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It wasn’t for anything special that he took that decision, really
It was a morning like any other when Goh decided to say certain words to Ash Ketchum.
He thought about it for a long time now, he considered every possible outcome of this situation, he gulped and felt an extreme pressure in his heart, fearing the worst possibility could happen as soon as he opened his mouth.
But, in all honesty, he needed to say it, the weight in his chest had only grew in the past few months, at first, it was easy to ignore, but at this point, it was becoming unbearable.
Goh rolled his eyes at his own attitude; he was over thinking things again.
Say it! He said to himself
The fact that he and Ash were alone in the dining room having breakfast, with no humans or Pokemon around, maybe helped him in his decisiveness.
And then, with all the courage he could muster, he closed his eyes and whispered:
“…”
Ash Ketchum didn’t hear his confession; too busy checking his Rotomphone, probably calculating the strategy for his next battle, or trying to find the toughest trainer in the vicinity to challenge him (or her) to a battle.
Say it louder, you idiot! Goh’s brain ordered ‘He needs to know, he has to know!’
“Ash…” Goh said, with just a little bit confidence…
The Pallet Town trainer put the phone in the table and stared at his research partner. Goh raised a finger, indicating that what he was about to say was extremely important.
But no sound came out of his mouth.
“Yes, Goh?” the future champion questioned, extending his palm towards the other boy, their hands touched for a split second, and Goh closed his eyes, taking a deep breath
“I love you” he finally said
Of all the possible outcomes, what happened next wasn’t in Goh’s plans, there was no way Ash could do what he was currently doing.
He simply stayed there, completely silent.
He had to say something, he had to react in some way or the other, he had to laugh at him, or tell him how crazy he was, or how wrong his feelings were, or…
The silence simply extended and Goh felt the tears swelling up in his eyes, a dam ready to break as soon as Ash rejected him…
Instead, the trainer squeezed his hand for a split second, asking:
“Are you sure?”
Goh raised an eyebrow, in the name of Arceus, what kind of question was that? How this stupid, dense trainer could be so oblivious, so stupid, to not understand such a basic concept?
He said those three words because he was sure that was the only way Ash could understand him, no metaphors, no running around the bushes, no long, deep, philosophical explanations. Just a concept, just three words, that was all.
Even with his mind running a thousand miles an hour, raging at the supposedly stupidity of the boy in front of him, Goh managed to nod.
Twice.
Ash fell into silence again, and Goh’s fists clenched at his attitude.
“Yes, I’m sure” he added, just as an extra, just because Ash was Ash, and he knew he needed all the data his mind could recollect, he needed certainties, so he was going to give them to him.
The trainer was still silent, so he took a deep breath, and opened his mouth, knowing too well he wasn’t going to be able to stop the waterfall of words he was about to let out.
“I love you, not as a friend”
Damn, scratch that! Goh’s mind shouted, and he shook his head, correcting himself
“Not only as a friend, but as something else… I love you in a way I’m not sure you’ll be able to comprehend, I love your smile, your courage, I love the way you are sure of every decision you take, I love how you jump into danger like it was a normal thing for you, I…”
You can do better than this… Goh’s brain indicated
“I don’t love seeing you in danger, but I do love the fact that you always know how to get out of dangerous situations… I love your kindness, your compassion, your willingness to help others…”
Admit it…
“And I know pretty well that, if it wasn’t for you, I would have never learned how to be kind, compassionate and willing to help others… I love the way you changed me, I accepted that a long time ago…”
Look at his face, he’s not reacting at all, say something else!
“I love the connection you share with every living creature that crosses your path, I love the friendship you and I built, and I wish it was more than just a friendship…”
Be clearer! Before he says something stupid like ‘you’re my best friend too, Goh’ or something like that!
“I wish you and I could take long walks along the park, hand in hand, I wish you’d let me tell you how much I love you every day, I wish you wouldn’t reject me…”
Add something else, or you know he’s going to say something like ‘I would never reject you’ don’t give him that chance!
