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Xiao Zhan’s heart was pounding as he stared at the screen of his laptop with widened eyes. He felt his body run cold as he watched his lover crash on the floor, tumbling for a moment, before standing up. His first thought through that was thank god, he’s okay, he isn’t injured if he can still walk. But as he continued watching, seeing the man covered in green attempt to restart his bike but to no avail failing, a tinge of pain takes over the core of his chest.
His vision started blurring, tears on the brink of falling. There was now a lump on his throat and no matter how many times he tried to swallow down the feeling, it was still there. It was getting painful, even. The first tear drops as he watched Wang Yibo kick at the ground.
The commentator was saying something along the lines of “…it’s a pity…” and “…he really didn’t do anything wrong…” but Xiao Zhan couldn’t exactly concentrate on their words, locked on to the one man who owned his heart. The one man he knew could keep his head up through hardships, the one man he knew who could walk though the shittiest events with his shoulders straight, his eyes fierce. The one man he knew has built a mask to keep his cool even through the worst of times through his job.
But Xiao Zhan knew how it felt to wear a mask and feel it break without warning. He knew well enough how it feels to have something unexpected be thrown his way, only having a few seconds to dodge the impact. He knew how it felt to be helpless.
And the man who owns his heart, walking with his shoulders tense, his pacing manic, his fists clench—Xiao Zhan let a few more tears fall from his eyes as he closed it tightly, trying to calm his breathing.
Wang Yibo.
He looked absolutely helpless.
And the sight of him through that will always be a horrible experience for Xiao Zhan. His lover never deserved to ever feel that way.
The actor very slowly opened his eyes again, focusing on the Yibo once more. He could tell he was angry, with the way he held himself. He must have felt so frustrated considering he’d been doing well, breaking his record. It doesn’t help that that was the last lap.
Xiao Zhan couldn’t help but close his eyes again, memories of his last race accident filling his head. His chest had tightened at that.
Ge, I’ll win again for you.
Wang Yibo had been smiling at him the night of his birthday, eyes bright, face determined. Xiao Zhan had laughed fondly at that, planting a kiss on his forehead, then on his nose, then on his lips. It was soft and warm and perfect. His boyfriend had grinned wider, whispering promises into his hair, and it was how they slept that night. Comfortable and safe.
Xiao Zhan was currently sitting on the same bed. Except this time, it wasn’t a cloud of comfort. The sound of the motorbike engines blasting through the laptop speakers had made the him restless, feeling more and more alone the longer he watched the continuing race. He gave himself five more seconds before he reached out and closed the window. He let himself stare at the desktop cover for another few more seconds before completely shutting it down.
Once off, he collapsed on his bed, pulling his phone from the bedside table. He checked for recent messages and he wasn’t surprised to see a lot. Most were from his friends, shouting all about how fucked up that race was. How unfair it was. A few were from his manager asking him not to check around social media too much. One was even from his mother, a concerned text about Wang Yibo, reminding him to check if he had any major injuries.
He opened his inbox with his boyfriend, staring at his last message.
dd: wish me luck, ge!!!
Very carefully, he typed out a quick message. A quick encompassment of what he thought. That despite what happened, despite the foul play, despite the sure frustration that might have been coursing through his boyfriend’s heart. To Xiao Zhan, he was always amazing. The most amazing. He hated that he couldn’t do anything for now besides this.
gg: you always shine brightly
Xiao Zhan closed his eyes at that, swallowing down the feeling of worry, of stress, of fear. To the empty room, he lets himself groan helplessly, hoping to drown out the steady buzz of the air-conditioning unit.
“Come home soon, Wang Yibo.”
It wasn’t until Xiao Zhan opened his eyes to blearily stare at the ceiling that he realized he must have fallen asleep. The next thing he noticed was heat pressed on the side of his body, an arm wrapped tightly around his waist. Shifting his head, he felt hair tickle at his cheek, and it was at that moment the memory of the recent event came flooding in his head.
He blinked to himself, more alert, taking in his surroundings once more. How long was he asleep? How could he have not noticed his lover come home and cuddle him? Gosh, his boyfriend—who’s totally had a wild and tiring day, by the way—came home to him sleeping, of all things, when he should have been awake and giving him the utmost love and comfort.
