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Taeyong had done a very bad thing, in the past, of a love which was so intense it gave birth into jealousy and resentment. He would make an excuse that what he did was out of mercy and his last wish to give peace, but when truth comes to unveiled, it wasn't. Now all he can remember was how painful of a love it was, and how terrorizing it still is to see the everlasting image of rage and hatred on the same face he once so loved, and full of live and kindness before he corrupted it with his selfishness. Now all he can do, was re-living the horrors of that day as he go on walking on earth with no ways of redemption.
That is, until he sees her at some cafe. How funny, that she looked different now than many years ago, yet he just know, right away, that it is her soul which living in that unfamiliar vessel of flesh and blood. The first emotion he felt when he sees her was, love, and he was stunned by how his feelings toward her soul has never dwindled despite the torturous nightmares and long years of being lost. Then come after was guilt, because he's being faced with his sin again. But could this be, another chance given by the higher beings, for him to fill his redemption and be freed from his pain and torture?
Without even himself knowing, he already took a step inside the cafe, where the existence which he long thought was gone, came back into life again. He stood there, unmoving and overwhelmed, staring at the girl who's tending to the customer before him. And when he walks to her in his turn, heart beating in anticipation, he was greeted with a smile. A smile which so beautiful that despite the face which carries is so different, they still look the same. Still the same warm, welcoming and kind, pretty smile.
"Can I help you?"
He just stares, marveled, didn't even realize that he was given a question, until the girl repeated the words. He forced his rigid tongue to speak out the words, stuttering a bit, "uh I, I'll have Americano."
"Iced or hot?"
"Iced," he swallowed, disliking the way his body going against him, yet at the same time yearning the fact that he could feel again after so long being in darkness and emptiness.
So fleeting it was and the next, he's already out of the cafe and only lingers for a moment to stare at the girl again from the outside. He didn't even really like coffee, he just said whatever comes to mind, and heart aching to know that the person didn't even recognize him. Of course, it's inevitable if he's considering the circumstances. But that's okay, he told himself, if this is a chance for him to make do what he done wrong. He'll take everything, anything at all. After all, it was her soul which he fell in love with, not her vessel nor was her memories of him.
That was the start of his frequent visit to the cafe. Just to see her, just to say hello, to say anything he could come up with, just to bound their fate, in whatever form it could be in this life. They start to have longer conversations, sometimes when he took a seat in the cafe she would come to his table to have a talk and listen to his story. He has many stories to tell, from his long life, and she was interested in some of them that he utilize it greatly to have her favor. She would smile a lot in his presence, and he find her presence still as comforting and invigorating as it once was. Perhaps the soul always holds true no matter how many times had passed.
After some time, he starts to wonder if she finds his company as pleasant as hers to him, and it makes him hopeful that he might be able to make it right this time. When one day he couldn't hold it in again, he confessed to her, genuinely, so very nervous as if he's back being a teenager again. Yet sadly, it wasn't a good surprise which colors her face at his sudden confession.
"I'm sorry Taeyong, i... You're a very good guy, but i... I have someone I like."
Oh does it hurt to hear such a similar sentence from the same soul? Even in this life, he wasn't the person she's in love with. Is this his fate? To long for her soul only for her to love another? It's the same jealousy, the same pain, but this time, this time Taeyong accept it with a big heart. Maybe, this is his way to atone, to do what he should've done in the past life.
"It's okay, I just want you to know, I hope it'll turn out good for the both of you."
It didn't make it any less hard or painful, to say that with a smile, but it's worth the whole world to see her smiling her most beautiful smile. Ah, if only I did the same back then, maybe this is what I would see and maybe everything would turn alright even though she wouldn't be with me in ways I hoped it to be.
"Thank you, Taeyong, I hope the best for you too."
He also hopes the same, he thought with resignation, "then, until I see you again."
But he couldn't go back to see her anymore, too painful and sad it is for him, to acknowledge that she would never be his, would never look into his way. The last time he came to see her again, was when she had grown old and happy, with her family. Wrinkles on her still bright and beautiful face, soul shining ever so content and fulfilled, and he took it all because this is, his redemption. To love the person's soul so selflessly after the sin he had done to her.
"I missed you," he said.
And this time, she recognized him, "you didn't change at all... How?"
