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I’m about to do something I’ve never done before. And I’m terrified. Excited. I’m everything, all at once.
Crazy, I know. What right do I have to be any of those things? Just take a quick look at my career and you’ll see I’m full of shit. Ever since I stepped into Raccoon City, my life has been anything but ‘normal’. So I’ve always lived about a billion miles away from normal experiences everyday Joes have. Sure, I had some vacation time. There have been a couple of pit stops, the longest pit stop being after the A-Virus Incident. Definitely needed it, after taking down Arias. But I’ve spent most of my time on the frontlines. Always looking over my shoulder. Always making sure my handy dandy Matilda is loaded. So building a life off of destroying BOWs should always have me ready for anything, right?
I thought it did. But then he said he had something to tell me one day, and everything changed. I changed that day. And my world hasn’t looked the same since.
There was a lot he needed to get off his chest that day. I listened to him, sure, but there was no way for me to respond. There were no words, in any language, I could have used to respond. You would think that my line of work would have had me prepared for anything and everything, but that couldn’t have been further from the truth. I never expected anyone to tell me such things-not even Ada. Not in this lifetime. Never have I dreamt of anyone caring for me, needing me in a way that has nothing to do with work. And I thought I never wanted anyone to care for me. With a slow, gruesome death being the only thing that’s guaranteed in my line of work, who has time for a relationship? Not to mention the added bonus of having my other half used against me. It happens quite often, people being used as decoys. And after everything I’ve seen, I haven’t really wanted anyone to be dragged through the mud. But he got everything off his chest that day, and I didn’t shut him down. I wanted to, but didn’t. I couldn’t.
It would’ve been easier if we were concerned about being men. Would’ve been easier to turn him down by saying ‘sorry, not interested in guys’. Or maybe I could’ve just followed whatever feelings I had towards Ada. But none of those things came into play. With us putting our lives on the line, what felt like every second of our lives, worrying about being men would’ve felt ridiculous. He obviously felt the same way-otherwise, he never would have told me anything. And about Ada-I once told Ashley she was an important part of me, someone I could never let go of. It was the truth. It still is true. But my feelings for him transcend the sensation of playing ‘cat and mouse’. It’s different with him. Safer. Warmer. I can honestly say I’m at home with him. And I don’t remember the last time I felt like this. But-
I’m terrified. You wouldn’t think I’d be, after everything I’ve dealt with, but I am. I’m scared shitless.
It’s been a few weeks since he got everything off his chest. Our careers barely give us a chance to sleep, let alone hang out, but we’ve had some down time. We have a little more now. He invited me out for a night on the town, something everyday Joes refer to as a ‘date’, and my stomach has to be in at least a hundred knots. Funny, being an anti-BOW agent that never went to their Senior Prom. I’ve lived my life taking down BOWs but I’ve never held anyone’s hand before. Sure, you can count that kiss I had with Ada a little while back as experience, but again, things were different with her. They’re still different with her. And I like them better with him. It’s not confusing. It doesn’t drive me crazy. But that’s exactly why my stomach is in knots. I care about him. So here I am, getting ready for this ‘date’ of ours, feeling the way I did the first day on the job.
Let’s not talk about how that went.
So we’ve been a thing for a few weeks now, but I haven’t told him. He’s told me, but I haven’t told him. Why? Well, let’s circle back to how I’m terrified. So much for me being a legendary BOW hunter. But that’s precisely why I’m terrified. My line of work comes with two guarantees: either I’ll die a slow, agonizing death and break his heart, or he’ll be used against me by some piece of shit trying to get under my skin. It’s not like Ashley wasn’t. Let’s not forget how I lost the goddamn President, and oh, the nightmares. The nightmares I’ve had of shooting HIM in the head. The nightmares I’ve had of HIM shooting ME in the head. Great fun. Should be expected, thanks to my line of work, but that doesn’t mean I have to enjoy it.
I could live without it. I mean, I get about three hours of sleep because of those damn nightmares.
So am I stringing him along? No. I DO care for him. Just as much as he cares for me. But those three words...if I say them, I’ll tie him down. I could die five minutes after saying them. And me torturing him?
Not something that’s high on my to-do list.
