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Rain pours heavily on the battlefield.
The conditions for battle are difficult for their army, but so are they for their opponents. The dirt beneath their feet becomes soaked with water and blood. Each step buries Dimitri further in the mud, making his movements slower and less precise. Though the battle on foot is difficult, it's easier than stirring a horse in this mud and almost total blindness. He can hardly see further than a foot in front of him. All he can perceive are faint shadows, and occasionally the light of magic being used in the distance.
The royal army of Faerghus did not decide to fight this battle. It was a duty his little task force had to fulfill. As the newly crowned king of the holy kingdom of Faerghus, it was his duty to make sure that his lands were a safe place for his people. Even if the war against Edelgard and her army was still raging. They had just reconquered Firdhiad. From the capital, Dimitri had to make sure that his kingdom was cleaned from the bandits and other criminals who wanted to make profit out of this terrible war.
Most of the kingdom army was mobilized at the West frontier, where battles against the main forces of the Empire were led by trusted generals. Some units were deployed in the Kingdom's lands, searching for remaining empire forces in hiding. The entirety of the military forces were deployed. That left no one to take care of the people. To protect them from rogues and bandits. That is why, when the recently crowned king Dimitri received a rapport of a group of criminals, he decided that he had to act on his own to protect the people he had abandoned for too long.
He decided to keep his decision a secret. He was just back on the throne, him and the former students of the house of the blue lion had to take a moment to rest. That was decided the day after his coronation. He knew it was a just decision. His brothers in arms needed to rest. But he could not stay still when he knew that his people were brutalized by unlawful bandits. He spoke of his decision to no one, knowing perfectly well that no one would let him go into battle on his own.
Hiding his decision from his loyal vassal Dedue was the most difficult, but it was also the most important. If someone were to follow him into such a dangerous mission, it was him. But Dimitri dragged him through enough danger as it was. He decided a long time ago that he would do anything he could to lighten Dedue's burdens. He was watching what he ate and how many hours a night he slept because he knew that if he didn't, Dedue would for him. It was the same into battle. He was much more careful of the positions of his allies. The littlest mistake could hurt the people close to him. Since Dedue was often the one on the front lines with him, he decided that he had to protect him just as much as Dedue protected him.
That was why he could not possibly bring him into this battle with him. Dedue would not hesitate a second to accompany him after he understood that there was no changing Dimitri's mind. He tried to make a discreet escape to the stables, but he noticed that there was already a group of friends waiting there for him. His former comrades from the Blue Lions, now experienced fighters whom he trusted with his life. He should have known better than to try to sneak past them. Especially when it was so difficult to act behind Dedue's back. Dimitri supposed he knew him too well and had already guessed that he would try to do something to help defenseless villagers.
He could hardly forget the look on Dedue's face when he ran into him at the castle gates. He was not surprised at all, but clearly he didn't agree with his actions. Before Dimitri could think of something to say, Dedue spoke.
“Your Highness. Surely you see how your actions are incredibly reckless.”
Fighting in this foul weather, he understands that he was very right. It was foolish and reckless to hope to dismantle an entire group on his own, with no preparation, no battle plan, no study of the battle ground or the weather. Though he was unprepared, his comrades didn't try to stop him. Maybe they thought it would be pointless when they saw the resolve on his face. Rather, they decided to follow him in his battle.
Dragging his loved ones in the mud with him, it was something he would always feel guilty about. He never meant to put his closest friends in a tight spot. He only wanted to protect his people. But his friends were not his friends for nothing. They shared the same opinions about this. They had to protect the defenseless. They never gave up on him, they never left him behind, so he should have known that they never would let him go and fight on his own. Especially Dedue, who he knew would follow him to the end.
