Chapter Text
In theory, Jeonghan was all for putting on an act for their fans. He might come off reluctant at times, but that was because he liked to tease carats and also because he disliked people telling him what to do. Still, it was part of the job, and he even enjoyed it. He was also very good at it.
He was a performer.
Not like ‘Hoshi,’ who became so alive on stage, unable to contain the excitement and energy bursting from within.
No, Jeonghan was another kind of performer.
It caught him by surprise when he realized it, and it took him some years to be confident enough to admit it—years of wondering if he was chosen for a specific part just because of his face. Jeonghan was a natural at "acting", his body and face were incredibly expressive, and he knew exactly what to do to get the reactions he wanted.
Not just during their performances.
Jeonghan got his thrills from the deafening screams after some well-timed fan service. Eye contact that lasted a few seconds too long or a hand lingering on a nice round bottom got the most excellent reactions.
And not only from carats.
"Hyung, it's your turn," Mingyu’s whiny voice shook him from his thoughts.
He felt a shift beside him. "Jeonghanie, are you okay?" A breathy laugh caressed his ear. "Or are you drunk already?" Seungcheol taunted, traces of genuine concern in his voice.
Holding back a shiver, Jeonghan internally rolled his eyes at himself for even reacting.
He should be used to it by now.
Choi Seungcheol was also a performer. Closer to Soonyoung’s type than Jeonghan’s. But more selfless, perhaps. The leader gave all of himself to his fans. His performances were hypnotizing because he gave everything away.
He never held back. He never denied their fans anything.
And it justified everything so well, right? Jeonghan thought, somewhat bitter.
If carats wanted something, their general leader would offer it on a platter. That's how things worked. If Jeonghan enjoyed fanservice for the reactions, Seungcheol had more of a supply-and-demand approach. All the skinship, the smiles, the touches, the stares... It was just that, supply-and-demand. Jeonghan knew that very well. Yet, somehow, for some unidentifiable reason, things continued even off-camera. Like right now, the leader was currently draped all over Jeonghan, inside their apartment, with no camera crew in sight.
"Hm. Not drunk, just a bit tired" of your antics, Jeonghan added silently without turning his head. With Seungcheol acting like Jeonghan's personal space somehow included half of his body, he couldn't turn his head at will.
Jeonghan tried his best to concentrate on the current game. The argument about who had the best laugh apparently ended while he wasn't paying attention. He was slightly curious about which argument won—the loudest or the weirdest.
"Ah, Hyung! You're not getting out of this again," Soonyoung complained, having followed their little exchange. Jeonghan winced. Too loud. Even for a get-together, Soonyoung volume was too much. "We are finishing this game together."
The younger member worried for nothing. It's true that Jeonghan had the habit of escaping these long game nights to get some sleep or just to relax away from the noise, but he did not feel like escaping just yet—well, at least not from the game.
Jeonghan reached for the dice, dragging along his "dead weight" since said dead weight didn't have the decency to let go of him.
He rolled.
"8…” Seungkwan dragged out the sound, frowning. “Hyung, are you cheating? You never roll out anything lower than 6."
Seungkwan picked up the dice to examine them. Next to him, Mingyu, suspicious as always, joined him to check as well.
In response to the accusation, Jeonghan gave Seungkwan his trademark closed-lips smile while shrugging. Correction, attempting to shrug. He didn't manage to raise his shoulder with Seuncheol so firmly anchored on him.
Soft hair tickled his ear as Seungcheol turned to look at the dice-investigating duo.
Calling Choi Seungcheol, a tactile person was too simple. Rather, Seungcheol gave the impression that there were no boundaries between himself and others. For instance, when he wanted to act cute, he would boldly cling to their managers or staff. Whenever he witnessed it, Jeonghan would wonder if it was a leftover of his childhood as the precious youngest in his family.
With the members, it went further. He handled them like his own personal possessions. There was just something so assured, so secure in his reach whenever he touched any of them. An absolute trust that he wouldn't be rejected. Asking for permission? What for? The eldest acted almost as if he owned all of them. And the truth was that, in a way, he probably did.
Jeonghan knew he had no room to nitpick; he also looked at the kids and also felt like they were his.
His to tease, to bully, to boss around, and most importantly his to care for.
