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Chapter Text

Bernadetta could hear the revelry of the feast from inside her room. When Claude announced that a grand feast would be thrown to celebrate the defeat of Nemesis, she knew the feast would be much different than any Empire banquet she’d been forced to attend in her youth. Those banquets had been formal, stuffy, and her father always kept close watch on Bernadetta to make sure she was behaving as a good proper lady. No, no party thrown by Claude would be anything like that, especially one thrown with their Almyran allies. Had this been any other party, Bernadetta would not have even entertained the thought of attending. However, she knew this was one of the last opportunities she’d have to see all her friends and comrades in one place. Soon everyone would leave Garreg Mach and move on with their lives. So, she made a promise to herself that she would actually attend this feast and be with her friends one last time. Bernadetta didn’t actually tell anyone she’d planned on going to the party, but she had promised herself she would do this no matter what. But the loud buzz of talking, music, and singing from outside was starting to make her head spin and she felt the tendrils of anxiety starting to grip her.

No! No, don’t do this Bernie. You have to do this, she scolded herself. She had to do this. Bernadetta didn’t have anyone else besides her few friends. And soon they would all be gone, without her. She had nowhere else to go. Bernadetta decided she would not return back to Varley, not for a long time. There were too many painful memories there. Only Uncle Alois and Linhardt were staying behind in Garreg Mach. She had to say goodbye to her friends.

Before she could change her mind, Bernadetta closed her eyes, took a deep breath, opened her door, and stepped out. The cold night air prickled her skin. She stood still and waited. Nothing happened. When she opened her eyes, she saw that the small courtyard in front of her room was empty. Bernadetta let out sigh of relief, at least no one saw her and that ridiculous display.

Bernadetta decided she needed to come up with a plan before venturing into the party. Plans always made her less anxious. She decided first heading to the dining hall and getting food would be the best. No one would think it strange if she came to get food alone and, hopefully, she would encounter one of her friends. If none of her friends were in the dining hall, she could leave quickly without looking weird or suspicious. Next, she could walk through the gardens and look for company. Lots of people would probably be walking around the gardens, so it wouldn’t be strange for her to do the same, right? And if she found no one in the gardens, then Bernadetta decided she would go the clearing her and Linhardt frequented because it was always quiet there and she could enjoy her dinner in peace. Then maybe once she had her dinner, she could go look for her friends again. And worst comes to worst, if she couldn’t find anyone, she could give up, return to her room in shame, and pretend nothing ever happened.

Bernadetta took a deep breath and nodded to herself. Seems like a foolproof plan. She felt infinitely better after making her plan. Bernadetta knew most people never pre-planned like she did, but she felt a little less anxious and that’s all that mattered.

With that out of the way, Bernadetta started to walk to the dining hall. As she got closer to the small fish lake and greenhouse, she noticed a few people milling about outside but it wasn’t too crowded. The noise coming out from the dining hall however was much louder. So very loud.

You can do this, Bernie! she reminded herself as she walked up the stairs to the dining hall. This feast will be so much better than the stifling Empire banquets. Plus, I have friends here. Everything will be fine.

Bernadetta finally arrived outside of the door of the dining hall. She took one last steadying breath and walked into the dining hall. The first thing Bernadetta noticed was she had never seen so many people packed in the dining hall. Logically, she knew there would be lots of people celebrating. There were already a large number of soldiers from Fódlan, and with the Almyran support brought in by Claude, the army was even larger. However, she was struck by the sheer number of people in the dining hall. The second thing Bernadetta noticed was the noise. The noise bleeding outside from the dining hall was nothing compared to the noise inside it. It was deafening to say the least.

This was all too much for Bernadetta to handle, so she quickly made her way to the kitchen counter where all different types of food were set up. Considering that food rations were undoubtedly scarce, there was quite a selection of foods, including dishes Bernadetta had never seen. She felt overwhelmed by the choices. Overwhelmed by food and overwhelmed by the noise, maybe this had been too much for her. Maybe she should just go back to her room…

No! No, I will not go back to my room. Maybe the dining hall is too much for me, but surely the gardens must be quieter. Yes, yes, they must be. And I bet someone will be out there… Linhardt, maybe? Or would he even bother coming to the party? Caspar would probably drag him here. But would Caspar want to be in the gardens? I think he’d prefer to be in the thick of the party. Are they in here then? Is Dorothea with them? Would they even want me to join them? Raphael would definitely want me to join him, is he in here? Is he with other people? Would they want—

“Bernadetta!”

