Archive of Our Own

“It’s just a feeling, but I don't think their setter is their official setter.” Kageyama glances over Seijoh, the team they are playing a practice game against with a pensive and almost nervous look on his face. Almost as if summoned, the gym doors open and Hinata sees a face he didn’t think he’d see under these circumstances.

The older looking boy walks over to his coach and talks to him before glancing over at the Karasuno team. His and Hinata’s eyes catch on each other and Hinata suppresses a flinch. 

“Yoo-hoo! Long time no see, Tobio-Chan! Having fun being a king,” Oikawa says cheerfully while waving. 

“I learned to serve and block by watching him. He’s extremely good.” Kageyama’s praise is unexpected but not surprising. Oikawa Tooru. It’s a name he’s known for a long time and although volleyball came up often in their conversations, neither ever said what team they are on.

“Anyway, get warmed up and be more thorough than usual,” Aoba Johsai’s coach yells. 

The third set starts and Karasuno is trying to win before Oikawa can get on the court. They are almost to the end of the set; score 24:20 in Karasuno's favor when the whistle blows for a player switch.

Oikawa is standing at the edge of the court holding up the number for the setter. The two switch and he steps on the court. His eyes travel over the entire team but he locks eyes on Hinata, specifically the compression sleeves he’s wearing.

Hinata’s eyes widen imperceptibly as he realizes what’s probably going through the older boy's mind. Oikawa sets up to serve and jumps. The ball soars over the net and hits Tsukishima before bouncing out of bounds. 

Oikawa gets a couple more service aces before Hinata loses his patience.

“Oi! Great King! Aim for me! I can take it,” Hinata yells loudly but there is certain steel in his voice that is almost impossible to hear. Steel that Oikawa notices and knows all too well.

“Chibi-Chan, are you sure you want to do that?” The voice that, to most, sounds condescending is actually quite soft but, again, only two people notice. Seijoh’s ace glances between the two of them in suspicion, a knowing and nervous look developing on his face. 

Oikawa jump serves again, aiming for Hinata, who, miraculously, receives it and sends it to Kageyama. Kageyama watches Hinata rush up to the net and jump. Midair, Hinata opens his eyes and aims the ball to slam down right past Oikawa. The trajectory of the ball makes the setter’s eyes widen as his hair is whooshed by the speed of the ball. 

Hinata lands from his jump with a smirk in Oikawa’s direction before turning and celebrating the win with his team. He glances over and sees Oikawa talking to the Sejoih Ace, Iwaizumi. As if they start feeling his glance, they look over and Oikawa tilts his head in an obvious command to follow him. A small glare in his eyes drives the fact that this is a command, not a request.

“Hey, guys? Would someone mind bringing my stuff back to the bus, I need to pee,” Hinata asks. Suga smiles at him, agreeing to the task easily. Hinata walks out of the gym and meets the two by the bathroom. 

“Hinata Shouyou? You’re on the same team as my obnoxious little Kohai. That makes so much sense,” Oikawa’s mouth is set in a hard line as he stares at the boy. The other third-year glances between the two in obvious confusion but with a hint of knowing suspicion. The signs are almost too obvious for him not to see.

“This is the boy? The one you’re mentoring?” Oikawa nods as Hinata ducks his head, embarrassed that another person knows. “Why are you wearing compression sleeves?” Hinata full-body flinches at the soft but suspicious tone of the older but largely unknown boy. Oikawa lets out a breath as his suspicion is confirmed and reaches out for his arm but Hinata pulls back and pulls it behind him.

“Sho. How long ago and how many?” Oikawa looks sterner than his childhood friend has ever seen him. “Shouyou. You can’t hide this. You know you’re still considered “at-risk”. Either you agree to deal with it with me or…” 

“Why do you even care? Where on opposite sides now!” The thought that haunted Hinata since he saw Oikawa walk in finally spills out and he flushes in shame. Oikawa gently grabs the boy and pushes his head up so Hinata is forced to look him in the eye.

“I still care about you, Chibi, I promise! Now, let me see your arm,” Oikawa asks softly. Pulling himself from the older teen's grip, Hinata looks at the ground as he pulls off the compression sleeve on his arm. 

He doesn’t see the teen's reaction but he hears two small gasps and he’s pulled into a hug. Hinata tries not to cry but gives in to the urge and starts crying on Oikawa’s shoulder.

“I-it happened about a couple days ago. Kageyama was saying I was useless to the team and we got kicked out of the gym and I was scared that the thing I worked so hard would be taken away before I even had a chance.”

“Shhh, it’s okay, it’s okay.” Hinata slowly calms down and pulls out of the embrace. “Let’s meet up this weekend and talk okay? But right now you need to get back to your team.” Hinata nods and walks back towards the entrance of the school where the bus is.

“You know him from…,” Iwaizumi asks, leaving the question open but gesturing towards Oikawa’s leg; the leg that has the evidence of the darkest time of his life. 

“Yea, we were in the same hospital and I became his mentor of sorts. I guess I now know who the, as he put it, “tree ass little shit of a setter” is.” Iwaizumi pauses and glances as Oikawa in disbelief before falling to the floor laughing. 

The rest of the team comes out of the gym and stares at the scene in shock. Iwaizumi is not one for randomly laughing, especially around Oikawa. Oikawa just shakes his head and gestures at them to continue cleaning up the gym.

It’s the Inter-High Prelims and everyone is watching the game between Aoba Johsai and Karasuno. The end of the third set is approaching and it’s been a hard game for both teams. The score has gone to 32:31 with Aoba Johsai in the lead.

The rally went back and forth until Kindaichi got Karasuno out of formation. A difficult receive went to the back of the court. Kageyama sets the ball straight to Hinata and Oikawa watches the play as if in slow motion. 

I’m sorry Sho-Chan. Kindaichi, Kunimi, and Iwaizumi block the ball. Oikawa sees Hinata open his eyes and notice the block. The ball falls to the ground and the noise is deafening in the silent gymnasium. It’s silent for a moment as both teams register the whistle signaling Aoba Johsai’s victory.

