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Victor woke to an empty bed. Though the moon shone through the windows of the bedroom, he didn’t need its light to see that Yuuri wasn’t there with him, and hadn’t for quite a while. He sat up slowly, pushing his hair back and let the previously toasty-warm sheets and blankets pool around his waist. He reached for his phone to check the time. It couldn’t have been more than a few hours since he fell asleep with Yuuri in his arms. Through his squinted eyes, he saw it was barely 2 a.m. Damn, it was late, or early. Where was he?
Makkachin was still sprawled out on the edge of their giant bed, paws in the air and completely still except for her breathing. When her master threw back the covers and rose, however, she stretched and followed obediently. Victor let her out of the bedroom into the main living area, and she padded out to find her other favorite human. The Russian grabbed a t-shirt to throw over his torso in an effort to stave off the chill in the apartment at night. It really had gotten chilly the past few nights, hence the addition of several blankets to the couch and bed. He quietly stepped out of the bedroom himself and saw a not-so-uncommon sight.
Yuuri was stretched out on the sofa, clad in sweats and burritoed in a quilt and a knitted afghan his mom had sent Victor for his birthday. His dark hair poked over the side, disheveled from tossing and turning the past few hours. Though he lay still for the moment, Victor could tell he was still awake from the reflection of the Instagram feed in his blue-framed glasses. Images of their friends and competitors scrolled by one after the other, captions irrelevant at this time of night. One of Yuuri’s favorite mugs sat on the table next to him, half-full of green tea, but long-cooled and probably disgusting now that it was room temperature.
Victor came around to the front of the sofa and lifted his fiance’s feet so he could slide under them and absorb some of his body heat. Keeping one hand on Yuuri’s knees, he reached out with the other to gently push down the phone and get his attention. Yuuri looked back at Victor through tired eyes. Even in the low light, he could tell they were red and itchy from the late hour. Yuuri broke the silence first.
“Hi,” he said, his voice clear and louder than normal in the stillness.
“Yuuri, my love, what are you doing up?”
Yuuri offered a sheepish smile. “Couldn’t sleep.”
“Oh? Any particular reason?” The older man slowly rubbed reassuring circles into Yuuri’s knees and calves. He wasn’t angry or defensive, just curious and worried for the younger man next to him.
Yuuri sighed. “Not really. Just my brain wouldn’t shut off. Usual stuff.”
Victor nodded, still gently massaging his legs. “Did you try those pills the doctor gave you? She said you could take them whenever you need them and I don’t remember you taking them in a while,” he offered.
The dark-haired skater shook his head and burrowed deeper into his blanket burrito. Bad sign, that one. Victor had evidently touched a nerve. “No. They make me feel funny the next day, like I’m in a fog that won’t go away,” he said, his voice slightly muffled by the cotton and wool.
Victor tilted his head and stopped his hands. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
Yuuri hesitated, then shook his head again. He sat and reached out a hand to push Victor’s bangs behind his ear. It was a futile effort making them stay there, but the gesture was appreciated by both parties nonetheless. He smiled when they immediately fell forward again. “I dunno yet. I’m definitely tired but I’m not sleepy, you know? I think I might just hang out on the couch until I fall asleep.”
Well, that wouldn’t do. There was no way Victor was going to spend the rest of the night alone in their bed while Yuuri curled up on the couch. He offered a counter-proposal. “Will you come to bed and let me hold you? It might help you relax.”
“I don’t wanna keep you up. You’ll have enough to deal with during practice tomorrow without being sleep-deprived.”
“So will you, miliy. Come on.” He pushed Yuuri’s legs off his lap and onto the floor, then stood and held out a hand. Yuuri looked at it apprehensively before unwrapping himself from his blankets and taking it. There were few things Yuuri couldn’t pass up. Cuddles with Victor were at the top of the list. The two of them pressed close together for warmth and walked back to their bedroom.
The sheets were completely cool by now. Makkachin had not gone back to warm them like she usually did at night. Victor pulled Yuuri close under the covers, so that his head was on Victor’s chest and his hand was over Victor’s heart. The steady in-and-out of his breathing reminded Yuuri to do the same, and soon the two of them breathed in perfect sync. The Japanese rubbed his cheek over Victor’s heart, grateful for the comfortingly familiar smell of shower gel and laundry detergent.
A few moments of peace was all it seemed Yuuri was going to get, though. He rubbed his feet on the sheets and wiggled his hips, trying to loosen the tension in them. He tapped his fingers on Victor’s sternum, the same rhythm over and over and over. Victor raised his hand to the dark hair under his chin and ran his slender fingers through the locks. The moonlight erased the subtle shades of dark brown to them, leaving behind locks of ebony and shadow. Victor knew his own hair was the opposite, the moonlight shining through the silver and turning it to pure sunlight. What a pair the two of them made, sunlight and shadow.
