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Sasha had never paid much attention to the table in the library. Not really. It was one of the many things Ivy had picked up from the Magnus Institute before they had abandoned Earth. Apparently there was something about it that she found captivating; something about the spiral design that made her want to keep a closer eye on it. Though, not a single item had ever been placed on it. It always remained undisturbed in the corner of the library. Sasha had never had much reason to touch it; to even look at it when she was amongst the books. She was helping Ivy organising; there was no point watching some creepy artefact that reminded her of a job she had long since left behind. So Sasha ignored it.
Then the table began to call to her. It was hardly noticeable at first; a small temptation that caused her to step closer with the notion that perhaps she should get a closer look. Perhaps she should indulge herself. What could be the harm, really? But Sasha always shook herself out of it; she always went back to work or escaped the library entirely. Something deep inside of her screamed that it was a terrible idea. It screamed that she would regret it. But Sasha couldn’t escape the temptation forever. Finally, she found herself staring down the spirals. She found herself focused on them entirely as if nothing else in the universe could ever matter. It was soon followed by the sensation of being watched. “H-Hello?” There was a figure hidden amongst the shadows. From what Sasha could make out, she was fairly certain it was a woman. “I can see you…”
The woman stepped closer, smiling as she did. “I can see you.” She echoed Sasha’s words. Then there was nothing. Then there was pain. It was an unwavering pain that overwhelmed her as if every bone were being broken at once as thousands of knives were shoved into her. It was the same pain looped again and again; killing her again and again. Sasha didn’t know what had happened or why or even who the woman was but the table’s spiral never left her mind. It haunted her as it turned again and again and again. It was like it was mocking her or perhaps keeping her distracted. If the spiral design consumed her then she couldn’t think. Then she couldn’t know anything but pain. Sasha did not know where she was or how long she spent trapped there but as time went on, she grew to curse her immortality. She cursed the very thing that would not let her die and finally release her from the pain. But she endured. She was given no choice but to endure. Eventually, she grew numb. She was truly lost in the painful nothingness.
Then, for the first time since she had become trapped, she heard something. A single sound. A gunshot. Then she was free, laying on the library floor. Behind her stood the table, almost taunting her. She didn’t move. She just...lay there. She lay on the cold floor of the Aurora and breathed. There were phantom aches but she didn’t hurt anymore. Her senses weren’t consumed by inconsolable pain anymore. But that didn’t stop her desire to get away. Being close to the table made her very skin crawl. So Sasha forced herself to stand. She ignored the way her body ached and forced herself to put one foot in front of the other. Beneath her, the Aurora vibrated gently as if welcoming her home. Because this was home . This was familiar. It was as if the Aurora were leading her as the floors and walls vibrated, speaking a language Sasha so dearly wished to understand. She did not know where she was headed but, as long as it was far from the table, Sasha would let herself be led like a blind man. Before, she would have been able to navigate the ship herself but not now...Now, everything felt blurry and confused and so horribly wrong .
Finally, Sasha found her destination. One of the many common areas aboard the ship. The room was full of chaos and shouting and gunshots and confusion . Not that that was anything new, really. It was to be expected at this point. But what was definitely new was the body on the floor. Sasha both did and didn’t recognise the woman. She had a face that seemed almost entirely blank but deep down, she knew it was the woman from the library. It was the person she had seen before the table had engulfed her. “I-I don’t mean to interrupt, but would someone mind telling me what’s going on?”
Just like that, the room went silent and its inhabitants went still as three pairs of eyes fixed on her as one unseeing pair glanced in her general direction. Jonny. Gunpowder Tim. Georgie. Melanie. No one said a word then suddenly, there was a pair of arms around her. The hug was too tight; crushing even but it was exactly what she needed. It was real . It was someone real and she was going to be okay. She had energy to cry or respond. Sasha just rested her head against the chest of whoever it was and lost herself to the moment.
“I’m sorry.” Of anyone to be holding her so tightly, she hadn’t expected Jonny. He was perhaps the worst of them when it came to emotions; preferring to shoot them away rather than actually cope with them. Though, this wasn’t the first time he had hugged her - even if such occasions were rare. He always insisted that he liked having her and Nastya closeby because they ‘made him feel tall’. “I don’t know what happened but I’m sorry.”