"I'm stuck in this time to never grow old, until I lifted the curse which bound me to this earth," to you, but he didn't say it.
She looks at him curiously, somewhat in disbelief yet still, she's smiling to him, "I'm old already, it seems nothing can really surprise me anymore. But how could a kind person like you be cursed?"
"I've done a very bad thing in the past, I wasn't always a good person," he reached for her hand, holding it and feels the way her hand is so small and wrinkly, of time coming to its end. "You've lead a beautiful and happy life, that's the only thing I wished for you." You deserve it, something which I've taken away from you, now I've given it back.
She didn't ask, she didn't say anything to it, only holding his shoulder with her other hand and smiling even wider and kinder, "I've missed you too."
And it feels liberating for Taeyong, to hear those words from her, as if he's been forgiven, as if the chains keeping him in the darkness, finally broken.
"Thank you."
After that, he never sees her again, only a glimpse of her coffin being taken away from her mourning family did he see many months later. Still so painful and sorrowful, but he could bid her farewell with a smile this time around.
Sadly, even though he finally find peace, the curse still keep him alive, wandering aimlessly, floating between waking and sleeping. Sometimes he lives without memories, just keep breathing without being tormented by loneliness, other times it ruins him so much that he would crawl, cry and beg for his life to find mercy than living like that without reason. He would miss her to the point of a maddening misery, clawing at his skin and scream ripping his throat in hopeless, vain attempt to make the pain less unbearable. Then somehow, he found himself opening a cafe similar to the one from hundred of years ago, solely relying on his memory of her. To live like her, in someway, just to reminisce, just to have a tiny bit of goal in his life of endless pain.
Until one day, a man came into his cafe, bell jiggling as the door open up and stepping in with cold wind and drops of rain did the man come. Again, he was starstruck, because the man wasn't just anybody and he stares in disbelief and weakening knees. The man was drenched by the rain, taller than him and wearing a tight look across his face as if he's very annoyed.
"One hot cappuccino and one hot blend," the man said, voice rough and lips bruised. But Taeyong wasn't really paying attention to what he said and instead staring at the man's entire being, which only anger him even more, "do you hear me?"
"Oh, yes, you were ordering for... Um..."
"Hot cappuccino and hot blend, make fast I don't have time."
Did he just growl at him? Taeyong blink in surprise, but he set aside other matter to fetch the man's order first. As soon as the man gets the orders and paid it, he turned around to leave, prompting Taeyong to bodily lean on the counter to keep him for longer, even just for a second, he needs it, "hey, um... Do you need an umbrella?"
The man looks back to him with a jerk of an eyebrow, scrutinizing, "I don't need your umbrella." Then, he disappeared.
After so long, Taeyong's heart is beating quickly again, blood rushing in his veins and red colors his face as he brings both hands to feel the heat under the skin, "oh, what should I do? That man, that was her soul."
It seems in this life, she was reincarnated as a man instead. And yet, Taeyong didn't care, he just falls in love so hopelessly like that. Maybe it's an imprint, he would wonder, but he didn't mind at all whatever it is that he feels towards the person's soul.
Every day after that, whenever the bell by the door chimed, Taeyong would look up in anticipation, wishing for it to be the arrival of the man. But he would be let down time and again, because the man never comes back to his cafe. He has no other means to find him, he didn't even know the name of that man, something he deeply regrets that he didn't ask. Ah, why must he be tortured like this? Taeyong cried in his heart without tears and fingers digging frustratingly in his hair. Why again and again this love which has no resting place force to sail and bring him to the endless sea.
"Boss, are you okay?" The part-time girl bending down to pat his back.
"Not now Soomin-ah, my head hurts..."
"Ookay, was about to tell you that we got a customer and you won't let me touch the coffee machine."
"It takes time to be good at operating espresso machine," he sighed, getting up with a comforting smile to the girl, "I'll tell you when you're ready. Now, what does the customer want-" he halts, shocked and words erased from his brain, for his eyes focusing solely on the man standing by the counter, looking as ragged as he was back then.
"The male customer ordered for one hot cappuccino and one hot-"
"House blend, wasn't it?" Taeyong supplied without looking away from the sight of the man, wearing black with sloppy hair and bruises on his face, why he looks like this then and now? "I'll take his order, you go tend to the other customers."
