Work Text:
Soobin hated loud voices, dim room with colored light, alcohol, drunk people, or just people in general. So he didn’t really know how he ended up at this place, holding a glass of vodka, in the middle of the dance floor, surrounded by so many drunk people.
His mind was already so hazy when he started his third glass that night. However his vision was still as clear as water when he saw a familiar guy with a striking electric blue hair came from the entrance door. The guy walked in with that devilish smile, something Soobin hadn’t seen in a while, still charismatic as ever.
Soobin took a sip of his drink and moved his gaze away to the ground. Indeed, he had not met Yeonjun for some times. Precisely since he said those damned words. See you never .
The image was already engraved in the back of his mind, even until now Soobin couldn't forget the older’s facial expression at that time, as if his words paralyzed him instantly. The guilt still squeezed his chest, made him uneasy, unable to sleep, eat, and barely breathed.
He wanted to answer Yeonjun’s call to explain that the intentions of his words at that time were not as bad as they sounded, but he always stopped his intentions at the last moment, leaving every calls from the other untouched. He was afraid that Yeonjun was still mad at him. He was afraid that Yeonjun would not forgive him.
But come to think of it, wasn’t this situation exactly like that now? His rash words had hurt the older’s feelings and now he had never contacted him again. The idea made Soobin even more frustrated.
How long was it? He furrowed his eyebrows trying to recall. Was it 3 years? 3 months? Or 3 weeks? He grunted when his brain still didn’t gear up to give him any answers even after minutes.
What did he expect anyway? His mind was too clouded to even remember whose party this was. Was he also accompanied by someone?
All he could think was Yeonjun, Yeonjun, and Yeonjun. He gulped down his drink until there was nothing left in hope the liquid would just make Yeonjun vanish from his mind.
Soobin was too deep in his thoughts when he felt an arm draping around his waist. He was so fast to whine in protest, stepping away from the hold. However he paused his move, as his skin shuddered after a sickeningly sweet voice greeted him.
“Hey, Soobinie.”
Soobin might get drunk from three glasses of vodka tonight, but one syllable coming from that voice alone could make him pass out in one beat.
“J-junie.” He stuttered when he felt the other held him closer so he could lean on his chest without air separating them.
“How have you been?” Yeonjun whispered only to Soobin’s ear.
Soobin’s mind was already long gone. Sober Soobin might punch him later, but drunk Soobin couldn’t care less about anything anymore. Cheers to the vodka for actually giving him the courage he would never be able to pull in a peace state of mind.
So he pouted and turned his body to face the older. “I miss you, Hyung.”
Yeonjun grinned at the view. He circled both of his arms around the younger’s waist to bring them impossibly closer. “I miss you so much more, Baby.” He kissed his forehead.
They were staring each other’s eyes, diving into each other’s soul, swimming around the feelings they shared. Yeonjun’s gaze moved to his lips, itching to kiss the pinkish flesh. He was about to lean closer when Soobin ducked his head.
“Wait a second, wait a second.” The younger breathed out. “My head’s a mess.” He nuzzled into Yeonjun’s neck more, inhaling the sweet perfume he always wore. He probably bought it for him too because he remembered this scent. Or was it actually his own perfume? He didn’t know anymore. All he knew that he felt dizzy. “It’s spinning.”
Yeonjun brought his right hand to caress the younger’s hair softly while his left hand still held him tightly within his embrace. “Do you want to go home?” He craned his neck to kiss the top of Soobin’s head and stayed there, waiting the younger to respond.
Soobin jolted from the question and pushed the other. “Home?”
“Yeah?” Yeonjun rose one brow.
Soobin scrunched his nose. “We already broke up, Hyung.”
Yeonjun stared at the younger in confusion. “Hmm? We did?” He carded Soobin’s bangs out of his eyes so he could look at the younger one directly.
Before Soobin could answer, someone crashed the younger’s shoulder making him yelp. “H-hey!”
So Yeonjun pulled Soobin out of the dance floor when people started bumping on them and it made everything harder to talk. “Let’s get out of this place first.”
Soobin yanked his hand out of the older’s hold once they succeeded moving away from the drunken crowds. “Let go of me, Hyung!” He meant to scream, but all he let out was a shaky whisper.
Yeonjun clicked his tongue. “You can’t even stand straight.”
They were in the middle of the door, Yeonjun looked around to find his friend when he saw Taehyun was standing on the staircase with a glass in his hand with Beomgyu in tow who already monitored them since minutes ago. He sent them an apologetic smile as he bid a goodbye followed by a silent thank you and an acknowledging nod before exiting the building.
