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“Deep breaths. In and out in and out. Good (Y/N) keep doing that, I’m going to grab you some water, I’ll be right back”
Dr. Davis dashes out of the room and only until the click of the closing door sounds am, I brought back to reality. I don’t know why I’m freaking out. I knew the results of the blood test before Dr. Davis even mentioned the words. Hell, I even knew the results before I stepped into the clinic. I was pregnant and for as long as I can remember I have always wanted to be a mother. I’ve dreamed of having a little boy with his father’s light brown hair and his handsome smile or a little girl with his green eyes and dimples. So why the freak out? Well the father of course, Dean has never mentioned whether he wanted kids. Anytime I bring up the subject he always gives the same responses. “We’ll talk about it later” or “I like out us time” and his favorite “It’s just not a good time”. He’s never gone into detail what his childhood was like but the one story he did tell me could be the reason he doesn’t want children of his own.
We had been dating for about six months when I asked about meeting his parents the somber look, he gave me made it feel like I asked the wrong question. He went on to explain the only real family he had left was his brother Sam and the man he calls dad isn’t biologically related to him. His mother had killed by a drunk driver when he was 7 and Sam was 3. After her death Dean’s father just couldn’t cope, he’d drink all day and leave at all hours of the night only to come home drunker than he left, or he just didn’t come back. One day John told Dean to pack and bag for him and Sam because they were going on a trip. He then drove them over to his friend Bobby’s house dropped them off with the promise he’d be back in a day or so, but never returned.
Days turned into weeks which turned into months and then of course years. He said that he carried so much anger and hatred for his dad for so long because of what he did but eventually he began to realize his dad did the best thing for him and Sam so they had a somewhat chance to have a normal life.
“Sorry about that, had to find the cups here you are,” Dr. Davis hands me the water cup. “I can tell from your reaction that this may not be welcoming news. I do want to let you know there are opti- “
“No!” I blurt out which makes Dr. Davis flinch. “No, I mean-I’m surprised yes, but I-I want to keep my baby.” I move my hands to my stomach. I want this baby more than anything.
He gives me a small smile, “Okay then, let talk about what happens next.”
***
Thirty minutes later I arrive home after stopping at the store to pick up the vitamins Dr. David suggested along with a couple of books. Making my way inside I look at the clock ‘4:45 pm’ Dean will be home around six if he doesn’t get finished early, and I still haven’t figured out a way to tell him how the doctor’s appointment he booked for me went. Trying but failing to hide my sickness he caught me on three different throwing up dinner or any food I tried to eat that day. The final straw was after the day he came home and found me passed out in the bathroom looking as white and the tile on our floor. I convinced him not to take me to the hospital with the promise that I would book a doctor’s appointment and get myself checked out. The words barely left my mouth before he took off to grab his phone and book the appointment himself.
Walking with the bags to our shared bedroom I walk over to the bed and lay my body against the soft comforter thinking of ways to bring this up. The best course of action would be to tell him but what do I say? As I lay here contemplating on how to tell my husband I’m pregnant a loud thud breaks my thoughts. Sitting up from the bed I see one of the books has fallen out of the shopping bag. It then when it hits me how I’m going to do it. I head down the hallway to the storage closet in search of wrapping paper and a possible bow.
***
It’s 5:30 pm when I hear the keys unlatching from their locked position. I walk over to the kitchen to see Dean walking in with a couple of shopping bags in one hand while also trying to balance a large pizza in the other. I place the now wrapped book on the dining room table and perch myself in front in front to block his view.
“Hey beautiful, how was your day?” Once he’s dropped off the items, he was juggling he heads straight towards me and wraps me in a tight hug kissing the side of me face. “Did you go to the doctors? I haven’t heard a thing from you all day, is everything alright?”
As I leave Dean’s embrace a sudden wave of nausea hits me, I take a deep breath hoping to push this to the side until I’ve told him the news.
“Yeah, everything is fine, he says this is normal and should stop soon hopefully.” I reply to his earlier question trying to reach behind me to grab the gift-wrapped book.
