Archive of Our Own

DOES THAT MAKE ME CRAZY?

(KENMA’S PERSPECTIVE)

I always liked video games. They were a way I could express myself, a place where I could care. My mom always told me they were bad for my health, but I never really cared. In video games, I could live in a world of my choosing. I didn’t have to wear a mask. I could freely express myself in ways I couldn’t in the real world, so why could something so good do so much harm?

Training camp was over. I was sad to see Shouyou go. Karasuno got on the bus and left. I felt a little empty. I looked over my shoulder. Kuroo was laughing with Bokuto and saying goodbye. I sat down on the steps and took out my Nintendo. I glanced over again. Bokuto had his arm around Kuroo and was whispering something in his ear. Kuroo looked over at me, his face red. I looked back at my Nintendo. I couldn’t get attached to Kuroo. It was clear Bokuto liked him, so I dismissed the thought. You can’t have everything you want, Kenma, my mother’s voice rang through my mind. She was right this once. That was okay. I didn’t care, I couldn’t care, I wouldn’t care.

I watched Kuroo hug Bokuto goodbye. Fukodurani left. I sighed and opened up Minecraft. I decided to create a new world, one for these feelings. A world where I could be with Kuroo. That would be nice. I opened up the new server and explored the world a little. I remembered Kuroo saying something about the beach. He said he liked the beach. He also said he liked girls with long hair. Something angry flared. I sighed and calmed myself. In this world, there were no girls with long hair. Only me. I headed over to the beach and took out my fishing rod. I would build him a beautiful world he would never see. I could be with him in my imagination.

Kuroo walked over to me.
“What are you doing?” He asked.
“...” I wasn’t sure how to reply. “Minecraft-”
“What are you building?” He questioned.
“I’m fishing.”
“Oh! I love fish!” He said. I already knew that.
“Yeah, I know,” I said. I wanted him to leave me alone. Him being here just made me feel worse. I decided to ask him. I had to. I just needed to know. Did he like Bokuto? Or was it girls with long hair? It confused me. I tried to stop thinking. “Do you like Bokuto?” I asked. The question took him by surprise. His face got red. So he did.
“Uhm, no. I only see him as my brother. It would be weird, dating him.”
“You can tell me, you know. I promise I won’t tell,” I said. Kuroo just stood with his arms crossed and shook his head. So he didn’t like Bokuto? Then why did he get flustered?
“No Kenma. I don’t think of him like that. Besides, he is in a relationship with Akaashi.”
Oh. That did make sense. I guess that made sense. Thinking about it, I remembered Bokuto acting weird around Akaashi. And they would sleep close together. I needed to stop thinking.
“Anyways,” he said, “we have practice off today. Do you want to hang out?’’ If we had the day off, that meant I could work on my world. I didn’t feel like hanging out, either.
“Uhm, sorry I am busy,” I said. Kuroo frowned.
“Okay,” he said. He walked off. I went home.

The whole day I worked in the Minecraft world. I built the house Kuroo always wanted and a sushi restaurant on the beach. I got him a dog. I didn’t name it. I wasn’t sure what Kuroo would want to name it. I made a volleyball stadium and a boba shop. Kuroo’s favorite store. His favorite manga shop. After sixteen hours, I had enough. My hands hurt. I checked my phone. Kuroo had texted, asking if I wanted dinner at his place. I was hungry. I texted him back and said sure. I took my Nintendo and told my mom I was leaving.

Kuroo’s apartment was small. He had only one bedroom and a bathroom. He seemed to be happy there, though. Living on his own. I sat down on the couch and opened my Nintendo. Kuroo sat down beside me. He had ordered food.
“What did you order?” I asked, not taking my eyes off of my video game.
“It’s a surprise,” he said with a smile in his voice. I continued playing my game.
“Wanna do something?” He asked.
“Sure, why not?” I replied.
“I challenge you to a game of Just Dance,” he grinned.
“Oh really?” I said. “That game is my forte, you know?”
“Yes. And if I beat you, you have to do whatever I want.”
“And If I win?” I asked.
“Then I will do whatever you want.” I considered this for a moment.
“Fine,” I said, “I agree to your terms.” Kuroo went over to the television and powered on his Nintendo Switch. After about an hour of playing the same song over and over Kuroo had beat me twenty-five times to zero. I was dumbfounded.
“Since when do you like K-pop and since when do you beat me at Just Dance?” I asked. Kuroo smiled slyly.
“I’ve been practicing.” I crossed my arms. Now I had to do whatever he wanted. I sighed in annoyance.
“Well?” I asked.
“Show me,” he said. I didn’t understand.
“Show you what?” I asked.
“The Minecraft world you were ignoring me for. You know, the one you’ve been working on for sixteen hours.”
“Oh,” was all I managed to say. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shitshitshitshitshit. I had to find a way to get out of this. My heart started to beat faster. “Uhm…” I didn’t know what to say. Was I to show him? I had to come up with an excuse. Wait. I didn’t have to. I realized I overestimated Kuroo. That tall pretty boy was just about as smart as Shouyou. He couldn’t take a hint. He wouldn’t know. He would think I did it out of friendship. How could I be so stupid?
“Sure,” I said. I took out my switch and hooked it up to the television. I opened up the world, which happened to be titled, “Stay away you dumb rooster ass head.” Kuroo laughed.
“Dumb rooster ass head?” He questioned.
“Whatever,” I muttered. I opened the world. For some reason, while he was exploring what I had built, his eyes shined. He had a huge smile on his face. When I showed him the dog, he insisted on naming it Rooster, after him. I tried not to smile, but I couldn’t help it. Kuroo saw my small smirk and smiled back.
“I didn’t know you paid attention to what I told you,” he said.
“Yeah, well your annoying voice is hard to forget,” I replied. Kuroo looked over at me. He smiled. I smiled back. Maybe just staying as friends would be okay.
“Kenma,” Kuroo said.
“Yeah?”
“Do you like me?” he said with a serious look on his face.
“Uhm-” was all I could manage to mutter. “Maybe…” Oh well, I thought. So much for just being friends.
“Cool,” he said. His statement took me by surprise. “Kenma Kozume likes me. The person who has never liked another human being before likes me. I like you too, you know?” He said. Oh. That took me by surprise. He meant as a person. I did overestimate him. He thought I meant as friends. I sighed in relief.
“Yeah, Tetsu. I like you.” Kuroo’s smile was bright.

(KUROO’S PERSPECTIVE)

Kenma stayed over at my house that night. We got tired after Just Dance and eating Pork Cutlet bowls. I watched Kenma groggily rub his eyes as we watched My Hero Academia. He kept on closing his eyes for a split second and then jolting up. He was tired.
“You tired, Kitten?” I asked. Kenma’s eyes widened at what I’d called him.
“Kitten?”
“Yeah,’’ I said, “because you are a human cat.” He looked less surprised now, and more of his usual self.
“Don’t call me that,” he said.
“Yeah, sure whatever. Anyways, you wanna go to sleep?” Kenma just shrugged. I turned the television off and by the time I started to head to my room, Kenma was fast asleep on the couch. He looked so peaceful. His eyes were closed and he was huddled under the blankets. He looked cute when he was sleeping. I didn’t want to wake him, but I couldn’t leave him like that either. Instead, I picked him up. Kenma was small and light. He felt as if he only weighed about eighty or so pounds. It was adorable. I tiptoed into my room, doing my best not to wake him, and laid him on my bed. I pushed him over to the right a little bit and got in bed myself. I suddenly realized how weird it was, sleeping in the same bed with my best friend. Then I remembered I was straight and we didn’t think of each other like that at all. We were just two boys who were best friends and happened to be sleeping in the same bed. That was all. I stared at Kenma some more. God, he was so cute when he was sleeping. I couldn’t stop staring. I didn’t get much sleep that night.

TWO WEEKS LATER

I stopped talking to girls after that night. I wasn’t sure why. The girls were pretty. They had stuff like silky long hair you could just run your hands through all day and things like boobs. I didn’t care for boobs, but hey, you take what you can get. Girls didn’t appeal to me anymore. Besides, I preferred spending my time with Kenma. Who knew watching a human cat play Animal Crossing for three hours straight was entertaining? It didn’t matter what we were doing, just watching Kenma fixate over stuff was fun.

One day, Kenma and I were sitting outside of school on the stairs. He was playing a game on his phone. A pretty girl with long black flowing hair approached us.
“Hey,” she said shyly.
“Hi!” I smiled. Kenma looked up from his game.
“Uhm I just wanted to let you know your hair looks nice today,” she flirted. That took me by surprise. I wasn’t sure what to say. I wasn’t really in the mood to flirt. Kenma seemed to read my mood and asked if I could go to the vending machines with him.
“Uhm, what is your name?” I asked the girl.
“Yamamoto,” she said.
“Well my kitten wants to go to the vending machines before we go home and study for exams, so I’m sorry but I have to go.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry!” She said. “I didn’t know you had a boyfriend!”
“Boyfriend?” I asked. Kenma’s face went red out of embarrassment, and he just focused on his game. “Kenma isn’t my boyfriend, we are just best friends.”
“Oh, sorry! I just assumed since you called him Kitten.”
“Oh, no,” I replied, “It is just his nickname since he is a human cat.”
“Yeah and it sucks,” Kenma interjected.
“Well I will just go then,” Yamamoto said, clearly knowing she had been rejected. I sighed in relief when she left. Kenma looked over at me with an annoyed look.
“Geez, Tetsu. You are almost as bad as Oikawa with the fangirls,” he said sarcastically.
“She wasn’t my type, and I wasn’t in the mood,” I said.
“I figured you weren’t in the mood,” Kenma replied, “but she looked like your type. She was really pretty and had long hair. Probably a straight-A student.” I wasn’t sure how to reply, so I offered to go and get some Pocky sticks from the vending machine.

Weeks past and nine people had asked me out, boys and girls alike. Kenma was acting weird too. I sighed in bed that night. Every one of them didn’t feel right. Plus, Kenma always needed to get something when they approached. Wait. That was weird. Like he was...distracting me from them. I knew Kenma was smart, but he couldn’t read minds. Was he jealous? I mean, I was the only human he liked. Ever. Or was there something else? Did he like me more than friends? Or was I just thinking that? Once I put the pieces together it made sense. When he told me he liked me a month ago, did he mean more than friends? Oh. OH. How could I be so stupid? But I was straight. I liked girls. Didn’t I? That was what Dad always said. I remember that day I told him I thought a boy on a television show was cute. He told me I couldn’t think like that because I was straight. I remember him slapping me, saying boys didn’t think thoughts like that. But then why did I? And why did Kenma? I didn’t sleep that night.

I sat next to Kenma at lunch the next day. He offered to let me play a game with him. For the first time, I turned him down. I wasn’t in the mood. He kept the same expression. He didn’t like me, could he? But his eyebrows furrowed. Just the slightest glint of anger? Sadness? Confusion? Where was the boy who didn’t care?

After practice that day, I offered to walk Kenma home. He nodded, and we walked out of the changing room together. A tall boy from the swimming team walked towards us. Not again. He had short blond hair and piercing blue eyes. He was muscular and handsome. Hot, even.
“You are Nekoma’s volleyball captain, no?” he asked.
“Uhm, yeah. I am,” I said.
“Cool. I am the swim team captain. I watched your most recent volleyball match. You are good. Your spikes are awesome.” I felt my face getting hot. Kenma kept the same blank expression. No. It wasn’t. There was a hint of jealousy. It was stronger than usual.
“Uhm Tetsu, I have to go home,” he said. My attention snapped to him.
“Of course, sorry,” I replied. So Kenma did like me. He was jealous. I smirked. I couldn’t help it. Kenma, the boy who didn’t care about anything was jealous. “Just give me a second,” I told him. I turned back to the swimming captain. I knew it was bad, but I wanted to flirt with this dude. Just a little. To see Kenma’s reaction. “What is your name?” I asked the blond boy.
“Haru,” he replied. A smile played on my lips. I bit my lip. Kenma looked away. I looked Haru up and down.
“I don’t usually say this, but damn. Are you sure you don’t have a boyfriend?” I asked.
Haru winked at me.
“The spot is open if you want it.” That was enough. I could sense Kenma’s rage. As cute as it was, I should stop. I was hurting Kenma.
“Sorry pretty boy, but I’ll pass,” I said. Haru seemed to understand.
“Of course,” he said, “well if you ever change your mind, I’m here.” He walked off. I took Kenma by his arm. I didn’t give him time to process what I was doing. I dragged him over to the cherry blossom tree. I put my hands on his shoulders and looked down at him. Kenma had a confused expression.
“You can’t fool me anymore, you know,” I said.
“I don’t understand,” he replied innocently. A little too innocently.
“You underestimated me. You were jealous back there. You were jealous of Yamamoto. I admit you had me fooled for a while. You like me, don’t you,” I interrogated, “I have to admit, you are cute when you are jealous.” Kenma looked dumbfounded.
“H...how?”
“Oh, come on Kitten. You thought you could be sneaky? It doesn’t matter.” My forehead touched his. I whispered in his ear, “I like you too.” Kenma shook. His face was tomato red and he looked shocked, unsure of how to react. He couldn’t calculate the situation. I was too smooth. What I didn’t predict, was him pressing his lips against mine, on his tiptoes. I don’t think he expected it either. It was instinct. I kissed him back. That’s when I knew for sure I wasn’t straight.
Our lips parted. The kitten was mine.

(KENMA’S PERSPECTIVE)

Two days had passed since the kiss Kuroo and I shared. It felt magical. His touch was like a million stars scattered across a night sky. I held on to the memory of Kuroo's lips pressed to mine. I wanted to see him again. I wanted to talk to him again. I checked the time on my phone. It was 01:31 am. My head pounded. My ears rang. I just couldn't stop thinking. I wasn't used to this. I couldn't bear it. I found myself opening up my phone and opening up the messaging app. Kuroo's name was at the top. I was too tired to text, and yet I was too awake to fall asleep. I felt bad pressing the call button above our previous conversation but instinctively boxed that thought away. What happened to not caring, Kenma? The voice in my head rang. The voice was right. So what if he was asleep? It was his fault that I couldn’t. I wanted to call him, so I did. The phone didn’t even ring for a second, Kuroo had already picked up the call.
“Hey, Kitten,” a groggy voice said on the other side of the call. “You feeling needy right now?”
“Shut up Kuro,” I replied. “I can’t sleep and it is your fault.”
“Oh, how so?”
“Because you kissed me,” I muttered bitterly.
“What was that?” he asked, “I couldn’t hear you.”
“Because you kissed me,” I said louder in annoyance.
“Oh, I’m sorry Kitten. You kissed me, actually and I didn’t know my lips were magic.” I couldn’t help but laugh. Kuroo quietly laughed as well.
“Kuro?” I asked.
“Yes?”
“Today is Sunday, right?”
“Mhm.”
“We don’t have practice, right?”
“Mhm. Wait, are you trying to ask me out?” He questioned.
“No, are you dumb or something,” I retorted. My cheeks were flushed and my legs wouldn’t stop moving. Yes, dummy, I wanna ask you out, but I’m too scared!
“Well, wanna go out with me tomorrow?” Kuroo asked. My heart skipped a beat. Yes. Yes! YES!
“Fine you rooster head. Only if we get pork cutlet bowls.”
“Rooster? I thought only Shouyou called me that?”
“Well, now I am too.”
“Whatever you say, Kitten.”
“Are we even a thing, Kuroo?” I asked.
“Only if you want to be.” My heart raced, my legs bounced. Of course, I did!
“I wanna wait,” I told him, “I wanna see what it’s like going on dates with you and stuff first. I’ve never dated anyone before.”
“Anything for you, Kitten.” I yawned. “Are you getting tired?” he asked.
“It doesn’t matter, I can’t sleep anyways.”
“Want me to sing to you?” he offered.
“...”
“Well?”
“Only if you want,” I mumbled. I had no idea Kuroo could even sing.
“It’s in English, so you might not understand it,” he said.
“That’s okay,” I replied.
“It’s a sad song, just so you know. Or at least I sing it sadly.” A soft melody came from Kuroo’s voice. I couldn’t understand the foreign language, (I was starting to regret not taking English classes) but it was beautiful.
“I remember when

I remember I remember when I lost my mind

There was something so pleasant about that place

Even your emotions had an echo, in so much space

And when you're out there without care

Yeah I was out of touch

But it wasn't because I didn't know enough

I just knew too much

Does that make me Crazy?

