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Problem: Taako’s been refusing to regress in the past few weeks. Whenever one of us asks him about it, he gets really quiet. Usually he’ll leave the room. Sometimes he’ll straight up leave the Bureau. So something’s gotta be wrong, right?
Plan: Ask him about it.
Magnus has always been a fairly direct person, so it’s no surprise that his first plan of action involves walking right up to Taako and asking him point blank if something’s wrong.
He thought he might have some luck, considering they were having dinner together, but he should’ve known better than to expect something like that would’ve been a deterrent.
Magnus glances up from his plate of spaghetti before asking, cautiously, “Taako, are you doing okay?”
Taako’s shoulders go tense. Not in an obvious way. It’s just a little uptick of his shoulders, a stillness in his chest, but Magnus is trained in looking for those little tics. “Weird question to ask when there’s pasta for dinner, but okay, I’ll bite. Why do you ask?”
Magnus shrugs, trying to play it off casual. “It’s just been a while since you regressed.”
The room goes still, aside from Merle scraping at his plate with a fork. Magnus can’t blame him, seeing as he’d probably want to zone out for this conversation as well.
Taako just narrows his eyes and asks, “What are you, a cop?” before stuffing a handful of spaghetti into his pocket and Blinking out of the room.
Result: Honestly I should’ve seen that coming. I may need to be a little more subtle about this.
Plan B: Get on his level.
Magnus’s next working hypothesis is simple.
The first time he regressed, Taako ended up regressing too. So maybe if Magnus can recreate the situation, or at least get Taako to play with him for a bit, the same thing might happen now.
Obviously Taako doesn’t want to talk about it. Whatever problem is going on, he’d rather die than voluntarily speak out it. Which is fine. This whole thing is new. Magnus has only regressed a handful of times, and Taako only a few more times than that. Magnus can’t even remember the last time they regressed together, so now seems as good an opportunity as any.
“Hi, Koko!” Magnus chirps. He’s not feeling particularly small, so the words feel nothing short of ridiculous, but he can’t let that show.
Taako stops halfway through the living room. “Hey, Mags. How goes Tiny Town?”
“Real fun! You should join me! We can watch movies or play tag!” He looks down at the stuffie in his arms like he just remembered it was there. “Mr. Snuffles says he misses you!”
Taako gives him a smile, one that simultaneously softens his face and makes him look infinitely more tired. “Next time, punkin.”
“Please? Please? Merle said no.”
Taako settles his glower on Merle. “Dude, play with the fucking kid.”
Magnus spins on Merle, trying to prompt his line out of him.
Merle sighs, and if it wasn’t clear how little he wants to be participating in Magnus’s scheme, he delivers his next line as flatly as possible, “Why don’t you, Taako? After all, it’s so easy for you to get on his level.”
Taako frowns. “O-kay. Weird. Whatever. I’m going to bed.”
“It’s noon!” Magnus points out.
“And what a long morning it’s been. Goodnight, y’all.”
Result: Merle won’t stop laughing.
Plan C: Snuggle attack.
If there’s one thing that little Taako loves, it’s attention.
Seriously, the kid loves to snuggle. Therefore, maybe an impromptu cuddle session will jostle him out of the grumpy adult mindset he’s been clinging to for the past week and a half.
Magnus assesses his target, sitting sprawled out on the couch. For once, Taako looks utterly tuned out to his surroundings, so if someone were to say, tackle him into a gigantic hug, he wouldn’t have any time to dodge.
“Magnus!”
Magnus pounces, tackling Taako to the ground and wrapping his arms around Taako’s waist.
Maybe it would’ve been better to issue some sort of warning other than saying his name, especially for someone who’s so distrustful of other people. Taako doesn’t like being touched when he’s not small, so maybe doing so without warning would have the opposite effect than intended. And doesn’t Taako know self-defense, at least to some degree? Enough to do some damage if he thought he were being attacked, that’s for sure.
Magnus realizes all of this in the few seconds before Taako’s elbow goes flying directly into his face.
Result: Ow.
Plan D: Leave some of his little stuff lying out.
