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“Well, you certainly look tired.”
Taako offers a half-hearted glare at Lucretia as she sweeps in, Davenport trailing behind her. She always does this when the guards report anyone regressed going into the Voidfish’s chambers. After a few unfortunate incidents involving Taako and a soccer ball, Johann and a broken violin, and Magnus and an insatiable desire to hug every living being, Taako can’t quite blame her.
“I don’t wanna talk about it.” Nonetheless, Taako scoots to the side, making room on their blanket for Lucretia and Davenport.
Lucretia turns her attention to Magnus, who hasn’t moved from in front of the Voidfish tank. More often than not, this is where Maggie has been wandering off. Taako won’t complain. It makes finding the little bugger that much easier. He can only guess Maggie likes the way the Voidfish moves.
“He’s certainly been giving you a run for your money lately.” Lucretia comments.
“You don’t know the half of it.” Taako shakes his head and cracks open his book, a fantasy dime store novel featuring a long-haired elf and a muscular shirtless dragonborn. “I’m accepting care packages, by the way.”
He’s barely finished a paragraph when Magnus interrupts him.
“Lulu!” Magnus calls. He doesn’t turn away from the Voidfish.
“What’s the what, punkin?” Taako asks. He pokes a tentative finger in between the pages, refusing to stand until absolutely necessary. His calves are still burning from chasing Maggie all over campus. Half of him is furious for encouraging Maggie to cause mischief. The other half couldn’t be prouder.
Magnus half-turns, enough for Taako to see how he makes a face. “No, not you, Lulu! Other Lulu.”
Taako swivels his head towards the only other Lulu in the room.
Lucretia snickers and tries to hide the sound behind a cough. She hasn’t completely caught on, but she’s getting there. “I’m sorry?”
“Little man thought Merle and I were jealous, not because you’re the only damn person that gets a special nickname, but because you get to be called Lulu and we don’t.” Taako sighs. “So now we’re all Lulu.”
“I’m coming, Magnus.” Lucretia says. The glint in her eyes betrays how delighted she is. Taako’s glad someone’s getting some enjoyment from this whole ordeal. “Would you like a candy?”
“No, other other Lulu!”
Taako and Lucretia share confused glances before finally looking to Davenport. Davenport is sweet, but Maggie has never gravitated to him before. In fact, it’s Taako that’s taken a shine to the gnome.
“You want Davenport?” Lucretia confirms.
“Yeah! Lulu!”
Chest puffing in pride, Davenport happily makes his way over.
“Lulu!” Magnus opens his arms for a hug, which Davenport happily returns. With Magnus sitting on the floor, he’s about the same height as Davenport, allowing him to easily rest his head against Davenport’s chest.
Taako shoots another glare at Lucretia when she laughs.
While she clears her throat and tries to look chagrined, not even that can wipe the smile off her face. “I’m sorry, Taako. I know this is probably taxing on you. I shouldn’t be laughing. But this really is the funniest fucking thing he’s pulled.”
“He’s an evil mastermind.” Taako answers simply.
“Oh, I don’t know about that…”
“Listen, even at my worst, I could not think of something so diabolical.”
“Don’t sell yourself short.” Lucretia offers a wry smile. “Transmuting my office desk into chocolate was an act of pure evil genius.”
Taako shrugs. “I wanted a snack. ’Sides, I changed it back.”
“And now I have to explain to everyone that enters why the side of my metal desk has a bite out of it. How long has he been doing this?”
“A week.”
“Now that’s something, considering his attention span.”
“I know. I expected him to give up about an hour into this.” Resigned, Taako closes his book and sets it aside. His reading time is up anyway. Now he has chores to get back to. “I’ll find a way around this.”
“I’m sure you will.”
“Glad someone is.” Taako strides over, gently combing his fingers through Maggie’s hair to get his attention. “Alright, hun. Taako needs to go back to our dorm and finish up his laundry. Do you want to stay with Lulu and Dav or do you want to go with Ko?”