Does that make me Crazy?

Does that make me Crazy?

Possibly?” I had fallen asleep too fast to hear the rest.

(KUROO’S PERSPECTIVE)

I finished singing the song. Kenma was quiet. I could only hear soft breathing on the other line. He had fallen asleep. I smiled. Good. He needs it, I thought. I stayed on the phone. His breathing calmed me. Does that make me crazy? The thoughts drifted off as I, too, fell asleep.

The sun shined on me through my window. I could feel the warmth of the rays beating down on me. I looked at my phone. The call had ended on its own. I stretched and got out of bed. How is Kenma? I wondered. Is he still asleep? I grabbed my phone and decided to shoot him a quick good morning text. Just for the hell of it.

-Kurooster-
Good morning! You feel right asleep last night! Are you excited about our date tonight?

-ApplePi-
Why didn’t you tell me you could sing?

-Kurooster-
I dunno I guess I just never really sang to anyone before and I didn’t have a reason
to.

-ApplePi-
Look, if we are ever gonna be in a relationship together, I have to establish some rules.

-Kurooster-
Oh? Like what?

-ApplePi-
Like you have to sing me to sleep every night.

-Kurooster-
So you liked it that much?

-ApplePi-
Whatever. It is the only thing that helps me sleep.

-Kurooster-
Whatever you wish for is my command, Kitten.

-ApplePi-
You are crazy. You know what? I wish for you to leave me alone until the date
(TEXT READ: 10:22 A.M.)

I left Kenma on read and got ready for the day. I had to make sure our first date was perfect. I looked at all the restaurants where I could order a pork cutlet bowl. I checked the pricing. I had enough yen...but it didn’t feel like enough. I could still do something better. A plan formed in my mind. I would surprise him. As the puzzle pieces fit into place, I had a cup of coffee and took a shower. My dad called. I clicked decline. I got dressed. I wore a white t-shirt and black, ripped jeans with a hoodie. The one Kenma liked. My dad called again. I picked up the phone in annoyance.
“What is it, Dad?”
“Come home, your mother misses you.” my heart sank.
“No. Not until you stop drinking.”
“I have. I’m sober.” I heard my mom crying in the background.
“Did you hit her?”
“I did no such thing!” the crying got louder.
“Dad stop hurting her.”
“AKARI SHUT YOUR MOUTH! DO YOU WANT ANOTHER BRUISE?!” I heard my dad yell at my mom.
“Dad, stop,” I cried.
“Then come home,” he said.
“Maybe I will when you stop drinking.”
“Maybe I’ll stop drinking when you stop being a fag-” I hung up. Tears streamed down my face. No. I wouldn’t let this ruin my day. I had Kenma. He was enough. I wiped my eyes and tried to forget.

(KENMA’S PERSPECTIVE)

I checked the time on my phone. 19:00. Where was Kuroo? My legs bounced in anticipation. Once I realized what I was doing, I stopped. My twitch was getting out of control lately. There was a knock on the door. My mom went to open it.
“Oh, Kuroo! You’re here!” she exclaimed with a kind look in her eyes.
“Yeah, I am picking up Kenma for our date,” he said. My legs bounced. Date. Date. He said the word date to my mom.
“Take care of my son,” she said. “If you guys become serious, remember condoms. I trust you since you are Kenma’s childhood friend, but-”
“Kozume-San, I would never. I was just simply taking him on a date-” My mom took Kuroo’s hands.
“I know. I just care about my baby. That’s all,” she smiled. “Kenma, your date is here,” I stood up, my face expressionless. I walked over to Kuroo and he took my hand.
“Goodbye,” I muttered as my mother closed the door. My hand was intertwined with Kuroo’s. My legs started to wiggle, but I calmed them down.
“Your legs?” Kuroo asked. “Is it back?” His face paled.
“No. The doctor said that might happen. Although, I should probably get checked again soon, just in case,” I said. I pushed the thought away. My legs hadn’t wiggled badly since elementary school. Are my legs going crazy?
“Come on,” Kuroo said. We walked hand in hand together. I didn’t realize it at first, but Kuroo was carrying a basket in his other hand. Did he plan a picnic? After about 30 minutes of walking, we reached the park. So it was a picnic. I didn’t pay attention to my surroundings. It made me uncomfortable. Instead, I focused my attention on Kuroo, who was laying out a blanket on the grass. I watched him gently place it down so gracefully. He saw me watching and winked. My leg started to wiggle. Kuroo smiled, but I could see the unease in his eyes. He knew it and so did I. My RLS returned. It didn’t matter right now, though. Being with him was the only thing that did. Kuroo set his phone on the grass and went to unpack the food. His phone vibrated. I checked to see who was calling. It was his dad. I declined the call immediately.
“Kuro, why is he calling?” I asked.
“That doesn’t matter right now, what matters is this pork cutlet bowl that has your name on it!” he smiled, handing me the warm dish. I held the bowl up to my nose and sniffed. I smiled slightly. Kuroo looked at me, I rarely smiled, so he always cherished the moments when I did. We sat and talked on the blanket for a while, it was nice. Then, Kuroo took something else out of the basket. It smelled like the only thing I liked more than video games and pork cutlet bowls. It smelled like apple pie.

“You ate the last piece?!” Kuroo accused me after I had just finished the apple pie Kuroo had blessed us with.
“Yes, and trust me, it was as holy as Asajesus.” My joke caused Kuroo to laugh.
“Didn’t know you had a sense of humor, Kitten,” Kuroo joked.
“Oh shut up you old rooster.” I noticed a large object inside the basket. “Hey what is that?” I asked.
“That, my dear Kitten,” he said as he got up, “is a ukulele. A very American instrument.”
“Like the American song you sang me?” I asked.
“Yeah, sort of,” he said.
“Can you play it?”
“Why would I bring it if I couldn’t?” My leg shook in anticipation, but my expression was still bank.
“Play me something,” I said. And so he did.

I laid down on the blanket and listened to the beautiful music coming from the ukulele. My eyes closed.

One day in my fourth year of elementary school, my legs couldn’t stop shaking. I couldn’t control it. They just shook. I wasn’t sure what to do except cry. Kuroo ran to my aide and tried to stop them. They would not stop shaking. My teacher called my mom to take me home. Kuroo insisted on joining us. My mom went to the hospital that day to have the doctor check me. The doctors did all sorts of tests, taking my blood, checking my heart. Kuroo held my hand through them all. The doctors came back and told me I was lucky my leg started shaking. She told me I had something called RLS. I couldn’t remember the fancy name for it. All I knew was that RLS was the reason my legs were shaking. And they also told us something else. It might have saved my life. The doctors told me that after they took my blood, they noticed an unusual amount of white blood cells. A highly unusual amount. They diagnosed me with RLS and Acute Myeloid Leukemia. They told me both would be treatable, especially since my RLS had caught cancer early. What they didn’t tell me, was that one day it would come back. I didn’t know that this could come back.

My mom woke me up early the next morning. She said we had to go to the doctor to make sure cancer hadn't come back. The doctor’s office smelled the same. It smelled like death. It smelled like that stupid line the doctor’s always said. I'm so sorry. It got annoying. The word was overused. Why not just say, Oh you have cancer. It’s bad. I didn’t understand why doctor’s used fake remorse. They were getting paid anyway. It was just annoying. We sat in the waiting room for a little while before the nurse came to get us. I felt calm in the examining room, but not my legs. They kept on jiggling. The doctor handed me a pill. The wiggling stopped. Then she took my blood. I looked at my mom. She was smiling, but I could tell she was nervous. She wasn't good at hiding it. The nurse came back in with a grim look on her face. I knew it before she could say it.
“Don’t say I’m sorry,” I mumbled. “It’s fine. Did we catch it early again?” I asked.
“Yes,” she replied, “but not as early as I would have liked. Your doctor will be in here soon to discuss the course of action.” Before leaving, she handed me a small red box. I smiled slightly. Nurse Sato always gave me something on my visits. She called it a little generous thank you for living. A small gesture of kindness that I appreciated. She was one of the only adults I liked. I glanced over at my mother while holding the box in my hands. She wasn’t crying this time but was depressed. How could she not be? My cancer had just returned. Nurse Sato left the room.
“Open it,” my mother smiled grimly. I opened the box which revealed a Nintendo game. It was Pokemon Shield. I would play it when I got home. The doctor came into the room.
“So, Kenma San? You really couldn’t keep it away?” Doctor Ito joked. I also liked Doctor Ito. He always made jokes when it wasn’t appropriate. I liked that about him. He wasn’t very formal. I wondered what Kuroo would say.
“I guess I’m just too irresistible,” I replied.
“Kenma, since when did you get a sense of humor?”
“I dunno,” I replied. “I guess it just has something to do with my inevitable death.”
“Death is always inevitable.”
“Yeah, but when you are sixteen it kinda gets to ya I guess.”
“Okay, enough joking,” Doctor Ito said. “It’s time to discuss the best course of action.”
My mom looked up. “Since it isn’t surgically removable, we will have to go through chemotherapy or targeted therapy drugs. Although chemo is more effective, it will be tougher on your body. You would have to quit volleyball.” That would be fine. I could come up with some stupid excuse to tell Kuroo.
“And school?” my mom asked.
“He could continue going to school for now, since it isn’t that bad, although if any diseases start going around, he’ll have to stay home and quarantine for a few weeks.”
“I want chemo,” I told my mom. She nodded.
“Of course baby, whatever you want.”
“Am I gonna live?” I asked.
“Maybe. You have a 65%-70% chance of getting cured. It may come back again. And if treatment doesn’t work, you have a five-year life expectancy.”
“Okay. Now how long should I wait to tell my boyfriend?” I asked. Technically not a boyfriend, but still. I had to know.
“Hmm. That is up to you,” he said. “But you got a boyfriend?” My cheeks went red.
“Yeah. He is handsome and smells like vanilla. He has black hair that sticks up like a rooster, but I think it’s cute. He is taller than me and is the volleyball captain. He is corny and has eyes that look like a million galaxies. You may call me crazy, but he is the only reason I have to fight.”
“He sounds awesome,” Doctor Ito said. Kuroo texted.

-Kurooster-
How is the appointment going?
(READ: 08:30 A.M.)

Should I tell him? It would break him for sure. He would be annoying and check up on me all the time. He would insist on caring for me. It could wait. I decided to only tell him if it got worse.

-ApplePi-
I don’t have cancer, but the RLS is back. I just gotta take some pills they gave me. RLS is a weird disease, so there is no explanation for the way it works.

-Kurooster-
I am so glad you are okay. Are you ready for volleyball later?

-ApplePi-
The doctors said just to be safe, I should stop playing. So I have to quit the team. I never loved the sport anyways. I don’t like getting tired.

-Kurooster-
I understand. It’s not gonna be the same without our genius pudding head server ;(((

-ApplePi-
Oh shut up you will be fine. Anyways, I gtg. Ttyl.

I shut off my phone, looking grim. I would have to quit my favorite sport. I wouldn’t get a chance to play Hinata. Oh well. I couldn’t care. If I cared, I got attached. I couldn’t get attached to living. I refused to.

(KUROO’S PERSPECTIVE)
I sighed in relief. Kenma wasn’t sick. We could still have forever together. I wondered when I would tell him I loved him. Maybe in a year. No, that would be too late. I would tell him on the fourth date. That sounded good. I would have to be more careful with him. Even if it wasn’t here now, cancer could easily come back. There was a chance he was lying, but I refused to believe it. I would wait for him to tell me himself. My dad called again. I declined and ran my hands through my hair. Why is he so difficult? I wondered. I looked on my switch to see what Kenma was doing. He was playing Pokemon Shield. I didn’t want to bother him. Instead, I tried to write him a song. It was no use. I didn’t know what to say. I was too in love with him to know what to say. Does that make me crazy? I wondered.

Four weeks past. It was finally the fourth date. Kenma told me he wasn’t feeling too well and didn’t want to go out. He canceled our date. I wouldn’t let that stop me. I would bring the date to him. I wanted to make it special. This would be the day I confessed my love to him. I put my portable record player in a case and headed over to Kenma’s house. I knocked on the door. Kenma opened it.
“Kuroo?” he murmured. “What are you doing here?” He looked tired and sick. I ignored it and put on my brightest smile. “Here for our date!”
“Kuroo, did you not get the memo? I got sick. I just threw up all over the living room.”
“So a little flu is going to stop us?”
“You could get sick,” he said.
“I don’t care. You are more important. So, do you feel well enough to go to the roof?” Kenma shook his head in annoyance.
“Kuroo, I am only wearing a hoodie and sweatpants. I don’t feel like a date.”
“Please?” I whined.
“Fine. Only for you, but don’t blame me if I throw up on you.”
“I wouldn’t dare,” I smirked. I grabbed some stuff and went up the stairs of Kenma’s apartment complex until we reached the roof. It was summer, so it was hot out. The stars twinkled in the sky. The galaxy was beautiful but not as beautiful as Kenma.
“It’s beautiful out here,” he said. Kenma wasn’t one to compliment nature, so when he did, he meant it.
“Not as beautiful as you.” I looked into his eyes for a minute. He had the most beautiful eyes. I smiled at him. Kenma shifted his glance away and looked at the sky, stopping himself from turning red in the face. I took out my portable record player and hooked it up to the only outlet outside. I played The Beatles.
“A British band?” Kenma asked.
“Yes, why wouldn’t it be?”
“God, Kuro, you are so weird,” Kenma said.
“But that’s what you love about me!” Kenma didn’t reply. I got down on one knee and held out my hand. “Dance with me?” I offered. Kenma shyly took my hand, and I stood up. I placed my hand on his waist, and he placed his right hand on my shoulder. I proceeded to hold his free hand. We slowly danced under the stars.

Slow dancing with Kenma was magical. Every second. The way he leaned against my shoulder, feeling my heart pound in my chest. His soft breathing. His small, warm body brushing against mine. It was enough to make a man fall in love. More than enough. I slowly spun him around. He stumbled and stepped on my foot. I laughed and pulled him into my arms. He was perfect. Too perfect. How was it legal to be that perfect? I looked down at him and pressed my lips against his. He tasted soft. Like apple pie. The kind of apple pie that is so good, you can’t stop. I continued kissing him. I could have kissed him until daylight. Kenma got tired, so we laid on the floor, staring at the stars. Something moved in the sky. A shooting star.
“Make a wish,” he told me. I closed my eyes. “I wish...for forever together.” I stole a glance at him. His eyes closed as he made his wish. His face was glowing from the moonlight. I wanted to kiss him right then and there. He smiled. What a sight. His smile was like a million galaxies. So unique. So beautiful.
“What did you wish for?” I whispered.
“It’s a secret,” he whispered back, looking into my eyes deeply.
“Can I tell you something?” I asked.
“Of course,” he replied.
“I love you. Does that make me crazy?” Kenma leaned over and kissed me, long and hard.
“I love you too. Does that make me crazy?” I laughed.
“Yeah, a little.”
“I’m fine being crazy for you.” I thought my heart was going to leap out of my chest. “Kuroo?” he asked.
“Yes?”
“Could you sing the song again?” Kenma asked. He moved closer to me, laying his head on my chest.
“Anything for you, Kitten.” I continued the song from where we left off last time.

“And I hope that you are having the time of your life
But think twice
That's my only advice
Mm
Come on now, who do you
Who do you, who do you
Who do you think you are?
Hahaha, bless your soul
You really think you're in control?
Well
I think you're crazy
I think you're crazy
I think you're crazy
Just like me”
Kenma smiled. I closed my eyes. It was perfect. I grabbed my phone and took a selfie to savor the moment. So I would never forget, the night I fell in love with Kenma all over again. I couldn’t get enough of his apple pie scent and his taste. His touch. His soft breathing. He was mine, forever. I hugged him tightly.

