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"My turn," Danny said from the doorway, looking bleary eyed and barely functional.
Steve wanted to say no, send him back to bed, that he would deal with their son who was currently on a mission to never sleep ever again or let his fathers rest. Only his mind had numbed a few hours before when he'd resigned himself to another night of broken sleep. People had assured him this wasn't uncommon, that some babies just didn't sleep through the night at first, or in MJ's case, ever. That not everyone was blessed with a babe who slept more than a few hours at a time.
He was a Navy SEAL for gods sake. He'd dealt with worst situations, tortures, enemy assaults, top secret missions he'd never tell a soul about. Things that weighed heavily on his shoulders, situations that should have broken him but instead made him stronger.
He hadn't banked on a tiny, little creature to be the one battle which brought him to his knees. How could you love something so much? How could you worry over every, little, insignificant thing because it might somehow affect them? How was it possible the human brain, the human body, could still function trying to multi task and multi skill for his every need, on a continuous cycle, morning, noon and night?
He was in a daze when Danny took their son from his arms. He stumbled towards the door as Danny gave him a gentle push to get him on his way. Their bed was still a little warm from where Danny had been sleeping and Steve curled into it, grateful of that small, familiar comfort. His head felt fuzzy, his body weak, everything seemed heavy and sleep overwhelmed him before he had a moment to enjoy being back in their bed.
When he woke up his senses felt dulled, it took him forever to roll onto his back and take in the time. It was a relief to see he'd slept for three blissful hours and Danny was in bed beside him, evidently MJ had given up the fight and gone to sleep himself. He reached out, surprised at how heavy his body still felt and trying to remember the last time he'd felt so dog tired. BUD's training possibly if he was honest and wouldn't that put a smile on Joe White's face. Danny stirred as he rested a hand on his chest, just for the sake of contact. Steve smiled at him apologetically as Danny yawned and stretched tiredly.
"Sorry, didn't mean to wake you up," Steve said, his throat felt raspy and dry.
Danny grinned and rolled onto his side closer to him, brushing a hand down his face. Steve thought he looked to eager to start the day having been up half the night like himself.
"You look terrible," Danny said with a small laugh.
"I was just thinking the last time I felt like this, I was training to be a SEAL," Steve admitted, wondering how long it would take for his body to stop feeling so worn down.
"Aw babe," Danny laughed again, leaning down and giving him a small kiss. "Bet you're missing that training right about now."
"If you tell anyone I'll deny it," Steve said with a sigh, unwilling to leave bed and wasn't that a first. Usually he was a morning person, first out of bed, doing some form of exercise, eager to start the day.
"It does get easier I promise," Danny assured him.
"When? Because all I can think is how harder it's going to get, because every day he is growing and soon he'll be crawling, walking, talking, arguing, growing up, getting into trouble, making decisions, dating - god he's going to date one day. That's the future Danny, just an endless journey of worry," Steve said, frowning and burying his head into the pillow. He really wasn't prepared to be a father, to have to carry that kind of responsibility, for the rest of his life.
Danny put an arm around him, pressing a kiss to the back of his neck and Steve could feel him laughing gently against him.
"Babe, welcome to being a parent," Danny said happily. "Believe me, I know all about the worry. But in-between the worry, there's also the joyful, unmissable, unforgettable moments that you wouldn't swap for the entire world. You'll wake up one day and realise it is all entirely worth it, the whole mess you're life has become because suddenly you aren't in control of your own life any more. That instead someone else controls it and it's crazy and scary and tiring and just the most satisfying, intense and wondrous journey to be on. How do you think I feel? I've already done it once, I'm still trying to steer her through and now I'm going back to square one. Honestly, learn everything you can now because chances are we'll be back here again one day in the not so distant future. It's a little easier the second time around I swear."
"Daniel, that is a cruel concept to put upon a man in my current frame of mind," Steve grumbled into the pillow. "Do you want me to breakdown, because really that would do it."
Danny chuckled and kissed him again, "Steve, you're doing a great job. You are a great dad ok? I knew that the way you've been with Grace, before MJ was even a dot in our horizon. We are not going to be having another baby any time soon, but I'm not going to say never because the way you are with him, well it makes me think about extending our family one day. When we're ready."
"Let me sleep for a year, then I'll think about it," Steve muttered, turning his face to glance up at Danny, giving him a weak smile.
"How's about you get another hour in bed?" Danny smiled, giving him a squeeze. "Go on Steve, live a little, sleep in. While you can."
"I suppose an hour would suffice if a year isn't an option," Steve sighed. "Aren't you staying in bed?"
"Nah," Danny said, sitting up and giving a stretch. "Think I'll enjoy a morning coffee before -."
A distinct cry filled the air, cutting his words off. Steve winced and resigned himself to the fact another hour in bed was not on the cards. He heard Danny give a small laugh and the bed dipped before he stood up.
"I'll go," Steve said unmoving. "It's my turn anyway."
"Too slow babe," Danny chuckled, far too happy considering the fact that were running on empty fuel cells and had been for days now. "Stay in bed."
"No, I'll be right there, promise," Steve replied, rolling over slowly and listening to Danny talking to their son whose cries settled a little once he received attention. Steve sat up, wincing as he stretched his tired body, he felt the need to work out, to get the blood flowing and his energy up. He could do this father thing, he'd be damned if he was going to be defeated by some lack of sleep and brain fried to mush. He owed it to his family to step up and be counted. He owed it to his training not to give up without a fight.
"Once more into the breach," He told himself as he got out of bed, straightening the sheets before heading to the bathroom. He supposed Danny would forgive him if he was three minutes late so he could shower and freshen up. It was small luxury before his day began and he'd be sure he returned the favour.
~ fin ~