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Seungmin didn't know how he managed to get sick.
He never turned on the air conditioner even when he would be in the practice room sweaty from dancing, he always wore a facemask, he chose warm clothes over nice-looking ones; he did quite literally everything in his power to not get himself sick in fear of being a burden to the others.
However, there Seungmin was, laying in his bed awake before sunrise—even though the only thing on their schedule was dance practice at noon—with a pounding headache and dehydrated throat. And to make matters even worse, he was also sweating profusely and shivering uncontrollably.
A fever, Seungmin realized, Great.
He rose into a sitting position—trying his best to ignore the headache that felt like he drank three bottles of soju the night before—and carefully made his way down the ladder from the top bunk as to not wake up Chan, Minho, or Hyunjin—all of whom were still asleep.
It took everything in Seungmin's power to not collapse into a tired and weak puddle right when he felt the cool wooden floor underneath his feet.
He dragged himself out the open door and into the dark hallway. If it was any other day where Seungmin had more energy and didn't feel like death, he would be repulsed by the fact that his bare feet were touching their dirty floor. However, in that moment, he simply couldn't bring himself to care.
Seungmin turned on the kitchen light—making sure to turn down the dimmer as far as he possibly could in fear of making his headache worse—and found the bottle of ibuprofen pills that they kept in the top cabinet.
Again, if Seungmin cared in the slightest, he would've read exactly how many tablets one should take.
Instead, Seungmin just eyeballed it, downing two tablets and finishing his entire glass of water in one go.
He knew it would probably be a good idea to bring his comforter and sleep on the couch—as it was much, much cooler in their living room than their shared bedroom—as well as grab himself an ice pack to help bring down his body temperature; however, Seungmin also knew that right when the rest of the boys find out about his fever, they would all worry over him in an instant, and god knows the last thing Seungmin wanted to do was put more stress on them than he already has. They would likely force more than one to stay behind to take care of Seungmin, meaning more of them would have to miss practice, meaning they would be put even further behind in the choreography, meaning precious time being wasted on something Seungmin believed he could handle on his own.
Hell no Seungmin was going to let that happen.
So as a result, Seungmin made his way back into his bed as a hot and shaky mess, hoping that pills would be enough to get him through the day.
He didn't sleep.
Every time Seungmin felt sleep rush over him, immediately after would come another wave of shivers and heat.
And even when he was able to drift off into sleep, it didn't last for long as he bolted upright awake from a vivid nightmare involving him burning slowly and painfully. After that, Seungmin was afraid to fall asleep again.
He heard the floorboards creak all of a sudden and Seungmin knew without even looking that Minho was awake and getting ready to go to the gym as he usually does.
Afraid of Minho walking in to check on him and seeing him sweating a river, shivering, and wheezing out of dehydration, Seungmin got up not long after to go brush his teeth, say goodbye to Minho, and take another painkiller.
"Seungmin?" Minho said while making a smoothie for himself as the said boy walked into the kitchen. Seungmin noticed that the older boy was changed into sweats and a loose sleeveless top.
Seungmin cleared his throat, urging himself not to shake as he greeted, "Good morning, hyung..."
Minho looked at him curiously before turning back to the blender. Seungmin went to grab another glass of cold water and sit at the kitchen table, watching Minho sleepily.
Before he left, Minho went over to where Seungmin was seated at the kitchen table and leaned against it.
"You look tired as hell," Minho stated, a blank expression on his face.
Seungmin prayed that Minho wouldn't notice the heat radiating off his body as he shrugged and replied, "Didn't get much sleep."
Minho frowned at that, putting his hand on the table to prop himself against it.
"Nightmares?" Minho questioned.
Seungmin looked away, embarrassed.
Minho simply sighed, thinking that was the only reason why Seungmin couldn't sleep. However, he didn't press and instead changed the subject. It was one of Seungmin's favorite things about his hyung—Minho knew that if anybody—or Seungmin in this case—wanted to tell him something, they would. And if they didn't want to tell him something, they wouldn't. It sounded like common sense, but it was one of the ways Minho showed his respect for the other members' and their privacy and personal boundaries. He never pressed for answers even if he was curious. Seungmin loved that about him.