Dimitri thinks he can hear him not far from where he is fighting. He only hears the clash of weapons colliding, or maybe it's a weapon against a shield. He pays a very close attention to the noises he can hear from this direction. As long as he hears no cries from a familiar voice, he can keep on fighting with no worries. He parries a sudden blow emerging from the heavy curtain formed by the rain. He has his reflexes to thank for this. The enemy's blade slide on the cutting edge of Areadbhar only to get stuck in one of its crevices. Dimitri only has to twist and pull his weapon in a sharp motion to disarm them.
And then... Dimitri freezes. He has a moment of doubt. As his enemy stands before him, defenseless and frightened, he isn't sure of what he ought to do. He has come to this place to take down his enemies. The bandits who were harming his people. And it's not the first time he has to take the life of someone on the battlefield. Far from it. But this man is now quivering before him, without a weapon. What harm can he do without a weapon? He is just a man amongst others. Once, he was one of the people he was trying to protect. He chose the path of violence because he had no other choice, because of the war ravaging once fertile fields. If he coldly killed him now, he would not be different from the beast he once was, filled with grief and blood-lust.
While he tries to decide what to do with this disarmed man, he can't focus on the things that are happening all around him. He is so deeply in his thoughts, trying to decide what the right thing is, trying to not be too profoundly chocked by the pure terror he can see in his opponent's eyes. He can't see the fain glow of a spell being summoned through the rain. He can't hear it cackle through the sound of the water falling heavily on the ground. He can only feel the air shift around. But at this stage, it's already too late to do anything about it.
At least, it's too late for him. But somehow, someone else notices it before him. Somehow, he hears someone call for him, and he feels a hand on his back. Suddenly he feels pushed out of the way. He stumbles on his feet a second, out of harm's way thanks to the intervention of someone. But he feels as though the spell had reached its target. He hears the scream, behind him. He recognizes the voice. Dedue's voice. All his body shakes with fear as the magic in the air clears away and he hears something heavy fall to the muddy ground.
When, finally, he gathers the courage to turn around, he feels his heart freeze in his chest. He only has the time to see Dedue, on his knees, slowly falling back. Everything around him fades away. The only thing that matters right now is Dedue. He calls his name in a desperate need to hear something from him, but he gets no reply. Or nothing loud enough to be heard through the rain. He runs to him and fall on his knees next to him, putting his hands on him in a desperate attempt to help him. But he is no healer. He sees the cracks and dents in his friend's armor. The metal is completely deformed because of the magic, still glowing an ominous shade of purple. The spell of dark magic is slowly fading away, but the deed is done.
“Dedue!” Dimitri calls again, lifting his eyes to his friend's face. He sees some remnants of the magic on his skin. His tone is pale, almost as white as a ghost, and the though only makes him loose all of his strength. He cannot think like this, he cannot already see him as a ghost, but he cannot stop the tears from flooding his eyes. Dimitri put his hand on Dedue's cheek to turn his face toward him. “Dedue please say something!”
Finally, one eye opens to look at him. But the relief Dimitri feels is shortened by what he sees in them. Dedue seems so weak, so tired. He must be at his limit. From just one spell. He must have known it would put him in too much risk to protect Dimitri like this. So why would he do such a thing? Dimitri could never understand what pushed him to act to irrationally when it came to his safety.
“Your... Highness...” Dedue sighs.
“Hold on Dedue. I'll get you a healer. Just... Hold on... Please...” Dimitri pleads, lifting his head to look for someone, anyone capable of helping his friend.
Dedue opens his mouth to say something, but suddenly fear flashes in his eyes. He gathers all of his remaining strength to shoot his hand up and grab his king's arm. The gesture brings back Dimitri's attention to him, but he understands what this is about before Dedue has to say anything. He feels it too, in the air. He ran to his friend's side without taking care of the mage who put him in this state and now, he can feel again the charge in the air behind him.
“Your Highness, move... You must... Quickly...”
Dimitri's eyes widen, only from hearing his friends request. He knows that he won't have the time to do anything else before the enemy's magic is upon them. He will not have to time to kill them. Only to dodge. But with the enemy's current aim, that would only mean get out of the way, for Dedue to get hit by the spell once again. From a second time, he won't survive. This is for sure. And he can see in Dedue's expression that he knows it too.