“What do you mean this is normal? The amount of times you’ve thrown up isn’t normal! Did that doctor know what he was even doing?!” Dean shouts exasperated. “No, let’s go. I’m taking you back to him and I want to be there and make sure they do a thorough check.” Dean has grabbed my hand in effort to try and walk me out of the door he just walked into. As we get closer, I finally have released my hand from his grasp and which he turns to me with an expression of confusion. “What are you doing, (Y/N)? Aren’t you the least bit concerned what’s going on with you?! You could be really sick or…or you could be-” He trails off not wanting to finish that though let alone put the thought out there.
“Or you could let me explain before jumping to conclusions,” I chuckle and walk back to the table to retrieve the book. “Open this, it will explain why the very smart doctor said what’s been happening to me lately is normal.”
Dean takes the offering from my hand and inspects it. A smirk plays across his lips as he eyes the wrapping paper the only paper, we had in the house was from last Christmas and I didn’t exactly have the time to go out and get more. His smirk starts to fall as he slowly starts to tear away the material, gradually reveling the multicolor cover. It isn’t until I see the last piece of paper fall away from the book that I let lose the breath I subconsciously held. Breathing slowly, I drag my eyes from the book in his trembling hands to his face where an unfamiliar expression has contorted his face one I can only guess is the look of fighting an internal war with yourself. One side of him wanting to turn back towards the door he walked in to and never return, while the other half is keeping him rooted to the ground so he could not flee.
“My exhaustion, the throwing up all normal because…because I’m pregnant,” I say as I stare at his turmoiled face. “the doctor said I’m about 12 weeks which would mean it happened during out last trip to visit Sam, I told you drinking that whiskey was going to get you trouble.”
I try to joke to lighten the mood, but Dean hasn’t said a word. His gaze is still transfixed on ‘What to Expect When Your Expecting.’
“Dean, please say something,” I beg him I knew the news to him would be a shock, but I didn’t expect him to go full mute.
“I-You’re-We,” He stammers out. “You’re pregnant? We’re going to have a-a ba-baby?” His gaze finally leaves the book to lock with mine. Green eyes shining with unshed tears.
“Yes.”
“I-I can’t do this. I can’t be a father! What kind of father would I be?”
I knew he would be scared and try to compare what he would give to our child to what he had when he was once one.
“Yes, you can do this. You are going to be better than your father ever was with you, you’ll know to give our child the love and attention they deserve. You won’t be anything like John. And what do you mean what kind of father would you be? Your biological father may have left but Bobby raised you and Sam like you were his own. When your with him I know you want to call him dad I’ve heard a couple of times you almost let it slip but you always stop yourself because I believe you think it’s going to happen again, but it won’t. He won’t abandon you.” I know how hurt Dean was when everything went down with his father. I know he would take all measures to avoid hurting a child, especially our child. I take the book from his hands and replace it with my own, “I love you Dean Winchester. I cannot promise you that we aren’t going to make mistakes as parents because there is no right way to parent, but I do promise the one mistake we won’t make is abandoning them when they need us the most. I won’t abandon you when you need me the most.”
“You promise?”
“I promise, I made a promise to you almost three years ag and so far, I’ve kept my end of that deal, haven’t I?” I say with a wink.
Dean lets out a small laugh and brings me into a tight hug. I can feel every ounce of love and passion this man is pouring into this small interaction. I can stay wrapped in his embrace for all of eternity but out of no where he jerks me back so he can see my now surprised face, “holy shit! We’re having a baby!” He yells out as he picks me up close to his chest and spins me around. It isn’t until the second spin that the earlier wave of nausea returns, only this time with a vengeance.
“Dean, you got to put me down. Now!” Without a second’s hesitation he gently sets me down. As soon as my feet touch the carpet, I am off like a racehorse towards the bathroom leaving Dean behind.
“Wow, I’m going to be a dad.” Dean whispers to himself unable to contain the smile that creeps onto his face as the words leave his lips. “I’ve got to call Sam!”