before leaning down and shutting Wei Ying up.

***

Wei Ying spends the next two weeks in a state of euphoric insanity. He terrorizes his WeChat friends by posting pictures of Lan Zhan nonstop. Lan Zhan eating lunch with him? Posted. Lan Zhan playing with Mooncake and Marshmallow? Posted. Lan Zhan cooking? Posted. Lan Zhan replying to emails on his laptop? Posted. Lan Zhan literally doing nothing? Also posted. It’s not Wei Ying’s fault that he finds everything Lan Zhan does extremely endearing (and also unbelievably attractive). Maybe it’s a little excessive. Maybe it’s not healthy to have more pictures of your boyfriend than yourself in your WeChat moments. Maybe.

A couple days into Wei Ying’s WeChat moments undergoing an extreme metamorphosis, Wei Ying gets a message from Wen Ning that says “I’m not sure what’s going on but jie-jie told me to congratulate you!!” Wei Ying immediately replies with “wen ning u lovely lovely lovely human being have i told u how much i love u recently,” to which Wen Ning replies with “Haha thank you!” 

Wei Ying insists on treating Wen Ning to lunch whenever Wen Ning visits Beijing next and Wen Ning, a certified Good Chinese Boy, spends ten minutes trying to talk Wei Ying out of buying lunch for him (“There is no need! We can split the bill!”). Wei Ying, a less certified Good Chinese Boy, knows that nothing signifies respect and gratitude like paying for someone’s food. Wei Ying ends up getting his way with only a little bit of haggling on his end.

A few days later Wei Ying receives nothing but a sticker of Nie Huaisang’s smirking face, which is mildly terrifying.

“huaisang what the fuck” Wei Ying messages back.

Huaisang sends another sticker of himself smirking, which is a little crazy because who needs multiple stickers of themselves smirking? And then, “i see that u guys worked things out”

“what the fuck does that MEAN”

“i could totally tell u guys were faking it at the wedding lmfaooo”

“WHAT”

“im glad u made it official instead of continuing whatever weird emotionally unhealthy thing u guys had going on before”

Wei Ying feels fully terrified of Huaisang’s power, and it takes several seconds for him to stop staring at his phone screen and respond with “…u kno what, i’ll take it”

Huaisang sends a third sticker of himself smirking, and frankly, Wei Ying finds it a little disturbing that Huaisang has made so many stickers of his own smirking face. But then he thinks about it some more and then concludes that this is definitely in character for Huaisang. Wei Ying has never met anyone more chaotic and scarily omniscient than Huaisang.

Wei Ying posts pictures of Lan Zhan feeding the bunnies three days in a row, which he recognizes is probably a little much, but who can blame him? Lan Zhan? With bunnies? Wei Ying can’t name a better sight.

But evidently, it is a little too much, because Jiang Cheng messages him with a simple “Could you PLEASE be a little less disgusting on WeChat moments? I don’t want to keep throwing up every time I check my feed.”

“what :( i can’t celebrate my bf of two weeks now??”

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY TWO WEEKS”

“uh”

Wei Ying is confronted with the fact that literally everyone except Jiang Cheng knows the truth and Jiang Cheng was never ever ever ever ever ever supposed to find out and now he’s ruined everything and Jiang Cheng is going to be catastrophically pissed off. Well. It’s too late now. Wei Ying might as well have fun with it.

“WHAT EXACTLY ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY? DIDN’T YOU TAKE HIM WITH YOU TO JIE-JIE’S WEDDING?????? DID YOU BREAK UP AND GET BACK TOGETHER AGAIN AFTER THE WEDDING?”

“haha. funny story. we weren’t actually together at the wedding…it was pretend”

“WHAT THE FUCK???????”

“but this time it’s not pretend so im so glad to hear how happy u r for us!!!!!!!!”