“No...” Dimitri shakes his head. “Dedue, no! I won't if it means loosing you!”
Many expressions flashes in Dedue's eyes. Surprise, fear, sadness, and panic. His grip on Dimitri's arm tightens, trying to push him forcefully out of the way. But in his state, weakened by the long battle and badly injured by the spell he took for Dimitri, he is no match to his king's resolve. When he realizes that there is no winning by force, his eyes reflect only his fear and supplications for Dimitri to move. The king meets his eyes, but won't move. He won't let Dedue get hurt again because of him.
It all happens too fast to do anything else. The spell hits him in the second. Magic melts through his armor and right into his skin and his body. An unspeakable pain bolts through him. He looses all control and can only scream in agony for what seems like eternity. And when finally, his suffering fades away, it's only because his consciousness does too. Out of strength, his body slumps forward on Dedue. The battle ground, the sounds of battle, the rain pouring on him, and even Dedue fade away.
There is light, blinding him. For a moment he doesn't know where he is or what he's doing. His entire body is sore, asking too much of him for the tiniest of movements. He hears distant taping noises, like droplets falling lightly on a large pan of fabric. Then he remembers that not such a long time ago, there was a true storm raging outside. Where he was battling for his life. Slowly, events come back to him. The battle, the storm, the mud and...
Dedue.
The spell. The mage who took him for target, and Dedue who used his own body to shield him. What had gotten in to him? His friend was badly injured and then... He opens his eyes to see the top of a tent. He recognizes the white fabric. He is in the infirmary. He must have been taken here as soon as he was found, passed out on the ground. He wonders if the battle is over, but when he tries to hear outside, things seem to be peaceful. He hears no sound of battle, no cries. Only the normal agitation that would be found in a battle camp. They came in time to save him, but what about...
“Oh thank the gods...”
Dimitri hears someone murmur not far from him. But the familiar voice immediately melts away his panic. He turns his head to look at the person lying on the bed next to his in the infirmary. Dedue is here, looking at him with relief painted on his face.
“Dedue... I am glad to see you in one piece.” Dimitri smiles to him. A weak smile, all he can do in his state.
But Dedue doesn't seem as relieved as he thought he would be. There is still a frown on his face. Before Dimitri can ask him what is wrong, he speaks, his voice trembling slightly with worry. “Your Majesty. You shouldn't be here in the first place. Seeing you taking that blow for me... It was wrong.”
Hearing these words is enough to wipe Dimitri's smile off his face. “What are you talking about? It was the right thing to do. You did the exact same thing for me.”
“And I would do it again without any second thought.” Dedue nods with resolve, but the motion only makes him wince in pain.
Dimitri can only stare with concern. How much did this spell damage Dedue's body exactly? Most of his body is hiding under the blanket of the bed, but all the skin the king is able to see is covered in bandages. It is only a reminder of what happened. How his precious friend was so willing to sacrifice himself to protect him. He felt infinitely glad that he was still alive and here with him, but for how many more times would this be the outcome? When would be the time when finally, Dedue is unable to sustain his injuries? When will he take the final blow in his stead?
Dimitri already experienced it. The pain of having this man throw his life away for him. He lived in misery during five long years, thinking he had lost him in such a way. When he returned, unexpectedly, miraculously, he asked him to stop putting himself in danger to protect him. He thought he had understood. He thought he would stop. But it seems that he was wrong. Dedue took this spell in his place, a spell that could easily have taken his life. And the thought fills the king with grief and anger. This needs to stop.
“But this was-”
“Why do you keep putting yourself in danger for me.” Dimitri interrupts. “I told you to stop it"
Dedue looks at him for a second, as though he was surprised by his question. As though the answer was obvious.
“I cannot allow you to get hurt.” He finally says. “It is my duty to protect you, whatever the cost.”
