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Soobin stared at Yeonjun, studying the slope of his nose and the curve of his lips. His skin looked clear and clean even this far up close, which kind of annoyed Soobin. He had to wash his face every single night and moisturise every morning to maintain his skin. Some people were just born lucky, he supposed.
He exhaled, before arching away and going back to his own bed. He hoped Yeonjun would stop snoring, and he could get a few hours of sleep before his classes started. As he laid back down and got comfortable, he glanced over at his sleeping roommate, praying that he didn’t start hacking up his lungs or whatever.
It remained quiet, and so Soobin closed his eyes, letting himself relax. Only then, the tell-tale inhale filled the air, and Soobin wanted to scream. He wanted to shove a pillow over Yeonjun’s stupid face just so he would be quiet and Soobin could get a few peaceful minutes of sleep. But that was murder, and Soobin didn’t hate the boy that much, and so he resorted to silently fuming as the snores took over his brain.
He stayed awake until morning, and decided that he deserved to play hooky for one day. He needed to catch up on his sleep, and he could do so if he stayed in his dorm while Yeonjun went to his classes. The older boy bounced around the little space, humming loudly as he got ready. Soobin stayed curled up under his blankets, eyes closed, and right as Yeonjun popped the lid onto his coffee thermos, he was shaken. “Soobinie!” Yeonjun cried, voice piercing. Soobin groaned, shoving Yeonjun’s hand off of him and turning over. “Don’t call me that,” he said, voice muffled.
Yeonjun only annoyingly chuckled, rustling the sheets a bit. “You’re gonna be late, kid,” he teased. Soobin exhaled sharply, squeezing his eyes shut and pulling the covers over his ears. “I’m not a fucking kid, leave me alone I don’t feel well,” he argued. Yeonjun giggled and Soobin scowled under the sheets. Thankfully, the older left then, the door clicking locked behind him. Soobin sighed loudly, letting himself sit in the peace and silence for a minute, before closing his eyes and falling right back to sleep.
That night, Soobin caught up on his homework in the still-blissfully empty dorm room. He even played some of his favourite records on his record player that he was never able to use because Yeonjun insisted he needed a quiet study space. Even though he was never studying during his ‘study sessions’, he was always playing games on his phone or texting his best friend. It drove Soobin insane, and he wished he had just chosen his roommate instead of opting for the random lottery. Maybe then he wouldn’t despise Yeonjun. He would probably find him kind of cute and maybe have a little crush on him if he weren’t so damn annoying.
The door opened during Soobin’s internal monologue and he looked up, glasses slipping a bit he did. Yeonjun stumbled in, grabbing onto the wall as the door closed. He stood there for a moment, blinking slowly, until he slowly toddled over to Soobin’s bed. “Binnie,” he slurred, and Soobin sighed. This wasn’t the first time Yeonjun had come back on a Friday night strung out on whatever drug his friends were trying that week. And every time, Soobin was the one who took care of him. It was weirdly okay though, because stoned Yeonjun was a more tolerable Yeonjun, one that didn’t make Soobin want to gouge his own eyes out because he was nagging him with his stupid quirks and habits.
Stoned Yeonjun was pliant, letting Soobin move him where he needed to go and do what he needed to do. He took direction easily and without argument—a stark contrast to sober Yeonjun who got pissed if Soobin so much as borrowed some toothpaste. He was also cuddly, smiling dopily up at Soobin and demanding that he be held. And because Soobin didn’t want to deal with a crying Yeonjun, he acquiesced and cuddled the boy until he fell asleep. And when they woke up in the morning wrapped around each other, they got up and pretended like nothing had happened. And if that happened every weekend, and each time they laid in each other’s arms the next morning for a little longer, than nobody needed to know.
