Chapter Text
Blood. All I see is blood. The walls are painted with it. It’s raining down from above. Bright, red, glutinous blood. My nose is filled with its tangy, metallic smell. There are globs, chunks of something I don’t want to examine slowly sliding down the walls. Sticky strings of something resembling intestines drape across the room.
I look around. I’m in an overly large stairwell. It’s the size of a hotel lobby. The rusted iron stairs wrap around the edge of the large room. I can’t tell how high it goes. I look up and, instead of the ceiling, all I see is darkness. A ghostly green light shines from somewhere around me. It looks like it’s coming from the floor and the walls. It causes the blood to glisten, reminding me it’s still wet.
Where did it come from? Where did I come from?
I hear a noise. It sounds like a slamming door, a clang of metal. I look up, and shadows move in the darkness. The eerie light casts the shadows in all directions, so I can’t tell where they’re coming from. Is it a person? Is there more than one? I’m not sure.
Another clang behind me. I turn, but I don’t see a door. What happened here?
I open my mouth to speak, to shout or to call for help, but I have no voice. The noises are getting louder. It sounds like heavy footsteps running towards me. I need to move. I need to get out of here. My only option is up. I rush to the stairs, slipping on the dirty floor. I grab the railing and it’s sticky. I pull my hand away and look at the bloody goo covering my palm and fingers. I wipe it on my clothes, leaving ghastly streaks behind.
I climb and climb until I hear no more footsteps behind me. I feel alone, but this doesn’t comfort me. Instead it makes me feel trapped. I’m locked in an iron cage with no way out. My only hope is to keep climbing.
The stairs become a maze. They crisscross above and all around me. There seems to be many different sets, all leading in different directions. Some have large gaps where steps are missing; some are barely as wide as my foot; some are moving like escalators. I’m confused, overwhelmed. I don’t know what path to take. I don’t even know where I’m trying to go. All I know is that I need to get out of here as soon as possible.
I choose the staircase in the middle, for no other reason than it feels like the right one. It’s steep, and has many sharp corners. The railing here is a high stone wall. I can’t see what’s around each corner. I run, but I don’t think I’m making any progress. I swear I’ve passed this exact corner before…
I give up, jumping to another staircase. This one is an escalator, going down. It narrows as it descends. I have to turn sideways, barely able to keep my balance. There are no handholds, nothing to grab onto. I ride it down to a landing and run down one of the hallways that have appeared. There are people but they ignore me. I’m not sure if they can see me. I’m not sure if I want them to see me.
I reach a dead end. I have two options – I can take an elevator up, or I can take a stone staircase down. I don’t like the elevator, but I don’t know why. All I know is, I don’t want those doors to open. I run down the staircase, but the steps smooth into a slide. I’m surfing, sliding, uncontrolled. I have to stop! I don’t want to reach the bottom. I don’t want to go back to the blood covered walls.
I jump to another landing. It looks the same as the one I’ve just left. I have the same options – elevator or stairs. This time I steel myself and choose the elevator. The doors open and I step inside. It’s huge and round. The doors shut, and I realize I’m not alone. The elevator is full of people. They all wear grim faces, as if they’re walking to the gallows. And maybe we are, I don’t know. The elevator begins its climb. I look around, and there are no buttons. I can’t choose a floor. I don’t even know if there are floors.
It’s moving fast, very fast. I realize the walls are actually windows and I can see the streets of London. I’m high above them, higher than the tallest building. Except that I’m in the tallest building. The elevator comes to a stop but the doors won’t open. There’s no button for me to press. I look around, and the people have disappeared. With no one to help me, I bang on the door but it won’t budge. I dig my fingers into the small gap and pull, trying to prize the doors apart. Slowly, inch by excruciating inch, I create an opening large enough for me to squeeze through. I climb out and realize I’m on the roof. The wind whips around me, lifting my hair. I can feel the building swaying. It’s swaying so dramatically, I don’t know how I’m not being thrown off.
It suddenly occurs to me that whatever was chasing me is still chasing me. I can feel it getting closer. The elevator has disappeared. Once again, I’m trapped with only one escape. I look over the side of the building. I can’t see the ground, but it’s my only option. Without ever deciding to jump, I’m suddenly falling. As I fly through the air, I feel…free. For the first time since seeing the blood soaked walls, I’m not afraid.
I land on my feet. Or rather, I simply stop falling.
I’m in a field of wildflowers. I see a woman. At least, I think it’s a woman. She has a feral quality about her. Her hair looks dirty, as if covered in white dust. Under the dust, I see a golden, amber color. Like mine. Her clothes are tattered, also covered in white dust. I approach her, but she doesn’t turn. I circle around her, trying to see her face. My view of her doesn’t change. Either she doesn’t have a face, or she’s turning away from me.
This unsettles me. Why doesn’t she want me to see her? I reach out to touch her. This is a mistake. She doesn’t like it. Her head snaps up and suddenly she turns. I gasp and stumble backwards away from her.
Her skin is chalky and pale, almost grey. Her lips are brown and stained. Her eyes are sunken, dark, and wild. She smiles at me, or maybe it’s a snarl. Her teeth are as grey as her skin. She looks…dead. She looks like me.