Still, somehow with Jeonghan, Seungcheol managed to go even further. Whenever they were side by side, Jeonghan's body was taut with the expectation of touch. It was as if Jeonghan's body was an extension of his.
Now, with Seungcheol so close, he felt everything the boy did. When he talked, Jeonghan could practically taste the apple-flavored soju that the older boy preferred. He could also smell Seungcheol's distinct scent, a mix of his shampoo, deodorant, and perspiration. Jeonghan’s senses were saturated with the other boy.
"How would he even cheat? You got the dice from the monopoly game in Channie's room," asked Wonwoo, ever the voice of reason.
"I don't know, but it's Jeonghan hyung," replied Seungkwan as if it explained everything. It didn't, but then again, it did.
"And what do you think he did?" Wonwoo didn't like weak arguments. Unless they made him laugh, which is how Soonyoung always got a pass.
"And he's the one who suggested including the dice too!" Mingyu looked as if he uncovered a significant clue. "Maybe he did something to the dice earlier and then put it back in Channie's room?"
Silence.
Wonwoo didn't bother responding, and Seungkwan also ignored the intervention.
"Anyway, let's move on, okay." Jun clapped his hand twice, his face bright to a fault.
"Jeonghan-Hyung?" Seokmin prompted, curious or more likely just impatient to get to his turn.
Jeonghan was amused by the whole proceeding. As much as he liked cheating, Jeonghan found that making the members waste their time uncovering imagined tricks was just as entertaining.
For this particular game they were playing —the Image Game— dice were unnecessary. But as usual, Seventeen liked to put their own twists on even the most simple things.
And by ‘Seventeen,’ Jeonghan mainly meant himself.
The rules were simple. Someone said something like "Best drinker or Most handsome," and everyone had to point at the person they think fit that "image" best. The person who gets the most votes has to drink.
In their customized version, they had to roll the dice first, and if they got a number higher than 5, they could play a turn; otherwise, they had to pass and drink two shots. In addition, if they managed to make everyone pick one person, they could ask them to do whatever they wanted. Of course, the statement had to remain subjective. They couldn't just say "the shortest or the tallest member," for instance.
So far, Jeonghan got Mingyu to walk around mimicking a chicken. Jihoon had tears in his eyes by the end of it, and Jeonghan was very satisfied with the performance.
"It was high-quality clucking," He'd praised a red-faced Mingyu.
Trying to come up with something, Jeonghan looked at their random group. 4 were missing. Hansol, Chan, Myungho, and Joshua. The two youngest went to see a movie, some kind of late-night premiere. Leaving behind a pouty Seungkwan who was "so not interested in that type of silly movie," as he put it, and who eventually joined their drinking session. Myungho went to bed already. He had an early morning schedule the next day. Jeonghan couldn't help but think about the magazine feature with a great sense of pride for the Chinese member. They all agreed to move to the lower apartment to let the boy rest peacefully. The members living above would just need to be careful going back, or most likely, they'd just end up spending the night downstairs as they sometimes did. Squeezing themselves wherever there was space. The 13 members were used to cramming the whole group into small spaces. Most of the time, the excuse they used was that they were too drunk to go back up or didn't want to make noise and disturb the neighbors.
The truth was that they just missed being all together in the same apartment.
As for the last member, Joshuji, was… actually, where was he? Jeonghan frowned as he couldn't remember where his best friend was.
Jeonghan's frown deepened when he realized that he was missing the perfect opportunity to get Joshua to do something silly.
Giving up on his initial idea, Jeonghan thought for two more seconds before deciding on,
"The clingiest member." He had another target.
For a split-second, Jeonghan thought he felt Seungcheol tensing against him. He probably imagined things. There is no way that the older boy had any sort of self-awareness.
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He looked around the circle and …
Jeonghan slowly blinked as he saw three fingers pointing toward Mingyu —Seungcheol, Jun, Soonyoung—with another four on Soonyoung—Jihoon, Wonwoo, Seungkwan, Mingyu— and one last finger was on…
"Me?" Jeonghan's voice came out a pitch higher. "Seokmin-ah, you think I'm the clingiest member?"
"Ha, of course, it's not a bad thing Hyung, of course, I love having you around me, of course." Seokmin scratched his head with a nervous smile.
The boy used "of course" three times in one sentence showing his nerves; apparently, his liquid courage already left him.
