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It is written in history, ordained by the universe that your soulmate’s last words to you are written on your wrist, engraved in your heart forever.
For Chae Songhwa, she has always been fascinated by the words carved on her wrist since the day she could read and understand them.
사랑해. I love you. Her soulmate’s supposed last words to her.
Three simple words that carry so much weight and meaning. Three simple words that had her friends swooning in admiration because how much more romantic can last words get than a declaration of love?
It isn’t until she became an adult that she began to realise they aren’t words she could be proud of having etched on her wrist forever.
They’re words of paranoia. Words that haunt her.
Her mother used to tell her that having those words on your wrist is a curse you could not get yourself out from. Some people become obsessed with the idea of finding their soulmate that they ended up not truly living their lives.
Songhwa promises not to be that sort of person. To revolve her world around finding her soulmate. If it happens, it happens; that is what she repeatedly told herself over and over again.
Eventually, it does. Forty years down the road.
Her best friend of twenty years. Her first love. Lee Ikjun.
He is her soulmate.
It has taken her forty years to realise her soulmate, to find him, with twenty years worth of memories together that she cherishes and keeps in a special place in her heart. Ikjun, he has always been someone special to her, and it isn’t until months after his divorce that everything just fell into the right place at the right time.
She is happy. And then she is not.
Because fate is cruel, and it is particularly cruel towards her.
Cancer. Stage 4. Cancer that has spread to his bones. Too fast, too late. She blinks, and everything takes the turn for the worst.
Songhwa climbs into his hospital bed, fitting perfectly into the small space beside him. She rests her palm on his chest, feeling the steady drumming of his heartbeat.
How long does she have left before she could not feel his heartbeat anymore?
Neither say anything, the only sound in the room is the constant beeping of the machine, a cursed reminder that they do not have much time left with each other.
She hates how unfair life is to her. To them.
They’d only just found each other again, but fate is already prepared to take him away from her forever. No amount of begging or cursing the universe would alter the fact that her soulmate’s days are numbered, and that there is nothing she could do about it.
Songhwa traces her fingertips on the words carved on his wrist. Before she had realised Ikjun is her soulmate, just as how she is his, his words fascinated her. They are words that mirror hers, as if replying to hers.
항상 널 사랑해 . I will always love you.
She knows for certain now that they are indeed a reply to the words on her wrist, the invisible red thread tying their fates together. She only wishes that they’d discovered this sooner, earlier .
Ikjun speaks, after that long stretch of silence. After his family and friends left minutes ago to give them some quiet time together.
“I’m sorry, Songhwa-ya.” He whispers. “I wish we had more time together.”
She tightens her grip around him. “Ikjun-ah,”
“I wish I could hold you longer, kiss you longer.” He murmurs. “I wish we could grow old together.”
Fresh tears cascade down her cheeks as Ikjun rubs her back gently, as if trying to console her, to tell her that everything will be alright.
How could it be alright if he is dying? How could it be alright if he is about to leave her forever?
“In another life, I hope we meet again. I promise that when that happens, I’ll be brave enough to tell you how I feel for you from the start.”
Songhwa pushes herself up so that she could look at him. His expression is calm, even though she could see the pain swirling in his eyes.
“Songhwa-ya, I…”
She shakes her head, fear creeping into the base of her heart. Maybe it is the way Ikjun’s tone has changed subtly, the somewhat distant look in his eyes. Maybe it is just her intuition, the gut feeling in her heart. Songhwa thinks she knows what he is going to say, to tell her, and the words on her wrist start to burn - those three words she didn’t want to hear, because they carry one heavy implication that she isn’t ready to accept yet.
“Don’t say it.” She pleads, tears streaming down her cheeks. “Please don’t say it, Ikjun-ah.”
He holds her gaze, mustering just enough strength to give her a smile. Then, Ikjun reaches forward, his hands cupping her face -- cupping his entire world -- as he wipes her tears away with his thumbs. “It’ll be okay, Songhwa-ya. You’ll be okay.”
“No,” She continues to shake her head in vehement denial. “No, it won’t be. I won’t be okay without you. So please, you can’t go yet. Don’t leave me, Ikjun-ah. Please don’t go--”
“I love you.”
The second she hears those words out loud, Songhwa starts to sob, almost uncontrollably. He’d said those words on her wrist. Ikjun, the man she is in love with, the man she knows to be her soulmate had uttered those words for her to hear for the first and the last time.
And she hates them. She really hates those words.
Songhwa gets down from the bed in one swift motion. She doesn’t dare to even look at Ikjun as her legs start to carry her into the adjoining bathroom. Songhwa turns on the tap, jutting her left hand under the running water, her mind moving in autopilot.
She begins to rub the words carved on her skin, hoping the words would fade away. She rubs them until it begins to hurt, her skin red and sore. They don’t.
“No, no, no.” Songhwa mutters, her sobs filling the bathroom. She retracts her hand slowly, her heart aching and heavy.
Songhwa steps out of the bathroom, meeting his gaze from across the room.
He is looking at her, tears in his eyes too.
It starts to hit her, slowly at first and then all at once harshly. The harsh, inevitable realisation.
Songhwa covers her face with her hands, breaking down into violent sobs. She knows that everyone could probably hear her from outside, but she doesn’t care if they do. She makes her way back to him, wiping her tears with the back of her hand.
"Listen to me," She resumes her earlier position, burying her face into the crook of his neck. "Listen to me carefully, Ikjun-ah."
He nods weakly.
Tears clouding her vision, Songhwa breathes out. "Thank you for existing in my life. You are..." Her chest constricts, but she pushes herself to continue. "You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. And,"
Songhwa places her palms against his cheeks, caressing them gently.
“I love you too.” She leans their foreheads together. “I will always love you.”
She kisses him, for the last time. He responds, for the last time.
Songhwa lays her head on his chest. It is his heartbeat that almost lulls her to sleep, the sign of life as she holds onto him tightly. She hears them even in her dreams.
She hears them. And then she doesn't.
(fin)