Maybe this is going to be a lot harder than Magnus first anticipated, which he realizes after Taako walks into the living room, takes a single look at Chester, and walks around the toy like it’s a haunted doll.
Result: Wouldn’t even pretend to take the bait.
Plan E: Make regressed Taako’s favorite meal.
Result: Taako didn’t eat with us.
Plan F: Just treat him like he’s already small.
Result: I tried to help him with his shirt buttons and he nearly punched me in the face.
Plan G: Silent treatment.
Result: Oh no, I didn’t realize he’d be way better at this than I am.
Plan H: Ask Lucretia???
Result: Her exact words were, “Magnus, how the ever-loving fuck would I be able to help,” followed by, “Wait, it’s like 11 at night, how did you even get in here?”
Plan I: Plain, old-fashioned bribery.
Magnus is on his last legs at this point.
With eight failed plans under his belt, he’s getting desperate. And as the days pass, it’s getting increasingly apparently that Taako needs to regress more than ever. He’s been suspicious, irritable, and distant, but Magnus has noticed the cookies disappearing faster than usual. So Taako has been regressing, just not in front of them. Bad sign, considering how comfortable Taako was with them those first few times. If only Magnus knew what was wrong.
This is his last-ditch effort. Not only is he out of good ideas, but he’s also out of stupid ideas too. If this doesn’t work, well, that’s about all he can do.
So when Taako cautiously enters their dorm—which has been a habit since he’s regularly being bombarded as soon as he walks in—Magnus turns it up to eleven.
“Hey, Taako, check it out!” He stands proudly in front of his blanket fort, artfully crafted from all different kinds of blankets, throw pillows, and clothespins for structure. A lot of the blankets are Merle’s, but he’ll deal with that later.
Taako eyes him warily. Apparently his eye for craftsmanship isn’t as keen as Magnus’s. “What exactly am I checking out?”
“Blanket fort!” Magnus flips up the front blanket to reveal an array of cookies, snack cakes, and all of Taako’s favorite treats. Even if cooking his favorite meal didn’t work, maybe his favorite snacks would.
Taako smirks, clearly impressed with the spread. Magnus doesn’t want to get his hopes up, but this might be the plan that finally works. He fights down the childish urge to bounce with excitement.
“Well, kid, you certainly know how to bribe a fool. Move over.” Taako crouches, but Magnus stops him with a hand to the chest.
“Sorry! Tinies only!” It’s hard to keep the absolute glee out of his voice, but Taako already knew he was being bribed, so what does it matter if he gloats a little?
Taako raises an eyebrow, thoroughly unimpressed. Magnus smug smile turns apologetic. He really thought this would’ve worked.
In the end, Taako shrugs. “Suit yourself. No skin of my caboose. Have fun in the Tooth-Rotting Tent.”
He takes the front blanket off of its anchor and drops it, letting it flap right into Magnus’s face.
Result: Merle says I owe him 100 gold in wasted assets.
It’s not hard to find where Taako disappears off to.
Merle doubted he’d leave the moon base just to snag a few hours of peace, so he keeps his search to the campus only.
Taako is on the quad, settled underneath a tree as he stares up at the stars. He’s half-curled in on himself, and Merle can’t help but notice he doesn’t have a coat with him. Magnus must’ve really run him out of the dorm then.
Merle approaches cautiously, making sure to clear his throat before he’s too close.
Taako’s ears twitch, taking in the cadences of the approaching footsteps, and apparently that’s all the information he needs to go feral.
“What?” Taako snaps. From the way he spins on Merle, he’s just about had it with Magnus’s antics. “You dorks have been bugging me all week!”
Merle holds up his hands in mock-surrender. “Easy now. I just wanted to check on you.”
Taako narrows his eyes. “Not the first time I’ve heard that this week.”
“I know. Magnus can be a little much at times, huh?” Merle accidentally switches into his softer voice, the one reserved for Taako when he’s regressed.
Taako’s shoulders lower, just a notch. The tension is very much alive in his body, but it seems like a gentle voice was all he needed to be soothed. “What’s his deal, even?”
“I think he’s just worried about you.”
Taako glares at Merle from the corner of his eye. The tension he’d released comes back with a vengeance.