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He stepped through the doors that led him into a new time, a new space, and a new realm of meaning. The world around him passed by as a blur, a deafening gale of electricity and wonder, a disorienting dimension of people and places that made no sense whatsoever. Those that inhabited the blurry world watched him in awe, asking themselves, their friends and their significant others if he happened to come from a world far away from their own. And it was through a world of light-hearted patrons, candlelight and dining tables he walked, searching for one familiar face. Jubilant murmurs and the clinking of glasses accompanied him as he walked through a world of orange and gold, searching for the face that had his stomach in knots.
Even more eyes followed him. He misinterpreted their stares as disdain, thinking they saw him as an anomaly, something strange and soiled. He himself felt that way, despite being immaculately dressed, despite appearing to the world as a male nymph. A host caught him searching for someone and offered him guidance, not immune to the awe the others felt, watching him as though he had just walked off the moon. And in mere moments, the patron arrived at his table. His eyes met the eyes he had been searching for. Time stopped, everything stopped making sense, and all the patron knew were Chris Redfield’s eyes.
The patron’s name was spoken in soft, electric excitement and awe. “Leon.”
Chris leapt to his feet to pull out Leon’s seat. Leon Scott Kennedy silently thanked his guide with a nod, then took the seat pulled out by the BSAA agent. The Redfield looked upon and spoke to Leon as if he had arrived from a divine world far beyond human comprehension.
“You’re here. Glad you could make it.”
Still oblivious to the truth behind the stares, and uncomfortable with the look on Chris’ face, Leon settled into his seat. “Wasn’t too hard to find,” the brunette admitted, shaking his head. His heart took on a mind of its own and began to race, compelling him to land a hand on his heart, compelling him to wonder why he was even able to do anything while he was suspended in mid-air. “It was a struggle and a half, getting out of work, but somehow I managed to make it out of the office unscathed.”
Concern added a soft, gentle glow to Chris’ face. “Sorry about that. Hopefully you didn’t have to go through too much trouble.”
“Yeah, it was a nightmare. I told Hunnigan I had a date, she shook her head and said ‘you boys and your cute little dates’, and let me go. Hot damn, the struggle was real.”
Claire’s brother relaxed a little bit. Hunnigan wasn’t the least bit adverse to Leon’s relationship with another man, or with a member of the BSAA. She was one of their biggest supporters, encouraging her partner to pull to the side and enjoy the relationship whenever he could, gossiping with Chris about little nuggets of Leon Scott Kennedy trivia, like how a certain brunette enjoyed salted caramel ice cream and football games. Fortunately, no one in either of their circles opposed their relationship. Chris’ team teased him quite often, telling him to take more time off for his ‘pretty boyfriend’, but it was all in good, clean fun. So nothing to worry about there.
A host arrived at their table, all smiles, beaming because of the warm, happy aura the couple gave off. Leon was a bit of a mystery, despite being dressed as a human male, but mysteries were best left for another day. Drink orders were taken, and the two agents were left to their conversation. “You didn’t have to go through Hell in a handbasket to get out of work, did you?” the Kennedy asked with a soft frown. “I know you’ve been pretty busy lately.”
“Not at all. The team and I spent the last couple of days tying up a lot of loose ends. We’ve been able to smooth out a lot of rough edges. Not much left to take care of, and the guys really wanted to make sure this night happened. We’ve probably got another, what, five minutes before our next assignments? But hey, I’ll take whatever time I can get with you. You look absolutely magnificent, by the way.”
Euphoria and embarrassment gave Leon’s face a delicate glow. Unaccustomed to compliments that focused on anything other than his marksmanship, the agent of the DSO bit his bottom lip and lowered his head. “You don’t look too bad yourself,” the brunette admitted, heart racing, mind racing with the impossible, wondering how he had managed to fall into a candlelit dream after living through so many nightmares. And was it right for him to be blushing like a schoolgirl? So much for being an esteemed agent of the late President’s.
Neither of them had the words to follow up that moment, in any language. Leon was rooted to his seat, feeling out of place, overjoyed and excited but anxious all at once. Unaccustomed to feeling anything other than calm or angry, the Kennedy found himself at a complete and utter loss for words. Chris remained in awe of the man sitting across from him, able to see the stars and moon all because of the brunette’s presence. They were silent, their faces framed by soft candlelight and emotion. “Thanks for the invite,” Leon eventually said. “But did we really have to come to such an expensive place? I know you’re banking a pretty hefty salary, but I would’ve been perfectly happy going to some burger joint or something.”
