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Gon waits excitedly at the port, gold-brown eyes scanning the vast expanse of the ocean impatiently. The sun glitters on the ocean, and the salty sea breeze caresses Gon’s hair. Gon fidgets a bit, rocking back and forth on his toes impatiently. Fishing boat after fishing boat pulls in, and Gon can hear the fishermen chatting to each other about their catches, hear the slap of fish against fish as they load them into crates to be gutted. He can smell the blood too, a bitter tang against the freshness of the breeze, and even without looking he can see it; the careful movement of the knife as it slides through scales easily. Several people pass him, but Gon pays them no mind, murmuring distracted greetings as they wish him good morning. One of them decides to linger, an elderly old man called Glythe that Gon has seen more than once. He walks up to stand beside Gon, chuckling at his impatience.
“You waiting for something, boy?”
Gon looks at him and smiles sheepishly. “I’m waiting for someone.” He corrects.
“Who is it?” Glythe asks slyly. “Got a lover coming home, by the looks of you.”
He shakes his head. “Actually, I’m waiting for my best friend! He’s visiting today.”
Glythe looks a little taken back. “The pale boy?”
“Mm-hm!” Gon nods happily, scanning the horizon once more. A ship is approaching, but it’s too far away from him to see properly.
“He’s your best friend you say?” Glythe asks thoughtfully, and Gon nods once more, squinting at the ship as it comes closer.
“Nothing else?” Glythe pushes.
Gon smiles. “Yeah. What else would he be?”
Glythe shakes his head. “Don’t worry about it.”
He stops for a bit, seemingly deep in thought. The ship is now close enough for Gon to see, and he feels his heart leap in excitement. It’s the right ship! Which means- His train of thought is cut off by Glythe, who has appeared to come to a conclusion, and interrupts.
“Now, make sure you treat him right.” Glythe says. “You don’t know how often these opportunities come around. You’ve got to make the most of being young and handsome, don’t you?”
At the end of his statement, Glythe chuckles as if he’s said something funny, and turns to look at Gon. When he doesn’t immediately respond, Glythe repeats,
“You’ll treat him right, won’t you?”
This time, Gon answers. “Of course I will!” He doesn’t see the point of all this questioning, not when he’s so close to seeing him again.
“What was his name again?” Glythe asks. “Kiwooah? Kiwua? Ki-”
“KILLUA!” Gon shouts, leaping off the port. The ship is close enough to the port that Gon lands on it, dashing past crowds of tourists chattering excitedly on the deck. They turn to look at him as he runs by, heading straight for a head of white hair. Killua’s head snaps up, cornflower blue eyes that Gon has missed meeting amber ones.
“Wha-” Is all Killua manages to get out before Gon glomps him, wrapping his arms and legs around Killua as tightly as he can. He’s missed this, the way Killua seems to fit perfectly in his arms. The scent of crackling electricity and sweetness edged with something sharp washes over him, and Gon inhales deeply. He can’t really describe how Killua smells, other than that Killua always smells right.
Killua, predictably, flushes a vibrant red. “Gon!” he hisses. “You’re making a scene!”
In response, Gon squeezes him tighter, and Killua’s breath rushes out of him. Gon doesn’t really want to let Killua go. In fact, he would be perfectly content to remain like this; him wrapped around Killua tightly, so close that Gon can forget Killua had ever left, that Killua was ever going to leave.
“Are you trying to crush my organs?” he asks.
The tourists on the boat, unsure of how to proceed, stare at them for a moment. And then someone starts clapping. It’s hard to tell who – the deck is swarming with people, adults and children and teenagers all soaking up the sunlight. But once that one person starts clapping, others join, and soon the entire deck is applauding.
Killua’s face is almost purple, a heavy flush covering his neck and extending out to his ears. Gon almost wants to reach out and run his fingers over it, see if the skin would be warm to the touch compared to Killua’s normally cool skin.
It’s probably for the better, Gon reflects, that Killua doesn’t know who started the applause. He might murder them.