Hinata stares at his hand in shock, eyes ghostly as the feelings and thoughts rush through him like a tidal wave. Oikawa can’t help but glance at the small player even as he cheers his own victory.

Iwaizumi looks at Hinata and flinches at the look in his eyes. The look that he recognizes too well and he glances at Oikawa. A silent plea clear in his eyes. 

“I can’t help him this time.” Oikawa knows exactly what his Ace and friend is thinking. “Please be okay Sho?”

Hinata is silent and still, unable to do more than stare at his hand no longer in shock but in desperation. As if hoping that by wishing it, he could make that last play different. As if hoping that he imagined it and that he hadn’t just lost the game for the team. 

“Sho?” Hinata’s head snaps up to Oikawa and his expression falls into a glare. “Are you-“

“Congratulations, Grand King ,” Hinata almost snarls before stalking away towards the rest of his team.

Oikawa flinches violently at the nickname. It had been a joke between the two of them. Usually when Hinata thought Oikawa was being a little too pushy about one thing or another. It had never been used as an insult or out of genuine anger. But Oikawa knew Hinata well enough to know why he said it. Hinata is pushing him away. Oikawa and any help Oikawa may have been able to offer.

Oikawa looks at the other team and notices Suga looking at Hinata with barely concealed worry in his eyes and a hint of suspicion. Oikawa starts to let out a sigh of relief that maybe someone will see what’s going on with Hinata and stop him. 

Hinata is finally starting to get out of his own head when he feels a pair of eyes trained on his head. He turns to see Suga-senpai staring at him with suspicion and worry. Hinata knows he has to do something if he wants suspicion off of him.

Hinata looks over to see Kageyama crying on the ground and finally lets the tears that have been brimming behind his eyes fall down his face even as he walks over to the other boy and collapses next to him. He sees out of the corner of his eye his Senpai shaking his head and sees his mouth: he  was just in shock .

Oikawa notices this as well and bites back a curse. Iwaizumi looks over at him and raises an eyebrow.

“Sugawara, Mr. Pleasant. He noticed Sho-Chan 

 was off but he… Goddamnit it Shouyou! You can’t push away everyone who wants to help!” Iwaizumi grabs his shoulder and shushes him before they both walk over to the team.

They both understand that this isn’t something they can help with. As much as the consequences terrify them, they are forced to watch from the sidelines.

Sho?

Come on, Sho, talk to me?

Are you okay?

Please?? Just say something

You can’t just ignore me forever 

At least tell me you haven’t done anything. That’s all I need to hear. 

Sho?

Hinata Shouyou! Answer me right now! 

Fuck off, Grand King!

Just talk to someone, please? 

We both know you can’t do this alone and that is not a bad thing. Please Shouyou, be safe.

Hinata glares at his phone in anger. Misplaced anger, he knows, but anger all the same. He slams down his phone harshly on the bed as he looks longingly towards the bathroom or, more accurately, what he knows is in the bathroom. The dull throb in his arms yells at him not to do it but the anger and emotions that are out of control tell him it will help. 

Hinata stands up and walks down the hallway to the bathroom, closing and locking the door. He turns on the shower and gets in.

Twenty minutes later, he’s walking out with new pain throbbing on his arms and a fresh coat of guilt hanging over him. The guilt that has become a blanket over him since he lost to Aoba Johsai. The guilt that stays with him even when he was working towards the new quick. The guilt that multiplied itself over and over again after he fought with Kageyama and scared Yachi. 

Why is the pain never enough to drown out the guilt.

“Before I tell you all this, you need to be calm.” Ukai’s statement is enough for most of the club members to pause in their excited ramblings. Sugawara looks at the almost nervous expression on their coaches' faces and wonders what could have put it there.

“Like Ukai said, please stay calm. Aoba Johsai asked for a practice game,” Takeda says and the team erupts into noise. Hinata feels the breath get knocked out of him as if he was punched. He stumbles a little but manages to hide it and glares at the floor. 

“Why do they want a practice game against us? Was beating us once not enough for them?” The angered shouts of the team hide the terrified look on Hinata’s before he pulls up his mask of indifference again.

“Look, I know none of you like and, to be honest, neither do I but right now, we’re not in a position to refuse,” Ukai says and the team looks at the ground in resignation. “Tomorrow.” The team nods and walks towards the club room. It’s silent as they change and split into groups to walk home. 

Hinata is starting to walk up the hill when he gets a call. He looks at the name and declines it angrily, not ready to hear that voice. His phone rings again and he glares before declining it again. He walks a couple more feet before it rings again and he angrily hits accept.

“For fucks sake Oikawa, I don’t want to talk to you right now so leave me the hell-“ 

“It’s not Oikawa.” Hinata huffs softly.

“Iwaizumi-San. What?” The question isn’t exactly polite but between the practice match and the Inter-High Tournament they got to know each other so, in stressful situations, Hinata feels a little more comfortable with not being polite to him.

“You can’t keep doing this, Hinata. I know you’ve been ignoring Oikawa. I know that you have probably relapsed hard and I know that there is probably no one who actually knows besides us and you’re Mom.” 

“So what is this? An ultimatum? A demand? Cause either way, whatever it is you want, you can fuck off, okay? Neither of you can gonna come in like some knight in shining armor and protect me because I don’t need help! ” Hinata wishes he had a phone he could slam down for emphasis but contents himself with shoving his phone into his pocket roughly. 

His breath is speeding up consistently and he knows he’s losing control but takes the rest of the ride back to his house to calm himself down enough before he looks suspicious coming in. He walks into his house and greets his mom and sister before making an excuse about homework to go up to his room.

In his room, Hinata flops onto his bed in exhaustion. He knows that he shouldn’t want to do this and he knows what’s most likely to happen because he knows Oikawa and knows that he has some plan for tomorrow. Even as the thoughts of why he shouldn’t run through his head, he’s heading to the bathroom. 