Regardless of Seokmin's tiny betrayal, Jeonghan could not believe the results. Since they started drinking, he had a literal growth on his shoulder, yet not one finger was pointed toward Seungcheol. Did the alcohol affect their sight, or did they also start to think that Seungcheol was just an extension of Jeonghan's body?
Lips pursed, Jeonghan thought that should have asked that question with the full team there. Surely, Joshuji, Myungho, Hansollie, and Channie were the sensible ones. He thought he could count on Jihoonie too, but… to be fair, Soonyoung.
The other two members picked had very different reactions.
Mingyu was spluttering, offended, while Soonyoung's whole body was vibrating with laughter. His hand on Wonwoo's shoulder made the quiet boy shake along with him. Wonwoo had to keep his hand on his glasses to keep them from slipping. It was hard to tell if Soonyoung had too much to drink or not. His behavior was not significantly different from usual, but his face looked a bit red. He grabbed his glass and shot to his feet.
Here it comes, Jeonghan thought, sour but amused. Soonyoung was about to deliver his 5th speech of the night. Every time the wannabe-tiger got picked for something, he had to make one. Jeonghan didn’t need to turn around to feel the eyes rolling.
Raising his soju glass to the ceiling with a hand on his hip in a triumphant pose, Soonyoung shouted, "My Dear Members, thank you for choosing me! I will do my best and continue to shower you with my love every day."
He drank happily, laughing harder afterward.
Jeonghan noticed Jihoon shaking his head while Jun and Seokmin clapped for their loudest member. Then Seungcheol let go of him—presumably a temporary affair—to join the cheering.
Jeonghan didn't waste time, and Jihoon turned a questioning stare toward him as he quickly stood up.
"I'm going to get some water. Anyone wants something from the kitchen?"
"Yes," Mingyu and Seokmin went right away.
"Yeah, well, you know where it is." He smiled and walked off, satisfied with the whining sounds following him.
Indeed, he was still upset over the results of this round.
Opening the fridge, Jeonghan let the cold cool him down. After spending almost an hour and a half stuck to the eldest, he was excessively aware of Seungcheol's body heat. The boy was like a portable heater, and it seemed like his searing heat bled into Jeonghan.
It was too much. He was too much.
Jeonghan held back a groan as he reminisced the past hour. He had been unable to ignore the arm hair brushing his neck every time he moved, that chesty laugh jostling him and sending vibrations in his back. The way Seungcheol's voice went from high, when he was complaining, to disturbingly low, when he was telling the kids to be mindful of the neighbors, to soft and intimate when he turned to talk to Jeonghan. The sounds making Jeonghan's skin tingle. And of course, the way Seungcheol would just turn and stare at Jeonghan with his gummy smile any time something funny happened, wanting to see if Jeonghan was also amused. Having someone laugh in your face was distractedly intimate. And all Jeonghan could do was blink stupidly at those brown eyes with long lashes, so close to his and try to avoid staring too long at the stretched red lips.
Before closing the fridge that he left open a tad too long, he grabbed a couple of water bottles. Some of them should really start drinking water. Not Jeonghan, though, he was barely tipsy. Drinking games were still games, and Jeonghan was always good at those.
He also fetched their leftover snacks to bring back.
Sighing, Jeonghan decided he wanted to sit somewhere else on the way back. He reached his limit.
Technically, he could just say something. But… At this stage of their relationship, it was just regular behavior.
And Yoon Jeonghan wasn't sure how to confront their "normal." Even if he knew how, he would be too scared to.
After so many years of being together, Seventeen's members had their own sets of "normal" that no one thought to question. Seungkwan always touching Hansol was normal. Jeonghan rooming with Seokmin was normal, Jihoon pushing away Soonyoung, Mingyu breaking something, etc...
Jeonghan couldn't really pinpoint when his normal with Seungcheol went from regular to too much.
One day it was normal to have the older boy always all over him, and the next… Jeonghan didn't understand what changed.
Are you sure you don't know?
Ignoring that annoying inner voice, Jeonghan carried his loot back.
He was welcomed with grateful cheers.
"Yay!"
"Thank you!"
"Thanks, Hyung!"
Hmph. Jeonghan was their nicest Hyung, regardless of what the brats said on camera.
He dropped all of it in a pile on the floor and pointedly passed his previous spot to squeeze between Seungkwan and Soonyoung. "I'm here to get some love," he told a grinning Soonyoung.
