Work Text:
When Marinette had first fallen for Luka Couffaine, she knew she was inviting chaos in her life. After all, the Couffaines were infamous in Paris for… well, being Couffaines.
But given how chaotic her life already had been— especially with having to juggle between her responsibilities as a teenager and as a part-time superheroine — the Boat Kid Chaos™ would be nothing but a cakewalk, right?
Wrong.
Now a year and half into marriage, Marinette just wanted to go back in time and smack some real sense into her teenage self.
She did entertain the idea of borrowing Fluff from Alix to do exactly that, but realised that it wasn’t a possibility. Alix would surely lecture her for trying to mess with time,and for denying her the right to be the "awesome skater-aunt" to the Couffaine baby due in 4 months.
It wouldn’t be a surprise if the Couffaine junior came into this world like a hurricane. But right now, Marinette had more important things to deal with.
For example: Find out the exact reason her beautiful home was covered in big, black smoke.
She could feel her fingers twitch in irritation, her mind already chalking out bullet points to give to the police to avoid arrest.
After all, Marinette was sure going to jail once she decided to strangle the two doofuses who sat on the footpath, visibly quivering under her death stare.
“Ma-Marinette,” the blue-haired man choked out, his cool and calm demeanor having evaporated in the fire her gaze held. “I-I can expla--”
“Oh, trust me, I hope you can!” Marinette yelled, her nostrils flaring. “For you owe me not only an explanation, but an entire freaking house, Luka Couffaine!”
The man beside him let out a low whistle.
“Baby girl used your full name, mate . You’re dead.”
“Oh, you’re not excluded, Dingo King,” Marinette said in a saccharine sweet voice, the eery twinkle in her eyes causing the man to gulp.
“Crikey, Angry Preggo Mari is gonna rain down on us,” Dingo whispered as he scooted back a bit.
“All thanks to you,” Luka managed to croak out as he followed suit.
“So,” Marinette crossed her arms over her chest, the smile on her face unnerving the two young men. “Are you boys going to tell me what exactly happened, or should I dangle you both from the Eiffel Tower this instant?”
Dingo wheezed, but Luka simply gulped. He knew that Marinette wasn’t joking.
“D-darning, I was just bak-baking a cake for your birthday! Putting the expertise your dad gave me to good use!”
Marinette scoffed out loud. “Baking a cake? Using my dad’s expertise? Which baking method demands to use the entire goddamned house as the birthday candles?!”
“He blast-baked the cake,” Dingo softly muttered.
Marinette gaped at the statement, giving her stupid husband a look of pure horror.
“Luka, you- WHAT?! ”
He immediately raised his arms up in surrender. “I didn’t know the first section in the timer was for hours!”
“Yo-you,” Marinette pointed a shaking finger at him as Luka curled into himself, gulping loudly. “You set the cake to bake for 30 fucking hours?!”
The Couffaine hissed. “Marinette, mind your language around the baby!”
She clutched at her hair, her messy bun messier than usual, giving her the iconic madwoman look. “We are currently homeless and you want me to care about my goddamned LANGUAGE?! ”
Luka immediately got up and rushed to his wife, gingerly separating her fingers from her hair. Seeing that she didn’t hold him in a chokehold, he gently held her by the shoulders, giving her a small squeeze.
“Marinette, love, breath. Please.”
She let out strangled noise, before nodding fervently and taking in a ragged breath before letting it out and repeating the procedure. Luka felt her relax under his hold and he sighed in relief.
Then her eyes suddenly opened wide as she spoke in a bone-chilling voice.
“Luka Couffaine.”
Oh shit. Oh bloody hell. Luka thought, I am certainly dead today .
“Charred cake I understand, but why is my house smelling like burning sodium?”
“T-that’s totally Ding’s fault!” Luka shouted as he backed off from his wife.
“Hey, stop dragging my ass into this mess!” Dingo hollered back, already looking ready to run
“You were the one who threw the sodium pellets in the urinal! Who the fuck does that?”
“I didn’t think that with your trademarked baking expertise, you would actually leave the cake alone to come relieve yourself!”
“You almost set me on fire! That too, DOWN THERE! ” Luka hollered, pointing vaguely at his lower waist.
“And that’s when the oven decided to blast, thanks to you! What was I supposed to do? Save the oven or Mini Willy Luka?”
Luka let out a strangled choke. “Mi-mini Willy Luka? Let me tell you, you dumbo, I am actually quite b--”
Marinette clutched at her hair, letting out a pterodactyl screech and causing the two men to stop bickering like a married couple.
“Run as far as you can, ‘cause once I get my hands on you, I am going to strangle you BOTH! ”
Living in Paris, clownish villains in ridiculous dresses regularly rampaging the city ( cough Mr.Pigeon cough ) was normal. Superheroes performing acrobats in spandex and jumpsuits and saving the city with toy weapons was normal.
However, pregnant young ladies chasing terrified men down the streets, all the while using a language so colourful it would make a sailor blush — that was definitely not normal.
“Officer Roger, are you not going to intervene?” A young policeman, clearly newly appointed, asked his senior. Said senior was leaning on the Police car and watching the mad goose chase unfold with a bored expression on his face.
“Seeing that I care about my life, nope.” The older man gave his junior a look, before patting his back and sighing.
“Don’t worry, kid. Being in the police department…” Roger let out a sigh. “You will also get used to this madness that thrives under the name of the Couffaines.”