They were standing in the front yard now, spring breeze welcoming them the moment they stepped out of the building.
“How many drinks did you have?” Yeonjun asked while circling his arm around Soobin’s shoulder to support him so he would stop swaying to the side.
Soobin furrowed his eyebrows, thinking for some times. Then he held his hand on the air, trying to move three fingers up though it failed.
“Three?”
“Three?” Yeonjun scooted closer to scent the younger. “Vodka?” He hissed. “God, what are you doing? You don’t even like it.”
“I want to forget you!” He hit Yeonjun’s chest lighter than he intended to. “Why are you always on my mind, Hyung? This is unfair!”
Soobin crouched down on the ground, hiding his face behind his hands. “As much as I want to forget you, I just can’t.” He mumbled in between his hands incoherently, but still easy to decipher.
Yeonjun went crouching down following the younger. “Hey, Baby, look at me.” He pried Soobin’s hand off his face. “Do you want to take a walk?”
Soobin didn’t give him any clear response, but he didn’t protest anyway as Yeonjun pulled his body to stand up.
“Dizzy.” Soobin muttered.
“Hmm?” Yeonjun stared at him intently.
Soobin shook his head. “My head’s spinning, Hyung.”
Yeonjun smiled and stopped in front of the younger, lowering his body. “Hop on my back then.”
And Soobin was easily obliging.
It was already around 12 am at midnight, but the air was warm. He could sense spring was almost reaching its full peak as cherry blossoms along the sidewalks were starting to bloom.
The street was empty, making the silence even more deafening as Yeonjun carried a drunk Soobin on his back who already fell quiet since they walked out of Beomgyu’s house party minutes ago.
Yeonjun remembered the previous conversation they had back there, and though he knew the younger wasn’t in his right mind, some of his words still left a sting to his heart.
“Soobinie.” He cleared his throat as he heard his voice sounded unexpectedly hoarse. “Why do you want to forget me?” He asked.
Yeonjun thought the younger already fell asleep because he didn’t hear any response after the 5 steps he took, but a tightened grip around his shoulder proved him wrong.
“Because you don’t love me anymore.” Soobin whispered.
The volume was so low, but Yeonjun didn’t miss out the sadness that lingered within his voice.
“Huh? What? Who says that?” Yeonjun was surprised to hear the answer that his hold on the younger’s thighs almost faltered.
Soobin let out a loud sigh. “Me.”
“What makes you think I don’t love you anymore, Baby?”
“So many things.” Soobin breathed out.
Yeonjun felt like someone just stabbed his chest hearing the weak reply. “I love you, Soobinie.” He stated softly, then continued. “Has been since 5 years ago.” He said firmly this time.
Soobin perked up and tilted his head to look at the older’s side profile. “You do?”
“Yes.”
Soobin leaned his whole body backwards. “No, you lied!” He tried to shake his body off the older while still circling his arms around Yeonjun’s shoulder.
“Oh my god, stop jumping on my back!” Yeonjun yelped while stopping his walk immediately to tighten his hold so they wouldn’t topple to the ground.
“See? You can’t even hold me properly! You don’t love me!” Soobin whined.
Yeonjun scoffed. “My strength doesn’t even measure the amount of love I have for you.”
“Soobinie, do you remember the first time we met at the coffee shop?”
Soobin nodded. “Hmm.”
“That wasn’t the first time I saw you.” Yeonjun smiled at the memories. “I think I fell for you first.”
“Really?”
“What was the promo that time? Discount 70% off every pastries for a week? I lied.” Yeonjun laughed. “There was no discounts.” He turned his head to take a glance at the younger. “I just said that because I had seen you everyday buying the pastries and it made you smile. I guess I just wanted to plant more smiles on your face.”
Soobin furrowed his eyebrows. “You said the drink was free too.”
“I did?” He breathed out. “I guess I had fallen for you harder than I thought, huh?”
There was silence for some times, only accompanied by the sound of the wind blowing through the trees,shaking the branches until Soobin let out voice.
“Junie-Hyung.” Soobin called.
“Hmm?”
“Junie-Hyung.” Soobin called again.
“Yes, Baby?”
“Stop making my heart flutters.” He whispered.
Yeonjun whispered back. “Why?”
Soobin nuzzled into the older’s nape to hide his face. “If you keep doing that, I won’t be able to forget you when you leave me.”
“Why would I leave you?” Yeonjun asked painedly.
“I don’t know. You did it before.”
Suddenly the memory from three years ago came back flashing in the back of his head. Yeonjun shuddered at the painful past.