Xiao Zhan could feel his chest tighten at that thought, tears stinging his eyes, when all of a sudden, his thoughts were cut off by a rumbling voice.
“I came home just about 40 minutes ago, ge. It’s okay. Your heart’s beating wildly.”
The elder of the two couldn’t help but let out a surprised gasp at that, shifting more so, hands automatically checking through the other’s body. Hoping to see if he was hurt, hoping to see if he was okay. Hoping to just see.
And just like that, Wang Yibo lifts his head, as though he can read Xiao Zhan’s mind. He was always like that. He always knew what to do and what to say when Xiao Zhan was going through the lowest of the lows. Giving him a look filled with fondness, with comfort, with assurance. And it would’ve helped. It should’ve calmed him down. But if Xiao Zhan were being honest, he felt even worse.
He should’ve been the one giving him that look. He should’ve been the one comforting him. He should’ve been the one hugging him tightly and telling him it was okay—
“Thank you.”
Xiao Zhan blinked at that, tears freely running down his cheeks, “What?”
Wang Yibo, being Wang Yibo, actually had the audacity to laugh at that—just a soft fond chuckle as he lifted himself, now being held up by his elbow. He then gave Xiao Zhan a very light kiss on his lips that lasted for a few seconds, before pulling back.
With a smile, he reiterated what he just said, “Thank you.”
Xiao Zhan couldn’t help but let his lower lip jut out, confusion filling his being, “Wang Yibo, what the fuck are you talking about?” It had sounded like a whine but he couldn’t care less so he continued, “You were hurt and you’re tired!”
A hiccup escaped his throat in the midst of his whine but fuck that, “I didn’t even do anything. I fell asleep! I should’ve cooked for you or sent you a gift or,” He blinked out more tears as the frustration in his heart grew hotter and wider, “I should’ve hurt the guy!”
And again, Wang Yibo, being Wang Yibo, only laughed harder at that. He suddenly pulled Xiao Zhan closer, now wrapping him with both his arms. He buried his nose into the curve of his neck and the elder could feel the light puffs of breath on his collarbone. Xiao Zhan’s automatic response was to hug him back, his own arms wrapping around Yibo’s head. His second response though, after he realized what was happening, was to lightly slap at his boyfriend’s back.
“You don’t think I can hurt him?”
He felt his boyfriend shake his head against him, “I’m sure you can! Zhan-ge can do anything! So strong with his biceps!”
Xiao Zhan couldn’t help the lift on the side of his lip but he schooled his features, squinting his eyes even though he was sure Yibo couldn’t exactly see him, “You don’t know the wrath of us Chongqing people, Yibo. I can bring my mom along—”
“Oh no, not your mom!”
“And we’ll talk some sense into that man—”
“Talk some sense—
“We’ll invite his mom over as well. I’m sure she’s plenty disappointed as well for doing such dirty tricks—”
“Stop. Stop, Xiao Zhan, you’re killing me.”
Xiao Zhan’s chest filled with warmth as his lover’s laughter filled his ears. It wasn’t even the light, gentle laughter from a while ago. This was his full gremlin laugh and even though a lot of people made fun of it, Xiao Zhan thought it was plenty cute and was truly music to his ears. He couldn’t help but hug his boyfriend even tighter, his laughter getting muffled into his neck.
“I should’ve done all that but instead I fell asleep. I’m sorry.”
Wang Yibo wiggled his head, probably a silent request for Xiao Zhan to release his tight hold. When the older of the two finally did, he found himself face to face with his boyfriend’s bright eyes. He was smiling at Xiao Zhan with a look that could be a mix of fondness and helplessness. He wasn’t sure. But all he knew was that he loved it. He never wants it to disappear.
Xiao Zhan lifted his head to kiss him once more, not helping himself. When he pulled back, Yibo proceeded to kiss his nose, then his cheek, then his forehead, and Xiao Zhan accepted it with ease, staring up at him with a smile.
“You didn’t need to cook. It’s about 1 am. The food would’ve been cold. Would’ve been a waste of Zhan-ge wonderful cooking.”
The actor couldn’t help but blink at his boyfriend’s words. 1 am? Just how long was he asleep?
