Archive of Our Own ^beta

Most people looked at the sky and marvelled. That was something Andrew never understood; sky blue was the dullest colour of them all, a shade always bordering on grey. Sometimes even the faint hint of blue would disappear. Other times, all other shades of blue would turn to grey. On a few, very rare occurrence, Andrew had watched the whole world turn to grey; only leaving hints of red here and there. On those occasions Andrew had wondered if he would see in monochrome forever. At the time it had felt infinitely sad but nowadays Andrew thinks that would be best. It was only right that the outside world should reflect the inside of his battered mind.

For the longest time, Andrew thought he was colour blind; he never told anyone though and his foster families certainly would have never noticed but he did learn the truth eventually.

Soul mates exist; they are extremely rare which explains why Andrew didn’t learn this fact until he was twelve years old. The universe really was cruel. He, the foster child no one had ever wanted, had a soul mate and he had to watch the world fade to monochrome every time they were on the brink of death. Forever alone.

So Andrew looked up at the sky each morning and wondered if today would be the last he saw colours. It was a miracle really that it hadn’t happened yet with how often Andrew saw grey. That non-colour was the only constant in his life. It was soothing in a way when everything was too much. He always had the dull blue of the sky to sooth his hyperactive mind and coax himself back to apathy when he started feeling. Sometimes it was enough. Other the only way to ease the pain was to inflict it upon himself to get his own body and mind back under control.

Life got better eventually though. Andrew found a family worth fighting for. Made deals and promises worth living for. Life would never be good; Andrew would never be happy- he had gone through too much pain for that – but nothing, in his own experience, was much better than something.

Andrew had peace until he didn’t. Grey was replaced by vivid blue when he met a runaway and forced him to take his contacts off before taking him to Eden’s Twilight. In the split second of that first look the world had shifted and righted itself somehow; as if it had always been a few inches in the wrong direction and was finally aligned on the right axis. He had felt it, even through the euphoric haze of his drugged mind.

Andrew rediscovered blue. When he stood on the edge of Fox Tower and looked up, he could finally see what poets had been mesmerised by for millennia. It wouldn’t last of course; nothing beautiful ever did. This was a hallucination. A pipedream. Eventually what Andrew always knew was coming would happen and he would be left with nothing but the memory of colours and someone who understood and saw all of him and didn’t flinch or balk at the ugliness inside.

He was prepared for this, he knew it was inevitable like he knew the sun would set and rise again. So he repeated it was nothing even though that was a lie. Nothing was what existed before and what would be left afterwards. Nothing was grey. Blue and Neil was something but Andrew wanted nothing.

When he finally got it again, Andrew told himself that would be a good thing, that he couldn’t wait really. He never acknowledged the voice in the back of his mind that said that after seeing blue, grey would never be enough. That after something, nothing wouldn’t be enough anymore. That after Neil, alone would dull and void and pointless. Even the voice never considered that monochrome might be painful, that nothing would not be so quiet and peaceful after all; just a new source of nightmares. Clearly Andrew underestimated just how cruel the universe could be.

*****

 The Foxes had just won against the Binghamton Bearcats, mostly thanks to Andrew shutting down the goal. The strikers hadn’t taken the loss very well though and they were fighting with Nicky and Matt. Allison and her dealer mark got dragged into it when they went to intervene.

Andrew saw Neil drag Kevin around the brawl; the striker was probably worried Andrew would join the fight if Kevin got involved.

Wymack and the Bearcats’ three coaches helped the referees untangle their players. The teams skipped the customary post-game handshake in favour of stomping off the court. Not that Andrew ever participated in this tradition.

It was Neil’s turn to help Dan with the post-game press. Andrew caught his eye and tipped his head toward the locker room. He was respecting Neil’s decision to stand alone and wouldn’t hover while Neil said his peace. They didn’t have a deal anymore, besides the rabbit could deal with reporters on his own. Neil answered the gesture with a small smile and Andrew turned away.

Andrew made his way to the locker rooms with the rest of his teammates and took profit of the individual shower stalls. He didn’t wait for Neil to finish his own shower before joining the celebrating Foxes in the lounge.

