Chapter Text
"Abi, abi…" the baby called him several times, patting his face. Cumali grimaced in his sleep, bothered by the boy's hands all over his face. He turned to the other side, hoping that his brother would give up soon enough and find someone else to play with, which the boy did after about fifteen minutes of pestering Cumali. Glad to finally be able to rest undisturbed, Cumali buried his face in a pillow only to feel his face sticking to the pillow underneath. His hand reached for his face, confused, only to get his hand smeared with whatever that was on his face. He brought his hand to his mouth and instantly tasted sugar.
"Yamaaaaac!!!" Cumali screamed angrily, feeling his face, clothes and hands getting all sticky from whatever Yamac was eating and rubbed all over him. He got up and was about to go yell at the boy, but decided against it in the end. "He is just a nine year old kid. Let it go, Cumali!"
While taking a shower to wash away all the sugar that was all over his body, Cumali heard the smash of glass from the kitchen downstairs.
"Now, what?!" Cumali groaned, turning off the shower head and heading out to see what's happening in the kitchen. There was no one but them in the house today. His parents had left to visit their new neighbours while Selim and Kahraman bailed out to go play with their friends, leaving Cumali inevitably in charge of the house and of course their youngest brother.
"You AGAIN" Cumali snapped, finding Yamac standing before a heap of broken plates and kitchen utensils scattered across the whole kitchen. Yamac, shocked and frightened, began to retreat upon seeing his brother's outburst.
"WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU TODAY?!" Cumali continued, grabbing Yamac tightly by the arm and shaking him. Yamac, naturally, began sobbing and crying at his brother's chiding, looking down, afraid to meet his brother's reproachful eyes. After Cumali was done scolding his brother, he went on mopping the kitchen floor of his brother's mess, all while Yamac stood in the corner of the room, sniffling loudly, Cumali eyeing him with boiling rage every now and then. Finally done with all the cleaning, Cumali headed back to his room and ordered Yamac to face the wall and remain standing till he told him that he had forgiven him. Yamac did as he was told and did not say a word of protest. A whole half hour passed in that manner but Cumali decided it was not enough to forgive the boy yet. He had never punished him before, nor yelled at him like that, there being no need to since Yamac was always on his best behavior, never disobeying his parents or older brothers. Somehow today, Cumali felt that the baby was restless or anxious unlike his usual self which was usually very quiet and mild-tempered.
"Maybe something was bothering him!" Cumali pondered, lying on his bed. "Whatever!" Cumali mumbled, adjusting the pillow under his head, exhausted from the day's events. He had told himself that he was going to go down in ten minutes and relieve his brother of his punishment, hopefully after the kid learned his lesson. However, he accidentally dozed off, forgetting all about Yamac. When he woke up, he saw that it was 3 pm in the afternoon, an hour passed by since he left his brother in the kitchen. He is almost certain that the kid must have grown tired and left by now. But it was too quiet, not a good sign meaning his brother is up to no good. "What is the kid up to now?" Cumali thought, heading out again, as if he had nothing better to do than look after the baby and clean his mess all day.
"YAMAC!!" Cumali gasped, scrambling towards his brother who had his eyes closed and was leaning against the wall in the kitchen room exactly where Cumali left him except there was blood running down his hand. Holding the baby's hand, Cumali assumed that the cut was from Yamac's earlier encounter with the broken glass. He quickly grabbed a towel and pressed it against Yamac's injured hand. At that, Yamac opened his eyes sluggishly, whimpering and taking heavy breaths.
"Are you alright?!" Cumali asked, cupping his youngest brother's face and eyeing him with concern.
"A...am sorry!! Am s...so sorry, Abi. I tried to keep standing but all of a sudden, I got dizzy and couldn't" Yamac stuttered, looking at Cumali with eyes full of sorrow.
"Are you an idiot? If your hand was injured, why the hell didn't you tell me?!" Cumali reproached, still applying pressure to Yamac's hand. He then lifted him off the floor and carried him to their parent's room, searching for the first aid kit. After he wrapped his hand with gauze, he saw that he finally settled down and stopped crying.
"What's going on with you, bebe?" Cumali asked gently this time.
"Nobody wanted me!" Yamac revealed, looking down.
"Where did that come from?" Cumali questioned, brows furrowed, surprised by Yamac's unexpected answer and choice of words.