The ships docks, and people stream out of the boat, taking in their first glimpse of Whale Island. The weathered, salt-soaked wood of the port, the stink of fish heavy in the air, fishermen and natives bartering over prices.
“I missed you.” Gon blurts out, his grip on Killua unrelenting.
Killua’s response is so quiet Gon almost doesn’t hear it. “I missed you too.”
Gon can’t help but beam vibrantly then, joy surging through him like a tidal wave. He pulls back slightly to look at Killua. Killua’s eyes dart away and he asks,
“So, are you going to get off me anytime soon?”
In response, Gon only laughs.
_________________________________________
“I can’t believe you made me carry you all the way back to your house.” Killua grumbles, stretching his arms as Gon hops off him.
Gon hums, opening the door. “Aunt Mito’s at the market.” Gon informs him. “But she should be back later.”
“Okay.” Killua steps inside. “It feels like ages since I was last here.”
Gon agrees, even though Killua was here only a few months ago. Every moment he’s not with Killua stretches out into an eternity, the hourglass of time dropping one sand grain at a time. Slowly, ever so slowly, Gon watches it build up, until Killua returns to his side and the world is right again, and sand flows like water through the glass. Sometimes, he’s scared Killua might not come back at all, that he’ll have to live like this, time trickling by at a snail’s pace, a persistent ache never leaving his side, a hole in the shape of his best friend. Gon never tells Killua though. He’s been selfish enough. And Gon knows how Killua is, knows that if he told Killua about even a fraction of the loneliness he feels, Killua would feel guilty, would tear himself up inside for leaving. Even if Killua came back, he might despise Gon, hate him for making him leave Alluka’s side.
So he stays quiet, treasuring moments like these, replaying them over and over in his mind until they’re worn and frayed, and even then he repeats them still.
“-on. Gon.” Killua’s saying. “Earth to dumbass.”
Killua’s looking at him inquisitively, slanted blue eyes wide and curious. Butterflies dance in Gon’s stomach, the tips of their wings brushing his insides.
“Yeah?” He asks.
“You were kind of spacing out there. You alright?”
Gon laughs a bit, scratching his head. “I just got a bit distracted. Sorry, Killua.”
It must’ve been the right thing to say, because Killua half-smiles, rolling his eyes in good nature and says playfully,
“Wow, can’t believe you’re already getting bored of my visit. To think I’ve been here less than one hour too…..”
Gon yelps, leaning forward and grabbing Killua’s shoulders, holding them tightly like a vice. He meets Killua’s eyes.
“Of course not! I would never get bored of you, Killua!”
Killua’s cheeks bloom with red like a rose. Gon realizes that Killua’s shrunk back a bit, and Gon can feel how tense his hunched shoulders are with how hard he’s gripping them. But Gon can’t bring himself to let go, and before he can even think properly, he’s rubbing small circles onto Killua’s shoulders with his thumbs. Killua hasn’t looked away yet, still meeting Gon’s eyes. Gon thinks he might be drowning, because what other explanation is there for the racing of his heart, the adrenaline shooting through his veins?
Killua breathes out, and his breath brushes Gon’s lips. He realizes with a start that he’s moving closer to Killua, that his forehead is almost touching his, that he can feel soft white hairs brushing his head. Killua’s shoulders are relaxing under Gon’s ministrations, and Gon’s attention is drawn to Killua’s lips. Gon moves even closer, sliding his eyes shut and angling his head.
But as he steps forward, he steps on Killua’s foot.
Killua reflexively takes a step back, running straight into his suitcase. He wobbles on his feet for a moment, assassin trained reflexes swooping in to save him, but with Gon practically bearing down on him, and with his suitcase right behind him, he doesn’t stand a chance. Killua topples like a house of cards, bringing Gon down with him. Gon lets go of Killua and twists so he doesn’t land on him, preparing himself for an inevitable reunion with the wooden planks. The cold, hardwood floor greets his back and Gon’s breath is knocked out of him immediately. Not that he had much left, but still.