"Okay," she said and right away goes to the her station, while Taeyong go to the man with a palpitating heart and preparing himself to at least ask for the man's name, "hello-"
"I have money," the man abruptly said, voice rough like before, yet it holds less anger and annoyance.
Although it made Taeyong confused why he suddenly said that, "pardon?"
"Just because I look like this doesn't mean I can't pay, that girl didn't even ask for my payment and walk away to get you, who I'm assuming to be the manager or some sort. What? You think you can divide your customers and treat them according to what you think they deserve?"
Taeyong blink, utterly surprised that it feels like he's being splashed with hot water, shame twirling under his skin to have caused such misunderstanding, "I'm terribly sorry to have caused you discomfort, but we don't have such intention at all. She's still relatively new here so, my apologies that she made a mistake and being rude to you, she came to get me because I'm the only one who can operate the espresso machine," he bows deeply to show his sincerity.
The man twists his lips in displease, "then why didn't she ask for my payment?"
Taeyong took the already printed bill on the counter and give it to him, "I'm sorry she must've forgotten."
He still look annoyed, but also seemingly embarrassed to act like that, he didn't say anything about it though, "just make it quick."
"Yes of course! I'll get it to you right away!" Taeyong smiles brightly, quickly and flawlessly produce the coffees and pour them into paper cups, lamenting the fact he have to hurry rather than take his time and possibly have the man there for longer. If only he could be more selfish, ah he's afraid to, but just for a little bit would be fine, right? He thinks non-stop all the while hands keep working. He fidgets on his feet, putting down the cups on the counter with shaky hands, fidgeting again trying to think of any way to interact with the man more than customer service, "here is your order! Um..."
"Thanks..." The man said softly this time, looking down and much less intimidating than he first came in, when he slowly took the cups, somehow Taeyong got a feeling that the man doesn't really want to hurry.
And so, he reaches out, leaning on the counter so far up that he almost jump out, "uh, hey! I-"
"What?" The man scowls, but Taeyong didn't miss the silent sigh he lets out, more than an annoyance, it seems like a relief.
"It's um, the wounds on your face... I'm sorry, but can I treat it for you?"
That makes the frown on the man's face deepen, "whatever the fuck for? Stop sticking your nose-"
"Please...? The shop is rather idle now and that looks really hurt, please?" Taeyong pleaded, using his best puppy eyes and it serves a magnificent effect because he heard the man made some sort of wheezing or choking sound.
He looks conflicted, visibly so that Taeyong almost want to laugh, but in the end with gritted teeth, he gives in, "fine, but don't think this is anything weird, I'm just letting you because I have time to waste."
This man is such a tsundere, Taeyong thought, "Of course! Please, come sit here!"
He sits down where Taeyong pointed out, putting the cups carefully on the nearby table and let Taeyong inspect his face with his fingers, tentatively feeling his skin. He hissed quite strongly when Taeyong slide across a rather horrible dark purple bruise on his right cheekbone, "I'm sorry, I'll get the soothing cream and the one which will help it heal faster."
The man stay quiet, looking elsewhere as if he's not paying attention to Taeyong, it feels a bit lonely for the older man. Still, Taeyong is grateful he's given a chance to touch him, however little and fleeting it is, he yearns the person so much that it took all of him to stop himself from embracing him tightly. He just wants to sink his face into the man's skin, so much it's ridiculous and driving him crazy that he can't, fingers trembling from the sheer urge. Obviously, the man feels it when he's applying the cream on his face, making him look up and stare at Taeyong with his dark, big eyes, like an animal gaze hidden in the shadow.
"Why are you doing this?"
"What?" Taeyong stop for a moment of surprise, not really expecting him to talk to him.
"Nobody would try to fix a stranger's messed up face, so why are you?"
I know the exact answer, but it's not something you'll understand, "I hate pain, pain is... I find it hard to withstand, so when I see your bruises, I just feel compelled to try to make it less painful... I'm sorry, for being nosy."
This time, Taeyong expect the man to ask more, yet he didn't and only closing his eyes, "I see."