More arms wrapped around her as she found herself in the centre of pure love and affection. Voices overlapped as they offered apologised and just...touched her - as if making sure she was real. Though, Sasha didn’t know why they were apologising. They...They hadn’t been the ones to hurt her. They hadn’t been the ones to torment her.
“I knew it wasn’t you.” Melanie’s grip on her tightened. “I knew that wasn’t your voice; that something was off. She didn’t seem quite right…I should have insisted sooner!”
“Melanie...Please.” Like always, Georgie was the best at stopping Melanie from working herself up; from losing herself to anger. “She’s here now. She’s here and she’s okay.”
Unlike the others, Tim said nothing. He just clung to her that little bit tighter as if fearful of letting go. Then she remembered he had lost people before unexpectedly and unjustly - both Tims had. “I-It’s okay…?” The words were uncertain but they seemed like the right thing to say. If there was even a right thing to say anymore? “I-I don’t know what happened. I...I…” Words felt hard as her thoughts struggled to stay organised. She was aware that people were talking again but their words didn’t register. Nothing did. Nothing but the exhaustion that threatened to bubble over; to consume her. With no choice, she gave in. She let the darkness take her.
Sleeping was...peaceful. There were no dreams nor pain nor spirals. Just a dark nothingness that felt impossibly reassuring. If she could, Sasha was fairly certain she would have slept forever. There was no pain in sleep. Only peace. But that peace was eventually broken. With deep reluctance, she pushed her eyes open to stare up at the far too bright ceiling. Combined with the uncomfortable mattress beneath her, it confirmed where she was, at least. The medbay. Sasha tried to prop herself up on her elbows but they refused to support her weight. Resigned to laying there, she let her gaze drift around the room until it landed on two figures. Both of the Tims asleep besides each other. A soft smile formed on Sasha’s lips at that.
“The others have been coming and going but those two refused to leave.” Marius’s voice was unexpected and she couldn’t stop herself from flinching slightly. “...Sorry.” He at least tried to act as if he had some remorse in his voice. “You...You’ve been gone for a while, Sasha. I think they’re just glad to have you back. We all are.”
Her eyebrows furrowed slightly at that. She still didn’t know what had happened to her. “What...What happened?” Sasha reached out to him as he moved to sit beside her, slipping his hand into one of her’s. “I-I just know there was pain.”
Marius wouldn’t look at her; wouldn’t meet her eyes. “...You were replaced, Sasha.” That...answered no questions. “Whatever she - it - was, she replaced you; changed our memories; our photographs; our...everything. Melanie has spent the last five years insisting something was wrong but we didn’t realise. None of us could have realised .” He sighed. “Jonny did what he always does when he finds out something that pisses him off. He shot it and then...then there you were.
Five years. She had been stuck in that unending vortex of pain for five years. “It just hurt. I-I don’t know what it did but there was pain for so, so long…” Sasha barely noticed she was crying. She was barely able to focus on something other than the feeling of his hand in hers; keeping her grounded. This was real.
“But you’re here now and nothing is going to hurt you like that again. There won’t be enough left of anything that dares try.” She believed him. It was one thing she had learnt early on; they all scarcely made threats they couldn’t follow through on. “You’ve been here for a week. We weren’t sure if you were going to wake up. I’ve been trying to keep an eye on you and - Don’t give me that look! Credentials or not, I’m still the closest thing this ship has to a doctor!” Sasha couldn’t help it. She laughed as he pouted. And it felt good to laugh. It felt better than anything had in a long time.
“Are you sure about that?” She couldn’t stop herself from teasing as he nudged her gently. It was...nice. It was domestic and it was exactly what Sasha needed.
Marius just rolled his eyes fondly. “Oh hush, you.” He squeezed her hand softly. “...When we realised you’d been replaced...I thought I’d lost you like I almost lost Lyf. We didn’t bring them with us directly after the destruction of Yggdrasil. We left them behind…” Sasha hadn’t known that. She had never pressed too hard on Lyfrassir joining the Mechanisms. It seemed like a sensitive subject to them and she refused to push. “The guilt; the fear that we had abandoned them to some sort of violent death or torment, it was like an untreatable sickness. One I never expected to feel again. “
“I’m sorry…” Sasha tried to sit up again; to hug him but Marius was quick to gently push her shoulders back down. Instead, he moved to lay down besides her on the bed, pulling her into his arms.
“Don’t.” He whispered. “You’re here now and that’s what matters. You’re safe.”