Chapter Text
When Rey thinks of her childhood, she thinks of Ben Solo. There is no memory she chooses to remember that doesn't include him. She came to live with her grandfather in his enormous mansion just before she turned six years old and everything was scary and different. Already a permanent resident of Grandfather’s estate, her cousin Hux was just a year older, but their differences couldn’t be bridged by any type of proximity. From the moment she saw Ben, no one could compare to him.
Ben lived next door and Rey would watch him play with his enormous hairball of a dog that was almost large enough to ride. She would watch from her playhouse window as Ben would enact epic battles in his backyard with his water guns. Chewie would continually retrieve random balls that Ben would launch into the pool after making elaborate explosion sounds. He was just so dramatic, yelling orders to his imaginary troops and conversing with his generals. He would flip off the diving board making huge splashes and chatter about traveling at the speed of light while Chewie swam around him. Rey couldn’t resist watching him -- he was a one-man show. He was the only thing that made her smile after being dropped off at Grandfather’s. He just didn’t know until one afternoon when he caught Rey laughing at him from the tower of her playhouse.
She couldn’t help it. He was running around the pool with a bucket on his head chasing Chewie with yet another water gun. In his excitement to arrest Chewie for stealing the plans to his latest space station, he got distracted and Chewie’s tail whacked his bucket helmet, making him trip head first into the pool. When he surfaced, he began threatening Chewie with his unlimited powers that he insisted would enable him to make Chewie float above the pool. Chewie didn’t seem to care about his threats, barking back at him as he circled around the pool and splashed into it. Rey watched in amusement and couldn’t stop the burst of laughter that was quickly replaced by a gasp of horror as Ben’s eyes zeroed in on hers within a moment.
“Hey! Are you spying on me?” he yelled up at her.
Ugh, oh. Rey knew he must feel embarrassed at being caught, and she had to do something to make him not hate her because he was the most interesting part of living in her grandfather's awful house. His eyes began to shift from surprise to something else as the seconds passed. She had to act quickly, and then she realized exactly what to say.
“Yes! And I want you to know that I have sent my starships to destroy your space station. You must surrender!” Rey yelled down to him. She threw in a cackling laugh like she heard the evil villains do on TV, hoping that it would be enough.
As he treaded water, his eyes seemed to shift again to… curiosity? This gave Rey hope, so she continued.
“I will be coming to arrest you unless you promise not to hurt him.”
Ben’s face scrunched in confusion. “Hurt who?”
“Him,” Rey pointed to Chewie, who was climbing out of the pool and shaking the water from his dripping coat.
At this, Ben emerged from the pool, wrapped a towel around himself, and approached the corner of the yard closest to the playhouse.
“Who are you?” he asked as he wiped the corner of the towel across his face.
“I’m Rey. I’m staying here with my grandfather.”
“Oh,” he said as he seemed to consider this. “Do you want to come play with us?”
“I have to ask.”
“Oh, okay. If you want to, just come in through the gate up there,” he said as he pointed to the side of his house closest to Grandfather’s house. “But don’t bring Hux. I hate Hux.”
“Me, too,” Rey smiled down at him.
And that was the real beginning of Rey’s childhood. Before that, nothing seemed important or worth remembering, but everything with Ben was an adventure. It didn’t matter that Rey was more than two years younger because he seemed to be as happy to have a new friend as she was. It didn’t take too long for Rey to figure out why. Along with Ben’s amazing imagination that could create entire worlds and galaxies, there was also an anger that always seemed to simmer under the surface waiting to be ignited by the slightest agitation. Rey would witness his explosions many times, but for some reason, they never scared her. Instead, they just made her sad. They made her want to comfort and protect him from whatever had upset him. It always seemed to her that his anger came from his sadness, and Rey knew a lot about both sadness and anger.
Her parents had left her at Grandfather’s with a promise to “be back soon,” but everyone seemed to know that “soon” wouldn’t be for a long time. Grandfather had a room prepared for her and enrolled her in Hux’s school that started a few weeks following their summer break. The nanny that looked after Hux took immediate charge of Rey and directed the household staff to enforce her rules and expectations. Rey rarely saw Grandfather, not that she minded; he was wrinkly and made her uncomfortable under his examining eyes. Hux was, unfortunately, a new permanent fixture in her life.
Hux had lived with Grandfather for as long as Rey had known either of them. No one ever talked about his parents and Rey learned quickly not to ask because an uncomfortable silence always followed. Hux would usually break the silence with a rude comment about Rey’s parents that he insisted were “junkies with no money.” She couldn’t really argue with that because as time went by, Rey quietly acknowledged to herself that was probably the truth. Years later, Rey heard two maids discuss rumors that Hux was really Grandfather’s son and that his mother had worked at the mansion. She disappeared soon after Hux was born and no one ever heard from her again. Apparently, the Palpatine family had more than enough secrets to fill the oversized mansion.