When we went back downstairs, Kenma looked like he was about to puke. He ran to the bathroom and threw up. I ran after him and held back his hair as he vomited into the toilet. After finishing, he smiled weakly. I used my sleeve to wipe his lips and kissed him. He broke away and looked at me with disgust.
“Did you just kiss me right after I threw up?” He laughed.
“Of course. Are you stupid?”
“Are you gross?”
“Probably,” I laughed. Kenma’s laugh was music to my ears. He coughed weakly. I turned around to smile at the two of us in the mirror. My heart stopped. On the counter, there were bottles. Bottles full of pills. The ones you took when you got cancer. I turned around. My eyes welled up with tears. Kenma’s did too.
“Kitten? Is there something you want to tell me?” I asked, my voice breaking. He threw himself into my arms and cried into my chest.
“I’m sorry,” he sobbed. “I didn’t want to hurt you. I ruined our perfect night.”
“No, Kitten. Shhhh,” I whispered, stroking his hair. “You didn’t ruin it at all. You are perfect. I know you didn’t want to hurt me. We will get through this, okay?” I cried.
“Do you still think tonight was perfect?”
“Was? It still is. I’m glad you finally told me. I love hugging you on the cold bathroom floor! I love you. I always will. Even if it means I’m crazy. I promise.”
“You promise?”
“I promise. Does that make me crazy?”
“A little.”
“I’m fine with that.” Kenma’s mom came rushing in. Her eyes surveyed the situation.
“Did he throw up?” she asked.
“A little. I took care of it though.”
“God must have blessed us with your existence,” she smiled. “You will make a wonderful son-in-law.” My heart pounded at her words. Son-in-law? I couldn’t believe she said that. All I managed to do was ask,
“Can I stay the night?”
“Of course.”

(KENMA’S PERSPECTIVE)
Kuroo carried me to my room. I fought him, but he didn’t listen. I couldn’t have walked even if I wanted to. Chemo was worse than in my memory.
“It’s gonna hurt for a bit of time,” Kuroo whispered in my ear, “but don’t worry. You’ll kick this cancer in the ass.” He sat me down on my bed and took my clothes off caringly, leaving me in my boxers. I was freezing.
“Can you please give me some sweatpants or something?” I asked him, my body shaking. Kuroo felt my forehead.
“You feel warm.” He left me in my room, freezing. He returned after about a minute or so with a thermometer. “Open your mouth,” he said softly. I obeyed him. He stuck the thermometer in my mouth. When it beeped, he took it out and looked at it. His eyebrows furrowed. “40 degrees celsius. Nope, no sweatpants for you.”
“But I’m cold” I mumbled.
“I know, kitten. Lie down on the bed. I’ll be there in a minute to warm you up.” I did as he asked, but I pulled the comforters over me. Kuroo rolled his eyes and pulled the comforter off the bed and onto the floor. “Sheets only.” I sighed and pulled the sheets over me. I shivered. Kuroo came back a few minutes later in a hoodie and nothing else. He climbed into bed with me. I hugged him tightly, desperate for the body heat. “This chemo is bad, huh?” All I could do was nod and listen to his heartbeat. It was calming and slow. Before I knew it, I was asleep in his arms.
The next morning, I woke up hot. Very hot. I kicked the sheets off and woke up in a cold sweat. Kuroo was sitting next to me, scrolling on his Instagram feed. He looked over.
“Kitten, you are awake!” I groaned and fell back on the bed. I was tired. I wanted my switch. Kuroo seemed to know what I wanted through instinct and handed me my Nintendo. I opened it up and went on Pokemon Shield. I glanced over at Kuroo, who was blushing for some reason.
“I can’t believe your mom said I would be her son-in-law.” he groaned out of embarrassment. He threw his phone on the bed and covered his face with his hands.
“Well...I mean...she isn’t wrong,” I mumbled, focusing on my game.
“That’s not the point-” Kuroo groaned. “Wait. Did you just agree to marry me?!” He asked. I threw a pillow in his face.
“Shut up Kuro.”

(KUROO’S PERSPECTIVE)
It was Monday. I got my stuff together and walked to Kenma’s house. I knocked on the door and waited for Kenma. A small boy opened the door. He had a grim look on his face, and his hair was up in a small ponytail. My cheeks flushed. I’d never seen Kenma with his hair up before. He seemed to notice.
“Oh stop it. I only put it up because I feel hot today.” Kenma put a mask on and hopped down the steps.
“Well, I mean you are always hot,” I winked. Kenma rolled his eyes.
“Let’s just go to school.” I smiled and took Kenma’s hand.
News spread quickly at Nekoma High. It wasn’t even half a day before the whole school found out Kenma had cancer. I could tell he was annoyed. His expression got grimmer with every hand-made “Get Well Soon” card he received. I felt bad for him. The news of our relationship wasn’t very big at first, but when everyone found out about Kenma’s cancer, we couldn’t go five minutes without someone approaching us. As selfish as it was, I was glad Kenma was the only one who got the I’m so sorries. It was worse when I was the one who was approached. I got the, How does it feel watching your boyfriend get sick? How do you deal with him? What are you gonna do if he dies? I thought if I heard those words one more time, I would slap someone. Those words were an anvil on my heart. The only thing that kept me on Earth then was Kenma’s hand. His soft, warm hands. I didn’t know something could make me let go. We were sitting in class. The principal had made arrangements so that I had every class with Kenma. I did my independent work in his classes. I was just there for moral support. I was also there in case he threw up. Kenma and I were sitting down together before class started. I watched Haru approach me. Kenma looked up at him.
“Yes?” I asked.
“You should’ve chosen me,” he said with his arms crossed.
“Excuse me, what?” I demanded.
“I would be a much better boyfriend than Kenma. I’m just saying. I’ve got looks, I’m strong, and I don’t have cancer. You wouldn’t have to care for a living ghost.” Kenma didn’t seem to mind Haru’s comment, however, I was fuming. I slammed my fist on the desk.
“Say that again. I dare you.”
“He’s gonna die, you know. He will have left you broken-hearted and alone. I can treat you better than him.” That was it. Before I knew what I did, I had punched him in the face and stormed off. I ran to the bathroom down the hall. I cried. For the first time in a few days, I cried. I heard someone enter the bathroom. They knocked on the door of the stall I locked myself in.
“Tetsu?” the voice asked. Oh. It was Kenma. He knocked on the stall door. I opened it, letting him in. He stepped in and looked up at me. He frowned and wiped my tears “Don’t cry. I don’t like seeing you cry.” he said.
“Okay. I promise I won’t cry anymore,” I said. That was the last day I ever cried.
Later in class that day, I got called to the principal’s office. I already knew this would happen. Punching the swimming team’s captain in the face isn’t something that would go unreported. I walked into the office. The principal was sitting in her chair with a stern look on her face.
“Sit down,” she said. I obliged and sat down in the red cushioned chair. It still hurt my ass. “I’m sure you know why you are here?” she assumed.
“Yeah. The asshole insulted my boyfriend so I punched him in the face.” I knew she sympathized with me. How could she not? I was the boyfriend of the kid with cancer.
“ As nice as it was to stand up for Kozume,” she said, “We still do not tolerate violence in this school. I am sure you know this.” I nodded. “As a punishment, I am obliged to suspend you for two weeks. You understand that, correct?” I nodded. As reasonable as she was being, I was still fuming. I was too scared of what would come out of my mouth if I replied. “Now given the current situation, you are under a lot of pressure. Therefore, I will only suspend you until next week. You will go home now.” I nodded, but I felt guilty leaving Kenma alone at school. “Kenma will go home with you. Just for today.”
“Th-Thank you,” I said. She called Kenma to the office and we left. Kenma called Mom. She said that we would have the house to ourselves today. We walked home. One we got inside, we finished our homework. I laid in bed next to Kenma. I watched him play Pokemon Shield for a while, stroking his hair. Then, I brushed my hands across his soft cheek. He turned his head towards me and pressed his lips against mine. While kissing, I took his Nintendo out of his hand and gently placed it on the bed. Before I knew it, I was pinning him to the bed.

(KENMA’S PERSPECTIVE)
Before I knew it, Kuroo had pinned me to the bed. I felt my face getting hot and prayed my heart didn’t jump out of my chest. Kuroo slid his hands underneath my shirt. A split-second later, he realized what he was doing. His eyes widened and he slid his hands out from under. I didn’t know why, but I felt a pang in my chest. I kind of liked his hands in my shirt. I liked what he was doing.
“I’m so sorry,” he said. I stroked his cheek.
“Please put them back?”
“Are you asking me-” Kuroo started to say. I panicked for a second.
“Shut up! Yes! I give consent!” Kuroo stared at me with disbelief.
“I-are you sure? Are people with cancer allowed to have sex?” he asked.
“Uhm…” I had no idea. “I have no idea. Get off me.” Kuroo sat up. I reached for my phone. For once, I was glad Doctor Ito gave me his phone number.
“Are you seriously gonna-”
“ShHHhHHhH” I hissed, dialing the doctor’s phone number. The phone rang.
“Hello?” the voice asked.
“Hey Ito-Sama,” I said.
“Oh! Kozume San! What do you need?”
“This is kind of embarrassing,” I said, “but could I, Uhm, have sex with someone? With cancer? Is that bad?”
“Yes!” said Doctor Ito, “you can. Normally I wouldn’t recommend it since you are underage, but given your current situation, I think you need the stress relief. Do you guys have condoms?”
“Uhm- I’ll have to check,” I replied.
“It’s fine as long as you are safe. I am guessing your boyfriend is there?”
“Uhm, yeah” I mumbled, my face reddening.
“Okay, just be safe!” The phone clicked off. Kuroo’s eyes widened.
“Do you...want to?” he asked. I replied with a soft kiss to the lips. Kuroo put his hand in his pocket and pulled out a condom.
“How did you get that?” I asked.
“I had it just in case,” he replied.

(KUROO’S PERSPECTIVE)
An hour later, I fell on the bed next to Kenma, panting. It felt amazing. His light kisses, his hair, his lips, his touch. Kenma brushed his hair out of his face and put it back into a ponytail.
“I kind of liked it…” Kenma said, “Does that make me crazy?” He asked. I stroked his cheek.
“No, why would it?”
“I rarely find anything fun or interesting except video games, Hinata...and… you. But I didn’t find you interesting until a while ago.” What Kenma was saying made sense.
“I guess you are a little crazy then,” I told him. He threw a pillow in my face.
“You were supposed to say, ‘Of course not, Kitten.’” Kitten? Did he tell me to call him Kitten?
“Kitten?” I teased. Kenma laid on top of me to make it hard for me to breathe. It didn’t work. All it did was make me say, “Cute,” which caused his ears to turn red and him to bury his face in my chest in an attempt to hide. Even cuter, I thought. It was moments like this when I forgot about cancer. It was times when Kenma fell asleep on top of me when I forgot anything was wrong at all.

I woke up later in the day with Kenma asleep on top of me. I stroked his soft hair, only to accidentally take along a bunch of hair with my hand. I sighed, remembering. I wished I could forget again. I gently moved Kenma off of me and went to throw the hair in the trash. He woke up and noticed what I was doing.
“After you throw out my hair, can you please put some clothes on?” He asked. I realized I was still naked.
“Of course! I am so sorry!”
“It’s fine. Hey, Kuroo can you help me with something?”
“Sure, anything for you.”
“Could you shave my head? My hair is going to keep falling out, so might as well.” I winced. I didn't want to. If I shaved his head, I wouldn’t be able to look at him and forget about cancer. No. This wasn’t about me. If he wanted his head shaved, I would do it. I would do anything for him.
“Of course. Get dressed and meet me in the bathroom,” I said, kissing the top of his head. I headed to the spare room and took a chair. I placed it in the bathroom and got a razor. I shook. I wasn’t ready for this. Kenma trudged down the hallway and came into the bathroom. He sat down and closed his eyes. “Want me to start?” I asked. He nodded. I turned the razor on and shaved off one strand of hair. Then another. Then another. Soon enough, Kenma was bald. “I guess this is goodbye to pudding hair,” I joked. Kenma didn’t laugh. Instead, he cried. The anvil fell on my heart. I quickly hugged him and comforted him. I wanted to cry too, but I didn’t want to break my promise more than I wanted to cry.

In the next few days, Kenma went to school on his own. I sat alone most of the day and focused on the homework Kenma brought back for me every day. Sometimes, when I got bored, I would practice spiking in the gym at my apartment or talk on the phone with Bokuto. On Thursday afternoon, my phone rang. It was Bokuto. I picked it up.
“HEY HEY HEY!” Bokuto yelled from the phone. I winced and moved it away from my ear. I heard Akaashi’s voice in the background yelling at Bokuto to shut up. I laughed.
“Hey, Bokuto,” I replied.
“How’s Kenma?”
“He’s been better,” I said, “the nights are the hardest. He gets these weird stomach aches. Sometimes he throws up, sometimes he doesn’t. This chemo is beating him up. He still looks more of the same, though. Just bald. No more pudding head.”
“Oh well. I guess I will just have to think of something else to poke fun at. Maybe I’ll call him Baldie’s Basics.” I laughed.
“He’ll get annoyed.”
“I don’t care. Hey! I have an idea! Let’s all have a double date. I’ll bring Akaashi and you bring Kenma. Tell him to bring his Nintendo. Akaashi had been really into this game called Pokemon Sword.” I laughed.
“That’s funny. Kenma likes Pokemon Shield. Maybe they can argue about which one is better or something. That would cheer Kenma up. Does Sunday work? I have volleyball practice on Saturday.”
“Yes! Your place or mine?”
“Kenma doesn’t like driving, so you come to us. We can do it at my place.”
“Sounds good! We can order pork cutlet bowls!”
“Yeah!” Someone yelled for Bokuto.
“Oh! I gotta go spike something! Bye!” Bokuto hung up the phone. I sighed. Seeing a good friend would be nice. I was hungry. I walked outside my house and headed to the boba shop. Kenma would like some, I thought. The bar was next to the shop. I glanced inside. My eyes widened at the sight of my dad. I saw him making out with some chick that wasn’t my mom. She looked about twenty. He cupped her breast. I looked away and thought I was going to puke. My dad was worse than I thought. No. He wasn't my dad. I refused to think that. He was just an old, drunk man. Not my dad. I didn’t have a dad. The closest thing I had to a parent was Kenma’s mom. I walked into the boba shop and ordered a chocolate milk boba for Kenma and green tea for me. I also got some pocky sticks. I got chocolate for Kenma and vanilla for me. I walked out of the shop with the food and drinks at the same time the old man walked out of the bar with the chick. I looked down, hoping he wouldn’t notice me. God wasn’t feeling nice today. The old man approached me.
“Your mom misses you, son! What are you doing? Come home!”
“I’m not the son of a man who cheats on his wife,” I replied, coldly staring into his eyes.
“Come on, sonny boy. She’s a good kisser! Maybe you could go out with her.” I puked in my mouth a little.
“Excuse me, Tetsuro, I have to get home to my boyfriend. The boyfriend who I am loyal to.” I watched Tetsuro’s face start to anger. Before I knew it, he’d slapped me in the face. The woman backed away from him. I picked up the boxes of Pocky sticks that had dropped on the floor. The woman Tetsuro was with backed away slowly with fear.
“Tetsuro, you didn’t tell me you had a son or a wife. And you didn’t tell me you slapped him.”
“Look at what ya did now, sonny!” Tetsuro yelled. “Ya lost me this hot chick!” I watched him pull out a pocket knife. The woman screamed and ran away. The old man limped towards me. I backed away slowly.
“Leave. Me. Alone.”
“Aw now sonny, that isn’t very nice, is it?” He put the knife to my neck. “Little boys, who disobey their fathers gotta be punished, don’t they?” He smelled like alcohol. I punched him in the face and ran. I felt something slice my arm. I winced and ran. My house wasn’t safe. I went to Kenma’s instead. I knocked on the door, and Kenma opened it.
“Hey,” I panted, “I got you some snacks.” Kenma’s eyes smiled. Then they noticed the wound.
“What’s that?” he asked.
“Oh. I got cut.”
“Was it your dad?”