“Because I know it’s weird… I mean, I’m a boy, you’re a boy, I would understand if you’re confused by the fact that I really, really like you…”
He blinked; you’re losing him, say something else, ASAP! Goh’s brain reacted, and the boy started to sweat, knowing it was now or never
“I’m not sure how to make you understand…. Without you, I’d still believe I don’t need anyone by my side, you changed all of that, and every time you hug me, or you smile at me, you make me remember why I love you so much…”
Screw this, he’s not saying anything at all, drop the final bomb, just tell him… You know… THAT!
“And I also think you’re extremely cute… In my eyes, you look perfect, with every single one of your defects, with every single one of your flaws, you’re perfect…”
Look at that smile, this is the route! Come on!
Goh got up, happy to finally see the other boy giving him a hint of acceptance; he approached, his heart beating impossibly fast… Ash didn’t move, but at this point, he didn’t care, he took his hands and stared at him fondly, losing himself in those deep, dumb brown eyes…
“The way you make me feel…” he whispered, gently guiding the other boy’s hands towards his chest and lowering his voice “it can only be love… I’m sure of that…”
Ash finally got up, and Goh realized the smile was still plastered on his face, he squeezed his hands for just a split second, but nothing else happened between the two of them.
Seal the deal! Goh’s brain screamed Kiss him, now!
Goh shook his head, no, that was something he couldn’t do. He'd let out all of his feelings in front of his crush, but kiss him?
Steal, even if it was for just a moment, the breath from his lungs, the softness of his lips?
Take, without his consent, something that it didn’t really belong to him, something that he didn’t deserve?
No, he wasn’t going to do it, at least not until he was completely sure if Ash felt the…
“What’s love?” Ash Ketchum questioned, interrupting his thoughts
Goh wanted to find the nearest building and jump from the top of it.
However, he calmed down, reminding himself this was Ash Ketchum, he had to be patient with him, he had to guide him through this, and he couldn’t think he was going to be able to…
“Is it this?” the raven haired continued, squeezing Goh’s hands, much to his surprise
“T-this?” Goh dumbly stuttered
“Is it wanting to take your hand, but only if you want to take mine too?” Ash commented
And before he could reply the trainer from Pallet Town assaulted the other boy with a barrage of questions
“Is it feeling a deep wound in my chest every time I make a dumb question? Every time I make a stupid mistake, only to see your face staring at me with disappointment?”
“I… Don’t---“
Ash cut him off, squeezing his hands once more, reminding the researcher the conversation was under his control now
“Wanting to follow you everywhere you go, even if it is to the end of the world, is that love?”
The trainer let go of the other boy’s hands for a moment, only to start caressing his arms, as softly as he could
“Being happy to see you smiling, jumping of joy after every catch, taking step after step towards your dream, being proud of every single one of your advances, is that love?”
That sounds like… Goh muttered to himself
“Trying to figure out what kind of blue your eyes are, and realizing that’s a unique color, a color that only belongs to you and your eyes… Is that love?”
Goh nodded, although a little bit insecure, but Ash continued
“Knowing that saying a stupid thing has a 50% chance to make you laugh and a 50% chance of looking at me and respond with a ‘what the hell are you talking about?’ but saying that stupid thing either way because I want to see you laughing, even if it’s just at me…”
Just then, Goh realized Ash’s hands traveled all the way towards his hair, softly touching it like it was the most fragile thing in the whole universe
“To need that laugh… To want to see you smile… To do anything in my power to protect you and to walk alongside you every step of the road…Is that love, Goh?”
Oh, that’s just another way of saying friendship Goh’s brain stated, and the researcher wondering if it was possible to erase the rational part of his mind with one swift cut
“I know you’re a boy, a very confident, brave, cute looking… boy”
And after that, Goh saw a tiny blush appearing on Ash’s features, and he interrupted him, giggling like an idiot. Ash chuckled too, but put his best serious face just a second later to continue:
“You make me happy with the way you are, and I wouldn’t change anything about you, ever…”
Ash took a step closer to Goh, and both boys felt exactly how excited, nervous and sweaty just as the other one was
“So… You know how I always need you to explain me things?”
Goh blinked rapidly
Reply to that, idiot!
“Not always…” he commented
“You know what I mean”
“Yes… I do…”
“Then… explain to me” Ash pleaded, his face dangerously close to Goh’s “Is this love?”