Even though Hux wasn’t much older, his act of superiority made it obvious that he believed Rey was either immature or very stupid. He would condescendingly explain her mistakes and boss her around like he was in charge. Luckily, the nanny was a somewhat nice old woman named Miss Phasma, and she would politely tell Hux to mind his own behavior, not Rey’s. Although she tried to avoid him, his snarky comments seemed to find her everywhere. His absolute favorite topic was always the awkwardness and general oddity of their neighbor Ben Solo. Nothing seemed to please Hux more than berating one of the many flaws he perceived of him. Rey was forced to listen to never-ending tirades about Ben’s stupid hair and goofy ears or his crazy imagination and quarky interests. The fact that Rey seemed to enjoy him only made the comments more wicked and hurtful, but Rey didn’t care at all what Hux thought. In her eyes, Ben was amazing.
After she arrived, her one respite was the playhouse out back that towered over the swingset and sandbox. Hux thought he was too old for such nonsense, so Rey turned it into her own special space. She would spend hours drawing or playing with her dolls until she would hear the antics going on in the backyard next door. She would immediately drop whatever she was doing and crawl to the window to watch him. Nothing was more entertaining than watching Ben and Chewie play.
From their first meeting, and even before if Rey was honest with herself, Ben had enchanted her in a way that no one ever had. He was intelligent, quick-witted, and loud -- ridiculously loud. Rey never had to wonder what he was thinking because even when he was alone he was almost constantly narrating his thoughts and feelings. The performances Rey witnessed from her window, however, paled in comparison to actually participating in one of Ben’s dramas. There was always something new to pretend, and Ben seemed to be inspired by Rey’s ability to keep up with his musings. In fact, her obvious awe of him made his dreams even bigger and the fun they created together with Chewie was easily the happiest moments of her life so far.
After their first day together, Rey was at Ben’s house almost every day. He never came to her house because he didn’t want to see Hux, but that was okay because she didn’t want to see Hux either. Despite all of Hux’s complaints of Ben, Grandfather didn’t seem to mind her presence at the Solo house. His business partner years ago was related to Ben somehow, and although he didn’t particularly seem to like them, this was one indulgence he allowed Rey. Perhaps he appreciated that Hux was less than an ideal playmate. Whatever his reasons, Rey was allowed to make Ben’s house an escape from the sterile Palpatine mansion. She spent as much time with Ben and Chewie as she could, often knocking at the backdoor after breakfast and staying until the nanny called her back.
Ben’s parents were nice, but she rarely saw them because they were always working. His mother was some kind of doctor that was constantly being called to the hospital to deal with things that she “didn’t trust anyone else to take care of.” Rey wasn't sure what his father did; he would drift in and out of the house for weeks on end as part of his “business trips.” Ben seemed to have the run of the house being looked over by a butler-type man named Ceecil. He was friendly and indulgent, but he annoyed Ben mercilessly, much to Rey’s amusement. He also seemed to know A LOT about the neighborhood and would offhandedly mention the most interesting gossip that was extremely satisfying to laugh about when he wasn't around. Sharing her days with Ben made her feel like she wasn’t alone for the first time in her life.
Looking back on those hot summer days, Rey realized the signs were visible even from the beginning, but she ignored them because she was just so happy to finally have a friend. It seemed that sometimes, for no reason at all, Ben would become irate and destructive. It would come out of nowhere. These flashes of anger that would make Rey flinch, reminding her of her parents. Ben's body would go rigid and his eyes would glaze over as he grabbed whatever was closest and hurled it at the wall or into the ground. He would clench his fists and growl if Rey asked him what was wrong, so she quickly learned to say nothing at all. And then it would be over, as quickly as it started. He would usually slump to the floor, covering his face with his hands and Rey knew there would be tears in his eyes when he would look up moments later, showing both embarrassment and shame. After the shock of that first time, her reaction was always the same. She would come and sit next to him, wrap her arm around his back, and lean her cheek against his shoulder. She wouldn’t say a word; somehow she knew he didn’t want to talk about those spells. They would sit like that for long moments until his eyes would find hers and a smile would creep across her face. He would always smile back. Then they would move on to something else and leave the pain and anger in the past where it belonged.
No one at his house was ever upset or surprised by Ben’s temper. Ceecil would clean up whatever mess he made without a comment. Ben’s parents seemed to notice it even less. Dr. Solo would briefly look up from whatever she was doing, sigh, and whisper to herself about how he was “just like my father.” Occasionally, she would quietly leave the room with tears in her eyes. Mr. Solo would usually make a comment that would enrage Ben even more like, “Good job, Ben. I hated that lamp anyway,” or “I’m sure if you whack the controller hard enough, it’ll eventually let you win.” Rey was annoyed that they didn’t seem to care about his emotions or their cause. They were only concerned with their own feelings about his tantrums. It was like it didn’t matter -- like he didn’t matter.