Twenty minutes later, Hinata comes out with a fresh kind of throbbing pain and wet hair. He goes down to eat dinner and watches with feigned amusement as his Mom and sister joke around. 

That night, Hinata lays in bed for hours unable to sleep because of the anxiousness in his stomach and the guilt eating away at his mind. By the time his alarm rings, he’s been staring at the ceiling for hours and hasn’t slept at all.

The bike ride to school is relieving. The sunrise and cool weather helps calm his racing mind and heart and smothers the fear that had been pooling in his gut since he heard the news.

The bus ride is silent which confuses most of the team members. The silence is due to the loudest player being suspiciously silent. Hinata is sitting on the bus with his headphones on and quietly listening to the music playing, something almost unheard of from the boy that has a never-ending amount of energy. Other members of the team quietly remark how he seems more like Tsukishima than he does himself but do it quietly enough that neither of the two can hear.

The walk to the gym is normal and the smiles and cheer in the team go back to normal again as the sunshine of the school starts acting like himself again and everyone just puts his former actions behind them to focus on the game. 

When the teams see each other fully, there is an awkward silence of too many unresolved feelings and a hint of anger.

“Thank you for the game!” The entire team shouts before starting warmups. About halfway through warmups, Hinata notices another player glancing at him consistently and discreetly glances over to Tsukishima. With a small sigh, Hinata waits for the inevitable confrontation, knowing Tsukishima won’t go into a game without confirming whatever suspicion he has.

“Hey, shrimp! Come here,” Tsukishima snaps at Hinata. Sighing deeply, Hinata pulls on a grin and runs over to the other boy.

“What’s up, Stingyshima?” Tsukishima rolls his eyes at his teammate.

“Why is the Grand King looking at you like that,” Tsukishima asks and sees the moment the blood drains from the smaller middle blockers face. 

“Wh-what?” Hinata turns around and catches the older setter’s eyes trained on him in worried suspicion. The look is probably obvious to the tall middle blocker and Hinata sighs, already feeling beyond done with the interaction.

“Maybe he’s worried about me after that last blocked spike. We knew each other before I came to Karasuno and ever since that game, I’ve been radio silent. That’s probably all it is,” Hinata says with a sheepish look on his face. Tsukishima looks into Hinata’s eyes and nods. 

Hinata turns to walk back to where he was warming up and gives the older boy a scathing look before turning to his teammates with a cheerful smile. 

The warmups pass quickly and it’s time to start the practice game. Hinata is in the front row and looks to see Oikawa serving. The older boy is looking straight at him and Hinata tries to ignore the sinking feeling in his stomach. 

Oikawa serves and it is sent straight to Hinata, who barely gets it up. Hinata gasps at the feeling of pain radiating through his arms, which feels sharper than the usual dull throb he’s grown accustomed to. He glances down at his arms and suppresses a yelp at the darkening compression pads on his arms. 

He puts it out of his mind and goes up for the spike but stumbles slightly. Looking towards the other side of the net, he wobbles before falling over as his world goes dark.

“SHO!” Oikawa is running under the net before anyone can move and is the first by his side. “SOMEONE GET A FIRST AID KIT NOW!” Iwaizumi is already there beside him and holding out the large first aid kit. Oikawa nods to him before grabbing gauze, disinfectant, and scar cream. He slowly pulls off one of the compression sleeves and gasps at the younger student.

“Oh my god! Hinata!” Oikawa glances up quickly to see the vice-captain of Karasuno staring at his Kohai. Sugawara closes his eyes and centers himself before kneeling down next to the boy and pulling off the other compression sleeve. 

Hinata’s arms are covered in overlapping scars and new cuts in various stages of healing. It looks like Oikawa's serve managed to rip open two of the newer cuts on each arm and they are bleeding badly.

“You remember what to do, Suga?” Oikawa doesn’t sound condescending or rude and barely acknowledges the fact that he knows about Sugawara’s past.  It’s a simple question that Sugawara does nothing more than a nod in answer to before they both start moving. They move quickly to clean Hinata’s arms and wrap them up.

When the two boys are done, they grab a club jacket and shove it under his head before standing up and facing the crowd of club members.

“Suga, is this… is this what I think it is?” Daichi is looking at his passed out Kohai with fear. Suga nods and looks at the ground as he absent-mindedly rubs his arm. Daichi walks over and grabs the hand that’s rubbing, intertwining his fingers with a soft smile.

“How long? You seem to know. How do you know Oikawa,” Asahi says, his voice cracking slightly? 

“I met Hinata a few years ago in a clinic we were both in. As I got better, he stalled and I became his mentor to try and help him. Then we met again in the first practice game. Both of us knew the other players but neither of us knew what team or school.” The team all nod though a couple looks like they are about to cry at the knowledge that this has been going on for a while.

“So, I don’t mean to be rude but, how did it get this bad?” Oikawa looks at Asahi and sighs, exhaustion evident in his features. 

“After the Inter-High, Hinata stopped talking to me, stopped answering my messages, ignoring our normal meetings, and going out of his way to avoid me and Iwaizumi. He knew that we would notice immediately so he stopped giving us a chance to confront him,” Oikawa explains with a sigh. Asahi nods slightly and glares at the ground, already starting to blame himself for not noticing.

“Asahi, for fucks sake! Do not start blaming yourself! It’s not like it was when it was me! He’s obviously been doing this before any of us met him so you wouldn’t have had a chance to notice something off about him,” Suga says sternly. Asahi closes his eyes before nodding, knowing that Sugawara isn’t gonna take any arguments.

“Suga. Don’t, for a second, start trying to blame yourself either. I can see it in your eyes. Hinata was smart and that’s not your fault,” Daichi says, looking at his vice-captain who glares at him for a moment before nodding, resigned.

“Hinata and smart. Two words I never thought I’d hear next to each other.” The team's parents open their mouths to scold Tsukishima but stop when he continues. “Can’t deny it though. You’re right. He tricked us. Even when I asked him what was going on before the game. He lied. He lied and I believed him.”