"Before I leave, do you want to do your exercise?" Minho asked, glancing at the clock once before looking back at Seungmin.
Ah, yes, Seungmin remembered.
After admitting he had issues with his confidence, the other boys had plans to boost it. They made him a playlist full of songs that they encouraged him to listen to whenever he wasn't feeling very confident (Felix claimed the songs "would make him feel like the baddest bitch alive"), they showered him with compliments as they usually did, however, Seungmin had to promise that he would accept every single lovingly cheesy thing they said to him (unlike how whenever they would compliment him before, Seungmin rejected them every single damn time), and lastly, they wanted him to tell them one thing he loved about himself every morning.
Seungmin stayed silent for a bit while Minho stared at him. And that reminded him of another thing: Minho never encouraged nor discouraged anybody when they spoke.
Seungmin rarely experienced this from Minho; however, the boy would often overhear Minho's conversations with Jeongin, Hyunjin, Felix, and Chan—all of whom had a small difficulty sorting out their feelings and thoughts into words—and every time they would go silent, Minho wouldn't say anything. He wouldn't tell them to hurry up with what they would be saying, nor would he help them find the right words to say. Minho enjoyed talking and being sociable, but in those moments, he would stay completely silent unless the other person genuinely needed help saying what they want to say—and at that, Minho would of course step in. However, in every other situation, Minho would just wait. He would listen uninterruptedly to the other person as they stumbled over their words and stuttered out nonsense before they would actually get to the point of saying what they wanted to say.
Seungmin didn't know why he adored that small quality about his hyung, but he did. Although, he would never admit these things out loud of course.
"I-" Seungmin finally started, Minho waiting patiently for him to continue, "I like how good I am at keeping secrets."
Minho blinked at him, looking the slightest bit confused before replying, "Yes, you are very good at keeping secrets, Seungmin-ah. That's why we always go to you when we have something to get off our chest. You make us feel warm and safe. You help us come out of our shell and make us feel comfortable. You've seen sides of us that nobody has never seen before. And ontop of that, you give us the best advice. You're our little listener, Seungmin. Always there for us when we need it."
Seungmin flushed at Minho praise, looking away.
"Thanks, hyung," he replied quietly. Seungmin could see Minho sending him a small but loving smile from the corner of his eye.
"You're very welcome, Seungmin-ah," the older boy said, patting the top of Seungmin's hair as he declared, "Okay, I'm going to the gym now."
He placed a kiss on the crown of Seungmin's head (thank GOD for Seungmin since if the older boy kissed him on his forehead, he would be absolutely done for) before walking out the door with promises to be back by lunch so they could have lunch together before practice.
Right after the older boy left, Seungmin let the chills, heat, headache, and a new symptom—slight nausea—overtake him as he reached for the cabinet to take two more pills before slowly making his way into the shower, letting the water consume his spinning head.
"Are you ready to go, Seungminnie?" came Changbin's voice from the open doorway of Seungmin's shared room with the others.
The rest of the boys woke up after Seungmin got out of the shower, having breakfast and greeting the boy before either going back to bed, getting ready for the day, or going out (either to the studio or simply just to do something fun before practice). Hyunjin brought home take-out right when Minho came home as he promised. They were all able to have lunch together.
Seungmin took one more pill after lunch—out of the sight of everyone else of course—afraid of taking any chances of suddenly having a dizzy spell and collapsing in the middle of practice.
Although Seungmin's headache did ease up a bit, he suddenly felt even drowsier than he did before.
Seungmin looked up from his practice bag with tired eyes—but in an attempt to hide it—Seungmin broke out into the biggest smile he could muster.
"Hi...Changbin-hyung..." Seungmin greeted slowly, sounding a bit delusional. Seungmin blamed the fever and the pills, "I'm...Yeah, I'm...ready to go."
Changbin didn't seem to notice anything odd as he nodded, grabbing Seungmin by the hand and dragging him out of the apartment where the others were waiting in their cars.
The younger boy tried his goddamn hardest to not shake or sweat as he walked with Changbin. Oh god especially not Changbin. Seungmin knew how passionate he could get—even borderline scary about situations like his and definitely didn't want to cause a scene.