"Mom. She fought with dad the other day and told me that I should have never been born...that nobody wanted me" Yamac blurted out, going back to his earlier sniffling but trying to hold himself together as not to cry.
"God!" Cumali mumbled, looking away from the baby. His face uncontrollably twisted into many different shades, anger molding in with sadness, pity and guilt. He should have known that something was up to make the usually quiet kid act up so much...And he managed to make the baby feel even more miserable by punishing him. His heart broke for the baby; there was no feeling worse for a child than to feel unwanted. "She was just angry when she said that, bebe. She didn't mean it" Cumali said, hoping to fix the situation.
"But Selim abi said that too once. Even you abi, sometimes you look at me like you hate me." Yamac said, looking directly at Cumali's eyes, as if trying to probe into his older brother's soul, searching for Cumali's true feelings for him. Shocked again, Cumali looked at Yamac wide eyed, in awe of what he had just heard. And for a second even, he began to doubt himself. Was there a part of him that really hated the boy?! Did he somehow unconsciously convey those feelings to his brother? He thought deeply about it but couldn't find a reason why Yamac would accuse him of hating him. Sure, he was an angry furball most of the time but he had never not even for a second hated the baby he held in his arms and practically raised when their parents weren't around.
"Who? Me?! No one loves you as much as I do!!" Cumali said firmly, cupping his brother's cheeks in his palms and looking into his very eyes. To make sure his feelings got through to his brother, Cumali hugged the boy intensely, pressing him into his chest and kissing the side of his neck.
Cumali's face lit up in his sleep, dreaming of their more innocent, carefree days.
"But you'll hate me. You'll hate me, Abi'. Nobody wanted me...including you, especially you!" Yamac cried, breaking away from Cumali's hold and pushing him away
Cumali opened his eyes, disturbed and face pale, painfully rubbing his eyes, as if trying to forcefully erase the dream from his memory. Why did he have to remember something from more than twenty years ago now of all times? And besides, this is not how it happened. He hugged Yamac, and the boy instantly cheered up and went on playing with his toys.
"What am I even thinking?!" Cumali shook his head aggressively, refusing to let himself grow soft about anything concerning Yamac. He reminded himself that Yamac is gone. It has been four months since he shot him and kicked him out of Cukur. He is not coming back, not ever. He won't let him...won't allow his father's killer to live under the same roof as the rest of them.
Just then, Damla came into the room and interrupted his line of thinking. "Are you alright?" Damla asked. "You look pale!"
"I am fine." Cumali answered, curtly, adjusting himself to sit on the bed.
"There is something that I need to tell you" Damla cleared her throat, as if dreading what she was about to say. Cumali looked at her guardedly, knowing that she was about to drop a bomb from the way she was acting.
"Remember the girls that were working for the drug trafficking business of Azer a couple of months ago?" Damla asked.
"Yeah, what about them?" Cumali raised an eyebrow, trying to get a read on Damla's face.
"Well, they are jobless now as you know and actually…"
"Actually what, Damla?!"
"Actually, Yamac had promised me he'd find them another source of income very soon and the girls have been nagging me recently to f..."
"This is none of our business, Damla!" Cumali interrupted, cold-heartedly. "We do more than enough to protect those people. It's not our concern as well to find them jobs. Why don't we sing them to sleep while we are at it?" Cumali scoffed, getting up.
"Can't you forgive Yamac?" Damla called out, seeing that Cumali was about to leave the room.
"Excuse me!!" Cumali warned, giving Damla a menacing look.
"Honestly, when Yamac was here, he cared about everyone in Cukur without question" Damla blurted out, knowing well that she was about to face Cumali's anger.
"You bring the name of my father's killer in this house one more time and I swear Damla, I will make you regret it" Cumali threatened, slamming the door behind him.
The universe must be conspiring against him. Since the start of the day, he can't bring himself to think about anything but Yamac. He wandered the streets of Cukur in the hope of clearing his head. Things were peaceful in the neighbourhood these days, and everyone was back to their own routine: men drinking coffee and watching soccer at the cafe, shop owners and market sellers yelling and calling for buyers, kids playing soccer on the streets…Cukur was back to its usual self. Cumali's heart felt at ease, admiring the view of ordinary day to day biddings of the people of Cukur. He was walking proudly in HIS neighbourhood when a couple of kids playing football, threw the ball his way. Cumali picked up the ball, and a ten year old blonde boy came to fetch it from him.
