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Noriko Nijou had emailed Shimako Toudou that she would be happy to pick the older woman up from the Narita International Airport. Shimako had responded with her flight details and her gratitude that Noriko was willing to do such a cumbersome task on her behalf. Noriko had replied that she could never consider Shimako to be cumbersome and that she would bring a welcome home gift to the arrivals gate. Shimako wrote that she would be counting the hours until they were reunited once again.
Shimako had ended her emails with ‘sincerely,’ and Noriko had ended her emails with ‘my best.’ And neither of them ever mentioned what happened between them the eve before Shimako’s departure to Ecuador.
Much to Noriko’s exasperation.
Noriko rubbed her eyes once she read the final entry in their months long email chain and sighed as she registered the time on her computer. She should have spent the last few hours working on her senior thesis on the importance of digital art in preserving Buddhist history, but instead, she read through all her correspondences with Shimako, hoping to find a hint of what to expect when the older woman arrived in Tokyo tomorrow.
These last six months, I did not feel time move. Instead, I felt your lack.
Noriko read the line once more before turning off the computer, knowing that a few extra minutes wouldn’t help with her deductions. Already she had spent six months on that venture to no avail. So instead, she got ready for bed. That seemed to be a more productive use of her time.
Shimako’s flight landed in the late morning, and as Noriko laid in bed all she could think was that Shimako was somewhere over the Pacific Ocean right now, coming home to her.
Was Shimako trying to fall asleep at that moment too? Or was she bursting with excitement thinking of seeing her family and friends again? Was she looking out of the window, looking at the ocean, and thinking of Noriko like Noriko was thinking of her?
When Shimako had first told Noriko that she was going to research the fauna of the Amazon in Ecuador after graduating from the botany program at Lillian University, Noriko had been ecstatic. When Shimako told her it would be for six months, Noriko had been less ecstatic. But then Shimako also told Noriko that she had finally decided against the convent, once and for all, and Noriko was more than ecstatic at that news. She tried not to show it, but she did wallop as she threw her arms around Shimako. Shimako, to her credit, just laughed at her former petite soeur’s antics.
Noriko had believed that the source of her enthusiasm was the prospect that her best friend would not be leaving her to don a habit, that they would continue to be in each other’s lives as much as they were now, inseparable, like a pair of worn gloves.
Though, perhaps it was a gradual or an all at once thing, but the actual reason reared its head when she met Shimako at the same café they had met at hundreds of times before between their universities. Noriko could only think of one thing when she took in Shimako’s smile in greeting, the same one she had seen hundreds of times over but that seemed extra radiant then, with the sunlight shining on her and the way her lips seemed pretty, pretty pink. Almost kissable even…
Oh.
Oh indeed.
But that wasn’t the thing that happened between the two of them before Shimako left.
Unspoken feelings Noriko could handle. This, this was different.
Noriko burrowed into her bed and closed her eyes, hoping sleep would find her, but behind her eyelids, she just kept replaying the events of the eve of Shimako’s departure again and again.
Sei had planned a going away party for Shimako at her shared apartment with Youko, and most of the roses were in attendance. Yumi and Yoshino did most of the decorations, and Rei did the cooking. Sachiko brought some fancy bottles of champagne from the Ogasawara collection, while Youko and Sei broke into one of those said bottles early and tipsily began telling the younger ones what to do, much to their own and nobody else’s amusement.
Noriko had been tasked to bring Shimako, and when they arrived at the apartment at the established time, the pure adoration on Shimako’s face when she realized what they had walked into lessened the pain Noriko felt over their impending separation.
For a moment at least.
Shimako smiled at her with those crinkling eyes that made Noriko’s chest tighten in that achy sort of way.
“You’re sneaky,” Shimako said low enough that only the two of them could hear, a tinge of mirth in her voice.
Noriko shrugged her shoulders sheepishly, and they shared a knowing look before Shimako left to say hello to everyone else, greeting them with uncharacteristically affectionate hugs.
Noriko watched on in amusement when Sei slithered up to her and placed an arm around her shoulders.
“Shimako is going to miss us,” Sei said as the two of them watched Sachiko and Shimako exchange what Noriko would describe as beautifully awkward hugs, “but she is really going to miss you.”
Sei gave her a pointed look before wiggling her eyebrows up and down.
Noriko rolled her eyes.
“Well, if it’s between me and you then that’s not surprising.”
Sei roared with laughter, slapping Noriko on the back.
“Noriko-chan is defensive when comments hit too close to reality or perhaps,” a faux-contemplative look came over Sei, “when they hit too close to the heart?”
Sei walked away laughing as if she were the funniest person alive, and Noriko used all the power she could muster not to slap her hand over her face and groan.
Sei was too observant for her own good.
Later, speeches were given and champagned was poured into flutes that were quickly distributed. Before Sei began to lead all them in a round of cheers for Shimako, Noriko looked over at her usually non-drinking former Onee-sama in concern.