Bernadetta was snapped out of her spiraling thoughts by a loud voice. She turned to see Raphael waving at her and joining her.

“Oh hi, Raphael,” she responded with a small smile. Thank the Goddess he found her.

“Wow, I didn’t know if you were coming or not… I’m so happy you did, though! So, are you getting food too? There are so many good dishes I’ve never seen before! Claude really went all out. Well, about as all out he could go, considering the circumstances,” he laughed. Bernadetta noticed that Raphael was always laughing, or at least smiling. She wondered what that was like.

“Yes, everything looks so wonderful. There are so many dishes I’ve never seen before. I assume they’re Almyran dishes.”

“Oh yeah, they’re really good! I’ve tried just about everything here, if you want any help picking out some dishes to try.”

Bernadetta decided to trust Raphael’s judgment and got all the foods he recommended her. She and Raphael had been sharing the meals she made at least once a week, so he probably knew which dishes she would like best. When she was done picking her dinner, she looked over at Raphael to see him holding two plates, piled high with various types of meat dishes.

“Is that all for you?” Bernadetta pointed to Raphael’s plate. She knew Raphael was a big eater, but it seemed like quite a lot of food for one person who had just admitted he’d already eaten everything once before.

Raphael laughed, “Oh no, Leonie, Ig, and I are sitting outside, and they wanted me to get more food for the three of us.”

Bernadetta nodded. Raphael, Ignatz, and Leonie were good friends, so it made sense they would be at this party together. She wondered if the three of them would want her to join them. Raphael would be okay with her tagging along and so would Leonie, but Bernadetta hadn’t spoken much to Ignatz. He seemed like a nice man and quite a capable marksman despite wearing glass. Or maybe because of his glasses... None of that mattered. Mostly Bernadetta just thinks Ignatz is inoffensive and kind. She wasn’t sure if he liked her though.

“Do you want to join us?” Raphael asked with a big smile on his face.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to intrude…” Truthfully Bernadetta was relieved he asked her, but she didn’t want to seem like she was anticipating him asking. Plus, she really didn’t want to intrude on them.

“What? No, you wouldn’t be intruding. Leonie will be thrilled to have you. And Ig will be happy to talk to someone who understand all his art lingo. He tries to hide it, but I can tell he gets frustrated talking to me and Leonie since we aren’t the artistic type,” he laughed. “But, no, trust me, you won’t be intruding,” he looked at her with eager eyes.

“If it’s really okay, I’ll join you guys,” Bernadetta looked up and smiled at him.

“Yes! We’re outside, so follow me,” he gestured with his head towards the door. “It's going to be so much more fun with you joining us,” he beamed at her then started out the door.

Bernadetta stared at him for a moment. Did Raphael really enjoy her company that much? She felt butterflies in her stomach at that thought. Oh dear… She hurried and followed Raphael out the door.

Chapter Text

Bernadetta stuck closely to Raphael as he weaved through the crowds in the gardens behind the kitchen. The crowds outside were less dense and quieter, Bernadetta felt she could breathe easier here. The cool breeze of night air felt soothing on her skin. Just that small amount of time in the Dining Hall had Bernadetta beginning to sweat. Thankfully, she was out here, with Raphael, and everything would be fine.

Just as they’re about the enter the tea garden, Raphael stopped and turned toward Bernadetta. “I should probably warn you that Leonie drank a lot tonight.”

Raphael had such a serious look on his face, Bernadetta began to worry. She’d never been around a drunk person before. No one dared get drunk and make a fool of themselves at the Adrestian banquets. Her father kept alcohol out of the house, saying it brought out the worst in people. Was Leonie acting her worst right now? Bernadetta didn’t know if she had it in her to deal with someone at her worst, even if Leonie was her friend.

“I-is she okay?”

Raphael must have realized he scared her because he rushed to explain. “Oh no, she’s alright. She’s just a little bit…” he paused and laughed. “She’s just a little bit tipsy, I guess. And loud. But fun. You’ll see”

He turned around and headed into the tea garden. Bernadetta followed close behind, hidden behind Raphael.