“Tsukki.” Yamaguchi doesn’t seem to know what to say as he stares at his friend. His friend looks utterly broken at what is happening in front of him.

“Look, I know you all care about him, but I think it would be best if only a few people are here when he wakes up,” Oikawa says. “Um, me, Iwa-Chan, Suga, and Daichi. We know how to deal with it best so, please, just go in the locker room or somewhere.” Their normally demanding captain saying please is enough for the Aoba Johsai players to leave.

“Boke Hinata,” Kageyama says softly as he pulls himself away from where he had been watching his partner. These reddish bandages seem to be mocking him.

“Come on, Kags, Tsukki. We need to let them deal with this for now, okay?” Ever the voice of reason, Yamaguchi manages to corral the two boys out of the gym. 

“Tanaka, Noya, come on. I know what you are thinking but leave this to them, okay? You need to let Suga-senpai and Daichi-senpai handle this.” Ennoshita leads the two second years off with the rest following behind him.

“You’re first and second-year captains-to-be are really stepping up,” Oikawa says, trying to break the mood a little but all it does is make the Karasuno captains smile slightly and nod.

Hinata slowly feels himself coming back into consciousness and groans slightly. He wonders what’s going on before it all comes back. The practice game… Oikawa's serve… blood… his cuts. 

“SHIT!” Hinata yells as he pulls himself into a sitting position suddenly before noticing his surroundings. He sees Oikawa, Suga-senpai, Daichi-Senpai, and Iwa-San all looking at him with almost identical expressions. They all look at him with sympathetic but stern faces.

“Fuck!” Hinata mumbles under his breath as he scrambles up. “Hey, guys. How’s it going?” Hinata laughs awkwardly. He reaches up to scratch at his neck and notices how much less painful it is. He glances at his arms to see the new bandages wrapped around his arms. He’s learned to recognize how certain people bandage his arm and he recognizes one as from Oikawa but the other is new and he has a feeling its Suga-senpai. 

“Hinata.” Hinata turns to look at Suga for a second before looking at the ground unable to take the sad look in his senpai’s eye. Hinata starts trying to slowly angle himself towards the gym doorway in hopes of escaping this conversation. 

“Hinata,” Oikawa says warningly, used to Hinata’s avoidance techniques.

“Oh, shut up, King! It’s not like you actually care. Besides, we all know if I wasn’t here one of your biggest blocks to beating Shiratorizawa would be gone. Wouldn’t that make you happy? Or maybe you realize that you wouldn’t win either way because you have never and will never be good enough . You are right when you say, you’re not a genius and we both know you will always be surpassed. ” Hinata tries not to feel guilty as he watches Oikawa flinch harshly and can see the pained look in his eye. Hinata knows that all the thoughts Oikawa struggles to control are rushing back through him like a tsunami. 

Hinata turns around and runs, leaving behind the captains and leaving behind the guilt that is flooding him. He pushes open the doors to the gym and ignores his senpai’s calling after him as he runs. He sprints through the school and slams open the door leading outside. He slips past where the bus is and into a hidden area near it before collapsing near a tree, trembling violently. 

Hinata opens his phone blindly and hits the call button for a number he hasn’t talked to since the training camp. It rings a couple of times before the connected noise is heard.

“ Hinata? ” Kenma’s voice is what breaks Hinata down and he starts crying over the phone. “ Hey, Sho, what’s wrong? ” 

“Kenma, I-I don’t know what to do! I feel like I’m falling apart and I know- I know it’s been a long time coming and I’ve tried to ignore it and now it’s catching up to me and I need help. I know Oikawa and Suga can help but I don’t know if I can be honest with them. I don’t know if I can be vulnerable and let them see because what if they think I’m useless-“ Hinata stops his ramble as a phone is gently grabbed from his hand. 

“Sorry, Kenma-San. Yea, it’s not exactly my place to say. Thank you. Goodbye,” Tsukishima hangs up the phones and looks down at the crying tangerine in front of him.

“Tsukki? Did you find-,” Yamaguchi cuts off as he looks at the older boy on the ground in tears and he tries to rip at the bandages on his arms. Yamaguchi smoothly kneels down and grabs his arms before pulling him into a soft hug.

“Yamaguchi, should I call the others,” Tsukki asks.

“Just, tell them we’ll come back in a couple of minutes because Hinata needs time to calm down,” Yamaguchi says before looking back to the crying boy in front of him. 

About ten minutes later, Hinata has calmed down and starts to stand up. He looks at his two teammates with a small smile and a nod. The other two stand up and they start walking back towards the school. He feels the way Tsukki is poised to grab him if he tries to run again but despite how uncomfortable it makes him, he knows why Tsukishima is doing it and just sighs.

When they get back to the doors of the school, Hinata pauses as thoughts come pulsing through him: they’re gonna hate you. They hate you for what you did. Oikawa hates you for what you said and he has every right to. They are just gonna tell you to leave so why waste their time. Just go.

“Hey, shrimp! Whatever is going on inside your head right now: tell it to fuck off. No one hates you,” Tsukki’s voice brings him out of his mental spiral and he looks behind him at the tall middle blocker with shock playing on his expression.

“Tsukki is right. Hinata, if they didn’t care, they would have run out looking scared and yelling at us to go find you, okay?” Hinata nods and steels himself before pushing open the doorway and heading towards the gym. 

He stops again by the door before looking back at Tsukishima and Yamaguchi with a thankful if small, smile. Yamaguchi gives him an encouraging smile before the two walk away.

Taking a deep breath, Hinata opens the door of the gym and steps in, letting it close behind him. Hinata looks to see Iwa-Chan, Oikawa, Suga, and Daichi all standing together. They turned to look when the door opened and it’s silent. Hinata takes a moment to glance at Oikawa to look for any new marks and does the same for Suga.

“Did you really think Iwa-Chan or Daichi would let either of us relapse right now?” Oikawa looks over the small teenager as he shakes his head.