Before Noriko could open her mouth, Shimako leaned in and whispered in Noriko’s ear, “I can handle one glass.”
Shimako’s warm breath caused a shiver to run through Noriko, and as Sei said something or another, Noriko nodded her head along, trying to keep a blush from forming on her face.
This crush thing was getting out of hand.
Seconds later, Sei thrusted her flute glass out, breaking Noriko from her stupor.
“To Shimako!”
Everyone thrusted their flute glasses to the center of the circle and cheered.
“To Shimako!”
And Shimako laughed as she thanked them all before taking a sip of her champagne.
Noriko recovered as the party went back to normal and managed to ask, “how is it?”
Shimako swirled the contents of her glass. “It’s pleasant enough, though I like the bubbles more than the actual taste.”
She added a wink for extra effect. Before Noriko could comment, Shimako was whisked away by Yoshino, who was complaining about something, probably about Rei if “baka” was anything to go by.
Noriko stood there for a moment before collecting herself and going to chat with the others. She couldn’t monopolize all of Shimako’s time after all. She wouldn’t be the only one missing the former white rose.
The night continued with laughter and the sharing of stories, and though Noriko wanted to drink more, to lessen the nerves she felt through the night, she felt like she would do something foolish if she did, so she refrained from doing so.
Shimako held no such qualms as one glass became two, causing the older woman to be more playful and more affectionate than usual. Her hand would find its way onto Noriko’s arm or thigh as they were all seated around the living room, and though this was common practice for them both, it felt different.
When Shimako unconsciously laced their hands together after responding to Rei’s comment about who exactly burnt Sei’s birthday cake last year and Noriko caught Sachiko (of all people) giving her a knowing look, Noriko knew it was time to get some fresh air. She excused herself and went to the balcony and tried not to think much about the adorable pout Shimako had given her.
Between a lawyer and a publisher, Youko and Sei managed to snag an incredible apartment that had an unobstructed view of the ocean. Noriko looked out onto the horizon, the sun long ago set, to see the fine line where the ocean met the sky. Shimako would be somewhere in that direction some odd thousand miles away in less than forty-eight hours.
Noriko did not know how long she stood there, but eventually, she heard the sliding door open and turned at the sound. Shimako gave a slight wave as she slid the door closed behind her before making her way over to Noriko. Noriko watched as Shimako leaned against the railing, her body facing Noriko.
“You’re not inside,” Shimako commented.
Noriko raised her eyebrow in amusement.
“And you’re tipsy.”
Shimako giggled, her flushed cheeks making her appear more radiant than usual. Or at least Noriko thought.
“Perhaps a little, but” Shimako’s tone soften, “I am clear-headed enough to know that something is bothering you.”
Noriko looked at the ocean for a moment before meeting Shimako’s gaze. Shimako would often tell Noriko that the younger woman knew Shimako better than she knew herself, but in that moment, Noriko felt that Shimako could read her soul line by line if she wanted to.
Noriko took a breath before speaking.
“I’m going to miss you, and I’m being selfish by coming out here and thinking about how much I am going to miss you rather than actually spending time with you. And now that I think about it, I am probably putting a damper on your party.”
Shimako chuckled softly as she leaned in closer to Noriko, her hand coming up to play with a strand of Noriko’s hair, almost indulgently.
“You’re not putting a damper on anything Noriko,” Shimako whispered, “I do take pleasure in hearing that you are going to miss me because I will miss you most of all. When I look at the ocean or the Amazon river or any body of water while I am away, know that I’ll be thinking of you. It’s the thing that’s keeping us separated and the thing that’ll bring us back together.”
“Besides the distance?” Noriko asked.
Shimako nodded her head, a smile tugging on the corner of her lips.
“Besides the distance.”
They looked at each other, and Noriko thought, what if she leaned up on her tippy toes and tilted her head to the side just so, would things really change that much between them?
And then a crash rang from inside the apartment.
They broke from their stupor as they both looked at the source of the sound. It seemed that Sei had dropped a platter and was currently getting berated by Youko.
The pair laughed at Sei’s expense before looking back at each other.
“You know, Shimako-san, you can be quite romantic at times,” Noriko said. She meant for the comment to be light, but she heard a hint of exasperation in her own voice.
“Really?” Shimako inquired, her eyes hard to read. Noriko detected amusement and perhaps something else, but Noriko could not place a name on the emotion. “Perhaps, it was a bit...”
Before Noriko could respond, with what exactly, she didn’t know, Yumi opened the sliding glass doors.
“Sorry to interrupt, but we are about to cut the cake.”
Shimako’s eyes lit up at the mention of cake. She looked at Noriko, and Noriko indicated that she should go on ahead and that she would meet her in a few. Shimako nodded her head before heading back inside, as graceful as ever.
Yumi lingered on the balcony, standing next to Noriko as they both peered into the apartment, watching their friends move about, getting things ready for said cake.