(KENMA’S PERSPECTIVE)
“Was it your dad?” I asked, remembering how close the bar was to the boba shop.
“He’s not my dad,” Kuroo muttered bitterly. I changed the topic.
“How about we eat and I bandage that for you?”
“I’d like that,” he smiled. We sat down on the couch and ate our snacks. I had a pocky stick or two and then I went to find the bandages. My mom followed me to the bathroom.
“What are you looking for, sweetie?” she asked.
“Uhm, bandages. Kuro got hurt. He bumped into his dad when he got food. It got...bad.”
“Oh,” she said. “Well if it isn’t safe for him anymore, he can move in with us!” She said, grabbing the first aid kit on the top shelf.
“Really?”
“Of course! I mean you will get married one day so might as well. He also really helps me out. You are so lucky to have a boy like him.”
“I guess I am,” I smiled shyly.
“Plus, he is the only thing you smile for. And I have missed seeing your smile these past years. Anyone who can make you smile is family.” I took the bandages from her hands and headed back to the living room.
“This might hurt,” I said, cleaning the wound. Kuroo winced. “Sorry.”
“It’s fine,” he said, “It doesn’t hurt. Okay, maybe a little.”
“Maybe eating will help you forget?” I asked. He put a pocky stick in his mouth.
“Yup! Much better!” He smiled. He rubbed my bare head. I could feel his hands better being bald. I kind of liked it. Although being bald made me uncomfortable in a lot of ways, Kuroo made it better. I wrapped the bandage around his arm after cleaning it. “Thanks, Kitten. Much better!”
“Wanna move in?” I asked. Kuroo’s eyes widened.
“What?” he asked.
“My mom told me you could move in. You basically live here anyways. Plus, it’s safer and will save you money.”
“Hmm...only if you go on a double date with me on Sunday.”
“Can I bring my Nintendo?”
“Why are you asking? I’m not your mom!” Kuroo laughed. “Oh, and I got you something else.” Kuroo got up and left the room. A minute later, he returned with a bag.
“Why did you get me something?” I asked.
“Because I love you, dummy. Does that make me crazy?”
“A little.” I opened the bag and pulled off the wrapping paper. I opened it to reveal a red beanie. “A beanie...?”
“Yeah. So your head doesn’t get cold. It is fall, you know?” I looked at the beanie more and noticed the boba logo had a cat on it. “It reminded me of you,” he smiled. I put it on. It was warm. “You like it, Kitten?” He asked. I nodded, smiling slightly. Kuroo took one of my pocky sticks. “Open,” he said. I opened my mouth and he fed me a chocolate pocky stick. It tasted sweet. “Can I taste it?” he asked. Before I could reply, he kissed me on the lips. He tasted sweet. Like boba and pocky. Our lips parted.
“Did it taste good?” I asked.
“Yeah,” he replied. “I’ll have to try it more often.” Kuroo’s face turned serious. He pulled me into a tight hug and hovered his mouth over my ear. “Don’t ever leave me alone, okay? I love you. Even if that makes me crazy.”
“I won’t, I promise. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
The next day, my mom took me to the hospital. Kuroo was at practice, so he couldn’t have come even if he wanted to. It was better this way. I wouldn’t have too much fear of getting bad news. Usually, I wouldn’t care if I lived or died, but Kuroo’s existence complicated that. I wanted to live. I wanted to live for those morning kisses. I wanted to live for Kuroo’s hand in mine. I wanted to live for Kuroo singing me to sleep on the hard nights. Did that make me crazy? I wasn’t sure. The doctors took more tests. My mom had to leave me there for work. Doctor Ito came in with the results.
“So how was your first time?” he asked. The question took me by surprise. I wasn’t sure how to answer.
“Uhm...it hurt a little. But I liked it. We were safe.”
“Good,” he smiled. “Well, I have some good news and bad news. Which one do you want first?” I shrugged. “Okay starting with bad news, your chemotherapy is very slow. It isn’t doing much. We will have to give you stronger doses, and given your current state, it will be harder on your body.” My heart sank. That was bad news.
“The good news is, we can also do a Stem Cell transplant. It’s a clinical trial, but that is the worst-case-scenario. For now, your cancer has slightly gone down, even if it wasn’t as much as we expected. You are only in stage 2, so we should be good for now. Also, even if chemo doesn’t work, we expect you will have another five years. That is only if nothing works. But for now, you are okay. Just keep wearing masks in public and don’t get sick!” I smiled. It was going to be okay.
“Thank you,” I said.
“We are taking good care of you, Kozume San!” Doctor Ito gave me my chemo treatment, and I waited for my mom. Kuroo texted.
-Kurooster-
Hey, Kitten! How is it going! Are you kicking cancer ass?
-ApplePi-
I feel like I'm gonna puke. The cancer isn’t better or worse, but I’m on some harder chemo. I’m only stage 2 for now but that could change. I’m probably gonna live. We can still have forever together!
-Kurooster-
Of course, Kitten. Your mom got busy, so I’m coming to pick you up. Do you wanna walk home or do you want me to drive you?
-ApplePi-
Could you drive me? Oh and please bring a towel. I might puke. Sorry.
-Kurooster-
It’s fine. I just got home and now I’m taking the car to you. I got a towel and a bag. Also, spray for the air in case you throw up. I can’t drive if I’m throwing up too lol
-ApplePi-
See you!

(KUROO’S PERSPECTIVE)
The new chemo was harder on Kenma. As soon as we got in the car, he threw up in the bag. I sprayed the air at least eighteen times the whole eight-minute drive home. I thought I was going to puke too. Kenma’s mom had to stay at work late that night, so I spent the rest of the day with Kenma. After throwing up, he seemed better. I fed him rice and we watched My Hero Academia the whole day.
“Who is your favorite character?” I asked.
“I like Tokoyami. He’s cool.”
“Hm. I think Todoroki is kind of hot,” I said, “so is All Might. And Bakugou.” Kenma looked at me.
“Stop talking about guys hotter than me,” he said, pressing his lips to mine. I kissed him back and tugged on his shirt. We made-out for about ten minutes straight. I wished it was longer. For dinner, I just heated some rice in the microwave and split it between both of us. If Kenma was going to suffer from lack of flavor in plain food, I would too.
The nights were hardest. Especially that night. I sang Kenma to sleep and woke up at 23:00 to Kenma puking all over me. I rushed him to the bathroom. So much for plain food helping. I threw a towel in the dryer and prepared a hot shower for Kenma and myself. I needed it too. I smelled like his puke. Kenma was too weak to do anything, so I put a step stool inside and had him sit on it. I washed his body for him. Even if he was sick and even if it was the middle of the night, I smiled.
“You are beautiful,” I told him as I rinsed his head off. He looked up at me.
“You are too.” I left the steaming hot shower on for Kenma and stepped out. After putting on a towel and drying my hair off, I went to the dryer and took out the warm towel. I helped Kenma out of the shower and wrapped him in the towel.
“Why is it so warm?” He asked.
“I put it in the dryer for a few minutes.”
“Oh.” Kenma suddenly let out a scream and clutched his stomach.
“What’s wrong?” I panicked.
“It hurts,” he moaned. I went through the medicine cabinet and gave him a pill.
“Breathe in, breathe out,” I told him, helping him with the pain until it died down.
It took an hour to get Kenma to sleep after the episode. We were tangled in the sheets in bed together. I was stroking his back, trying to get him to sleep. When I stopped, he always grabbed my hand and put it back on him. The only thing I thought I could do was sing.
“My heroes had the heart
To lose their lives out on a limb
And all I remember, is thinking
I wanna be like them
Mm-hmm
Ever since I was little
Ever since I was little it looked like fun
And there's no coincidence I've come
And I can die when I'm done
But maybe I'm crazy
Maybe you're crazy
Maybe we're crazy
Probably~” He had fallen asleep. I listened to his soft breathing and fell asleep as well.
Kenma felt fine the next morning. He played some video games while I texted Bokuto.
-HumanOwl-
HEY HEY HEY!!!
-Kurooster-
Oya Oya Oya
-HumanOwl-
Are you ready for our double date tonight?
-Kurooster-
Hell yeah!
-HumanOwl-
Akaashi and I will be there tonight! Do you need us to bring anything?
-Kurooster-
Could you bring vegetable dumplings? Kenma is having a hard time keeping his food down at night so it would be preferred if the food was as plain as possible.
-HumanOwl-
Sure! See you tonight!
-Kurooster-
Bye!

“What do you want to do tonight?” I asked Kenma.
“Uhm...Mario Kart? Mario Party? Just Dance?” he offered.
“Sure! We should have like a prize for the couple who wins the most!”
“Okay sure I guess,” he said, focusing on his game.
“Good thing I have two tickets to Universal Studios Japan!”
“What? Why would you give those up?” Kenma asked.
“So that you could try to win and have fun!”
“You know I’m gonna win anyway but okay.”
I kissed him on the cheek and threw on a red, striped shirt with black ripped jeans. I unbuttoned the first three buttons and put a chain around my belt. I walked into the other room and grabbed my phone. Kenma looked up from his game.
“Damn Kuroo,” he said. “I didn’t know you could have a fashion sense.” Kenma continued his game and I frowned. I threw a pillow at him and went through our closet to find Kenma something to wear. I picked out a white turtle neck to go under and a yellow t-shirt to go over the turtleneck. I also got him some white ripped jeans and a belt with a chain that matched mine.
“Wear this,” I told him, handing him the clothing. He shoved it away.
“Ew. Fashion sense.” I took his game out of his hands and tickled him until he agreed to change. Kenma begrudgingly changed out of his T-shirt and sweatpants into the clothes I’d handed him. “Ew. Yellow.” I kissed him to shut him up. Kenma put on the beanie. “God give me patience,” he muttered to himself.
“Actually,” I teased, “it’s God give me strength!” Kenma looked up at me. His eyes were cold and widened. He looked like he was about to kill me.
“If God gave me strength, you would be dead.” So today is an annoying day, huh? I thought.
“I didn’t know your face could do that,” I teased. Kenma threw the pillow back at me. I fell, pretending to die. “Oh no! I’m dying! Save meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Blegh” I stuck my tongue out and closed my eyes.
“People don’t say blegh when they die, Kuro.” I pretended to still be dead. He bonked me on the head.
“Ow! What was that for?”
“I saved you. You aren’t grateful?” He asked, clearly annoyed. I rolled my eyes and kissed him. That seemed to shut him up.
“I love you. Does that make me crazy?”
“Yep,” he said, focusing on his game once more.

(KENMA’S PERSPECTIVE)
The game night double date was fun. Of course, I would never admit that to Kuroo, but I enjoyed myself. Watching Bokuto and Kuroo play just dance horribly and debating Pokemon Sword and Shield with Akaashi was fun. I was surprised to see Akaashi beat me in Mario Kart. I beat him the next round. I put effort into games for once. At the end of the date, Bokuto and Akaashi left with the tickets. I slumped to the couch, pouting.
“How did you let them win?” I asked Kuroo.
“Oh, Kitten, it’s fine,” he said, putting his hand gently on my knee.

Later that night I went to take a bath. The water was warm and refreshing. I sighed and closed my eyes. Kuroo knocked on the door and came inside.
“Any room for me?” he asked. I quickly hugged my knees in an attempt to hide my naked body.
“Oh come on,” Kuroo said. “It’s not like I haven’t seen you naked before. But I don’t want to pressure you, so I can leave!”
“Wait,” I said. The words escaped my mouth before I even knew what I was saying. I covered my face with my hands. “Stay?”
“I wouldn’t dream of leaving, Kitten,” he said as he got undressed. I peeked through my hands. How did I get such a good-looking boyfriend? I wondered. As soon as he took his pants off, I squinted my eyes. I refused to peep at him. I moved to the left side of the bathtub. Kuroo sat down on the right. He looked at my back. “What are those bruises?” he asked. I continued hugging my knees.
“I get bruised easily with this type of cancer,” I said.
“Oh.” Kuroo put his back to the tub and laid flat in the tub. I thanked God for the bubbles. “This is nice,” he said, “We should do this more often!” It was all I could do not to blush. Kuroo sat up and took some of the bubbles in his hand. He placed them on my head. “There! I gave you hair again!” I looked up at my head.
“Thanks.” I patted the soft bubbles. They felt weird. I took some bubbles from the tub. I tried to give Kuroo a beard but ended up falling on top of him. Water splashed out of the tub and I was on top of Kuroo. He hugged me.
“You are so clumsy,” he teased.
“At least I can receive a volleyball,” I replied. Kuroo pretended to be offended and splashed water on me. I got off of him and splashed back. It felt like we were kids again.
“Kuroo?” I asked.
“Yes?”
“Since I don’t have hair anymore, can I wash yours?” It felt like a stupid question, but Kuro smiled like it was no big deal.
“Of course, Kitten!” Kuroo sat in front of me and I took some shampoo from a bottle. I dunked Kuro under the water for a second, getting his hair wet.
“Hey!” he yelled, snorting water. I laughed for the first time in forever and lathered his hair in shampoo. “That feels so good Kenma Kun~” he sighed. His hair was silky and smooth. It was fun to wash. When I finished shampooing his hair, I dunked him under the water again. Kuroo spat out the water. “Can you not do that?” I didn't get all the shampoo out. I dunked him again. Kuroo yelled. I prayed my mom didn’t hear. I couldn’t help but laugh at Kuroo a little. He smiled. My laugh was a rare thing. After washing Kuroo’s hair, I got the body wash.
“Can I?” I asked.
“Kinky,” he said. My cheeks flushed.
“Nope. Now I’m not doing it,” I pouted.
“Wait please I’m sorry!” he pleaded. I slapped some of the wash on Kuroo’s stomach and rubbed his abs. Abs. Abs. Abs. I thought. The only reason I offered to wash his body. “Did you do this just for my abs?” he asked.
“Maybe,” I replied. “Does that make me crazy?”
“Yes. Very. Are you gonna continue?”
“Nah. I only did it for the abs. I like how they feel.” Kuroo sighed and washed. “So you like my abs that much, huh? More than video games?”
“That’s...debatable,” I said. Kuroo splashed me with water.
“Wasn’t the last time we took a bath together was when we were...four?” He asked.
“Yeah. It wasn’t as fun. You didn’t have abs.” Kuroo laughed and pulled me into his chest.
“I love you, Kitten.”
“I love you too, Kuro.”