From beside him, Killua groans, sitting up. Gon stands up. He’s not quite sure where to put his hands, not quite sure where he’s meant to look. Looking at Killua seems like the safe option though, so Gon stares.
“Are you alright, Killua?” he asks, once his brain has started working again. Killua seems a bit shell-shocked too, like he’s trying to figure out what just happened. Gon can relate. All of a sudden, Killua stands up, back ramrod straight, and walks stiffly over to pick up his suitcase.
“Killua?”
Killua jumps like someone’s just directed a wave of Nen filled with killing intent at him, and looks at Gon.
“Ah, yeah, I’m fine. It just surprised me.”
Maybe to anyone else, the lie would be imperceptible, but Gon’s not Killua’s best friend for nothing, and he prides himself on being one of the few that can correctly guess what Killua’s thinking. He doesn’t know what Killua’s thinking now, though.
“I’m going to go put my suitcase away.” Killua says. He’s still got that strange stiffness to him, and Gon wonders idly whether if he grabbed Killua’s shoulders like before, he would relax. Before Gon can do something stupid though, like follow through with the thought, Killua leaves the room, the wheels of his suitcase clacking on the floor.
_________________________________________
The rest of the trip on Whale Island runs by without a single hitch. Gon takes Killua fishing, and they have a competition to see who can catch more fish, which ends in a tie, much to their disappointment. Killua complains about the sun, and how it’ll burn his pale skin, or about how hot it is, until Gon dumps a tray of ice cubes down the back of his shirt, which shuts him up effectively for a moment before Killua glowers, growls Gon’s name, and grabs the ice cubes, pelting them at Gon. He laughs and dodges as many as he can. The days fly by in fits of laughter and sunshine, in humid days and melting ice cream. At the beach one day, Gon complains he’ll grow fat with all the sweets he’s been eating recently (courtesy of Killua), and Killua cackles, saying he’ll make sure Gon gets exercise. Gon doesn’t get it until Killua pushes him into the water, spraying him with a wicked grin on his face. So Gon does the only sensible thing to do in the situation and drags Killua in with him.
They don’t mention what happened that day. Gon can feel it sometimes though, a crackling in the room when they’re alone together. He ignores it though, because Killua is and Gon would rather kill himself than force Killua into doing something he doesn’t want to. Gon knows why he behaved the way he did, knows that the reason he grabbed Killua’s shoulders and moved in was because he loves him. Gon’s known this for a long time now, and felt this for even longer. Gon wants to be content with what they have, wants to just enjoy Killua’s visit, but while his days are spent laughing with Killua, at night Gon dreams that Killua loves him back.
In his dreams, Killua kisses him, hugging Gon tightly and whispering sweet nothings in Gon’s ears. In his dreams, Gon can do things like grab Killua’s hand whenever he feels like it, or press a kiss to Killua’s cheeks or lips when he looks pretty (which is all the time).
But Gon can’t afford to ruin what they have, not when Killua’s been so gracious as to forgive him already for how he’s hurt him. So Gon stays silent, and doesn’t mention the desire that boils under his skin every time Killua draws near.
Before long, it’s only a couple of days until Killua’s due to leave, and Gon can feel his spirits sinking, even as he tells himself Killua will come back, that their separation will only be temporary. He ignores the voice telling him their time together is only temporary as well, that Killua isn’t his, that he doesn’t deserve him – not anymore. Gon has something planned for the last night, something he’s sure will end Killua’s trip with a bang.
“What is it?” Killua asks curiously when Gon tells him this, and he smiles, admiring the way Killua’s pale skin stands out against the dark blue of his outfit.
“It’s a secret.” Gon grins. “You don’t get to find out until the day!”
Killua grumbles, looking away, and Gon smiles wider.
As Gon waits for Killua to come down the stairs, he hopes everything will turn out alright. Killua walks down, hair in perfect disarray and asks,
“Alright. Where are we going?”
Gon shakes his head and Killua groans exaggeratedly.
“I thought you said you’d tell me on the day!”
Killua sounds like a petulant child, and Gon laughs.