Yumi’s silence unnerved Noriko. There was so much knowing in the quiet, though Yumi made no indication one way or another. She was giving Noriko the space if she wanted to take it. As the seconds ticked, Noriko sighed, knowing this might be the only time that night that she could get any sort of help with her current predicament.
“What do you think I should do?”
Yumi hummed before meeting Noriko’s gaze.
“I think you know what to do better than me, Noriko-chan,” Yumi said with a reassuring smile. “But I will say that it took her a long time to figure out how to want, and I think she’s still learning to get over her fear of going from wanting to having.”
And with that, Yumi headed back inside. Noriko followed soon after, wondering how the same woman who once tripped on her way to receive her diploma could be so emotionally perceptive at the same time.
After the cake was cut and all the final farewells were made, Noriko and Shimako left and headed towards Shimako’s family shrine. Noriko recalled all the knowing looks the other roses threw their way when Shimako informed them that they would be taking the same car since Noriko would be spending the night. Noriko had ignored them, keeping as neutral of an expression as she could. She wondered if Shimako registered the looks, but if she did, the older woman did not make it known one way or another.
Noriko turned to Shimako who looked out of the backseat window of the Ogasawara family car that Sachiko had kindly offered to them. Shimako’s flush had gone away, and in the moonlight, Noriko could tell Shimako wore a serious expression.
But Noriko didn’t say anything, instead taking comfort in the fact that Shimako’s hand held hers, soft and firm all at once. That would be enough for her for now.
When they arrived at the shrine, Noriko helped Shimako with some last-minute packing and preparations, and after they had gotten ready to go to sleep, they both squeezed into Shimako’s bed.
Perhaps, it was the lingering high from the party or she was raddled with nervous energy, but Shimako could not fall asleep, and though Noriko felt her eyes beginning to droop, she managed to stay awake, enamored with Shimako’s energy, wanting the moment to last a little bit longer. It would be their last night on the same continent for some time.
“You know,” Shimako said turning to face her body towards Noriko, “depending on what map you use, the Pacific Ocean doesn’t seem so big.”
“Shimako-san,” Noriko laughed as she turned her body to mirror Shimako’s. “You can change the ratio all you want, but it doesn’t change the actual size of the ocean.”
Shimako laughed this quiet laugh. “I know that, but it helps when I think that I’ll be on one side and you’ll be on the other. If I could, I would tie a string on our wrists so we could stay connected.”
The words hung in the air, and as Noriko looked at Shimako, drenched in the moonlight, making her beauty seem that much more heightened, she knew like nothing she had ever known before that she wanted to kiss Shimako.
Noriko felt her heart begin to race as she unconsciously licked her lips.
Shimako took notice of Noriko’s expression.
“Noriko?”
Noriko didn’t have an explanation to offer, and so instead of speaking, she grabbed Shimako’s hand that rested between the two of them on the bed. Thoughts briefly entered Noriko’s mind, asking her how could she be acting so brazen, with Shimako of all people, but Noriko tuned them out as she placed a single kiss on Shimako’s knuckles, anything to satisfy the desire to taste her skin.
“Shimako-san,” Noriko finally whispered, squeezing Shimako’s hand tenderly.
Shimako’s eyes widen as she registered the intention behind the action, and Noriko would have found it all adorable if it weren’t for the fact that she felt like she would implode at any second.
Shimako didn’t say anything as she stared at Noriko, and Noriko was reminded of those deer she would sometimes see by the side of the road, eyes alert, ready to sprint at the first sign of trouble.
Moments passed, and as Noriko was about to apologize for the whole misunderstanding, Shimako’s eyes soften in that special way she sometimes did, like Noriko was unread scripture discovered by her eyes only.
Noriko gulped as she felt Shimako remove her hand from her grasp and cup Noriko’s cheek, giving a slight caress. Noriko noticed the touch turning firmer, and then, Shimako was leaning in, her face getting closer and closer to Noriko’s.
Noriko glanced down to Shimako’s lips briefly before closing her eyes, and then, Noriko felt Shimako’s lips on hers. Firm and soft all at once, and Noriko sighed contently as she felt Shimako’s lips move against hers before she responded in kind, tentatively at first and then much, much bolder.
Noriko swiped her tongue along Shimako’s lips and groaned when she felt Shimako’s tongue tentatively respond in kind. Noriko threaded her hands in Shimako’s hair, bringing the older woman closer to her body.
Feeling Shimako pressed flushed against her, their legs intertwined, Noriko felt more lightheaded than with any champagne she could have drunk. Her hand found Shimako’s exposed hip and settled there, stroking at the smooth skin. Noriko wanted more, so much more, but she would let Shimako take the lead.
Noriko softly bit Shimako’s lower lip, and Shimako moaned, and Noriko knew then that she never wanted to kiss anyone ever again. That if this were it for her than it would do just fine.
