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Jiang Cheng lingers over his packing, but, as he only has a small bag and his sword, he is simply stalling. He holds a hand against his chest, feeling afraid for the first time in months, since he left Lotus Pier for Cloud Recesses, in fact.
Jiang Cheng sinks to the floor as the realization hits him.
Fuck.
He isn’t sure how long he sits on the floor, clutching his sword in one hand and the edge of the bed in the other, but by the time he registers voices outside, his hands are cramped and shaking.
“A-Cheng!” Jiang Yanli enters the room in a swirl of robes but stops short when she sees him. “A-Cheng!” She drops to his side and takes his face in her hands. “What’s wrong? Are you ill?”
Jiang Cheng shakes his head and tries to reassure her, but the words are stuck in the back of his throat. Yanli pushes his hair away from his face. He’s broken out in a sweat and feels light headed. He registers more voices as he closes his eyes, and a creeping mortification compounds the dread that sits heavy in his stomach, but he doesn’t have the energy to stand, to reassure his jiejie that he’s alright, that he’s strong.
Yanli shifts aside as another form crouches down beside her, but Jiang Cheng keeps his eyes firmly shut.
“A-Cheng.” Soft fingers trace the sharp curve of his face.
Huaisang. Jiang Cheng opens his eyes, despite a fervent wish for the earth to open and swallow him whole.
“Hi.” His smile is soft and his eyes are kind and judgement-free. “Do you need a healer?”
Jiang Cheng shakes his head, shame burning through him. Huaisang looks at Yanli and nods. She leans in and kisses his forehead.
“I’ll be back soon with some tea.”
When they’re alone, Huaisang tugs at Jiang Cheng until he’s released both the bed and his sword and they’re sitting with their backs to the bed. Huaisang massages his hands and seems content to sit in silence with him.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers after the silence has stretched on too long for comfort.
“Whatever for?” Huaisang asks, idly tracing the lines of Jiang Cheng’s palm.
“I… I was…” He swallows hard, unable to admit his failings. “I should get my things together,” he says instead.
“Mmmm.” Huaisang rests his head against Jiang Cheng’s shoulder. “I think you should wait for your sister to bring tea.” He squeezes Jiang Cheng’s hand. “We’ve got a few more hours until the farewell dinner.”
Jiang Cheng stifles a gasp, as if he’s opened an old injury, and Huaisang turns his sharp gaze on him.
“The dinner,” he asks, “or tomorrow morning?”
“Tomorrow.”
Huaisang nods, his eyes fixed on Jiang Cheng. “Me or something else?”
“Not you.”
“Oh no?” Huaisang covers his heart with his hand and feigns outrage. “You’re not dreading our separation? I’m wounded, Jiang Cheng! Terribly wounded!”
“No, no!” Jiang Cheng interjects. “Of course I am! But —“
“Shh, shh, it’s alright,” Huaisang says, holding a finger over Jiang Cheng’s lips. “You don’t have to say it.”
Jiang Cheng sags with relief. “It’s stupid. I shouldn’t be so weak. I can’t be weak! I can’t let her see—“
“Jiang Cheng.” Huaisang’s voice carries a quiet command — stop. Listen. — and Jiang Cheng is eager to obey. Huaisang rewards him with a swift kiss. “Not going back is not an option, for either of us.” He grins at Jiang Cheng. “Unless you want to run away with me? Build a little house by the sea? Become rogue cultivators? No?” His smile turns sad. “Well, it’s fun to dream.” He kisses the back of Jiang Cheng’s hand, then holds it to his chest as he lays a palm against Jiang Cheng’s. “But I’m not going anywhere, not from here. You’re stuck with me.”
Jiang Cheng covers Huaisang’s hand with his free hand. “I don’t want you to go.”
Huaisang sighs. “It’s not going to be easy,” he says, “but nothing and no one will keep us apart forever. I’ll always find you.”
“How can you be sure?” Jiang Cheng asks before he can stop himself.
Huaisang pats his thigh. “I have my ways, A-Cheng.” He stands and offers a hand to help Jiang Cheng up. When he’s sure Jiang Cheng is steady on his feet, Huaisang tugs at his robes until Jiang Cheng leans down to meet him in a kiss.
Jiang Cheng is only slightly ashamed of the whine that escapes when Huaisang breaks away, but Huaisang smiles and kisses his cheek. “Later,” he promises, his eyes dark and smile sharp. “For now, let’s reassure your sister that you are alright.” He takes Jiang Cheng’s hand and laces their fingers together. “We’ll lend you the strength you need.”