“Soobinie.” He called out.
“Hmm.” The younger hummed in response, nuzzling his head closer to the juncture of Yeonjun’s neck and shoulder.
“That day when we first broke up after I got my first job in New York,” he started, “We were just too afraid of the distance so we called it off.”
Yeonjun felt the younger’s nod on his shoulder, so he continued. “The next day your parents came to our apartment.” He took a deep breath. “So I took that chance to apologize to them for not staying. But they thanked me instead for loving you all those 2 years and congratulated me for my job, saying they understood.”
Yeonjun tightened his hold on the younger’s tigh, searching something to grip for his dear life. “I still don’t know what they thanked me for. Why should they thank me? I just loved you as you had to be loved, maybe even less than what you deserved, but they thanked me for that.”
He stared at the younger fondly. “I should be the one who thanked them for having you as their son that loved me despite every shit I did.”
Yeonjun moved his gaze a way to look up at the sky. “That day I understood why you grew up to be such a beautiful human being, you had beautiful people around you.”
“But you are beautiful too, Hyung.” Soobin slurred.
“Am I? I was a coward though.” He laughed to himself. “It really took you flying to New York to meet me which finally knocked some sense at me; that distance wasn’t really a thing to worry as long as we loved each other.”
“You love me, Hyung?” Soobin immediately asked.
“I do, Soobinie.”
“You really love me?” Soobin asked again, making sure he heard it right.
“Yes, I love you, Choi Soobin.”
“Are you sure?”
“I am more than one hundred percents sure that I love you.”
Soobin gasped. “Junie-Hyung loves me.”
Yeonjun giggled as Soobin kept muttering Junie-Hyung loves me every time they walked past a tree, as if he bragged to them about it.
Then there was a black cat walking from the opposite direction where they headed. Soobin was excitedly jumping again on Yeonjun’s back while the older tried so hard not to send them falling on to the ground.
“Kitty! Kitty!” He shouted. “Do you know that Junie-Hyung loves me?”
The cat stopped the walk and tilted its head, looking at the two guys. Yeonjun didn’t know why he suddenly felt nervous under the cat’s gaze, like he was being judged by the universe. He gulped, as the cat moved its position from standing on all four to sit on the ground.
The cat meowed softly after. Yeonjun eventually exhaled in relief, not realizing he had been holding his breath since Soobin asked the judgy black cat about the worth of his love.
Yeonjun turned left to meet Beomgyu’s house again right after the corner. They had been walking around the block of their younger best friend’s housing complex for four times already. And as much as Yeonjun enjoyed the time he shared with Soobin, he also felt tired carrying the younger on his back for almost an hour.
He spotted his car where he parked under the lamp post. “Do you want to go home now?” Yeonjun asked.
Soobin tightened his arms around Yeonjun’s shoulder and kissed the older’s nape. “I’m already home.”
“Hmm?” Yeonjun turned his head to look at Soobin closely.
“You are my home, Junie-Hyung.” Soobin said before closing his eyes, surrendering himself to the sleepiness.
Soobin woke up the next day with a thundering head. It was so painful that he winced at the sudden already bright room he saw when he opened his eyes. He groaned. He should’ve not drunk those glasses of vodka. He never liked the aftermath.
“Hey, are you okay, Baby?”
Soobin jolted at the familiar voice. He wouldn’t lie to say that he missed that voice so much. But one glance down to his fingers, he dropped that feeling away.
“Why am I here?” Soobin said curtly, but the sudden movement from his lips alone sent a hammer to his head. “Fuck.” He cursed while rubbing his temple to ease the pain.
“Here, drink this medicine first.” Yeonjun gave him a glass of water with some pills to his hand.
Soobin’s head was pounding so hard that he didn’t even care and just took the glass and the pills to drink it immediately. He just wanted to remove the imaginary hammer knocking at his head.
While he was drinking it all, Yeonjun just patiently waited by the bed, standing perfectly still looking at the younger.
“What?” Soobin asked curtly.
“I’m still preparing for breakfast. You can continue your sleep if you want, I’ll let you be.” He paused, biting his lips. “And maybe we can talk after that.”
Soobin let out a loud sigh. “Okay.”
Soobin was tossing around on the bed, his mind was going hundreds miles per hour, trying to recall everything that happened the night before which led him back to their shared apartment. He remembered drinking at least three glasses of vodka at someone’s party—he grimaced disgustingly to the memory.