“I- I had to check though,” Hinata’s voice is small and hesitant. “Oikawa-San, I’m so sorry. I don’t know why I said that and it’s not true. I felt cornered so I lashed out and I know it wasn’t right and I am so sorry!” Hinata falls into a low bow with these words as he tries to ignore the guilt threatening to drown him.

“Hey. Sho, it’s okay. I’m okay. I know why you did that and I understand. I’m not happy but I understand,” Oikawa says as he grabs Hinata and pulls him into a hug. Hinata gets passed around and hugged by the three upperclassmen before things turn serious.

“Okay, Hinata, we need to talk about this, okay?” Hinata pulls out of the hug with Daichi to look at his Senpai. Suga is looking at him with a stern but sympathy riddled expression and Hinata knows he probably won’t like the conversation about to happen but nods anyway. Suga looks at Daichi who sighs softly before looking down at Hinata.

“Ok, so from now on, either Suga or I will check your arms before practice. You will also be going back to your weekly meetings with Oikawa and he will be telling us if you skip them. We also think you should stay with one of us for the next couple of nights.” 

“We know how hard it is to stop when you’ve been doing it regularly so we think having someone who is aware of the risk would help, rather than trying to regulate yourself,” Suga adds. Hinata’s eyes had widened since the beginning and he can’t help but start to feel trapped. Hinata knows he needs to stop but the idea of such constant supervision makes it feel less like help and more of a stay in the hospital. 

“Do-don't you think this is a little excessive? I mean, the daily checks and staying with someone feels like a bit much,” Hinata starts trying to deflect but gets stopped by Iwaizumi putting an arm on his shoulder.

“It’s actually not, Shouyou, and I know that you realize this. It feels like it’s too much but you are scared and probably worrying about something else?” Suga, Daichi, and Oikawa look at each other before looking back at the younger boy.

“Do you think that you are wasting our time?” Daichi raises an eyebrow as he looks at his Kohai. Hinata looks away from his Senpai and weakly tries to pull his shoulder out of Iwaisumi’s grip but he tightens it slightly; not enough to hurt but enough to tell Hinata he needs to stay.

“You do. You are worth it, Shouyou, and you need to stop thinking you’re not. You are not wasting our time because we all chose to help you and that won’t change, okay,” Suga says firmly but with an undertone of sympathy and understanding. 

“Okay,” Hinata says softly. “Okay, you’re right. It’s your choice to care about me. Thank you so much.” The rest of the group smiles softly at the boy and he hesitantly smiles back. 

“Okay, great. That’s great, Hinata! Now, we want to trust you so who do you wanna stay with?” Hinata looks around at the group, his mind running a mile a minute. Suga and Oikawa would see anything in my expression within minutes, so they are out. Iwa-Chan could probably see rather quickly because he had been dealing with Oikawa for a long time. Suga only did it for a couple of weeks. Daichi. 

“Can I stay with you, Daichi-Senpai?” Daichi nods and pulls Hinata into a side hug. Hinata melts into the embrace and pushes his face inside Daichi’s chest, hiding his expression from the group. He pulls out of the hug and looks at the others who all look relieved. Oikawa is searching Hinata’s face with a look of soft suspicion but decides to trust the younger boy at his word.

“Okay, so, I think it’s time for us to head back now. I’m sorry we didn’t actually get to play today,” Daichi says as he shakes Oikawa’s hand. Oikawa shakes his head with a smile.

“To be honest, I wasn’t expecting to play too long. I figured Shouyou wasn’t doing well and expected that to come up,” he says. Hinata ducks his head at being read so well by the older boy but flashes him a sheepish grin.

“So I was right!” Oikawa looks at Hinata with raised eyebrows. “I knew this was just an excuse to check on me!” Despite the attempt at upbeat cheerfulness, there is a hint of bitterness that layers Hinata’s tone and makes the Sejoih captain wince apologetically. 

The teams pack up, starting to leave but it stalls when everyone starts trying to talk to Hinata. One annoyed glance from both sets of captains is enough for people to mind their own business.

The bus is silent when it sets off as everyone is trying to juggle with the fact that the most sunshiny player has been hiding so much pain from them. Hinata glances over to see Tsukishima on his phone not listening to music, which is weird for the taller middle blocker.

Akiteru? 

Yea, little bro 

What should you do if a teammate is self-harming?

I’m sorry, what

Please, I need help

Who?

Actually nevermind

Not my place 

Do the coaches and captains know

Yes, it came out today 

How… how badly?

And how was it revealed?

He received a ball wrong

...and it’s bad 

Oh

Okay

The best I can say is keep an eye on him

And be careful how hard you push 

He might feel.. trapped from having the choice taken from him like that. 

So watch out 

But there is only so much you can do 

I’m sorry I can’t say more 

It’s okay 

Thank you, nii-San 

Tsukishima looks at the shorter boy with a sigh. He can’t help but feel as helpless as he did when he found out about Akiteru but the difference is: he can actually help Hinata. He doesn’t know what the feeling in his chest is, he knows it’s more than sympathy, but it aches when he looks at the desperation on the older first-years face. The pain and nervousness of the boy that he is trying so hard to hide but failing.

Tsukishima's eyes slide up and down the boy and notice the way he’s absentmindedly playing with the bandages on his arm. He pulls himself up from the seat, ignoring the questioning glances from the rest of the team, and stops by Hinata.

“Do you mind if I sit?” Hinata shakes his head, confused, and pulls his bag to the floor by his feet. Tsukishima sits down and puts his bag on the ground before pulling out the headphone plug to his phone and instead of putting in earbuds.

Hinata raises an eyebrow but his face softens when Tsukishima hands over an earbud. Hinata puts it in and starts a little when one of his favorite songs starts playing: My Mistake by Nico Collins. 

Tsukishima smiles when he sees the grin on Hinata’s face. He lets himself sink into the music for a couple of seconds but starts slightly when he feels a body on him. He looks down to see Hinata leaning against him. Feeling the movement, Hinata blushes and starts to move away. Smiling softly, Tsukishima pulls Hinata back in and rests his head on the smaller boys.