“If we’re all accounted for, we should head out” one of the three security officers surrounding them said.

“We’re still waiting for Neil” Nicky said and the officer gestured down the hall where Neil was standing. He looked calm but there was a nervous tension to the set of his shoulders. Andrew supposed it was the presence of the officer; as a runaway Neil was always wary of representants of the law.

Nicky jumped to his feet when Neil stepped into the den, grinning ear to ear. “Hey, Neil! We were starting to think you’d drowned in there.”

“I’m sorry” Neil said. Nicky waived it off. Leave it to the rabbit to look so desperately sorry for taking too long in the shower. For fucks sake, like any of them actually cared. Neil stood there for a few seconds, looking at each of the Foxes like he was trying to memorize their faces.

Wymack watched over them all from the corner, an unlit cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth and a triumphant smirk still twitching at his lips. Abby was repacking her bag; she’d been checking on the scrapes her team picked up in the brawl.

Andrew kept looking at Neil; he was pretending to be fine but Andrew could see the emotions warring in his eyes, in the tension running through his body. Andrew got up from his seat and went to stand in front of Neil, silently demanding answers.

“Thank you” he finally said. “You were amazing.” Andrew didn’t understand. Neil could simply have been talking about the game and how Andrew had shut down the goal and helped the defence line for the first time ever but there was something else there, a hidden meaning; Andrew was sure of it. He just couldn’t figure out what was going on with Neil.

Wymack was motioning for them to head out and Neil broke eye contact before Andrew could figure it all out. Andrew wanted to hold on to him; he had a bad feeling, like this was the last time he would ever see vibrant blue. He pushed it down; he could think this over on the ride back to campus.

They left the stadium in a line, a security officer at the front and another one at the back, right behind Neil. His words kept turning in Andrew’s head ‘Thank you, you were amazing.’ over and over.

Only half of the fans had headed home for the night. The rest were having a post-game party on the stadium lawn. The smell of alcohol was so thick Andrew could almost taste it.

The orange clad Foxes’ fans were lined up to one side of the walkway, and they cheered the team’ arrival. They were swiftly drowned out by vile insults from the other side where the Bearcats’ fans stood. The Foxes ignored both sides and kept moving. Even Nicky was smart enough to keep his mouth shut for once, not wanting to rile the bitter fans further, but it didn’t matter in the end. They were halfway to the parking lot when a bottle came flying out of nowhere. Aaron’s florid curse curse a few spots back said it’d hit him, and Andrew shot a deadly look at the crowd. He would have intervened because no one hurt one of his without consequences but a quick look informed him Aaron wasn’t seriously hurt, and he hadn’t seen who had thrown the bottle in the first place. A shoe was hurled next, then another empty beer bottle.

More police shoved their way toward the team, yelling for order and pointing fingers. They might have had succeeded in restoring order, except the next thing thrown was someone’s cooler. Dan dodged in the nick of time, and it crashed into a drunk fan on the Foxes’ other side. There was a furious outcry from the man’s friends that was swiftly picked up by the crowd at their back.

The crowd’s tension hit a breaking point. Students and fans went at each other’s throats with the Foxes caught in the middle. Bodies crashed into all of them, hard enough to take them off their feet. Andrew saw the security officer dragging Neil away so he focused all his attention on Kevin, Nicky and Aaron. Andrew’s fists went flying, getting between the rioters and his family. The Foxes tried to fight their way out and to the bus; Renee and Matt protecting the upperclassmen while Andrew took care of his own family. At some point he took an elbow to the face but he didn’t let himself slow down until all of them were in the bus.

Andrew was the last in. He surveyed the damage. All the upperclassmen sported bruises but none of them seemed seriously hurt. His own group had taken a few hits, but, again, nothing serious. Andrew himself would soon have a black eye and a few bruised ribs. There was only one person unaccounted for.

“Neil,” he said turning around “Where is Neil?”

The Foxes looked at each other in confusion. Neil was not on the bus.

“I lost sight of him when the riot broke out.” Renee said, a concerned frown on her face.