Duty. Through the years it was a word that Dimitri had come to despise. Because it was always the same thing. It was an excuse. Soldiers justifying murder and atrocities, saying that it was their duty. It was something that Dedue used a lot himself. Back when they were only students at the Academy. He said that it was his duty stay with Dimitri. As though he never wanted it. As though it was a chore for him. He never really understood how much it hurt him back then. If it was so unpleasant, Dimitri never forced him to do anything. He would have preferred that he stayed by his side by choice.
Since then, they had a discussion, and Dimitri understood that Dedue did want to stay with him. Because he believed in him. But he did not want his faith if it blinded him so. If it made him act so dangerously, cast aside his own safety and say those things. Whatever the cost.
“Not if the cost is your own safety!” Dimitri argues.
“Yes.” Dedue insists.
It's an answer with no room for doubt, no room for argumentation. So honest that it makes Dimitri feels a little bit desperate. Dedue is ready to sacrifice himself for him, but he is not ready.
“No...” Dimitri shakes his head. “I cannot... I cannot see you get hurt for me. This is not right. Whatever gave you such a horrible idea?”
“Because...” Dedue begins, but stops in the middle of his sentence. Dimitri thinks for a moment that he strung a cord of doubt, that he will make Dedue reconsider his vision of their relation and stop acting this way. But then, he continues. “You are much more important than me.”
This leaves Dimitri dazzled. Paralyzed for what feels like an eternity. He simply cannot believe what he just heard. It's not true. Not after all his efforts to make Dedue see that they are equals. After all the time they spent together, the battles they fought side by side. They are brothers in arms, friends, much more than that. It seems that there are no words strong enough to explain how important Dedue is to him. And yet, yet he still says things that are so fundamentally wrong and horrible.
“... What?” He can only murmur, still taken in the whirlwind of his shock.
“This is only common sense.” Dedue explains, but he can't bare to see his king's expression at this instant. So he lets his head rest on the flat pillow of his infirmary bed and stares at the tent's ceiling to continue. “I know you promised to build a kingdom where my people could live just as proudly as anyone of Faerghan origin. But, your Majesty, this is a dream for which we need you alive. Giving my life to protect you is the same as making sure that this dream becomes reality.”
At lost for words, Dimitri can only shake his head. But his friend cannot see him. “Dedue...”
He tries to stop him, but Dedue continues, ignoring his complains. “In the eyes of the World... You are a king. I am but a simple soldier. Next to yours, my life is worth nothing.”
The cold tone in which his dearest friend states such an atrocity as if it were a basic truth is too much. “How dare you!” Dimitri screams, trying to hold back the tears welling up in his eyes.
At least, his outburst seems to shock Dedue. His eyes widen and his turns his head to finally face him. After a moment of silence filled with doubt, he speaks again, though less certain of his words than before. “I... Apologize, if I have overstep any boundaries.”
Dimitri is unable to move because of his injuries. The magic drained him of all of his strength, and it already takes him a huge amount of efforts to only move his head. But if he could move, he would get out of this bed and try to shake some sens into his friend. Or only forcefully stop him from talking because he doesn't need to hear such horrendous lies. But at least, now Dedue would look at him. So he is able to see the uncertainty in his eyes. And maybe, something he sees as doubt. That is when he understands that though himself is also uncertain, he needs to be frank with his words. He needs to shatter any form of doubt that remain within Dedue's mind.
“How dare you say such a horrible thing about my most cherished friend.” Dimitri says again, holding Dedue's gaze. “Dedue, you're just as important as a king.” He takes a breath in, readying himself for what he needs to say. “At least to me..."
Dimitri manages to move his hands, only to his face to wipe his eyes. Dedue can only stare, at lack of words. And he isn't sure if it is the best. He suddenly feels so vulnerable, his defenses wide open. But he only does so to show Dedue the example to follow. If only the duscur man could drop his guard too, when they are alone together. Then maybe he could finally understand what he really feels. But for the time being, it seems that he is the one who needs to speak.
