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Fury scowled at him. "Yogurt demons?"
"I mean, that's what they looked like," Tony shrugged, "Great big drippy white masses of goo."
Clint nodded. "Definitely a yogurt-like consistency, sir."
"Barton, shut up and stop wiggling so they can get their samples."
"Yessir."
Most of the team were laid out on hospital beds while the SHIELD nurses and scientists scraped giant, sticky blobs of demon off them. Thor was beaming at his nurses, making them too flustered to concentrate; Natasha looked like she wanted to stab hers, to much the same effect. Tony sat nearby in just his flight suit, Loki at his side. Her armour was pristine, not a hair out of place.
"And how did you manage to avoid this mess?" Fury arched a brow at her.
"Simple," the goddess shrugged, "By being faster than these mortals and less stubborn than Thor."
"Ah, but you missed the best part, brother! Being deep in the thick of battle-"
"Thick is the word alright." Tony muttered.
"-surrounded by foes, triumphing anyway!"
Loki curled her lip. "And getting covered in phlegm - oh yes, I really missed out."
"Phlegm?" Clint sat up.
Thor chuckled. "Aye, what we battled were descendants of Audhumla, who nourished Ymir at the creation of the realms! They have, uh, become less benevolent over the centuries."
Fury sighed, glancing at Loki. "In English?"
"Audhumla was an ancient being rather similar to one of your cows. Her udders produced what your scientists would call the 'primordial soup' - a thick, enriched liquid that contained the necessary materials and bacteria to create life in barren places."
Tony's eyes lit up. "Yogurt!"
"Not really..." Loki started, trailing off at Tony's puppy-dog expression.
Natasha frowned. "Okay, this god-milk is starting to get really hot."
"It is quite corrosive." Thor sniffed.
"Get it off me, now!"
Tony jumped up. "The suit! I gotta get it home and flush all the space cow juice out of its joints."
"Now hold on a minute, Stark," Fury raised a hand, "You haven't been cleared by Medical."
A nearby doctor cleared his throat. "Uh, actually he has. Mr Stark's suit was the only thing contaminated by the mucous, and he won't let us examine it."
"Mucous?" Clint groaned, screwing up his face, "Ugh, this just keeps getting worse!"
"And Loki?"
"Also cleared."
Tony stood, clapping his hands. "I guess we're off then. Enjoy your demon snot, kids."
"And you, Tony Stark!" Thor waved, completely oblivious to everyone else's disgust.
Tony followed Loki through the halls, so distracted by the goddess's incredibly tight pants that he didn't noticed they were heading for the hangar bay until they arrived.
"Uh, babe? Why aren't we just popping home?"
She scowled. "Because I am exhausted. I couldn't even be bothered changing out of this form - what makes you think I want to take a jaunt through the branches of the void?"
"Fair. You kicked all kinds of ass today."
She smirked. "Thor was not entirely wrong. There was some good sport in it."
Tony kissed her, squeezing her leather-covered hips. "Would you be up for a little more?"
She laughed. "Don't you have a suit to salvage?"
"Sure, but after that I can give you a bit of a workout."
"I think I've had all the exercise I need for one day...I am in the mood to be pampered."
Tony grinned. "Oh, I can do that."
"Then let's find a pilot and be on our way."
She stalked off towards the flight controller, Tony following with a huff. "The quinjets are so slow."
Loki ignored him, grinning at the hangar chief. "Greetings, Midgardian. We require a conveyance and pilot for the trip to New York."
The SHIELD officer looked slightly dazzled by Loki at her most charming, right in his face. He looked past her to Tony, who tried a friendly grin and got nothing in response. He was used to that though - he'd known Natasha for awhile now.
"You're not on my schedule."
Loki smiled, placing a hand on his wrist. "Check again."
He glanced at his tablet, brows slowly raising as he flicked between screens. "Huh. Special orders from Fury. Okay then - Johnson, you're up!"
He waved at one of the agents milling around the hangar bay and the man nodded, running towards a quinjet. The crew hurried over to perform their pre-flight checks, and Loki turned back to Tony with a smug look.