TIMESKIP-2 YEARS (KUROO’S PERSPECTIVE)

Kenma’s cancer got better over the past two years; it went back down to stage one, and Kenma enrolled in an online university. He majored in video game development. I went to school in person and majored in business. Kenma’s hair had grown longer than its original length, so Pudding Head became Bokuto’s nickname for Kenma once more. I woke up on Friday morning and brushed kenma’s hair out of his face. He was so peaceful when he was asleep. I kissed him on the lips and went into the kitchen. Tonight is our second anniversary, I thought, Tonight I am going to propose. I made breakfast and coffee. The mouth-watering scent seemed to perk Kenma up as he floated into the kitchen. We’d moved into our apartment together about a year ago. Kenma sat down and ate quietly. I hugged him from behind and kissed him on the head.
“You have morning breath,” he moaned as he pushed my face away with his hand. I sat down on my side of the table and ate my breakfast. Kenma usually was more cuddly in the morning.
“So, special day, huh?” I prompted.
“Yeah,” he said, “the day you finally took the hint you rooster looking ass.” Kenma took a bite of his food.
“Well, my rooster looking ass has special plans tonight,” I replied. Kenma pulled his hair back into a low bun to keep it from falling into his food. It didn’t work. A strand fell out and landed right into his egg. He huffed in annoyance and took the egg out of his mostly-black hair. Most of the blond had faded since the last time he dyed it. Just the ends remained golden. I thought it looked cute.
“So what are we doing tonight?” he asked.
“Nothing too special,” I replied, “you can still wear sweatpants and stuff.” Kenma grinned.
“Perfect.” Something had changed in Kenma during the past two years. His confidence had grown. I wasn’t sure what had done it, but whatever it was, I was thankful. He smiled and laughed more. Maybe it was just the thing that happened when you turned nineteen.
“So what are your plans before tonight?” I asked as I played with my food.
“I have a doctor’s appointment and I’m gonna go see Shouyou’s last volleyball game at Karasuno. He never gets boring, so it should be interesting. They made it to the finals in the Nationals I think.”
“Don’t forget to wear a mask,” I reminded him. “Wait. Isn’t Hinata Karasuno’s ace now?”
“Yeah. He’s also dating Kageyama.”
“Who’s that again?” I asked. It had been long since I’d last seen anyone from Karasuno except Hinata.
“Their wicked smart setter. You know, the one with the black hair? Looks like he wants to murder everyone all the time?”
“Oh that dude,” I said, finally remembering him, “he’s weird. I wonder why Hinata even started dating him.” Kenma laughed.
“Don’t say that to his face. He would probably murder you or something. Hinata would probably overhear and challenge you to a fight.”
“Oh. I wouldn’t want to kill the tiny shrimp.” Kenma rolled his eyes at my insult. “So who is Karasuno playing?”
“Fukodurani,” Kenma replied.
“I wonder if Bokuto is gonna be there.”
“Probably. Akaashi too. Daichi, Suga, and all the previous members of Karasuno. Oh, Shouyou also said the Tiny Giant was gonna be there.”
“Cool. Well, today I am going to-” I started.
“Kuro?” Kenma asked.
“Yes?”
“I know it’s our anniversary and all, but to be honest, you are probably going to bore me to death with what you are about to say. I have to get ready for my appointment and the game, so I would rather spend my time doing that.” Something was seriously wrong. Kenma never acted like this. His words hurt a little, but I could understand what he was saying. Besides, if I told him what I was doing, it would probably give part of the surprise away.
“Okay,” I said as I got up from my seat. I kissed Kenma on the cheek and took his dishes to the sink. Kenma went to the other room and I did the dishes. After finishing our dishes, I went on my computer and looked up tickets to the Tokyo Tower. They were 6,000 yen each. It was expensive, but it was worth it for the anniversary. I purchased the tickets and went to the bathroom to brush my teeth. Kenma was already inside the bathroom brushing his. I hugged him from behind and kissed him on the neck. He almost choked on his toothpaste and pushed me aside. I brushed my teeth too. After brushing my teeth and washing my face, I turned to Kenma. “I’ll pick you up at 18:00, okay?”
“Mhm…” he said as he got in the shower. Something was seriously off with him today. He seemed nervous about something.
“What’s wrong, Kitten?” I asked.
“Nothing. You know I always get nervous before appointments.”
“Yeah, but it seems worse. Is there something you aren’t telling me?” I asked. Kenma turned his back to me whilst showering.
“No,” he lied. I sighed. If his cancer had gotten worse, he was probably waiting until after tonight to tell me. I snapped.
“Okay. Be a liar for all I care,” I said as I stormed off. I knew my words hurt Kenma, but I was angry. He’d been weird all morning and wasn’t telling me anything. Does he want to break up with me? I wondered. The thought of that scared me. Without Kenma by my side, I was nothing. He’d been my best friend for my whole life. He was my favorite person. My person. The thought of losing him made me crazy. Who would I be if Kenma wasn’t there? I thought. Without him, I was just a piece of dirt on the road. Without him, I was just a tiny rock in an asteroid field. Without him, I was just as bad as my old man. I would do anything to not turn into him. A fire boiled inside of me. To defuse the fire, I needed some time to myself. I changed into my volleyball clothes and headed to the gym downstairs. I refused to be angry at Kenma, especially on our anniversary. I just needed to clear my head. I practiced serving. After hitting the ball for the hundredth time, I cleaned up. I was dripping in sweat. I headed back to my apartment. Kenma was changing when I entered our bedroom.
“Hey, Kitten,” I panted.
“Oh, hey,” he said sadly, looking up at me.
“I’m sorry for getting upset earlier,” I said. I felt guilt rising in me. I couldn’t meet his eyes. “Whatever you are nervous or worried about, just tell me when you are ready. I don't like being angry, especially on our anniversary.”
“It’s fine. My appointment is soon, so I have to go, but I love you.” Kenma walked over to me and kissed me softly on the cheek. He then whispered into my ear, “I think you look hot when you are flustered and sweaty. Does that make me crazy?” I felt my face get hot as I stood sweating in the bedroom next to Kenma. I kissed him on the lips.
“I’m blushing. Does that make me crazy?” I asked him. He smirked and left the room, leaving my question unanswered.

(KENMA’S PERSPECTIVE)

I left the apartment feeling guilty. I didn’t like lying to Kuroo, but I couldn’t tell him why I was nervous. I went to my car and drove to the doctor’s office. Once I got there, I checked in and sat in the waiting room. My legs shook. I’d forgotten to take my pill this morning. Today would be the day I found out if I could have more time with Kuroo. If I’d gone back into remission or not. A nurse came to get me. She guided me to my room and took some blood. She left. For some reason, the room didn’t feel like despair today. It felt like hope. Doctor Ito walked in with a smile.
“Hi Kozume San!” He said.
“Hey.”
“How is Kuroo?” he asked.
“He’s okay. He noticed me being nervous today and got upset because I couldn’t tell him why. Especially since it’s our second anniversary and all.”
“Oh! Happy anniversary! And it’s okay. If he ever gets the surprise, he’ll be grateful. He will be so happy you left a piece of yourself with him.”
“If?” I asked. My heart started to pound. Did that mean the cancer was gone?
“Yes,” he smiled, “the cancer is gone. It may never come back. But if it does, you will have the thing for him.” I nodded.
“So does that mean I can do it?”
“Yes. You can do the thing,” he said, handing me the cup. “You will still do some treatments to make sure it doesn’t come back, but you are good for now!”
“Is there a chance-?” Doctor Ito cut me off mid-sentence.
“Yes. The numbers aren’t good. That could happen. Do you still have the paperwork?”
“Yeah. Even if it does go wrong, Kuroo will be grateful. We have a bigger chance of forever together. I refuse to break the promise.” Doctor Ito smiled.
“Since when do you take risks?”
“Since I realized I might not have forever. Even with cancer gone for now.”
“Are you gonna do it even if you live?” I laughed.
“Hell no. Do you think I could deal with that? That is a very bold assumption.”
“Not an assumption, just a question,” he said. “Now for the cup?”

After the appointment, I went to Karasuno’s game. They ended up beating Fukodurani, two sets to one. It was surprising. I realized Fukodurani was weaker now, whilst Karasuno was stronger than ever. After the game, I went to see Shouyou.
“Hey,” I said as I approached him.
“Kenma!” he smiled. Shouyou Hinata had changed in the past two years. He was taller and more mature. He’d cut his hair and had one ear pierced. He was handsome.
“Congrats on winning Nationals!” I said. Kageyama approached us.
“Tobio!” Shouyou exclaimed, hugging Kageyama.
“Hinata boke! Get off of me. And I told you not to call me that!” He yelled, prying Shouyou off him.
“But Tobio, we are dating now!” Shouyou pouted.
“So? And why is that weird guy here? Who even is he?!”
“I’m Kenma Kozume, but you can call me Kenma,” I said.
“TOBIO! HE WAS IN NEKOMA!! HOW DID YOU FORGET?!” Shouyou yelled at Kageyama, punching him in the stomach.
“It’s fine,” I said, getting uncomfortable.
“Oh. Pudding head. Why is he here again?” Kageyama asked.
“YOU CAN’T INSULT SOMEONE WITH CANCER!” Hinata yelled.
“Oh. Sorry,” Kageyama said. “I didn’t know.”
“It’s fine, Shouyou. The cancer is gone.”
“IT IS?!?!?!?!?”
“Yeah,” I smiled. I checked the time. It was almost 16:00. I had to get home. “I have to go. I have a date with Kuroo.”
“Rooster head?” Shouyou asked.
“Yeah. It’s our anniversary.”
“OH, THAT’S AWESOME! TOBIO, ONE DAY WE ARE GONNA HAVE AN ANNIVERSARY!!” Kageyama looked flustered.
“Hinata boke shut up!”
“You can call me Shouyou you know?”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“No.”
“Yes.” I left the happy couple to argue and left the gym without saying goodbye. Although I was more confident now, arguments still made me uncomfortable. I heard Shouyou yell at Kageyama for scaring me away.

At 18:00, Kuroo came into the apartment. He wore a smile on his face.
“Hey, Kitten!”
“Hi,” I said, turning off Overwatch.
“You ready?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I said. I got off the couch and walked over to Kuroo. He looked handsome. Even though he was only wearing a hoodie and ripped jeans, he still looked hot. I wanted to kiss him right then and there.
“Can you do me a favor?” he asked.
“Sure,” I replied. Kuroo put a blindfold on my eyes.
“Seriously?!” I said in annoyance. I didn’t like not being able to see Kuroo’s warm smile. It made me nervous when I couldn’t see people’s reactions.
“I know it makes you nervous, Kitten, but please trust me.”
“Okay….” I said nervously. I took Kuroo’s hand and we went downstairs. Kuroo’s hand made me feel better about being blindfolded. It felt warm and safe. I heard Kuroo open the door of his car. He led me into the passenger seat. I was grateful that I didn’t get carsick anymore. I fell asleep about ten minutes into the drive. I felt Kuroo’s hand on my thigh the whole time for reassurance. About an hour later, Kuroo woke me up. He took me out of the car and put my mask on. I heard yelling and laughing around me. Kuroo talked to a stranger for a minute and exchanged yen. Where are we? I wondered. I felt Kuroo lead me into an elevator. I clutched his hand as we ascended. Kuroo squeezed my hand back lovingly. When we reached the top, I heard more voices. There were people here. Before I could comprehend what was happening, Kuroo guided me off the elevator and took off my blindfold. I saw it. All around me. Lights. People. The view of the city. We were in Tokyo Tower. We were in Tokyo tower and I was only wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt.
“Woah,” I breathed.
“Yeah. Beautiful, isn’t it?” Kuroo asked.
“Not as beautiful as you,” I replied. Kuroo smiled and took my hand.
“Dance with me?”
“Of course.” Kuroo took something out of his pocket. He opened the case to reveal AirPods. He placed one in my ear and one in his. He took out his phone and shuffled The Beatles on Spotify. I smiled at his obsession with American and British music. I held his left hand with my right hand and placed my free hand on Kuroo’s shoulder. He placed his right hand on my waist. We danced. For once, I didn’t care if anyone stared at us. Kuroo was mine and I was fine with the world knowing it. Kuroo smiled and spun me around. I laughed and followed his lead. I couldn’t understand the words of the songs, but I enjoyed the melody. A more upbeat song started to play and Kuroo shook his shoulders to the beat. I smiled and copied him. We moved around the tower as we danced. It felt like something you would see in a romantic movie. The other couples in the towers started to join us. Soon enough, the whole tower was dancing along with us to the music they couldn’t hear. It was perfect, every second.
The lights from Tokyo twinkled. It felt as if the whole city was contributing to this perfect moment. Suddenly, I slipped on Kuroo’s foot and started to fall. Kuroo caught me.
“Did you just fall for me?” he asked with a sly grin. I decided to play along.
“Maybe. Does that make me crazy?” Kuroo replied to my question by lowering my mask and passionately kissing me on the lips. I closed my eyes and gave in. His tongue entered my mouth and offered mine to dance. Our tongues danced together in the shining lights of the city. They continued the song for us. I smiled into the kiss. Kuroo slowly pulled me back up and I wrapped both of my hands around his neck. Kuroo brushed the hair falling into my face aside. I finally opened my eyes and he opened his. Our lips parted. I licked my lips in an attempt to savor Kuroo’s sweet vanilla taste. Kuroo pulled me into a hug. The music got slower. I closed my eyes and leaned into Kuroo’s chest. He smiled down at me. We slow danced. He leaned into my ear and translated the lyrics for me.
“When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me. Speaking words of wisdom, let it be

And in my hour of darkness, she is standing right in front of me. Speaking words of wisdom, let it be

Let it be

Let it be

Let it be

Let it be

Whisper words of wisdom

Let it be.” His voice was soft and melodic. It was like a bird singing softly in the morning. I smiled. I was the only person Kuroo sang for. He sang along to the rest of the song in my ear. We continued to sway as he gently sang. “There will be an answer, let it be~” When the song ended, Kuroo and I sat on the floor about a foot away from the glass. I put my mask back on.
“Kuro?” I asked.
“Yes?” he said, looking deeply into my eyes.
“Can I tell you something?”
“Of course.”
“My cancer...it’s gone.” Tears filled Kuroo’s eyes. He blinked them away, refusing to cry. He took off my mask, closed his eyes, and kissed me. I kissed him back. He pulled away.
“Really?” he asked. I nodded. I put my hand in my pocket, feeling a small box with a silver band inside of it. Now was the moment I’d propose to Kuroo.
“Can I ask you something stupid?” I asked.
“Can I ask you something stupid?” he asked in response to my question. I fumbled in my pocket and took the ring out of the box.
“Will you marry me?” we both asked at the same time, showing each other the same ring. My heart leaped out of my chest. I looked at Kuroo’s hand with the ring, then back at his face in confusion. He looked back at me the same way I was looking at him. Kuroo burst out laughing. I started to cry out of happiness. “Yes,” we said at the same time once more. Kuroo stopped laughing and looked at me with nothing but pure love, agape.
“Does that make me crazy?” I whispered. My lip trembled and my eyes filled with tears. I felt them fall down my cheeks. Kuroo took his hand and gently wiped them away with a slight smile.
“Does that make me crazy?” Kuroo replied. Trying to hold back my tears, I took the silver band I was holding and placed it on Kuroo’s ring finger. I watched Kuroo softly put his ring on my finger. I smiled through the tears. Just as I went to caress Kuroo’s cheek, I shook. It was freezing, and I hadn’t felt it until now. My adrenaline had worn off. I shivered and hugged my knees. Kuroo took off his hoodie and placed it on me. It was warm and smelled like vanilla. It smelled like Kuroo. He put his arm around me and I leaned on his shoulder.
“Happy anniversary, fiance,” he said. I pecked him on the lips.
“Happy anniversary, fiance. Thank you for the perfect night.”
“It’s not perfect yet,” he smirked.
“What would make it perfect?” I asked. Kuroo leaned into my ear. His warm breath tickled.
“Taking you home, undressing you, pinning you to the bed, and making love,” he whispered. I refused to let him make me flustered with his seductive words. I decided to make him flustered instead. I leaned into his ear and whispered something dirtier. I watched his face turn tomato red. I smirked. “Let’s do that,” he said.

(KUROO’S PERSPECTIVE)

I woke up the next morning with Kenma in my arms. I held him close to my chest and played with his hair. I prayed the morning would never end. Kenma felt safe. I stopped playing with his hair and closed my eyes, savoring the moment.
“You should play with my hair some more,” Kenma groaned. I didn’t realize he was awake.
“You were great last night,” I said, remembering the intense intimacy we shared yesterday in the dead of night. Kenma sat up and looked in the mirror, rubbing his eyes.
“I don’t remember having this many hickies, but I don’t mind.” I hugged him once more. He was beautiful in the morning. He was small but handsome as hell. He stretched his arms. I thought I was going to die just looking at him. His soft hair resting on his shoulders. His pale, bare skin glistening in the sunlight.
“Wow, you look even better in the daylight.” Kenma got off the bed and slid into my clothes. They were too large for him, but he looked adorable nonetheless. “My clothes look better on you then they do on me,” I said. Kenma smiled at me and sat on my lap. It was these mornings with him that I cherished the most. That’s why when my phone rang, I knew that these perfect mornings couldn’t last forever.
I checked my phone to see who called. It was my mother. I quickly answered the phone. My perfect morning was over.
“Mom?!” I asked. I heard sobbing on the other line. She was scream-crying. My heart stopped. “What’s wrong?”
“It’s your dad,” she sobbed. “He’s gone!”
“What do you mean?”
“He’s gone!” she screamed. I hung up the phone and quickly got dressed. Kenma grabbed the keys and put on his mask. We raced to the car and drove to my parent’s house. When we got there, I heard screams from the inside. I opened the door to find my mom crying over a body. My old man’s dead body. Kenma let go of my hand. His eyes widened and he looked like he was going to puke. I just stood there, unsure of what to do. My old man was dead on the floor. I dropped my phone and heard a crack. I fell on my knees. My mom continued to scream and cry. Kenma dialed 911. He then went to check my old man’s pulse. My mom screamed again.
“TETSU COME BACK! DON’T LEAVE ME! PLEASE!” She shook his body. I winced at her screams. She cried in his chest. Kenma looked over at me and shook his head. There wasn’t a pulse. He was gone. The old man was gone. I didn’t feel a thing. I didn’t feel remorse or grief. Just empty. I didn’t care that he died. My mom continued to sob. I walked over and sat down next to her. I put a hand on her back for comfort. She pushed me away and turned to look at me. Her eyes were wide and angry. She grabbed my shirt and shook me. “IT’S YOUR FAULT YOU FAG!” she yelled. “HE KILLED HIMSELF BECAUSE OF YOU!” she pushed me to the floor and grabbed a butcher knife from the kitchen counter. She stumbled and traced my neck with the knife. “You...need...to...die,” she quivered. “If you die, then he is avenged.” I didn’t know what to do.
“P-please, don’t do this,” I stuttered. Kenma looked over at us in fear. My mom took the knife in her hands and pointed it at Kenma. She slowly walked over to him.
“N-no…” she said. “You need to die. I lost my son to Satan and my husband killed himself because of you.” Kenma backed away. He looked over at me for help. I got ready to lunge at her. Just as I was about to jump and save Kenma, the door busted open. Two men in police uniforms held guns and walked into the room. My mom lunged at Kenma with the knife. Before she reached him, an officer pushed her down and handcuffed her. I quivered. My mom almost killed Kenma. My mom almost killed Kenma. I wanted to cry. No tears fell. I wouldn’t break the promise I made to Kenma. He walked over and hugged me. All I could do was sit on my knees and stare at the ground. I clenched my teeth. I didn’t protect Kenma. I failed at protecting Kenma. My mom screamed as the officer held her down. “YOU TOOK AWAY THE ONLY MAN WHO LOVED ME!” she yelled. I held my breath and counted to ten, holding back my tears. Kenma held me. I wanted to die. That was the last time I called that woman my mother. My family was gone. Everyone except Kenma.