Were all their interactions leading to this one moment? Noriko was not clear headed enough to divulge too deeply into the musings of destiny and the like, but she did thank that snowstorm all those years ago that led Shimako to her.
Before it went any further, Shimako pulled away first, gasping for breath, her blue eyes peering down at Noriko with unbridled want. Noriko looked up, panting, noticing how puffed Shimako’s lips were, amazed that she had caused that. Noriko brought her hand up to caress those lips almost reverently.
Shimako kissed Noriko’s fingertips before grasping Noriko’s hand with hers and declaring, “we should go to sleep.”
Noriko nodded her head in a daze. When the words registered in her head, Noriko opened her mouth to respond but closed it once she saw Shimako loosen her hold on Noriko’s hand and settle into bed, closing her eyes, and turning away from Noriko.
Noriko stared, not knowing what to say. What was she supposed to say anyway? Was she supposed to confess her feelings to Shimako? Make some pledge of fidelity while Shimako was away like a wife sending her husband off to war?
Noriko glanced at the clock across the room. It was too late to get into all they needed to get into anyway. Shimako had an early flight after all.
Noriko wished she could fall asleep too, but the adrenaline from earlier gave her a second wind. So, instead, she watched Shimako, the steady rise and fall of her body with each breath.
Noriko thought then, how big is an ocean anyway?
“Can you hold me?” Shimako asked seconds later, her voice dipped in sleepiness.
Noriko stilled for a moment before whispering, “of course,” and draping her arm over Shimako’s body, the act feeling familiar even in its inception.
Shimako snuggled closer to Noriko, releasing a contented sigh before her breath evened out. Once Noriko was sure that Shimako was asleep, she pressed a kiss to the side of Shimako’s head, before closing her eyes. She thought of what Yumi said, about wanting and having, and wondered if this was what she meant by it all.
Eventually, Noriko allowed Shimako’s breaths to lull her to sleep.
Noriko awoke minutes before her alarm rang. She thought about closing her eyes for those extra minutes of rest, but her body was too excited to think about anything other than the fact that Shimako would be home soon. Even if the question of what they were still hung in the air.
Noriko tried not to think about it as she got ready, taking longer than usual to figure out what she wanted to wear, or more accurately, what she thought Shimako might like to see her in.
When she was finally ready, Noriko headed out of the house, but not before running into her aunt in the living room, who told her in the least subtle way imaginable, “Good luck Riko. I have faith in the two of you.”
“Thank you, auntie,” Noriko said, not even knowing where to begin to address the well wishes. She had no clue her aunt even suspected anything, but it seemed the older woman was more prospective than she let on.
Outside, Noriko walked to Sei’s buggy and started the car. Sei had been kind enough to let Noriko borrow the car but on the condition that Noriko “loosen Shimako up.” Noriko did not know what that meant exactly, but her expression pleased Sei enough that she laughed, slapped Noriko on the back, and handed Noriko her keys. Youko, who had watched the whole interaction take place, took pity.
“She just wants the two of you to be happy. Actually, all of us want the two of you to be happy.”
Noriko sighed.
“I know, but it’s complicated.”
Youko had rolled her eyes.
“It’s not, but the two of you are descended from this one,” Youko pointed in Sei’s direction, “so of course the two of you made it complicated. Rosa Giganteas have historically been the most troublesome of the roses.”
To which Sei brought up Sachiko and Yumi and their frustratingly long courtship, beginning a playful, familiar argument between Youko and Sei. Noriko had watched on as the two exchanged points and barbs, a bit envious. She wanted something like they had but with Shimako.
Noriko smiled at the memory as she drove to the café her and Shimako would meet up anytime they had free time in their school schedules. Since Noriko had opted out of going to Lillian University after graduation and instead chose another university in the city, they had to make a more conscious effort to see each other. The café became almost like a secret hideout for the two of them.
As Noriko waited in line, she looked around the café and remembered all the times they had spent together there. When Shimako told her about the internship and when Noriko realized her feelings. When Shimako told her that she wanted to work in environmental education to try to help combat the effects of climate change and when Noriko told her that she wanted to create 3D models of her favorite Buddha statues to make it more accessible to everyone. When they both spent a full day not doing anything but eating pastries and ordering tea because the torrential rain outside kept them from doing anything else and besides, they didn’t really want to do anything else.
Noriko smiled as she shook her head and realized how foolish she was being. Actually, how foolish the two of them were being. She loved Shimako, and she was sure Shimako loved her too. All they had to do was say it. They definitely had shown it to each other more often than not through the years.
They had even said it through their emails, not with actual words but in the action itself. The faithfulness of responding to each other regardless of how busy they both were. How Shimako would scrounge for a decent internet connection whenever she could to keep Noriko updated. How Noriko would send Shimako photos of anytime the roses gathered so that she wouldn’t feel left out. How they still knew everything about each other’s lives. How they were still each other’s person. An ocean didn’t change that.