“You’ll find out once we get there!” he chirps, his voice in a sing-song tone.
He heads out of the door and runs then, checking to see if Killua if following. He is, and Gon looks ahead again, nervousness beginning to set in, nerves alight and his heart a steadily increasing tempo in his ears. They reach the edge of the forest, but Gon doesn’t stop. He jumps up, landing on one of the large, waxy leaves that shade the undergrowth. The forest is his playground, and he knows it as well as, if not better, than the back of his hand. He checks once more to see if Killua is following, and feels a momentary dash of panic when he can’t see him. He slows down slightly, and then a blur of white and blue speeds past him. Gon catches the edge of a cat-like smile, and the words,
“I’m winning.”
“Not for long!” Gon yells, and speeds up again. They both know that if Killua wanted to, he could absolutely obliterate Gon in a running race without even trying, if he activated Godspeed. But Killua doesn’t, and it’s not long before they’re neck and neck.
“Killua!” Gon’s voice is a breathless laugh. “I can’t show you where we’re going if you’re ahead of me.”
Killua grumbles. “Tch.”
He slows down anyway, and Gon stops too. They stare at each other for a moment, breathless and flustered and joyful, all from being with each other. Gon looks away, even as he mourns the loss of Killua’s piercing gaze, and the spell is broken.
“We’re almost there.” Gon says, grabbing Killua’s hand to lead him. He doesn’t put much thought into the gesture, but when Killua freezes, Gon realizes what he’s done. Red hot embarrassment floods him then, and Gon wonders vaguely if this is what Killua feels like when his cheeks flare up red.
“Sorry.” He says, quickly, making to let go, but Killua doesn’t let him, holding his hand tightly. And maybe it’s Gon’s imagination when he feels the slightest squeeze on his hand, but he doesn’t know, and he doesn’t care either, so Gon squeezes Killua’s hand. Pale fingers are wrapped around his, and Gon wants to say that they fit perfectly, like puzzle pieces, like two halves of a whole. Like they were meant to be like that.
He doesn’t.
Instead, Gon leads Killua the remaining length to the area he wanted to take him to. He hears, more than sees, Killua’s sharp intake of breath.
“Is this….?”
Gon beams, wide and brilliant, white teeth gleaming in the setting sun. “Of course!”
It’s the same rocky outcropping over the same lake, sunset turning the water into a rainbow of colors. Fish swim just under the surface, making the water ripple, distorting the image. Crickets and cicadas chirp loudly, and the breeze rustles the leaves. There’s bird crying in the background, and sometimes one will glide down to the water, wings spread wide and graceful, scooping up a fish in its beak too quickly for the fish to react. To some, it might seem boring, but it’s Gon’s favorite melody, one that he could listen to for hours without being bored of.
Well, Gon thinks, looking at Killua. Maybe second favorite melody.
After all, the sound of Killua’s voice is something Gon will never tire of listening to either.
“I thought since on your first trip you came here, you would like to come here again!”
It’s the place you promised to follow me, at least until you found something you wanted to do, goes unsaid between both of them.
“You’re such a sap.” Killua says, but he’s smiling and Gon is too.
There’s a campsite already set up, a fire just waiting to be lit, and Gon pulls Killua forward, smiling at him all the while. They sit down, and Gon tries to let go of Killua’s hand to light the fire, but Killua entwines their fingers again, pointing one of his own fingers at the stack of carefully places sticks and logs. There’s a crackle of electricity, the scent of ozone, sharp and pungent, and then a fire flares up.
“That was so cool, Killua!” Gon praises, watching as Killua turns his head to the side, mumbling his thanks. Killua’s very cute, Gon thinks, even if he won’t admit it.
They wait for a while, and Killua opens his mouth.
“What n-” he asks, but Gon shushes him.
“Just wait.” Gon says, and looks back to admire the colors in the sky fading into deep blue, stars dotting the sky. The moon rises, hanging pale and lovely in the sky, casting an ethereal glow on the two of them. It’s a bit stupid, really, but Gon can’t help but feel as if the moon is looking at him and Killua tonight, is watching them with gentle fondness.