Right; the security guy had carried him away. Neil was likely near the police cars or even the ambulances that had started arriving a few minutes ago.

Andrew looked over at Aaron, Nicky and Kevin. “Stay here. Don’t you dare get off this bus before I get back.” He then got off the bus despite the other’s protests.

The crowd was mostly under control now so Andrew made his way to the area of the lot taken over by medics without much trouble. He looked around but Neil was nowhere to be seen. He was going to ask a nearby police officer if he had spotted the red-head when he noticed the colour of the man’s uniform. It was grey. It should not be grey. Neither should the lights around him. Police and ambulances did not have red and grey lights.

Andrew looked around more carefully. He couldn’t spot the faintest hint of blue. Or green. All he could see were shades of red, orange and some yellow. His heart thundered in his chest. Neil was hurt. Badly.

Andrew went back to the last place he’d seen him; near the stadium. He probably wouldn’t have spotted the orange duffel bag if it hadn’t jumped out so much in the monochrome of his vision. Andrew ran towards it. Sure enough it was one of the Foxes’ bags with ‘Josten’ written on the side in white capital letters. Into the netted pocket were Neil’s phone and his keys. The keys Andrew had given him. Neil would never have parted with these willingly. He would have fought tooth and nail in the middle of a riot to keep these things. He wouldn’t have let his bag be ripped away from him.

He could have been injured and therefore unable to hold on but then he would already be with the ambulances. Wherever Neil was, he hadn’t gone willingly.

‘Thank you, you were amazing.’

And then it hit him. It had been goodbye. Neil wasn’t talking about the game. He was thanking Andrew for everything else. Neil had known. Andrew thought back on the events of the night; looking for clues. Neil had been tense. He had been nervous around the guards. One of them had dragged him away during the riot.

Andrew ran back to the bus. Once he was inside he barely registered Wymack saying the nearby hospitals hadn’t taken Neil in. All his attention was focused on Kevin. Kevin, who knew who Neil is. Who knew who was after him.

“Tell me what you know.”

Kevin visibly blanched “What are you talking about?”

“Don’t play dumb Kevin.”

But Kevin was shaking his head, grey eyes wide because he’s always been and always will be a fucking coward. And Neil wasn’t here; Neil’s past had caught up to him and he was dying somewhere and it wasn’t Andrew’s problem anymore, but he couldn’t help feeling like he was drowning. And wasn’t that just ironic to drown without even being able to see the colour blue anymore. Even orange was starting to fade now and Andrew felt sick. He had thought the grey numbness would be a relief but it wasn’t. Andrew had let Neil burrow his way under his skin and now he would pay the consequences. Andrew always knew this was coming but maybe nothing he ever did would have prevented the desperation tearing through his chest.

Andrew felt helpless and he hated hated hated it. He had promised himself long ago that he would never again feel this way but he was powerless to stop it. And he hated Neil for it. He hated Neil for making him vulnerable like that. He hated Neil disappearing too.

Andrew was so so angry and he had no outlet for the torrent of emotions going through him. Not until his eyes caught Kevin’s again.

“His family took him. Where is he?” Andrew demanded and the look on Kevin’s face right then- Andrew couldn’t take it. He had his hand wrapped around the taller man’s neck before he even registered he had moved. “Tell me everything you know”, and Andrew’s voice was cold, numb, emotionless. Grey.

There were shouts around him but Andrew didn’t care. Kevin was terrified and turning red, eyes rolling frantically, but Andrew felt nothing.

There were arms around him, hauling him away. Andrew let them if only because Kevin couldn’t talk if he was dead. He did hit them in the ribs with his elbow to get Matt off of him.

“Talk” Andrew growled at Kevin.

“If-“ he stammered “if his father’s men took him away then he’s already dead Andrew.” Like Andrew needed Kevin to tell him that. Neil wasn’t quite dead yet but he would be soon. Andrew knew he wasn’t coming back.

“Don’t tell me things I already know.” He deadpanned

“I-“ Kevin was interrupted by the Foxes’ confused yelling.

“What do you mean he’s dead?!”

“His father’s men?”