Something is blooming in Taeyong's chest, so warm and ticklish, ache in his jaw and out of nowhere, he feels like crying. He longs for the soul so much that it hurts, so painful to have him in front of him like this and yet he couldn't even hug him, kiss him, just anything, more than this distance, than being strangers, he yearns for more and more. But all he can do was to swallow it and deny it, "it'll be much less painful after some time, this cream work great."
"Yeah, it feels nice..."
"Okay, I'm done, sorry for holding you up," he said with a sniff, nose feels stuffed from the denied tears. He was expecting the man to just up and go, then again he was proven wrong when the man standing up and stay there in front of him, "yes? Something wrong?"
"I'm thinking a thank you is in order, but... Why do you look so sad?"
Truth to be told, Taeyong almost burst into tears when he was asked that, he looks down to hide his face, "it's nothing, I'm just-"
"Sorry, did you do that because you have an experience? I'm sorry if I'm indirectly reawakening your trauma."
Huh? Taeyong is now confused, melancholy turned into bewilderment, until he realized what was it that the man meant, "ah, no you don't have to apologize, it's not-"
"It's okay, my bruise may look big but I'm fine, you don't have to worry. Beside I'm pretty used to it," the man smiled, for the first time, and yet the cause of his smile was to comfort Taeyong from a sinister fact. It feels so wrong, so utterly wrong. "I have to go, don't worry about me, okay?"
There's so many questions, so many worries, who hurt you? Why they hurt you? Is it always like this? Since when? Do you have anyone who could help you? Someone who would treat your wounds? But the only thing Taeyong could ask was, "your- what's your name?"
For a few seconds, Taeyong dreaded the silence, he didn't want to lose this chance to know his name, without knowing if he ever going to visit his cafe again. Relentlessly he's holding on to the man's black jacket, smelling of dust and mold, dried spots of something and collarbone which protruding from his pale skin. Upon closer look, the man who looks ragged and unkempt, is actually good looking beyond the bruises. Taeyong's heart aching, because why he looks like that? Nobody should look battered like this.
Initially the man seems about to shake him off, but somehow he didn't, and instead answered, "I'm called Jaehyun."
"Oh I'm- I'm Taeyong, nice to meet you Jaehyun. If- if you want some coffee or cakes, you should come here! I'll give you the best ones! Be a regular here!" He's obviously reaching, but he's at wits end here, beggar can't be choosers.
"I do like your coffee, I'll be back, Taeyong."
Then, he left, while Taeyong stay rooted in the floor, staring at the door with blood rushing violently within his whole body. So many mixed emotions, so many things he wants to give the man, Jaehyun. He wants to take care of him, to comfort him, to spoil him, to love him. At least, he took a step forward, he thought with a teary smile, not noticing the part-time girl coming closer to him.
"Boss? He's gone already."
From then on, Jaehyun would come to his cafe once a week, sometimes every two weeks. One time he would come looking better than before, then other times he would come in wearing more bruises or nastier cuts on his skin. Taeyong can't bear to look at him like that, he wants to save him from whatever it is that hurting him, still he's only just an acquaintance so he couldn't say much knowing Jaehyun wouldn't like it if he pry. It started from nothing, to simple greetings, then sometimes Jaehyun would take a sit and talk about mundane things with him, never saying much about himself and everything about his life is shrouded in mystery. Eventually, Jaehyun start to open up, revealing bits by bits which Taeyong have to collect to understand little story of his life, scattered like little stones under the stream and connect them to make some sense.
According to him, the bruises, scars and cuts on Jaehyun was from his lover whom had been with him for four years. From what he could understand, Taeyong thinks what they have is unhealthy and toxic, imbalanced and only Jaehyun get the burnt of it. It's unfair, it's sickening, it boils the blood within Taeyong whenever he hears the story about Jaehyun's lover, taking him for granted, manipulating him and hurting him so bad which strangely Jaehyun himself didn't notice. Here he is, in the cursed existence loving him so much to the point of pain, yet the one Jaehyun loves is someone unworthy of his love nor any tiny bit of space in his life. How unfair.
How often did he wish to take Jaehyun away and keep him from harms way? To cocoon him with so much love and happiness that he's sure he could give? But how can he talk so bold, when he was the very first person to inflict pain on that person's soul? Didn't he decide to be merely a bystander and watch, out of the fear of the past and the belief that he holds no right to love him? But then, he thinks, will it be right to let the situation go on like this, with Jaehyun hurting? What if, he's allowed to do something this time around? Then he would remember the question why the person before Jaehyun, was alone in her last moment? There was not a picture of her husband or partner, there was only her children and grandchildren. What if her life was not as happy as he thought it was? What if he should've done something back then too?
