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People always think friendship is easy. And, yes, Jungkook could say it definitely has its highs, but he doesn’t think he would ever describe friendship as easy. Was it great? Yes. Was it warm and comforting? Yes. Could it be hard? Immensely.
This was a side of relationships people don’t think about. They don’t think about the work that goes into it. People grow and change and relationships must change right along with it. No one stays stagnant, if you stay still, you die. You have to keep moving.
This is why when looking over at his closest hyung, he felt a small twinge of pain. Taehyung had grown so much since their meeting.
When they first met, Taehyung had been the one who pulled him out of his shell. Helped him see the world as not the big bad and scary place Jungkook had always pictured it to be.
He had only been fifteen when they met, and had already heard so many criticisms and comments to last a lifetime. You dance so robotically. You are so quiet. Do you really think you can be the lead singer? Shape up if you ever want to debut. Eyes are always on you so be careful what you do. We just need to be better.
Jungkook had stuffed down those comments, locked them away, and kept his eyes down. Keeping a wall between him and the world so that he could just focus, working and striving towards that all important goal, debut. He didn’t want to bring anyone else down with him so he held it all in. Until one day, one day he just couldn’t and he was there, he had always been there. Taehyung.
“Ah, Kookie-ah, no need to be so formal. Let’s just be friends instead?” Taehyung has smiled, extending a hand.
Jungkook shook his head. “I couldn’t possibly. I have to show respect to my hyungs.”
“But, Kookie, aren’t we more than just hyungs? We are family, aren’t we? And families relax around each other,” Taehyung smiled, a wide cheezy grin.
“Ah but,” Jungkook had stammered. Those walls he had built, he wasn’t sure if he was ready for them to come down.
“It’s ok, Jungkookie-ah, no pressure,” Taehyung reached over and squeezed his shoulder. “I just wanted you to feel like you could come to me for anything. We are all having a hard time, you aren’t alone. Plus,” Taehyung looked over with sparkling eyes, “You are my new partner in crime. I need you by my side.”
Jungkook had taken that role Taehyung had given him and ran with it. When they were young if Taehyung was ever scolded, Jungkook was right there beside him. If Jungkook was every struggling, Taehyung was right there ready to bring a smile and a laugh. The two had been inseparable in the early days, a two-sided coin.
But as time passed, things changed, people grew. Not in a devastating way, but in a more serious way. Jungkook watched as the goofy Taehyung grew and matured, drawing inside himself more.
The changes were subtle at first, if one blinked they might have missed it, but not Jungkook. He noticed when he’d turn to smile at Taehyung and the other was looking away, something else on his mind. He noticed when it was Jin and not Taehyung who began to pull pranks on the other members to make them laugh and smile. He noticed when he reached over to get Taehyung’s attention and his hyung wasn’t there.
Taehyung had always been right there until he wasn’t.
Now Jungkook often found Taehyung alone, or with one member. He tended to avoid large groups if he had to and instead of speaking out and being the loud boisterous one, he often sat back and listened. When Taehyung did speak now, it was almost always something super important. Jungkook could tell now that the elder chose his words specifically. He thought about what he was going to say before he said it.
Jungkook loved watching his hyung grow, watching him discover new ways to explore his world, through art, music, and song. Watching Taehyung made him also look back at himself and see that Taehyung wasn’t the only one who had grown.
While at first, it had felt like Taehyung was the one who had pulled far away, Jungkook realized he had a part in it as well. His focus and his drive had made him be more focused as well. He also enjoyed listening rather than talking.
In fact, when Jungkook stopped to think about it, the parallels between him and Taehyung continued to stay the same. They really were just so similar.
Which was probably why now it was so hard, so awkward, to make that first step, to close that gap that had grown between the two of them. The gap had grown not because of distaste or misunderstanding but because of their growth and now, now the two of them had to work to grow back together.
This place they had sent them, this retreat, had given them more time alone to do whatever they wanted and all Jungkook really wanted to do was mend that gap.
His first attempt was playing games, baseball, something that would once again remind them of a younger time. Taehyung had lit up and was all too happy to show off his ambidextrous skills. Which in turn would always bring out Jungkook’s competitive streak. That gap started to lessen, when Jungkook turned to smile there was Taehyung again.
They were called to eat and after, once again, that gap returned, they each went their separate ways. Leading back to where he sat in a dark room, wrapping up his hands in preparation to get that quick workout in before bed. While here, Jungkook seemed to have so much rambunctious energy, he had to work to find ways to get it all out, that punching bad had been a lifesaver.
“Jungkook, the boat house is leaking,” Jimin called out.
“What?” Jungkook asked, how could it be leaking, it didn’t even rain that much.
“The boathouse, come on, you have to get your stuff,” Jimin claimed, a mischievous smirk on his lips.
Jungkook shook his head, Jimin didn’t make any sense but who was he to argue with him. He let out a sigh, finished wrapping his one hand and followed him out of the house.
Instead of leading him over to the boathouse Jimin pushed him in the direction of the tarp and under it, Taehyung. The elder sat there awkwardly stiff, a whole set up with food and snacks, looking at Jungkook patiently.
A blush of realization came over Jungkook when he realized Jimin has just been lying to get him out here and his Taehyung had planned something.