"Abi, can you give me the ball?" The ten year old stood before Cumali, waiting for him to hand him the ball.
"Sure. There you go!" Cumali smiled, passing it to him.
"Nobody wanted me...especially you, Abi."
"What did you just say?" Cumali asked the kid.
"Ahm. I said, 'Thank you, Abi'" the boy answered, running back to his friends.
'A universal conspiracy!' Cumali reminded himself.
Weirded out by the whole incident, Cumali decided to rest in his father's cafe for a while. Inside, he saw Selim and Salih drinking tea and chatting.
"What's new?" Cumali asked and took his seat next to Selim.
"The usual, Abi. Arik and his father are still putting in their best efforts to destroy Cukur, and we still have no clue on who is our guardian angel" Selim replied, sipping from the tea. It has been months since the Erdenets have intercepted each and every deal the Kocovalis made with their suppliers. But that was not the strange part about the matter. What was strange is someone stealing back their shipments from the Erdenets and giving it back to the Kocovalis each and every time. And they had yet to figure out the identity of the person helping them from the shadows.
"Yesterday too, the weapons trade that was stolen by the Erdenets a few days ago, was returned safely to Cukur" Salih remarked.
"And no one saw again who left it, is that right?!" Cumali said, running his hands over his face.
"Yeah!" Salih nodded dejectedly, confirming his older brother's statement.
"Guys, what are you so worried about? I mean we are not losing anything here. We should be relieved actually" Selim said, looking at his brothers.
"Because no one has ever helped us out of the goodness of their own hearts, Yamac. This could be some sort of scheme that we know nothing about!!" Cumali sighed, looking at Selim. In that instant, both Selim and Salih looked in shock at Cumali, who was lost on why his two brothers were staring at him like that.
"Abi, did you just call me 'Yamac'?!" Selim stared intensely at Cumali, suspecting that his older brother must have lost his mind.
"What?! No! Why would I call you that?" Cumali questioned, dumbfounded.
"I heard you call Selim 'Yamac' too" Salih spoke, joining Selim.
"SHUT UP, both of you!!" Cumali shouted, feeling cornered by both of his brothers. "You are all trying to drive me crazy today!!"
Seeing Cumali in that state, the two younger brothers backed away, deciding to close the subject to not agitate their older brother further.
Cumali blamed the universe again for reminding him of Yamac for the fourth time today. To reach a compromise with himself, Cumali attributed all those incidents to his general boredom. If he had something to chew on, he wouldn't be thinking about that boy that much. To that end, he convinced both Salih and Selim that tonight he was going to stay at their old warehouse, where their latest gun shipment would arrive. It was his chance to kill two birds with one stone; kill those crappy Erdenets and find the one helping them from the shadows. Unable to contain their brother, Salih and Selim unwillingly had to let their brother handle the matter.
Nighttime fell and the shipment safely arrived at the warehouse while Cumali was hiding anticipating the Erdenets to raid the building any time now. And like expected, they showed up, getting rid of the men safeguarding the shipment, all the while Cumali remained in hiding, waiting for the right moment to interfere. Just then, a man wearing a mask appeared and fired at the raiders. The cross fire continued between the two for a short while before the Erdenets were forced to retreat. 'That is gotta be him.' Cumali surmised, staring at the man in the mask, convinced that he is their so-called guardian angel. It was hard to believe that one man had done all that damage to the Erdenets by himself.
The man was about to leave when Cumali noticed that he was limping on one leg. 'He must have been shot,' Cumali thought to himself, finding this as an opportunity to catch the man before he flees. Approaching him carefully, Cumali watched the man in the mask falling slowly to the ground, seemingly succumbing to his injury.
Directly over his head, Cumali kneeled down and flipped him over, revealing shots to his chest and leg. His hand rested on the tip of his mask, anticipating that moment anxiously. He, finally, lifted it, staring in awe at the sight before him. He rubbed his eyes several times confirming that it was not an illusion. No, it was all real. Cumali raised his eyebrow in denial. How can Yamac be the guardian angel of all people? And why did he have to meet him the day he had been hallucinating about him around every corner and every conversation?! There is no mistake...the universe is conspiring against him all to that end of bringing him to this fateful encounter with his once used to be brother.