Merle doesn’t back down. “To be frank, you look like absolute shit.”
Taako slumps. If anything, the direct honesty calmed him down more than a gentle half-truth would. “Yeah. I know. But it’s not like y’all have to remind me of it constantly.” He drops his gaze to the ground, idly tracing patterns in the dirt with his finger.
They won’t get anywhere at this rate. Merle closes the space between him—well aware that he’s now within pushing distance—and sits. “Has it been hard to regress with him bothering you like that?”
Taako groans. “Dear gods, would you two give it a rest? Do you think I’m stupid? I can see exactly what you’re planning with that shit! So no, it hasn’t been hard to regress because I don’t want to fucking regress. Either change the subject or get lost.”
“Okay, okay.” Merle soothes, hoping that’ll be the only tantrum of the evening. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean strike a nerve. No need to snap at me. I just need to make sure my kiddos are okay. Both of them.”
Taako wrinkles his nose in distaste. “Ugh, well, turn it off. No one’s asking you to run yourself ragged and I especially don’t need that energy right now.”
“Hey, it’s fun being a caregiver too. I’m just as happy to look after little ones as you are to regress.”
It’s too corny, too honest, and Taako rolls his eyes in response. “Whatever. Why don’t you go see Magnus then?”
There’s a note of resentment in his voice that stands out, a quiver of uncertainty among the hostility. Bingo. “Wait, is that what this is about? You think we don’t want you?”
Taako scowls. “Don’t put words in my mouth, my dude. This is your intro-to-psych first-week-of-the-semester barely-read-the-syllabus psychoanalysis, and frankly, you’re lucky you have the rest of the semester to pick up your grade.”
Yup, that’s a sore spot if Merle’s ever hit one. But now that he has their problem, maybe the two of them can finally work to a solution. “Alright, alright, didn’t mean to get too personal. But you know, I’ve really missed snuggling with my little buddy.”
“Magnus has regressed at least twice in the last week alone.”
“So? He’s not my little buddy. He’s my kiddo, sure, but he’s not my little buddy.”
Taako rolls his eyes. “Like there’s a difference.”
“There is!” Merle insists. “I know you two get along really well, but you’re not very alike.”
“Yeah, because Maggie listens.” Another twinge of bitterness, but one that Merle decides not to comment on.
“What’s the problem there? He likes doing as he’s told, you don’t.
“Right. Because it’s so much fun to deal with a state-certified brat when there’s a perfectly nice good kid standing right beside him.”
“Sometimes brat-wrangling is the fun part.” Merle can tell from the look on his face that Taako doesn’t believe it, so Merle continues before Taako has a chance to be snarky about it. “Remember that time you didn’t want to go down for a nap, so you locked yourself in the closet with all the cookies?”
A tiny smile comes to his face. “Yeah.”
“It took us an hour to disenchant whatever you put on that lock!”
“You were so mad…”
“Well, yeah, at the time. Now it’s a funny story and Magnus and I know how to disenchant locks. Can’t exactly get that from a kid who just wants to take his stuffed animals to obedience school, huh?”
“Guess not.” He’s trying to keep things brief, but Merle can already see him slipping.
Merle tries for one last push. “And say if, I don’t know, a certain little one were to suddenly pop up after a week or so of not regressing, I could certainly talk to Magnus and ask him to be a little less pushy around this… certain, hypothetical little one.”
Taako shakes his head. “You’re bad at lying, Merle.” He rubs at his eyes, the sound of his voice telling Merle all he needs to know. With the softness in his tone, they’ve definitely crossed over into regressed kiddo territory.
“You caught me.” Merle chuckles.
The conversation tapers off, with Taako turning his attention back to the stars. Merle wonders, have the stars always enraptured him like this? Stargazing certainly seems to comfort him, a factoid that Merle stores away in case he needs it later.
Taako yawns, topping off the action with a little whine. “Emmy, I’m tired. Can we go home?”
“Sure thing, kiddo.” Merle offers a hand, helping Taako to his feet, and while he tries to pull away, Taako’s grip on his hand holds firm.
Plan J: Let Merle talk to him and see if something’s wrong.