Maybe it was that simple.
After Noriko made and received her order of crullers (Shimako’s favorite), she headed back to the car. She thought back to the morning when Shimako left all those months ago, and how much angst she could have skipped over if she had been a bit braver.
In the morning, Noriko awoke to the sound of Shimako rustling around the bedroom, getting the last of her things together for her flight to Ecuador. She would be flying from Japan to the United States before landing in Ecuador sometime after dawn. Noriko had memorized the itinerary almost to the last detail. Somehow, it made the separation easier to handle.
“Shimako-san?” Noriko called out, voice hazy with sleep. She curled further into the covers, but then remembered where she was and what had transpired the previous evening. She smiled at the memory.
At Noriko’s voice, Shimako turned to her, and though the moonlight had turned into the golden glow of early morning, Noriko still thought Shimako looked absolutely radiant. Shimako walked over to Noriko and sat on the edge of the bed, her hand coming up to brush Noriko’s hair gently.
“Go back to sleep,” Shimako cooed. “I’ll wake you when it’s time to get ready for the airport.”
Noriko nodded her head but made no intention of falling back asleep. From the bed, Noriko propped herself on her elbow and watched Shimako flit around the room, moving things in and out of her bags, asking Noriko on occasion for her opinion.
Noriko didn’t know what they were, what the previous night meant outside of the palpable attraction between the two of them, but she watched Shimako with unconcealed desire, wondering if this would be something they would be doing in the future if they ever became something more. If they ever became lovers. If they ever made a home together.
Sometimes, Noriko would catch Shimako returning her stare and knew she was thinking the same thing.
Noriko thought about addressing the situation, but when she gathered enough courage, Shimako’s mother knocked on the door and entered to help her daughter make sure she had everything she needed.
Noriko took that as a cue to get out of bed and to get ready, and before she knew it, she was in a car with Shimako and her parents, barreling towards Narita International Airport. The sky was grey, with the weather report saying there was a low chance of drizzle. Noriko entertained the idea that it if rained harder than predicted, Shimako’s flight might be delayed, and they could spend just a few hours more together.
But it never did rain.
When they arrived at the airport, Shimako’s father paid for premium parking so that they would all be able to see Shimako off to the gate.
Noriko fought the temptation to hold Shimako’s hand the whole walk over, but with Shimako’s parents there, Noriko didn’t want to come across as too affectionate. Even if they had done so in the past, but that was before, and Noriko had no desire to give Shimako’s parents an inkling that she had made out with their daughter the night before.
After Shimako checked in at the airline counter, the group walked over to the security line and began saying their final goodbyes. Shimako’s parents gave her fierce hugs and imparted to their only daughter last minute advice about safety and declarations of affection and how they already missed her and even though she was a quiet person, her absence would be loud within the shrine.
Noriko watched all of this and felt a slight pang of guilt for encroaching on such an intimate family moment. She reminded herself that Shimako had asked her to come with them and that Shimako wanted her there, wanted Noriko to be one of the last faces she saw of home before departing on her big adventure.
Then, with little fanfare, Shimako turned to Noriko, and Noriko felt her chest clench in that achy sort of way as she tried to stop the tears from forming.
Shimako engulfed her in a hug, and it reminded Noriko of that time Shimako had hugged her behind the auditorium during her first year, when Shimako had been so ready to leave Lillian once and for all if her secret got out. Noriko held tightly, knowing rationally that Shimako would be coming back to Japan but still wanting something to hold on to just in case.
Noriko almost confessed to her then, nestled in the crook of her neck, wanting to tell Shimako that she loved her, that she probably always did but became conscious of it when Noriko realized she wouldn’t be competing with the convent anymore.
That Shimako would be the only person for her, always.
But her parents were there, and Noriko composed herself as she ruefully pulled away.
She looked into Shimako’s eyes and saw the same longing and sadness that Noriko felt.
Noriko knew she had to be brave for them both.
“I’ll still be in the nest for when you get back,” Noriko said, her voice wet with unshed tears.
Shimako smiled, though Noriko could tell her resolve was wavering. She softly tapped Noriko underneath her chin, tears already spilling down her cheeks.
“That’s my Noriko, always knowing what to say to me.”
Right then, an announcement boomed through the airport for a final boarding call, and though it wasn’t for Shimako’s flight, all four of them knew it was time.
There was one final round of goodbyes, and then Shimako walked away to get into the security line, and each step she took made Noriko’s heart feel heavier and heavier.
Noriko and Shimako’s parents made idle chatter as they watched Shimako progressed through the line, though Noriko wasn’t conscious of what anyone was saying, including herself. She kept wondering what Shimako’s parents thought about her and Shimako’s parting, though if they had feelings one way or another, they didn’t show it. Her father was still as jovial as ever and her mother as lovely as ever.