Ash made a pause, and the researcher noticed it was his turn now
“I’m not sure…” he whispered, his breath hitching with every word “Could it be…”
He expected Ash to react with even more confusion after that sentence, but instead, he simply stated
“Then… I think I love you too, Goh”
“Are you sure?” the researcher questioned, and Ash facepalmed
“Are you?” the trainer countered
“I asked you first!”
“You know I asked you first!” Ash complained
“Fine… Let’s just do this… Assuming each of us is sure… Let’s just say it at the same time, ok?” Goh proposed
Ash quickly nodded
“On One, Two…”
“Wait, wait!” Ash interrupted “Like, on three, or, like, one, two, three, go?”
Goh let out an exasperated sigh
“On three, damn it!”
“Oh, ok…”
Goh restrained himself from saying ‘you’re such an idiot’ aloud, so he began again
“One…”
This was it
“Two…”
The time of truth, the moment he wanted to happen for so long…
“Thr…”
Goh never finished the sentence, his lips were shut in an instant with force, a black shadow overpowered him, and a pair of strong arms surrounded his waist, preventing any chance of escape.
Ash Ketchum was kissing him, softly, sloppily, with a mix of fear and uncertainty of his actions, as seconds passed and Goh reciprocated, the trainer advanced, deepening the kiss until it was enough and they both broke it, gasping for fresh air.
As soon as he recovered, Goh shouted:
“Why did you do that?”
“I thought you may like it” Ash replied, his shoulders getting up defensively
“What gave you that impression?”
"You said you loved me, remember?” the trainer retorted
“I… did” Goh realized, and then, he stated, trying to be sure the last minutes weren’t a fantasy “And you said you loved me too”
“That’s another reason why I kissed you”
“It didn’t felt like a real kiss, though” Goh complained, crossing his arms “It was… pretty amateurish”
Ash frowned, pretending to be offended
“I tried my best!”
“Try harder” Goh challenged
“Come closer” Ash replied
The researcher obeyed, and a moment later he was kissing the boy of his dreams once more, with a little more curiosity this time, like trying to make sure he wasn’t lying, that he meant every single one of the words he said, that he really loved him, and not just in a friendly way
They separated once more, but it didn’t last, as Goh leaned towards Ash’s chest, hearing his heart bumping out like crazy and smiling, realizing he was the cause of that excitement. Ash simply looked down, playfully touching Goh’s hair.
“It wasn’t easy to tell you this…” Goh confessed
“I know… But I’m not sure if I’d confess something without you doing it first” Ash commented
“In that case, I’m so glad I was brave enough”
“Me too”
“Thank you” Goh continued, pecking Ash’s lips for a split second “For everything…”
“Thanks to you too” Ash replied, mimicking the action
“I’m nothing without you” Goh added
Ash’s expression changed suddenly, his smile turning into a not-so-playful frown suddenly
“Don’t say that”
“It’s the truth though. I am what I am thanks to you”
“Don’t say that” the trainer repeated sternly “I love you for what you are, excited, brave, courageous, kind Goh…”
“Then… What if I said… after I met you, I feel like I’m everything if I am with you?”
“I feel like I’m everything too” Ash agreed, kissing his boyfriend once more
He broke apart quickly and stared at the other boy, suddenly remembering something
“We should go to the main room”
“Yeah…” Ash nodded
“What are we going to do? How are we going to explain, you know, this…” Goh commented, his finger moving towards Ash, then to himself, and then back at Ash again.
“Is there something to explain?” Ash questioned “We just love each other, that’s all”
“Can I have your confidence?”
Ash chuckled and replied
“I can give you something better…”
They walked towards the door, their hands intertwined and their eyes sparkling with joy, but just when they were about to leave, Ash twirled around, pressing Goh against the wall, the other boy didn’t resist, his arms wrapping around Ash’s waist, forcing him to stay even closer, even if that was technically impossible.
Ash pushed himself against him, pressing his chest against Goh’s own, in a position he (assumed) was a romantic one, gently stroking his hair, like trying to give him a sign, a message, something he knew Goh knew, but he still wanted to say it.
As their lips parted, Ash repeated, whispering
“I love you, Goh”
“I love you too, Ash”
They smiled at each other, knowing too well they weren’t going to the main room anytime soon, and kissing once more…