The funeral for my old man was a week later. Kenma and I stood in the graveyard. It was raining but I didn’t bother to bring an umbrella. Feeling something, even rain, was better than feeling nothing. I’d almost lost Kenma because I was stupid enough to go and see my mother. Kenma had almost died and it was my fault. Kenma kissed me and promised it would be alright. We both knew it was bullshit. I felt empty, not even Kenma could fill the hole. After the funeral, we went home. I slept all day.

(KENMA’S PERSPECTIVE)

A month later, Kuroo was still depressed. He denied it, but we both knew it was true. He didn’t smile anymore. I wasn’t sure what to do. I wasn’t good with feelings. He stopped playing volleyball on the weekends. Before he had to go to class he slept. Whenever he got home from classes, he slept. He barely talked anymore. It started to hurt. After about four weeks I decided to contact Shouyou.
“Hello?” Hinata asked.
“Hey,” I replied.
“How are you?”
“I didn’t call to talk about me. I have a question.”
“Yeah, sure Kenma! What is it?”
“You lost your dad...right?” I asked Shouyou.
“Yeah. Why?”
“It’s Kuroo. He’s grieving. His dad was never good to him, but he died. And his mom tried to kill me and-”
“What?!”
“It’s...a long story. Anyways, he’s having a hard time, and my cancer came back, and I just...I don’t know what to do.”
“The cancer is back?”
“Yeah. I’m gonna do a STEM cell transplant after some chemo and radiation. It’s gonna be hard, so I need to tell him but he’s not in a position where he can healthily receive this information. What do I do?”
“When my dad died, I felt worse than Kuroo. He didn’t love his dad, while I loved mine. What helped me was being reminded of why I’m still okay. That it’s okay without a dad. He needs to be reminded that he’s okay because he has you. He needs to be reminded of his friends. He can create his family. You could have a pet or a kid!”
“I- have a baby? We aren’t even married yet. Besides, I don’t want kids. They are needy and scream and cry, but you love them so you have no choice but to do stuff for them. They can’t take care of themselves. I don’t want that, I want Kuroo. If I die, I’ll tell him to have kids, he’ll need that, but as long as I’m alive no thank you.”
“Invite Bokuto and Akaashi over! I’ll come too with Kags. Oh! I also have Tsukishima’s number. You may not remember him, but he and Kuroo were kinda close. Let’s get together with Kuroo!” I smiled. That would make Kuroo happy.
“Okay. What should we do?”
“We could play volleyball! Wait there are seven of us and we need one more…”
“I could invite Lev, Yaku, and Tsukishima has a boyfriend, no?”
“Okay! That makes ten of us! We could do five on five!”
“Sounds great! Today is Wednesday, so...does Sunday work?”
“I’ll check with everyone, but I think so! Have it be a surprise!”
“Okay, Shouyou! See you on Sunday!”
“Bye Kems!” Shouyou hung up the phone. I walked into the bedroom. Kuroo was sleeping. I threw a pillow at him.
“Wake up rooster head.”
“Huh?” Kuroo asked, looking up at me. “Oh. Hey Kitten. What’s up?” Kuroo looked tired. There were bags under his eyes even though he was getting plenty of sleep.
“You’re depressed,” I said, sitting down on our bed.
“No.”
“Yes. You’re denying it. Depression, stage thirteen of grief. Then ‘Re-Entry’ troubles, new relationships, new strengths, new patterns, hope, affirmation, and helping others. It’s almost over, but I want it to be over quicker. I can’t sit around and watch you suffer anymore.” he smiled at me, but I could tell he felt like dying. “Come on, take my hand,” I said as I reached my hand out.
“The boy with cancer helping out the boy with just a few issues? Nah, I don’t think so.” he pouted.
“The cancer is gone,” I lied. “Come on! I wanna do something with you.”
“No, I just want to sleep.”
“You’re still tired?” I asked.
“No. I just don’t like being awake anymore.” His words hurt me, but I pushed the hurt away. This was for his good. “I lost everything I had. My mom, the only person who still loved me. Turns out she hates me more than dad. And I almost lost you. How am I supposed to live with myself?” Kuroo wouldn’t meet my eyes. I understood some of what he was saying. As a person who is dying, it’s hard to stay positive. If you are gonna die, why be so happy? If no one loves you, why should you love yourself? Kuroo was taking the desert. When something bad happens, there are always two roads. You can fight or you can wallow. As a person with cancer, I know them both very well. And I can say fighting was the best road. It hurts the most, but once you get through it, you feel better. The high road, as I like to call it. You wallow in the desert. Kuroo is in the desert right now, I thought, he thinks no one loves him. But I love him. Bokuto loves him, Akaashi loves him, Hinata loves him, hell, even Tsukishima likes him. He can’t see that right now, but I will show him.
“Please?” I asked. Kuroo looked up at me.
“Why do I even deserve you. What in the world did I fucking do to deserve you. You’re an angel...and I’m an asshole.” I rolled my eyes.
“It doesn’t matter grumpy pants. Take my fucking hand. We are going swimming. I love you. I’m your family. You still have me.” Kuroo took my hand with empty eyes. This was hard. I couldn’t force him to take the high road, but I could give him a glimpse. We got changed into our swim trunks. I took off my ring just to make sure it didn’t get lost. Kuroo took off his. We headed down to the community pool. Kuroo felt the water.
“It’s cold. I don’t wanna-” I pushed him in. He fell into the water.
“SWIM!” I yelled. “IT’LL GET WARMER!” He begrudgingly swam in. I walked down the steps of the pool and swam to Kuroo. The water was cool but I wasn’t bothered by it. Kuroo looked at me with bewilderment.
“How did you just step in like that and not even shiver?” he asked.
“Willpower.”
“Are you a psychopath or something?”
“I dunno, you tell me.” Kuroo dunked me in.
“I think you are,” he joked. My heart fluttered. He joked. Kuroo hadn’t said a joke in a month. This was progress. I doggy-paddled to the shallow end. Kuroo followed me, swimming freestyle. I stood up and kissed Kuroo’s hand.
“Dance with me?”
“In the pool?”
“Does that make me crazy?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m crazy? Okay. Dance with me anyways?” Kuroo took my hand. I smiled. Dancing in the pool was different than on land. You could feel everything. You could feel the water between your legs. It was harder than on land, but I persisted. What I hadn’t told Kuroo besides cancer coming back, was that I listened to our song every single night. I memorized the lyrics. English wasn’t too hard, so I got it down. Now was the time to sing it. I wasn’t a good singer, but that didn't matter. Kuroo would still appreciate it. “I remember when
I remember, I remember when I lost my mind
There was something so pleasant about that place
Even your emotions have an echo in so much space
Mm-hmm, hmm
And when you're out there, without care
Yeah, I was out of touch
But it wasn't because I didn't know enough
I just knew too much
Hmm
Does that make me crazy?
Does that make me crazy?
Does that make me crazy?
Possibly~” Kuroo wasn’t sure to be shocked or cheerful. He stood there, blinking.
“The song...?” he said. “You memorized it?”
“I’ll tell you if you continue dancing with me~” I replied. Kuroo put both of his hands on each side of my waist. To my surprise, he lifted me over his head and spun me around like in the couple’s ice skating. I laughed. The air was brisk and cool. I felt like I was flying. Kuroo set me back down and we continued our dance.
“Well?”
“Maybe I did.” Kuroo pulled me into his chest. His bare chest was warm.
“Wanna go into the hot tub?” he asked.
“But there isn’t a hot tub.”
“There is in our bathroom. A very nice, big tub. It fits both of us~” Had I made Kuroo feel that much better? It shocked me.
“Are you suggesting we both go upstairs and have sex in the bath?”
“Maybe?” he said awkwardly. “I have you. You have me. So maybe I still have someone. And right now I want to do things to that person. Things like-” I covered his mouth with my hand.
“People can hear us!” I laughed. He laughed too. To my dismay, he picked me up and threw me over his shoulder. He got out of the pool and headed back up the stairs. He unlocked the door to our apartment. I was still hanging over his shoulder. He closed the door behind us and walked to the bathroom. He put me down on the counter and kissed me on the lips. Objects fell, but it didn’t matter. We continued to kiss. Kuroo slipped away for a second to start running the bathwater, then his mouth met mine once more. I felt my pants slip off. We made our way into the bath, laughing and kissing. I focused on the splashing water and the warmth spreading over me as I was taken away into bliss. To feel Kuroo’s kiss and touch once more was like finding something important that you’d lost but forgotten about. You forgot how good it was until you got it back. The satisfying feeling of being reunited. The rest of that day was filled with pure pleasure and love.

(KUROO’S PERSPECTIVE)

The next few days were better. I woke up in the morning next to Kenma. Our mornings went back to cuddling and kissing. The grief was still there, but it got better. I had Kenma, and he was enough. What I wasn’t expecting was to wake up to loud knocking on the door on Sunday at seven in the morning. I opened the door with only sweatpants, rubbing my eyes.
“Hel-” I started.
“HEY HEY HEY!” Bokuto yelled.
“Wha?” I said, looking at the eight people standing outside my door. I saw Bokuto, Akaashi, Hinata, Kageyama, Tsukishima, a green-haired man, Lev, and Yaku. “The fuck?”
“Cover your eyes, Yamaguchi,” Tsukishima said, covering the green-haired man’s eyes. “There is an ugly man without a shirt.” Then, I remembered. Yamaguchi was Karasuno’s pinch server.
“Tsukki, don’t be bitter,” I said. Tsukishima rolled his eyes. “Wait,” I said. “What happened to, ‘Don’t call me Tsukki?’” I mocked.
“OH YEAH!” Hinata yelled. “TSUKKI IS LESS SALTY NOW!!”
“Shouyou!” Kageyama hissed. “People are sleeping.
“SORRY TOBIO!”
“SHOUYOU BOKE!” I quickly led them in before they made more noise in the halls. I didn’t want to get reported. I wasn’t expecting guests, so the apartment was a bit of a mess. Yamaguchi surveyed the room and noticed me and Kenma’s underwear and clothes on the floor.
“Sorry,” I said, “I wasn’t expecting guests.”
“You guys must have had, Uhm, a lot of fun last night,” Yamaguchi said awkwardly. I felt my cheeks flush as I picked up the clothes. Lev snickered and whispered something in Yaku’s ear. Yaku punched him in the stomach. Kenma trudged in the room, wondering what all the commotion was. His eyes widened at the sight of the nine of us.
“Shouyou...” he said, shaking his head. “I said seven.”
“It is seven!” Hinata said.
“Seven. At. Night.” Kenma said, clearly annoyed.
“I don’t know the Western time.”
“BOKE!” Kageyama yelled.
“Sorry Kags,” Hinata said, clearly embarrassed. “How did you expect me to know the western time?”
“...because we are adults? I also said seven at night. Was that not clear?” Kenma said.
“HEY I’M ONLY EIGHTEEN!” Hinata yelled.
“Bold of you to assume shrimpy had brain cells,” Tsukishima said to Kenma. I started to get fed up with this.
“Just...make yourselves at home I guess,” I said. “Kenma and I need to talk.”
“OOOOOOOOO KENMA IS IN TROUBLEEEEEEEEEE!” Bokuto yelled.
“Hush, Bokuto,” Akaashi scolded. I dragged Kenma to our bedroom.
“Care to explain?”
“I’m sorry, Kuroo,” Kenma replied. “It was supposed to be a surprise tonight, but Shouyou ruined that. You’ve just been so depressed lately, and...well...we wanted to show you that we are your family. We were gonna all play volleyball together today. Do you still wanna do it?”
“Yeah,” I said. I just needed a minute to process all of this. I took Kenma into my arms. “Thank you.” I kissed him. I didn’t notice when the group walked in.
“EW, THEY ARE KISSING!” Lev yelled. I broke away from Kenma, feeling my face get hot. I felt intruded on.
Bokuto started laughing. Tsukishima laughed too. Soon enough everyone was laughing, even Kenma and me. It felt like a crazy family who was in everyone’s business. A family I never had, but so desperately wanted. No. They were my family. As Kenma said, my family could be whoever I wanted it to be.
“You guys are crazy,” I said.
“YOU GUYS WERE KISSING! WHY WERE YOU DOING THAT! ESPECIALLY SINCE EVERYONE IS HERE THAT IS SO GROSS!” Lev yelled. Yaku punched him in the stomach.
“Technically we intruded on them. This is their house after all. They could have sex for all I care. I mean technically we walked in on what they were doing last night.” Yaku said.
“Wait how?” Kenma asked.
“Uhm,” I said, unsure of how to reply.
“Kenma maybe don’t leave your underwear on the floor next time?” Hinata asked. Kenma’s eyes widened. He looked like he was going to die of embarrassment. Kenma didn’t do well when he was embarrassed.
“I suggest we go into the other room,” Tsukki suggested.
“Okay, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi replied. The group left the room. Kenma just stared at the ground, wide-eyed. I hugged him.