It was then, that Taeyong let himself to be selfish for the last time, without forgetting the sin he had done, he would try to love him right in this life. With this new found yearning, he found himself more drawn into Jaehyun, freer, bolder and more caring. Subconsciously he starts to look at Jaehyun with more intensity, with so much affection in his eyes and the meals he gifted to Jaehyun, bringing healthy colors in the man's pale skin. His cheeks getting fuller and life shining in his once empty, dark eyes, cheerfulness glowing in his smiles which no longer hidden. And this Jaehyun, this person's soul, in this life, somehow Taeyong come to love him even more than he ever did love them. Maybe because he finally able to care and love him right, or maybe it's just because how wonderful Jaehyun is as an individual.
Sometimes, he couldn't help patting the man's head out of adoration, which he would recoil because he's afraid that Jaehyun would mind his touches, "oh sorry for doing that-"
But Jaehyun doesn't seem to care, "it's okay, I don't mind."
"Are you sure? I thought you don't like to be touched."
"Usually I don't, but I seem fine with yours, you have a very warm hand, I like it."
And that just drives Taeyong to touch him more, brushing his hair, kneading his nape, and if he's being daring enough, he would stroke at Jaehyun's arms. And the man took it all so easily, with ease, with a smile and one time he said, "I like it, being with you, nobody ever treats me as nicely as you did."
That was the start of Jaehyun delving deeper about his past, how despite he love his parents, he doesn't seem to connect with them, that they can't really understand him and it create a crate between them even wider and deeper. From it alone, Taeyong understand that the man craves for affection, for love, and he would cling to any kind of attention coming his way. That was why he's together with his lover, who was so kind to him at first, until it spiralling down and became so twisted. Still, no matter how wrong it was, Jaehyun love them, so Taeyong couldn't say anything but shower him with his own love.
One day, Jaehyun came into the cafe when Taeyong was about to lock up the place, already done with cleaning and nobody else but him left. He was taken by surprise, assuming the man not going to visit that day and yet here he was, looking ragged again and Taeyong quickly greeted him.
"Jaehyun! I thought you're not coming today... hey, you look off."
"Yeeeeeah," he slurs, hiccuping and the smell of alcohol stings Taeyong's nose.
"Jaehyun, are you drunk? What's wrong with you?"
"Yeah I'm drunk, soooooooo drunk," he giggles, unstable on his feet that Taeyong have to catch him before he fall, "I can walk fine... Fine... My legs lose its strength when I see you, why is that?"
"Jaehyun you really lost it, come on, let's get you to sit first," he grunts, dragging the man to a nearby chair.
"Yeah, I lost it, I really lost it this time... Ha," he laughs, but it sounds so empty, so painful, "you must think I'm annoying too right? Good for nothing... A waste of space... Just shit... Bad shit."
"Jaehyun, you're not making any sense, where is this all come from-"
"Bring me more drinks!" He exclaimed, head lolling backwards, "more... It's not enough... Not enough to numb the pain."
"This isn't a bar, even if I have alcohol, there's no more for you. They don't and won't resolve anything, Jaehyun," he kneel down to hold the man's face, caressing the wet cheeks with his thumb, red eyes telling him that it wasn't only because he's drunk, he's been crying. "Look at me, Jaehyun, I'm here. If you need something, talk to me, I'll give you everything."
"Can you...? Really? Everybody... Say that at first, but then they never... Understand me... And I'm always in pain... Is this how it is? Does it have to hurt...?"
"Life shouldn't be painful, if you feel pain, then something is not right."
"Then..." He laughs again, "nothing is ever right..."
It stings, Taeyong's heart crying for the man in his hold. He catches him in an embrace, letting him rest his head on his shoulder and he's stroking the man's arm, "tell me what do you want, I'll really give you anything, I promise."
For a moment, Jaehyun is quiet, Taeyong thought he had fallen asleep until suddenly his body start shaking and his shoulder growing wet. He looks to the side and see the way Jaehyun is crying hopelessly without restrain, clutching at his shirt, "all I want... Was to be loved... Just to... All I want."