And that’s when the first star falls. It’s a streak across the sky, a dash of white across the gradient of blue and black that is the sky. At first, it’s just one, a single star, a pre-emptive strike, but it’s not long before others follow, falling out of the sky with reckless abandon, following their friend down to the Earth. The Heavens say farewell to the stars as they make their journey, and while Gon has seen this many times before, he can’t help but admire the beauty once again. He turns his head to see if Killua’s enjoying it as much as he is, and his breath catches. Because like this, at night, Killua’s hair shines in the moon, woven carefully from only the finest threads of light, his eyes like stars themselves, plucked from the sky to hang in the ocean deep depths of his eyes. And Gon thinks out of all the beautiful things he’s seen in his lifetime, Killua has to be the most beautiful out of them all.
Killua opens his mouth, maybe to comment on the beautiful sight, maybe to ask Gon what he’s thinking, but when he looks over, Gon is staring at him. Gon doesn’t look away, and he’s reminded of the first day of Killua’s visit, with Killua so close that the rampant want under his skin had almost driven him to kiss Killua. Gon watches as Killua swallows, and nervousness is written in his demeanor and face so well he may as well have scribbled the emotion on his forehead with permanent marker.
“Gon.” Killua says, and his voice is soft, so soft. “I love you.”
A shooting star splits the night sky in two.
Gon’s brain is frozen, thoughts halted, smile affixed to his face.
“You what?”
Gon must’ve misheard because there’s no way, no way Killua loves him. Gon can’t comprehend Killua wanting him of all people, when there’s so many other amazing people out there. Why would he pick Gon after Gon’s hurt him, after Gon’s been so selfish as to take everything Killua had and leave him behind?
The faintest flicker of fear settles over Killua’s face. “I love you.”
Gon swallows painfully. “Why would you love me?”
He doesn’t realize how it sounds until Killua’s face looks struck, before grim acceptance settles over it like a sheet.
“I’m sorry.” Killua says. His voice is unlike anything Gon’s heard from Killua before, fragile and breakable. Frail and easy to rip apart. “I know you don’t feel the same. I know it’s selfish of me to even love you like this, not when you’ve done so much for me. I understand if you…” Killua pauses, hurt ingrained deep into his eyes, there and gone before Gon can properly comprehend it. He scrambles for something, anything to say, but the words won’t come to him. “If you…don’t want anything to do with me after this.”
“No!” Gon yells, the words coming out of his mouth before he can think, before he can process what’s happening. “Don’t leave!”
Killua looks at him then, surprised, and Gon halts, allowing his brain to understand what’s just happened. Killua loves him. Killua loves him. Killua loves him. Gon doesn’t even want to try to stop the excitement thrumming through his veins like the beat of a drum, the churning in his stomach akin to being on a rollercoaster, the happiness in every single cell of his body, filling him with warmth better than any fire could hope to produce. Glythe was right after all.
“What I mean is…” Gon trails off. “I love you too.”
“What?” Killua breathes, and Gon almost finds it funny, how their reactions are the same.
“I mean.” Gon says. “Who else would I love?”
And Killua face softens, shattered hope rebuilding and despair melting into joy.
“We’re both idiots, aren’t we?” Killua wonders.
Gon laughs, light and airy, the sound dancing into the air. They both turn to look at the sky, the moon smiling at them.
“Hey Killua?” Gon asks.
“Yeah?” Killua responds.
“Do you want to travel the world with me?” It’s a parody, almost, of what happened years ago, when they were still kids, young and reckless.
Killua’s eyes are so, so blue. “What else would I want to do?”
Gon smiles, and it feels like he’s floating.
It’s raining stars, dozens and dozens of diamonds making their descent.
And if Gon scoots closer to Killua then, no-one sees.
If Gon tilts Killua’s head back, looking into his eyes, no-one can tell.
And when Gon leans down, capturing Killua’s lips with his own, no-one knows.
Except for the stars, twinkling brightly in the sky, their glow more amplified than ever.