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What is it... a third, maybe fourth glass? Jaskier stopped counting. He wiped the rest of his tears and shook his entire being. He needs to buck the fuck up and concentrate on more important stuff. Geralt stuff.
As he was about to reach for a napkin, Geralt came in. He took one look at his drunk roommate and sighed.
“Did one of your hook-ups decline your undying love for them again?”
“You are very funny, Geralt, indeed.” Jaskier nodded, reaching out for an unfinished bottle of red wine he was so looking forward to enjoy tonight.
Geralt took it from him with an unpleasant grimace on his face. He sat down next to him and looked right into his eyes.
“So, do you want to tell me why are you drunk off your ass, or are you just gonna pass out on me again?”
The courage left him all at once. All of it. He looked at Geralt, his beautiful and honest eyes. He can do this. He has to.
Jaskier wiggled, tried to sit more comfortably and cleared his throat.
“I needed some liquid courage. To tell you something important.”
Geralt nodded, waiting for Jaskier to continue.
“We have been best friends for a long time, right? We know each other very well, our ups and downs, our routines and what we like...”
“I don´t think I´m following-“
“Just let me finish, please.” Jaskier smiled, clasping his hands as if pleading Geralt just to listen. “I´ve been thinking a lot if I should tell you this and I think it would help me a lot to just get it off my chest.”
“Tell me, then.”
“Right.” He took a deep breath and continued. “I´ve tried dating people, many people. I´ve broken hearts and made myself cry over all of it. Because there is only one person that I love so strongly that I am unable to love anyone else... Geralt, you are the most generous, kind and loveable person I´ve ever met.”
Golden eyes were staring right into his, confused but determined to listen. Jaskier was beaming and smiling widely, his heart wide open and all of his feelings were just pouring out right into Geralt´s lap.
“We-... we cuddle, share blankets and laughs. We have deep conversations and we understand each other so well and I love it so much, I love you so much.” A small surprised laugh made Jaskier pause for a moment.
There was a silence. For a long while.
“Please say something?”
Geralt looked at him, shocked and confused. He shook his head while searching for the right answer.
“I don´t-“ his voice was raspy, a bit shaky. “I like women, Jaskier. I´m straight.”
“Oh.”
“I don´t love you. I´m sorry.”
He genuinely looked sorry. For real.
.
.
.
“Seems like we don´t know each other that well after all, huh?” Jaskier tried to force a laugh, curling in on himself. The other one was quiet, super confused and still trying to figure out what his roommate just told him.
“I am really sorry Jaskier, I had no idea.”
“No, it´s ... it´s okay, really. It´s not your fault, I should´ve known.” Jaskier stood up, swaying a bit on his feet.
“I´m just gonna go sleep this off, goodnight dear- I mean. Goodnight.”
“Jask-“
“No, just... please let me leave to lick my wounds on my own. It´s okay really, I´m a grown man I can take a rejection.” With a sad smile, Jaskier went to sleep.
---
There was a soft knock on his door in the morning. A hesitant knock.
“Come in?”
It was Geralt. With a steaming mug in his hands.
“I made you some tea. Here.” He handed it over, and stood there like a lost puppy. Jaskier smiled and took a sip. And grimaced.
“Uh, thanks, I guess.”
“Is it not good?”
“I add lemon and honey. But it´s fine, I´ll live.” Five years of friendship and sharing an apartment, one would think that such details would be a sure thing. It was - for Jaskier at least.
“Can I have a request, Geralt?” He was sad. So sad.
“Anything you want. Just say a word.” Geralt looked so eager; wanting to fix what was left of their relationship.
“Forget everything I said yesterday. Pretend that it never happened. Can you do that for me, please?”
It took a few seconds for Geralt to take it in, process the words. Eventually, he nodded.
“If it´s what you really want, then I can try.”
“Thank you Geralt. Truly.”