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Ben Solo is in 5th grade when Rey Jakkson moves into town.
He's old enough to realize that none of the other kids like him. One kid in particular, Armitage (though he insists on being called Hux) bullies him relentlessly and even though Ben is taller than him, he's lanky and awkward and ugly and so he cowers.
And then the new girl, Rey, arrives. She's small and scrawny and skinnier than he is, and she has big hazel eyes and freckles on her cheeks and he thinks she's the prettiest girl he's ever seen.
And then Hux pushes her down one day at recess, and Rey gets up and pushes him back. Hux falls. Hux cries. Rey gets in trouble. But Hux never pushes her again.
Ben thinks he falls in love right there and then.
She's fearless; this tiny, scrappy thing with golden skin and bruises on her arms. She doesn't have many friends either. Some of the girls tease her for being an orphan. But another orphan, Finn, becomes her friend. Ben is immediately jealous of him. He gets to play with her and talk to her and one time he even holds her hand, and even though Rey immediately yells at him for it, Ben wants to throw up.
He wants to do those things with her. But he's a coward. So he does nothing.
Hux still bullies him. He watches Rey from afar. His parents fight all the time. He is miserable.
*******
Ben Solo is in 8th grade when Rey Jakkson talks to him for the first time.
He is even taller now, the tallest in the school, and his limbs are even longer and more awkward. His nose is too big and his ears stick out. He is still teased relentlessly. He still watches Rey from afar.
She is taller too, and even more pretty. He gets his first erection while thinking of her, and he is mortified.
Ben loves cars, one of the few things he and his father have in common, and he is helping in Han's garage one day when there is a knock on the door. His father answers it and he hears him talking to someone. There is another voice, then, light and lilting and then there's a laugh-
Ben freezes.
He knows that laugh. Thinks about it too often. Knows the devastating smile that comes with it.
And then she's there, in the garage, following his father and why is she here why why why -
"Oh! Ben! Hi!"
His jaw drops. He knows he looks like an idiot, but he didn't even know she knew his name. How can she? He’s a loner. He still has no friends. He still gets bullied.
But she knows his name. She knows his name.
Her smile falters when he doesn't say anything, a slight blush coloring her cheeks, and that makes her freckles so pretty and his mouth flops like a fish for a moment before he finally manages to croak out a pathetic
"Hi,"
His father clears his throat, shooting an infuriating smirk at him over Rey's head, and he quickly leads her towards the front, where all of the tools are and why is she here?
It all happens in a blur, and before Ben knows it, Rey gives him a shy goodbye and then slips back out, and everything settles like she had never been there at all.
"Didn't I tell you I was hiring someone for the summer?"
Yes, he had told him that, but Ben had assumed it was one of those college kids that normally come home for the summer and pick up some hours. He would have never guessed in a million years that Rey would work here.
Here. In his father's garage. For an entire summer. With him.
He must look dazed, because his father chuckles.
"The girl knows her stuff. Even I was impressed. And she's very pretty, don't you think?"
Ben hides under the hood of the Falcon to escape the embarrassment.
*******
Ben Solo is going into 9th grade when Rey Jakkson becomes his friend.
He's not even sure how it happens, really, except that every time she comes into work that summer, she talks to him. After the initial shyness, she’s actually very talkative.
And he loves to listen. Her voice is like pure sunshine and he can look at her without it being weird if she’s talking to him.
Since it’s hot, she wears shorts, and her legs are as long and lean and pretty as the rest of her. And her skin gets very golden and very freckled and she is a glowing goddess by the end of the summer and he isn't sure how he doesn’t melt every time she smiles at him.
He can't quite figure out why she’s interested in being friends. He’s still a loser. She had made another friend in middle school, Rose Tico, a small Asian girl with a fiery attitude. She now has two friends, and Ben still has none. But she talks to him all summer, about everything, and suddenly one day she invites him to get ice cream with her and Finn and she introduces Ben as her friend and he is simultaneously elated and depressed.
But still. He now has a friend. He’ll take Rey in his life however he can get her.
So they spend the rest of the summer hanging out. She comes to his house because his mom is never home. They have similar tastes in music and movies, and they binge watch The Office together and he learns that she hates things that are sour but will devour anything chocolate. He also learns that she grew up in foster homes and that her current one is kind of terrible, and so she can't wait until she’s 18 and free, and that's why she is working as much as she can to save up. She wants to leave as soon as possible.
He notices her bruises one day when they swim in the lake, and he thought he would be distracted for a very different reason- all that golden skin- but then he can't get those purple marks out of his head.
Ben and Rey become close quickly, and Han and Leia are thrilled that he finally found someone to spend time with. They adore Rey and hope that they will date. Leia even hints to it while Rey is in the room, which makes Ben red all over and Rey laughs at him for a long time.