It took a moment but Taehyung officially managed to chase Jimin away before he turned and his eyes landed on Jungkook.
“It’s been a while, since it’s just been the two of us,” Taehyung commented.
“Yes,” Jungkook nodded.
“I’m sorry for that,” Taehyung continued, “I set this us so we can enjoy a drink together. Remember you texted me I think last week that you wanted to hang out.”
Jungkook smiled, he had reached out. He himself had been a little tipsy at the time, he had been drinking with Namjoon hyung that day. Namjoon had told him that he was being ridiculous and that there was no awkwardness, no gap, between the two and if he really felt that way just text him.
Jungkook had texted him later that day but to no one’s surprise since its was nearly 5 in the morning, he hadn’t gotten a response. The next day had been a whirlwind with their schedules of trying to record in new Covid-19 safe ways, they’d hardly seen each other until it came time for them to be back on the road to their vacation destination.
“Thank you, hyung, this is really nice,” Jungkook commented.
“Were you about to work out?” Taehyung asked eyes nodding towards his wrapped hands.
“Ah, yes,” Jungkook smiled, “I’ve just been so restless lately. Always wanting to be on the move. I think the free time is driving me crazy.”
“I get that,” Taehyung agreed, leaning back in his chair and letting out a sigh. “This separation from the world, it hasn’t been the best for me.”
“It has been a very hard time,” Jungkook agreed.
“It’s just...ARMY has always had a way of making me feel loved. We feel their love when we perform when we get to see them and interact them. This comeback, ON, was supposed to be our biggest one yet. We took the time, waited longer before we put it out, hell, we had a whole tour planned and yet… tragedy struck. And yea I know that so many people had it so much harder…”
“Hyung,” Jungkook sighed.
“No, they did, but also I...I think I needed that feedback. I needed to feel loved. I felt so empty. That’s why I’ve been on weverse so much lately. There’s so much love and affection there, I needed it but still, it wasn’t enough,” Taehyung finished. He swirled the glass of wine in his hands and looked over at Jungkook.
Jungkook bit on his lower lip and looked over to the fire Taehyung had set up, “You are loved hyung. You are loved so much. This time has been incredibly hard. You aren’t alone in your frustration, trust me, I miss ARMY so much as well. But also, I think it’s important to think of this time as an opportunity. I don’t think I ever would have had the time to work on my guitar like I have and you, your mixtape? It’s incredible.”
Taehyung smiled and took a sip from his glass, “Opportunity. That’s a beautiful way to look at it. When did you get so wise, Kookie?”
“While you’ve been looking the other direction,” Jungkook answered.
Taehyung’s gaze locked with his, “We have been missing each other lately, haven’t we?”
Jungkook looked away but gave a small nod. “I miss you.”
“I haven’t gone anywhere,” Taehyung answered.
“But you have, well, we both have,” Jungkook stammered. “We both grew and changed but instead of growing together, I feel like we may have grown apart.”
“Jungkookie,” Taehyung frowned.
“Not in a bad way, just in a gap way, I mean,” Jungkook tried to explain but the words seemed to fall out of his grasp.
“I know,” Taehyung nodded. “I agree with you.”
“You do?” Jungkook’s head lifted, “Namjoon hyung said I was crazy.”
“Well, Namjoon hyung doesn’t know half the shit we used to get into now does he?” Taehyung laughed.
“Ah, very true,” Jungkook nodded, “Like the time you stole all his socks to get back at him for snoring all throughout the night and we let him blame Yoongi.”
“Oh, or the time you broke his sunglasses and we tried to glue them together but it hadn’t dried and they fell apart when he picked them up and we let him think it was his fault,” Taehyung smiled.
“Yea, we were kind of a mess back then,” Jungkook laughed lightly.
“But, yea, things have changed. My little Jungkookie all grown up,” Taehyung laughed and reached over to ruffle Jungkook’s long hair.
“Your little Jungkookie, I think my big Taehyungie has all grown up too,” Jungkook retaliated.
“Yes, we both have grown haven’t we. I think, I think so much has changed us, but I think it’s for the better,” Taehyung leaned back in thought. “I think you are so cool now, Jungkook. You can do almost anything, you work so hard and are so talented. It’s incredible to see you now and know where you have come from.”
Jungkook’s cheeks burned, it’s hard to accept compliments, real compliments, from his hyungs. “You are the cool one, hyung, have you seen yourself lately? The songs you’ve been writing are incredible. And…”
“Jungkookie, can’t we both be cool? Why do we need to say one is cool but not the other?” Taehyung cut in with a soft smile.
Jungkook opened his mouth to protest but found he didn’t have anything to say. “You’re right, hyung.”
“That sometimes happens,” Taehyung laughed. “This is so nice though.”
“Hmm?”
“This, you, me, my Jungkookie,” Taehyung pointed between the two, “No gap. Just as it should be.”
“No gap,” Jungkook agreed, “As it should be.”
The words flowed effortlessly between them, the gap being all but a distant memory. They had grown up. They had changed. But, Jungkook would always be Taehyung’s little Jungkookie and Taehyung would always be his big Taehyungie. And while gaps may form, they would never last.
They were similar, always would be and because they were so similar their friendship would require work.
Friendships were never easy but when they were real, they were the best thing in the world.