Magnus furrows his brow as he mulls this over. “I wanna be with Lulu.”
Taako sighs. It wasn’t his best scheme, but he was expecting a little more than complete and total failure. “That’s all fine and dandy, boo bear, but which Lulu?”
Magnus grabs Taako’s hand and beams. “This one!”
Despite himself, Taako smiles. “You’re lucky you’re the cutest thing in the universe. Come on, then, and I’ll turn you into a blanket monster.”
“Yes!” Voidfish forgotten, Magnus pops to his feet and makes a dash out the door.
“Magnus!” Taako scolds. He casts a look over his shoulder. “Sorry about sticking you with cleanup.”
Lucretia smiles warmly. “No worries. I’m sure Johann will appreciate the extra blanket down here.” She glances over at his book and smiles wryly. “And the extra reading material.”
Taako wishes he had time for a comeback, but he can already hear Maggie hitting the elevator button.
It’s a good thing he has spell slots to burn today.
“Avalanche.” Taako says, tipping the basket of warm clothes over on top of Magnus.
He isn’t washing the blankets until later, so for now Maggie will have to settle for being a clothing monster instead.
Magnus doesn’t care either way. He’s still giggling like a maniac, overjoyed to just be safe and regressed and spending time with someone that cares about him. Taako’s sure he’d be just as happy if they were furniture shopping.
“Give me that.” Taako boops his nose before plucking the shirt hanging from his head.
Maggie gasps. “You stole my part of my house!”
“So sorry, Mr. Clothing Monster, but these chores must be done! If you were to keep living in my clothes, then what would I wear?”
“I guess you have a point.”
“Thank you, dear. And for being such a nice clothing monster, the next round of laundry is yours indefinitely.” He still hasn’t decided if he’ll do the blankets or Merle’s laundry next. While the latter would be funnier, he’s not even sure if Merle will come back in time to be upset by it.
Magnus is humming to himself, one of those directionless, tuneless songs he likes to sing when happy in headspace, so Taako joins him. He couldn’t make a harmony out of the mess to save his life, but Magnus still grins at him like he hangs the moon and stars, so he still considers it a success.
Taako takes the skirt sitting at the top of the pile and carefully smooths it out. He takes his time once he notices Maggie idly tracing the floral pattern on the hem. “People always think it’s so hard to make a nickname out of Taako, but I think people just aren’t creative. I’ve gone by Ko—”
“And Lulu!”
Taako sighs, trying to reel in the stress that’s making his left eye twitch. “Sometimes. But if you wanted to call me T or TK or even something like Bubba, I wouldn’t mind.”
Maggie scoffs at him, like he’s the silliest elf in the entire Bureau. “You’re not a TK. You’re a Lulu!”
“How am I a Lulu?”
Magnus shrugs, causing one of Taako’s robes to go rolling off his shoulders, so it’s hanging on to his neck by just its sleeve. “You just look like a Lulu.”
“Do I now?” Taako locates a sock protruding from the pile on Magnus’s back and pairs it with the one by his elbow.
Magnus nods. “It’s in the hair.”
Now that’s a stretch if he’s ever heard one. “You’re really digging your heels in with this Lulu schtick, huh?”
Magnus giggles. In all the time he’s been regressing, Taako has never once witnessed him break a single rule. Instead, he chooses to make his mischief in minor ways. Constantly asking why, hiding something important and then laughing until he gets caught. Just enough to get a rise out of people and just little enough to not actually cause any harm. He’ll always back down if told no, which is why Taako is very careful with telling him no. After all, if Maggie is having fun, and isn’t hurting himself, what’s the harm?
“Fine, fine. Can I at least get a number or something to distinguish myself?”
While Magnus thinks on it for a second, he ultimately shakes his head.
“Why not?”
“Cuz you’re gonna pick the bad numbers.”
Taako fakes a gasp. “I would never. If you must know, I was hoping for the number 5. It’s my lucky number.”