Hux provided a few hints that Ben was known to behave this way at school as well. Rey assumed they were exaggerations, but she began to believe them as the summer progressed. Hux told her how he would yell at the teachers when he got mad and once even went on an epic tirade of swearing at the principal. He had a habit of getting suspended and they were even going to kick him out of their private school after he threw a stapler at the window and smashed it to pieces. His parents were able to get the school to let him return, and Hux said it was probably because his mother was super rich and had an important job at the hospital that made people listen to her. Because of his “behavior issues,” other kids were afraid of him, which Hux said made him even more disliked than Rey was sure to be. Rey didn’t have a problem with that. She didn’t really want him to have any other friends anyway because he belonged to her.
Once Rey started school, she began to appreciate how the rest of the world saw Ben. The most surprising of all his new personality traits was that he was quiet. Ben Solo, who never stopped talking even when he was alone, was suddenly completely tight-lipped. His bright, inquisitive eyes clouded over as he looked suspiciously at everyone. He exuded tension, anger, and hostility whenever anyone approached. He was like a different person. At recess, he would never play with any of the other kids in his class. All he would do was run and run and run. Rey would watch him out the window running laps around the playground as if he was being chased. He wouldn’t stop until the bell rang. Rey would pass him in the hallway coming in as her class was going out, and his face would always be sweaty and red as he puffed by her. He would never say a word or wave to acknowledge her. Instead his eyes would meet hers for a moment and immediately look away. That anger she’d witnessed in short bursts over the summer bubbled in warning of the inevitable explosion.
Rey, Hux, and Ben all rode the same bus to school with a few other kids from the surrounding neighborhood. Rey and Ben always sat together as far away from Hux as possible, which was never far enough. Hux would make fun of them with comments that were just loud enough to overhear, but they tried to ignore him. They never talked during those bus rides because Ben seemed to be shifting either into or out of his school persona. She would still catch his eye when someone would say or do something especially amusing, and they would share a secret smile between them. When Rey learned that most of the kids assumed she was Ben’s little sister, she didn’t correct them. She enjoyed being associated with him in whatever manner was offered.
Once school started, Rey quickly developed a habit of going over to Ben’s house after being dropped off by the school bus. As they walked to his front door, Rey could feel Ben’s nervous tension releasing as he slowly became her best friend again. His eyes would light up once he closed the door and a long sigh would escape his mouth. She would tell him about her day and he would listen quietly while they ate the afternoon snack Ceecil prepared. Then Ben would begin talking, and his transformation would be complete.
“I’ve got a surprise,” Ben whispered as they finished their peanut butter crackers one crisp fall afternoon. “Go out front and wait for me. I’ll come out through the garage.” A slow smile crept across his face as his eyes scrunched up in delight.
Rey was curious, but certainly not one to be frightened by a surprise. She quickly skipped out the front door and down the sidewalk to the driveway in anticipation of what she assumed would be some sort of grand reveal. Yet another one of Ben Solo’s spectacular escapades. After a few minutes passed, her eager anticipation grew into suspense, and she attempted to calm herself by looking around. Her eyes instinctively were drawn to Grandfather’s house. It was the biggest house on the street, but it wasn’t a very nice looking place. It’s dark gray color and oversized windows made it look like it was some sort of house from the future. Ben’s house looked much more… comfortable? Normal? Maybe it was just Rey.
The sound of the garage door startled her from her musings and she quickly turned to take in her surprise. As soon as the door had crept about halfway up, Ben raced out from underneath on a pair of rollerblades. He zipped around the driveway with Chewie chasing after him.
“Aren’t they great?” he asked as he circled around her.
“Wow, yeah. That looks like a lot of fun.”
“Come with me,” Ben said as he raced back into the garage.
There on the floor next to his abandoned sneakers were three boxes. One had a picture of the coolest pair of pink roller skates Rey had ever seen. Another box had a picture of knee, elbow, and wrist pads all covered in princesses. In the last box, she could see a purple helmet through the plastic window.
“You’re not ready for rollerblades, yet. You need to start with roller skates, but don’t worry. I’ll teach you.” Ben circled around and around her as she gently ran her fingers along the boxes. He took in her expression and suddenly stopped his circling to stand before her. “What’s wrong? You don’t like them? I thought it could be fun. We don’t have to. It’s okay if you don’t want to.” He came even closer to study her face up close. He was even taller than he normally was on those rollerblades, so he had to bend his knees to get close enough to look her in the eyes.
Rey felt tears coming, but she did know why. When she looked up at him, his brow was furrowed with concern as he reached out to touch her shoulder.
“Please don’t cry,” he whispered gently. “I’m sorry.”
Rey reached out and hugged him, almost making him lose his balance on his rollerblades. She squeezed him tightly around his waist, beginning to realize that it wasn’t just the present he had given her; Grandfather made sure that she and Hux were more than spoiled. It was the fact that Ben saw these roller skates as something they could do together. He wanted to share this with her. Every gift she had ever gotten was for her entertainment alone, while this was different. The skates were clearly selected for her, but Ben wanted to enjoy them with her.
“They’re perfect,” Rey smiled up at Ben. He smiled back, lightly squeezing her shoulder.