"See? We shall be soaking in a luxurious bath at the tower in no time."
"We could be running the water already." he muttered.
Loki pursed her lips and raised a hand to her earpiece. "Jarvis? Please have them prepare champagne and sustenance for our celebratory victory soak."
"Right away, ma'am."
She cupped Tony's face in one hand. "Good things do occasionally take time, my love."
He pouted. "You don't have to bribe me. I get that you're tired - I'm just being pissy."
"Because of your suit, yes. You are like a child who is told he cannot play with his new toy because it is bedtime. I could always send you on ahead? That should not be too much of a drain."
He shook his head, taking her hand. "If you have to sit through a long-ass flight, then so should I. I'd rather be hanging out with you than the suits anyway."
Loki smiled. "An abysmal lie, my darling, but I appreciate the thought."
They climbed into the back of the jet, mechanics scurrying out of the way as the door shut behind them. Tony glanced at the pilot.
"Any time, sport."
He looked back at them and then quickly at the controls, flipping a bunch of switches. Tony sunk onto one of the benches and Loki perched beside him, lifting his arm around her shoulders to nestle into his side.
"Perhaps I shall nap."
"Good plan. You'll need a second wind once we get home."
The goddess snorted and closed her eyes, hair tickling his neck as she snuggled into his hold. Tony squeezed her to him, pulling out his phone with his free hand.
They'd been in the air about 20 minutes when a red exclamation mark appeared on his screen.
"Sir," Jarvis said quietly over the comms, "You appear to be off-route."
"Show me."
A graphic appeared on his phone, a pinging dot that marked their jet over a map of the East Coast. Jarvis had traced their route; they were turning, so gradually you almost couldn't notice, in a line that would take them straight across the Atlantic.
Tony shook Loki's arm. "Babe."
"Hmm?" she raised her head, blinking.
Once she was sitting up properly, he stood, taking a few steps towards the helm. "Hey uh, Johnson, wasn't it? Is there some bad weather or something I don't know about?"
The pilot glanced back and quickly looked away. "No sir, Mr Stark."
"Then I think your GPS might be on the fritz. New York is thatta way."
He didn't move, frozen. Loki caught Tony's eye, frowning at the concern there. She held out a hand.
"Perhaps we should find our own way after all."
Tony reached for her and stopped, clearing his throat. "That's weird."
"Tony?"
"The air got...real heavy."
The engineer's eyes rolled back, jaw dropping as his knees buckled. He hit the floor face-first. Loki tried to stand and had to catch herself on the wall, swaying.
"What sorcery is this?" the goddess gasped.
"Mrs Stark?" Jarvis asked.
She took a step towards Tony and collapsed, hearing nothing.
*****
Loki's head felt like it was tangled up in spiderwebs, and she couldn't tear her way out. Her muscles were tired and loose, arms not responding the way she wanted. There was dim light somewhere, if she could just...
"Lokes?"
Tony's groan was like a jumpstart to her system, instantly clearing the fog from her brain. The goddess' eyes snapped open.
"Tony?"
"Babe!"
Loki sat up and scanned their surroundings. She was lying on a long ottoman, with a purple dome faintly flickering overhead; she tentatively touched it and winced, yanking her fingers back. The room was dark and cavernous, with metal walls and a polished stone floor. There was a long table with a high-backed chair at each end and nothing on the surface. There were no windows, but fixtures in the corners cast a cold white light. Stone stairs led up to a sturdy-looking door; the space underneath them was caged off, and Tony was kneeling on the other side, hands clenched around the bars.
"You okay?" he whisper-yelled.
Loki considered that. She wasn't injured, and while she still felt a bit woozy it was wearing off. "Fine. Are you well?"
"My head hurts like a bitch. Think your hangover cure would work?"
"Ah, you may need to wait a little longer." She raised her hands to show him the thick cuffs binding her wrists.
Tony swore. "Anti-magic?"
"Dwarven." she scowled at the familiar runes.
"Shit. Okay, I'll start working on a daring escape plan."