Without him able to contain, Taeyong too, cries. He holds Jaehyun even tighter, "oh Jaehyun, if only you know, I love you more than anything, more than anyone, more than I've ever come to love. You're the one I love most."
Jaehyun keep crying, burying his face into his neck, "will you keep loving me? That you won't... Won't tell me that I'm useless? That I'm... Not capable of being loved? That you won't leave after you hurt me so...?"
Oh. Taeyong connects the dots, he must've broken up with his lover. His heart grows hot with anger, a rage he never felt for so long coming alive again, a murderous intent swirling within him. But this isn't the time, this is the time to focus solely on Jaehyun, to ease his pain, to comfort his soul. "Such a person is not right for you, never was, and I will not be that person."
"Are you... Right for me?" Finally for the first time in that night, Jaehyun look up to stare at him in the eyes, full of tears and a bit unfocused in his intoxicated state, still it carries weight.
"I don't know for sure, Jaehyun. But I want to be, I need to be, I'm more than willing to be the right one for you, to kiss you awake and lay you to sleep, to support you, to care for you, to love you right without pain, without scars."
Then, a beautiful, tired smile rose on Jaehyun's lips, "I'd love that..."
Taeyong kissed his temple, stroking his back to lull him to sleep, "we will talk more when you're sober. For now, let's get you to sleep."
Still smiling, Jaehyun rest his head on Taeyong's shoulder again, "good night, Taeyong..."
In the morning, Jaehyun woken up disoriented, confused to find him in an unfamiliar room, until he saw Taeyong coming in with a tray of soup and a glass of apple juice.
"Oh, you're awake, good morning Jaehyun."
"Huh? Taeyong? Huh? Where- where am I?"
"In my place, the upstairs of my cafe," he sits down on the edge of the bed, placing the tray near Jaehyun's thigh, "you don't remember anything?"
"I just... Remember, having a drink... Now that I mentioned it, my head is pounding... Did I- did I stumble here, drunk?"
"Yeah, you were wasted last night. Here, drink the juice, they can help you with a hangover, after that eat the soup."
"Oh God, I must've troubled you, I'm so sorry..." He took the glass and said thank you before drinking it.
"It was nothing, don't worry about it. Although I'll be troubled if you don't remember anything from last night."
Jaehyun stills, thinking, "did I- did I do something bad...?"
"What do you think?" Taeyong grinned.
"Why- why are you grinning? What did I do?"
"You gasped, whined, clung, moaned-"
Jaehyun shrieked, "you're lying!"
Taeyong laughed heartily, "how can you say I'm lying if you don't remember?"
"No wait- wait I'll try to remember!" He shut his eyes until frowning, thinking hard to recall last night memories until, "ah." He blushed furiously.
"Oh? Do you remember?"
"So embarrassing! I wanna die!" He wails and hiding his face with a pillow he took from the side, screaming to it, "forget it!"
"Forget it? But I don't want to forget it..." Taeyong sulked, waiting for the man to stop hiding his face, "hey, look at me Jaehyun, don't hide."
"No, it's embarrassing! It's way more embarrassing than us having a one night stand!"
"Oh? You really think so?"
Jaehyun shrieking again, "no! I mean- you know!"
"Alright, I'll stop teasing you, but I just want you to know that I meant every word I said last night."
Slowly, Jaehyun pull down the pillow from his face, "you do?"
"I do, so I won't forget it even if you ask me to. I was the sober one between us last night, you really think I'm the kind of person to joke about something like this?"
"... No, but I- right now I can't think..."
"Don't worry about it, take your time," he gets up, "for now, eat the soup-"
Jaehyun pulls at his sleeve to sit down again, face half hidden with the pillow, "i always think you're cool..."
"Oh, really? Must have a pretty low standard," he chuckled, immensely pleased and blushing too, even though he could control himself better than Jaehyun did.
"How much more cooler someone had to be for them to be cool for you??" Jaehyun exclaimed in disbelief, "you're so cool, Taeyong. While I'm- I'm just me, it's hard to believe."
"What's wrong with you?" Taeyong frowned.