Once Shimako made it pass security, Noriko watched as Shimako gave them a final goodbye wave before leaving to search for her gate, her eyes solemn yet determined.
After a few moments, long after the silhouette of Shimako became a memory, Shimako’s father clasped Noriko’s shoulder. When Noriko turned to him, he told her, “Let’s go. If we loiter any longer, you’ll be paying the next hour.”
The joke got a tiny smile from Noriko even though all she wanted to do was cry.
After Shimako’s parents dropped Noriko at her aunt’s residence, Noriko went straight to her room and went straight to the map of the world she had on her wall.
She looked at the Pacific Ocean, measured it against her fingertips, and thought Shimako was wrong.
An ocean was still an ocean despite the scale.
Noriko cruised down the highway having plenty of time to spare. On occasion, she would find herself chuckling to herself, shaking her head in disbelief. They were almost reunited after all this time.
At the airport, Noriko found parking easily enough, even going so far as splurging for premium parking. She grabbed the pastry box from the passenger seat and headed towards the arrivals section of the Narita International Airport.
As Noriko navigated the airport, she saw a few people with flowers and thought she should have gotten some for Shimako. Maybe white roses as a tribute to their former titles or the lilies that she loved. Right then, a family walked past her with a sign that said welcome home, and Noriko thought maybe she should have gotten one for Shimako as well.
She chastised herself then for thinking of things she should have done when she knew that the crullers would be enough. Shimako didn’t care about all those gifts. All she cared about was seeing Noriko. Or at least, Noriko hoped that part was still true.
When Noriko arrived at the international arrivals area, she found the area crowded. She knew it would be too much effort to try to squeeze to the front of the crowd so she stood a ways away where she was far enough from people to not feel claustrophobic but close enough to have prime view of the doors.
Before long, people began to spill out of customs, and Noriko began to search for Shimako in the flood of people. She saw tourists trying to read signs and navigate maps and saw people reuniting with their friends and families with hugs and tears and huge grins. She even saw a dog greeting its owner and thought it was one of the most adorable things she had ever seen.
What would people think when her and Shimako reunited? Did it even matter?
Though the scenes were heartwarming, all it did was build the anticipation inside of Noriko. She almost considered ramming her way through the crowd to be closer but stopped when she finally saw the one person she had waited six months for.
Shimako.
Despite her earlier restlessness, Noriko stayed rooted to her spot. She wanted to drink in the image for a few moments longer, her chest aching in a way that told Noriko her feelings had not changed one bit during their separation.
Shimako had cut her hair, up to her shoulders, and though Shimako had mentioned it in one of her emails, Noriko still felt struck by the image. Her skin was tanner from all that Ecuadorian sunshine, and her muscles looked more defined from her treks in the rainforest. Though Noriko was sure she was still the same height, there was something about her that felt lighter, more confident.
She was still radiant, Noriko realized. She was still Shimako after all.
Noriko began making her way toward Shimako, who was looking around the area in search of her ride home. Noriko felt pleased in a way she didn’t quite understand that Shimako was searching for her, was wanting to find her.
And then.
They locked eyes.
And any sort of decorum Noriko had went straight out the window as she ran towards Shimako, thinking briefly of how the nuns of Lillian would disapprove of such an action.
When Noriko reached Shimako, Shimako had enough time to drop her bags before Noriko engulfed her in a tight embrace.
“Welcome back, Shimako-san,” Noriko said as her head found its usual spot in the crook of Shimako’s neck.
Shimako gave an amused laugh as she cradled Noriko’s head to her chest, her head coming to rest on top of the younger woman’s.
“It’s good to be back,” she murmured. “Here with you.”
The words hung in the air as they held each other for a spell, memorizing how their bodies still fit, even as people walked past all around them.
Shimako pulled away first, but only far enough to have a clear view of Noriko’s face. Noriko peered up and noticed a new smattering of freckles on the bridge of Shimako’s nose from the sun and fought the urge to lean up and kiss them.
They look at each other for a few seconds, goofy smiles on their faces. Then, Noriko watched as Shimako leaned closer, and a shiver of anticipation raced through her. Noriko’s eyes automatically closed, hoping for that long-awaited kiss.
And to be fair, Shimako did kiss Noriko, but on the cheeks. First on the right and then on the left, much to Noriko’s disappointment, though she tried not to let that show.
“That’s how they say hello in Ecuador,” Shimako informed, though Noriko knew Shimako well enough to know that the tone was teasing as well.
Noriko blushed. How easy Shimako could see through her.
“You know,” Noriko began, hoping to gather her bearings, “We should probably get out of other people’s ways.”
Shimako nodded her head not saying anything about how flustered Noriko looked. Noriko thought that was kind of her.
When the two of them had found a spot along the wall of a huge advertisement for matcha KitKats, it was Noriko who spoke first.
“How was your flight?”
“Good,” Shimako sighed happily. “It went quicker than I expected, and there was no one on my row so I was able to stretch out.”