Victor lost himself in his thoughts. He did his best for the next few minutes to go back and forth between carding through Yuuri’s hair and rubbing circles on his back, slowly easing aways the tension there, but Yuuri remained awake and fidgety. Victor found himself unsure what to do, when he remembers an old poem he read when he was still in Juniors and planning one of his first exhibitions. No, it wasn’t a poem, he thinks. It was a song. He remembers playing it for Yakov years ago, the two of them analyzing the lyrics and the theme and deciding that it wasn’t right for the program he wanted. Victor had loved it, though, and played it almost every day for a year. The simplicity of the melody and the arrangement were the antithesis of what he performed for his audience, and it had made him feel safe and special. The lyrics were ingrained in him, even after so many years, and as he lay with his love, he realized how fitting they were for the two of them.
Victor took a deep breath and sang.
“ It’s the way that you blush when you’re nervous… ”
Yuuri turned his head and looked up at his fiance in confusion. “What was that?”
“ It’s your ability to make me earn this. I know that you’re tired, just let me sing you to sleep. ”
Yuuri knew Victor loved music. He loved it. He played it during warm-ups and cool-downs, he hummed to himself while he did paperwork or cooked them dinner, and he always chose his program music carefully, knowing that he’d be listening to it repeatedly for the next nine or so months. However, the songs he actually sang were few and far between. He only sang when he felt words alone couldn’t get his point across. Yuuri’s eyes widened at this unexpected gift, but he remained silent, feeling the vibrations in Victor’s chest as he continued.
“It’s the way that you laugh out of pity. Let’s be honest, I’m not really that funny. I know that you’re shot, but just let me sing you to sleep. ”
Yuuri could tell Victor was smiling at the joke. The Living Legend was many things, but funny wasn’t exactly one of them. Yuuri had booed more jokes than he could count, but always followed with a kiss and a giggle at Victor’s inevitable pout. His eyes drooped, suddenly feeling his exhaustion, but his grip tightened on Victor’s shirt, right over his heart. Victor felt it and looked down at his darling, took his hand and put a kiss on the back before settling it back on his chest.
“ If you need anything, just say the word. I mean, anything. Rest assured, if you start to doze, then I’ll tuck you in, plant my lips where your necklace is closed. ”
Victor’s voice is low and sweet, refined and heartfelt, and Yuuri let it warm him from the inside, like a cup of tea sweetened with honey and enjoyed at home. With every line, his mind unfurled and finally let him relax each muscle in his neck and shoulders. He focused on the sound, on the feel of Victor’s breathing under his head.
“ It’s the pills that you don’t need to take. Medicating perfection, the toll that it takes. I know that you’re spent, but let me sing you to sleep. ”
Victor put a kiss on Yuuri’s head and traced winding patterns between his shoulders, encouraging him to snuggle closer. Yuuri obliged subconsciously, hooking a leg in between Victor’s so that the two of them were octopussing each other, a mess of sheets and limbs.
“ It’s your finger and how I’m wrapped around it. It’s your grace and how it keeps me grounded. I know you’re not weak, but let me sing you to sleep. ”
Another chorus and Yuuri was asleep on Victor’s chest, breathing even and face relaxed. He looked so young and innocent, truly at peace despite his earlier state. Victor paused in his reverie. He couldn’t help but put a confession into what he sang next.
“While you were sleeping, I figured out everything. I was constructed for you and you were molded for me. Now I feel you name coursing through my veins. You shine so bright, it’s insane… ” Realization hit when he sang the last line of the bridge. “ You put the sun to shame. ”
Victor had to change a few of the words in the middle, but this song was for them. It was their give-and-take, their love and loss set to a lullaby. That’s why it hadn’t been right all those years ago. Victor hadn’t known then what it meant to belong to someone and have someone else belong to him. They were each other’s friends and lovers and homes. And yeah, sometimes it was messy. Sometimes they both had struggles to get through, but they had each other to lean on. Never again would either of them ever have to be alone like they were before they met.
The two of them had spent years watching each other and analyzing each other’s skates and trying to catch up to the other person. The truth was, they didn’t need to. The universe had made them for each other, a perfect balance of light and dark, serious and silly, competitive and supportive. Yuuri often said that Victor was like the sun, he shined bright and boisterous for the entire world to bask in. But, Victor would think, what’s the sun without the moon ? The sun gives life and warms the Earth, sure, but it could also burn everything in its path and then itself. The sun needed the moon to show the world that friendship and beauty and love exist even in times of darkness.
“If you need anything, just say the word. I mean, anything. Rest assured, if you start to doze, then I’ll tuck you in, plant my lips where your necklace is closed. ”
That’s what Victor thought as he finished the last chorus for his moon. He crooned the final notes quietly so as to not startle his fiance and the room lapsed into silence. Only the sound of Yuuri’s breathing broke it. He whimpered once in his sleep and his hand squeezed Victor’s reflexively, seeking comfort from the one person he loved and trusted most.
Victor lay there, his ice-blue eyes focused on the ceiling. He was tired himself From the wake-up, but he wasn't willing to fall asleep again until he was sure Yuuri was safe and dozing soundly.
He took a deep breath and softly sang their lullaby once more.