“I HATE YOU WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR LIFE WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS”

“r u jealous ;) u sound a little jealous ;)”

“WHY WOULD I BE JEALOUS OF YOUR AWFUL RELATIONSHIP SKILLS”

“hm well maybe u should try fake-dating an ex it’s a rly good emotional exercise and it worked out great for me as u can tell”

Jiang Cheng blocks him. It is well-deserved. Wei Ying cackles to himself for five minutes straight.

Two hours later, Jiang Cheng unblocks him and sends him a message saying “I meant what I said. I WILL break his legs if he tries anything”

This might be the nicest thing Jiang Cheng has said to him in literal years, and Wei Ying is so overcome with joy that he simply replies with “omg love u too”

Jiang Cheng sends an eyeroll emoji back. Wei Ying smiles to himself.

***

Sometimes Wei Ying just has a lot of Feelings. He has found that he particularly has a lot of Feelings when Lan Zhan is with the bunnies. And so on a lot of days, Wei Ying finds himself watching Lan Zhan feed the bunnies while sitting in a puddle of his own Feelings. Most of these Feelings revolve around how much he loves Lan Zhan, because being Disgustingly In Love With Lan Zhan has risen to the number one spot in his top ten personality traits.

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan says while feeding a piece of lettuce to Mooncake (a devastating sight, Wei Ying’s poor heart is suffering), “I bought a new bottle of Lao Gan Ma earlier today. I noticed that you did not have enough chili oil to saturate your congee to your liking during breakfast.”

Wei Ying clutches his chest like he’s been wounded. “Lan Zhan! How can you do this to me?” He collapses against the couch and rolls back and forth, just to be extra dramatic. “My heart can’t take this anymore!”

“You appear to be in good cardiovascular health,” Lan Zhan replies, his eyes sparkling in a way that tells Wei Ying that he’s definitely teasing. “I’m not sure I understand.”

“Lan Zhan!” Wei Ying yells again. “How can you be so good at this boyfriend thing? How did I get so lucky? Did I save a country—no, several countries—in a past life time?”

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan says, completely serious, “I am the lucky one. You are also good. I feel very fortunate.”

“Lan Zhan, I will fight you!” Wei Ying yells.

“Mn,” Lan Zhan hums thoughtfully. “You would lose.”

“Lan Zhan you take that back right now!”

“I do not make a habit out of lying.”

Wei Ying gets up and moves to sit next to Lan Zhan. He reaches out and pets Marshmallow. “Can you believe him?” Wei Ying says to the bunny while gesturing at Lan Zhan. “Unbelievable. He thinks I wouldn’t be able to take him in a fight.”

“I said no such thing,” Lan Zhan interjects.

“But you implied it!” Wei Ying counters.

“You get distracted easily,” Lan Zhan reasons. “It would not be a fair fight.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Wei Ying demands.

Lan Zhan looks at him, and his eyes are so clear, so golden, so piercing, and Wei Ying feels so seen and it’s—

“Oh,” Wei Ying says. “I think I see what you mean.”

Lan Zhan looks pleased, with a tiny smile pushing the corners of his lips upward, and wow, Wei Ying is so far gone for this man.

Wei Ying rests his head on Lan Zhan’s shoulder. “Lan Zhan,” he says.

“Mn. I am here.”

“I just wanted to call your name.” Wei Ying sighs. “Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan. It’s a nice name, you know?”

“Wei Ying is also nice.”

“Hm,” Wei Ying hums. “Lan Zhan, it’s been almost twenty whole minutes since you last kissed me. This is tragic.”

“Mn,” Lan Zhan agrees. “We must correct this immediately.”

Wei Ying laughs and then turns to cup Lan Zhan’s face in his hands. Lan Zhan wraps his hands around Wei Ying’s wrists.

“Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying murmurs.

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan replies.

Their lips meet and Wei Ying is really in his Feelings now but it doesn’t feel so scary or awful like it used to. Wei Ying has found that Feelings aren’t so bad when it comes to Lan Zhan. Lan Zhan’s hands are warm and his lips are soft, and Wei Ying doesn’t think there’s any better feeling than this.