Noriko nodded, taking the information in. She had so many things she wanted to say, about the kiss, about her feelings, but instead, she opened her mouth to ask another question that a societal interaction like this required like, ‘did you manage to get any sleep?’ or ‘how was the food?’ However, Shimako placed a finger on her lips, dispelling any words Noriko might have uttered.
“Is there anyone else?” Shimako asked as she stared into Noriko’s eyes, her mirth from earlier morphing into a sudden seriousness.
Noriko was taken aback by the question and by the finger. She thought briefly of kissing the fingertip but refrained from doing so. She concentrated on what Shimako had said and furrowed her eyebrows.
“What do you mean?”
Shimako bit her lip briefly and took a breath before powering through.
“Did you meet anyone else while I was away?” Shimako clarified.
And then, it clicked.
And the way Shimako’s eyes burrowed into hers told Noriko all she needed to know.
A pleased, disbelieving smile stretched across Noriko’s face.
“Like I told you,” Noriko felt her heart begin to race then, the tips of her ears turning warmer than usual. “I waited in the nest for you during all this time.”
Shimako’s eyes softened.
“Then,” she started, more suggestively than Noriko anticipated, “can I give you a proper hello?”
Noriko’s eyes widen as she looked around them. No one seemed to be paying them any attention as they went about themselves.
“You mean here?”
Shimako’s eyes flickered around briefly before settling back on Noriko’s, amused.
“Yes, you seemed fine with the prospect before,” Shimako teased before sobering slightly, “but I’d understand if you wanted to wait.”
The smile Shimako gave Noriko was different than any she had given Noriko before. There was something familiar in the action, as if, Shimako did not care about what other people thought of her. So unlike the time they were at Lillian together. Maybe Sei was wrong to ask her to loosen Shimako up; it seemed Ecuador already had.
Noriko searched Shimako’s eyes, looking for a trace of mock bravo or trepidation, but Noriko did not find any.
Who was she to deny Shimako this one request? Especially since the woman hardly ever asked her for anything.
Noriko nodded her head, and Shimako smiled widely as she cupped Noriko’s cheeks once again and leaned in, placing her lips on Noriko’s.
The kiss was simple, less heated than their previous kiss at the shrine, but still, Noriko melted, feeling her legs almost buckle, but she steadied herself on Shimako’s arms, the older woman providing much needed stability.
The kiss felt familiar but also different. Noriko imagined the same could be said about them.
Shimako pulled away first, and when Noriko opened her eyes, she found Shimako smiling at her.
“I wanted to do that before I left but-“
“Your parents,” Noriko finished.
Shimako laughed. “Yes, my parents. I didn’t think it was the best way to come out to them, especially since you would have to deal with the repercussions, and I would be on an international flight and not have to deal with any of it. It was bit tempting now that I think about it.”
Right, Noriko realized, this would be something the two of them would have to navigate. Coming out to friends and family, figuring out what they wanted from their lives and each other to see if those desires were compatible.
Though Noriko chose not to think about it now. She just wanted to enjoy the moment for what it was, and so when she heard Shimako’s stomach start to rumble, Noriko laughed as Shimako gave the younger woman a sheepish look.
“I’m sorry. I slept through the last time they were handing out our meals.”
Before Shimako finished her statement, Noriko had placed the box of pastries she had brought into Shimako’s hands. Shimako eyed the box before giving a raised eyebrow in question, and when Shimako opened the box, she about melted.
“You got me the crullers from our café,” Shimako gushed as she took out a cruller and took a bite, moaning in appreciation.
“I told you I was bringing you a present,” Noriko snickered playfully.
Shimako looked up from her cruller, her eyes sparkling
“Do you think we have time to get tea before we head out?”
“Only if you pay for the next hour of parking.”
Shimako rolled her eyes good naturedly. “You sound just like my father.”
They walked over to a nearby café. Noriko ordered coffee, black, while Shimako ordered tea with cream and sugar.
“All we drank,” Shimako began as they waited for their drinks, “when we were out in the field was coffee, without any cream or sugar, and all I longed for was a nice cup of hot oolong tea. But I did appreciate it when it was rainy, which was more often than not.”
“Hence the name,” Noriko offered. “The Amazon rainforest.”
Shimako laughed. “Yes, hence the name.”
Once they got their drinks and found a table, Shimako spoke about the highlights from her time in Ecuador. She spoke of the Amazon, the fauna, and the river, and how she saw a litany of frogs and birds and once a monkey during her excursions. How she managed to spend some time in Quito and Cuenca and visited all the historical churches she could manage in each city. How she didn’t get a chance to see the Galapagos but hoped one day to return to see it.
“I was hoping you would come with me when I go. I really want to show you the country one day,” Shimako confessed.
Noriko agreed happily to the future trip, and though she wanted to continue with the levity of the conversation, she couldn’t take it anymore.
“Why didn’t you say anything in your emails?” Noriko blurted.