The door opened in a crash of metal, and their captor walked in. "I wouldn't bother, Stark. Doom is more than prepared for your tricks."
Loki ground her teeth, glaring at him. Of course it was fucking Doom - the set design was just his sort of melodramatic mad scientist. Some tiny part of her felt a pang of fear as she remembered what she'd done to him in the SHIELD containment cells. From the look on Tony's face, he remembered too.
"I don't think much of your hospitality, Victor."
Doom continued down the stairs, sauntering over to stop outside the energy barrier. "We humbly apologise for any inconvenience, but Doom suspected you would not accept a more...conventional invitation."
"I can't imagine why." She gave a grim smile.
Tony laughed. "Hate to be a downer but the Avengers are probably already on their way to crash your party, Vic."
"We doubt that. Doom has taken great care to ensure we are not interrupted. The staff weapon was not the only trinket we procured from Auti."
Loki glanced down at her cuffs and Doom chuckled.
"Yes - unfortunate, but you understand Doom has some trust issues where you are concerned, Loki Liesmith. We thought it would make for a more congenial conversation."
"And what are you so desperate to discuss?"
Doom waved a hand and the barrier dissipated. He extended it to Loki and she stared at the gloved digits with suspicion, before deciding to play along and find out what he wanted. She took it delicately, letting him pull her to her feet.
"An alliance. With your knowledge and my might, we could make a formidable team."
Loki laughed, high and mocking. "Oh Victor, I've declined that offer before, and it is no more appealing as time passes."
It was impossible to guess Doom's expression behind his mask, but his eyes had a predatory glint to them. "Ah, but the previous proposition did not include this Loki."
He raked his gaze over her and Loki frowned, trying to take her hand back just as Doom clamped down on her fingers.
"What say you to a proper partnership, hmm?" he ran the fingertips of his free hand along her jaw, "No treachery. No posturing. Doom would give you the world, Loki. We've heard you like a little metal in your man."
"Hey!" Tony yelled, "Get your gross supervillain mitts off my god!"
"You want to...date?" Loki arched a brow.
"We want you to be Doom's dark queen, fighting beside us, showing these lesser beings what true power is."
"Uh, excuse me?" Tony growled, "He's already got a king, thank you very much."
"Yes," Doom tilted his head, eyes still boring into hers, "A child who builds himself playthings. A simple human, who does not understand what it is to hold the mystic forces of the universe under his skin and shape the world in his image."
"Are you kidding me? I'm a goddamn clean energy figurehead, with my name literally on major landmarks all over the country."
Doom acted like he hadn't spoken, closing a hand over the trickster's waist to pull her closer. "Think of the chaos we could unleash with you by my side, Loki. The empire we could rule. Our face may not be what it once was, but Doom thinks you'll find the rest of him pleasing enough."
"Well," she battered her lashes, "If you put it like that, how can I refuse?"
"You must be bored of being the hero by now, Loki. All those rules, all those expectations. Doom can offer you...freedom. Worship."
Loki wrinkled her nose. "Honestly, I just don't think I can be with a man who refers to himself in the third person."
"We can give you everything, Loki - do everything Stark is too afraid to do, with his toy soldiers and limited imagination."
She leaned towards him, mouth curled up at the corners. "Only a fool would call Tony Stark limited, and I don't suffer fools."
Doom's eyes hardened. "I see."
His grip tightened, tugging her flush against him. Loki leaned back as far as she could, though it bent her spine awkwardly.
"You still think we are inferior, even after falling into my trap. We will have to prove you wrong."
"There is nothing you could do to win my respect, Victor. You think too small; your ambitions are thoroughly ordinary, and the only thing that sets you apart from the rest of the evil megalomaniacs is your unfortunate face."
He backhanded her, the goddess spinning to catch herself on the edge of the table.
"We can forgive your words, Asgardian - after all, we are no stranger to the vitriol of public opinion. But we cannot forgive the torment you wrenched from us in SHIELD's prison. Perhaps if you had agreed to be part of the team, we could have let bygones be bygones."
He fisted a hand in her hair and smacked her forehead into the table, Loki crying out as she stumbled to her knees. He tilted her head back until her neck jarred, mouth next to her ear.