"I- you know what's wrong with me, I'm a mess, I'm lame-"
"No, I don't, I don't know what's wrong with you. You have plenty to love about yourself, the only thing was wrong was the people around you, not you."
Jaehyun made a sound like a whine, "see, you being so cool and I'm barely keeping myself sane now, it's so embarrassing."
"Then be embarrassing, we can be embarrassing together."
"You're not embarrassing..."
"I can be a lot embarrassing, you just don't know yet," he grinned, pinching Jaehyun's full cheek fondly, thinking, "there's a story I want to tell you, about a man who was cursed for his sin."
"So suddenly?"
"I just got reminded of it and want to tell you about it."
Jaehyun seem a bit confused, "tell me then."
"From childhood, the man grows up being friends to a twin. As they grow, the man fell in love with one of the twins, but she never sees him that way, always thought of him as her brother. And she loved another, so much in love it ruined her when the love bears no fruit, and the man started to hate of how much he loves her. She was mad, begging the man to take her life for her love was too torturous to bear, out of jealousy and resentment, he granted the wish instead of talking her out of it. And so, the other twin came to hate him, cursed him for his sin, but also because he never realize that someone did love him, so close yet he was so blind. He was punished, long in pain, but now he's given a chance for redemption, do you think that's fair?"
He stares at Taeyong, wondering why he asked the question, but looking at the expression he's wearing, Jaehyun chose to answer seriously, "did he regret it? Did he truly repent?"
"I would think so..."
Jaehyun, his perspective of love had been distorted for so long, afraid to admit that he wants to be loved in such extent, "I guess, everyone deserves a second chance? I would like to think... That this man wouldn't even think of killing the woman he loved, if she hadn't planted the idea in his head, would he? I think they were both lost... If he regretted and wanted to atone for it, he better do it right."
When the words said, something comes to shatter deep inside Taeyong's chest, cold coiling his ribcage before warmth blooming and spreading in his entire being. He knows then, this was the reason of his long life, finally he found the answer, "I will love you right, Jaehyun. I just have to make you fall in love with me, for now."
Jaehyun blushed harder than before, whispering, "you... Don't have to try hard."
"What's that?"
"You heard me..."
"No, I don't," he hides a smile.
Jaehyun pouts, "you know... It has been wrong since I met you. You're so kind, so gentle that I started to see things I didn't notice. My ex, I finally see what was so wrong with us, but I just couldn't say anything about it or end it. I started to dread coming home, without realizing that I feel at home in a place not the one I've been living in for years, but..." He stares at Taeyong, not ready yet to say it, but it's enough answer for the both of them.
Taeyong reach out to touch Jaehyun's hair, caressing his cheek down to his chin, "I've been home in your heart, Jaehyun, for long before we even met. I've failed, times and again, but this time, I'll love you right."
Finally, Jaehyun too, reaching out to touch him, placing his sightly shaky hand on Taeyong's neck, still a bit awkward yet no less genuine, "I... Still can't believe it that you really... I also don't understand what you were saying."
Taeyong smiles, light and unbound, time are ticking again, "One day, I'll tell you. But from now on, I'll show you how much I've loved you and how much I love you now and forever."
BONUS
Jaehyun: Hey, about...
Taeyong: hmm?
Jaehyun: About sleeping together-
Taeyong: Sex?
Jaehyun: *blushing* uh, yeah, which position you're more comfortable with?
Taeyong: let's go with what you're comfortable with
Jaehyun: Ah, I'm a switch so... I'm fine either way, but... I kind of, not really like being bottom?
Taeyong: Oh, so this is you asking me to bottom
Jaehyun: *sputters* no- i mean- i-
Taeyong: Calm down, I'm fine being bottom.
Jaehyun: HDJEJJSJSJS
***
Taeyong: Jaehyun... How much longer are you going to finger me...? I can't even feel my ass anymore.
Jaehyun: No, I- I don't want to hurt you
Taeyong: It's fine, baby. If it's you i don't mind being broken a little, I rather like pain if it's with you *wink*
Jaehyun: YOU DO NOT RILE ME UP LIKE THAT
Taeyong: For fuck sake how much loose you want to make me? My asshole is already gaping.
Jaehyun: STOPHSHSJSJ. Argh fine!
Taeyong: Ah! ♡♡