“You want to learn about dinosaurs?” Hinata nods excitedly and the rest of the team watch as Tsukishima starts explaining and showing Hinata different pictures. Everyone silently coos at the two boys.

“Tsukishima might be a big help over the next few days,” Suga says to Daichi as they watch the first years. Daichi’s phone pings and he glances down at it. 

“Akiteru? Tsukishima’s older brother?” Suga raised an eyebrow. “Wasn’t he in his third year when we were first years?” Suga nods. 

Hey, Daichi

I know this is a little weird but

My brother

He texted 

He said someone on the team was self-harming

And badly too

He also said you knew

I just wanted to make sure that was true 

It is 

Why?

Well, he said it came out in a bad way and I’m kinda worried. Not that I don’t trust you! It’s just that having the choice taken away when it comes to that is stressful and

Look

Just keep an eye on him. 

Whoever it is 

Is there something, in particular, I should watch out for?

He might feel trapped with how it came out and just explode.

Just be careful but don’t treat him like glass.

Ok

Your brother is really cute with him btw

What?

Image (credits to owner)

Well, I’m saving that image. 

Holy they are adorable!

IKR 

We’re back at the school so talk later?

The team all file off the bus. Hinata is still fast asleep so Tsukishima quietly glances at Yamaguchi, who rolls his eyes but grabs both Hinata’s and Tsukishima’s bags. Everyone looks like they are going to comment but Tsukishima glares at them.

“Tsukihina is sailing!” Noya yelps when he gets slapped upside the head by Daichi, even though the older boy is smiling. 

“Anyways, we will leave tonight here. It’s been a long day so get some sleep. I know today was stressful so if you need to talk, you can reach out to either Suga or I. Goodnight everyone,” Daichi says loudly. Hinata stirs in Tsukishima’s hold before waking up.

“Hey, sleepyhead,” Tsukishima says softly. Hinata comes back to awareness and realizes that he is being held in Tsukishima’s arms. Hinata turns a bright red that clashes with his hair. Tsukishima chuckles and puts him down on the ground. Hinata stays by his side with a hand on Tsukishima’s shirt.

“Hinata? It’s time to go, come on,” Daichi says. Hinata slowly retracts his hand and silently takes his bag, which Yamaguchi was holding for him, with a nod of thanks.

“Tsukki? Do you think Hinata will ever realize that he has you wrapped around his finger?” Yamaguchi laughs at the color his childhood friend becomes. Choking on the sip of his water, he starts hacking loudly, causing Hinata to turn back to look at them with concern. Waving it off with a smile at Hinata, Tsukishima glares viciously at Yamaguchi.

“Do you think the King would enjoy learning about how you talk about him? ‘Have you seen his sets, Tsukki, he is like a God?’ ‘Look at his hair! I wonder if it is as soft as it looks?’ ‘I would pay for a piece of those abs. Holy. Shit.’” It’s Yamaguchi’s turn to turn red. “You look like a strawberry.”

“Shut up! We’ll just keep all of this to ourselves,” Yamaguchi says, his voice a pitch higher than normal. Tsukishima nods and the two continue to walk home. 

Hinata, Suga, and Daichi are still standing by the clubroom as they change and grab their bags. The three start walking down the street together in silence as awkwardness permeates the air between them.

“You can borrow some of my clothes tonight. They will be a little big but not as big as Daichi’s.” Hinata nods but there is a question left unsaid. “Daichi and I are dating so I spend most nights at his house.” Hinata stumbles over his feet at the words and has to bite back a curse.

“You okay?” Hinata nods hurriedly and continues to follow them to Daichi’s house but he slowly feels a familiar pain build up in his chest. He ignored it and smiled at his Senpais with a large nod.

They get back to Daichi’s house and after taking off his shoes, Hinata flops into the couch in the living room as the day starts to catch up with him. Hinata starts to close his eyes but pops back up when he realizes he has homework due the next day.

“Shit!” Pulling out his bag and notebooks, Hinata grumbles to himself, annoyed, as he starts to work. Half an hour later, he finishes up and puts all the assignments away.

“That was fast?” Hinata stops zipping up his bag and glances over at Suga, who is sitting across from him, working on his own homework. 

“Yea, well,” Hinata starts but trails off when realizing he doesn’t know how to explain but Suga raises an eyebrow so he continues. “Test anxiety. I get the work in the classroom and when doing the homework but when it comes to tests, I seem to forget everything. Tsukki thinking that I’m dumb just seemed like a better alternative.” 

“I never even mentioned Tsukishima.” Hinata blushes brightly and tries to stammer out an excuse but gets cut off when he hears laughing from behind him.

“Reminds you a bit of us in our first year?” This time, Suga is the one that lights up a nice maroon color. “Aww! You look cute in that shade of red, Kou! You should wear it more often.” Daichi winks and Suga lights up, even more, causing laughter from the two others in the room.

“We could talk about that time you got so distracted by my ass that you walked into a metal pole?” Hinata chokes loudly on his laugh before continuing it even louder.

“Or the time that you were learning how to ride a bike and tried to jump the curb, only to miss and fall on your face,” Daichi says.

“I was ten at the time Daichi! Jesus!” Hinata is sitting on the floor struggling to breathe from laughing so hard. “How about that time you were trying to pick up a ball in junior high and tripped, on nothing might I add, and face-planted into a wall?

“That was junior high! You didn’t need to bring that up!” Suga raises an eyebrow and Daichi rolls his eyes. “How about that time when you tried to throw the volleyball into the basket and missed causing it to bounce back and hit you in the nose?” Suga turns bright red at that one before smirking. 

“How about that time you tried to use the bathroom on one foot and slipped, causing mhmm-“ Suga glares at Daichi before raising an eyebrow.

“KOU! Stop licking my hand!” The two turn to see Hinata on the ground crying because he was laughing so hard. “You good Hina?” Hinata nods with a smile and a couple of seconds later, a timer goes off. 