"Doom owes you pain."
He pressed a hand into her back and Loki screamed as electricity ran through her body, pouring out through her mouth as her muscles twitched and seized. It was over in a second but she couldn't move, resting limply in Doom's hold.
He hauled her up by the back of her collar and flipped her onto the surface, Loki gasping for breath as the impact knocked the wind out of her.
"Lokes!" Tony rattled the cage door.
"Yes, Stark," Doom raised his voice as he walked around the table, "Watch. Watch us make your beloved suffer, as you were happy to watch him take Doom to pieces."
He yanked her towards him, sliding between her legs. Loki clasped her hands around the chain between the cuffs and swung, but Doom caught it mid-air, wrapping an iron fist in the links. He slammed it back against the table, pinning Loki's arms above her head. Loki felt a slight tug as her bracelet snapped under the pressure, and quickly caught it between her fingers as it fell.
Tony snarled. "Doom! I'm going to force-feed you a missile and see how indestructible your insides really are!"
"Neanderthals," the other man shook his head, "Always thinking with their sticks."
Loki jerked forward as much as she could and headbutted him, immediately regretting it as she reeled back with a groan.
"Good. Doom enjoys your agony." He ran a hand down her side, pressing himself against her.
"I knew you were insane, Vic, but this is monumentally stupid," Tony snorted, "You gonna take on Thor? Or Odin Allfather? Not to mention our entire team when they get here - which they will, any minute now."
Doom laughed. "But we're just getting started."
His fingers roamed, exploring the curves of Loki's stomach and chest, sparking a litany of colourful expletives from Tony in the corner. The goddess herself pushed it out of her mind and thought only about her fingers, trying to work the thin strip of metal into the lock on her cuffs without being obvious. She rolled her shoulders, twitching as if to buck him off, but it was mostly to mask her movements - there was no real force behind it.
Doom seemed to find a point he liked, and pressed his fingertip deep into her side before sending another bolt of power through her. Loki jerked hard enough to bite her tongue, but managed to keep her grip on the bracelet as she keened. Doom stopped and she flopped back on the table, fighting to catch her breath.
"I swear to God, Doom, I am going to wipe Latveria off the face of the earth!"
Loki wished he would stop - how was she supposed to focus with Tony yelling like that? There was so much rage and anguish in his voice, the words cracking between his teeth, and she couldn't think past the urge to comfort him.
"You won't need to, Tony," she called, praying he could hear the steel in her voice and know she had a plan, "I'm going to eviscerate Victor where he stands."
Maybe something got through, because Tony laughed low and menacing. "You know what? I like that better. You're so creative when you're on a vengeance tear."
Loki probed the barrel, hoping she didn't need a release word to undo the cuff's magics as she struggled to hold the shape of the lock in her mind. She was trying to be both stealthy and fast, wary of another shock, and she could barely get her fingers to follow her commands after the last one.
Almost as if she'd conjured it by thought, Doom curled his fingers around the back of her knee and a jolt ran through her leg, the muscles cramping until she screamed. He walked his way up her hip to her chest, resting one hand over her sternum.
"Doom could stop your heart, Loki. Put an end to the chaos god, once and for all. They might even thank us for it."
She froze, staring up at him. Loki believed he could do it, but she didn't think he would - it wasn't his style. Doom would drag this out; he needed the drama.
"A cowardly way to end our rivalry, Victor."
"Cowardly. Interesting choice of words, from the man who tortured a helpless prisoner."
"Do not pretend you are a wronged innocent - you suffered nothing at my hands you did not deserve."
He grabbed her arms, electricity surging out in both directions, and it was all Loki could do to focus on holding onto her lockpick. Doom placed his palms flat on her abdomen and shocked her again, the goddess arching up off the table. Her body fell back as the charge dissipated, muscles refusing to hold her any more.
He chuckled. "It's a good thing you are so hard to break. We'd hate for this to be over too quickly."
She wiggled the end of the bracelet, letting out a hiss as the latch popped free. "Sorry to disappoint."