"Ah, Hyung, you-" without finishing his sentence, Soonyoung hugged Jeonghan, twisting him from side to side. Jeonghan went along willingly as he pretended not to feel the eyes on him. Laughing and patting the dancer's back, he kept his face down.
He really didn’t want to see Seungcheol's expression.
"I have a good one !" Finally, Seokmin got his turn.
"You've been saying that since the beginning of the game, but so far," Mingyu trailed off, everyone filling in the blanks with the memory of Seokmin's attempts.
"The member who has the most hair."
"The member who has the best dreams.”
"The member who likes listening to Seokmin the most."
"After all your weird ones, we ought to just skip you," Wonwoo teased.
"That was before! I really have a good one now, trust me," Seokmin defended himself.
"Let's hear it then, Seokmin-ah" Jeonghan couldn’t resist the instinct to jump in and encourage him.
"The flirtiest member, "Seokmin announced with an eyebrow wiggle. He looked really proud of himself for that one.
Jeonghan's eyes widened slightly, and he couldn't help but turn toward Seungcheol. He held the dark eyes for a second before looking away.
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Jeonghan didn’t feel good about this one.
The results: 3 fingers on Hoshi —Jeonghan, Wonwoo, DK— 2 on Mingyu —Seungcheol, Hoshi— and…4 fingers on Seungcheol.
Thump.
Mingyu, Jihoon, Jun, and Seungkwan all pointed toward Seungcheol.
"Aw, I lost," Soonyoung whined next to jeonghan.
"Yah, really you little brats since when—" Predictably, Seungcheol shot up.
"Come on, Hyung, don't even start." Mingyu cut off the beginning of his rant.
Seokmin and Jun were cackling while pointing at Seungcheol.
Jeonghan wished he could join them. But amusement was not what he was feeling right now. He didn't even know if he had a proper smile on his face. Wonwoo and Jihoon looked vaguely amused, and Seungkwan was checking his phone. Probably texting Hansol, it was getting late.
He would have been texting their youngest members too if not for this nonsensical game distracting him and—
"It’s fan-service! It's our job to show love to the fans!" Seungcheol defended. "You guys really, be honest. There is no way I'm worse than Soonyoung and Mingyu," Seungcheol insisted, pointing at the two boys in turn. Not for the first time, Jeonghan thought Seungcheol truly didn’t know how to pick his battles. He jumped headfirst into arguments that ended with him being at a disadvantage.
This time around, though, he could drag Jeonghan down with him.
"Okay, Hyung, but we're not talking about fans?" Seungkwan replied, still busy typing on his phone.
"Then what are we talking about? The members? But Soonyoung is still worse than me, and what about Jeonghannie," Seungcheol asked, confused. Big eyes blinking stupidly.
Why are you bringing me into this? Jeonghan was trying hard not to squirm from his position on the floor.
Seungkwan looked up from his phone, and made eye contact with Jihoon, they shared a brief look. Jeonghan felt himself cringe.
He should have left…
"Well, to be honest, Jeonghan-Hyung is pretty bad too, but he is more of a tease than a flirt. You are the flirt, and you are always flirting." Explained Seungkwan. His round cheeks were red. He was obviously tipsy and yet speaking in such a matter-of-fact tone. As if he was patiently explaining something to a child. Except the child was his oldest hyung and his leader.
"Yeah, I mean, you never stop flirting with Hyung like it's like get a room sometimes."
…5 minutes ago.
Jeonghan was frozen. Hand clenching his soju bottle. He didn’t even remember grabbing it.
Of course, Kim I-never-know-when-to-shut-up Mingyu had to jump in. Of course.
Wait, was Seungcheol suddenly getting red?
Now his brain was stuck between shock and horror. Were they really trying to do this now?
Do what, though? The voice in his head demanded clarification and was promptly ignored.
It's been years, they've been drunk together before, and they've also played this game before. So, why now? What were they trying to do? Was this the so-called "intervention" he saw in American shows? Less like an ambush, it felt like stepping on an old landmine in a minefield that he believed to be safe.
That's what this situation was. Old.
The members had a way of ignoring whatever was happening with "Jeongcheol." They teased them on stage, of course, but strangely enough, nothing in private.