“Dinner?” Daichi nods and the three walk into the kitchen. Hinata walks into the kitchen behind his senpai, his mind somewhere else entirely. The meal looks good and healthy but Hinata is slowly losing patience. The itch in his arms is slowly getting more insistent and the tightness in his chest is getting worse. Hinata eats his food slowly until about half of it is done. He then looks up to the other boys who are chatting softly.

“Guys? I’m kinda tired. Do you mind if I go take a shower then sleep? Today was kind of a lot,” Hinata says softly while staring at the table, pushing an exhausted aura around him that he doesn’t actually have to fake. 

“Sure. The bathroom is upstairs, second door on the left. Extra towels and washcloths in the drawers under the sink. We will come up to check on you in fifteen minutes,” Daichi says after sharing a look with Sugawara. The two go back to their conversation as Hinata walks away; both of them missing the guilty smile that plays on the younger boy's lips as he walks away.

Hinata walks upstairs, following Daichi’s directions to the bathroom and closing the door behind him. He grabs a towel and washcloth before opening up the sinks cabinets, searching for what he knows he will find. Hinata quickly pulls out the box of razor blades and takes a deep breath. Keeping an ear out, he quietly opens the package and pulls out the brand new razor. A singular blade is pulled out and the rest of the razor is hidden in the trash. 

“One more time, that’s it. One more time and I will stop forever,” Hinata whispers to himself as he stares at the blade. He slowly puts it down on his arm in a spot that is clear of recent cuts and drags it horizontally across his arm, letting the blood and relief wash over his body. He carefully does it again before moving to his other arm. He puts it down again and drags it, relishing in the pain that washes over his body.

“-nata? Hinata?! We are coming in, now!” The door slams open and the room freezes in shock. Sugawara looks pained while Daichi looks a cross between pissed and worried. Hinata stares between his two teammates and the blade on his arm.

“Hinata,” Suga’s voice breaks as he says it but there is an undeniable;e undertone of steel in his voice. “Put the blade down. Now!” Still frozen stiff in shock and still riding the wave of calmness that always happens, Hinata doesn’t move a muscle. He tries. Tries to explain. Tries to make an excuse or a reason but his mouth remains stubbornly silent as he watches the pain fade from Sugawars’s eyes and be replaced by steel and anger. Hinata flinches and looks back down at the razor in his hand.

Hinata knows he could easily make one more cut before either Senpai could react but the guilt that is already burning in his gut tells him to just let it go and stop this. He sees the way Suga is trembling violently, the way Daichi looks like he can’t comprehend what is happening in front of him. Letting himself fall apart, he feels himself start to tremble and drops the razor. The soft ‘ping’ it makes as it hits the grounds makes Hinata curl into himself. Guilt and anger mingling into a dangerous combination as he hears, almost as if in the background, Suga telling Daichi to grab the medical kit. 

He hears the sounds going on around him but it feels as if he is outside of his own body, unable to react to it. The next thing Hinata is aware of is being set on the couch and pulled into a warm body. 

He slowly comes back to himself and glances around himself, confused. He feels a short breath come from next to him and sees Sugawara asleep with one arm wrapped around Hinata.

He slowly remembers what happened the- he glances at the clock that says 1:10 am- the day before and he suppresses a flinch. He can feel soft throbbing coming from his arms and looks to see them neatly wrapped with dots of blood where he cut. The guilt starts to build as he remembers the looks on his Senpai’s faces. He hears someone clear their voice behind him and he slowly turns to see Daichi-san leaning against the wall leading to the kitchen. He nods his head in that direction and Hinata nods before slowly extracting himself from Sugawara.

He sits down at the table only looking up from it when a mug is placed in front of him. He takes a sip and almost melts at the comforting heat of the hot chocolate. Hinata glances up at Daichi to see him staring at the cup in front of him.

“Drink it. You need the sugar in your body,” Daichi says softly. Hinata nods and continues to drink not knowing what else to say. He hears a sharp intake of breath from the living room and the rustling before Suga shows up in the doorway looking frazzled and scared.

“Where is Hinata?!” Hinata flinches at how worried he sounds and ducks even more into the chair, hoping to disappear before the coming conversation. 

“He is right here and he is okay,” Daichi says, his voice soft. Suga’s eyes move to Hinata and he finds himself swept up into a hug. Sugawara stays like that for a couple of minutes; hugging him tightly while being careful of his injured arms.

“That was your plan all along, wasn’t it,” Suga says with Hinata still wrapped in his arms. He feels the way the younger boy flinches. “It was.” He lets go of the boy and turns to Daichi, who pushes over another mug. Suga sits down in a chair and stares at Hinata, making him feel like a volleyball game being analyzed by the third-year setter. 

“We wanted to trust you, Hinata, we really did. That is no longer an option after last night. Tomorrow, we will talk with the coaches, team, and Oikawa to figure out how to help you.”

“It was just one last time! Please! It won’t happen again, I promise! The plan we had before is fine. No one needs to know about tonight, right? Please?” Suga glances down at the table. ”Please Suga-Senpai! How would you have felt if your whole team was told when you relapsed?”

“Hinata, stop! That wasn’t a relapse. That was you, who thought you knew best and hurt yourself, again!” 

“Daichi, stop.” Daichi glances over but falls silent. “If I was in this situation: I would want help, even if I don’t particularly like it. I didn’t like it when I was in your shoes. We can try to help all we want but you are the one that needs to want to get help. You need to want to get better or there is nothing we can do.” Hinata looks at the table as he thinks about it. He looks at the likely consequences of both accepting and rejecting help.

“Will I be able to play?”

“If you accept help, once you get the medical all-clear, yes. If you don’t, we can’t knowingly put someone out on the court who is a danger to themselves. It is your choice whether you continue to play or not.” Hinata glances down at the bandages on his arms and sighs before looking up and meeting Sugawara’s eyes head-on with his shining determination.