“What the fuck is going on?!”

“His real name is Nathaniel Wesninsky,” Kevin sighed “son of Nathan Wesninsky, the Butcher of Baltimore and Kengo’s right hand man. Neil was supposed to be given to Tetsuji to train and play Exy but his mother took him and ran before that could happen.”

And, oh. Things made much more sense now. Neil had said his father was on the bottom of the food chain. He had lied. But that wasn’t really surprising now, was it? Andrew had always known Neil was a liar. It didn’t really matter anymore. There were loud voices all around him but Andrew could barely hear them. Everything was muffled. All he could see were shades of red and that was almost worse than no colour at all.

Red meant Neil was alive somewhere and there was nothing Andrew could do to help him. He was entirely powerless to keep himself from falling. Andrew felt too much and he drowned in it. Andrew felt nothing and that was worse.

Andrew was falling and there was nothing to catch him. Nothing to hold on to. Neil was dead dead dead.

‘Thank you, you were amazing’

Andrew sat down in the last row of seats. He stared out the window without seeing anything; the landscape passing in monochrome with only a bit of faded red here and there. Andrew followed the team into the hospital mechanically. He was hollow. There was a black hole in his chest that swallowed everything. His mind was supplying gruesome visions of Neil’s broken body; replaying them in his head over and over again. Andrew saw Neil die a thousand times with his eyes open, red blood stark against the grey of everything else. Even his eidetic memory wouldn’t supply colours at the moment. Andrew knew he hadn’t forgotten what blue looked like. This was just his cruel mind torturing him.

Andrew didn’t know how much time passed. It might have been seconds, it might have been hours, days, years. Time was going by slowly, like mud in an hourglass. The whole world felt like it was filled with mud. Grey mud.

Andrew was jolted out of his own mind by Wymack’s phone ringing. He didn’t know why that sound in particular in the midst of the sound of the ER stood out so much but it did.

“Hello? Yes, I am. Oh, thank god. No. No, you listen. I don’t care, he has a contract and that means he’s ours for now. I don’t give a shit. We want to see him. None of my players will answer any of your questions before we get to see him. Make it happen.” Wymack didn’t say anything for a while after that; likely listening to whatever the person on the other side was saying. “Ok. We’ll be there.”

All the Foxes had gathered closer at hearing their coach’s angry voice over the phone. When Wymack hung up they all looked at him expectantly. “That was the FBI.” That sentence provoked a series of gasps and muttered curses. “They found Neil. He’s in the hospital right now but he’s alive. We’ll be meeting with them at a hotel in Baltimore to wait for Neil to get out of the hospital.”

Andrew’s heart stopped in his chest. Was he hallucinating? Was this another trick? A nightmare? Andrew would not believe it until he had Neil in front of him; until he could look into his blue eyes and he could see the sky again.

The bus ride to Baltimore went by in a daze, at once infinitely shorter than the hours in the hospital and gruellingly longer. Andrew couldn’t help but notice he could see orange again though. By the time they made it to the hotel even yellow and green had reappeared. Andrew did not read anything into it though. He did not let himself.

Wymack eventually parked the bus in the parking lot of a random hotel. The place was crawling with feds. Men stood on the sidewalk, smoking and attempting to look casual but to Andrew they were glaringly obvious.

An agent greeted them and led all of them up rickety metal stairs to the second floor. The agent opened one of the doors and the Foxes filled inside.

Of course the feds tried to interrogate them. They took each teammate to a repurposed room one at a time. By the time they got around to Andrew they were thoroughly annoyed at everyone’s silence.

Andrew sat in the chair and stared at the pale green wall, not bothering to even acknowledge the agent across from him.

“Why are you all defending him? Wesninsky lied to all of you, put you in danger even! My files say your cousin and twin brother are on the team. Don’t you care about what could have happened to them because of him? Or do you think this is all a misunderstanding too?”

Andrew was clenching and unclenching his fists through the whole little spiel in an attempt to stop himself from punching the man. He was barely holding it together as it was though so all of his efforts were ruined at the sound of the hated word.