Loki flung her fingers out, energy exploding into Doom's chest. He tumbled through the air and hit the wall hard. She dragged herself off the table as he staggered to his knees. Doom thrust his arm out, electricity shooting towards her, and Loki dived out of the way. A second blast scorched the stone beside her and she rolled, getting a shield up fast enough to rebound the third back at him. Doom shrugged it off, the tiny lightning racing along his features and sinking back under the metal of his skin.
He shook his head, summoning a crackling ball of light in one hand. "What a waste."
"It would never work between us, Victor," the goddess smirked, "I've got a terrible god complex, and you're insane!"
Doom growled and flung the missile. Loki winked out of being right before it hit her, reappearing behind him, and cracked her vambrace across the back of his skull. Doom barely wobbled, but he did step out of reach, spinning to face her. She drew a square with her fingers and the air behind him rippled, tearing itself open to reveal an endless, star-filled void.
"You seem to have enjoyed your last trip to space. Let's hope this one is as satisfying."
Loki drew her knee back to her chest and then her leg snapped out, launching Doom backwards into the infinite nothing. He screamed, the sound slowly fading as he drifted further and further away, and with a sweep of her hand Loki slammed the portal shut.
"Awesome."
"Tony!"
She rushed to the cage and yanked the door, the lock instantly shattering. The second it was open he was all over her, lips greedily seeking the goddess'.
"Are you okay?"
"Yes, yes, fine - you?"
"Oh my god, when he shocked you I thought I was going to Hulk out." The genius ran his hands over her, as if to reassure himself she was alright.
"What can I say?" her lip curled, "Apparently I'm very appealing."
"Don't. It's not funny. I was trapped in here, fucking useless, and he-"
She wrapped herself around him, pulling his head onto her shoulder. "Shh, hey. I'm fine, I'm fine, Tony."
"Promise?"
"I swear it. It would take more than a few clumsy advances from a man like Victor to upset me."
Tony nuzzled into the crook of her neck and Loki ran her fingers through his hair, just feeling each other as they breathed, comforted that they were still there, still together, still in one piece.
"My advances weren't clumsy, were they?"
Loki clucked her tongue. "Occasionally trite, but not clumsy, so."
"Oh. Good."
She laughed, leaning back to kiss his forehead. "Better?"
"Yeah. Let's get the fuck out of this cheap two-star dungeon."
Loki arched a brow. "And miss the opportunity to rifle through Doom's things? What if he has more dangerous Svartalfheim relics?"
Tony swore and kissed her again, twisting his fingers in her curls. "Damn it, Lokes, sometimes you're too smart for your own good. Okay, let's ransack Vic's castle."
The door above them screeched open again, and Loki whirled, arms raised towards the sound.
"Hello?"
"Captain?" she frowned, dropping her hands.
Steve reached the bottom of the stairs and spotted them, lowering his shield. "Thank god - you guys alright?"
"Well enough, all things considered."
"Doom?"
"Lokes sent him on a one-way trip across the universe." Tony slung an arm around her waist and kissed her neck.
The blond's brows shot up, but he didn't comment. "Sorry we missed it - took us awhile to figure out your location. Did Doom say what he wanted?"
"To make Lokes his pretty lady." Tony's eyes turned dark and murderous.
"What?" Steve looked between them, as if hoping Loki would confirm it was one of Tony's bad jokes.
She sighed. "It seems he was under the impression I would go giddy at the prospect of his raw, animal magnetism."
Tony snorted. "Magnets - nice."
"I made it very clear that I'm not husband-hunting."
"She kicked his ass." Tony beamed up at her.
The captain stared at them a moment longer, then shrugged. "Nothing really surprises me with these evil overlord types. SHIELD are sending a team to secure the facility, so if you're both ready, we can head back."
"Forgive me, Steven, but I've had my fill of quinjets for the day." Loki scowled.
"Right? What lesson did we learn, babe?" Tony smirked, "Always leave enough juice for the ride home."
She rolled her eyes. "Yes, dear."
"Now come on - we've got champagne waiting, and even more of a reason to celebrate."