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Every time Jeff got into his car, the picture of him and Eric from Mexico was still taped on the dashboard. He couldn’t bring himself to move it or throw it away. Jordan, a friend of Jeff’s and Eric’s younger brother, told Jeff that Eric had already thrown his copy of the picture in the trash. Knowing that stung because the picture was Jeff and Eric’s engagement picture; Jeff’s favourite picture of them together.
Then there was the matter of Jeff and Eric’s song. Every time it came on the radio, Jeff would have to pull over at the first possible opportunity. Whenever he heard it; it made all of the relationship memories come flooding back—an experience Jeff wasn’t ready for.
Jeff had heard from a few of Eric’s teammates in Minnesota that he reacted with no emotion every time he heard the song. They described it to Jeff that it was almost as if Eric didn’t realize what song it was that he was listening too. When Jeff heard that, you holed himself in his bedroom in Buffalo for a week and didn’t talk to anyone. That song was supposed to be their wedding song. Eric’s blasé attitude toward it now made Jeff’s heartbreak, even when it had no reason too.
Whenever Jeff would see videos or pictures of him drinking that Eric’s teammates or brothers sent to Jeff, it was clear that Eric was drinking for the fun of it. Eric only had a few and would stop. When Jeff drank, he drank . Jeff’s goal was to forget as much about Eric and anything surrounding him for one night as Jeff could. It was only a temporary fix because Jeff would wake up in the morning with a killer hangover and an ache in his heart every time.
Of course, the nights where Jeff drank heavily were the only nights that he got any decent sleep. Any other night, he would toss and turn for hours on end. Jeff had been with Eric for 5 years; not having him around now made sleeping difficult. Jeff had grown accustomed to sleeping with another person in his bed. The fact that it was back down to only himself in the bed had thrown his circadian rhythm off majorly.
The first thing Jordan had told Jeff about Eric after the breakup was that Eric had deleted Jeff’s number from his phone. Even with Eric throwing the picture away and having no reaction to the song, the phone number was what stung the most. They had dated for 5 years; it stung Jeff to his core that Eric could delete Jeff’s number just like that.
There was a giant part of Jeff that wanted to call Eric up to see if he remembered Jeff’s number without having it saved. If Jeff called and Eric answered, Jeff was going to ask if they could give the relationship a second chance. Jeff would tell Eric that he couldn’t stand the thought of being with someone else; Eric was who Jeff had thought he would spend his life with. Jeff would tell Eric that seeing the empty spot in the driveway behind his car where Eric used to park his car was maddening. Jeff would tell Eric, that, above all else, he loved him.
Constantly, Jeff was thinking about the fact that he and Eric had their whole lives planned out. They had the wedding venue and reception hall booked. Jeff’s suit was about to start being made. They had just finalized that they were going to Fiji for their honeymoon. They even decided that they wanted two or three children and a dog or two. Everything was all ready for them to live their future life. Jeff still didn’t understand what happened to change all of that. One day, it all just crumbled underneath them. Now, Jeff was left scrambling about what to do with the shattered pieces of his life.
Those shattered pieces would form one clear picture when put back together; a picture that Jeff wasn’t ready to face.
Eric had moved on and Jeff hadn’t.