And then he also remembered seeing Yeonjun came to the same party, still dressed in suit, probably came right after work. Soobin scrunched his nose, even in his blurred memories Yeonjun still managed to look beautiful as ever.
Glimpses of warm midnight spring breeze flashed, followed by the views of blossoming trees at the sidewalks.
And then all the conversations they had last night started playing like a movie in his brain, bit by bit, and were perfectly shown in detail, even to the point where he could feel Yeonjun’s fast paced heartbeat under his arms where he was holding on all that time.
Soobin choked up. He immediately got up from his bed and stepped out of the bedroom—ignoring the mild dizziness that was still prodding his head as his body mechanisms’ payback for drinking that disgusting vodka, running down the stairs to reach the kitchen where Yeonjun should be, and hugged him the first thing he saw him with all of his might.
“What were you upset about?” Yeonjun asked as they sat down on the couch in front of the tv after finishing their breakfast. Yeonjun waited until they ate to earn the energy so they could talk properly in a better state.
“You still haven’t told me why you left to stay at Taehyun’s apartment for three days, took days off work, and just completely shut me out.”
Yeonjun breathed out. “If I did something that hurt you which I wasn’t aware of, please just tell me. I’d rather have you yelling at me on my face than all that.”
Soobin ducked his head, too afraid to look up. “Hyung, you didn’t wear your ring, our ring, for a week.” He was fidgeting with the hem of his shirt on his fingers. “I thought you were tired of me and you just waited for the right time to end things with me.”
There was a whole ten seconds complete silence, until Yeonjun’s groan was heard. “Choi Soobin..” He took a deep breath. “It’s because you wear mine.”
Soobin looked up with widened glassy eyes, surprised. “What?”
“Look inside the one you wear. It must say Soobin there, not Yeonjun .”
Soobin quickly took off his ring and looked over the inside of the rim to search the engraved letters.
“Oh my god!” He shrieked after finding that, indeed, it said Soobin and not the supposedly Yeonjun which was his.
“You forgot yours on the car dashboard when you ate burger and the ketchup dripped to your fingers so you took it off.” Yeonjun snorted.
Soobin looked at the ring, then Yeonjun, and then the ring again multiple times. “Oh my god!”
“You took mine from the bedside table the next day you woke up thinking it was yours. And you just bolted away every time I wanted to ask you about the ring.”
“Oh my god! Fuck! I’m so stupid! I’m so stupid!” Soobin cursed at himself while knocking his head to the table. “All those times, I thought you were trying to break things off with me so I always avoided you, because–” Soobin paused to shake his head. “–because I don’t want to live without you. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“Soobinie...” Yeonjun looked at him in disbelief. “I can’t believe you ran away because of this.” Yeonjun hid his face behind his hands in frustration.
“I’m so sorry, Hyung.” Soobin scooted closer to hug the older, erasing the space that used to separate them. “I’m so sorry.”
“I’m sorry too, that my actions towards you for the past days made you even think about the possibility that I would leave you.”
Soobin shook his head. “No, Hyung. I’m sorry. You didn’t do anything wrong. I was just overthinking it.”
Yeonjun pulled away from the hug after some time to look at the younger closely. “Hey, next time just talk to me, yeah? Don’t ever leave me like that again, okay?” Yeonjun reached out to caress Soobin’s cheek. “I was so scared.”
Soobin closed his eyes as he leaned to the touch, yearning for it. “Okay, Junie-Hyung.”
Yeonjun stared at the guy he had been loving so much for the past five years. Then he averted his gaze to the younger’s lips for a while as his mind sent him to the past where it all began.
Yeonjun just thought that he would never forget the first time he truly fell in love and the first kiss he shared with that someone. It was like a feeling of coming home after a long journey and there was nothing but pure happiness and contentment coursing through him. And that person was Soobin. His Soobin. The guy who was right in front of him at the time being.
And right now, with the almost non existent proximity of their body and the way Soobin’s breath fanning to his skin like a tingle, Yeonjun felt like all those times again.
It was absolutely not their first kiss and it certainly wouldn’t be their last, but Soobin always kissed him the way Yeonjun had always wanted to be kissed, with the younger’s slowly leaning in and his hands cupping Yeonjun’s face.
When their lips finally touched, Yeonjun smiled, because it was exactly what he wanted and so did Soobin. Though they had always been doing it, it never failed to make Yeonjun feel so nervous that his mouth went dry, but Soobin was there to bask him in again.
He closed his eyes as it started to sink in with so much amount of overwhelming feelings he got at the same time just because the dimpled guy who owned his heart. Soobin truly left him breathless with the kisses that followed.