Work Text:
In Shu’s mind, hand-writing a letter seemed like a simple enough process. In fact, it seemed like it would be much easier than typing a message on the phone; picking up a pen and writing down a message on a piece of paper didn’t require any understanding of electronics or modern technology. It wasn’t until he actually had the paper and pen in front of him that he actually realized just how difficult writing a letter could be.
For starters, he wasn’t writing the letter out of necessity. Shu by this point had a perfectly working cell phone and had been using it properly for a few months now, much to his surprise. However, what he wanted to convey needed to have more impact than a simple text message. Sure, it would take a few days for the message to be received when a text would be immediate, but to him, a carefully written letter felt closer to the heart than a wall of text on a screen.
Even though Shu was so confident that he would know exactly what words to write, when it came time to actually write the letter he was frozen to the spot. It had only been a minute or two since he placed the paper down on his desk, but as his eyes locked on the blank sheet in front of him, he felt his confidence (and any vocabulary he had learned in his lifetime) completely vanish from his mind. At first, the emptiness in his mind came as a shock, but as Shu focused more intensely on the paper, shock quickly became irritation. His foot had begun a soft rhythmic tap tap tap as he searched in his mind for the words he needed.
A loud bzzt bzzt jolted Shu from his thoughts as he straightened up and looked towards his phone. He picked his phone up off of the desk to see a new text notification from none other than Mika—the very person Shu was struggling to write a letter to.
“Whatcha up to?”
Shu hadn’t told Mika he was planning to write a letter. He wanted to keep it a surprise, that way the letter he sent was even more impactful. This text from Mika right as Shu was trying to think of what to write to him was a coincidence, but he still thought for a moment that somehow Mika had found out about the letter. Shu let out a huff to himself as he chased the nonsensical thought from his mind and began to type a response.
That is, until he noticed what time it was. 8:15 pm would be a reasonable time for a text conversation, if the two of them were still in the same time zone. Shu quickly deleted his original response to Mika’s text as soon as he realized that, back in Japan, it was 3:15 am. That was far too late into the night for Mika to be awake, especially when he had class.
“Why are you still awake?” Shu finally typed out and sent.
The response from Mika didn’t take long. “I can’t sleep” .
Shu simply sighed at the response. It wasn’t healthy for Mika to stay up too late, not that Shu was the best example for getting a good night’s sleep. That was beside the point; It was much easier for Shu to coax Mika into going to sleep than it was for him to get himself to rest.
“You have lessons tomorrow, Kagehira. You need rest.” As much as Shu enjoyed conversations with Mika, he knew just how much Mika could exhaust himself by staying up too late. Reminding his unit mate to rest was the best option.
But by no means does that guarantee Mika would listen. Shu got another response from Mika within seconds: “I wanna talk to ya Oshi-san. I miss ya”.
The last thing Shu wanted to do was deny Mika a conversation. Though, getting Mika to sleep was incredibly important. Shu ran a hand through his hair and took a deep breath. "We can chat until you fall asleep. But don't prioritize responding to my messages over closing your eyes." Mika couldn't protest if he agreed to a conversation, and this should get him to sleep sooner if he following instructions properly.
"Can I call ya?"
Well. That wasn't the response Shu was expecting. He stared at the message for much longer than he needed to, considering his options. If he turned Mika down, chances are Mika wouldn't listen to anything else Shu asked of him. Not out of spite, that was just Mika's way of pouting. Mika avoiding sleep was the last thing Shu wanted, even if it was just pouting. Besides, Shu never minded hearing Mika’s voice.
“I suppose so. But you have to go to sleep after. Alright?”
“Ok!”
A small smile crossed Shu’s face. That was an easy enough way to convince Mika to rest, even if he wasn’t going to be going to sleep immediately. Sure enough, Shu’s phone began to vibrate in his hand and the screen lit up, showing an incoming call. He answered with little hesitation.
“Hello, Kagehira.”
“Hiya, Oshi-san.” Mika’s voice sounded quiet, and a bit lower in tone than normal. Shu recognized this different sound as Mika’s “sleepy voice”. He’d heard the “sleepy voice” many times before, mostly when Mika decided to call Shu right as he woke up.
Shu couldn’t help but chuckle. “You sound exhausted, you know.”