Later that day, we went to the gym to play volleyball. It was me, Bokuto, Tsukishima, Kageyama, and Yaku against Kenma, Hinata, Lev, Akaashi, and Yamaguchi. Yamaguchi started with a pinch serve. Yaku caught it. He passed it to Kageyama who set it for Bokuto. We got the first point. At the end of the game, we were in a deuce on the third set. Having two setters on Kenma’s side made it a bit complicated, but they worked it out. I had no idea that Akaashi could play a good libero. Bokuto didn’t either. He yelled angrily as Akaashi caught his spike for the third time.
AkAaSsSSShHhHHiIIIIiiiI!!!!!” He yelled. Akaashi laughed and accidentally sent the ball flying off of the court. Thanks to the distraction, we had almost won. It was my turn to serve. I’d been working on my serve the past few days of the week for fun. I threw the ball into the air and ran. As I jumped into the air, I noticed everything. The shock on the other team’s face, Kenma’s eyes looking at me in amazement. Just with his eyes, Kenma could express emotion. Right now, he looked at me with awe. I slammed the ball back down into the enemy court. We’d won. Hinata yelled in anger.
“SEE, SHOUYOU!” Kageyama yelled. “I CAN STILL BEAT YOU IN VOLLEYBALL!” Hinata pouted. Kenma walked over to me.
“Was that fun?” I asked. I expected Kenma to say no as usual.
“It was kinda exciting,” Kenma said.
“Really?!”
“Yeah.”
“Well,” I said, leaning into Kenma’s ear. “You owe me since I won~”
“Oh, yeah?” he asked, smirking. “Anything for your rooster ass looking head.” I smiled back.
“Well you are going to apologize for calling me a rooster ass looking head,” I told him. Kenma rolled his eyes.
“Sorry.”
“It’s okay, Kitten.”
“KITTEN?” Lev yelled. “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA KUROO JUST CALLED KENMA KITTEN! KITTEN! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!” Yaku kicked Lev for the tenth time today. Kenma turned around and instinctively hissed, which caused Lev to laugh even harder.
“You know,” I said, “if you guys are my family, then that makes Lev the annoying nephew.” Kenma nodded in agreement. “So when do we have kids?” I asked. Kenma blinked.
“Uhm….never.”
“Really?” I said. I tried to hide the disappointment in my voice.
“As long as I live, we are not having kids.”
“Oh well,” I sighed. “At least I have you.” I wrapped my arm around his shoulder. Kenma kissed me on the cheek.
“GET A ROOM!” Lev yelled. Yaku tripped him and Lev fell. His nose started to bleed. Akaashi took out his first aid kit and tended to him. Hinata ran up to us. Kageyama followed.
“Hey, Hinata!” I smiled.
“Oh well since you and Kenma are getting married I think it’s okay for you to call me Shouyou. I don’t mind! I haven’t minded for the past year, actually…”
“Married?” Kageyama asked.
“Uh, yeah,” Shouyou said. “Didn’t you know they were engaged?”
“Kenma?” I asked. “I thought we were not telling anyone yet?”
“Oh, well only Shouyou was supposed to know...” he mumbled. “Stupid decision…”
“You think?” I asked.
“THEY ARE GETTING MARRIED?!” Bokuto yelled. Oh no, I thought. Bokuto ran up to us. “WHEN WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME?!” Bokuto took our hands and examined the rings. “AND MATCHING RINGS OH MY GOSH THAT IS SO CUTE! WAIT! I THOUGHT ONLY ONE OF YOU GETS A RING SINCE THE OTHER PROPOSES?!” He turned to Akaashi. “AKAASHI WE SHOULD DO THAT!” He yelled. Soon enough, everyone was crowding us.
“How do you both have rings?” Tsukki asked.
“Funny story…” I said.

After finishing the story of how we got engaged, everyone went on about how cute it was. I could tell Kenma was getting embarrassed.
“Guys?” he asked quietly. Everyone’s heads snapped to him, giving Kenma their full attention. It started to rain outside. “Can I tell you something?” he asked.
“Of course!” I replied.
“Are you pregnant?” Shouyou asked.
“SHOUYOU BOKE!” Kageyama yelled. “MEN DON’T GET PREGNANT!”
“Ohhhhh right!” Shouyou said. “Then why do we use condoms again?” Kageyama looked like he wanted to die.
“Guys?” Kenma said quietly, asking for their attention. “My cancer...it’s back, but that was a really fun last game!” he smiled. Something hit my heart. No. No. No. It couldn’t be, could it? He said it went away. How long had he been lying for? I wasted all my time I could’ve been there for him, sleeping. What was wrong with me? How could I be so selfish? I refused to cry, but I felt the tears welling up in my eyes. No. I wouldn’t cry. I wouldn’t break my promise. I would just hold Kenma.
“You have to fight,” I told him.

(KENMA’S PERSPECTIVE)
Chemo was harder than ever before. I had almost forgotten what it felt like to wake up at two in the morning, puking all over Kuroo. He just smiled and took care of me. He didn’t seem to care. Why do you stay? I often asked myself. Every night was either puke, constipation, diarrhea, or constant pain. I screamed most nights. I don’t know how Kuroo stayed and brushed my hair back. I don’t know why Kuroo kissed me right after I puked. I thought he was gross. He thought it was affection. I’d lost weight in the past few months. My ribs were visible. I looked sick. My hair didn’t fall out this time. I’d taken vitamins to keep it growing. I wanted at least one part of me that was the same for Kuroo. I still dyed it, but only the tips. I was too tired to dye the rest of my hair. Soon enough, after harsh chemotherapy and radiation, transplant day came.
“Stop messing with your IV,” Kuroo said as I sat in my room, scratching the pace where they put my IV. I didn’t like looking at a needle piercing my skin and not being able to tear it out.
“This IV itches,” I replied. “I don’t like it.” Kuroo walked over to my hospital bed.
“Can you move?”
“Why?”
“I wanna cuddle you.”
“Fine,” I said, moving over. Kuroo plopped into the bed next to me and kissed my neck lovingly.
“God, I love seeing you in a dress.”
“This is a hospital gown,” I replied.
“Doesn’t matter. You still look hot.” I rolled my eyes. Kuroo pulled me into his chest. “This is nice.” I wouldn’t admit it, but it was. Feeling Kuroo’s warm body against mine in the cool air felt good. He nuzzled my ear. “So I know you probably don’t wanna talk about this now, but when do you want to get married?” he asked.
“I dunno. When cancer’s over.”
“But it may never be.” Kuroo closed his eyes and sighed. “It keeps coming back and...I dunno, I just want to do it before I regret it.” Kuroo was right. This STEM cell transplant would help, but no one knew how much time I had left. Cancer kept on coming back. I doubted I would last even 5 years.
“Let’s get married in four months,” I said. “Does that make me crazy?” Kuroo smiled.
“Yeah. Let’s get married in four months.”
“I don’t want it to be anything big,” I said. “Could we just go to court or something? We could invite our family to hang out after. Just the ten of us plus my mom. That would be nice, no?”
“That sounds great,” Kuroo said, “but I have one condition. We can wear suits and stuff, but yours has to be white. And you have to wear a veil~”
“A veil?! No. No way!”
“Please~” he begged, “I want to be able to lift it and kiss you. Especially since you will look so beautiful and even though it’s just a partnership thing-” the words hit hard. Partnership thing. I’d almost forgotten same-sex marriage wasn’t legal in Japan.
“Wait,” I said.
“What?”
“We can get married.”
“How?”
“Fuck, let’s go to America and get married. It’s legal there, no?” A slight smile played on Kuroo’s lips.
“Yeah,” he sighed. “Let’s get married in America. Oh! We could have our Honeymoon at Disney World in Florida!”
“What’s Florida again?” Kuroo sighed. Just as he was about to reply, Doctor Ito came in.
“Hello Kozume San, Kuroo San!” he said.
“Hello!” Kuroo cheerfully replied.
“Hey Doctor Ito Sama,” I said.
“Ready to start the transplant?” he asked. Kuroo and I nodded. A nurse came in and took some instruments out. They gave me some drugs to help my body get used to this procedure. I felt numb and tipsy.
“Kuroo and I are gonna get married,” I said.
“Really?” Doctor Ito asked. “That is wonderful!”
“Yeah. We are gonna go to America! The place of fake freedom that is run by a living orange. Only to get married though. It’s more corrupt than Japan!”
“Are you high?” Kuroo asked.
“Maybe...I dunno but I feel numb. This medicine makes me feel so out of it.” Kuroo stroked my hair.
“It’s okay, Kitten.” I purred. The nurse walked towards me with something sharp in her hand.
“I think the nurse is trying to kill me,” I whispered loud enough that everyone could hear. She stabbed the stabby thing in my arm.
“No, that’s a shot,” Kuroo said.
“Stabby stab stab stab stabby stab,” I replied, “sHe’S mUrDeRiNg Me!” Before I knew it, I’d fallen asleep in Kuroo’s arms.

I woke up feeling weird. The room spun around me. Why am I so dizzy? I wondered. I blinked my eyes a couple of times and watched Kuroo sleep peacefully beside me in my hospital bed. The doctor was gone. I watched the room spin around me. I shook my head and poked Kuroo on his nose.
“Kurooooooo~” I whispered. He didn’t budge. “Kuro.” He continued to snore. “Tetsu? Rooster? Kuroo fucking Testsurou?” No response. I shook him. That didn’t work either. It was time for the big guns. “My only true love, my soulmate, the one I love the most please wake up!” No response. I sighed in annoyance. “Daddy?” Kuroo’s eyes popped open.
“What, Kitten?” he groaned.
“Did you seriously only wake up because I called you daddy?”
“What do you mean?”
“Bitch I’ve been trying to wake you for the past five minutes. I called you Kuroo, Kuro, Tetsu, Kuroo fucking Tetsurou, rooster, and my only true love, my soulmate, and the one I love the most. You didn’t wake up to any of them you dipshit.”
“I didn’t hear a thing,” he yawned. I sighed and fell back on the bed. “What do you need?”
“Video games and food,” I replied.
“Oh, okay,” he said as he got out of bed. Kuroo went to his backpack and shuffled through the scattered items. “Let’s see....we have pocky sticks, senbei, melon pan, and pretz.”
“Hmmm. I want you to brink the pocky and pretz.” Kuroo brought over the pocky and pretz along with our Nintendo Switch. I started up Animal Crossing. “Now feed me!” I said as I opened my mouth.
“What? Why would I do that?”
“Because you are a loving fiance who is helping his boyfriend with his cancer treatment?”
“I clean up your puke. I’m pretty sure you can handle your food. Besides, you owe me.”
“The cancer patient owes you?”
“Ugh don’t use your cancer pity on me,” Kuroo said as he opened the Pretz box. He took out the long brown stick. I opened my mouth, and Kuroo stuck it inside.
“Mmmmm...and yeah I hate doing the cancer pity thing, I just wanted to see if it worked on you.” Kuroo playfully shoved me. “Again,” I said. He fed me another stick. Kuroo popped a pocky into his mouth. “Can I taste it?” I asked. Kuroo nodded. I kissed his lips. “Mmmm...was that vanilla?”
“Yeah.”
“Such a shame,” I said dramatically, “you already taste like vanilla. I could barely taste the pocky.”
“Sorry Kitten. I didn’t know you were so obsessed with me that you know what I taste like.” I shoved my hand in Kuroo’s face.

(KUROO’S PERSPECTIVE) -FOUR MONTHS LATER-

Today was the day. Today Kenma and I would fly to America. I woke up at four in the morning with Kenma in my arms. The alarm went off. I smiled.
“KENMA WAKE UP!” I yelled. He groaned. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to yell,” I said as I sat up. “I’m just so excited. We get married in two days!” My heart pounded at the word married. We would be bonded forever. Kenma sat up in an instant.
“Nevermind I’m awake now.” I laughed and hugged him tightly. I shook his shoulders hard.
“MARRIED!!!” Kenma giggled.
“Yeah.” I looked at our room and spotted the bags that were already packed. They’d been ready since last night. I got out of bed and got dressed. Kenma got dressed too.

We arrived at Tokyo Airport hand in hand. Kenma put on his mask. I smiled at him. Hand in hand, we walked inside. After going through security, we boarded the plane. Kenma got scared as we took off, so I held his hand. He hadn’t been on a plane before.
“What if we crash?” he asked anxiously. “I don’t like heights. Hold my hand!”
“I’m already holding your hand.”
“Oh, right,” Kenma said, glancing at our hands. After we were in the air, Kenma took out our switch. We played Smash Bros for a while. After Kenma beating me for the eighth time, I started to get bored. Kenma fell asleep on my shoulder. I leaned my head against his. Soon enough, I’d fallen asleep.

I woke up to the plane jolting. The turbulence was bad. Kenma opened his eyes in fear. He grabbed on my arm and shook. Suddenly, the plane started to fall. We were falling. No, no, no! The pilot used the com. On the plane.
“ATTENTION! THE PLANE IS CRASHING!” I looked over at Kenma. There wasn’t enough time to prepare. We were falling. We were going to die. I hugged Kenma as we braced for impact. Closer, closer, closer. There was nothing to stop us from falling. Death was upon us.
“I love you,” I said. The plane crashed on an island.

Hours later, I woke up. I smelled smoke. The plane was on fire. I looked next to me. Kenma was unconscious. I shook him. “KENMA?” Kenma didn’t respond. Tears flooded my cheeks. I broke the promise. “KENMA WAKE UP!” I checked for a pulse. He was gone. No. No. No. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. I looked up. The plane’s roof was gone. I yelled at the sky. I screamed at the world. I looked back at Kenma and stroked his hair. “Baby, why’d you go away?” I asked. I held on to him as tight as I could. He was gone. I felt empty. I cried until there were no tears left.

I woke up in a cold sweat. I panted. I was crying. Kenma woke up beside me.
“Baby what’s wrong?” he asked as he wiped a tear-off of my cheek.
“Sorry. It was a dream,” I said, wiping off my tears. “Sorry I broke the promise, but Kenma, you have to promise not to die.”
“Why would I do that?”
“Cancer, plane crash, I don’t know. But you can’t leave me. You have to promise not to leave me. I can’t live without you. Without your soul. It makes me empty inside, the thought of you not being there. Holding your….holding your, your, -the bod-bod-body…” Kenma hugged me.
“I promise.”
“Does that make me crazy?” I asked. Kenma shook his head.
The plane ride lasted another ten hours. When we arrived, we got off the plane and headed to get our baggage in LAX. For once I was glad I passed the English class. Kenma failed, so he would rely on me. Or so I thought. Kenma led us to baggage when I got lost.
“How…?” I asked.
“I was in advanced English, remember?”
“....no,” I said, trying to recall. “I thought you said you’d failed it?”
“Oh right, now I remember, I was preserving your ego.” I playfully shoved him. Kenma and I got our baggage and headed to a taxi. We got inside. The driver was a pretty girl with long hair. She was very buff. She helped us put our suitcases in the trunk and got inside.
“You two on your honeymoon or something?” she asked.
“No. We are getting married. They don’t let you get officially married in Japan.”
“Ah, that makes sense. Congratulations!”
“Thanks.” She drove us to our hotel.
“So, where is the Statue of Liberty?” I asked. “We wanna do some sightseeing.”
“Uhm,” she said.
“What?”
“This is California, not New York.” the woman said. Kenma burst out in laughter.
“You thought- Kuro I- Bahahahahah!” I smiled cockily.
“I was just trying to make you laugh Kitten.”
“Sure, you were. Sure, Kuro.” When we arrived at the hotel, the woman helped us unload our bags. We went inside our room. “I swear to god you embarrassed me with that driver,” Kenma said. “How well did you do in your English class?”
“I got a C….”
“No wonder. Well, now you gotta make it up to me~”
“Oh ho, sure. How may I do that, Kitten?” Kenma smirked.
“They have a sauna, did you know that?”
“No…?”
“Well now you know, we could book a room for just the two of us~”
“Oh?”
“Mhm...and you wouldn’t have to work out later today then...it would be sweaty...and hot. Really hot. And naked, and-” I pulled down Kenma’s mask and kissed him. He smiled into the kiss.

An hour later, Kenma and I headed to the sauna. We were only in our towels. I held his hand as we went inside. We were alone. I sat down next to Kenma and looked deeply into his eyes. My lips met his.

(KENMA’S PERSPECTIVE) -WARNING: MENTIONS OF SEX/NSFW-
My lips met Kuroo’s. The kiss was slow. I put my hands on Kuroo’s knees and pressed against his soft skin. I brushed his leg softly with my hand as we kissed. It was hot and sweaty from the heat. I liked the feeling. Kuroo continued to kiss me. I leaned my head back and broke off. Kuroo looked so beautiful. So handsome. So hot. His skin glistened. A drop of sweat dripped down his stomach. He looked at me. His eyes begged for my lips back on his. He bit his lip seductively. I leaned back in and continued the slow kiss. I rubbed his knee. Kuroo felt his way from the bottom of my back to my neck. Kuroo stopped the kiss and pulled me closer. He bit down on my neck. It hurt, but the pain felt kind of nice. I dug my fingers into his back as Kuroo kissed down to my shoulder. I felt my towel drop to the floor. Kuroo’s dropped too. We continued to make out. Kuroo then met his lips with mine again. I smiled into the kiss.

After the sauna, Kuroo and I made our way to the hotel room, stealing kisses in the hallway. Kuroo pressed me to the door and we continued to make out. I felt the handle to the door from behind me and opened it. Kuroo and I fell into the room, laughing. Kuroo closed the door with his foot and picked me up. He threw me on the bed and kissed me passionately. Our tongues danced. Kuroo ripped off my towel.
“Ready?” he asked.
“Ready,” I replied.

