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“What are your dreams in life, Saku-chan?” The feather asks the flower, sitting beside her as she grabs her water bottle from where she placed it. The flower ponders about the question, breathing normally as she takes her time to think knowing that the feather will never push her to answer something so quick.
“What is my dream?” The flower finds herself asking herself.
A picture of the feather pops into her mind. A happy, smiling feather on a stage with other 11 members, the feather hugging the flower from behind.
“I’m not quite sure yet but,” The flower faces the feather, and wonders how the feather can still look amazing and perfect in her eyes despite the bad words and advice her other co-trainees told her about the feather.
“She’s not even that pretty.” The flower heard a co-trainee say when she was using the bathroom. “She just knows how to use her body when it comes to dancing. That’s the only thing that’s keeping her in this goddamn show.” The flower tried not to let the anger burst that might make her do stupid things, instead, she pulled herself together and made herself stay quiet in the cubicle she was using until the trainee left with her other friends.
Their words hurt her, and to think that it wasn’t even meant for her, the flower couldn’t fathom what the feather would feel if she ever heard of those words being said to her.
“it probably would be getting out of this show successfully. With you.” The flower hides her face so that there’s no way the feather would see her blushing face, and by doing so, she doesn’t see the defeated smile gracing the feather’s face. The feather scoots closer towards the flower, wrapping her arm around the flower’s waist, resting her chin on the flower’s left shoulder. “Let’s just do our best, okay?”
Sakura holds on to her chair tightly, her place was too high. It’s not like she didn’t like the 2nd place, she does. A lot. But she would’ve preferred if it was a little lower, just to let her see her friend still standing away from where she was. Sakura has bad eyesight, and it sometimes hinders her from doing the things she loves. Without her eyeglasses, and not accurate contact lenses, she can only see Chaeyeon’s blurred figure standing there on the platform, her hands clenched together. Sakura doesn’t like it when she sees her friends getting nervous, especially Chaeyeon. The show is currently having its break and Sakura just wants to bolt to where Chaeyeon is and hug her and tell her that they’ll do it, they’ll debut together and fulfill their dreams together.
“Hey.” The flower greets the feather. The feather is currently taking her rest in her bunk, lying silently on her bed, a towel covering her face. The flower gets sad when the feather doesn’t respond, silently climbing and placing herself on the feather’s bed, a hand softly landing on the feather’s leg.
“I don’t think I can do it.” The flower depletes when she hears the words leaving the feather’s lips. She heard about what happened to the feather and the I Am team and she quickly rushed to where the feather was, and she knew exactly that she would find the feather here. In her bunk. Alone.
“Don’t say that.” The feather’s hand moves and takes off the towel on her face, revealing her visibly swollen eyes and red face. She sits up and sighs, turning to look at the flower with a broken smile. “It’s okay. I’m all right.” The flower knew better than to believe the feather’s words.
“A special person once told me that it’s okay not to be fine sometimes. You don’t have to be okay all the time.” The flower says encouragingly, saying the words the feather once told her before.
“How about we write instead?” The feather turns towards the flower with a frown on her face. “Write what?”
“The dreams we want to achieve. I’m going to make myself leave this show with a triumphant smile and I’m making sure you are too, so let’s write our dreams together and achieve them together.” The flower smiles brightly, earning her a smile from the feather too.
The two start writing their dreams, their goals. The flower fails to notice that the feather wrote only a few of her dreams on the list.
“I hope you fulfill your dreams happily Saku-chan. You deserve it.”
“Saku-chan.” The flower turns to her friend, raising her eyebrows silently.
“What will you do if you don’t get in?”
“Probably go back to Japan. Spend a few years there and then try again.” The flower looks at the feather. “How about you?”
“I’m tired.” “Maybe I’ll try. Maybe not. It depends on fate.”
Sakura’s ears are ringing. Screams erupt in the place as the 12th placer walks towards her seat. Her tears begin falling as she stares at the person standing still on the platform, her hands still clenched.
“No. It can’t be.” Sakura tries to persuade herself that everything’s a dream, but the scene of the other IZ*ONE members hugging Chowon just below the hierarchy shouts that it's real. Everything is real, and the sight of Chaeyeon leaving the platform with a defeated smile is real. Sakura can’t move. She can’t join her other members hugging the last member to join them. She can’t because she's too busy staring at the feather looking at her with a sad smile, as if she’s trying to convey a message through the way she stares at her.
“It’s a sick joke, isn’t it? It’s not real, isn’t it? She can’t leave.” Sakura sobs when the realization finally hits her, when the reality of Chaeyeon not debuting finally sinks in her mind. The show is over and everyone is crying, and Sakura tries to find Chaeyeon, but she can’t find any trace of the girl. Someone taps her shoulder and she sees Eunbi with shining eyes staring back at her. “She feels the same way as I do.”
Sakura can’t help but sob when Eunbi’s tears start falling from her eyes, and the leader pulls her into a hug. Chaeyeon is important to them, they know about the hardships and failures she’s been through and they’re both devastated that she didn’t make it. She didn’t get to debut. She didn’t get to win. For the third time.
“She’s in the parking lot getting ready to leave.” Eunbi says as she pulls back from the hug, sending a small smile towards Sakura. The flower doesn’t waste any time and runs reaching the parking lot faster than she thought she would. She sees Chaeyeon’s back and she makes the run for it, hugging the feather from behind.
When she feels the soft arms locking themselves around her waist, Chaeyeon already knew who it was and it makes her shed a few tears. She hears the sobbing from her back and she sighs, making eye contact with her mother who wears a sad smile. “I’ll just talk to her.”
She holds Sakura’s side and steps back, closing the car door. She feels the arms loosening their hold and she turns, facing a tear-streaked Sakura looking up at her with shaking eyes. “Tell me it’s a prank. Tell me it’s really you who won that place.”
Chaeyeon sighs and wipes away Sakura’s tears, giving the flower her feathery smile. “I’m pretty sure you’ll do great, Saku-chan . I’ll be cheering for you and the other members every step you all take.”
Sakura shakes her head violently and hits Chaeyeon’s chest lightly, loudly sobbing. “You were supposed to debut with me! It wasn’t supposed to be like this!”
Chaeyeon’s tears silently fall from her eyes because of Sakura’s words. “It’s okay. I’m okay. You’ll be fine, Saku-chan.”
“How am I supposed to make it without you?” Sakura asks tiredly, still sobbing as she rests her forehead on Chaeyeon’s shoulder. Chaeyeon pats her back and releases a chuckle. “You’ve been amazing even without me. You can do it.”
“How about our dreams together? We’re supposed to achieve them together.” Chaeyeon smiles sadly. “But now, due to circumstances, we can’t. So please, fulfill our dreams for me?”
“Chaeyeon, you can try again, right? We still need to meet on stages and perform the same sta---”
“I don’t think I’ll try again, Saku-chan.” Chaeyeon quietly says. The flower stares at her with a scared look, her eyes scanning Chaeyeon’s face for any traces of lie, but Chaeyeon never lies. Not to her.
“This show took a lot on me. And I guess this is fate’s way to tell me that being an idol probably isn’t my way in life.”
“T-Then what are you going to do?” Chaeyeon holds Sakura’s hand and ponders. “I’ll probably help in my mom’s café. Then go to uni, get a dance major.”
“Will, I ever see you again?”
“As I said, I’ll be cheering for you every step of the way.” Chaeyeon releases her hold on Sakura’s hand, giving the flower a lovely smile. “I’ll be your biggest fan, Saku-chan.”