*******
Ben Solo is in 11th grade when Rey Jakkson kisses him for the first time.
They are the best of friends, and everyone knows it. They are inseparable, even closer than Rey and Finn, which the boy is bitter about at first, but after he starts dating his boyfriend Poe he doesn't mind as much.
Ben is so in love with her it's pitiful, but Rey remains oblivious and Ben stays stuck in the friend zone. They cuddle though. And share food. And spend nearly every waking minute together. So Ben is the happiest he's ever been.
And then Rey calls him crying one night and he takes the Falcon even though he's not supposed to, and he picks her up from her foster home, and she's bleeding and shaking and crying, and Ben feels like he's outside of his own body. He takes her home, gives her his clothes and holds her in his bed until she stops crying and shaking. When she's asleep he gets back in the Falcon and drives back to the house.
Plutt is a grown man, but he's obese and drunk and Ben has been working out, building muscle on his six foot two frame. He does some damage and walks away with a black eye. When he gets back into bed Rey curls into him in her sleep and he feels no regret.
In the morning Rey sees his black eye and cries again, but he still holds her and they talk for hours, skipping school, but neither of them care. She looks at him like a knight in shining armor and then kisses him. Ben is shocked and doesn't move, so Rey pulls back.
"Shit. I'm so sorry, Ben. I'm-"
Ben grabs her and kisses her again. She melts, and Ben's heart is pounding out of his chest. When they need breath he holds her again. He holds her for a long time.
*******
Ben Solo has just graduated high school when Rey Jakkson has sex with him for the first time.
They are both a little tipsy on alcohol, which is probably why he can't keep his mouth shut and ends up confessing his love for her. She immediately takes him upstairs to one of Poe's bedrooms and he thinks she's going to break up with him but instead she kisses him, and each time is like the first time except now her hands are wandering a lot further than they've ever wandered and he's dizzy.
"Rey?"
"I love you, Ben. Let me show you."
He hopes he's not too drunk, hopes he figures out what to do, hopes she likes it-
The next morning they're both hungover and immensely happy.
He remembers everything.
*******
Ben Solo has just moved into an apartment with Rey Jakkson when his father dies.
It’s sudden- a heart attack, and Ben is a wreck. Their last conversation had been a fight, and no matter how many times his mother assures him of Han’s love, Ben still feels like the worst fuck-up in the world.
Rey comforts him as best as she can, but Ben knows he’s pulling away from her. He can feel himself doing it. He is spiralling, and it’s ruining everything. He snaps at her when she suggests therapy, and they have their first screaming fight and she cries and Ben hates himself even more. He loves her. He hates himself. He is miserable.
*******
Ben Solo has the worst day of his life on his 23rd Birthday.
His asshole boss, Snoke, makes him work. It rains all day. His mother doesn’t call, just like she hasn’t for the past two years after he got into a fight with Luke that caused the man to move away. But none of that is what makes this day the worst of his life.
It’s the worst day of his life because all of those other things have put him in a terrible mood, so instead of going home after work he goes to the bar.
He goes to the bar and tries to drink his sorrows away and completely forgets about Rey waiting for him at home, getting all dressed up to take him out for his birthday dinner.
Snoke tries to call him and he’s so fed up with that abusive asshole that he breaks his phone in a drunken rage. He never gets Rey’s phone calls or voicemails or the twenty worried texts she sends him.
Hours later, numb to the world and head full of nothing, he stumbles home to find Rey packing a bag. Confusion filters through his fuzzy brain.
“Are you going somewhere?”
She looks up at him, eyes red and puffy, heartbreak written all over her face.
“I’m leaving.” She says, voice cracking. Ben is too drunk to even understand what she means. At first.
“Where?”
“I don’t know. A hotel, for now. Ben, did you even remember we had plans today? I was worried sick until I called Maz and found out you had been at her bar all night. We talked about this! You said you would stop!”
He can only blink sluggishly.
“My phone broken.”
Rey shakes her head.
“I can’t do it anymore, Ben. I can’t watch you continue on this path of destruction.” Tears are streaming down her face, and it finally makes sense.
“You’re leaving me.”
They had been fighting a lot lately, that’s true. But...
“You need help, Ben. You need to heal in a way that I can’t do for you. I know you’re still hurt about Han, and-“
“Rey.”
“Snoke is the devil. He’s only tearing you apart. I wish you could see that. I wish you would remember how good you are.”
“Rey, please. Don’t go.”
“I have to. It’s what’s best. For both of us.”
He can only stand there, watch as the woman he loves gathers her things and prepares to walk out on him. The last person in the world he thought he could count on, and she’s leaving. Because of him.
“Happy Birthday, Ben.” She whispers, and the last thing he remembers of that day is how her tears had streamed down her beautiful face.
*******
Ben Solo starts therapy when he’s 24.