“Raphael! There you are, you big oaf! Bring me the food already, it took you way too long! Did you fin-“ Bernadetta peeked her head out from behind Raphael to see Leonie seated at one of the tea tables next to Ignatz. Leonie must have seen Bernadetta because she gasped, “Bernadetta! Bernadetta! Is that you?!”

Bernadetta smiled awkwardly at her. She could see what Raphael meant. Leonie was definitely loud. “Yeah, it’s me. Hi Leonie,” she waved at Leonie and Ignatz, seated next to Leonie. Bernadetta sat down on one of the free seats and Raphael took the other next to her and set his plate of food in the middle of the table.

Leonie immediately grabbed a Duscur bear skewer and took a big bite. She groaned and swallowed, “These are so good, I’m gonna miss ‘em when I leave.” She looked at Bernadetta. “So, did Raphael drag you over here? I swear to the Goddess, he was whining so muc—”

Ignatz slapped his hand on Leonie’s shoulder. She stopped talking and shot him an annoyed look. It seemed like they were having some sort of silent conversation that ended with Leonie rolling her eyes and taking another bite of her skewer. Bernadetta looked over at Raphael in confusion, but he just gave her a tight-lipped smile and shrugged his shoulders. He grabbed a Duscur bear skewer, took a bite, and looked away from her. Did she make it awkward? Did they really want her here?

Ignatz cleared his throat, “We’re happy to have you here, Bernadetta. Sorry about Leonie. As you can see, she’s more than a little bit drunk.”

“Hey! I’m right here, Ignatz, I can hear you,” she flicked the side of his head. “Anyway, ignore him Bernadetta. So, did Raphael drag you out here? I’ll beat him up for you if he did.”

“What!? Leonie, you know I would never drag Bernadetta anywhere,” Raphael looked positively scandalized at the suggestion he would force her to come out of her room. “My own friend thinks the worst of me,” he sniffed and wiped a fake tear from his eye. “How can I live knowing you think so lowly of me?”

Bernadetta let out a laugh. It was true that Raphael was extremely patient with her. More patient than she probably deserved.

“Don’t worry Leonie, he didn’t force me out. We saw each other in the Dining Hall, and he invited me to join you guys.”

“Ah, I see. So, you came to the party on your own? No offense, but you aren’t a party person,” Leonie looked at Bernadetta perplexed.

“Well, I wanted to come to the party so I could have some fun with my friends before everyone leaves. Everyone’s moving on with their life, but I’ll be staying here…” Bernadetta trailed off. Was staying here really the right decision? Should she go home and face her family? Truthfully, she had no idea what happened to her parents. Her family sided with the Adrestian Empire as soon as Edelgard declared war and she’d wanted nothing to do with Edelgard’s actions. Before the Professor and Claude reclaimed Garreg Mach, she hid around Fodlan, with Linhardt, Caspar, and Dorothea. None of them wanted to return to Adrestia, but that also meant they’d all lost their homes. Now after the war, only Dorothea was keen on returning to Enbarr to restore the Mittelfrank Opera. She, Caspar, and Linhardt had no desire to reclaim their noble titles or their old homes. All that was lost with the war.

Bernadetta realized she’d gone silent and cleared her throat. “Um, yeah, I just wanted to be with friends tonight. Lots of people are leaving and I’ll miss everyone.”

Leonie stared pensively at Bernadetta and nodded. “Very true. Raph and I are leaving. But, you know, ol’ Ignatz here is staying behind. Right, Ig? You got a pretty big important job here, hm?”

Bernadetta looked at Ignatz and saw him looking a bit sheepish. “Yeah, I’m staying behind to help with the reconstruction of Garreg Mach. I spent the whole month before Edelgard’s attack sketching like mad, hoping to preserve just a fraction of the beauty of Garreg Mach. The Professor remembered and asked me to help with the reconstruction.” He sighed, “I hope it goes well.”

Bernadetta remembered the many paintings she did when she first came to Garreg Mach. She had been absolutely terrified, but the beauty of the Academy was something she’d felt compelled to capture.