Andrew sprung from his chair and lunged; punching the agent right on the nose. Andrew relished in the bright red staining his knuckles, the colour making a stark contrast against his pale skin.

Of course this caused quite the uproar among the feds who dragged Wymack in the room to get him to take Andrew away. The coach refused, knowing Andrew would need to see Neil probably and eventually the decision was reached that Andrew would be cuffed with his coach. He let it happen even though it made his skin crawl to be trapped this way. He trusted Wymack, if begrudgingly.

An hour or so later the team was informed Neil would arrive at the hotel in a short time. This news was followed by many relieved sighs and exclamations. Andrew didn’t trust it though. He didn’t trust the feds not to lie and he refused to acknowledge the feeling welling in his chest that felt suspiciously like hope.

He was not happy however when they requested Wymack move the bus so the press wouldn’t learn about their presence in site. Andrew didn’t want to leave, even for a minute in case he missed Neil’s return. He would never admit to that of course so he had no grounds on which to protest and was forced to simply follow Wymack and glare at everyone around him.

When they got back there was a new car in the parking lot. Andrew ran.

When he finally reached the door to the Foxes’ room he slammed into the door and bodily forced his way into the room with Wymack right on his heels.

One of the agents –the one from the interrogation – grabbed at Andrew but lost his grip when Wymack shouldered past him. Andrew barely had time to see another agent grabbing for his gun before Neil grabbed at the man’s arm with both hands.

Andrew froze when he saw Neil hunch over in pain, the world flashing to grey for a second before returning to its blueless state.

“Don’t” Neil said through clenched teeth, voice hoarse from pain; it was raw too and rage blinded Andrew as he thought of why that would be.

Andrew reached him and put a hand on the back of Neil’s neck, needing the contact to ground himself and Neil, convince both of them this was real.

The idiot tried straightening, but Andrew caught Neil’s shoulder and him to his knees. Neil went without argument and cradled his bandaged hands in his lap. Andrew wanted to burn the world down for ever hurting Neil.

“Leave it,” Wymack said.

He sounded so angry Andrew knew he wasn’t talking to him or Neil. One of the agents was moving to haul Andrew away before he hurt Neil further. Either the feds trusted his judgement or they couldn’t get around Wymack to get to Andrew, but Andrew knelt in front of Neil unchallenged. Neil turned his hands over and looked up.

Andrew world rocked to a stop as he stared into blue eyes and the universe righted itself again. Andrew thought he could drown in those eyes and never want to come back up for air. That was a terrifying thought but right now he didn’t care.

Andrew’s expression was deceptively calm, but there was iron in his grip when he seized Neil’s chin. He looked at the bandages covering his face and wanted to rip them off to see what they hid. He wanted to kill whoever had inflicted pain upon Neil and watch them bleed.

“They could have blinded you,” Neil said. “All that time fighting and you never learned how to duck?”

Andrew only answered with a stony stare. He let go of Neil’s chin to get the hood out of the way. Andrew dragged a finger along the lines of tape keeping the myriad of bandages in place, looking for the best place to start. He tore the gauze off Neil’s right cheek first, exposing striped lines obviously made by a knife. He remembered Neil’s words from a few months ago ‘He liked knives.’

The tape on Neil’s other cheek pulled the skin more, and Andrew froze with his hand a few scant inches from Neil’s face.

Andrew had dropped the first bandages as useless, but these ones he slowly set on the floor by his knee without taking his stare off Neil’s face. Pure unaltered rage raced through his veins at the sight of the burn marks. Someone had burnt the number 4 tatooed on Neil’s cheekbone off. Fucking burnt it off. The whole world deserved to burn for this. The pain must have been excrutiating. The wounds on the other side suddenly made sense. Neil must have wanted to turn away from whatever was burning him only to be met by a blade on the other side. Andrew’s vision turned to red and, this time; it had nothing to do with any metaphysical bound.

Since Neil was kneeling with his back to the room, Wymack was the only other person who could see the mess of his face.

“Christ, Neil,” the coach cursed fiercely.

A bed creaked as one of the Foxes got up, Andrew didn’t care enough to check which one. “Don’t” Wymack interrupted them.