This night was different though. Yeonjun was still stoned, but not as much as he usually was. Soobin still went on as if he was, however, and sat his laptop to the side as he got up. Yeonjun looked at him, a smile slowly spreading over his lips. Soobin took his hands, guiding him up onto his bed. The older sat down, leaning against the wall and smacking his lips. Soobin went to their little mini-fridge and got two bottles of water, opening both. He handed one to Yeonjun, who blew him a kiss, before drinking a bit. Soobin sat next to him, peeling the label off of his water bottle. “What’d you take this time?” he asked, like he always did.
Yeonjun swallowed, placing the water bottle on the nightstand, only going off-balance a little. “Just a fuck ton of weed,” he replied. Soobin’s eyes popped, lips parting a bit. Yeonjun hadn’t come back high off weed before, if Soobin could remember correctly. It was always something stronger, like LSD, shrooms, cocaine just once, stuff like that. Weed was strong, but not in a mind-altering way, and he wasn’t sure if Yeonjun would want the usual treatment if he were closer to sober than normal. “Oh, okay,” he said, scooting away and standing up, unsure of where to go. He just assumed Yeonjun wouldn’t want him that close.
But the older boy furrowed his brow and sat up, reaching a hand out. “Hey, where are you going? Are we not going to cuddle?” he asked, and Soobin thought he heard genuine hurt in his tone. His eyes widened, and he blinked a few times as he stared at his roommate. His roommate who he was not supposed to getting butterflies over, because he was annoying and Soobin hated him. But Yeonjun asked for cuddles, even though he had never verbally asked or even acknowledged what they did. But he acknowledged them, and it made Soobin blush, because it meant that Yeonjun retained his memories of them. Soobin always let himself believe that Yeonjun just didn’t ever remember anything, but the boy had just disproven that theory. And now he was looking at Soobin in such a way that Soobin moved without thinking.
“Um, yeah, of course, sorry,” he mumbled, getting back onto the bed. Yeonjun smiled in relief almost, and instantly moved into Soobin’s space as the taller sat down. Soobin blushed as Yeonjun nuzzled his neck, slinging an arm around his waist and holding tight. “This is my favourite part of every Friday night,” he murmured into Soobin’s collarbones. Soobin’s heart sped up and he swallowed, not knowing exactly what to say. He was kind of going through a crisis. Yeonjun remembered. He remembered most likely every weekend, including the tender words that Soobin would whisper to him when he thought he was too out of it to remember. It was mortifying, if he was being honest, but then he looked at Yeonjun, and the older was looking back at him so fondly it made Soobin kind of want to cry.
But Yeonjun was still high, and there was still a chance the drugs were just making him be dramatic instead of honest. That’s probably what it was anyway. Soobin sighed a bit in defeat, hating that he wished the former theory was true. He hated that he wanted Yeonjun to be like this even when he was sober. He was supposed to hate his roommate, that was the whole dynamic they had designed, after all.
But what if it wasn’t what either of them wanted? It certainly felt real, holding Yeonjun in his arms and breathing in his scent and feeling his breath against his skin. And maybe Soobin wasn’t that much of an idiot. Maybe he saw Yeonjun’s lingering stares, and he heard the teasing lilt whenever Yeonjun argued with him, and maybe he remembers more than he acted like he did.
“Soobin?” the older suddenly said. Soobin broke out of his reverie and looked down at Yeonjun. The boy propped himself up, blinking a few times as he looked at Soobin. “Stop thinking so hard,” he finished. Soobin blushed, opening his mouth to protest immediately because he was not thinking too hard thank you very much, but Yeonjun cut him off again. He smiled, sitting up a bit more, essentially hovering over Soobin. “I’m not a complete junky, Soobin,” he whispered. “I remember every night…all of it,”
Soobin’s eyes widened and he jolted up, accidentally causing Yeonjun to slide off of him. The boy, still hazy, stared at the wall for a second as Soobin freaked out. “I didn’t do anything! I would n-never take advantage of you in that state!” he rushed, scared that Yeonjun was getting at something completely different. The older boy’s eyes widened as he processed Soobin’s words, and he shook his head, laughing breathlessly. “No, I know that, that’s not what I mean,” he reassured. Soobin stared at him, eyes wide, heart racing.