“Oh! I have some artwork of the stained-glass windows that were in the Cathedral. And the fresco on the dome.” Truth be told, she didn’t know exactly where those paintings were, lost in the depts of her room, but she knew if she looked, she could probably find them. “I don’t know how much they’ll help; they aren’t very detailed… I’m not the best at painting”

“I would love to see them! Anything helps, truly,” Ignatz smiled at her. He continued, “I have lots of messy sketches, so it’s fine. You have paintings?”

Bernadetta nodded. “They’re watercolors. I mostly painted the Cathedral. It was really quiet during dinnertime and the setting sun hit the stained glass in the most beautiful way.”

“Oh, that’s great! I’ll need all the help I can get with rebuilding the Cathedral. How about I take a look at your paintings after everything here at the Monastery settles down a bit, maybe in a week?”

“Sounds good. I’ll… be here,” Bernadetta laughed awkwardly. What an absolutely obvious thing to say. “Um if I’m not in my room, I’ll probably be in the Captain’s Quarters with Alois. I’ll be helping Alois get the Knight of Serios in order. He’s not the best with organization and paperwork, so I thought I’d help him”

Ignatz nodded, “Yeah, I remember the Professor wanted me to get a report from him and the Captain’s Quarters was a complete mess. I wish you the best of luck with all of that. My brother does so much paperwork and truly I don’t envy him.” Ignatz paused and looked suddenly at Raphael. “Oh right! Raphael, can you give some letters to my family it’s about the paintings they asked me to look at…”

Ignatz and Raphael started discussing something about the Victor family’s business; Bernadetta didn’t quite understand and with the attention off her for the moment, she watched the two of them talk. Raphael had a serious face, listening intently to Ignatz. Such a serious face was so rare for Raphael except for times like this, times when Raphael was helping someone. Raphael was always helping the people around him, making sure no one in the army was struggling. Once during a picnic, Raphael had told her how important it was for him to be the reliable person in the army, how it helped him feel useful. Bernadetta told him she felt the same; that even though she was often confined in her room, she still wanted to help people. Then, red-faced and stammering, she told him she wanted to be someone he could rely on. The smile he gave her made her heart feel like it was beating out of her chest.

Bernadetta was remembering Raphael’s smile when she felt a kick to her shin. She nearly jumped out of her skin and turned toward the direction of the kick to see Leonie, one eyebrow raised and smirking. Leonie looked at Raphael, back at Bernadetta, and winked. Bernadetta’s eyes widened, and she immediately flushed. She didn’t like whatever Leonie was trying to imply with that look. It took all of her will to not slide down her chair and hide under the table.

All of this had gone unnoticed by Raphael and Ignatz until Leonie began to cackle loudly. Then her cackling turned into a coughing fit. The conversation between Raphael and Ignatz was promptly ended and Ignatz was hitting Leonie on the back.

Leonie eventually swatted Ignatz’s hand away. “I’m fine, geez. Stop hitting me, you dolt.”

“What happened?” asked Raphael.

Leonie waved her hand. “Nothing, nothing. Don’t worry about it, Bernadetta and I were just sharing a secret joke.”

Raphael looked at Bernadetta, who was still red-faced. “Are you okay? You look a little bit… “

Before Raphael could finish his sentence, Bernadetta shook her head. “No, no, I’m fine. Leonie’s right. So funny. Haha…” Bernadetta looked down at her food to signal an end to the whole debacle. She could feel Raphael still watching her as she ate a spoonful of golden rice. Fortunately, Ignatz began talking to Raphael again about the business with his family.

The rest of the evening was uneventful. Raphael, Ignatz, and Leonie would all talk to one another, with Bernadetta mostly eating and listening, only chiming in occasionally. Bernadetta much preferred socializing this way, mostly listening to others speak; it was nice to just listen to others talking, plus it wasn’t nearly as draining for her. It was a nice distraction from the messiness of her mind.

It was perhaps midnight when their little group decided it was time for bed. Ignatz waved at Bernadetta and reminded her to show him her paintings. Leonie gave Bernadetta a big bear hug and vowed to send her all clothing that needed mending. And Raphael smiled softly and offered to walk her to her room.