“One at a time,” one of the agents – Browning - reminded them.

Andrew pressed two fingers to the underside of Neil’s chin to turn his head. He looked closely, committing each mark to memory. When Andrew dropped his hand and clenched it in Neil’s hoodie, Neil looked up at him. Once again Andrew was struck by the overwhelming blue of his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” Neil said.

Andrew’s fist went back without him even deciding to; his arm shook with the effort to not knock the idiot’s head off his neck. How dare he apologize for this? How dare he apologize to Andrew, who had done nothing to protect him?

At length Andrew uncurled his fingers and let his hand hang limp from the cuff.

“Say it again and I will kill you,” he said.

“This is the last time I’m going to say it to you,” Kurt – the first agent they had met – said, “If you can’t stow that attitude and behave –“

Neil shot a warning look at him and cut in with, “You’ll what, asshole?”

“The same goes for you, Nathaniel,” Browning said. “That’s your second strike. A third misstep and this is over. Remember you are only here because we are allowing it.”

Andrew shifted, wanting to get up and shut the man up for good but Neil leaned closer to him and framed Andrew’s face with his bandaged hands. Andrew could have easily pushed him aside, but after a short pause he got settled again. Neil flicked him a quick look, before levelling another icy stare at Browning.

“Don’t lie to a liar,” Neil said. “We both know I’m here because you have nothing without me. A pile of dead bodies can’t close cases or play the money trail with you. I told you what those answers would cost you and you agreed to pay it. So take this handcuff off of Andrew, get your man out of our way, and stop using up my twenty minutes with your useless posturing.”

Andrew couldn’t understand how anyone could believe Neil was the quiet kind. The silence that followed was brittle. Browning was weighing his options, or at least acting like he was. Andrew knew it could only end one way. Finally Browning gestured. Kurt’s face was a thundercloud as he dug keys out of his pocket. Wymack turned to make easier for him. Andrew didn’t watch as the cuff came off, but he flexed his fingers a few times to test his freedom as relief flooded him. Browning took Kurt with him to wait just inside the door. They radiated displeasure and distrust and the look Browning sent his watch was pointed, but Andrew didn’t care.

Neil turned his full attention on Andrew again.

“So the attitude problem wasn’t an act, at least,” Andrew said.

“I was going to tell you,” Neil said.

“Stop lying to me.”

“I’m not lying. I would have told you last night, but they were in our locker room.”

“They who?” Browning asked.

Neil switched to German without missing a beat.

“Those weren’t security guards that came for us. They were there for me, and they would have hurt all of you to get me out of there. I thought by keeping my mouth shut I could keep you safe.” Neil still had his hands up by Andrew’s face, so he lightly tapped a thumb against the bruise at Andrew’s eye. “I didn’t know they’d staged a riot.”

“What did I tell you about playing the martyr card?” Andrew asked.

“You said no one wanted it,” Neil said. “You didn’t tell me to stop.”

That clever idiot, throwing Andrew’s words back at him, “It was implied.”

“I’m stupid, remember? I need things spelled out.”

“Shut up.”

“Am I at ninety-four yet?”

“You are at one hundred,” Andrew said. “What happened to your face?”

Andrew watched Neil Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed.

“A dashboard lighter.” Andrew was once again blinded by anger. The Maserati’s will have to go.

Neil winced at the awful sound Nicky made. The groan of a quickly-shifting mattress swallowed up Aaron’s ragged curse. Neil and Andrew both looked in the direction of the noise, wanting to see who was on the move, and saw Aaron had rolled off the bed to go stand with Nicky. Turning meant the others got a look at Neil’s burned cheek. Kevin recoiled so hard he slammed into the wall behind him. He clapped a protective hand over his own tattoo and Andrew knew he was imagining Riko’s reaction to this atrocity.

This time it was Dan stopping Matt from getting up, her knuckles white against his dark shirt and her head turned away. Matt started to fight free but settled for a hoarse, “Jesus, Neil. The fuck did they do to you?”