He had the worst year of his life, was at the lowest point he had ever thought possible. No family, no friends, no Rey. That last factor had torn him up the worst. Had split his soul in two. He never imagined he would recover but after spending several nights in jail, sobering up and contemplating his failures, he decided he couldn’t live without her. It was either die or get her back. And despite how shit everything was, he didn’t want to die.
So he quit his job. He stopped drinking. He called his mom and set up an appointment with a therapist.
He started healing, like she had told him to. Though no longer in his life, Rey still occupies all of his thoughts. She was his reason for getting his life back on track. She is still and always will be his everything.
*******
Ben Solo is 25 when he finally reaches out to Rey Jakkson again.
He prays that she hadn’t moved on, that she hadn’t found anyone else. Because there would never be anyone else for him.
When she answers the phone he nearly breaks down into tears. That voice that had haunted his dreams for two years. That voice that had gotten him through the darkest parts of his life.
“Rey.”
There’s a long pause. A gasp of a breath. A whisper.
“Ben?”
He does cry, then. His name out of her mouth, it’s all he’s ever wanted.
“Rey, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry,” he sobs, and he can hear her crying too. It’s oddly comforting.
Eventually they manage to plan a meeting for coffee.
He still remembers her favorite kind, so when he gets there an hour early he decides to order for her. Rey gets there early, too, but freezes when she sees him already sitting down, a new scar on his face.
Ben’s heart stops in his chest.
She looks so good. She looks exactly the same. She looks completely different.
His Rey, but her hair is shorter. A few more freckles on her left cheek. New shoes.
“Rey.” It’s all he can say.
She throws herself at him, and if they’re making a scene in a fairly crowded coffee shop, Ben doesn’t care one bit.
*******
Ben Solo is 27 when he proposes to Rey Jakkson.
He is at peace with his life, he has a job that keeps him financially stable, he loves Rey just as steadily as he always has- with his entire heart.
He has been fretting for weeks about it, not sure if he should make a big romantic gesture or just keep things simple. He knows Rey loves simple, appreciates little things more than any grand production. But maybe it would be more special if it was something different.
He finally asks Finn.
“Honestly, just do it whenever it feels right. I proposed to Poe at the breakfast table. You’ll know the moment.”
Completely no help at all.
When he asks his Mother, she is just as useless, babbling about how wonderful it will be and how she’ll plan the entire wedding and when will she get grandchildren?
Ultimately, Ben decides to do it on the anniversary of when he first knew he loved her. When he was in fifth grade.
He has kept that date in the back of his mind as he grew up, as they became friends, as they became more. As they broke apart and came back together.
He has always loved Rey. He always will.
Rey tells him about her day as they clean the dishes together. They had a simple dinner- pasta with chicken and broccoli. Rey had a glass of wine but Ben has been sober for 3 years and counting.
When they settle on the couch to cuddle and watch TV before bed, he pulls her close and wraps her in a blanket. He kisses her on the forehead.
“Rey.”
“Hmmm?” She’s sleepy already, but blinks those hazel eyes up at him.
“I love you.” She smiles, and his heart grows warm. He will never tire of her smile.
“I love you too, Ben.”
“Will you marry me?”
Her smile falters, her eyes widening.
“Wha-oh my-yes!” She throws her arms around his neck, laughing. “Yes! Of course! Of course!”
He digs in his pocket for his grandmother’s ring and Rey is still crying happily and babbling into his neck.
She gasps as he slips the ring onto her finger.
“I hope you like it… I-“
She kisses him, and he’s taken back to the first time she kissed him when he was in 11th grade. She had interrupted him then, too.
She pulls back, beaming from ear to ear.
“I love it. I love you.”
They kiss for a long time.
*******
Ben Solo has the best day of his life when he’s 28 years old.
He’s holding Rey Jakkson’s hand and encouraging her to give one last push as the doctor pulls their baby out- a tiny, wailing baby girl.
Rey is sweaty and exhausted and they’re both crying, so when the doctor hands his daughter to him he immediately brings her close for Rey to see as well.
“Look, sweetheart. Look how well you did. She’s perfect.”
“Ben,” Rey is gasping and tears are streaming down her cheeks, but she reaches for their baby and he gladly passes her over. “She’s beautiful,”
“Congratulations,” the doctor says. “What would you like to name her?”
Ben shares a look with Rey who nods.
“Hannah,” he chokes out. They had decided just last week. For Han.
The nurse fills out the paperwork as Ben gazes at his family, knowing the rest of them- Finn, Poe, Leia, Luke, Rose- are all waiting for them outside. So much love to share. He knows it’s all because of Rey.
His best friend. His wife. His world has always revolved around her, and now she’s given him a daughter to share in that love.
He wraps his arms around them both, his two girls, and Ben Solo has never been happier.