Shimako eyed Noriko over her teacup before setting the cup down and sighing.
“I didn’t think it was fair to ask you to wait for me,” she admitted. “And maybe I was a little scared of potentially ruining our friendship. Why didn’t you?”
“I thought you might have regretted it, and I didn’t want to scare you off by bringing it up.”
Shimako reached over with her hand and grasped Noriko’s hand in hers. “I’m sorry. I wish I could have been a little braver for you. I’m still not used to being unconditionally happy. I worry that it’ll disappear as soon as I reach it, and that night, I was happy, really happy. Afterwards, I guess I was worried that if I brought it up it would somehow burst our bubble and that happiness I felt would poof out of existence. ”
“And how do you feel now?” Noriko softly asked.
Shimako tilted her head to the side, taking a moment to regard Noriko almost reverently.
“I feel happy, but I’m still a bit scared that I might ruin it somehow, that it might not work out. But being in Ecuador made me realize that it was definitely worth trying just to be in your presence a little longer. For as long as I can.”
Noriko swallowed as Shimako’s words washed over her. Shimako really was romantic when she wanted to be. Noriko leaned in and placed a soft kiss on Shimako’s lips.
When she pulled away, Noriko whispered. “I want to be in your presence longer too, without an ocean between us.”
Shimako searched Noriko’s eyes, a disbelieving smile blooming on her face.
“So, we’re doing this? Officially?”
Noriko squeezed Shimako’s hand. “Yes, I think so.”
Shimako stood up then.
“In that case, we should go because I would like to celebrate in a way that isn’t appropriate for the public.”
Noriko laughed heartily before following suit.
They walked to the car with Noriko insisting that she take a bulk of Shimako’s luggage to the car. What kind of girlfriend would she be if she didn’t?
When Shimako saw Sei’s car in the parking lot, she laughed. “Did she badger you about us too?”
“Yes, she told me that I needed to loosen you up.”
“She told me to put us both out of our misery and just kiss you already.”
“Well, she wasn’t wrong.” Noriko admitted. “Did any of the other roses badger you about it?”
“I’m sure they all picked up on it, but it was a special kind of experience having Yoshino-san give me a ‘pep talk’ the night of my going away party and telling me that I shouldn’t be acting like a baka when it came to you.”
“Good thing you can give her an update now,” Noriko teased.
Shimako playfully bumped her shoulder into Noriko’s as she laughed. “You’re lucky you’re cute.”
They stowed luggage soon after, and when they got in the car, Shimako leaned over and gave Noriko a deep kiss.
“Thank you for picking me up,” she whispered against Noriko’s lips.
Noriko nodded her head as she pulled away enough to look Shimako in the eye. “Of course, Shimako-san.”
Shimako raised her eyebrow teasingly.
“I think you should just call me Shimako now.”
Noriko gulped.
“Okay Shimako,” Noriko replied, her cheeks burning slightly. Shimako gave her one last kiss with a soft laugh before settling back into her seat and buckling her seatbelt.
Noriko wondered if she would ever get used to kissing Shimako, having Shimako kiss her with such ease. Noriko figured probably not, but that it wasn’t such a bad thing.
As they drove from the airport back to Tokyo proper, Noriko could see the ocean in the distance, and for once, the sight didn’t leave her with any sort of longing. Shimako was with her now, holding her hand, and that was all that mattered.
Noriko remembered reading an article once that said that due to the movement of the tectonic plates, the Pacific Ocean shrunk a bit each year. That in millions of years, when the continents were reunited once again to form a single land mass, that there was a possibility that the ocean as they knew it would cease to exist but it would still remain a body of water nonetheless.
“Noriko?”
“Yes?”
“Te amo.”
Noriko furrowed her eyebrows. Her Spanish wasn’t great, pretty nonexistent actually, but did Shimako just say…
At Noriko’s confused expression, Shimako followed up with, “I love you.”
Noriko blushed as her eyes concentrated on the road. She chanced a glance at Shimako, who leaned against the car window, looking at Noriko with the softest eyes, completely at ease.
“I love you too,” Noriko replied, smiling as she turned her eyes back to the road.
Shimako hummed in acknowledgement before she returned her attention back to staring out of the car window.
And Noriko felt at peace in a way she hadn’t in such a long time, cruising down the highway as the skyscrapers in the Tokyo skyline became more prominent the closer they got to home, hearing Shimako’s soft snores from the passenger seat. She finally understood what that article had been trying to say.
She knew that as soon as they returned real life would fine them once again. That she still had to finish her thesis and that Shimako would be in the process of trying to find a job.
But none of that mattered at that moment.
Noriko slowed down the car, hoping to stretch out their bubble for as long as possible. She could still see the ocean in the distance, sparkling under the sunlight, and as she turned off at their needed exit towards the shrine, all Noriko could think was that they finally had a better way to sign off their emails to each other.