“Nuh-uh. ‘M not tired…” Mika’s sentence trailed off into a yawn, as if exposing his lie.
“Kagehira. I heard you yawn.”
“Well, why’re you still awake, huh, Oshi-san?” Shu could practically hear the pout Mika must’ve had on his face.
“Because it’s only 8:15 in the evening.”
Mika immediately fell into silence, knowing there was no counter to that. Shu smirked slightly as Mika’s silence changed to soft “nna”s. To Shu, it was adorable how easily Mika could fluster himself.
“...I was gonna say somethin’ like ‘Don’tcha go to bed early?’, but I know ‘s not true,” Mika mumbled.
“It’s alright. I suppose I can applaud your effort.”
“Mm? Really? Hehe, yer really nice tonight, huh, Oshi-san? Didya miss me too~?”
Shu’s face flushed a bit at the teasing in Mika’s tone. As the two of them had been getting closer, Mika had become much more open to teasing. Mika’s teasing always flustered Shu, no matter how prepared he thought he was.
“T-that’s… Well..”
“Well what?” Mika was giggling, knowing he’d caught Shu off-guard.
“I suppose I was thinking about you,” Shu sighed. His eyes glanced back to the blank paper on his desk. Mika was already in Shu’s thoughts as the addressee to the letter-in-progress, that much was true.
“Ya were?” Mika almost sounded surprised.
“I was, yes.”
“Why?”
Shu was baffled by the question. Why wouldn’t he be thinking about Mika? Mika had been working with Shu in Valkyrie for a bit over two years at this point, and the two had been to Hell and back already in that time. When Shu was at his lowest point, Mika stayed by his side, even when he tried to push Mika away. Once Shu had the strength to push forward, Mika eagerly picked up from where they left off and continued with him. Shu even had the pleasure of watching Mika bloom into an artist of his own right with every new live Valkyrie performed. Mika continually said that he admired Shu, that he was following Shu’s movements and instructions, but Shu had been seeing something else. While he was finishing out his final year as a student of Yumenosaki, Shu had begun to admire Mika.
In fact, that admiration had grown into something much more… difficult for Shu to explain. Which is why he was writing the letter in the first place. Shu thought that he would be able to easily express these new feelings for Mika he had through a letter, but now here he was with a blank sheet of paper and in a phone call with Mika—
“Oshi-san?”
Shu’s eyes widened. He didn’t realize how long he left Mika in silence. “... I'm sorry.”
“Hm? Ya don’t gotta be sorry, ya know.”
"I know. But I didn't mean to leave you in silence."
"Hehe, I figured. S' okay though." Mika paused for a moment before bringing back the previous subject. "Why were ya thinkin' 'bout me though?"
"Is it wrong to think about you?"
Mika made a quiet noise of panic. "It's not wrong or anythin', I'm sorry Oshi-san, I didn't mean it like that…"
Shu sighed. "There's no need for you to be sorry either, Kagehira."
"Eh? O-oh, yer right…" Mika's voiced trailed off into quiet mumbles that Shu couldn't quite make out.
Shu thought about his next words carefully before speaking up. "But… I was thinking about you because I was simply wondering how you've been doing." It wasn't the exact truth, obviously, but it was normal enough to pass as the truth.
"Ah! M'kay, that makes sense. I've been alright. ...Missin' ya, like I said, but ya know."
"I see." Shu felt his heart ache as he was reminded of his own loneliness. He had his own acquaintances in Paris, but being with Mika was completely different from being with an acquaintance. Mika was special.
"What about you, Oshi-san? Are ya workin' on anythin' tonight?"
"Mm… Not particularly." Shu's eyes fell right back onto the paper. "A writing project, I suppose."
"Really? Can ya show me?!" Mika's voice brightened with excitement and his covers rustled on the other end of the call; he likely sat up quickly.
"Kagehira, you'll see it when it's done, I promise, but you have to remember your promise as well, alright?" Shu was flattered by Mika's enthusiasm, but he still needed rest. Shu wasn't about to let that slide.
"Mm? Promise?" Mika let out a soft hum as he tried to remember exactly what Shu meant. Shu simply huffed.
"You're supposed to go to bed after this conversation, remember?"
"Ohhh…" Mika's realization was followed by a small whine. "But if I keep this call goin', then I won't hafta sleep, right?"