"I cannot see you get hurt." Dimitri insists. “Not by this war. Not... Not because of me, again... You already did so much for me, to get me through the darkest nights I thought would never end. But always, you were by my sides when the sun rose. I don't want... I don't want to see any dawn without you. I want to see the new day with you. One where we can stand side by side. One where you would finally see that you are, in every way, my equal. One where you would feel comfortable calling me by my name...”
He doesn't need to say more. Or he doesn't know if he can say without being too forward. Too honest. Without revealing something to Dedue that he isn't sure he ever revealed to himself. Something he is a little bit afraid of. Something he can't imagine how his friend would react to, if he knew just how much he matters to him. So he closes his mouth and waits, watching Dedue's reaction intently. He looks just as surprised as he was because of his outburst.
But slowly, his teal eyes soften. The tenderness in his traits stirs something in Dimitri's heart. The same thing he never dares to think about. But it is there, so present. It seems to take all the room left here by the silence stretching between them. Not uncomfortable, but Dimitri can't seem to gather the will to look anywhere else but into Dedue's eyes and the emotion he reads there but can't interpret.
Finally, Dedue takes in a slow breath. And when he speaks again, his voice is full of that same emotion Dimitri feels in the deepest part of his heart. “I... I must apologize again. It seems that I was wrong. We do share the same dream.”
Dimitri feels a smile tug at the corners of his mouth. One that he can not hide. Hearing that Dedue has the same dream as him fills him with joy, so much that he could forget the pain soaring through his body. Who cares about injuries if Dedue wants the same thing as he does? Pain seems to belong to another world. If he truly, fully feels the same as he does...
But he isn't sure if he could ever know. He doesn't know if he could ever gather the courage to ask, to be as sincere with Dedue and with his own feelings.
“Dedue...”
“... Dimitri...” Dedue replies to him, his voice low. He is still getting used to say this name, and Dimitri cannot miss the way his cheeks flush slightly. He feels that his own face mirrors Dedue's, and his smile widens. He does love to hear Dedue say his name, in a way that makes his heart full in his chest. “I should tell you that... This is not only a matter of duty. If not at all. I never want to see you suffering. That is the only reason why I go to such lengths to protect you from harm. But I suppose we feel the same way. If my behavior hurts you so... I should think it over.”
Think it over. It doesn't seem like much, but to Dimitri it is a huge victory. Once with much more meaning than the battle that they just won. That their allies won for them, actually, while they were both too stubborn to move out of the way.
'Goddess' Dimitri thinks. The thought is laughable, but he manages to hold back his laughter. Instead, he keeps on smiling at Dedue, who is still holding his gaze with resolve, tiredness, and dare he say sweetness. He realizes that his own behavior is to be thought over. Dedue would not have to put himself in danger to protect him, if he watched out for himself. He made efforts to take care of himself out of the battlefield, but it applies during battle too. Or he would risk to find them again in this kind of situation, wrapped in bandages in an infirmary.
Dimitri doesn't think that he can take this much longer. Being unable to move means that he is unable to reach out to Dedue. When right now, there is nothing that he wants to do more than that. So he decides that it should not stop him. Pain should not prevent him from extending a hand to his most precious friend, the one closest to his heart. Especially not after such... declaration. Just at the limit of taping into unknown territory for the both of them.
“Thank you.” Dimitri says.
With the relaxed and easy smile appearing on Dedue's lips, he gathers the strength to move his hand, then his arm. He reaches across his bed and holds his hand out to Dedue, trembling with the effort, or with his nervousness. It all flies away when a warm hand covers his fingers and close around his own hand. Dedue holds his hand close to him, close to his heart.
"I promise to you I will be more careful." They say at the same time, and both laugh.
They don't say anything more, but with Dedue's thumb gently rubbing into his palm, Dimitri knows they don't need to. Not right now.