He had no inkling as to what anyone thought of it or if they even thought anything. Honestly, sometimes, it felt unnatural how they never addressed it, and, in his more paranoid moments, Jeonghan was half convinced they had some sort of unspoken agreement. At times, he even feared that they had a meeting behind their backs and agreed on not saying anything.
There goes that theory.
He should have left when he went to get water; trying to leave now would only worsen the situation. Jeonghan was caught off guard, but he was still doing his best to manage his expression and figure out what he should say.
Deep breaths.
In, out. In, out.
He needed to stop this from going further. There was still a chance he could distract them from unraveling this dangerous thread.
Putting his best smile on, Jeonghan turned to Soonyoung in what he hoped was a natural move. Everything was fine. He could diffuse this thing.
"Only three people for you, Hoshi-yah, that's surprising I—"
Before he could finish, he was cut off by Soonyoung’s scream, "AH!" Understanding dawned in his wide eyes. "I thought we were talking about fan service, well then I also pick Seungcheol-hyung. He's always flirting with Jeonghan-Hyung."
The finishing blow.
Plop .
His heart went from skipping a beat to dropping through his stomach to his feet.
Jeonghan couldn’t believe what Soonyoung just said.
He did not just. He did not.
Oh, but he did.
Before, back when Jeonghan could still breathe, when Mingyu said Hyung, he could’ve pretended. Mingyu had six Hyungs besides Seungcheol, after all. Now though?
Fuck .
What did his face look like right now?
In, out. In—okay.
"He's not flirting with—"
"Oh please don't lie," Mingyu stopped him right away, the dismissive tone cutting.
What the— The surge of anger he felt caught Jeonghan of guard. Yes, Hoshi blurted things without a filter, and Seungkwan could be a relentless little bitch at times (Jeonghan raised him well). But, Mingyu?
Mingyu had the God-given talent of never ever reading the room.
"Even you can't lie that well hyung," more of Mingyu's helpful interventions. Jeonghan was considering whether or not kicking Mingyu would help him get out of this mess. Was the brat trying to get into another screaming match with him?
"Unless we’re playing opposite realities now?" asked Wonwoo, sounding way too serious even though he was adding salt to the wounds.
"Isn't that why you changed your seat? Because Hyung’s flirting was getting too much,"
And …scene. That was the real finishing blow.
Jeonghan heard the damning words, but at this stage, he didn't even know which one of the little backstabbing brats said it.
Either way, he was not doing this.
Whatever this was.
"Yah Seungkwan-"
Ah it was Seungkwan, of course.
Relentless.
Seungcheol started saying something, he sounded flustered. The awkwardness was prickling Jeonghan like a thousand needles.
Yes, well, he had no interest in hearing what Seungcheol was going to say or finding out how much deeper he could dig this hole. Releasing the bottle he was in danger of breaking, Jeonghan grabbed his phone and swiftly rose to his feet.
"Jeonghan hyung where—" that was Seokmin.
"Hyung," that was Soonyoung.
"Yah, my pants," Mingyu. It seemed he knocked over Mingyu's drink. Good.
Jeonghan crossed the room too quickly for their tipsy brains to react. He was counting on their slowed reactions to make it out of the door.
"Hannie," he heard him calling. The hesitance in his tone was painful.
He walked faster.
Hastily shoving his feet in his shoes, Jeonghan slammed the door before anyone moved.
Jeonghan undeniably forgot to be quiet going up the stairs—he didn’t want to risk waiting for the elevator—but thankfully, he remembered their sleeping member before entering the apartment. He quickly pushed the code in and only released his breath when he was behind the door. He stayed in the same spot for a few minutes, willing his emotions under control.
Why? Why? Why?
Why were they talking about this?
Safely away from the noise and the voices and the eyes on him, Seungcheol’s eyes, Jeonghan could finally think again. That’s when he realized that his strategic retreat was anything but strategic.
…
How could he just run out?
He should have stayed. He should have endured. He should have tried his best to turn it into something funny and harmless. By fleeing, he definitely admitted to…to something.
Thud.
Jeonghan let his head bang on the door.
How was he supposed to deal with them? With him?
Maybe…maybe if he pretended he suddenly got sick?
…Yeah, good luck with that.
Burying his face in his hands Jeonghan let out a groan - a quiet one. Why the hell did he play that game?