" Kagehira. "
"Okay, okay, I won' do that," Mika laughed. "But d'ya wanna read what you've written so far? Before I go t' bed?"
"That's… I haven't written anything yet."
"Hm? Really? D'ya need help?"
Shu blinked, surprised by the offer. "It's something I have to do on my own. I'm simply having trouble finding the right words."
"What kinda words d'ya need?" Shu heard Mika's blankets shuffle again, but much more gently this time. Mika must have been lying back down.
Shu knew that if he wasn't careful about his answer, Mika would catch on that the writing was for him. If he continued to deny help he could avoid the entire problem, but at this point, there was nowhere else the conversation could go.
"It's hard to describe. But the words I need are important. I don't want to say anything incorrect."
"Incorrect? 'S it some school paper or somethin'? Don't ya got books you can use?"
"No, nothing like that, that's not what I mean. I don't want my feelings to be understood incorrectly."
"Well, if yer writin' about your feelings, shouldn't ya stop thinkin' about it?" Mika asked, as if it was an obvious answer.
"How can I write if I'm not thinking, Kagehira?"
"If yer talkin' about yer feelings, you shouldn't think, ya gotta feel. Like ya do when you're writin' music or plannin’ a new outfit, I think." Mika let out a small laugh. "I know ya know how to do that, Oshi-san. Yer art comes from the heart, ya put everything into it. That's why it's so beautiful. If ya do it like that, then there's no way you'll be wrong. ‘Least that’s how I see it."
Shu’s jaw dropped slightly as Mika explained his perspective. Mika explained the whole idea so simply , yet it made perfect sense. "I suppose writing something that emotion-based would be considered an art form…" Shu let out an exasperated sigh. "I overlooked it completely and yet you knew immediately what to do…"
Shu picked up the pen next to him with his free hand, looking at the blank paper again. Don't think. Simply feel. He let out a small chuckle as he reflected in his own mind. It's simple, yet it seemed so difficult. Leave it to Kagehira to show me that truth…
"What'cha laughin' about?" Mika let out a gasp that turned into a yawn. "I didn't say somethin' wrong, did I?"
"No, quite the opposite, actually." Shu smiled a bit. "Thank you, Kagehira. You told me exactly what I needed to hear."
Mika quietly giggled to himself. "Oshi-san thanked me. That's some of the highest praise a guy like me can get~" Another yawn snuck between Mika's sentences. "I'm excited t' hear what ya write out now~"
"You sound like you're about to fall asleep." Shu pulled the phone away from his ear for a moment and checked the time. "We have been talking for a while now."
Mika responded with a whine in protest, but it was clear from how weak the whine was, he wouldn't be able to fight off sleep for much longer. "I don' wanna stop talkin' yet… But talkin' to ya has got me comfy enough to sleep."
"Then you should listen to your instinct and rest. We can speak to each other again later, after you've rested."
Another yawn came from the other end, followed by a soft, sleepy grumble. "M'kay… if ya say so."
"Goodnight, Kagehira."
"G'night, Oshi-san."
Shu pulled his phone away once more, this time to end the call, however, he stopped once he heard Mika's voice again.
"...Love ya."
It wasn't very loud. It almost sounded like Mika was half-asleep when he said it. In fact, before Shu had time to fully process what Mika mumbled and respond, the call ended on Mika's end. Shu was left staring at his phone's screen, a shade of pink dusting his cheeks once the words processed in his head. He quickly put his phone down on his desk.
He loves me… The thought echoed in Shu's mind. Shu wasn't expecting Mika to say something like that before he did. He didn't even expect that Mika would return the feelings Shu was going to write in the letter. Hearing Mika say "I love you" so simply completely baffled Shu, but at the same time his heart was rejoicing that Mika said it. With that feeling, there was a revelation. Shu then knew exactly what to write in his letter to Mika.
******
Mika didn't get mail too often. At least, not anything that was important. But once he saw a dark red envelope with faint gold accents and an intricate pattern etched along it, needless to say, he was curious. Looking at it from the back, the envelope somewhat reminded Mika of Valkyrie's uniforms. Once Mika flipped the envelope around, however, he saw the return address and his eyes widened. He blinked a few times to make sure he was reading it correctly, then once he knew he wasn't seeing things, he gripped the envelope with both hands. Mika got a letter from Shu. Shu had never written Mika a letter before, not to mention one this beautifully packaged.