“And it’s okay for you to sleep. You didn’t sleep yesterday, remember? Or the day before that. Zhan-ge’s been in demand but you still stayed up even more to watch the livestream.” Yibo pinched his cheek as he said that, “You nag me about sleeping and you’re being a hypocrite, tsk.”
Xiao Zhan pouted at that. That wasn’t the point. He opened his mouth to tell him that but he was beaten to it by his weirdly intuitive lover, “And I know you’re about to say that isn’t the point. But really. You’ve done enough. You don’t have to hurt anyone. I handled it well. What you did was enough. What you’re doing is enough.”
Wang Yibo was staring at him with a determined expression, but Xiao Zhan could see he was tired. Even if his eyes expressed strongly of how he must feel, he could see the exhaustion in it. Xiao Zhan took a breath at that, bringing a hand up to cup his lover’s cheek, stroking his thumb on it. Gosh, look at him. His boyfriend literally just went through a shitstorm of a day, but he was the one being reassured.
With a quiet voice, he let himself be honest, “I haven’t done anything, though.”
Yibo shook his head at that, leaning close to nuzzle his nose against Xiao Zhan’s cheek, “Today sucked, ge. It sucked so much.”
Slowly, he was back to his former position, his nose buried against Xiao Zhan’s neck, “I knew it was a dirty move. I should’ve won. And some of the racers were making fun of me. Ah, so many fans were crying, ge. It sucked.”
The older hugged him closer at that, letting out a sigh when the young idol actually hugged back, “YinZheng-ge was so mad, and it was humiliating—how many people I dragged into this. So I told the fans to calm down, I told my team to calm down. That I can handle it. I even filed an appeal. We’ll probably hear the results tomorrow.”
Xiao Zhan kept quiet, waiting for him to continue, “I wasn’t able to check my phone’s messages even when I posted on Weibo. So I saw your text really late.”
Oh. Right, he had messaged him. Before collapsing on himself.
“It helped. It helped a lot. It’s what I needed. So, thank you.”
There was as few seconds of silence before Xiao Zhan spoke again, “Well, I meant it. What happened was out of your control. You always shine so brightly. Even when people bring you down, you shine the brightest.” Swallowing a lump in his throat, he continued, voice cracking a bit, “How do you feel? Is there any way I can help? Can I do more?”
Wang Yibo lifted his head at that, sending him a mischievous smirk, “Well, I’ve got a few ideas.”
And just like that, the tension lifted. Xiao Zhan couldn’t help but hit his lover’s arm, heat rapidly rising to his cheeks, “Ah, Wang Yibo are you even human?” Another hit, “I’m trying to be a sweet lover here and all you can think about,” A hit, “Is sex!”
Xiao Zhan’s ears are filled once more with his boyfriend’s loud laughter and yelps at every hit, “Sex is a sweet comfort and reward, Zhan-ge!” That earned him another hit but it must have landed on a sore spot causing him to wince.
Worry filled Xiao Zhan’s being, abruptly stopping his attack. He quickly looked at Yibo who probably read his expression just as quickly. He suddenly leaned close to kiss Xiao Zhan’s lips, perhaps as a form of distraction, perhaps reassurance. When he pulled back, he smiled once more, “Maybe no sex. My body’s beat. Let’s just stay like this.”
Wordlessly, Xiao Zhan pulled him closer, held him tighter. Hoping to all the gods Yibo can feel just how much love and adoration he felt for him. They stayed in that position for a few minutes, seeking comfort in each other’s warmth. Perhaps when morning comes, they can talk about this further. Perhaps, later today, Xiao Zhan can help him with the appeal’s processes and hold his hand as they wait for the final results for the race.
When the sun is up, he can just make Yibo his favorite food then. And help him take a bath. And maybe tend to his bruises and his wounds. He can do so, so much for the man he loved later. And he will. He mentally promised this to himself.
But for now, this was enough. If this was what his lover needed, then this is what he’d give.
“Yibo?”
“Mmh?”
Xiao Zhan smiled, he sounded as though he was about to fall asleep. Not that it was surprising. He was really tired. He took a deep breath, then exhaled slowly, before speaking once more.
“I love you.”
He received a snore in response.
Xiao Zhan chuckled. It’s alright. He could tell him again in a few hours.