I turn to run, but she’s in front of me. She cocks her head to the side, laughing at me. I turn to run again. I can hear her laughter. I make it a few steps before stumbling, but I manage to stay on my feet. I look down, only to see that I’ve tripped over her body. I’m frozen, staring at her. She looks like a corpse, still and lifeless. Suddenly she opens her eyes and laughs at me again. That’s when I see why I’ve tripped - she’s grabbed my ankle. Her hand is like a vice around my leg. She pulls me to the ground and towers over me. Her claw-like hands climb up my body, pressing me into the earth. Her hands wrap around my throat and squeeze.
I can’t breathe. I’m choking, gasping for air. She laughs and snarls. I’m sinking into the ground, clutching at her hands, trying to get her to release me. I struggle to draw breath. My vision is growing dark. I must be losing consciousness. I claw at her hands, trying to loosen her grip. I realize why my vision is darkening – dirt is rising over my eyes. And still, the woman doesn’t release her hold on me. Over her shoulder, I see a man in a gorilla mask. He’s watching, just…watching.
The ground swallows me.
***
I wake gasping for air and clutching at my throat. I need you. I need your warmth, your solid strength to ground me. I reach for you, but you’re not there. My bed is empty and cold. I’m all alone. I can’t catch my breath. The panic consumes me.
***
I open my eyes and for a moment I’m disoriented. I was awake, but I wasn’t awake. Was I? Now I am, I’m certain. But you’re still not here. You’re in your own bed, in Denmark Street.
I’m still gasping for air, but my breathing slows. Matt doesn’t wake, and that’s fine. I don’t want him to; it wouldn’t help. He doesn’t calm me when I’m like this, he only makes it worse. So I don’t let him see. I quietly creep to the bathroom and shut the door. I gulp lungfuls of air and splash cold water on my face.
I wish I could call you, talk to you. I want to hear your voice. I need to hear your voice. Somehow, I know you wouldn’t mind if I did call you this late. But I don’t. I don’t want you to see my weakness.
I pad softly back to bed, but I don’t go to sleep. When I close my eyes, I see the images from my dream. But when my eyes are open, I see the man next to me. His presence gives me no comfort. I crave warmth and touch. I want to be held by strong arms. I snuggle closer to him, desperate for anything.
But he’s not you. It’s your arms I need, your warmth I want. I close my eyes and picture your face. I inhale your scent – smoke, cologne, and peppermint. I snuggle into your chest and you wrap an arm around me, squeezing me tighter. I clutch the soft cotton of your t-shirt in my hand.
You hold me, and I feel safe.
The following dream analysis is from www.dreammoods.com
Blood
If you dream of blood on the walls, then it is a warning of sorts. There is a situation that you need to confront. You cannot avoid it any longer.
Stairs
To see a staircase in your dream symbolizes change and transformation.
To see spiral or winding stairs signify growth and/or rebirth.
To dream of an incomplete staircase or steps missing from the staircase implies that you are trying to move on to the next phase or stage without accomplishing all the necessary steps. You are trying to take shortcuts.
To dream that you are walking up a flight of stairs indicate that you are achieving a higher level of understanding. You are making progress into your spiritual, emotional or material journey. The dream is also analogous to material and thoughts that are coming to the surface.
To dream that you are walking down a flight of stairs represents your repressed thoughts. You are regressing back into your subconscious. It also refers to the setbacks that you are experiencing in your life. If you are afraid of going down the stairs, then it means that you are afraid to confront your repressed emotions and thoughts. Is there something from your past that you are not acknowledging?
Elevator
In general, the up and down action of the elevator represents the ups and downs of your life. It also symbolizes emotions and thoughts that are emerging out of and submerging into your subconscious.
To dream that the elevator is not letting you off symbolizes that your emotions have gotten out of control. It may be a reflection of your life or your career. You are feeling stuck in some aspect of your life, whether it is your career, relationship, etc.
Roof
To see a roof in your dream symbolizes a barrier between two states of consciousness. You are protecting or sheltering your consciousness, mentality, and beliefs. The dream provides an overview of how you see yourself and who you think you are.
To dream that you are on top of a roof symbolizes boundless success.
To dream that you are jumping indicates that you need to take a risk and go for it. You will overcome your obstacles and find progress toward your goals. Consider the metaphors "jumping for joy" to mean thrill and excitement or "jumping the gun" to mean impatience or impulsiveness. The way you feel in the dream will provide additional significance and meaning to your dream.
Yourself
To see yourself in your dream is a reflection of how you act and behave in your waking life. Consider what you are doing and how you are feeling in the dream for additional significance.
To see or dream that you are a zombie suggests that you are physically and/or emotionally detached from people and situations that are currently surrounding you. You are feeling out of touch. Alternatively, a zombie means that you are feeling dead inside. You are just going through the motions of daily living.
To dream that you are attacked by zombies indicate that you are feeling overwhelmed by forces beyond your control. You are under tremendous stress in your waking life. Alternatively, the dream represents your fears of being helpless and overpowered.
Choking
To dream that someone is choking you indicates that you are suppressing your emotions. You have difficulties in expressing your fears, anger, or love. Consider the phrase "being all choked up". Alternatively, you may feel that you are being prevented or restricted from freely expressing yourself.
Buried Alive
To dream that you are being buried alive suggests that you are being undermined or stifled in some way. You are feeling trapped or helpless.