Abby had kept her distance long enough, it seemed. She came around the bed, wide-eyed and frantic, but only made it to the corner before Andrew realized her intentions. He couldn’t let her any closer to Neil, not now when the hours of grey were still so raw. He couldn’t let anyone close to him for fear they would hurt him more than he already was. Andrew was a wounded beast and he wouldn’t let anyone close enough to either of them to see it. He caught hold of Neil to turn his face forward again and shot Abby a look so vicious she stopped in her tracks.

“Get away from us,” Andrew said.

“Andrew,” Abby said, quiet and careful. He’s hurt. Let me see him.”

As if Andrew didn’t know that already. “If you make me repeat myself you will not live to regret it.”

Neil gave Andrew’s hair a careful tug. Andrew resisted the first two attempts but finally let Neil drag his attention back where it needed to be.  

“Abby, I just got out of the hospital,” Neil said without looking away from Andrew.” I’m as good as I can be right now.”

“Neil,” Abby tried.

“Please,” Neil stressed and Andrew tensed at the word. Abby took a step back and Andrew relaxed the death grip he had on Neil’s skull. Neil kept one hand buried in Andrew’s hair but finally lowered the other. In quiet German he said, “Did they tell you who I am?”

“They didn’t have to. I choked the answers out of Kevin on the way here.” Andrew shoved the pang of guilt that surfaced at the memory and ignored the way Neil gaped at him, ”Guess you weren’t an orphan after all. Where is your father now?”

“My uncle executed him,” Neil said. He crossed a precarious line and pressed two fingers to Andrew’s chest over his heart. Andrew felt the shudder that passed through him. “I spent my whole life whishing he would die, but I thought he never would. I thought he was invincible. I can’t believe it was that easy.”

“Was it easy?” Andrew asked. “Kevin told us who he worked for.”

“My uncle said he was going to them to try and negotiate a ceasefire. I don’t know if he’s strong enough to bargain with them, but I’d like to think he wouldn’t have risked it without real ground to stand on. Promise me no one’s told the FBI about them.”

“No one’s said a word to them since they said we couldn’t see you.”

“But why? I’ve done nothing but lie to them. I willingly put them all in danger so I could play a little longer. They got hurt last night because of me. Why would they protect me now?”

“You are a Fox,” Andrew said, because it was that simple. A scared runaway had joined their ranks and burrowed his way into their hearts like the rabbit he was. Andrew’s included.

Neil dropped his eyes and worked his jaw. His voice was altered when he spoke, “Andrew, they want to take me away from here. They want to enrol me in the Witness Protection Program so my father’s people can’t find me. I don’t want-“ Oh no. That would not do. “If you tell me to leave, I’ll go.”

Andrew hooked his fingers in the collar of Neil’s sweatshirt and tugged just enough for him to feel it.

“You aren’t going anywhere,” Andrew said: the same words, the same promise he had made months ago, standing in the darkened front hall of the house in Columbia. He was speaking in English again. He was playing instigator and inviting the Foxes to the fight. “You’re staying with us. If they try to take you away they will lose.”

“Take you away,” Dan echoed. “To where?”

“Are we talking about ‘away for some questioning’ or ‘away for good’?” Matt demanded.

“Both,” Browning said.

“You can’t have him,” Nicky said. “He belongs with us.”

“When people find out he is still alive they will come for him,” Browning said. “It is not safe for him here anymore, and it sure as hell isn’t safe for you. It is better for everyone if he disappears.”

They understood better than he ever would, since Kevin had already told them of the Wesninsky-Moriyama alliance. They’d been dealing with Riko’s madness for a year now thanks to Kevin, and they looked wholly unimpressed by Browning’s warnings.

“What part of ‘go to hell’ do you need us to explain to you?” Allison asked.

“We’re all legal adults here,” Matt added. “We’ve made our decision. Unless he wants to stay with you, you’d better bring Neil back to us when you’re done with all your questions.”

“’Neil’ isn’t a real person,” Browning said, fed up with their wilful ignorance. “Its’ just a cover that let Nathaniel evade authorities. It’s past time to let him go.”