Claire’s brother didn’t waste a moment in responding. “We may not have a lot of opportunities to spend time like this. I just wanted to make sure it was as special as possible. Thank you for that, though. I appreciate it.”
Their host returned with drinks in tow, also cloaked in the restaurant’s golden glow. Their orders were taken with a jovial smile and a little bit of warm chatter, before the two of them were left to their conversation again. Leon asked about Claire and the state of Chris’ team, Chris asked about Hunnigan and the brunette’s latest assignments. Conversation was work-related for a short while, free-flowing and bittersweet, making Leon sick to his stomach because it shouldn’t have been so easy to talk about work, especially since their opportunities for quiet time were just as rare as a meteor crashing to Earth. Besides, Chris had invited him into something beautiful, something soft and golden, rich with magic neither of them had ever experienced. With all of that in mind, the Kennedy steered the conversation into a different direction. “I thought about retiring,” he confessed, folding his hands on top of the table, leaning forward.
“Thought about it for a long while. But I decided against it. Had to. Leaving you behind while I live a comfortable, cozy life? Leaving you and your sister to deal with the crazies out there? What about the reason I joined the force in the first place? I couldn’t live with myself if I bowed out now, or ever. Which is strange, because I’m terrified.”
Chris took his boyfriend’s hand. “Of what?”
The sadness on Leon’s face broke the Redfield’s heart. “Of us. Of some wack job using you to get to me, or some crazy piece of shit using me to get under your skin. It would be easier for me to back out of this line of work, but then that would mean abandoning you and Claire. Helena. Hunnigan. My reason for taking on a badge. So I’m staying. It’s just that...goddamnit, Chris, my mind’s always a jumbled mess because of you.”
The words that came in the wake of those concerns were kind, gentle, loving. “Do what’s best for you, babe. Don’t let me stop you.”
“Wait, what? I thought you were against me backing out of the force.” Something Chris made clear at the beginning of the A-Virus Incident, pulling him away from his vacation minutes after it began. Guilt pricked the other man’s face.
“I was. I once told you that no one can protect civilians and take down BOWs in the way only you can. But if this lifestyle is eating away at you, baby, I want you to do what makes you happy.”
Leon immediately squeezed the other’s hand, coming undone, being reborn, experiencing life for the very first time, all the while looking straight into Chris’ eyes. “Leaving you on the frontlines would make me anything but happy. So what, I spend the rest of my life working behind a desk, while you continue to risk life and limb against bastards straight out of horror movies? I may not know much about being a boyfriend, but shouldn’t I invest just as much time and effort into this relationship as you are? Me putting away my gun would just make me feel like I’m forcing you to do all of the work.”
He then raised a finger. “I have an idea. If we make it through our next assignments, I’ll take you to...I don’t know. Japan. New Zealand. Pick the place, and I’ll take care of the rest.”
”Wait a minute, hold on! A minute ago, you were nervous about dinner being too expensive. Now you’re talking about taking me on a trip to another country?”
The man sitting across from him frowned, looking as though the answer should have been obvious. “Yeah. I mean, there has to be somewhere you want to go. Hopefully the trip can last at least a week. A tall order, I know, but-”
“Leon-”
“I was nervous. I still am. But I love you, Chris.”
There. After several long weeks of putting it off, after several long weeks of wandering through panic and frustration, the words were finally spoken.
“I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow. I don’t know what’s going to happen next week. Hell, I don’t know what’s going to happen five minutes from now. What I do know is this. Yeah, I’m still scared. Always will be. But I’ve got you, and as long as I have you, I’ll always be home. That’s something worth fighting for. Something worth living and working for. If that means staying on the frontlines and taking BOWs to town, then so be it. I’ll keep fighting, because I want to keep fighting with you. For you. I’ll put in a little extra ‘oomph’ for this damn vacation of ours, too.”
Chris squeezed Leon’s hand, then kissed it. The late president’s friend frowned.
“Just don’t tell me you want to go to Paris. That place is so overrated.”