I woke up naked the next morning next to Kuroo. I felt the sun shining on my face. Kuroo rolled over and pinned me to the bed.
“Round two?” he asked. I laughed and nodded.
Just as I got comfortable with Kuroo inside me, the door opened. There stood three people, talking and laughing... It was Hinata, Akaashi, and Bokuto.
“HEY HEY HE-” Bokuto yelled. Kuroo and I were in doggy position, naked. He screamed and ran out of the room. I screamed too and Kuroo pulled out of me. I hid under the covers, praying the darkness would save me. I heard muffled voices and the door slam shut. Kuroo pulled the covers.
“It’s okay. I got them to leave while we get changed.”
“Why….why are they here?” I asked. Kuroo looked at me like I was stupid.
“You do realize today is...July 18th, right?”
“So?”
“Happy wedding day?”
“Oh, okay. WAIT WHAT IT'S TODAY!?” I yelled. Kuroo laughed and nodded. I hugged him tightly.
“Get changed into something comfortable. Akaashi is going to help you get ready somewhere else. The boys don’t want us seeing each other anymore until the ceremony.”
“Noooooo! I don’t wanna leave you!” I whined. Kuroo stroked my hair.
“It’s okay, Kitten. It’s only for eight hours.” I pouted and threw on some clothes. Bokuto busted through the door again. Kuroo was only in his boxers.
“WHY THE FUCK WERE YOU-” Bokuto started. Akaashi interrupted him.
“I mean it is their wedding day…”
“Kuroo put some clothes on,” a voice said as it walked into the room. Kageyama walked into sight and put his hands over Shouyou’s eyes.
“Kenma, come with us,” Akaashi said. “You are gonna get ready in my room. Yamaguchi and Hinata will be there as well. We are gonna help you get ready.” I nodded and walked towards Akaashi.
“Bye, Kuroo!” Kuroo waved goodbye with an embarrassed smile. As I shut the door behind me, I heard Kuroo yelling at Bokuto. Shouyou took my hand and ran down the hall. Akaashi followed. We made our way to room 11.
“So when did you guys arrive?” I asked.
“A day earlier. We were prepping.” Akaashi opened the door to reveal Yamaguchi and a pretty blonde girl.
“Who’s she?” I asked.
“Yachi, my close friend,” Yamaguchi replied. “She offered to help you get ready!” I kept my expression blank as I sat down in a chair they pulled out for me.
“Okay, let’s get his nails ready!” she smiled.
“My nails?”
“Yes,” she replied. “They look like you’ve been biting them. We can’t have that on your wedding day.” I felt bad for girls for the rest of those thirty minutes. I didn’t know what getting your nails done was like until I met Yachi. It was hell. I thought I was going to die. After she finished doing my nails, I was thrown into the shower. Shouyou shoved me inside. They had weird stuff like Apple Pie scented shampoo. America was weird. After I showered, Yachi came inside.
“GET OUT!” I yelled.
“Why?” she asked.
“Because I’m only in a towel!”
“I’m gay too, it’s fine,” she said, holding a razor.
“What’s that?” I asked, slowly backing away. “It looks sharp.”
“Don’t worry, it won’t hurt,” she said. I didn’t trust this Yachi girl. I winced as she shaved my legs.
“Why do women do this, it’s weird!”
“Kuroo will appreciate it tonight,” she winked. I watched the hair fall off my legs.
“You aren’t a part of my sex life,” I complained.
“Well I mean this morning-”
“Shut the fuck up.” Yachi obeyed my wish. Then she took out a box of sticky things that looked like bandaids. “What’s that?”
“Nothing,” she mumbled, placing them on my legs. I winced as she ripped one-off.
“ARE YOU WAXING MY LEGS?” I bellowed. Yachi smiled at me and ripped another one-off. I cried. God, please make this devil woman go away, I prayed. An hour later, we walked out of the bathroom. My face was red from crying.
“Yachi I said no strips!” Yamaguchi cried. Yachi laughed.
“I couldn’t help myself!”
“Kenma are you hungry?” Shouyou asked. My stomach grumbled. I nodded hungrily. He handed me a slice of watermelon. I bit into it and immediately felt relieved. Someone pulled on my hair.
“OW!”
“Sorry!” Yamaguchi apologized. I felt him messing with my hair. I didn’t like it. I only liked it when Kuroo touched my hair. “Sorry!” he said again as he accidentally pulled a hair.
“Be gentle, it might fall out.”
“Right, sorry.” I felt Yamaguchi brush my hair and braid the front of the left and right side of my hair. He then connected the two sides at the back with a clip. After I finished my watermelon, I changed into a white suit. Hinata placed a small veil on top of my head.
“WOW!” Everyone said at the same time.
“You look so handsome!”
“Kuroo is gonna faint!”
“How can a dude be this pretty?”
“Man even I wanna kiss you!” All I could manage to mutter was,
“This veil is girly.”
“Kuroo asked for it. Bokuto wouldn’t shut up about me making you wear it,” Akaashi said.
“Please?” Shouyou begged. I rolled my eyes.
“Fine.”
“YAY!” Shouyou yelled, jumping into the air. I shook my head and sighed. I missed Kuroo.

Yes, this chapter was just me torturing Kenma.

(KUROO’S PERSPECTIVE)

It was bright. So bright. I was in my suit and tie. Bokuto, Kageyama, and Tsukishima were in a car with me. We drove to the city hall, where Kenma and I were getting married. Everyone else just wore casual clothes. Just Kenma and I wore suits, but I didn’t mind. Kenma was the only man I would stare at anyways. When we arrived, we walked into Los Angeles’s City Hall. It was cold inside. We walked into the courtroom where Kenma and I were to be married. Bokuto sat down along with Tsukishima and Kageyama. I saw Akaashi, Shouyou, and Yamaguchi arrive too. I stood in front of the judge. The doors open once more. That’s when I saw it. The most beautiful person alive. His faded dark hair. His eyes locked with mine. I couldn’t help but smile. A memory from before started to play in my head.

“Kenma Kun, do you ever wanna get married?” I asked the smaller boy. He looked up from his game.
“I don’t know. I don’t really like girls.”
“My parents told me I have to marry a nice sweet girl,” I replied.
“That’s stupid.”
“Well, Kenma Kun you are only nine so I wouldn’t expect you to know yet!”
“You are only ten, Kuro.”
“Well if I don’t marry a nice sweet girl Dad will be angry and hit me.”
“Your dad hits you?”
“Doesn’t yours?”
“I don’t have a dad.”
“Oh,” I said, unsure of how to respond. “Well, I’m gonna be a better dad when I grow up!”
“I don’t want kids, they are stupid.”
“But then that means we are stupid.”
“Exactly. I don’t know if I wanna get married when I grow up either. I don’t wanna be an adult. I just wanna play video games.”
“That is so many years away. Besides, my dad has a friend that makes games!”
“Really?” Kenma’s eyes sparkled. I smiled. I liked it when Kenma’s eyes sparkled.
“You know if we don’t get married, we should just marry each other. I mean we are best friends after all!”
“Well I mean you are annoying,” Kenma said blankly. I crossed my arms and turned around from him.
“Hmph!”
“Wait,” he said, putting a hand on my shoulder. “You are annoying, just not as annoying as other boys and girls. If we don’t find true love I guess you wouldn’t be too bad. But you would have to buy me games.”
“Of course!”
“And you would have to take care of my throw up since my mommy would be gone.”
“EW!” I yelled, pretending to puke.
“Those are the conditions.”
“Fine,” I rolled my eyes, “deal.” I smiled. Kenma gave me a small smile back. I hugged him. “You are my best friend!” Kenma sat and enjoyed my hug for a minute before pushing me away.
“Get off me.”

I smiled at the old memory. Kenma walked arm in arm with his mother to me. I felt my heart beating faster. He parted with his mother and stood across from me.
“So beautiful,” I whispered. The front strands that usually covered Kenma’s face were pulled back in a braid behind him. His long hair flowed majestically. It was impossible to think about anything but Kenma. He wore a white suit. It looked good on him. The judge started talking. I didn’t listen to what he was thinking. I was thinking about a hundred thoughts. Kenma was ninety-nine. I broke my promise, but I knew Kenma was okay with it today. Tears flooded down my cheeks. Kenma started to cry, too. He was mine. The kitten was mine. It was time for vows.
“Kenma Kozume,” I choked. “You are the love of my life. I promise to be there for you, forever. I promise to hold your hair when you throw up and sing you to sleep. I promise to wake you up with a kiss every morning. I promise-,” I let out a sob and wiped my eyes, “I promise...to be here forever for you. I promise forever. I promise to love you even when I can’t see you anymore. Does that make me crazy?” Kenma laughed through his tears.
“K-Tetsurou,” he said. For once, I was happy about my first name. It was okay when Kenma said it. It was safe. “I promise forever with you. I promise to be in your arms only every night. I promise to help when you are sick. I promise to slow dance with you as much as you want.” Another tear slid down kenma’s cheek. “I promise to be here forever. I promise to fight cancer. I...I love you more than anything or anyone. Does that make me crazy?” Shouyou giddily stood up and handed us the rings. I slid one on Kenma’s finger. He slid the other on mine. We laughed through our tears. I stepped closer to him and wiped a tear off of his cheek.
“You may now kiss the groom,” the judge said. I gently lifted the veil covering Kenma’s face. I leaned in and closed my eyes. Everything disappeared during that kiss. Everyone turned into dust. I felt my heart beating fast. Even though my eyes were closed, I could see everything. I could see colors, promises. I didn’t know how I was brave enough to be here. I was so afraid to lose Kenma. All of my doubt suddenly went away. Kenma stepped in closer. I would die every day to be with him. I would love him for a thousand years. I would love him for infinity. Time stood still. I was brave. I wouldn’t let anything take away this moment. I wouldn’t let anyone take away the small boy who I’d committed myself to. I died every day waiting for him. I’d loved him for a thousand years. I could love him for eternity. Somehow, the time had brought his heart to me. I would do anything in my power to show how much I loved him. I took another step closer, even though the space between us was closed. I dipped him and continued kissing. He wrapped his arms around my neck. I found him. I was marrying him. He kept his promise. I kept mine. The promise we made when we were little boys. I came back to reality. I could hear the clapping from behind us. Bokuto yelled to get a room. Our lips parted. I lifted Kenma. I felt like I was floating. We were married. So why did it have to end so quickly?

(KENMA’S PERSPECTIVE)

I fell. I was in Kuroo’s arms. I felt dizzy. I fell to the ground. I heard yelling. I couldn’t see or hear. Everything was black. Why can’t I wake up? I thought. I heard Kuroo pleading with me to wake up. Someone called 911. Am I dying? I wondered. Right after my wedding, am I dying? I didn’t understand why this was so sudden. I still had so much to live for. Kuroo started to do CPR. WAKE UP! I yelled at myself. GODDAMNIT KENMA WAKE UP! I didn’t understand. The cancer was under control. So why? Why? Why? Why?

It was dark. I looked around, wondering where I was. I woke up next to Kuroo. It was just a dream? I wasn’t dying? Kuroo was asleep in bed. He was crying. He kept on telling himself not to cry, but he couldn’t help it. I went to stroke his hair and shushed him gently. I hugged him. His body was warm. He didn’t hug me back. I heard our bedroom door open. It was a little girl. Why was a little girl here? She had straight black hair, except in the back where it stuck up. She had the most beautiful golden eyes and was wearing a light blue nightgown.
“Daddy?” she asked. “Why are you crying?”
“Oh, sweetie,” Kuroo said groggily. “I’m okay, go back to sleep.”
“But Daddy, why are you sad?”
“I just miss your other Daddy.”
“I’m sorry Daddy,” she said as she climbed in our bed. I sat up. What was going on? Then, I remembered. Was this my gift? She clung to him. “Can you tell me what Daddy was like?” Kuroo smiled.
“Of course, Kenma.” Kenma? Was she named after me? “Daddy was quiet and smart. He had golden eyes, just like yours, Kitten. He was very handsome. Your Daddy loved to play games, like the ones you do. He would sometimes stay up so late I had to hide it from him.” The girl giggled.
“Daddy was funny!”
“Daddy was funny,” Kuroo repeated. “He was so sweet. I loved him. I still love him. I really miss him. But he’s still here. He’s in you,” he said, pointing to the girl’s chest. “Daddy was sick when he was little. Very sick. The doctors said he would die, but he lived. But it didn’t last forever. After I fell in love with your dad, and when he fell in love with me, he grew ill once more. I took care of your daddy. Years later, he was still sick, but we got married. After we got married, Daddy fell. I tried to save his life,” Kuroo sobbed. “I almost did. The doctors came. They said he had a heart attack. He didn’t make it. He died after we promised forever.” The little girl was now crying too. “But, he left one last gift. Your daddy filled out paperwork before he died. One day he went to the doctors when he was temporarily cured and asked for something special. He asked them that if he died, I could have you. He did a special test and put a magic piece of him in a container.”
“Magic?” she asked, her eyes wide. Kuroo smiled through his tears.
“Yes, magic. Everyone has magic they use to make kids. So, he took his magic and put it away, for now, saving it. After he died, I found a box. The box had a letter. It said that he was sorry he died, but that we could still be together. He wrote about magic. I filled out the paperwork and had a piece of magic taken from me too. The scientists and doctors did their work, and a very nice lady gave us some of her magic, too. Then, we made you. You are Daddy’s very special gift,” Kuroo said as he sniffled. “You are my magical kitten. I love you so much. Does that make me crazy?” I started to cry.
“No,” I said. Kuroo didn’t hear me. “NO!” I yelled. I hugged Kuroo and the little girl. I was sitting there.
They couldn’t hear me. Was this the future? I could still hear them outside. Kuroo crying for me to live, the doctors trying to bring me back. I could go back. But I would die eventually. I needed to disappear. I decided to disappear into the sun. This future with Kuroo didn’t have cancer. This future was safe. I heard the outside noises more.
“Take my hand,” Kuroo cried, holding my hand. “Stay, Kenma. Heaven’s not ready for you. Please. I need you more than the angels do.” I started to fade. I heard rapid beeping in the background. Kuroo started to yell, “WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU’RE GOING?!” He yelled. “DON’T GO! STAY! I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT YOU!” I looked over. I saw the girl resting in Kuroo’s arms.

“Daddy?” she asked.
“Yes, my Kitten?” he replied.
“Can you sing the song again? The one you always sang for Daddy?” Kuroo nodded.
“Of course, Kitten. Anything for you.
I remember when I remember, I remember when I lost my mind
There was something so pleasant about that place.
Even your emotions had an echo
In so much space

And when you're out there
Without care,
Yeah, I was out of touch
But it wasn't because I didn't know enough
I just knew too much

Does that make me crazy?
Does that make me crazy?
Does that make me crazy?
probably

And I hope that you are having the time of your life
But think twice, that's my only advice

Come on now, who do you, who do you, who do you, who do you think you are,
Hahaha bless your soul
You really think you're in control

Well, I think you're crazy
I think you're crazy
I think you're crazy
Just like me

My heroes had the heart to lose their lives out on a limb
And all I remember is thinking, I want to be like them
Ever since I was little, ever since I was little it looked like fun
And it's no coincidence I've come
And I can die when I'm done

Maybe I'm crazy
Maybe you're crazy
Maybe we're crazy
Probably~” The girl fell sound asleep in his arms. I sighed and laid with them, listening to their soft breathing.

If I could, I would stay, but Kuroo and I both knew things wouldn’t work out that way. I felt guilty about making the promise that I wouldn’t say goodbye, but through this girl, I could have forever with Kuroo. I heard Kuroo’s yelling and sobbing start to fade. I felt him grip my chest. I hadn’t even said goodbye. I just needed to say goodbye. I stopped fading, just for a moment.
“Kuro,” I croaked.
“Kenma!” he cried.
“I don’t have much time. Honestly, you know where I’m going. Baby, I’m just moving on. I’ll still love you even if I can’t see you anymore,” I stroked his cheek.
“I can’t wait to see you soar,” he croaked. I wiped off a tear that was falling down his cheek. “Does that make me crazy?”
“Does that make me crazy?...” I softly repeated back. I faded more. Kuroo cried into my chest. I looked back at Kuroo and the little girl on the other side. They were sleeping soundly together. I walked back over to them.

“Kenma,” Kuroo said, “are you here? Is this a dream?”
“Hi, baby. I’m here,” I cried. “I’m right here.” I got into the bed with the two of them. At last, I could rest.