“Oh. Well, still no.”
“Why not?”
“Because then it won’t be as special!”
Taako rolls his eyes. “I won’t pretend to understand your logic, lil man. But if you’re having fun, then I won’t fault you.”
Three weeks.
Taako only goes by Lulu (and unofficially Lulu 420) for three more weeks. Granted, he’s only seen little Maggie once in this time, but he very much confirmed that he was still planning on calling everyone Lulu.
The Lulu streak comes to an end after a side job for a little extra spending money, a mission so bad that even Taako is debating if the extra thousand gold pieces was worth it.
Maybe they should’ve suspected something was up when their client offered so much gold upfront, and if not then, when he asked them to retrieve gear from the adventurers that had died before them. But no, their collective arrogance and greed got the best of them, and the simple retrieval mission ended up royally kicking their asses.
They’re all worse for wear, but none of them are in as bad of shape as Magnus. Honestly, it’s a miracle the big guy is even still standing.
Taako ran out of spell slots halfway through, meaning he spent most of combat using his cantrips and acting as a distraction and a damage sponge. Merle had used most of his healing spells just keeping Taako alive, so by the time that Magnus was barely standing, Merle had nothing left to heal him with.
But hey, they lived, they’d gotten paid, and they’re on their way to bed in about thirty minutes. Taako isn’t sure if he’ll be able to keep his eyes open that long.
Taako taps on his bracer so many times that Avi calls him specifically to ask him to stop, and even then he keeps tapping. As far as he’s concerned, the only way to get him to stop is to send the ship as fast as humanly, elfly, and dwarfly possible.
Merle has taken to sitting while they wait, and at some point he’s stopped moving. Taako’s half-afraid he’s dead, but when the pod drifts down, suddenly Merle’s on his feet and ready to go.
Taako secures an arm around Magnus’s shoulders, gently tugging him toward the pod. “Come on, big guy.”
Magnus whines softly, a sure sign that he’ll be regressing in less than five minutes.
“I know, I know.” Taako takes the liberty of buckling him in, since Magnus looks far too sleepy to do so himself. “We’ll be home in a bit.”
Magnus cracks open a bleary eye, watching Taako settle into the seat beside him. Their seats are just close enough together that he’s able to easily lean over and snuggle into Taako’s shoulder.
“Koko, we go nini?”
Good Lord if that isn’t the cutest thing he’s heard in his life. If he didn’t have a rep to maintain, Taako would’ve melted on the spot. “Sure thing, kid. Keep your camo shorts on.”
Merle climbs in last. “Did I hear right? Do we got a kiddo on our hands?”
“A very teeny kiddo.” Taako confirms. He thumbs at Magnus’s forehead, carefully scrubbing away the smudge of dirt by his temple. “Whatcha feeling, bug? Three, maybe four?”
Maggie, already very much asleep on his shoulder, doesn’t answer.
“Hey, Merle?” Taako proudly raises his middle finger in Merle’s direction. “Koko got his nickname first. In your face.”
But of course, Maggie comes to just to spite him. “Don’t be mean to Mimi,” he whines.
Taako gapes. “You little shit.”
While Magnus dozes, Taako and Merle entertain themselves by flipping each other off. Their trip back to the Bureau is a slow one, and Taako is tempted more than one to join Maggie in sleep, but he knows if he does that now, he won’t wake up until morning.
“Do I dare hope this is the end of his Lulu stint?” Merle asks. His voice is barely above a whisper, and he’s not very far from drifting off himself.
“He was probably getting tired of keeping so many Lulus straight.”
“Thank Pan for that.”
Outside, the world is slowly drifting away underneath them. Taako wraps his free arm around Maggie’s shoulders, thinking about all the people he’s going to brag to once he gets the chance. It’s weird, but he feels like someone’s called him Koko before. He can’t remember who, but it warms his heart to hear the name again.
“Yeah. Ditto.”