They approached the two cars. Chan was waiting in front of one of them, arms crossed.
"Now what took you two so long?" Chan questioned.
Seungmin blinked slowly at him, clearly out of it.
Changbin glanced at him oddly before answering, "Seungminnie was just waiting for me to finish filling my water bottle and stuff. Sorry, hyung."
Chan raised an eyebrow at Seungmin as if to ask if it was true at which Seungmin nodded happily at him, not even knowing why he was nodding in the first place.
The eldest boy sighed, "Alright, you two. Get in the car now..."
Changbin nodded, letting go of Seungmin and climbing into the car. Seungmin clambered in after him not so gracefully.
He took his seat in the back, Jeongin beside him and Chan taking his seat next to Changbin in front of the two.
Seungmin put on his earphones and listened to the playlist the other boys made for him as he forced down the shivers and stared at his hands. Seungmin felt way too nauseous to look at anything other than his hands and began to almost will himself to make it through the rest of the day.
I need to show my best, he thought as the lyrics of broken by lovelytheband began to fill his ears, Not only to STAY, but to the members as well.
I won't show them that I'm weak. I'll be strong. If not for myself, then at the very least for them.
The practice went on smoothly—almost too much so.
Seungmin didn't spark any suspicion from the rest of the members and even made them all laugh during their break time by his—albeit a bit delirious from the effects of his fever and the ibuprofen—jokes and actions.
Seungmin was on his third bottle of water in a vain attempt to keep his temperature down when Chan said that they'll go over the entire choreography from start to finish one last time and then go home.
Everyone cheered and Jisung began to get everyone off their asses by yelling, "The sooner we get this over with the quicker we get to go! C'mon guys!"
Seungmin—with much effort as he was weaker than usual—rose to his feet from where he sat on the floor and almost immediately his head began to spin and his vision came in and out of focus.
"Seungmin-ah?" Chan said, looking at him through the mirror. The rest of the boys were already in their positions and stared at him as well.
Seungmin willed his legs to move forward and stop shaking and finally made it to his spot.
The others looked concerned—however, not completely worried for him which was a good thing.
The familiar beginning of their new title track began playing loudly through the speakers, only making Seungmin's headache more severe.
However, he plowed on, clumsily albeit, but not enough for the rest of the group to stop the song to go over certain parts.
The song was two-thirds of the way over.
Right when the boys parted to make way for Seungmin's bridge, he walked forward as he was supposed to; however, suddenly, his vision blurred again. And this time, he couldn't get his eyes to refocus.
Seungmin swayed for a few seconds, sparking confusion from the others before finally, his legs gave out and his body collapsed onto the floor with an ungraceful thud.
The last thing Seungmin heard was the muffled sound of the chorus of their song playing as well as seven different voices calling his name sounding as if they were a million miles away.
Seungmin opened his eyes to meet the familiar ceiling of their living room.
He felt something cool on his forehead, as well as a strange but warm weight on his body.
He turned his head groggily to see Jeongin sitting at the end of the couch on his phone.
"Jeong-" Seungmin started, his voice cracking weakly before he could even finish.
The youngest's head whipped up from his phone before he broke into a relieved smile.
"Seungmin-hyung!" he yelled excitedly.
However, instead of being happy to hear the maknae so happy, the older boy only winced at Jeongin's loud voice, his head still pounding.
Jeongin noticed before whispering a small "Sorry" and rushing into the kitchen probably to grab Seungmin a glass of water.
The younger boy went back to Seungmin quickly, water in one hand.
"Seungmin-hyung? Can you sit up for me please?" Jeongin asked quietly as to not make the same mistake of speaking too loud for the older boy's liking.
Seungmin tried to follow Jeongin's request. Trust him, he really did try to.
However, his aching body politely declined and he laid still.
Jeongin let out a small, sad laugh before helping his hyung into a sitting position, the wet towel from the latter's forehead falling onto the blanket on his lap. Jeongin carefully placed the water into Seungmin's shaky hands. Seungmin noticed that he was no longer shaking from chills, and instead from simply barely being strong enough to hold the own weight of his arms up. He also noted that he was in Hyunjin's sweatpants and one of Chan's oversized black sweatshirts. He was comfy.