“Neil or Nathaniel or whoever,” Nicky said. “He’s ours, and we’re not letting him go. You want us to vote on it or something? Bet you it’ll be unanimous.”

“Coach Wymack, talk some sense into your team,” Browning said.

“Neil,” Wymack said, and Neil lifted his stare to look over Andrew at Wymack. Andrew knew what look would be on his face. It was the look of a man made ancient by his players’ tragedies; it was the look of a man who’d have their back no matter what it cost him. “Talk to me. What do you want?”

Neil’s words came out so jagged they all had to go quiet to understand him. “I want- I know I shouldn’t stay, but I can’t- I don’t want to lose this. I don’t want to lose any of you. I don’t want to be Nathaniel anymore. I want to be Neil for as long as I can.”

“Good,” Wymack said, as Andrew knew he would. “I’d have a hell of a time fitting ‘Wesninsky’ on a jersey.”

Browning rubbed at his temples. “I would like a word with you.”

“About?”

“Your willingness to put your players in considerable danger, for one.”

“Giving up on Neil now goes against everything we are,” Wymack said. “I’m game to argue with you about it for as long as it takes, but not if it means using up Neil’s allotted time. That’s not fair to any of them.”

Andrew tugged Neil’s hoodie and said in German, “Get rid of them before I kill them.”

“They’re waiting for answers,” Neil said. “They were never able to charge my father while he was alive. They’re hoping I know enough to start decimating his circle in his absence. I’m going to give them the truth, or as much of it as I can without telling them my father was acting under someone’s orders. Do you want to be there for it? It’s the story I should have given you months ago.”

Yes.

“I have to go,” Andrew said. “I don’t trust them to give you back.”

Andrew let go of him and got to his feet. Neil got up without his help and looked past Andrew to Wymack. “I’m sorry,” he said in English. “I should have told you, but I couldn’t.”

“Don’t worry about that right now,” Wymack said. “Twenty minutes isn’t near long enough for this conversation. We can talk about it on the ride back to campus, right?”

“Yes,” Neil said. “I promise. I just have to talk to them first.”

“Then go,” Dan said. When Neil looked back at her, she stressed, “But come back to us as soon as they’re done with you, okay? We’ll figure this out as a team.”

“As a family.” Nicky attempted a smile. It was weak, but it was encouraging.

Andrew had never been more grateful for the Foxes and their stubbornness.

“Thank you,” Neil said, and if it was a little choked only Andrew heard it and everything behind those words. The Foxes had given him everything Neil had never dared wish for and he would be forever grateful to each of them for that. Andrew was thankful too although he would never admit it.

Allison waved his thanks off with an airiness that didn’t match her tense expression. “No, thank you. You just closed three outstanding bets and made me five hundred bucks,” she said when Neil glanced at her. “I’d rather find out exactly why and when you two hooked up than think about this awfulness any longer, so let’s talk about that on the ride back instead.”

Aaron’s gaze bounced from Allison to Neil to Andrew. He was waiting for them to shoot her down and his expression went slack when neither one of them did. Nicky opened his mouth, then closed it again without a word and stared at Neil. Kevin, surprisingly, didn’t react at all. Andrew wondered what all of them would think when they learn he and Neil were soulmates and if they ever would.

Neil looked at Andrew, “Ready?”

“Waiting on you,” Andrew reminded him.

“I didn’t invite him,” Browning said.

“Trust me,” Wymack said. “You’ll fare a lot better if you take them both.”

Browning flicked a calculating look between them and gave in with an impatient, “We’re leaving now.”

Wymack moved out of the way to let them pass, but as Neil reached the door he said, “We’ll wait for you, all right? As long as it takes, Neil.”

Neil nodded and stepped out onto the balcony. He and Andrew went down the stairs behind Browning and Neil got into the backseat of the SUV. Browning sat ahead of them and slammed the door. Andrew looked up at the cobalt sky before following suit.

Neil watched until the hotel disappeared out in the window, then looked to Andrew and asked in German, “Can I really be Neil again?”

“I told Neil to stay,” Andrew said. “Leave Nathaniel buried in Baltimore with his father.”