Work Text:
Somethings are meant to be this way.
Right?
-------
Tension, displayed millimeters apart.
Rain, running down the window .
Tears, streaming down a face .
A picture of them, shattered .
-------
Long-term relationships are unhealthy at some point. You’ll eventually lose them. You’ll eventually lose them to someone else.
That’s what usually happens to Yamaguchi.
How can he be hurt so many times?
He was the target.
Yamaguchi Asaki did not know how it feels to be a target.
And Asaki was the only one he got.
As if he can do anything about that.
Wasted. Some people might say.
“Pathetic”.
It's too much to handle.
------
He can hear sirens.
Sirens is all he can hear.
Flashing red and blue lights.
Screams
.
.
.
Ş̷̺͕̠̔͗͒͊̋̆̐̈͒͛͌͘͠c̸̛̛̩̮̃̏͋̈̚̕̚ř̴͓̤̘̆͑̂͌̾͑͐̍͝ȩ̸̦͇̥̗̭͉̪̜̘̓̋̎̈́͘̕͝͝ā̸̙͉͜͝m̴̡̡̪̘̦̬̲̦̜̻̞̥̞̦̔s̴̡͍̹̳̻̤̘̳̖͛̾͊̏͐̉̌͌̕͠ͅͅ
He feels himself falling down.
He wants to scream too.
Don’t they know that?
Silence could be a word to describe him as he watched his sister die.
He witnessed it all.
He witnessed a crime.
And all he can do is nothing.
Just nothing.
P̸̘̺̜̩̫̟̟̖̙͇̩̹͔̾͆͑̑͊̑̂͘͠a̶͎͔̟͐̔͘t̶̢̛̜̗̳͎͓̏́̈́͆̾̒͛̇̊ḧ̷̼̪̬̮̱̥̜̱̟̹̖̠̄̅͐̽̓͊͑̆̔͒͘͜͝ͅͅe̷͎̺̰͍̫̟͓̬̖͎͖̝͉̗̒̔̈́͒̅̉̑̚ͅţ̸̟̜̣̅͛̈́̐̅͘͠i̶̧̩̰͙̜̬͍̇̓̋͒̐͆͜͝ͅc̷̢̗͈͚̺̳̣͙̙͖̿͌͌͘͜
------
Who’s the one to blame?
Life is a blame game.
Tadashi wants to scream.
Instead, he goes to a random shop.
Hoping they please upset teenagers strolling down the streets.
--------
They do.
There is a blonde hair man with glasses.
He smiles at Tadashi.
Tadashi doesn’t smile back.
He’s too tired to act nice.
Why bother?
The blonde hair man, he found out quickly, is named Tsukishima.
Tsukishima gave him free coffee and biscuits, it surprised him, but he didn't mind it.
“It’s on me,” he says.
Tadashi smiled for the first time in a long time, it felt good.
“Okay, thanks.”
For once he feels like himself, and that felt, well
amazing.
-----
Tadashi feels like crying.
He’s witnessing everything over again.
W̶̳͒́h̷̢̛̳͓̙̤̪͎͚̱͔̦͐͌̏̃̒̓̊̓̃̈̿̀͝ȳ̸̩̖̙̌̆ ̶̢̹͙͓̣̺̰̖͉̰̬̞͚̊̀̈́ͅw̷̢̝̙̮͖͕͙̯̖͍̫̜̓̽̓͝ͅo̵̧̡̧͔̹͖̯̖̠̘̙̬͗͛̈́̋̇̎͜͝͝n̴̡̝̖͕̥͇̯̔͑͂͗͆t̶̝͙͚̥̰̭̟̊̅ ̷̳͚̟̥̠̺̘̮̜̣͉͎̦̀̂́̍̓̌̓̈́͐́͗̆͜i̶̢̛̫̮̠̖̗̥̗̹͎̓̽̓̆ͅt̶̯̤̥̽͝ ̷̢̛̮̼͙̞̟̱̖̣̖̮͉̦͖͊͛̉͘͜͠s̵̙̋̉̃̀̌̒͋̿̃ͅţ̸̯̮̬̪͍̙̳̲̓̌͑̋͋̈́͘ͅō̷̈́̏̑͌͗̎͜p̵̟̺͓̠͍̹̱̜̝͚̎̌̇̓̊̄̍̌̉̈́̕ͅͅ
It still haunts him.
He wants to say “He’s fine.”
He wants to TRULY mean it.
He wants to let his boyfriend know that he is really okay.
But he’s lying.
He is absolutely not okay.
He needs help.
PTSD, the internet calls it.
Depression.
More diagnoses, it makes him feel weak.
He wants it to stop.
He doesn’t want to go to see the doctor.
He refuses.
A doctor will label him,
P̸̘̺̜̩̫̟̟̖̙͇̩̹͔̾͆͑̑͊̑̂͘͠a̶͎͔̟͐̔͘t̶̢̛̜̗̳͎͓̏́̈́͆̾̒͛̇̊ḧ̷̼̪̬̮̱̥̜̱̟̹̖̠̄̅͐̽̓͊͑̆̔͒͘͜͝ͅͅe̷͎̺̰͍̫̟͓̬̖͎͖̝͉̗̒̔̈́͒̅̉̑̚ͅţ̸̟̜̣̅͛̈́̐̅͘͠i̶̧̩̰͙̜̬͍̇̓̋͒̐͆͜͝ͅc̷̢̗͈͚̺̳̣͙̙͖̿͌͌͘͜
------
Tsukishima begs.
Tadashi smiles. “I’m okay.”
He’s not.
He can’t stop lying.
Tsukishima knows that he isn’t okay.
“Why don’t we go to the doctor?”
“I don’t need one.”
“Please Tadashi, it’s for your own good!” Tsukishima grasps Tadashi’s hand. “I just want you to be okay.”
Tadashi pushes Tsukishima away. “I SAID I’M FINE!” He yells. He is okay. Of course he is.
He has to be.
Right?
-----
Tadashi exhales.
He feels sorry for Tsukishima.
That he has to deal with a pathetic piece of shit like him.
------
He worries.
Sometimes, people question him.
When Tsukishima introduces his parents to him, they look at him critically.
“You have depression eh?” Tsukishima’s brother asks, named Aikteru.
Yamaguchi nods.
“You'd don’t seem hurt though?” Aikteru questions him.
He lost it.
“Just because I don’t hurt myself, doesn’t mean I don’t have depression. You should be GLAD I don’t go so far. Harming oneself is not a JOKE or something to be CASUALLY brought up, remind one of their trauma. You should thank your brother I don’t go that far. Why? It’s like YOU WANT me to go that far. Depression isn’t about just hurting yourself, it’s more than that. Get away from me asshole.”
Aikteru gaped, obviously offended.
Speechless.
Baffled.
Tadashi smiles.
Then frowns.
He made a bad reputation for himself.
That’s bad right?
He did something bad.
Oh god, what would Kei say?
Kei will be so mad when he finds out.
He tries to run.
What if Aikteru tells Kei?
He screams internally inside, trying to get out of the house, he opens the front door.
Instead, he was tapped on the shoulder by a smiling Kei.
“I’m proud of you,” Kei whispered.
-----
Tadashi fidgets.
He’s finally going to the doctor.
He doesn’t want to.
But he has Kei.
Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad after all.
He hoped,
Scratch that,
He
believed.