Mika pulled out his phone and looked at the date. It wasn't his birthday, and it wasn't a special holiday, so why did Shu send him such a fancy letter? Or any letter, for that matter? This didn't make any sense! Mika tucked the letter under his arm and typed a text to Shu while he headed to his room.
"I just got a letter from ya. What is it?" Mika wasn't even thinking to check the time when he sent the message—the time zone difference he and Shu had now always slipped his mind. Luckily enough, it was 4:45 pm for Mika, so it wasn't unreasonably early for Shu. Whether Shu would be busy or not was another story, but Mika really couldn't do much else aside from wait for a response.
Until then, Mika made his way into his bedroom and sat with his legs crossed on his bed. He gently tossed his phone onto the bed next to him, then picked the envelope back up with both hands. Mika had no idea what this letter could hold, and there was part of him that was nervous about the possibilities. He rubbed his thumb along the edge of the envelope, unsure if he should open it or not.
Just as Mika started to lose his focus, his phone gently vibrated against his leg. He let out a small squeak of surprise, then quickly picked up his phone. Once he saw he had a new message from Shu, he quickly unlocked his phone and jumped to the text.
"Do you remember the writing project I was working on?"
Mika tilted his head in confusion for a moment. Then, after the memory came back in a flash, he straightened up with an audible gasp. "Yeah! The one about feelings right? From like a week ago?"
"Correct. I promised that you would be able to read it once it was done. That's what the letter is. That project was writing that letter to you."
Mika felt his face heat up. He remembered how Shu was concerned about saying the right words to express his own feelings...but all this time that was for a letter? Addressed to him? Mika almost felt like he didn't deserve something so special. He almost told Shu that, but was interrupted by a second message.
"Please read the letter. It's important to me that you do."
Mika paused. The letter must have been something very important if Shu wanted Mika to read it that desperately. He erased the text he previously typed, then looked back to the envelope resting in his lap. Mika gave a small nod as if to encourage himself, then set his phone down and scooped the envelope back into his hands. He carefully slid his thumb under the envelope's back flap, then slowly opened it, trying to do as little damage to the envelope as possible.
Inside the envelope was a neatly tucked away piece of paper. Mika could see hints of the words Shu had written on the paper in its folded state, and his heart began to pound. The uncertainty of what was on the letter made Mika nervous, but he pulled the paper out of the envelope and unfolded it. Mika's eyes immediately locked onto the words neatly written on the page and he began to read.
“My dearest Kagehira Mika,
My decision to write this letter to you was admittedly abrupt, however, my heart would not allow me any sense of peace until I declared my feelings towards you one way or another. Thus, I wrote this letter to finally tell you exactly what you mean to me. In any moment I found myself lost, you would always navigate me to where I was meant to go. Even now, as I write this letter, I have you to thank for pointing me in the right direction. All this time while you thought you were simply following my lead, I watched you develop into the human being you are now and marvelled as you shone brighter than any star in the night sky. I was captivated by your beauty. Your heart and soul resonated with my own in a way that I had never felt before. I wouldn’t trade a feeling like that for anything else in this world. Every day that passes, every day that the two of us communicate, I am reminded how fortunate I am to have you in my life, as well as how enamored I am by you. Hearing your voice while we’re apart makes me long for the next time we can be in the same room. I miss being near you. I couldn’t see anyone I would want in my life more. Thank you. For everything.
I love you.
Itsuki Shu”
By the time Mika finished the letter, he felt small tears well up in his eyes. He very quickly lifted Shu’s letter away from himself and wiped the tears away, not wanting his tears to leave marks on the paper. Mika grinned to himself as his tears continued to try and run down his cheeks. Shu worked so hard on a letter for Mika, his very first handwritten letter to Mika, all to confess his love. Mika felt like he was about to burst from how happy he was. He knew exactly what he had to do next. He gently set the letter down, then picked up his phone, immediately calling Shu. Mika had to tell him just how much he loved the letter Shu had written for him. If they were in the same room, Mika would kiss Shu like his life depended on it. Until then, he would have to express his love towards Shu over the phone. Maybe Mika would someday write a love letter of his own, too.