Yeonjun laughed awkwardly, before rubbing his eyes. “Fuck, I wish I wasn’t high right now, I can barely stop myself,” he complained. Soobin furrowed his brows. “What are you talking about?” he asked, feeling stupid. Yeonjun dropped his hands, staring at Soobin, chewing his lip. “Everything you said to me,” he supplied. Soobin cheeks burned bright red at what Yeonjun was referencing, and he looked away. He wished he could dig a hole and bury himself right now. Yeonjun kept speaking, however. “And…I want what you want, I want this all of the time, even when I’m not on drugs,” he finished, laughing at the ridiculousness of it all.
Soobin gulped, before he heard rustling and Yeonjun was in his space again, lifting his face with both of his hands. “It’s real, Soobin, it’s not just the drugs talking, I promise,” he said. Soobin stared back at him, wanting to believe the words so badly. But it was hard, because Yeonjun was on drugs, and Soobin couldn’t be sure he was speaking the complete truth. Yeonjun must have realised this, because he groaned, moving swiftly into Soobin’s lap. It wasn’t the first time he had done such a thing, so Soobin wasn’t entirely surprised. He just held onto Yeonjun’s waist to keep him steady. Yeonjun held Soobin’s face like it was porcelain, and he settled his thumbs where Soobin’s dimples would appear if he spoke or smiled or did anything at all, really.
“I’m high right now, but I promise I am being completely honest,” he said, voice unwavering and serious. Soobin looked into the boy’s eyes, and he felt his resolve falter. Yeonjun looked so sincere, and Soobin wanted it so much. He wanted to stop hiding, stop pretending, he wanted to be with Yeonjun, for real. Not just during drug-induced nights. Yeonjun held Soobin’s face tighter as he let out a frustrated groan. “I’ll say this all again when I’m sober in the morning, and then you’ll believe me, right?” he said. He raised his brows high, waiting for Soobin to answer.
Soobin was still a bit in some sort of shock, but he managed to nod. It was a good solution, even if all Soobin really wanted to do was kiss him. Yeonjun appeared to hesitate for a moment, before moving off of Soobin. Soobin watched as he got up on his own and went to his bed. He got under the covers, sighed once, and then went to sleep. Soobin blinked a few times, trying to process what just happened. It was all too much, though, and so he laid down and closed his eyes, and he fell asleep faster than he had in a long time.
When Soobin’s eyes fluttered open, he saw a face staring down at him. It was Yeonjun, and he took a step back as he saw Soobin was awake. Soobin blinked a few times, cheeks burning as everything from the night came rushing back to him. He rubbed his eyes as he sat up a bit, and he had to brace himself before he looked at his roommate. He still wasn’t entirely sure what he was about to hear, and he prepared himself for bad news. That Yeonjun either didn’t remember, or he didn’t mean what he said.
But Yeonjun stared back at Soobin, and he didn’t say either of those things. He didn’t say anything for a moment, and Soobin started to feel awkward. And then, Yeonjun moved forward, and he took Soobin’s face in his hands just like he did last night, and Soobin froze as he felt a pair of lips press against his.
Yeonjun kissed him softly and slowly, giving Soobin a chance to relax into it. Soobin did, eyes falling shut as he gently kissed back, a rush of euphoria coursing through his veins. He lifted a hand to rest on Yeonjun’s chest, and the older boy ran his thumbs over Soobin’s cheekbones as he kissed him for a bit longer. When they parted, their lips made a soft popping nose, and Soobin blushed. Yeonjun giggled a little, smiling happily. “Do you believe me now?” he asked.
Soobin hesitated, before carefully pulling Yeonjun a bit closer. “Maybe after a few more kisses I will,” he replied.