The older boy raised the cup to his lips and emptied the glass rather quickly, Jeongin watching him intently.
"Don't stare at me like that," Seungmin said after handing Jeongin the empty glass, "I know I look like a mess right now."
Jeongin just frowned at that, shaking his head.
"You look okay, hyung," Jeongin replied, "I've seen you look worse."
"Yah!" Seungmin scorned with fake offense and rolled his eyes.
They both giggled, Seungmin's headache being drowned out by their soft laughter filling the room.
"What time is it?" the boy asked.
"Oh, it's dinner time already. I think it's like seven right now. You've been out for a long time, hyung."
Seungmin nodded, figuring as much.
Suddenly, the door opened to reveal the five other boys entering the room, bags of food in their hands.
This looks kinda familiar, Seungmin thought.
Felix was the first to react.
"Seungminnie!" he yelled, quickly discarding his shoes at the door, handing his bags of food to empty-handed Jisung and rushing towards the boy at full speed.
"Whoa!" Jeongin said, stopping Felix in his tracks before he could reach Seungmin, "Hyung is still weak. And besides, hyung only wants me to take care of him. No one else."
Felix pouted.
"You're just making that up!" the freckled boy accused, cutely crossing his arms and looking around Jeongin at Seungmin, "Right, Seungminnie?"
The boy giggled at the two boys' antics before nodding.
Jeongin frowned, stepping away to let Felix approach Seungmin once again.
The slightly older boy wrapped his arms around Seungmin gently, enveloping him in a warm hug.
The others seemed to be setting out food on the table as even with his face buried in Felix's shoulder, Seungmin heard the ruffling of plastic bags as well as quiet murmuring and soft shuffling coming from the kitchen.
Felix pulled back before sitting on the couch with Seungmin, careful to not crowd the slightly younger boy.
"You liking my weighted blanket?" he asked.
Seungmin nodded with a weak, "Yeah. I...I like it," before looking down at the warm blanket happily.
He looked up when he heard Felix let out a soft sigh.
The Australian boy was very obviously staring at him, a fond look on his face.
"Ah, my Seungminnie," Felix said, grabbing the boy's hands, "You really don't know how cute you are, do you?"
Seungmin's face immediately flushed and he looked away again.
"Go eat, Lix," came Chan's voice from beside them, a bowl of soup in his hands, "I'll take it from here."
Felix was clearly upset by Chan's request, but complied anyways. Chan took Felix's spot after he got up.
"Hi," the eldest boy started.
Seungmin giggled out a small "Hi" back before slowly leaning forward where he sat to rest his chin on Chan's shoulder, breathing softly on the older boy's neck.
"I'm going to feed you soup now," Chan told him after a beat of comfortable silence.
Seungmin leaned back at that, a frown present on his face.
"Feed me?" he asked, "No, no, no. I can feed myself, Channie-hyung. It's okay."
Chan shook his head and replied, "Seungmin. I know you're weak right now. Please just let hyung do this one thing right."
Seungmin didn't understand what he meant by that latter sentence, but could easily tell from Chan's practically begging eyes that he wanted—no almost needed—to do this.
"Okay," Seungmin agreed, "Okay, hyung. You win."
Chan smiled a small smile before informing, "We got miso."
Chan blew on the soup spoon before raising it up to Seungmin's lips.
Carefully, Seungmin leaned forward and accepted the food. It was a bit awkward, but admittedly kind of nice.
The warm soup filled his mouth and travelled down his scratchy throat and he breathed out a sigh of satisfaction.
Chan stared at him intently.
"It's...It's yummy," Seungmin informed, a small, shy smile on his face.
"Oh my god," Seungmin heard Felix breathe out from where he sat at the dinner table with everyone else. They were all staring at Seungmin and Chan with either jealous or fond expressions on their faces.
"I need my phone," Felix continued, looking around to see if the said object was anywhere nearby, "I need to take a photo of you two. Oh my god."
"How the hell can he be so cute just eating?" Changbin asked no one in particular, his utensils discarded as he put his hands on his heart and gripped his t-shirt, "I'm going to combust."