The short walk to her room was quiet. As they got closer and closer to her room, a knot of dread formed in Bernadetta’s chest. Soon, this would all be over, gone. The life and people she had gotten used to would be no longer. It had been so hard for her to adjust to this life. Of course, the war was a horrible, horrible thing and she was eternally grateful it was over, but Bernadetta had gotten used to her comrades and friends, the routine day-to-day of being at Garreg Mach. And now, her whole life was being upended again. And Raphael… he had been so helpful to her, and he was leaving.

When they finally reached her room, Bernadetta turned to Raphael, intent to say something, anything, to him. Yet she couldn’t. There was a tightness in her chest and throat, trapping any words she desperately wanted to say. This was not what she wanted for one of her last conversations with Raphael. She’d wanted to thank him for all he’d done for her, to articulate his importance to her, to at least say goodbye to him. But the words were caught in her throat. Conveying her thoughts and feelings through written word had come more naturally to Bernadetta but she floundered when speaking. This problem frustrated her to no end throughout her life and here it was again, ruining a moment with someone very important to her.

Bernadetta was startled when Raphael put his hand on her shoulder. “Hey, I think I lost you there for a minute,” he said in a soft voice.

“Sorry,” Bernadetta looked up at him. “I just… don’t know how it’ll be without most everyone. Without you.” Bernadetta could feel the tears starting to gather in her eyes.

Raphael moved to hold her hands in his own. “Hey now, I know it will be a big change, but there are so many people here at Garreg Mach to support you. Plus, don’t forget the Kirsten Inn will always have a room open for you if you ever need a vacation. Maya keeps asking when you’ll visit.”

Maya was always asking Raphael to invite Bernadetta to their Inn. It made Bernadetta happy Maya was so intent to meet her.

Bernadetta giggled, “Well, tell her, as always, that I’m happy to visit once everything with Alois gets settled.”

“You see, I tell her that and she doesn’t seem to take it for an answer,” he sighed.

There was a lull in the conversation. Raphael continued to hold Bernadetta’s hands, so she didn’t know what to do with herself. She decided to look at their joined hands. The feeling of Raphael holding her hands was nice, comfortable; his hands were big and warm, enveloping her own.  

“Hey,” Raphael tightened his hold on her hands. “If you ever need me, I’m just a letter away, okay? Say the word and I’ll come back to Garreg Mach.” He smiled softly at her.

Bernadetta nodded, “Of course. Um, and if you ever need me, I’ll be happy to go to the Inn”

“Yeah? Okay, good.” He sighed, “well I don’t want to keep you too long, so I should get going.” Raphael still held onto her hands. It seemed like he wanted to say something but didn’t have the courage. He was just looking down at their hands.

Instead of waiting for him, Bernadetta decided to take the plunge and do something herself. She took a deep breath and said, “um, do you want a goodbye hug?”

Raphael’s eyebrows shot up. “Are you sure?”

“I suggested it, didn’t it?” Bernadetta smiled. She stepped closer to Raphael and hugged him. Raphael hugged her back and gently rested his chin on the top of her head. Simply, Bernadetta felt warm, content, happy. Happier than she’d felt in a long, long time. Bernadetta thought she should hug more people if all hugs felt like this. Or perhaps this feeling was just specific to Raphael.

They separated but Raphael held onto her right hand, “I’ll see you tomorrow before I leave, right?”

“Of course,” Bernadetta nodded.

“Yeah? Okay, good.” Raphael stepped back. “Goodnight, Bernadetta.”

“Goodnight, Raphael.”

When Bernadetta entered her room, she noticed a lit candle on her desk, next to a piece of cake and a note. Curious, she read the note.

Bernadetta, my dear, I came to check on you and to convince you to join the festivities and here I find you have done just that! My convincing was unneeded. I hope you know I am incredibly proud of you. I know this war has been hard on you, yet you have grown into such a fine young lady. Now, I hope you’re ready to help me with all this Captain business because I fear I will be overwhelmed! Thank you for helping me, I know you didn’t have to. I’m leaving this piece of cake as a little thank you present.

-Uncle Alois

When she’d finished reading, Bernadetta felt optimistic about the future. She had many people supporting her. Things would get hard, change was always hard, but she had people on her side. Bernadetta sat down and enjoyed her piece of cake.