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Jacob Frye was sitting at an outdoor table at the Devil’s Acre pub. He was relaxing while enjoying a nice beer. Of course, nothing could beat the thrills of a mission or a good old fight (or Roth’s amazing performance in bed, but that’s another story) but sometimes, some rest and plenty of alcohol was more than enough to please him.
“Aaah…what a beautiful day,” he thought while taking a sip, savoring the bitter yet pleasant taste of the beer.
Honk
The sudden sound startled him, causing him to choke. Jacob spit out his beer and coughed hard. It took him several minutes before he was able to breathe normally again.
“Good god…,” he gasped, still coughing a little, “I thought that was the end of me.” He looked around, trying to pinpoint the source of the sound. “What in the world could make such a no-”
Honk
Then he saw it. Behind him was a pristine white goose with orange feet and beak. It was standing there, completely still while its pitch-black eyes were fixated on the young man.
“Well would you look at that” Jacob said. “That’s not the typical type of bird you would see in London. What are you doing here, Mr. Goose?”
Honk
“I see.”
He facepalmed mentally. Was he really talking with a goose? He didn’t drink that much, did he? Shaking his head, he went back to his beverage. Several minutes passed, and Jacob couldn’t shake the feeling of being watched. He tried to ignore it but finally caved after a minute more. Glancing behind him, he saw that the goose what still there.
“What? What do you want? You don’t expect me to give you some of my drink, do you? Get lost.” He shooed the bird away with a hand.
The goose stood there for a few seconds before approaching Jacob. Its avian eyes spotted Jacob’s weapons belt and was immediately captivated by it. It moved its head closer and tried to grab the belt but was immediately shooed away by Jacob with his arm.
“Oi! Don’t touch that!” he snarled. Jacob made sure the goose was far away from him before resuming his drinking.
Having failed its first attempt, the goose tried to take another approach. It went back and circled Jacob’s table before going underneath. Then it slowly but carefully craned its head to the belt and meticulously worked on the assassin’s arsenal. Its beak managed to grab a smoke bomb, and it hastened to steal it before leaving.
It walked a bit around before going inside the pub under the curious glance of the customers. However, none of the patrons really paid attention (most of them being too drunk anyway). The goose meandered around the bar until the owner of the establishment spotted it.
“Oi! Who let that goose in???”
Honk
While grabbing a broom, the owner walked from behind the counter and started chasing the unwanted guest to make it leave. The goose went all over the pub, sneaking between tables, chairs, crates, and customers to evade the bartender’s wrath, honking like crazy all the while.
“Get over here, ya stupid bird!”
Honk Honk Honk Honk Honk Honk
Upon hearing the commotion, Jacob glanced at the pub and witnessed with amusement the owner chasing the goose around with a broom.
“Now that’s what we call a wild goose chase,” he chuckled. But then, he noticed a quite familiar object secured inside the bird’s beak, and his eyes widened slightly as he realised it was a smoke bomb. His immediately glanced down at his belt, and to his complete shock, one of his smoke bombs was indeed missing.
“Oi give me back that-“ He cut himself off, realising he couldn’t use the word ‘bomb’ without causing an even bigger commotion. “Thing!” he shouted while jumping from his seat and running toward the pub.
He went inside, and the bartender had his broom raised in the air, ready to strike the goose with it.
“Gotcha, ya effing pest!”
Gathering all his strength, he brought the broom down on the goose without realising that the bird had already gone out of the way and left the smoke bomb in its stead. This, however, didn’t go unnoticed by Jacob.
“NO, WAIT!!!” he yelled.
But it was too late. The broom came down onto the smoke bomb, causing it to explode. The room was immediately filled with smoke while the customers gasped and coughed. One drunk patron tried to get out of the cloud of smoke and accidentally bumped into an even more drunk customer and spilled their drink.
“Oi! Watch where ya going, you twat!” yelled the second man. “You made me spill mah beer!”
“Well don’t stand in the middle of the way, dickhead!” retorted the first man.
“Say that again?!”
The second man, quite built and wearing a bowler hat rolled up the sleeve of his shirt and punched the much thinner man, sending him crashing onto a table. The thin man recovered and stood, staggering, but launched himself straight into his aggressor. Soon enough, the one-on-one fight escalated to encompass everyone in a chaotic drunken brawl.
Punches, kicks, pints, and chairs went flying everywhere. And Jacob found himself stuck in the middle of it.
I should hurry and get out of here before things get worse, he thought while dodging a pint that flew over his head.
He tried to leave the warzone until a bearded man punched him square in the face. His head jerked backward as he stumbled. Jacob rubbed his bruising cheek before glaring daggers at the man and countered with a well-placed punch to the jaw.
Another man attacked him from behind, but he was quick to twist his arm and flipped him over onto the floor. The assassin fought valiantly against his drunken opponents despite having been dragged unwillingly into this mess. Suddenly, a bulkier and bald man rammed into Jacob like a mad bull and tackled him on the floor, knocking the air out of his lungs and making his top hat fall from his head.
The bald man was about to punch him in the face when he turned his head to the side to dodged it. He then caught the man’s fist in his hand before he kneed him in the stomach and launched him backward.
“Bloody hell…,” Jacob exhaled while wiping his forehead. He reached for his top hat but found it gone. “What the…Where did my top hat go?” Then he saw a white feathery mass exiting the building while holding a hat. More specifically: his top hat. “Why, you little…COME BACK HERE WITH MY TOP HAT, YOU STUPID GOOSE!!!!”
He wasted no time in getting up and chasing the goose. The bird started to run away with the precious headgear with his wings fully spread and mockingly honked at Jacob, which pissed him off even more. It zigzagged along the street, going in between crates, carriages, and bystanders, making it more difficult for Jacob to reach it.
The wild goose chase kept up until they reached Westminster bridge. Jacob smiled smugly as he saw the goose halt, and he quickened his pace. But then froze when he saw it perch on the rail, holding his beloved top hat over the Thames. The feathered devil looked at him straight in the eyes like he knew perfectly well what kind of situation he put the assassin in.
“Don’t you fucking dare…,” growled Jacob.
It dropped the top hat.
“NO!!!!”
With blinding speed, Jacob jumped over the guardrail and caught his top hat in extremis using his right foot while still keeping a hand on the rail to prevent him from falling into the water.
“Phew,… that was close.” He sighed in relief, picked up his hat, and put it back onto his head.
Honk
He looked up and saw that the goose was still there, way too close to his hand.
“Oh, no!” he declared, pointing at the bird with an accusatory finger. “I know damn well what you are thinking! I’m not going to let yo-OW!” He yelped in pain when the goose harshly pecked his hand. The pain made him retract his hand.
Which also made him fall.
Jacob cried out, and he plummeted from the bridge and splashed into the cold water of the Thames. The goose watched him fall before flapping his wings and honking in triumph. The assassin resurfaced from the water and spat some of it out before looking up at the bridge and the goose who was now mocking him.
This was supposed to be a good day, he thought grumpily.