"Well that's just because you're old, hyung," Jisung teased, earning a swat from the other rapper.
"But yes, I do agree," the boy continued, "My baby is looking more adorable than usual right now."
Chan rolled his eyes at Changbin, Felix, and Jisung's words.
Hyunjin caught Chan's eye roll and put his hands on his hips accusingly before asking, "What, Chan-hyung? Do you disagree?"
Seungmin watched as Chan thought to himself for a second before they locked eyes.
"No," Chan replied, his mind made up, "No. No, you're right. Felix, get your phone. I want a picture of him as well."
Seungmin hid his face behind his hands again to cover up his blush, before letting out an exasperated, "Channie-hyung!" as everyone burst out laughing.
After everyone was finished eating (and Seungmin was finally strong enough to use the bathroom to finally shower and brush his teeth), they all gathered in the living room.
Hyunjin carefully lifted Seungmin up in bridal style before sitting down where the shorter boy previously was so Seungmin was basically seated on Hyunjin's lap, his back against the armrest of the couch and his legs rested slightly on Chan who was seated beside Hyunjin.
Hyunjin had his arms around Seungmin's thin waist as well as his forehead against Seungmin's shoulder.
Hyunjin didn't say he was uncomfortable, and Seungmin was definitely more than comfortable, so the latter didn't complain.
However, somebody else did.
"Unfair!" Jisung declared when he saw Hyunjin and Seungmin's position as he sat beside Felix on coffee table in front of them, "Fuck you, Hwang Hyunjin, for your tall stature being the only thing that can perfectly match Seungmin's height! I can't believe Hyunjin is sitting like that with my baby right in front of me! The audacity-"
Jisung was interrupted with an evil cackle from Hyunjin as Seungmin embarrassingly promised to cuddle with Jisung later to make up for the lack of skinship.
Jisung seemed pleased with Seungmin's compromise as he rested his head on Felix's shoulder.
"Seungmin-ah?" Chan began, prompting Seungmin to start the meeting as he was the topic of the discussion.
"Oh, uh," Seungmin took a moment to collect his thoughts before saying, "I-I woke up with a fever yesterday morning. I think it was...maybe four in the morning?"
"You've had it since yesterday morning?" Changbin asked surprisingly.
"Uhm...y-yeah, hyung," Seungmin replied.
"So when I left, you had a fever?" Minho asked, uncharacteristic regret laced into his tone.
Seungmin nodded.
"And the nightmares you talked about were fever dreams?"
Another nod.
"And when I asked you to tell me something that you loved about yourself, you weren't saying you were trustworthy enough for other people to confide their secrets to you, you were saying you were good at keeping secrets to yourself? Like the fever?"
Seungmin stiffly nodded once more.
Minho slumped, his head low.
"Ah...Seungmin-ah..." he said, his voice unreadable.
"H-Hyung...You know it's not your fault or anything I just- I don't know. I didn't want you to know. I didn't want anybody to know. I just didn't want to cause anyone anymore trouble."
"We know it's not our faults you got a fever, Seungmin," Minho began, raising his head to lock eyes with Seungmin, "But you know we can't help but blame ourselves for not noticing."
Seungmin broke eye contact to look at Chan who questioned, "So when you were all...strange and kind of seemed like you were almost disassociating before we left for practice, it was because of the fever?"
Seungmin nodded and added, "And...and because at that time I think I took like...like five ibuprofen tablets? I was a bit...loopy I think."
"Five?" Chan asked, surprised.
Seungmin nodded again.
"Aren't you supposed to take only like up to four a day or something?" Jisung asked, a frown present on his face.
Seungmin shrugged as Chan shook his head, sighing out, "Seungmin...something really, really bad could've happen to you, y'know? You were knocked out for so long and we...we feared the worse not knowing that it was the painkillers that did most of the damage."
Seungmin stared at his hands in his lap and Hyunjin stroked the side of his waist in a way of support.
"We're not disappointed or anything, Seungmin," Minho clarified.