“I want help. I need help and I want to play,” Hinata says determinedly. Sugawara and Daichi smile at the boy and hug him. They go back to the couch and fall asleep in a pile.

Later that morning, the alarm goes off and three teenagers startle, falling off the couch into a large pile. They stumble to the floor, needing to untangle themselves before they can stand up. Once they are all up, the good mood disappears as the previous night comes back to everyone.

“I am just- just gonna go to the bathroom,” Hinata starts to walk away but feels a presence at his side. He turns to see Sugawara next to him, watching him with a raised eyebrow. He sighs but understands that he can’t be trusted after last night. 

As Daichi watches the two others walk away, he pulls out his phone and opens up the messages with Oikawa and Iwaizumi. 

5:30

Oikawa: How was last night? 

Oikawa: Did anything happen? 

Iwaizumi: Calm down, Trashykawa. I’m sure it is fine.

Me: We need a new plan. 

Oikawa: What? 

Iwaizumi: Something happened? 

Me: Hinata. Last night he, well he said he was going to shower 

Oikawa: yea, no need to explain further. Are you and Suga okay? 

Me: Relatively. We talked to Hinata though.

Iwaizumi: we need a new plan. You’re right. What should we do? 

Oikawa: Maybe we should talk to Sho. It becomes frustrating to him when he feels like he has no control over the situation.

Me Tonight? After school, I know that my team will understand.

Oikawa: Our team will understand.

Daichi hears Suga and Hinata coming back and puts away his phone to smile softly at the uncomfortable looking boy. Hinata ducks his head, as if trying to look smaller than he already is and Daichi sighs softly, remembering those couple of weeks when Suga was in the same place.

“Hinata? We are gonna try something new. After practice, we- all of us- are going to talk” Daichi says softly. Hinata’s head snaps up.

“I get a choice? In what will happen. I get a choice?” Daichi feels his heart melt a little at the desperate tone in his voice. Suga pulls the younger boy into his shoulder.

“Was that why? Why didn’t you say anything last night? We want to help but we can’t do that if you don’t meet us halfway.”

“I didn’t think my opinion made a difference. It never did before.”

They have to leave for school and the walk there is quiet until they get to the locker room, which is extremely noisy for this early in the morning.

Practice and the school day goes by quickly with Hinata being in a constant state of compressed panic and what he knows will happen once the school day ends. The last bell and Hinata leap out of the chair hoping to get out before any of the third years can stop him. What he hadn’t anticipated was running straight into another body. Looking up, he sees Tsukishima looking down at him with an unreadable expression as he softly grabs the shorter boy's arm. 

“Hinata? I will not pretend to understand this but I want you to know that I am willing to help however you need.” Hinata glances at the ground as he leans a little further into Tsukishim’s arms and relaxes minutely into the taller boy's calming embrace. Hinata mumbles something softly and Tsukishima gently flicks his nose to get his attention before raising a questioning eyebrow. 

“Something happened last night and, well, the third years and I are going to try and figure out a plan- a plan that would work better. Can you- can you come?” Tsushima freezes for a second, not expecting the question but nods and hugs the ginger-haired middle blocker.

The two first-years meet the third years from Karasuno at the front gate and none of the three questions why Tsukishima is there, to both of their reliefs. The walk to the cafe where they are meeting Oikawa and Iwaizumi is mostly silent except for an occasional comment from Tsukishima into Hinata's ear that has him giggling softly. They all stop in front of the cafe and look inside to see the other two.

“Hinata?” Hinata shakes his and clenches his fists tightly before turning towards the door and marching in with an air of determination. The other four share a glance before following the first-year and when they get to the table, they have to stifle a gasp at the scene in front of them. 

Hinata is in the arms of both Iwaizumi and Oikawa who seem to be trying to scold him through the hug and it seems to just leave Hinata confused as he stays stiff in the arms of the person who has known him longest. Finally, Oikawa lets go of Hinata and everyone sits down. It is silent for a few minutes before the least likely person speaks up.

“I don’t want to go back to being an inpatient. I am aware that it works for others but it didn’t for me and the only good that came out of it was Oikawa.” Oikawa nods in understanding as the rest watch the exchange silently, only willing to interrupt if necessary.

“Would you be willing to talk to a therapist?” Hinata nods, a silent acquisition for Oikawa to continue. “Even so, I want daily checks of both your arms and legs every day before practice. Three meals a day, they don’t have to be big but I remember last time.” Hinata flinches slightly before nodding, seemingly surrendering to what Oikawa has to say. 

“I think you should stay somewhere else, we talked to your mom and she agreed. She also thinks all of us are too close to you.” Tsukishima’s head snaps up and he hesitantly raises his hand. He gets a small huff of a laugh but excuses himself.

Kei? Akiteru’s voice is a relief to hear after listening to the conversation about his smaller teammate.

“I need your help with something? Oikawa-san thinks that Hinata should stay with someone and his mom thinks all of them are too close to Hinata,” Tsukishima says.

I think I know what you are saying but could you just say it outright?

“Can Hinata stay with you? You know how to deal with this but you aren’t close enough to him so you would be able to help him,” Tsukishima can hear how desperate he is and he hates it but he wants to help the shorter boy that managed to worm his way into his heart. 

“Okay. Okay, I’ll be ready to take him tonight or tomorrow after school. You said he is part of the conversations right? Go give them the option, bye. ” The line cuts off and Tsukishima lets out a sigh of relief. He walks back to the table and sits back down.

“I called my brother. He has a past with self-harming and he said that Hinata can stay with him?” Tsukishima seems reluctant but eager to share what his momentary disappearance was for. Hinata's eyes snap up from where they were looking at the table and glance awkwardly towards the tall middle blocker.

“Hinata, that seems fine with us but we agreed that you get a say? Is that okay with you?” Everyone glances at the small boy who seems to be trying to make himself even smaller but he closes his eyes and steels himself.

“Yes. Yes, that works for me!” They all hug each other and look proudly down at the Hinata, who seems like he is finally on the path to get better.