"We were just scared," Changbin spoke up, his voice unordinarily soft, "You hit the ground pretty hard—I watched it, I was right behind you—but we didn't know what to do because you were asleep. We didn't know if you were injured, if you have a concussion, we didn't even understand why you fainted. Not until Minho-hyung checked your temperature and it measured to be almost thirty-nine degrees, Seungmin-ah. We did everything and anything to bring your temperature down."
"Changbin-hyung got so mad," Jeongin interrupted, shaking his head as he recalled. Changbin frowned but let the youngest say what he wanted, "He wasn't blaming anyone, but he was just in shock you were able to hide it so well without any of us suspecting a thing."
Changbin nodded, admitting to what Jeongin mentioned before continuing, "We also switched watching you throughout when we brought you home until we left you with Jeongin—who refused to go anywhere until you were awake."
Seungmin sent a questioning look at the youngest who avoided his eyes and opted for playing with Minho's—who was seated right beside the younger boy—hands. It was a cute habit of Jeongin's to play with either his hands or someone else's whenever he was embarrassed or nervous. It didn't bother anyone—the rest of the boys honestly found it adorable.
"And even when we went out we made him send us updates every so often," Changbin went on, "All of us were an absolute wreck. We knew you would be fine—the doctor came over to check on you but told us we couldn't do anything but wait for you to naturally wake up—but that didn't stop us from being the most emotional motherfuckers in the world. Some of us couldn't even sleep knowing you kept something like you being ill from us and nobody noticed."
When he was finished, Seungmin took a deep breath. He was usually a very rational and competent thinker. However, what Seungmin forget to think through was would happen if his plans didn't work out. He was a bit taken aback that the other's were so deeply affected by this.
"None of us our blaming you or anything, Seungminnie," Chan concluded, "It's just...we want you to understand that you should tell us these sorts of things. When it comes to your health, then it's something we need to know, Seungmin. Mental and physical."
"I just...didn't want to hold you guys back," Seungmin admitted, feeling rather embarrassed at his explanation of why he did something as silly as try to cure his fever with painkillers and nothing else, "I mean we're learning our choreography for our title track, for god's sake. Our comeback is in less than a month and you guys know I'm a bit slow when grasping the dances..." he drifted off at that.
"Seungmin-hyung, your health is way more important than any comeback," Jeongin told him.
Hyunjin nodded along, causing Seungmin to turn his head to look at the slightly older boy as he added, "You always want to show your best on stage and to us, right?"
Seungmin slowly nodded.
"So if you aren't feeling your best, how in the hell are you going to be able to show your best, Seungmin-ah?"
The said boy didn't have an answer for that and instead shrugged in response.
"Yeah!" Felix piped up, "The comeback can wait. You are way more important to all of us! Just say the word and we'll be there to help you every step of the way, okay? We'll stop time for you if we could, Seungmin, you know that right?"
Seungmin locked eyes with each of them who were nodding in agreement.
"Okay," Seungmin said in understanding.
He knew what he needed.
"Then..." he started, staring at his hands with his ears tinged red, "Then please take care of me. I think my fever has gone down and I'm strong enough to get water for myself if I get dehydrated again. And my headache is gone too I think but...but I still want you guys just..to stay here. With me. Please."
When he finally looked up, he was greeted with seven pairs of eyes staring back at him fondly.
"Stop looking at me," Seungmin practically pleaded, burying his head into Hyunjin's neck and curling himself into the slightly older boy's body, "You guys are all so embarrassing."
They all laughed as Jisung clutched his heart as Changbin did earlier saying, "I'm weak, Seungmin. You make me so very weak."
They ended the meeting with Felix pulling Seungmin to his feet with an excited, "I wanna dance with you, Seungminnie!"
They all went around each getting to dance to a song of their choice that they played from Chan's speaker—Felix starting with At Your Best (You Are Love) by Aaliyah and Minho ending with Bittersweet by Crush—before they all went to get ready for bed.
The day came to a close as they did nothing but shower Seungmin with compliments and give him endless amounts of love.
Seungmin didn't know how he could repay all the love he was receiving but was quick to realize he didn't have to.
He already loved them as much—if not more—than they loved him.
And he knew that was enough.
Seungmin knew that he was enough.
And Seungmin believed that even when he is s not at his best, as long as he would have his lovers by his side to help him, he knew it would all turn out okay.